People Try To Find Clarity By Telling Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Kicking My Partner's Brother Out Because He Won't Pay Rent?
“My partner (28 f) and I (27 m) have been together for 4 years now. We’ve been through struggle after struggle, and 2 years into our relationship we finally had a house of our own and a vehicle. Shortly after we moved into our new apartment, her brother (21 m) called asking for a place to stay, saying he had nowhere to go.
We agreed to take him in if he went to work with me and agreed on a flat $200/mo. I let him use my vehicle free of charge, as long as he left me enough gas to get to work and back. A better deal than I’ve ever been given.
So a year goes by, and he’s managed to save about $5,000.
I told him repeatedly to put a down payment on a vehicle. He didn’t listen and got fired from the job we were working at the time. Rather than immediately finding work, he said ‘I’ve got 5 grand, the rent will be paid so what’s it matter if I take a month off work?’ What do you know, a month later his whole savings was gone on smoke and doordash.
Basically, we cut this kid the best deal we could, and he outright wasted it. We went without basic essentials for him to be able to waste that money.
Well time goes and we both started a new job, he manages to save some more money, about 2 grand this time. Again, I told him to spend it on a vehicle and again, he blew it all.
This time he blew it on 3 pairs of basketball shoes, just 2 days ago. We told him that was a bad decision he needed to return them and get a vehicle while he has the money, but he ignored everything we said.
All this leads us to last night when it blew up. There was nothing notable about the day, just a calm Saturday with nothing to do.
The best kind if you ask me. Later in the night, I couldn’t sleep due to some aches and pains from working so I got up to get a snack. I crept through to get it as quietly as I could, out of respect for the guy not having his own room. When I get back to my bedroom with the ice cream, he sends a text to my partner, saying ‘I’m not gonna pay $200 a month if I’m not allowed to sleep.’ He came at her with such a level of disrespect it makes me mad to think about it.
She showed me the texts and I got up right away and went to directly confront him. I unloaded it all. The $5,000 he blew on creature comforts, the further ~$2,000 he blew on shoes, and the fact that he has the audacity to be so disrespectful after all we sacrificed to give him a good setup to start his own life.
I told him if he ain’t paying, he ain’t staying and that’s that. I’m not his daddy and have zero obligation to take care of a bratty teenager in a grown man’s body. So I told him to get out.
Now my partner is upset with me, saying I shouldn’t have been so mean, that he has nobody to turn to and nowhere to go. I kinda feel bad about that. But at the same time, I really did everything I could to set him up, I can’t keep letting myself get burned trying to help someone who won’t help themselves. Am I the jerk?”
36. AITJ For Not Coming To My Brother's Wedding Because They Hate My Son?
“I’ll (27 M) admit I was kind of a flirt back then. One of the girls that I used to hook up with turned out pregnant. Because of how many times we hooked up I was sure I was the daddy.
But then didn’t meet my son (who’s 8 now) until he was almost one year old because my college was hours away and me being an immature jerk who didn’t want to be a dad.
That changed after holding him the first time. From then he was MY son.
3 years ago we learned that he might be someone else’s biological child. To sum it up, someone in his bio dad’s family saw my son one time, and because they knew she and bio dad hooked up once they brought it to our attention.
My son’s mom said it was not possible because she and I were sleeping together more times when she got pregnant while the other guy was only once. The biological dad didn’t care about being involved or about doing a paternity test. We did a DNA test using the relative who pointed it out and that’s how we knew since they were a match.
It was a major revelation but at the end of the day he was still my kid and I learned to get over it. I and his mom still co-parent. My family expected me to literally drop him though. We had a falling out because they didn’t see why they have to accept a kid who was not related to them.
My parents who loved on him as their grandson for over 4 years before finding out didn’t want him anymore. The same went for my grandparents, uncles cousins, my sister. Even my older brother who I was close to. My sister came around so we still talk a little bit. But I don’t talk to anyone else in my family.
Now, my brother’s getting married. Surprised he mailed me an invite. My sister told me it’s only for me though because the family doesn’t want my son at the wedding. And no it’s not child-free. It hurts because I love my brother and we always promised to be at each other’s big day. He was at all the important moments in my life.
My sis gets where I’m coming from rejecting his invite but setting aside my personal problems to be there for him because he wants me there, and in a way seems a bit selfish not to go because of them not accepting the choices in my life. By not going she says I’m being a bit of a jerk because it could be my time to get them to come around to accepting my son.
I’m still not okay with them with how they were with my son. It’s my brother’s wedding though and it’s a separate issue so I’m asking if I’m the jerk then for choosing not to be there for him.
Edit: I’m on my son’s birth certificate so I’m legally his father.”
35. AITJ For Complaining About An Annoying Guy At The Lap Pool?
“I recently joined a fitness center (FC). There are two pools, a lap pool with 4 lanes and a therapy pool.
The incident happened yesterday in the lap pool. I got in and went to the first lane, closest to the entrance. There was no one else in the pool at the time. I started my workout
using the black line as a guide.
I’m not an Olympic athlete, but I enjoy swimming and I don’t think I make a fool of myself in the pool.
8 or 9 laps later, I stood to take a break at the shallow end of the pool (which goes from 3.5-5ft). There was now a 50-ish guy in the lane next to me. He tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped when he touched me.
He told me to ‘swim on the other side of the lane,’ away from him.
While I was trying to figure out what he meant and why, he said that I was ‘weaving all over the place,’ and ‘making it hard to concentrate’, because I was hitting the rope. I got red and flustered, I tried to respond but didn’t say anything.
He looked at me and goes, ‘Well?!,’ sighed, and took off down his lane.
I looked over at the lifeguard (LG) but she didn’t look at me. I went back to my swim but I kept my head above water. Away from the guy, I tapped the rope and realized I couldn’t hit the rope without knowing.
I swam to the shallow end and the guy was there again, in his lane, waiting. I ignored him. He said, ‘Hey, I’m serious’ and I looked at him, and told him there was no way I could have hit the rope or crossed into his lane. I said he could use another lane. He responded that I shouldn’t use the pool if I didn’t ‘swim right.’
I was upset, so I got out of the pool, to go sit in the hot tub and calm down.
I had to walk past the LG. I approached her to ask if she observed me and the guy in the pool. She said she saw us talking and asked what happened. I told her what the guy said and she said she didn’t see me cross the lane line. I said thanks and went to go into the locker room, where the hot tub is located.
As I turned I saw the guy get out and talk to LG. Whatever she said annoyed him. I went into the locker room and got in the hot tub.
A couple of minutes later, the LG came in and was looking for someone. I figured it was me so I waved. She came over and said the guy had accused me of kicking him repeatedly and swearing at him.
I told her none of that is true and she agreed that hadn’t seen me do anything wrong. She asked if I wanted to file a complaint, and I said yes. I got out, dressed, and went to the front desk, like LG said to do. I did a complaint form. The LG said that the manager would follow up and give the guy a warning – 3 in 6 months means suspension. I thanked them and left.
But now, I am wondering if I should have responded differently. Is there some unknown rule I broke? Should I contact the manager and rescind my complaint?”
34. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Reconnect With Me?
“I (25 M) recently finished my MSc in the Netherlands so my family threw a party to congratulate me.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 6 after my father was caught having an affair with his Italian co-worker once the divorce was done my dad was supposed to have me on weekends (I loved my father so I joyfully expected the day) what I didn’t know is that the day he left was the last I’d see my papa, after that, he went in no contact like 0 not even paying child support.
My mom remarried my stepdad who is a wonderful dad to me. My bio-dad moved to Italy with his lover they married and had 3 kids. In 2013 I decided that I wanted to reach out to my father (I hadn’t heard anything about him for 10 years)
Thus, I reached out to him on social media.
He blocked me which hurt me so much because I felt hated. Days later his wife contacted me to tell me it’d be better if I never contact him again because he has moved on and has a new family and it’d be less painful for the both of us. From that moment I decided that he no longer had the power to hurt me.
In October 2021 his son (22 M) contacted me out of the blue to meet me. I politely declined and said that the door closed 9 years ago. My birth father and his children have been calling and texting me since then. I’ve blocked them several times but they keep changing numbers to talk to me.
I returned to my country on 02/12 so my mom and (step) dad threw a party on 02/24, for my surprise he showed up with his kids, (I knew he was here because grandpa isn’t well) I told him to go but he wanted to stay then I said ‘Why would you stay? Who am I to you?’ He replied: ‘My blood runs in your veins’, ‘All we share is blood and good memories before you left me you are now no one to me, just a stranger,’ I stated.
He knelt and kissed my hand several times saying sorry and that he loved me but I said: sorry that I don’t love you back 19 years of absence can make feelings disappear. He left his children and he has been calling me to hang out, go hiking, go swimming, etc but I’ve declined every time.
