People Accept Any Criticism On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting My House Back From My Grieving Sister And Brother-in-law?
“About 3 years ago, my sister and her husband lost their three young children in a really bad car accident.
My sister barely survived but pulled through. They had two daughters who were 8 and 6 and a 3-year-old son. I won’t go into specifics surrounding the accident or their deaths because it’s quite frankly horrific.
My sister and I are 10 months apart and have always been extremely close.
At the time of my nieces’ and nephew’s deaths, I was living alone in a 3 bedroom home and offered for them to live with me. They were both, understandably, too unable to function to go back to work and we all needed each other. I didn’t want them to have to worry about money or losing their home after what had happened.
I’ve supported them emotionally and financially pretty much ever since it happened. They both refuse to go to therapy, and still both aren’t working. I have a good job, but it’s not an easily manageable thing, and I really didn’t expect it to go on so long.
About a year and a half ago, I met my current fiancé. We clicked immediately and got engaged six months later. We’re due to get married next October. I’ve been trying to drop hints to my sister about wanting my house back to myself to live in with my fiancé but she’s not picked up on it.
My fiancé has grown increasingly frustrated with me, saying I’m very obviously being taken advantage of.
Last weekend, I straight up told my sister I needed to talk to her, and told her that I wanted my house back and to live with my partner alone before getting married and starting to have children.
She got upset and went running to our mom, who called me a jerk for not considering how my sister would feel about that. It hasn’t been mentioned since, but both my sister and her husband are hardly talking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What are their plans for the future besides to mooch off of you? It’s been 3 years. It’s completely fair for you to ask them what their plans are. Yes, they went through something horrible, but you have been incredibly accommodating and have given them lots of time to heal. Giving you silent treatment in your own home is unacceptable.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t stop your entire life for them. Are you supposed to never marry, never have children, and just take care of them for the rest of their lives? I guarantee that if they don’t get counseling ASAP there’s going to be massive drama the first time you get pregnant.” Megmca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ can’t understand why they’d not want their own space tbh. I’m curious as to how long they thought this arrangement was going to last. Did they envisage you putting your life on hold forever? Would they try to tell you it’s insensitive to ‘thrust your own kids in their faces’?
You’ve done far more for them than anyone else in the family. They can go stay with your mum if she feels that strongly about giving them board and lodging.” SereneGoldfish
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drink At A Wedding Without A Shuttle Service?
“I (32F) and my husband (36M) will be flying from one side of the country to the other for our friend’s wedding.
My husband is kind of part of the wedding party in that he has a role to perform, but isn’t a groomsman. The wedding is taking place at a venue that has a property right next door for the couple and their bridesmaids and groomsmen to stay.
We were not invited to sleep there because of space constraints, which we totally understand, and will be staying at the same hotel as all the other guests about 10 minutes away.
Our friend has said repeatedly he wants this to be a party wedding and he hopes everyone gets intoxicated and goes crazy.
My husband and I had a similar wedding and totally support this and were planning to really let loose. We found out recently they do not have a shuttle taking guests from the hotel to the wedding or reception and vice versa. The couple’s justification is the hotel wanted $800 for a shuttle and they are just going right next door and won’t need it.
We’re really frustrated because this means we can’t let loose and get intoxicated because we’ll have to drive ourselves back to the hotel. Aside from the fact my husband’s father was killed by an intoxicated driver so we’re really averse to driving when drinking in general, we are new parents and will not risk orphaning our kid for a wedding of all things.
I offered to let my husband go crazy so at least one of us can take the opportunity to let loose because he’s been doing extra work while still splitting child responsibilities with me. He declined out of solidarity with me.
Up until this point, our friend kept saying “Man, I so can’t wait to catch up and go crazy with you guys” and we’ve been equally as enthusiastic.
After finding out there won’t be a shuttle we told him we can’t party hard with him. We explained we don’t have any way of getting back to the hotel safely because of his decision not to have a shuttle. He argued my mom (who is also attending) doesn’t drink and can drive us.
She wants to go straight home (1.5 hours away) and can’t hang out till midnight, nor would it be fair to ask her to do that. He said we can get an Uber. A) We’re already spending a lot of money to be there and B) the venue is in the middle of nowhere; we don’t want to rely on an Uber being available.
Now he’s mad at us.
My mom suggested we shouldn’t have explained that we weren’t getting inebriated and just done our plan. Her argument is they likely would be so wrapped up in their day and tipsy they wouldn’t even notice and fewer feelings would be hurt.
I feel like she has a point, and that we told him because we wanted him to feel bad for his choice to not have a shuttle because we feel it encourages unsafe driving and detracts from their guests’ ability to have fun. We had a shuttle at our wedding and were less well-off than they both are now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why pressuring people into drinking in the first place? If an adult doesn’t want to drink, then they shouldn’t have to defend themselves. Your reasoning is absolutely fine. I am from a remote area and it’s often impossible to get a cab or Uber at night.
If they want people to get tipsy so bad, they should invest in the shuttle.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude doesn’t get to have it both ways, if you want everyone to get intoxicated off their behind then he needs to provide safe transportation.
If the couple isn’t going to do that then it’s very reasonable for people to make a decision to either not drink or work with a designated driver.” rmric0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be seriously questioning my friendship at this point for them to be encouraging that level of disregard for safety.
Have a frat boy wedding if you want but don’t get bent out of shape when people tone it down to be responsible. You said your hotel is 10 minutes away… that’s not “next door”.. a lot can happen while driving intoxicated even for 10 minutes.” Annalirra
21. AITJ For Leaving My Niece And Nephew With A Friend Instead Of Cancelling My Plans?
“So my partner and I live together in a fairly large rented house, despite the fact that neither of us wants children. The house has 4 decently sized bedrooms, one of which is our bedroom, while one is an office. The other two are empty. Despite the fact that we don’t have kids, we are avid pet lovers, and we own a 3-year-old Rottweiler, a one-year-old Bulldog, as well as a 7-year-old cat.
Yesterday, my brother asked me to watch his children, since he had to go to the hospital due to his wife breaking her leg. I was the only one available at the time, so my brother dropped his children (a 9-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl) off at our house.
Unfortunately, this arrangement wasn’t suitable for us, since we’d made plans to drop our dogs off at a doggy spa while we went to the mall. I called my friend, who agreed to look after the kids (I compensated her monetarily, even though she told me there was no need to).
My brother has never met this friend, but I’d never leave any child in a dangerous position. While we were at the mall, my brother calls me to ask me where we are. I told him that his kids were at my friend’s house. He was furious with me, and hung up on the phone soon after.
Around 30 minutes later, my friend calls to say that my brother has picked the kids up, and that he was irate, to say the least. My brother has tried to call me since, but I haven’t picked up the phone, since I know he likely only wants to have an argument with me.
Today, my dad called me to ask me why I’d chosen my “dumb dogs” over my nephew and niece, which irritated me. I told my dad that while I feel sorry for his wife, it isn’t my responsibility to drop everything and look after children who aren’t even mine.
I also told him that if he’s going to insult my family, then he shouldn’t expect to walk me down the aisle. I know my choice of words could have been kinder, however, I don’t think it’s fair to impose the responsibility of looking after kids on me when I’ve made the decision to not have any.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sorry your sister-in-law didn’t plan her leg break around your schedule? I don’t like kids, I don’t like watching kids. But if I was the ONLY person available to watch them because of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY, you bet your bippity I would.
And pawning your brother’s kids off to someone he’s never met before? Big nope. I’d get your reaction if he and his wife wanted a spur-of-the-moment date night, but you’ve basically told your whole family that you care more for the mall than you do for them during their time of need. Nice.” PoisonOfKings
Another User Comments:
“What does the size of your house have to do with watching your niece and nephew for a couple of hours, it’s not like he asked you to take them in forever. It was a medical emergency. I thought they were babies but they are 9 and 7 you can actually take them with you to the mall without any inconvenience to you, just let them walk or run in front of you.
9&7-year-olds are independent kids and you don’t have to be a helicopter aunt while they are with you. You are selfish and entitled. YTJ.” fatsoq8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So as a parent I 100% agree with your brother’s emotions. If you couldn’t take his children you should have said so upfront.
Leaving kids with someone who is a stranger to the parents without permission is really messed up, also why could you not bring the kids with you to the mall? Or ya know just not go to the mall?” whatthefuuuudge
20. AITJ For Telling My Brother His New Partner Is A Downgrade?
“My (28F) brother Mike (33M) was married to Lisa (31F) for 4 years until last year when he was caught being unfaithful with Penny (29F).
My ex-SIL was reserved, sweet, and was straight edge (no drinking). Mike loves to party and went to court-ordered rehab before he was even 21. When Mike met Lisa he sobered up, got an apprenticeship, and really turned his life around. He also threw that all away on Penny.
