People Read Into These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I'm a 34 yr old M married to the love of my life a 33 yr old F. My wife is kind, nurturing, and motivated in her career. She does a lot for me at home since I work LONG hours. We married 4 months ago. We were together for 8 years. We're both easygoing have the same sense of humor and rarely argue. I make 4x more money (I'm in Healthcare) but she makes a good salary as well. Since I make 4x what she does I tend to pay for most things (dinners, weekend trips, mall shopping) which I do not mind. With bigger purchases, we pay for things together in proportion to what we make. She's usually OK with paying her share of things (1/4 of the rent and groceries) and will sometimes offer to pay for dinners and dates. She's VERY close with her best friends (she has 4). They're great people, But they're basically attached to the hip and talk daily in a group chat. Which is fine, everyone needs a support system. I have similar friends. She and her 4 friends have combined savings accounts together for "investing in something together". They've each been putting in a few hundred dollars per month EACH. I've known about this for years and didn't love the idea initially, which I expressed. But she was adamant she wanted this and at the time we weren't hurting for the money and it was ultimately her money and her decision. We are now looking to buy a home (in one of the most expensive real-estate markets in the US) she expresses that she doesn't have much in her own savings but has 20k of her own money tied in with her friend's combined savings. Over the last year, they've been told by 2 financial advisors that 5 people attempting to invest together in real estate or stocks or a business wasn't a great idea. They also recommended splitting the funds into 5 separate accounts since the account is under 1 of the friend's names and there are tax implications for having that amount of money in her name (100k). The homes we're looking at need around 60-70k for a down payment. I stated I was willing to spend nearly all my savings on the down payment for a home (50k). So I told her she should pull that money from her joint friend's account to help with the down payment. It's a huge purchase and I don't think it should be my burden alone. She got really upset and told me "I don't want to touch that money, I promised my friends it would be for investing together, we should look for a less expensive home then, maybe a fixer" She then stated, "It would be easier for you to accrue the money back since you make so much more." This was VERY frustrating and I told her, "it's unfair I have to spend nearly all my savings and you don't. Your friend fund is stupid, and it's stupid not to use that money for OUR future home." AITJ for asking her to use HER cash from her "friends" account, break that promise to her friends so we can buy a nice home together?" Another User Comments: "Wait so she and her friends have a shared savings account that they've been adding to together with the intent of eventually investing in as in the money is currently just sitting there in one person's account? NTJ that is ridiculous. I could see the value in having a shared bank account between close friends to go on trips and vacations together since you could just pull money for deposits instead of playing the Venmo game but this is ridiculous and makes it seem like she cares more about planning for her future with her friends than with her husband. YIKES. Also maybe I just live somewhere really expensive but I'm shocked that 60-70k isn't already the minimum down payment possible on a fixer-upper." starbiebarbie99 Another User Comments: "NTJ married or not I would not buy a house with someone who would rather have an uncertain investment fund with friends than help me with the down payment of our shared house and consider my savings our savings and her savings her savings. Also, I don’t fault you for calling the fund stupid, because it sounds stupid since 2 financial planners have said it’s ill-advised and told them to split it up again." Outside_Guidance4752 Another User Comments: "The account is under only ONE friend’s name??? That is freaking nuts! So that friend gets into a fight with the others and can snatch the whole thing? Major bad juju there! Does she and the other friends have full access to this account? If the answer is no, she is for sure YTJ! I can’t see how anyone would pool this kind of serious money with friends and no legal ties. Maybe I’m missing something here? Hubby, NTJ. Wife YTJ" Aviatrix36440