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NTJ. At first I was thinking maybe OP was slightly overreacting, but mom is TJ. Then I read more and WOW! Mom loves airing out the dirty laundry so much she’s getting people on her side ganging up on you! You basically are being bullied by your mom! She absolutely can control herself, I think she enjoys it. My mom was similar but not nearly this bad. I had to realize that she was just someone I couldn’t tell anything important to that I didn’t want the whole family and church to know. I talked with my mom about it quite a bit and she felt bad and apologized. She’s a lot better now, but I still filter what I share. My mom is just a really open person and sometimes forgets her filter. I understand this and don’t blame her for it since she has actually improved a lot. OP’s mom can’t even see where she might be wrong. She sounds like a narcissist and she’s pushing OP away. She shouldn’t be surprised when her kids go NC the moment they move out at 18.
YTJ Can you see anything past your own nose? You write like the whole thing is about you and the baby. It’s great that you still have the maternal desire to see your daughter, but you dismissed her left and right. Why was it so important to bring an infant? Why did you insist your daughter’s event involve an infant? You were disrespectful to everybody for bringing the baby. The first time she fussed you got looks; your response was just a “‍♀️ what are ya gonna do?” You insisted the baby would sleep through, which they didn’t. Then when the baby was finally removed, YOU left, saying the STEP FATHER wanted to see the performance! Right there it’s very clear you don’t care. You are so wrapped up in yourself that you have absolutely no idea how your actions affect others, so you react with a “it’s not a big deal, get over it.” Such as belittling your daughter’s performance. It meant something to HER, therefore it was IMPORTANT! After this I’d expect your older kids to want nothing to do with you. You have shown, and probably not the first time, that the only one matters here is you.
Your mom is massively inconsiderate of other people’s time, but you know this. You’re absolutely NTJ, but I don’t understand why you expected this trip to be any different. Dad obviously doesn’t care and enables mom so you know trips are just like this. I don’t know if your mom is truly forgetful, if she’s a narcissist, or if she has undiagnosed ADD or something like that. But you control you, what you do, where you go, and who you associate with. You complain that this was your first time going to this place but not your parents, maybe the trip wasn’t as important to them and they didn’t know how much it really meant to you. Maybe you expressed that but they still didn’t get it. Whatever it is, you know how your parents are. You know your mom won’t change or take responsibility. You know your dad will always enable her. For your sanity, accept this and decide how you will react - stop going on trips? Maybe tell your parents you’re leaving 2 hours earlier than intended? You have weekends free now, plan activities that you want to do with your friends or learn to enjoy being by yourself. You’re NTJ for feeling this way but you are kind of jerkish for expecting different when there’s a long established pattern that you are very familiar with.
Wow if he’s this upset over a shower, hoo boy is she in for a life under his thumb. He’s making it a hill to die on because he’s trying to control her; abusers start small to see what they can get away with, and they choose insignificant things in the hope the abused will agree because it’s “not a big deal.” OP needs to kick him out and run FAST! He’s an enormous red flag! And really, who tf cares if she showers every day? A) he’s not paying any bills B) it’s HER body C) she could shower everyday just to stand in the shower and not do anything and D) who gets upset over someone being CLEAN? She’s not obsessive about it, and even if she was he still has no business saying anything. The guy is beyond a massive jerk, he’s an abuser trying to lock down his next victim.
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