People Question Their Actions in These Absorbing 'Am I The Jerk?' Scenarios
23. AITJ For Giving My Niece Restored Secondhand American Girl Dolls Instead of a New One?
“I (22M) have a niece (7F) who just had a birthday. She’s been wanting an American Girl Doll for ages, and if you know anyone who’s been a little girl in the past forever, you know what those things cost. She has a ton of the books, and pretty much talks about them nonstop, which is how I discovered all her favorites, what she likes about them, and basics on what all the characters enjoy in general.
I decided that for her birthday, she deserved to get one. I saved up for a bit, and was planning to get her Julie, because her actual favorite, Kirsten, isn’t made anymore. But, right before I ordered the doll, I decided to check out ebay and see if there were any of Kirsten that I could get secondhand.
There were. For way less. With what I had saved, I realized pretty quickly that I would be able to get multiple of these dolls that she loves so much, and make a project out of it. I like fixing stuff up. I ended up getting really into the idea of making all her favorites, and ended up scouring the internet for them.
I got her six of them. Two were in pretty bad condition when I got my hands on them, but I put in the work, and they ended up looking pretty good. They don’t all have their original outfits, but they all have something the doll was supposed to wear except for Singing Bird, who is Kirsten’s best friend but doesn’t have a doll, so I had to kind of make her to the best of my ability.
I also put together some stuff for each of the dolls to “come with” based on what my niece told me about the stories. I thought I was the greatest uncle to ever live at this point.
The birthday came, and when I put the packages out for my niece, my sister immediately noticed they were the wrong shape, and that there were way more of them than expected. She asked what happened to the American Girl doll.
I explained that there were in fact American Girl dolls in all the packages, that I realized how easy it was to get them secondhand and fixed up six old ones instead.
My sister then got very upset, and accused me of not respecting her daughter or thinking she deserved something new.
She said she should never have let her little brother (me) be in charge of something so important to a girl, and that her daughter deserved the full experience of opening the box. I don’t get it. What kid cares about the box a toy comes in?
Everyone went home before my niece opened anything, so I don’t know exactly how she reacted, but I do know that she seems to love the dolls. My sister has told me that I’m banned from DIYing gifts for her daughter ever again, and that next time just get something new that will actually belong to her instead of someone else’s “castoffs.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I have no idea what an American Girl Doll costs, what you did was priceless. DIY gifts mean much more than just handing over your card to someone for a gift. You put in a lot of work for these gifts and it could have meant a lot to your niece.
Your sister is teaching her to be an entitled princess who will only appreciate shiny baubles and things with a high price tag instead of things that are a result of love and effort. That’s a real shame.” ThisIsTheCaptain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For Christmas this year see if there’s an American Girl Cafe near you and take your niece and her doll.
The doll can bring a friend to keep you company. Have some tea and overpriced food, maybe pick out a new outfit, and don’t take a single picture because I’m pretty sure your sister wants some sort of Instagram-perfect outing. You kept dolls out of landfills AND made your niece happy.
Maybe next time you should buy another “vintage” doll and teach her how to fix them up!” MaIngallsisaracist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But I’m sorry for you that your sister is. I’m sure your niece doesn’t know the difference. All she knows is that her uncle got her 6 American Girl Dolls!
And I’m sure that she was overjoyed by this. Your sister’s problem is that she’s a jerk who wanted her kid not to play with the doll but instead save it as a collectible. I think that you are a great uncle, not only did you spend your money on exactly what she wanted but you got her 6 different kinds but you put a lot of time and effort into this as well.” judgingA-holes
22. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's Wrong About His Ex Misusing Child Support?
“This is absolutely ridiculous but here we are. My (27f) brother Matt (30m) has 1 child (7m), my wonderful nephew Sam with his ex partner Jane (27f). Jane and I were friends at the end of high school and eventually she and Matt met about a year after graduation at a party I threw when Matt was home from university, which they both attended, had a brief encounter which is when she got pregnant.
They tried to make it work several times over a couple of years but called it quits permanently 4 years ago. I stayed friends with Jane because I’ve known her for ages and honestly she’s just pretty rad. Matt wasn’t thrilled about it, but since there was no dishonesty or anything he eventually got used to it.
We live in the UK, and they came to a private child maintenance agreement which the court signed off on. At the time, neither of them made much money but she made slightly more so Matt’s child maintenance payments were very minimal for a couple of years because he only made £24k and Jane made 26k or something around that.
Now they both have better paying jobs, Matt has the same job I do and makes 48k and idk how much Jane makes, but she’s told me in the past she makes 40k. The thing is that she never asked the court to increase child maintenance payments, and so Matt is still paying the same as he was before (it’s about £250/m I think).
She never chases him for paying late, never has. But she has obviously started providing higher quality things for Sam, and recently she booked a 2 week trip to Cancun to celebrate her parents 50th wedding anniversary.
Matt did not take it well at all. He’s convinced himself that Jane has used his child support to pay for the trip.
He wants to report her to the court for misuse of funds or something This obviously isn’t true, and she’s been telling us since the start of the year she’s been saving for it since her parents decided to go on the luxury end of things.
When he told me that, I told him he was being stupid, and that his pitiful £250 a month wouldn’t put a dent in how much she’d have to pay for the trip. And if he does do that his support payments will go up a lot, as they should.
He called our parents who are now mad at me, and has forbidden me from taking Sam on a museum trip we’ve been looking forward to and planning for months. I told him it’s unfair to punish Sam for being mad at me, and he’s way overreacting.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. LoL! Let him take it to court, they’ll see his missed payments and that he’s making more so he’ll be court ordered to pay back payments and increase current payments. Edit: Also do you need his permission? Can’t you take him to the museum with Mom’s permission (while Mom has him in her care)?” Turbulent-Maybe-1040
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Matt is being dumb and is jealous that he can’t go on the trip with the kid. He also probably hasn’t set himself up in a financial position to where he could do that for kids, and so the jealousy compounds.
Not the jerk for calling him stupid. The truth hurts. If he was fully supporting a dead-beat baby mamma… Okay, fair is fair. BUT, it’s not like he is fully funding his ex’s lifestyle and the kids. You are 100% correct that 250 a month ain’t what’s paying for the trip.
If he was paying 2500 a month, or 1500, maybe even 1000… alright we have an argument. But, nah… NTJ in the slightest.” Subcomfreak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has the majority of childcare – clearly he has no idea how much it costs to raise a child.
We all have nondiscretionary spending – housing/food/clothing/utilities – it’s not avoidable. Discretionary spending comes from whatever is left after that. She incurs additional costs for their child so child support money is part of the non-discretionary funds – he is just choosing to see it as discretionary so he can vent about having a kid with someone he had a brief encounter with – the money is a proxy for his resentment.” alien_overlord_1001
21. AITJ For Defending My Son's Mistake To My Husband?
“My 13 year old son, let’s call him Jake, recently started junior high and now gets a locker. My husband, let’s call him Mark, took him to get a lock and Jake chose a lock with a key. Mark suggested he get a combination lock so he wouldn’t have to worry about losing the key.
Jake explained that it would be easier for him to open it with a key, so Mark got him the lock with the key. Fast forward 4 weeks, Jake has dropped the key in Mark’s car and the school had to break the lock so Jake could get in his locker.
Jake, tells me and his dad what happened and that he will need a new lock. Mark blows up on him, you would think he insulted his grandmother and spit on her grave saying things like, “I can’t believe how completely irresponsible you are…how could you not take care of it… I told you this was going to happen…how are you going to be a functioning adult,” and starts bringing up how Jake left his air pods in his pants and they ALMOST got washed.
I sent Jake to his room and started a conversation with Mark telling him how I think he went a little overboard. I said, “I know he messed up he definitely should’ve been more mindful about the key and also should’ve kept track of his AirPods better but calling him completely irresponsible is a little harsh.” Jake is a student athlete, straight “A” student and volunteers at school to help struggling students, to me he is far from irresponsible.
I told Mark, we’re all human and mistakes happen our job is to teach our kids, not break them down. He said I was babying him because I’m forgetful too, “he gets his irresponsibility for you!” Not going to lie he got under my skin.
I told him, “I’ve saved your stuff from going into the wash multiple times, I’ve washed your AirPods (by accident) twice, the dog chewed up your wallet twice because you left it lying around, and I’ve washed your wallet three times (by accident) because you don’t take it out of your pants, every day I have to remind you to take out the trash, I have to remind you walk the dog, I have to pick up your socks that you stuff into the couch because you’re to lazy to put them in the hamper.
