People Want A Chance To Explain Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Being "Obnoxiously" Clingy With My Partner?
“So me (F/24) and my partner (M/25) have been together forever, 9 years & 2 months to be exact. We knew each other since middle school and started going out in high school.
Since we literally grew up together, we have seen all of each other’s phases- the jerk phase, the meanie phase, the angsty phase everything. NGL being together for so long has not been easy as we have grown up to be very different people than who we were when we started going out.
About 6 years ago, when my partner was going through an extremely rough patch emotionally, we came to an agreement that our relationship would be where he could unwind, his getaway of sorts.
We would be immature, play games, and do stuff that could get his mind off of what was going on. IDK how much it helped him emotionally, but it probably saved our relationship.
Fast forward to now, some of the habits have stuck like- we instinctively hold hands whenever we are together, he feeds me the first bite of everything, I pat his head when I find him cute, he boops my nose, we kiss (pecks on lips) a lot when it’s just the two of us, we still play cricket and football, etc.
We also call each other pet names that are in our mother tongue, we try not to do so in the company but I slip up more than he does.
Well two of our friends have new (ish) SOs and they have been complaining that we make them feel uncomfortable/awkward/embarrassed (IDK what would be the exact word) by still being in the honeymoon phase.
They’ve only brought it up to me, and I used to apologize and say we’ll keep it low. We went on a staycation with our whole friend group. We were sitting around a campfire and drinking.
As the night progressed, most went off to sleep. My partner and I went for a walk, came back, and sat on the patio talking. We were significantly more lovey-dovey because we were wasted and alone.
Well, we weren’t alone, one more couple was just out of eyesight making out. They apparently had a disagreement that turned into a quarrel which alerted us and everyone else. Girls were trying to console the girl, boys were talking to the boy, only the ones who were already asleep ended up sleeping the whole night.
The rest of us spent most of the night trying to calm them down.
Now the previously mentioned two couples blame us for being the cause and say we should grow up and act our age and the age of our relationship.
This time I told this to my partner and he was angry at them and had words with them. Now I’m double the jerk for involving my partner in this. My partner says we are not, but he is obviously biased.
So AITJ?
EDIT- Why do our friends blame us for the other couple fighting.
So this is what happened from what I gathered – the couple was making out and paused when they heard us.
My partner was being extra lovey, sort of tickling me, complimenting weird things about me like how cute my ‘vampire teeth’ are, how lovely my snorts are when I laugh, etc.
He does that when he’s wasted (and playful). The girl said something like how her partner doesn’t say a sweet thing like this to her, I don’t know what the guy said but she didn’t like the reply and wanted to go to their room.
The guy said that she was dramatic or something similar, then they started arguing loudly and quarreling which alerted us to their presence.
Our friend couples claim we are at fault because we pretend to be this way when we are together but are different when alone- so no need to be that way when we are together as well.
But like I can pat only my partner’s head like a puppy, I can’t go around petting random dudes…”
Another User Comments:
“So I think that in general, when someone complains about PDA and a couple thinks they aren’t that bad, they probably are that bad.
Like, watching a couple feed each other the first bite of food- is super awkward and I’d dread having a meal with them knowing that each time the meal starts with a pet name, pat on the head, nose boop, feeding the first bite.
HOWEVER, this is definitely NTJ. You two thought you were alone in the situation that caused this fight. Another couple was making out, but you two were doing too much PDA? You thought you were alone and you weren’t doing anything inappropriate.
Also, the idea that you should be over the honeymoon stage is just not true. If it was fine when you were first going out, it’s fine now. Pet names, hand-holding, and an occasional kiss are just not gross displays of PDA.
I don’t think my partner has called me my actual name in years.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“This is an issue I see primarily in straight couples. Not to make it a gay/straight issue, I’m just saying men are usually insecure and either doesn’t entirely love a woman like the reverse or think it’s emasculating to love their woman.
NTJ, you owe no one, you’re happy and in love and they’re just jealous. Also, the honeymoon phase isn’t really a thing, what is the sinking ‘regret’ of being with someone forever that most people hate.” MinecraftIsMySpIn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and also find it strange they’re saying you’re in a honeymoon phase when it’s been literally years.
Y’all have been through some stuff together clearly and have grown closer as a couple and frankly y’all sound adorable. You’re way past the honeymoon phase. The fact that you made it through tough times and came out the other side even more in love is exactly what SHOULD be happening! Haters gonna hate. They’re jealous that their honeymoon phases are done early lol.” FrydomFrees
21. AITJ For Ruining My Partner's Family Reunion Dinner?
“I (24 F) and my partner (27 M) have been together for 6 years. I don’t know much about his family other than the fact when he was 16, he was kicked out and hasn’t seen them much since then, especially his mother.
Recently, he and I were just walking down the street when out of nowhere his mother approached us. She starts talking about how much he changed, he looked really uncomfortable. After she was done she looked over at me and asked who I was.
My partner took no time to introduce me as his girl. His mother gave a me stern look. She invited him to dinner tomorrow as a way for them to catch up, my bf said he’ll only think about it if I was invited too, his mother sighed and said okay.
The next day came and we were both getting ready, but as I went to get my dress he told me it’s better to wear something not so revealing, I asked why and he told me his brothers had a tendency to look at things they weren’t supposed to, I was confused but didn’t ask further.
On the way there he started telling me what I should be prepared for, such as, if they ask you questions it’s to get dirt on you or my brothers will flirt with you but don’t engage, amongst other things.
When we got there, as we entered the dining room, the whole table looked at us and my bf put a hand around my waist, pulled me closer, and quickly sat me down.
His family started talking to me about what I did, where I’m from, the usual getting to know new people type of chats. An hour passed when his mother comes out of the kitchen with food, but there was the smell I knew too well.
I asked my partner if it was spicy and he quickly jumped up and widened his eyes. I have acid reflux and when I eat anything spicy or sour I become very sick and can puke.
Everybody started taking bits of food, while I just sat there with my watermelon I got as an appetizer. His mother noticed this and in a joking tone asked if her food was really that bad.
I told her why I couldn’t eat to which she scoffed ‘nonsense!’ And proceeded to tell me if I really hated her cooking that bad I can just tell her and not try to hide it.
I told her the food looks great but I just don’t want to get sick, then she got up and started yelling about how disrespectful I was, then also my bf got up and started cursing at her in Spanish, I didn’t understand anything but all I know was my bf yanking me out the front door and telling me to get in the car.
It’s been a week since then and he blocked his family on everything when I asked why, he told me I’m the only one he needs and that for his sanity, he shouldn’t contact his family ever again.
He assures me I did nothing wrong but I feel like I’m the reason there is an even bigger wedge between him and his family now and that I could have just taken a few bites.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sort of thing is something that we all might forget to mention and it sounds as though you handled it as well as possible. Saying that I can see why her nose might be out of joint but she had no business shouting at you.
But to be honest, it sounds as though your partner was looking for an excuse to cut his family off. I would not beat yourself up about this. If I’m right you helped him achieve his objective.
Although be careful about the ‘you’re all I need’ stuff. Not saying it’s a bad thing in this context but it’s a pink flag to me. Not exactly a healthy mindset.
No couple is an island etc.” Shanstergoodheart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiance did the right thing and stuck up for you. No, you should not have taken a few bites when you know you will get sick.
People get very insulted when stuff like this happens, but if someone can’t eat something, not much you can do about it. You especially don’t want to be sick in someone’s house that you don’t know very well.
It’s embarrassing. I, of all people, know. My stomach has gone downhill once I hit my 30s. It also annoys me the mom gave a sigh about you coming for dinner as well.
You’ve been together a long time. I would think she would be excited or jump on the opportunity to mend things.” Shakeit126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a situation where the issue was really not about you and how much you ate.
But even if it were, not eating something that can make you sick is not disrespectful. His mom sounds like she was just looking for reasons to blow up and complain.
There appears to be a lot of long-standing issues, including whatever caused your partner to be kicked out at 16 and to have little/no contact with his family since then. If he’s telling you it wasn’t anything you did to cause the issues, trust him.
He was likely hoping it would go well, and then was faced with the reality that they are still the same toxic people he stayed away from all this time. Just respect his decision and support him.” T00narmy1
20. AITJ For Asking My Mother Why She Is Nice To My Mother-In-Law?
“So both my husband and I have a terrible relationship with his mother. Over the years, she has always hated my family in every way. My mother decided to be nice when my FIL passed and be friends with my MIL.
I have explained to my mother that everything she says is used against us to try and prove why we are evil people by my MIL. Today I asked my mother why she even speaks to her.
After a bit of back and forth, my Mum told me we needed not to let it get to us, get over it, and I can’t tell her who she can be friends with.
I never was; I just wanted to understand.
I became upset that she accused me of telling her what she could do when I wasn’t. I was upset that she just told me to suck it up, though, too.
