Stop being a baby. Who cares if they disagree with your choice, of course they still love you. Many parents disagree with our choice of major, get some thicker skin and live your life happily and use some humor to diffuse the remarks.
NTJ, but a bit odd to call it a "date". Your friend asked if you could check in on his partner and take her out to dinner so she isn't sitting home alone for a month. It's not an odd request at all actually. You're the one making it weird and calling it a date.
It's totally up to you how you handle it. For me personally, I have more mental anguish and depression while carrying a grudge. It takes more from me and I become bitter. Not everyone is the same though, you might need to stay away and hang onto the grudge. Some people function that way and that causes less strife and mental duress for them. It's a you decision. No one online gets to tell you how to behave. You need to think to yourself about your past, not just starting with her sleeping with your husband, but way back when you were growing up, and determine which choice would make you a happier and more fulfilled person.
You decided that his new wife changed him. You decided to make it so obvious you were ignoring her at a function that she came to your home to talk to you about it. You decided to just keep driving and not talk to her. I have a feeling this could all have been avoided if you just sat down and talked to her that first time. Let's look at it from the other side. Your brother marries a new woman he's in live with. Like most couples newly we'd they spend a lot of time together. They don't want to hang with family maybe as much. They got to an event to see family. Enter the sister all angry at the new wife. She obviously ignores her, snubs her all evening. The new wife is upset. What did she do? What happened? So she doesn't want to cause a scene at the event, so she goes to the sister's house to talk to her. As the sister comes home the new wife sees the sister see her, and then keep driving. The new wife goes home and tells the brother what happened. The brother is furious the family would be so rude to his new wife. You started this whole thing by feeling left out. You have no evidence that your brother is being controlled, he might have been controlled by you until his marriage and now you're upset. You drove your brother and his new wife from the family. Now you're playing the victim.
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