People Want To Know Who's In The Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Building and maintaining a good reputation is not as easy as it sounds. It requires a lot of effort and responsibility. A single mistake can suddenly change what other people think of you. One moment you're the kindest person they know, then after seeing you snap just one time, they'll suddenly think you're a total jerk, completely forgetting how kind you've always been to them. Here are some stories from people who want us to determine who's really in the wrong. Read on and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

17. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Neighbor's Kids?

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“I (25f) am a single mom to my son (8m). After busting for years, I was able to buy an objective house in a low-income area. It’s not the best house, I’m having to do quite a bit of work on it but it’s safe and it’s home. One of the things I have done to make it a tad bit better is gardening.

It doesn’t take up the entire yard, just a garden bed near my porch and another around a tree. I’m hoping to eventually put in a few more around the house but it’s expensive and time-consuming. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far.

My neighbor ‘Lisa’ is a single mom of 6 kids. Her 3 youngest (8m, 7m, and 4f) are constantly at my house playing with my son.

This isn’t a problem for me but I do have to get on to them quite often. These kids are wild. I feel like I’m constantly having to talk to Lisa about their behavior.

For the past month, I have talked to her almost daily about the kids being in my garden. Watching them doesn’t help as they even come over when I nor my son is home to play in my yard.

I’ve tried to fix this by putting up anything my son has outside (bikes, balls, taking the swings off of a swing set, etc). Nothing stops them. They have taken to playing in the garden beds and bringing shovels to dig. I’ve started getting mad and told Lisa, under no circumstances, are they allowed in my yard when I’m not home and they are not allowed in my garden at any time.

Finally, this came to a head when I got home two days ago. My garden was wrecked. All of my plants were dug up and destroyed, the barrier around the beds was torn apart, my little garden decorations were smashed and drawn on and there were so many holes and toys.

I was annoyed. I went over to Lisa’s and admittedly yelled at her about her kids.

She yelled back that they were kids and I couldn’t expect to have a garden with kids around. I demanded payment for the damage and she told me to get off of her property. I went home and called the police to report the damage. The cops didn’t do much but did tell Lisa that her family was not to come on my property again.

I was ranting to my friends about this and while they do agree that it was wrong, they think I took it way too far by calling the cops on such young kids. They think I might have ruined my son’s chances at a friend. My son is happy about it tho because he was starting to realize the 2 older of the 3 were using him for his ‘cool stuff’.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You basically went up the chain of command. You asked the kids, then their mom (MULTIPLE times), and when they trashed your garden, you called the authorities. I wouldn’t worry about your son being able to make friends. The fact that he realized the other kids were just using him is a big step for him.

He’s going to be a great friend which will net him some better friends in the long run. And Lisa absolutely should reimburse you for the garden and then some. Who lets their kids trash someone else’s property and then have the nerve to tell you to get off of theirs when you confront them about it? And if you ever get the money, you need to build a fence between y’all.” TheRedBanshee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ/borderline ‘everyone sucks here’.

As you well know, a mom cannot watch one kid all the time, much less several. So when they dug up the garden, it wasn’t Lisa that did it. You should have gone over there and had an adult conversation with her and tried to get the kids over to look at the garden, apologize, maybe clean it up, or if they showed no contrition, get banned from coming over because of the disrespect.

When you came over yelling at Lisa, who was likely unaware of what happened, it makes someone naturally defensive.

Still, your garden got wrecked, so an understandable reaction.” AgoraiosBum

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is a single Mum, unable to apply discipline to her kids, so she doesn’t try. She’s not even teaching them basic things about other people’s property. Her 4yo shouldn’t even be next door without her supervision. So she didn’t listen to you quite a few times. You had no other real option to get the message over than the police. Your son will find other friends whose parents teach them appropriate behavior. So sad about your garden.” AffectionateMine2220

7 points (7 votes)
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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA F**k Lisa & her bratty kids
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16. WIBTJ If I Ask My Partner To Help Pay For A Vet Visit?

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“My significant other and I have been together for nearly 3 years and I got ‘my’ gecko about a year in. I put ‘my’ in quotations bc in my mind the gecko is OURS like we both feed him, give him water, etc (well mostly me). Just like his dog is still OUR dog even if he got him before we got together, at this point I feel like the animals in the house are both of our animals and both of our responsibilities.

He constantly is telling me to feed the gecko, as if he can’t do it himself. Meanwhile, I feed his snake on a regular schedule bc he forgets until I catch him when he’s not doing anything.

Anyways, the gecko in question, he’s having eye issues and therefore isn’t eating and is super super skinny, and frankly, I’m terrified the poor guy is going to die.

I have a vet visit on the 7th and I also have a glasses appointment. I’m a caregiver so I don’t exactly earn a lot and I’m struggling to try to figure out how to pay for both of those. I was talking to him about it and he was just saying ‘I told you to check the prices, I told you to set more back from your tax check.’ I checked the prices, I was sure at the time it would be okay.

I set back 500$ from my tax check (1000$ if that went to his loans) but with gas being so high and me the only one paying for gas and food, I miscalculated. He keeps telling me that taking the gecko to the vet isn’t worth it bc we only paid 30$ for him and have already spent 4-5x that on his tank and a previous vet visit.

He says it’s fine but at the same time, he won’t offer to help pay for it even tho I’m about to cry bc I need glasses but he also really needs to go to the vet, and IDK how to make it work. So WIBTJ if I told him he needs to help pay for the vet visit?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You’re in a tough situation and he belittles you and distances himself from it. If he cares about you, he’d care about the things you care about it. The bar is so low here. Your pet is dying but that’s OK because he only cost $30? Do you think someone who believes that pets are expendable toys can be genuinely compassionate towards you and those you love?

You can’t demand he does anything, but you can make healthy decisions for yourself and your loved ones.

That includes removing people who hurt you and them from your lives. A guy who does not care about you when you’re struggling is not a partner worth having. If he does not help him, use this as evidence of his character. Act accordingly.” Still_Association

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

As harsh as this may seem, don’t get a pet if you know you’ll be tight on finances.

That’s part of the reason I won’t get any pets right now. I’ll have enough funds to get it and the food, etc. However, I wouldn’t be able to afford emergency vet bills, etc. You need to be able to wholeheartedly take care of the pet. They can’t take care of themselves.

Your partner may not have signed up to be a pet owner, but if he has to step up, he should.

It’s not fair for you to dump this on him but it’s not fair for him to make any pet suffer if he can pay the bills. I’ve had family and friends step in before to help with a previous dog because I was having issues and literally couldn’t afford medical bills/ meds. It’s not a bad thing to ask for help from others.” MJ00Light

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Frankly, your partner should not have pets with that attitude. Screw the purchase price, that is a living being, a pet. If he can’t be pushed to care for what is effectively a part of your family, then he should not have pets. Also, why are you the only one paying for gas and food? Red flags are aplenty there. But tell him to fork over the money, he is responsible for the pets too, he doesn’t get a free pass.” User

5 points (5 votes)
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DebbyT 1 month ago
He is NOT your 'partner'. He is a bad roomate with benefits. You can do better. Much better. Step back and really look at your relationship. Really look....now....imagine that your gecko is a human child you created with this man. Do you see it now? Of course you do.
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15. AITJ For Not Responding When Someone Called Me Spoiled And Privileged?

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“My husband’s best friend ‘Nate’ got a new girl named ‘Camilla’ about half a year ago. She moved to our city recently so she doesn’t really have any friends here, but she and I hung out a couple of times and started to get friendly.

For context: we are all in our twenties, my husband and I both have nice jobs, we own a small flat, play tennis as a hobby (Camilla thinks it is a rich people’s sport) and we regularly travel by finding 10€ plane tickets and staying at cheap hostels for ~3 nights at a time.

Now to the point: my husband and I were hosting a little get-together. Nate, Camilla, and a few of our other friends were invited. At one point, the conversation went to topics like the current level of inflation, how the past years affected people and jobs, the housing market, etc and I had something to say too, agreeing with Camilla.

Camilla cut me off and said something like ‘Haha, no offense, but you are way too much of a spoiled privileged girl to understand things like this. You would need a tragedy or two in your life to understand the struggle. I love you, but you never experienced any hardship in your life, haha.’

The room went dead silent and nobody said anything.

After some awkward silence, I stood up and said: ‘Well, is anybody hungry? Shall we eat?’ and we never went back to that topic.

Camilla messaged me the next day asking me how could I do this to her. Nate told her afterward that I had an awful father and I fell ill as a teenager, spent months in the hospital, had to have multiple life-saving surgeries and it took me a month to learn to walk again.

Camilla is mad at me for not telling these very personal things to her before and for making her look terrible to Nate’s friends. She said that even correcting her at the party would have been better because then she could’ve apologized to me in front of everyone, but I took that chance away from her and now she will never make friends here.

