People Ask Us To Express Our Deepest Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Dad's Best Man At His Wedding?
“My (17 M) dad (40) is getting married in a few months. He and my mom divorced when I was 6 and he got together with his now fiancé when I was 8. They began to have kids almost immediately and my dad began to ignore me for them. He would be late to pick me up, he would ditch me on holidays or he would fly me to his parents and then never appear, things like that.
I also never clicked with his fiancé, she wasn’t a monster, but she didn’t care about me.
Things really took a turn when I was 11 and he moved to Switzerland to live near his fiancé’s family. Since then I’ve only seen him like twice or thrice every year until the global crisis hit and he got ‘stuck there’.
Last year he began to call me, we made plans every month until November and he only appeared to 4 of them. I have a lot of friends with divorced parents and I know how this goes. I just didn’t care nor had the energy to keep it up so I just stopped believing him. He didn’t call on my birthday, didn’t show up to Christmas and he never answered my calls during New Year’s.
That was it for me.
However, he called me two days ago and told me how much it would mean to him if I went to his wedding and acted as his best man. I straight-up refused. He dismissed me and told me ‘I’ll fly you here, you’ll be 18 then and you can have mini-vacations after the wedding and-‘ then I hung up the phone.
He hasn’t called ever since, but his fiancé sent a message and told me how sad my dad was and that he was really excited about having me there for him. (I just realized I cut off the sentence lol sorry) I just told her I didn’t believe him anymore and to lose my number once I was 18.
Some of my friends think that I’m being too hard but all of them said is up to me. Maybe AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Not Trying Harder To Include My Mom In A Special Mother-Daughter Moment?
“I (F 29) am engaged to my fiance (M 32) and we plan on having our wedding towards the end of this year. We are so excited, and I cannot wait for him to be my husband.
Together, we planned most of the wedding and organized all of the vendors except for buying my wedding dress.
I have started the process of looking for dresses, but most bridal boutiques are fully booked into 2023 to accommodate all of the weddings that were postponed over the past two years. I have called every boutique within driving distance and have been put on every waiting list.
About a week ago, I received a call from a local boutique telling me that someone had canceled their appointment and that a spot had opened up if I would like to take it. The only catch is that the appointment will be early in the morning, as most boutiques have extended their business hours to accommodate as many people as possible.
With current restrictions, the boutique only allows me to bring one guest so I phoned my mom (F 52) to invite her along. This is an event that I would really like to share with her, and she has always told me that she’d like to be there. Unfortunately, as she reminded me, the appointment coincides with her weekly yoga class which she has been attending for 20 years.
I explained that the boutique had me on a waiting list and I did not choose the appointment time, but she feels that I ‘did not push them hard enough’. I phoned the boutique back, and they said that I could either go back on the waiting list, or I could attend. This was their only available appointment, so I confirmed that I would attend.
I phoned my mom back to let her know, and she again declined saying that I should know the time of the class after 20 years. So, I invited my soon-to-be MIL (F 58) to my mom’s place. This has caused a rift, with my parents saying that I am excluding my mom from a special experience and ‘showing my true colors’, while my fiance and future in-laws feel that I gave my mom first choice and it was her decision to decline.
As of right now, my parents have said that they will not attend the wedding.
I am honestly at a crossroads, I am so grateful that my MIL can attend and we can share something special but I would hate for my parents to miss my wedding because they feel so excluded. My mom has told me that she will use this experience as an indicator of how I will behave for the rest of my life and that she is clearly lower down on the priority list than my future in-laws.
She has also said that she feels I vindictively chose the appointment time to purposefully exclude her.
AITJ for not trying harder to include my mom in a special mother-daughter moment?”
I say good riddance.
34. AITJ For Thinking My Mon Is Jealous Of My Happy Relationship With My Partner?
“I (32 F) am getting ready to move in with my partner (29 M). Currently, I live next door to my mom (69 F), but when I move, I will be about an hour away from her.
Recently, I’ve noticed an uptick in her critical comments about me. She’s always been critical of me (my appearance, my weight, my grades when I was a kid, etc.) but we’ve always managed to work through it. Since my partner and I decided to live together, my mother has started making very critical comments to me disguised as questions.
Some examples:
‘Is he going to be okay with the cleanliness of your house?’ Although I’m not as clean as my mom, I don’t think I’m that bad, and my partner has seen my place of course, so he knows what it looks like. I don’t leave dishes in the sink, I wipe down stuff as needed, and I clean my floors every 1.5 weeks or so.
My mom is retired, so she has more time to devote to cleaning than I do.
‘Are you going to dress up more for work now that he will be around more?’ I work from home, and my partner knows what I look like, so my answer was just flat ‘No’.
‘You don’t think he would leave you if you gained weight?’ I used to be very heavy but had gastric sleeve surgery a few years ago, and lost about 160 lbs.
I’ve gained maybe 15 lbs back since I started going out with my partner and he hasn’t left me yet. I’m working to lose it, so I hope to not gain any more. I told her no, and she responded with a skeptical expression.
I just feel like all of these little digs are trying to make me doubt my relationship.
My partner, while never outright criticizing my mom, has helped me deal with it by making inside jokes with me about the stuff my mom says, and reassuring me that none of it is true. I’ve been trying so hard to bite my tongue, but the other day, my mom made another one of the digs, and I just told her that she needs to stop, she’s just jealous, which I think is true.
I think she’s jealous of my partner because he gets more of my attention now, and I think that she is jealous of me because I’ve found a loving relationship. She and my father divorced about 20 years ago, and in that time she has only been on 2 dates, by her own choice. But, I understand that even though she chose to not date anymore, it doesn’t change the fact that she might be lonely or regretful, and unconsciously taking it out on me.
Anyway, after I said that to her, she of course got mad and told me to leave. So AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Prioritizing Spending Time With My Son Over My In-Laws?
“I (32 M) have three kids (6 F, 4 F, 7 M) but only my daughters are shared with my wife, I married my wife six years ago, before her, I had a friend with benefits I met in college but she had to move out the city and I didn’t hear anything about her.
A year ago, she contacted me out of the blue to let me know I was her six-year-old son’s father which made me mad. We did all the tests to make sure he was my son and yeah, he is 100%, and she made clear that she contacted me because she was struggling financially and needed my help not because she wanted to destroy my life, my wife wasn’t happy about this but as it happened before I met her, she couldn’t complain.
I’m no one to deny a child the right to spend time with his dad (since I know how much it hurts) so I asked his mom to let me spend the weekends with him, he is great and we learned to love each other so we changed it to 50/50 custody for her to settle down and because I love spending time with my boy.
Our house has 4 bedrooms, 1 for me and my wife, 2 for our daughters, and 1 for guests (it was until my son came into the equation). Once my son appeared I renovated the room to give it to him, even though he only spent weekends with us (for the first 3 months after I found out) he had a room of his own in our house so he feels welcomed, and now that he spends a week with us he personalized it and really feels like owns it (he does).
My daughters love him and he loves them back, my wife is indifferent but I’m not asking her to be my son’s mom, he already has one.
This past week was my time to have my son (my wife knew it) but my in-laws were going to visit us, we only have 4 rooms so we had two options:
· They sleep on the couch
· They go to a hotel
My wife didn’t say anything and I assumed she knew what the situation was since my son was staying with us that week too, and even if he wasn’t this is his room now and no one goes in when he isn’t around.
So, I think my wife assumed I would skip my week since in-laws were coming and they used to stay in that room, her surprise was when I picked up my son and took him home, she was kind of mad and said: You know my parents are coming, right? ‘I know, what’s the issue’.
I replied, ‘Where are they supposed to stay?’ said my wife, ‘In a hotel’.
She went mad and started telling me to take my son back and skip this week but I said no, this is also my son’s house, and has more rights to be here than my in-laws, so my in-laws had to stay in a hotel but didn’t last that long they left 3 days later (supposed to stay 2 weeks).
Now my wife says I humiliated them and calls me a jerk for not skipping my week but if I skipped I had to wait two weeks to have him around. My son loves spending time with me and I love spending time with him and my daughters.
So AITJ for the way I treated my in-laws and not skipping my week?”
32. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Sister To My Wedding?
“I (25 M) and am engaged to my fiance (24 F). I have an older sister who we’ll call Riley who is 5 years older than me. My whole life she picked on me, stole my things, and was just a straight-up jerk to me.
But to everyone else, she seemed to be an angel. This led to us never getting close and we never really cared about each other. It was such a relief for me when she moved out and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.
I am now living with my fiance in a small apartment.
I haven’t talked to my sister since she moved out, and I never planned to connect with her again.