My grandma begs me to go and see him (he is still in my country) because he’s been so depressed. My aunts (his sis) are on my side but not Grandma. His wife has even come to my house to say I am a jerk for not giving him another chance even after he knelt but then I said he closed the door 9 years ago and I’m not willing and don’t even feel like opening it. AITJ here? Everyone around me is divided.”
33. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Stay At Our Basement?
“My dad remarried when I (40s F) was in my 20s, and had a daughter, ‘Kaylee’, with his wife, who also had two older kids. Around that time, I was setting up my family and had my older daughter ‘Charlotte’ a couple of months before Kaylee was born. I was not very involved in his family – we would talk a couple of times a year, and exchange Christmas cards, but I didn’t really get close to Kaylee.
A couple of years ago, my dad passed away, and when Kaylee was 16, her mom also got sick and passed. My stepmother’s other two kids were still in college/young adults when this happened, so I was approached to take care of Kaylee, as I was the most settled in life (had a house, job, and 2 kids).
Truthfully, it wasn’t something I really wanted to do, but she would have otherwise ended up in the system. My husband and I took her in, and have always treated her the same as our daughters – she got an allowance, extracurriculars, and tutoring when necessary.
The only issue was that we had 3 bedrooms – Charlotte was uncomfortable sharing with a stranger and chose to bunk with her younger sister, so Kaylee got a room to herself.
My girls didn’t complain and have always been welcoming to Kaylee.
It was always planned that when Kaylee turned 18/graduated HS, she would go to her other siblings and perhaps attend college there. However, she asked to stay an extra year with us, due to wanting to move in with her SO here and needing to save up.
We agreed but decided to fix up our basement into an apartment for Charlotte, so she and her sister would finally have their own space.
When Kaylee found out about the apartment, she was upset that it had not been offered to her and her SO. We discussed the room situation, and I thought it had been settled. However, she recently moved out suddenly, leaving only a note stating that we clearly didn’t think of her as being part of the family.
I feel pretty horrible, and am wondering if I was a jerk?”
32. AITJ For Causing My Neighbor To Lost Her Scholarship Because Of My Loud Music?
“I live in college hall and we have individual rooms along a corridor that share a wall, and sound travels through that wall quite well. This semester my next-door neighbor started going out with this guy and they have very loud, expressive intimate time on a frequent basis which was very uncomfortable for me to have to listen to.
So I’ve started by trying to subtly hint that I can hear them by complaining about being able to hear other people and how bad soundproofing is in the building and all I’ve gotten is ‘Hmm we didn’t notice that, it seems to be fine for us.’ So then I figured they didn’t get the hint so I then I outright addressed the problem with them trying to be as tactful and respectful as I could but expressing my discomfort.
They immediately sprung into discrediting me and saying they can never hear me or anyone through their wall and that I was making it up and accused me of fantasizing about their personal life (ew).
This led me to my next approach which is your standard blasting music as loud as possible for days on end. I live at the end of the corridor so there’s no one on the other side, so I know I’m only targeting them.
I never do it past midnight since they never wake me up with their noise (I’m a heavy sleeper) so I didn’t want to go as far as disturbing their rest either, but during the day I pretty much constantly have it on. A few days in and I notice I’m getting glares from them when we run into each other in the communal space but they never addressed it and the noise continued (if anything worse than before I suspect in retaliation) so I continued.
Well, yesterday the guy stopped me in the hall and angrily confronted me saying his SO, my neighbor, just messed up an exam (we take these online in our rooms) because she couldn’t concentrate because of my music and the thing is she’s on this scholarship program that requires her to get consistently high grades and with this blunder she got hers revoked for the rest of the year and possibly the next and she has been having a mental breakdown the whole day.
I replied with a ‘Sorry I thought it was okay since you guys said you never had a problem with soundproofing’ and he called me petty and demanded that I apologize but I refused.
Privately I feel a little guilty about it, the noises they make are disturbing and inappropriate but it’s never affected my studies, and I know my neighbor has ADHD so she’s probably already struggling quite a bit with concentration already and it’ll take her more to keep her grades up at such an impressive level but she was managing really well up until this. But I had no idea she had this exam on and if she had told me I would have backed off but I suspect she didn’t because that requires them actually acknowledging they can hear me and soundproofing is indeed a problem, so I’m still reluctant to make an apology.”
31. WIBTJ If I Sell My Late Mom's Stuff And Not Share Anything With My Relatives?
“6 years ago my (f 25) mom passed away. She was a single mom and it was just the two of us since I didn’t have siblings and my dad wasn’t in the picture. The current issue comes from one Aunt (Aunt MM) who is her older sister. Aunt MM thinks she is owed my inherence.
This has now divided the family.
Background: I was living abroad when my mom passed away. I was 19 at the time going to University. My mom’s house sat empty for a couple of months whilst I tried to figure out what to do with the house itself and all the contents in it. During this time I would get calls in the middle of the night from my neighbors saying someone was in the house loading up the car with items.
This was Aunt MM. I had to get the locks changed, which caused a big fight in my family. I was considered mean and selfish by my grandmother and aunt for trying to keep her out of my mom’s house.
When I sold the house I traveled back home to pack everything up for storage. I was too upset to think about selling items – it was all I had left of my mom and everything felt like a piece of her.
During this time, Aunt MM kept taking things to put in her car – clothing, childhood toys, small bits of furniture (even big pieces of furniture! She rented a van to come to the house!). She just kept saying that these things were hers at one point and she had given them to my mom and I was selfish to keep her from retrieving her items.
Now: I am permanently living abroad and have come to the conclusion to sell quite a lot of my mom’s things as I can’t afford to keep paying for the storage unit every month. I let it slip on a phone call to my grandma – and subsequently, Aunt MM who lives with her – that I am planning on selling the items, and this is what has caused the family divide.
My cousin, her daughter, sent me a very long message. Below is a snippet so you understand their argument as to why I am in the wrong:
‘My mom flew out constantly when your mom was sick to take care of her. What a relief that must have been for you to know your mom was being physically and emotionally taken care of.
If it were me, I would give my mom whatever she wanted for how much weight she carried to support your little family. Have you ever said thank you?’
‘It would be such a wonderful unburdening of all this negative energy if you allowed my mom to take anything she wanted, regardless of whether it was hers or not, as a way of showing gratitude for the sacrifice she and our family made in support of you and your mother.
Then, sell whatever remains, but have the check made out to MM. You can both pay her back for covering the costs of food at your mother’s funeral and to show you genuinely support and care for her during this terrible time. That would be a class act, and would demonstrate you value family over money.’
I am shocked that she would think they are entitled to everything I received from my mom. The family is divided and I thought I’d come here to see what others think. AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Not Giving Some Of My Late Mother's Necklaces To My Daughter?
“So, I was probably a month over eighteen when I got pregnant. My partner was very controlling, always yelled, screamed and after were married it got even worse. I stayed with him for eight years and I ended up falling in love with my current husband Arthur during that time. I know we were wrong to have an affair and I deserve hate for that.
I mean, it cost me my daughter Sophia (now 21).
I should have been stronger and just left my ex cause I doubt he even needed to brainwash her to make her hate me. I tried to be there, I tried to fight for shared custody but Sophia wanted nothing to do with me. After my ex got remarried, Sophia got a great stepmother who she asked to legally adopt her when she turned fifteen.
I didn’t want it to happen and wanted to fight it but if me being her mom hurt her so much she wanted a new one, I let it because it was my fault and I’d already lost her long ago.
After she legally stopped being my daughter, I reconnected with Arthur, we got married, had a daughter and I’m pregnant with our boy right now.
I’d still see Sophia since she’d go to my mom’s house a lot cause that was still her grandma even if I’m not her mom. My mom, however, died two weeks ago and it’s caused a lot of chaos in everybody’s lives. Now, we have that weird tradition where the eldest daughter gets a collection of special necklaces.
I was the eldest, so I got my mom’s special necklaces and wore one to her funeral just like she did to her mom’s funeral.
At the funeral, when Sophia saw me, she shook my hand like I was a stranger and just said ‘Sorry for your loss Mrs. Rey’. Then after the funeral, she pulled me aside and asked if she would be allowed to take some of the necklaces early because she’d like to wear them to the wake.
I just told her no, that the necklaces are mine and after me, they’d belong to my daughter, because she is the eldest in my family. She just said ok and didn’t talk to me at the wake except to say thanks for when I gave her my mother’s much more valuable rings. My brother told me I should have let her have some of the necklaces and I was a jerk not to. The thing is, my mother was the last thing tying Sophia to me, so I don’t see how I’m the jerk for what I did.”
29. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law She And Her Kids Can Only Visit If My Husband Is At Home?
“My husband’s older sister is a mom of three ages 9, 8, and 6. SIL allows a lot of behaviors that can be quite destructive or messy from her kids, which is fine in her own house, but at least in mine, I don’t like it. My husband has told her before she needs to make it clear that our house rules are different from hers but she brushed him off.
These kids will kick a ball around inside, breaking our possessions more than once, will bounce on the furniture with shoes on and leave stains on them, have emptied storage containers in our house on the floor, and walk away with what they wanted to get, leaving the rest there.
My husband and I have both stepped in and asked them not to and the response we get back is ‘You’re not our mom/dad’.
I am aware this is true but it is our home. We have put stuff up only for them to go inside and get it anyway. We said no shoes inside and they straight up said no. They have also gotten other balls when we take them away while they play with them inside. They’re the very same at my ILs house.
The oldest even told FIL to shut up when he corrected them.
So I made the decision that if my husband wants to deal with all that he can, but while I am home without him they are not coming in. SIL attempted to come over with the kids while my husband was away for work. I told her she wasn’t allowed in. I told her to speak to my husband and find out when he’s home and she can visit if he allows.
She was mad. My husband told her he decided not to let her in anymore either, but I’m the worst offender in her eyes.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Shutting My Stepmom Down?
“Dad (52 M) married a (young girl) (30) 2 years ago. I (16 f) have an elder brother (27 M), a sister (22 F), and a younger half-sibling (1 M). My siblings and I are super close, mom’s not here anymore.
My brother moved back home for a few months to save for a place, he and my step-mom don’t get along really well because she has tried to boss him around and he just doesn’t listen.
She also doesn’t like that he ‘spoils me’ so much because ‘that’s not how my dad is raising me’. My dad has told her to stay out of our relationship many times, but she doesn’t listen.
My brother and I have the kind of relationship and trust to always mess around, do pranks, fake-wrestling, and all of that, for some context, my brother is huge, but he has never hurt me before and I don’t think he ever will.
I get that the way my brother and I talk of behave might look disrespectful to someone outside the relationship, but he’s okay with this, my sister is just the same with him and even our dad is aware of this and respect that this is how my brother let us treat him. As I said, is just trust.
However, my step-mom is super invasive, always telling me ‘Don’t call him that, don’t say that, that’s not cool, that’s hurtful, say sorry’ and bla bla bla.
Yesterday my brother was working in the kitchen while my step-mom made dinner and I just sneaked behind him and jumped on his back, as I said my brother is huge, he lifts weights so a 125 lb girl jumping on his back is no big deal, he took me by the arms and lightly twisted me to lock me in place and tell me to surrender.
We were laughing, but my step-mom came to us and began telling him to let me go and that ‘he was hurting me’ while trying to take his arm off me, I just sighed and said ‘Just shut up and leave us alone!’.
She looked surprised and just went to her room until dad came home, my brother didn’t say anything as if it didn’t happen and later on, my dad came to my room to talk, but just said it wasn’t cool how I expressed my feelings, but also didn’t make a big fuss of it, however, she’s now ignoring me.”
27. AITJ For Having A Destination Wedding?
“My fiance (27 M) and I (27 F) are planning our wedding and putting a deposit down on a venue we love. Before we ever considered a deposit, we went to visit it because my mom and aunt are handicapped. I was adamant to make sure they could go. They both can walk and are not wheelchair-bound, it is just very painful to exist.
I talked to the venue about making sure they could: be dropped off directly next to the venue entrance rather than in the usual parking lot with stairs; come in/out with the wedding party so there was no worry for them to take their time or be embarrassed; hire EMTs to carry them up and down the one staircase (they can both travel on stairs but I wanted to save them the extra pain as the event will be painful for them regardless); provide special chairs/seat cushions so it’s as comfortable as possible; and seat them toward the back so they can change their position from seated to standing without feeling distracting.
They are very insecure about their handicaps and try to hide them.
The other factor is that it’s a 6-hour away ‘destination’ wedding. It is a 6-hour drive from one US state to another. We are sending out our save the dates over a year in advance so guests have time to accommodate/we can help accommodate.
My mom says she has nightmares about not being able to come.
She says the wedding and the drive are too much. I assured her we have a lot of time to make arrangements, including maybe a private flight. We are not rich by ANY means, so this is a gigantic offer. More practically, I asked her to take the trips in shifts, meaning to have my dad drive her the first 3 hours, get a hotel to stay in for a night or so to recover, then do that again.
My dad travels a lot so he has a lot of hotel points and can afford the rooms, and he also can work remotely so his work schedule will be fine.
My mom thinks I’m selfish and unreasonable. I was mistreated by my parents all my life so I worry I am being selfish and unreasonable, but here is why I think I’m not: They take a vacation to a beach 3 hours away and my mom is able to handle that drive and recover. Also, I’ve tried to make the right accommodations and even offered for her to attend online if she feels she really can’t do this.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Sharing A Spoon With My Partner?
“I (38 f) and my partner (34 f) have been together for about 9 years. We like to share food all the time, including at restaurants. Like ‘Here try this,’ and ‘Can I have some of your (whatever)/are you going to finish that’ and we do transfer food between plates, and also we eat directly from each other’s plates sometimes.
Some things that we know from experience the other person doesn’t like (like for example she is served with tomatoes, and we know she’s not gonna eat them), we might just reach over and take them without asking, because that’s within boundaries for us.
Well, recently we ate with a friend at a restaurant, and she sort of freaked out about it.
She said it’s gross, unsanitary (ridiculous, as we are already intimate), a breach of etiquette, and inappropriate behavior for a public space.
I told her I think that was totally ridiculous, and it was fine because we are both fine with it. To me, it seems like she’s imposing her strange specific views on us (like maybe her family had rules about this, or whatever).
My view is that it’s not hurting anyone and so really it’s nobody’s business, and I also don’t think it’s offensive to anyone else in the restaurant.
To be clear, we’re not including our friend in this behavior! Like eating her plate or trying to get her to eat from our plate. This is just between me and my partner.
She basically said ‘Don’t do that in front of me,’ and I said ‘Well I’m not going to guarantee that because I think you’re being unreasonably restrictive and controlling.’
So AITJ, or is our friend being weirdly sensitive about a silly thing?”
25. AITJ For Not Swapping My Mom's Memorial Photo?
“My mom passed away after an intense battle with cancer. We had 3 days to plan her service. It was fast and overwhelming but it is what my dad wanted. He had decided against a viewing so wanted a photo displayed and chose a group photo of all of us – if anyone has tried to take a large group photo with a bunch of young kids you understand that there is no way to make sure everyone looks perfect.
I went through the photos and chose several that mom looked good in as well as making sure no one’s eyes were closed and no one was grimacing. My dad chose one (which my brother had commented he loved) and I sent it to the funeral director. I then began the next task of sorting, scanning, uploading, captioning, and creating a slideshow which the funeral home had given me a deadline of the next afternoon.
My sister-in-law texts me the following morning.
She sends me a photo and asks if this is the one being used for the funeral and follows it up with ‘I hope so, lol!’ And proceeds to explain why – one of her kids had their hands awkwardly placed. I respond with ‘Dad chose the other one’. She replies ‘Oh no! I hope no one notices’.
I text back ‘He loved the way she was smiling in it’. She asked if it was too late to switch.
I just responded yes. I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to deal with contacting my dad and asking him if he was okay using the other one and then getting in touch with the funeral home and asking them to get a hold of their portrait folks to see if we could swap photos.
So I just said yes. Too late. And moved on hoping she would. She didn’t. She came back with ‘Well she looks good in both’. To which I said ‘You can always have a print made for your house of the one you liked’.
Then I got a video message. It was my sister-in-law saying she didn’t want a print made because that photo was just so terrible and embarrassing and my mom wouldn’t have liked it etc.
I just started rage-crying and shut it off.
She must’ve been rethinking her request because I got her text at the same time I sent mine. I elaborated on why my dad had chosen that photo then said if she wanted to talk to Dad and see if he’d be okay with her having her preferred photo printed and displayed she could do that but that I couldn’t talk about this anymore.
She apologized if she caused me stress and said she was just very protective of her kid’s feelings ‘mama bear’ and I would feel the same way if the situation was reversed. And that ‘this just sucks’. ‘This’ being the situation with the photo. I responded with ‘Nah’. I don’t actually feel the same way. I told my husband you know what sucks is my mom dying. She didn’t respond. I got my slideshow finished and then started working on everything else – finishing at 3 am.
I later learned that my SIL had a meltdown crying about how she had offended me. So, AITJ? Should I apologize for overreacting?”