Honestly, this whole thing is ridiculous and I don’t really think I’m a jerk, but it never hurts to ask. Maybe I should have gently corrected her after she said that. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Well, that was dumb. You agree with her, she shuts you down on the basis that only SHE can say these things because YOU (who she only recently met and doesn’t know well) couldn’t possibly understand what struggle is (even if it sounds like you do).

And what was the point of that? Best case scenario: she is right, and needlessly insulted a potential new friend, and made it more difficult for her partner to spend time with his best friend because she’s too jealous of his wife to be civil in their company. Worst case scenario: she’s dead wrong and made a fool of herself on TOP of being rude.

And you can always count on not having the full story. You shouldn’t judge people because you never really know everything. The least you can do is keep your judgments to yourself.

NTJ.

You didn’t need to tell her your personal business before OR after she openly judged you. She dug her own grave and seems more embarrassed than sorry.

She needs to learn how relationships work if she wants to have friends. Sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder, and it’s holding her back.” VelvetMerryweather

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. First of all, where was the apology in the text?! She wants to apologize but only in front of other people? And yeah most people don’t go telling people they’ve known for 6 months max and have hung out with only a couple of times about the horrible things that have happened in their life.

If she had started her text off with OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY I HAD NO IDEA. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A JERK!! Then maybe I’d salvage this friendship but her starting it off with HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!? Is a very bright red flag to steer clear of this overly dramatic person.

Also, her way of making friends with others was to talk trash about one of those other friends in front of the group and make that person feel bad for the situation they were born in?” ToblersLaw

Another User Comments:

“NTJ!! If I could vote a thousand times, it would be this!

Camilla made assumptions, and they were all wrong.

Worse, she made mean comments based on those assumptions and did it in front of your friend group. If Nate knows some of your previous struggles, I would guess that the rest of your friends know at least some of your background, too, and Camilla definitely looked like a grade-A jerk in front of everyone.

Now, she’s embarrassed and is blaming you as a way of avoiding the responsibility for her actions.

You were right to ignore her comments at your party. You don’t owe jerks your life story! If Camilla really wants to make amends, she should start with an apology and gift to YOU, and both should be heartfelt! Only then can she contact everyone else who was at the party, explaining how she now knows the error of her ways, and that she already apologized to you, but she wanted to also apologize to all of them.

The fact that Camilla didn’t come to you later to even give a half-meant apology, but instead chose to BLAME YOU for her jerk behavior and for the fact that she can never make friends now… well, that proves that Camilla isn’t sorry at all.

Good riddance. If she can’t confess and apologize when she’s done someone wrong, then there’s no reason to hang around Camilla anymore.” SiroccoDream

5 points (5 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
You don't owe anyone info about you, especially someone you aren't close to. NTJ she needs to grow up and learn how to be a good human being.
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14. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Sister-In-Law?

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“I (39M) lost my wife earlier this year, then my job was affected by the health crisis. My daughter just turned 13 and knows we’re not doing the best financially. My job picked back up thankfully, but we don’t have a lot of extra income yet. For my daughter’s birthday, I invited my parents, brother, and he invited SIL, to have a small dinner with us over the weekend.

I really tried to make it enjoyable for my daughter. I made her favorite meal, spaghetti with my wife’s meat sauce recipe, a copycat Olive Garden salad and dressing, and homemade garlic bread. I then was able to get a few small gifts for her. I even made a small cake. It was iced atrociously, but I tried.

I have never liked my SIL, she looks down on our family and she was always awful to my wife. Still, I’m usually able to be civil to her. We ate, and my dad wanted my daughter to open her gifts. I am thrilled because while it wasn’t much, she seemed very happy about what she received from my parents and me.

My SIL made snarky comments during dinner and gift opening, which I could tell irritated my daughter. Afterward, my parents left, and my daughter went to FaceTime with my wife’s parents. My SIL stalked into the kitchen and started berating me about being cheap for her birthday and then saying ‘what would your wife think?’

I shouldn’t have, and I admit I completely lost my temper but I was so angry I told her my wife would be thrilled I managed to pull something together, including ignoring her snotty comments all night, but considering she showed up completely empty-handed but had no problem shoving her mouth full of the food I made, and criticizing everyone who did make an effort, she didn’t have any room to be calling anyone cheap.

She ran to my brother crying and they left in a huff. My parents called saying my brother was saying I was rude to his wife and ruined the night. I told them what happened and they are angry at SIL and my brother now. Brother is still blaming me and is now having a fit because I said she wasn’t welcome in my home again and if that meant not seeing him, so be it.

My brother says I should apologize for being a jerk to keep the peace, but my dad says to stick to my guns and she doesn’t deserve an apology. I do not plan to apologize, but AITJ for it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – this woman tried to ruin your daughter’s first birthday without her mother there, it would have been painful enough without that jerk making snide comments all night.

She owes you and especially your daughter a huge apology before she’s allowed to set foot in your home again, and since you’re not going to get that she’s not welcome – simple as that.

Stick to your guns and give your daughter all the extra love and comfort she needs right now. And don’t spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with your SIL until she apologizes – your daughter needs love and care for these first few family events without her mum, she won’t get it from her aunt so her aunt shouldn’t be there.” User

Another User Comments:

“Definite NTJ for so, so many reasons.

Two things before I expand – 1) you’re doing great, dad. The amount of grief you and your daughter are wading through is the most difficult experience to learn how to cope with. She might not fully know the extent now, but she will as she gets older and she’ll be so appreciative of the ‘little’ things you did to help bring joy.

Those of us that have lost a parent or a spouse can all agree to grab joy wherever you find it. 2) I’m so sorry you and your daughter have lost someone so important to you. My heart is with you.

As for the birthday itself, you rocked it. The specially made dinner and cake were the highlights, with the little gifts you managed to get as the icing.

Looking back, she likely won’t remember the actual gifts, but she will absolutely remember that her daddy tried to make it special by making her favorite dinner and baking a non-perfect cake for her. Your SIL can go kick rocks for her attitude. The party wasn’t for her, so she should have had zero say in anything that happened.

And to bring your wife into it, especially with how much pain it would cause, was a classless move on her part. Never, ever apologize for doing everything you can given the circumstances. Your daughter knows you did your best and that’s all that matters. Your SIL was just being petty, vindictive, and childish. You have no room in your life for such people.

I wish you luck on the other upcoming ‘firsts.’ It won’t be easy, but there are a lot of us that are thinking about you and your family, and hope you find some measure of peace through the grief.” Bishabish1

Another User Comments:

“I can’t tell which is worse: my blood boiling or my heart breaking.

NTJ. You’re doing an amazing job with the situation you’re in, and your daughter is lucky to have such an awesome dad.

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife, and what SIL said was uncalled for. It’s okay to lose your temper over something like that, she absolutely crossed the line into unacceptable. You don’t use the death of someone’s spouse – especially this soon and with all of the other stress you’re under to guilt someone into spending more than they can.

The best memories I (22F) have with my dad weren’t made because he got me expensive things and threw an expensive party; it was because spending time with him is what made it so special. I can assure you that you made this birthday memorable for your daughter, despite your SIL being a jerk.

Keep up the good work, man.

Your daughter is going to be coming to you now for her teenage years, and they are probably going to be tough, but keep your head held high, make sure you listen to your daughter’s needs and emotions – just like you did here -, keep supporting her, and you will be all right.” DismemberedHat

4 points (4 votes)
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DCisive 1 month ago
NTJ. Your SIL has NO clue as to what your wife "would have wanted." She was nasty to her while she lived. Her showing up without a gift? Now, THAT'S cheap. And your brother should know that, too. YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER are owed the apology. If you can't get it from her, your brother should apologize and keep his pit bull of a wife away from you.
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13. AITJ For Refusing To Show Proof That The Car Is Mine?

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“My (20M) mom (38F) married my step-dad (35M) 10 years ago, and they had my brother (8M) Scott. I see my step-dad as my father and his family as my paternal family so I’ll refer to him as dad and my step-grandad as Gran.

My dad has a GTR that my Gran gave him a few years ago, that car is sick, he also has a normal car that he drives to work so the GTR is more for fun and to show off.

My bro and I love that car and my dad lets me drive it whenever I want, he even added me to the insurance when I turned 19 because I used the car almost every day until I was able to buy my own.

Last week I noticed Scott was a bit sad and he said that some kids were bullying him, our parents went to his school to talk to the principal and the problem is somewhat fixed, but he was still bummed, so I decided to surprise him yesterday by picking him up in our dad’s car.

I parked the car and got out to wait for him, I was sitting in the trunk when a guy approached me and said that I shouldn’t sit in other people’s cars, I laughed it off and said that it was mine so it wasn’t a problem. I must admit that I do look younger than 20 so he might’ve mistaken me for a high schooler and didn’t believe me.

He said that the car couldn’t be mine and that I should go down before the owner got back. I said that it was my car again and he got mad and said ‘Look, son, this isn’t your car, get down, I’ll even take a picture of the two of you with it’. I was getting nervous, and when I get nervous I tend to laugh so he thought I was mocking him and yelled at me to get down, that if the car belonged to me to show him proof, then he yelled that I was trying to steal the car.