She said I was being a judgment jerk basically and hung up on me.
My Dad is sick at the moment, and due back in hospital in a couple of weeks, so I feel like crap but was I wrong to ask her to explain why she keeps speaking with my MIL regardless of all of the pain and trouble it causes? They aren’t even alike or have anything in common.
It is purely sympathy-based. Edit – my mother even admits she doesn’t like my MIL; she only talks to her because she feels sorry for her and initially trying to make our life easier.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to set boundaries with your mom instead of seeking explanations.
She’s right. She can be friends with whoever she wants. But you need to explain to her that you may need to pull back on the information you share with her if she can’t stop sharing it with your MiL who uses it against you.
That may mean you see her less or that your conversations are more limited. She has the choice to stop overstating with MIL or stop seeing her altogether. Everyone gets control over the proper part of their own adult life and gets to make their own choices without you getting hurt by MIL.” Great_Clue_7064
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The basic purpose of a parent is to love and protect their child. That doesn’t change when the child grows older, nor does it change when the child feels differently about certain matters.
It’s a bit concerning that your mother is perfectly content to be friends with someone who she KNOWS causes you pain. You’re perfectly justified in asking your mother why. I’d want to know why my mother was ignoring the suffering someone was causing me too.” CesareBorgia713
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
So you told your mom MIL is using everything she tells her against you and she’s just brushing it off. Shame on her. You should put her on an info diet – ‘Mom, as long as you’re going to share things I told you with that woman, I’m not telling you anything just to defend me and my family.’ Of course, your mom can be friends with whoever she wants to, but you can feel free to tell her that her taste in people changed for the worse.” redsoxx1996
19. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Pay For An Expensive Photoshoot?
“So I am the maid of honor for my best friend’s wedding and she asked me to plan the bachelorette party. I happily agreed and have been working on getting everything organized for everyone while keeping in mind that several of us are in college.
Since several of us are in college we don’t have a lot of extra spending budget right now so I have been very mindful of that and confirmed pricing with everyone to make sure the price was okay.
However, I have had someone else helping me because I’ve never planned one before and she lives in the area we will be traveling to. Up until this point, she and I have communicated well about what we were going to do and the costs of everything.
Recently, there’s been a couple of issues with communication. We had talked about doing a photoshoot before, but she hadn’t told me the prices or anything for it. I assumed when she found out the price she would let me know and we would ask everyone if that was okay with them since we will all be splitting the cost.
However, that wasn’t the case. Instead what happened is she went to the group chat and told everyone we are doing this and it’s going to be $45 a person. In total it’s $400 for about a maybe 1-hour photo session!
I have compared the price to several other photographers around and they are half the price! Also, I felt like it was extremely rude of her to decide on her own that we would all be fine with paying that much.
I am sure the photographer is great, but I don’t feel comfortable with that outrageous price and neither did another girl. It’s also worth mentioning no one is contributing towards decoration costs besides me.
So far it will be over $150 that I’m spending on decor, plates, napkins, sashes for all the girls, and a hangover kit for each person myself. I’ll also be paying for my own trip costs on top of that so as you can guess it’s not cheap for a college student.
I don’t mind covering the costs of the decorations, but for that and everything else the unexpected added cost of $45 a person for a photoshoot just seems unreasonable when it’s split between 9 people for a total of about $400!
I also needed to add I guess we had a miscommunication and she told all the girls I was also going to pay for hats for everyone.
I never said I was paying for those for everyone. My words were that would be cute and she took that as I would pay for it so that’s what she told everyone in the group chat.
For the specific type of hats, she’s wanting me to get it would be around $90 or more in addition to the costs of everything else I’m paying for. So WIBTJ if I tell her another person and I just cannot afford the cost of the photoshoot so we will just have to sit out on it and that we had a miscommunication and I can’t afford to buy hats after she already told everyone I was buying them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, cancel the photoshoot and forget the hats.
That doesn’t matter anyway. Let the girl know privately that it’s just out of budget, and then let the group know. If someone wants to get a photographer on their own, they can.
Otherwise, set your phone timer and get a group shot. You don’t need professional photos of a bachelorette party, for Pete’s sake. Including the wedding and rehearsal dinner, y’all are probably each spending a fortune on your friend.
Put your foot down. I’m sure you and the one other girl aren’t the only two that feel this way.” couldbeyouornot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can only afford what you can. It sounds like you’re spending a lot on just a Bachelorette party.
I remember being in college and my finances were incredibly tight. Please don’t feel pressured into putting yourself at a disadvantage just to please this other person. Maybe it’s time to put your foot down.
Or create a new group chat that she isn’t in and let the other girls in on the truth every time she decides without you.” Bakinmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
People don’t get to determine how other people’s money is spent.
This is a recurring theme.
You don’t have to attack her when you do this but simply say, ‘I think we got our wires crossed. I am in no position to take on extra costs and have been working diligently to make sure everyone is okay with their portion of the costs. I continue to be excited about celebrating the upcoming nuptials of our friend and know we will give her the best party possible.'” CrunchM
18. AITJ For Being Pretty Hard On My Friend?
“So… I, 25F have a close friend, 56M, who has feelings for me. I tend to hang out with older people cause I find them more interesting. When he first told me it was no big deal.
I hate rejecting people but I see no problem in being friends with people who have feelings for me. I said I like him a lot as a person and value our friendship, but I don’t feel that way about him.
But… He’s tried to come onto me several times since. Physically, like touching me in a non-platonic way or trying to kiss me. He stops when I push him away, but it’s happened four times.
I’ve said, ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t want that kind of relationship with you.’ But the last time I felt like I had enough. I said ‘This is never gonna happen.
Not now, not in two months, and not in two decades. If this happens again I can’t be your friend anymore. I’m sick of it. You’ve made me uncomfortable being alone with you.
You’re also WAY too old for me and it’s getting really creepy.’
He hasn’t talked to me since that time. He’s been really kind to me, being there for me and taking me for car rides when I’ve been sad.
Listening to Bob Dylan and allowing me to just be silent. I feel like maybe I was too blunt, but I’m getting really frustrated, and he doesn’t seem to listen when I do it in a more gentle way.
AITJ for not being gentler with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘friend’ is very well aware that you only want to be friends. He not only consciously chooses to ignore that, but forces himself onto you.
That is not what friends do. Friends do not force kisses or other types of touches.
Your ‘friend’ clearly doesn’t care for consent or your boundaries and you were rightfully angry at him for it.
Honestly, it would probably be best for you if you stopped seeing him because if he has no trouble forcing a kiss on you, he might not have any trouble either with going further.
I would also suggest maybe informing someone you can trust about the situation in case you ever need help.” bewritinginstead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t listen when you are more gentle about it, and he continued until you completely and definitively shut him down; now he’s not speaking to you.
You were never his friend; you were always a potential love interest. When it became obvious that you were not interested in that role and never would be, he no longer had need of you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he does not want to be your friend.
He’s made it clear that his priority is getting to sleep with you. His continued violation of your boundaries indicates that he doesn’t respect them. The fact that he’s cut you off after you made it clear that he’s not getting the nasty from you now or in the future isn’t a sign that you were too mean – it’s a sign that that’s what was important to him.” bearmothowl
17. AITJ For Calling My Sister Disrespectful?
“I (18f) have a lazy eye that I’m really insecure about. Yesterday my sister-in-law pointed out that it was really obvious when they had woken me up from my sleep, I couldn’t help but feel insecure and went to my room to cry – SIL was obviously not there I didn’t want to make her feel bad because she’s really sweet.
Later my older sister comes and says: ‘you’re sick crying over an insecurity’ so I called her disrespectful. She then gets defensive as she’s always had this weird complex of ‘if I’m older I can disrespect you if I want and you can’t say anything back’ which is really weird.
So AITJ for calling my sister disrespectful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, age has nothing to do with this. Respect is earned, and yeah, we’re taught to respect our elders, but that refers to grandparents, parents, teachers, and even some of those who don’t deserve respect.
No way in the heck do you just owe sister respect bc she’s older. You’re entitled to your feelings and you even went somewhere private so as to not upset your sil, though I do think you could tell SIL, without being mean, how hurtful it was so that she doesn’t do it again.” Restin_in_Pizza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Making up a ‘rule’ that benefits only the rule-maker is a fairly common habit for older siblings who are insecure and otherwise have no leg to stand on. Also, keep in mind that older siblings, like parents, can push your buttons so well because they created those buttons in the first place, and have been perfecting them for years.
If you haven’t done this already, google ‘grey rock’ – it’s a good tactic to use, particularly when family members are trying to get under your skin.” PendragonINTJ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I guess your sister has appointed herself as judge and jury in her Court of Disrespect. Ignore her. Lock your door. Don’t give her the satisfaction of getting you upset. She’s the one who’s disrespectful.” LoveBeach8
16. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Partner Pay His Mortgage?
