People Want To Know If They're The Antagonist In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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We never want to think of ourselves as the antagonist of a story. Even if we weren't the nicest that one time, we can't possibly be bad people, right? Well, sometimes we really need to take a hard look at ourselves and understand that the world isn't so black and white. You can be a good person but still act like a jerk sometimes. These people want to know whether they're the true antagonists in these stories, or if they were the heroes all along. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Telling People Everything That Happened?

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“I (18) share a suite-style dorm with Kali (18F) who introduced me to my now ex, Eric (19M).

My relationship with Eric began to get tense and I confided in Kali that I was thinking of breaking up with Eric. Kali confessed she was attracted to Eric and I told her it wouldn’t bother me if she went after Eric a month or so after things ended as long as Eric and I had time to heal.

Eric and I broke up and agreed to remain friends.

Two days after the breakup at 2 AM I was woken up by Kali bringing someone into our dorm. I assumed it was a mutual female friend and was a little upset because one of our dorm rules is to have a warning when someone is coming into our mutual space and I am very protective of my area.

I was half-asleep and didn’t say anything. Throughout the night, my sleep was constantly interrupted by whispering, the sound of skin rubbing on skin, and the bed creaking (we have a bunk bed and Kali is on the top). In the morning, I asked who was in our room.

Kali’s face lit up and told me it was Eric. I didn’t say anything, as I didn’t know how to respond. Kali continued saying that she had to ask our friend, Hali, for help covering a hickey.

Because I was in trauma response mode I remember little of the day.

Hali asked if I was okay because I was acting distant in our shared class and I told her I was fine and just wanted to be alone. Hali and our other friend (Eva) came to check on me. From there, I told them what had happened the previous night and all my numbness made way for a flood of tears.

Both girls were shocked by my explanation as Kali already told them with the excuse being that I was asleep the whole time and told her to go after Eric. Hali and Eva told me that Kali and Eric were above me hooking up (they didn’t go all the way but would have ‘if they had protection’).

With this, I told Hali and Eva that I didn’t feel safe in my dorm and didn’t want to be around Kali. They helped move essential items into their dorm where I stayed for a week.

Finally, I met with my RA and told her everything and that I wanted to have a meeting with Kali with my RA as a mediator.

During the meeting, Kali agreed to sign a contract stating that Eric is not allowed anywhere in our dorm. I moved back in but don’t talk to Kali more than necessary.

For those who ask what is going on, how I’ve been, etc, I tell them what had happened but leave out names.

Many ask who the people were and I honestly don’t care about Kali or Eric’s status anymore so I tell the people who ask. If they don’t ask, I don’t specify more than I have to and keep names out. I have been justifying this by thinking that Kali and Eric have not been hiding their relationship and if Kali and Eric could ignore my boundaries, they could do it to others as well.

Recently I’ve been feeling guilty as all of Kali’s female friends no longer want to be around her.

So, AITJ for telling people everything that happened if they ask?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I thought you had separate rooms. Not hooking up in the bed directly above you. I’m sorry OP that is so invasive.

Neither cared how uncomfortable that would make you feel despite you saying it was ok for them to be together. You certainly didn’t mean to hook up two days after the breakup in the bunk bed above where you sleep. Wow.” Pineapple_Wagon

Another User Comments:

“Yeah, you sort of are the jerk.

What they did was disrespectful. Personally, I wouldn’t be hooking up in a bunk bed with someone else below, but I guess that is just me. Your telling the situation and continuing to be in a state where people have to keep asking you if you’re ok, and what happened, is overly dramatic since the whole thing has been resolved.” RobinsRoads05

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ Kali should’ve never hooked up with your ex literally right above you.

That is so messed up! The reason that other girls don’t want to be her friend anymore isn’t because of you telling people the truth, it’s because they don’t want to be friends with an untrustworthy person.

Edit: I just realized that you and Eric agreed to stay friends. If he considered you a friend he wouldn’t have done that, that man is not your friend and neither is Kali.” damspel

2 points (2 votes)
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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ - even if Eric wasn't your ex, you still don't have sex in the same room as someone else... unless you want a threesome and everyone is on the same page.
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20. WIBTJ If I Let My Friend Join Me For Prom?

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“My prom is coming up in mid-May. A while ago my friend, let’s call him M, asked me to go with him. Around that same time my other friend, P, asked me if I could use my guest bid form on him so he could go to prom since he didn’t have a real prom (M and I are both seniors, P graduated last school year).

M knew that I would use my guest form for P, and he was originally ok with it.

Out of nowhere, M started insisting that I don’t use my form on P, even though we had already spent time starting to fill out the form (it’s a pretty long process).

I understand that M wants it to be just us, so I kept trying to compromise with him. I suggested stuff as we could just give P a ride and then he could split up from us once we actually get there, but M is refusing to let me bring P.

I’m considering just telling M that I’m going to use my form on P no matter what, even if it means I lose my prom date. WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s a pretty big red flag that you and M aren’t even together yet and he’s already trying to control who you can and can’t hang out with at your own freaking prom.

People invite their friends to prom all the time – when I went my senior year we had a group of like 20 kids, some of us going out with each other and others just part of the friend group. It’s not weird at all to go with more people than just your date.” rainaftersnowplease

Another User Comments:

“‘M is refusing to let me bring P.’ Those are your words OP, so I think you should consider them carefully.

This person, who it appears you are not currently in a relationship with, already thinks they can control your actions. This is not a good person and their behavior will not get better in a relationship, it will get worse. A decent person may voice their opinion, but they will respect your decision, they will not forbid you from doing something.” YogurtGoats

2 points (2 votes)
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ashbabyyyy 1 month ago
Let you? You don’t need this boy to let you do anything
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19. AITJ For Calling Out A Coworker For Not Wearing Safety Gear?

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“I am a Warehouse Manager for a generally big furniture store. I am new (only been the manager here for 8 months and I’ve been with the company going on 2 years) and I am above a couple of employees that have been with the company for 5+ years.

Specifically, there is one that had been here for 9 years. Well, call him Blake. We have to use a Crown C2C2 Stockpicker (a heavy-duty forklift) to transport inventory to and from the pickup dock and the transfer dock. We have protocols that state any time you get onto the machine to move it, you must wear a 5-point harness and a Saftey Retractable Line (self-retracting lanyard) you must attach to operate the machine.

So I am talking to the Store Manager about the upcoming week. What’s coming in, when the owner is coming, inventory status, you know the normal boss talk. When I see out of the corner of my eye that Blake had gotten on the Stockpicker, risen the loading tray, and started traveling without any safety equipment on.

I called him out and said, ‘Blake you know you need to have a harness on to move that.’ When he replied, ‘no I don’t, I only need it if I’m going farther than 2 feet.’ ‘No, you must wear it at any time you travel.’ ‘Man you’re doing way too much, I know what I’m doing.

I’ve been here for 9 years bro, I know what I can and cannot do.’ This continued for a little bit, so I stopped it and attempted to reach out to our cooperative safety team. Maybe I am being too much, so I’m going to reach out and find the correct answer.

Alas, no one was around and they had left for the day.

About an hour or so goes by, and Blake is talking to the closing manager about how ‘I do too much and that I need to let people be.’ I quickly confront him to remind him that he is not allowed to travel without safety equipment.

This was probably my mistake. Blake is now so mad he is yelling at me and causing a scene. I’m trying so hard to keep calm but, start raising my voice. So the other manager steps in and advises us to walk outside since the store manager is staring right at us.

We go outside, (mistake 2) he is now mad that I am undermining him. He thinks since he is a veteran he can tell me how to do my job and ignore anything I’ve said. I have caught this guy committing time fraud, he’s constantly out of the store clocked in, I found him asleep on the job, and we constantly give this guy chances to do better, yet he doesn’t.

After exchanging heated words, I try to de-escalate the situation just for him to bring it right back to a screaming match. I tried explaining and talking to him about how he is constantly undermining me and talking down to me. Yet he kept yelling over me any time I talked.

So I walked away from the situation. I took a 15-minute break to calm down, pulled out the paperwork for insubordination, and sent him home for the day. I attempted to try to talk about it again. Ya know, come to a common ground, rip up the write-off and pretend it didn’t happen.

But unsteady he signed it, flipped me off, and walked out.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The safety and welfare of your employees at your workplace are literally the most important thing you have to worry about.

Write them up. Also, look into why he’s not wearing the harness – is it laziness? Is it other leads letting him get away with it? Does it not fit properly or are there better alternatives out there?

Never stop at the individual here, there could always be systemic issues at play and it’s always worth it to check.

This doesn’t excuse the individual from being a jerk, but it does help to prevent issues in the future.” the_mike_c

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Yelling, screaming, cursing, and flipping anyone off in the workplace is unacceptable. You did the right thing. Some people just don’t like being corrected, especially if they’ve been doing things their way for so long.

His nine years on the job has made them think you aren’t in a position to instruct them, which is false.” Thart85

Another User Comments:

“Every single rule or regulation concerning safety is written in the blood of someone who messed up.

If part of your job is to enforce those rules and regs, but Blake does what he wants anyway and he hurts himself, who’s to blame? Blake, of course, but the buck stops with you. Foster a good safety culture, and deal with the guys who try to undo it because they think Vans are comfier than a pair of steelies. The rules are written to look after people like Blake because they aren’t going to look out for themselves.