I asked him to leave me alone because I was waiting for my brother and he did move a few meters, but then I noticed that he was making a call and it turned out that he called the police on me! My brother was getting out at the same time, he was really happy to see me there in our dad’s car and ran to hug me, I tried to pick him up to get him in but the guy stopped me.

I mean, I opened the door! It was obvious that the car was mine at that point.

Either way, the police came and asked the normal questions, I explained to them that it was my dad’s car (and the guy said HA! I knew it wasn’t yours), and I showed them proof; my license, my dad’s papers, the insurance paper with my name on it and even a text with my dad where I said ‘hey, I’m gonna pick up Scott in the car’ and he only answered with an OK.

I offered to call him so they could ask him themselves but they said there was no need. The police let me leave and scolded the other guy. Before driving off the guy called me a jerk because I could’ve just shown him all of that but I preferred to be ‘a jerk.'”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and that guy had both some bloody nerve and very delusional perception of the appropriate response here.

Sure, you ‘could have’ shown him proof that the car was yours. You also could have put on a Spider-Man costume and run around the parking lot flapping your arms like a chicken and singing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’. The point is that it wasn’t remotely within his rights to demand either of you, since you were a complete stranger to him, the car wasn’t his, and he literally didn’t have a single piece of evidence to suggest that anything inappropriate – much less anything illegal – was going on.

Frankly, he’s lucky the cop just gave him a warning, and not a citation for wasting their time and resources with his made-up nonsense, which basically amounted to: ‘I saw a guy I didn’t know on a car that didn’t belong to me or anyone else I’m familiar with, so I decided that he was doing something wrong.’

You were NTJ.

That guy, though? He was a Class A busybody who needs to get a hobby.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Why would you be obligated to show a stranger proof that you’re authorized to drive a car he’s got no right to?? Also, said the proof would have your name and address on it. You don’t know this guy, why would you want him to know where you live? It would be stupid to show proof of anything to some rando whack job sticking his nose in other people’s business.

Hopefully, he learned a lesson about minding his own business and about abusing emergency/police resources.” CaptainBeverlyPicard

Another User Comments:

“This is a clear NTJ. You did nothing wrong, he just needed another excuse to accuse you of being in the wrong. You are not obligated in any way to prove that something is yours to a random stranger.

Only ‘jerk’ there was him for persisting to butt in where he does not belong. If you politely address someone and tell them you have no intentions to explain yourself to them and that they should back away that should be the end of it. Sometimes though, a random jerk will demand to be addressed with respect because they are older than you.

But for all you know they might as well be a random maniac.

You did the right thing. Except you explained your belongings in front of the other dude, while you could have asked to tell your information in private to the officers away from the other person. You have that right. Anyway, you did nothing wrong, and good for you for not showing anything to a random frustrated jerk.” Ascetocrat

4 points (4 votes)
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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA people need to learn to mind their own business
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12. AITJ For Not Quitting My Job That Upsets My Brother-In-Law?

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“I (36F) have always wanted to be a police officer. I graduated from college with my associate’s and applied to be a state trooper. Some of the tests were difficult and I was worried I might not pass. I did graduate from the academy and now work full-time as an officer. I have a daughter (6F) with my partner (36M).

My sister (38F) was not supportive of my career choice and still voices against it.

My sister and her partner (39M) got married last year. Her significant other ‘Jack’ is nice to the rest of the family, but me. When they first got together, Jack and my sister would not come over during the holidays. I could tell it was painful for him to talk to me and I just kept my distance.

Jack was kicked out of his house when he turned 18 and had to live on the streets. I always help the homeless however I can. I have helped homeless families find shelter. Give them food, blankets, and clothing. I never knew why Jack hated me until the weekend of my daughter’s 6th birthday.

I had just worked the night shift and got the whole house ready for the party.

Jack came over and didn’t say anything to me. He spent most of the party glaring at me and walking away whenever I got close to him. I finally had enough and pull him aside asking what his problem was? He tells me that he hates that I’m a police officer. Officers would always cause trouble for him when he was homeless.

He then tells me that if I quit my job, things would be fine between us.

I tell him no, this is not his decision to make. My sister storms over and scoffs saying I can’t believe you would choose a job over family. As of now, we are no longer sisters.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I, too, do not love the police in general based on some bad experiences with the ones in my hometown when I was younger.

However, I would not let that color any perception of a family member or friend who chose policing as a profession. You know, because I’m an adult like that. The people I do know who are law enforcement are the kind who went into it because they genuinely want to help, not the ‘bully’ stereotype at all.

I’m guessing your BIL has some serious unresolved traumas that he’s projecting onto police officers that run way deeper than mine. Unfortunately, there’s nothing to do to help that other than continuing to be polite and nice at family gatherings.

Obviously, him asking you to quit being a police officer, a career that you’ve undoubtedly trained for and have invested considerable time in, is a completely crazy request.

I’m sure everyone else who hears it will think the same thing too.” shaihalud69

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I understand your desire to help people, I almost tried to become a cop myself when I was applying to schools (a long time ago), so I get having good intentions and being proud of your accomplishment. I’m sure you can also understand why your BIL would want to avoid you as much as possible.

He has obviously experienced some deeply traumatic things at the hands of police which likely means every time he sees you, he gets triggered by those memories. He’s probably really upset every time he’s at a gathering with you.

Panic attacks (you can’t always tell someone is having one!), PTSD, anxiety, these are all things your BIL could be experiencing.

So while the glaring and demands are inappropriate, he’s probably not in the best headspace to be interacting with you. I would wait a while and then reach out to them. Explain that you understand why it’s upsetting for BIL and that you are always kind and respectful of unhoused people and you can’t imagine doing anything like what he experienced.

Tell him it’s okay to not want to be close with you because of what you represent to him, that you BOTH can be civil and respectful when attending events together but that you will not push him to socialize with you (but you’re open to it if he ever does want to get to know you better, assuming that you are).

Say that it’s important to you to maintain your relationship with your sister and you hope they can understand that you’ve worked hard to get into your profession and that you try to make a positive difference for your community. If they still want to cut off contact, let them, then they will be the jerks.” VeritasCurat79

3 points (3 votes)
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Pabs 1 month ago
NTJ. Time for brother in law to get some therapy to work through whatever his issues are with police.
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11. AITJ For Involving The Owner After Scheduling Issues?

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“I (18f) work in a fast food place and my boss let’s call her Sarah doesn’t respect me. I just suffered a family loss and have been planning a funeral for two days. Well, when Monday morning rolls around I get my schedule and I’m only scheduled for the two days I scheduled off, so I text Sarah saying I cannot work those two days.

I requested them off but said I could pick up shifts during the week. She does not respond for two days. So I text the owner of the store and asked what I should do. The owner said she’ll handle it. Not five minutes later Sarah texted saying to come to her with any schedule issues.

(this is not the first time Sarah has done this. This is the first time I did go to the owner.) What should I do? I’m thinking about quitting.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Supervisors often plain don’t care about anyone but themselves. It’s just how they are sometimes, they work through and have an attitude that everyone else should deal with the same crap.

It shouldn’t be that way and when someone has a loss it should be expected they will have a lot of stuff to deal with. Sarah is only annoyed because they got caught.

The bad thing is they are going to be even worse now that you went over their head so expect more nonsense unless you get the owner involved.

When the nonsense starts I would document EVERYTHING that happens. After a couple of weeks, I would then contact the owner to set up a meeting with you, the owner, and Sarah so that the issues can be worked out. Be prepared to hand in your notice to the owner, not Sarah, and plainly state exactly why you are leaving.

My best guess is that Sarah will at the very least get a reaming and may end up just being let go. Owners don’t want people who are going to be asleep at the wheel or vindictive as supervisors because it ends up with everyone frustrated and annoyed, and that gets taken out on customers.

I would also start looking for work while all this goes on.

And for documentation, I would get an app that allows you to record conversations on your phone. Just ensure that you are in a single-party state (which in person I think most are) and you don’t have to do a thing. I would also print off any text conversations between you and Sarah as that will help back you with the owner.” MuttMutt069

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, If you attempted to reach out to her and she didn’t respond.

You don’t have to quit. But I would remind her that you did, in fact, attempt to go thru the proper channel but she didn’t respond and you needed an answer.” phriend75

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sarah sucks at her job and doesn’t want others like the owner to know.

‘I’m thinking about quitting.’

That’s a pretty reasonable response. Look around for other options first if you can’t afford time off in between.

Working in places with crappy management can be bad for your mental health.” rbollige

3 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
send an email to sarah and tell her you DID let her know. CC the owner with any replies from sarah
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10. AITJ For Banning My Husband's Female Friend From Our House?

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“I (27F) have been married to my husband (M32) for three years and have been going out for a little over 5. My husband has this friend (F31) ‘Mary’. They’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. That basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which I don’t mind at all, I trust my husband.