Last month I contacted my parents telling them that I was getting married. They were ecstatic and asked who was coming. It wasn’t going to be a huge wedding because neither me nor Alexia (my fiance) liked the idea of a big wedding.
We planned on inviting some of Alexia’s friends, some of my friends, and my parents. My parents seemed confused when Riley’s name never popped up. They asked me if that was it and I told them yes. They then asked, ‘Aren’t you inviting Riley?’ Riley had never even crossed my mind while we were planning so I told her that I had no intention of inviting her.
My mom then kind of got mad calling me a jerk and saying stuff like, ‘She is your sister, why wouldn’t she cross your mind?’ I then told her that Riley had been a jerk to me my entire childhood. My parents kept making up the same, ‘She’s your sister why won’t you invite her?’ excuses.
I then kind of snapped. ‘Did you not notice the things she has put me through for the 15 years I had to live with her? Were you not present?’ My mom got mad and said, ‘We aren’t coming if Riley isn’t.’ Perfectly fine with me. I replied telling them that they didn’t have to come and I would be happier without them.
They haven’t contacted me since. Me and Alexia are planning to get married in about 3 weeks or so. I told my friends about it and they called me a jerk. Alexia is totally on my side with not inviting Riley. Alexia knows what I went through with her and she is very understanding. So I’m curious, AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Telling My Crying Sister To Be Quiet And Chill Out?
“My sister (18 F) has Cerebral Palsy that affects the usage of her right hand and leg. She was extremely lucky to have a more subtle case of Cerebral Palsy, but it still sometimes gets in the way of her lifestyle. She has completely given up getting any help with her disability after she got surgery to fix her way of walking.
My sister is bipolar and is extremely sensitive. She gets easily overwhelmed and dramatizes any small issue. I’ve gotten used to this behavior, as it has been going on for many years. However, there are just some times that I can’t deal with it anymore.
Today was the exception. My sister had microwaved a Pot Pie, and as she took it out, she dropped it.
Usually, this never happens – in my opinion, I believe she got scared it was hot and accidentally slipped. She started swearing, then panicked for paper towels. We didn’t have many, so she was frantically searching, occasionally yelling at our dogs, and physically pushing them to get out of her way. Then she started crying and complaining.
I kept telling her to take a breather since it wasn’t that big of a deal. I even went out of my way to clean the very small mess.
Now this happens a lot, she gets overwhelmed, starts crying, and repeats herself constantly saying how no one will ever understand what she is going through.
This is true, you can’t ever experience what someone else is experiencing. She practically made her life seem like it’s one big giant charity case – when really, she just refuses to find different solutions to her problems.
After hearing her complain repeatedly, crying hysterically, and comparing her physical abilities to myself constantly, I got fed up.
I told her to stop crying over little things because she wouldn’t get very far in life. She even cries when I don’t help her take three grocery bags out of the car because she can’t get up (due to her weight, in my opinion) since she can’t use ONE hand. There have been multiple times when I went out of my way to prove to her that I can do things with one hand that she could have done.
Her disability only really limits her one hand, she can still use it, but she doesn’t have much strength. Unfortunately uses her Cerebral Palsy as an excuse for everything.
She said that I invalidated her feelings because I told her to be quiet and chill out. I also told her that she shouldn’t let these small mishaps get in the way of her life, because then she’d need to be babied for the rest of her life.
I may have let my own emotions get in the way because I slipped and said that it’s tiring always hearing her complain about her life, and her using her disability as an excuse for everything. She needs to learn to suck it up and find workarounds for the most challenging bits of having Cerebral Palsy.
I feel guilty for being mean, but I can’t help but feel annoyed. I’m tired of being compared to her disability all the time. I got vocal about how I was feeling now, and she took it the wrong way.
AITJ for speaking up?”
30. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Sister's Wedding?
“I (f 32) and my sister (f 28) are not close anymore. She’s getting married to a person I never met only heard of him. And the one time she said anything about him she said she had contracted chlamydia from him.
This was when they first started going out one year ago. So I didn’t get a very positive impression of him at all.
Anyway. They’re getting married. And the one time in a year my sister actually calls me is to tell me that I have to wear a wig at the wedding.
She also told me to lose weight and instructed me what to say if I get any questions about what I do for a living.
I didn’t say anything and hung up.
So, a little background story about me. I had cancer last year and lost my hair due to chemotherapy. I also have gained weight because I haven’t been as active as I usually am.
I struggle with fatigue after treatment. So, I have short hair and a few extra pounds and I also don’t work right now. I am on disability benefits.
The reason she wanted me to do all this is because she didn’t want me to take her spotlight from her. Like I mentioned I hung up when she called. I was speechless.
So I texted her the day after and told her I wouldn’t be attending the wedding. She called me again and started to scream at me so I hung up on her and blocked her number.
I even got nasty messages from my sister’s partner’s sister and one of the parents. I never even met them.
Let alone know their names.
So, now one week later I have gotten so many messages from my aunt, one of my cousins, and my grandmother. Telling me I was selfish for not doing this for my sister.
I don’t have my phone in my bedroom at night. So, when I woke up yesterday I had 25 messages and 12 missed calls.
I haven’t been bothered to answer any of them. And I am not going to.
I tried to talk to my mom, but she didn’t want to be involved. She’s just passive-aggressive kind of. My dad didn’t say anything about it at all. Luckily my other four cousins support me and are totally on my side.
My uncle is also supporting me on this.
So AITJ for not attending the wedding?”
29. WIBTJ If I Report A Petco Employee For Contacting Me?
“I went to a pet store recently to get some food for the fluff puffs.
I gave my phone number to the cashier for the loyalty rewards program when I made my purchase. Me being friendly, I made small talk as he was checking my stuff out. My mom is on my account and I joked she needed to get her own account when he did the customer lookup (my phone number came up with multiple names), said thank you, and noted the guy had an accent (deep southern, and were in the NE) and asked where he was from.
He informed me and I said cool, never been there I like your accent. Have a good day, and went on about my business.
The next day I received a text from a number not saved in my phone. They addressed me by my first name (though misspelled) and were like ‘Is this (my name).’ I tend to purge through my contacts frequently so I thought it might be an acquaintance whose number I deleted and thus I asked ‘Who is this.’ He replied that it was the guy from Petco and he just wanted to inform me I forgot my receipt the other day.
I was a bit perplexed as I’ve never had anyone text me about a receipt. Particularly from their personal phone and not at like 11 p.m. Furthermore, I never gave the guy my number which tells me he looked it up… Eventually, I replied, ‘That’s a little weird, bro but thanks.’ He didn’t say anything back but I did start to get a bit creeped out.
I am a single woman, I live alone and my home address is on my profile. The pet store is my neighborhood pet store so maybe 8-10 mins away from my house. Furthermore, the next night I happened to be cleaning my car out and found the aforementioned receipt.
I was wondering if I am being too dramatic if I report him to corporate?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Help Parent My Older Brother?
“I (27 f) moved out of my parents’ house last year since their codependency was really wearing me down. For context, my family is South Asian and my parents immigrated here in their early 20s with barely any family, and still don’t really have a community nearby. My parents don’t get along and rely on me and my brother (31 m) for support/company.
My brother still lives at home, works fully remotely, and doesn’t really have any friends or community of his own (and to my knowledge never dated before).
My parents have lately been getting antsy about getting my brother married because due to our culture, 31 feels very old to them. They put his ‘bio-data’ on several matrimonial sites and encourage (maybe even force) my brother to talk to girls via phone call until hopefully, he finds someone he likes.
This morning my mom was getting frustrated that all his conversations were fizzling out, and sat me down (I’m visiting for the weekend) to ask for my help: things like how should he be texting girls, what should he say to them, what sorts of questions should he be asking. I asked her why SHE was asking this since it’s my brother having the conversations, and we had some back and forth about boundaries, how I felt she was micro-managing, over-involving herself, and asking for me to help parent my brother even though he’s 4 years older than me.
She completely disagrees and from her perspective, you’re supposed to help family and accused me of ‘giving up on my brother’.
I do feel a bit guilty that I could be helping guide him more, but I still think it’s not my place and after all, HE didn’t ask me for any advice, SHE did.
It really is such a huge clash of Western ideas of ‘independence’ vs. her sense of community, which to me also means enmeshment. AITJ for trying to set boundaries?'”
27. WIBTJ If I Convert My Son's Playroom Into My Mom's Bedroom?
“I (28 f) am a single mother to my son (5 m). Recently my parents who are in their 50s got a divorce which came as a shock to everyone as they’ve been married for a very long time. My mum has worked low-paying jobs her whole life. Now that the divorce is being finalized, she is going to have to move out of the home she rented with my dad and she can’t afford to live by herself given the current financial state of the world.
