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A little bit of a jerk. He struggled on high school, so you want him to have nothing of a future? That doesn't make sense. You should pay for the tuition, assuming he gets all As and Bs. Anything lower than that, and financial assistance stops. I would also make it clear that you will not pay for fees, room and board, etc. That's way more than you are comfortable with, and way more than you pay for your daughter. He'll need to get a job, take out loans, and/or commute from home.
NTJ. Why on earth would you go to the funeral of the husband of someone you're not friends with and who doesn't want to be friends with you? I'm totally confused about V's perspective. The purpose of a funeral is to bring comfort to your friends and family. She is not your friend, by *her* choice, and she's given you *no* indication that she wants that to change. Perhaps v has always secretly longed for all of you to become friends again, and she hoped this opportunity would provide the opportunity for reconnection. But that's her issue, not yours. Perhaps acknowledge V please continue to 's feelings, but let her know that it's up to M to reach out. You have no idea what her issue with you was or why she ended the friendship, and she chose not to give you the slightest hint. So that's on her now.
YTJ. She missed one day of school. Education is important? BS. You just want to control every aspect of her relationship with her dad, and are looking for an excuse to blast him. There was a funeral. That's why he went. They had a bonding moment that evening. He's likely upset if a member of his family died, and a little father-daughter time is incredibly important. So she'll do her homework on Sunday instead. Big whoop. You're being completely inflexible, and not allowing her to go to a birthday party for her own grandmother? How ridiculous is this?! Parenting is not a competitive sport. Stop acting like it is. You don't get to control every moment of how he spends time with his daughter and the things they bond over. Being jealous of your child's relationship with her other parent is incredibly selfish. Stop it. Flexibility in visitation is an incredibly important part of co-parenting. Be the adult and stop this nonsense.
You're not a jerk, but permanently cutting someone out of your life for how they acted as a kid or young adult is a little extreme. If she wants to apologize and admit she was jealous and lashed out, let her. And then let your relationship develop from there. I don't doubt that she was extremely obnoxious to you as a kid, but I also suspect that you were a little self-conscious of your own difficulties, and it sometimes skewed the way you perceived her comments. You're both growing up and finding your place. She has likely placed her whole identity on the idea of being the smart kid. And it's hard transitioning into a more full, adult conception of yourself. Let go of the anger for your own well-being, and try to show your sister a little grace and forgiveness.
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