Penny knew he was married, she got him intoxicated and that is how the unfaithfulness started. Penny is loud, disgusting, obnoxious, and encourages my brother to drink, he thinks she is just soooo fun and ‘the life of the party’.
We were at a family party this past weekend and Mike and Penny were there.
Some cousins we hadn’t seen in years were there and were introduced to Penny. Mike introduced her as his “upgrade”. Cue major side eye from me, my brother noticed and pulled me aside later.
He asked why the attitude – Penny was clearly an ‘upgrade’.
I asked him to explain that comment. She’s blonde, curvy, and fun whereas Lisa “looked like a librarian with no chest”. I decided to clear things up for him. Penny is obnoxious, rude, slovenly, her hair is poorly bleached and she smells like fungus. No one looks at her like a prize to be won.
No one is jealous of him (which he thinks they are? His best friend won’t even talk to him anymore because Penny made a dead baby joke to his wife after a miscarriage).
I let him know that he actually chose drinking over his ex, Penny just encouraged him to do it because she had a crush on him for years.
He called me a jerk, I told him “samesies”.
Pretty sure I am the jerk on this one tbh.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In most cases I would say the comment would not have been appropriate, but given the history that you mention. You gave him your honest opinion and had every right to share your disgust over his behavior and actions.” Wolflmg
Another User Comments:
“Idk about being a jerk but let’s not pretend Penny “got your brother intoxicated.” He’s a grown man who knows the consequences of drinking. Maybe he and Penny aren’t good for each other, but he made the decision to drink, and to be unfaithful/leave his ex.
Blaming her is kind of a jerk move. Who knows what his relationship with his ex was like behind closed doors, or if he/they was/were happy. I doubt partying will be a long-term improvement, but unless Penny held a gun to his head and said drink, you’ve got to reevaluate the situation.” dan420
Another User Comments:
“Going with everyone’s a jerk. Your brother is an adult and makes his own decisions. Penny might not be a good influence and is clearly not a good person, but you are blaming her for your brother’s addiction and acting like she forced his hand, when it’s clearly a longstanding issue for him.
Penny may be a mess but nobody forced your brother to relapse or be unfaithful to his wife. That’s on him, he is the one who should have removed himself from the entire situation before it happened and he didn’t. To be clear, you’re not a jerk for calling her out for the dead baby stuff, that is deplorable and she’s a horrible human.
But let’s not pretend your brother is some helpless, naive baby who was led astray. He is the one to blame here and it sounds like he and Penny deserve each other.” SinsOfKnowing
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter See Her Grandmother After Discovering She Made False Claims About Me?
“My daughter’s grandmother is an important figure in my daughter’s life, who is 4.
To make a long story short, my daughter’s dad made some poor choices, got in legal trouble, and chose to not be around. He was abusive, so in order to leave, I moved 12 hours away and started life over with our daughter who just turned 1 at the time.
The grandmother in question is his mom. She would watch my daughter for 4 days while I worked all day (was a server) and I would have her the other 3 days. This schedule was like that for 1.5 years. I got very little in child support, so I had to work.
Her father was supposed to carry her health insurance but didn’t, so his mom got it through WIC. We had a power of attorney so she could make medical choices or have my daughter seen while needed in her care. For the past 1.5 years, I have had my daughter full-time and she sees her grandmother about once a month.
So today, I finally saw my daughter’s medical records because I now carry her insurance and I am livid! My daughter’s grandmother was basically building a case claiming I don’t feed my daughter (she has always been on the small side weight-wise but tall), has fleas on her, claimed every bruise was from me hurting her, I chose internet men over her (I met my partner through an app, the only guy I went out with from online), said I never want her, she made claims that I have bipolar, and called me a heavy drinker.
The reason for that visit was due to her coming from my house and her grandmother immediately wanted her checked for mistreatment. The pediatrician did call cps that visit, but nothing came from it on my end. I don’t think the doctors believed her because they always said in their plan afterward that her bruising on her shins was normal for toddlers climbing and such, and her weight was fine because she was still growing according to her.
I confronted her grandmother very respectfully and she said the doctor asked her those things. I called her pediatrician and they confirmed that her grandmother said all those things. I’m furious that she lied to me, never told me these things, made them up, to try to get her.
My daughter was supposed to go to her house this weekend but now isn’t. She violated my trust and betrayed me. I feel bad for my daughter because she loves her grandmother, but now I can’t trust if she will do anything or not.
So AITJ for no longer letting my daughter see her grandmother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ— why on earth would you let her see your kid after that? She’s not a sweet granny who helped you out and made a mistake. She played that role in order to frame you AND STEAL YOUR KID.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This lady essentially tried to falsely accuse you of multiple crimes, all while essentially trying to “legally” kidnap your child. Your 4-year-old may be unable to understand such toxicity at her age and thus be sad, but trust me, she will be far better off without such toxicity present.
Her grandmother already lied about it once, meaning she hasn’t given up on stealing your daughter. I would advise not letting her anywhere near your child for the foreseeable future (or forever). Additionally, I would advise lawyering up if you have the ability to, or at least seeking some type of counsel, as things can go sideways very fast. Her building a case against you is an absolutely massive red flag, and there is 0 worth in ever considering her “an ally”, as she has no interest in what is best for you and your daughter… She just wants to keep “blood in the family”, she doesn’t care about the mom who isn’t her criminal son.” Judgemental_Panda
18. AITJ For Refusing To Photograph My Stingy Friend's Wedding?
“I’m an avid aurora hunter and own 3 grand in camera equipment for that and bird photos.
Recently my friend approached me to ask me to take photos of their wedding. I really don’t want to do it because he is as cheap as can be and though he offered me $1000 to do it I doubt I would ever get paid, plus I’m not a professional wedding photographer.
He said they charge too much and he was happy with the quality of my photos. We met years ago and he threw a BBQ where everyone brought their own food and drinks for him to grill and he showed up at another friend’s birthday party and gifted them the same gift he got from his aunt 4 months before (I was the only one at both parties and never said anything).
When we went camping with a group he disappeared every time everyone was fueling up so he wouldn’t have to pay for any gas.
He’s a good guy but is definitely stingy about money so I don’t trust that he would pay me even a peanut.
Rather than have him pay me I asked them to help me with my fence posts (weekend job) which he agreed to. We were supposed to measure and bury the posts after a bobcat came and dug the spots. Anyway he was supposed to come 2 weeks ago (we had planned a month beforehand) and said he was busy, okay so we postponed for last week and he said again he was busy with the wedding (which was for May) so I asked my brother to help (we got the posts done already).
Then I told him I wasn’t going to shoot the wedding and they had enough time to find someone else.
He got really upset over the phone and began arguing that I was backing off from my promise to help him and I argued he agreed to help me with the posts 2 weeks ago and then next week and canceled on both.
He argued he would help me next spring AFTER the wedding was done and I asked him if he thought the holes would be okay being left all winter (it rains all winter). He said well he can’t trust that I will shoot his wedding to his satisfaction.
I told him I probably couldn’t shoot to his satisfaction so it was best we void the agreement so he doesn’t have to help me with my fence and I won’t shoot his wedding. He agreed until he realized he would have to pay someone else and tried to borrow my camera for his sister to take photos with to which I said no. He got angry and told me if I needed help to ask someone else and I said okay and he hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He clearly just wants to use you/not pay you. “I wanted to wait till after the wedding because your photos may not be to my satisfaction” essentially says he had zero intention of holding up his end of the agreement.
He probably would have taken the photos and just come up with a myriad of reasons to not hold up his end of the deal. Bullet dodged.” sammablamblam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him you’ll shoot the wedding if, and only if, he signs a contract specifying what he will pay you for your service, and what you’ll provide in return.
If he doesn’t want a contract because “you’re bros”, move on. There was just a viral story about a guy who wasn’t even allowed to eat at a wedding he was shooting (I believe he was even a guest before being asked to photograph), and he ended up leaving and deleting the whole roll.
Weddings make people giant jerks (source: former wedding professional), don’t play into their games.” innocentsubterfuge
You did the right thing.
17. AITJ For Reporting My Coworkers' Secret Relationship To Our Boss?
“The company I work for, supervisors can’t be in a relationship with people under them and so on as you go higher in the company. We all know this, it’s in the training.
A few months back I started to notice strange things between Anna and Drew (fake names). As an example, they would stand close together and whisper about things. Then it came to her coming in on her day off to get something and oh now he’s going to take a break as she’s leaving.
Now they’re taking the same days off and doing the same thing. I even saw him give her money? She complains about not wanting to do one thing but wants to do another so he lets her do what she wants.
Now my best friend who works with us started to see things while I wasn’t there and has told me that Anna gets in Drew’s car and they park somewhere while he’s on lunch.