“Me (34f) and my partner (36m) moved in together in Dec 2020. We both had our own homes and decided he would move in with me. He decided to let his ex-in-laws rent his house as they currently have my partner’s daughter (7) living with them.
He found out during his divorce that his daughter is not his biological daughter which is why we have no rights over her daughter even though we still get her for weekends and provide her with food, clothes, etc since my partner refuses to abandon her.
Mom is too busy living her life and chose to move in with her partner who does not want her daughter around.
Well, since they started renting, they have not been on time with rent at all and have only really paid about 4 months’ worth fully.
Luckily, since 2020, my partner was able to defer payments but now he had to refinance his home and go back to a 30-year plan since they never paid their rent so he could give his payments.
They use his daughter as leverage by guilting him that if they get kicked out they have to move back to Houston and my partner won’t get to see his daughter anymore.
He loves her and up till now has been very forgiving with ex-in-laws for the daughter’s sake.
Well, now that he has to pay the mortgage again we are going to have 2 payments if they don’t pay on time.
What’s worse is that now his ex-wife has moved into the house since she is pregnant and broke up with her man. The only person that works is an ex-FIL.
Now after finding out his ex-wife is moved in I told my partner that I would help him pay the mortgage on his house but all his ex-in-laws and ex-wife would have to move out.
I refuse to help him pay for his house when he has a bunch of his ex-family living there. We now have a daughter of our own and I understand he feels horrible losing his other daughter.
But I have to look out for my daughter and home.
AITJ for basically feeling like I’m kicking out my stepdaughter and her family since I refuse to help him pay the mortgage on a home filled with his ex-family members? He won’t be able to afford the payment on his own.
My partner actually understands where I’m coming from and has no hard feelings but I still see his sadness about potentially losing his daughter.
Edit: My partner never asked for help paying the mortgage, I offered to help so long as ex’s family was not living there for free.
If he chooses to let them stay, the mortgage is solely on him. Also, they are threatening to move to Houston if they get kicked out as they would have to move in with ex MIL daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
While it is a difficult situation for your partner to raise a child and find out she is not his, he still feels like her father. He probably is the only father she has ever known.
I applaud him for maintaining the bond and not holding the child responsible for the mother’s actions.
I also feel for you. You are not in a financial position to support his ex and her family, and her new baby, especially when you have your own child.
It seems like an awful situation, but he shouldn’t allow himself to be emotionally blackmailed by the ex and family. Is there a way he could apply for custody of her? Is it legally possible or even financially viable? Is there another way he can maintain a relationship with her?
It seems your partner has accepted that he will have to relinquish the relationship with her, you will need to support him and give him time to grieve.
Perhaps some counseling would be beneficial. All the best.” Medical-Potato5920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but neither is he.
One thing I will say is: that your situation is very complicated and like it or not you are pooling finances, so I think it is important for you both to formalize what you think is a fair division of costs and assets, not just now but thinking into the future.
Especially as you are not married. Things get very complicated if he is living in your house and contributing to your mortgage, which means he should in theory be entitled to a share of the house (or its increase in value over time anyway).
It’s your family’s home. But you are not wanting to contribute to his house, which in theory means that’s a separate investment that he holds alone. Except by funding his own house, he’s indirectly less able to contribute to your joint household expense/savings.
So… very complicated.
Ask yourself – what would you expect to happen if he sells this house and you get married? Would it be his money alone? Would you expect him to use it to eg improve your house? Would you put his name on the title of your house? Do you helping him pay the mortgage for a couple of months change that equation?
You obviously knew about the other kids before deciding to move in so to some extent you have to put aside the fact that he will always have a commitment to support them, and he is not particularly in control of what that cost is right now.
If you look at it dispassionately (hard I know as there are jerks taking advantage) then remove the fact that people are living in the house – treat it like a property investment that is empty at the moment.
The cost is basically to continue to pay for that investment that is currently losing funds, but the benefit is that your family still has a house that will probably appreciate in value and be a good investment in the long term.
That is a significant benefit for your collective family – even if it’s the son who ends up living in it, and the ‘daughter’ who benefits from it right now.
So you could ask yourself if you’d be willing to help him keep this house if it was just not in a rentable condition for example.
That would help you to figure out whether your issue is the house or the fact that you hate the idea of indirectly supporting his ex. It sounds like is a very patient and caring man, and is basically doing what he thinks is the right thing for the vulnerable person in all of this – the daughter.
If he is able to get over the fact that his ex is taking advantage of him, can you?” jibbetygibbet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s not your responsibility.
He’s nice to not abandon the child, but he’s being played by his ex and her family.
The mom doesn’t act like she wants her– and who puts up with a new beau not accepting that someone has kids?! The bio-dad doesn’t seem like he wants her.
Was the guy who owns the house lied to? He calls the kid his daughter but she’s not his biological child, and somehow it sounds like he and the ex were together when she was born.
Maybe it’s more similar to a step-dad situation…
It’s a very complicated situation, and it seems like the guy brought a lot of baggage into OP’s life. Does the little girl have anyone truly on her side? It’s nice of the guy to be there for her, but is he going to adopt her? If the family takes his moolah/gifts but doesn’t otherwise care for the child, that is a concern.
You’re NTJ for not paying his mortgage. If they have to move, then so be it.
I do think you and him need to have a serious talk, though. Figure out the situation with the little girl.
Figure out where your relationship with him is going. If you and he are serious and you can handle the situation with the child, maybe one of you should sell their house.
Or at least get a tenant who can pay; he’s not a charity. Alternatively, he could move back into his own house and pay his own mortgage rather than paying part of your mortgage.” Eleanor_Willow
15. AITJ For Flushing My Period?
“I (22f) have been with my partner (23m) for 4ish months. I stayed with his family for the new year.
I got my period a few days earlier than anticipated. My doctor believes I may have endometriosis, as my periods can be particularly heavy and painful.
My partner has been aware of this since we got together.
My partner’s dad works for a major organization and had an early start (4/5 am) the morning after I arrived. I had not been made aware of this until I arrived at the house.
I was as quiet as I could be that night, but the next day my partner’s mum told us that the ‘walking around, shutting the bathroom door, and flushing the toilet had been too loud.’ She addressed me and my partner, but we all knew that I’d been the only one who had been using the toilet.
This was the first time I’d stayed with/met my partner’s parents, and I felt awkward defending myself so I just apologized and she asked that we don’t do it again.
I told my partner that I couldn’t use the toilet in that way, and he said that I should leave the door ajar and cover the blood with toilet paper.
I felt uncomfortable with that and replied that I lose a huge amount of blood during my period and it’s not really possible to just hide it. He said that his sister always hid her periods, so I could as well.
He didn’t understand why I felt uncomfortable leaving the door open whilst using the toilet. I stood my ground and said that my period is difficult and that I’m not willing to make myself even more uncomfortable during my most vulnerable time of the month.
I would be fine to leave the door ajar in most circumstances, but not whilst dealing with brutal periods and not when staying with people who were almost strangers to me.
I felt humiliated and uncomfortable.
The next night, dad had another early start the next day, and with clear instructions to not close the door or flush the toilet upstairs I decided to just use the downstairs toilet.
After my third trip in a short space of time (periods gotta period), my partner asked why I kept going up and down the stairs. He said that the stairs were too loud for me to be using that frequently and that I should just use the upstairs toilet and ‘hide’ the blood.
I got very upset with him, and we didn’t agree on the matter. We both went to sleep feeling angry.
After this, I wanted to go home, but bf got upset and asked me to stay because ‘it’s not hard to just follow his parents’ rules’.
He believed that his parents were being reasonable, and other than telling his parents that I had my period, he wasn’t willing to defend me further. I ended up leaving 2 days later which upset him further, but I felt too stressed and uncomfortable staying in that environment.
He feels that I have overreacted to the whole thing, and I feel that he lacked empathy and didn’t support me during a difficult time. He maintains that I was being unreasonable by flushing the toilet.
So: AITJ for flushing my period instead of using toilet paper to hide it?
UPDATE: It has been a while since this happened, and we have now broken up. I expressed how the experience had made me feel, and he apologized but I felt like I couldn’t get over it because it changed how I saw him and I struggled to get past the humiliation that I had felt.
He still didn’t understand why it was a big deal to me and kept saying that it wasn’t bad enough to warrant me leaving him and all that kind of thing.
I felt extremely guilty for breaking up with him, and still do to an extent, but I am proud that I stood up for myself and I know that I did the right thing.
Thank you, everyone, for all of your support and comments – it means a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what is with these little boys that don’t understand how periods work? I’m not saying they have to know everything but a basic understanding would be nice especially if they’re going to try to be in a relationship with women.
If the father needs it to be so quiet that you can’t even flush the toilet then he needs to live alone. That’s ridiculous and his wife shouldn’t be indulging that foolishness and your bf is no better.