24. AITJ For Not Putting My Snacks In The Fridge Anymore?
“I (f 34) am diabetic and keeping packaged snacks near me is essential because oftentimes I get low blood sugar due to issues I have with appetite (I don’t eat lunch or dinner properly).
My brother-in-law and his pregnant wife moved in with us a month ago. The issue began when my SIL started eating my snacks that I usually keep inside the fridge.
I tried buying more snacks but sometimes they run out and I end up drinking water mixed with sugar in the middle of the night because I don’t have anything else to eat and my husband won’t go out to the store and get me anything. I told my husband and he told me to be patient with his brother’s wife because she’s pregnant and is considered ‘sort of sick’ so she needs to be cut some slack.
I had it to be honest, I moved all my snacks into the bedroom and inside a box just to keep them safe. SIL said it was strange that I no longer buy snacks but I told her that I actually still do, I just keep them safe in my room so no one can touch them.
She side-eyed me then an argument ensued after my husband and his brother came home. My husband berated me for being rude to SIL and childish for moving the snacks and keeping them in the bedroom. I told him why I did that though, he know what was up but he said I overreacted and that there was no harm in sharing.
He demanded I put whatever snacks I have back into the fridge and stop acting like a child but I said that I won’t and if his SIL and her husband get upset then they need to understand that I’m diabetic and need those snacks essentially. He yelled in my face calling me childish then walked out.
BIL and SIL are cold-shouldering me. and my husband keeps pushing for me to put the snacks back into the fridge where they belong or he won’t speak to me as well.
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Eat Noodles With My Partner In Public?
“I (25 m) am going out with a woman (24) named Ally. We moved in together 5 months ago and I really love her a lot.
Ally just doesn’t have great table manners. She eats noisily and sloppily. In a restaurant environment, usually, this isn’t too bad because of the natural ambient sound. In a quiet room, it’s much more noticeable.
I don’t exactly like it, but usually, I can tolerate it.
However, when Ally eats pasta, she slurps her noodles so loudly that people from other tables look. It’s completely mortifying to hear people murmur about her loud slurping all the time. I know this might be normal in some cultures, but from where I’m from in the US, it looks really uncultured and bothers some people who are more sensitive to sounds.
I’ve tried to teach her how to use a spoon to spin the pasta into a ball. Nope, she doesn’t want to. I’ve tried to ask her to take smaller bites. Nope! That’s how she eats pasta and that’s how she’ll always eat pasta. We’ve been to a local Italian restaurant half a dozen times, and each time but one (in a basically empty restaurant) she humiliated me with her loud slurpy eating.
I know I shouldn’t care what other people think, but I agree with the patrons. It’s disgusting. People are trying to enjoy a meal.
I finally got frustrated one day and told her that I wouldn’t eat noodles with her in public anymore. She can eat alone, or she can go with friends. I’ll happily drive her to the restaurant, but I will not sit down with her.
She kind of blew off my message with an ‘Oh yeah you’re perfect so I get it,’ and I thought that was that.
Last night, Ally really wanted to go to our local Italian place again. I asked her if she would be ordering spaghetti. She rolled her eyes and said she’d get the lasagna. I agreed that was fine and we went out for the first time in a while.
When the waitress came to take our order, Ally completely went back on her promise and ordered spaghetti. I told the waitress I wouldn’t be needing anything, stood up, and walked to our car. I relaxed in the car listening to a podcast until Ally came out a while later. She sat down and started giving me the silent treatment.
When we got home she yelled at me about embarrassing her, would not let me say a single word without shrieking over me, and said that she was only interested in an apology. I refused and she went to another room to loudly talk trash about me to herself (intentionally so I could hear).
I don’t know if I went too far.”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook A Four-Hour-Long Recipe That I Am Not Invited To Eat?
“So yesterday I (23 F) met with the guy I’ve been seeing for the past year (28 M). During the date, there was some friction (minor stuff), and we ended up talking it out. I slept at his place (we live in different cities) and the following day he asked me if I wanted to cook a nice meal together (something we like to do together for fun, and would be fun to make up for the crappy evening.
I think he suggested this because he knows I like cooking and spending time with him, so it would make me feel better). Great! Lovely idea, I was very excited to spend some quality time cooking and eating together because we’re both foodies.
So fast forward. We’re walking through the supermarket getting groceries for some elaborate 4-hour recipe we’re going to make.
We’re walking past the veggie aisle or something when he suddenly mentions: ‘Yeah by the way help remind me to save you some food so you can have some as well.’ I’m like ‘Uh sorry what do you mean save some food?’
Apparently, he has some friends coming over for dinner and I wasn’t invited to stay and actually eat the dinner.
He wanted me to cook a 4-hour-long recipe with him but failed to mention that I couldn’t participate in the eating part. I don’t understand. I got quiet and upset because I was looking forward to spending some quality time with him eating great food and making up for a not-so-fun date. I also felt stupid and unimportant because of this.
He got irritated with me for ‘making assumptions that I would stay over for dinner’ and then being quiet and upset and avoidant (especially the avoiding part) about it when he told me I couldn’t. I told him I was actually quite upset that he didn’t tell me I couldn’t eat the dinner I would be cooking with him.
He’d never asked me to stay for dinner: he’d just asked me to ‘cook’ dinner with him and forgot to mention that I couldn’t stay to eat it. He got mad at me for being upset and therefore avoidant about it. I can see why it can be frustrating when I get upset because I get very quiet and cold/avoidant.
I’m aware this is a problem and I’m working on it. On the other hand, I feel like he should have communicated better and maybe cared about my feelings a little more.
He normally is a great person and this incident feels way out of character.
So AITJ for assuming I would be eating the dinner I cooked with the guy I’m seeing, and then getting upset when that’s not the case?”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin At My Wedding?
“I (22 f) proposed to my wife (21 f) in 2020. We’ve known each other since junior year in high school. We planned on waiting till the global crisis calmed down and got married last March.
My oldest brother (30), who I’ll call Max, met his wife (33), who I’ll call Madison, when I was 11. It was clear from the start that Madison didn’t like me.
Even though it hurt, we got along fine. A reason for this might have been the fact that me and Max are 8 years apart and we didn’t have a relationship at all. A memory I distinctly remember was when they had bought ice cream and I asked to have some. They told me no, no big issue, they bought it.
But when my older brother (26 at the time 16), I’ll call Aaron, asked a few minutes after me, and they said yes. I asked again and Madison told me no.
They got engaged when I was 17, also the age I came out to everyone. Everyone still loved and accepted me. When they were handing out invitations to family and close friends to their wedding, I was the only one who didn’t get one.
My mom thought it was just sent at a different time than the others. After a week, my mom contacted Madison. She told my mom that ‘children weren’t allowed at the wedding and I don’t want someone like her ruining my wedding.’ Referencing me being part of the LGBT. My mom tried convincing them to let me go, but it didn’t work.
I sat it out while they all went. Growing up she made me feel insecure and terrible as a person. When I tried telling anyone about this, they brushed it off telling me it was probably just her messing and playing around with me.
While sending out invitations, I sent one to everyone but Madison. I didn’t want her at my wedding.
My wife asked me about her invitation and I replied that she wasn’t going to get one. My wife sided with me knowing what she had done and didn’t want her going to our wedding either. Invitations were sent and I immediately got a call from Madison asking about her invitation. I told her that she wasn’t getting one because we felt uncomfortable with her attending.
After that call, I got calls from everyone. When my mother called me and asked about it. I didn’t lie and told her the truth. About growing up and how I wasn’t even invited to her wedding. My mom called me a petty jerk and hung up. My family started backing out of my wedding, telling me that if Madison wasn’t attending, they weren’t either.
As much as it hurt to know they weren’t coming to my wedding, I still went on with my word. Aaron was the only one on my side to show up and was the one to walk me down the aisle. My dad is mad at this but he chose not to go.
I’ve been getting called names ever since my wedding. Mostly a petty jerk and a backstabber to the family. I still don’t understand how when I wasn’t invited they still went but now they all are calling me names and harassing me. Now I feel like I could’ve just avoided this whole situation if I just like Madison go. So AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Banning My Husband's Friend From Our House For Using My Makeup?
“I (23 F) and Ray (24 M) have been living together for 4 years. We bought a house when we were still in college I am a software developer and my work is productivity based and I usually work late afternoons till 3-4 a.m. This is even mentioned because Ray’s 3 best buddies LOVE coming to our house.
They all say it’s great for everyone. Their partners are not upset they are loud at their place or out wasted at a bar and I really don’t mind the ruckus as I blast Metallica and often scream while I code. I really don’t mind that they have guys’ weekends at our house as long as Ray cleans up the mess afterward which he does.
