People Wrestle With Moral Dilemmas In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting To Get My Sister's Service Dog Surgery Despite Her Objections?
“My sister is disabled, mentally and physically. When our parents passed away they arranged for her to live at my house.
She has a nurse who is here a lot.
Because of her disabilities, she has a dog that can help her out when the nurse is not there. However, I have to feed the dog and exercise him because she is unable to and he can’t work as well if he has too much energy.
This usually requires me taking time off work because it has to be done while the nurse is at the house. I also have to pay for his food and vet bills.
He is a nice dog, though. However, I discovered about a year ago that he had a mass on his stomach. At the time it was small.
I took him to the vet and they said he should be okay as long as he wasn’t being worked too hard. Well, it grew and I’ve taken him in several more times. It’s now estimated about 10 pounds and he needs surgery. It already is harder for him to walk, and it’s very noticeable.
I told my sister this and that he would not be able to work anymore after he got the surgery, but that we could train a new dog.
She got upset and said that I shouldn’t make these decisions about her dog.
I told her that the dog was legally in my name and that I am the one qualified and the one who’s been taking care of him so I have every right to make a decision in favor of his health.
Her nurse jumped in and said I couldn’t take my sister’s dog away from her.
They both think I’m being a jerk for doing something that would make him not be able to work. Her nurse accused me of not caring about her health and endangering her. He said I should let my sister make the decisions about the dog that medically assists her.
The vet said that they recommend surgery, but that he would be okay for probably another year if he didn’t get the surgery. But they also said the longer we wait and let the tumor grow, the higher the chances are of him not surviving.
I think I’m not being a jerk because the dog is in my name and she is not able to make decisions like this.
But they both think I’m being terrible.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! The dog’s health is at risk and needs surgery to continue to live a comfortable life. Your sister and her nurse seem to only view the dog as a tool for her, not a living thing. And if the dog gets too sick, it won’t be able to work anyway.
Please get the dog the treatment, OP!” Itchy_Tip_Itchy_Base
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I assume the growth was a fat tumor? They usually don’t do anything about them until they get big or start interfering with the dog’s ability to move or comfort. How old is the dog? The reality is that while a dog’s lifespan may be 10-12 years, most service dogs can only work for a portion of that (3-5 years) as service dogs.
At some point the dog has to be retired and a new dog trained. Medical issues are one reason why.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand what the problem is for your sister and her nurse because you’re not even taking away service dogs entirely, you offered to get a new one who is able to work for her AND you also just want to do what is best for the dog.
I assume you also offered to keep him as a pet too, but if you are able to have two dogs and are still planning to get rid of him, then that’s being a jerk IMO. Regardless, still NTJ. The dog needs medical help and your sister + her nurse are being extremely selfish and inhumane to deny that just because it would mean he needs to be retired from work and replaced.” stardust591
22. AITJ For Quitting And Triggering A Mass Exit After My Boss Denied An Intern's Request To Grieve?
“I was done with the company as they cut our pay to “avoid laying off anyone” but then we posted record profits but they didn’t increase our salaries or give us the 10% bonus everyone was promised. 20% of the department already quit but I was hanging on a bit hoping to ride it out until next year.
Then the boss yelled at an intern for asking to go home early and have time off because her mom just called her to tell her her cat was dying and to go to straight to the vet. She wanted a few days off and the boss basically told her cats were animals and she wasn’t allowed to request time off unless it was a human dying.
He was supposed to discuss it in private but decided to just go to a corner of the office where my team overheard him. She was crying and grabbed her stuff and ran out of the office.
I sent a company-wide email (which is standard) saying I was quitting and highlighted the interaction between the boss and the intern (though I didn’t name names) as the main reason.
Then immediately like 10 people emailed me back to ask me who the manager was and to avoid leaving a trace I told them in person and within a few days most people knew.
I work in IT where finding a new job now is really easy and tons of friends would offer me referrals to their companies immediately.
I found another job within the 2 weeks and am starting on Monday. There’s been over 2 dozen people sending quitting emails and now the company is shutting down people’s emails a few days before they leave so they can’t send goodbye emails and link their LinkedIn or phone numbers so current employees can’t find them to piggyback to the next company.
The boss came to berate me as he was being disciplined and might lose his job. I don’t feel sorry for him because he’s a jerk but his family is going to be hard hit because he doesn’t have any marketable skills other than PowerPoint. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why do people think they’re morally obligated to protect their employers from the consequences of the employer’s own actions?” OsaWyld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who the heck is he to tell someone how to feel? Who the heck is he to tell people whether they get to grieve and for how long? Who the heck is he to judge the value of a life? I’m sorry for your intern’s loss.” ghostpickleonastick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Management forgets that more likely than not people leave their jobs not because of their jobs but because of bad management. You had every right to answer why you were leaving. His actions are what is causing the company to look at him, not your actions. Find a company that values its employees! Good luck!” hbm32
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son's Long-Term Partner In Our Family Photo?
“I (F55) have two sons, ‘Mike’ (M32) and ‘Jack’ (M24). Mike is engaged to Sarah, his partner of three years, while Jack started seeing his then-classmate, ‘Rose’ (F24) eight years ago.
I love Sarah as she’s a sweet, easy-going woman and I can’t wait for her to get married to my son.
However, I don’t have a good opinion of Rose. I’m almost sure she’s with my son only until she’ll find someone ‘better’, as I must heavy-heartedly admit that she’s more good-looking and intelligent than Jack. She has many male friends with whom she’s regularly going out (and almost no female ones). She goes all flirty with my hubby, who obviously loves talking with her (he says it’s not flirting and she’s just easy to talk with).
Apparently, she also neither wants to get married nor have children which for me is a very big red flag. All in all, she’s suspicious and I am not able to get along with her. Mike also doesn’t like her, but both my husband and Jack say I’m dramatizing.
In our family we have a tradition that once per decade we go to a photographer for a special family session.
It’s a special time, as the same tradition was followed in my husband’s family for generations. It happened that we did our last photo session ten years ago, so we decided it was the right time to make a new one.
My husband suggested this time we should invite Rose and Sarah (Mike’s fiancee), as in his opinion they’re both part of the family by now.
I told him I’m ok with Sarah being at the shoot (as she and Mike are engaged so she’ll be our daughter-in-law soon), but I don’t want Rose there because her relationship with Jack isn’t serious enough and this event is family-only.
Jack got visibly upset and told me he’s been seeing Rose for longer than Mike has been with Sarah.
I tried to explain to him she isn’t serious since she doesn’t want to marry him but he called me close-minded and prejudiced. What hurt me is that not only my husband openly supported him (which I sort of expected as he adores Rose), but also Mike, though reluctantly. I tried to explain to them I just don’t want all of us to see her in the photo if she and Jack would break up but I only made the situation worse.
Jack went as far as to tell me that if I don’t agree for Rose to be in the photo, he will not be there too, and that I’m just jealous of her.
Now both my husband and Jack don’t talk to me at all. I want to mend our relationship but I still think I didn’t do anything wrong as I only tried to protect my boy from getting hurt.
Am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son is right. You are being closed-minded and prejudiced about this. Not everyone shares your values and expectations. They seem to be happy for eight years and none of the reasons you listed are valid reasons for disliking someone. Maybe jealousy does play into it, but from my point of view that doesn’t even matter.
Your son and his partner have been together for EIGHT YEARS and you think they’re not serious? You’re lying to yourself. My compliments to your son for being a stand-up guy who has his life partner’s back, wedding vows or not. Everyone else seems to have accepted her as part of the family, only you can’t because of a legal contract that more and more people don’t want to sign in this day and age?
I’m trying to be polite here, but get over yourself!” 1Mandolo1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s been your son’s partner for EIGHT YEARS!!! Just because she doesn’t care about a ring or a piece of paper, you think their relationship is less important. Like it or not, Rose IS your son’s family. And, obviously an important part of his family to him.
Also, it’s a photoshoot. They don’t all have to be exactly the same. Ok, this picture is everyone, this one is just parents and sons, this one is just Mom and Dad, this is just Mike and Sarah, this one is just Jack and Rose.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you’re sounding pretty jealous of a 24-year-old.
You don’t like her because she’s pretty, smart, and confident. Maybe it’s time to reflect on why. Why do those traits in a woman make you feel that way? Maybe consider why you’ve been conditioned to think that way about women with male friends. There is no reason a pretty girl with social skills should make you feel so threatened (and I promise she doesn’t want to get with your husband).
They’ve been together for 8 years. That’s a third of your son’s life, and he chose Rose. If you want to alienate her, your son will be going with her. And even if something happens down the line, he will never forget the way you treated the woman he loves. He will never forget that you don’t respect his choices.
