People Inquire If We Would Agree With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

We're frequently interested in what people think of us when they first meet. We openly welcome compliments, but there are times when people's impressions of us are tarnished by their unfortunate interactions with us in the past. These people below can relate to how we feel, particularly when others only recall our negative initial thoughts of us. They now want to know what we think of them. After reading their tales, tell us who you think is the real jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Asking My Significant Other To Split The Housework In Half?

“I (20 F) have been with my significant other (23 M) for 4 months. We live in an apartment. He works about 9 hours a day. I dropped out of college because it was a lot of stress for me and my SO was fine with it.

We used to split the housework between us and no problems happened to us. But recently, I felt like I was doing more work around the house than him. So I told him when he got back that I felt taken advantage of on the work around the house.

He got mad at me and told me that I should be thankful that he was even doing any work since I stayed the whole day at home.

He told me if he wants us to share the housework equally I should get a job.

I told him I didn’t want to go back to college and the housework was really hard and I wanted to split the work between us more. He told me it doesn’t have to be a high-paying job, and told me to work as a cashier or something similar.

I felt insulted when he told me that and I ignored him. I don’t want to work as a cashier, and also he is the man, so he should be the provider. He called me childish and told me being a cashier isn’t an insult.

In the end, he told me I either get a job so we can split the housework equally or stop complaining.

I didn’t want to stay with him anymore so I went to my friend’s house and my friend told me that it’s my fault and I should apologize to my SO.

I still don’t think I’m wrong here. Doing housework is really hard and I wasn’t asking him to do it all by himself, I just asked him to split it in half between us.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Look, I’m all for splitting the housework evenly, but if you don’t have kids to care for, you don’t have a job and you’re not in school… What exactly are you doing at home all day?

Besides living rent-free while he does the financial heavy lifting?

Also YTJ for saying that working as a cashier would be ‘insulting.’ First of all, our society depends on cashiers and similar workers to function. We need them, they’re important. Second of all, you didn’t finish college.

You didn’t go to trade school. And you don’t want to. And that’s fine. But you are going to end up working at a job that doesn’t require education past high school.

Finally, ‘he is the man, so he should be the provider’. If you’re going to do 1950s gender/housework roles at him, he gets to do the same to you.” LittleFeltSpock

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. How big is this apartment? Are you taking care of kids? Horse stable? As a person who has lived alone her entire adult life, I fail to see what part of housework is ‘really hard’ with no job to go to all day.

Also, it’s not an insult to get a job as a cashier. It’s an insult to cashiers that you think you’re somehow better than them. Because they do their job and their housework.

Stop living with this dude and take some time to learn how to stand on your own two feet.

You’ll be better off for it in the long run.” User

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and shgo
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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
YTJ!!!! I can't believe you think it's okay to say 'He is the man so he should be the provider" but you think being the stay at home partner doesn't mean doing all the housework??? What is wrong with you? Pull your weight for once in your life.
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22. AITJ For Still Hanging Out With My Ex-Stepbrother?

“My mom was married to my stepdad was 9 years, and they were together for maybe 2 or so years before that.

I (23 M) have an older sister (26 F) and a younger sister (21 F). My stepdad has one son, my former stepbrother, Aiden, 18. Aiden and I were always super close. When we were younger he used to follow me everywhere, and as I got older I used to love bringing him places with me.

Earlier this year my mother and stepdad got divorced after my mother found out that my stepdad was having an affair. It absolutely destroyed my mother. It turns out that Aiden had known about the affair for about 18 months. My mother and sisters were furious with him and said he was just as guilty as his dad.

I disagree, I think my stepdad is the guilty one.

I think my stepfather is extremely messed up not only for having an affair but the unfair burden he put on his son, requiring him to keep this secret. I spoke to Aiden about it a lot, he was terrified of losing his family – his stepmom, his sisters, and me because he knew as soon as my mom found out she would leave.

I have never seen Aiden more upset than when he told me he was afraid he would never see me again.

My mother and sisters stopped speaking to Aiden. As I could see there was no reasoning with them, I stopped arguing about it and did not mention that I would be continuing to speak to Aiden.

I do agree with them in cutting off my ex-stepfather, however, and I do not speak to or visit him. It was a little awkward at first, but Aiden and I are now just as close as we were before, and I went to his high school graduation in June (I didn’t sit with my ex-stepfather, but I did see him and was polite for Aiden’s sake).

My younger sister stopped by my apartment yesterday and Aiden was there on a visit home from college. It was the first time they’d seen each other since March. She left and called my older sister, and then both of them tried to confront me about it.

they told me I was betraying our mother by talking to someone who fostered the affair. I told them that was nonsense, and that Aiden was and is my little brother, and I will not be abandoning him because of his father’s actions. They told my mother, who called me crying, echoing my sisters’ sentiments.

And I told her I was sorry she upset, and hurt, but that Aiden is family to me – even though his father is not.

Unfortunately, Aiden was in my apartment and overheard this. He said he could head back to school a day early, but I thought it was important for him to know he was welcome at my place.

I said he could come for the weekend, so I wanted him to know he could stay for the weekend. he’s not a second-class family member who I would push off, he is my little brother.

My mother and sisters are now all mad at me, claiming I’ve hurt them.

I think I’m right, but thought I’d check here. AITJ for still speaking to and hanging out with Aiden?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

When parents choose to blend their families and ask their kids to treat their new spouse’s family as their own, they make a choice that their child is going to develop relationships with those people who have nothing to do with them.

You and your former step-brother are human beings independent of your parents and they have no right to dictate whether or not you continue a relationship. Parents have to learn that children are not objects that they can force to play family according to their own whims and break apart when it’s no longer convenient for them.

Family means family and when you really commit to it the way you should, it’s not something you can flip on and off like a switch.

Aiden is just 18 and your mother was a mother figure to him for more than half his life. I think it’s messed up she hasn’t developed better bonds with him.

If that was her biological son, she would be mad, but wouldn’t be able to turn her back on him like that, let alone demand that you cease contact with him. It just goes to show that you were more committed to being a family than she ever was.” Mayalestrange

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He may have kept it a secret but it ate him alive for all that time. He was too afraid to lose his family. If he told on his dad… would stepmom have taken him in if dad disowned him? Probably not.

He still has been stuck with a father who hated his kid for not keeping the secret. It’s a no-win situation for him. I think it’s great you’re there for him. He needs a solid place to lean while this whole storm passes.” Ladyknight0991

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and rbleah
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CmHart2008 2 months ago
Aiden is not responsible for the actions of his father. He was sworn to secrecy & left no choice. You are right to maintain your close relationship with him. Your mom & sisters are hurt & acting out. They have no right to any voice in your selection of friends. Continue to talk logic to them when you can & let time heal all wounds. If they continue this over time, the split in the family is their responsibility, not yours. You are doing the right thing.
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21. WIBTJ If I Ask My Dad To Divorce His Wife?

“My parents divorced 6 years ago. My (15 f) and my sister’s (13 f) dad (42 m) remarried last year to Nina (32 f). She was nice at first but then everything started changing because of her. She took over most of the cooking. It’s not that she’s a bad cook, but we don’t like many things she cooks.

She’s asked what meals we like and she’ll cook them sometimes, but mostly it’s things that my dad and her like. When my sister and I complain, my dad says that we need to eat more healthily and that it’s not good for us to be so picky.

In the past, my dad used to cook himself a meal and make separate meals for us based on what we liked because he knew we didn’t like what he ate. I asked why can’t we just keep doing that? He said it wasn’t sustainable because he was spending more than 2 hours doing that, and now it doesn’t make sense for two people to be cooking in the kitchen at the same time and if Nina already wants to be in the kitchen making dinner for everyone, it saves time and he doesn’t want to get in her way.

He said if we really hate what she’s cooked, they won’t force us to eat it and we’re more than welcome to make our own arrangements like sandwiches. We don’t know how to cook. He said he’s always been willing to teach us but just that we never wanted to learn.

Well, our mom didn’t teach us either, so how is it our fault? He admits he’s partly to blame for just getting pizza or fast food in the past when he was too tired after work to cook, but he wants to improve things now and make sure we’re getting proper nutrition.

But I miss that and I don’t think it’s fair that she gets to make what SHE wants.

It’s not just that, in the past, he used to come into our mom’s place to wait or help pack our things when we visited him (we go over every weekend and Wednesday).

Now he just waits in the car or on the porch, he never comes inside. He said it’s because we’re old enough to pack our own stuff now, but I’m pretty sure that’s not why.

In the past, we went on 2 family vacations which were super fun.

He stopped doing that ever since he started going out with Nina. I asked Dad why and he confessed that he was never comfortable with it, but he did it because it made us happy and he liked seeing that. But now that he’s married, he thinks it’s not appropriate and that there need to be ‘boundaries’.

Like my parents were married for 10 years, and even after the divorce he’d be in my mom’s place, why do there need to be boundaries now? He’s just coming inside, it’s not a big deal. We’re still a family to me and my sister. I don’t like that he’s stopped acting like it just because of his new wife.