NTJ.” TheGreatestAuk

2 points (2 votes)
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StormyLuck78 1 month ago
IDC how many years you've been working at a spot, YOU WEAR YOUR SAFETY GEAR. He'd sure as heck attempt to sue you for damages if he got hurt on the job. Your job, as a manager, is to keep your employees in line and safe. The first time he fell asleep on the clock, I'd have booted him. Falling asleep in an area where heavy machines is a recipe for a liability disaster. Get another manager involved, someone higher up, and make a detailed record of ALL his infractions. Next time he FUBARs, write him up and work out that it's a final warning. It has to come from another manager so it doesn't look like discrimination or targeting activity.

If the employee doesn't want to protect himself, fine. Let him do it on his own time and his own watch.
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18. WIBTJ If I Remove Someone From My Server?

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“Late last year I made a side server to my friend group’s main one so that a handful of us could share our creative writing and give each other feedback/critique/bounce ideas off of each other without worrying about spamming the main group chat or getting embarrassed about showing off unfinished work to twenty-odd people at once.

But lately, I’ve been having issues with this one guy in it, (that’s completely unrelated to the server or our writing), and no one’s used the server since. It’s so frustrating! I made the server and I don’t even use it anymore because I’m not comfortable with this guy reading my stuff.

For context: The two of us were friends for two years and I used to think we were pretty close but a couple of months ago he started snapping at me and insulting me over nothing. Literally nothing, he once got genuinely mad at me over what color bed I wanted to make in Minecraft.

He started picking apart everything I did and I realized he would get mad at me for things everyone else was doing too (for example the group decides to sing Country Roads over drinks and he screams at me, he swore at me a ton and told me I was ‘such an idiot, you’re so annoying’ etc.)

I was really confused because I thought he was mad at me for something and I tried to talk to him about it a few times until he eventually told me I hadn’t done anything to offend him, he was just ‘stressed in general’ and gave me a bunch of reasons, (all unrelated to me), that was stressing him out.

The others had all told me they thought he was taking out his general frustration on me and he confirmed it. Then he basically told me that it was all in my head and that it wasn’t his problem if I was upset.

He also said he still considers me a friend and agreed to stop yelling at me so the rest of the group is happy with this outcome.

Evidently, I’m not but I don’t want to upset everyone else, besides I know I should just be polite without being his friend.

To his credit, he’s only snapped at me once since (over something the others were doing in a game I wasn’t even playing at the time) and he did ‘apologize’ (‘I’m sorry but in my defense, you were being annoying’) but I feel like we keep going through these cycles of him trying to force things back to how they were or ignoring me outright and then blowing up at someone even if he technically isn’t yelling at the time.

It’s seriously draining to be around the guy and while it isn’t fair as the server is for all of us, I still feel like he’s in my space.

I haven’t removed him from the server but I keep thinking about it and I’m not sure that’s fair of me.

It would also inevitably cause trouble if he found out that I did that or made another server behind his back. It might be selfish but I miss posting on my own server.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but, if you removed him, I think there could definitely be stress and drama down the line.

What you should do is create a new server & invite only trusted people (might be the exact same group minus one, might not). That way, if he ever wises up and apologies to the original side server, y’all can welcome him and shift back to that one; if not, you and your friends still have a safe place to share your creative writing without worrying about someone blowing up or being a jerk.” anothercairn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Just because he’s going through things doesn’t mean it’s ok to use you as a punching bag. You gave him a second chance and he keeps lashing out at you. Go ahead and remove him. If he complains tell him you’re sick of the repetitive cycle of him lashing out at you.

It came down to either him stopping or you removing him.” Pineapple_Wagon

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Everyone gets irritable and snaps when they’re stressed. However, he’s been taking it out on you, and then gaslighting you about it. Honestly, you don’t need him in your life at all.

But friend groups are friend groups and chances are that unless everyone is as sick of him as you are (and I mean EVERYONE, not just everyone on your side server) it could get messy really fast.

Why haven’t your friends been sticking up for you, by the way?” SordidMorbidCreature

2 points (2 votes)
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Gamergirl 1 month ago (Edited)
Ntj. Drop his ass out and don't let him back.
Don't even play with him..he's abusive clearly. Not his fault? YOU were annoying so he screamed at you? Excuse me, but grow up and grow some balls little boy, you don't scream and berate people because you're annoyed. Kid needs some help with his anger issues. You're ntj.
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17. AITJ For Wanting To Get Rid Of The Snake?

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“My husband is a great dad but he also doesn’t know how to say no to our son. He once took us to Disneyland because our son mentioned wanting to meet Peter Pan a few days after he said it. We live in the UK so it wasn’t a quick day trip either.

Our son currently has a fascination with snakes. My husband decided it would be a great idea to buy him one without even asking me. I’m terrified of snakes and he knows that. When he showed us the snake I freaked out and told him to get rid of it.

He kept telling me to calm down and that the snake was harmless. Our son was obviously delighted with his new friend.

Once our son had gone to bed, we had a huge fight over the snake. The biggest issue was me wanting him to get rid of the snake and him insisting I wouldn’t even know it was here.

I admittedly got very upset and accused him of spoiling our son and saying he needed to say no to him which made him upset. He asked me if he also spoiled me since he never said no to me either and claims what he does is harmless and not spoiling our son at all.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Your husband has impulse control issues. I don’t necessarily equate this with spoiling your child, but they could go hand in hand. But I almost wonder if it’s ‘cool dad’ syndrome, like Regina George’s mom.

NTJ. He shouldn’t be making those kinds of decisions unilaterally. Huge financial costs and responsibility for another living creature.

It’s not like your 5yo is gonna go to the shop to buy frozen mice for the snake himself.

Also, he’s a double jerk because he knows you’re afraid of them, which is normal and doesn’t need to be ‘gotten over.'” batmandi

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, snakes have a lot of needs since they are cold-blooded, and so a well temperature regulated tank that’s cleaned regularly is important.

It’s not a low-maintenance animal. They also should be handled frequently to socialize them and should be allowed time to roam around a larger enclosed area under supervision to provide enrichment and prevent boredom. Depending on the kind of snake they can get very large, may need live prey (bugs or mice), and all will need special vet care.

It’s not a pet to just get with no additional consideration and definitely not for a 5-year-old unless dad is going to have a HEAVY role in care.

Moreover, you have a right to not have things that you are scared of brought into the house with no discussion.

You share a living space, and an animal is a big commitment regardless of species, so it should always be a discussion between the adults in the house. You’re right, your husband is definitely spoiling your son and you should point out that him saying no to you vs your son are two very different things since his role as a husband is a supportive one, whereas being a parent requires disciplining and modeling behavior.

Please find a reptile sanctuary to re-home your snake or someone who has experience in reptile care!” confused_inquirer20

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He should’ve spoken to you about it first but I get the feeling that he knew you’d say no. That doesn’t make it right but just guessing. That being said, please don’t take the snake from your son.

I know you hate them and your husband shouldn’t have put you in this situation. I also know he shouldn’t spoil your son but your son is innocent in this from the sounds of it.

Someone bought me a pet rat as a kid (I know, it’s weird and gross) and my mother got rid of it.

I didn’t even want the thing at first. A friend of my mother bought it for me knowing she would hate it but I really fell in love with the thing. We didn’t know at the time but she was pregnant when we got it and she had babies.

That was the last straw for my mom, she got rid of it while I was at school. I’m 33 now and I still remember the heartbreak of coming home to find out she was gone. I know your husband was wrong but please don’t do that to your son.” Awkward-Wave-1501

2 points (2 votes)
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Reyne 1 month ago
Your husband is gonna think it's all easy-peasy until a little boy let's the snake loose and you refuse to step foot back in the house over it.
Because I'm telling you, it'll happen. You should have made the decision together.
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16. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Dad?

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“I (19F) got into a fight with my dad (41M) today over me being in therapy.

Mum was 19 and dad was 23 when I was born. Mum gave up uni and got an office job. Dad’s a mechanic.

When I was 5, dad decided to start his own business.

He was never home anymore. My parents had another baby (J) (10M) when I was 9. My parents split up for good when I was 11 because dad had been having affairs. We stayed with mum.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks at 13. I begged mum not to tell dad bc I was scared.

She didn’t make me tell him but encouraged me to when I was ready.

Dad had another baby (M5) a month after my diagnosis. He’s met the baby twice, pays child support, and pretends it ever happened. Mum took us to see the baby instead.

Dad and I fought over the baby when I was 15 bc the baby’s mum told me during a visit that she was scared for the baby to ask about his dad.

I felt responsible and told dad about it. He told me to stay out of it. I now see the baby on my own terms with J.

Dad and I made up after a family passed away when he apologized. I came out to him 2 months after and he was very supportive.

When told him I got into uni for English, he got mad and said he was disappointed in me for wasting time on a pointless degree.

I’ve just finished my first year of uni. Every time I mention it, he changes the subject. I had a breakdown back in Jan which led to me starting therapy and he’s usually what I talk about.

2 weeks ago, dad took J away on holiday. I was face timing J and he asked about therapy. Dad came into the room and I knew he heard it.

He brought J home today and asked to talk. He asked why I was in therapy and I ended up telling him about my anxiety diagnosis and everything else.

He lost it, said I was a disappointment and he didn’t raise me this way. I called him a jerk and said he can’t get mad at me for going to therapy when he’s a big part of the reason I need it.

Mum ended up making him leave bc he was upsetting me and J.

J told him he’s a jerk and he doesn’t want to see dad anymore.

