People Request For Us To Closely Study Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Some individuals still prefer to focus on the terrible things we've done, despite the fact that we do everything in our power to do good deeds for those around us. These people below are asking for our help because they feel like they are being judged and are unsure of whether or not the judgment is fair. Let us give them some objective judgment. Let us know who you think is the real jerk as you continue reading. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

35. AITJ For Making My Son Pay For The Tickets?

“I’m a single mom to three boys 18, 13, and 12. My oldest graduated last year and is currently living at home for free while he goes to school and works so he can save.

Sometimes for work, I get perks for doing well or just because.

The other day I won tickets to an event that I was on the fence about going to so I was planning on selling to a coworker who said he’d buy them if I decided not to go. I was leaning towards that option because the extra funds would be nice to have a little more to play with in the family fun account.

Anyway before I could sell the tickets my oldest son saw them and asked me for them so he and his SO could go. I told him a guy from work offered to buy them but if he wanted them he could buy them from me instead.

My son told me he didn’t have the money in his budget for them but he really wants to go and if I could just give them to him. I said no this is a part of being an adult sometimes you just can’t afford things.

He pleaded some more and I felt bad so I said he could ‘buy’ the tickets by watching his brothers while I went on an overnight with my sister (I don’t like leaving the youngest 2 by themselves overnight) and I’ll even throw a $50 gift card so they could get something to eat before.

He agreed right away and I gave him the tickets. I thought it would be a win win win.

My son goes to the event and they have a great time.

When the weekend of my overnight comes. I get snacks and leave pizza money with a note to everyone with all the info we discussed along with the name of the hotel.

Then I leave before the boys get home from school. I’m at the hotel having a good time when I get a call from my 13-year-old telling me they don’t have enough money to order the pizza they want because their older brother took ‘his share’ of the pizza money to go have dinner with his SO.

I give the two my credit card number, hung up, and call their brother who doesn’t answer.

After repeated unanswered calls I get nervous and I and my sister check out and take a cab to my house because we had both been drinking.

We end up watching movies and having pizza with the boys all while trying to get a hold of my son. At 1 am he and his SO come home but it’s already late so they go to his room to sleep.

The next morning I’m mad, so I go to talk to him with a bill to pay me back for the tickets, the gift card, the hotel, the pizza money, and the cab. I also added an inconvenience fee. He said that wasn’t fair because I got the tickets and the gift card for free and I didn’t have to come home because he did come home to watch the boys so they wouldn’t have been alone. I told him that wasn’t the agreement and the bill still stands.

AITJ because I did charge him for something I did technically get for free?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
So he was supposed to watch the boys and he was gone for HOURS? He needs to repay ALL OF THAT AND the half the hotel for you. YOU DID NOT GET YOUR NIGHT OUT BECAUSE OF HIM. His SO is no longer allowed at your place when he is watching the kids and HE CANNOT GO OUT if he is watching them either. He wants to act grown up then he needs to understand what that means.
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34. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister Who Had An Affair With My Brother-In-Law To A Family Vacation?

“My (F32) husband (M36), our children, and I typically spend one vacation every year with my older sister Mary (37), her husband John (39), and their children. The kids are very close and spend a lot of time together. My sister and I have 2 younger sisters (31, 27) and a younger brother (25).

This year I extended an invite to sisters 39, 27, and brother. An invite was not extended to sister Selena (31) because a few years ago she and my brother-in-law, John, had an affair. Mary worked very hard through therapy to stay married to John and not ostracize Selena.

Family members know of the affair, but it’s not spoken of openly. Selena and John still see each other at family events but do not talk/sit by each other. Pretty awkward, but maybe the best possible outcome.

My older sister and I found a beach house for our next vacation that had extra room so invited the others to join and pitch in on the cost.

Sister (27) agreed to come, and little brother declined so that it would not be all the siblings minus Selena.

Somehow Selena found out she was the only one to not receive an invite and is very hurt. Our mom says I should have invited her, knowing that she would have said no.

(She just had a baby and is a single mom on a very tight budget). Mom also thinks that a vacation with John, Mary, and Selena would be fine and that we should all act as if nothing ever happened, even though Mary has expressed multiple times that while she still loves Selena, things can never go back to the way they were (Mary suffered from PTSD as a result of the affair).

Because there are so many siblings, vacations are often split with only two or three of us going together. Nobody has expressed being upset about this in the past. I don’t like the idea of inviting her, even knowing 99% she would say no.

What if she did say yes and I have to tell her it wasn’t a real invite? AITJ?

Edit: to add clarification, John has also suffered real consequences from the affair, but asking him to stay at home while Mary and their young kids go to the beach is not really an option. All of the siblings have been really mature in loving and forgiving both parties, however, having them sleep in the same house would be putting Mary through misery – the only one in the trio not at fault.”

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LadyDark 7 months ago
Actions have consequences
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33. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law To Pay For The Broken Chair?

“For as long as I can remember in my family, almost any time I got up from my seat someone would take it to either be funny or to claim it as if no one was using it. And as a teenager, it literally got to the point I bought my own folding chair so I could pick it up and carry it with me.

If I left it where it was, someone would take it. Then get mad when I wanted it back.

As an example, on a holiday last year, I got up from my chair for a moment to help with something and came back to find a kid in it.

And then the family berated me for wanting them to move. But I tell them that when a man owns and brings his own chair, they expect to be able to use it. I own a very nice folding chair that’s comfortable and easily portable.

And I pretty much bring it to any family events because people are always scrambling for chairs.

Well, the other day I went to a birthday party for my nephew. And like always I brought my own chair. But at some point, I had to use the bathroom.

When I came back my chair was gone. And everyone acted like they didn’t know where it was. I said they had one minute to return it or I was leaving. They laughed at first, but then realized I was serious as I started going for the door.

Everybody told me to just calm down, and it was just a joke. I said I don’t care if they think I’m a stick in the mud. I wouldn’t be bringing my own chair all the time if other people weren’t always taking my seat when I get up.

I don’t think it’s funny, I never did. My brother-in-law then pulled the chair out of where he’d hidden it, and when I got it back one of the legs was bent. I said it was not like this before, and how could he possibly have done this to a metal chair.

He said he could fix it and tried to unbend it, but only made it worse.

The chair is pretty much unusable now because the leg is warped and I don’t want to risk putting weight on it. I told my brother-in-law he owes me $50 for the chair because that’s what I paid for it new two years ago.

He got mad and kept saying it was just a stupid chair. I said it was my stupid chair, and this wouldn’t have happened if he wasn’t so immature that he and everyone else had to mess with me for years about where I sat.

Then I took my now messed up chair and walked out.

My family has been blowing my phone up saying that it’s just a chair and to let it go. But I still want my brother to pay me back for it. AITJ?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
So quit going and when they whine at you tell them that the YEARS LONG PRANK they pull is something YOU ARE SO DONE WITH. If they can't GROW UP and RESPECT YOU/YOUR THINGS they can go pound sand. Then put them in a time out for a while.
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32. AITJ For Not Paying For A Part Of The Truck Payment?

“I (F31) have been with my husband (M31) for 10 years. We’ve lived together for most of that time, and have a child and a dog together.

This particular issue started a few months ago when he bought a new truck. The night before he had to pick it up (~1 hour drive) I asked him to take the dog out to go to the bathroom.

He refused, saying the dog is MINE and therefore my responsibility, not his. Technically the dog is an ESA for me, and when we got her we agreed that I would do the majority of the care for her. This has held true and this was the 1st time in over 2 weeks I had asked him to do ANY of the caretaking for her.

I told him that if he couldn’t do something as simple as take the dog out to go potty ‘for me’ I wouldn’t be spending my day off driving him up to get his truck. The next morning he asked me to drive him, and I told him no reminding him of our argument the night before.

He ended up Ubering there, which cost $100+.

A few weeks ago, I asked for his help picking up a mattress as MY vehicle is a small car. He refused unless I contribute $70 a month towards his truck payment. His reasoning was that A) since I’m ‘benefiting’ from the truck I should be helping to pay for it and B) I didn’t drive him to pick up the truck so he doesn’t want to use it to ‘help’ me.

We had a pretty big fight about this, and I argued that as his wife I should have access to his resources (obviously within reason) without having to contribute to that specific resource financially. I eventually apologized for not taking him to pick up the truck and he agreed that he would help me with things like this in the future.

A few days later he helped me deliver a desk I was selling about 5 minutes away. After the fact, he asked for half of the money I had earned from selling the desk. I refused because ~again~ I feel that his truck is a shared resource and he’s my husband, not a contracted delivery driver.

He seemed annoyed by this but didn’t push it.

Today, I asked for his help picking up a pullout couch for our guest room. He said no. When I asked him why he said ‘Because I don’t like to help you’. He then further explained, ‘You won’t pay for part of the truck payment and you didn’t give me some of the money from your desk, so I don’t really want to use MY truck to help YOU.’ I just said, ‘Ok’ and walked away.

I’m really confused and unsure here. I mean obviously, I feel like it’s fair that he would use HIS truck to help me every once in a while, just like I use MY resources to help him when I can. To me that’s part of being in a committed relationship with someone, and how our relationship has operated up until this ongoing issue with the truck. But AITJ for not paying part of the truck payment?

For context, he had planned to pay the whole payment himself until he, and I quote, ‘realized (I) would benefit from it so much’ and that seemed ‘unfair’ to him.”

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Siobhan 7 months ago
Why are you guys even together??
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31. AITJ For Embarrassing My Cousin In Front Of His Significant Other?

“I (18F) and my two cousins, ‘Matt’ (17M) and ‘Kaylee’ (17F) have always been incredibly close due to our close ages. We’ve always been ok with sharing stuff like clothes and food with each other.

Matt has been going out with ‘Jess’ (17F) for around 9 months now.

Kaylee and I really like her, and think she’s a wonderful girl for him. She’s Matt’s first long-term partner, and he spoils her to no end. Normally, this wouldn’t be a huge issue since it’s his money and he can do what he wants with it.