If he’s irresponsible he isn’t the only one!” I feel like if adults make mistakes, lose stuff, and say the wrong thing a child should be given some slack after all they’re kids! He said the only reason he was mad was because he told Jake to get a combo lock and he didn’t want to and now he has to go buy a new one.
I said if you knew this was going to happen why wouldn’t you just get the lock you thought was better. If you would’ve done that you wouldn’t be acting like an irresponsible jerk calling everyone names! So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your husband is definitely a jerk. No doubt about that. Your son sounds like a stellar student and person. Hopefully your husband reflects on his actions and what nonsense he spouted to his son. Everyone loses stuff and can be forgetful, its normal and just how life is.
You’re a wonderful mom, glad your son has at least you sticking up for him.” KryoChamber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It always amazes me when adults think it’s okay to berate kids for everyday mistakes. Stuff like this is why we have employers and bosses who think it’s acceptable to scream at their employees.
Because we teach them that screaming and insulting is the appropriate response to a mistake.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and geez, Now daddy has to go get another lock. One that is presumably under ten bucks. I told him, “I’ve saved your stuff from going into the wash multiple times, I’ve washed your AirPods (by accident) twice, the dog chewed up your wallet twice because you left it lying around, and I’ve washed your wallet three times (by accident) because you don’t take it out of your pants.
I’m surprised he didn’t turn this around on you and say that its your fault cause you didn’t pick up his things and check his pants before you washed them.” liquidsky72
20. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Separate Finances From My Parents?
“My current household is me (22) Brother (23) Mom (48) Stepdad (48) & sister (7). We live in a 4 bedroom townhouse apartment & it is subsidized housing, meaning our rent amount is based on our combined income & changes any time our income changes.
Ever since Bro & I have been old enough to work, we have pooled our household funds.
Bro & I don’t pay a set amount of rent, we contribute what is asked of us whenever & it goes toward rent or groceries or bills & it varies- sometimes it’s my whole paycheck but that’s okay because I am getting all my needs met.
Except lately, the past 4-5 months, it has Always been my whole paycheck & his too. We have never had full transparency on what exactly our bills are or where the money goes, Mom & I share a bank account but she does stuff through Venmo so all I can see is various Venmo charges when she draws from our account.
Bro & I have been feeling stressed & depressed because our accounts have been negative for months & neither of us have been able to have any little joys like a coffee or snack or going out with friends. Also as of this month we lost our health insurance because our household no longer qualifies for Medicaid.
I have tried asking, begging, & demanding financial transparency from my parents but they wont give in. I’m sick of it. But if Bro & I apply to move into a 2-bedroom here, we can separate our finances & be a separate household. This would give Bro & I both our Medicaid back which is important because we both have ongoing health issues.
We know it would be hard & involve more than we know, but despite asking our parents won’t let us learn all the expenses of living while with them so I think the only way we’ll get independence is via a crash course.
But this might majorly screw over our parents.
Clearly they are in major debt from I don’t even know what, barely scraping by eating Bro & I’s combined paychecks & then some, & the biggest part of this is separating our finances. Also, us both moving out would force them to have to move into a 2 or 3 bedroom unit because of how our apartments work.
We would still contribute some of course & I’d still babysit for free, we love our family & feel guilty for wanting to leave them, but we are both feeling the weight of this household crushing us.
Also relevant: Stepdad’s job alone would disqualify a family of 3 from Medicaid so they’d still be on their own for that, and rent would not go down for them because his income alone puts us at the rent cap.
He makes a decent amount of money (I don’t know exactly how much he won’t tell me) but I suspect is being irresponsible with it (specific example: we as a household agreed to stop all subscriptions to streaming services to save money, two months later we found he had made a private Hulu account & kept it secret).
I want to budget & parents won’t work with me on it so I don’t know our total combined income or our total expenses.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go to a new bank and open a new account. Direct your paychecks there asap. If your mom wants money she can show you the bills.
Apply for housing for your brother and you but don’t tell anyone. Your mom is financially abusing you both. Get out and take care of yourselves. They are grown adults snd should be taking care of their bills without your money.” murphy2345678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m around the same age as your mom and stepfather and I can’t imagine sponging off my kids for that long. They are clearly irresponsible and you shouldn’t have to get sucked in any further to their irresponsible lifestyle. As a mother myself, your mother’s behavior and entitlement is pretty disgusting and she’s clearly enabling your stepfather with his jerk behavior” krusty_krab_knut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is to the point where you NEED to move out. You are being taken advantage of. It is a massive red flag that they are taking every dime you make but won’t tell you what it’s being spent on. I strongly suspect that they aren’t paying bills with all of it.
And you really should already have your own bank account by now. You are a jerk to yourself for that one.” WifeofBath1984
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Changed My Birth Year To Extend Their Control Over My Phone?
“I’m 17F about to turn 18 (I’m a senior in high school) and my parents have a family plan for our phone services. Technically when a “child device” turns 18, any limits and restrictions the “parent device” put in place in the past go away. I’ve had restrictions/limits (20 mins on snap, instagram, and messages) on my phone since I got social media in 10th grade and I haven’t been too bothered by them.
I know that most kids my age don’t have screen time limits, but I respect that my parents have them on me because I’m their kid and they bought and are paying for the phone.
Earlier this year, I noticed that my date of birth in the family plan was changed to 2007 instead of 2005, the year I was actually born.
I didn’t think too much of it until I realized that it meant that they got another two years of control over my phone and screen time. I was a little upset by that because I thought they’d give me more independence. I didn’t expect them to lie about/change my age to control my phone use for longer.
I haven’t brought up to them that has been bothering me because I don’t want to come across as entitled or disrespectful. I love my parents and I’m truly grateful that they bought and pay for my phone because I know that some parents don’t do that for their kids.
AITJ for being upset that they changed my age to have more control over my phone? WIBTJ for talking to them about my feelings? I just don’t want to upset them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset. Your parents are overprotective and controlling. I’d suggest getting a job so you can pay for your own phone and plan.
Even if they lift some restrictions, I wouldn’t trust your parents not to snoop or track you if you’re on their plan.” KingsRansom79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just read your update. Once you turn 17, or definitively when you go to college, pay for your own 2nd phone.
New friends and activities on the new phone, mom and dad on the old phone. Their reaction and threats are over the top, very concerning. You do need some privacy and space to become independent. Establish a new email account too, and be careful what you post to social media.
Tell new friends to please not post your photos or tag you, your folks have threatened to cut off financial support.” Internal_Home_9483
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents need to start treating you like an adult, and giving you larger amounts of leash, so to speak.
That’s how you raise a kid; slowly, progressively giving them more responsibility and freedom, and teaching along the way. Your parents sound like some neighbors of mine who are complete control freaks, and as such, don’t have their kids visit/talk to them anymore. I would just walk into a store of said phone carrier, tell them you saw a discrepancy on your plan, show them your driver’s license with proper DOB, and leave it at that.
No need for anyone else to know anything more.” Oops95
18. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Roommates' Unborn Child?
“I (22 f) have lived with my roommates (RM1 27 f and RM2 30 m) for nearly 3 years. They got married in May and are expecting their first baby in December.
We all co-signed a lease and are still contracted another 8 months (6 months after the baby’s due).
I for one adore children and even work in a child care center.
My roommates have always been incredibly lazy. I cook everyone’s meals, clean the dishes, vacuum, mow the lawns and pick up after THEIR dog that is always pooing inside and gets into everything.
(I also agreed to an outside pet and we are not met to have any according to our lease agreement).
All of our friends were excited about the pregnancy and I was at first too. But now I’m filled with dread.
At this points it’s important to note that RM2 hasn’t held a steady job in 3 years.
So they always “tight” on money, unless the spending benefits them. While RM1 has 2 jobs, but is always off “sick”. I use “sick” as this was an issue even before the pregnancy. There have been multiple occasions where I have had to cover their rent and groceries (and I’ve never been paid back).
RM1 spends most of her time laying in bed complains that she’s too ill to work or help around the house, but is ok to go out 3 nights a week and continues to play weekend sports. And RM2 always has an excuse to why he’s not helping or he “will get to it later”.
As a result I’m completely burnt out from maintaining the house, working 2 jobs, studying and looking after my 27- to 30-year-old children.
