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If you hadn't pointed it out, I don't think anyone else would have. Her sunglasses being intended for men or women doesn't matter in any which way and out was almost certainly very clear that you were just looking for a way to embarrass her.
NTJ, it is important in relationships for both parties to be willing to compromise when something affects one more strongly than the other. If she continues to give attitude you might need to have a conversation about how it makes you feel that she is reacting this way to something which is a minor inconvenience for her, but affects you in important ways.
Your husband is abusing you. He's being controlling and manipulative, lying to you about where you're going and purposely leaving you helpless to control your own day and life. I agree with everyone else that it certainly sounds like he's having an affair and hopes if you're with his mom you'll be more distracted and less able to look into things, and catch him. But that isn't the most important thing. The important thing is that he's treating you like an infant. You need to get your things in order, and get out.
Proving abandonment is a thing for a reason. A judge was willing to terminate her rights without her presence or consent because she had been absent so long. She has no right to contact of any sort with your son, he is no longer her child by any means of decision.
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