I feel like if he divorced her we’d be way happier. Our happiness used to come first to him and now I feel it doesn’t. Nina’s not mean to us but I feel like she’s ruined everything, we were a family before she ever came into the picture so she has no right to mess with that and change it all.

I just want things back the way they were.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You have unhealthy and unsustainable expectations for your dad. He’s correct, you’re old enough to pack your stuff yourself, and your dad doesn’t need to come and do it with you. He’s also somewhat correct about the cooking situation.

You’re old enough to learn to cook yourself, expecting you’d dad to cook for 2 hours is just too much.

It sounds like you’d rather your father would be single and alone just so he could coddle you and keep up the status quo. But that never was a long-term solution, and you were being incredibly selfish when you just expected your father to continue these family vacations even though he was always uncomfortable doing them even before he married Nina.” Cocoasneeze

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You and your sister are being very bratty. You can learn to cook for yourself. My grandmother always told me ‘Can you read? Well, then you can cook.’ And you are absolutely old enough to pack your own stuff. Your dad is happy, and it really doesn’t sound like he’s stopped being a good father to you.

He has just stopped indulging your entitled, spoiled behavior. So you’d rather your dad be unhappy than actually learn to do things you should be doing by yourself by now? You said, ‘If he divorced her WE would be happier.’ So his happiness doesn’t matter to you?

That’s horrible. Grow up. Do better.” Independent-Nobody43

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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CmHart2008 2 months ago
You are 15 & 13 & are too spoiled to make your own sandwiches or pack for yourself? Are you both too stupid to read a cook book? Are you so spoiled & selfish that you put your petty annoyances ahead of your father's happiness & want your dad to divorce his wife? Are you so immature & pampered that you cannot see that your father has the right to get on with his life after his divorce & that includes having a new wife? Sounds to me like your father is still a good father to you & his new wife is also good to you. Is your mother such a clod that she is not telling you both to stop your selfish, immature antics & start realizing that the "old way" will never happen again? You are both babies. At 15 & 13 it is time for you to start growing up!
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20. AITJ For Not Telling My Neighbors About The Fence?

“We moved into a townhouse about four months ago that has a small front yard. Most of the houses on the block have a low fence in the front but the house we rented, and the two next to it, didn’t have one.

When we first moved in we mentioned to the landlord that we would maybe like to have a fence in the front yard for our dog since the the backyard is entirely concrete and very small. She was completely on board with this, said she had wanted a fence for years, and started the process to get it approved with the city.

The fence gets approved and she says she’s picking a fencing company. We don’t know when or if the fence is still coming during this time.

Flash forward and it was installed just a few days ago; the only notice we got was her telling us that she and the fencing company were on their way the morning of.

Everything’s great, our landlord loves the fence, we love the yard, and the dog loves the yard, until this morning when our neighbor cornered me literally in the back alley while I was taking the trash out in my pajamas to rant about the fence.

He asked me why we put up a fence, accused me of hating his kid, told me we should have asked him first, and was generally very abrasive. This was also the very first time he had ever spoken to me. At all.

His kid, and both parents, regularly used our yard as an extension of their own before the fence was installed, leaving his toys everywhere for us to collect, and essentially making our front yard unusable to us during the four-plus hours they were out there every evening.

We literally have Ring footage of the parents doing cartwheels across our yard that we show to people when we tell them about the situation. Admittedly this was annoying, but definitely not the reason the fence was installed.

I explained to him that the fence was almost entirely our landlord’s idea, beyond us briefly suggesting we’d like to use the yard for our dog.

I told him that I was sorry she didn’t let him know that the fence was going in, but we had no idea when or if it was being installed until the day of. I also offered him her contact information and he said he already had it (use it then?).

He eventually stormed off. He seems genuinely convinced that we, as renters, paid to put in a fence because we hate his family for some reason?

We knew about the fence potentially going up, so maybe we should have shared that, but like I said this argument was also the very first time I ever spoke to him.

I really assumed that the landlord would let them know if she felt it was necessary.

AITJ for not telling them about the fence?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He has no say in what the owner of the property does in terms of a fence.

Sure, it might’ve been polite for her to tell him, but maybe he’s a renter too and not even the owner of his property, so why would she? And further, it’s your yard to use as you wish, as the current renters. He has no say and no right to be in your yard.

Enjoy your yard and your dog and screw him and his cartwheeling fam.” dawgmama62

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ.

Your landlord is NTJ.

The neighbors are the jerks for being entitled to turn your yard into an extension of their own and making it unusable for you or other tenants.

No wonder the landlord has wanted to put up a fence for years.” ProperAsparagus6304

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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CmHart2008 2 months ago
Ignore your neighbors. They are entitled jerks with big mouths. If they become abusive, let the landlord know what is happening & don't be shy to tell the neighbors to stop harassing you or you'll call the police. Then do it!
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19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Cousin To Move Into My Son's Bedroom?

“I (M 36) and my partner (M 38) have 2 kids – Luke (M 18) and Jay (M 15).

Some background info: We took the boys under our care when they were 8 and 11. Before they came with us they had been in different families/group homes for over a year.

It was hard for Luke to understand that they were with us for good and that he had his own bedroom and family. I and my partner know that he still sometimes has insecurities about it and a recent one was about him leaving for college.

We explained to Luke that even if he was 18 and leaving the house he would still have a room and place at home, be it now or in 10/25 years. That he would still be our kid at 40 and we will always be here for him.

Now the issue. My cousin (F 42) recently broke up and needed somewhere to live for her and her two boys (M 16/M 12).

I and my partner have a house big enough and we agreed to host them free of charge for 6 months until she gets her bearings back.

For the house, my partner and I have a kind of master bedroom with our bedroom, bathroom and office. Our boys have their own room and they share a bathroom and my cousin’s boys have the guest room with a bathroom. My cousin has a room on the ground floor, it’s not big but she has the space for a bed, a desk, and a wardrobe.

Last week we got the keys to Luke’s flat and we started the process of furnishing it, he will officially move in next week and will start uni the week after.

This weekend my cousin asked when Luke’s room will be empty. I told her that it would not be, that he would only take his clothes, books, and decorative items… basically, his room would stay the same and he would take only what he wanted. She then asked how she would be able to move into the room with all his stuff still there.

I told her she wouldn’t, that it would still be his bedroom. He will still come home on some weekends, holidays…

She then complained about the fact that she was living in a ‘storage room’, that she was the only one without her own bathroom, and that it was unfair of us to have an empty bedroom in our house and not give it to her.

My partner and I were very firm in our decision but my mom and aunt called and told me that it was a bit unfair of us to not offer proper accommodation for my cousin and that Luke could do without a room for a few months now that he has his flat for the school year.

I disagree, for me it’s more than a bedroom it’s what it represents. It’s his own place for him in our home and it’s something I want him to have for as long as possible.

I’ve been called selfish and that I was coddling him too much over this so I would like an outsider perceptive.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your cousin is being ungrateful and entitled. She is getting a place for her and her kids rent-free for six months (let’s face it, probably more). It’s much more important for your son to keep his room than for her to have a big room.

She can have the big room when she’s paying for it. Shut down this conversation once and for all. You didn’t promise this room to her and make sure she knows that.” lady_rain_was_here

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ

You were kind enough to allow your cousin and her kids to live in YOUR home for FREE.

And she has the gall to COMPLAIN? A person on the receiving end of such generosity shouldn’t be complaining, you’ve already gone out of your way to accommodate them.

And your aunt? Hey, how about the woman who raised such an entitled person who doesn’t have room to criticize how you parent your own child?

The kid was essentially told no one wanted him for the first 8 or 11 years of his life! God forbid you love the crap out of him.

If she doesn’t like it, she can move in with your mom or aunt. The nerve of some people…” ThisIsTheCaptain

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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CmHart2008 2 months ago
Tell your mother, aunt & cousin that you have made a final decision which if they don't like it THEY are welcome to house your cousin & kids. Tell them further that if you hear any more discussion on the subject, your cousin & kids will be invited to find other housing. Learn to say NO & mean itl. Put an end to this entitlement. I hear lots of entitlement from your family but no gratitude. Your promise to your son is to be protected. Don't weaken!
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18. AITJ For Firing My Nephew From My Bar?

“My nephew has been trying to make it as an actor for a while now he has gotten a couple of small gigs but not much.

However, after the strike, he has been fully out of work, and so far his parents have been supporting him financially. Recently my sister (his mom) reached out and asked me if I could give him a job at a cocktail bar I am a partial owner at.

I told her sure, initially I was going to start him off as a busboy as he doesn’t have any experience in the service industry but my sister insisted that I start him off as a waiter.

He wasn’t very good at the job, he was messing up orders and was short with wasted people.

At the bar, especially on a Friday/Saturday night lots of the waiters are taking home $35-40 an hour, and he was only making $12-20. However, the part that was bad was he was constantly trying to get other people to care about the strike.

On one of the nights I wasn’t there, I found out from one of my regulars that he got into an argument about the strike, and he called him a bootlicker. It got to the point where the customer stormed out of the bar.

I know the customer he is an older gentleman.