Well, my problems with Mary started when she first found out I’m half Romanian. It started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults, etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. It only escalated to her googling stuff about Romania and asking me racist questions.

Last week, my husband and I organized a mini BBQ with our friends, and Mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. He said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time.

It was midnight and there were about 4 of us left.

I accidentally spilled some red wine on Mary’s jeans when I tripped over a carpet. Things went down. Mary started saying that I’m a jerk and I’m trying to ruin her life, along with other racist remarks. I started crying and profusely apologizing. When she wouldn’t drop it, I kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again.

AITJ for doing this? My husband insists that Mary was just wasted and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. He also told me I’m way too sensitive about my heritage and I’m a jerk for banning her. Mary has since given me a half-hearted apology but I’m still not ok with her.

EDIT: We’ve talked.

He admitted to being in and out of an affair with Mary in the first 2y of our relationship and she wanted to win him back I guess. I called my mom to come to help me pack some stuff and I’m out. That’s it. Mary can have him. I’ve been gaslit for years.

A lot of people seemed suspicious of Mary and my husband’s friendship/relationship etc and have asked if I ever suspected anything.

No, I didn’t. I and my husband had (or I thought we had) a very strong relationship, based on communication and honesty (guess it only applied to me). Also, Mary is very close with all the boys in said friendship group. The other wives raised concerns in the past but they’ve all been shut down by the boys in the group or by Mary herself.

I guess I always respected their friendship group because they were very close for so long and it felt unfair to change that because of me. As far as I’m aware, the other wives feel the same – plus Mary has been in an LD relationship for about 2 years and always claimed she’s focusing on her career, she’s too busy, etc so none of us ever saw her as a potential threat.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You need couples counseling. This woman is clearly xenophobic and I see hints of jealousy as well. Your husband seems to be in the ‘don’t rock the boat’ phase, where he just excuses every hateful and bizarre thing she says to you. Also, liquor lowers a person’s inhibitions and they will be more truthful. So when she jumped down your throat, she was saying what she has been thinking the whole time.

She knows what she’s doing. You had every right to throw this woman out of your house and prohibit her to enter it again. What worries me is your husband’s reaction to it. He needs to get it through his skull that you are his WIFE, and her being a friend since they were teens doesn’t give her leeway to constantly insult you.

It’s not a joke if you are the constant bud of them. Especially if those ‘jokes’ are actually ‘disguised’ insults.” Orleans87

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – holy guacamole not the jerk at all. She disrespected you and made racist comments several times. She went off on a racist rant about you over a simple accident. She was not just wasted and talking nonsense, she was wasted at that moment, but it seems like she’s pretty racist all the time.

Talk with your Husband more, the fact that he is minimizing this pretty clearly says he isn’t taking you seriously. He is being passively racist by allowing her to be blatantly racist to you, his wife. The woman he loves and legally bound himself to. He needs to do better for you. I’m honestly wondering if he’s minimizing how racist it really is because of your heritage.

I feel like racism against Romanians isn’t taken that seriously, at least here in the US (not sure where you’re based, but if it’s the US too then maybe that’s a factor).

You deserve to be taken seriously and respected in your home. Racist idiots deserve to be called out and deal with the consequences of their trashy beliefs and behaviors.

Your husband should do more research into the history behind the comments she has made to/about you.” mkat23

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There obviously needs to be some boundaries set in place if she’s gonna stay in your life. Yes, your husband had been a longtime friend. Seems to me though his friend never left her high school years behind.

Your husband needs to respect your feelings (whether you’re too sensitive or not). He married you. For better or worse and for this woman to disrespect you constantly in your own home even…this woman and evidently your husband need some major boundaries.

Does she treat all the other wives/partners like that too? I think you seriously need to sit down and have a talk with your husband.

And don’t allow him to make excuses or brush it off. I had an ex that would hit me when he was wasted. Just because they are wasted doesn’t mean there isn’t damage done. Stop letting this behavior be excused. Both your husband and this woman’s behavior is deplorable and not good for your mental psyche.” Magnata005

3 points (3 votes)
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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA of course, good for you for leaving your worthless husband
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9. AITJ For Not Taking A Shift For A Coworker's Emergency?

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“I work Friday-Sunday for 12 hours and have a nice 4 days off and I love it. In those 4 days, I am doing what I love like crafting, exercising, and ballet. I take my time seriously and I love every second of my days off. But for the past few months, I’ve been taking overtime for a few of my coworkers and working Friday-Thursday 72 hours a week.

Don’t get me wrong the overtime pay is nice but I’ve been getting burnt out and have had to skip my ballet lessons for 2 months (for which I already paid year tuition) and now I am behind along with having to put off projects I want to finish. My department is understaffed and I am pretty much the go-to for overtime cause no one else wants to take it.

This week I was supposed to work Friday-Tuesday and for the first time in a few months, I am really excited to finally have a few days to unwind and resume my life.

However, another coworker said her daughter was pregnant and wanted to attend her first ultrasound and wanted to take the whole day off. I was sitting at the desk and my manager said she couldn’t approve the time unless she found someone to cover for her.

This coworker then proceeds to text me and ask me to work that day for her and I said no and that I was pretty much burnt out and wanted to unwind. Well, the conversation didn’t go well, and basically, she said that her stuff was more important than mine. I won’t get into details of the conversation but I don’t feel like I should have to put my life on hold for others anymore.

I do my part to take overtime and help my coworkers when I can and honestly I feel like they have been taking advantage of my generosity. They never take any of my shifts when I ask and even when I ask to swap a shift they say no.

I picked my schedule because it’s also easy to work around if I want to take a vacation I won’t have to ask anyone to cover for me cause I’ll have four days off.

I work around my work schedule and rely little on someone to take my shift for me. I know not everyone thinks the way I do, but at this point, I am starting to lose what empathy I have for their excuses such as medical and family excuses. Before, I would have jumped on to help someone if they needed a shift covered so they could be with their family, but now I really don’t care what excuse they give.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, first things first… an ultrasound is not a family emergency.

In the future, If anyone ever asks you to cover tell them you need to check your calendar and you’ll let them know if you can take it… don’t answer or get back to them till the next business day if you decide to take it. I might suggest your stock response should be ‘no I can’t take that shift as I have a pretty packed schedule nowadays, but if things change with my availability I’ll let you know’.

You have appointments, classes, etc that’s your own business so you don’t need to share anything or justify anything to anyone else. You can be courteous and professional at the same time. If you are feeling guilty etc may I suggest you put your ballet classes as an appointment on your personal calendar as well as time for your other daily activities so it stands as a tangible reminder/appointment for yourself that you can refer to? Again don’t be ashamed you have a right and responsibility to enjoy your free time.

You are important and you should prioritize your self-care. There’s no one more important than you!” AtoZulu

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I’ve been the one doing scheduling, the one working during the week, and the one getting overutilized. Say no at least 50% of the time and be a bit random, it’ll take a bit for people to realize and change how they think of you, but you will get asked a lot less in the long run.

If you are working during the week M-F, taking time off for doctor’s appointments and lots of other stuff is inevitable. You can’t just schedule it during your off time because they’re closed then. That’s not them, failing to manage their schedule.

As someone who’s done scheduling, you want to do the task quickly and get on to other stuff.

You try to be fair, but when there are gaps to fill at short notice you have to ask people you at least know will respond and give you an answer, and depending on how tight it is you’re likely to start with those most likely to say yes. Or you might start with those not likely to say yes, get through all of them and end up asking the ones who will say yes.

Or you ask someone and they don’t respond and then you are scrambling at the end anyway.

With all the workers asking separately this is actually enhanced because they don’t see how much you are getting asked in total, they only think they themselves have only asked you a few times. (If they even bother to care.) And they just ask whoever will be most likely to say yes.

If you are the one being overworked, don’t tell them why you can’t. Just say you have plans you can’t change/move and refuse more detail. Plans to sit on your butt and stare at the ceiling are still plans. They are asking a favor they can tell you why and you decide if it’s important enough to you to give up your previous plans.

I didn’t schedule for a job, it was a volunteer position babysitting in the church nursery during the service. It’s full of young families and we try, but can’t maintain daycare ratios due to lack of volunteers.” Kylynara

Another User Comments:

“NTJ AT ALL.

I just wanted to add that I have a job with shifts that need to be covered also.

When I first saw the title, I thought it would be something like a true emergency and this coworker had helped you in the past, but you were unable to reschedule certain things and accommodate that person.

If she is unwilling to help you out, I’m not sure why she expects it in return. Plus, this is not an emergency.

You really should have put ’emergency’ in quotes.

This year due to other circumstances, I have needed to get more coverage than I typically do. People are typically willing to help, but partially because it goes both ways. I also schedule it in advance and if people say no, then I try and find other arrangements. I will definitely cover for other people and since I’ve worked there for several years, a couple of us definitely have a trade network going.