My apartment (that I own) has three bedrooms. My room, my son’s room, and another room that used to be my office but has been converted into a playroom for my son. Because of the financial state that my mum is in, I have offered for her to come and live permanently with me but this would of course mean turning my son’s playroom into a bedroom for her.
My son loves his playroom and unfortunately, we would have to get rid of some stuff he loves (a tipi den and other larger things) because there just isn’t room elsewhere in the apartment.
I broke the news gently to him two days ago and it caused a massive tantrum and he hasn’t really talked to me or shown me any usual affection since.
I’ve tried explaining to him that I never had a playroom growing up. It isn’t a necessity and sometimes we have to make sacrifices for loved ones, but he just isn’t having it. I didn’t think I was in the wrong until I met up with my group of friends who are other mums who think I would be a jerk for taking my son’s playroom away from him.
The thing is, the whole reason I’ve done so well for myself financially is so that I could look after my mum in her old age. And she might not be that old, but she’s in a crisis and I can’t let her struggle because of a playroom when I know that I have the means to help.
I don’t think my friends really understand it because they grew up wealthy and privileged and don’t understand how humiliating and life-limiting poverty is, and no offense to them but they spoil their kids to the point that it makes me uncomfortable and I swear I wouldn’t let my son become like that.
So I’ve come here to ask if I’d be the jerk in this situation?”
26. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Have A Relationship With My Stepsister?
“I lost my best friend this year to bipolar disorder after her doctor dropped her and ceased medication refills for missing appointments. I was devastated, and in a way still am. I lost my grandma 2 weeks later and it was a very difficult time for me. My stepsister, Sarah, and I had been close with her for several years and the year my son was born before I moved a state over.
Sarah currently has no children of her own and is in her mid-20s. My son is 7 now and we have maintained contact with Sarah 1-2 times a year until Sarah and I went on non-speaking terms in March after we last saw her during a trip to visit my dad who was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.
After the visit, I confided in Sarah that I was going through a deep depression, and she kept insisting I go see family that I wasn’t comfortable seeing at that time and not hearing anything I was saying. I explained that I didn’t feel like she understood what I was going through internally and that my feelings weren’t being acknowledged. She started going off about how I wasn’t hearing her trying to help me, that she’s refusing to let me dwell in toxic behavior, she doesn’t sympathize with me, that I lack humility, need to stop pushing people away, etc. then told me to humble myself and apologize to her and actually ask for help.
It’s been 5 months and she ended up leaving me on read. I did say some potentially hurtful things in response about how I didn’t need her in my life, and about her acting all high & mighty.
A few weeks ago, my parents told me she was coming to visit them and wanted me to join them.
I declined and let them know that if she wanted to reach out to me she could. My parents had my kid for weekdays the past month for swim lessons they wanted him in, but this week there was no swim so I was excited to have him back home. They reached out to get him for the rest of the week and I politely declined explaining the situation.
They then asked why I wasn’t letting my son see Sarah. I let them know that they did not say it was to see her, and that I didn’t feel comfortable with them going behind my back to make her happy at my expense, especially since they have ‘chosen to stay out of things between siblings’ when one of my sisters literally wouldn’t let anyone even speak of our other sister.
I let them know I set boundaries with Sarah for my own healing and that I did not want my son around someone who felt it was okay to be so critical of me for dealing with depression and grief.
My parents got really mad at me because if I can do this to Sarah then I can do it to anyone in the family.
I told them yes I can, it’s my choice and they should’ve respected it. I told them they could cancel swim next week and not to try showing up unannounced to pick up my son like they do instead of making amends.
AITJ for not wanting my son to spend time with my stepsister during her visit?
Also, AITJ for telling my parents to cancel swim lessons that my son is over anyways?”
25. AITJ For Refusing To Wait For My Sister's Parcel All Day?
“So my wife (24 F) and her family go on an out-of-state two-week trip every year. This year I (26 F) could not tag along since my workload is incredibly high at the moment, so I stayed home to take care of the house and our dogs.
My SIL (25 F) and her husband live in the same town as us, and she refused to board her cats and begged me to cat/house sit while they were away. I reluctantly agreed despite warning her that I cannot linger at their house for long at any point since I have my own animals after work and a ton of things to do daily – plus I’m allergic to cats and being at their place long causes me some problems.
She still wanted me to watch them, so that’s not been a problem so far. The problem came in when she decided to place an order for an expensive new laptop the second day of their vacation – and ship it to her house here in town. She says that she assumed it would take a long time to process and ship, and by the time it got there they would be back home.
But she got an alert that it was going to be delivered three days later, and it was too late to change the shipping address.
It requires a signature upon delivery and it’s ineligible to be dropped off at a carrier pick-up point. SIL asked if I could go to her place and try and intercept it, but it has been attempted to be delivered twice now, both times while I’m still at work, and SIL has been increasingly irritated and snippy about the situation.
Cut to today, SIL asks if I can wait at her house all day for delivery since she doesn’t know when it’ll be attempted to be delivered. I told her no. I have a weekend routine with the dogs, I have extra work to catch up on, and plans/chores of my own for the long weekend that this will cut into and I can’t spend an entire day at her house waiting on a package – to say nothing of my allergies.
I said I could try to wait for two hours in the afternoon when I take care of her cats and nothing more.
She then got ticked off and said that she would do the same for me, tearfully saying she would’ve taken a whole day off work to do something like this for me if roles were reversed (she works part-time 10 hours/week and I regularly have to work 50-60 hours/week and sometimes weekends so this false equivalence just got my blood boiling).
I got frustrated and told her that her poor planning and failure to think this through was not my problem, that she should’ve waited until she was back home to place the order and I couldn’t be held responsible for her bad decision.
Needless to say, SIL didn’t take that well and wailed to the whole family how rude I was being and not treating her like a sister.
She told my wife I was being a jerk about blaming her, and she’s stressed about never getting her expensive computer. So, I don’t know. Maybe I’m being a jerk and too inflexible but I just don’t have the time for what she’s asking. SIL and I have a good relationship and I don’t want this to jeopardize it, but there’s only so much I can do here.
Thoughts?”
24. WIBTJ If I Hire Security To Keep My Dad's Brother's Out Of My Mom's Funeral?
“My mom was told recently by the doctor that she doesn’t have much time left. She has decided to be proactive And plan for a future for when she dies, recently she has planned her wake/funeral. My mom is still married to my dad however he is one of the most hateful and disrespectful people I’ve ever met.
He’s very controlling and abusive towards my mom, and his brothers are no different. My entire childhood his brothers and he made my family’s life miserable. When my grandma (mom’s mom) passed away around three years ago his brothers came to her wake and started a fight with my mom and older sister.
When I say fight I mean a legit fight they tried swinging at my mom in front of her dead mother. The cops were called it was a mess.
My mom always had a hard time sticking up for herself but since her mom’s funeral, she’s learned to find somewhat of a voice against my father.
She has made it extremely clear she doesn’t want his brothers to attend any part of her services when she passes. She went as far as to ask the funeral director if they could provide security to ensure this doesn’t happen. Unfortunately, the funeral home doesn’t offer that.
Her husband is beyond mad about this.
He has said multiple times now he doesn’t care what she wants his brothers will be there. He says we are all jerks for not wanting his brothers to be there and that they are the most important people in his life. My older brother believes I am blowing this out of proportion. I don’t know if I am or if I should stick to my mom’s wishes and ensure they don’t come.
I feel conflicted. WIBTJ if I hired security or a few friends to make sure my dad’s brothers aren’t allowed into my mom’s funeral?”
23. AITJ For Not Helping My Father Return To The Country?
“My (32 F) father (70 M), Fer, abandoned my mother, my brother (29 M), and me when I was just 10 years old. He moved to another country and never helped my mother financially.
Our contact over the years was very rare, if I spoke on the phone with him once a year it was a lot and my brother never spoke to him after he turned 10.
Fortunately, my mother met my father and he was fantastic, being the person I consider my father to this day (5 years after he passed away).
When I turned 21, Fer became more ‘present’, which was a call a year, became a call every two weeks, at least with me.
Before talking about the situation, it is worth pointing out something in the past.
4 years ago, I got engaged and it was very difficult because my father always had the dream of taking me down the aisle and he passed away before. I don’t replace him, but I wish at least all my parents, even the ones I don’t consider, were there, because despite everything, until I was 10 years old, Fer was a great father.
I almost begged him to come for the wedding day, I offered to pay all the costs for him to come and even the return ticket, but he refused, saying he was busy with the service. And since the day of that refusal, our relationship has not been the same.