Her car is in the parking lot then when Drew comes back Anna is seen walking to her car from Drew’s. So we put it together.
Anna and Drew have been in a relationship for almost a year and have “hid” it from everyone.
I’m a supervisor like Drew and Jack. Jack is Anna’s best friend. Jack knew about it from the start. Now let me get to the ages. Drew is a 27M, Jack 25M, me 23F, and drumroll please…. Anna is 18F. I find it creepy in many ways.
So once I found out that Drew and Anna were an item I literally told Jack “you should’ve told boss lady about this” and he has the nerve to say, “well if I wasn’t gay, I would be in a relationship with her.”
I also found out that Anna’s parents don’t know about Drew and Drew doesn’t want Anna to meet his family, so that’s also a red flag besides the ages and the fact that he is her boss. I want to look out for her because I don’t want anything to happen to her in any way negatively.
Being in a relationship with someone under you is reason to get fired or transferred. We all know this. So when I told our boss, she literally said “you’ve got to be kidding me.” Drew has a past with this and we all know this and it makes me uncomfortable.
I heard and hear a lot of bad things that he has done and I couldn’t stand it so I told our boss. So AITJ for doing what I think is right and telling our boss that they are in a relationship? Or should I have kept my mouth shut?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I would have said everyone is a jerk here (and to mind your own business, gently) if you were on Anna’s level, but you’re a supervisor. You have to report something like this. You’re right, the age difference is a little odd, and of course there’s a reason why supervisors aren’t supposed to be in a relationship with people under them.
Also, why is this policy in place, knowing he’s done this before, and yet he keeps managing to do it? Y’all need a better punishment system lol. He knew what he was doing.” drekiaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there’s a reason why this is a rule.
It’s so bosses can’t assault their employees and chalk it up to “being in a relationship”. What if she wants out of the relationship? He could hold her position over her head and force her to keep “being in a relationship” with him for her job.
You did the right thing.” huskeya4
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My College Friend Rent A Room In My Inherited House?
“I (29F) recently inherited a house from my aunt who passed away unexpectedly a few months ago. The house is pretty big (5bdrm) and is in a nice area of a really expensive city. My aunt wasn’t rich but she bought it 40 years ago when house prices weren’t so insane.
My husband (35M) and our 8-month-old baby boy don’t live in this city, as we considered it unaffordable, but seeing as I’ve inherited this house have decided to keep it and live there rather than sell it.
I have a friend I’ll call Darren (30M) who I went to college with, who lives in the city we are moving to, found out about the house situation and asked if he could move in and rent one of the bedrooms. Darren is from a wealthy family but since leaving college has refused to rent his own place or room, and instead he will crash on people’s couches and travel around in a van he has converted…
hashtag van life type of life apparently.
Anyway, I’ve said no. Not because I have an issue with him, or because we don’t have the space, but I have a family now and with our relatively new baby we would like our space and private time.
If I’d got this house when I was still in college or rooming with people then I’d have no issue but that’s not my life anymore. My husband said he doesn’t want to live with some random guy I went to college with. My friends are split on whether I’m being selfish but I think most agree with me.
Darren got all upset and said “you didn’t even buy the house and didn’t do anything for it”. Like I know I am privileged to inherit a house but my aunt worked hard to buy it and keep it nice and at the end of the day I’d rather have my much-loved family member back than a house.
So yeah that upset me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you never have to let a friend move in with you, especially after he was rude when you refused. It does not matter how much space you have or whether you inherited it or not.
Also seems like he chooses to not have a place so it’s not like he is homeless.” Lady_Ellie119
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has no respect for you or your property. Calling you privileged and saying you did nothing to work for it just shows how little he will respect you as the homeowner and roommate, should that occur.
Regardless of it being inherited, homeownership is a financial investment and dude is just dead weight.” AnastasiaRomani
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His attitude when you said no also reinforces why you should not rent to him. You have a family. You’re not a share house.
What’s next? He moves in. Eats your food. Doesn’t contribute to bills. Invites his friends over and Makes you feel like an intruder in your own home. He has no self-responsibility, he won’t even rent a place himself. You would be inviting a mooch into your life.
Plus, your husband gets a say too. Tell your friends they can let him live with them.” Status-Pattern7539
15. AITJ For Leaving My Daughter Behind Because She Refused To Dress Appropriately For A Wedding?
“My wife and I have 3 daughters (19, 24, & 28).
Our youngest, Jill, just started community college this year while our 2 oldest have moved away to start their careers. Jill still lives with my wife and me as she is attending college locally and this saves her money. This past weekend we were invited to my niece’s (and goddaughter’s) wedding a couple of hours away.
The dress code was semi-formal so men were expected to wear suits and women in dresses.
As we were getting ready to leave, Jill was taking her sweet time getting ready and I was kind of nagging at her to get going. She had been out late the night before with friends and I’m sure she was feeling the effects of that.
When she was finally ready to go, she was wearing some kind of black, spaghetti strap halter-top thing with leggings.
I told her that was not an appropriate outfit for her cousin’s wedding and that she needs to change into something else. She told me she doesn’t have anything else to wear and that I don’t get to police what she’s wearing.
I told her that judging by the amount of dirty clothes on her floor and in her closet, she clearly has other options, she just didn’t plan ahead enough to figure something out. I told her it was disrespectful to her cousin, the bride, to wear something too revealing and tacky to their wedding.
Jill called me a jerk and said no one is going to care what she’s wearing and if people focus on her clothes more than the bride, that’s their problem, not hers. I told her in that case, how she is getting to the wedding is her problem, not mine.
She asked what that meant and I told her that if that’s what she wants to wear, she is going to have to find her own way to the wedding because I am not going to arrive with my daughter looking like she is about to hit a club at 2 am instead of attending her cousin’s wedding.
My wife chimed in at this point and told us both to calm down. She told me I was being overbearing, but also told Jill that she did not agree with her choice of attire either and reminded her this is a semi-formal event. She told Jill she would help her find a different option that would be better suited for this.
Jill scoffed at that and went to her room and closed the door. I went and knocked and told her she has 15 minutes to be ready or we are leaving without her. She yelled at me that I was being a jerk so I went outside to wait and after 20 minutes I went inside and Jill was still in her room.
I told my wife that I am leaving and she can either come with me now, or she and Jill can figure out their own plans.
My wife asked what Jill is supposed to do and I said she can take an Uber for all I care at this point.
My wife reluctantly left with me and I could tell she felt guilty about the whole thing. Jill ended up not coming to the wedding and both she and my wife blame me for it. I don’t think I was the jerk here though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re exactly right: leggings and a halter top are not appropriate to wear at a wedding that is set to semi-formal attire. It shows disrespect to the bride, and it’s embarrassing for you as well. The people saying that you have no right to say “I’m not taking you unless you change” have a double standard.
They want to say that Jill is an adult and can wear what she wants/make her own choices, but they still don’t believe that Jill should face the consequence of her own choices, and also take on that adult responsibility of having to figure out how to get to an event.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know that a lot of people will start going on about what a woman wears, but this is about not being up to the dress code. And while your daughter had the right to wear what she wanted, you also had the right not to be associated with her decisions on what she wanted to wear.
You disagreed with her apparel and as such you weren’t going to help her be disrespectful to her cousin by not going with the dress code. I put this in a similar category as if your daughter had decided to wear a white dress to the wedding.
Yeah there’s no law preventing it but that doesn’t mean you have to assist in her decisions. And if she’s big enough to decide what she wants to wear she’s big enough to call an Uber.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Listen, I am an out and proud feminist, and I will always rail against people policing and picking apart the type of clothing that women choose to wear.
That being said, a person hosting a private event has every right to adopt a dress code, and if you don’t want to listen to that dress code, then you don’t have to go to the event. It is disrespectful to show up dressed inappropriately.
You absolutely did the right thing. NTJ. Although your daughter may not appreciate it at the moment, you saved her from looking like an idiot and embarrassing herself.” Immediate-Pie3391
14. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Constantly Talks About His "Best Times" With Another Woman?
“He and I have been together for 5 years (me 38f, him 40m).
When we got together he regaled me with many fun stories of his late high school/early college years. He had a female friend he was very close with and they had a lot of adventures together.
Backpacking, getting lost in various cities, sneaking into concerts, etc. They both were young adrenaline junkies apparently.
The only issue is, he has continued talking about her and their adventures through our years together. Not constantly of course, but many times. And keep in mind, all this happened 20 years ago.
I’ve never asked him to stop telling his stories. The only thing I’ve ever felt is maybe a mild confusion at times as to why he’s still telling these old stories (to me, to our friends). I had lots of fun times years ago too but I can’t say I even think of those times much, and I very rarely would recount them to other people.