It is possible that you will be causing more work for your boss who may change your hours, I don’t know how possible that is. But I could definitely see some retaliation.

My advice would be to take some of your overtime earnings and go to a spa or watch a ballet in addition to taking classes.

You might also invest some of the other money into a life coach/career coach or something similar so that they can help you navigate work boundaries so that this type of thing doesn’t come up in the future. I don’t think that you would need many sessions, but it might be really good to give you some more perspective.” Tallchick8

3 points (3 votes)
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DCisive 1 month ago
NTJ. Seriously, the daughter's appointment was scheduled in advance and your coworker did not do what people are supposed to do -- request the time off for that appointment. There are no such things as "walk-in prenatal ustrasounds." They are included in an appointment for the OB appointment and have been set in advance. Her and her daughter's lack of planning is their issue. Not yours.
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8. AITJ For Not Making A Coworker Lunch?

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“I (19F) started working at my current job last year. I have a coworker called Lucy (21F) and she’s the coworker to who I’m closest. We spend our short lunch breaks together. I started to notice that Lucy never brought food for lunch. One day I offered to share my food with her. She took that as a sign to start being able to eat my food.

She would take things from My lunchbox while we were talking and I was eating. I let her continue until I became tired of it. I told her to stop because this was my food. She told me that she didn’t have money to buy food and the food that she took was the only food she would eat in a day.

I told her that it was her problem. She said that if we couldn’t share, then I should make her a lunchbox every day. I said no way. She’s a grown woman and I shouldn’t have to make her food every single day. She hasn’t spoken to me since.

Everyone thinks I’m being too hard on her and that I should make her lunch but I don’t want to and don’t feel I should have to.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You were being nice the day you offered to share your lunch.

Her thinking this was an open invitation to eat your food was wrong. If others think you should prepare lunch for Lucy, consider getting 4 or 5 together, and set up a schedule for them to prepare a lunch for Lucy daily. You manage the schedule while 5 people take a day a week to give Lucy lunch.” crbryant1972

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – It’s not your responsibility to bring lunch for anyone at work besides yourself.

If it was, your company would be paying for your time to prepare all the food along with a company account to buy everything. The fact that she stopped talking to you means she knows she was taking advantage of your kindness and is mad she was called out on it.” Sweetsmyle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m thinking maybe Lucy doesn’t bring a lunch on purpose, so someone has to feed her. You could always offer to walk her to the boss or HR and let them know the wages they pay her do not allow her to eat. I have a feeling she’ll somehow be able to afford a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter after that.” IridescentTardigrade

3 points (3 votes)
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Nursemelly 1 month ago
NTJ. You're 19 and people expect you provide for someone else why? Lucy can apply for aid from the state/locality, get help with a budget, etc. She is not your responsibility.
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7. AITJ For Refusing To Buy One Of My Daughters Braces?

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“So I (34F) have 2 daughters. ‘Lily’ is 12, ‘Rose’ is 14. Recently they have both come to me begging to get braces, although I will readily admit that Rose has been asking for them much longer than Lily has.

Rose has a small gap between her front teeth, which is noticeable, but other than that her teeth are relatively straight.

She is VERY self-conscious of it though. Lily, however, is not so lucky. Her teeth are very crooked and uneven, she’s got a large overbite and a much more noticeable gap between her 2 front teeth. It’s something that I know has bothered her for a while now, even though she only recently began asking for braces.

We took both girls to the orthodontist last week for a consult and he expects Lily to need braces for AT LEAST 4 years, the cost of which will be about $17,000.

My family is nowhere near rich, not even close. I absolutely cannot afford $17,000 for braces, even in installments we just can’t swing it.

We look for Rose to get a consult too, and he expects her to only need braces for less than one year.

This would only be $1,500 as her teeth do not need nearly as much work as Lily’s do. Rose was standing next to me as I was speaking about costs with the orthodontist, and as soon as she heard that hers would only be $1,500, she bounced away to text her friends excitedly.

However, when we got in the car I told both girls that unfortunately it’s just not something we can afford right now.

Rose was incredulous and immediately said ‘but he said it was only $1,500’ and I said, ‘yes but your sister’s would cost 15 times that, and your father and I just can’t afford $20,000 for braces. I’m sorry.’ She then started to cry and say it’s not fair because she has been asking for braces for much longer and she wants them more and ‘why should I suffer too just because Lily’s teeth are so disgusting’.

I made Rose apologize to Lily for saying that but things have been incredibly icy all week.

Rose is absolutely shattered, has refused to speak to anyone in the house, including her sister, and my mother has even said that I was wrong for not getting Rose braces when I could afford them and that I shouldn’t ‘punish’ one child just because I think it’s fairer.

My husband has backed me up but I can tell he kind of agrees with my mother.

I genuinely cannot figure out if I’m wrong about this. I feel so badly for Rose, I really really do. I wish I could give my kids everything they have ever wanted but I just can’t. Was I really supposed to get one kid braces while the other sits in the corner and cries because Mommy and Daddy can’t afford her (much more needed ones) too?

Edit: I just want to add that there seem to be a lot of people under the impression Lily NEEDS braces.

Neither child NEEDS braces, at least not according to their dentist. Both would be purely for aesthetic purposes. I just don’t want people thinking I’m preventing my child from getting a medically necessary procedure done just to keep things ‘fair’.

I will absolutely be looking into the cost of doing this at a dental school, and I also definitely understand I need to figure out a way to address Lily’s issues as soon as possible.

I also liked the suggestion of only fixing Lily’s top teeth for now, as they are the ones with the problems. I’ll absolutely be looking into the cost of that as well.

I’ll definitely also encourage Rose to get a part-time job in order to save up for her braces. The way things are now though, I just don’t feel comfortable with her working.

Definitely an option for the future though.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I absolutely wouldn’t get braces for one and not the other, especially when the one who isn’t getting them needs them for more than cosmetic purposes.

Have you looked into nearby dental schools? Often you can get work done there for a fraction of the cost, and the students are all very closely supervised and do good work.

You could also get a second or third opinion – maybe there are other orthodontists who could come up with a less extensive treatment plan.

Maybe your parents and/or inlaws would be willing to chip in (especially the one who’s being critical of you not paying for the one daughter). If they could share the expense, and you paid it over several years, maybe it would be more doable.

The kids could also contribute by getting part-time jobs.

If none of those is an option, then there’s nothing wrong with both of them waiting to get braces when they’re adults, and paying for it themselves.

Hang in there. It’s heartbreaking when we can’t afford things our kids want or need, but sometimes it’s just the way it is.

You’re doing the right thing by treating them the same.” catsaway9

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are not the jerk for not getting Rose braces. But you might be for not trying harder to figure out how to get your other daughter them. My teeth were really messed up and I had a significant overbite. My tongue rested on top of my lower front teeth and over time my lower front teeth started to grow angled towards the back of my mouth.

My jaw and teeth didn’t line up, which contributed to me grinding my teeth at night. My parents couldn’t afford to get me braces. The orthodontist said I didn’t need braces – but they would improve the quality of my life. Then when I was in my twenties my dentist told me that I was in danger of losing my front bottom teeth because they were being pushed down so much.

I had a job by then and had dental insurance. My out-of-pocket for the braces was about $4,000. But because I was an adult, the only way they could fix my overbite was surgical – which insurance didn’t cover – and cost $6,000. I paid for it all myself and had it done. My smile is not perfect, I have a gap still between my two front teeth, but I am happy with how it turned out.

If I had gotten the braces as a kid, they probably wouldn’t have had to surgically break my jaw to fix my bite. If I hadn’t spent years grinding my teeth at night (I stopped after everything lined up) I wouldn’t have almost smooth molars and fillings in all of them. So waiting until I could afford to pay for braces myself has cost me so much more in the long run.” 53Thatswhatshesaid53

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This is sort of an impossible situation that you’ve been placed into… but clearly the child that needs 17k in dental work needs it more than a child with 1500, and she would come first. I woulda said the same thing. I don’t think it’s wrong to cut your losses and tell them that it is unaffordable to do any ‘cosmetic’ dentistry at this time for either child.

Otherwise, no matter who you chose it seems as though you are picking favorites even if you are just going by what is logical either scientifically or monetarily or… anything. No matter your criteria this is something you will never win, and that sucks.

If your mother has such strong opinions, she can pay for both sets of braces herself.

Bet she also doesn’t have 20k sitting around.

All this said you have some good advice in this thread. Shop around. Dentists always ‘strongly encourage’ you to go with the person they recommended, but clearly, people just go wherever they want. We looked into Invisalign at some point and we were ‘highly recommended’ to go to the particular place, but went elsewhere and saved several thousand dollars and of course, everything was fine. It’s all the same product. Don’t be scared to put out your feelers for something else.” FishforMe

2 points (2 votes)
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TeaLikeTheDrink 1 month ago
Purely aesthetic?? That's when I'd tell the daughter to start saving. Do extra chores to earn an allowance, babysit, mow lawns, help clean houses for the elderly or disabled or the people like me who would GLADLY pay a teenager to come clean my house on a weekly basis (just the mundane stuff like sweeping and mopping and dusting because I suck at keeping up with it [thank you ADHD]). Either way, if it isn't a medical necessity and you don't have the money, 'no' is a complete answer. Also, just because you have the money to do Rose's doesn't mean that Lily will see it that way. You're doing the right thing and it's time Rose learned this thing called humility.
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6. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Cannot Leave Her Kids With Our Parents?

