People Anticipate Our Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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It normally takes more than one encounter to gain a feel for someone's personality. You need to spend a lot of time and go through a lot of experiences together to know how they truly react to various situations. But sometimes just a little background information is all you need to judge someone, and that's exactly what these people are trying to do here. Tell us who you think the true jerks are in these stories. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. WIBTJ If I Asked My Friends To Stop Talking About Their Insecurities?

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“I love that my friends feel open and comfortable telling me their struggles and I don’t want that to change. I am always here to listen to them if they need and I know they are here for me. But recently nearly everything my friend has been saying on our group chat is about how much she hates the way she looks.

And there’s just so much talk about being fat and such bad views on it that honestly, it’s really been getting to me.

Now while I’m thin-ish now, I was not always like this and I have a problem with my eating habits and it took a lot to get to where I am.

But recently I’ve really been in a slump in terms of eating healthily due to stress (eating a whole box of cookies in one sitting and then eating a family-sized bag of chips on top of my regular meals and snacks) and obviously, I’ve gained weight because of it. I grew to be okay with gaining and losing weight but just constantly hearing how much she hates herself for being fat, or how much she wishes she fit Asian beauty standards but she’s considered fat so she’s considered ugly, or how her mom constantly tells her to go on a diet (which is kinda messed up cause she’s an average weight) just really makes me feel awful every time I read it.

She has this habit of comparing herself to people with completely different body types or even anime characters and saying that this is a realistic body type for her to achieve and that it’s the body she dreams of having and I just can’t take it. I look at myself and I know I look nothing like that and I never will.

I just can’t stand it sometimes. And again it’s all the time. It’s a good 70% of the conversation most of the time. We could be talking about a meme about a cat and then, BAM, she tells us she hates the way her face droops (which mine droops the exact same way if not more).

Basically, all the insecurities about my body I’ve developed have been because of other people constantly worrying about them. I never thought twice about my arms until people kept telling me how much they hate their arms and now it’s huge insecurity, I never cared about my acne or skin until people kept telling me they hate theirs.

I don’t know man, I feel like I was really lucky that I didn’t have a lot of insecurities and then it kinda went down the drain because of constantly being told others’ insecurities. From bullies, you know that they are just trying to get under your skin so they’ll say anything.

But when it’s your friends just complaining (that sounds harsh but I don’t know what other word to use), it’s from a genuine insecurity you know? I just really don’t want to hear about anyone’s body insecurities anymore. I just don’t want to. Would I be the jerk if I told them to stop?”

Another User Comments:

“As you say, they feel comfortable enough to talk openly about their insecurities.

That’s a good thing, but at the same time, you have to feel comfortable as well.

If they are good friends, they’ll understand that it’s hard for you to hear and will stop bringing it up.

No jerks here, not yet anyway. You for sure wouldn’t be one if you asked them. Just don’t frame it as you did with her complaining about her face ‘droops’ and say that you’ll have it ‘worse’.

Then it would just come off as her not being able to complain about something because someone has it worse.” haveitgood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I feel like most of the time those people are fishing for compliments, but they can also feed into anyone else’s insecurities. And it’s really boring when conversations center around analyzing body parts as if that’s the most important thing we have to offer. Just bow out of the conversation if you can’t change the topic.” TemptingPenguin369

1 points (1 votes)
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OpenFlower 2 weeks ago
NTJ. I can be really really hard to stay in a positive and light head space when someone you constantly talk to is being negative. I'm glad you and your friends have such a good support system for each other. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I completely understand how you're feeling but I am not in the right space right now to take in all these negative comments." Something like that! You don't have to put your comfort aside, OP. I hope your friend can also get some therapy or something to help them with their body imagine. Everyone deserves to love themselves! Good luck, OP.
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17. WIBTJ If I Make An Online Purchase Without My Parents' Permission?

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“I (19F) think that I’m old enough to make purchases without my parents’ (65M & 53F) permission, but unfortunately neither of them nor my younger brother (16M) trust me. The purchase in question is for some sketchbooks which in total cost $34, but I’m sure my parents won’t let me since I already own a lot of sketchbooks (most of which are almost filled up).