He never sees those people anymore (they’ve long ago moved on, gotten married, etc….he’s lost track of them over the years). Since then, he’s graduated from college, developed his career, gotten married, had 2 children, gotten divorced, had a few relationships, met me 5 years ago (and we’ve done lots of fun things together….nothing “risky”, but we are adults and we’ve had good times).
Here is where the present-day problem has come in: lately I noticed him talking (ex 3 times leading up to Christmas) about that girl he knew and various adventures. Little references. But I finally asked him why he keeps talking about her even now 20 years later.
He told me it’s because those were the best times of his life. That those times made him into who he is now. And he MISSES those times deeply. He’s never felt anything like that since. He said he’s had good times but absolutely nothing (including me) has been really memorable to the degree those few years with those people (and especially that girl, who he was closest to) were.
Not even his marriage. None of the things we’ve done together either. He said it’s normal…that we are now adults and we are basically more-or-less just “putting in time” in life. I personally DON’T feel I’m just putting in time with him and he’s a very significant event in my life.
I got upset and told him that’s sad. He’s a middle-aged man still holding on to glory days from 20 years ago and he’s never experienced anything close to that since. And I felt hurt and insulted. He said I’m being unreasonable and that of course new fun experiences when he was young and free and “wild” would surpass experiences he’s had with me (ho-hum adulting).
AITJ for telling him to stop telling me his old stories?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be hurt and upset too if my partner was recounting these stories and he said nothing compares. Like, what?! I know you’ve been together for 5 years, but if he is still holding a torch for this woman, then can he ever really be happy with you and his life now?
Actually, what you need to ask yourself, is if you can continue to live like this. You should be the best thing in his life. Don’t let yourself be someone’s second best. You’re better than that.” heymallorie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he’s having a mid-life crisis.
He could have another 40/50 years on this earth. How sad to think that he won’t enjoy them. He needs to face facts, face his age, and stop looking at his youth through rose-tinted glasses or he’ll drive you away.” walnutwithteeth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s sad as anything he doesn’t like the life he chose of monogamy and children.
I personally love adventure and think children are boring as anything, so I don’t have any kids and I do adventures. My guess is you also have your own kids, and he’s just completely bogged down by the obligation of both sets of kids and has truly given up his dream life.
I’d divorce him and find someone whose dream life was to raise kids.” iwanttoquitposting
13. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom's Classist Attitude Towards My Partner?
“My (22M) mom (40) and my dad (40) came from different backgrounds, while my dad’s not a millionaire his family is well-off and my dad has been able to carry that stability while working in the family business.
My mom’s family on the other hand grew and stayed poor, she was able to get out of that after college and, while her family mostly sucks, she’s still in contact with them. Since they got pregnant right after high school, my grandparents took them in and paid for both of their universities so they’ll be debt-free.
My dad has a best friend who has a daughter, Ivy (22F, my partner), we grew up together and we began to get close when we were 15 but only started to properly be together at 16. For some reason my mom doesn’t like her as my partner but she likes her as a ”family friend” and as a ”niece”, she thinks that Ivy is ”holding me back” and that she’ll use me for money.
Ivy’s family is like my mom’s, her dad works for my dad and she’s currently going to fashion school, which my mom hardly disapproves of and is always hinting I can ”do better” and that maybe we should ”stay friends”.
She’s also against me spending money on Ivy, she’s always asking me how much the things I buy her are (I mostly buy her flowers, fabric for her clothes and jewelry, she doesn’t let me take the bills and rent for our apartment, we mostly split the checks and go out and she is uncomfortable if I buy her anything else because she knows my mom is always asking).
She believes that Ivy has to be able to take care of herself just like ”she did”. I tried to ignore her as much as I could but last weekend I went home for dinner and I was talking about the things I want to buy for Christmas when my sister told me that I could buy my partner a designer dress, bag or shoes since she’s into fashion and she doesn’t own anything like that.
Mind you, this is my personal money, it’s not like my parents will give me some cash to buy everyone something, this is important because my mom said that I shouldn’t spend that much money on her and that it was about time I start to be more careful with my finances.
I was fed up and I told her that she had to stop trying to control me and my money, and that she isn’t better than Ivy because one of the reasons she’s successful and stable now, is because my dad and his family were able to provide for us while being young parents and that she isn’t some ”superwoman” who handled everything herself and to stop acting so classist because there’s only one real rich person in the house and it’s neither of us.
My family supports me but before leaving I saw her crying in her room and I felt bad because she’s not prone to cry.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow this is a tough one – I could easily go any of the 4 ways, but going to go.
No jerks here. As a son of a wealthy (ish) family I used to think my parents had similar classist thoughts, but I realized later in life they were just on high alert for potential gold diggers. It’s a natural instinct to protect your child from people who might use/abuse them.
I also understand why you snapped. Your mother’s overprotectiveness was coming across as a very negative attitude to your partner, and infantilising to you. So your reaction, while over the top, feels justified. So in conclusion, while everyone could have handled themselves better. Everyone is trying to come at things from the right place and there are no jerks here.” Elcapitan2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your mom was crying because you hit a nerve. Sometimes people who’ve risen financially and in stability feel a real need to negate that background. But also I think maybe some of her attitude comes from her family where she’s probably seen a lot of people make choices that contributed to poverty and dysfunction generationally.
And even if she’s wrong in her attitude and behavior it may be fear-based as well as classist. That said, you weren’t out of line. Sounds like she needed a mirror held up.” Pistalrose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s tough to see your parent cry and know you caused it but from the sounds of it she’s crossed the line many times and this was the final straw.
She’s crying because the truth hurts and it needed to be heard. What you need to do from here to not be the jerk is sit down with her (when everyone is calmer) and say to her that you want to set boundaries on what she has a say in and explain to her that if she doesn’t stop this could be the downfall of your relationship.” holden204
12. AITJ For Not Standing Up To My Partner's Homophobic Grandpa During A Family Dinner?
“So I (28F) have been in a relationship with my partner (29F) for 4 years now.
She comes from a religious family with a patriarchal figurehead, in this story, it’s Grandpa. He’s getting older and his health is getting worse quickly, so no one calls him out when he’s having a “Senior Moment”. Think ‘The gays are ruining America!’ kinda rants.
My partner has asked me specifically not to say anything during his tangents as if you say anything negative to him the entire family will turn against you. Her family loves me and accepts me as one of their own. Also, the whole family knows about our relationship except for Grandpa.
She loves her family so much, so she doesn’t want her relationship with them to be damaged over something that’s not going to be a problem for much longer. (They think he maybe has a year to live). It upsets her that her Grandpa is like this but knows it’s just his old age.
While it annoys me to no end, I keep my mouth shut. At the end of the day, if I speak up, my partner’s family relationship suffers and I don’t want to hurt her like that.
This is where my partner’s brother (Charlie, 25M) and his partner of 5 months (Cassie, 26F) come in.
Prior to this story Cassie and I got along great. She was very supportive of me and my partner. She’s very headstrong and we can see why she matched with Charlie.
We were at a big family dinner as everyone was visiting for the holidays.
About halfway into the dinner, Grandpa started ranting as usual and Cassie, apparently unaware of what he’s like, called him out on it. Things quickly escalated into a full-blown argument and things got awkward. Names were thrown, slurs were said. It wasn’t pretty.
I was waiting for it to be over until Cassie called on me to help support her in the argument. I panicked. I know my partner doesn’t want me involved so I just told Cassie to calm down and asked the Grandpa about his model painting.
It worked and he started talking away about his hobby. For the rest of the dinner, Cassie and Charlie were glaring daggers at me.
Cassie and Charlie confronted me after dinner was over. They called me a jerk for not supporting her and standing up to his awful behavior.
I asked why Charlie didn’t tell her what Grandpa was going to be like. I expressed how upset I was that she tried to drag me into it, but they didn’t care. They stormed off in a huff.
I feel bad that it worked out like that.
She was only trying to defend me and my partner which I am grateful for. I didn’t want to upset my partner but also it might have been my one chance to stand up to Grandpa.
My partner’s mom and dad both appreciated me defusing the tension (Santa’s going to be extra nice to us this year because of it, according to the mom) but a part of me still really wanted to help Cassie out.
As expected they have soft-blocked Charlie and Cassie and they’ve been told to apologize before Christmas, or their gifts will be donated to charity.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandpa isn’t going to change and he also isn’t going to be around much longer.
I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but leave him be. He can take his hate to the grave with him. Changing the subject and diffusing the situation was the right way to deal with it, IMO.” Lindseyh911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the idea that the whole family is just a-ok with subjecting you and your partner to his homophobic rants makes them the jerks.
They should at least tell him to shut up and stop talking about social issues during a family event and just enjoy it like a normal person.” Jaeger010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you handled it gracefully and diffused the situation. Cassie is probably upset because she felt that she was defending you and she was the one who ended up being crapped upon.