Run like your tampon string is on fire and don’t forget to flush the toilet on your way out.” phoenixdragon2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and his family are freaking weird. How do you tell a guest in your home they can’t use the bathroom? If you’re gonna have a stick so far up your butt about guests using the bathroom then don’t have any guests over.
Sorry to make this long sweetie, but make an appointment with a gynecologist, and don’t stop until you find one that will listen to you.
I had horribly heavy periods too and had to go to the bathroom every hour.
Kept telling my doctor who ignored me. Told me I wasn’t trying hard enough at solutions. When I switched doctors she ordered an ultrasound and turned out the heavy bleeding was from uterine fibroids.
More common in women than you’d realize. From there they completely treated all my issues. Surgically removed the endometriosis, and the tumors, and treated the severe anemia from heavy blood loss.
I’d also recommend if you want children to have a fertility specialist do the surgery rather than an oncologist. It’s slightly more expensive for the fertility specialist to do it but your insurance will still cover it if you’re in the states.
To find your gyno and fertility surgeon start by looking online through your insurance for a list of in-network doctors. Take the list and start researching them. Google reviews, Yelp reviews, BBB, zoc doc, just anything you can find.
Personally, I found a few amazingly excellent doctors but the facilities they did surgery out of were terrible. I searched until I found the perfect doctor. Had to do consultations at a few places to find the right one.
Which your insurance should cover an office visit with no issue.
I hope you get better and everything works out.” ViolinistDoll666
Another User Comments:
“I am so utterly disrespected on your behalf. The first time you MEET and stay with your SO’s parents and they make you feel uncomfortable about your bathroom usage and want you to leave the door open and not flush? The period isn’t even relevant honestly (although that’s the icing on the whole despicable cake) I would have packed and gone to a hotel or home.
NTJ, but your partner and his family are. Now is the time to deal with this head-on before you get in too deep and end up telling your kids all about grandma and grandpa’s rules.
For what it’s worth, boundaries are not as hard or scary as they sound. They don’t need to be uncomfortable lines in the sand that you draw. A couple of years ago Thanksgiving at my husband’s aunt’s house turned into an impromptu family reunion.
The spare room we thought was ours was given to my inlaws and we were told we got to sleep on the living room couch. I was like, yeah no, (my husband was livid with the fact we were basically kicked out of our promised room) and had my husband ask if we could stay at a cousin’s house.
No way I was going to sleep in a noisy living room with my 6-year-old while a bunch of people was partying all night. So dumb. We said goodnight, bunked with the cousins and their kids, had a great time and were back in the morning for more family fun.” manderly808
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Fiancée Any Advice Or Opinions Anymore?
“My fiancee has what I see as the bad habit of needing me to be around her physically anytime it’s possible. I can’t be in another room in the same house.
It’s made for awkward situations like me just sitting there a lot while she does her makeup or gets dressed.
The problem I have is when she inevitably asks me what to wear or how she should do her makeup.
Any time she asks my opinion, she automatically does the opposite of what I say. This is because she was just ‘asking me so she would know the wrong answer.’
Am I a jerk for getting upset? I’m starting to get mad any time she asks me just about anything because I know she’s just taking my thoughts as the wrong answer.
Going out to eat, watching movies or shows, where we should go on vacation, all of my ideas are just ‘the wrong answer.’
She claims she has to walk on eggshells and that everything is triggering anger issues in me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is a massive, massive red flag! She is basically belittling you in every way possible and has zero respect for you whatsoever.
Not to mention the ‘needing you to be around’ and ‘the same room of the house.’ Sounds like extreme dependency issues. Get out of this relationship while you can, OP – it’s going to be way worse once you’re married or have kids.” Academic_Breadfruit1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, it sounds like she has attachment issues and that your relationship is codependent.
Based on everything that was said until the end I would have gone with N T J. However her saying that she has to walk on eggshells and that you have anger issues makes me think that there’s a lot being left out and that you might have anger issues.
I think that many people don’t take into account the bias of the people asking these questions, who can shape the narrative however they want to make themselves look like the victim or in the right.
Either your fiancé is completely irrational or you left something huge out. I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’ even though I think due to the missing information that’s it’s likely you’re in the wrong.” Kosta7785
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
That’s really disrespectful on her part. Start replying with ‘I don’t want to answer that, you always do the opposite of what I say.’ She is treating you like you are systematically stupid, by asking for your opinion to know what to consider worthless.
Her claims are a petty attempt at manipulation unless you actually react with verbal aggression. Being angry at being told you always make the wrong choice doesn’t mean you have anger issues.
The clinginess isn’t healthy either, you two should be able to be in different rooms without it being a source of stress.
You two should really sit down and have an at-length discussion about this, several in fact, and stop the wedding planning until this situation improves.
The issues in your relationship carry on when you are married, it’s not like once you sign that paper you get a clean slate and all behaviors that bothered you from each other will just disappear.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Friend Because He's Not Given Me The Product Yet?
“My friend 17M and I 17M have been friends since we were 14. In our entire friend group, we all understand he had a difficult life and do not blame him for being a pathological liar.
For example, he will ask for moolah saying his mom won’t give him coins or feed him etcetera… however he is 400 pounds and gets two school lunches and buys a lot at restaurants when we all go out.
In the program I’m in, I need 8 essays for all 8 of my classes. I had finished 6, and my last two I saved for later. My grandfather who I was super close with as I lived with him for 4 years before had passed away while he was taking care of me.
I was distraught and in a bad place and had paid my friend to finish my two essays for 40 dollars (2K total words) and he agreed. He owes me some coins and the offer we agreed on worked for both of us.
As I recovered from the tragedy he made excuses for the essay and eventually the due date passed and he complained about computer issues but still asked about the moolah because he really needs it.
My friend had paid him for an essay last year and he never finished it or even gave it to him and used similar excuses that he used with me. Keep in mind that he owes my friend over 400 dollars in debt and my friend was willing to pay him for the essay too.
At school today he asked for the moolah and said he will send me the essays later today even though he procrastinated on it for two weeks I told him no that I will do it myself now that I am more stable and he didn’t give it to me on our agreed-on date.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend can use all the excuses in the book for why he lies, doesn’t mean you have to accept his lies. He’s going to be in the adult world soon, his lying is only going to get him and whoever he decides to include in the lies, in trouble.
He needs to work on himself, the world is not as accepting as people think it should be.” MrPKitty
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are manipulating your grades by having someone write your essay.
You’re supposed to be doing that yourself. This shows what you have learned and if you can handle future coursework. By having someone else write it for you, you aren’t learning anything.
The other guy sucks for lying all the time and agreeing to write your essay. He is helping you do some dirty work.” SnooMaps3443
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No essay, no dough. As simple as that.
I would begin to avoid him. He’s not a real friend. Friends pay debts.
He’s not having a difficult life. Just he’s not getting what he wants from anyone anymore.
He’s living from your moolah.
You don’t know how many people has he fooled.
Get away asap.” moroco1829
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your friend is a freeloader. You shouldn’t pay people to do your homework. I understand you went through something horrible, and grief sucks, but there were other ways you could have gone about things, like discuss it with your teacher and parents first instead of paying someone you know to be a liar to lie for you.” Bengillian
12. AITJ For Purposefully Giving Wrong Answers To My Classmate?
“I was having my mid-term grammar exam in my second year of college a few days ago. There was this girl I didn’t even know, who was sitting in front of me and was pestering me about some questions, while I was revising.
She most probably is with me in class, and she probably knows I’m good at English.
I didn’t answer the first time she asked, but she kept asking, even though I told her no.
I ended up giving in, so she could stop, and so I could focus on revising, but she kept asking for more. I gave her the right answers at first until she started going through the entire exam from beginning to end with me.
At that point, I got annoyed and started giving her wrong answers. I noticed she was erasing a lot. She probably had the right answers, but I confidently gave her the wrong ones.
She even suspected and asked if I was sure multiple times.
I ran into the crowd to get away from her after I was done. When I told my friends about it, they said I was evil for doing that because she might have been desperate or insecure.
It made me feel kinda guilty and question whether I did the right thing or not.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s fair to ask once in case the person wants to help.
If you push a person when he is in a circumstance they cannot remove themselves from… it’s a jerk move and all bets are off. Reporting her to the teacher would have been a jerk move.
You just provided some potential answers and she chose to accept them and replace her own. Also… insecurity or desperation are not excuses for her pushing you.” justMe482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She got off lightly by potentially failing her exam instead of getting caught redhanded.
Better she fails and has to go off and learn the material for a resit at this point, than being so stupid to think she could maybe get away with doing the same thing again in a later year.
The best thing to have done was to alert the invigilator, but it’s obviously not that simple if you don’t want to make yourself a target as a snitch. Instead, try loudly shushing – it’ll catch the attention of other students and she wouldn’t want to risk eyes on her that would pick up her dirty work.