I admit that I made some reckless purchases in the past (spending $200 for a commission), but I try to limit shopping like this to once a year. I don’t buy my own groceries, nor do I file taxes, plus I have a part-time job I make $12 per hour, and even then my parents don’t let me spend that money and put it in my bank account.

I plan on sneaking onto mom & dad’s Amazon account and making the purchase since they’d just say no otherwise (and I do not have a credit card of my own). However, I’m afraid they’ll scream at me when they learn I purchased something without their permission. I know that permission is important, but isn’t it time I move on past that and be able to make my own purchases? I’m an adult.

Would that make me the jerk?

Edit: I have a bank account, but it’s for my college savings and the money I make from my part-time job goes in there. I asked if I could have a credit card or bank account in the past, but they said no – they said I could have a greenlight card instead, which basically is a credit card where my parents control what I spend.

I’m also under guardianship due to my autism. I never knew such guardianships were bad until recently. I know my parents want to protect me and teach me to be responsible, but there’s a difference between being protective and controlling.”

Another User Comments:

“From what it sounds, the issue is the guardianship. You need to speak to a friend or relative who can help you speak to an attorney.

At 19, spending some of your funds on personal items like sketchbooks is normal. Even ordering a commission if you have the money, is normal. We learn how to manage our finances by actually managing our finances.

Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes not so much, but it’s part of the growing up process.

If they won’t let you learn, then you will be a perpetual child. Eventually, your parents will pass away, and I’m not sure if your brother wants to be your guardian. This issue is bigger than sketchbooks. It’s an issue of autonomy.

You need more help than we can offer. Please reach out to someone you trust and speak to an attorney or caseworker.

You should have access to some spending money and learn how to manage your own expenses. Good luck. NTJ, but with the above qualifications.” Alternative-Lion-427

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ. Look, you honestly don’t seem to understand based on your comments, but your plan is impulsive, ill-thought-out, and immoral. You have 6 sketchbooks, all of which still have space, some considerable.

You are fixated on purchasing another $34 sketchbook. This is a wholly irrational purchase but hey, everyone is entitled to frivolously spend within their budget. You have pocket money which you can spend as you wish, but you don’t want to use that on this sketchbook. Instead, you want to dip into your job savings for college to buy this sketchbook.

You are under guardianship due to past financial missteps.

You have not asked your guardians and instead want to sneak into their account and stealthily order this sketchbook with their funds, hoping the order will not be detected and that nobody will notice the arrival of your new sketchbook – even though you have already flagged to at least your brother that you want it.

Your plan is full of holes and you will assuredly be caught. On top of that, their credit cards are not your funds and your frustration does not entitle you to steal from them as you have before.

In order to gain their trust, you need to start acting responsibly. Use your possessions before acquiring new ones.

Save your pocket money for your bigger purchases. Get the controlled spending card your parents recommended so you can make online purchases or get a prepaid card if you want privacy. Document your spending and develop a budget, and show that you can stick to it. Above all, please try to recognize that other people’s funds are not yours.” no_good_namez

Another User Comments:

“I’m unsure what the terms of the guardianship are, but I would first start by writing an email or text to your parents saying you would like an allowance to spend on things for yourself.

Maybe $50-$100 a week. If they deny you, I would get it in writing and get them to tell you why.

I’m under the impression that if you can work and go to school you shouldn’t be under this type of control, and if they are using it to keep you under their thumb, or are profiting from your labor, I would call a friend you trust, show them the messages and ask them to help you find a social worker to make sure your human rights aren’t being violated.

A third party can help keep things clear.

While yes it may be very important that you stay under this guardianship, for your well-being and safety, even very young children get allowances and it would be wrong of your parents to keep even that from you – especially when you make your own money.

NTJ – just a bad situation that can hopefully be resolved with communication or a third-party social worker.

Don’t use their funds though.” AGfiguringitout

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ if you use their Amazon account with their credit card. That’s actually fraud. I’m confused by what you said about spending $200 for a commission and I’m also confused about how you have no access to your own paycheck.