INFO: Who does Grandpa think you are and why does he think you’re there at all these family events?” Unable_Researcher_26
11. AITJ For Snapping At Uninvited Guests At My Grandma's Birthday Party?
“My grandma’s 85th birthday party turned into a disaster.
I invited our close family (6 people) to a barbecue at our house (I live with my grandma) but my relatives brought 17 people total without telling me about it. They basically all showed up at the same time.
We had to scramble for food because I had prepared enough for about 8 people and I live in an isolated area where there aren’t any shops. We didn’t have enough to drink and even the cake was pretty small so people only got a small sliver.
My grandma got tired really fast and went to bed, she’s not used to so many people asking for her attention.
I ended up entertaining 17 people, out of which there were 4 I’d never met (my grandma’s relatives from her sister’s side). Of course, I was very stressed out and upset because of the unexpected guests.
I am not very social in general and usually I have to deal with relatives only on important holidays.
So when people started grilling me about my life and my plans with the property, I was very short with my answers. I’m almost 40 and single and one of the relatives I don’t know kept telling me that I need a husband to help me, because as a woman I won’t be capable of managing everything.
The property is pretty big and I am turning part of it into a market garden – a lot of work, but I love it.
So when that woman I just met started commenting, I snapped at her to deal with her own life and I will deal with mine.
This led to her two children criticizing me about not being able to manage the guests I have over and other similar stuff.
I told them that I didn’t invite them and that whoever invited them over should deal with them, and left. I locked myself in my room and told them I will go back when the uninvited guests were gone.
My mom apologized for bringing so many people over without telling me. My aunt on the other hand was really angry and yelled at me for letting them deal with the “guests you have in your house”.
My grandma is upset because the relatives complained about my behavior, but she doesn’t know the details of the situation.
So, am I the jerk for snapping at my uninvited guests?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who shows up with 17 uninvited guests to someone’s birthday with no forewarning or food and drinks? You have every right to feel put out. Your mother and aunt were rude and inconsiderate and put you in a bind and wore your poor grandma out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your aunt you plan to invite random strangers to any event she hosts in the future. That’ll shut her up. I would apologize to your grandmother, explain the situation, and then I would tell the family in the future you will not be hosting any events.” Fluid-Tree-7798
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this was very uncouth. I couldn’t imagine showing up anywhere with 17 uninvited guests with no additional refreshments. I will say that I doubt the guests knew that they would put so much burden on you. I’m sure whoever invited them said it would be okay.
But I can’t exactly blame you for snapping, especially on a person you just met asking you invasive questions. I really can’t believe your aunt acting surprised that you were upset. She’s really outta pocket for that.” Ok_Pomegranate3775
10. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Despite My Mom's Condition?
“I’m 19 years old, male. I want to move out of my parents’ home, but here is the problem.
Back in February, my mother had a terrible stroke that ruined her memory and left her paralyzed on the right side. I have been nursing her whenever I had the chance since then, but I want to move away because of the toxic environment I am in.
This is mainly my dad, who is a deadbeat. Both of my parents were very controlling helicopter parents, and I feel like I didn’t live my youth properly. I want to work again and be independent again, so I won’t be hit with my parents’ “as long as you live on our money, you do what we say” nonsense.
I also feel like I can’t do anything with them in the house. I can’t have plans because if my dad wants to go out and drink, I am supposed to stay home and take care of my mom, because she can’t be left alone.
If I want to go anywhere, I have to give a million explanations and they often don’t even allow me. They always have something to say about absolutely anything and always jump to ridiculous conclusions. “Mom I want a face cream” followed by “why do you even need it, are you gay, are you bringing guys to my house?”.
My dad is also terrible. On top of being a psychopath, you can’t talk to him about anything, because he is always sarcastic and arrogant. It’s driving me nuts. I want to take good care of my hair, skin, start being vegetarian, remake my sleep schedule.
And I feel like I can’t do any of those here. About taking care of my appearance, no because it means I’m gay (I came out to them). Being vegetarian, “why, isn’t our food good enough? Why are you wasting our money with your games?” Fix my sleep schedule?
No because if I wake up earlier than usual, that definitely means I didn’t sleep all night and I get a lecture. My dad also forced me to go college, even though I was not sure which degree option to choose, so I proposed to stay home for a year and work until I decide.
No, my dad threatened to kick me out if I didn’t go to college right now, and I chose pedagogy, a degree that I see as useless, on a whim, out of the pressure to choose something, and I still resent him for this. I did not attend a single course at all so far, and uni started in September.
My family members say that if I move, I am leaving mom alone, and my dad wants to start working again. I have no reason to leave, because I “have everything I want here”, I am “abandoning my mom”, etc. This is really getting under my skin, because if I leave and my dad starts working, my mom will be in the hands of my grandma, who my mom hates, and my aunt, her sister, who works and has a baby, and an abusive husband which already stress her.
I feel guilty for not going to courses after my parents paid the tax too. I didn’t get to live my high school years because my mom was controlling me, and now at 19, I am supposed to nurse her and go to college by force?
I just want to live my life again, but I feel so selfish. Am I a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to move out. You’re clearly struggling at home and it’s unreasonable to expect you to give up your life for your mom especially when she has your dad.
As for school, you should go to academic advising and see if anything can be done about the money you spent and your degree choice. Hopefully, you can switch to something you care more about that will feel useful.” Gogowhine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you feel like your life is unfulfilled, you gotta do something about it.
Not living with your parents doesn’t necessarily mean you’re abandoning your mom. Nothing is stopping you from coming back to visit besides your parents’ general bad attitude. Also whenever family members feel like sharing their two cents about how you need to take care of your mom, say she’s willing to accept their help too, or if they want they can pitch in financially to get a home health care person to take care of her while your dad works.” Endmenao
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have been there, man. Get out and find your peace. Your responsibility is not to your mom at this point. You absolutely did all you could, but now it’s time to run. It is time to make more of life.
One day if you want, you can take your mom into your home. But this won’t even be an option if you don’t save yourself. I ran. I’m now happily out and free. No matter what, never give up.” tossedthrowawayday
9. AITJ For Not Paying For My Partner's Meal At An Expensive Restaurant?
“I have a partner Glenda who I’ve been seeing for about 5 months. We’re pretty much inseparable and are constantly spending time at each other’s places. Overall, I’m definitely the more frugal of us two. I detest spending on anything unnecessary and am very particular with my budget (so I can save up for an owned home, which both of us have agreed on as a goal as a couple if we were to get married eventually plus our eventual wedding which we’ve started planning).
She’s a lot more liberal with her wallet. We often treat each other to meals all the time, although recently I’ve stopped ordering food deliveries for us when we’re together and just cook (which I’m quite good at and she thus has no complaints) every time we meet each other, saving us both money on that account.
We just take turns covering our monthly outing.
Earlier my rich friend Larry invited me, my sister, and a mutual friend to visit an art auction at a fancy hotel across town. I invited Glenda along too since Larry was eager to meet her and I had thoughts of visiting the art auction with her as well.
While planning to visit the show in the afternoon, earlier that morning, Larry said he would pick us up earlier since he booked a reservation for the restaurant at the hotel. Glenda came over a little earlier to my place so Larry could bring us over.
Glenda then asked me who would be paying. This was Larry’s idea so I was under the impression that he would. She warned me that this particular restaurant was expensive.
It apparently wasn’t the casual dining coffee shop by the lobby, but the formal fine dining restaurant — not what I expected from a restaurant named “Orient Garden Cafe.” After we ate, Larry asked for the bill.
While this was happening I texted him under the table how much it would come out to per person with plans to Venmo him since this obviously was going to cost a lot more than anyone expected.
Unfortunately, when the bill came, his jaw dropped at the final price.
The meal ended up costing each of us around 6 times as much as the average restaurant meal. He handed his credit card to the server and then asked everybody how we would split this while looking at the bill.
My sister (who had some funds from my parents) gave him cash straight up for me and herself.
My partner Glenda asked Larry straight up what his Venmo was as well so she could pay her portion. I let all of this happen since the entire amount was also more than expected and I did not have enough cash in my wallet or my Venmo account — I still would have to transfer from my bank account which would process the next day.
Glenda later made some remarks commenting about how glad she was that Larry didn’t end up covering the entire thing as that would be embarrassing since she already knew how expensive this place would be (she ate there with family often as it was in her hometown), while laughing at us since it seemed like she was the only one who knew how much it cost to go.
Later on, my mother found out about what happened and said I was being a terrible partner for not paying for her. She said it would be ridiculously inconsiderate of me to not pay her share after inviting her to such an expensive place, further tacking on that I should be covering for her even more because she recently lost her job (she used to work in investment banking earning 2x what I did but she quit because it was killing her).