I have his number and I reached out to him and this is how it went… the customer asked him about his life, nephew said he was doing this while on strike. The customer said yeah I don’t see this working out, so many YouTubers put together stuff cheaply.

My nephew says yeah execs need to take a pay cut, and then they can make the movies on a budget. The customer says that the top actors need to chip in, says Margot Robbie made 60M of Barbie, so why not make 10M then everyone on set can get paid like doctors.

My nephew says it’s not her job to pay the people. The customer says yeah this is why I don’t see this strike working, if you have billionaire actors not willing to take a pay cut no one will care. My nephew gets angry and says he is being dense, and a bootlicker.

I asked my nephew about his side of the story and it was very similar.

I already told him before that I don’t want him talking about this strike, to customers. We are trying to be a bar with a fun vibe, not a place to yell about taxes and CEO pay, especially with customers.

I told him to not come in tomorrow, that some of the other staff were already irritated with him and now his annoying the regulars was too much. He started saying that the customer asked me about my life and that he was just sharing his opinion.

I asked him if he should have just made up a pleasant story. I told my sister about it and she asked me if I could give him another job, I told her no. I told her he can drive Uber or Doordash or something.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your nephew got an opportunity through nepotism. His inadequacy with customers while working is costing him the job.

He obviously failed to understand that while some customers may want genuine interaction, he is the one on the clock. He isn’t there trading his opinion or stance.

You gave him a shot. Obviously, it was a mistake to put him around customers. If you are really willing to help out AND have the opportunity to, then something without customer interaction may work out. However, you can’t be blamed for protecting your business.

Whiteout forgetting you are a co-owner. So asking you to impose an unfit worker, is unfair. Your sister and or nephew might be desperate enough to give it a shot asking. That doesn’t make them a jerk unless they persist after you refuse.” GrouchySteam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You gave him a chance. He messed it up by fighting with a customer over the actor’s strike (which while looking for better conditions for actors is actually mostly in support of the writer’s strike). If he doesn’t have the social grace to know that when a customer at a bar asks about you they mean ‘Tell me just enough that I feel like I have an in, but not so much that you overshare or it gets creepy’, he wasn’t cut out for a bar job.

But to then insult a regular paying customer because you think A-list actors are hard done by? That’s just disconnected from reality.

Sounds like his mommy usually cleans up his messes and makes sure he gets the best. Maybe if she hadn’t been so insistent on messing with your business and demanding he be a waiter he’d still have a job.” Natural_Garbage7674

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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CmHart2008 2 months ago
Your nephew needs to develop some social graces & learn to be personable. Your sister needs to stop arranging her son's life & allow him to learn from his own mistakes. You need to learn how to say NO & mean it. "NO" is a complete sentence. With your nephew's personality (or lack of one) I suspect he is going to hear a lot of "no" in his lifetime. It is time for you to walk away with a smile.
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17. WIBTJ If I Demand My Mom And Stepdad To Pay Me?

“I’m a 19-year-old girl, and I’ve been living alone for a year. Right after I turned 18, I started looking for places to move due to the situation at home. At my mom’s house were me, my mom (39), my stepdad (43), and their two kids who are 13 & 5.

My stepdad and mom have been together since I was two, but he never took on the role of a dad for me, which I don’t really care about.

These problems started when I was 15 when my mom started to ask me to pay for my own medication, transport to school, and other things that I needed. It only grew from there.

After I turned 16 I started going out with my ex, whose mom needed an assistant because of her disability. I loved to help so she would schedule me as her assistant on days that her other assistants were taking their vacations or days off. The pay was good and over the two years of us being together, I gathered quite a nice amount of money to be able to move out and start a life for myself.

My mom saw this as an opportunity to get funds from me.

You see, when my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister she started studying. She never actually ended up going back to work until my sister was 3, so she didn’t have a lot of extra funds.

Over the years I’ve had to pay the phone bills of my whole family so that they wouldn’t be shut off, food for all of us, my sister’s medicine, car payments and sometimes she wouldn’t even give me a reason why she borrowed money.

For the most part, I wanted to help because I didn’t want my sisters to go hungry or sick. The worst things she borrowed money from me were an Apple Watch and eyelash extensions. I doubt my mom has even told my stepdad about all the funds she has borrowed from me.

Now after a year of living alone and refusing to loan any more funds to my mom, she has basically cut me out completely. In the past month, I’ve spoken to her for maybe an hour at maximum. From 2019 to 2022 she has borrowed over $1600 from me, from which she still owes me $550 that would cover a month’s rent for me, and the biggest thing she hasn’t paid me back is the Apple Watch, which she was supposed to pay back after she got her other watch sold.

(A few months later I found out she sold it but never gave me any of the funds). I have grown more and more upset with her after finding out that she would also borrow funds from my biological dad and her parents for the same things she borrowed money from me.

I have come really close to sending her all the information about the funds she still owes me but I doubt she would even acknowledge it.

That’s why I want to know, WIBTJ if I sent the information to both my mom and stepdad so I could finally get the money I’m owed?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Do it. Straight up confront her or ask her about it. Find receipts too. What do you have to lose? She’s already practically cut you out for not giving her more.

You were financially smart. She didn’t use your money for your sister – she used your sister to get money from you.

Screw her.

Taking funds from your own daughter who worked hard for it – to buy an Apple Watch and eyelash extensions – is a whole next level of a narcissistic/selfish parent. I’m sorry but screw her.” disindiantho

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If you think your stepfather would make her pay you back, by all means, give him an itemized list.

But most importantly, do not give her a cent going forward. Do not let her use your siblings as leverage. Taking care of them is her job, and your stepfather’s.

The best thing that you can do is build a stable life for yourself to show them that it can be done, and be a safe place for them when they are ready to get away from her.” plm56

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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16. AITJ For Not Buying My Daughter A New Phone After Her Old One Broke?

“I (35 F) and my husband (38 M) have two kids, a daughter (13 F) and a son (9 M). A few years ago we had to move across the country because my husband got a new job that paid a lot more than his last job, it didn’t really effect me because I run an online business but it affected our kids a lot because they had to leave all of they’re friends, which is why we got them both phones.

Our son was young and didn’t understand or care as much so we just got him a cheap phone from the grocery store. But we got our daughter a newer iPhone.

As our son has gotten older he has started to understand technology a lot more now and has started a small gaming circle with some of his friends so we got him a laptop (our daughter already had a school one so she didn’t want a new one) but our son started saying how he wanted a phone like hers or better because he needed it for his gaming.

I said if he wanted a new one he would need to start saving because his sister was also already saving for a new phone. He said he understood but he wanted some funds to help him start off, I thought that was fair and gave him some funds after that he didn’t really bother us about it much.

A few months later he started to ask about a new phone again because his sister was only about $40 away from being able to get a new phone so we just gave her the funds because we gave him the funds to start off for saving but we didn’t for her.

Our son was not happy with this and said it wasn’t fair and he got really upset. We thought he had calmed down so my husband and I just continued with what we were doing and so did our daughter, but when she came out of her room and started to walk to the kitchen he grabbed the phone from her hand and threw it down the hall leaving a big green line that takes up almost half of the screen.

Our daughter almost cried and we grounded our son and made him give her the funds that we gave him to start his savings. My daughter started to use her old phone again but asked if we could get her a new phone because he broke it and not her.

Side note: just before we gave them they’re first phone we said that was the only phone we would buy them and if they wanted a new one they would have to buy it them self.

I said I wouldn’t buy her a new phone because it’s not my fault it broke.

She said that it wasn’t fair because she didn’t break it and she shouldn’t have to save up for a new one when she was taking good care of her phone and he destroyed it. I get bad but I said no and I wouldn’t be buying her a new phone.

Later that night my husband pulled me aside and said he thinks we should go half with her brother to buy her a new phone because she is really upset and her old phone that she has to use now is really slow. I still said no because it wasn’t our fault.

A few days have passed and I’ve seen her get annoyed at the phone but she won’t say anything because she doesn’t want to be annoying. I’m starting to feel bad so I just wanted another opinion, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It may not be directly your fault her phone is broken, but as parents were responsible for our children’s actions. If my child broke someone’s phone, I’d be obligated to pay for the replacement. That doesn’t change just because the other person can fight for what they deserve because they’re a child as well.

If they broke another kid’s phone at school, I’d be paying for that kid’s phone, so it’s no different than that. My kid, my responsibility. Your kid, your responsibility.

And I’ll add, your daughter is going to resent both you and especially her brother if this situation is not mended as it should be.

It may seem silly over a phone, but she worked hard for what she had and you allowed her brother to destroy it with little consequence and no fair resolution. I’d buy her the new phone and make her brother pay me back using whatever funds he can make until I’m paid back fully for it.

Even if that’s doing 2x as many chores around the house, I’d be getting my money’s worth and it’d be at his expense, so he can learn actions have consequences, often of which last longer than a simple grounding.” Imaginary-Bug9907

Another User Comments:

“If you had treated your children the same from the very beginning your son wouldn’t have resented you, and your daughter wouldn’t now resent you for him not having consequences. They should have started off with the same quality of phone from the beginning, however, waited until he was the same age as his sister to get his first phone.