Is there a legal reason you don’t have access to your own funds and paychecks or wouldn’t be able to get a bank account without your parents?

You’re 19– a legal adult. You can walk into any bank with your ID (sometimes a second form of ID too, depending on the bank), and your social security number, and open a checking account—unless there’s some reason you wouldn’t legally be able to do that.

You can just apply for a credit card online with your basic info. If you set up an automatic deposit for your paychecks, they can go directly into your checking account.

That being said, I’m betting that your parents won’t take kindly to that and may tell you they want you to move out. Don’t underestimate the risk this would involve.” DefinitelyNotGilroy

1 points (1 votes)
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16. AITJ For Leaving The Party Early?

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“A short while ago, my cousin invited me to a party. We don’t see each other often, we live a good thirty minutes by car apart so the drive isn’t made that often, our timetables just clash.

I thought this party took place in a bar or pub or something similar, but it turned out to be a real club, lights and loud music included.

The problem is that I am epileptic, more focused on audio than visuals, but color-changing lights still give me a headache. The club was filled with colorful lights, and loud music, and a fog machine was also up and going. This of course caused the fire alarm to go off and beep the whole time.

Nobody turned it off. Beeping, screeching, and such tones can cause me to trigger a seizure. They don’t necessarily have to happen but they can and I like to be prepared.

After about two hours I decided it was too much and wanted to leave. Usually, I have my best friend with me when I go out so I have someone to stick to but she was out with her partner that night so I decided to go alone and try something new.

She usually knows what to do in case I really have a seizure.

They don’t usually happen during the day but I didn’t want to run the risk and have one and then nobody knows what to do. So I told my cousin and her mom how to react, just in case something happens before we entered.

But both responded very dismissively.

They basically told me that I was just imagining things, I should just concentrate on something else, and that nothing was actually wrong with me. That’s like me telling my friend who’s got asthma to just BREATHE and everything will be fine?

I felt very disrespected and my actual illness was disregarded, so I left.

My cousin escorted me to my car but told me the same thing again before I got in and drove home.

Now I feel a little bad though, just leaving them there after they had invited me. AITJ?

My only alternative to staying inside would have been to stay outside at 5-7°C, which is pretty cold and have one smoke after the other.

They didn’t really include me in their conversations, mostly talked to their respective partners and only talked to me when they asked if we wanted to go out for a smoke.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ even if there wasn’t a fear of having a seizure leaving whenever would be justified. Seems like you were going to meet at a bar or someplace where a conversation could actually be held.

If I got there and there were flashing lights, loud music, and a fire alarm going off I’m leaving right away.” Batmans_Chalupa

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You have a health condition that makes this specific type of club dangerous for you. They know this but disregarded the danger.

You didn’t leave them alone. They had each other (and you mentioned their partners were there too?).

They left you alone! By your account, they weren’t talking to you or including you unless they wanted to smoke outside.

The club sounds sketchy at best. If a smoke machine is triggering the actual smoke alarms at the venue, then the venue is not set up properly. Ignoring smoke alarms all night is a major safety issue for everyone there.

When you bring up a reasonable safety issue (that you might have a seizure and would need specific care if one occurs), and the people around you do not take that seriously, it is a safety issue for everyone involved.

The fact that they treated your concerns as silly, and then were annoyed that you left, shows they don’t take your safety seriously.

I’m sure they care about you as a family, but they sure didn’t care that you weren’t having fun. If I invited someone out to spend time with me, my goal is that they enjoy their time with me. If they had concerns about what we’d be doing or where we were going, I’d change plans so we could all have fun together.

I wouldn’t blame them bc my original plan for the evening wasn’t good for them.” Ana_Rampage

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There are always going to be people that brush off medical problems because they don’t understand and don’t want to listen. You have to be your own advocate and remove yourself from potentially unhealthy/dangerous situations. Never feel bad for taking care of yourself.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf

1 points (1 votes)
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15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mother-In-Law To Watch Me Give Birth?

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“I (29F) am giving birth in a few weeks with my husband (32M) to our first baby boy. I want to clarify that my MIL (55F) is an absolute sweetheart and has been very helpful during my pregnancy and I’ve never had a problem with her throughout my 5 years of marriage.