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“My (34m) sister (37f) and her husband (40m) have two kids (5m and 7m) who are a bit of a handful. Nothing too out there just very loud, a bit spoiled, and early risers (5-6 am). My sister often asks her in-laws or our parents to help out. The problem is that the in-laws live a 3-hour drive away and our parents are a 4-hour flight.

My wife (36) and I have an 8-month-old boy who is (so far) super easygoing. We also live far from any family but we haven’t needed much help yet. My sister and her family visited us for Christmas and even though they stayed at an Airbnb (we don’t have room for them) we found ourselves overwhelmed and constantly trying to get their kids to calm down.

Don’t get me wrong, we had a great time but once they left we were relieved.

Our parents live on an island and their house is big so they rent it out to tourists in the summer and they occupy a small building on the property. As we help out with the business, my sister and I have a two-week per year each free stay at the house.

We use this as our only annual vacation and a chance to see my parents. It usually works.

This is the first time we would be going with my son. We also asked some childless friends to join us and they were super excited as they find our son hilarious and admire how chill he is. We ‘booked’ the house early in January and informed my parents and my sister.

My parents were excited and volunteered to babysit a few times while we are there. My sister ‘booked’ her stay for the two weeks before us.

Last week, my sister called me and told me that they were thinking of leaving their kids with my parents and flying back home. That would mean that the kids would be there when we are there.

I told her this is a bad idea, citing the following reasons and she got upset.

The boys would have to stay with my parents in the shack (think studio apartment) or in the house with us and our guests, but sleep on the sofas. That’s not fair to our parents, our guests, or the boys. The boys will wake up 2-3 hours before our son normally wakes up in the morning.

Who will ensure they stay quiet? Our friends are childless by choice. I’m sure they won’t be too thrilled to have a 5 and a 7 yo run around, tip over their beer bottles, bring in sand, and eat our snacks. My parents will be fully preoccupied with the boys and won’t have time for my son.

I know this sounds selfish but apart from this occasion, we never had help from my parents.

AITJ?

Edit: I am sure my sister would have described the situation differently.

My parents would never say no to having any of their grandchildren stay with them. They are indeed mentally capable of deciding whether this would be a good idea.

The reason I gave the backstory (and possibly painted the picture that my nephews are monsters and my son is a little angel) is to point out that my nephews would need constant supervision and that hanging out with them is not easy as it sometimes is with kids that age. My wife finds every encounter with them exhausting and I do not want her to despise them for just being high-energy kids.

We are family and I love them.

The kids wouldn’t fly back alone. I guess either my mom would fly with them and then stay at my sister’s for a while or my sister would return to pick them up. She is a great mother.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

There are two possible outcomes.

The kids stay at your parents’ residence which is too small to accommodate them and you are shamed for not just taking them in.

Any efforts to just bond with your parents, in general, are interrupted by the kids.

Or

The kids stay at the vacation house with you. Your baby gets woken up early for two weeks, and god only knows how naps will work. The kids sleep on the couch and you feel guilty. You and your friends are babysitting for two weeks and they feel like they were tricked into babysitting when they wanted to relax.

Even if the kids are perfect angels, the parents are specifically choosing the time that they know you will be there to try to leave the kids with their grandparents.

Honestly, though, have you even talked to your parents? Because they might just say no anyway, and now you just got into a pointless fight with your sister.” aflowerandaqueen

Another User Comments:

“YTJ but barely.

You can’t control what your parents do, but you can control your behavior and trip dates. You can ask your parents what their expectations are since you reserved the house and frankly you don’t wish to provide childcare. Plus you want them to have time with your son. Express your concerns to them, see what they say, and perhaps move your trip dates!” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

By the kids being around, you inevitably will be expected to interact with them and look after them to an extent. Why wouldn’t your sister arrange it so that the two weeks don’t overlap at all? I think she is being selfish in this regard. Your parents won’t be able to have one on one quality time with your child.

Sounds like your parents are very kind and may not see the issue, but it’s not fair. It’s also really unfair to your partner and friends who may want some quiet time and aren’t signing up to watch additional kids that aren’t theirs.

I don’t see why people think you may be the jerk or your parents have to decide.

By virtue of the kids being there at the same time you guys are, it involves you and impacts your holidays.” Snidagram

Another User Comments:

“You can’t really make decisions for your parents. You can express to your sister that she had her time there and you want your time with your parents, but you can’t mandate that she doesn’t leave her kids with your parents.

You can discuss it with your parents and get their perspective, or offer them the info you posted here that they might not have considered, but you don’t get to make that call. Handle it another way. YTJ, but your sister might be also for putting her kids off on elderly parents if they can’t handle them, but that’s your parents’ call, not yours.” FabFannon

2 points (2 votes)
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MandaPanda 1 month ago
Sister is the jerk for setting this up. She needs to find another time to ditch her kids with your parents when it won't interfere with anyone else's plans.
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5. AITJ For Serving My Mother-In-Law The "Dog's Water"?

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“A couple of nights ago my in-laws came over for dinner. I had glasses on the table with ice and was filling them with water from a pitcher. I set the pitcher down to go grab something off the stove and my mother-in-law resumed filling the glasses. My 13-year-old stepdaughter walked in and stopped her, saying ‘don’t use that, that’s the dog’s water!’

My mother-in-law was confused and said I had just been using it and my stepdaughter replied ‘no, that’s gross.

That’s for the dog.’

To clarify, the dog’s food and water are across the kitchen from the sink. When I fill her bowl I do use this pitcher, then I leave it sitting on the nearest counter to the dish because the pitcher holds more water than the bowl. I can just walk by, top the bowl off, you get it.

I told my mother-in-law that, yes, I do pour water from this pitcher into the dog’s dish, but the dog doesn’t actually touch it or drink out of it directly so I assumed that was that. However, later at dinner when the water glasses needed to be topped off my husband reached for the same pitcher and my mother-in-law told him not to use it.

Apparently, she’s offended that I filled dinner glasses with the ‘dog’s water.’

I definitely get it if it were something the dog was touching or interacting with, but in my mind, there’s no difference between that water and pitcher versus any other water and pitcher I pour from. Just to be sure though, is there something here I’m missing? Do I owe my mother-in-law (who now thinks I’m trying to poison her with dog germs) an apology?”

Another User Comments:

“Some people may have two pitchers – one for plants or the dog which are not washed as often as the pitcher for the humans.

Perhaps that is what your MIL fears.

This is ‘no jerks here’, just a difference in people’s beliefs and behaviors that makes no logical sense when really thought about (there is no real difference between tap water, toilet water, dog water, and people water. For peace of mind, just fill glasses from the tap or have a 24 pack of bottled water or some sodas or a bottle of wine.

For peace in the household, apologize to your MIL and ask what she prefers… bottled, a soda, wine…” Unfair_Ad_4470

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this situation is ridiculous. Sit everyone down together (kids included) and re-explain that the pitcher is not ‘dog’s water’, it is a pitcher of water, straight from the tap, not contaminated by anything that you use to fill up water where it’s needed may it be a glass for human consumption or a bowl for doggy consumption.

The dog does not touch the pitcher in any way, the pitcher doesn’t touch the bowl, and the pitcher is just regular water, safe for humans to drink. Stepdaughter clearly tried to be funny/instigate something and you shouldn’t have any of it.” Juuni_13

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. No one is the jerk. This is truly just about perception.

I know loads of people who won’t drink from a stream that has also touched something ‘gross’. A hose for example. I have also seen and experienced this in restaurants as a server. People have asked me not to use the communal top-up pitchers of tea and water to fill their glasses. They don’t realize that the nozzles on the soda machine we use to get water are probably dirtier than the pitcher.

Anyways, it’s a thing. I personally don’t care. I’d drink out of a dog bowl I literally don’t care. But some people do. I would explain to her like this ‘I totally understand why you’re upset. After realizing that this bothers you, I will absolutely make sure not to use that pitcher for your water.’

You don’t really need to say you’re sorry because she didn’t really clarify why she thought it was gross, you didn’t know she was offended, and she hasn’t expressed to you directly that she was offended.

If she continues to harp on it (outside of maybe a joke here and there depending on your relationship), and is passive-aggressive about her outrage, then she will be the jerk. Before you reach out, decide how much you want to dance with this issue going forward. If she asks for an apology from you, make the decision that best aligns with the previous question.

