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Wow to all the people jumping on you. I can totally understand how it would suck to come home to a messy house, your spouse wanting people to come over, but you wanting it clean first. There is nothing wrong with wanting to present a clean house to guests. At 5 years old the one child is definitely old enough to know or be learning how to clean up after themselves and put things away. Make a game of it, have fun while doing it, do it in small steps. Either way the wife and oldest child could have made an effort to clean up a little. I get that having a sick child sucks and can be draining. As a parent it's a lot of work to raise multiple children. The wife could have mentioned the friends coming over and then made plans to clean first. That way OP could have been more open to it. But the way the wife presented the idea, ignoring the messes and then got mad at OP for suggesting the house be cleaned was ridiculous.
NTJ His current girlfriend is very much jealous that you are still around, in any capacity. Ignore her and keep working. And if he claims his last two relationships failed because of you then he needs to take a good hard look at himself. You have nothing to do with his relationships, it's all him. If they failed it's because he either kept bringing you up or he was caught watching you at those parties and the girls got jealous. Amicable breakup or not there are clearly still feelings there of some kind.
NTJ How you took her responses was exactly how most other people would have taken them. A question mark after a word or sentence makes it a question. If she didn't understand then just say that or just put a question mark with no words. And 'ok I guess' is never a shortcut for ok I guess that makes sense. It sounds like she was offended that you (rightfully) called her out for seeming to not care. And then she made the argument all about her instead of the original topic of your mental health. I say good riddance and keep her out or your life. You deserve a better friend.
NTJ Defending someone who is being harassed, bullied or yelled at is okay. Especially when that person probably doesn't understand that their question was rude. Whether the conversation involved you or not it was clear that someone needed to step in and rescue the young lady. The adoptive parents could have acted like actual adults and either steered the conversation to a safer topic or walked away. They chose to berate her and you chose to step in and rescue her.
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