You claim you “only want to stop my boys from getting hurt” but the only one hurting them is you. He loves Rose, when you stab her in the back you stab him too. You can protect your own ego, or you can apologize and choose to stop hurting your son.” JustheBean
20. AITJ For Not Paying Rent While Being Married To Someone In The Military?
“My spouse and I have been married for a few years now, and we have always been pretty independent people. We were seeing each other/living together for a few years, then SO joined the military for student loan repayment.
While they were in boot camp I was pretty sad and lonely without them, so when my options were to get married, or possibly never see them again, I chose to get married.
Prior to military service, SO and I tried to split all finances down the middle. We had our own cars, split rent, food, etc. There was about a six-month span when I had to pay rent because SO was unemployed, but that’s about it.
We had a quick courthouse wedding since the military doesn’t give you time to plan, and then we moved to where SO was being stationed.
Work has been somewhat unsteady for me during these past few years, I was unemployed for about a year total due to moving, but overall we have done very well.
SO has paid off their student loans through military funding, and we both have been able to save up quite a bit of money. While I still have student loans to pay, I have no other debt.
There’s only one issue…
I don’t pay rent… for a couple of reasons. First, we are in a very high-cost-of-living area, it would eat up a lot of my income to pay half of the rent.
Second, as a perk for being married, SO receives a housing allowance from the military… as a perk of “BEING MARRIED.”
In all fairness, if SO ranks up enough, or is stationed in specific places they will receive this housing allowance anyway. However, we are not in one of those places. Many of SO’s coworkers are stuck in the barracks hating their lives, and several are quitting the military because they are not married, and ranking up high enough to earn the housing allowance is a long and difficult process.
I believe half of that housing allowance is my half of the rent because, without me, there would be no housing allowance. SO believes that the housing allowance is theirs, and that I should be paying half of the exorbitant rent here.
We are planning to buy a house when we move in six months, and SO is hinting that I should pay a larger portion of the down payment because I “haven’t been paying rent.””
Another User Comments:
“I mean, as someone who has two siblings married to people in the military, they tell me all the time that the housing money is just that. It’s an allowance for a place to live, hard stop. It’s not money to split as theirs/theirs. It’s literally used to keep a roof over their head.
Your partner is just being greedy. To clarify, I shared this with a sibling and they ranted about that money being for housing and that if your partner wasn’t married, they wouldn’t get it at all. So they need to suck it up buttercup and stop being so childish. NTJ, but your spouse is.” Active-Ambassador960
Another User Comments:
“So, if I understand this correctly. You are married. Your spouse receives a housing stipend that covers the full amount of rent because you are married. Now, your spouse wants you to pay half of a bill that the military already pays. Sounds like your SO views you as a roommate and not a spouse.” SnooBananas7203
Another User Comments:
“Retired military here married to another retired service member. Your spouse is being greedy. The housing allowance they receive is very much expected to pay for the rent so that a married couple can afford to live off post. How much they are paid depends on rank. There are also added allowances for service members stationed in areas with very high rent.
That money is for both of you. That’s not “their” money it is “your” collective money. Sometimes the housing allowance does not cover the entire rent. In that case the fairest thing might be to apply the housing allowance to the rent and utilities and any difference the two of you split. Likewise if you live small, sometimes the housing allowance exceeds the rent and utilities.
In this case, the fair thing would be to split the excess between you. All in all I recommend your SO pulling their head out and stop being so selfish. I assure you, their chain of command would not be amused by their behavior. Your SO would not be paid that money if it weren’t for you.” Advanced-Extent-420
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My MIL Over A Night Light Dispute?
” “My MIL stays over sometimes. In our shared upstairs bathroom she always puts a night light in the only outlet. We have an old house. But my husband and I both have electric toothbrushes and an electric flosser. So a lot of the time she unplugs my toothbrush overnight while leaving the flosser plugged in.
I’ve explained before my husband charges his toothbrush during the day, and I charge at night. If she wanted an outlet, unplug the flosser. She always pretends to forget or she’s really stupid, I’m not sure which. I’m just tired of hearing sorry.
For Christmas, my husband got these cool battery-operated lights that light up the toilet bowl turning them into a night light.
MIL stayed over last night and unplugged my toothbrush again even though there is the toilet light and the flosser.
So in the morning I took the night light and put it in the drawer. She asked for it tonight and I told her I put it in the drawer because I need my toothbrush plugged in and she doesn’t need the night light on the wall since there is one in the bowl.
She said she does because the night light is a softer light and helps her stay asleep at night. But here is the thing… the toilet bowl light is on anyway so she’s getting more light with the night light too. I say, “look, I need my toothbrush charger. You will just have to make do or use a flashlight like the kids.” I’ve never spoken to her like that before.
I’m usually very go-with-the-flow and do everything she wants when she wants.
She didn’t like me telling her no. She left the bathroom mad and I heard her call me a “witch” from the hallway. So I charged after her and told her “get out of my house if she thinks I’m a jerk”.
She said no and refused to leave. Waiting for my husband to get home to deal with her. I called him immediately and explained I lost my temper and why. She’s not left yet. She’s waiting on him since she doesn’t respect my authority to make her leave.
Am I the jerk?
Maybe I am. I let her get away with taking my good bakeware and Tupperware for her house. And rearranging my kitchen, fridge, closets, and hiding my things every time she visits. This was just the last straw for me. I don’t know where to go from here. Telling my husband to talk to her on my behalf in the past doesn’t faze her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have asked her multiple times not to do that and provided alternative solutions in terms of night lights. I myself like a night light in the bathroom so I don’t run into things on my way back after bright light, but I wouldn’t unplug other people’s stuff just to have what I want.
A flashlight or even a bright phone screen is totally reasonable. She is not respectful of you or your boundaries or your possessions, and it won’t stop until your husband stands up for you and says something. Even if you were hypothetically being difficult and unreasonable or a “witch”, the correct thing to do as a guest is leave, not call the hostess a witch.
Not her house, not her rules.” Educational_Car_615
Another User Comments:
“Why not just unplug the flosser and plug the light in yourself when she comes over? Like if you’re already in there brushing your teeth at night, it would take you a few seconds and then you wouldn’t have any issues. Not sure who the jerk is, just feel like the whole thing could have been avoided.” The_MistyXX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your house and she should respect your wishes. It’s not like you lost your temper after the first thing that annoyed you, it took A LOT to lose your temper. I understand her forgetting and unplugging the wrong thing once or twice, but every time? She’s doing it on purpose, especially if she isn’t super forgetful in other aspects of her life.
You, she, and your husband need to sit down and have a talk before things escalate more and cause a lot more problems.” WolfSpectre0520
She's doing it on purpose and your husband's has to be the one to call her on showing disrespect to his wife in your own home.
Which is not going to happen.
You have some major decision to make and one of them is whether you want to put up with this forever because she's already shown she has no respect for your boundaries, and neither does your Husband.
18. AITJ For Refusing To Spend Christmas With My Awful Father-In-Law?
My MIL married her husband in Summer 2019 and from then until now has had so many inebriated rows and slept on our sofa we’ve lost count. The last time she stayed in our spare room for a week and was adamant about leaving him. He had verbally abused her, said things no man should ever say to his wife, and made her eat her dinner off the floor.
She eventually decided to stay with him as she couldn’t take the shame of her marriage ending within a year and didn’t want anyone in the family to know. She swore us to secrecy and made us promise not to tell my husband’s grandparents as they would be incredibly disappointed (this is maybe the third or fourth bad choice in men?).
We said we wouldn’t tell but we also wouldn’t lie if asked outright. We also said we’d have nothing to do with her husband and our unborn child would never be allowed in the house whilst he was there and never any overnight stays. I was heavily pregnant and my husband suffers severe anxiety so we asked that if she were to stay with her husband she left us out of future problems unless she really was ready to leave him.
My SIL knew everything as well and she was really leading the charge in not allowing the children she already had over, begging her mum to leave. I would say we were mostly supportive during the whole saga, whilst SIL was angry and disapproving.
As we all know, the global situation happened and as it was, all big events were canceled and we weren’t allowed visiting so it really wasn’t obvious to the rest of the family that we had nothing to do with MIL’s husband.
We didn’t have to address spending holidays together because we just couldn’t. My SIL had gone back on her word regarding the children being allowed over and spending time with the husband which confused us but I figured she had issues with childcare and needed my MIL so had to play nice. As far as we knew we were still all on the same page regarding hating the abusive drinker.
Yesterday, my SIL invited us all to Christmas. She has invited MIL and husband, told them they can drink and stay over. We said thanks no thanks we aren’t going back on our word. MIL and SIL are now kicking off, have told us we are jerks and ruining Christmas and cutting ourselves off from the family.
