Nema15
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I completely understand where your at with everything because I’m in a similar situation myself, minus the wedding. I haven’t talked to my dad in over a year and to be honest, you & I are both TJ’s. What it really comes down to is forgiveness and I know I haven’t forgiven my dad for something he said and for always cheating on my mom. It doesn’t sound like you’ve forgiven your dad either. I know forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for ourselves so we don’t carry that crap around forever. It gets damn heavy. I’m not calling you out, I swear! I’m calling myself out! Sometimes, we get so used to carrying around all the extra crap, that we don’t know what to do without it. It almost brings a twisted sense of comfort. But if we would truly forgive our dads, we would be lighter and more peaceful. Just because you forgive, doesn’t mean you forget or that you have to have that person in your life. It means that you’re healing and moving forward. Best of luck!!
YTJ most definitely!! She could go to her doctor and get a letter stating that the cat is a comfort animal and then there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. She’s an 86 year old woman who has no family, probably a few friends and she was isolated because of Covid. Do you not have any empathy, compassion, mercy in your brain/heart/body?? I admit, according to landlord/tenant laws, you’re in the right and would win the eviction in court, but what kind of example are you setting for your kids? How is her having a cat affecting you, right now? Who cares if you’re allergic. You can’t legally enter her apartment unless you post a 24 hour notice or if it’s a water emergency. You could ask for a reasonable pet deposit and let her make payments on it! An 86 year old woman isn’t going to let an animal damage a home she’s lived in for over 20 years. When she passes away, you’re going to have to clean, paint, etc. in order to get it rent ready. Responsible pet owners take care of their animals, treat them like family. You really need to rethink your actions. Do you have any idea how much stress you’ve caused this woman, all because you choose to be inflexible. Remember, the mercy and compassion you show others has a way of coming back to you. The reverse is also true. If you fail to show those things to the people around you, they won’t be shown to you either. Best of luck! (I hope you do the right thing! You know what the right thing is too!!)
I’m on the fence about you and this situation. In some ways I do think YTJ, but I also think that both you and your wife are acting out of grief. No, I’m not excusing your wife’s actions, but obviously having a child filled a void in her and she was clinging to that. I know when I was in foster care, after my bio mom gave me up, my foster parents wanted to keep me, but they couldn’t because foster parents weren’t allowed to adopt the kids they fostered at that time. Anyway, when my foster mom was told that prospective parents were coming to see the 4 baby girls they had, the cleaned and changed the other 3, but not me. I was also a sickly baby, so they hoped the prospective parents would just look right over me so they could keep me longer. It didn’t work and my mom took one look at me and decided I needed to be loved. Remember, things aren’t always what they seem. Talk to your wife, get her some mental health and let yourself grieve for the child that went home to his momma. It’s ok to love and it’s ok to hurt, it’s ok to grieve.
Being a military wife is no easy calling and I don’t think you expected it to go on this long. It’s time for you to face some truths about your life, marriage, kids. You should write out every feeling, good or bad. Write out what you feel is missing and how he can affect change, even when he’s gone. But you also need to ask yourself some hard questions too. What do YOU want out of life? What does your husband want? Are you guys even on the same page anymore? Do you live on base? Do you know any other wives that would watch your kids for a couple hours a week? You sound exhausted and that affects how you see the world around you. It sounds like you guys need to have some serious conversations and maybe you should see a therapist or counselor. Sometimes couples need a third party to help open lines of communication, to actively engage and to really listen to each other. I don’t think an ultimatum is the way to go though, unless you’re ready for the reaction and consequences of putting it out there. Only you know what you really want and need. I’d do a lot of soul searching before making any big decisions. Best of luck!! NTJ, but teetering on the edge, depending on how you go about things!
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