My mother said if I can’t afford to treat her every time she would give me funds to pay for Glenda.
I later found out that my sister was given cash by my mother since it was actually my mother’s idea for us all to eat at that place.
She told her to bring the idea up to Larry (and so it was not actually his idea to eat there).
I think my mom might be a little overbearing, though I do know that she has good intentions, as one of her friend’s sons was recently broken up with because he would always take his S/O to expensive places and go Dutch.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay so, you’ve stopped paying for meals for her, but it sounds like she still does for you, and you’re the one who invited her to the fancy auction. Yeah for once you should pay for her meal. YTJ.” PretentiousPelican
Another User Comments:
“”Not paying for my partner’s meal” YTJ – 5 months is long enough and it was your friend and you who invited her. I have no idea what Larry was doing – invite people you don’t know to an expensive place and allow them to pay for it.
That’s really close to a jerk.” caw81
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You invited her to join you, and your friend is the one who chose the super fancy venue. Either you or your friend should have at least offered to pay. Nothing to do with gender or balance but everything to do with being conscious and courteous given all the factors.” BoldBraveBroken
8. AITJ For Telling My Wife That I'm Less Attracted To Her Now?
“My wife (F/30) and I (M/30) have been married for about a year and were together for 4 years prior to marriage. In the early years of being together, we both had more time and would exercise regularly, with her doing much more than myself at yoga and other classes.
Fast forward to 2019 and we’re both full tilt into our careers. Our schedules were jam-packed and exercise dropped right off.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I was able to use the time saved from commuting to spend more time on other things, such as exercise. I would talk to my wife about exercising, often using the words “we should or “you should” exercise more which made her feel pressured. She was waiting for in-person classes to resume.
In late 2020, my wife was trying on a sleeveless dress and asked me how she looked. I looked at her and told her that she looked good, though the arm holes did seem to be squeezing out her armpit fat. One thing led to another after that comment and it returned to our discussion about exercise and how I shouldn’t be pressuring her to do things.
A few months later she tried on another dress and asked me if her butt looked larger. I looked at her and said yes, that I thought her butt did look larger. We laughed at first and I thought that we could joke around. She extended me an out (PHat with a PH right?) which I promptly destroyed by saying no, it’s fat with an F.
She fairly said that even if I was joking, the way we’ve been talking about exercise meant that I do think she’s getting larger. We were quiet for the rest of the day but she was very upset and we probably talked for 3-4 hours into the night.
During this nighttime discussion, she asked me if I would be as physically attracted to her if she got larger. I said that if we were talking about purely physical attraction that yes, it would impact how much I am attracted to her. She then followed up by asking if I was less physically attracted to her now that she’s gained weight, relative to when we were first going out.
My response was that yes, I found her to be more physically attractive when we were first together, but only by a small margin. I tried to follow up with the fact that I was still very, very, attracted to her and that she was a very beautiful woman, but it was far too late.
So, ever since that night, my wife has been feeling bad about her body. It’s greatly affected our relationship as she no longer feels comfortable sharing her body with me. Her point is that she should be the most beautiful person to me, independent of how her body changes.
That our love should fill in the gaps of physical attraction even as our bodies change. I ruined things by telling her that she had become less physically attractive to me.
We’re feeling stuck because I want her to know that she is very attractive to me, but she is hurt and can only hear that she’s not as beautiful as before.
So far, my attempts at verbal affirmation and doing sweet things have not helped to make things better.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve been nothing but rude and tactless and now are acting like you don’t know why she’s wounded. You’ve been shallow, judgmental, and manipulative and then you compounded it with being mean.
You have a superiority complex over your own fitness and have crapped all over her self-esteem. You’re not “honest”, you’re a jerk.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Oh dear buddy, you really walked yourself into that one. I get you were trying to be honest but did you stop to think how she’d hear it?
You broke her trust by talking about her body and how it makes you feel when it wasn’t your place to. You can’t walk that back.” wiseoldsquirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked, and at some point you need to be honest. She hasn’t just given birth or has any medical conditions that would reasonably explain and make you a jerk for pointing out she’s gained weight.
She’s just gotten larger and complacent. It’s unfair to assume your love will fill in all the gaps, physical attraction is based on looks. It seems like you’ve made the effort to keep up your physical appearance and so should she. Make time to work out together or provide additional opportunities for her to attend classes or take time away in a separate room to do online classes.
Start cooking healthier meals. As long as you’re supporting her to lose weight healthily, I don’t see a problem with proactively saying something, rather than letting the issue fester. It hurts at the time, but it’s better for your long-term relationship.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Younger Sister To Hang Out With Me And My Long-Distance Partner?
“My (19F) partner (20) and I are in a long-distance relationship and since he lives in a catholic country and I live in an orthodox country, we don’t have holidays at the same time (For example, I celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January) so we get to see each other once or twice a year for about a week.
He stayed over at my house for a week in August (I still live with my parents).
My sister (12F) can be very clingy and openly says she hates it when I’m taken because that means she has to share me, but I also then get too soft according to her (For example, I smile too much, I hug her/cuddle her too much).
I’m not mad at her for it. She’s a child so both my partner and I try to include her as much as possible. Dedicating a day or two every time to take her somewhere so she doesn’t feel abandoned. (Example – we were at the pool from opening until closing and then got her ice cream)
However, she does not respect my privacy (never knocks, wakes us up, waits for us in my room) and demands that she spends every day with us.
One day my partner and I were home alone and decided to go out for dinner. Halfway to the restaurant I get a call from my sister, demanding I come back and pick her up since she just came home and wants to join us.
I told her we’re on a date and that I’ll take her out in a couple of days because my partner is flying back home soon. Moments later, I get a phone call from my mother, yelling at me for not taking my sister with us, saying we promised that we’ll take her out the day before and since that didn’t happen (Bad weather, we stayed inside) we should’ve taken her today.
I think I am the jerk because technically we did promise to take her out and I probably made her feel abandoned.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: it’s cute your sister loves to be with you. But at the same time, you need space.
Especially with your partner you need privacy and to enjoy time together. Also your mom’s a jerk for pushing you to spend time with her because it seems like she is pushing the responsibility of you taking care of her while your mom gets free time.” Necessary_String1971
Another User Comments:
“Ntj I’m sorry but I don’t find her behaviour cute at all, honestly for me it’s a red flag of the start of extremely unhealthy behaviour. The fact that your mother encourages her behaviour by calling you (ON YOUR DATE!) to tell you to take your sister (as if she is a rabid dog) instead of telling your sister to behave (because again she is 12 not 5) is worrisome.
In fact if I had acted that way my mom would have punished me (and rightfully so). Like I’m all for siblings loving each other but she’s 12, how long is this going to go on? If you move out are you still going to be expected to drop everything for her?
If you were to move in with your partner would it be expected that he has to put his life on hold to abide by your sister’s tantrums (because that’s what they are)?” _____—–_____1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister is unhealthily clingy. But you’re doing her a disservice by allowing her to be so attached whenever partner is not there.
Thus to her, his visits represent a huge change. You ought to slowly establish regular boundaries, encourage her to have her own friends she hangs out with, respect your privacy, etc.” TwoCentsPsychologist
6. AITJ For Lying To Help My Son Navigate His Social Commitments?
“My son (15) has a history of anxiety but has blossomed in the last couple of years socially, and now has two very different friend groups (his gaming friends that he played COD and stuff with during the past few years and now his more social friends who have cars, go to the movies, football games, etc.) I’ve always told him that if there is ever a time that he is in an uncomfortable situation he can always text me and I will help.
I primarily meant this as a “sorry guys my mom needs me to come home now” excuse if his friends were partying/experimenting with stuff.
Well, today a couple of his gaming friends came home from school with him, and they all were playing/hanging out in his room.
We ordered some food for them around 6. Shortly after, my son started texting me “mom please help me. They want to stay all night. I have plans with my other friends at 8. Can you tell them something to make them leave?”
At first I texted him back and said, “just tell them you have plans.
It’s no big deal. I can drive anyone who needs a ride home or whatever.” But he said he didn’t want to hurt their feelings AND I told him that if he ever needed my help getting out of an uncomfortable situation I would help him.” He said he needed that help now.
My husband read the texts and said, no, absolutely not, he needs to be able to figure out how to deal with these sorts of social situations himself and that I shouldn’t lie to make his “less cool” friends leave so he can go hang out with his “more cool” ones.
But my son texted me a whole bunch more times in the next couple of minutes pleading with me for help. So around 6:30 I went up to his room and told them “I don’t mean to be the jerk here, but my son promised me he’d do a couple of chores for me tonight and so everyone needs to go home by 7:00.”