The four of them got really wasted a month ago and decided it was really the best idea to put on my make-up, 500-600$ of skincare, eyeshadows, lipsticks… just half used and with hair pieces in them. Insert me vomiting a little. After I tell them all off, everyone saves for Kole (24 M) and agrees to split the cost and pay up for the damage.
I take the cash and I look at Kole expectantly, the last one of the bunch. He says no way is he giving me 150$, I can screw myself for all he cares. Ray got into an argument with him and Kole stormed out like a little kid. Good riddance! Ray apologized profusely and said Kole will come around.
I brushed it off and said I don’t really need him to ‘come around’. He gotta apologize and pay for what he owes – until then I don’t want him in my house.
Two weeks pass and Kole comes by which is a little strange because Ray is out. I let him in and he walks into the living room and tosses a pile of crumpled small bills on the couch.
‘There, enjoy. I’m sorry. I guess I am the only one that will question your pricing’. I asked if he is accusing me of lying about the worth of my makeup and he goes – ‘ Accusing? I am telling you, no way is that crap worth all that much. It doesn’t matter, I gave you the money and the apology – I don’t wanna deal with this anymore’.
I kicked him out, texted Ray Kole will enter our house over my dead body, and went to do work.
Ultimately I ruined something beautiful. They tried once to stay at someone else’s place and got the cops called for being loud (it’s an apartment building). Now, somehow I am at fault. Kole has let Ray know he will apologize for real if I ‘lift my ban’ but oh my God, can you apologize because you were wrong and a jerk? Kole’s partner texted me as well, she started off nice but got sour at the end ‘You promised you will let him off the hook if he pays up, he did, and you went back on your word.
Arguably you are worse off than him. Can you not ruin a schedule that works well for everyone? Come on OP, stop trying to make a point, they’ve all been friends for nearly twenty years. I am starting to wonder if I am too harsh. As I’ve seen the phrase around here – is this the right hill to die on? AITJ?
Things to keep in mind: They are loud because they play video games and drink beer.
They are not wasted every single weekend. I wanted to clarify because people seem to think they get very wasted every week.
My makeup is in a bathroom that everyone uses, I have used old lipstick and shadows to do their Halloween makeup and we have used some cheap local store makeup for different games on get-togethers. With that said, still unacceptable to go through my stuff without clearing it with me.
I am willing to forgive it because the majority of them were apologetic and offered to immediately pay for the damage.”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Daughter To Join My Trip With My Niece?
“I (28 F) have been with my partner (35 M) for about 2 years now. He has 2 daughters from a previous marriage. We took things slow and it took a while for me to meet his kids since I was his first serious relationship after the divorce. Now I get along with them. We live in America.
My oldest and I will admit favorite niece just turned 15 we are Hispanics so this is a big deal for us, she is my sister’s daughter. It was a teenage pregnancy and she was raised in my house with my parents and me. I asked her what did she want for her birthday and gave her several options – a trip around Europe, a really big party, or if she had anything in mind to let me know.
She chose the trip and the countries she wanted to visit. Since she is in school we are planning the trip for the summer. I will admit that I am not looking at prices. I make very decent money and I wanted her to have the best birthday ever so I looked into first-class tickets, and the nicest hotels, started booking tours, and offered her my credit card so she can start buying herself outfits.
Now, I was talking to my partner and he asked me if I would be willing to take his oldest kid, who is 12 and I said no. He said he wasn’t expecting me to pay for her, that he would but that she loves Italy and that is one of the countries we are going.
I said no because this is my niece’s gift and I want her to get all the attention, plus my niece doesn’t really speak English and his daughter speaks 0 Spanish, and I can’t travel with 2 minors. He said I was being selfish and spoiling my niece and couldn’t believe I would do that to his daughter.
I asked my niece and she said she would understand but would rather if it was just us so that was the end of it for me. My partner has been really mad at me and we are barely even talking. He said I still have time to change my mind.
Now I don’t know. My niece said she would be okay with it but I feel bad. AITJ for not taking her with me?”
18. AITJ For Not Being Supportive Of My Wife Getting Cosmetic Surgery?
“My wife was born into a family struggling to make ends meet. By the time she was in late elementary, they were solid middle class, and by high school, FIL was making seven figures easy and his business has only continued to expand. This has resulted in a lot of insecurities for my wife and she was constantly comparing herself to the girls at her new school who had grown up so differently.
FIL ended up leaving her mom about 7 years ago for his current wife. My wife has always been jealous of this specific woman due to her having a lot of qualities my wife wishes she could have. I have done my best to support her. Well recently SIL got cosmetic surgery and my wife is shocked at how natural it looks.
SIL made a comment about now that she has it, she doesn’t feel so uncomfortable being around their stepmother.
My wife came to me about a week after that conversation and said that she would like to get cosmetic surgery. I was against the idea and expressed that she was beautiful. She said in reality she knows she is average, and since she has the money why not.
I asked if it had anything to do with her stepmom and she got mad at me but said her sister was right and it is just awkward being around her.
I told her I don’t approve of cosmetic surgery in general, and if she wants to do it, I can’t stop her, but I’m not going to take care of her after. We have two young kids who will need me, and I feel like I would be compromising my principles and going along with something I find unhealthy. She called me a jerk and said it is my job as her husband.”
17. AITJ For Messaging My Daughter's Troop Leaders About Her Being Treated Unfairly?
“My (36 f) daughter (12 f) has been in Girl Scouts since she was 6. She has really loved it and wanted to continue every year. She is autistic and socializing isn’t something that she loves doing, but Girl Scouts has always been a safe place for her that she’s enjoyed.
This year, we changed troops. Leadership in her previous troop changed, and the activities changed along with it.
We looked for a troop that is more active, and we were thrilled when we found one with a Leader that has experience with the autism spectrum. Most of the girls were a little older than her, but a couple were her age and grade level.
Everything started out wonderfully. All the girls were inclusive, and all the leaders and parents were accepting.
After the first month, it slowly began to change. Gradually everyone became less inclusive, and my daughter started coming up with excuses not to go. When she did go she would come home saying she had a great time. After cookie season ended the troop announced they’d be going camping for a weekend. All the girls were excited about that.
I was told that I’d be required to attend with my daughter which was understandable. She was so excited to go! Well, a couple of weeks before the trip was scheduled, I was notified that I needed to come up with $140 for my daughter and me to go. I’m the sole supporter of our family and we are surviving, but coming up with $140 in a short time is not possible.
Once I told them that I couldn’t afford that and we couldn’t go, everything changed quickly. I stopped receiving the meeting notification texts, and all of my messages to troop leaders were left on read. All communication ceased. I reached out to another parent that confirmed that there was a meeting the day before and she looked at the group chat and said I was definitely not included.
I reached out to the troop leaders and asked why my daughter was being excluded. When that went unanswered I sent a message saying that it wasn’t fair because she is an amazing girl, and the fact that they are excluding her is not right.
Apparently, that’s what makes me the jerk. I got a text back almost INSTANTLY saying that if that’s what I think about her and her troop then we are no longer welcome. I wrote back that we hadn’t been welcome in a while, and that’s where we left it. AITJ for calling them out for excluding my daughter? I don’t believe I am, but even the other moms won’t talk to me.”
16. AITJ For Leaving A Birthday Party Because Of All The Picture-Taking?
“My 3-year-old was invited to her preschool classmate’s birthday party at an indoor playground. We did arrive 10 late since we got lost trying to find the place, but we happened to arrive at the same time as 2 other families, so it could have looked planned.
The bday boy’s mom was clearly irritated because we missed a treasure hunt.
There was no schedule given so I didn’t realize it would be a big deal if we were 10 min late, or I would’ve rushed more.
We all did make sure our kids wished the birthday boy happy birthday & pass him his presents, but they immediately ran towards the train ride once they were done. Turns out the mom wanted to organize a group photo shoot with the kids so she was annoyed they ran off.
The kids then could do whatever they liked for maybe 10-15 min before we had to follow the itinerary we didn’t realize we had. The kids had 2 group rides, which always came with a photoshoot before each ride.
Then they were free to play for just another 5-10 min before they had to go for another photoshoot with the cake.
Then the parents had to take photos. Our country still had indoor mask mandates, but we were told it’s legal to have masks off for photos & were ordered to take off our masks.
Then we had the cake cutting and another round of photos before the food was served.
It hasn’t even been 2 hours & we’ve had 4 photo-taking sessions, taking up almost an hour.
My daughter didn’t want to eat & I could see she was losing it. Especially, since was a spread of beautifully decorated desserts that weren’t offered to anyone at all, so I wouldn’t let her touch them.