Your daughter’s first phone was an iPhone, and your son’s was one from a grocery store, yet you told them that was the only phone you were ever buying them? How on earth is that fair? You then never get him the upgrade his sister started with and are actually surprised when he acts like a total jerk after you played favorites from the beginning.

Then because of what I can only assume was massive guilt from your first horrible blunder didn’t really punish him for it and instead punished your daughter? How did any of your logic make sense to you? YTJ x 2″ EnvironmentalGene755

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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15. AITJ For Dyeing My Hair Red?

“So, I (f 17) dyed my hair red yesterday at a salon where my mum accompanied me. I admit I’m closer to my mum than my father, so I live in a strict household, not as in prison strict but yeah still pretty strict but only on my dad’s part my mum is pretty chill.

So as I was leaving to dye my hair in the morning my father was still opposed to it but my mum convinced him. I decided to dye my hair hot pink cause I like it. My mother wasn’t a big fan of the color but because I loved it she agreed. My father didn’t ask what colour I was doing so I didn’t tell him cause it would only create more problems.

So I go to the salon, get my hair done, I love it my mother also likes it and we come home. Later at night when my father came home and saw my hair while I came out of my room for dinner, he didn’t say a word to me and got so angry that he left the table and went into his room.

When my mum followed him inside he started shouting at her and screaming and yelling and basically throwing a tantrum like a baby. (My father doesn’t scream at me anymore cause according to him I’ve started ‘fighting back’ when the only thing I do is stand up for myself) so my mum told me to go to my room and take my little brother (m 10) with me.

So we do. I heard him call me so many things like ‘cheap’, ‘I look too easy’ whatever that meant. But I ignored it.

Later in the morning, Mum told me he left later in the night and hasn’t returned since. When he did come back, he was still taunting my mum and wasn’t even talking to me or even looking at me.

Now, he’s saying that if I don’t color my hair back to brown, he’ll shave his hair off in protest and stop coming back home. I feel guilty because just because of my hair colour my mum has to hear crap from him and my brother has to witness all of this.

But I refuse to change my hair just to satisfy his ego.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You said you are 17, so this shouldn’t be your job, but I think you should tell another adult (maybe a guidance counselor or teacher) about your dad’s behavior.

I don’t know your family, but the fact that your mom asked you to take your younger sibling away while your dad yelled at her makes me worry about possible mistreatment. Please tell another adult about this just to be safe.” jflynnrider

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Let him shave his head bald for whatever statement he thinks he’s making.

He thinks you look easy because of his prejudices. Just because you go to the salon and like getting your hair done, it doesn’t make you easy. Is it because of the color?

I had UV neon pink hair once because I was going to a day rave because it’s freaking cool under blacklight and it made me feel great.

He might feel a type of way because it’s not a ‘natural’ color but that’s a him-issue, not you.

Dying your hair harms no one and is a form of creative self-expression. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of you having a job you want or something like that – it’s nobody’s business whether you dye your hair or what color.

His feeling that threatening to shave his head will result in him getting his way is akin to a child having a tantrum. Don’t indulge him, and your mother shouldn’t either. If he’s not willing to get help to figure out and manage his problems, y’all (your mum especially) need to figure out why you’re putting up with this crap.” sarusagi

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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14. AITJ For Not Changing How I Dress?

“I (18 F) have a sister Alyssa (25 F) who started going out with her current significant other 5 months ago, Brian (26 M). My sister and I are very different. My sister has pink neck-length hair with bangs and has more of a tomboyish style. She doesn’t like skirts, dresses, or crop tops.

She wears a lot of black and gray. I have long back-length hair that is brown. I wear bright colors and a lot of shorts, short skirts, and crop tops. I also have a curvy body and a bigger chest so my clothes kind of bring it out more.

(Not trying to sound self-absorbed)

Yesterday while at brunch with Alyssa and her SO, I was telling a story and I mentioned how a guy in my class rejected a girl because of how she dressed. Brian quickly agreed with the guy in the story and said ‘Not to be offensive but if I had saw Jade 5 months ago I would have immediately gone out with her because of her body and how she dressed, (I wasn’t legal 5 months ago) I’m not saying you don’t have any butt or chest, Alyssa, but you don’t have a lot’.

I was immediately shocked. I could tell Alyssa was hurt but she quickly played the look off like what he said was funny.

When I got home and Alyssa got to her apartment I got a text from her asking if I could change how I dress for as long as she is with Brian.

I told her that I would double down on the crop tops and short skirts but not change my closet completely. I guess she wasn’t happy with my answer and called me an inconsiderate home-wrecking jerk. When I woke up I saw her Instagram post tagging me saying some hurtful words.

I told our parents and they’re also asking her to take it down but she refuses.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Her SO was a rude jerk to both of you and instead of her calling him out she wants you to change how you dress ‘for as long as she is with Brian.’ So what happens if she and Brian stay together forever, get married, etc?

Are you never allowed to dress how you want again because her jerk of a dude is going to drool over you? And it sounds like regardless of how you dress this jerk would still find a way to make a comment about you versus your sister.

Again you are NTJ but both your sister and Brian are.” RideTheWindForever

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But Brian is an absolute JERK for treating your sister this way and she can do so much better, and find a guy who will love her for who she is.

Seriously, as a tomboy myself I can 100% confirm there are men out there who prefer this look – same as women also have different ‘types’ for a partner.” Korlat_Eleint

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Son's High-Quality Clothes Away For Free?

“I (28 f) have been married to my lovely husband (31 m) for 3 years.

We have an 18-month-old son together and are expecting a daughter in September. I have two half-sisters (36 and 34) I share the same dad with and a brother (25) who I share both parents with.

When I was pregnant with my son. My in-laws and husband organized a surprise baby shower for me.

I received so many gifts for my son. My son was the first child in my husband’s family and my family. My family and in-laws went all out. I also received a good amount of designer baby clothes, a stroller, a crib, so many diapers, etc. I am forever grateful to my family and friends for giving such a beautiful gesture.

It was an eye-opening experience. My family and friends are amazing caring people and I will always help whenever they need me.

My little boy is now 18 months old. Most of the clothes that I received from my baby shower don’t fit anymore. My cousin and sister (34) are both pregnant and are both having boys.

The father of my sister’s baby wants nothing to do with her or their baby. I already knew he was an awful person, but she told me I did not have the right to dictate her life. I moved on and now she is in the exact situation I knew would happen.

I went through my son’s clothes, cleaned out the clothing that didn’t fit him anymore, and divided it into two trash bags. One I gave to my cousin and the other to my sister (34).

My sister though wasn’t very happy when she saw all the clothes.

She asked me where all the designer clothing was. I explained that I wanted to keep those. She was a little irritated and asked why I wanted them when my son doesn’t fit them anymore and I’m having a girl. I told her again they were gifts and I wanted to keep them.

She got mad and told me that she didn’t want the bag of low-quality clothes, because her baby deserved the high-quality ones. I told her, okay, if she wanted high quality she could pay for it.

She left angry and told everyone I was a greedy jerk.

She’s allowed to have her own opinion but will have to buy her baby items herself. I gave the other bag of clothes to my cousin who is very grateful I let her have both the bags. I’m getting massive crap from both my sisters, but I feel like I have the right to keep my son’s clothes.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: personally I don’t understand why you’re keeping any of the clothes that don’t fit your son anymore but that’s just me. If you are planning to sell them for some cash that I understand. But none of that makes you a jerk.

Regardless, your sister is a jerk for refusing perfectly good clothing just because they’re not designer and insulting you for it. You didn’t have to give her anything. You did a nice thing and she was rude and ungrateful. Nobody gifts someone presents with the expectation they will get them back.

The clothing was given to you. It is your decision where they go from here.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… this is the definition of entitlement. The clothes were given to your son and you can choose what to do with them. I would have been the type to hold on to them for a future child or to have a quilt made from them.

In any event, you chose to help her with a good amount of usable items and she turned her nose up at them… not your problem anymore. I am sure your cousin will be even more appreciative when her son is using them.” many_hobbies_gal

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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12. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Wedding I Was Supposed To Host?

“I (24 F) have been hosting events since I was 18. I sometimes do it with pay but most of the time, I just do it because it’s fun. I would usually offer to host events for close friends and family for free. I jokingly ask them to pay me with good food and a good time and most of the time, that’s the case.

Daisy (25 F) used to be a good friend of mine but now we’re not that close anymore. A few weeks ago, I heard from one of my best friends that Daisy had been telling people that I would be the host at her sister’s wedding reception.

She didn’t ask me about it until 2 weeks ago. I wanted to say no but I’m actually really close with her family and I wanted to do them this favor. I knew her sister was having a small wedding and they wanted to stay under a certain budget.

Of course, I wouldn’t be paid for this event but it didn’t matter. I sent them the program for approval but never heard back from them until a day before the wedding. All she said was ‘Oh yeah, it was okay’ without saying anything else.

I felt a little worried about the whole event but I decided to push through because I had already agreed.

The day of the wedding came and Daisy told me not to come to the church and just go straight to the reception venue. I did and when I arrived, I was immediately being yelled at by the groom’s family (from what I was told, they were the groom’s aunts).