Kaylee has some branded, expensive jackets given to her by her SO. Matt asked to borrow one of them for a date, and Kaylee agreed. Well, we found out through Snapchat posts that Matt gave Jess the jacket for the date.

Kaylee asked Matt when Jess would return the jacket, and that’s when he told us that he gave it to her as a present. He said he was ‘planning on giving it back, but when he saw how happy she was in it, he didn’t have the heart to take it back.’

Obviously, Kaylee was upset by this.

She’s normally ok with giving away old clothes that she didn’t want, but her SO gave that one to her. She’s a very passive person, so after asking Matt a couple of times, she just stopped asking. I didn’t really want to get involved, considering it was an issue between Matt and Kaylee.

Well, the next time that the 4 of us hung out, she was wearing the jacket. Kaylee was visibly upset/uncomfortable. Jess asked what was wrong and Kaylee said nothing. I said, ‘Well, you’re wearing the jacket that Matt stole from her so, yeah, I can see why she’s upset.’

Jess looked shocked and said she didn’t know that the jacket belonged to Kaylee.

She took it off and gave it to her, and scolded Matt. It was awkward for a couple minutes and she asked to be taken home. Matt took her home, and then immediately started blasting my phone with texts about how I shouldn’t have said anything.

He said that it was embarrassing for him.

Kaylee thanked me for getting the jacket back, but she says I didn’t have to do that in such a harsh way. While I agree that I could’ve said it nicer, and not in front of Jess, I felt as if it was needed as Matt was not willing to budge.

So, am I the jerk?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
So matt lied and stole HIS SISTERS JACKET and gave it to his girlfriend and expected everyone to just LET IT GO? NO, JUST NO. YOU did NOT embarrass him, he did it to himself by being A LIAR AND THIEF. He deserved that AND in front of his girlfriend.
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30. AITJ For Wanting To Go To College In My 30s?

“I have been suffering from depression for the past couple of years and only last year was diagnosed with a hormonal problem that caused the depression and was able to successfully treat both. Meaning that I am kind of back in the world, realizing that I am 30 and working in a shop (nothing wrong with working in a shop but it’s just not what I envisioned myself doing and once out of depression, I realized that it’s not for me).

I moved to Scotland at 18 to study at a university. I have a BSc in Biochemistry but never felt passion for it and ended up not pursuing a career in that field despite graduating first. My depression started around the same time period.

I met my fiancé in my final university year and we’ve been together ever since.

With health issues under control, I started realizing that I want to change things up a bit, I am back to being passionate about things, to being interested in things, and I feel like I am finally me.

Studying biochemistry was a mistake, it was never my passion. Languages have been since I was a little girl and I wanted to translate but ended up getting a ‘sensible’ degree. As a teenager, I taught myself English and Spanish (I also speak my native language, Polish).

In December, I decided to apply for university, and I got accepted; a translation and interpreting studies degree which I was incredibly excited to do. Except for one thing, I was nervous to tell my fiancé as he wasn’t too keen on the idea of me going back to school.

I finally told him earlier this week and it went horribly wrong. He told me I was too old to go back to university, that I should be happy where I am and to just be grateful for the life we have.

I told him that I am not too old for university and that it was a horrible thing to say but he didn’t back down, he told me that I wouldn’t be successful as I am 10 years behind kids going to uni now.

To which I told him that wasn’t true, on the contrary, I had 10 years more experience speaking languages other than English.

I left the room and cried myself to sleep. The next day, he tried again, telling me that I can’t go because it was too expensive.

I told him that because of medical evidence, I was able to get my tuition fee covered despite it being my second degree. What I haven’t told him is that I had funds saved up (we have separate finances). He left the house and hasn’t been back since.

He’s staying with his mother who called me today and told me that I should listen to him as he is right, that I am too old and should focus on building a family instead of trying to relive my 20s.

I’m devastated, I was so excited about uni and now I am second-guessing myself. AITJ for wanting to go to university and change my life at 30?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
Kick him and his controlling mommy to the curb and GO GET THIS DEGREE. You DO NOT NEED some dude telling you what you can or can't do. Time for you to be happy with your life now that the depression is under control. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE. You are NOT HIS CHILD for him to take this stance. He just wants to control you and keep you under HIS THUMB. NO, JUST NO. GO FOR IT.
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29. AITJ For Not Naming My Son "Timothy"?

“My family has a lot of traditions that come from generations ago, like dishes we eat certain days, or gift a boutique to every woman on their birthdays, etc. All those traditions are based on a couple from generations ago.

I have a great relationship with my dad, he has always been very attentive and supportive of me (not that his tradition would’ve let him do otherwise anyway).

My fiancee and I are going to be parents soon, and my parents are very hyped about it, they already gifted me some stuff for the baby and all.

The drama started yesterday when my dad asked me to talk in private.

He said he was proud of me, that I was going to be a good father and all that stuff. Then he said he was going to be there for whatever I, my fiancee, and ‘little Timothy VI’ needed. Timothy is my name, as well as my dad’s.

One of the old traditions is that the first son inherits the name of his father, who inherited the name of his father, and so on. The same happens with the first daughter of each generation, but it’s another name of course.

The thing is, my fiancee and I already decided a name for our son and it’ll be Aiden, not Timothy. Neither of us likes the name, so that’s out of the options. I corrected my dad and he seemed surprised at first, but then said it was a cute name and that what he said stayed the same anyway.

This morning I got a call from my mom asking me why I didn’t want to continue the family tradition, and that I made my dad cry. I told her that although I feel bad for my dad, I wasn’t going to change the name my fiancee and I picked. AITJ?”

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stro 7 months ago
I feel for your dad but it's not written in stone that you have to keep up the tradition. Ntj.
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28. AITJ For Going Off At My Sister-In-Law For Destroying My Swing?

“I (35F) have 3 children, the oldest being 16M. For my birthday last week, my son went out and bought me this swinging hammock chair that I had been wanting for 2 years and it cost him quite a bit of his saved funds (which I fully intend to put back into his bank account so he can continue saving).

He was so excited to see me open this gift and couldn’t wait to help me set it up. I told him he shouldn’t have, that it was a lot of money and his response was ‘You never get anything nice.

I wanted you to have it.’ And it was true. I usually don’t get anything for my birthday or Christmas outside of Tupperware or soaps. So it might sound stupid but I have cherished this swing ever since he got it for me, especially when I finally have something nice that’s mine.

My SIL (46F) comes over once a week to see all of us and she immediately headed straight for my swing (which my son hooked up on our deck). I told her to please not sit on it and she said ‘Is there a weight limit?’ So I told her yes, 250 lbs and I even showed her the box to confirm.

She was not upset about this. She just said, ‘That’s a bummer, they need to make something capable of holding us big girls’. I simply agreed with her and went about my business. At this point, my husband shows up from work.

When I went inside to grab us some drinks she and my husband are talking on the porch and not even 5 minutes later I hear a loud crash and my husband say ‘Gosh, are you alright?’ I go out and sure enough, she had sat in my swing and the crochet netting around the hook snapped on one side, causing her to fall right on her butt.

She is sitting there laughing, gets up, and says ‘I guess I need to learn to listen.’ So I lost it. As I said above, I literally never get anything nice. Never. This is the one thing that I had that was mine and it didn’t even take someone a freaking week before they ruined it for me.

So I said, ‘I literally just told you not even 20 minutes ago that it would not hold you and to please not sit in it.’

She makes some comments about ‘Usually the weight limit is a lie. I thought it would hold.’ So I said ‘The weight limit probably would have held if you were only 50 lbs heavier than it, not 150.’ (She is 420ish lbs because she is one of those girls who eats food on camera for money and she absolutely loves her weight).

But regardless, instead of apologizing or offering to compensate me for my destroyed item, she has resorted to saying I’m a jerk for making her feel like her weight is a problem and my husband is on her side. ‘It’s just a swing’. AITJ?”

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RandomStranger12345 7 months ago
NTJ - SIL & hubby are! If she'd sat in it without the prior discussion, then offered to pay to replace it, then she'd be fine. But discussing the weight limit first, sitting in it even though she's 170 pounds over that limit, & then not even offering to pay?! Wow, she's a major jerk!!! Hubby is a minor jerk for taking her side. I'm so sorry that she ruined something so special & doesn't seem to care. 🙁
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27. AITJ For Making A Creepy Stalker Lose His Job?

“This guy went out with my best friend for 2 months 9 years ago. She was his first relationship and he has been single since. Ever since they broke up he has pursued me for ‘friendship’. When I was young and naive enough to think that was true, I gave his friendship a chance, but it quickly turned into inappropriate remarks, being creepy, and showing up at my house unannounced.

I went off on him, told him I think he’s a creep and to leave me alone. He threw a fit but eventually went away. He has come back a few times a year since then, but I always just ignore him.

Not long after I married my husband, who I am now separated from. I initiated the separation and we plan on getting back together in 4 months. 2 weeks ago this guy hears from mutuals that we’re newly separated and resumed pursuing me.

He went back to texting, calling, leaving voice-mails, having gifts sent to my house, and has even shown up to my work. All this despite me telling him to stop and that I’m not interested or looking for anything. I told him that he needs to leave me alone and that he is making me uncomfortable and scaring me.

Not long after, I got calls from his own friends telling me that I’m overreacting and that I need to just give him a ‘chance’ now that I’m ‘single’.

Now here’s where I may be the jerk: the day after those calls from his friends, he showed up at my house.

I got mad, called the police, and I filed a restraining order. The few days after that I got a ton of angry calls from his friends telling me that he’s just ‘obsessed’ with me and I should take it as a compliment and drop the restraining order.

I said no and blocked their numbers.

The next day he showed up to my work. He didn’t confront me, but I saw him sitting in his car in the parking lot. I asked a co-worker to walk me to my car and I went home.

After seeing him again I got really mad. I called the police, told them about it, and then posted a public message on his mother’s social media wall, with who he still lives, begging her to keep him away from me.

His family, friends, and co-workers all saw the social media post.