Dad hasn’t stopped blowing my phone up since then. He’s phoned most of my family on his side and mum’s side to play the victim, but mum set the record straight and they’re all on my side.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Definitely, NTJ, but your father has issues and you probably won’t be able to reason with him. I agree with the other person who says to go no contact (NC). You have a lot on your plate at such a young age and you are in no way responsible for anything he does or however he treats other people.

You sound like an amazing young person and I am going to tell you what I wish someone had told me when I was your age. This is a time to focus on you. You are going into a phase of life where you are going to learn and experience so many new things in the next few years and you are NOT responsible for anything your parents or family has done or how they are.

You can’t fix them. Do what you feel is right for you right now. Be good to your siblings, hopefully, they will be your best friends someday; it took a while but my brother is my best friend. I am so grateful for him.

Your dad is being a jerk.

But it sounds like you are doing everything right here. Stick with it and stay strong.” sakiminki

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dad, whatever his good points may be (didn’t read any but I’m assuming no one is a complete crap human being) obviously doesn’t understand mental illness. Or if he does he may feel guilt knowing he has contributed.

He should be proud and supportive of you for taking care of yourself through therapy. His reaction could be for so many reasons that are not your responsibility to figure out. Shame on him for not being there for you.

You will continue to meet people in life that will only take from you.

This is where you accept that there is a boundary on how intimate you can be with your father and what’s going on in your life. You’re doing the right thing, I’m very proud of you.” ImTheMommaG

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I would not try having serious conversations with your father from this point forward.

As an adult, you are not required to tell him anything about your life. Develop a casual relationship with him. Find some neutral topics of discussion to have. Your father sounds like a disappointment as a person, so do your best to not take anything he says to heart. If this helps you mentally, let yourself be a disappointment to him since he doesn’t seem like someone whose opinion you should even consider.” lostalldoubt86

1 points (1 votes)
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Gamergirl 1 month ago
Ntj. Your father has some major issues. Continue your degree, continue your therapy and ignore whatever he has to say because whatever that man has to say has no bearing to your future or life at all. He doesn't even deserve to be a part of your life. You do what you need to do for yourself. Good for your mom as well for supporting you.
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15. AITJ For Not Encouraging My Son To Bond With His Dad?

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“I (49f) just got divorced from my husband (47m) last year after finding out he was having an affair. It was messy and he and I were supposed to have joint custody over our son Matt (15m). In the beginning, I would take Matt to his father’s once every other week to stay for the week then he’d come here and do the same.

However, as time went on Matt started to go over less and less, and then he wanted to talk about what happened between me and his father. Admittedly I wasn’t ready to talk about it and he understood that so it was dropped.

2 weeks ago I got a text asking why haven’t I brought Matt over to his place.

I called and said anytime I would be ready to take him there Matt would say ‘I’m good here.’ And he just goes and does something else. He only leaves here to go to school or see his friends. He asked me to give Matt the phone and I did.

Matt went back to his room and closed the door. I’m not sure exactly what was said but after some time I heard Matt shouting and cursing. He came out of his room, gave me the phone and said he was going to a friend’s house. I asked my ex-husband what happened and I could hear him crying but he yelled ‘This is your fault! You turned my son against me!’ I asked him to calm down and said I never told him anything to make him hate you.

I haven’t spoken about this situation since the divorce. He said, ‘Well you could’ve tried to make him have a better image of me like a decent mom would instead of making me the bad guy.’ I was honestly too overwhelmed and hung up.

When Matt came home I asked what he said to his father and why he refused to go over.

He told me how a few months ago he was introduced to his new partner Amanda (22f) and he flat out asked if this was one of the girls he had an affair with. His dad said that’s none of his business and he should respect him and never speak to him like that.

They got into an argument which led him to slowly stop going over as much before just not going at all. He then said when he called today he told him he wasn’t going to see him anymore because he ruined the family and disrespected us.

Ever since my ex-husband and his family have started making posts on social media about children needing their father in their lives and those who stand in the way of that would burn in the lake of fire.

When I talked to my parents about it my father said ‘I should’ve painted a better image of him for the sake of their relationship and not saying anything was just as bad.’ However, Matt is firm with his decision of not seeing him anymore in spite of me now saying it’s okay to have a relationship with him no matter what happened between him and me.

Edit: He knew why we were getting a divorce. We felt he was mature enough to know the truth so we told him a few weeks before it was official. He might have picked up on it sooner than what we told him though I don’t know.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your ex is a huge jerk and has only himself to blame. He is a creepy 47-year-old going out with a 22-year-old who is 7 years older than your son. It sounds like it has been your ex’s own actions and nothing you have done that has made your son want nothing to do with your lying ex who goes for young women young enough to be his kid.

Your jerk ex is ignoring how his selfishness broke up the family your son found safety and stability in. He has not been accountable or acknowledged how his own ongoing actions have destroyed the relationship. Nothing of your own doing. Your husband wants respect and adoration while being a bad father who hasn’t noticed how he has harmed your son.

Instead of looking at his own interactions with him and thinking about how the divorce has impacted your son he is blaming and slandering you to everyone who knows you both.” pink4pink

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your son’s world just got a little smaller with respect to family, because he has higher morals than his father or grandfather apparently.

Them’s the crumbs where they landed.

Personally, I think people who divorce, and especially people who then take on younger spouses (or the people that they sneaked around with) are asking for scrutiny from their older children.

Kids are not stupid. They know when things are off. Your husband doesn’t get to have everything his way.

If he wants to act the way he is, and has in the past, it’s going to come up. Again, kids aren’t stupid.

Also, parents aren’t perfect. And life doesn’t always unfold beautifully, without conflict. Your son is entering adulthood soon and is learning to spot nonsense and excuses when he sees them.

I’d say he’s smart and well-adjusted.

Huband can TRY to dig himself out of this one, but…” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Don’t badmouth your ex, yes. But under the circumstances, more than neutrality can’t be expected of you. I can’t believe your father, but I guess some people honestly believe that the Dad is more important to a young man than the Mom, no matter how crummy he might be.

Your son is old enough now to have a big say in his own custody. I can imagine that being presented with Dad’s 25 years younger partner was upsetting to him. He already probably felt a certain way about the infidelity, but to know it was with someone closer to his age than Dad’s probably brought it to a whole new level.

It might not hurt to get your son therapy, or even help from the school counselor. This whole thing is a lot to deal with.” Pale_Cranberry1502

1 points (1 votes)
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Reyne 1 month ago
If your ex wanted himself painted in a better light then he shouldn't have pulled such dirtbag moves. That's on him. Your son is old enough to make decisions and have opinions on where he goes and who he deems worthy. If your ex isn't worthy maybe he should step it up and do better instead of throwing the blame on you like a child.
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14. AITJ For Wanting A Healthy Lifestyle?

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“I (19M) am a very physically active and social person. Whilst at university I will normally wake up at 5:45 am/6:00 am get showered and dressed then go to the gym at 6:30 when my gym opens. I also cook and eat the same thing every day as part of my bodybuilding diet plan.

However, when I go home for the holidays my mum has imposed some rules that I feel are unfair: she has outright banned me from waking up before 7:00 am as she says my alarm wakes her up as well despite us sleeping 3 rooms away from each other; she also has banned me from cooking my own food and claims it is unhealthy and too expensive and that I have to eat what they do.

But whilst my family says they try to eat healthy they quite often have takeout which just doesn’t fit how I like to eat as well as me offering to still pay for the food I would cook. So, AITJ for wanting to wake up early and cook my own food?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all.

These are ridiculous attempts of control from your mother. You could use a different alarm sound if the one you use is violently loud but otherwise dictating when someone wakes up is bizarre at best. As for the food. If you are willing to cover the costs then she shouldn’t have a problem with it.

Maybe she doesn’t understand the benefits of your lifestyle so having a conversation with her about it might help.” moonsherbet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. However, if you’re at their house, you kinda have to put up with their rules. Is keeping to your schedule and cooking your own meals worth not going home for holidays? You can talk to her about how you think the rules are unfair and see if you can’t work something out, explain that you’re no longer comfortable being home if you have to live by these rules.

And, possibly, you could offer to cook some meals for them.” beek_r

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… I became a vegetarian and started doing yoga almost 30 years ago much to the horror of most of my family. Ranchers on both sides. As a teen without money, I just offered to eat what was made that I could.

I promised to exercise as quietly as possible in my own space. As an adult with money I just always offered to just buy my own food to make… the funny thing was, they have always insisted on trying to accommodate me even if they couldn’t think of how.

At 15 I basically wrote a letter to my parents laying out my reasons for wanting to make my lifestyle change. My parents are by no means, reasonable people. And I’m sure my letter was probably pretty lame… I was 15 and all. They were very awful but for some reason, they decided to let me try.

Maybe a therapist told them it was a fad… I dunno. Anyway… 30 years later… everyone pretty much is respectful of my food choices and my choice to exercise. I still get ribbed for it but they also accommodate me.

I suggest, if your parents won’t verbally hear your reasons for living healthy, try writing a letter to explain why you need to do this.

As an adult, your letter will probably be better than mine. But also since you ARE an adult, you do have the right to also just say, I am doing this. Keep your phone near you and the alarm to buzz so you still wake up for your exercise.

Try to leave the house as quietly as possible for your super sensitive mum (mine used to yell in the morning because we coughed or sneezed and woke her… so I get that). And just straight up tell them you have bought and will make your own food and if they want to try it, there is some extra.

(Make a bit extra. I did this and got my grandpa hooked on some of my food).