The situation:
2 weeks ago, my grandmother, the mother of Fer, passed away and all her children came from other countries, and other cities to go to the funeral (but Fer).
Fer sent a message not even 1 week later, asking if I could help him move to my country, as he wants to be closer to his family and it would be easier to resolve legal issues (AKA his inheritance).
I was annoyed that I could totally help, but all these events in the past, including the wedding, didn’t make me want to spend a dime to help.
And I said so.
He was upset, saying that this was a thing of the past and it had been so many years. That he’d been in a tight spot for years and couldn’t afford this change. He even said that he was already too old and that he needed to go back to his country to be close to his family and reestablish connections.
I just told him I was busy with my work (yes, petty) and told him to go look for someone other than my mother.
I’ve been getting messages from his brothers saying that I was being cruel and that now everyone is having to share for him to come here, and I can pay for ALL.
And that I was being vindictive and resentful. My family is by my side.
AITJ?”
22. WIBTJ If I Tell My Sister-In-Law To Wear Something Green At My Wedding?
“I’m getting married soon. I have 7 bridesmaids, some close friends, cousins, and my SIL. I didn’t want them to spend a lot of money so instead of asking them to get matching dresses I chose a color (green) and asked them to wear any dress that they liked. It doesn’t have to be new, it doesn’t have to be a specific fabric or style, and it can be any shade of green they like.
My idea was that they could wear something they already have or something they could reuse later.
Last week I received a message from my SIL saying she needed to talk to me. We met for coffee and she told me she had a problem with wearing a green dress. She said she doesn’t like the color in any shade, she never wears green clothes and she didn’t feel comfortable wearing a green dress for my wedding.
I told her she doesn’t have to use something that is 100% green, it can have touches of other colors or it can be a close color (like teal or something closer to yellow). She insisted that she didn’t feel comfortable wearing anything that was close to green and proceeded to show me pictures of other dresses she wanted to use.
The dresses were all pink, coral, or red. Some had flowers that had a tiny touch of green (the center of the flower only, or a green belt). I told her I thought I was being reasonable with the dress code for bridesmaids. I’m open to any similar shades and I’m not asking for any specific style, but a completely different colour was a bit too much.
I also told her that I wouldn’t get offended if she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore and we could find her a different role in the wedding (read something during the ceremony or something like that) if she preferred. She completely lost it. She said I was being a Bridezilla and cared more about having nice wedding pictures than about her comfort, that it is not okay to dictate how others dress, and that everyone knows that she is a bridesmaid so she couldn’t just quit this role, etc. I said I’ll think about it and left.
I got a phone call from my brother saying that SIL is devastated because she has to choose between feeling okay with herself and being a bridesmaid, and highlighted how they didn’t dictate what I had to dress on their wedding (she didn’t have bridesmaids, so I don’t think it’s the same). My fiancee says it’s not a big deal and I should let her wear whatever she wants, but I think I’m being reasonable.
My family is on her side and added that it would be a nice way to make her stand out, but if one bridesmaid were to stand out, I would rather have my BFF use a special color than my SIL because my BFF and I are closer.
WIBTJ if I tell SIL she can’t use the color she wants?
EDIT: some points I wanted to clarify.
1. She is telling the truth about not liking green clothes. After I met with her I looked for all the pictures I could find and she never wears green or anything close to green.
2. I think my family wants her to be a maid of honor or something like that.
They want SIL to stand out from the other bridesmaids, not necessarily on the wedding in general.”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Husband To Come To My Son's Birthday Party?
“I have a son who will be turning 1 next week and we’ll be having a party with family and friends. My dad died when I was 7 and my mom remarried 14 months later. Her husband Jason and I have butted heads since day one. He came in and expected to be a dad, and for me to allow him to adopt me and change my name, etc. I fought back and told him he could never be my dad and I wanted MY dad, not some new guy pretending to be my dad.
He called me disrespectful and told me he wasn’t some new guy, he was married to my mom and raising me. Mom, for the most part, was trying to keep both sides happy. Jason and I clashed until I left the house, where I told him to stop and not to expect a relationship with me going forward.
During those years it was intense between us. He was trying to be dad, I was pushing him away and doing everything I could to make him stop. Even if it meant disrespect. I just wanted him to stop pushing for the role and title of dad.
When I was 17 and we were fighting again because I refused to pretend I was his daughter for his high school reunion, he said screw my dad, he was glad he was dead, he hoped he was suffering and he would love to go pee on his grave.
I told him I wished he would drop dead and make the world a better place.
Mom stayed in touch with me after I moved out. I made it clear to her that her husband was not welcome in my life. She has continued to show up and maintain communication. I made it clear I was not going to keep our relationship going if it meant including her husband.
Now she is trying to say he should be invited to the birthday party. I said no. Told her he was not welcome, would never be welcome and she could do with that what she wanted.
My mom’s two sisters have said I am wrong for not inviting him, and that my son could have a willing grandpa if I would allow him in.
My mom told me I was being cruel to my son in all this. And that Jason is willing to be a good grandparent to him.
AITJ for saying he’s not welcome?”
20. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Husband For Micromanaging Me?
“I’m a stay-at-home mom while my husband works 60+ hours/week. I take care of all of the household admin, cooking, childcare, etc. My husband is a capable adult who is good with our kids and cleans up after himself but I do do other little admin things for him like renewing his license or things like dry cleaning.
To be fair, we can afford to outsource in places like a weekly cleaning lady and grocery delivery. But my husband’s coworker’s wife got sick and they have a similar arrangement and I think it freaked my husband out because now he’s on a documentation in case something happens kick. Easier for him, but I could fill binders and binders.
At first, I was very onboard but it started to feel like I had a boss and a performance review. The more he paid attention the more critical he was, not usually being mean but for example ‘Why do we have 3 repair guys for this’ ‘Well #1 is the best, the other two are good for small stuff’ ‘Why can’t we just use #1’ ‘Well #1 is expensive so I prefer to price compare’ ‘Oh honey your time is worth more than that we should use #1 more’ which should be a compliment but felt like he was lecturing me about productivity.
Also criticisms of my systems like I’d have ‘MSoc’ on the calendar but he’d want me to write Mike @ Soccer 4-6 pm at Levi Field because how was he supposed to know all of my weird abbreviations? But it felt like he’d use his employee review voice, like ‘When you don’t document it correctly on the calendar, it makes it hard for me to support you if something comes up, I want to support you.’ That kind of language.
It was driving me increasingly up the wall but I kept adding things to the google doc anyway. It just felt like I was being audited, like he has access to our overall financial management tool though I pay the bills etc., but he’s like oh I notice this and this credit card isn’t reporting transactions into the tool do you want to give me that login?
It’s not that I’m hiding anything and he’s the more spendy of the two of us but it just changes the dynamic knowing he can see everything. He never actually pulled the ‘It’s my money you’re spending and I have a right to at least know’ card, but it felt like it was implied a few times.
I finally blew up at him because he gave me yet another ‘You’re great, I just want to facilitate your success’ kind of line, and told him that I wasn’t his employee and wasn’t on some kind of performance improvement plan and he needed to step off and let me do my ‘job.’ But he got upset and said I was telling him his own life wasn’t his business and he was just trying to support our family and me, and we were a team.
I said that he was making me feel like I was about to be replaced or something, like when a manager has the employee they’re about to lay off write down all of what they do, and of course he got offended because it was a mean thing of me to say. The whole thing went nowhere and now I feel bad.”
19. AITJ For Changing My Son's Diaper In The Ladies' Room?
“I am a 31-year-old man and was at a large store yesterday with my 5-month-old son when he did what babies do. I went over to the restrooms and saw that there wasn’t a family/companion restroom, just a men’s and women’s.
I went into the men’s room and saw there was a cubicle and a few urinals, but no changing table. The sink didn’t have a counter either.
I walked out and hunted down an employee to ask where the changing table was. She said it was in the bathroom, and I asked where assuming there was a family/companion restroom on the other side of the store.
She took me back to where I just was. I asked if there was another bathroom, and she said no. I told her I was just in the bathroom and there was no changing table. She asked if I was sure and suggested I look again.
I was annoyed, but I went back into the men’s room.
No changing table. When I came out the employee was gone. Keep in mind, my son has been in his poopy diaper this whole time. So I gave up and headed into the ladies’ room which sure enough had a changing table. There was a woman in there washing her hands, and she said ‘Wrong bathroom, buddy.’
I gestured to my son and said ‘No changing table in the men’s room.’ She laughed and said, ‘Bro, that sucks.’ Then she walked out. So I rushed to change him, hoping to be done before anyone else walked in. I’m almost done when a woman walks in and starts screaming at me.