He lost his job. His mother sent me a message back saying how embarrassed and sorry she is, etc, and asked me to drop the restraining order and take down the social media post because he lost his job over this. I told her no and left the post up. AITJ for not dropping the order, not deleting the post, and making him lose his job?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
They are saying he is JUST obsessed with you? YEAH that is how MANY WOMEN end up attacked and or DEAD. Keep that order and any time you see him in your area CALL THE POLICE on his but. He is SICK.
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26. AITJ For Expecting My Mother-In-Law To Cook On Her Days Off?

“I live with my partner, MIL, and 2 kids. I need to start by saying my MIL is great, she moved in with us when her health wasn’t fantastic and we agreed that she should just stay with us so we could help her when she needs it.

My partner and MIL work 5 days a week.

I work one day a week, Sunday. It was agreed upon with my partner that would be my work day for any admin stuff I need to catch up on. Otherwise, my business pretty much runs itself.

I might have to post things or answer questions but for the most part, I don’t need to be tending to it.

Other than that I am looking after the house and the kids. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.

I brought up to my partner and MIL that at the moment I’m ‘working’ 7 days a week.

That my admin stuff is falling behind because I’m not having enough time to do it on Sunday and I need to have Sunday completely free and not be worrying about meals, cleaning, or laundry on my one work day.

MIL kind of scoffed a little and said that what I’m doing isn’t really work.

So I’m not really working 7 days a week, that she goes to work 5 days a week, and my partner works 5 days a week. They deserve a weekend and they shouldn’t have to worry about cooking on their weekends.

I said that I don’t get any time off at all and the one day reserved for me is always filled with tending to everyone else. It’s not fair and I should be entitled to one day when I get a break.

She didn’t respond and walked off. My partner was more sympathetic and said that while he understood, he’s not a good cook like I am and that he wouldn’t know what to cook for dinner. He also suggested maybe a day a month when we could get fast food so I don’t have to cook.

It was kind of a non-event at the time but later my SIL messages me telling me that my work is a joke and I’m a jerk for expecting my poor MIL to cook on her days off when I sit on my butt most days and do nothing. When I spoke to some friends they did suggest that I was being unreasonable expecting a day off, parents don’t get days off and I should just be doing my work in my downtime before bed or something.

AITJ?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
Then on sundays just do your work and feed the kids. END OF DISCUSSION. If hubs and MIL don't like it then tell them one of them NEEDS to cook and you are NOT ABAILABLE on sundays.
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25. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At The Club With Strangers?

“For the first time in 3 years, I (27F) went to a club last night with my friend C (28F). All our other friends are either living out of the city or pregnant so it was literally just us. We went to a pub first, then headed into a club on the same street, and got there around 11 pm last night.

We’re in the club literally 10 minutes, and she asks if I’ll go get us some drinks and she’ll look for a booth to sit in. I go get the drinks (takes 5 minutes), find her upstairs in another part of the club and she’s sitting in a booth with a group of people we’ve never met (men and women).

That’s fine though I don’t mind meeting new people.

Close to midnight, and I realize that I’ve been sitting there for ages and no one is talking to me, I’m starting to feel like an idiot because she’s in the middle of this group, and I’m at the edge of the booth with everyone’s back to me.

I send her a text and say ‘Do you mind if we go back downstairs? Don’t know these people and I’m feeling weird’.

Literally 10 seconds after I sent the text, she showed everyone in the group and was like ‘Oh I completely forgot you were here why are you so quiet’.

At this point, everyone else is laughing and I honestly couldn’t be bothered with it so I just finished my drink, picked up my bag, and walked out. Went and got takeaway, got straight in an Uber, and went home. Had more of a conversation with the driver.

At 2 am, she texted me and said ‘I’m ready to go now, where are you’ – so she hadn’t even realized I had left, by this point, I’m sleeping and my phone is charging. I woke up today at 10 am with loads of texts from her and missed calls, calling me all sorts of names for leaving her in a club with strangers. Normally I’d never do this, but she didn’t seem to be in any danger and was comfortable but I don’t know, maybe it was a bad move to leave her.”

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LadyDark 7 months ago
She's not really your friend or she wouldn't have done that. Remind her of her behavior, she went to another area, joined a group, left you out, showed them your text and everyone laughed then asked why you were quite, you didn't want to be rude.

Time to get rid of her as a friend.
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24. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband Over A Misplaced ID?

“I (26F) have been married for 4 years to my (29M) husband. We planned a 4-day trip with our son (5 months old, M).

For context, we were in the airport waiting area for 3 hours waiting for our flight. I have been carrying a crying baby for more than an hour trying to calm him down.

I was sleep deprived the night before from packing my family’s bags and working (we both have jobs).

They announced the final call for our flight, we were the final passenger before the plane leaves. We panicked because we had the flight details wrong.

We hurried to the boarding gates, and they asked for our IDs and then boarding passes. I quickly got my ID from my husband’s bag, then asked for the boarding tickets. In his panic, he put his ID in his bag and then the tickets.

They checked our documents and asked again for his ID (since he didn’t hand it over).

He quickly puts the blame on me saying he gave it to me, I replied ‘I don’t have it, check your bag’. He checks but didn’t find it right away.

He goes on and said he gave it to me, I check my pockets (while carrying our baby) it’s not on me. At this point, our bus to the plane is about to leave. He hands over another ID and then asks the checker for his other ID, but they didn’t have it.

At this point, I deduced that he misplaced it and it was just in his bag. So I left him there and boarded the bus without him, he quickly followed then blamed me on the bus saying I lost his ID.

I said I don’t have it and if I find it in his bag we will have a problem, he then snaps back with ‘If it’s not in his bag it’s my fault’. I remained quiet because I didn’t want to cause a scene, we were already arguing in public.

He eventually finds it in his bag and calms down, then offers to take the baby. He didn’t apologize.

He has a habit of blaming me for his misplaced items. I hate that part about him, it’s like raising another child. He forgot his driver’s license once and blamed me for not bringing it.

I brought it up after the trip because I want an apology. He says sorry but then proceeds to say it was my fault, all I had to do was wait with him until he finds his ID. And that the plane won’t leave us.

It spiraled into another argument because it became my fault I didn’t stand by him.

Honestly, am I a jerk for bringing it up and not staying with him? He says it’s hard to ask me for help because I get angry, in my defense he only remembers the time I don’t help him because I’m too overwhelmed and not the times when I do help him.”

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rbleah 7 months ago
He sounds like a man/child. So you now have TWO BABIES to take care of? Tell him he needs to grow up and you are not his mommy to keep track of HIS THINGS.
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23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Funds With My Dad's Wife's Kids?

“My mom died when I was 6. I’m 16 now. Dad married Linda after Mom died. Linda has a son who’s 15 and a daughter who’s 13. Dad and Linda were saving college funds for me and Linda’s kids through the years.

My parents had already set one up so there were some savings in it pre-marriage to Linda.

About a year ago my dad and Linda started talking about the financial element of those accounts and how much it would really help in terms of college.

They’re not rich and were disappointed the accounts weren’t bigger. It was also brought up that I had more because mine was started earlier than her kids’ accounts. To give more context mine was started when I was born and Linda only started one for her kids before she married my dad.

My mom came from a big family. She was one of seven children and my grandparents had done good for themselves. They weren’t rich lol. But they had a home that was mortgage free and they both continue to hold jobs.

Because I lost my mom they decided to downsize their home and set up an account for me that would help me through life. My aunts and uncles even contributed small amounts. They all have kids so couldn’t do as much.

But it’s more than any of my cousins have, and it’s more than Linda’s kids.

Learning about the account made my dad and Linda unhappy. Linda asked that they allow her and my dad access so they could do what they felt was right.

My grandparents said no. Dad asked them why they had done what they had and why wasn’t it discussed with him. They told him it would be given to me when I turn 18 and not a moment sooner. And that they wanted the money to be for me.

To do whatever I liked with it. And that as my mom’s parents, they did what they felt my mom would want.

The whole thing was such a big deal to my dad and Linda that I told them to take back the funds they saved for me but leave what was there before they got married.

Dad asked if I would share some of the money from my grandparents with Linda’s kids. I said no. I also told him that the funds saved by him and Mom should still be mine because my mom was not saving for kids he would raise with someone else.

Linda and my dad believe I am too involved and too opinionated and I’m selfish for not being more giving with Linda’s kids. Dad told me he was disappointed and that it was an adult matter that I should stay out of. I think seeing as I was asked to share, I have a right to give input.

AITJ?”

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Catwoman55 7 months ago
No, no, no!!!!!!!!! That money was put aside for you and you alone. They can stop contributing to the fund, but should not be allowed to take one red cent back out of it. If I were you, I would get my Birth Certificate, social security card, and any other documents that would be needed to take out a loan or a line of credit in your name and lock them away somewhere where no one can get ahold of them. If they're asking for this money because they are having financial difficulties, they may be tempted to do this. Not saying that they would. When you turn 18, open a bank account in your name, preferably at a bank other than theirs. Get a safe deposit box and place your personal information in it, then go and live your life. Good luck! Def NTJ.
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22. AITJ For Commenting About The Food At My Partner's Brother's Wedding?

“Yesterday was my (36m) partner’s (31f) birthday. It was just the immediate family and spouses/partners. We had a barbecue. Her youngest brother (27m) got married a couple of weeks ago to SIL (25) with whom my conflict appears to be.

I have been trying to avoid meat for the last couple of years.

My partner’s family tries to accommodate me whenever possible. For yesterday’s events, my partner got me some veggie alternatives for the grill. She also had done that earlier for a barbecue on Easter. On that day SIL announced that she had become a vegetarian, so I offered to share my food with her.

After she had eaten it, she proceeded to eat meat though. My partner also told me, that SIL loves to be the center of attention, is super indecisive, and always wants special treatment.

The wedding was super exhausting. At times it felt like SIL was having a wedding and my partner’s brother was just a participant.

Everything had to appear perfect for the pictures and most guests didn’t have a good time. I still managed to have a good time. There was a ton of food, sadly it was like 6 different dishes with meat. In those situations, I either don’t eat at all, or if I get too hungry I compromise.

My partner’s mom really had a bad time. After the ceremony, the couple left for over an hour to have pictures taken at another venue, and the guests were left standing. We were not allowed to enter the venue and sit down.