You are an adult. You get to decide now what happens to your body. You can also decide if it is important to you that your parents understand that or not.” sakiminki

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Gamergirl 1 month ago
Not the jerk, no. Thing is though you are going to be staying in someone else's home so it is courteous to follow some rules. I would just not stay there. Stay at a motel or something like that or stay with a friend or a different family member that isn't bothered by you being up early. If it's that much of a problem, yeah I just wouldn't stay there.
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13. AITJ For Telling A Customer To Shush Her Kid?

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“I (16f) left my job at an ice cream shop. I have moderate hearing loss and wear hearing aids in both ears and wear a tag on my work shirt that explains that I can’t hear well. I can hear fine with my hearing aids normally but the ice cream machine is very loud and I often forget batteries.

Well recently I had a customer come in with a kid (6-7 years old) and he was being very obnoxious and was screaming about how he wanted ice cream. This was one of the days I ran out of batteries and with the kid screaming I couldn’t understand a word the mother was saying.

I politely asked ‘ma’am can you please have your child quiet down so I can hear you?’ Well, she got mad and demanded to speak to the manager. Well, the owner heard her and asked what happened.

She yelled at me for being rude to a customer and wrote me up for it.

She knows my hearing isn’t great and I told her that I wasn’t going to put up with her nonsense and left. My family is divided on the issue with my sister agreeing with me, my mom being unsure and her partner saying I should be ashamed. Was I wrong to ask her to quiet her kid down?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I’m really sorry that happened, OP, I don’t think that was fair at all. If your manager understood you had trouble with your hearing, I don’t know why she would’ve written you up unless you were rude to the customer in return, but I’m not getting that impression.

The only thing I may have done differently would perhaps word it ‘I’m sorry, ma’am, I have a hearing disability and my hearing aids run out of batteries. I’m really struggling to hear you, would you please be able to calm your child? I’m really trying to understand you.’

Thoroughly explaining your situation may have helped ease the customer a little more into being understanding.

Still, you were polite yet forward with your request, and I completely understand being in shock when these things happen. Either way, I don’t think you’re a jerk. I can see this being a big misunderstanding, and I think your manager was primarily at fault. She knew you had trouble hearing and should’ve had your back.

Regardless of the outcome, it’s an unfortunate situation, but I think it’s an important experience to learn and grow from.

I’m really sorry that happened, and I hope you’re doing ok! I know I’d be shaken, and I don’t blame you for leaving. Customer service is tough and cutthroat, but you’re not alone in these experiences.” DystopianOrange84

Another User Comments:

“Light YTJ.

You have to learn how to speak to people with tact if you’re going to work in customer service. Sure, you can speak to people however you like, but that may leave you without a job. There are niche jobs out there where it doesn’t matter but usually, that would be a job where you have a skill that is worth other people putting up with an attitude to get your services.

Ever see how some people can say things that you wouldn’t get away with saying? They have charisma and probably read the room and calculate their words more than you think. Even if it comes naturally to them. You have to learn how to talk to people.” RoboCat23

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but, I would have worded it differently.

I would have told the customer that you could not hear because it was noisy. That way you aren’t signaling her child out even if he was the one making the noise. You also could have explained that you have hearing loss and asked her to write down what she wants because you are having trouble hearing her.

You could have also called your boss or coworkers for assistance. I would avoid doing that in the future, but I don’t think you should have been written up for it. It’s not really a big deal.” User

Another User Comments:

“Gentle YTJ. You forgot to replace the batteries in your hearing aids so you blamed the child, who was only part of the reason you were having difficulty hearing.

You could have pointed to your badge, and simply said you were having trouble hearing, would she mind writing down her order so you could make sure you got it right?

I understand because I’m looking at hearing aids due to my inability to understand what people are saying sometimes. And I think your manager could have used this as a teaching moment. But I wouldn’t count on getting a referral from that job.” User

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Mistweave 1 month ago
NTJ. I'd have refused to sign the write up for one, then filed suit for hostile work environment and discrimination of a disability against the business
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12. AITJ For Calling My Brother An Idiot?

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“I (30M) was in a relationship with my brother’s wife Maeve (30f) when we were freshmen until our junior year of high school. My brother (32m) and I weren’t in each other’s lives at the time because he was living with our mom a few hours away and I was with my dad so he never knew about me and Maeve.

They started going out years later. It was weird once we all knew but I told my brother if he loves her then go for it. At the time I was already with someone else. Also, I’d moved on from having any feelings for Maeve.

Now they’re married. My nephew is 7.

Now suddenly my brother told the whole family he’s staying at his friend’s house because he has strong reason to believe my nephew isn’t his kid. He only thinks I’m my nephew’s ‘father’ because he looks a lot like me. Then again I’m an exact copy of my dad (while my brother definitely looks more like mom) so I don’t know why he isn’t accusing him too.

He won’t tell me why he’s questioning paternity out of nowhere. Maeve’s only said they had a misunderstanding during an argument now this is what’s in his head but won’t give us any more details. The last time we talked he told me he wants a paternity test to prove it.

The fact that he believes I’d do something like that alone angered me enough to call him an idiot for not understanding how genetics work. We’re brothers so of course there’s a chance our kids might look like the other but it doesn’t mean anything.

I put lots of emphasis on how much of a dummy I think he is for that thought alone so that’s why I’m here wondering.

My dad told me my brother is clearly going through something. His mind probably isn’t clear so to insult his intelligence like that was going way too far.

My brother obviously seems to think I’m a jerk too, hence why I’m asking if that’s accurate after all.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This is a big accusation and assuming it’s based only on the fiction in his mind really makes your brother the jerk here. Even if there’s some additional stuff going on in his relationship we don’t know, he’s being a jerk to you, and if not then he’s being a jerk to everyone.

Yes, clearly he’s going through something and that is very unfortunate for him but he’s taking whatever that is out on you, which is not fair. Was calling him an idiot kind? No, but he accused you of having an affair with his wife so I don’t think you’re a jerk for responding that way.

And I don’t know why everyone’s telling you to take a paternity test here. If he wants a paternity test, he should take one. That doesn’t need to involve you at all unless somehow his test results indicate he is a non-paternal relative.” Sleeping_Lizard

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he had it coming.

He knew years ago that you went out in high school, so if he had a problem he should have addressed it then. To accuse you of sleeping with his wife years after your relationship is pretty trashy. She was only back in your life because your brother brought her back in.

So yeah after all the insults and accusing you, he deserved to be called an idiot for not understanding why the kid might look like you when you look exactly like his dad. To sum up he insulted you first and sometimes stupid people really need to be called out on their nonsense.” User

Another User Comments:

“I basically gave birth to a clone of my brother and dad.

Genetics can be weird.

However I think your dad is right, your brother is going through something. His partner’s reluctance to elaborate on their argument is suspicious. What exactly did she say to him?

You are NTJ, but I don’t think your brother is either. I’d honestly sit down with him and ask him some questions on exactly how he’s come to this conclusion.” dontwantanaccount

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Mosii 1 month ago
Just read the update OP is not the father the brother is. The brother was mad because he went to the wife job one day and she wasn’t there (she was meeting with a divorce lawyer) he assumed she was cheating went home found her journal where she admitted that she still had feelings for OP (no OP didn’t know). OP brother again assumed that they were having an affair, OP did the test but told the brother that afterwards he will be cutting him off for falsely accusing him and he. The wife is still divorcing OP brother
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11. AITJ For Making A Train Stop For My Handbag?

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“I frequently have to use the subway for transportation because of my job in NYC. Last Friday, I accidentally kicked my purse onto the tracks after I had set it down for a second to throw something away. I knew the subway train wasn’t coming for like 10-15 minutes, so I was gonna just go down to the tracks and pick it up, but a worker there told me that I wasn’t allowed to go to the tracks for any reason.

I asked him if he’d go get my bag himself, and he literally said no.

I was totally discouraged by then since I had like $300 in the purse, and the purse itself was worth 5x that. And it was right on one of the sides, so the subway train wouldn’t have straddled it.

I waited until I heard the subway train coming and decided to frantically wave my arms and scream for it to stop. Several other people around me started doing the same instinctively I guess because they didn’t know why I was doing so.

The person controlling the train (conductor? engineer? don’t know what word is appropriate) fortunately stopped the train and asked what was going on, so I said that I had dropped a valuable on the tracks.

He was totally annoyed upon finding it was ‘just a bag’ and said that what I did was wasting his time and extremely dangerous (???).

I don’t get why he was so mad at me, it’s not like I jumped out on the tracks. I just wanted him to stop.

And it didn’t even take that long. I guess it’s my fault in the first place for kicking the purse but what else was I supposed to do? AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, quite obviously. Stopping a train in an emergency would very possibly throw everyone on board around and could cause numerous injuries.

I’m not sure how you think that’s not dangerous. Not to mention, how badly that poor driver must have panicked with you waving like a lunatic. Poor guy probably thought someone fell on the tracks and that he was going to hit them. All because you were careless with your expensive bag.” Redteacher1934

Another User Comments:

“YTJ not very bright either, putting a $1500.00 bag on the platform is ridiculous.

Waving a train to stop for a non-emergency is arrogant as can be. How did the metro police not ticket you or arrest you? I’m not sure if this is actually real. I’ve ridden the subways in NYC too often and do not understand how other passengers didn’t react to you making them late.” shaney1968

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Do you know how many days you just messed up? Subway schedules run on a knife edge, so to stop a train for whatever reason throws a lot of other trains into confusion. Not just that line, but others that cross it, or share the track.

