Fatima
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You both have a history of ambivalence about being parents, with your husband's issue being severe. But now you're pregnant. Counseling is a must. Joint and individual. And you need to learn to listen without countering. I understand the urge but he's trying to tell you that isn't what he's asking for. NJH but get professional help immediately. You need compassion for each other because you won't always be on the same page at the same time.
NJH. You are stretched thin because you have a job. Your wife is stretched thin because she is recovering. She should be allowing her mother to help where she's most needed. Things will get better. I hope you and MIL can gently convince her to accept MIL's willing assistance. Not doing so is unhealthy for you and your wife. Your wife has nothing to feel guilty about, MIL isn't asking to be spared, and blaming you isn't a solution either.
Right? I can't believe the family doesn't realize they're setting up Alex as the star of the show. And if so, why it's okay. I'm willing to bet Alex doesn't want the cringe-fest either. Only a narcissist would, not someone who's been on the outside for years.
Don't let her back in even if she caves and "agrees" to house rules. She won't last five minutes and you know that. You also need to reflect on your part in raising an oblivious party animal. That said, your haters can let her move in if they're so concerned. Tell them she has to grow up sometime. Letting her screw off and trash your house won't accomplish that. Nor will paying her fun money to load the dishwasher. I wasn't the most responsible young adult to ever live but I worked to fund my own lifestyle decisions. Don't give in.
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