SIL explicitly said we are destroying my son’s 1st Christmas which broke my heart. We spent last Christmas alone we really don’t want to do it again. It feels like he is being picked over us. They’ve asked us why we can’t be civil and why we have to be awkward but I can’t look that man in the eye, watch him drink and play happy family.
The rest of the family including the grandparents have no idea and think we are just pushing everyone away.
So AITJ for not spending Christmas with MIL’s husband?
I just wanted to say that the reason why I’m asking AITJ is because we feel crazy for being angry and not wanting to be around that man when everyone else has forgiven him.
It’s akin to gaslighting – it was a massive issue until MIL and SIL decided it wasn’t any longer. We will be telling the family the full reason we aren’t going if we are asked. We no longer want to protect her secrets.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if they’re gonna make you look like the bad guys I’d sing like a canary about all the abuse.
I bet she knows that if everyone knew they’d possibly take your side so she’s trying to get out in front of it and make you guys look like the bad ones. Setting boundaries about abusive people does not make you the bad guy here. If she doesn’t want the fact that her husband mistreats her to be public knowledge she needs to let you guys do as you please without making it into a huge issue.
They 100% are choosing him over your family and son. Do not subject your son to this. What happens when he drinks too much that night and they fight in front of everyone?! I wish we had set the precedent to do our own little family Christmas years ago on my daughter’s first Christmas. Now every Christmas Eve/Christmas is driving to both in-laws plus our own home in between.
It’s a busy two days. This may be a blessing in disguise for your family to have their own celebration however you want it forever. Hope you guys enjoy.” TRoseee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! The only thing that would be ‘ruining’ your child’s first Christmas is the abusive drinker. Good for you, and perhaps start telling the family members why you’re not going to go for Christmas.
Your MIL can’t expect you to shoulder any blame for something that man has set in motion.” donkeyinamansuit
17. AITJ For Using My Front Garden For My Dogs' Agility Equipment?
“I live in a corner house and share a communal front area with the corner house next door. It’s hard to explain but we both have separate fenced-off front gardens. My neighbour’s garden is and has always been full of children’s toys because she’s a childminder which is fine.
The kids often run into my garden which is annoying and I ask her not to let them but she says she can’t watch them all the time to stop this so I’ve got to expect them to get into my front garden at times. There’s a small entrance that isn’t fenced off and it’s how I get into my garden.
Without showing a Google map view it’s hard to explain it any more.
I’ve been going to agility with my dogs and said to my husband it would be good to put agility equipment in the back garden but it’s too small due to the sheds, BBQ etc. He said why don’t I use the front garden as it’s bigger than the back garden anyway.
So I bought some equipment and set up a course. I have a temporary gate to cover the entrance so the dogs can’t escape. It’s been going great and the dogs love the extra exercise.
Today my neighbour came to my door extremely angry saying the agility equipment has to go. I asked why and she said one of the children moved the gate (as they apparently do all the time when I’m not home), climbed up the A-frame, fell and sprained his wrist. His mother is extremely upset at my neighbour and wants an explanation as to why he was in my garden in the first place.
My neighbour said she can’t keep her eyes on the children at all times and I’m creating an unsafe environment by having this equipment lying around so it has to go so she can go back to living her normal life while looking after the children.
I told her no, it’s my property and I’ve already told her the children aren’t allowed in the garden.
She’s already gone to a few other neighbours and got them on her side and they are making me wonder if I’m a jerk for putting my dogs before children I don’t even know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, It is your neighbour’s responsibility to enclose their own yard and watch the children in their care.
The neighbour is creating the unsafe environment by letting children run off their property. You do not need to accommodate their laziness.” HVTS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If she’s a childminder, she should be monitoring the children. I would recommend that you consider putting a lock on the gate and locking it. In the US, you would be sued because the child was injured on your property and the equipment was some sort of attractive nuisance.
I’m assuming you are in the UK so your laws likely differ but better safe than sorry.” CakeisaDie
Another User Comments:
“I’m unsure how it works for where you live but if your neighbour is operating a babysitting service and has too many kids that she can’t keep an eye on you need to contact the authorities.
I also wouldn’t tell your neighbour that you are and just do, I’d also see if you can talk to said child’s mother directly and explain that your neighbour isn’t watching the kids as she is supposed to. NTJ.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Friend To Touch Our Baby?
“My (20F) partner (21M) and I had a baby almost 3 months ago. We found out late in the game (I was 7 months pregnant by then) and it wasn’t planned but we are happy.
A couple of days after my partner told his friends, one of them Frank and his partner Carla announced they were also expecting, and were about 2 months pregnant.
I’ve never been fond of Carla; it’s not that I don’t like her, but there’s something that bothers me there. At first, my partner and I weren’t sure we would raise our baby, and Carla was aware.
However, during friend group outings, she would constantly ask questions like “will you breastfeed or bottle feed?” “When will you put him in daycare?” “Do you plan to become a stay-at-home mom?” to which I always sourly answered, “I don’t know”.
The other day, our friend Jose came over, along with Frank and Carla. I got my partner concert tickets to see his favorite artist in a few months, and asked Jose if he could babysit.
Carla rapidly jumped up for the opportunity and said she and Frank would do it, for practice. I didn’t answer so as to not be rude but obviously the answer was no; I’m not comfortable around her myself, let alone leaving my kid with her (although I’m sure she wouldn’t do anything to him).
Today I went to work and my partner has the day off so he stayed with my son. He told me he was planning on getting food with some friends and would take our son, which I’m ok with. I told him no matter what, Carla was not to touch our baby (not even a stroke on the cheek).
My partner said he wasn’t going to let anyone touch him but he also didn’t want issues with anyone and that I was being extra and a jerk.
If I don’t feel comfortable around her, why should I be okay with her touching my child? So, AITJ?
Some details:
- Carla has never done anything to me besides being annoying, I just feel uneasy and bothered around her and her personality.
- She has expressed her parenting methods in front of me, and they are the complete opposites of what I want for myself and my son.”
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. You don’t have to let anyone you don’t want around your baby, around your baby. You do sound extra though and it’s just a personality thing.
You’re forcing awkwardness on it all when it sounds like she’s trying to pick your brain as a fellow mother-to-be. Her asking if you’re going to bottlefeed or breastfeed is a reasonable question that you could have used to connect on parenting methods. You being all “IDK” makes it sound like what’s annoying is that you don’t know the answer and are more defensive about it.” GottaKnowYourCKN
Another User Comments:
“You give off very unsettling vibes. I don’t know what you’re not saying about why you actually have a problem with this girl, but it’s definitely a you problem. Keep in mind that this is your partner’s baby too, not, as you say, “my” son. It would be weird for him to forbid a friend from touching the baby when others are allowed, almost as weird as you asking someone to babysit in earshot of someone you are irrationally banning from babysitting.
YTJ.” evhanne
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think what triggers you about her is that you were sensitive about your lack of plans. Overnight you had this unexpected responsibility that you weren’t prepared for and her questions made you feel bad about that. The fact that she kept asking seemed insensitive to you and that makes you not comfortable with her.
That being said expecting people to know when they have hurt your feelings is not practical. She can’t fix something she doesn’t know is broken. I would address things directly in the moment because not saying something because you don’t want to cause problems is actually going to cause bigger problems. You are going to end up looking mean, jealous and petty when that isn’t actually the truth.
She also might fix it and it could be good for you and the baby to have all the help and support you can get.” janeradar
15. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Move Out Because Her Baby Is Disrupting Our Lives?
“I’ve been living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 other roommates for a while now. My (25f) roommate moved in when she was about 5 months pregnant. She was a friend of mine so I had no problem with her living with a baby in the apartment so long as she paid her rent and stuff on time.
Our other roommate didn’t care either. Fast forward, she has the baby and the baby does what babies do best, which is wake up every couple of hours during the night crying. Not only was the baby keeping me and the other roommate up, but I was super tired for work and found myself dozing off during the day.
Eventually she starts asking me to cover parts of her rent since she hadn’t been going to work due to her being so tired. Along with that, she starts waking me and the other roommate in the middle of the night to feed her baby while she catches some shut-eye. I did it when she asked but eventually I was starting to get fed up and sleep-deprived. I talked with the other roommate and we agreed that sadly it would probably be better if she moved in somewhere else as the constant stress and noise were making it a difficult place to live.
I sat down with her and explained that I didn’t have the energy anymore to work overtime to cover her part of the rent or take care of her baby while she slept. I asked her if she had any family to take the baby while she slept at night and she said yeah but she didn’t want to have to pay anyone to watch him.
I said well I need to have the energy to go to work so that I can continue living here, and that I was sorry but that it would probably be best if she found somewhere else for her and her son to live. She said I agreed to having the baby there and I agreed but only if she paid her rent on time, which she hadn’t really been doing.