Whenever someone offers them any advice or assistance during the pregnancy they’ll reply “but OP will help with the baby”. And the closer it gets to baby’s due date, the more they shift the responsibility of their unborn child onto me:
“OP will babysit”
“OP will buy this, that etc”
And the comment that pushed me over the edge was
“If we’re too tired we’ll move the cot into OP’s room, she can deal with it”.
To which I replied they shouldn’t have a baby when they can’t look after themselves, and that I refuse to be responsible for their kid.
This made RM1 cry, but I don’t feel bad, it was long overdue to be said, but they’re now mad at me saying that I’m “too young to know the stress of having kids”. Half our mutual friends are on my side, and the other half are just mad that I said it, rather about what I said.
Am I the jerk?
The easiest solution would be to move out, but currently everything in my area is out of my price range. I’ve even applied for a few places on my own but am unfortunately unsuccessful due too lack of rental history, and the one I due have is ruined due their dog being inside, despite countless efforts to move him into the yard.”
Another User Comments:
“You’ve made yourself far too indispensable to them so if you don’t complain, they’ll assume, ‘But OP enjoys doing it!’ If you cannot move out, keep your own space clean and tidy and ignore theirs. Eat out, it’s cheaper than buying groceries for three and less work.
If you are also covering their rent, why can’t you afford to get a room in another shared flat? Or you could be a teeny bit malicious and report their dog to the landlord. When they are evicted you can get more socially acceptable roommates.” Fabulous-Tartlet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look for another roommate situation. Look in newspapers, online, ask around from friends if they know anything. Then tell the landlord that you would like to remove yourself from the lease as you can’t afford to pay ALL the rent anymore when there are 2 other able-bodied people living there.
And also tell the landlord about the animals.” GardenSafe8519
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. However, you’re the jerk to yourself. Stop cleaning, stop cooking, stop giving them any financial help. Tell them to take care of their dog, or they will have to re-home it.
Get a lock for your door, buy a mini-fridge for your room. Just stop and only take care of yourself.” Dharling97
17. AITJ For Locking The Bathroom Door For Privacy In My 'No Locks' House?
“I (17F) live with my parents and siblings in a one-bathroom house with a laundry next to the bathroom, along with a kitchen(this will be important later).
This means that we have 3 sinks total in the house.
Typically, I shower at a time of day (usually early in the morning), when the rest of my family are still asleep. For reasons, I wasn’t able to do that, and decided to take an evening shower.
In our house, we have a strict ‘no locks’ policy enforced by my parents. No-one is allowed to utilise locks of any kind on any doors (yes, this includes toilet doors-a closed door means the toilet is occupied).
Before I begun my shower, I locked the door for privacy from my younger siblings.
Whilst I was washing my hair, my mother (50F) knocks on the door and demands I open it.
She walked in, whilst I was still in the shower, and spent around 2 minutes washing her hands.
When I asked her for some privacy, she informed me that ‘if I wanted it, I could move out of home.’ I asked her why she was unable to use one of the other sinks, and she insisted that it was ‘her house, and she could do whatever she wanted in it.’ She then threatened me to leave the door unlocked, and walked out.
For a few minutes after, I kept the door unlocked, before one of my siblings knocked on the door and told me to ‘finish up’.
As I was in the process of getting out of the shower, my father storms into the room without knocking, and demands that I ‘hurry up and stop wasting the water.’
I was stunned, and quickly grabbed my towel. When he left, I locked the door to prevent anyone else from coming in, and was later lectured and punished by my parents for directly disobeying their instructions multiple times.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would tell them that you will keep the door unlocked, but if any of them walk in on you one more time you will be telling your mandated reporters at school that your parents like to keep barging in on you and that you feel unsafe because of how they enjoy making you feel uncomfortable.
It takes just an ounce of consideration and a handful of seconds to find another sink.” ContributionOrnery29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents seem to be overly controlling. Move out as fast as possible and of course install a lock on your bathroom door if you please.
Why would somebody have a no lock rule in the entire house? I myself live with husband and little boy, we do not have keys on our regular doors but can lock the bathroom doors. For safety reasons kids is not allowed to use the locks, but we respect his privacy and later on, when he is bigger, he will be allowed to use the locks.
Both adults lock the bathroom doors when privacy is needed or guests are in the house. Closed doors mean do not enter, this is respected here on every occasion. Without exception. I think, our way to deal with doors is reasonable and will not force the need of a lock on bedrooms and locking bathrooms for privacy is in general seen as usual.” Professional_Fan_490
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no way, no how!! There’s something wrong with your parents. Not allowing any privacy in the bathroom is sick. Your mother insisting that the bathroom is where she had to wash her hands is ridiculous and obnoxious. Your father barging in without knocking is disgusting.
I would barge into the bathroom (without knocking) every time one of your parents is in the bathroom. Maybe if they experience the intrusion often enough they will recognize the idiocy of their “no locks” mandate. I would also continue to defy them and lock the door.” uTop-Artichoke5020
16. AITJ For Renaming The Kittens I Adopted From My Friend?
“I (30F) have been friends with my friend “Lucy” (30F) for several years. We live two hours away from one another and visit about once a month or so. Lucy’s cat had a litter of four kittens over the summer when she escaped from the house.
I fostered the cats for a month since it was hot and Lucy did not have reliable AC.
Lucy is choosing to keep the mother and one of the kittens, Lucy’s sister is taking another, and I decided to keep two of them (it was originally going to be one, but the fourth kitten’s future home couldn’t take him).
I fully intend to keep the kittens. I’m planning to get them fixed when they are big enough (they’re 12 weeks old now).
All of the kittens were given names when they were born, but I didn’t like the names Lucy chose for my two. I like unique (but not cringe) names for my pets.
I haven’t told Lucy what I renamed the kittens because I knew she would, essentially, make fun of me for them. I usually referred to them by their color, not their names. I accidentally let one of the kitten’s names slip when I was talking about them.
My guess was right. She doesn’t like the names.
It feels silly that this even has to be a thing to post here, but I am being told that she can share her opinions and have a say in their names and such. However, they are MY pets.
I have invested a few hundred dollars in food and toys and enrichment things for the kittens and my other two cats. I will be investing my own money to get them fixed and their shots. I know they were originally hers and she loves them, but I don’t make comments about the names she chose for her own animals.
So, will I be the jerk if I (politely but firmly) tell my friend that she has no say in how I name my kittens?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My general rule is if an animal arrives with a name, it is bearable and they know it then they keep it.
If they arrive with a name and they don’t know it, then changeable. And if as once happened, someone named it a slang word for a rude act or the one who associated a name with being beaten, they are getting renamed. Pets adjust very well.
I’ve taken in ancient strays with no name and they’ve learnt to come to the new name esp if food involved. No food, less chance of them arriving but they look up. Owners need to have a name they are comfortable calling at vets and around the streets at 1am in the morning if a pet gets lost.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re adopting them, you’re paying for them, they’re your cats, you get to name them. I have 2 cats (brothers) that I got from a rescue. One had a name that I liked and fit, so he kept it. The other I knew I didn’t like the name and gave him a new one right away as soon as I decided I was adopting them.
The person fostering them was fully supportive and just happy they were going to a good home. They’re 13 this month and still as cute as ever.” SingularityMechanics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they’re your pets, you choose the name! She is not entitled to any say at all.
Also just want to say that you sound like an amazing and responsible pet owner. Your friend should be glad the kittens have gone to such a good home. Also if you haven’t already, make sure to register them with your local council or microchipping service so they are in your name and legally yours.
Also sounds like Lucy is not a responsible pet owner as she hasn’t gotten her cat fixed.” UnfairMilk8555
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex To Change Our Kids' Surnames To Match Her New Husband's?
“My ex is getting married and has spoken to my children about changing their surnames to match her new surname. This conversation was had without my prior knowledge and in my experience coercive.
Since our separation (we were not married) she has had several partners most of which have been introduced to our children. Our original agreement on separation was that we would notify each other of any major changes to our kids’ lives, new partners, living arrangements etc.
This worked well for the first time she had a new partner, but has not been followed up since. In fact she moved in with her husband (not husband at the time obviously) without telling me. And the kids felt guilty that they had not mentioned it when I found out.
I did not tell my kids off for this I just laughed it off and said that it was nice to not make them feel awkward.
Brief introduction to the new husband, I know absolutely nothing about him. I’ve tried to engage him in conversation on many occasions he just stuck to one word answers and eager to get away from me as soon as possible.