Give it or don’t.” gonzothegreatz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I mean, you definitely don’t owe her an apology, but the dog pitcher thing is weird. Do you have to go pump water from a well or something? Can’t you just fill the dog’s bowl from the water dispenser on your refrigerator (or the sink) like normal people do?

I wouldn’t take water from some weird pitcher sitting on someone’s counter, but other people might and the minute someone says dog pitcher you’re going to have a drama llama freak out about being made to drink dog water.” bobbyboblawblaw

2 points (2 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
OMG It's not like the dog drank out of that container. That woman needs a check up from the neck up
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4. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At A Restaurant When He Tried To Get A Free Meal?

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“Yesterday I went out for dinner with 2 of my friends, who I’ll label as C and J, to a new Asian restaurant we never tried before. At first, the night went ok, we all got our meals, joked around, and had a good time. Then came the time to pay for our meals.

When the waitress asked if we wanted separate checks I said yes.

C gave me a weird look at first. When the waitress got back to us C handed me his check and said ‘I thought you were paying’. At first, I thought he was joking and handed it back to him. Then he puts on a serious face, at this point I knew he wasn’t kidding.

I asked him why he didn’t bring any money and he said: ‘Well you invited me, I thought you were paying for us’.

J and I looked at each other like did he really just say that? Normally I wouldn’t have much of a problem with it, but 1) I only brought cash, and 2) he ordered over $100 worth of food.

I told C I couldn’t pay for him and J straight up refused. He goes on to call us both scumbags loud enough to attract attention, saying we’re bad friends, things like that.

At no point did we ever agree to pay for him. I even gave him and J a ride to the restaurant.

At this point, J and I were ready to leave and C was still throwing a tantrum. The waitress picks up our checks, and J and I go to the exit, leaving C behind.

As J and I pull out we get a string of texts asking where we went.

We told C to get lost, and if we’re such bad friends he could find his own way home. We still have no idea what happened after that because he blocked our numbers.

At the time it felt good, but a couple of our mutual friends are calling us jerks and we should have just paid for him and got the money back later (I know for a fact he wouldn’t pay me back.)

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ even if you suspect someone else is paying, it’s reasonable to have the money for whatever you’ve ordered plus a tip on hand otherwise decline the invitation.

Let the person know who has invited you that you appreciate the offer but are under financial constraints and cannot attend. If they offer to pay, then attend, but do not ring up a huge bill. Order 2-3 cheapest things on the menu, or get an appetizer and a harmless drink. Thank them for paying. When you’re in a better position, take them out at a restaurant that you can afford, or offer to host a dinner at your place at a later date (if you can cook).

Expecting someone else to pay for your meal is wild. Unless they’ve explicitly said they’d pay, always have enough to cover your own bill & tip.

This is manners 101.” totalitarianbnarbp

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There are places and people where it’s common courtesy to pay for a meal when you invite someone out, but in that case, the guest should be considerate about what they buy.

Even if you are in a location with a culture that presumes the inviter is paying, it’s out of line for the guest to order so much more than anyone else. It’s also expected that the guest invites you out next time and that they cover the next meal. If you haven’t developed that practice with this ‘friend’, it’s also a bad sign.

And even if you are in a culture of that sort, and even if you have developed an ‘I’ll buy this time, you buy next time’ deal, and even if your ‘friend’s’ amount wasn’t ridiculous, it’s still pretty poor manners for them to have a public scene about it. NTJ across the board, as far as I can see.” EZBreezyMeaslyMouse

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You know, there is a difference between asking friends if they wanna go get something to eat, and inviting friends out to eat. With the second, we are saying we’re gonna pay. This person obviously misconstrues this. Interestingly enough, they intentionally didn’t bring any debit cards or anything. So they could make sure they didn’t have to pay.

Then, here’s the magic part, how on earth do you spend $100 on a meal? I don’t think I’ve ever done that in my life.

So obviously he spent $100 on this meal because someone else was picking up the tab. Then instead of being a normal person and saying, ‘God, I’m really sorry, I misunderstood. Is there any way you all can pay for this and I will pay you back tomorrow?’ Or, like an adult instead of a little kid, saying to the restaurant ‘I can’t believe I didn’t bring my wallet.

I’m gonna leave my license with you and run home and get it. I will be back in a half an hour. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.’ That’s what a real person does. That’s what a person with integrity does. They don’t get whiny and have a tantrum because they misunderstood or they purposefully misconstrued together a free meal, and then spend $100 on my God. Who is this person? I suspect this is no loss, I’m sorry.” mcclgwe

2 points (2 votes)
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Pabs 1 month ago
NTJ. C is. He ordered tons of food cuz he thought you were paying which was rude. My friends and I “invite” each other to dinner all the time. We don’t assume the other is paying unless they specifically say “my treat”. And if they do treat, we certainly don’t get the most expensive thing on the menu.
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3. AITJ For Telling An Old Woman To Mind Her Own Business?

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“Today I (m16) was riding the train home from school and after about 2 stops a mom (30s f) and her kid (m 3-4) got on.

The kid started playing on his tablet with a little sound on (I could hear it quietly about three seats away). An old woman (60s f) sitting behind me, got up and confronted the mom saying: ‘I can’t stand this much noise! Shut it off!’

The mom was shaken but told her sorry.

After that, she started muttering slurs pretty loudly aimed at the mom + kid.

I couldn’t take it, turned in my seat, and told her to mind her own business.

She seemed embarrassed and offended that a teen told her off. She muttered something then turned and stayed quiet until I got off at my stop.

When I got home I told my mom (f 50) and sister (f 28) what happened, and they said that I should have stayed quiet and that it was rude to offend an elderly person.

Was I the jerk in this situation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, difficult situation for your age but very noble to defend the mother.

I get these tablets can be annoying but they turned it down when asked and that should have been the end of it. That old lady should have shut up and probably was shocked someone said something to her when she kept on for no reason.

So good for you, you didn’t swear which was good, so good judgment in this case – just choose your battles carefully, you seem to have a good moral compass. Best wishes.” mrdata123

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, but you may be the least of all.

When you’re on public transit, it’s common courtesy to just shut up and be quiet.

Listening to or watching or playing something without it being muted or wearing headphones is a jerk move. The people around you on a bus or train might still be waking up on their way to work/school, they may be crashing after a long day, you never know. All you do know is that everybody’s stuck sitting there together and if they had alternate ways to get where they’re going, they’d be taking it.

That’s why you try to respect the space with other people in it. Even if you’re riding with somebody else and having a conversation, you keep the conversation quiet and between yourselves.

The mom should’ve had the tablet muted to start with, and the old lady was entitled to ask her to knock it off. Slurs though??? That’s way over the line, so that’s where she’s a jerk.

If you had called out the slurs for what they were and told the lady there wasn’t a call for that language then you’d be in the clear – but you went in on her for that initial request which wasn’t out of line to start with.” sammotico

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She should have approached the mom and asked her politely if they could turn the volume down.

She didn’t and then said inappropriate things. Unfortunately, your comment doesn’t call her out on what she did wrong. Maybe something such as ‘a polite question would have been appropriate, not yelling, but there is nothing appropriate about those slurs. No one here respects you now or cares if you don’t like the noise.’ Then I’d try to get the train singing in my off-key caterwauling.” holisarcasm

2 points (2 votes)
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SunnyDuckling611 1 month ago (Edited)
I mostly agree with the everyone sucks comment. The old hag most of all, but it is (or at least should be) common courtesy to mute or use headphones, or at the very least s volume barely audible to anyone but you, in any public area, train, doctor office waiting, restaurant anywhere.
The kid wasn't really a jerk though he was just trying to stick up for a shaken mother against an old bittys tirade, so good on him, his family probably was worried about the whole "you never, this day and age, just what some people may do" which is why I always keep my mouth shut, but admire those who stick up for others
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2. AITJ For Ignoring My Coworker's Fake Allergy?

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“I have a coworker who HATES onions. She claims to be severely allergic, so much so that no one can even bring onions into the office or she could be at risk. However, I recently saw her at a restaurant and overheard her saying that she only tells people she is allergic because she hates the smell and taste (she did not see that I was there).

I love onions, so I have reintroduced them into my work lunches. I am empathetic to her preference, and I make sure to eat with my door shut and if I need to microwave my food, I go to a different floor. Just today, she confronted me and told me not to have onions. I told her that I knew she was making it up and that I was willing to make reasonable accommodations for her preference, but I was no longer going to entirely eschew a food I enjoy for her sake.

She is angry and called me disrespectful. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ!

As someone who has food allergies (including onions), she makes it harder for people with real food allergies to be taken seriously.

I carry an epi-pen since I can go into anaphylactic shock. As an example: I was at a restaurant and I had specified my food allergies in advance of ordering, literally asked them what I could eat on the menu (and asked the server to talk to the chef), ordered said recommendation based on the info received and accommodation made.

I took a bite and knew they hadn’t and my throat began to swell shut and had to pull out my handy epi-pen.” catgirlnz

Another User Comments:

“If you heard her say she was not allergic – NTJ.