Stopping a train like that at the very least made a few people’s lives very difficult.” TheGreatestAuk

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Foofer 1 month ago
Yes you are wacky. You shoulda said "interesting that" an jump down, get it when you had chance
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10. WIBTJ If I Want To Set Boundaries With My Friend?

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“I’m (16M) a junior in high school. I do theatre at my school and during a rehearsal for our fall play I met a girl (15F), let’s call her ‘Mia.’ She is a freshman and had briefly mentioned that she didn’t have many friends, so I told her I’d be her friend and we exchanged social medias.

After the cast performed and split ways, she started texting me more. It’s important to note that Mia is very socially anxious, and as such, I did my best to make her feel as comfortable as possible. As she slowly got comfier with me she texted me more & more, which was fine at first.

But it got to the point where she was basically texting me every chance she got, every single day for hours. She’s explicitly admitted that she’s never texted anyone nearly as much as she has me in her entire life.

She hovers around me in real life as well.

She follows me everywhere; She wasn’t even going to try out for the spring musical until she found out I was doing it. Anytime I’m at rehearsal and she’s not, she sends me like 10 messages even though I’m trying not to look at my phone and focus on rehearsing.

She texts me literally any time she has a break. When we’re both there, the second she spots me she rushes to sit by me.

I reached the final straw when she started trauma dumping on me completely unprovoked. Now, as a former therapist friend, I get that people need someone to confide in, and as long as they ask first and make sure I’m in the right headspace I’m usually fine with it.

But I feel as though Mia doesn’t really care; I’ll be minding my business, & she’ll send me multiple extremely long paragraphs venting about traumatic events that happened to her during her lifetime. To make matters worse, she always over-apologizes every time she vents, and I would feel the sincerity if she didn’t continue to do it afterward.

She has a LOT of unpacked trauma, and her parents pay for her therapy, but seemingly it doesn’t help very much.

The reason I feel like I might be the jerk is because of how much Mia does for me. Mia cares very much about her friends, especially me.

Every once in a while sends me stuff about how much she loves me because of how comfortable I’ve made her. Every time a holiday or something rolls around, she drains her bank account to shower us with gifts, and she does everything in her power to make sure I get something, even if she has to skip other people.

I feel as though if I express my discomfort with how much she confides in me or how much she talks to me, she’ll lose the only real friend she feels she has and it’ll scar her. But I’m done with her constantly talking to me and trauma dumping on me without my consent.

WIBTJ if I told her this?

DISCLAIMER: I’m not choosing to stay with her just because she gets me gifts. I tell her constantly that she doesn’t have to get me anything, especially if the gift she has in mind is super costly.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, set boundaries if you want to continue the friendship.

Tell her she needs to ask before she trauma dumps, and give you general trigger warnings of what it’s about so you can tell if you’re in the headspace for it or not. Maybe even gift her a diary that locks if she can keep one, or find a diary app that’s password protected to install on her phone.

It would be much healthier for both of you that way.” Proper_Garlic3171

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

It is okay to set boundaries that are likely what you need to do with Mia. I wouldn’t call Mia a jerk either because she’s not aware of how you feel.” User

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Gamergirl 1 month ago
No jerks here. It's sad that she feels the need to buy friendship that way. That is exactly what she is doing. She hasn't had a lot of friends growing up and she feels that to keep friends around she needs to give them things. Maybe it's something her therapist suggested to try, who knows but she needs to stop because that doesn't work. She needs to just be herself, especially with her therapist so that she can get some help.
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9. AITJ For Not Spending My Free Time With My Mom?

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“I (35), recently moved back to the USA, been two weeks. In the middle of setting up an apartment, transferring jobs, paperwork, etc. Home is 15min away from where mom lives, close to the job, from 12 pm-8 pm, then two other jobs during the night.

Mother (73) had a dominant hand operated on last Tuesday.

Recently found out through her roommates that she hasn’t been taking pain meds properly, instead taking something else. No work for six weeks.

Has accused me of dumping her and running away. Before surgery I said I would help her, just to let me know what/when so I don’t leave people hanging or rush her into a time constraint.

Was to give her agency, never liked being hovered over.

Wed morning, text her. Eventually replies ‘ok napping’ so I leave her be. Thu was chaos. I did not get to contact mom early, called once out of work. Grab two dinners and visit. Never picked up. Fri texted her super early, was going/leaving work early.

If she wanted anything let me know so I can pick it up and see her after. Never replied. After work called. As soon as she picks up, she starts screaming about abandonment and hung up. Sat was the earliest day to clear out my schedule with short notice.

Refused to see me, and texted roommate ‘tell em to go home, don’t need em anymore.’ I leave, later she sends me a text:

Mom: You know that I’m angry. I’m sorry my surgery is inconvenient for you. I know you are working/setting up your home. I told you that I would need help with a shower.

I don’t feel like I should have to ask for your help. If texting me makes you feel like you have done something, good for you. I’ll tolerate the pain it causes doing stuff by myself.

I: Gave you space because I know you don’t like being babied, I trust you to give me the green light when YOU felt up to it.

Not what was convenient for my schedule. Just had to tell me WHEN you’re ready. I’d have pushed everything aside, but I didn’t get any communication. Showering not only takes physical energy but also mental energy, not easy with so much pain. Only you know your limits, all I needed was ‘I’m ready.’

M: You can say all you want about not wanting to bother me, but I feel like it’s you who doesn’t want to be bothered with me.

You didn’t leave a message.

I: Expected you to call me back. Do you think I called for no reason? If I didn’t want to be bothered, I wouldn’t have taken you to the hospital. I don’t do things out of obligation, but out of care.

M: How about taking initiative and showing up without asking? Put yourself in my shoes.

I told you I would need help. Why do I have to keep asking? I have always been there for you when you have been down.

I: Been in your shoes with surgery, I asked all the time. Dumped me at a babysitter when you went to work. Asking you to tell me when.

We don’t live in the same house for me to do everything all of the time like I used to.

End Messages.

Everyone I’ve talked to says I’m not in the wrong, unsure if it’s unbiased. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It seems like you made a number of efforts to contact her, but she wasn’t getting back to you.

You told her to call you when she wanted help, but for some reason, she didn’t.

Has she always been like this or is this behavior something new?

I wonder if not taking the pain meds is keeping her in pain and making her irritable. Or if she is taking them, could she be having side effects?

Can you ask her roommates what is going on with her?

Good luck with this.” Paevatar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your mum seems to just want the right to complain. Getting major martyr vibes with all the guilt-tripping and manipulation.

All you did was ask her to communicate. That’s it. She refused and now wants to play the long-suffering hard done by the victim. Don’t fall for it. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing.

Tell her that if she asks for help you will be happy to assist her, but you’re not a mind reader and need her to tell you when she needs you. You’re being very generous by offering to help at all what with everything you’ve got going on, so don’t fall for her guilt trips. This situation is of her own doing. Remember that.” miasabine

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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ - your mother is a narcissist and I suspect that you grew up in this sort of environment. She is deliberately setting you up so she can paint you as the villan and her the victim.

You tried to contact her and bring her a meal and she ignored you. That's on her.

If you haven't already, learn to gray rock in your communication with her and she can sort herself out. You offered, you made yourself available and she gave you nothing but yelling at you when you couldn't read her mind. In fact, even if you organised when you were arriving to help her with this shower... she probably wouldn't have opened the door and then blamed you for not helping anyway.

I'd be backing right off. She's an adult, she can sort herself out.
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8. WIBTJ If I Get My Roommate's Partner's Truck Towed?

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“I live with two other girls. We talked about house rules before moving in in August, and one of them continuously disregarded the rules about her partner. She would leave the door unlocked for him without telling anyone, leave him sleeping in her room while she goes to the gym (again without telling us), and have him over at least 4-6 nights a week (can you guess what she forgot to do lol), etc etc.

I’ve had multiple conversations with her about this and it still happens. He has also made disrespectful comments directly to me in the house I pay for so I’m not a fan of him as it is. He has a pickup truck and parks it in the back lot, which is really small.

The landlord has asked multiple times for the tenants to have guests park out front as there is no room for a lot of cars in the back. If I or my other roommate get back late, there is usually not a lot, if any, room to park because he apparently takes up as much space as possible.

I have also talked to her about this.

Yesterday, he parked in the back again. Today, after I got home from work I noticed both of their cars were there and neither of them was (keep in mind he also lives about 5 mins away lol). His car was here for almost 24 hours without moving it, and I’m really tempted to call a tow truck.

There is even a sign leading to the parking lot that says tenants only. I don’t know what else to do, but I don’t want to create more tension than there already is. WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but don’t do it. It’s counterproductive. Her partner is a jerk, but he’s not the real problem, she is.

You have house rules, but she doesn’t care; you remind her of the house rules, and the infractions continue and in fact, they grow worse in both frequency and intensity. Even if the truck problem stops, the other ones won’t, and new ones will replace it. You’ve got to give her an ultimatum, and you’ll need your roommate and your landlord to agree.

Either all of this stops, or she gets a 30-day notice. Otherwise, you’ll just create unnecessary drama without addressing the real issue.” TurtleTheMoon

Another User Comments:

“Yes, you WBTJ. You’ve got some legit gripes but being passive-aggressive like that is only going to make things worse. You and the third roommate need to have a serious conversation with them about their lack of respect for the place you all share and pay for.” DplusLplusKplusM

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ.

He knows the rules and so does your roommate, they just don’t care about following them. Call the tow company and get his truck towed.