As for all the speculation in the comments that she was insecure or whatever. So what? Why does that give her the right to make her insecurity someone else’s problem? I had such a mental block with exams when I was at university that I had to take a year off to sort myself out.
When I went back and had to take exams, I was able to request special accommodation to sit them, which basically meant I was still in an exam situation, but in a smaller room with other people who weren’t on my program.” Click_for_noodles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Her grade is not your responsibility. Pretty much everyone has had a test where they may have felt unprepared, and plenty of people have not done well on a test where they felt unprepared.
Considering she was erasing the answers she had and questioning the ones you gave, she might have done better than she expected if she hadn’t tried to lie. Plus, her dishonesty would put you at risk.
If someone nearby heard what she was doing, they could have reported it.
People are a lot less cool with classmates doing sneaky things to get the same grades they actually work to get when they’re paying for the chance to earn those grades.
I bet your friends wouldn’t consider manipulating the answers an act of kindness if they knew someone in one of their classes wasn’t putting in the effort but used dishonesty to pass the class. I mean, the absolute hatred of group projects is based on hating that some people won’t do the work but expect a decent grade.” CemeteryDweller7719
11. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mother-In-Law When She Said She Doesn't Snoop?
“My mother-in-law thinks she’s better than me. She makes it really really obvious. She doesn’t like my job. She thinks my style is basic. I don’t spice my food enough for her, etc.
My husband was really good at setting boundaries for about ten years but now he is struggling with some regret/depression and feels the boundaries came at too high a cost.
MIL moved a while back and never really calls.
She is currently visiting and we left her to go get my mom at the airport. My mom was making comments to MIL about how lucky she was that she got the chance to snoop.
Now I wouldn’t have left MIL if I thought that was something she would do. MIL said she’d never snoop because there is nothing more boring than a middle-class monogamous couple with kids.
I looked her right in the eyes and said ‘you’re so pretentious.’ MIL just rolled her eyes but my husband confronted me later and said it bothered him and I should have let it go when she doesn’t visit much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First of all, it’s not like she’s wrong. Second, your mom was accusing her of snooping (which leads me to believe your mother snoops on your husband and you) but I don’t see you complaining about your mom or putting a stop to that.
Third, it sounds to me like you’re just trying to start drama because your husband is having a hard time with boundaries (he’s depressed, FFS) and instead of being supportive, you want to be petty and self-centered because you don’t like your MIL.
TBH, I can’t feel any other thing than pity and compassion for your poor husband.” No-Satisfaction-1878
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mom was the worst. She started it by making an accusation of wrongdoing against your MIL, even if she tried to couch it as a joke.
MIL went overboard replying, although the truth is she was probably just very insulted and became angry. And your reply was way over the top. How easily you could have defused things by laughingly saying ‘we’re boringly happy I guess!’ and moved on.” Unit-Healthy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you escalated it.
What’s so wrong with being a middle-class, monogamous couple? If you don’t think anything is, then you shouldn’t have gotten offended at the joke. I would be more offended at your mom wanting to snoop through your boring house than MIL not wanting to.
And to be clear, I’m half a lower-middle-class monogamous couple, and my house is super boring. I don’t mind.
You also know your husband is struggling now with the ‘high cost,’ which I take means that he regrets lost time with his mom. So you jump on her while he feels that way? You made it all about you.” RandomSleepyPanda
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help Family Shovel Snow?
“I (19M) told my parents yesterday that I didn’t feel comfortable shoveling snow with them today. There is a snowstorm and expected to be quite a few inches where I live.
It is always been expected that everyone in our family (my parents, me, and my younger brothers) shovel together after heavy snow.
Now here’s the issue. Last year around this time I helped my family shovel.
They gave me a pair of boots to wear that at the time I did not notice were way too small. I didn’t notice until after I got back inside due to my toes being numb but they hurt.
I thought it would go away but a series of stubbing my toe multiple times afterward led to me getting very bad ingrown toenails. I’m talking they leak pus and blood and a lot of it.
It’s also just very painful, like being stabbed.
Fast forward to now, I still haven’t gotten them taken care of. I have no car or license and no job. So I have been asking for over a year now to see a doctor and they just don’t bring me.
I finally blew up and demanded they bring me because they are pretty much my only option. I also told them that if they don’t make the call this time I’m doing it myself and finding my own way there somehow.
I also told them that I’m not comfortable shoveling snow because of the ingrown toenails. It hurts to put shoes and socks on and it hurts to walk a lot. They proceeded to yell at me for not wanting to do it and that they have health issues too like a bad back and they still do it.
My issue is that I can shovel. I’ve sucked up the pain for the past year and know I can do it again. They also told me off for not wanting to help out and being selfish, that it’s wrong of me to prioritize this over their issues.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Look, your parents seem neglectful and you are missing some very basic life skills that they were meant to teach you. That’s not your fault.
But you are technically an adult now, and they are obviously not going to be there for you.
As hard and scary as it is, you’re going to have to take charge of your life and learn these things without them.
Your nails need immediate treatment, ok? Do you have any friends who drive? Or access to public transportation? Grab the insurance card from one of your parents, use the information on that (usually on the back they list a phone number/website for info) to find out what clinic is in-network for you, then call and tell them you need to make an appointment for badly infected toenails.
They’ll ask about insurance, and give them the info on the card. It doesn’t have to be under your name since you’re still under your parents’ coverage.
They’ll help you set up the appointment; make sure you bring the insurance card and about $30 in case there’s a co-pay, then just show up, bud.” HulklingWho
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You are 19 and capable of doing things for yourself. If your parents could not be bothered to help you see a doctor after complaining for a year, you can make your own appointment.
If your foot is so bad that you can barely walk, you could have gone to the hospital. If you physically cannot shovel due to the pain, then sure, you shouldn’t have to, but you need to get that taken care of and stop blaming your parents for it.” subsroo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are an adult who can make an appointment, use Google and buy your own shoes. Your parents did do you a massive disservice raising you to be so helpless at this age.
There are plenty of jobs available and plenty of people without cars work. Don’t they teach driving at schools in the US? Every single problem you mention is very easily fixed.
You are choosing not to. This is learned helplessness. I’m sure it comes from your upbringing but as an adult, you are now in a position to address it.” emccm
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister-In-Law For Making Mean Comments?
“I (M) was having dinner with my husband and his siblings, and we were talking about the new season of the TV show RuPaul Drag Race and their new drag queen participants.
I mentioned that one of the participants who stood out to me for his personality and performance was Willow Pill. A Drag Queen mentions in the show that was diagnosed with cystinosis, which is a sickness that apparently causes problems in the eyes and muscles.
My husband’s sister (F) immediately replied that Willow Pill looked gross and ‘disgusting’ and it looked like she is suffering from cancer. I reply saying that it was very rude of her to say that based on their appearance, even if she was saying that as a joke, it totally came out rude and disrespectful… also because of her poor choice of words and comparison with someone ‘who’s got cancer.’ She defends herself by saying that is from the tv and the person is not even here (in the room).
And I got triggered and told her that referring to a person like that just for appearance is in bad taste and disrespectful, and just because the person is not here, doesn’t make it any better.
After an awkward silence, she stands up and leaves the table upset. My husband went behind her and I just went upstairs because yeah honestly, I was a bit mad at his reaction.
Later my husband went to see me and told me that I should apologize to her. My husband acknowledged that she was wrong and rude, but… that she should be able to say those things because ‘she’s with family,’ and told me that it would be bad if we were in front of other people, but that I overreact and I came out wrong to her by calling her out.
The other siblings didn’t say anything, but I feel bad now I’m thinking that maybe I overreacted. To give a bit of context, I’m Mexican and my husband and his siblings are from the United States.
So maybe a cultural difference in how we say things may play its part… but, am I the jerk for calling her out? And make her feel bad? Did I overreact? because it was about a tv show personality, not even someone I know… and should I have let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s not a cultural difference. Your SIL was being ugly and you held her accountable.
Your husband’s family, from the sound of it, simply opts out of being confrontational about things that they perceive as not impacting them directly, preferring family gatherings to be peaceful, safe spaces for the family.
I think that that is where there may be some divergence: You sound as if it does impact you (you may be picking up on veiled prejudice against LGBTQ+ or disabled people, for example) and that challenges your peace/safety, whereas your SIL does not see it as such at all and may think you’re being a contrarian jerk for no reason.” Sweet__kitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unless you caused a major scene, then maybe you are a jerk.
Even though it’s just with family, you causing a scene would be no better than her denigrating Willow’s appearance.
I think she was wrong in claiming the fact that the person wasn’t there made it okay to voice that sentiment.
You did right to point it out then because if this is normal behavior for her, or it becomes normalized for her, it might come out of her in a situation where it could hurt someone directly.
No one can really control their thoughts 100% but that doesn’t mean it is okay to voice them if she knows they are hurtful. I think she left because she was called out and she knows you were right.” bobbiegee65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your SIL is the jerk because those things are cruel to say whether or not the person is present.