My partner’s mom has a hard time standing for longer amounts of time and apparently, her feet swelled.

Back to yesterday: We started at 3 pm at the house of my partner’s mom with cake and everyone but SIL and her husband were there.

He wanted to come at 3 pm as well but apparently, she did not allow it, since she had to work and didn’t want him to come without her. As soon as they arrived it felt as if the whole mood got tense though.

The situation between my partner’s mom and SIL has always been tense.

Now we had enough food to feed like 12 people. Yet as soon as SIL sat down she proclaimed ‘Today I am going to be vegetarian as well!’

I asked her in a half-jokingly tone ‘That’s great, did you bring something vegetarian? Because the last time I shared mine with you, afterward you decided to eat meat’.

She laughed. Now here is where I think I might have been the jerk, because I said ‘Also at the wedding there was no vegetarian food at all, so yeah.’ So I did not share my portion.

I talked about it with my partner.

She thought it was hilarious and told me she was proud of me because she is annoyed with the antics of her SIL. I think it was okay that I did not share but I have this weird feeling that I might have gone too far, so please, AITJ here?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
NOT THE JERK AND NOT TOO FAR. SIL is just an attention hound.
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21. AITJ For Telling A Random Lady I Don't Care About Her Kids?

“I (16 male) went out with my friends (both 18 male) today to the nice little park in my neighborhood. We had gone to the store first to get some drinks and snacks. Monster energy drinks and bags of chips to be exact.

We sat down at one of the tables at the park and open up our stuff. Now I don’t know if we were actually being too loud or not, but we were talking about what we were going to do during the school year.

One of my friends who likes to make jokes about everything said and I quote ‘Man screw school I’m skipping every class.’ We started laughing but noticed there was a woman walking over to us. She looked at all of us and then said ‘You kids are awful.

My children are here and they can hear you saying this stuff. I don’t appreciate you trying to influence them to skip school and do substances like you are doing right now.’ I was astonished. I told her ‘Ma’am we are just joking around, drinking energy drinks and eating chips – we are in no way trying to influence your kids – and we aren’t doing illegal stuff.’ She slammed her hand on the table and told me to shut up.

One of my friends asked her to leave us alone. But she went on and on about how when we die we are not going to heaven for doing illegal stuff and trying to influence kids. And that her kids can hear us and are watching us.

Mind you her kids were all the way in the field area and we were still at the park – and there wasn’t anyone there but us, the woman, and her kids. My other friend stood up but I told him to sit down.

The lady was still yelling at us but I politely asked her to stop and she did. Just cussing us out under her breath.

I looked at her and said ‘Listen lady I don’t care about your kids. I’m an older brother of four and basically babysit these two whackos all day.

(Meaning my friends) If I was trying to influence your kids I’d be over there in the field with them trying to give them some of my energy drink.’ She said she was going to call the cops on us for threatening her and child harassment.

We said we didn’t care and to do it. We were having a great day but she ruined it. So we got our stuff and went to my place.

I’m typing this in rage right now. And I really want to know if I was in the wrong – because I am starting to feel bad and what if she did actually call the cops.

So – am I the jerk for telling a lady I don’t care about her kids?”

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rbleah 7 months ago
If I had been there I WOULD HAVE CALLED PD. This KAREN was harassing YOU and your friends. With her kids NOT EVEN WITHIN EARSHOT? I also would have to her to mind her own business unless she wants you to make a police report on HER.
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20. AITJ For Giving My Mother-In-Law's Whiny Husband A Juice Box?

“We are currently visiting my husband’s mom who we haven’t seen in 5 years. We decided to do a small trip so she could meet the kids and we could all catch up and because we felt slightly bad for not going to her wedding.

MIL did warn us ahead of time that her husband, who we’ve never met, has a very hard time with kids, so don’t take it personally if he needs to remove himself.

Well, he doesn’t so much remove himself as sulk and compete with the kids.

He seems to have a very hard time sharing MIL’s attention. Whenever the kids interact with her, he has to rub his head all over her, cling to her, keep putting his mouth on her, etc. MIL seems to feel bad for him and will rub his head like he is a dog.

She took some time off from work to visit us. He has been complaining that he misses her and he’s lonely (they work together). MIL apologized to him and rubbed his stupid head again. The kids were being a little loud the other day and I was trying to get them under control.

He was sitting there sulking and MIL asked why he seems so sad, he said he was lonely, so she had to go cuddle him and kept being like aww it’s alright.

I find this really childish and off-putting. Today I was handing out juice boxes to my kids.

He was whining to MIL about being snowed in with the kids and how he hates having to wear pants. MIL was just petting his head because I think she legit thinks he is a dog. I went over and handed him a juice box.

He looked at me confused and I said well the adults were having coffee, so I thought the kids might want some juice. The room was really silent and it was uncomfortable. He asked MIL if he had her blessing to go and dump the juice out in my luggage. She tried to diffuse but later told my husband that I’m rude.”

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rusty 7 months ago
This "manchild" needs to be slapped...if it had been me, I probably would have gone and gotten a diaper and some baby powder, since he was complaining about "having to wear pants" because that was how he was acting...like big baby. Not petty at all...just pointing out a fact and probably saying what everyone else was thinking but did not have the nerve to do so. NTJ, just blunt and straight to the point. Maybe he and MIL are acting out some kind of Oedipus complex thing, but that is their business...don't bring it out in front of the kids.
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19. AITJ For Telling My Neighbors To Wear Earplugs If I Wake Them Up?

“I (F27) work from home and I live in an apartment building. Since my shift is 2 PM-11 PM, I usually have dinner after I finish work, then shower etc.

My neighbours seem to have a problem with it. They live under me and they claim I am disrupting their sleep.

In a way I get where they are coming from, living in an apartment block isn’t necessarily quiet, there’s always gonna be random noises, occasional fights, and of course, people who have a different schedule than you. But my neighbours have an issue with me pretty much existing at night.

They said my walking to the kitchen to get food after 11 PM wakes them up. Me showering wakes them up. Pretty much anything I do after 11 PM is disrupting their sleep. I explained my job requires me to work until 11 PM and I cannot change my shift, on top of that I am always careful not to make too much noise, but I also cannot wake up at 7 AM and go to bed at 10 PM like they do.

I work in customer service so I was doing my best to de-escalate the situation, as they were getting pretty annoyed at me explaining my schedule.

They straight up told me I should find a new job if I can’t ‘behave like a normal person’.

I told them that’s not an option and suggested they wear earplugs at night if my walking to the kitchen wakes them up. I was not being sarcastic, I myself wear earplugs at night because the neighbours above wake up before I go to sleep, and they make a lot of noise since they have a dog and two little kids.

I find them comfortable and this way I can sleep without being woken up by random noises, so I suggested this to my neighbours as a solution, since I will not change my ‘routine’ or my job.

This made them practically yell at me and call me a ‘rude teenager’ (I am 27) and say kids have no respect for their elders and a bunch of other stuff.

I explained again I was trying to help, but they shut me down and at this point, I wanted to get home already cuz my shift was starting soon, so I left.

I know how much it sucks to be woken up by your neighbours but in my opinion, we all signed up for it when choosing to live in an apartment building and no one should expect radio silence 24/7 because that’s simply not realistic.

They also have this weird habit to knock in the pipes(?) when they think I am making too much noise, which is super loud and often scares me, but I didn’t mention it to them since they were both speaking over me.

AITJ for telling them to wear earplugs?”

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Siobhan 7 months ago
Talk to the building management. They're harassing you.
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18. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay More Rent Than Me?

“My friend Taylor (F27) and I (F29) have known each other for almost a decade, we’re very close and have been talking about moving out together for a few years now.

I luckily landed a decent full-time job about a year ago making 45k, but Taylor works two part-time jobs and only makes about 20k.

We both want to live closer to the city and while I’m okay with not having the most modern-looking place, Taylor is a little pickier than I am. We live in an expensive city on the east coast and so finding an affordable place to rent is almost impossible unless we look an hour away from the city.

Buying a place would be more affordable, so… that’s what I did.

Late last year I miraculously found a 2-bedroom 2-bathroom 1100 sq ft apartment 20 mins from the city that was selling for a fraction of what other apartments in the area were selling for (the previous owner was a hoarder and died of old age, so his family was just trying to get rid of the place).

I bought it as-is and spent the last few months cleaning and had to take out another loan for renovations. The place is almost done, it’s very modern with new appliances and I’m very excited to move in just in time for summer.

The mortgage would come out to be $1300 not including utilities. Similar apartments in the area are rented for $3000.

I asked Taylor if she wanted to be my roommate and she of course said yes. She’s been having issues with her parents recently so she’s been dying to leave.

She told me previously that the most she’d be able to pay for rent is $800 so when we were discussing arrangements I told her that’s how much her rent would be (I would be paying $500 and utilities). She seemed really surprised with the number so I asked why.

She said that she thought we would be splitting the mortgage payment evenly at $650 and felt that I was overcharging her.

I explained that if we were actually renting an apartment in this area that we’d EACH have to pay around $1500 and that $800 really wasn’t that bad.

I pretty much drained my savings account to put a down payment on the place AND I have to pay the loan for renovations which is an additional 200 a month for me, so I would be paying about the same as her in the end.

Plus, if anything breaks I would be responsible for replacing/fixing it.

She still agreed to move in with me but she’s been a little cold the last few days. I explained the situation to some mutual friends of ours and most of them thought that the arrangement was fair but one of them told me that it wasn’t fair of me to be asking Taylor to be paying for more than half of the mortgage payment when she makes half of what I do.

AITJ?”

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Woogiesmom721 7 months ago
NTJ and if she is isn't happy with the arrangement find another roommate.
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17. AITJ For Refusing To Read My Ex-Friend's Long Message?

“Recently a friend (32f) of 9 years who I (27f) considered one of my good friends texted me completely out of the blue saying that she didn’t want to come to my wedding or ‘be my friend anymore’.

I knew the friendship was fading but had just assumed we would slowly go our separate ways.