She teared up saying that it’ll take her forever to find a new place and she’s already so stressed out with the baby and that I was being a jerk asking her to leave like this. I disagreed, but she didn’t want to hear it and said she wasn’t going to stay if we didn’t want her or her son here.
She has plans to move later this month. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is taking advantage of you and your roommate. She made the choice to have a baby and she made another choice to keep it rather than give it up for adoption. This is her child and her responsibility. You and your roommate were extremely naïve to agree to this situation to begin with.
Taking care of a new baby is extremely tough. They cry all the time. Living in the same home as a newborn baby means you are going to have your sleep disturbed. Now you know and you need to give her a deadline on when she has to leave. She will try to drag it out and make you and your other roommate feel guilty.
I hope you will stay firm.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agreed to live with a woman who paid rent on time, who has a baby. If you were just complaining about the baby making too much noise or something, I’d say that’s what you signed up for. She’s expecting you to pay her rent and wake up and take care of her kid in the middle of the night.
Is she on WIC or any other support?” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s asking you to feed her baby so SHE can rest yet YOU are working overtime to cover her part of the rent while her baby keeps you awake at night. Definitely NTJ. And I’m gonna go on and say that she apparently didn’t give much thought to what being a mom would actually entail.
Her bad decision is not your responsibility.” PixiFrizzle
Her stating that she could pay someone but doesn't want to, while hitting you for money is just... wow.
The very fact that she can complain about having no where to go, yet plan to be out by the end of the month is an indication that she was aware she pushing her luck, despite the exhaustion.
I'm sorry she made you feel bad while setting reasonable boundaries.
14. AITJ For Confronting My Wife About Pretending To Be Incapable Of Doing "Male Jobs"?
“My (25M) wife (23F) got married about 6 months ago. She usually comes to me asking me to do the traditionally “male jobs” such as mowing a garden, plumbing, heavy lifting, fixing a car (changing the engine oil, changing the tires), etc. or she asks me to explain something to her for example, changing her name on the social security card, getting her passport photo changed, claiming insurance and so on.
She would even come to me to open a jar or something.
I thought nothing of it until recently as I heard that many people from abused families often did not know how to do some basic things that people with good support systems did so I figured bringing it up would only make her feel insecure.
Recently, we went to her sister’s (V) place who had invited us over for a family dinner. V was pregnant so we went over early to help out. I and V’s husband (J) offered to cook dinner as V was feeling nauseous at the smell of raw meat. Meanwhile, my wife and V were setting up the table and doing other such things.
V was struggling to climb up the step ladder and change the light bulb to a nice-looking bulb she had for special occasions. Just as J washed his hands and was about to go help her, my wife asked V to step down and changed the bulb with no difficulty whatsoever.
I was surprised to see her do the jobs she usually asks me to do at home because she “does not know how to do it”.
V told me that my wife was previously in the army. I never knew this as ours was an arranged marriage and she had mentioned that she wanted to be a homemaker.
Today again she asked me to change the gas cylinder because it was “too heavy” for her to do it herself. I asked her why she was pretending like she was incapable of doing things herself when in reality she was better at it than I was.
She got mad that I asked her that. She said that her life before marriage was none of my business and she went to sleep in the guest room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, seems like you two hardly know each other. You need to have a deep conversation that isn’t accusatory because it seems like there’s a lot to work through here that goes far beyond the chores.” AccordingTelevision6
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, idk why her changing a light bulb makes you think she’s able to do heavy lifting or change a tire. My husband mows the lawn before I even have the chance to do it, and never lets me carry heavy things if he’s home. He also opens jars for me when I can’t get them open.
Not sure why these things are issues for you, you should be offering to help her in the first place.” Particular-Coffee-52
If you expect her to do it and aren't helping out then you signaled your acquiescence to the role she's assumed.
In which case, you reap what you sow, and now, to her, out of the blue you want to change the rules.
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For The Dog My Partner Got?
“I (30F) asked and begged for a cat for over a year, but my partner (35M) kept saying he needed to get allergy tested first because he thinks he’s allergic.
I didn’t want to bring an animal into the house that might make him miserable, so I just waited for him to get the testing done.
Instead of getting the testing done, he got me a dog. A large, working dog. Sent a picture with the caption, “you have a puppy now!” I have depression and anxiety, and this dog has exacerbated both of them to the max. Bowser is sweet, but he’s huge, loud, and stronger than me. Instead of having a companion, I feel like I have another job.
At first I just sucked it up, and paid for everything for the dog. Vet visits, food, grooming, toys, etc. Worked on training him, dealt with the scratches, bruises, and mild destruction. But finally it all got to be overwhelming, and I said I would be happier if we could rehome the dog. Normally, I wouldn’t want to do such a thing, but I didn’t want the dog in the first place and he got it for me without asking.
And the dog is expensive! I’m spending upwards of $500 a month.
My partner loves the dog, and says Bowser makes him happy, so he doesn’t want to rehome him. I told him that was fine, but I wasn’t paying for any more of the dog’s expenses moving forward. He was ok with this at first, but now he’s kind of annoyed that I am not budgeting for the dog, or paying for anything.
He keeps mentioning how expensive Bowser is, and pointing out things I’m spending my money on.
Some of my friends have said I’m a jerk for not saying something sooner, so what do you all think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like your partner didn’t want a cat so instead of telling the truth got you a dog because that’s what he’d prefer.
What’s worse is he’s gotten you a working dog when he clearly had no knowledge of what that meant. In my opinion it’s cruel to have him at home doing nothing, he’s been bred to work it’s literally in his DNA. I would suggest rehoming the dog to appropriate owners who can put him to work.” panicattackcity91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s mad that you’re not budgeting for a dog he got “for you” as an excuse to get a dog for himself instead of a cat? Yeah…no. He got this dog for himself and only told you it was for you because he didn’t want to look like a petty jerk who lied about allergies, which I’m quite sure he did.” armchairshrink99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not paying for a dog you didn’t want – he clearly got the dog for himself, but gave it to you hoping to pressure you into taking on the work and expense of its care. Your friends do have a point about not saying something sooner. The moment the dog showed up, a response of “no, that’s not my dog, I want a cat, if you get that dog, it’s all on you” would have been better all around – if he didn’t want to care for a dog, it would have been better to promptly return it or give it to a shelter so it could find a new home as a cute little puppy.
This whole situation really shows your partner to be very inconsiderate – getting you something he wants, and you don’t, expecting you to do the work of caring for a pet only he wants. Does he do this sort of thing often, giving you things he wants, and expecting you to do the work and bear the expense of things that are for him, pretending it’s for you?” Jazzlike_Humor3340
12. AITJ For Allowing My Adult Son To Go Out With An Older Man?
“My daughter is in tears and has stopped speaking to me over it, and she’s usually the level-headed one!
My son J from a previous relationship is 16 years older than her. When he was 19 his plans for the summer between his first and second year of college fell through and he ended up staying with us, during which he met B.
Now at this time I wasn’t completely comfortable with his sexuality, so we never really discussed it, but I knew what was going on and B came round sometimes before they went out. B was older than J (26-27 I’d guess?), but it never occurred to me to be concerned because of that. J by this time had been away to college, backpacked alone, had a variety of jobs.
He was an adult and could handle himself. In fact to me it made sense: He was spending a summer not how he’d hoped, he’d met someone he liked in a similar boat (B was trying to move abroad for work but getting held up due to bureaucracy, so was camping out with his folks while it got fixed), so they were passing the time together as enjoyably as possible.
Even in hindsight, in either of their places I think I would have done the same and been glad to find someone, especially if the pool of potential candidates was small, as I understand it is for LGBT people in our town. And it’s not like B was some fat old slob, I’m straight but objectively I can see why he would have appealed to J.
I honestly thought good for J and left it alone.
After J went back to college and I asked about B in passing, J just shrugged and said he’d moved to Germany as planned. He seemed maybe a little wistful but not really cut up, and after that he started seeing a classmate he was with for several years.
Then early this year to my surprise B came by while I was in the yard, he’d moved back to the area and as he’s not on social media asked me to pass his info to J in case he’d like to reconnect. When I did J seemed pleased and recently let me know he and B had been hanging out a lot and he’d like to bring him round to dinner.
I honestly thought it was kind of nice until I told my wife and daughter.
Once they heard the background, my daughter got extremely upset, saying she couldn’t believe I let her brother be preyed on like that (her words). I think that’s unfair, nothing about the situation indicated to me that J was suffering in any way and frankly there was no ‘let’ about it, he didn’t ask or need my permission.
Besides, if there had been anything weird he wouldn’t be reconnecting and forming a more serious relationship now. She says she’s not comfortable having B in the house and wants me to cancel dinner. I think she’s being unreasonable, she hasn’t even met the guy and canceling now would only make things awkward with J.