They criticized basically everything about me and told me that I should’ve dressed better and now all of their wedding photos would be ruined thanks to me. I was wearing a dress pre-approved by the bride and had just plain makeup, nothing too crazy since I was just a host. I just lowered my head and didn’t say much.

I waited until Daisy and her family would arrive.

When they did, before I got a chance to tell her what had happened, the groom’s family chimed in and complained about how (verbatim) cheap-looking the host they hired was. I expected Daisy to defend me but she shrugged and said ‘The other host we hired cancelled on us last minute.

Please bear with her, I promise she won’t be in the pictures’. My jaw dropped when I heard her say that. She ushered all the other guests inside the reception area and left me outside.

In my anger, I left the venue without telling anyone.

Daisy kept calling me a few minutes after I left but I didn’t answer. A day later my phone was being blown up by texts and calls from both the bride and the groom’s family, calling me all sorts of names for leaving the event without notice.

Now I’m starting to feel bad about what I did. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Welp, Time to tell your ‘friend’ that the next time she wants anything from you she’s going to have to pay for it. At double the market rate as a jerk tax.

You are not, were not, and will never be under any obligation to sit there and be taken advantage of by anyone. Much fewer people you don’t even know or care about. And since she went out of her way to agree with them, there’s a reason I’m putting quotes around ‘Friend’ every time I write it out.

Plus, they didn’t even meet your standards of payment for friends. You had neither good food nor a good time, so I’m not sure how they can expect you to stick around?” winsluc12

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You may do this for free, but time to start treating it more like a business and putting some due dates and expectations in place.

Outline what you are responsible for, that anything else is the responsibility of whoever is signing the agreement, and give due dates for anything that requires their approval. Professionals usually say no to people like this or charge 2-3x their normal fees for this behavior, don’t let people walk all over you.

Consider turning it into a business, then you can at least charge for it and choose your customers.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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11. AITJ For Being Offended By My Coworker's Comment?

“I’m a presenting male social worker/therapist at a long-term residential program in the States. Recently we just hired two new psychiatric technicians who started on Wednesday of last week.

I really don’t know why I am questioning being the jerk here but I don’t believe I am, maybe I can get some help on clarifying, I feel like I’m being gaslit and victim-blamed: on Thursday last week, I came onto the unit after conducting a group therapy session with the clients and I walk into the office.

One of the new girl psych techs says to me: ‘Wow you have a pot belly, you must eat well’. I asked ‘What did you just say’ and she repeated it. I asked fellow staff what my weight had to do with work. They said ‘Nothing and that was inappropriate for her to say’.

I said ‘Okay’. The female staff member came back into the office and I let her know that I didn’t appreciate her comment about me and my weight and she said ‘Well in my culture it’s okay to make jokes about people’s weight’.

I said ‘This is work, it’s your second day, I don’t know how that is a culture thing, and a great first impression’. She said, ‘Well you must not be in my community or culture because people in my culture realize that’s a normal conversation’.

I thought the situation was over and done with, except today now she is claiming ‘You took my compliment out of context and I don’t understand why you’re offended because in my culture that is okay to say to people’.

So am I the jerk for taking the comment out of context and trying to move on with my work day, or am I being gas-lit?

She never once gave an apology, just kept saying I took it out of context and it’s okay for her to say those things because of her culture. I would hate for her to say something to a patient in the program who won’t take it lightly either.”

Another User Comments:

“It doesn’t matter if it’s okay in her culture. That’s fine. Let’s accept that premise. You made it clear in your culture it’s an insult. She wants to work in psych, she needs to be culturally aware. Which means knowing what can and cannot be said to people from different backgrounds.

Instead of saying, sorry, she doubled down, even after you let her know it was insulting. That is an area she needs to grow in if she wants to keep her job. NTJ” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What she said was wrong and not a compliment in the US.

The correct response in this situation for her would be ‘I’m truly sorry. In my culture, this is a completely normal thing to say and I had no idea it was actually very offensive. I appreciate you not going to HR and giving me a chance to apologize.’

Instead of ‘You shouldn’t be offended because elsewhere I can totally do this’.

You did nothing wrong in setting a boundary about how your body is spoken of. Please go to a higher-up or HR if this continues.” MadiJWhat

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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MadameZ 2 months ago
She is not fit at all for her job, how on earth did she get hired? She is rude, ignorant and self-righteous, which is a terrible and DANGEROUS set of personality traits for someone working with vulnerable people. Go straight to HR with your concerns.
1 Reply

10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Fiance's Parents' Groceries?

“My (30 F) MIL (60+ F) and SIL (30+ F) were spending some time at a relative’s house because it was close to a hospital where my SIL wanted to have her baby. They were there for several months and my fiancé (40 M) went to visit them and purchased most of the big baby items and even complained to me about it.

I later joined him on vacation b/c the relatives they were with invited me. Relative is brother to fiancé but has no biological relation to SIL or MIL. One day the 4 of us went to the store as we were getting ready to leave MIL had a hushed convo with my fiancé, I was not aware of what was said.

We were standing near the cashier already and he left the store. This is one of those stores where you need a membership card which my fiancé has and gave to me. I was a little impatient and wasn’t sure why he left the store (I was jetlagged, tired, and ready to take a nap).

I went up to the cashier and tried my credit card and it didn’t work so paid in cash for my fiancé’s and my groceries (I had just enough). I passed the membership card to my SIL and stepped away from the cashier.

They paid and we exited the store meeting my fiancé on the way out. They stopped to get food and I went to the car and waited. MIL complained to my fiancé about me not paying for the groceries.

Later on, my fiancé confronted me about having not paid for their groceries.

SIL is a teacher and MIL is on pension but gets an allowance every month from my fiancé as well. I have a good job and we split our bills.

I was chastised because I didn’t automatically pay for their groceries and I should always assume that’s the standard.

I don’t make as much as he does, he doesn’t give me anything, we can’t afford the wedding yet and we were delaying having children for when we were financially stable. This is SIL’s 2nd kid and her husband is unemployed.

AITJ for not paying for their groceries when they obviously had the funds or it and didn’t ask me?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your fiancé is way out of line. If he wanted to pay for their groceries he could have, he didn’t, end of story. The fact that you just had enough for yours makes it all the sadder that he’d have the nerve to confront you.

I’m guessing he’s trying to bully you into complying in the future, maybe just tell him something like ‘Sure, just give me the funds to do so moving forward now that I know that’s what you expect’. If his response is anything but agreement you have a lot of thinking to do.

Especially if you two are saving up for something very important and he’s still prioritizing others instead.” 3tzamani

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

DANGER, DANGER, THE RED FLAGS ARE FLYING SO HIGH AND ARE SO BIG A BLIND PERSON COULD SEE THAT, EVEN GOVERNMENTS WITH SPY SATELLITES CAN SEE THAT.

You, a woman not related to them, engaged to the guy were expected to do what again? Without them even asking you to, and it is expected that you do such every time?

Not me, but if it were, this is the time that I would be calling the airline, making a change to my flight, taking off the ring, handing it to the fiance, and then getting my bag, going to a hotel, staying enough time for me to make the first flight back home and leaving him.

That is financial mistreatment,  and you are not their ATM. Ain’t no way you should have to pay for their food, and wake up OP, he is giving them an allowance, care to guess what you will also be expected to pay for once you say I DO?

Care to guess what you will be working for, and it is not for the home of your dreams or your immediate family. And I would lay good money down if the roles were reversed, he would have pitched a fit about doing it for your family.

So do not have that conversation, just leave him. You do not need to be strapped financially with that.” JCWa50

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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User Image
CmHart2008 2 months ago
YTJ for not expecting more from your fiance. Recognize the red flags. It's time for you to stop being used!
1 Reply

9. WIBTJ If I Slowly Move Out Of My Mother's House?

“I (20 f) moved back into my mom’s house beginning of 2021, I had come back to her home to help her out along with the intent to save funds and eventually go out on my own, little did I know none of that would happen.

To make a long story short my mother decided to take everything from me, my funds, my freedom, and my will to be happy, I had met someone with whom we ended up being really good friends, and that was the only person I hung out with.

(I legit have no friends only acquaintances here and there) She tracks my location every time I leave the house and I barely have time to myself because of her constant breathing down my neck.

On the other hand, my younger sister just graduated high school and my mother lets her do whatever she wants, mind you she’s only 17 with no job and no license she drives illegally, and she can essentially commit a crime and my mom would help her immediately, while I have a job,  I do uber eats on the side and I have my license alongside paying rent to my mother, giving her funds when she ‘needs’ it and so on and so forth.

I am mentally exhausted and don’t feel wanted es by my mother and sisters.

Also, I forgot to add that my eldest sister who is 25f is expecting a baby and my mom cares more about them than anything.

To continue on with my story, I plan on leaving when they go to my cousin’s gender reveal towards the end of the month, I plan on slowly moving stuff I value into my car and leaving other things behind.

Once they leave I’ll pack the rest of my things up and leave a note. Only a few people know where I am going which is my choice. I need advice and I am more than willing to explain my situation more. I just want to be free, and I don’t want her in my life anymore.