I didn’t even know his surname until my ex approached me to add it to the kids surnames via a double barrel.
I was speechless, didn’t give an immediate answer. She continued to tell me the kids are all for it. Rather than have an argument I said I would think about it.
I have absolutely no intention of letting my kids change their surnames to add his.
1. I believe the kids have manipulated into thinking it’s a great idea. ( I used to be manipulated during our relationship, and she still does to a point now but I’m more aware now)
2. When/if she splits up with her husband ( she has a history)my kids will be stuck with a stupid surname.
3. I’m not a fan of hyphenated surnames (double-barrel)
3. Also the names are not unique
Quick background about myself since my separation I’ve had joint custody of our children and have been in a relationship with my now wife nearly 7 years.
My children have known her most of their lives and they think the world of her, she has a good relationship with my Ex too. Despite having joint custody I pay child support as my and I’m suckered into paying more on occasion various ploys of which I won’t get into here…..
Anyway I feel like I’ve wasted your time. Just thought writing this down might help me rationalize the issue in my own mind..
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not. No. I am not a lawyer. This is not legal advice, but I feel like this is something I would consult a real lawyer about.
If she is manipulating your kids into thinking that changing their names. A part of their identity, who they are, is a good idea, what other strings is she pulling behind the stages? Is other types of parental alienation at play? NTJ.” zeeelfprince
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And stand your ground. YOU are their father. When I was 6 and my sister was 9 my mother and step father conned us into this. (Bio dad sig was forged on the Family and Children Services docs apparently. This was in the 60’s). Step dad was a horror.
Abusive. They did it so step dad didn’t feel awkward when “his” kids didn’t have his last name. My sister and I resented our mother for this when we got older. Do not give up your rights, OP. and stay close to your kids.
They’re being manipulated.” BetAlternative8397
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pretty sure she can’t change their names without your permission. Explain to the kids that the norm is to have biological parents’ last name because no matter what happens to relationships between parents, it won’t change the relationship with them.
Whereas with step parents, it’s hard to predict. (Be sure to reassure them that their relationship with your wife is solid).” True-Lengthiness7598
14. AITJ For Insisting My Daughter Spend Holidays With Us Instead Of Her Wife?
“My husband (58M) and I (56F) host all our kids and their families for the holiday season. This has been so since they moved away for different reasons and we use this as a way to bond with them and for them to see each other.
My sons (Jack 32M and Harry 35M) visit us every year and we have a great time together. My daughter (Alice – 31F) lives about an hour away from us by plane with her family. This includes her wife (Vanessa – 35F), and their two kids (6 year old son, 4 year old daughter).
They come visit us on my husband’s birthday or mine if they can. They’ve never been with us for the holidays since they got together 10 years ago.
The reason for this is, Vanessa is a surgeon and she always has to work, including the holidays.
This year, I again invited them and Alice declined the invitation for the very same reason as every year. I suggested that the kids were now older, and maybe Alice could fly out alone with them and stay with us for a few days while Vanessa kept on with her work.
Alice told me there was no way she would spend the holidays away from her wife. I told her how her kids were missing out on the chance to spend time with their cousins and I’m sure they’d have fun if they came over. She told me they already planned to spend time with Vanessa’s family because they live in the same city.
I may be a jerk because I again told her it wouldn’t hurt anyone if she came over just a few days, and I said I was sure Vanessa could handle that.
She got mad at me this time and said she honestly only wanted to be with Vanessa and the kids, and that they used this time to bond together as a family.
She also called me pushy and selfish for not understanding where she’s coming from, and said I was being unreasonable by asking her to abandon her wife during the holidays.
My husband and Jack are on my side but Harry thinks we went too far with the insisting.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First of all, an hour by plane is closer to 5-6 hours of travel time after dealing with all the airport BS. Secondly, you are expecting her to travel at the most expensive, unpredictable, busiest time of the year.
But mostly the issues is that you are demanding she abandon her wife over the holidays. Think of how you would feel if your husband took the kids and left you alone for Christmas. Even if you had somewhere to go, you would be heartbroken that he did that to you.
You asked, and your daughter said no. She is an adult, and you need to respect that. All you are doing is driving her away.” nom-d-pixel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not understanding that your grandkids would want to spend as much of the holiday as they could with their mother, and that your daughter would want to with her wife.
Also for assuming that a 4 and 6 year old kid are “older” and wouldn’t want a Christmas holiday at their home. If you got your way, think of how the holiday would be for Vanessa; she’d go to work, come home on a major holiday to an empty house, with her beloved wife and kids far away.
That’s heartbreaking.” DueIsland2983
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t expect your daughter and grandchildren to leave her wife alone during the holidays. Holidays are already very stressful and it sounds like your daughter-in-law has an especially stressful job and your daughter wants to stay home to celebrate with her.
How could you expect your daughter to leave her home alone? If everyone else is willing to travel to visit *you*, why can’t everyone just travel to *her* to be together instead of expecting her to leave the person she loves all alone? Your unwillingness to see her side of this and accept her reasons is pretty selfish, IMO.” grumpysecretary
13. AITJ For Refusing to Babysit My Sister's Kids Despite Family Pressure?
“I(22M) got asked last week by my mom(60F) that my sister(23F) was starting a new job after taking some time off raising her two kids: son (2M) and daughter (1F). I was initially asked to watch the kids for a few hours the entire weekday but every time I was asked by my mom, I would always tell her no.
My mom then goes on a repetitive cycle saying how I have to help her, that this is what we do for family. And to top it all off she then asks me, “Okay OP just tell me yes or no. Will you do it?” I say, “No.” Then the conversation repeats.
“Okay OP tell me yes or no?” And you guessed it, it’s a no from me. She then went on a third time before I completely ignored her and left.
She then called me the next day asking me to do it for a few days, instead of the initial 5.
I still say no. She then continues and I hang up. She then called me a few times and each time I hung up on her. After this repetitive cycle, I just ignored her calls. She would then call my other sister(35F) to try and convince me but I still wouldn’t budge.
On the phone today my mom and my sister were trying to smooth my transition to babysit for them by saying that I would only need to watch the kids for 2 hours, then it changed to 1 hour, and then 30 minutes after I kept on saying “no no no.”
I told them honestly, “I’m not a responsible person. Kids are not dolls. They require your full attention since 1 second they could be watching TV and then the next, anything dangerous could happen. Also wouldn’t you realistically want your kids to be watched by someone who is actively interested in them?”
My sister agreed, “Yeah OP I just don’t have anyone else to watch them. Our brother agreed to do 2 days, my husband’s mom agreed to do 1 day and now I need you to do the remaining 2. I will pay you!”
I angrily said “It’s not about the pay!
I just don’t like kids. I can’t babysit. I’m sorry. You should’ve found a babysitter at your church or somewhere else the week before when you already knew that I didn’t agree to it.” My sister was surprised, “You didn’t agree to it before? But mom told me that you agreed to it originally.” This was when I was totally confused and shocked. “What?
I told mom EVERY SINGLE TIME no! Never once did I say yes!”
I told my other sister(35F) this convo and she said that I should just bite the bullet and babysit for her. Just tell her every time I’m done babysitting to find a new replacement.”
Another User Comments:
“She took some time off to raise her kids and they are 1 & 2? She barely got them started! Where is her baby daddy in all of this? They have kids that they need to learn how to juggle. Holy moly…. this is not your problem.
Your mom created a bit of this mess by lying but your sister needs to figure it out. If they were 11&12 I’d say you’re a jerk but for babies? No. That stuff is hard and not to be taken lightly! NTJ” Icy-Pineapple-farmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strange how some people cannot understand what the word “no” means. “No” can be an adverb, adjective or a noun. It’s a complete sentence. Dictionary says no is “used to express negation, denial or refusal.” Wait, maybe that’s it, might need to use ‘bigger’ words such as: “negative” or “denied” or “refused” instead of that plain simple easily understood little word “no”” PracticallyGone123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For the life of me I will never understand all these folks on Reddit EXPECTING family especially siblings to be full time babysitters. Your sister chose to have children. She should have planned for childcare while she was pregnant. Maybe SHE needs to bite the bullet and actually pay a childcare facility to care for her children.” Lily_Flowrs
12. AITJ For Not Splitting The Bill Equally At A Family Dinner?
“Last week, myself, my sibling, their partner and our mom went out to a new nice new restaurant in town as our mother had been wanting to go for a while. So we both decided to bring her as a treat.