My wife agrees we should make the best of it, but on our daughter’s underlying point refuses to pass judgment either way, saying she wasn’t there. Which makes me think I might have screwed up here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ— support your son! Your daughter can bring up concerns to her brother herself. Don’t push your son away by doing what she says… it’s been hard enough as it is coming out as gay to the family.
Also I don’t think he has preyed on him – J was an adult? And it is not like B sought out someone younger…. there are just barely any in the LGBT community where you are from. Let them have their love and happiness.” bunkbedgirl1989
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here you did nothing wrong.
But your daughter is a teenage girl so she has probably learned that seeing older men is often a predatory situation that she needs to avoid. Like if a 24-year-old wanted to go out with your daughter that would be concerning, and something to look into to find out the guy’s motives. They are at different life stages so why is he interested in a younger woman?
Is it because someone younger is easier to control? Is it because he’s creepy and no one his own age will go out with him? She has probably seen these predatory relationships happen to girls she goes to school with or seen them talked about online. As a teenage girl, she is currently learning that the world is a scary place for women at times.
That relationships can be dangerous. I’m pretty sure that is where her concern is coming from. And I can understand why it’s freaked her out. But your son and his partner were actually at similar stages in their lives. It made sense for them to be seeing each other. And your son was already strong and independent.
And it seems like you got to know B enough that you didn’t think he was being predatory towards your son.” TheGreenPangolin
11. AITJ For Stopping My Son's Allowance Because My Husband Was Misusing It?
“My son (10) recently started receiving an allowance from me since his dad is unemployed and also because my son likes to have his own funds to spend on stuff he wants.
The problem is that I discovered by accident that my husband has been taking the funds from our son to buy his own stuff.
He’d approach our son whenever he has funds and tell him he’ll buy him what he wants but ends up spending the funds on something else, something for him, not our son. Our son obviously can not drive by himself and buy his own stuff so my husband offers to buy stuff for him using of course his allowance.
I’m a nurse working long shifts most of the time so I’m not always home.
Every time our son wants something my husband would be like “Hey bud, you want a few bags of Doritos for you and the other kids? I’ll stop by the supermarket and get them for you then. That would be $$$” then our son gives him the funds but never receives his Doritos.
Rinse and repeat. This went on for 2 months till my son told me.
Turns out my husband asked not to tell mommy because she’d get mad at him and he’ll be in trouble and promised to get him his stuff but he never does. I had a big fight with my husband about it. He said it wasn’t a big deal since he always ends up getting our son the stuff he wants 99% of the time.
He told me to consider this as “gas money” since he drives xxx kilometers to the supermarket to buy what our son wants. I shamed him for taking advantage of our son and taking the funds that were meant for him and said he was acting like a thief but worse when stealing from his own son.
I then said I won’t be handing our son any allowance anymore and my husband said I was overreacting and punishing our son for no reason. I said I’ll handle our son’s needs from now on but he argued that I can’t when I’m busy working all the time. I said it was none of his business and walked out of the room.
He kept nagging me saying my son will resent me if I stop handing him funds but I refused to engage any further in the argument and the guilt tripping. He keeps calling me heartless and financially controlling to take away the allowance.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the tree that hides the forest of problems in your marriage.
If you can’t trust your husband not to take advantage of your son when you’re at work… I hope you don’t have an account in your kid’s name your husband can access.” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What I would do is 1. start a savings account with just you and your son’s name on it.
Put his allowance in there and SHOW him so he can see the accumulation of funds. Plus, it may earn interest! Anyhow, when he wants something, YOU take the $ out. 2. file for divorce. Your husband is beyond repair.” leslielaughs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but seems like the wrong course of action. I don’t disagree with you trying to prevent your son from losing the allowance, but I do disagree if you’re depriving him of it altogether.
Come up with a way he still gets it (there are many valuable lessons to be learned handling his own money) but where you can help him protect it. While this situation sucks, it’s a valuable lesson as part of the money management journey. I will say that 10 feels young to have to confront this issue, but if you have access to a professional who can guide you in how to properly approach the psychology of the situation, it will really help your son both with money and with understanding his and your relationship with his father.” duggym122
10. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate's Partner About His Entitled Behavior?
“I’ve lived with my roommate “Abby” for almost 2 years without problems. We were friends before we moved in together and still are.
Well about 3-4 months ago Abby started seeing “Mark”, I don’t really care for him much just because he seems slightly sexist. It’s her life so whatever.
Thing is when he comes over and she’s busy with something else, he just helps himself to food and stuff.
He’s eaten my leftovers in the fridge, but said he didn’t know and “thought it was for anyone.” Whatever I let that go.
When he comes over and I’m watching TV and Abby is busy he’ll just take the remote and change the channel. The first time he did it I said “hey what are you doing I’m watching that.” He was like “I just want to check the score.” He tried keeping football on but I said “okay you’ve seen the score now put my show back on.” He sighed and turned it back.
He’s done it other times too.
Then yesterday he came over after work and I was watching Friends, he grabs the remote and starts “channel surfing.” I said “dude what are you doing? I’m watching that.” He said, “That show’s all reruns and it’s a chick show let’s watch something else.” I said, “if you want to watch something else go in Abby’s room she has a TV in there too.”
“She’s still working (she WFH), I’m a guest so I should get to choose.”
“You’re not MY guest”. I turned Friends back on and he just sat there.
Well they left and did whatever, when Abby came back she yelled at me and said that “she knows I don’t like Mark but I was being a petty jerk and made him feel unwelcome.”
I mean granted it’s just TV and I don’t care that much, but I’m sick of him acting like he owns the place.
AITJ should I have just let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Time for a “Come to your higher power of choice” meeting. Mark doesn’t change the TV while you’re watching, eat anything from the fridge without asking, or look at you crossways or he’s no longer welcome.
If your roommate wants to push the issue, tell her that he can stay in her room for the entirety of his visits, or she can go to his place. I’d plan on getting your own apartment or a new roommate ASAP.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you need to revoke Mark’s TV privileges and his fridge privileges.
NTJ. It’s an astonishing level of entitlement for him to actually take the remote from you and change the channel on something you were sitting there watching. This would not be a big deal if you weren’t watching anything or if he asked you if you minded changing the channels – but to take the remote?
Nah, boundaries have been crossed. Time to lay them down more firmly.” GloryIV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set a boundary and it made him mad but that’s too bad. It’s your house, you pay rent and if you are actively watching TV, it’s extremely rude to just change the channel. Also, why would food in the fridge at your home be for “anyone” it’s not a rec center with free snacks laid out.
He’s extremely entitled to just go in your refrigerator without permission. You and your roommate need to discuss what you are comfortable with and she needs to set those expectations with her partner.” NovaJ333
9. AITJ For Refusing To Sign My Terrible Boss's Farewell Card?
“My boss is leaving (Yay!) She’s easily the worst boss I’ve ever had and I’ve had plenty.
She’s the type that will push her work onto us, then take credit for it to higher management.
She talks badly about everyone in our department to everyone else in the department. She uses the fact that she’s our boss to get her way, if you don’t appease her she’ll mess with your schedule, like cut your hours or put you on nights for a week. She’s flat out admitted it to me about someone else “they seem to forget that I do the schedule hehe”.
Then she butts into conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with work, like if 2 coworkers are chatting while working about weekend plans or whatever to pass time quicker, she’ll come and ask “what?” And involve herself.
Ex: a coworker and I were talking about someone we both know that doesn’t work there. Boss came up and said “What?” I said “nothing, you don’t know her it’s someone we both know.
She doesn’t work here.” Boss said “Who?” So I said the name and she was like “Oh I don’t know her”…duh. She does stuff like that all the time. If I wanted to have a personal conversation with her I would, but I don’t but when she does that I’m basically forced to.
Well anyway she’s leaving WOOOHOO, she’s just going to another location so it’s not like she was fired (unfortunately).
When word spread Wednesday most people were happy, one guy said “shots are on me,” another one said “ding dong the witch is dead ” etc, so it’s not just me.
Well she has a little minion “Brenda” that works in the department and is a major bootlicker. She’s “sad she’s leaving” and tried circulating a card yesterday.
I’m not sure who signed it, but when Brenda came by me and asked if I wanted to sign a card for the manager I said “no thanks.” She said “why not?” and I said, “because I can’t stand her and don’t wish her the best, I have nothing nice to write in it.” She said, “well you don’t have to write anything you can just put your name.” I said, “no even putting my name would imply that I like her and will miss her, which… I don’t, as far as I’m concerned she shouldn’t let the door hit her in the backside on her way out.”
Brenda finally gave up but said that “I’m being petty and this is just something that is expected when you work somewhere, whether you like the person or not and I’m acting like a jerk”. I think other people probably refused to sign too and that’s why she was mad.