Over the past few years, I have often gone to her house to comfort her about everything that went wrong in her life, including things she really had a choice in changing. (e.g. she didn’t counter-offer enough at her job before signing the contract, her new partner snores and then she yells at him, her new eScooter’s battery is too heavy to get to her great new job, etc.).

In contrast, in the past few years, my 2 parents have had 3 cancer diagnoses between them, and my sister died and any time I tried to talk to her about this, she just changed the subject.

Anyway, this all happened three days after coming to my apartment, laughing, chatting, and exchanging gifts and books.

When she was at my house, the only moment that seemed to upset her is when I asked her if she wanted to help organize my bachelorette party. She said she felt she wouldn’t do a good job, I said I didn’t really care and wasn’t sure if I wanted one anyway, and it could just be drinks and a movie at my place (if that), she was a bit cagey bout it but at no point said ‘no’ (perhaps I could have picked up on this but also I think if you don’t want to do something just tell me).

So a few days later I get this long text saying she didn’t want to be my friend anymore or come to my wedding. I was obviously upset because any rejection feels like garbage, and I tried to call her to discuss it but she wouldn’t pick up.

She said we should take time to ‘let it sink in’. I was still upset but just decided to give her some time. After a day or two I realized that anyone who would act like she did with no explanation wasn’t someone I wanted to be friends with anyway.

5 DAYS LATER – she messages to say she has written an ‘essay’ on ‘all her issues with me’ that I ‘won’t like’. Also that it is too big to send by WhatsApp so she will e-mail it to me (?!?!).

This was accompanied by a lot of smiley emojis and friendly exclamation marks. I told her not to send the essay because I wouldn’t read it as I no longer wanted anything to do with her, and I blocked her on Whatsapp.

She then sent me green texts telling me I wouldn’t grow if I didn’t read this essay and that I was selfish. I then blocked her on everything.

I’m sure I wasn’t fully in the right, but the way she dealt with this whole situation seems completely wild to me. AITJ for not reading her letter?”

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LilVicky 7 months ago
NTJ good riddance
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16. AITJ For Wearing Airpods To Not Hear My Husband?

“My husband and I don’t have the best relationship, but it is also not the worst. He has a habit of doing things behind my back, and I’m supposed to accept it because I’m a housewife. I cook, clean, and run errands.

Anything to do with domestic things is my responsibility. And I’d be fine with that if my husband didn’t throw it in my face. This being said I don’t take crap, hence why he is regularly frustrated with me. I stand my ground and withhold my responsibility when he does the same.

And he doesn’t think this is right as I apparently do nothing all day (I barely have no free time).

The issue is his parents lost their home due to terrible financial decisions. They asked to live with us and I immediately said no.

I knew I’d have to clean after his parents while he goes out. They could’ve gone to his 3 other siblings’ houses so it wasn’t like we were their only choice. Despite me saying no to his parents staying with us, I come back from shopping with all their stuff moved in.

I’m livid and argue with my husband and he says he pays the bills so I have to deal with it. Fine. But I tell him I’m not doing anything in the house anymore and he can fend for himself. He got mad and thought I was bluffing.

I lived up to my promise and could see he was getting more and more angry with my new freedom.

It all came to a head this weekend when I went to the kitchen and made only enough dinner for myself. His parents asked if I can make another portion and I said no.

His mum started berating me, then my husband got involved and yelled and called me a jerk. I simply put my AirPods in and drowned him out. Walked away and ate my dinner in my bedroom.

After some time, he and his parents came to me and I could see he was speaking.

My husband then lifted up my hair and saw I had my AirPods in and was not listening to a word he has been screaming. He asked if I had them in the whole time and I replied back ‘Of course’.

His dad laughed and was clearly finding this amusing. Then all of a sudden, my husband burst out crying. Like seriously bawling his eyes out, sobbing I’m emasculating him in front of people. I and his parents were silent and in shock by this.

To paint the scene, he was crying loudly sitting on the floor, then his mother cradled him while his father looked like he was about to laugh. I thought the whole thing was ridiculous cos he brought this upon himself. I said I don’t know why he was acting like a victim, picked up my purse, and left to go hang out with my friends.

The next day, my husband did not speak a word to anyone and slept all day. And looked depressed. His mother berated me again and said I’m ‘breaking her son’. If I’m being honest, I’m starting to think I handled the situation a bit too petty.”

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rusty 7 months ago
NOPE...you did not handle this petty at all....he brought this on himself when he went behind your back and brought his parents in without consulting you....this should have been "two yeses or a no", but he chose to ignore that....when he was finally broken down, instead of acting like an adult and talking about it, he started screaming, then crying to mommy, then has the NERVE to say you "emasculated" him...all while his father sat there and laughed at him...He deserved being laughed at and he "emasculated" himself when he started crying and ran to mommy. NTJ in any way, and you need to get out of this "marriage" and leave him to mommy and daddy, who truly deserve him.
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15. AITJ For Working At A Store That My Parents Don't Approve Of?

“Both my (25f) parents were really upset that I applied for (and got) a job at an adult store. At first, my mom straight up forbid me from taking the job, though I let her know straight away that I wasn’t gonna listen.

The job is full-time, $15 an hour, plus commission and bonuses. It’s a little less than 30 minutes from my house. The reason I was willing to have a bit of a longer commute is because my coworker from my previous job is also working there and he recommended the job to me.

Since working together at our previous job we’ve become friends and I thought it would be fun to continue working with him. Also, the job itself sounded fun and laid back.

Aside from their gripes about gas spending, my folks are mainly unhappy with the nature of the job.

My mom says she doesn’t ‘feel comfortable’ with me working around that kind of clientele, creepy men and whatnot. Both my parents claim that I will be putting myself in ‘dangerous situations.’ My dad says that the job is ‘unreputable (sic),’ unbecoming, and that future employers will be less likely to hire me when they see it on my resume.

He’s also mad that I’m not advancing my career. I think it’s dumb to get a job right now that advances my career since in less than 2 months I’ll be quitting anyway as I’m leaving for Israel; I have a marketing job lined up in Jerusalem.

My dad said that if I won’t get a job that advances my career then I have to move out, though at that point my mom shut him down.

Anyways, I’ve so far worked there 2 days and I really like it and don’t wanna quit till I have to. I felt like it wasn’t fair for them to tell me what I can and can’t do for work since I’m an adult, but maybe it doesn’t count since I still live at home. AITJ?”

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olderandwiser 7 months ago
NTJ. Keep working for 2 months, go to Israel,and good luck in the new position! You're an adult, ignore your parents and just know they worry about you.
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14. AITJ For Ranting On Social Media About Someone Who Stole My Chef Partner's Cheese Technique?

“My partner is a very talented chef, and works in a Michelin-star restaurant in Belgium, but when we were in hospitality school he would make sandwiches in the student kitchen and sell them as a nighttime snack.

They weren’t ordinary sandwiches, like I said he was a talented chef.

There were 3 pieces of bread with garlic rubbed on them, homemade sauces, and seasoning mixes, and finished in the oven. The flavor always changed. One technique he perfected was heating mozzarella cheese so light and fluffy and seasoned that people kept confusing it with scrambled eggs.

People loved it and everyone always asked how he made it, but it was his secret recipe so he never told.

There was a girl and boy who always came down together to pick up the orders for them and their friends, and I knew the girl had asked my partner how he did it but he didn’t tell her.

We eventually graduated and went our separate ways. Last night we had dinner with the boy, and he told us that the girl had figured out the cheese technique, she even made a sandwich using the same stuff my partner did: rubbing garlic in bread, mixing sauces and spices to make a new condiment, putting it in the oven, and yes, she did the cheese thing, one layer with melted slices and the other with ‘scrambled’ cheese.

My partner was disappointed as it was his best-kept secret, and I thought it was so bloody rude of her! Like did she have to steal my partner’s specialty, why couldn’t she come up with her own? She wasn’t even culinary what business did she have stewing his intellectual property?

I ranted about it on social media after the dinner and everyone laughed at me asking me if I was seriously gatekeeping cheese and saying things about my partner’s chef ego.

I shut them down real fast as chef specialties are safe-guarded secrets in the industry.

But this afternoon my mom called saying she met up with friends and they asked her if everything is alright with my husband and me, mentally and financially.

I told her nothing was wrong, we just felt robbed of something precious, and my mom told me to delete the post because I was embarrassing her as people were laughing about me.

I kind of don’t want to go to family dinner tomorrow night as I suspect everyone has been talking about the cheese thing, but I don’t think I’m a jerk for being mad some random girl stole my partner’s cheese technique.”

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Dyspie 7 months ago
YTJ she didn't steal it. It wasn't worn down and it wasn't patented. She was clever enough to figure out her own version of it and the only reason you know about it is because you were told by the guy. She's not making money off of it and she's not keeping your guy from continuing to make and sell his version. You are gate keeping scrambled cheese. There are bigger issues in the world.
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13. AITJ For Telling My Wife Not To Get Mad At My Friend For Something His Wife Did?

“I have a close friend, ‘Evan,’ who is married to ‘Holly’. My wife dislikes Holly because she feels she is the spoiled princessy type and looks down on her. I guess I’m struggling because this is the third time this has happened.

We do tend to be the poorest ones in a rich neighborhood, but I don’t know. First, it was a woman I was friends with, then my boss’s wife, now Holly.

Well, recently Holly found out that my wife brought her name up in a fight (someone overheard and told her).

My wife was yelling at me about how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom, which I get, and have ‘real people issues’ and then have to be around spoiled princesses. She said Evan is taking Holly to a resort for her birthday and what does Holly even need a break from, and that she is tired of being the ‘ugly one in the group’ and would look much better if she got these breaks (note I do my share of childcare when I am home.

She is talking about things like nannies, spa trips, vacations).

So Holly confronted her and said not to even bring up her name. Then Holly said that maybe if my wife was a better wife I would want to take her places.

I shut that down right away and told Holly it was unacceptable. I said she was never to speak like that in my house again.

When they left my wife asked what I was going to do about Evan. I said that Evan didn’t do anything.