SiL has shown herself to be cruel and shallow. Your husband is a soft jerk for expecting you to apologize and minimize her behavior. Prejudice and cruelty need to be called out where ever it raises their ugly head, bigots do not get a pass because they spread their ugliness in private.” StockComprehensive96
8. AITJ For Getting Annoyed That My Brother And Sister-In-Law Are Not Recognizing My Work?
“I work as a freelance graphic designer and in the beginning, I was happy to design for friends and family for free.
My SIL is a pâtissier and decided to start her own bakery business.
This was back in 2018. She gave me some ideas for the logo she wanted, colors, and some images. She didn’t like my designs or didn’t respond at all. I thought ok maybe she is busy, she does have two toddlers at home.
Fast forward to 2021 my SIL asked me if I was interested in continuing where we left off with designing her logo and some graphic work.
I was really busy with other projects but also felt bad because I did start before, so I agreed.
For six weeks we held meetings and I designed her logo, business, and shop card.
She told me from the beginning she can’t afford to pay me. That is fine, I was in that position before and I figured once they are successful they’ll give something to someone.
She did send me some cakes and cookies lol
My SIL opened a pop-up and is doing well and now she has her own little bakery. I am genuinely happy for her.
But as a freelancer I also rely on word of mouth and social media is a big way to promote my work.
So my SIL has never mentioned me designing her logo or when I send her a finished design never replies.
Not even a simple thank you. But whenever she needed something new designed, she would contact me. I figured again, she just opened her shop and had two kids, she must be busy.
The final straw for me happened, when I was busy with my projects, in the middle of moving, and had a strained back, my SIL told me she needed a big-sized version of the logo.
She needed it in two days. Mind you, she didn’t ask me if I had the time or was willing to do it. I didn’t reply right away and figured I’ll just send her an e-mail with the file.
The next day I was visiting my mom. I still had a day to send her the file. My brother came and before even saying hi he asked why I haven’t replied to his wife and also added sending a bigger-sized version of a logo is a matter of a few minutes.
That is when I just lost it and told him, that I have been patient, but I am doing this for free and his wife also doesn’t reply sometimes. I yelled that is why they will never be happy or successful.
He stormed out.
My mother said that I overreacted and should have said that I wanted to be paid from the beginning. All I wanted was a simple thank you or at least some respect.
My SIL came after and she actually said that she is a working mom and not only has two kids but works in her bakery until midnight. Like I am supposed to be the understanding one.
I am close to my brother and he sent me a text after apologizing but demanded an apology from me, but I was still furious and said no.
He didn’t text me on my birthday or even on New Year’s.
I am hurt, but now I am thinking maybe I was the jerk and should have apologized for saying they will never be happy and successful?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re an adult. If you expect something- even a thank you, then be gracious and use your voice.
You’re angry that she expected you to be the understanding one. Aren’t you doing the same?
No jerks here. Obviously, you’re hurt that it’s affected your relationship with your brother. Apologise and move on.
Your ego is not more important than your relationship.” Cocoalover27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the yelling wasn’t necessary at all.
Try and talk to her and maybe figure things out. Tell her that you won’t design for her anymore but also apologize for yelling at her because what you said wasn’t fair at all.
She could have said thank you though since typing or saying it only takes a few seconds.” Snowflakemother
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
‘I yelled that is why they will never be happy or successful.’
Yeah, you absolutely, 100% lost the high ground with that unnecessarily personal low blow.
This is a shame because you were pretty firmly on it up to that point. Tell your brother and SIL that you’re sorry for losing your temper, but this incident has just affirmed what you’ve been thinking for a while: if they’re going to keep working with you, you’re going to need to formalize this arrangement with some written agreements – and yes, probably at least a token fee for services – so misunderstandings about how much bandwidth you’ve got for this compared to your paying clients or how much advance notice you need to do anything can’t happen. If they’re not interested in that, then they can take what they’ve already got and go from there.” mm172
7. AITJ If I Refused To Go To School For Only One Day?
“So I’m a 14-year-old middle school student from Finland and living with my grandparents and they are really sweet and caring but when it comes to school they want me to succeed in every subject like this year’s middle grades I got a 7 (or C in American school grades) and she was very disappointed in me.
So this story starts this Saturday morning as I woke up I had a really bad headache and a stomach ache. I went to take medicine, and she was cool with that but it became a huge problem on Sunday as I got a cold.
She yelled at me for a solid 10 minutes and left my room. I was confused and didn’t know what to do.
The very next day which was today, she forced me to go to school and I was livid.
I did what she said tho. Now after I came home I asked if I could take tomorrow off since I have a very important day on Wednesday and I would like to be better by then.
She screamed at me and said if I didn’t go to school tomorrow, I wouldn’t go to school on Wednesday to show my project. Now she isn’t talking to me. AITJ?
Update: My grandma finally spoke to me and said that I wasn’t allowed to go to school for five days.
It’s no big deal. I sent an email to my cooking teacher if she could get some other group instead for the next shift but I still think that my grandma is mad at me.
What could I do? Swallow up this cold? You can clearly hear in my voice that I’m sick and she thought that I was messing around and not actually sick.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m a teacher here in neighbor Sweden. Remind them a bit about child rights and point out that schools ask you not to come sick to school. If they keep sending you to school unwell talk to your headteacher/mentor/klassföreståndare and inform them that your guardians are sending you sick to school.
Skolplikt does not mean you have to go sick to school. Going sick to school will make your grades worse in the long term. You will take longer to recover and will perform worse since you are unwell.
Your grades do not matter in middle school, even your high school grades do not matter for anything but university admission. The knowledge you accumulate is more important. Being a straight student means just that you test well and that is it.
Does not mean you are smarter, the same applies to any other class.
As I have worked in HR, I can tell you and your grandparents no one will ever look at your grades.
They will look at extra activities and projects you can talk about and prove knowledge and passion.
We teachers do not want sick kids at school, we cannot take care of them, they will feel bad, our nurse will send them home or they get more kids sick or even the teacher.
Sick kids are never productive. If you fail classes because you got sick and keep being sick it’s on your grandparents.” Sabbatha13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… if you really are sick. You should stay home.
Maybe a note of some sort from a teacher or administration would clear up staying home when sick for grandmother. In the US, the schools usually also say, if the student has a fever, keep them home.
On the other hand, if you are trying to get out of going on Wednesday because you have a project and you are not well prepared, then you need to go.” GrayHerman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If you aren’t feeling well you shouldn’t be made to go to school. Going to school when you aren’t feeling well would make it difficult to learn and could prolong any sort of illness by not allowing proper rest.
You are never selfish for prioritizing your health, and as your guardians, your grandparents should be prioritizing it too. I understand they want you to do well in school, but even then trying your best is what is most important, and it’s okay to struggle with an occasional subject and that doesn’t reflect badly on you” Legitimate-Mess7664
6. AITJ For Asking My Roommate Not To Tell His Girl That I'm Gay?
“My roommate, Josh, (22M), and I (21F) are best friends and have lived together for about a year and a half now. It has been really great but the only real downside is that a lot of our classmates (small campus=quick gossip) think that we are together.
We’re both quick to rebut that whenever it’s brought up and at this point I don’t know if people actually think it’s true or just think it’s a funny joke.
But here’s this thing: I’m gay.
The only person currently in my life who knows this is Josh. I trust him 100% and he has been an amazing ally in all this. However, when I was in high school, I was outed and, among other things, got ditched by people I considered friends.
About five months ago, Josh started a long-distance relationship with a girl, Lily. She lives on the other side of the country and I don’t know her that well other than occasionally waving or saying hi if I walk by while they’re talking on Zoom.
Recently Josh told me that Lily was insecure about the fact that he lives with a girl. They have been strictly online due to the health crisis and are only recently able to start talking about a time for him to go visit her.
Apparently the usual, ‘we’re just friends’ line wasn’t enough since Lily saw some comment from a schoolmate joking about us as ‘the married couple’ and now all the signs that we’re best friends look like warning signs to her.
Josh asked me if he could tell her that I was gay to help clear things up but I said no. Instead, we set up an online game night with Josh, Lily, a couple of other friends, and me to try to help her see me as just one of his friends rather than ‘the girl who lives with him’.
I even told our friends ahead of time not to make any in a relationship/married couple jokes. The game night went okay if not a little awkward at times, but the next night I overheard Josh having to assure Lily again that he and I are just friends, so apparently it didn’t entirely fix the issue.
I’m afraid I’m the jerk by asking Josh not to tell Lily that I’m gay. I am absolutely terrified of being outed again, but I know that it’s not rational. She’s not connected to anyone else that I know and even if my friends/acquaintances did know, it probably wouldn’t be a big deal.
I hate that it’s affecting Josh’s relationship and I feel like I’m being selfish not getting over my fear.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Maybe he could try going for the ‘she’s basically my sister’ angle.