However recently she called me over the phone asking about wanting to be there in the delivery room with me and my husband. I said no and told her I wanted my mother there with me instead, but if there was room I would have 100% wanted her to be there with us.

Since the hospital only allows two people in the room. my mother and I already agreed on the arrangement. She seemed okay as we talked more and I thought we ended the call in agreement.

However the next day my husband confronted me telling me how rude I was to his mother.

I was confused cuz I don’t remember doing anything wrong. He would then state I refused his mother the opportunity to watch the birth of her first grandson. I informed him that I would if there was room but I really needed my own mother there with me as support. I love my MIL but I want MY mother’s support.

He told me his mother had been there more during my pregnancy and offered to help with child care. So she should be allowed in the delivery room. This is true however my mother lives in a different state. Meaning she can’t come over as often as we’d like. My MIL either wants me to trade my mother’s spot or neither of them goes inside to be fair.

Even my husband is threatening not to be inside the delivery room to respect his mother.

After talking to my mom about the situation she said it’s up to me and that she’ll understand no matter my decision.

I’m now scared that this will forever strain my relationship with both my husband and my in-laws.

AITJ? Should I just let my MIL go since she’s been there more? Should I just agree to let neither of them go to be fair?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your MIL and husband are calling this ‘seeing the birth of her grandson’ when that’s not what support people are there for.

Support people (aka people in the delivery room with you) are there to support YOU going through a traumatic medical procedure. There is no ‘watching baby be born’ it’s ‘support mom who’s delivering baby’.

Your mother will be there to support and care for you, while your MIL wants to be there to watch her grandson come out.

That’s ridiculous and you will have no support if you have your MIL and husband in the room.” Flimsy-Dragonfly-178

Another User Comments:

“For Pete’s sake, I bet you’re in the US, why is childbirth such a spectator sport over there?

Your MIL isn’t such a nice person considering she moaned to your husband and said you’d been rude to her, talk about huge red flags.

She’s deliberately manipulating you so she’s allowed into the delivery room. Please be prepared for this to be the start of her trying to call the shots because she’ll get worse once the baby is here.

To be honest, I think your husband stinks, he should have your back and he doesn’t, he’s obviously going to be a real pain, giving in to his mother when the baby is here.

What a mama’s boy.

You’ve got a choice, do you make this your hill to die on? If you don’t, then her behavior will escalate. You need to set your boundaries now before she gets worse. They also need setting with your husband, don’t take his nonsense.

If it was me. I’d tell them both to get lost, especially him with his ultimatum.

I’ll bet anything your husband is bullying you to agree to his mother being there. Of course he won’t want to miss the birth of his son. If he goes ahead then blow him, just have your mum there. It’s you having the baby not him, you have who YOU want there.

NTJ but your husband and MIL are.” KimmyStand

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’ll never understand the obsession from others to WATCH a woman give birth to a grandchild. Such entitlement! As another commenter said, childbirth isn’t a spectator sport. Especially if this is the first baby! You need the space to be vulnerable, ask questions, demand help, etc without someone hovering.

It’s raw and the most ‘animalistic’ moment that is mind-boggling, even when things go well. No one ‘deserves’ to be there or has ‘earned the right’ via their contributions. She can’t buy a ticket to watch from her good intentions. That’s not how childbirth works. Shame on your husband for not understanding this either.

My own MIL begged as well and I said NO. She said she wouldn’t be ‘looking at my (down there)’, but wanted to see the baby after it’s ‘caught’. I told her she could wait for the few hrs after birth and deal.

Pull up real videos of childbirth and show your husband. Maybe he needs a wake-up call of what real birth is like vs what it is in movies.

You decide who is there and who isn’t. Pick the people with your best interests for medical care and making emergency decisions.” Larki1894

1 points (1 votes)
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14. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That My Dad Is Going Out With His Ex?

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“I (22F) have been with my partner (24M) for like 1.5 years. He previously went out with a girl we both went to high school with. They were together for 3 years and broke up because the girl supposedly lost feelings for him. He told me he was totally over her when we first started going out, and it did seem like it, so I didn’t think about it too much.

