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NTA, but I don't think for a moment your husband did it on purpose, or maliciously. I'm guessing he was bragging to your boss how proud he was of you for turning everything around and in doing so told the story of your past. I'd sit down with him and have a talk about financials and explain that you are worried about bills, not trying to punish him. I think I'd try a sit down with your boss too. Not that you're not caught unaware you have the advantage of putting together a small presentation that shows how people learn from mistakes and how you worked hard to be free of your past.
As a wife and a Mom, if I had died when my son was young I would have hoped my husband would find love again and that my son would love that person too. I would hope that while they always remember and love me, that they would let themselves experience the joy of love and family. That ship has apparently sailed here, but you're NTA. Your wedding is for you and it should be the way you choose. I understand where your Mom and SF are coming from though. I feel bad for all of you.
I'm confused as to why you don't want your family there to share the experience and have the help. But to each their own. No one's a jerk here. They're just really hurt you don't want them there and they're angry about it. You're allowed your feelings, but they're allowed their's also. They want to be there because they love you and want to help out. Keep that in mind while trying to figure this out.
No jerks here. You've offered to hire someone to clean to his standards, he wants the job. What's the problem?
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