I tried to explain what I was doing, but she kept screaming ‘Get out! You can’t be here!’ Then she ran out.
I finished putting the diaper on and rushed out of the bathroom. I saw the woman talking to an employee and decided to leave without my stuff. The employee tried to wave me down and stop me, but I rushed out to my car, buckled my son into his car seat, and left.
My wife said I absolutely did the right thing, but my mom said I was an idiot and was 100% in the wrong. My sister won’t stop laughing at me and is no help at all. AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Refusing To Alter My Cousin's Wedding Dress?
“I (31 F) am NOT a professional seamstress. Sewing, knitting, crocheting, and embroidery is my hobby.
I make a little money from fixing/altering clothes. My Nana (85 F) taught me, she was ‘the fixer’ of the family before I took over. Nana has arthritis and poor eyesight so she can’t sew anymore.
Last week my cousin (25 F) Louise asked me to alter a dress for her. Louise has been engaged for about 6 months, but the wedding date hasn’t been set yet, so it never occurred to me that it would be a wedding dress.
I’ve altered clothes for her before, she’s a traditional hourglass shape and clothes don’t always fit her off the rack. One thing about Louise is she likes to get the best ‘deal’ she can.
Louise and her mum (60 F, my aunt) brought the dress over to my mum’s (65 F) house yesterday for me to have a look at.
Louise had already told me that she wanted bra cups/support sewn into the dress, the hem raised, the hidden zip changed because it was broken and the waist taken in. I had initially agreed if she bought all the things to fix the dress (our usual deal for the mini dresses she normally gets me to alter).
Louise pulled this dress out of a big blue IKEA bag. Started telling me how much of a deal she got and how I was going to make it her dream dress. I was in literal shock. My hearing went to static, my eyesight went blurry, and I thought I was going to throw up.
All I could think to say was ‘That’s a wedding dress’ (apparently, I state the obvious when in shock).
I have never worked on a wedding dress before. My level of fixing is usually stitching seams, replacing zips/buttons, and a little bit of tailoring. I’ve made clothes from scratch but never a full length ball gown.
I apologized and said I was not comfortable altering a wedding dress. Louise started crying saying she can’t afford to take it to get it altered (she was quoted £400 wherever she bought the dress). I was repeating I’m sorry, Louise was repeating you promised. We both left in tears.
My mum was annoyed because I started a family argument.
My aunts (Louise’s mum) is annoyed that won’t just ‘fix it already’.
Louise isn’t talking to me.
Nana thinks it’s ridiculous that I draw the line at altering wedding dresses.
Some of my friends think I’m a jerk for saying I’d do it then going back on my word.
The only people that are on my side are, my husband, dad and my crafting friends.”
17. AITJ For Saying My Mom Is Not Responsible For Taking My Half-Siblings In?
“So my parents have me and my sister Katie, we’re both mid-20s now. Dad had an affair, got the other woman pregnant and she told Mom about her and my dad’s relationship when she was 6 months along. Mom kicked Dad out immediately and they divorced. Dad was living with and engaged to another woman.
They had another kid a short time later. My sister and I were 6 and 7 when our lives got turned upside down.
Dad’s other woman/second wife bailed when she realized he still wanted Mom and would have stayed had she not kicked him out. She left her kids behind too.
Dad wanted Mom to step into our half-siblings’ lives.
Mom held firm on her no.
When Katie and I were teenagers our dad ended up seriously injured and our half-siblings spent the best part of a year in foster care. A big deal was made of this because Dad had requested our mom be asked to take our half-siblings if something happened to him and Mom had said no when approached. We didn’t see our half-siblings at all during this time.
It’s been almost a decade since all that. Dad fully recovered and finished raising our half-siblings alone.
But mom’s lack of taking in half siblings has never been forgotten. Dad hates her for it and so do our half-siblings. Katie and I also get some crap from them for not begging/demanding Mom save them from foster care (they had a trashy experience).
I will always, 100% be on my mom’s side for that. She did what was best for her and ultimately, what was best for me and Katie because we needed our mom healthy and doing good. Not struggling and drowning in her own feelings because she was trying to take care of the kids who reminded her of the affair her ex-husband had.
Katie is engaged and the topic has come up a lot. Dad and our half-siblings are not happy with Mom being an active part of the wedding, and they say she should be cut from the wedding for not protecting our half-siblings. Katie said no way. I said that mom had no responsibility to them and I never thought she did anything wrong.
My words sparked an even worse fight, where they said we should care about our half-siblings, and how could I condone the actions of a grown woman who left kids to go to foster care when they were the siblings of her own children?
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Not Allowing My Tenant To Use My Yard?
“So I own a weekend home that I only go to on the weekends. I also rent out a unit in said home to a tenant, ‘Laura’ (24 F), including one lot in the carport.
There is a total of three lots, one of them belongs to the tenant, one of them is mine and the third one belongs to my partner who is also only there on the weekends.
When Laura got a partner a few months ago, I noticed him parking in my/my partner’s lot (blocking them both) when I arrived Friday afternoon, so I asked him to please move his car so I could park there instead.
This happened two or three times before I realized she simply didn’t seem to care. According to her, she doesn’t want to sound entitled, but also doesn’t understand why I don’t let her use the lot since I‘m barely there anyway’. There is plenty of space outside the gate 20ft from the carport for him to park – countryside, very safe area, etc.
The thing is, to me it doesn’t matter if I‘m gone a lot or not – I want to know that my parking lot is free whenever I need it to be.
Also, her apartment doesn‘t have a yard included, which she is really sad about because the entire place is beautiful and so is the yard.
But I do like my privacy on the weekends and therefore made it very clear before she signed the lease that there would be no yard. One time I woke up from a nap, went outside on the patio in my boxers, and saw her sitting on my outdoor lounge. I was quite surprised and apparently so was she when she said ‘Oh I didn’t know you were home’.
I texted her a few days later and explained to her once again to please be considerate and respect our privacy (also the lease) to which she replied: ‘I understand if it’s not mentioned specifically on the lease, and I don’t want to sound rude or entitled, but I don’t understand how I can be living there and not use the yard in some capacity.
I’m not asking to have my own portion of the garden or the patio and if it’s an issue of me being on the patio, I can move away from that part of the yard and use the space by the apple trees so I’m less in your space. I also understand you and your partner aren’t there during the weekdays usually and like your privacy so I do my best to not invade that when you are there.
I would like to not be totally banned from being in the yard, though.’
AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Apologize To My Son?
“I (F 33) have a son (11) from my former relationship with my ex-husband. Currently, I’m married to my husband (M 37) ‘Joe’ who has a (15) year old son.
My son isn’t that close to his stepbrother for many reasons including age, interests, hobbies, etc. My son likes to draw a lot. his stepbrother tends to rip his drawings whenever they get into a fight.
Now siblings and stepsiblings fight constantly which is normal. what isn’t normal is my stepson touching and ruining my son’s drawings which takes time and effort and sometimes… emotions.
My stepson apologized every time he did it. and with the help of some boundaries I put in place, he no longer damages my son’s drawings (I got my son a lock).
Joe complained about me creating distance between the boys and suggested I should’ve let them resolve this between them.
My son drew a picture of me, Joe, and him and showed it to us. Joe got extremely mad when he saw it and started scolding my son for not including his stepbrother. I got involved and told him off but he proceeded to rip up the picture in half and then into smaller and smaller pieces.
My son started crying and I snapped and yelled at Joe asking what was wrong with him. He told my son to go upstairs because he was punished and his punishment won’t be canceled til he starts including his stepbrother in his drawings. I told him to stop but he told me ‘Stay out of it, you’re the reason we’re having this issue’ and said that I made the boys resent each other by enabling my son’s unjustified hatred for his stepbrother and setting ‘boundaries’ (he kept air quoting this word) that shouldn’t be set between brothers.
I reminded him of what his son had done that caused my son to exclude him. Then told him that none of us even myself have the right to demand to be included in anything my son draws. It’s his own thing and he gets the final say.
I then demanded that he apologize to my son immediately.
Joe sarcastically clapped and then said that If I keep this up, then my son will grow up to be anti-social and soft. I went upstairs leaving him ranting about how this was basically my fault. I stayed with my son til he calmed down. Joe told me that by expecting him to apologize I’m not treating him as a parent and undermining his word.”
14. AITJ For Stopping Helping My Stepdaughter?
“So I (38 F) have been with my husband John (40 M) for over 6 years now and we have two kids.
He has a daughter Kim (15 F), whom I’ve been helping him raise since she was 9, and our son Sam (6 mo.) Her mother isn’t in her life anymore due to reasons unknown to us.