I figured I should just leave before I ruin the party since we already had 2 meltdowns in the last 10 min, but my daughter leaving triggered her 2 friends to ask to leave, which triggered even more kids demanding to leave.
The party ended up getting cut short by 30 mins.
The mom is obviously mad at me, and I agree I did ruin the party & I knew if my daughter leaves, there was a chance I’d trigger that snowball effect. And yes, I believe it’s important not to expect society to cater to my child’s whims & it’s my job as a parent to make sure she behaves, but I think she had been doing an amazing job not running off & doing her own thing.
I found the entire party stressful & not fun at all, so I figured my kid probably feels the same. So am I one of those entitled moms here?
Edit: The mom isn’t an influencer, she has Instagram but it’s private.
My daughter didn’t have a meltdown yet, it was 2 other kids. I didn’t want her to be the 3rd so I left.
We did try to leave quietly, but my daughter’s closest friends saw us & started yelling. I kind of expected it since the girls are in this inseparable phase where they have to do everything together.”
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Mother-In-Law's Birthday Celebration Because Of The Dress Code?
“MIL is having a birthday dinner next weekend and the restaurant she picked has a very strict dress code. I totally get the concept of fine dining, and in general, I love to dress up, but I am currently 7.5 months pregnant and I just don’t have many things which fit. I don’t want to go out and put effort into buying fancy clothes, which I will never wear again.
I just want to sit at home and wear sweats.
Also, MIL doesn’t like me. She is currently polite, but frigid but she got me a baby shower gift that was so bad I feel like she had to have done it intentionally. I know no one is entitled to a gift, but I genuinely feel she bought something so cheap to prove a point.
I’ve seen her spend more money on a gift for her husband’s secretary. It all left a bad taste in my mouth, not to mention she hasn’t asked me how I was feeling a single time, hasn’t asked about the baby, and generally ignores me.
I told my husband that I don’t want to go out and buy a new outfit for dinner, and I don’t want to piece together something I have and maybe not make it in (they take this dress code seriously) He said he felt bad, but what can we do, it’s her birthday.
I told him I wasn’t going and he got upset and said I was just using pregnancy as an excuse. He said he goes to my family things when he doesn’t want to, and he only asks me to see MIL a couple of times a year.
He finally broke down and admitted he is super uncomfortable going on his own, as he doesn’t like anyone else there, and he won’t have anyone to talk to. I told him if it was somewhere more casual I would suck it up, but I just can’t put the mental effort into finding an outfit right now.”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave The House I Also Live In?
“My sister (f 20) and I (f 16) have recently come into some conflict over a business trip our mom will be taking at the end of September.
My older sister for whatever reason does not want me in the house for the first few days of our mum’s trip and keeps pushing and trying to convince me to stay with a family friend of ours or my best friend’s house.
My issue is it’s right before school starts and during that time I’m normally really anxious and I wouldn’t want to impose on my best friend’s family that close to school especially because their youngest is starting year 1. I also don’t want to stay with my family friend because as much as I love them their little ones would only stress me out and I’d prefer to sleep in my bed.
My older sister and I got into a fight a few weeks ago and we haven’t brought it up since but I really don’t think I’m wrong for not wanting to leave the house I also live in. Another reason is we have 4 pets. Her dogs and my cats (I paid for and still pay for them as they are my cats).
I trust her but I still would prefer to not be away from my babies.
She refuses to tell me why she doesn’t want me in the house, but I’m suspecting there could be 2 reasons. One of which is because she wants alone time or because she thinks she’ll need to take care of me. I told her that if she wanted alone time for those 2-3 days I could just stay in my room and only come out when I need to, not a problem for me because I’m on the 2nd floor with my own bathroom. I also told her that if she’s worried about taking care of me that it’s not a problem because I’m 16, I have a job, and am fully capable of keeping myself alive for a few days.”
13. WIBTJ If I Get Angry At My Sister For Trashing Our House With Toilet Paper?
“My (44 M) older sister (49 F) and her husband came to stay in our town for the long holiday weekend. The last night BIL was passed out on the couch. Around midnight the wife was done and she went off to bed while I got stuck with my sister who was still knocking them back.
So I sat up with her for a while, nursing a beer and shooing the kids off to their rooms. Finally, I told my sis I was done. She wanted to play video games for a bit, and then she would wake up BIL and walk back to the Airbnb. I told the kids goodnight and headed off.
I know she was hammered, but I’ve never been given any reason to not trust her, wasted though she may get.
I wake up at 6:00 to my wife screaming ‘OH MY GOD?!?!’ I look out the window to see our entire front yard covered in toilet paper. Fence, bushes, trees, everywhere. I go downstairs and my sis and BIL are gone.
Kids are asleep and all the toilet paper is missing from the bathrooms. My wife and sis had a short text exchange wherein sis apologized and offered to replace all the toilet paper. She shows up at around 11:00, with toilet paper, says goodbye, then takes off. Short but sweet. She apologized to me. I just said, ‘Don’t worry about it.’ My demeanor inflecting obvious annoyance.
She defended it as something she did when she was a kid, that our mom let her do it, and that she just wanted to have fun with the kids, she replaced the toilet paper so hey, no harm no foul, right? It’s just clean fun.
We’re annoyed because it’s trashy and embarrassing. When people see a trashed house they don’t think ‘Oh look, kids having fun!’ They think, ‘I wonder what these jerks did to annoy everyone?’ I live on the side of the highway that passes through our town with a lot of traffic.
I’m also mad because we had to clean it up. I have health issues. Getting on a ladder and reaching over my head isn’t always the best thing for me. My wife has issues too. Climbing up and down is not good for her either. Not to mention that they used almost every bit of toilet paper in the house and there was barely enough for morning business.
We had to explain to our kids that this is not in fact proper behavior. This is something immature teenagers often do and is not appropriate for their almost 50-year-old aunt. We didn’t get on the kids because they had an irresponsible adult leading them and I was foolish enough to leave them with that adult.
This is bound to come up in further conversations with my sister, so I’m trying to gather perspectives now. I feel like I need to tell her it was unacceptable and the depth to which it actually upset us. WIBTJ for telling her so?”
12. AITJ For Risking My Relationships For An Opportunity To Study Abroad?
“So I (18 f) recently got an amazing opportunity to study abroad and I couldn’t be happier or more grateful for it, I would be moving to an entirely different continent and I’ll be gone pretty much the rest of my life, meaning I want to make a life abroad and not get back to my country once I finish my degree.
My family knows this and it’s completely okay with it however my friends and partner didn’t seem so thrilled, they said it could be dangerous to go on my own and that I’m practically burning bridges with them by getting to the other side of the world. At first, I brushed it off as a completely justified concern and assured them we could still be friends and promised to visit often (I also told my partner that I understood having a relationship online would be tough and not for everyone, and told him I would totally understand if he needed time to think about it or just break it up and remain friends) but it was getting annoying, especially with my partner, he said I wasn’t even giving a chance to the life I could have with him in our home country and that I wasn’t really thinking of everyone that loved me and didn’t want me gone, my friends supported him and ganged up on me the past week, I was fed up at that point and told them they were a far cry from being the most important thing of my life and that this is the future I’ve always imagined for myself.
After that everyone got mad at me and my partner told me to never contact him again, the rest of my friends have been ghosting me. I know the phrasing wasn’t the best and they have a right to think I’m insensitive and to be mad at me, I also know an apology is in order for the way I expressed myself but I also think I did what was best for myself and honestly what I said was the complete truth. My mom thinks I should just board the plane and never spare them another thought but some of my cousins think I went too far and I was a big jerk.”
11. AITJ For Wanting My $300 Back?
“My family is visiting, and staying at my house. I keep a box with a few hundred dollars in it in my room, just in case I need cash. My niece did a chore for me, so I went to my box so I could give her a small reward. However, when I went to get it, my box was empty.
I panicked because I knew I hadn’t taken anything out, let alone all $300. I asked my brother about it, and he got offended I would even imply that his family would steal from me. I told him to at least ask his kids about it, but he refused. I ended up asking them myself, and my 14 yo nephew told me he had taken it.
I asked for it back but he said that he had taken it 2 days before and had already spent it. I told him to give me what he bought then, but he refused. His dad blew up at me and told me I have no right to talk like that to his child, and I told him to tell his kid to give me the thing he bought or to pay me back, but he refused as well!
I told him that I would bring this to the police, and he just laughed and said it was only $300 dollars and it wasn’t worth the trouble.
I told him if it was only $300, then he could pay me back, but he said no. I did go to the police with it, and I gave them the information they needed, and it was actually surprisingly easy.
My family lives in the same city as me, so the police came pretty fast, and now my entire family is furious at me for potentially ruining my nephew’s life over such a small thing. I think it’s the principle of it that matters, and everyone in my family is better off than me as well, but an outside opinion would be nice. Am I being a jerk doing this?