I am allergic to onions. If I sit at a table with onion rings or onion soup, I won’t be able to taste my meal from the excessive nasal congestion I will get from it in the air.

I can’t eat at benihana cause of the table grilled onions. Exposure to skin or ingested gives me hives.

Since the hives take hours to occur, I have people purposely expose me to ‘prove’ I don’t have an allergy. Because of people like her.

(I had a co-worker confess to lying about ingredients at a potluck after I threw up.

Hives tended to occur in areas covered by clothing, so she thought I was lying and just didn’t like them.)

Onion allergy sucks big time because almost all savory prepackaged foods have onion powder in them.” tikierapokemon

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Coworker shouldn’t lie about her allergy, but you’re still a jerk because the smell of onions is not only horrific but hideously pervasive.

It invades everything and lingers for days. It’s not like a tomato or a piece of lettuce where you’d never know that someone ate one 5 minutes ago in the same room. Also if you kept it in the work fridge, EVERYTHING in the fridge is now an onion in terms of taste and smell. SODA CANS will stink of onion and the user will have to smell it every time they take a sip.” Bloodrayna

1 points (3 votes)
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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA fuck her
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1. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Biological Son?

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“He is my biological son but I haven’t been allowed in his life or am recognized as one. This happened after a pretty messed up night with my brother and his wife.

Add in booze and we were all pretty messed up. Most of the night was a blur but basically, she and I slept together. With his permission and he was also there, but in the morning we realized how badly we all messed up and agreed it will never happen again.

My brother and I became a little estranged for a while because it was too weird to be around each other. They later announced being pregnant but I thought I was safe because she took plan b the morning after it happened just in case. After he was born I was getting doubts though and really wanted to know for sure he wasn’t mine.

My brother eventually agreed to a paternity test and that said I’m the father. I’ve been wanting to be in my son’s life but they won’t let me. My family was on his side about it and told me to stop being selfish because on paper this is his child (since they’re married) and if I’m around it’s going to complicate their marriage even more.

The whole time I tried to convince them my parents would say I’m a horrible younger brother. He felt that way too when I’d ask if I could at least come over to maybe play with him for a little bit. So about 2 months ago I gave up but kept my distance from them because it hurts too much.

He’s 10 months old, still haven’t gotten to hold him. But now because his mother-in-law got into an accident they want me to watch him for a few days. My brother is flying with her to go see her mom because he has to help out too. Our parents right now are in the UK for a couple of months.

They can’t bring him because they’re worried he might get sick if they take him to an airport. My brother says it’s only 3 days, if there was anyone else that could watch him then he’d ask but he really needs help. I told him no because he’s fine with me being a sitter when it’s at their convenience but I’m not allowed to be a dad to my son? Then it might also hurt a lot more to actually spend time with him, then have to give him back and not be allowed to see him anymore.

We started arguing and we were yelling at each other. My brother told me to grow up and stop being petty about what happened even more right now that there’s an actual emergency and they need someone’s help. I do feel bad because I get it’s a serious issue happening with her mom so they need to be there.

At the same time I’m still mad about what they did so I don’t know if that’s just being petty or not. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“This is way messed up.

NTJ for not wanting to take care of your kid that your whole family has prohibited you from seeing. Did you ask whether you’d get regular visits after this, or it was going to go back to the way it was? I can’t imagine wanting to see a kid for nearly a year, being refused, then being forced to be a caregiver for three days, and then having the kid taken away again.

That’s way too much.

But I can’t figure out what’s going on in your brother’s head. Do you even have any experience with 10-month-olds? It’s not like they’re asking you to watch a 10-year-old, who, so long as you give them some food and don’t let them electrocute themselves, are more or less self-sufficient. And it’s not like they’re asking you to watch your 10-month-old for 3-4 hours, with them nearby.

Do you know how to assemble bottles? Do you know how to change diapers? Do you know basic infant CPR? Do you know if the baby has any allergies or sensitives? Do you know whether the baby has any chronic illnesses and how to treat them? Do you know what to do if the baby gets sick? Unless you’ve been a dad, or a babysitter for infants before, or you’ve taken at least some classes, you’re highly unqualified to watch your son for three days by yourself.” Perdendosi

Another User Comments:

“For Pete’s sake, put the child first, you wanted time with this child, regardless of this being a result of an inconvenient situation for your brother and his wife, see it as the golden opportunity that it is.

You spent this time complaining about how you want to have a relationship with your child and now you’re pulling the ‘but not this way’ card. Take it or leave it but know that if you say no you’re not gonna have a chance in the future. It’s time to learn to act like an adult.

If you want a relationship with the child you have to put the child first and ignore the ugly things in the adult relationships because they will only hinder you and your growth as a person. Honestly, I see so much tit for tat with parents and family arguing but at the end of the day you wanted a relationship with the kid, you told your brother, and he wasn’t ready but circumstances have changed.

It is a really difficult situation and it would have been difficult for both him and his wife to swallow their pride to ask you but now you need to swallow your pride, put your big boy pants on, and start building a relationship with this adorable (probably) kid. Sort it out and make us proud.

YTJ, put the kid first and be the adult in this situation.” Chickpeasquash

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You’re the jerk because: You got your brother’s wife pregnant after what I assume was a night never spoken of again. You were estranged from your brother and hadn’t spoken till she was far enough into the pregnancy. You thought, ‘gee that couldn’t be mine! She took plan b!’

You waited till after the child was born to demand a paternity test for your brother and wife’s child.

The baby they want to raise in their (already assuming strained) marriage. The one you didn’t think twice could be yours until all the preparation and bonding with a child is nearing normal. Then I don’t know how you convinced him to take a paternity test.

It’s your biological child — congrats! You slept with your brother’s wife so well that she got pregnant and had a baby.

You then demand custody with nothing ready for a child. They picked out clothes, nursery schemes, and toys. It’s biologically your son but is their child in the government’s eyes. His name is on the birth certificate.

What do you think will happen? The judge grants 50/50 custody with you just getting everything you want? Probably not.

They will probably spin it into two loving parents with a nonmedical sperm donor that wants visitation. Best case scenario, you get partial custody and pay child support for a kid that doesn’t know if he should call you or your brother uncle, or dad.

And why couldn’t you see this child as your nephew? You and your brother probably looked a lot alike.

Did you just want it to be true? You come off as a selfish guy that now wants the kid when in any other situation, someone may have just been like ‘my nephew could be mine but I wouldn’t disrespect my brother like that.’

Then when they have an emergency, after begging to see your son, they come to you and say ‘3 whole days’.

And you say no. They didn’t let you see him or discuss custody, so you aren’t going to take care of the child. Because his grandma almost died and his parents need to help. That’s where you’re the jerk. You would rather make that child sick because his parents were rightfully cautious around you…than have three days with the child you had been demanding custody for.

Your family is the jerk: Your family is acting weird and telling you to drop it because you should never have slept with your brother’s wife. Most of them probably realize you want to see your son, but again, you waited till the baby was born and bonded to them to demand a paternity test and custody.

Have you acted jealous of your brother before? Does your brother have a lot of money? What is best for the baby? They don’t know the answer: but probably assume a home with two loving parents and an uncle who loves him over two parents and an uncle-dad who hate each other. They are probably the only ones in this group to think of what is best for the baby.

Your brother and his wife are jerks: You two should have never slept together. That’s on her as much as you.

They never discussed the possibility of it being your child. They should have thought to do paternity beforehand and figured out what to do in this scenario. I’m guessing they thought this would be a miracle-fix-all baby that would solve whatever marital problem (you sleeping with his wife) they were having and no way it could be yours.

They set everything up for the baby and introduced you as his uncle. When you demanded a paternity test because of your suspicions, your brother gives in.

You immediately have demands as the child’s father, which they view you have no right to. You’re pretty vague on the details between then and their request (probably because it makes you look bad, tbh.) They decide you do not need access to their child because of that and/or they were worried you’d take him.

Or they don’t want you to complicate their marriage.

They could have sat down with you and outlined what your relationships will be like with the kid. You could get a weekend every month that’s a fun ‘Uncle’s Weekend!’ the kid looks forward to and his babysitter before anyone else. They could have talked about it from there, but they didn’t.

They then went radio silent because you were demanding custody. A lot of parents don’t like having people that demand custody of their children, around those children. Do they think you would have abducted him? Probably not. Should they have let you see him? Maybe.

Then your biological son’s maternal grandmother has an accident that requires your brother and his mom.

They probably exhausted everything to try and find someone else. They probably discussed it was a good idea before they came to you. They hadn’t let you see him but they asked you to watch him. That makes them the jerks.

You’re all a bunch of jerks and the person I feel the worst for is the kid. I doubt anyone is actually thinking about what’s best for HIM.” PeanutsLament

-1 points (3 votes)
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lasm1 1 month ago
Oh hell no, they refuse to allow you to see the child, but when they have an emergency they come begging for you to watch him, oh hell no!!!
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