She still lives near my parent’s place (my dad’s now) and works there. A few months ago I found out that my dad has been texting her. I asked him about it and he said that they met at the gym and he started talking to her because he recognized her as my friend from high school.

They apparently kicked it off pretty well. Long story short, they are together. I honestly didn’t really care because I don’t spend that much time with my dad and I don’t think they are that serious with each other. I didn’t tell my partner because I assumed he wouldn’t care about what his ex was doing and he rarely even saw my father.

Fast forward to Easter and my dad invited me and my partner over to his place for dinner. She wasn’t there obviously but my dad mentioned her when we were talking about stuff my partner and I did in high school. Now I have to mention that she has a very unique foreign name and so it was very obvious who he was talking about.

My partner was a little confused and asked my dad how he knew her. So my dad just casually told him that they had been going out for a while. He didn’t see anything weird in this and neither did I, to be honest.

My partner seemed a little mad but I just ignored it until he started acting very rude toward my dad.

He even made an ugly joke about my parent’s divorce knowing that the whole situation was very traumatic for my dad. I made an excuse and we eventually left early and went home. That’s when he got really mad at me.

He started screaming at me for not telling him about my father and his ex.

He didn’t understand why I would hide something so ‘important’ from him. When I asked why it was so important for him, he came up with the most ridiculous reasons. He said that he had a right to know that his ex was a gold digger (I don’t know what he meant by that because my dad is not rich in any way.

I guess he just associated going out with older men with gold-digging). He even suggested that she was only going out with my dad to get close to him. I told him that they would probably break up soon anyway and that we won’t be forced to ever spend time with the two of them.

But he was still extremely mad at me. At this point, I got angry at him too. It made me mad how much he seemed to still care about someone he was supposedly over. I don’t think it should matter to him who she was seeing.

The nail in the coffin for me was when we got in a fight yesterday and he said something along the lines of ‘I didn’t start going out with you for her to pop up in my life again like this’.

I even felt like he tried blaming me for letting my dad go out with his ex. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. People have emotions. They don’t just turn off like a spigot. I would be weirded out if one of my exes went out with my husband’s mother, yet I have no romantic feelings for any of my exes.

It is perfectly normal that I would still care that my ex could be my step-father or grandpa to my kids or that someone I don’t want in my life is now going to be a regular at Easter brunch.

You are not being truthful. If you thought it wasn’t a big deal, you would have told him when you found out.

Your dad going out with someone you both went to HS with is kind of a big deal and weird. You intentionally avoided telling him. So YTJ for pretending you just forgot to mention it.” Corpuscular_Ocelot

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Look, I get logically he shouldn’t care who his ex is seeing and your dad can see whoever he wants.

This situation is still weird though. I would be uncomfortable too if I was your partner especially because you never mentioned it. Like I’m assuming you guys talk every day and you didn’t once bring it up? If that was me I would’ve told my partner about it just because I would’ve found it weird my parent was going out with someone our age.

I also think it’s strange you don’t seem to find that weird at all.

Also, what if your partner’s ex had been at your house with dad? Just because they’re over doesn’t mean he doesn’t have negative feelings associated with her and you would’ve just sprung that on him with no warning.

Your partner should not have flipped out like he did but his feelings were reasonable.” freyesphinx

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Your dad is a complete creep, seeing someone young enough to be his child.

And even if this is your partner’s ex, and they’re not together anymore, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have fond memories of her, that he doesn’t still respect her, and that he wants her to be safe and have what is best for her.

The right way to break up is to say ‘go in peace, and may you find your best happiness elsewhere.’ And to continue to wish the best for your ex. Just because how you care is different, doesn’t mean that you stop caring and become indifferent to their happiness and welfare.

So it does not surprise me, at all, that your partner is shocked to find out his ex is seeing someone old enough to be her father.

And it is probably even more shocking, for your partner, for him to see that your father is being a creep who is going out with someone as young as his daughter, and you’re okay with that.

Plus, the added awkwardness that, if things work out for the two of you, and for your dad and his partner, he could wind up with his ex, who is his own age, as his mother-in-law.

