Jlaser1212
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YTJ. Truth be told you are allowed to hurt and your allowed to grieve and your allowed to have the questions you have. But what makes you the Jerk is you forget that everyone in your family are allowed to do the same thing and grieve. People grieve in different ways. And your BIL and your sister grieved and got close and and fell in love. Grieving this way and falling in love is probably quite common as people are in their most vulnerable and these times. And when vulnerable people spend time with each other they tend to get closer.
You should a have a long talk with your sister and BIL and maybe ask all the questions you have in an adult manner so maybe you can judge for yourself. (Adult manner means no yelling and not padding judgement). Obviously your sister is torn by this and wants you to hear her out and you can't even do that. The pain you must feel is unbearable. But your sister feels the same pain. Your sister is an adult and your BIL is an adult and they mad adult decisions. Is this engagement strange? In the grand scheme of things probably not.
Eventually your BIL would have gotten married to someone. Would you still be mad if that happened? No you wouldn't. So why are you mad because it's your sister? At least you know that your nieces and nephews are in good hands.
This is hard to take in now and telling your sister you need time to take it is fine. But you flipping out and make your sister feel awful for unexpectedly falling in love when she is obviously hurting over it is wrong on your part.
NTJ. NTJ. Your brothers are adults and can make their own decisions and they have and that is fine. You asked your mother how she felt and she gave you and honest answer which is fair but then her adding she doesn't know how you and her will be able to have a relationship after that isn't fair. Although your mother was ill for 10 years of your life, that doesn't change the fact that YOU LIVED those years. They were your experiences and your 10 years. You have made great efforts to have a better relationship with your mother and it is better. You also get to make your decisions without being manipulated. Have a conversation with your mom and tell her how your feel and you want to go. Tell her you understand how she feels but that she should see how hard you have tried to have a relationship with her and will still continue. But you also get to try and have a relationship with your father and his new wife. It is not fair for people to play you against the others.
Definitely NTJ. Your husband is a grown man. He is having a medical procedure. They happen. He can go by himself and should be supportive of you keeping your obligation to your friend. If your husband wants to file for divorce as has been suggested then let him. He is guilting you into always giving up your life for him. Your best friends wedding is important and so is his surgery. But he needs to realize that too. I'm sure there are other people who can go with him and I'm sure he has a cell phone so you can call him and speak to him when it's over. This shouldn't be an issue and he should be encouraging you to go to thw wedding.
YTj. You planned a special day. She has a pact with her sister so they have to do it together. She offered to pay for her sister. Accept this and show goodwill. Enjoy the day with her and her sister and have a good time. You will be the hero bf that the family loves.
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