Maybe I should have just put my name, for work politics and all that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but be mindful of how you present yourself to the rest of the staff. It might feel good to get in a dig at her, but it might also get you a reputation as someone who can’t maintain professionalism. But if that isn’t a concern for you (like you planning on staying in the industry), you’re fine.
It sounds like Brenda got a lot of rejections and wasn’t expecting it lol.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I had a boss like this once. We always did cake on someone’s last day. I wasn’t going to for him. Someone in another department pulled me aside and said “He might be a jerk but we’re not so just get the cake”, she was right.
Take the high road and just write your name.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your post is dripping with condescension. While your boss sounds lousy, there’s no need to burn bridges for no reason – especially since she’s leaving – and there’s often no telling how unprofessional behavior can catch up with you down the road.
Don’t bring your emotions to work to the extent you can’t be bothered to sign a card, which costs you three seconds of time.” Brainjacker
8. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Absentee Cousin Take Custody Of His Kids?
“When my cousin was 17, he got his ex-partner Anna, (who was 16 back then) pregnant. He suddenly moved to the US and cut all communication with Anna. Anna was disowned by her parents and my aunt, Maria, decided to take her in.
Me and my sister grew up in Aunt Maria’s care so we both helped Anna and helped look after the babies (twins, boy and girl) as well. The kids even called me Mama 2 and my sister Mama 3. Anna was always at family reunions and she reconciled with my cousin 9 years ago. Cousin would send gifts to the twins and call once a week.
The twins are now 12, but we discovered that cousin could not father any more children after he and his new wife got involved in an accident. He and his wife are now demanding to take the kids and the wife will adopt them. During a call, they said they could give the twins a better life in America.
Anna of course refused but the wife confronted Anna and told her that my cousin had the right to the kids as he is the twins’ dad. They also said that Anna can’t give them a good life here and brought up the fact that Anna is just working a minimum-wage job (Anna left school to work after she got pregnant).
My sister and I interfered when Anna was insulted and things got heated. I said words like “Sperm donor”, “You’re not even paying child support and refused to have your name on the birth certificate”, and “Anna sacrificed her life for her kids while you only partied abroad”. They hung up and we were scolded by my parents, aunts, and uncles.
The family is now torn with half wanting to send the kids abroad and half wanting them to stay here. The kids barely know their father’s wife since she only joined the family reunion 1 time and refused to play with the kids during her stay here. She also doesn’t join in on the video calls.
The twins cried when they learned about it and asked if we were sending them to their dad. I told them that they shouldn’t worry about it.
Auntie Maria was the most devastated here because we all grew up under her care and it hurts her that we’re fighting. My sister told Anna not to worry since she will get another job to make sure that the kids will have a better life.
My sister, some cousins, and I pay for the kids’ private school tuition fees and other expenses since Anna doesn’t make much. I also replied on the wife’s messenger that I will make sure that the twins will have a better life than what America can give them. She called me ruthless and accused me of not accepting her into the family and refusing to let the kids be with their real father.
Are we the jerks for refusing to let my cousin live with his kids and maybe holding them back from getting a better life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) He WAS a sperm donor. He doesn’t get to claim custody now just because he discovered he can’t have more kids. 2) The kids are 12. That’s old enough that their opinions matter.
A lot. You can’t tear them out of their home. 3) If he actually cared about the kids he’d be doing weekly Zoom calls, quarterly visits, paying for school. Not parachuting in at year 12 threatening mom with loss of custody. Block this guy. He’s a very high risk for international kidnapping and if that happens it’s very difficult to get the kids back.
Make a safety plan to protect the kids from him, and any interfering relatives who might try to help him. 1) Get a safe deposit box and store any birth certificates, passports or other records safely. Do not leave them accessible to others. 2) NEVER leave him alone with the kids. 3) Do NOT send the kids over to visit until they’re 18 and can guarantee freedom to return.
4) Make a safety plan and train the kids on how to use it: If he or a relative tries to take them into the US, they’re to ask the airplane staff or border guards for help. Tell them he doesn’t have their mom’s permission to bring them and they want help reaching mom. Get an email address just for emergencies and have them memorize it.
This is how they reach you if something happens. If you have family you trust in the US, have the kids memorize their names and phone numbers.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t want anything to do with them for years and doesn’t pay for their support, care or education. He wants to take them away from their mother, who has sacrificed everything for them for their entire lives.
They might be his bio children but in this case, Anna has far more rights to them morally than he does.” Artemis667
7. AITJ For Setting Ground Rules At Our Family Thanksgiving?
“My husband and I have a 6-year-old daughter, Grace. Grace is autistic and doesn’t handle being around a lot of people very well. We’ve done Thanksgiving as just the 3 of us for the past few years because she’d have meltdowns at family celebrations.
This is her first family celebration since she was 2.
We’re hosting Thanksgiving this year because we have a big backyard and enough outdoor dining furniture for everyone.
To make this a little easier, I sent my husband’s family some ground rules and things to expect for the celebration (husband knows I sent it and was ok with everything I said).
A couple of rules that people are upset about are
- Don’t touch my kid. She’s only comfortable with certain people touching her and none of those people (besides me and my husband) will be coming for dinner.
- Don’t pressure her into sitting at the kids’ table with her cousins. She wants to sit with me and my husband and with how active her cousins are, sitting at the kids’ table will likely be overwhelming for her.
- Don’t pressure her into eating the same food as everyone else. She only eats certain foods and will be getting a special meal to accommodate that.
- Her bedroom and playroom will be off-limits. She is very protective over her space and needs somewhere to go when she gets overwhelmed or needs a break.
- She’s usually pretty good with sharing but I don’t think she’s been around more than 4 or 5 kids at a time and might not feel like sharing her toys.
I’d recommend bringing a couple of toys just in case.
- Our pool will be open but my husband and I will not spend all day playing lifeguard. If your kid wants to swim, you have to watch your kid.
We have received some backlash from his family for everything I’ve stated but everyone was mad about 4 and 5 (the bedroom and playroom might be closed and she might not be comfortable sharing her toys).
I’ve gotten a lot of messages from his family saying the only reason they agreed to let me and my husband host is because their kids love playing with my daughter and her toys. Some family members who haven’t seen my daughter in a long time are mad that they’re not going to be able to hug her or kiss her.
AITJ for sending the family a list of rules/expectations for them/their kids.”
Another User Comments:
“Definite NTJ. First of all, no 6-year-old, regardless of anything else, should be subject to being hugged and kissed when they do not wish to be. Second, you are never to be scolded for making a situation like this easier on your daughter.
Your family is being ridiculous.” NorthernLitUp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was expecting something really bad, but I can sum up a lot of your rules. Don’t parent my daughter and I won’t parent your kids. Her toys are not communal and they shouldn’t be coming over just for that. Seriously they want to kiss and hug her when she will hate it?
Why?” Tisalop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and their complaints show they don’t care if your child enjoys the holidays. Honestly, autistic or not, I wish more parents laid down boundaries like this for their kids. I hated having my room messed up and my toys broken, I hated people I hardly knew in my personal space and forcing me to give hugs, and, as an adult, I hate being responsible for other people’s kids when I’m already dealing with food preparation, etc.” NinjaBabaMama
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Speak To His Absent Birth Mother?
“My ex-wife and I got divorced when my son was really young. 18 months old. I got full custody, but she had visitation rights.
Since that time, she has never exercised her rights once. It’s been 7 years. My son is now a bright and intelligent 8-year-old boy. Before his third birthday, I introduced him to my then-partner and now wife, who has been a part of his life ever since.
She does EVERYTHING for him and loves him deeply. With my ex never calling or visiting him, he is aware that a person who isn’t his mom gave birth to him, but he calls my current wife mom, and considers her his mother in every capacity.
Naturally, we wanted to make it legally official, by having my wife adopt him.
My son is eager for this, because he really wants to travel abroad with us, and while he doesn’t fully understand the implications of what legal means, he knows it’s important.
I contacted my ex to ask her to sign the paperwork needed to waive her parental rights, and at first she said she was willing.
I sent over the paperwork, she’s had it for a couple of weeks, and I’ve been getting on her case about signing it and returning it. Well, today she decided that she would only sign it if she hears from my son himself that he wants to be adopted in a phone call. I told her she’s had 7 years to have a phone call with him, and that she’s chosen not to do it, and I don’t like the idea of putting him on one now at the moment of adoption.
I’ve told him (and her) that if he wants to meet her, at 16 I’ll put him in contact with her. Another reason I want to avoid the conversation is because she can be extremely manipulative. She puts on a good sad face that people always fall for, and I am worried she will try to throw a wrench in his emotional stability as a last-ditch effort to ruin his life, because she has proven to be that malicious towards him in the past (which is how I earned full custody).