And you left him to be blindsided by this situation. No warning: ‘Just so you know, my dad’s a creep, and he’s going out with a girl our age, who is our friend from high school, your ex.'” Jazzlike_Humor3340

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here: you, dad, and your partner.

The guy’s reaction is terrible but his last relationship might have been traumatic. You and dad are extremely creepy for acting like the situation is fine regarding the age difference and your proximity with your former classmate. Any parent who goes out with someone in a similar age group as their child is a big red flag, doesn’t matter if you’re a young parent, it’s nasty. Your classmate and partner’s ex could end up as your stepmom and potentially his future mother-in-law. This whole situation is yikes and (I’m sorry but) I hope your partner removes himself from this situation.” Strange-Cat-1613

1 points (1 votes)
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13. AITJ For Forgetting To Cook Dinner?

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“Yesterday, my partner got invited to her friend’s place to go to the rooftop pool. She decided to go and told me that, since she was going to be gone, dinner was going to have to be my responsibility. She told me to just have it ready preferably when she got home, she figured she’d be back at 4.

She works from home, I go into the office most days, and she enjoys cooking so most nights it’s her cooking, and me doing the dishes. I like to spend Sundays doing as much of my work as I can so that my Mondays are as light as possible. I was just so buried in stuff that I forgot to even start to think about dinner.

She got home and asked what I’d made. If there were a Death Stare Hall of Fame, she’d be in it for the look she gave me after I said ‘Oh God, dinner’. I got lectured from the time we started walking to the store to the time we got home.

I didn’t appreciate the ‘Dinner will be in 20, let’s hope you don’t forget that too’.

I tried apologizing, but she then blew it up with not just a ‘You forgot dinner’, but made it into, ‘Do you just not listen to me?’ which isn’t fair because this isn’t a regular thing.

I tried to explain that I had every intention of making dinner but was just really caught up in work stuff and the day flew by.

She hasn’t spoken to me since last night and she created a pillow barrier between us in our bed. For the record, we’re both 23.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Yeah, YTJ – and here’s why.

If your partner is saying ‘Do you just not listen to me?!’ It happens more than you think, and it is becoming like she feels unimportant, like everything she says to you goes in one ear and out another. Likely also 1 of 2 other things: either 1) you’re not acting like a true partner to her and she’s frustrated at having to raise a 23-year-old man…

OR 2) she’s feeling dismissed and taken for granted. Neither one is a good look. TALK TO HER. ASK her why it was such a trigger for her.

Nicely, politely. ‘Hey. I’m sorry I forgot dinner the other night… but it seemed to be a big trigger for you, and I want to work this out, so can you let me know what your thought process is/was?’ AND THEN LISTEN.

Don’t talk. LISTEN TO ALL OF IT.

It sounds like your partner is fed up with being the sole project manager of the house. Whether she asked you to or not, it wouldn’t have been a huge jump to put the logic together of ‘hey my girl is gonna be gone until Xpm…

Dinner is at X:30 – that’s not enough time for her to make dinner. I SHOULD DO IT.’ So to her, you screwed up twice. Not only did she HAVE TO ASK YOU to do something you really should have known to do, or at least asked about when she said she was going to her friend’s…

Once she had to TELL you to do it, you then forgot.” TerrifiedSquid

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Does she normally talk to you like that, the way she is scolding you would make you think you’re the child and she is the parent? You were busy with work and forgot, I even forget at times when busy doing housework, and the next thing I know my husband or someone else asks what are we going to have for dinner.

I tell them I am sorry I got so busy I forgot, never been yelled at for forgetting, and we just go ahead and decide on what to fix.

It’s not like your partner was doing anything important besides going to someone’s pool, she could have easily picked up something on the way home.

Blows my mind to see grown women treating men like children, especially as you weren’t wasting your time but busy with work.” Awkward_Joke_5748

Another User Comments:

“So yeah, YTJ, but I have a feeling that this reaction was in response to, not only this issue but built-up resentment. Is there something else going on? You mentioned she works from home and does all of the cooking.