As I have food allergies and am recovering from jaw surgery, I have limited foods I can eat, therefore I only got a couple of sides that were easy to chew and swallow.
My meal was $25.00 total, mom’s total was $65.00, and my sibling and her partner’s meals were each well over $150.00.
When the server came to our table to ask about the checks, I stated I was paying for mine and we were splitting our mother’s 50/50. This left my sibling and her partner to pay for their own meal and half of our mother’s.
They threw a fit and told me I was being stingy and selfish because the whole bill should have been split down the middle since it’s a family outing. I stated that this outing was for our mother because she’s been wanting to go and we decided to treat her to it, but that I am not required to pay for their meals just because we’re family.
They were heated and began getting angry with me then gave me the silent treatment the whole ride home.
My mother agrees that I should not have been paying for their food as they were most likely expecting a cheap nice meal, but they’ve now taken to social media to complain about “selfish family”.
(Keep in mind – I don’t use social media, but mom does and saw the post). That made other family members call and text me to tell me I’m selfish and insecure because I’m single etc. It got chaotic. At that point, as my receipt was sent to me email and my sister had hers sent to my email for me to screenshot and text to her (she said her email was too full), my mother decided to post both receipts on social media to show that I wasn’t the selfish one, now those same family members are going off on my sister and her partner for being selfish, while also telling me I had not business airing out the truth because they have a right to be angry that I wouldn’t pay their way and saying now I’m starting drama.
In short, AITJ for not paying their way and then telling everyone the truth to the situation, making them look bad in return?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They started talking, Mom finished the conversation, done. Don’t start nothin, won’t be nothin. They’re just embarrassed they got caught, and the family is lashing out at you because THEY feel bad about being flying monkeys without all the information.
It somehow has to still be your fault, right? Because they can’t possibly be wrong……/s You’re fine. You didn’t even put it on social media, your Mom did. Maybe put these people on an info diet for a while.” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they tried to take advantage and then lied about it on social media.
You showed the proof and now they’re upset about how they look. Too bad. They shouldn’t have made such a big stink about it and you wouldn’t have felt the need to defend yourself.” theworldisonfire8377
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first off, I wouldn’t have paid for half of their meals either.
It’s ridiculous of them to expect you to, especially since they chose to have an expensive meal. Secondly, your family needs to get off your case. You didn’t post the receipts, your mother did. I’m happy she’s so supportive of you in this matter. Your sister and her partner are greedy, selfish, self-centered people who got what they deserved after spreading lies online.” Deathangel1976
11. AITJ For Choosing A School Trip Over My Mom's Last-Minute Wedding?
“I, 16F am being forced to go to my mother’s wedding at the expense of my own trip.
Some background is, since August me and a club for school have been planning a camping trip. This has been known since the beginning of the year and is in a week. I’ve been looking forward to this all year. My mom was initially the one who told me to get out there more, make friends, and sign up for these types of things.
Usually I don’t get out much so this was something that I’d been anticipating for a long time.
On Tuesday I reminded my step dad of the trip. He looked at me and said ” That’s when the wedding is? ” Up until this point I had no idea she was getting married on that day.
I just knew that she was thinking about planning something soon. He told me that he thought I should go anyway and to just talk to my mom about it. So that’s what I did. Immediately she told me that she wanted me to be at the wedding and that it would mean a lot.
I countered with the fact I didn’t even know about the wedding and she had gotten a little mad. I explained to her that I’ve been looking forward to this, and even skipped one field-trip already to attend a meeting for said camping trip. and that I didn’t even know that there was a wedding.
She started explaining to me how she wasn’t doing this to be a jerk. She added that family is more important. Normally, I would love to go to her wedding but this trip had been planned since August! When I told her that she instantly changed her mood and started to say that I was guilt tripping her.
And that I should have to make sacrifices for her since she did the same for me. So, I just left it there and went to my room.
My step dad had told my Tia and Tio about this. There it was that I found she planned this court elopement 2 weeks ago.
She just picked a date without consulting anyone. Not even Step dad or me. Anyways, my Tia had called her and told her that she should let me go to which my mom called and got mad at ME for. I had not even told them about the situation, so I had not prompted them in any way.
In this call she started crying and told me I was selfish for not wanting to cancel my trip for her, even after she sacrificed so much for me. Telling me that I was using my tios and tias to guilt trip me. I just ended the call feeling horrible about this.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As I taught my daughters, I pass along to your mother. “Poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine.” Go. Enjoy your trip. Have fun. Take lots of pictures and selfies. Enjoy your youth, for it is fleeting.
Maybe send her a card congratulating them on their nuptials.” LongDistRider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Mom is just throwing a bit of a temper tantrum right now because she got called out by her elders. Don’t feed into it. It’ll pass. Go on your trip – *it’s not up to you, THE CHILD, to sacrifice for your parent.* That’s not the way it works.” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your mum still won’t let you go on the trip doesn’t mean you have to go to the wedding. She cannot force you. The fact she just booked the day without consulting anyone, even the groom is very odd to say the least. Give it a couple of days to cool down and speak to your mum again.
If she still won’t let you go on your trip then tell her you won’t be going to her wedding anyway ( and if you’ve had to pay for stuff for the trip then she needs to reimburse you )” theBOOPisonfire
10. AITJ For Wanting My In-Laws To Help Pay For My Wife's Funeral?
“I (47/m) lost my wife (42/f) a week ago after an 18-month cancer battle.
She was diagnosed May 2022. We tried 4 different chemo treatments with no luck. The doctors tried getting her into clinical trials but failed there.
She had gone on hospice care 5 weeks ago. They came to the house every day for a week, trying to make her as comfortable as possible.
She went into their facility 4 weeks ago, staying 4 days while they readjusted her meds.
Her sister and nieces drove in (10 hours) the weekend after she was discharged. The entire time they were in town they never saw how sick she really was.
She went back into the hospice facility the following weekend.
She was in a lot of pain and vomiting. Her parents went to see her multiple times a day from that next Monday until she passed on Friday. After they saw her they would stop by the house to check on me.
I’ve been physically disabled the last 2 1/2 years.
My mom has been staying with us to help take care of me and drive me to all my appointments. My mom had gone back to her home the weekend my wife went to hospice. I had no way of going to see her until my mom returned on Thursday.
The ILs never offered to take me to see her while my mom was gone.
I saw my wife on Thursday and again on Friday. A couple of hours after we left, she had passed. Her parents had been there in between and taken all her personal belongings.
I finally got them back, but can’t find her laptop.
The day before (on Thursday while she was still alive) I got a text from MIL outlining what everyone’s responsibilities were. MIL was writing the obituary, my SIL was planning the service (with some pastor I have never met but he had talked with my wife while she was in the hospital and hospice), and I was going to be in charge of paying the funeral home (one the MIL had picked).
I’ve been busy handling other things so I had my mom talk to the ILs to get the family history for the death certificate and to see if they were going to help pay the funeral home. After that phone call on Monday I received a text from MIL telling me to have my mom stop asking for money.
They had none as they want to remember all the things we did together. (Anytime we did something we paid – going out to eat, ball games, putt putt.)
My ILs believe once she died she’s in heaven so they want nothing to do with the ashes.
(My wife did say she wanted to be cremated.) I am doubting they even want them at the service. Plus they think since the funeral home isn’t helping with the service it shouldn’t cost much, and the pastor should be covering that.
AITJ for wanting them to help pay for my wife’s/their daughter’s funeral?
I’ve never known someone to start planning a funeral without input from a surviving spouse, or a pastor paying for a service.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s your wife, so unless you agreed to have someone else plan it, it’s up to you. Legally her remains, property, everything not outlined in any will is yours to decide on.
It’s OK to delegate that if you want to, it’s also OK to tell them no and that you’re not paying for that. Be sure to let the funeral home know if you object sooner vs. later, and that you won’t be releasing her body or paying anything – they’ll pause right there.
Now if you do go and plan a funeral yourself, you’re on the hook for the costs. Edit: typos” SingularityMechanics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are your wife’s next of kin. You get to plan her service, and are responsible for making sure it’s paid for.
Don’t let your former ISls bully you into paying for their plans. Claim your wife’s body, have the arrangements you want. I’m sorry for your loss, and for your IL’s actions making things worse.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The funeral home will require someone to sign a form stating that they will be responsible for payment.