The problem started after I asked Kate if she could help me with some chores around the house while I took care of Sam.
We got into a fight over which one of us should do the dishes when she yelled ‘I’m not her real mother!’ and locked herself in her room. When John came home, I expected him to talk some reason into her, but after their talk, he ended up agreeing with her! They both sat me down and he told me that she was right to say that I’m not her mother because I’m not and that I overstepped my boundaries by asking her to clean.
According to John, her only focus should be on her homework and housework should be my job.
I’ll be honest in saying that I was heartbroken at that moment. I’ve always thought of her as my daughter and have treated her as such. To find out that she doesn’t feel the same way and that my husband supports this decision made me lose a lot of love for both of them.
I told them that I would respect their wishes, but I warned them that I would no longer go out of my way to help her. He can raise her and I would spend my time raising Sam. He agreed.
True to my word, I have not helped her with homework, she either has to get a ride from her dad in the morning or take the city bus, I no longer put money away for her college fund and have used that fund to start Sam’s.
All I do is cook and do her laundry and that’s it. Both my husband and Kim haven’t adjusted well to this new arrangement, and I can’t help but feel like a jerk for keeping this up. I’ve confessed to my best friend about this and she says that I’m not because this is exactly what they asked for, and if they wanted it to stop they would simply apologize.
So I need an unbiased opinion. AITJ?”
13. WIBTJ For Refusing To Lend My Car To My Sister?
“This past weekend, I (20 m) was gifted a car by my uncle. He was getting a new one, so instead of selling his 2007 Saturn for a few thousand he knew I needed a car for college and gave it to me. The thing is, I am leaving in six months for a religious service for two years.
While I am gone, the car needs somewhere to be stored and driven occasionally just to stay in good shape.
My dad is already expecting me to fully sign over the car to him so that he can insure it and let my sister use it for college. I kind of have to let him have it in some sense just because I have nowhere else to store it, I just don’t think I trust her to take care of it and that is a lot of miles to add to the car with 200k+ mileage already.
She is going to a school about 3 hours away, which means she will drive home multiple times each semester, sometimes in snowy winter conditions. She also likes to take long drives and road trips, so she would use it heavily.
Plus, she has had her own (albeit older) car for a few years while I’ve had to walk and take the bus everywhere.
It is having problems, but nothing that is too expensive to fix.
I told my dad I would add him as a co-owner so he could still insure it and drive it around town occasionally, but it wouldn’t be her car for college and he would need to sign a contract saying I get the car back in the same shape it is now, and that I would be the sole owner as soon as I get back.
He called me a selfish jerk who’s acting like a kid with his toy for not giving it to my sister, but I just want my car to be in good condition when I come back so I can use it for my 6 years of school.
AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Telling My Parents Not To Come To My Wedding Until They Have Returned My Money?
“I (23 F) live with my partner, Josh (25), and are getting married soon. So, after he proposed to me I moved in with him. My partner is wheelchair-bound but that doesn’t make him any less than humans ‘who can stand on their feet.’ There’s a reason why I’m quoting this.
I’m basically from a well-off family. My parents got a huge inheritance (I have no idea how much they got) but my share from it (my maternal grandparents’ will) came around $90K in cash plus a fully-furnished house and two cars. But I guess my parents got a lot more than me and my siblings because my mom was very close with her parents.
But for some reason, she grew apart from her six siblings who live across the states.
One day, my dad knocked on my door and asked me if I could lend him $30K for his business. He said he was caught up in some partnership and needed some funds and that he felt a bit awkward asking Mom.
I was like, “She’s your wife. You have all the right to ask her.’ But no, he insisted that I give him. I wrote a check for $30K and he went away happily.
Two months later, my mom visited me saying Dad had invested in some big business and was awaiting some ‘real big progress.’ She assured me she would ‘DEFINITELY’ repay me and asked me to lend her $15K.
Of course, she’s my mom, and growing up I had a very good bond with her. So, I didn’t hesitate. I gave her the money but my gut kicked in. I immediately called my parents a week later and asked them to sign an agreement stating the stipulated time they would repay me. I need this money because Josh and I have planned to start a family-owned bakery soon.
His family is supportive and well-off but we’d decided to launch our own careers/businesses.
So, here’s how it played out. My parents kept postponing the signatures and since I got busy with my work, I almost let it slide.
But one day, I got a call from one of my uncles who slammed me on the phone for making my parents homeless and destitute.
I was like ‘WHAT???’ Later, he sent me a video of them begging him for money by putting me in a ‘bad light.’ I confronted them with the footage and they confessed that they pretended to be destitute so that they get financial help from our uncle/aunts. Even worse, my dad had lied that I took all their inheritance and kicked them out of their house.
Shockingly, only two of my aunts had helped my parents with money while the others didn’t return their calls.
I don’t know how to proceed from here because my parents have lied for money. With my marriage ahead in a couple of months, I told my parents to not come until they stopped begging and returned my money.
And I sent word to all my relatives about what was happening. Now, my parents are mad at me and threatened to disown me if I don’t tell my relatives I lied they were pretending to be destitute. But I closed my doors on my parents because I don’t want to ruin my name to save their butts.
AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Taking My Cat With Me When I Move Out?
“A few months ago, I brought home a two-month-old kitten under the condition to my parents that it’d be my responsibility.
I took her to her first vet appointments, bought all her food, and litter, gave her water, bought her collars, and a bed, did extensive research before bringing her home, etc. I cleaned her litter and claimed sole responsibility since the day I brought her in the door.
She’s around eight months old now, and I’ve been looking at moving out. I know it’s not ideal to bring cats into new spaces when they’ve already gotten used to one, but again, she’s my cat, I care for her, and I’d like to keep my cat with me. Plus, she’s young enough I’m hoping she won’t be too affected.
My parents only feed her. They follow the diet I set for her, but other than that (and for a brief time they bought food and litter when I was unemployed to focus on school) I take care of her.
When I informed my parents I’d be moving out within the next six months or so, I told them that once my apartment was suitable, I’d be taking my cat with me.
This was met with extreme protest. My mom was under the impression that this was a ‘family cat’. I brought her home shortly before my childhood dog died, mainly because I knew I would shut down and I needed something to keep me going (enter cat). She’s my support system, and she means a lot to me.
I told her ‘No, she’s my cat. You guys have refused to care for her, outside of feeding her. She’s my cat.’
My parents believe they’ll get their way, and normally I’d agree, but I’m concerned they won’t take care of her. And in the end, she is my cat, and I want to do what’s best for her.
So, am I the jerk?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Stepsiblings?
“My mom (60 F) has been married to my stepdad (SD, 59 M) for almost 20 years. My dad has never really been a figure in my life, but my mom also married SD when I was already in college, so it’s not like he was much of a father figure to me either.
SD has 3 adult kids from a previous marriage, 2 of whom currently live with my mom and SD, but considering none of us grew up together or even lived in the same house together, I have never been very close to them.
I have been married to my husband for 5 years and we have a 2-year-old son.
Due to the global crisis, none of my step-siblings have met my son. My mom has recently been pushing for us to come over to their house with everyone there so that they can all meet my son. Honestly, I don’t really like any of my stepsiblings and I don’t like that my mom is trying to force a relationship.
I don’t really have specific reasons for not liking them, we just don’t have anything in common beyond our parents’ relationship. They definitely would not be the kind of people I would hang out with if our parents weren’t married.
So far I have been making excuses to my mom about why we can’t come over and see everyone.
But last time I asked I just kind of snapped at her. I told her that I didn’t care about my stepsiblings and that I didn’t really want a relationship with them. She told me that they just wanted to meet my son and it wouldn’t do me any harm to come over and spend a few hours hanging out with them.
I told her that I have never been close with any of the steps and that I find it weird she is trying to push us all to be ‘one big happy family’ when that has never been the case. We didn’t even celebrate Thanksgiving or Xmas together. She told me that now that a couple of SD’s kids are living with them, she just thought it would be nice if I could show a little effort in maintaining a relationship with them.
I told her I have made myself very clear and I would appreciate it if she doesn’t bring this up anymore. She dropped it and hasn’t said anything else about it since, but she also hasn’t called or answered any of my calls since then either. We usually talk a couple times a week and it’s been radio silence for over 2 weeks now.
I was talking about it with my husband and he thinks I was a little harsh on my mom. He said she’s getting older and has never really had a big, loving family and it’s kind of cruel of me to fault her for trying to build that now. I told him that she can’t force relationships on people and he agreed with me, but he also said that what she is asking isn’t that much.
He said if I don’t want a relationship with my steps that’s fine, but I can’t act surprised when it has a negative impact on my relationship with my mom.
