NTJ for feeling disappointed that an important name to you wasn’t viewed as important to her. But, YTJ for not accepting her for who she is. Since she went through the process to legally change her name, paid the fee to do so, it tells me she was pretty committed to this. I would have a calm sit down conversation about why she rejected the name so much, cause her feelings are valid as well and it’s a name she has to carry her whole life. I wouldn’t name your new baby the same name, if anything have it as a middle name.
NTJ making light of a bad situation is what she should have done 20 years ago, not now when it’s completely irrelevant. And the way she’s going about it isn’t making light of anything, it’s poking fun at you.
NTJ I would consider getting another contract that states how much money you put into the house and expect that amount to be reimbursed upon separation. By keeping it in his name FIL is trying to by pass a few laws. There’s tax laws about gifting large amounts in a year, we’re currently going through that now with getting land from family. He’s also making it so that it has no connection to you. So I would definitely protect yourself unless they’re prepping for it to be in both your names eventually so it’ll be split equally between you two.