Often they require payment in full before they even schedule the funeral. Just tell your MIL that you can’t afford what they planned and if they choose to continue, they can pay for the services.” CoDaDeyLove
9. AITJ For Buying A New PC Behind My Dad's Back After He Sold My Old One?
“So I (19M) have been in college for a few weeks now. It’s going well and everything, but I recently got a call from my mom (45F) telling me my dad (48M) is trying to sell my PC.
Says it’s taking up too much space or whatever. I tell her to try get my dad not to, as I will probably want to bring it with me heading back to college after my first visit back home. She says she’ll try and hangs up.
A few days go by and he’s sold it. Didn’t even call me to tell me, my mom had to do that part. I’m obviously super upset because I’ve only had it a couple years and it was really expensive and really powerful. Mom tells me she tried to persuade him to not do it but he wouldn’t budge.
Lo and behold I get home after my first term and it’s gone. My dad told me it was taking up too much space and I wasn’t even there anymore so it didn’t matter. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of my visit.
I get back to college and a few days later I call my mom. Ask her if she can help buy me a new PC. I obviously didn’t have a lot of money at the time, so I would put some of what I did have into the PC and my mom paid for the rest. She eventually agreed but wasn’t too enthusiastic about the idea.
She was paying for most of it, after all. I find this super cool pre-built after a couple of weeks of searching and place my order.
After a few days, nothing. I check the shipping tracker and my heart drops. I forgot to change the address.
It’s been delivered to my house. My dad obviously finds out and is super upset. He calls me and tells me he never wants to see me again for deceiving him and doing stuff behind his back. I told him I’m sure he knows a lot about that and hung up.
I haven’t heard from any of my parents in a few weeks now and I’m going back to visit in a couple of weeks. AITJ for buying a new PC behind his back? I also feel a little guilty about my mom paying for most of it, but if I had enough money I would’ve paid for all of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sold your PC after you made it clear that you still want and need it. And the only justification he has for getting rid of it was it was taking up space. Tell your dad that if he didn’t want you to get a PC behind his back, he shouldn’t have sold your old PC behind yours.
Better yet, ask him to pay for your new PC with the money he got from selling your old one. If you were the one who bought that old PC (with you own money), you might have a case against him for selling it without your permission.” PacifistWarFreak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are legally an adult. After that jerk move of your dad (selling it behind your back after your mom even told him he shouldn’t) you have every right to do that. I feel sorry for your mom getting in the crossfire here because she is obviously no match in arguments for your dad but still tries to help you out.
I would pick up that pc quickly before he will sell that one as well and hug your mom for helping you out. If your dad is able to have a conversation, talk to him how you feel. You are 19, your parents should still have your back where possible.
Your mom still has your back. Selling stuff behind your back is not such a thing.” ski-mon-ster
8. AITJ For Not Rescheduling Our Anniversary Plans After My Partner's Work Plans Changed?
“It is mine and my partner’s 2 year anniversary coming up. The anniversary is on a Wednesday and we both work during the week so we decided to celebrate on either the weekend before of the weekend after.
The week before our anniversary I have put 1 day of annual leave in for Friday for a hobby. My partner knew about this and asked if we could celebrate our anniversary on the Saturday after my day off (the weekend before our anniversary). I agreed and we started looking for restaurants.
She then gets a call into work and has to work late on that Saturday.
She asked if we could celebrate it on the Friday but I pointed out my leave and plans and that we’d both be drinking and with work the next day she probably won’t enjoy herself as much.
She agreed and we booked a restaurant for the following Saturday.
Since she was going to be out on the Saturday, I asked a friend if he wanted to come round for a few drinks and to play a new video game I’d be buying and he agreed. My partner then got a call from work saying she is no longer needed on the Saturday.
She said she wanted to move the booking but I pointed out I’ve already made plans now and we’ve already booked somewhere for the following week so I’d rather not change it.
She said our plans should come first but I just said she can’t expect me to cancel my plans just because her plans have now changed. She accused me of not wanting to celebrate our anniversary and said I’d rather be drinking with friends and playing video games.
I just repeated that we’ve already got somewhere booked to celebrate our anniversary and there’s no reason to change it but she said I wasn’t prioritising her.
AITJ for refusing to change the booking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like this was a big deal for her and now she feels insecure.
She probably just needs to hear reassurance that just because you won’t change these plans, doesn’t mean you don’t love her and value time with her. Remind her you had been looking forward to spending time with her on saturaday before plans got changed around, and that you are looking forward to your new plans for the following saturday.
You aren’t doing anything wrong, NTJ, just sounds like what she’s actually saying by accusing you of not prioritizing her, that she wants to hear that she is a high priority for you and you value and are looking forward to celebrating your anniversary together.” DakiTheDreamyDemon
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here I dunno if you turned the situation around how would you feel. I think I’d change my plans to spend time for the anniversary. I’d just swap the weekends over. She must have felt happy when work cancelled and she could spend that time and maybe hoped you’d feel the same.
I can understand both points of view definitely. But it just depends how much you wanted to spend that time with her.” Nelnoolikeme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You changed your anniversary celebration because she had to work that day so you made other plans and booked a restaurant for the following Saturday.
Now that her shift has been canceled she’s giving you grief for not canceling with your friend. In other words, you’re only supposed to make contingency plans if she’s unavailable and cancel them if her plans change. NTJ” Emotional_Bonus_934
7. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Return The Expensive Concert Tickets She Got Me For My Birthday?
“I (40M) recently had a birthday and my wife (46F) bought me concert tickets that are way, way more expensive than any gift we’ve ever exchanged, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to really enjoy the show, even though it’s an artist I really like.
Gift-giving is not my love language. I get anxious when I have to buy gifts and receiving them often makes me uncomfortable. I’m also more conservative with money than my wife is, and I’d much rather make sure we have a rainy day fund than buy expensive luxuries.
I’m also not a big fan of birthdays- I like to celebrate in a low-key way, having friends over and playing games.
Gift-giving is, however, my wife’s love language. She LOVES giving gifts, and every Xmas, she’s the one who buys for my family because she loves it and I don’t.
It makes her happy.
I also really like music and going to concerts, and buying me concert tickets is usually a safe bet. But I like seeing small and mid-level artists, where the tickets cost under $100. There are so many great performers out there, I never felt like I was missing out by not seeing the most famous artists in the world.
In recent years her business has started earning more money, which she’s extremely proud of (rightfully so!) and she’s started spending more as well (which is her right). I’m the one who manages the finances and I occasionally have to let her know that her spending is outpacing her earnings, and in fact we just had a conversation last month about how she still needs to be aware of how much money she spends because I had to dig into our rainy day fund to pay the credit card bill.
So she surprised me this year with concert tickets to a very famous & respected artist that I really like, and when I looked at the credit card statement, I saw that she’d paid over $1,600 for tickets. This is easily 10x more than any gift she’s ever given me.
We have no debt except our mortgage but we don’t currently have a rainy day fund because we just came out of a period of high spending, and it makes me really uncomfortable to spend this money on an event (my birthday) that I don’t really care about that much.
WIBTJ for asking her to return them or re-sell them?”
Another User Comments:
“no jerks here The amount she spent on you just after you had to dip into a rainy day fund to pay bills is understandably stressful. I personally don’t know if asking her to return it is the best idea, but I would tell her what you told us.
It does not make you very comfortable. IMO it sounds like the bigger issue here is the spending, and I think rather than telling her when she’s outpacing, you both need to have a large discussion about finances. Maybe put a dollar limit on gifts going forward?
Separate finances? Have her do/watch you handle finances and bills so she can get a better perspective on her spending habits?” BoyoDee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But beware if you do: Your wife’s feelings may be hurt. If she is a narcissist, she will take it out on you for “rejecting” her amazing gift. If the tickets cannot be returned or resold, it’s going to be awkward when you go to the event because she will wonder the entire time if you’re enjoying it.
If you keep them, you absolutely have to make it clear you’re having a great time. My advice, keep the tickets, tell her she’s amazing, go enjoy it. And keep in mind, she thinks you’re amazing and worthy of something that special.” Haidrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. but you need to have a discussion with her about budgeting/spending- like, set a specific dollar amount for gifts though the year, and when that money is gone it’s gone. This is a good compromise- she still gets to buy people gifts, but you get the gift of financial security and stability.
Both these things are equally important.” maplesyruppirate
That said, she's the jerk for making a purchase much larger than normal, that she should have known you'd be uncomfortable receiving. But as gift giving is her love language, it shouldn't have been unexpected on your part.