Her point is that because he is the center of all of this, he should have a voice. I agree to a point, but at the end of the day he’s still 8 years old, still working out his feelings of abandonment in therapy, and I just don’t see how it benefits him to have that conversation where he has to tell this person he doesn’t know how much he wants to be adopted.
I’ll also add that if I let them have the conversation, it would be cheaper for all parties involved. Me, because I won’t have to pay a lawyer, and her because she’s never paid child support, and the courts automatically review that in cases of step-parent adoption, and order backpay whether or not I want it (it would be in the neighborhood of $300k for her).
But I am willing to pay a lawyer if it means avoiding a conversation that would upset him like that with a person he absolutely doesn’t know.
So there it is: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But have you considered a video? Tell your son something like you want to record how enthusiastic he is about making your wife his official mom as a keepsake.
Then send that to your ex. If that is not enough for her, then you know it was all a manipulation tactic and throw the lawyer at her.” lotus_eater123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has something you want and now she wants something in return. File for the back child support and then AFTER she gets the paperwork, let her know you will waive it if she gives up parental rights.
She may think she will get something from cooperating, and she’s right. Except it’s her own $300K.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your first priority is to protect your son and make good decisions for his well-being, and that shows. Get a lawyer involved. If you’re feeling generous, you could give her a heads up and just say, you’re not going disrupt your son’s life by letting someone he hasn’t spoken to in years upset him, and if she doesn’t return the signed paperwork by X date, you’re just going to get legal counsel and move ahead that way.” LawChick7516
5. AITJ For Confronting My Brother's Partner Over Her Insensitivity Towards My Sister's Food Allergy?
“My brother (in college) recently got a partner and brought her over for Thanksgiving. She’s…delightful.
The night before Thanksgiving, we decided to order food and let her decide the place. She says Chinese and so we make the order and then get something from a different restaurant for my sister. The partner perks up, getting this judgy, skeptical look.
Figuring she thinks my sister was being a diva, I explain that the local Chinese place fries everything in peanut oil, and sister is allergic to peanuts, so she can’t eat any of it. The partner scoffs and says loudly that she hears a lot of people say that to try and hide their misconceptions about Chinese food, and that it’s usually just them not wanting to admit they think it’s dog and not chicken.
And then she says something about most rural conservatives clutching on to common stereotypes. It’s entirely out of left field and reeks of classism.
Rude though it is, this is incredibly amusing to hear, as our family is VERY diverse in education, experience, and politics. We live rural, but we are hardly her negative stereotype.
So, there’s an awkward silence and we all politely ignore her. She continues all night to insinuate sister isn’t eating Chinese food out of racial prejudice rather than allergies.
Irritated by her rudeness to my sister, after Thanksgiving I make Chili. Instead of using beef, I use venison. The partner tries it and HATES it.
Venison can have a very different, metallic taste than beef and it’s not for everyone. She clearly doesn’t like it, she eats veggies and bread instead, no biggie. However, once the table is cleared I clear my throat and kindly, but politely explain that I am not comfortable with her racial prejudice against the native peoples of our state, as venison was one of their main sources of meat–and so close to a holiday where we should be acknowledging our Indigenous peoples of all things!
I would like her to consider her privilege in refusing to eat historically Indigenous foods.
The partner clearly understands my point about using minorities as a tool to be catty and rude, gets angry, and demands brother take her back to school. He gets mad I’ve upset the partner and now he has to leave to keep the peace.
Mom is mad because I’ve been rude to a guest who is important to brother. Sister is grateful someone stood up for her, as she was tired of being picked on last night for her allergy by being called racist. And father very politely says he’s siding with mother, but looks red as a tomato trying not to smile or laugh.
To be honest, I think she behaved stupidly, wasting precious air on being rude to her partner’s family just because she wanted to feel superior, and I found her use of social issues the way she did catty and honestly kind of callous towards legitimate issues. However, my mom says what I did was rude and makes brother’s relationship more difficult because now she dislikes his family.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But maybe I’m a jerk too! This is glorious!! Food allergies are serious. And her attitude is such that I would worry that she might eventually try to “test” your sister’s peanut allergy to prove her stupid point.” Specialist_Candie_77
Another User Comments:
“Was it petty? Yeah.
Was it absolutely wonderful to read? Also yes. Allergies aren’t a joke! Yeah, sure, I can see why people might say E S H, but… well, I liked it! Super satisfying, didn’t do anything actually mean or hurtful to her… perfect revenge imo. So I’m going to go for NTJ.” acidicfruit
Another User Comments:
“Slight ESH….but, that was actually a clever way to handle it.
Petty, yes, but your point was made. I would absolutely not let sister eat anything this woman may make, ever, as she seems like the type to “test” allergies. Good for you for sticking up for your sister.” ashleyrwells00
4. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Daughter's ADHD Diagnosis?
“Yesterday, my daughter (25F) told me (45F) that her therapist diagnosed her with ADHD. I know that she has been struggling with her mental health for a while and that she is taking antidepressants for MDD. I also want to point out that she had kind of a rough childhood, which I won’t go into too much detail about, and I wasn’t always the best mom to her when she was a teenager, but I did try my best for her and her brother after her father and I went through a very nasty divorce and I became a single mom.
I did everything I could for them, but working three jobs just to feed and clothe them left little time for much else. (Side note: I’ve dealt with a lot of my own issues since then, as this was over a decade ago. I have become a much different person, and my daughter has even told me multiple times how much better of a mother I am now that I’m not dealing with all of that.)
I immediately told her that I disagreed with the diagnosis and she was very offended. I told her that I don’t really believe in some of the quantitative testing they do for ADHD, as I worked at a child development center for 11 years of my life and have a good idea about what this kind of thing looks like.
She told me that I really haven’t lived with her since she was a teenager (because of what I mentioned before. I obviously physically lived with her), and that I know nothing of the general living habits in her adult life and how it’s affecting her on a day-to-day basis. She said that it has become crippling, and she even told me that she realized some of these things she can trace back to childhood; she mentioned procrastination, careless mistakes, and getting easily distracted among them, which I’m pretty sure is common in most school-age kids.
I told her that everyone has their quirks and issues, but that’s just a part of life because everyone has their own struggles and they deal with them differently. She cried to me saying that she felt like I was invalidating her experiences and her diagnosis and that I was being unsupportive even though I was just trying to be realistic (she’s always had somewhat of a flair for the dramatic).
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Most doctors in Child development centers only focused on the type of ADHD that impacts hyperactive boys. They ignored or were ignorant of the predominant type of ADHD which impacts girls and women. Due to this ignorance, many women with undiagnosed ADHD are often mistakenly diagnosed with anxiety or depression.
Besides, how does it help you and your relationship with your daughter to negate this medical diagnosis when you are not an expert In ADHD for girls and women?” dca_user
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ. Your daughter is actually in a very common position: an adult AFAB who didn’t receive the ADHD diagnosis she deserved when she was a child.
Many adult women have slipped through the cracks simply because they didn’t present the way doctors thought ADHD manifested. You need to do some research on this front, and you need to apologize to your daughter. And btw, your daughter actually deserves a massive congratulations — it is extremely hard to even find a doctor who will validate an adult woman with ADHD.
I’m proud of your daughter for advocating for herself enough to get to this point. I’m proud of her even if you aren’t, and I’m certain a lot of other readers feel the same.” SalaciousSapphic
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I know it is upsetting as a mother to feel like you might have not noticed a problem earlier and gotten the help your child needed, especially when you have some expertise in a specific field.
But as moms, we don’t always recognize issues because we have a natural need for our kids to be ok. I’m a physical therapist, my daughter sprained her ankle, and I insisted that she just tweaked it and was fine. Well, took her to a colleague when two days later she still wasn’t walking putting her heel down only to find out I was wrong and she really sprained it.
I was so mad and embarrassed at myself only to find out that all the parents in the practice had the same issue. We cannot get an accurate read on our children, because we can’t stand that they might be really hurt. It’s why doctors can’t do surgery on their family. And it’s why we turn to other professionals to properly diagnose our kids with things like ADHD.
You owe your daughter a massive apology. It’s OK that you missed it, and it’s OK to feel however you feel. But it was not OK to invalidate your daughter’s diagnosis or the relief that she had knowing that she can now receive the care she needs to thrive.” Ema630
3. AITJ For Not Accepting My Son's Younger Partner As Family?
“I (F61) have 5 sons and I always wanted the best for them, to go to college, get married, have children, and be successful and nice human beings. I think I did the right thing raising all of them. Between my children, two of them are part of the lgbt community, one is gay and the other is bisexual. My older son (M41) had some trouble settling down but he was in a relationship with this wonderful guy.
His ex was honest, family-oriented, and very successful as a lawyer, and they were planning to get married, unfortunately, they broke up almost three years ago.