They all had some more food and then left, said goodnight and went on their way. And – I think this is important here – I DID make my son do a couple of the chores he’d been putting off for the week. So I didn’t really lie.
He did chores for me before his other friends came to get him at 8.
My husband was NOT happy about this. He disagrees and says my son is too old now for mommy to be helping him like this. That these boys are going to be hurt if they see my son went out without them.
I don’t necessarily disagree, but I feel like I made this big deal in the past about saying “if you ever need my help I’ve got your back,” and my son called me on it. If I hadn’t helped him now, there might be some time in the future when it is more serious and he needs my help but doesn’t bother asking for it because of this.
I also don’t plan on making a habit of this.
Also, I think my husband is upset about it because he sees himself at that age and sees my son dumping his gaming friends to go out with his “cooler” friends and probably identifies more with the gamers.
We don’t usually disagree so strongly about parenting our son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your husband is right. He needs to handle these types of social situations on his own without you bailing him out. You’re also right because in the moment was not the time to leave your son hanging.
That said, you need to have a conversation with your son explaining that part of growing up means handling tough situations with friends and being able to do it truthfully. Tell him that major situations involving illegal activity or something that’s not ok you will always have his back on.
Time to let your son grow up.” NorthernLitUp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – how many of us had a friend with a codeword and story to get out of a blind or online date that wasn’t going well? Or use husband/wife needs me, so sorry gotta go – from a party where you made a diplomatic appearance but don’t want to linger all night?
Just more of the same. Too bad for dad if he over-identifies with gamers – it’s not really the point. Son had plans, needed some assistance in wrapping up the prior ones.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Hubby is right that he needs to learn how to handle these types of situations but you’re also right for keeping a promise.
You need to have a conversation with your son about handling situations on his own but are still willing to bail him out of sketchy situations. If you had left him hanging he would have lost a lot of trust in you.” Majestic_Grocery7015
Your husband is right - your son needs to develop social skills in order to be able to handle situations like that, and if you keep jumping in and "saving" him, he never will learn. Sit back, help when it's NEEDED and not when your son makes a bad decision and doesn't want to accept the consequences.
5. AITJ For Keeping The Ranch Despite Grandpa's Last Minute Changes?
“Long ago my grandpa had a heart attack. My parents did everything they could, moved him from a public hospital to a private one, etc.
Some of my mom’s siblings had crossed illegally to the US and couldn’t come back to Mexico. They sent money, that was it. They knew my grandpa (THEIR DAD) was almost dying. And they chose to stay in the US and keep their jobs and lifestyles.
Grandpa survived but couldn’t work at the ranch anymore. He moved to the city.
The ranch was falling apart, animals starved, and my parents started to get involved. They had 3 cows; my grandpa and aunts/uncles had a few dozen total. Not many animals, and my parents took care of them all, regardless of who owned them.
My parents invested funds/hard work on the ranch because they like it and didn’t want it to fall apart. But they started to invest too much and mom’s siblings were too absent. My parents asked all my aunts/uncles (except uncle Jim): Who’s gonna take charge of the ranch, the paperwork, grandpa’s cattle?
Who’s gonna be here to do the work? They said “No thanks” (Uncle Jim didn’t get asked because he was an excessive drinker living illegally in the US and had no contact with the family).
So my parents and grandpa talked and he signed the papers for mom to be the owner of the ranch.
But this is Mexico, and the legal procedure got stuck for years.
During this time uncle Jim is kicked out of the US. My parents tried to help him (mistake) and told him to work at the ranch (they were not living 100% of the time there and could use some help).
They paid him, fed him, lent him a pickup. They left him extra funds in case he needed to buy something for the animals. Uncle Jim promptly drank the money. Uncle Jim started to spread rumors, saying my parents were stealing from grandpa.
Long story short: Grandpa allowed that absent, unreliable, selfish son to poison him.
He believed him.
Eventually, grandpa regretted his decision to give the ranch to my mom, even said he didn’t sign any papers, despite the fact that there were several witnesses when he signed.
They never tried to do something legal/in paper. It was just grandpa saying “Now I want X to be the owner”.
My parents, not loving conflict, stepped aside. They rented a place for their cattle nearby, bought a house and repaired it, and kept minding their own business.
Fast forward: Grandpa dies, mom’s siblings never changed anything legally, the procedure where grandpa gave the ranch to my mom is completed. She’s the legal owner now.
Some of my mom’s siblings are upset.
Those who couldn’t visit grandpa when he was sick, who wanted nothing to do with the ranch when it was all work and investing… they are resentful towards my mom.
Times are tough now and my parents need that land.
They have more cattle now. So they’re not giving the ranch back and I support them.
Are we the jerks for disregarding what grandpa said in his last years?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry for your loss. Your grandfather could have said many things to many people about his last wishes.
However, the last set of paperwork in place (which I’m assuming is a will) indicates your mom is the beneficiary of his estate and the owner of the property. That’s what matters. If your grandfather wanted it another way, he needed to write it down.” Caycaycan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even close. I’m sorry your grandpa was able to be convinced in the end and your parents had to give up what they worked hard for just to have a relationship with him. That sucks. Respectfully, forget your aunts and uncles.
They all suck. That ranch is not only legally yours but you’re also the only people who deserve it. Forget them.” lil_potato_boi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandpa needed to do the paperwork to transfer to the son, and he didn’t do it.
Maybe the son didn’t bother to check if he’d done it…. Or maybe he tried & Grandpa slow-walked it on purpose. Old people can be cautious like that—-maybe he was under pressure from the excessive drinker in residence and didn’t want to fight with him.
Maybe he figured he’d “wait and see” and decided he’d leave it like it was. I don’t think you should worry about it. It wasn’t an easy situation, your parents acted like decent people, and they can hold their heads high.” floofelina
4. AITJ For Refusing To Eat At My Dad's Welcome Home Party Because They Started Without Me?
“Recently, my father returned home from overseas after spending several years away and the whole family, extended included, got together to throw a party to celebrate his return. We cleaned up the house, put up decorations, cooked a banquet, the works. I myself took some time off to drive around town to get the supplies, blow up balloons, hang decorations, and even assisted my mother in the preparations for cooking.
Among the dishes my mother was making was a rather special one for me as I have good memories of eating it with my dad, so I was pretty excited to eat it alongside everyone else.
The problem is, the day my dad landed at the airport, myself and a few others were supposed to go and get him but at the last second, we all remembered that my dad adored a certain pastry that’s only made by a bakery across the city.
Wanting to make the day perfect, I volunteered to go and grab it even though it’d probably take an hour and a half.
Well, through a series of misfortunes, it ended up taking several hours to get there and by then the store was closed. Thankfully, we knew the owners and I called and begged him to open, which he did, so I was able to obtain the pastry.
I called home and told everyone that I’d gotten it and to wait until I got back so we could all eat together.
When I got home, I found the food was over, with everyone having drinks. Unfortunately, the food I’d been wanting to eat alongside my father had been eaten by everyone else.
My mother had saved me a minute portion of the meal, however.
After the heartwarming reunion with my dad and while catching up with him, my mother offered me the food she’d saved but I refused it and claimed I wasn’t hungry. For the life of me, I just didn’t want a single bite of any of the food that had been prepared. Instead, I just gave the pastry to my dad as a surprise and refused to take a bite of that either.
Overall, it was still a great time, except for my mother constantly asking and eventually begging me to at least have one or two bites, with everyone else also asking me to eat. My mother privately confided in me that she understood I was peeved but she’d spent so long making it and if I, her only child, wasn’t eating it, she’d feel like she’d done all that hard work for nothing, even if everyone else had eaten.
I told her that I wasn’t mad at all and that I just wasn’t hungry. To be honest, I’m pretty sure that was just nonsense to guilt me into eating.
I wouldn’t take a single bite of that food, or anything else really, for the rest of the day.
I suppose I was angry at everyone for having been thoughtless enough to have started eating without me even when I’d asked them not to. Instead, I just let my displeasure be felt and not heard.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your dad just came back from overseas and you wanted him to wait just for you to come back so he can eat? This day was supposed to be more about your celebrating your father coming home and less about you. Super childish to refuse to eat out of spite and probably ruining the mood for everyone there just because you didn’t get your way.” Dylaquill
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You took hours to do a task that should have taken half an hour. You expected everyone to sit there hungry, while the food got cold, because you had a bad idea and didn’t bother to find out the business hours beforehand?” chlorenchyma
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew that the celebration was about to take place and you took hours just to get one pastry? You wanted the food to go cold and for everyone to be hungry while you were called away due to your own poor prioritization?
No one is obligated to put their party or lives on hold for you. If you felt having the pastry for your dad that evening as opposed to at another time was that important, then that’s your choice but it means that eating and being there for your dad upon his arrival came second to a pastry.