Also, if I do get paid back should I drop the charges?”
10. AITJ For Putting Out The Extra Cake?
“I (36 F) have been estranged from my mom (56 F) for most of my life. She had me when she was young, and I was raised mostly by my grandmother and my aunt. We didn’t have a lot of money, so most of my birthdays that I remember celebrating were just a cake or a special dessert that I shared with my aunt and grandma.
My mom never attended any of my birthdays when I was younger because it ‘reminded her of the worst day of her life.’
My husband (34) on the other hand has a family that’s straight out of a Hallmark commercial. Because of him and his lovely family, I got back in contact with my mom. She apologized for a lot of things and I could tell she was really remorseful.
Since coming back into my life, she has been great if not a little forgetful. Like if I ask her to drive me somewhere, she’ll ‘forget’ that she said yes until it’s too late to go. Or if I ask her to bring something to a gathering, she’ll ‘forget’ to bring it. On my son’s first birthday, I asked her to bring a sweet potato dish she makes that my son seems to enjoy.
She forgot to make it. Oh well.
Fast forward to last week. It is my son’s second birthday, and my in-laws are super excited (as they always are). Ever since meeting my husband’s mom, my mom has been really preoccupied with being Grandma, even though my son spends more time with my MIL and knows of her as Grandma.
So as we’re planning for his birthday, my MIL and SIL offer to bake my son’s cake which is great because they’re excellent bakers. My mom then said there was no need for that because ‘Grandma would bring a cake instead.’
Two days before the party, I bought a simple plain cake from the local grocery store.
I was worried that my mom would ‘forget’ to bring a cake. On the day of his birthday, my mom shows up with a gorgeous cake from an expensive cake maker. I was thrilled and set it up at the center of the table. I put the plain store-bought cake out too, for my son to use as his smash cake.
As we were gathering to sing happy birthday, my mom asked what the extra cake was for. I didn’t think twice, and told her ‘It’s just a backup cake.’ She started crying, yelling about how I’m not letting her be a good Grandma, and I won’t forgive her for her past mistakes. She left early and it was awkward for a while, but my in-laws are troopers and the rest of the party went fine.
Later, when talking to my SIL about the event, she said she understood why I got the cake, but that I shouldn’t have put it out with the rest of the food once I saw that my mom did bring a cake. My mom hasn’t spoken to me since. My aunt says she’s waiting for an apology, but I haven’t reached out because I don’t think I have anything to apologize for. My husband thinks I didn’t do anything wrong, but thinks the real reason I don’t want to apologize is because I’m still mad at her for how my childhood was. I’m not sure if he’s right or wrong.
I keep wondering, AITJ for putting out the extra cake?”
9. AITJ For Not Lying For My Hairstylist?
“So I started visiting this hairstylist at a ritzy place. The second time there, the stylist, Amy, mentioned my damaged hair. My hair had been sorta battered (chemical treatments, styling). She started offering these salon-exclusive products she/the salon sells. They were very expensive… $40-50 per 250 ml bottle. I politely declined and said I’d think about it.
She repeated multiple times that only salon products would work.
I went home and did a little research. Maybe less expensive salon brands would work too? I treat myself by going to this fancy salon… but I still want to save funds on things like shampoo etc. I can’t afford to drop $50 on shampoo.
Eventually, I end up buying a particular local-store brand (shampoo + conditioner) that’s highly reviewed online, and buying a bottle of inexpensive pure argan oil online.
Much much cheaper.
Anyways this was ~ 5 months ago. I’ve been using those products. I think my hair got better. Eh, good enough for me.
Yesterday I visited Amy for another cut. She gushed over my hair, stating it was ‘so healthy’. She asked if I had done anything different to my routine since last time and I stated yes.
She then stated that I must have ended up getting those salon-brand products.
Me, not thinking and wanting to join in on my happiness of apparently nice hair at a low budget, said ‘Oh, I just ended up getting XXX from XX store and it ended up working well I guess. I’m happy too!’
She got quiet and continued with my hair.
Afterward, on Instagram, she messaged me stating she did not appreciate me lying about not using salon-grade products (what?!). I told her I did not lie. Apparently, I embarrassed her in front of other clients in the salon.
She then to proceeded to tell me that she felt and ‘checked’ my hair and that there was no way it could have felt that nice using ‘local store crap’, therefore I must have been lying.
At that point, I was annoyed. I just blocked her. My sister (also a hairdresser) says I should have just lied. But I don’t think anybody should have to lie for anyone. I don’t think I am in the wrong for simply speaking the truth. After the salon visit, I did notice that my hair has been significantly softer, shinier, and fuller too! (Confirmed by my partner who’s noticed it the past few months, so it wasn’t just due to this salon visit)
This morning, from another account, Amy sent me a screenshot of her post detailing our interaction, and so many hair stylists were calling me a liar, and a jerk because other clients may have heard about my experience and prevented them from buying products.
I’m getting angry messages from some of them too!
Again, I feel like I have a right to not lie when someone falsely assumes something about me. And I have a right to be excited about my healthy hair that was obtained at a much more feasible route.
But AITJ? All those stylists seem to just ‘hate’ me.”
8. AITJ For Leaving My Parents' House Because They're Putting A Lot Of Responsibilities On Me?
“I’m 22f and I’m ready to get the heck out of this house. I want to move out but I’ve had the same argument with my parents over and over again about leaving. They constantly tell me I’m not ‘allowed’ to move out and they do everything they can to fearmonger, guilt trip, and belittle me into staying.
So I’ve already decided that I will be leaving and not telling them, as a result of their own actions and behaviors. I have many other reasons for leaving and if you’re curious about it, you can check my profile for more context clues. Anyway, I plan on just walking out the door and leaving when everyone is not around and busy so no one can stop me.
I have a text message already prepared to send to them once I am a good distance away from them.
The thing is: they’ve given me the responsibility of cooking, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and also taking care of my sibling (feeding them, getting them ready for school, making them do their homework, etc). My father is always yelling at me to be outside to pick up and take my brother to the school stop every day.
When I go through with my plan, I will be taking my sibling to the bus stop one last time and then leaving. This will leave every responsibility, including picking my sibling up from the school bus, on my parents’ shoulders.
I truly believe none of this is my responsibility in the first place. I completely agree with the idea of doing chores around the house but demanding that your oldest child becomes a full-time maid, chef, third parent, and more to make your life easier does not seem at ALL my responsibility.
AITJ if I leave without saying anything for my own safety but leave them to take on everything they put on my shoulders unexpectedly?”
7. AITJ For Asking My Husband Why He's Preventing Our Daughter From Doing Anything Feminine?
“My husband and I have a 6-year-old daughter, ‘Lily’.
When I was pregnant my husband was convinced we were having a son. The thought of it being a girl never even crossed his mind. When we found out it was a girl he didn’t say anything but I could see the disappointment on his face.
Since Lily was born my husband has always done more typically ‘manly’ activities with her.
Football, Rugby, Boxing, Martial Arts, DIY etc. This doesn’t bother me as she genuinely loves those things. When he comes from work she drags him outside to play with her.
However, more recently it’s taken a more uncomfortable turn. Whenever she cries he tells her to ‘grow up’ and that ‘crying is for babies’. Obviously, this wouldn’t be right if she was a boy either, but I feel like he’s trying to force anything ‘feminine’ out of her.
She’s also taken an interest in some girly things with me. She loves makeup. Adores it. She loves letting me put different makeup styles on her. She lets me paint her nails and I let her paint mine.
Yesterday at dinner Lily asked my husband if she could paint daddy’s nails for a change. He looked at her and said ‘No, and don’t EVER ask me that again.’ She didn’t cry but was silent for the rest of the day and was obviously devastated.
Later before bed, I asked him if he resents our daughter for not being the son he always dreamed of. He said ‘How could you even think that?’, and I pointed out that he tries to repress anything feminine out of her.
He started calling me ‘paranoid’ and said that just because he didn’t want to waste his time getting his nails painted doesn’t mean he resents our daughter or wants to force her into anything.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Suggesting My Fiancé's Sibling Wears A Dress On Our Wedding?
“My (29 F) fiance, we’ll call him Dan (31 M), and I have been together for three years and just got engaged. He has one sibling, who identifies as non-binary. We’ll call them Quinn (23). Quinn’s parents are alright with it but don’t really understand. Dan dotes on them and they are super close.
I like Quinn a lot, and we usually get along pretty well.
They’re a bit quirky and nerdy, which isn’t typically what my friends are like, but they’re funny and pretty nice. This I think is important for context. Though Quinn identifies as non-binary, they’re usually gendered as a woman everywhere we go, since they still have long hair, wear makeup, and are on the bigger side with a pretty big chest and are 5 foot nothing tall.