I don’t feel loved. I’m miserable. I feel like I’m a burden to her and her perfect family. Would I be the jerk if I left her house?

To add to that, my mother now just restricted me from driving anywhere except from work and back home.

(20f who pays for everything including my own bills and insurance)”

Another User Comments:

“Oh sweetie, NTJ. You are a young adult who is being taken advantage of. You are an adult and own your own stuff. You don’t get to be told what you can and can’t do.

You did your mom a favor by moving in and helping that does not give her the right to treat you as you are 10.

I think the best thing for you would to be move out and get mentally stable again. If you stay any longer it is going to continue to pull you down.

It is very hard to pull yourself out of that kind of mental state.

I wish you nothing but the best and hope that once you are out your family comes to terms with what they have done and try to fix their faults. If not I hope that you can find peace and just take care of yourself.” hollywierzbicki

Another User Comments:

“Contact the local police department on their non-emergency line, and tell them you’re leaving an abusive household the day you leave.

It sounds like your mom could file a false report to try to manipulate you to come home (or at the very least to try to find your new address).

Getting ahead of this and letting the police know to expect a call is your best bet.

Also are you able to look into getting a restraining order? People just don’t let go of their victims.

If you’re the only one she treats this way, she’s either going to sadistically chase after you to get her punching bag back, or transfer over to one of the other two.

I don’t think the transfer is likely because one has her grandbaby, and the other is her ‘baby’.

Keep your note vague, tell no one in your family your new location, and get a PO box if you have a to.

Good luck and stay safe.

NTJ” no_rxn

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8. WIBTJ If I Report My Neighbors For Wasting Water?

“I’ve lived in the same apartment since 2019, first with a roommate and after she moved to another city, my partner.

The prior tenant to me had been a mother with 4 kids in a 2-bedroom apartment, and on top of that, the building is OLD.

Shakes when people walk in the hall by my apartment, you can hear it when your neighbor showers and flushes the toilet in your own pipes, etc. So the adult mother-daughter duo who lives in the unit below me had to deal with a lot of noise.

She went to my roommate on day one of us living there asking us to minimize noise. Which we did. And I held my partner to the same rules. For years I have always worn socks and slippers and shuffled in my apartment. Don’t have friends over.

Don’t do anything active in the apartment. And I would always get texts from my property manager on behalf of the Downstairs tenants that I was ‘playing basketball/roller skating/dropping weights’ in my apartment. I know upstairs neighbors are usually the villains in these scenarios, but I truthfully do everything I can to minimize noise.

Because I can hear them in their apartment too! It’s an old building, and if they are super active my apartment can shake too. I just never say anything.

So now to the problem. Because my landlord can’t actually do anything to solve their ‘issue’ they have taken to running their shower incessantly as well as flushing their toilet every time I or my partner get in the shower.

My old roommate would complain about this, but I thought she was crazy. But it happens every day.

I’ve given her my phone number so she can text me when she hears ‘excessive noise’ she can let me know and I can contextualize the noise and see if it’s me and my partner being excessive.

But she doesn’t text me. Just complains.

The thing is we live in Los Angeles, there’s a drought currently and water regulations are happening. Showers are not currently affected (I take short showers anyway) but she’s wasting so much water for the sake of ‘revenge’ it upsets me.

Like I can handle 5 minutes of icy or scalding water, but it bothers me that she is wasting resources gets to me on another level.

So, WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Or I guess WNBTJ. Wasting on purpose is a jerk move, wasting water is an extra jerk move.

Seriously, when you live in an apartment you know there’s going to be some noise. As long as the noise is only happening during reasonable hours then that’s a win. You’ve tried to communicate with her, and you’ve encouraged her to reach out to you directly.

Because you’ve tried so hard, you are well within your rights.

Have you talked to the landlord about how it’s not really you making the noise, at least a good portion of the time?” SomeKindofName42

Another User Comments:

“Your neighbors sound impossible to please.

If there really is a problem, it sounds like it’s with the building, not with you. Even if you are too noisy, your neighbor is making your life difficult for ‘revenge’ or something like that; it doesn’t seem like flushing the toilet would help with the noise somehow.

It just seems like the neighbor doesn’t like where she lives and is taking it out on you.

Think about it: is your complaint just retaliation in your petty war with your bad neighbor? Would this accomplish anything? Are there actual restrictions on flushing a toilet maliciously?

I think reporting her to the city (if there is no actual enforceable infraction) would just put this into ‘everyone will suck here’ territory.” RebelWithoutASauce

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7. AITJ For Calling My Single Mom Sister A Bad Parent?

“My older sister (31 F) is a very busy woman. She travels a lot for work and does this all to provide for her children.

She makes 6 figures and our whole family is very happy with her success and has always supported her. Sometimes supporting her also means babysitting her two kiddos (4 F & 11 M), she’s a single mother. Knowing about her success so early on in life is amazing and very looky-puppy.

I look up to her.

I usually watch her kids on my days off. I work one week and don’t the next. Her son informed me he was giving a speech for his 5th-grade send-off. I was very happy for him and told him the whole family would be there to support him.

He told me that his mom would be there too and told me that she was giving him a big present. I was smiley inside and was really happy for him.

On the day of, the whole family packs at most, 3 rows. All there to support him, my brother and mom took off of work too, since it was a weekday.

For me, it. was my week off. When he gets on stage, I see the look on this kid’s face of absolute sadness, I’m just sitting there wondering why. He gives his speech with teary eyes and a cracking voice. After, we all shower him and kisses and hugs and gifts.

I pull him aside to ask him what is wrong and he tells me how his mom isn’t here to see him. I told him she’d probably be there for the dinner.

When I get into my car, I call my sister’s phone.

I blast at her asking where she was, and that her son was looking for her. She tells me she had a last-minute business trip and was sorry she couldn’t be there. I call her a bad parent and she just missed an important aspect of her kid’s life and he will remember this day as – ‘The day my mom didn’t come.’ She gets sad and I can hear her start to cry.

She starts explaining her single mom story and how she needs to provide for her kids and does have to miss some stuff to do that. She says she gets her kids everything they need and want. I tell her that she is never there for them emotionally and to get lost.

She’s been giving me a hard time ever since and not letting me see my niece and nephew. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Apparently, you don’t have kids of your own, because if you did you would know just how much you hurt your sister.

And when I say hurt, you emotionally plunged a knife into her heart. You could have just called her and let her know how upset her son was so that she could talk with him later. You could have videoed the speech and told him he could show her later.

But no, you told a hard-working single mother that she is a bad parent. I wouldn’t talk to you either.” Booklady13

Another User Comments:

“No, you’re really not a jerk. You’re an aunt who loves the same kids your sister fights to give a good life.

You’re the person who cares enough to watch your sister’s children so that she can be successful. You’re also the personal support system for those kids when they need it and she’s not there. She and her children are incredibly fortunate to have a family that loves, cares and emotionally supports them.

Single parents are in a class of their own. Successful single parents are an even rarer group because they’ve found the balance to ensure their children feel loved and supported in spite of financial and emotional hardships. Being a successful single parent is not all about the funds.

All of the material things in the world won’t replace the emotional hurt a child feels when they look around to see their peers’ parents finding a way to be physically present at special events when their own parent is not.

There has to be a balance, but man it’s hard!

Single parents carry around a ton of guilt constantly giving up one activity or responsibility to be part of another. It’s a constant battle trying to balance the need to provide for your children financially and still provide all of the emotional support they really need.

One day your sister will look back and realize that every special time she missed with her kids was truly a missed opportunity to give them something far greater than material things. She missed the chance to make them feel important and worthy of her time.

Eventually, she’ll see that her kids’ sense of their own self-worth is tied to her and how she made them feel growing up. What you said to your sister was just your reaction to the hurt that you heard in her son’s voice. It was the sense of emotional abandonment her son felt that hurt you enough to say anything to your sister about her presence, or lack of it.

It really doesn’t matter what your sister had to do that day that took her away from her son and his speech. All that matters is that she broke a promise and didn’t show up. She hurt him and that hurt you.

Guess what? Your sister will get over it and if anything you said in anger actually makes her think twice about the way she shows her emotional support to her children… it was well worth it.

Keep being that involved Aunt. The kids will never forget it!” Floridakeyslife1694

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6. AITJ For Not Liking The Prom Dress My Mom Bought For Me?

“I (18 F) am going to senior prom next month.

I decided I wanted to get a dress soon, and I settled on this boutique near my house. It is important to note that this is a smaller boutique, and they have a no-return policy.

They have an online catalog, and I was looking through it with my mom.

I pointed out a pink strapless dress that I thought would be really pretty, and she agreed. The plan was that I would go to the boutique in person because to me it was important that I try it on in person before purchasing it (context: I am a heavier girl, so for me, it’s extra important to try things on since outfits tend to look different on me compared to the models).

I was also going to buy it with my own money.

Yesterday, I went to the hair salon for several hours. When I got home, my mom said she had a surprise for me in my room. I looked, and on my bed was the dress from the picture.

