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NTJ. You are being talked down to by a bitter sexist idiot. But your big problem isn't Todd it's your husband. Think about your husband at all like Todd? They're friends. He's constantly defending his friend over his wife and telling you your emotions are invalid. Then he gives you the silent treatment? Red flags here big time
NTJ in any way. You may lose your friend but you have to tell. In the end standing up for her and telling become the truest form of friendship. Abuse (which is what your friend is going through) thrives in the dark so bring it to light.
YTJ. You like her food enough to HIRE her then call her unprofessional (she's cooking professionally for you therefore this is a JOB not a hobby) and put down the food you so desperately want since you clearly don't want her to leave. She's cooking for 4 (4 is 4 it doesn't matter if 2 are kids) a few times a week (a few equals at least 3 times) that means you're getting at least 12 portions a week. For 250. Now that's a few cents over 20 bucks a portion. Food cost SHOULD be 1/3 of dish cost but now that food costs are rising I'd say 1/2 of dish cost and since you have special dietary needs it means you probably need special more expensive food to begin with so maybe up to 3/4 of dish cost (I say this as someone with special dietary need). So if you don't count time and gas (which eats all her profit) then she might make 5 bucks a plate. 5×12= 60. She might make 60 bucks. If you don't think she's worth more than 60 bucks a week give up and don't hire anyone else either. Working fir you would be hell. Especially when you put people down and don't believe they have a right to charge enough for their service to make a living. And leave her alone. She has every right to ditch you
NTJ. Your husband is though and I see a lot of red flags with his behavior. You are semi isolated from your family. He clearly doesn't want them around you even when you're in need. He only want HIS family around. He makes you promise something impossible then treats you horribly after you can't make the impossible happen. You failed a "test" you were never meant to pass. How many more times is he going to test you? He'll use your expected failures as a way to control you. If you can take a moment think through your life together before now and try to see whether or not this is a normal pattern with him. If it is: run. This behavior will only get worse and you don't want your kid to grow up with that.

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