As for the other stuff, it’s time that you and the other woman you room with get together and talk to her as a group.

Make it clear that if she can’t abide by the rules you all initially agreed to, then she needs to go live someplace else. (Like with this guy for example.)” One-Two3214

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ, there is no indication you told the guy. Likely your roommate is not relaying the information.

Your other issues should be separate from this. Tell him about the rule at least before towing. He may be a jerk, but it sounds like your roommate is the bigger problem and you should all sit down (possibly with him included) and discuss reasonable issues like not locking up, the number of days he’s there, etc, and set some mutually agreeable boundaries.

If it’s not in violation of the lease, and you don’t have an agreement on rules beforehand then you’re kinda sadly outta luck and should just move at the earliest opportunity instead of expending effort on a fight that will only make you miserable. This girl clearly is not considerate, you think you can go lower than her and not be bothered?” jereserd

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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ - he's pretty much another room mate who needs to be putting in for their share of the rent and utilities. But that would only be making the best of a bad situation as he was never meant to be a room mate.

How long is left on the lease? Perhaps you and your other room mate need to get a place of your own and look for a third room mate that doesn't include this one. She can take over the lease by herself or with her boyfriend.

But rather than get his car towed... just flatten two or more tyres. That will be very inconvenient for him. And seeing as you are not the only people who park in that car park.. he likely won't be able to prove it was you.
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7. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Grandma?

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“I (23F) have practically been raised by my grandmother (65). We have always had a rocky relationship due to gaslighting and some narcissism in the mix, but for the past few years has been relatively stable. I stopped living with her about 4 years ago and willingly went homeless to seek to make my own life from scratch.

Fast forward to now, I live in a nice lil place with my partner and his dog, and just barely making it by.

My grandmother has macular degeneration and is losing her eyesight. Because of this, she has difficulty reading text messages, books, recipes, driving… basically everything you do on a daily.

For the past few years, I have tried to help when she asked for it, but have always gotten a firm, ‘I can do it by myself!’ when I try. The only thing that’s an exception is driving for her, cooking, or installing apps.

I have personally moved her to 4 different states in the past 2 years, as she was not happy in each.

Doing this has cost me living situations, relationships (prob for the better), and jobs. I lived with her for a few months at a time to get her settled and comfortable and tried moving on with my own life all over again each time.

Now for the current day.

I call her here and there, and our talks mainly consist of her anger at her eyesight slowly failing, and how she wishes I was with her. I feel very sympathetic for what she’s going through, and have even tried finding remedies or alternatives (like glasses that read what you’re looking at)…

but she always shoves suggestions to the side and goes back to angry/mopey woe is me, and, ‘Please come move in with me.’

Our recent talk was not shy of an argument, as she said I was acting just like my mom because I am not there for her/never do anything for her.

(Being compared to my mother is the ultimate insult).

She wanted me to move in with her and take care of her again… which due to my current circumstances I can’t and can only help from a distance (heart health/court case/money is tight) I’m tired of feeling like what I do/have done doesn’t matter, and I’m tired of throwing my own success and growth down the drain every time she begs for help.

Also a little reference, she has a job that pays $28 an hour and does not qualify for disability yet. Nor is she considered legally blind. She is now living with a friend paying half rent and getting help from her. She is still able to do daily things, certain things can just be a little more difficult.

Yet I still get called on a daily to remind me of how I’m not there for her.

Upon this knowledge, I feel as though she is in a comfortable place in life and perfectly capable of handling herself until further notice… (I will never let her go to a home.)

So I guess I just need to know, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Some people don’t want help they want you to BE the help. It wouldn’t matter if she had a condition or not if that is the case.

From what you have said, she is lonely for YOU especially. I agree, it sounds like she’s fine. This is about guilt and control.

Yes, helping is the right thing but when the person on the other end can’t ever get enough help? And she’s working? Plus has a roommate? Be careful. I think she wants you to be her caregiver so she can quit adulting. Which I understand too. Adulting isn’t fun but she is there due to her life choices.

She doesn’t get to have your life as a do-over. Take care of yourself and set your boundaries.” ImTheMommaG

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your grandmother has an income, a place to live, and help. She doesn’t currently need you to be her caregiver. And when she does need more constant care, it would be reasonable to recommend that she move into a living facility where her needs can be met.

Please stop making personal, relationship, and financial sacrifices for your grandmother. Help her in ways that don’t require a sacrifice on your part.

Also, consider using the Do Not Disturb settings on your phone so her calls don’t ring through to you on a daily basis. If Grandma is in relatively good health, calling her once a week at a time convenient to you is sufficient.

Don’t allow her to emotionally abuse you over the phone every day.” teresajs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are right. She needs to keep doing it for herself or she will lose her independence. On the other hand, she may be scared of what the future holds for her, and she may be clinging because she wants to keep you near. She can do full retirement at age 66 and she can continue to work if she wants to. If there is any type of senior services in her community I suggest that you contact them for assistance in planning for her future.” 56Serendipity

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crafteeladee82 1 month ago
My dear, PLEASE take this advice as I am a veteran caregiver and have "been where you are." I took care of BOTH my Maternal grandparents at the end of their lives. My grandmother was my first experience with a Narcissist (from childhood) so I was "blind" to the personality type, because "Grandma = love," right? It wasn't until I was married to a Narcissist King for 22 yrs that I began to learn about Narcissists and their methods. Your Grandma IS displaying typical narcissistic tendencies. Now this MAY be her permanent personality or it could be age related. My grandparents had a PHENOMENAL - geriatric specific -³primary care physician who took the time to speak with me alone after seeing/hearing some of the crap that they both tried, but more Grandma over grandpa. This Doctor admonished me to NOT ALLOW THEM to live their lives (again) thru me! He explained that it was a "usual" tactic of the elderly to attempt this when their bodies begin failing them. Sounds EXACTLY like what your Grandma is doing!! Grandma has lived her life. She is now attempting to live it again thru you by trying to make her situation YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!! I commend you on your belief that you'll never let her go to a home; but from someone who has been down this road 3 times already and am in the midst of a 4th, DO NOT set yourself up like this!!! Making that decision - when warranted - is hard enough; you certainly DON'T need to add on extra self recriminations because of an emotional "promise." I have seen far too many folks do HARM to their loved one and/or themselves trying to keep this UNREALISTIC promise. Often as our loved ones age, or get more ill, keeping them at home is a HUGE disservice to them, as a home caregiver - especially a relative - IS NOT QUALIFIED to provide the best care for the loved one!! Not to mention that no matter how "prepared" one may be, when a time sensitive medical emergency occurs, when it's a loved one, our emotions take over rather than any training, and those few moments until we get ahold of ourselves - if able - CAN and sadly often DO make the difference between life & dearh!! I just recently learned this in August 2022, when my husband suffered a seizure that resulted in him going into full respiratory arrest (no pulse!) In that moment, had we NOT been in the parking lot of our PCP's office with loads of medical personnel around, he'd probably not be still with us!! I was unable to lift him out of the wheelchair to start CPR and frankly didn't even THINK in that direction!! So, as you can see, despite my experience, "training", etc., I would have FAILED my beloved, had this occurred elsewhere.
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6. AITJ For Ditching My Friend On Her Birthday?

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“My (25f) best friend (25f) and I have been planning for her birthday since early this year. I was so excited that we talked for hours about what we’d wear, what our makeup was going to look like, and what the plans for the day were possibly going to be.

As it got closer and closer to the day the plans changed and it was decided that we’d just go clubbing for the night. I was anxious about what exactly we’d be doing because money was tight and I wanted to know if we should just drink beforehand or if we were going to order from the bar and if I needed an Uber.

It just made me extremely anxious and uneasy.

I love my best friend, more than words could ever describe so I was more than willing to accommodate them no matter what though because I was excited for her. This is the first time we would be going out together since we were 19/20.

Plus it is just a nice change of pace from both of the daily lives of being full-time moms. I was so so excited.

Since the plans for that day we originally had were canceled, I decided I’d go visit my family, since the last time I had seen most of them was over a year and a half ago.

The reason for it being so long is that this last year my mom has become addicted to substances. So I’ve stuck to visiting my dad only because my mom was very unreliable and barely responded to messages anymore. What used to take her an hour or so to respond to us has become months.

My mom has always been a short heavy-set woman my whole life.

I didn’t recognize her when I saw her. She was one-third of the size she used to be and was extremely pale. It was awkward the whole time. I didn’t even know how to talk to her and she didn’t know about everything important going on in my life.

It stressed me out, my friend still hadn’t said anything about what we were doing, it was getting later and when I got home I just had a mental breakdown. All I could do was cry I was so angry. I wrote my friend and told her exactly ‘Please please don’t hate me, but I can’t go out tonight.’ She left me on read hours later and the next morning I wanted to check if she still ended up going out with other friends and found she had deleted me from everything.

She hates excuses so I didn’t explain anything that happened earlier. I just wanted to recover from the incident before I called her & explained but after seeing she deleted me I sent her a text.

I told her I understood why she would delete me and that I know it was wrong to leave her hanging.

But I admit I was still angry and after I explained everything that happened, I blocked her on everything.

Now it’s been a while and I feel like I am the jerk for missing her night. But I also feel like she could’ve communicated about her feeling hurt before deleting me from everything.

It also hurts me because I do love her and even excused her for forgetting my own birthday.

So AITJ for not choosing to go out with her on her birthday?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The world doesn’t stop spinning for your friend because it’s her birthday. You had a heavy day, and you needed a rest.

