SamW
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Your husband is an epic level curious. You don't "forget" a partners food allergy unless you're an inattentive moron. And repeatedly berating you for crying and not appreciating him?!! You're exhausted, your hormones are still out of whack, and he should be apologising on bended knee. I'm sorry, but he sounds like a self-entitled, selfish person. He's gaslighting you when he should be giving you support. NTJ, but your husband certainly is.
AITJ For Being Rude To The Gardener?
1 year ago
The gardener absolutely 100% took your plants and almost certainly with your husband's permission (probably as partial payment), hence the gaslighting. Even my 85 year old mother knows what a weed plant looks like so a gardener certainly would. Also, no gardener would pull out well tended plants unless they were told to. Your husband sucks. He's a gaslighter, and a liar.
NTJ. Unless a child is very young, taking pictures of them while they're asleep is just plain weird. I don't think your request to be woken and asked is over the top but your mum's reaction certainly was. Candid shots can make wonderful photos and memories, but taking photos of anyone sleeping feels a little violating to me. Even with candid shots (and I've taken many of many different people) if it made them uncomfortable or I was asked to delete them, then that should always be respected. You may be young but you do have a right to a semblance of privacy.
I wonder how your mother would feel if you snapped pictures of her while she slept. Parents shouldn't treat kids like possessions. (For the record, I'm middle-aged).
Try not to prevent your mum from taking all candid snaps, but do try again to explain that photos of you when you're sleeping makes you very uncomfortable.
I'm a full time carer for my mother and have been for years so I feel I can comment from experience. Nobody should have to deal with what you experienced. I'm guessing your GM either has dementia or is just an all-round nasty person. Either way, she should be under professional care. Being a carer is really, really hard even when the person you're caring for is easygoing and nice. It's 24/7, 365 days a year and honestly, I can't imagine being a carer for anyone other than a parent or child. I adore my mother with everything I have and will do anything to keep her out of a nursing home. That said, if she ever becomes belligerent and nasty, then that will change things. I expect as my mum's dementia gets worse she will probably become somewhat difficult (which can be expected) but I would never subject myself to becoming someone's punching bag - not even for my own mum.
My grandmother was awful. She lived with us for a while when I was younger but made it so horrible, and also dangerous for us all (she almost set our kitchen on fire twice) my mother was forced to put her in a nursing home. She felt guilty but also knew it was the right thing for everyone.
Your mum and aunt have no right to expect you to continue to care for THEIR mother. In fact, they should never have expected you to do so in the first place. If your mother is so insistent HER mother not go into a home then SHE needs to be her full time carer. Stop feeling guilty, and don't allow them to try and make you feel guilty. You've already done more than your fair share. If either try to guilt trip you, tell them you aren't having the conversation and end the call. If they continue after that, tell them they are risking their continued relationship with you.
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AITJ For Wanting To Cut My Kid's Hair?
1 year ago
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