My son recently started seeing a guy I don’t even know, he’s 13 years younger than my son. As far as I know he has a job, but he’s too young for my son.
It’s not that I don’t like the guy, it’s that I feel that he and my son are not compatible. My son is well educated, he’s successful and I don’t want this guy to take advantage of him. Meanwhile, this guy has a normal job, is ridiculous and impolite. This boy has no class, he’s ridiculous and inappropriate.
I don’t like the youthful way in which he dresses, his mannerisms, I consider it rude. I know that many mothers can relate to my situation. It’s obvious that he’s not compatible with my son.
My son brought his partner to Thanksgiving because I invited them, after dinner my son’s partner asked me if I wanted help.
I told him that I didn’t need any help but he did it anyway. My daughter-in-law is pregnant, she and I were talking about when she receives the baby and how there will be a new member in the family, to which she replied “we actually have two new members of the family” referring to my son’s partner.
So I told her that we really only have a new member because my son’s partner is not part of the family yet. What I was referring to is that in reality this boy is not part of the family because he has not married my son yet. My son called me complaining about having spoken to his partner like that, called me a classist, and asked me to apologize.
I was just being logical, they’re not married. He will be part of the family if he gets to marry my son… AITJ for being logical?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are classist. You seem snooty and controlling. Just be happy your son is happy. Also, you say this person is impolite and yet he offered to help you clean up after dinner, and did.
Sounds like you just don’t like him because he’s not the “wonderful” well-dressed lawyer who was ACTUALLY incompatible with your son (if they were compatible they wouldn’t have broken up). You seem like you’re all about appearances and status which is very disappointing.” necromandie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You claim that what you said is logical, but it isn’t.
Your whole post reveals that you have many prejudices against your son’s partner, and seemingly wish he had married his ex. It also feels like there’s a lot that you’re very intentionally leaving out of this situation because you know it would paint you in a bad light. Your son also seems to be right on the money about you being classist just based on what you’ve said here.” 20sidedhumorist
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So badly you are the jerk here. It is not up to you to decide who makes your son happy based on age, personal attire, and career. I would have been livid if my mother said that about my SO. You don’t have to accept him as your family but don’t be rude on a holiday.
Ew! You’re lucky your son even talks to you anymore. Change your ways you’re a jerk.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Setting Boundaries After My MIL Shared My Baby's Gender And Name Without Permission?
“I (23-year-old female) am currently 8 months pregnant with my and my husband’s (24-year-old male) first child.
This experience has definitely been different than I ever pictured it but we have been making the best out of the situation. My husband’s family lives in a different state than us and mine lives less than 30 minutes away so understandably he feels often that his family isn’t getting to be as involved as mine which has caused some tension.
In an effort to try to make everyone feel included I sent ultrasound photos to everyone in a group chat today with all of the same information so that everyone was able to feel included in this pregnancy, even though we have been keeping things pretty private in general. However, when we got home tonight I got on social media to see that my mother-in-law had posted the 3D ultrasound photos of our baby along with his name and gender, all of which we haven’t publicly shared. I couldn’t help but feel robbed of the moment sharing the gender and name of our baby and it brought me to tears knowing that everyone already knew.
My husband tried to explain that this is her first grandchild and she is just excited. He acknowledged that he didn’t get asked if the post was ok either and asked if I wanted her to take it down. I said I would compromise for her to simply edit the post to not have the name or gender in it as she can still be excited and not make that public information however she has responded by telling us that she will not be editing anything because this is her first grand baby and she has the right to share whatever information she wants.
Her post has now been seen by almost all of our mutual friends and family and the information is too public to pull back now. I told my mother-in-law that I felt very disrespected as a first-time mom not being able to be the person to share our baby’s name and gender publicly but she didn’t care and told me it wasn’t a big deal and that my hormones were getting the best of me.
I then said while she has a title to my child she is not entitled to information about my child and if she wants to be this way she can find out that our baby was born, birth weight, etc. on social media just like everyone else when I decide to post about it and that because of her not respecting our privacy or boundaries nobody is getting pictures until after my husband and I make our birth announcement.
She and my sister-in-law are now blowing up my husband’s phone telling him how cruel it is to keep this information from everyone and how unfair it is to them. I just want to be able to share my baby with the world when we decide we are ready and what information others get to know.
I’m only trying to set boundaries due to the actions of my mother-in-law but their reaction honestly makes me wonder if my boundaries will be respected in the future. So, I need to know am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s alright for her to be excited. And you tried to compromise by saying she could keep the pictures up, but just edit out the gender and name since you want to be the one to announce it.
She told you no, so you said that she can find out more about the baby when you decide. Seems fair to me. I just hope your husband is on your side. First grandchild or not, she isn’t entitled to just do what she wants.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL is not respecting a reasonable request/boundary that you’ve made.
Not only that, she and SIL are throwing a tantrum over your reasonable boundary. I would anticipate that this is the type of reaction you’ll get from them in the future. Honestly, I would follow through with not giving them any details until you post publicly. It shows that you’ll follow through with what you say; that you won’t be bullied into making family members happy.
Congrats! I hope you have a safe delivery and a beautiful, healthy baby!” bacon0927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sharing your personal records and those of your baby does not implicitly give permission for any of it to be uploaded and then shared on another platform. Your MIL clearly lacks boundaries, but worse, decency. She can be excited but if she won’t respect this wish what other boundaries will she cross because it’s “her first grandbaby”?
Grandparents should be there to support their children in navigating the experience of becoming a parent, if asked. They should be willing to be involved with the grandchild if able. But none of that gives them any permission to be petulant and go against your wishes as the child’s mom. I’m truly sorry, it’s a terrible situation and I hope you find your solace and can find a way to celebrate.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Calling My Fiancé A Thief After He Gave Away My Brother's Gift?
“My F30 brother M16 was born with a heart condition that prevented him from living his childhood to the fullest and doing his favorite activities. He can’t do most things due to his condition and the side effects his medication has on him.
My parents have always struggled with money because of medical bills and unfortunately they can not afford to buy my brother nice things for example he always wanted a console to play with.
He only gets to play when my uncle and cousins visit and bring their console. My brother has been feeling sad and lonely recently after his doctors recommended that visits be limited. I decided to use my salary to get him his own console and wait till Christmas to give it to him.
I bought an Xbox and it has been sitting in my closet till I discovered that my fiance took it and sent it to his nephew who lives states away.
I was dismayed, I confronted him about it asking why he took the Xbox knowing it was supposed to be a gift for my brother and he said he knew but explained his sister’s a single mom and couldn’t buy any gifts for her son nor are they receiving gifts from family since they’re all ignoring her after giving her money so they think they’ve done enough.
He told me he felt sorry for his nephew and wanted to cheer him up but didn’t have money so he thought that he could send him the Xbox then we’ll figure out what I’m going to gift my brother together.
I told him he had no right to touch the Xbox and said that what he did was theft which made him upset and somewhat shocked. He said he was very hurt I essentially called him a thief when he thought that I cared about our nephew as much as he does and explained my brother does not need the Xbox since he can’t find time to play due to his condition and also not finding playmates also due to his condition.
I told him my brother is still capable and he was making it seem as if he wasn’t but he argued he didn’t mean it this way, just that he was hurt I called his good deed “theft” but I stood by what I said and demanded he either pay for the Xbox or pay me.
He acted more hurt calling me callous and mean to take a gift from a child like that but I said I didn’t gift his nephew this device and so it is not my problem.
He gave me complete silence and then went to stay at a hotel for 3 days saying I was being unfair to him and hurt him deeply.
The problem still stands and he is counting on me to let it go and see that he was just helping his sister and nephew out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You said Xbox so I’m gonna assume it’s either the S or X which cost between $300-$500. If he can afford a 4-day/3-night hotel stay he can afford the system.
He’s a major jerk for taking something meant for a sick child. OP NTJ. You need to watch your money and stuff very closely.” Dark_Phoenix25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this situation sounds like a major red flag about your relationship, I’d give it a good hard look before I moved forward.
Let’s put aside that if he had the money for a hotel for several days, he had other options than to take the gift you bought your brother. Without a conversation he put himself and his family before you and yours – if you’re engaged, your family should be his family and no less important.
So the question becomes, are you ready for him to put his wants and needs ahead of yours for the rest of your life?” Rhaynaries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “My parents have always struggled with money because of medical bills and unfortunately they can not afford to buy my brother nice things.” You bought the Xbox because your parents also can’t afford to buy your brother one.
So why does your fiance feel entitled to give the Xbox to his sister because she can’t afford it? I think he doesn’t respect you. As I understand, he didn’t even talk to you about it. I think that’s a big red flag for someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with.
What tells you he is going to respect your decisions and boundaries in the future?” Vivid-Letterhead3202
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