I told him he wouldn’t understand because his family is very close and there were no divorces and they grew up happy and together. He said that’s not fair because he’s seeing how I’m behaving now and from his point of view, I’m in the wrong.”
9. AITJ For Letting My Niece Not Share Her Toys With Other Kids?
“I (34 F) have a lovely niece (10 F.) When she was born, between our families, we were people of meager means. I wasn’t making enough to survive and neither was her mother. We relied on public assistance and the kindness of others to get by.
There were times I’d have to drive her Mom to an odd job to do something like clean someone’s house, then drive her to the grocery store to buy formula, baby food, and diapers.
A few years and several college degrees later we all have excellent careers with excellent pay. One thing we taught my niece during hard times was to take care of her toys because (at the time) we couldn’t afford to replace anything broken.
She learned quickly that if she broke her toy she simply wouldn’t have one anymore.
Which leads me to what happened. At one of her birthday parties when she was smaller one of the other children broke one of her toys less than three hours after she got it. My father, who works with plastics, was able to fix it.
But if my dad wasn’t who he was the toy would have been beyond repair.
When she plays with other children she’s expected to share her toys, which is normal. But a few of her friends are from families that have been affluent forever and they think very little of breaking their toys.
(Mom and Dad could always be relied on to replace what gets broken.) A couple of times her toys were broken (sometimes deliberately) by other children. Although the parents would replace the broken toys I told my niece she doesn’t have to share with these children. I think it’s disrespectful AND wasteful.
One of the parents called me out saying that in polite society our children share their toys.
I told them that in polite society we return borrowed things in the condition we got them in and we respect other people’s property. I’ve gotten pushback, but I won’t budge. I’ve made it clear that she’s NOT expected to share her toys with children who CANNOT be expected to NOT break them.
AITJ? AITJ for not expecting my niece to share her toys?”
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Son's Bully?
“My wife (39 f) and I (40 m) have a son Keegan (16 m) together. He’s our only child and he means THE WORLD to us.
A few months ago, we noticed Keegan had started skipping meals, saying he had a lot to eat at school and just didn’t have room to fit dinner.
We didn’t think much of it as Keegan always had a small appetite since he was a young child. He had also lost a bit of weight, but he said he worked really hard in soccer. But, we soon came to regret believing what we found out were lies.
At a school conference, we talked about many things with his few teachers, and my wife and I thanked his teachers for providing lunch for their students (he goes to an alternative high school, where the environment is a lot smaller than an actual school).
It turns out, Keegan NEVER ate the school lunches there. He was only eating an orange daily for THREE MONTHS! He’s also very forgetful, and would even forget to grab something to eat at least half of the week.
My wife and I felt devastated we hadn’t noticed sooner. We had a talk together about how to approach this, and we had a talk with Keegan.
We made sure to let him know we’re here for him and we love him dearly and want to help him however we can.
He broke down and told us there was a girl Riley who was bullying him for ‘being fat’ and told him he should stop eating, so he followed through (he was 5’5” and ~150 lbs prior to his ED).
My wife and I felt ANGRY and took Keegan to a nutritionist where he was diagnosed with anorexia. He had lost 35 lbs over the course of his eating disorder. We made sure he would get enough to eat (slowly but surely as recommended by his doctor). We told him he isn’t fat AT ALL, but he feels incredibly insecure about his body now, especially his stomach and legs.
My wife and I feel so hurt seeing him go through this. He already suffers from severe depression and anxiety and can hardly go to school every day, so this is just yet another topping to the pizza for him.
The next day, I went to school with Keegan, and I talked to his teachers about the situation.
All of them felt horrible about what happened and brought in the girl in question. Once the door was closed, I lost my temper and started yelling at her, about how hurt my son was over this. I really didn’t intend to, but the damage had already been done.
What made me even angrier was when she said (not exactly, just paraphrased as well as possible) ‘I don’t see the problem.
Boys can’t be affected by weight comments.’
Before I could yell at her again, I was told to leave and they would handle the situation.
My wife and our parents are furious with me for yelling at a young girl who probably doesn’t know better. I know it was wrong, but holy cow, she’s the same age as Keegan!
High schoolers know bullying is wrong! She doesn’t even know she caused his anorexia!
I know I am at least a little bit, but how much AITJ for this?”
7. AITJ For Yelling At High School Kids Who Were Looking Through My Car?
“A while ago, I had lunch with a girl (N) who is a couple of years younger than me. We had a great time, and a good conversation, and we got along well!
Later that day, I was hanging out with my friends, and we parked somewhere before heading home. We just sat in my car and talked. Suddenly, I hear my tailgate open (I have an Isuzu Rodeo, if that helps to visualize what I mean by that) and a voice says, ‘Oh my gosh, a backpack.’ I look back and see N and some of her close friends sifting through the stuff in the back of my car?
I ask what they think they’re doing. One of them goes, ‘I love looking through people’s cars when they leave them unlocked. I just wanna see what they leave out for anyone to take.’
They started opening my backpack and duffel bag that I had back there, laughing about my stuff and telling me what I should and should have in my car.
I told them, firmly but calmly, to stop and close the tailgate and leave, but they didn’t. It’s as if they weren’t even hearing me.
So I ended up yelling at them to get out of my stuff and stop touching my car. It was very loud, very rude, and very harsh, I’ll be honest. (Not like me at all, I’m horrible about confrontation.
They just made me so angry.) They did back off my stuff, leaving things a mess, but as they closed my back tailgate and window they were talking about how ‘there’s no need to yell, geez’ and ‘it’s just a little fun’ and I ‘need to calm down’.
I heard them calling their moms afterward because the car was closed but they were still just standing behind my car so I could faintly hear what they were saying, and they were complaining about how I had randomly yelled at them and it made them upset.
I think I was right to yell at them and stuff, but they ARE just some high school kids. Was it an overreaction?”
6. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Streaming Accounts?
“My (25 M) mom passed away four years ago and one of the things my dad (65 M) loved ever since was movies. They really enjoyed doing it together so I guess he took comfort in keeping the activity on his own.
At that time my sister (32 F) got a two-screen Netflix subscription and gave one to my dad so he could use it whenever she wanted.
During those four years, I was able to get pretty much all of the rest and since my sister was paying for my dad’s Netflix I thought I gave her one of the screens to use.
So no biggie.
I’ve been out of town ever since New Year’s Eve and I finally came back home a week ago. I told my dad that we should see a movie together on Netflix or something but he said that Netflix ‘wasn’t working’. I found it odd so I asked what he meant while taking his phone, he said that he asked my sister a few months ago but she said that ‘it wasn’t working’ so ‘they’d to wait for it to work’.
I only hummed and tried to log in again but it didn’t let me so I called my sister asking for the password, she said she couldn’t share the account anymore because now that they had my nephew (2 M) they were using one of the screens for him and another for her husband.
This enraged me, I asked her why she didn’t tell me before and why she lied to my dad, she said she didn’t have the heart to tell him and I told ‘but you have the heart to lie to him, don’t you?’ and hang up.
Since then I’ve gotten my dad a new Netflix account and I’ve changed all of my passwords so only my dad and I have them. Two days ago she called saying that my BIL wanted to watch GOT but the account kicked him out and I told her ‘yeah, it was me’. She flipped and asked for the password because they couldn’t afford it on their own and I said ‘well I didn’t have the heart to tell you’ and I hung up the phone again.
My BIL texted me calling me petty and a jerk. My dad’s oblivious to all of this. My sister called again and asked for the password of one of the platforms (you know, the children-friendly one) because my nephew wants to see Encanto. I said she has to apologize to my dad first, at least, and she said my nephew’s discomfort is on me.”
5. AITJ For Calling My Husband An Awful Father?
“My husband and I have been married for 13 years, he has a daughter Alyssa (16 F) from a previous relationship and I have my daughter Mariah (15 F) from a previous too. My husband is the only father my daughter has ever known and until now, he has made no distinction about our children, Alyssa’s mother is still very involved in her life and she spends half the month with us while my daughter lives with us full time, my FIL recently passed away and left him their house (a VERY nice house), we’re actually so excited about this because we were saving to buy a home for us four and now that we’re making plans to move, I told my husband we could use that money to make some renovations for when the kids inherited it so they can sell it and split the money.
He said no, that the house will be his daughter’s, that he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving it to Mariah too when she’s not his legal kid, and that we could set the money aside for her because the house doesn’t need that much work anyway, which is true, but it felt like a low blow.
I said it was unfair to leave Alyssa a full house and remarked how he was willing to leave it to both when we were gonna buy one and he said that it was because we would’ve bought it together, so it was only fair. I said he was being an awful father and asked if he was willing to leave one of his children homeless, but he said I was overreacting.