In future, have a spending cap on gifts for birthdays, Christmas, etc that you're both comfortable with, so that this doesn't happen again. But yes, you would be the jerk for returning her gift. Buck up and go to the concert and enjoy yourself.
6. AITJ For Wanting To Confront An Old Neighbor Who's Harassing Me At University?
“I (19f) recently started attending uni and as expected I wanted to start socialising. It just so happened that one of the people attending was an old neighbour from my hometown (19m) that we will call Aaron.
He sat next to me and since I knew him I decided to say hi. He acted like he didn’t know me (which is odd because I have very distinct features) but we still chatted a bit.
He instantly started sending me countless memes, something I found weird because even when we were younger he didn’t like me because his grandma had tried to sue me along with other kids for false noise complaints.
It only got worse from there. The moment I got home he started pestering me and constantly telling me to hang out (just the two of us). I wasn’t sure what to answer to him because honestly I wasn’t that eager to hang out with him and I had prior plans.
And since I was on my way home I decided to answer to his messages later.
This only made him annoy me more and he started getting more and more demanding. I was, truthfully, very annoyed by his certainty that I would hang out with just him, when we didn’t even talk to each other for two consecutive hours.
So I told him that I will tell him next week whether we can go out or not.
Throughout the lectures he would show me unfunny memes and try to convince me he has “w rizz” (yes he actually said w rizz) while I tried to pay attention.
His justification about his “rizz” was that if he asked a girl something like “date when” she would accept to go on a date with him.
Aaron also pestered me to give him my phone number and for two days straight he would always call me with every chance he got.
After the first two phone calls I stopped answering because in two days he had called 7 times with absolutely no reason.
He would also indirectly chase out anyone else I was talking to because he was stuck to me like glue and if I wanted to ask a professor something he would instantly make up a question only to follow me to the professor’s desk.
He would always text me “don’t ignore me wimp” or”answer n word” (neither of us is black), and in three instances he called me fat (even though I weigh about 120 pounds which I think is normal for my height) and I felt angry and disrespected because I didn’t give him any right to talk to me like this.
Now he is still texting me and asking me to go to uni with him and I obviously decline. AITJ if I confront him about this?”
Another User Comments:
“He disrespected you and you haven’t blocked him yet. He probably thinks it’s working or he still has chance.
Text him reasons you find him disrespectful and to leave you alone or you’ll report him for harassment. then block him. He most likely will approach you, tell him leave you alone and walk away. Then report him for harassment.” Comfortable_Draw_176
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I feel sorry for him. He’s not going to have any idea of how other people view this behaviour until it blows up in his face a few dozen times. Drop a truth bomb on him and tell him exactly what he’s putting it into the world.
It’s immature, not cool. It is slightly aggressive and invasive, and no one wants to hang around that Hopefully, he’ll be embarrassed enough to leave you alone.” northerntropicaz
Stick with friends if possible let them and family know what he is doing this is not the sort of behaviour that he should be displaying towards a female
5. AITJ For Letting My Wife Break A Sentimental Gift From Her Grandmother?
“My 27 wife’s 23 grandmother is downsizing and moving into a retirement community.
Rather than put everything into storage and wait until she passes away her grandmother is giving away everything that won’t fit into her new home to her family.
Part of my wife’s loot was a French butter keeper. If you don’t know what that is I will try and explain.
It is a ceramic bowl roughly the size of a large mug with no handle. The lid has a smaller bowl attached to it and when you put it on the smaller bowl fits inside the bigger bowl UPSIDE DOWN. That is important to the story.
The bigger bowl has some water in it. That keeps the butter cool and forms an airtight seal to protect the butter.
I told my wife that it was really cool and I set it up.
She said that I set it up wrong and she emptied out the water and flipped the thing upside down.
About a week later I came home and she was crying because she broke it.
A little butter had gotten between the two bowls and made them kind of tacky I guess. When she picked up the outer bowl “lid” the smaller one came with it.
Butter does not make a good adhesive so when it was a few inches up the bottom came loose and fell. It hit at just the wrong angle and broke.
My wife says I should have explained better why she was wrong. She said that I let her break it to prove a point.
She’s upset with me for “letting her break a gift”. I’m not sure what she would have wanted me to explain. Gravity? The adhesive coefficient of butter? How lids work?
I showed her the right way and let her have her way when she called it dumb.
I think if she really cared it would have taken five seconds to YouTube a video of how to use the darn thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can lead a horse to water, but …… She is projecting and is rationalizing because the item meant something to her and she messed up.
It is a safe bet if you did anything else, she’d have accused you of mansplaining; she obviously was content with her approach for a week and obviously didn’t realize how delicate and irreplaceable it was until it was lost (Hallmark Movie material writ small).” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT THIS ISN’T ABOUT THE BUTTER DISH. She’s coming to terms with her grandma coming to the end of her life, and she broke what she had been gifted to remember her by. Your wife is feeling stupid and guilty, you don’t need to add “I told you so” into the mix.
It isn’t necessary, it isn’t helpful, and it isn’t kind. This isn’t the time to gloat, or point fingers. She shouldn’t have shifted the blame, but this is possibly an emotional time for her. Have some compassion.” agarrabrant
Another User Comments:
“Your wife appears to have a short memory.
It sounds like you tried once to show her the proper way to use this object (my family calls it a butter bell), and she ignored you. Then, as to be expected, she faced some natural consequences. How many times do you need to push her to listen?
And at what point are you a jerk for pushing. Maybe next time she will accept your advice. NTJ.” Tonis_Balonis
And anma7's idea about getting her a new butter keeper is a good one. Good luck.
4. AITJ For Wanting My Soon-to-be Ex-Husband to Watch Our Son While I'm on Vacation?
“My husband (38M) and I (40F) are currently separated and headed for divorce. We’ve been married for 10 years and have a 4-year-old son.
We tried couples counseling and anything and everything we could think of, but just couldn’t make it work. We are both saddened but trying to work together to make this process as easy as possible for everyone. At least, I thought we were.
Before we separated, I booked a vacation to a wellness retreat in Mexico with a friend for a week.
I was feeling so overwhelmed with work and our relationship that I needed to find something to look forward to for myself. This vacation was paid for with our joint account and my husband had agreed that I should go. Of course, this was when we were still trying to make things work.
The vacation is scheduled for the first week of December.
We are currently splitting time with our son with each of us taking him for a week at a time. I am staying at our house and my husband is staying with his parents for the time being.
They only live 30-minutes from our house so it’s not terribly inconvenient.
Last week, I called my husband to remind him that he will have our son the week I am on vacation even though that is scheduled to be my week with him. He said he had been meaning to talk to me about that.
He said he will watch our son that week, but that he wants to have our son for Xmas this year since it’s unlikely we will be celebrating it together.
I told him that is incredibly unfair and unreasonable and that we will need to discuss that further before we make any decisions.
He said he’s already doing me a favor by being flexible about swapping time with our son and with him letting me stay in the house without him, so it’s not unreasonable to expect me to compromise on some things too.
It turned into an argument with him telling me that he’s already paid for half of my vacation because it came out of our joint account.
He said that I can’t expect him to be flexible about this stuff and not compromise anything for him in return. I told him that keeping me from our son for Xmas is too far and he told me that if I feel that way I should just cancel my vacation and we can keep the schedule the way it is.
But he knows my trip is non-refundable and how much I need a trip like this. He also knows that I don’t have anyone else to watch our son for an extended period because I am NC with the majority of my family.
I told him he is being petty and not helpful and that I thought we were working together on this sort of thing.
He said he is working with me, but he’s not going to let me have everything my way anymore and that I need to start making concessions on things too.
He told me I am being selfish about this and need to realize that my happiness is no longer his #1 concern and that he’s only thinking about making things easier for our son.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When someone does you a favor it is customary to do a favor for them in return. He is working with you and you are not reciprocating. Not to mention he is still paying for half your vacation even though he has no obligation to do so.
Compromise means giving something up to get something you want. You want everything.” ZenSven7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! It’s not him who is self-absorbed, it’s you. He paid for 50% of that oh-so deserving break of yours. You are staying in his house. You don’t have to pay rent or look for an accommodation because of him.
He is re-arranging his custody schedule for you, so you can go and relax, for a week. He agreed to pay for that trip while you’re married. He didn’t ask that back. Him asking for a Christmas visitation isn’t really asking for much. He is right, you are no longer priority one.