She said that he married her, so he is responsible for what she said, and maybe it is time to distance myself from Evan. I said that didn’t seem fair and I did defend her, so what is the problem?

She said I wasn’t putting her needs first and I finally snapped and said my friend is not responsible for his wife, and she needs to move on and stop asking me to distance myself from people. I said she never cares about my needs, and to be honest I did storm off. She is still very upset with me.”

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Catwoman55 7 months ago
She's angry at three people? And she's the common denominator. Let her go out and get a job if she's that jealous of everyone's life style, and is that unhappy with her life. Daycare is a thing. Keep an eye on this behavior, I bet it doesn't go away. I honestly don't see this marriage lasting much longer. She will drive you crazy, constantly trying to make you dump all your friends. NTJ, don't let her do that to you.
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Provide Free Childcare For My Sister After Finding Out The Truth About My BIL?

“My husband (44m) and I (38f) live in NYC with our 8-year-old daughter and have a live-in nanny because we’re both doctors with unpredictable crazy hours. My sister (33f) ‘Anne’ and her husband (32m) ‘Sam’ also live in NYC 30ish mins from us with their 2 kids (4 & 5).

Sam is originally from India and only came to the US for his master’s before getting a job and marrying my sister.

Last December, my sister told me she and her husband were struggling to afford childcare (especially extended winter break hours) for her two kids, and asked if my nanny could also watch her kids too.

I talked it over with my husband and we agreed. I asked my nanny if she was willing to and offered her a 27k/yr (~ 30%) raise to take care of 2 more kids. She agreed and for the past 7 months has been taking care of them 3-7 pm M-F.

Weeks ago, I brought up to my sister if she could find temporary childcare for her kids because my daughter is going to sleep away camp for a month and I wanted to give my nanny the time off. She begged me not to since daycares in NYC all have long waitlists and a babysitter 40 hours a week for a month would be 4k.

I got concerned she couldn’t even pay for a month of babysitting for her own kids since I knew my sister’s salary is 70k/yr and BIL is a software engineer with a higher salary. I asked about her finances and she very reluctantly told me Sam had been giving almost half their income to his family in India, and was spending thousands to sponsor his siblings’ immigration process.

I was furious at this and told them not only was I giving my nanny vacation time, I was no longer willing to provide free child care.

This started a huge argument between Sam and me. I very harshly condemned him for putting his extended family above his own children.

He didn’t take it very well and said his parents sacrificed to send him to school in the US and he is doing the right thing by paying them back.

My sister was happy I stood up for her (she privately admitted she hadn’t wanted to send that much money) at first but since then has been asking me to take her kids back because she and Sam are now constantly arguing over this.

I told her I wasn’t going to enable Sam’s actions any longer, and that had I known I was paying 27k more so Sam could send funds to his family, I never would’ve agreed to it in the first place.

My husband agrees with me but has said maybe I should relent so my sister could have a happier marriage.

Sam is calling me a jerk to his family who’s suffering the loss of his money when it doesn’t affect me much. Some of my friends who also know them think I’m wrong for making my sister and her kids’ life harder, especially since I will keep paying my nanny her new salary.

Edit: to be clear, my dilemma is that my sister loves her husband and doesn’t want to divorce him. So I could either try to talk her into leaving him, which would make her miserable, or just give them money to smooth this problem over, which I feel would open me up to BiL asking me for more and more money one way or the other because in his words ‘we’re family and we help each other when we have more’.

It is true that I could easily pay for his kids to have a more comfortable life than when they’re not with me.

Also, we pay a lot of taxes here in NYC, especially if you make 6 figures, plus their mortgage for a 2-bedroom apartment is 4k/month and that’s not counting all the other costs of living.

I didn’t mean to say BiL was sending 100K to his family, I mean he was sending something like 2k/month (half of their income minus all their expenses) to his family and using funds saved from paying a babysitter to pay for an immigration attorney, etc.

My sister knew he wanted to help his family come here and I think she knew in the ‘I want to be close to my family’ sense and not the ‘I would prioritize helping them move here above our kids’ sense and now she’s in too deep.”

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CG1 7 months ago
Not your problem but I think your sister's problems are only beginning..you can bet your butt he will be moving his Family into Their Home. Your Sister is Screwed
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11. AITJ For Not Paying To Get My Neighbor's Car Repainted?

“I live in a house that has been converted into a multi-unit rental property. My neighbour’s house is the same. My landlord installed a fire pit at the back of the property many years ago. Tenants have been having fires for years before I even moved in.

The neighbour’s landlord turned their backyard into a parking lot. The parking lot is adjacent to where the fire pit is.

My landlord cut down a bunch of trees a few years ago and has encouraged the tenants to burn them. I have been having frequent fires for years and so have the other tenants.

My neighbour has lived in her unit for 10+ years. Before I moved in I guess there was an incident. Some previous tenants had a fire, threw a piece of newspaper on it, it caught fire, the wind picked it up and it landed on the hood of my neighbour’s car.

The neighbour said it cost her $3k to fix. She told us this was the first time we had a fire and then she moved her car to a different parking space not adjacent to the fire pit.

We have never had any issues until a few days ago.

I and the other tenants had a fire. The logs were nice and dry so it was a clean burn. We are attentive to how the fire burns to ensure that we are safe and something like the incident doesn’t happen again.

The next day I’m out in the yard and the neighbour starts screaming at me that I damaged her car and that I would be paying to have the entire thing painted. I was confused. She said my fire left a bunch of ash on her car and then with the dew in the morning it caused damage to the paint.

I told her it was a communal fire so not my responsibility. Also, this has been an issue before so she should just park in a different spot if her car is so easily damaged. The spot she always parks in is directly adjacent to the fire pit and is about 15 ft away.

She then came into my backyard still screaming at me that I was going to pay. She was getting really aggressive and started moving towards me ready to fight.

I screamed at her to shut up and get out of my yard.

She left but told me she would take me to court.

This happened a few days ago and she continues to park in the same spot.

AITJ?

Do we/I have to pay to repaint her car?

Edit: No by-laws against fires where we are. People have them all the time.

It’s not uncommon for friends/family to invite you over to a backyard fire.

I personally didn’t see any damage to her car. It looks like it’s been freshly cleaned and waxed after the altercation.

Other neighbours had fires that night. One guy’s fire was over 8ft.

Could the ash be from his fire?

I was the first person she saw and she went off. She doesn’t even know that I attended the fire with the other tenants.

The fire happened Sunday, I joined around 1 am Monday morning. The altercation happened on Tuesday.”

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Amel1 7 months ago (Edited)
Ntj. Sounds like she's either a complete diva about her car (in which case she should watch where she parks, get a car cover and so on to keep it in the pristine condition she wants) or trying to scam ya
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10. AITJ For Talking Back To A Condescending Client?

“I work at a company that makes equipment for oil and gas.

We have an old client who buys from us who is known for being a bit rude, condescending, and loud but we usually ignore it as ‘the customer is always right’.

I have been assigned this client and recently he got in touch to buy some equipment.

I send him a quote a get a callback but he is very angry and irate. I ask him what is wrong and he says I am trying to scam him and the prices that I have quoted are outrageous.

He then says that last time we sold it to him for half the price. I told him that I would check in case it was a mistake but he went on berating me for 10 mins that we’re being scammy, we were trying to hustle him, etc etc.

while doing this he was literally shouting in the phone, and when I asked him not to shout he simply said this is how he normally talks. He then hung up on me.

At this point, I was livid but trying to stay as professional as possible.

I checked the old records and turns out the prices he mentioned were from 2012 to 2014 which is almost a decade ago.

I call him back and explain that the prices are from 2014. He goes into a rant saying forget that it’s from 2014 but surely it can’t be double the old rates.

I tried to explain that labor, raw material prices, inflation, etc tend to increase every year and it’s reasonable to expect it to double in a decade, and with the recent inflation, our prices are very competitive. I was just quoting prices as per company policy.

Then he decided to go nuclear and called me an ‘idiot millennial’ and said that he had enough of this crap. This rant went on for 10 mins where he called me a lot of names and talked over me and I could barely say a sentence.

Finally, he said ‘you are going to give it to me at the old rates’. That’s when I said you are being a delusional boomer. He says he will complain to management and hangs up.

Later I am called up to a meeting by my boss and the company owner (turns out the owner and client are college buddies but not very close).

I explain my side and the phone recordings back me up. The owner and management decide to cut him off as a client and not sell to him again.

But the other sales guy thinks I was a jerk for insulting the old guy and losing the company business. What do you guys think?”

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BJ 7 months ago
As a boomer...I say NTJ. He was impossible.
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9. AITJ For Sleeping At A Friend's House Because My Partner Came Home Wasted?

“My partner and I have recently moved in together. We decided to set some ground rules and it was just some little stuff but I did put down one big one which was no drinking in the house and staying at a hotel or friend’s house if you are gonna drink.

He complained a little about it but after I reminded him why I won’t allow it, he seemed okay with it. I grew up with two heavy-drinking parents who were very abusive and now that I’m older and can choose to live my life how I want to, I avoid being near wasted people at all costs.

We’ve been staying in for the past few weekends but yesterday my partner told me he was gonna go out to a bar with his friends. I said okay and told him that he can use my card for a hotel if none of his friends let him stay at their house.

He seemed confused but he nodded his head and went out. It was around 2 am when I heard our front door being opened, I walked out and saw not only my wasted partner but also his two even more wasted-looking friends.

I asked him why he was here and not at the hotel and he just laughed at me saying he didn’t think I was being serious about that ‘stupid rule’. I was still half asleep and didn’t feel like fighting so I packed a small bag and went to go stay at my friend’s house.

He kept calling me throughout the night but I ignored them and tried to sleep off my anger. When I woke up this morning I had a bunch of texts from him and one of our mutual friends. At first, they were just him apologizing but then they started to get angrier and he was blaming me for making such a dumb rule and thinking he was gonna follow it.

He said I was being a baby and I embarrassed him in front of his friends. I showed it to my friend and she said that he was being ridiculous but her partner said she could see why he’d be upset.