Even when you started running into blockers and time was dragging on, you chose to push onward instead of turning around. You made the choice, now deal with it. You are clearly old enough not to be, but you sound like an entitled little baby in this post.” aamfbta
3. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Timeshare To My Son And Daughter-In-Law?
“My husband and I have a timeshare through a pretty nice hotel chain.
Once a year, we get one week of their largest rooms at any location. These rooms usually are two to three bedrooms with a living room. Think of an apartment that’s around 1,000 to 1,600 sq feet.
Earlier this month, my son got married to his now-wife.
My DIL and I have mostly gotten along up until this point. They were in a relationship for two and half years and lived together with their kids (both from previous relationships) for two of those years. My husband and I took my son, DIL, and their two kids on an all-expenses-paid vacation as a wedding gift. We paid for their airfare, food, and hotel room, and any activities they wanted to do.
We took the kids and set them up in our timeshare and paid for my son and DIL to have another room so they could be alone at my DIL’s request.
As soon as my DIL saw how much bigger our timeshare was (it was three bedrooms), she asked if we would switch with her because it was her honeymoon (which it wasn’t).
We politely refused and thought that was that. The next day the six of us were in the living room, and my DIL took me aside and told me, “we think that next year it would be great if just the four of us would use the timeshare so that we could bond as a family.
It’s so important for a blended family to bond.” I looked my DIL right in her optic stems and said, “We will use this timeshare every year until the day we die. If we are ever unable to use our timeshare, our daughter (who is younger) will use it.
She will inherit it when we die. If you had talked about this with my son, he would have told you all of this.” To my son’s credit, he did speak up and said he was aware of this agreement, and she should have talked to him.
My DIL spent most of the rest of the trip in a bad mood, softly complaining that the timeshare should be split evenly between my son and daughter.
AITJ for how I reacted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You reacted perfectly. You told her what was up, and that she should’ve talked to her spouse before even THINKING of asking you this.
She is not entitled to anything of yours, ever. If she wants a timeshare to bond in, then she should work for one herself.” AstronomerPrevious71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your DIL is being a huge choosing beggar. You were kind enough to invite her on this nice family trip, but now she thinks she’s entitled to your timeshare?
She didn’t even ask her partner, your son, about it and just thinks she’s entitled to it despite not paying for it? Seriously? If she wants her own timeshare, she can pay for her own timeshare. She is an adult and you owe her nothing.
Also, it says a lot about her that she “needs” your timeshare “to bond with her blended family.” You don’t need to go on vacation to bond with your loved ones, you can do that any day, any time, anywhere.” ShastaWolf
2. AITJ For Wanting To Attend Two Destination Weddings Without My Partner?
“My (30) partner (30) of 5 years just started working again after studying for a year (she was contributing a bit from her savings but not a huge amount).
She has a bit of savings but isn’t saving a lot at the minute. I make 100k and she makes 35k and we split rent and utilities 70% me, 30% her.
Her best friend passed away last year and her mom as well so she has been struggling mental health-wise and I’ve been paying for therapy.
We were discussing our plans for next year and I have been invited to two destination weddings, plus we’d been talking about going abroad together.
In order to afford going away together, I RSVP’d no to one of the weddings. My friend asked me why and I explained I’m already traveling too much and can not afford this, so he offered to pay for my flight (he’s really wealthy). Based on this, I can afford both destination weddings (without my partner) and the trip we talked about together (I plan to help her pay for this trip).
When I talked to her she got really upset and said we are meant to go places as a couple, and how selfish I was being by going away alone twice in the same year.
I explained to her that my friend is paying for one of my flights and that I’ve been sitting in the same spot for a year and a half due to the recent health crisis, I’ve saved every cent I could outside of helping her pay for her computer and books so I really want to go on holidays next year.
I also said that she wouldn’t be able to afford to go to the wedding either way so I didn’t think it was fair that I was expected to either pay for her to go or stay at home.
She said she’s not expecting me to pay for her but she wants me to only pick one wedding even though it’s not an issue for time off or for money.
My friends have said her request is outrageous but her friends are saying that people don’t just go away alone when they’re in relationships.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with NTJ. Maybe I’m biased because of my relationship, but I don’t think you have to be attached at the hip to your partner.
I find it perfectly acceptable for me or my partner to go places without each other. Last year, his family was concerned about the recent health crisis around Thanksgiving. I couldn’t guarantee that everyone who attended my family’s Thanksgiving was taking precautions, so I opted to go to my family Thanksgiving while he went to his (other years we’d attend both together).
Also, he’s gone to weddings by himself when I’ve had to work. He’s celebrated birthdays with his family a couple of states away without me, again when I had to work. It’s normal. I don’t LIKE being away from him for long periods of time (or even short ones for that matter), but I’m not going to hold him back from doing things he wants to do just because I’m not able to do them with him.” Redefined421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re partially supporting her, these are your friends’ weddings. It sounds like she is resentful or feels bad that she can’t afford to go so she is making you choose so she doesn’t feel left out. I can see where she is coming from, but her asking you to not do it is wrong.
Keep in mind this could be linked to her current issues and I’d suggest working on it with her and asking her to speak to her therapist about it. Be sensitive to why she feels the way she does and try to resolve it.” RayquazaRising
Another User Comments:
“To be honest……I low-key think YTJ. I can’t get out of my head that her mother and her best friend died last year. That’s really heavy and I’m not sure I’d be excited about my partner leaving me x2 either after that but hey.
Your super-rich friend is paying so screw her feelings amiright?” Terrible_Western_975
She's stuck grieving not just her mom but her best friend too who would like,Ely have helped her through her mom's loss.. has she no family ? Other friends she can have a girly time while your away if you really can't afford for her to go
1. AITJ For Refusing To Be Friendly With My MIL After She Traumatized Me During My Separation With My Wife?
“Two years ago, my wife and I went through a brief separation in which I left. I was packing up my car while my wife was at work, and my mother-in-law (MIL) drove up, blocked my car with hers so I couldn’t leave, and proceeded to call me a psycho among other names, and even tried to get my cell phone from me so (I assume) I wouldn’t be able to reach anyone.
In hindsight, I’m not sure why I didn’t call the police. The experience left me traumatized, and I vowed then and there that I wouldn’t see her again, EVER.
My wife and I then got back together a few months later, and after explaining what happened, she told me that she understood why I felt the way I did.
However, her tune has changed over time, and now we are getting into fights over MIL. My wife wants us all to get along for the sake of the family as a whole, especially since her mom is a part of holidays, family events, etc. I’ve changed my mind slightly and have agreed to be cordial for “family’s sake”, but I refuse to be friendly.
I also told my wife that if MIL gets too friendly with me, as my wife, she should shut it down. I’ve kept my foot down on this boundary, but my wife isn’t too happy about it. She keeps telling me that we should all be a family, that MIL is a friendly person, that she won’t do that again, and that I’m an adult and should let it go.
I told her that this is my boundary, and she should be by my side and respect my wishes in this matter. I also said that her loyalty should be to me first and foremost. She now is telling me that I am not respecting HER wishes for me to just “be nice” and I said back that MIL should be lucky that she even gets a “hello” from me.
I hate that my wife and I are fighting about MIL because in the grand scheme of things, it’s DUMB. I just want my wife to respect my boundary, she wants bygones to be bygones. AITJ for my stance on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I do think it would be better for the family if everyone could get along.
HOWEVER… There is no moving forward with reconciliation without an apology. I suggest you tell your wife that if you want everyone to get along peacefully, her mom needs to have a sit down with you (and your wife if you want) and explain what she did, and why she did it.
(and apologize, but a forced apology in my book is not an apology, so don’t ask for one going in). If she refuses to have a discussion, then it’s on her that this family isn’t going to ever be united. Once she has agreed, I would let her speak – let her say everything she wants to get out before you say one word.
Then it’s time for your chance to ask some follow-up questions. If you don’t like her answers, call her out. Ask her point blank how can we move past this if she can’t even acknowledge what she did and the impact it had on you.
Flip the tables on her and put her in your situation and ask how she would feel. And if in the end, she can’t do it, then your wife has absolutely zero reason to think it’s your fault. And if she does apologize, you just need to be in a place where you actually can move forward and slowly forgive (with time.
This stuff ain’t magic). Good luck.” mybossthinksimworkng
Another User Comments:
“Your feelings and relationship with your MIL should not impact and control your wife’s relationship with her own mother nor should it disrupt family functions as a whole. It’s also not your wife’s job to play referee between you two and puts her in a difficult position as you are her husband whom she loves and that’s her mother.
Maybe have a conversation with MIL about what your boundaries are and what you expect. You can both be pleasant around each other without being close and it will keep the peace. So NTJ, but kind of a jerk for execution.” leafmeb
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