I immediately told her I appreciated the thought, but I was worried that it wasn’t going to fit right. She said it was fine since she knew my size, so I should just try it on now.

I’m not joking, the dress looked terrible on me.

It was satin so it clung to all the wrong places, and since I’m kinda flat-chested I didn’t fill the top out so it sagged. I looked so ugly in it that I started crying because now I was going to have to wear this to prom.

I was also really mad, so I did kinda yell at her and asked her why she would buy it if she knew I wanted to try it on first. She got even more mad and started yelling back. She called me over dramatic and ungrateful and said she was only trying to help by buying the dress for me.

I said I understood that but was mad that she didn’t even take me with her to get it. I said she never listens to me, and she basically said that I was always awful to her (which I don’t really think I am, but I guess that’s biased).

I do feel really bad now about how it went down, but I’m still upset and don’t want to apologize. Am I the jerk for this?”

Another User Comments:

“Go into the store and calmly and rationally explain the situation. There are exceptions for policies and this may be a time they make it.

Especially since it’s the next day, you’re going to get another dress from them (ask for store credit) and you’ve not worn it yet. Be polite but firm. Offer to try the dress on to show them how bad of a fit it is and ask them to help you pick out the perfect dress.

Most people are naturally wired to want to help others so phrase it that you need their help for this important event.” Dangerous_Prize_4545

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I get it. Your mom wanted to surprise you and went out of her way to make it happen.

It was a sweet gesture.

But you made it pretty clear you wanted to try it on and surely the store informed her at check out about their policy. I can understand why you reacted the way you did. It doesn’t make it right, but in the moment of sheer disappointment about the fit and thinking about the return policy… it makes sense for someone your age.

When cooler heads are prevailing tomorrow, you need to basically read her your story. Tell her how much you appreciate her gesture and thoughtfulness, but also how you really felt when you tried it on at home. It won’t hurt to call the store and ask for an exception.

If they can’t grant it, look into alterations as a way to fix it.

Y’all need some hugs, tears, and a calm convo.” Larki1894

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5. AITJ For Not Telling My Fiancee That I've Been Hanging Out With An Old Friend?

“I (32 M) have been engaged to Amanda (34 F) for about a year, we were together for 3. She has a 12-year-old daughter named Alexis. Alexis and I have a good relationship. Amanda, her ex, and I all have a good relationship for the most part. I’m totally comfortable with my role.

So Amanda, her ex, and Alexis have this weird thing they do. They all get together on Sundays and hang out the three of them. I guess it started as a family tradition and then once they divorced they kept it going. They make breakfast, watch movies and just hang around all day together.

I find it really weird, to be honest. Like I’m not insecure about it, but why you would want to spend a day a week with your ex is beyond me. I said how weird I found this when we started going out but Amanda said that Alexis looks forward to it weekly so she never stopped it.

So at first, I would just hang in our room or the basement all Sunday. But I got tired of being trapped in my own house so I started leaving the whole day. Amanda would never ask where I was going or anything. Wouldn’t even notice I was gone.

So at first, I was golfing or getting errands done. Or would find a bar. But then I reconnected with my old friend Bella. Bella and I went out 5 years ago and have remained good friends since. She just broke up with her husband and moved into a new apartment.

I told her one Sunday that I was just planning on going to the movies and she instead invited me over. We smoked, watched some movies, cooked, and just hung out. It was nice and ever since it’s become my weekly tradition. Whenever Sunday would come I’d head over to Bella’s and we’d just hang out all day.

I didn’t see the need to bring up to Amanda where I was going. She never asked or even wondered where I was every Sunday. So yesterday Bella stopped by our house to drop off my phone charger because I left it at her place.

Amanda asked why Bella had my phone charger. And I told her that it was where I was on Sunday. She asked why I was there and I told her that was my Sunday hangout spot. She flipped out. Saying how rude it was to not let her know I was hanging out with an ex.

I laughed and said, ‘Do you really not see the irony with that statement’. She said it’s different because she was forthcoming about her/ex’s relationship and that if I had an issue with it then I should have said so. I said I had already brought it up and that she said it was important to her daughter.

Was I supposed to interfere with the highlight of her daughter’s week in order to make myself feel better? No, I’ll just sneak out the back door and head to my friend’s house. And that I didn’t see why this was even an issue at all.

We trust each other and are adults. Amanda doesn’t want me over there anymore and said she wants me to find another way to spend my Sundays. I said then I don’t want your ex over here on Sundays anymore if that’s how we’re playing this.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

It almost seems like you did this on purpose to get back at her. Like you thought this was a gotcha, you don’t like me hanging out with an ex? Well so are you so now you’re a hypocrite if you don’t like me doing it, so if I have to stop so do you!

What you forget is context. They do this because it’s important to their daughter, it’s something she looks forward to. They never hid or just so happened to not inform you, you knew all along that this was going on and if it was a deal breaker for you you had that choice.

You are hanging out with an ex getting high all Sunday for you and yourself, without informing your fiancee so she could make an informed decision if this is a deal breaker for her or not.” chonkosaurusrexx

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

I think that you handled this incredibly poorly.

I mean you knew how she would react, of course, she wouldn’t be comfortable with you sneaking around with your ex, because that was what you were doing.

Your partner has been forthcoming with you about this tradition between her ex, her daughter, and herself.

Like you knew that was happening, and it was happening under your roof while you were there so you also knew it was all fine.

I’ll be honest while I was typing this out I was originally putting ‘everyone sucks here’ because she was having her ex over.

However as I thought about it, she was honest with you, while you were shady with her.

You need to apologize and find another way to spend your Sunday.

I will throw you a bone here, I do think your partner and her ex need to find a better way to practice this tradition so you don’t feel uncomfortable in your own home, that’s not really fair to you.” antonio-bolonio

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4. AITJ For Thinking My Brother Is Being Tacky?

“So my father is turning 75. I decided to throw him a surprise party. I have 2 brothers. One is… comfortable and the other is a millionaire who lives out of state about 8-9 hours away.

For some reason, I’m responsible for all gifts for our parents from my millionaire brother. He tells me the amount and I order. He PayPals me. My comfortable brother tells me we should invite a few people I hadn’t thought of which are more of his friends but my dad does know.

I text everyone and say, ‘Am I throwing this party or is this from all of us?’

My millionaire brother’s wife texted that they would pay for their crew (brother, SIL, 5 kids, and nanny). I roll my eyes because they are notoriously cheap. Like had a bday party with 25 kids, bought a large pizza, and cut each slice into halves!

Not every kid got a slice. And certainly, no adult ate.

So my brother called me and asked me to change the day from Sunday to Saturday so he could bring everyone from out of state or else it would be just him. I said I can’t as everywhere is booked for that Saturday and this place is 10$ cheaper per person than the only other possible venue.

He then said, ‘I don’t understand. If it’s more expensive, are you afraid people won’t come?’ I realize he expects people to pay to attend our father’s surprise party! I said, ‘Absolutely not! That’s crass and tactless to have someone pay to attend a party you are inviting them to!’

He mumbled something and we said our goodbyes. Apparently, he called our 73-year-old mother and said I called him tacky. She told him he absolutely was being disgusting and tacky. He then said that he felt attacked and we were being jerks.

I don’t think I’m the jerk, but maybe it’s common for people in his circle to charge.

He’s lived in the southern US but the south is known for southern hospitality so it’s not a cultural thing. Maybe I am the jerk for calling him tacky.”

Another User Comments:

“There’s a reason people say, ‘the rich get richer.’ Yeah, due to tax breaks and all that but in my experience, the wealthier the person, the tighter the purse strings.

The most generous people I’ve known are typically middle/lower-middle class.

And NTJ… What kind of socially inept turd charges people for a gathering to which they are sending invites? There’s one word to describe it – tacky – and if that hurts Mr Moneybags then so be it.

Before anyone calls me out, not all people of monetary success are cheap. There are many who are generous and certainly don’t charge for a birthday invite. It’s just my anecdotal observations that have made me reach this conclusion.” aquashan308

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But this is an example of how rich people stay rich.

The $1000 bottles of whiskey are probably saved for schmoozing people who will get him more funds. Charge people for the privilege of coming to their homes or attending an event with them.

A friend of a friend comes from a rich family. The thing they lacked most growing up was actual food in the house.  Only got food when it was needed for appearances.” Limerase

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CmHart2008 2 months ago
Total cost for this party should be split three ways. Unless everyone agrees to this, the party should be cancelled.
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3. WIBTJ If I Tell My Friend About My Thoughts On His Partner?

“So my friend’s fiance is generally apathetic. She had a bad childhood and that may be part of it but I genuinely have never seen her cry, even when my friend’s (her SO’s) mom died suddenly of an aneurysm despite saying several times that she was like the mom she never had.

I have also never seen her genuinely smile. It is a little creepy, it’s like she throws on this ‘customer service smile’ when someone passes her or waves at her, then back to her normal face.

She is part of MENSA and often just says things that others wouldn’t and says things very matter of fact for example when she met me she said ‘You are very physically attractive but you are kind of a jerk’ (which is true, I was a jerk).