I pointed out how Alyssa was getting this house, with some of the money her grandparents already left her, plus my husband’s inheritance AND her mother’s, while Mariah only had us both (my FIL didn’t leave her anything which is okay), he admitted it wasn’t fair, but that’s just how it is and that we could work to try to make it even as possible.
I was flabbergasted so I just took Mariah and came to stay with my sister, he called asking to talk but I was not ready. My sister said I was a jerk because Mariah is not entitled to my husband’s childhood home and it made me think. AITJ?”
4. WIBTJ If I Cancel Our Family's Disney Trip Because Of Our Foster Children?
“I (29) am a stay-at-home mom of two bio kids (11 f, 9 m) and we take in foster children, as many as 3 at a time.
My husband works full time and I sell my art online as well. We have a decent income, we are not rich by any means, but we have a healthy amount of savings and investments.
We own our home because I inherited it from my parents. The house has 6 bedrooms, four baths, and a finished basement.
This is how we can take in so many foster children.
We had some long-term placements be reunited with their families in the last year. I was thrilled for them, but heartbroken as well. I didn’t let it show to the kiddos, and we still have contact with all our fosters. We paused our fostering for 8 months because of the emotional aspect but we finally feel ready to start again.
We took in two children last month around the bio kids’ ages. They get along great. We have had a few behavioral issues but nothing worrying, it’s natural for children to test in a new environment.
We treat every child in our house equally. Same access to things, same food (barring allergies and preferences), same amount of chores (not much), and same expectation for school progress.
I have time and was a former teacher, so I make sure everyone is learning in a way best for them.
My husband and I planned a Disney trip before we started looking to foster again. It’s all paid for and we leave in a month. The bio kids know. The issue is that I am not allowed per their social worker, to take the foster children with us.
So they would both miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation and while we are gone they’d be moved to a group or respite home until we are back. A huge disruption to their routine and their peace.
I say we cancel our trip until they are reunited with their family or placed in a better program for them.
My husband says that’s not fair for our bio kids to miss a vacation and it’s okay for them to have just us as a family. While I agree that it’s important to make our bio kids feel special and connected to us my heart is broken for our foster children who would otherwise not have this opportunity.
My kids have been to Disney twice and go on vacations all the time. I’m not sure what the right answer to this is.
Would I be the jerk if I canceled our family vacation because our foster children can’t come? Or would I be the jerk if we went and left our foster children behind?
EDIT: We normally wouldn’t take in foster kids while having a planned vacation. This placement was supposed to be short term but we ended up keeping them longer. Reunification isn’t possible at this time. Also, we can not take foster children across state lines without the court/parents’ permission. Parents have said no.”
The fact these kids don't get holidays etc isn't on you.. if theor parents actually gave a rats jerk then they would give permission for theor kids to have a FREE holiday of a lifetime.. but they don't and won't so why should your kids suffer when you KNOW that fostering kids is hard work for ALL the family even the bio kids
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Another Stressful Holiday With My Husband's Kids?
“My partner and I have been together for three years.
We both have demanding jobs and are usually pretty busy, so we try to make the most of our time together when we’re not working.
This year, my husband’s ex-wife asked if we could have the kids for Christmas. We agreed, thinking it would be a nice way to spend the holiday and give the kids a chance to spend time with their dad and for them to warm up to me.
I’m a guy and his ex-wife has only recently warmed up to him going out with me so this is progress.
Well, Christmas was a bit of a mixed bag. The kids were grateful and seemed to enjoy spending time with us, but they also fought a lot and made a mess of my office.
It was really stressful trying to keep them from arguing and they seemed to be constantly bickering with each other over who got what toy and who is eating what food.
Now, my husband’s ex-wife has asked if we can have the kids again for New Year’s Eve. My husband wants to say yes, but I’m really not interested. I feel like we’ve already put in a lot of effort for Christmas and I don’t want to spend another holiday with the kids, especially if it’s going to involve a lot of fighting and stress.
I’ve tried explaining this to my husband, but he just says that it’s not fair to the kids and that we should be more understanding. He also thinks because the kids have been so accepting of me we should have them around for NYE as well.
I feel like I’m being selfish, but I also don’t want to spend another holiday with the kids if it’s going to be as stressful as Christmas was.
AITJ for not wanting to spend New Year’s Eve with my husband’s kids?”
2. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Little Sister?
“I (19 F) have two siblings on my mom’s side (M 16 and F 14) and about twelve or so on my dad’s side. My ‘dad’ isn’t my biological father but has taken care of me and my mom since I was in her womb.
My two younger siblings however are biologically his.
As you guy can tell, my father is very promiscuous and before he left to go live in his home country he got some woman (let’s call her T) pregnant.
Me and my siblings did not know we had a baby sister until we were going to our grandmother’s birthday party and some random woman pulled up with a baby in a car saying that’s our sibling.
To say we were shocked was an understatement, seeing that my dad was in his late forties and she was in her mid-twenties. It wasn’t my business though so I didn’t say anything and just went with her.
While I was there my grandmother wanted a picture with all of her grandkids and T said: ‘Can we get a picture with her real grandkids only.’ Y’all I was in shock, but before I could say anything my aunt and grandmother interjected and said I was family and told me to stay.
Ever since that day, I couldn’t stand her.
Over time T has been getting comfortable and she started dropping off my little sister with no heads up so she could party and have fun. She wouldn’t return until late in the morning and then complain that we weren’t answering our phones while we were asleep.
Me and my brother started working so a lot of the child care started to fall on my sister and she wasn’t m getting paid for it. My aunt spoke to T about it and even said she would go 20/20 but T wasn’t having it and thought that since we’re her siblings we SHOULD do it.
As I mentioned before my brother and I work and I ship off to basic soon. My sister has been expressing how she doesn’t want to babysit all of the time and I didn’t want my little sister stuck watching our baby sis’ without any pay, so I called T and told her she needs to start paying, set an appropriate schedule, and be mindful of others time before she just drops off my sister.
Well, she didn’t like that and started going in on me saying how I’m not my father’s biological child, how I should mind my business, and that I needed to go find my real father.
This is where I might be a jerk.
I lost my temper and told her that I was more family than she was and we only tolerated her for my sibling.
I then hung up and called my dad to tell him what we both said and he called her and ripped her a new one.
Word traveled about what happened and what she said to me and my aunt and grandmother also yelled at her and told her that they don’t want to see her.
I now feel bad because my baby sis looked forward to seeing us and now she won’t be able to due to what happened.
So, AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Clapping Back At A Stay-At-Home Mom?
“My husband and I (both 39) are full-time working parents of a 2-year-old son. He is our one-and-done. He has started going to daycare and I have loved doing all the preps for daycare events etc.
Now coming to the Valentine’s Day card exchange in his daycare yesterday, they said it can be homemade or bought.
I wanted to make all 12 cards plus some more for staff (yep, I am that over-enthusiastic mom). Another kid from our neighborhood goes to the same class as my son and last evening when we were outside for a walk in the community, the mom (working full-time), let’s call her A, mentioned the card and she said it was good and all that.
I thanked her and were just chatting casually when another mom (stay-at-home mom), let’s call her B, came up to join us. A mentioned to B about the card and B asked to see it. I said I didn’t have any pics but just said It was some simple Pinterest-inspired thing.
We were standing near A’s garage and so she went and took the card from her son’s bag and showed it to B.
B looked at it, looked at me, and said ‘How jobless you are’ and started laughing. She continued saying ‘How long this take you? My god, I can’t believe you actually have so much time to do all this’ and continued laughing. We are all from a South Asian country and this sort of underplaying is common but I never do it and have never experienced it firsthand.
So needless to say, I was getting furious. She then mentioned how with 1 kid I can do all this but with 2 like her, you cannot ‘waste time in all this handmade stuff’. I lost it. I calmly told her ‘Yes, I am jobless enough to do this after working full-time. It’s called time management and I can give you tips’.
I said bye to A and then walked away from them. A texted me later and apologized for her friend B’s behavior and that she scolded her for talking rudely to me. I thanked A and left it at that.
Now, today morning, I got a text from another mom, C, in the community saying B has been telling everyone that I mom-shamed her.
Knowing me C didn’t believe and wanted to hear what actually happened. Now C is asking me to confront B but I am done. I don’t want to get dragged into this WhatsApp group chat mess. But a tiny bit of me is still wondering if I should have just ignored B’s obvious ignorance yesterday.
I hate tiffs, especially with random people like this. So AITJ? Should I have handled it differently? My husband has been laughing all morning at the absurdity and that is not being helpful.”
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