And he wouldn’t date you even if you were interested. And I mean… If you are best friends I assume that’s true.
Maybe you could try to do more game nights with friends and his girl, and if people do bring up marriage jokes respond in a more sisterly way like ‘eew gross’?
I mean, unless that feels fake and uncomfortable to you.
I dunno how you normally respond to the jokes, but that might be part of the problem. Like, if you go along with the jokes, of course, she might get insecure.
But either way, he needs to have a long conversation with his girl, and either reassure her or that fail to consider whether the relationship is worth moving and getting a different roommate or his own apartment.
Though I do think you should try to work through your fear of telling people you’re gay. I mean, you’re gonna have to eventually unless you never want to get a significant other, or you know, hide your relationship from everyone you know.
It would probably majorly reassure the girl if she knew you’re gay. But your feelings on telling her are super important, and if it makes you uncomfortable it’s completely fine to say no.
(And like, if she’s seriously worried about him lying, telling her now might not even be enough. Cause it sounds like she’s had there worries for a while, and it’s easy for a liar to lie.
Obviously, it depends on her and how much she trusts him. And again, he needs to have a serious conversation with her.)” Elissiaro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You for being correct that you only have to tell people you want to about yourself.
No one else gets to make that decision.
Josh for talking with you about it rather than just going ahead and saying something. The fact that he still hasn’t said anything shows that he is a great friend and doesn’t want to hurt you.
Lily on the other hand isn’t really a jerk because I can understand where she is coming from. She is in a long-distance relationship with a guy who lives with a girl where classmates are saying they are a couple.
However, her main issue seems to be that she doesn’t trust Josh which isn’t good in any relationship. However, that could be coming from previous experiences where she may have trusted someone and then found out it was a lie.
Nobody knows the background on her so to just judge her as a jerk wouldn’t be fair.
I would sit down with Josh and explain to him how you feel about it.
It is obvious he isn’t going to just expose you and he does care but is stuck in a hard spot. Let him know why you don’t feel it is okay to do this.
Pretty sure he will have your back.
Josh needs to explain to Lily that he has tried everything he can to assure her that nothing is happening between you, and she can either accept that or not.
He can’t do anything more (him telling her you are gay will solve a short-term problem but not the fact that she isn’t trusting him without him telling her you are gay).
If she can’t trust him, even after talking to both of you, then maybe they need a break in the relationship. It is going to suck, but at the end of the day, if there is no trust, the relationship won’t work.” 4U2NV1981
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You don’t have to tell her. He is not the jerk because he hasn’t told her without your permission and she is not the jerk because her concerns are understandable and reasonably expressed.
However, she does not appear to be a danger to you and has been vetted by someone you trust. If she turns out to be a homophobe trust that josh will break off the relationship.
Trust your friends to accept you as you are (or be relieved they are no longer your friends when they show their true colors).
Josh has been a good friend to you and has kept your secret, and now that secret is causing him pain by affecting his relationship.
You have the possibility (not the obligation, mind you) to alleviate that pain. If you truly love him and the only thing holding you back from helping him is fear then be afraid and do it anyway (and I say that as an LGBTQ member with PTSD, I’m not saying it will be easy).
You being safe is obvi more important than him being happy but the goal is to have both, right?
Most gf don’t want their bf to keep secrets from them, live with other women they believe to be straight, hang out with his friends while they joke he is married to someone else…
That doesn’t make her insecure, these are normal and healthy boundaries to have. Do you understand how bad this looks?
Adding to this the fact they are in an LDR would definitely make most women in her situation wonder if she is being an unwilling third party.
I do have a question, I have many male friends (I’m female myself) and people have never joked that we are in a relationship. I understand that people might make assumptions based on your living situation alone but is it possible that you are coming off as a couple due to other behavior that seems friendly to you but might make your significant others uncomfortable? Do you call each other cute nicknames? Do you touch each other a lot? If he had lint on his jacket what would you do?” theamazinglula
5. AITJ For Changing The Thermostat?
“I live with 3 other people (me and my partner and then my best friend and her partner) in a 2 bed 1 bath apartment and it’s brick and tile and has really high ceilings.
We’re in Louisiana and it’s been freezing outside lately. Our apartment is naturally cold because of the materials and we don’t get a lot of sun in our apartment. I turn the heat on and it’s like 5 minutes later one of them has snuck and put the AC on.
So I sneak and put the heat back on. This has been a constant battle and I’m starting to get annoyed because my friend and her man are about to move and they’re not paying this month’s electric bill.
There’s no point in running the AC while it’s cold outside even though all of them claim they get so hot when I put the heat on which I usually will put at 70 to not go overboard but to make it warm enough inside.
So the question is, am I the jerk for wanting the heat on while it’s winter temperatures outside?
Edit: For a little additional context, it’s 30 degrees outside right now, I woke up earlier and put the heat on because I awoke to the AC being on and it is freezing inside.
My friend or her man opened their bedroom door and flipped the AC back on. This is what I’m dealing with.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. All of you should have a conversation about what is best for everyone.
If you all are can’t agree on something, consider portable heaters, as well as portable fans.” LambilyHub
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s perfectly reasonable to have the heat on in the winter, especially with the cold front we experienced over the last week in the south.
Before discussing who is right or wrong – absolutely no part of me would turn the AC on in the winter. Open a window, put some shorts on, buy an additional box fan, close the vent – so many choices to combat heat before wasting energy and turning on the air conditioning.
However, 70 is a little warm for me (personally). Is there a temperature that you can both compromise to, say 65, so the common areas are a neutral temp? This gives everyone a neutral temperature in their rooms that can be easily warmed or cooled with a space heater or a cracked window.
My brother suffered from this when he had roommates because he had a very warm gaming PC. This is definitely going to require some change in communication on both ends.” mthom234
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for the tit for tat faffing with the thermostat as clearly that’s not solving anything.
However, 70’F is a perfectly reasonable temperature unless the house doesn’t heat evenly. Turning AC on in the middle of winter sounds ridiculous to me. If they’re just hanging around in the house and are too hot, are they already wearing T-shirts and shorts?
Perhaps a compromise where you get a portable heater, or they wear less and you wear more so that everyone is comfortable.” Mr_Ham_Man80
4. AITJ For Asking My Maid Of Honor To Step Down?
“I (24F) am getting married in September. I asked my best friend from middle school, E (23F), to be my maid of honor. In the past, E has suffered from severe stress and anxiety so I assured her there was no pressure to be in the role and I wouldn’t be mad at her if she chose to not take on the additional responsibilities, to just tell me.
I’ve consistently reminded her that I just want her to communicate with me. She was super excited and said she wants to do it. The problem is, she’s done absolutely nothing so far.
I’ll text her about stuff, she won’t answer for days. She hasn’t planned or helped me plan anything. I’ve sent links to bridesmaids’ dresses and asked her opinion, barely any response.
She wouldn’t even make a group chat with the other bridesmaids without me in it for planning purposes
My other bridesmaids want to get ahead on planning the bachelorette party. They’ve reached out to her multiple times and she’s flat out ignored them.
She won’t fill out any of the google forms, answer texts, anything. I try to talk to her about it and she brushes it off. I’m not sure what to do at this point.
AITJ for asking her to step down as the maid of honor?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ.
You ask the most important person in your life to be your MoH because you love them and want to honor them and have them by your side when you get married; not because you want them to plan your parties.
You even said no stress/pressure/additional responsibilities… but now you’re talking about hurting her immensely (and likely torpedoing your friendship) because of these imaginary responsibilities you perceive she has.
MoH needs to buy the dress (in the agreed-upon budget), show up at the wedding on time, smile for pictures, and be beside you when you get married.
Go in with just that expectation with her and you’ll be way happier.
You don’t need her to help you with planning. Your fiancé can do that or you can hire a wedding planner.
If your other bridesmaids want to plan your parties, that’s super sweet of them and they totally can. If your MoH wants to join in with them at some point that’s great, if not, oh well.
Is it worth risking your friendship over some parties?” EvilSockLady
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You chose your MOH oddly. You didn’t choose someone who would do a good job and enjoy the work, you chose someone who you knew would find things to be stressful.
Now she’s doing a bad job, as anyone could have predicted.
The main issue to me is that there’s a social order here and the other bridesmaids are going to do the work of MOH and then watch her accept all the ‘glory’ (or whatever you want to call it).
I had an awful best man and ended up just doing a big chunk of the planning myself because I didn’t care.
I think a lot of us have suffered from depression, and not all of us just quit our friend responsibilities.
We can’t tell if this person is depressed, or depressed and also very selfish (as turned out to be the case with a lot of my best friends).
If she’s a real friend and you truly think the depression is the problem, you can’t ask her to step down.
If you’re like me, and you’re starting to realize your best friends actually are pretty bad friends, you’ll regret doing what I did and involving selfish people in your wedding.” iwanttoquitposting
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ.