Honestly, I’m a little bit torn. I understand that some people might not be comfortable enough to follow this rule but the thing is my partner said he was okay with it. Before we even moved in together he would never go to my apartment while wasted because he knew how uncomfortable I was with it.

I also do think it’s very disrespectful of him to not follow the one simple thing I asked him to do even after I offered to pay for the hotel. I’ve asked a few of my friends and it’s spilt between them too so what do you guys think?”

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rusty 7 months ago
NTJ....You made this rule for a very good reason...I have been there, not the abuse; just the drinking, and a lot of it. It almost broke up a 43-year relationship. He agreed to it until it was inconvenient to him. What happened here? Did all of his friends' partners say NO to his wasted @$$? Did he get to the hotel and they would not book him in since he was wasted? Whatever happened, you are not the jerk here. As far as the so-called "friends" go (more like his flying monkeys), they are not in your house, your intimate life, or your relationship; they can take a hike. I would tell him that if he has a problem with a boundary that was set for a very good reason, it may be time to reassess the relationship, and all of his friends can go kick rocks. If they are so concerned with the rules you make, and the reasons thereof, maybe they would not mind taking him in when he is kicked out.
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8. WIBTJ If I Don't Respond To My Parents When They Call Me By My Dead Name?

“I am female-to-male transgender. My pronouns are he/him. I’m turning 21 in August. I’ve known I was trans since age 13 but came out a few months before turning 15.

What my parents have done, in bullet points:

  1. Made fun of me when I showed them the haircut I wanted.

    That’s how I came out to them.

  2. Told me I was ‘just a lesbian’, ‘why can’t I just accept that I’m lesbian’.
  3. Told me ‘We don’t see you as a boy, so we won’t call you one’.
  4. They make it a point to use female pronouns and words as well as my deadname to refer to me any chance they get, even if there’s a male/gender-neutral alternative they can use.

BUT also:

  1. Bought me ‘For Men’-labeled stuff (deodorant, soap, etc) as well as men’s clothes.

    (I buy my own clothes now).

  2. Helped me get contraceptives to stop my period when she found out.
  3. My 20th birthday card had my dead name with (chosen name) behind it.
  4. They’re not preventing me from transitioning. They just won’t aid me with it, which is entirely in their right to do.

    I have never complained about this.

So… they’re not evil. My mother’s the main offender.

To their credit, I’ve never specifically asked them to stop using my deadname, which is why I think I MAY be the jerk if I go ahead with this.

Mostly because I respect them and getting the drop on you that you actually have 2 sons after raising a girl for 15 years can’t be easy to process.

My grandma asked me last December point-blank which name I preferred, and I told her of course my chosen name.

Ever since then, my family has addressed me as such. Sans parents.

Flash-forward to this week. There was a pretty transwoman on TV, and my mother asked me ‘I didn’t know she was trans, did you?’ And…

I asked her, ‘Why is she a she to you, but I’m not a he?’

Her: ‘Because you’re not…

yet. And besides, I raised a girl for 20 years.’ (Remember: I came out at 15) ‘I’m not going to change that now.’

Me: ‘When will I be a guy to you then?’

Her: ‘You need to respect our choice, respect is a two-way street.

If you can’t respect us, we won’t respect you.’

Me: ‘Well, you clearly don’t respect me.’

And… I get that she’s right about respect. But I feel like I’ve been respectful about the situation and just flat-out said how I feel about her using my dead name.

But it’s been over half a decade. And at this point, I think it’s just never going to happen.

I still don’t know if there’s any actual malicious intent behind it. I’m getting the documents required to change my name legally next week.

I don’t have enough to move out, as my last job only gave me 5 hours a week, about $400 a month. I’m trying to build a business as an artist and animator, which my parents also hate.

WIBTJ if I stopped responding to my dead name until my parents stop using it? I don’t want to hurt them.”

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wewi 7 months ago
You are not the jerk.

I have a trans son, and the whole thing became a lot easier for me to understand when I accepted two things:

1. He is the same person he's always been, no matter what name and pronouns he's using.
He's still my baby. That will never change.

2. His gender identity literally has nothing to do with me, is not ABOUT me, and doesn't fall under the jurisdiction of "Things I Get to Control."

I don't know that I'd exactly say your parents are "jerks" at this point. That depends on how hard they hold on to their concepts, and how willing they are to damage their relationship with you in order to avoid a change in their thinking.

Hang in there...
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7. AITJ For Leaving My Husband Behind Because He Was Too Lazy To Help Pack?

“All week my husband and I had been talking about going a couple of hours out of town to get out of the house. He brought it up but wanted me to plan everything out. We couldn’t agree on what to do but knew where we were going.

The morning of the day we were to leave (today) he asks me when we were going to leave. I tell him I am going to workout and shower and then I’ll be out. He swore at me saying that meant we probably weren’t going to go.

After I showered I then began to make sure my things and my two boys’ things were all packed while I also got myself and the two boys dressed. My husband sat on the couch the entire time. He came to me halfway through and asks if there is enough room in my tiny luggage for his things as well but I told him no because I had the boys’ and my things in there.

This is tiny enough for an airplane carry-on. He walks away.

I then load everything into the car and put shoes on the boys and my husband sits on the couch. I ask him if he has his stuff to put in the car.

He says no and that he didn’t think I want him to go and says have a nice trip while ‘crying’. I look at him and think to myself, ‘You sat on the couch the entire time and did not help me whatsoever.

You couldn’t even pack your own things.’ All he had to do was bring me his things and I could have packed it for him. I refuse to pick out clothes for a grown man. So I left.

It took him 8 hours to text me to even make sure we were alive.

He didn’t even have to check on me, but you’d think he’d want to check on his children.

That is not the only bag we have to pack things. We tend to take several different bags on trips. I asked for help 2 different times to get the boys ready, and I also stated that we would be leaving shortly after I exercised (normally 30 mins) and showered.”

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CmHart2008 7 months ago
YOur husband is a child who wants his wife/mommy to take care of him. Counselling is in order here or this marriage is heading in the wrong direction. Your husband is an adult & you have the right to expect him if share household responsibilities including packing his own suitcase. Bravo for not letting his pouting keep you home. Petulant children should not win! Get some help!
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6. AITJ For Resenting My Pregnant Boss?

“I (27F) have been at my job for 11 months. In those 11 months, I started school and reduced my work schedule significantly. When I told my boss I was going to school she (29F) seemed excited. That was until she got pregnant, then she opposed me working less because it would put a lot of stress on her and her baby.

Still, I went to school with reduced work hours. She’s in her second trimester and she makes everything at work about her pregnancy. She refuses to take out two small bags that weigh maybe 2 pounds because she’s pregnant and it’s too hot for ‘a pregnant woman to go outside’.

She complains that soon she just won’t do much cause she’s pregnant. If she has a doctor’s appointment she has to go to it and we are expected to cover her even if she didn’t schedule them correctly.

2 weeks ago my uncle passed away suddenly and his funeral was last Monday.

I let her know prior to her making the schedule so she didn’t schedule me and she responded fairly annoyed telling me to find coverage. I felt that was kind of messed up as it was a funeral, but I found coverage anyway.

Today I had a kidney infection that landed me in the hospital. My husband texted my boss to let her know I was in the emergency room and my boss instead of seeing if I was okay said ‘So what she’s not coming in?’ My husband told her most likely no to which she didn’t respond.

Honestly, I was at my breaking point. My coworker and I are so burnt out on picking up the slack that she never wants to do. It’s her world and we just live in it. If we’re sick it’s a problem.

If she’s sick we’re expected to be kind and understanding. We’re human beings.

Either way, I called her and snapped saying I didn’t want to work for a boss who didn’t care if I lived or died. That I’m still a human being and things happen and it’s not fair to treat someone like this.

She hung up on me. I’m planning on reporting her to my higher-ups or HR and requesting a transfer. But honestly, I may just quit. Am I the jerk here?

Edit: When I started working there I told her my husband and I were trying to have kids.

It’s been a really hard journey and a lot of appointments and negative tests. It’s been heartbreaking. She and her partner have been together less than a few months and got pregnant by accident.

A lot of the time I feel like she’s rubbing her pregnancy in my face.

I got my period at work one time and got a little emotional and took a moment to get a little teary then pulled myself together. When she asked why I was upset I told her the reason. She could’ve cared less and started talking about her excitement to learn the gender of the baby. It is slowly making me resent her.”

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CG1 7 months ago
Turn her in to HR
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5. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner Exactly How Much I Make?

“I’m 24, I finished college last year and have been working since then at my current job. I do not make a huge amount but I can make enough to take care of myself and afford some nice things from time to time.

My partner is 29, he works in tech and he makes a lot more than me. I have never asked him, he volunteered this information many times.

He told me that he was planning to propose soon but he can’t actually do it without knowing his stance on some important things about me.

Those important things are my financial situation, how my family would react to his proposal (we come from different cultures), and whether we would move in together after we’re engaged (again cultural thing, we don’t move in with partners in my culture).

I told him my financial situation: I don’t have any debt and I’m in the process of saving up and building an emergency fund before I can think of what I’ll do with my money. Not enough for him, he needs to know how much I make exactly.

I don’t want to tell him but I gave him a range. Still not enough. He’s so mad about it. He says finances are important for a couple and he needs to know I’m financially responsible. But if he needs a specific amount to know that, I say he doesn’t actually know me and maybe he should use his critical thinking skills and look at all the time we spent together and conclude whether I am actually responsible with my finances or not. He accused me of not trusting him and hiding things, he told me he can’t be around me rn and left.

I’m actually baffled that it’s creating such a fight. Am I wrong? I don’t want to share that.”

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rusty 7 months ago
NOT wrong, and run the other direction as fast as you can...he wants to know how much you make so he can control how you spend it. He is showing you who he truly is right now; listen to him!! If you marry him, he will try to tie your earnings in with his and then try to control both, do not let him do it! Run! Run fast! Run like the wind! Run like there is no tomorrow, because if you marry this guy, there may not be!!
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4. AITJ For Breaking The University's Rule By Letting My Brother Sleep Over?

