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Definitely NTJ. We have designated areas in the kitchen for stuff we buy for us that we don't want the kids to eat, and if they get something for themselves we respect that. It's completely normal to want to know that something you got for yourself will still be there when you're ready to have it, even if there aren't issues with keeping the fridge stocked in general. Especially in a house with multiple adults, it's pretty standard for people to have stashes of their own food.
Let me start by saying your husband has been 100% out of line and his treatment of you has absolutely been jerk. If your work truly is easier than his it might be acceptable for you to take on a higher share of the tasks around raising the kids and keeping the house - but that means something like a 40%/60% split. There's no way that his job is actually harder than your job plus all the housework, all the kid work, and never getting time to yourself. He's lazy, selfish and entitled at best and probably actually an abusive narcissist. That being said, ESH. You deserved a break, no argument. But leaving without telling him could have been dangerous. One of your children could have woken up and your husband may have slept through or ignored sounds of need or distress because he assumed you were handling it. Your friends had good intentions, but staying gone for multiple days without a plan in place was reckless and could have led to your children being hurt - it sounds like it did lead to their being traumatized and neglected. Your friends' concern should have been channeled into an honest look at your life and maybe a plan to get you out of the house for a proper weekend off in the very near future. The others are right that if his mother will take him she should keep him. I can tell you from experience that while the money is tighter, actually being a single mom is far easier on you than effectively being a single mom while dad mooches off of and uses you. But you have to extricate yourself from the situation in a way that does minimal damage to your children, and this weekend wasn't it.
NTJ, your response in that situation was right. But as a person who used to have very similar experiences, I say this with only genuine concern - I STRONGLY suggest you seek therapy, as it's extremely concerning that practically everyone you meet follows this same pattern. Other people's actions are their responsibility only, not yours. But if you're being mistreated the same way by ALL of your friends or dates, that's not just that kind of person being attracted to you. It's YOU being attracted to something in THEM. It's a very normal trauma response to certain childhood conditions and it's something you need to learn to identify and change. Knowing you don't want relationships with people like that won't magically change the habit you have of gravitating toward them, that's something you'll have to purposefully learn.
YTJ. The way you handled things with Bella was great. But you need to turn some of that insight and support on Jessica as well. A forced apology that she doesn't mean will only create resentment, as will enduring punishment for her misguided handling of a complicated situation. Jessica said she's bullying Bella due to peer pressure and that may be partially true. But I'd be wondering if some motivation came from understandable jealousy and fear of being replaced because she was your only child and now you're mother to another girl her age. It's wonderful that you're an involved and supportive step-mom, but there's really no avoiding some negative things Jessica might still feel. Regardless of what the reasons for the bullying are, you need to encourage Jessica to figure them out for herself and then seek help from you or a counselor to express and work through those things while having the integrity to maintain her own personal morals. If you raised her as you think you did, some self reflection will have her realizing she doesn't feel good about how she treated Bella and she'll change her behavior for reasons that feel meaningful to her, not just to placate you and get her stuff back.
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