wewi
Metaspoon User

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You are not the jerk. I have a trans son, and the whole thing became a lot easier for me to understand when I accepted two things: 1. He is the same person he's always been, no matter what name and pronouns he's using. He's still my baby. That will never change. 2. His gender identity literally has nothing to do with me, is not ABOUT me, and doesn't fall under the jurisdiction of "Things I Get to Control." I don't know that I'd exactly say your parents are "jerks" at this point. That depends on how hard they hold on to their concepts, and how willing they are to damage their relationship with you in order to avoid a change in their thinking. Hang in there...
Your entire attitude is awful. The idea that you graciously "allowed" your husband's child to live with you between the ages of 12 and 18 is appalling. News...a child COMES AS A PACKAGE WITH HER CUSTODIAL PARENT. And most 18-year-olds are NOT ready to be out on their own. Do you plan on booting out your biological kids at 18? I'll bet not...
Ok, so, do you and your wife have separate bank accounts? If so, if your wife wants to feed Linda and her kids, your wife can reimburse you for the food Linda takes.
He expects you to punish a 21 year old? For standing up for his sister and her creativity? He DOES understand that 21 is a legal adult, and that his family's right to "punish" him is long past, yeah? Also, who says that crap to an artist? Grandpa is a total jerk.
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