They usually wear men’s clothing, but occasionally will wear a dress or a skirt.
Today I was discussing wedding plans with Dan and he mentioned that Quinn was going to be a ‘groomsperson’ and stand on his side and wear a suit. I was a little shocked by this. I figured that Quinn would wear a dress since they do wear dresses sometimes, and be on my side.
Quinn doesn’t use a binder and I’m afraid they would stick out and would confuse my older family members, who I haven’t even really had a talk with about Quinn yet. When I expressed this to my fiance he was mad.
He said it was inconsiderate of me, and that it showed that I think of Quinn as a woman.
I really don’t, and I don’t mind Quinn being a part of that side of the wedding party for all the before-wedding stuff, besides like stuff pertaining to the clothes and whatnot. Like I don’t mind Quinn going to the bachelor party and not the bachelorette. I just think it will look weird and cause unnecessary stress and confusion on the day.
I even said Quinn could wear a black dress or flowy pants made to look like a dress, to better for with their style, but my fiance isn’t having it. He said he won’t even ask Quinn about it, cause it will upset them. Would I be the jerk if I asked Quinn if they’d mind?”
YTJ for policing what other people wear.
5. WIBTJ If I Tell The Bride About What The Makeup Artist Was Doing?
“This past weekend, my fiancé and I attended his brother’s wedding. I was part of the bridal party and was scheduled to get my hair and makeup done with the rest of the party the day of.
Background: I have been a licensed esthetician for over 5 years. This is important later.
I was the last to arrive at the Airbnb where the bride was staying and where everyone was getting ready.
Most of the girls had their makeup done by the makeup artist that the bride hired for the wedding. When it came to be my turn, I watched in horror as the woman used the SAME brushes and sponges that she used on the other girl’s faces on me. You could tell that they hadn’t been cleaned because they had makeup all over them.
I was screaming internally. I wanted to puke. It was disgusting! But I just sat there letting her do this because I didn’t want to stress out the bride on her day. The makeup artist also didn’t cut the lashes she used on me and they were very uncomfortable. As soon as we were done with photos I pulled them off my face, and as soon as my fiancé and I left the wedding I washed my face three times because I felt so unclean!
I told my fiancé about what the makeup artist did, and he agrees that that was so gross.
I want to report her to the state board, but he thinks that’s too aggressive. But what she’s doing is a major health risk! It’s something I’ve never seen a makeup artist do in all my years of being an esthetician. I understand that sponges and extra brushes can get expensive, but this woman has been doing wedding makeup for 7 years and should know better.
I haven’t told the bride about this either. Now that the wedding is over, I don’t know if I should bother her with it.
So WIBTJ if I report the makeup artist?”
4. AITJ For Not Waiting For My Wife To Finish Eating Before Cleaning The Table?
“I am a stay-at-home dad for two girls under five, and am responsible for cooking, cleaning, and all other homemaking tasks. My wife works outside the home and is currently seven months pregnant, but does this when she is not pregnant as well.
We get home from picking her up from work at the same time every day, and depending on the meal I make, we are usually eating dinner at the same time every night.
I will serve the table, fetch drinks, refills, seconds, and whatever needs getting during dinner. We can usually finish a meal in forty-five minutes to an hour. Everyone but my wife, that is. She will spend the meal talking to me, looking at her phone, or simply sitting there without eating.
Bath time is right after dinner, and bedtime is right after that, so evenings go by quickly if we want everything done on time.
That means there are many nights when I am starting to clear the table, put away leftovers, and load the dishwasher, all while my wife is still eating. I have talked to her about it before, and she will chalk it up to being a slow eater but is visibly annoyed I’m moving on with the evening before she has finished. She has told me it can wait until the girls are asleep, but that is my only time to exercise and do what I want to do and I do not want to spend it doing something I could have finished hours ago.
AITJ for not waiting for her to be done?”
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Pay For My Sister's Wedding?
“Growing up I was very close to my mom and two sisters and then I met my wife and we began having issues. My mom and my wife clashed but they’ve moved past it. My mom is now civil with my wife and just keeps a lot of distance because that’s how she prefers it. My mom has admitted it’s just her personality type and not really anything she did.
I have an ok relationship with my mom and see her maybe once every other month for lunch. Beyond that, no real interaction and she doesn’t know my kids well. She comes to our house for the occasional big event and I’d say my mom and wife are cool with each other.
My mom was never the overbearing type or the woman who made her life all about her kids, so she’s handled it ok but my sisters are devastated and super jealous.
They are very upset with my wife and feel she destroyed the family just because my mom decided on her own she doesn’t want much to do with me. My youngest sister is getting married and wanted me to walk her down the aisle but didn’t want my wife in any family pictures. I’m not talking about doing some with just family and some with in-laws.
She didn’t want her in any so I declined to walk her down the aisle and she uninvited me.
My mom asked her to reconsider and she said no. My issue is my mom is paying for it and I feel it’s wrong that she’s paying for something which excludes one of her kids and is so hurtful.
I told my mom she needs to rescind her offer to pay if she actually cares about me. My mom told me to screw myself, like that’s literally what she told me. Now no one is talking and I told my mom I won’t be meeting her for lunch anymore if she pays
Edit – It is just about clashing personalities. My mom finds my wife extremely annoying and has very little patience for people she doesn’t like. My sisters blame my wife for the family rift for not encouraging me to see my mom without her. My sisters are also jealous because they were too attached to me.”
2. WIBTJ If I And My Husband Won't Come To Our Daughter's Wedding?
“My daughter (28 f) is marrying a woman (28 f) and my husband and I have been trying to be as involved as we can be without violating our conscience or who we are and what we believe. Ever since our daughter opened up to us about her relationship, we’ve been staying open-minded, praying, communicating with her about it, asking questions, researching, welcoming the girl into our home and getting to know her, attending online therapy with an counselor that our daughter paid for, and just overall trying to be a loving presence in our daughter’s life.
It’s a process and my husband and I have come a long way from where we were, but sometimes we still come across these, what our therapist calls ‘blocks of resistance’ that hold us back from supporting our daughter in the way that she may want us to, in that moment.
And what I really appreciate about this counselor is that she takes our situation into account as well and is willing to speak up for my husband and me.
A few years ago, when our daughter wanted us to attend a gay parade with her, we were hesitant and our counselor stood by us by telling our daughter that it was ‘too soon’.
But other than the gay parade, things have been pretty smooth up until now. My husband has drawn a hard line about attending the wedding.
I was sort of on the fence about attending, but I decided to stick with my husband. Our daughter is mad. At our last therapy session together, a week ago, our daughter said that if we didn’t come to the wedding, all the work and progress that we had made would mean nothing to her and that she would not want us to be a part of her life.
Again the counselor spoke up for us and told our daughter that everyone had their hard boundaries (boundaries that they would absolutely not cross) and that instead of making ultimatums, it would be better to consider the overall picture rather than letting one moment be the deciding factor of the relationship. (I’m paraphrasing, she said it much better, but I think I got the main point).
The counselor talked to me privately afterward and told me how her parents hadn’t come to her wedding, and they eventually made up thirty years down the line, but that was thirty years of memories that they both had missed out on. Yet, when she talked to her parents about it recently, they said that even as much as it had hurt them not to go, they would have made the same choice because it was just something that they strongly disapproved of. She ended by telling me that she wasn’t going to tell me to go or not to go, but to really consider all the pros and cons.”
1. AITJ For Not Allowing An Employee To Extend Her Maternity Leave?
“I own a company, and my wife has an executive-level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. We elected to have a C Section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it.
My wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. However, after giving birth, and agreeing that we would only be having one child together ( I already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son’s formative moments because she knew that he’d only be a baby for so long.
When the time came when she should have gone back to the office, I didn’t have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. After giving birth, she joined a mom-specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. She also volunteered for underprivileged kids.
After a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back.
Unbeknownst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. Around that time, another employee at the company, ‘Mary’, had gone on maternity leave. Unfortunately, because she has not worked for the company for more than a year, she was not entitled to FMLA and was given 6 weeks off for her birth, one week of which she took prior to the birth.
Around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. My wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. However, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn’t hurt.
I agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties on February 1st.
Mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. Yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. The manager in question brought this up with me, and I told him to deny Mary her request.
The reason is that while my wife’s duties could be taken up by others, Mary’s team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. One person leaving is tough on the rest.
When I went to personally tell Mary this, she looked very upset. She angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding.
I apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line.
When I told my sister about this encounter, she said I was being a jerk for giving my wife special treatment. AITJ for denying Mary’s request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks?”
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