Understand that your needs will not always trump someone else’s needs.” BoredofB
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: You’re not wrong for expecting him to live up to the promise he agreed to. But at the same time while it may sound messed up, I don’t think people should have to honor promises made when together after the breakup.
Sidenote: You should try to communicate better. Your ex opened the door for a conversation and you shut it down even though you’re the one who needs something from him. Should have at least heard him out of your expecting a favor from him” thejerkthrowawa
3. AITJ For Telling Off A Man Criticizing My Choice of Oat Milk?
“I had some tests to run at my local hospital today. In the hospital is a coffee place. It isn’t Starbucks but it’s a local place that has a few locations in my area.
When I was all done with my medical stuff I decided to treat myself to a coffee.
I got in a long line behind a man that I noticed kept muttering about something. I noticed every time someone in front of him ordered a coffee with some sort of plant milk he would mutter louder.
Finally, he was up to order. He looked around and loudly said I want a regular drip coffee with real milk not this frufru bs everyone drinks these days.
The barista rolled her eyes and got his coffee. He was standing nearby messing with his drink or something. I ordered a latte with oat milk. I was kind of waiting for him to say something but I wasn’t officially instigating because I always get oat milk.
The guy looks at me and says “You know that’s not milk right?” I said yeah I know. He then says “it won’t kill you to drink regular milk right? It’s good for you.” Now here’s where I might be the jerk. I said “Yeah it won’t kill me but I don’t want to have a stomach upset all the way home.
I don’t want to go to the bathroom from now until there is nothing left in my stomach. So if you don’t mind I will take my oat milk latte and not have a stomach upset, thanks.” The guy threw his coffee away and left. The barista was in shock.
Now I feel bad and my husband said it was kind of uncalled for but he also laughed so hard when I told him. I get so annoyed when people decide they have some out of pocket thing to say to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mostly. Yes, the guy very much had it coming. Who cares what you have or don’t have in your coffee? And your response was hilarious! Now, for any other customers, not so much. For the barista, I suspect she was cheering. After she picked her jaw up off the floor…unless she was squeamish.” tropicaldiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – poor snowflake triggered because people don’t drink real men’s milk anymore. Weak society won’t suckle any longer from the teat of a cow and he is furious about it. How dare we withdraw from the safe confines of the cow milk!
Doesn’t he know we are weak soy boys for it! We aren’t men or strong anymore because NO MORE COW MILK!!!! NTJ – actually, hilarious and factually what you should’ve done. I’m a scientist. Thanks.” somethingnewlywedded
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Cow milk can absolutely kill you if you have an allergy.
A young woman in my city died after a reaction to buttermilk in a chicken burger served to her at a restaurant despite them assuring her it had no dairy. That guy is a dangerous jerk and needed putting in his place.” skratakh
2. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend to Reschedule Her Surgery Because It's On My Birthday?
“So me (38 F) and my BFF (39 F) have been friends for 26 years. We have had similar medical issues throughout our lives and I suggested a surgical procedure I had done & her doctor agreed that it would benefit her, too.
So she gets scheduled & told me it was scheduled for my birthday. I was shocked but kept my cool & I politely asked her to reschedule for another day. This was told to me on July 17th, 2023. My birthday is October 16th. There was more than enough time to make arrangements for another day.
She said she needs me to take care of her after surgery but I have annual birthday plans with my family who are coming into town, specifically for my birthday.
I personally think it’s rude & I find it selfish (I know I sound selfish but I would never schedule surgery on HER birthday) because in March 2023, she scheduled her surgical procedure on my mother’s birthday, which was & still is an emotional day for me as she [my mom] has been gone for 17 years.
I want to be there for my friend but I don’t think I should have to put my birthday on hold either. I get 1 day a year where I get to go out & enjoy my friends & family all together with me. She never comes to my annual parties anyway due to her addiction recovery & triggers (beverages) & I respect that & we always do something else- aside from my annual get-together.
My parents are flying in Sunday night & leaving Tuesday morning. They have an entire itinerary planned for the day & I told them about her surgery & they too, said to ask her to reschedule. It’s not major surgery, it’s not life or death, it’s a common female procedure, that can be pushed back a week.
I have no issue helping her during her 6-8 recovery period, but why didn’t she reschedule? Why is she like this? So AITJ for not being there on her day of surgery?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here you’re both expecting too much of each other.
It’s fine to say “I won’t be available on X Y Z dates to help you out after your surgery so you’ll need to make other arrangements” It is fine for her to say “I won’t be able to celebrate your birthday this year because I am having surgery” It is *not* okay to say “you need to reschedule your surgery so I can celebrate my birthday” and it is not okay to say “you need to cancel your birthday plans so you can look after me after my surgery” You both have important plans that clash with each other.
The way to handle this like adults is to set your boundaries about what *you* can do and make arrangements to work around the other’s availability.” coppeliuseyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already have plans with other people on the day of the surgery, which happens to be your birthday.
Plane tickets have been purchased. Given the surgery was scheduled 3 months out it wasn’t an emergency and another week or two would likely be fine for your friend. The only thing to tell her was your plans won’t be changed so she either needs to find someone else to take care of her or reschedule the surgery.” sharethewine
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. But you more. Yes she is a jerk for expecting you to take care of her. But did you actually ask someone to reschedule a medical procedure because it’s on your precious birthday? You’re too old for that nonsense honey.
Get over yourself.” Disastrous-Nail-640
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My Coworker Wanted Me To Cover Her Shift For A Girls' Night Out?
“So here’s the long and short of it. I have a coworker who I’ve considered a friend for approximately 5 years. More than once she’s asked me to trade after-hours shift with her because of some urgent situation that came up with her kids, such as her ex husband/the children’s father making last minute plans that affect custody.
So recently when she texted me that she needed “a big favor” and asked if I could cover another one of her shifts, naturally I assumed it had something to do with her kids, or maybe a marital issue with her new husband. I told her that I had plans of my own but I would scrap them if she couldn’t find anyone else to cover for her.
Ten minutes later she tells me she can’t find anyone else (though she never sent out an email requesting coverage) and thanks me for covering because she really needs a girl’s night out, she never gets them anymore.
This is my exact reply to her (minus her name): I agreed to cover for you because you said you needed a big favor.
I thought maybe you needed the night off because it had to do with your kids or something. But I am canceling my own plans for a girls night out?
Her reply to me: Wow.
I rarely go out. Not that I need to explain that to you.
But it is something that is important to me. If you don’t want to cover anymore, let me know. I will email out and switch it back.
My reply to her: Wow is how I’m feeling. I told you I had plans but would cover for you if no one else could.
Maybe 10 mins later (if that?) you replied back stating so far no one could cover for you. Yet I didn’t see an email to everyone asking to trade or cover. But I thought never mind, it’s probably something to do with her kids since she said she needs a big favor.
So ok, I’ll cancel my plans to help out. But tbh if you had told me it was for a girls night out from the start, I wouldn’t have canceled my own plans for that. And fyi, I’m not at all judging you for wanting to go out.
It just feels disrespectful that you didn’t make more of an effort to find someone else when I told you I had plans. But no, u don’t need to find someone else to cover. Hopefully y’all have fun, I’m sure u need it.
Her reply to me: I did make an effort and no thank you. I will have (someone else) cover.
My final reply to her: So now somehow you’re upset with me about this?
Her final reply to me (then crickets ever since): I will continue this conversation in person and when Im not upset.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your coworker clearly took advantage of your willingness to help in an emergency by misleading you. You are absolutely within your right to turn down the offer once the true nature of her request was revealed. She is being incredibly childish about the whole thing by not taking accountability and playing the victim.
Don’t give in to her and don’t allow her to manipulate you any further.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she should have just been up front. I’ve definitely covered for someone that had a last minute invite to an event or was having a get together with friends.
I wasn’t scammed into thinking it was an emergency, I was told up front. Of course, I wouldn’t cancel plans for something like that, but I’d cover if I wasn’t busy.” Extreme_Emphasis8478
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You assumed it was for the kids, but your friend asked for a big favour because she wanted to go out.
You didn’t ask why she needed the big favour and than judged her for wanting to go out, which you know is healthy. She didn’t say it was an emergency, only a big favour. You agreed to it and then projected your incorrect assumptions onto the favour.
Yep, you’re the jerk.” Bootiebloot
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