She says things like that all the time, regardless of the appropriateness or how well she knows them. She is a publisher so her whole job is to tell people their books are great or they suck (I think I don’t know much about publishing) so it kind of makes sense.

My friend has told me that at the time she was really his only option. They met when he was overweight and 200k+ in debt. He never really knew why she (I will call her Grace) was into him. She always said she was a sapiophile and that was why.

Now, my friend (Clark) is out of debt and lost weight (thanks to Grace) and Grace pushed him so far in his career that he is making 380k at 30 years old… but I had a conversation with Grace the other day that I can’t shake.

(me laughing): ‘So you originally picked Clark because of his (motioning to my head)’

(her stone-faced): ‘Sort of, I guess he was just ‘good enough’.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean my standards were unattainable, so I picked someone that was just good enough, like him.’

‘So you don’t love him?’

‘I would not say that no. I mean love is just chemicals. I don’t feel the way they describe in movies or books, no’.

I mean I guess it’s sound logic, but I am concerned. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and that was a rough patch for her/him and he leaned on me.

The thing is, I want him to have someone who loves him in that way. He is now in a space where many many women would be/are interested in him and he is still young.

Is this something I should be concerned about or should I just pretend it never happened?

WIBTJ if I told him?

INFO: They have been together romantically for 8 months but have known each other for 3 years. I was Clark’s old roommate so we have known each other for 5 years now. I am male.”

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ. You mentioned Grace had a bad childhood.

A common symptom of surviving trauma (assuming that her childhood included some sort of hardship/trauma) is emotional flatness. People get so used to disconnecting from their emotions to survive that they end up losing touch with them and being emotionally unaware as a result.

It sounds like Grace DOES love Clark, but has trouble feeling the actual emotions because of how she grew up.

However, you do not know the inner workings of their relationship. You are only commenting on what you see from the outside, and so it isn’t your place to comment.

If Clark were to ask you your opinion, then that would be different. But YWBTJ if you offered it up unsolicited.” fadedfigures

Another User Comments:

“Wait, you’re saying that in EIGHT MONTHS together, she helped encourage him into work that got him out of 6-figure debt and into enough healthy habits that he dropped a significant amount of weight?

And you want to take that from him?

Dude. Leave them alone. Not your business. YWBTJ to drive a wedge into that relationship unnecessarily. Either he will be satisfied with her or, at some point, he won’t be and he will decide what to do with that.

It does sound like her internal chemistry is different, but that doesn’t make it wrong. She’s loving him the way her variation of that works, and GOSH, it seems to have helped him a lot.

Back. Off.” CaligoAccedito

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2. AITJ For Telling My Wife Out Kids' Safety Is More Important Than Her Sleep?

“My wife, let’s call her ‘Jes’, has been dealing with something that causes severe fatigue and joint pain. Jes is historically the more cautious one between the two of us. Our oldest child went back to school this week, so everyone needs to get up earlier than normal.

So here is where the story starts. It is about 30 minutes after putting our child to sleep. Jes is preparing for bed as well. And a severe thunderstorm watch alert goes out, with a possible tornado warning. Outside is a lightning show and strong winds visible.

I tell Jes it is time to go down to the main floor. We have a two-story house and the bedrooms are on the top floor. She is visibly frustrated but agrees. I wake up the children and bring them down to the couch.

The whole time we are waiting, Jes is complaining about not being able to get enough sleep.

And asking ‘Why can’t I just go back up to the bed upstairs with the children, and come back down if it gets worse.’ She kept calling it a thunderstorm when I kept saying it was a ‘severe’ thunderstorm.

I kept responding about how that isn’t what you do when there is a severe thunderstorm and we need to wait longer.

The radar showed a swell of bad weather heading in our direction within the next half hour. Also, the beds are right next to big windows.

Reminder, she is normally the cautious one, so it was bothering me that she was downplaying the storm so much.

After about 3 or 4 times of her doing this, I accused her of putting her need for sleep ahead of the children’s safety. I think I said something along the lines of ‘Your need for sleep isn’t more important than the kids’ safety, stop downplaying the storm’.

That did not go over well. What followed was a massive tongue-lashing about how could I even say to her that she cares more about herself than the kids. How she is not a bad mom. How she had been so tired that whole day.

I told her that I wasn’t saying she was a bad mom, but in that moment she was being selfish with her needs. And that sorry, the storm doesn’t care how tired/sore you are. None of that changes the fact we were under a severe thunderstorm warning, and I didn’t think it was a good idea to have the kids upstairs.

Fortunately, the storm pushed north of us and nothing more came of it in our area.

Unfortunately, she is using this as justification that she was right to suggest going upstairs all along.

But the storm north of us did result in a tornado. Houses were damaged, and the news is reporting a small death count.

So it could have just as easily been our area.

So AITJ for telling my wife to stop being selfish with her need for sleep?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You DON’T EVEN KNOW what the ‘something’ causing your WIFE’S fatigue and joint pain is – but you feel you have the right to condemn her for wanting to be comfortable?

Quit that nonsense. Also, a severe thunderstorm warning doesn’t require moving to a central location. We’ve had them all summer where I live and no one even blinks an eye. And if the warning was upgraded to a tornado, your living room wouldn’t even be a safe place, unless it has no windows – you’re supposed to go to the most interior room of your house.

You might have been within your rights to insist on your children staying downstairs – but NOT your wife.

For what it’s worth: it sounds like your wife has fibromyalgia. Maybe you could FIND OUT so you could help her deal with it.” LadyV21454

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Go apologize to your wife.

This all happened before 9 pm. Why would she be that desperate for sleep at that time? Maybe she was running around all day. Maybe she was working. Maybe she is entitled to some sleep.

The solution she offered you was entirely doable and you responded by calling her selfish.

Bad move.

Also. Just need to point out. Possible tornado warning. Possible. You could have let her sleep and if it was upgraded, then get her downstairs.

God, man… how would you like it if someone messed with your sleep?” User

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1. AITJ For Clapping Back At My In-Laws' Irritating Questions?

“I (F 30) got engaged to my fiancé a month ago. My in-laws (especially MIL) are the type of people who ask a lot of questions, personal questions at that. Their questions tend to be hurtful sometimes but I tried not to get easily offended and ‘mistake it personally’ but those questions are getting out of control.

Instead of lashing out and being rude I’ve decided to answer these questions by turning it back on my inlaws and asking them the same questions they ask me. For example… whenever my fiance and I are visiting. My SIL would ask ‘Hey when are you going to lose those pounds?!’ I go ‘When are YOU going to lose those pounds!?

You’ve put up a LOT of weight recently’. While pointing at her eyes wide open. She’d get then ‘easily offended’. FIL would ask ‘When are you going to get your own house?!’ I go ‘When are YOU going to get your own house?! Aren’t you 73 and still paying rent for your house?!’ (They live in a rental house).

He gets ‘highly offended’.

BIL would ask ‘When are you going to get married?!’ I go ‘When are YOU going to get married?! You don’t even have a partner yet!’

They’ve obviously picked up on my ‘vibe’ but the blowup occurred last night when my fiance and I were at their house for dinner.

MIL looked at me while I was eating and went on about kids and grandchildren she then asked ‘When are you going to start giving us babies?’ My fiance looked at me in an ‘Oh boy’ type of way. I felt no hesitation. I looked at her and said ‘When are YOU going to start giving us babies, that’s what I wanna know!’ The table went quiet though some family members laughed. MIL and her daughter and husband made all types of angry faces, and then dinner was over.

I got scolded by my fiance on the way home telling me I was being rude with the way I talked back and responded to his family’s innocent questions (yeah questions they’ve already asked a million times before (hard eye roll) but whatever. We got into an argument and he looked at me and said ‘Why are you being hostile?’ I said, ‘Why are YOU being hostile getting in my face and yelling?!’ He yelled at me again saying I was driving him crazy and called me childish and immature then stormed off to the bathroom.

AITJ really?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Really you’re hilarious. This is such an ingenious way of showing people that what they say is out of bounds. They’re all angry because you were effective. Your SO knew it was coming, that’s why he had that look on his face.

While it might be a bit silly to ask people in their 70s when they’ll give babies, I think the spirit in which you asked it was downright hilarious.

It also goes along with a belief of mine. ‘Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it’.” jammy913

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for responding ‘When are YOU going to give us babies?’ Asking when grandchildren are coming is a common thing for parents to ask.

YTJ for your response to ‘When are you getting married?’ You are engaged. It is completely normal to ask if you set a date.

SIL is a jerk for asking when you will lose weight.

YTJ for responding the way you did about buying a house. When people get married they combine incomes and are more able to buy a home together. This is a fairly normal question.

When people get to know one another, sometimes they ask questions.

This is 1 way to find things out about a person. Except for the losing weight question, YTJ. Good luck. This is off to a pretty bad start.” Chief_Beef_ATL

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ but only because you've been asked all these question before I assume. If it was the first time you'd heard any of them other than the one about your weight, then YTJ and your husband is right that you're being hostile. But since I can tell you're sick of being asked the same personal questions over and over, your method is fantastic!
1 Reply

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