Tell your friend that you’ll sit with her and give her reasons you didn’t attend her birthday party. Not excuses, reasons. There’s a difference. Read over that again, though. You’re 25. You need to ask if this is really an age-appropriate response from your friend. If you were as close as you say, she rejects that offer of seeing you, and remains butthurt over you missing her birthday party, she clearly stopped maturing at the age of 14.

Blood is thicker than water, look after your mother. God knows she’ll need the support if she wants to be in a fit state to be involved with her grandchild(ren) moving forwards.” TheGreatestAuk

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and if I was her I would have been mad! You’ve been hyping this up for her for months and then you didn’t deliver the goods.

I even think she’s justified in blocking you IF you’ve done this to her before.” SprintingPrincess1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, in the adult world adult stuff happens. She needs to get over herself. If I found out a friend had been through stuff like that, I would want to make sure they were ok. Birthdays are basically saying ‘yay you managed not to die this year!'” Early_Arm_9306

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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ but YTJ at the same time. You found yourself in a sucky position. It sounds like you need more support with your mental health than you possibly realise. Just seeing your mother like that when you haven't had anything to do with her for a long time suggests there some deep seated stuff with you as most would just think it was sad and move on (that lack of connection over the years) and even if upset it would not affect going out with their friend for their birthday.

I suspect that your friend didn't delete you because of this one incident. There's more to this and what happened on this night may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.
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5. AITJ For Asking Step-Grandma To Chaperone?

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“Step-grandma (SG) has been married to grandpa (GP) for almost 20 years, been together for over 30 years. Grandma (GG) and GP have been divorced for 40 years. Even after all that time, GG still hates GP with the fire of a thousand suns. Think multiple birthday parties for grandchildren to keep them separated kind of animosity.

At functions that can’t be duplicated, either only one attends (usually GG) or the seating is arranged to keep them separate.

GG loves drama, loves having the attention on her, and makes life difficult for most of the family. Like most heavy-drinking narcissists, she uses funds to control people and then pulls away emotionally and financially to punish them.

GG has caused rifts among family members that may never be resolved.

Granddaughter #3 (3) recently earned the opportunity to compete at nationals with her sports team – the same day that granddaughter #1 (1) was having her last concert for high school and receiving her awards for graduation.

As a parent, no one wants to have to pick between kids, but this was particularly hard. 3, being gracious, stated that the family should watch 1 perform for the last time, as they felt that they could make it into nationals again someday. However, 3 still needed a chaperone for the multi-day trip.

Months before the trip, GG was asked if she wanted to go with 3. She said no. Not having many other options, SG looked like the most responsible person to take 3. Now, a week before the trip, GG found out that SG was going and had a complete meltdown.

Screaming, crying, cursing about how this was done ‘to hurt her’ specifically. Stating that her family doesn’t appreciate her, that this is ‘going to be the end of her’ etc etc etc before slamming the phone down. This behavior will continue for the next few months, at least, until someone else triggers her behavior and her animosity is focused on them.

So, AITJ for asking SG to chaperone to be present for 1? Or should I have found a different way out?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She was given the chance before SG and said no, it’s not hard to understand. She’s a narcissist, there’s no way something this big and once in a lifetime wouldn’t be a platform for her suffering lol.

Unless of course, everyone would be reasonable and just not participate in events she can’t get to. I’m sorry to hear you have this going on in your family – it won’t get easier. The best advice is to not react to it because it will never be her fault.” ImTheMommaG

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your GG needs to get over herself and she needs to stop throwing a fit because of her hate toward SG.

She is how old and she is acting like this. SG has been married to GP for almost 20 yrs. GG just needs to move on and grow up, she is too old to be acting this way and the hate she has is not healthy. GG said she couldn’t go so you decided to ask SG, you made the right decision, to the grandkids SG is their grandma just the same, the only one with the problem is GG who hates SG because SG has GP and not her.” Awkward_Joke_5748

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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ by any stretch of the imagination. GG had the opportunity to chaperone and she turned it down. It's only because SG is doing it, that she's having a hissy fit.

I would stop pandering to her for any function. She either attends or doesn't. SG sounds lovely and her and your GP have been together for 30 years. That says a lot. I would rather have SG attend all functions and not miss some just because GG is throwing a tantrum. I would not be duplicating anything.
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4. AITJ For Throwing Away My Guardian's Pictures?

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“My family is plagued by a plethora of mental illnesses ranging from anxiety and depression to schizophrenia and psychosis. We also have a long history of substance abuse. Because of my mom’s hallucinations and substance abuse, I live with a legal guardian rather than my mom.

My guardian has bipolar disorder and is a hoarder.

Basically, during her ‘high’ periods we’ll get like 10 packages to the house in a day. This can last for months on end until she suddenly crashes and isn’t seen for a few days. It got to a point where she was at a level five hoarder. This means that the house smells like garbage, one of the main exits to the house is unusable as is her bedroom.

There are mice and bugs infesting the house and there isn’t any way to safely prepare food because of the mess. The house is a safety hazard as it is. Now, I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t help all that much with the issue. Depression makes it hard for me to get the motivation to clean, especially when it’s this bad, and anxiety makes it hard for me to confront her about cleaning.

I’ve been yelled at by her one too many times for trying to clean.

Since I turned 18, I threatened to move out if we didn’t get the house clean. My brother and I are both willing to help of course, and she knows that at some point in my life I’m going to move out; however, neither of us is super ready for me to leave yet.

I have friends who are willing to add me to their lease, but I still have high school and other stuff that I’d prefer to do at the home I’ve been living in. I don’t want to allow it to continue being a health hazard.

We got a roll-off for the next two weeks, and she asked I started cleaning while she was at work.

The idea was that she couldn’t try to play into my anxiety and call the whole thing off. Once it was started, she wouldn’t get as defensive about it.

I started on one of the bedrooms. I got everything out that I knew couldn’t be used. (Rotten food, things that couldn’t reasonably be cleaned or were destroyed by mice) and went from there.

Eventually, I came across a pile of computers. Now obviously my brother, guardian, and I have our own laptops but these things were old. I mean one of them had a floppy disk reader old. I also came across a computer that my great grandpa had gifted my guardian when I was small, and that is older than I am.

Now, I was cursed to use this thing as my computer throughout all of middle school and most of high school. I know for a fact that it doesn’t work. I’m lucky if it would even turn on, so I trashed it without a second thought.

Apparently, it has some really old pictures on it.

I mean pictures of my mom in grade school, baby me old. I didn’t know this and apologized for throwing it out. She said that I should have known that it would have sentimental stuff on it. My brother, who knows computers better than me, offered to go get the hard drive out, so the pictures could be recovered, but it started raining hard before she answered and now she won’t talk to me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

And the hard drive will be fine even if it gets a little wet. Hoarders can get defensive over certain things getting thrown out, that’s why they’re hoarders. Don’t let it get to you, you haven’t wronged her.

You should also really move out as soon as you can.

You may be used to it, but that sounds like an abysmal way to live, and once you move out, you’ll regret not doing it sooner. Take it from a messy person, you may get her to clean up, but it’s not going to stay that way, and clutter is a mental drag, and in your case a health hazard.” mountainrebel

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Beyond all the other mental health disorders your guardian is struggling with, hoarding is another.

Your willingness to help is commendable, but please don’t fault yourself for being unable to help.

Hoarders require help from professionals. There’s an emotional attachment that is bonded to the items in a hoard, and oftentimes a well-meaning family member such as yourself tries to help, and it creates a trauma of loss for the hoarder, causing the cycle to worsen.

Please understand I don’t blame you AT ALL for this situation, I just want you to have the knowledge behind it.

A mental health professional who specializes in hoarding disorder will be your best bet, as they can help your guardian through the process and make the choices they need to in order to get better – or not.

Hoarders often regress. Once the house is clean, it feels empty, a hoarder can feel victimized, forced into cleaning, or even betrayed – even if they agreed to go along with the process.

My advice is to seek help for the family, offer quiet support from the sidelines when asked (but don’t push), and NEVER blame yourself for your situation.” Knitchick82

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I’m generally of the mind that you shouldn’t throw away belongings that aren’t yours.

The actual food trash, things that were destroyed by mice, etc., sure. You even said the console was a gift from a grandparent so it may have had some sentimental value in and of itself.

That being said I’m sorry for your situation and I hope everyone can get the help they need.” whiterice2323

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Pcogale 2 months ago
Soft YTJ but not for the reasons you think. The issue is that the items don't belong to you. Your guardian does have some serious mental issues but they are not for you to fix. You shouldn't have thrown their stuff out. It's also possible that even though the pictures were on there, they have have been corrupted and no one could see them anyway.

The best to do is probably to move out. That way you will have your own clean space and not have to worry about living in unsanitary conditions that aren't great for you. Can you take your brother with you or is he younger than you?
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3. WIBTJ If I Get Upset At My Family For Neglecting Our Dog?

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“My family’s had this dog (female lab) since I was in about 8th grade or so. We always just called her the ‘family dog’. I’ve been noticing that none of my family has ever really given her any attention. I want to convince my parent to give her to another family.

My family keeps her outside in a cage unless there is BAD weather. (Flash floods/tornadoes etc.) She only has a tennis ball to play with. She’s supposed to have black fur, it’s brown cause of all the dirt out there. We have never given her a bath, so she could easily have harmful things in her system.