It’s a Maid of Honor, not a Maid of Wedding Planning Help. It’s not really her place to help you choose bridesmaid outfits (ideally every bridesmaid would have some input, though, or go for the mismatched look and you choose a color/length/fabric and let each bridesmaid choose their own dress), and if you need help doing wedding planning, your fiance needs to step up.
As for the bachelorette party… no one should ever be forced to plan a party FOR YOU, so if there are other people eager to do the planning, let them do it.
If the MoH doesn’t reply to the invites, then don’t count on her to attend the party, and don’t expect her to kick in towards the costs (and no one should need a Google form to plan a bachelorette party… they’re not supposed to be that complicated, so you may need to mention to the planners that ‘simple is good.’)
Giving someone a role of honor in your wedding then revoking it because they’re not doing enough to plan your wedding/events is pretty thoughtless.” MoreCleverUserName
3. AITJ For Criticizing My Friend About Her Popularity And Attractiveness?
“So, I had been a part of a friends group, and desperately tried to hold onto them thinking I’m not good enough and I’m too ugly to be loved. Unexpectedly, this girl who is kinda out of my league and very attractive started noticing me out of nowhere and we ended up in an argument as she asked me to express myself more openly instead of holding back my true self and said that I might be the worst heartbreaker she has ever known.
I told her that I cannot be a heartbreaker like herself because I’m not attractive enough to be liked by anyone, to begin with, and told her she could do that because of her status.
Ever since then, she kinda hates me.
But recently my Mom told me that people like this girl are very rare, as she actually thought of telling this to me on my face when I was wrong, and she probably only wanted me to be happier in my relationships.
And added she herself might be a lonely person despite her looks as most people treat them like objects. My mom told me to apologize to the girl and be a good friend to her and learn to love myself.
Since then, I can’t help but feel terrible for how I treated her and I really want to apologize to her. But I’m really scared. Throughout my life I’ve hidden my emotions thinking I’m not good enough, but for now, I’m worried about how she would have felt that day.
Am I the jerk for telling her that?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ here. You’re basically telling her that her self-worth only comes from her looks. Which is how you see yourself. You seem to have some self-esteem issues that should probably be dealt with.
From where I stand (or sit, I suppose), her comments sound off an alarm in my head. She seemed to like you (either as a possible friend or more, I don’t know).
She liked you enough to tell you what she saw your potential was. And you kind of shoved it back in her face. Go apologize. Take her advice and talk to her about what you feel about yourself.
Maybe look into talking to a therapist as well.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly, I think you are suffering from some major self-esteem issues when it comes to how you view yourself and how others treat you.
Either way, even in a society that does value aesthetics, it’s not okay to invalidate someone because you think their life must be easier than yours. I think your mom is on the right path here, and even though you made a mistake, I think mistakes can be made and how we view ourselves can be helped too.
The best advice I can give you is don’t try to find validation from relationships because, in the end, it will never be enough. Work on finding that validation in yourself first.
Don’t be too hard on yourself though please.” Legitimate-Mess7664
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This girl saw that you were in a bad place and tried to help you, and in response you let your own self-esteem issues hurt her.
Learning to love yourself can be a hard and long journey, but it’s one you should embark on. Looks can help people have easier lives and find partners easier but they aren’t everything.
Having good looks/status doesn’t automatically absolve you from all other issues in the world, and it is very possible that this girl has also struggled with self-esteem in the past as well (either in the objectifying way your mom mentioned or the same not feeling good enough you’re feeling).
You can’t rely on getting all your love from outside sources, because it will never truly fill you up. Work on loving yourself and being happy with who you are, but don’t push yourself too hard it can be a long process but it’s worth it.” Samistrying
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Dad For Making Offensive Comments?
“So my dad can be a jerk. He’s always quick to make a snarky remark, passive-aggressive criticism, or just outright make fun of you. But despite this, he is a good guy who loves us, and whenever we get angry, he’s quick to apologize.
But he never learns and just keeps up the same stuff that annoys me and the rest of my family (my mom and sister).
Recently I got extremely upset at him for insinuating that my friends were lying about how one of them had received an extra ballot for the 2020 election and another had received someone else’s ballot.
I told him I believed them and he immediately sarcastically said ‘Well why didn’t they vote twice then? Cause they’re such law-abiding citizens, right? Give me a break.’
Now, these friends are my closest friends from college.
We’ve seen some stuff together and they’re probably my best friends in the world. They know my dad and he knows them. This isn’t the first time he’s insulted them like this.
After his comments, I got extremely angry and told him I don’t want to hear him talk about my friends anymore like that. He then jokingly apologized, making me even angrier til he sincerely apologized.
By that time I was extremely angry and went off on how he was a jerk and I wanted him to shut up for the rest of the movie. He did and when the movie ended I went to bed.
My question is: did I overreact? It’s hard to tell because I can tell my dad is a good guy who cares about me so I always feel bad when I get angry with him.
But I feel justified snapping at him when he constantly derides and insults my friends while smiling and joking to their faces. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He never learns how his words affect the people around him.
This is his repeated behavior, not a sudden break in his mental state. You’re not overreacting. Once you get out of there, I would consider limiting contact. He’s not taking you nor your friends seriously, and it just sounds like he makes incessant jabs towards things that aren’t problems.
You’re not a jerk for getting angry at him. He overrides your boundaries until you can’t take him anymore.” Single_Ad_7108
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sure he may be a jerk in general but in this specific situation, he voiced what’s basically a political opinion.
He probably believes electoral irregularity is extremely rare because that’s his political position. You may not agree but, sadly, if you alienated people for having trashy political views, you’d never have a friend.” keep_calm_rocket_on
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If your dad continues behaving like a jerk when he’s been repeatedly asked not to, then he doesn’t take anyone else’s boundaries/feelings seriously or has some SERIOUS social problems – like autism levels of ‘not getting it.’ Either way, he’s going to be on the receiving end of more anger until he learns.” bethanymonday72
1. AITJ For Not Going To The Doctor With My Friend?
“So I (f24) live in the UK and I’m in my second year of university.
My friend (f25) ‘Rachel’ goes to the same uni but is in the 3rd year, she took an academic year off due to health issues.
Unfortunately, when I first came to the UK I had some health issues due to changes in food and had to go to the hospital pretty often, Rachel would always drive me there even at 2 am, and stay with me to make sure I’m okay.
One day, she got frustrated with me that I wouldn’t tell my doctor about my diet, blew off to the doctor about it and the doctor supported her and told me I need to change what I’m eating.
I haven’t spoken to Rachel for a few weeks after that.
About a month ago, Rachel messaged the group chat and said she has a doctor’s appointment and asked if someone could come with her as the doctor said she might need to take some medication that will cause dizziness and might make her not feel well or pass out.
Her man had a work trip scheduled for that week and she didn’t want to ask him unless it was necessary. I have volunteered as I don’t have any lectures on Monday.
This Monday, Rachel messages me asking if I’m still able to accompany her. I have completely forgotten about my volunteering and have a bad hangover from the night before and I’m not alone in my room.
I thought I should be able to make it to the bus and accompany her so I replied it wouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately, as time passed I felt worse and ended up being sick.
That’s when Rachel calls me saying she is waiting for me at the bus stop, asking how long will I be. Due to how I was feeling, I told her I won’t be able to make it as I had a bit too much to drink.
Rachel went silent for a bit and then apologized for bothering me and hung up.
I tried to call her yesterday and this morning but she won’t pick up the phone. Her partner has messaged me and basically told me what a jerk friend I was for abandoning Rachel after everything she did for me and if I told her I’m not feeling well, he could have stayed with her, as she only called him saying I won’t be able to make it once he was already 300 miles away.
I feel like he is overreacting and being too harsh on me. Both of them were students once and Rachel has previously made comments about my diet to my doctor when nobody asked her for it, so clearly, I’m not such a good friend to her and she could have other options.
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re an irresponsible friend, you assured her that you will be there, then forgot and got wasted. She needed help from the hospital, not for playing around.
Her speaking to the doctor is not bad, that helped her get on your track. That’s a selfish move for you to say someone looking out for you, and speaking to the doctor for you was a bad thing.
I don’t know what kind of sympathy you were expecting out here, but it seems like you’ve been a jerk throughout this friendship.” snoop_ard
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She did so much for you, and you’re throwing your toys out of the pram because she shared important information with your doctor.
What a crime it is to care about your friend and want to help them. You let her down with no alternative, despite knowing what could happen to her. Who needs enemies when they can have ‘friends’ like you, eh?” Stompin_At_The_Savoy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You committed to going with Rachel, didn’t bother to post a reminder to yourself, got wasted, and then blew her off at the last minute.
I wouldn’t even classify you as an acquaintance at this point.
Pretty sure you won’t have to worry about hearing from Rachel again.” 3Heathens_Mom
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