“So. I go to Brigham Young University. I do not agree with anything they preach, but it’s cheap education. I am a woman, as is my roommate.

One of the ‘honor code’ rules is that no members of the opposite gender are allowed in our apartments after midnight.

My brother came to visit, and I let him spend the night in my (private) room. He slept in my bed and I slept on the couch in the living room. My roommate has a separate room; we don’t even share a bathroom.

I checked with my roommate beforehand to make sure she’d be okay with my brother spending the night, and while she wasn’t enthusiastic about it, she said it’d be fine.

Flash forward to the next morning, when I got an email from my landlord threatening eviction.

Apparently, my roommate—even though she’d told me it was fine—had ratted on me to both my landlord and the university. I am now on academic probation and will need to defend myself in the Honor Code office so I don’t get kicked out of school.

Here’s where I might be the jerk. I confronted my roommate and told her I might be evicted, and asked if she had anything to do with this. She told me I SHOULD be evicted for letting my brother spend the night, and that I deserve to be expelled.

I cussed at her (super taboo in Mormon culture) and walked away. At this point, my brother had already left and gotten a hotel.

My roommate then CALLED THE POLICE to escort her off the property because she ‘felt unsafe.’ The only thing that could have made her feel unsafe was my curse word.

I can guarantee she didn’t even see my brother during this entire event. She has since accused ME of harassment to the university.

So, yes, I broke a BYU rule that was stupid in the first place, and I cleared it with my roommate beforehand. I now might be kicked out of school for harassment. AITJ for breaking this rule?”

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rusty 7 months ago (Edited)
You obviously have not bought into the Mormon cult BS; she obviously has. While in a "normal" (Mormonism is NOT "normal"; it is a cult) school situation, it should not have been a problem, to her it apparently was. Instead of talking to you about it, she went behind your back and reported you to the campus authorities. That was pure pettiness personified, you may not have any recourse here. If the rules state specifically "no overnight opposite sex/gender visitors (lots of room for same sex/gender visitors, though)", and are not specific about whether they are related or not, that may be grounds for your dismissal. If the roommate continues to press this, however, and you are at danger of losing your schooling because of her insecurities, I would make it worth my while if I were you. In the intervening time, I would make her life as your roommate just as uncomfortable as I could and still be legal. Don't raise your voice to her, don't raise a hand or put one on her. Just make her life a living he!! while you are still there. She was totally passive-aggressive to you, return the favor! I have always called it as my mother used to say: "If you are going to wear the name, you may as well play the game!"
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3. AITJ For Threatening To Kick Our Messy Daughter Out?

“We are parents to 5 children. We have two daughters both in their early 20s. The rest are under 18. We first want to say that our oldest has untreated mental health issues. She has always been paranoid, anxious, overly emotional, easily overwhelmed, and sad.

She once asked to see a therapist and we told her no. We wanted her to be able to tell us herself what was wrong and we know that therapists are not required to tell parents anything. Our oldest could never tell us what was wrong without completely breaking down and crying.

This has never changed. We have asked her to go to therapy now as she cannot continue to act this way as an adult but she brushes us off and insists that she is okay.

All of our kids live at home.

Our oldest is still in college because she didn’t know what she wanted to do at first. She works part-time, no more than 25-30 hours a week. Our youngest has graduated and has two part-time jobs but has plans for grad school in the future.

We pay for their insurance and cell phones since they are on our plan, but they purchased the actual devices. In return, we expect help around the house. Our youngest went to college across the country and our oldest stayed home so she got the worse deal.

She does errands for us (groceries, post office, dry cleaning, prescriptions, etc.) and drives her siblings around when we can’t.

The problems in our family revolve around the mess we live in. There is 7 people’s crap lying around the house. We are all a little messy and unorganized, but my daughters are the worst.

Their bedrooms are gross, the kid’s bathroom is gross, and there are clothes and shoes everywhere. We ask our daughters to help out and clean, and they tell us that they do. The problem is that they only clean up after themselves, and will close their bedroom doors and get annoyed if we enter.

If they prepare a meal for themselves they would only clean up after themselves – ignoring a sink full of dishes & cleaning only the things that they used. There is barely enough time for our younger kids to help by the time they get home, eat, do homework, and shower.

This is something that we are working on, but our daughters are adults and we think they are too comfortable living in filth.

A few weeks ago I sat my oldest down and threatened to kick her out with no car, no phone, no money if she didn’t clean the bathroom, her bedroom, and the kitchen and help keep them spotless.

She is our messiest child. She didn’t say a word and hasn’t spoken to us since. We communicate mostly over text or through our other daughter who our oldest is still talking to. We are so fed up with her and her mess.

I’m feeling guilty that I yelled at her but the mess has barely improved and she doesn’t care that she doesn’t say more than five words at a time to us. But this is no way to live.

Are we the jerks for this? We are at our wit’s end.”

-1 points - Liked by lebe and Templetexas
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Dyspie 7 months ago
YTJ As a parent of 7 kids, I feel your pain of trying to keep a clean house and meet the needs of all your children. However, you are the root cause of your current problem. You have allowed your home to become filthy, you have ignored a child's mental issues, and you now want to punish said child for not stepping up to do something you are not asking anybody else, including yourself, to do. If you want a cleaner home, you have to be part of the solution. Lead by example. Have a family meeting, identify the problem, then ask everybody to help make a chore list with responsibilities. Your older girls will be more willing to do more if they don't feel like they're the only ones being expected to clean. And don't expect miracles. You've all been comfortable with the level of filth so it's going to take some time to improve. And make sure the work is noticed and appreciated. Don't focus on what didn't get done.
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2. AITJ For Asking My Daughter Not To Wear A Dress To A Family Gathering?

“I (46F) have two children. My son ‘Kam’(17M) and my trans daughter ‘Jane’(20 male-to-female). Their father is not in the picture.

My daughter came out right after her 17th birthday and got on hormones soon after she turned 18. I’ll admit I wasn’t the most supportive initially but seeing how much happier she has been the last few years has won me over.

Most of the family is polite and respectful around her except for my parents (late 70s) who have gotten very religious in their old age. They’ve always been somewhat distant from Jane but have doted on Kam, I suspect due to his more masculine interests.

Jane has changed her style since moving away for college to be less androgynous and much more feminine and that’s been the cause of concern. She wore a dress and makeup on Christmas while my parents were visiting. Everyone was fine until Kam mentioned that Jane looked like my mother did when she was young (which is 100% true Jane has started to closely resemble my mother in the last year).

This caused some insensitive remarks from my father that eventually turned into a screaming match between my parents and Jane, with my father asking why Jane couldn’t ‘Be a real man like Kam’. Jane didn’t leave her room for 2 days and hardly ate afterward.

We had a larger family get-together planned for New Year’s Eve involving my extended family and my parents so I begged Jane to wear a nice sweater and pants instead of another dress like she had planned and she did. But she hardly spoke to anyone and hasn’t talked to me since she moved back into her dorm for college.

Kam has said I was wrong for ‘caving into transphobes’ but I just wanted to avoid another incident where everyone walks away feeling awful; someone had to compromise and my parents weren’t willing. Is it really such a big deal to wear a sweater in order to keep the peace? I was just trying to protect her.”

-4 points (4 vote(s))
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jost 7 months ago
You aren't protecting her. You are allowing your parents to torment her. The best solution is for you to permit Jane to cut ties with them If she chooses. They have made it clear that they do not accept it support her. There Is No compromise. If they will not love her, they should not have access to her
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1. AITJ For Controlling My Daughter's Hairstyle?

“My daughter (16f) always had trouble with her hair. It’s extremely curly, dry, and prone to tangles and split ends. It’s beautiful, but it was always painful for her. When her hair was long enough when she was 7-8, I began giving her a half-up ponytail.

I liked that style and gave it to her every day. She initially didn’t mind much, but she grew to resent it over time.

Since she was 10, she would beg me to let her wear her hair down over and over again, and I would tell her that she just doesn’t have the right hair type because whenever she lets her hair down, it would puff up.

So she would ask me to get her hair straightened at every chance she got.

At 11, she came up to me with a variety of ideas, where she would wear hair clips and headbands so the hair wouldn’t puff up. I initially let her do it, but it made her look unkempt, so I stopped letting her.

I offered a few variations of her hairstyle, such as twisting the top of her hair before tying it, which she took. At 13, she got a bob cut. She began styling it as having a side bang and a hair clip.

I let her keep it, but a month later, I began to insist that she let me give her the half-up ponytail, to which she got upset, but eventually, gave in. At some point when she was 14, she ditched the hairstyle and tied her hair up in a ponytail (she only let me do it on some occasions).

Over the past few years, she grew her hair out to her waist (the longest it’s been) and began experimenting with a variety of hairstyles like pigtails, half-up pigtails, and half-buns. All of these looked good on her, but they made her look childish.

Whenever I offered to give her the half-up ponytail, she would insist on doing it in a full bun instead, which was beautiful on her.

She’s been asking for a pixie cut, but I didn’t want her to get one since I was scared that it would puff up, so I told her that she can get layered shoulder-length hair instead, to which she complied.

She began wearing her hair down (sometimes tying it up in a ponytail), and while it no longer hurts her and it looks good on her, her hair is still messy and curly. However, I stopped styling it and just let her do whatever she wanted.

Today, I invited guests. I had my daughter get ready. Everything was going well until I asked her to let me brush her hair. She asked me to not give her ‘that’ hairstyle, and I told her she was going to.

I told her that I wasn’t going to let her strut around with her messy hair around like that. She got upset and said that she didn’t like it and tried to offer some other suggestions such as a pigtail or a bun, but I told her that the pigtail made her look childish, and I didn’t have time to give her a bun, and the fact that she rarely ever wears it anymore.

As I was styling her hair, she was on the verge of tears, and during the entire visit, she gave me the cold shoulder. I’m starting to wonder if I took it too far, but I just want her to look presentable.”

-7 points (7 vote(s))
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Michelle73 7 months ago
Ytj !! Keep going down this path and you won’t know your future grandkids !! 16 is well old enough to do her own hair !!!
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