I eventually decided to talk to my mom about it. I said that we should give her away because she has no room to run around and we never care for her. She said ‘The rain cleans her and she has a dog house and tree for shelter.

(Dog’s name) is fine.’ I feel like she needs more than a dog house and tree, and the water just makes it worse. We have two small dogs in the house that get cared for properly. The lab thinks she is a lap dog so that’s why they made the choice to keep her outside.

But I feel like if we trained her to not jump onto people when she was younger, this would’ve never been a problem.

I feel like I might be part of the problem because I haven’t really taken care of her much either. I just want her to be given to a caring family.

So would I be the jerk for being upset with them?

(Update: the dog was given to a better family after a bath and check-up at the vet. She was healthy both mentally and physically!)”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. No idea how old you are now or how long you have had the dog…

but I think this is very sweet and mature, and being handled in a mature way. It sounds like you are contributing to the neglect, but I don’t hold it against you too much as it was a learned behavior. The important thing is that you have recognized it and are trying to do something about it.

(YTJ if you do not change things though.)

Regardless of whether your parents allow you to rehome her, you should start spending time with her and training her (potty training, making sure she doesn’t bite (even playfully), learning basic commands, etc). This will make her happier and will make it significantly easier to rehome her to a family that will actually keep her.” One_Scholar_296

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You sound young but mature enough that you can see there’s a problem. Please call the Humane Society and talk to someone. Your mother’s response is kind of jerkish. Big dogs will always see themselves as lap dogs. I myself have a 160lb lapdog mastiff. Please talk to a non-kill shelter, humane society, or ASPCA.” WeNeedAnApocalypse

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Why not start doing stuff with the dog? Show them how cool a dog can be.

We have a 3-year-old dog and he’s inside but if he goes out we go with him because he’s small and we are on a farm and it’s not safe plus we like doing things with him.

Again he is small but he knows tons of things. He can find sheds (deer antlers that fall off deer). He plays frisbee. He does other scent work too. He plays hide and seek. He knows about 12 different tricks.

He knows tons of words. All of this is because we have done things with him since he was a pup.

Your dog needs you to give her a good life.

I doubt you will convince your family to give her away and even then it’s VERY hard for old dogs to get homes so the best thing is for YOU to start giving her a good life. Ask your parents if you can take her to obedience lessons or something to start.” exotics

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2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Join Me On My Runs?

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“I (16f) have a younger sister Sara (13f) who absolutely hates any healthy foods. She refuses to eat vegetables, fruit, basically anything that isn’t prepackaged and sugary. Up until a few months ago, this wasn’t an issue because she played soccer at school and the regular exercise kept her at an average weight and allowed her to eat whatever she wanted.

However, at the beginning of the 2021 school year, she tried out for the soccer team and didn’t make it, meaning that her one source of physical exercise was now taken away from her.

My mom recently took Sara to the doctor and they found out that over the school year she’s gained quite a bit of weight and is now not only overweight but clinically obese.

Obviously, Sara was very upset about this and my parents wanted to find a way to help her lose weight but she is refusing to eat healthier.

This is where I might be the jerk. One of my passions is running, and my parents asked me to start taking Sara on my daily runs so she could gain back her stamina and lose some weight.

The problem is, I consider my daily runs my alone time and am very reluctant to bring Sara along. I run anywhere from 6-12 miles a day and wake up at five AM so I can run before school. I began running when I was in a low place mentally at the suggestion of my therapist and over the years it has really helped me mentally and physically and I genuinely look forward to it every day.

I told my parents I wouldn’t take her with me because I know that she can’t run nearly as far as I like to go and, without wanting to sound mean, I think that she would really hold me back. As well as this, Sara doesn’t like to wake up early and my parents want me to move my runs to after school so she can come along.

I don’t want to disrupt my routine just to take her with me. I don’t understand why she can’t just run on her own, but my parents say that as her older sister it’s my job to encourage her, and they don’t think she’ll be safe running on her own even though I was allowed to run by myself when I was Sara’s age (13).

They say I’m the jerk for refusing to take her, and Sara is upset that I ‘don’t want to spend time with her.’ My parents have become very passive-aggressive towards me and say I’m selfish for letting Sara be sick. I feel bad that Sara is upset, and I know that if I really wanted to I could help her, but at the same time, I don’t want to give up time that is important to me to help her do something she is perfectly capable of doing on her own.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

First of all, you, a teenager, are not responsible for managing your sister’s weight.

Second of all, weight loss happens in the kitchen. If your parents want her to lose weight they need to feed her healthier meals with fewer calories (obviously not over-restrict or shame her; no one wants to cause an eating disorder) and not keep junk food in the house all the time.

Third of all, obese people actually shouldn’t run or do any high-impact exercise, because it puts an astounding amount of impact and pressure on their joints, causing a high risk of injury.

Fourth of all, how did your parents not notice your sister is obese until a doctor told them?” Sugar_Weasel_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Her eating habits have been allowed to get that way because of your parents allowing her to avoid unprocessed healthy foods.

Additionally, sometimes girls at the onset of puberty, have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). PCOS is much more common in adolescence than some realize and may be a part of the reason she’s obese at a young age. This is to say your parents need to take on responsibility here for gradually helping her grow out of her excess weight.

It isn’t going to happen overnight. She can also find another sport besides soccer to play this season.

That all aside, I do think it would be nice to comprise a bit here. Maybe run most days without her but shift your schedule just one day per week where you run with her?” DontRunReds

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

But unlike others, I don’t suggest splitting your runs & walking/running with her in the afternoons. I say this not to be cruel or mean to your sister – but as someone whose workouts (solo) have been a huge part of helping my own mental health. These solo runs are most likely a way to clear & refresh your mind, and be in tune with your body (that’s how it is for me, and it’s been 20+ years).

Your sister also probably isn’t in the best frame of mind – considering all that’s happening. This is on your parents as well. They let this happen. Let THEM fix it. You aren’t letting your sister be anything. Don’t compromise your mental health/overall well-being because of their mistake & your sister’s choices. There are other ways you two could hang out. I’d make sure you let your therapist know about what’s happening & the pressure being put on you. Good luck OP!” AdeptAd6213

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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ - your parents are in expecting you to fix their child's weight issues.

The running in the morning is what's keeping you in a good mental space. I would not be stopping this. The only, very small compromise, would be a very quick run in the afternoon with only a small distance.

You are spot on in thinking that there is no way you sister can run at your pace and for that distance. So you either compromise with an extremely small, slow run in the afternoon while continuing your long morning one. Or not go.

The easier thing to do would actually be to do the run... your sister may do it for a day or two but you'll find that she won't be ready or is too tired or some other excuse.
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1. WIBTJ If I Decorate The Apartment The Way I Want To?

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“I’ve (24F) been maintaining a long-distance relationship with my partner (22M) for the past 3 years since graduating college. As trashy as the distance has been, we’ve made it work. And hopefully, we’ll be together for the long run.

I’ve been working in Indiana while he finishes his degree in Michigan.

I recently got a great new job in Chicago and planned on moving there. Since this was the first time I’d actually have enough income to buy non-necessities, I was excited to get new furniture, art, and decorations so I could have a place I was proud to call mine.

But there was a hiccup with my partner’s living situation that was arguably unforeseen. So I got permission from my new boss to work remotely and move out to Michigan. That way, my partner has a place to stay while he finishes his last year of school. I will be paying 95% of the bills.

He offered to cover utilities which was fine with me.

The new place is a 2 bedroom apartment. One bedroom will be used as an office for me to get my work done. For the past few weeks, we’ve been discussing what new art, furniture, rugs, etc. to get for the new place.

Problem is, that we have different tastes and he seems to be just as passionate about decorating the place to meet his vision. A part of me thinks we need to find a compromise somewhere because he’s more than just a guest. I mean he’ll probably be my husband one day.

But another part of me thinks that I should put my foot down since I am paying the bills and it’s been a dream of mine for a while. And when we get a house together someday, we will have more rooms for my partner to decorate the way he wants.

Side note, my partner is going to attend a baby shower instead of helping me pack the moving truck. He made the plans prior to the moving date getting established. I can’t help but feel he should prioritize helping me move and not go to the shower. Does that make him a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ if you don’t compromise.

If you want it to be your couple’s place, then you compromise. If you hold his lack of finances against him, when he is actively going to school to get his life started, you’re going to start your relationship off with resentment and precedence for being petty over who the breadwinner is…

not ideal if he will be your hubby. Successful relationships take compromise.

As for the baby shower, if this baby is this important to him, why on earth did you/you guys select this day for moving day? That’s poor planning that whoever set the date for moving needs to work on improving.” SunnyRose57

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You’re planning to move in together. Figure out how to compromise. You can either decide you get x and he gets y, or you wait to buy something until you both agree on the item.

Due to current circumstances, you are giving him a lot by moving out to him and paying the rent.

This is great, but… the plan sounded like you would be living together at some point anyways. When that happened you’d have to reconsider your decorations anyways, right? You’d let him have some input.

Also, his going to a baby shower has nothing to do with those scenarios. If it means that much to you ask if he can leave early/show up late to help you.” TragedyRose

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Pcogale 2 months ago
I need to reserve judgement right now. How long are you planning on staying in Michigan? If it's just until he finishes the degree then you just compromise and see if you are actually compatible. A long distance relationship is quite different to seeing each other a lot. Things change in time. And living together is very different to phone calls and facetime.

I would probably just get second hand furniture and then when you move to a more permanent home, then get what you want. But then you will know whether you really are compatible.
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