Is she doing the heavy load of the chores too? Is she feeling burnt out and unsupported by you? Does she feel that you’re not contributing equally and this was just the final straw? Being asked to do one thing and forgetting because of work is not ok, but I could understand being frustrated over it.

However, there seems to be more to it than just this one situation. Maybe she overall feels like you don’t pay attention to her and take her for granted. Maybe this is not the first time she asked a favor from you and you failed her. Since you’ve apologized and she still seems to be hurt, I’d suggest trying to understand what else is going on.

Take a step back and try to look at the whole picture. Maybe you’re missing out on more instances where you failed to listen to her but didn’t notice. It’s not just about this dinner.” andyzondo

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – it is clear that you didn’t even get as far as planning dinner, so your ‘I forgot/was too busy working’ is a lame excuse.

That being said, you did own up to your mistake, apologize and try to make it right. This is where she sucks. Instead of giving you an opportunity to get take out, or go to a restaurant, or make you cook… all of which could have been a solution, she chooses to lecture you for a while and then play the silent/angry treatment.

The pillows in the bed thing were the last straw for me. In my experience, withholding affection is horribly emotionally damaging, and is both cowardly and immature. She definitely has the right to be cross with you, but she escalated and that’s why everyone sucks here.” PutridPreference3657

1 points (1 votes)
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12. WIBTJ If I Don't Attend My Niece's Birthday?

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“My niece and I are eleven months apart, she’ll turn legal in late May so we’d be the same age for at least two weeks before my birthday, which happens to fall on an extended weekend. My sister, her Mom, wants to celebrate my niece’s birthday with me. No reason was given, just ‘I’ll have enough money by then’.

She didn’t ask for a joint birthday and even if she did my answer would be ‘No.’ If she had asked at all it’d still be ‘No’. My obvious distaste has been overlooked so it might just happen anyway.

(She’s having dinner at her actual party.)

I understand I can’t be entitled to an entire day.

It’s just that I have had terrible birthdays, and can’t remember the last time it felt special to me. This is the first birthday I’ll spend with my five-month-old, despite what everyone may think – this day would mean a lot to me if I could just have it with mine.

The birthday is all my sister talks about. Anyway, WIBTJ if I skip it? This is a big party, she’s purchasing top-notch nonsense too whereas mine wouldn’t be any good. I don’t have that budget to pimp my birthday.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You should spend your birthday how you want to.

You don’t need to try and have a party to rival your niece’s, you should just do what you’d like to do on the day with your baby. I imagine your sister knows that throwing the party on your birthday means you might not go, and I think your niece would understand.” User

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here…

I guess. Your sister wants to celebrate you in addition to celebrating her daughter’s birthday, and it sounds like she is going all out. It’s not clear at all why this prevents you from having your own birthday party: it’s not your sister’s responsibility to throw one.

Also, your sister isn’t psychic.

If you don’t want to attend the party because it’s scheduled for your birthday, and you don’t want to share the celebration with your niece, then tell your sister. It may not be too late to change the date and have the birthday party just for your niece.” -SnowQueen-

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You’re an adult and you can do whatever you want and set whatever rules you want with no explanations.

If people ask why – ‘this is what I’ve decided to do’. Don’t justify or give excuses.” Citychic88

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Pcogale 2 weeks ago
Does your sister want to have a joint birthday party for you and her daughter? It's not clear from your post. It's hard to tell whether she just expects you at her daughter's party and is saying that she really wants to see you but that's not actually what it is or whether she will be celebrating you as well.

Your sister isn't taking your wishes into concern here. If you don't want to be the centre of attention then you don't have to be the centre of attention.

What does your niece think? What are her thoughts? Are you even close to her? I would be asking her what she thinks of sharing her party with you? She may not be impressed either.

But if you have other plans then it's okay not to go. Especially if you aren't close to your niece. Your birthday is important but it doesn't mean you have to come to this one.
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11. AITJ For Resizing My Bridesmaid Shirt?

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“My friend is getting married soon, and I’m one of her bridesmaids. Last weekend was her bachelorette party trip, and one of the other bridesmaids (who I had never met) had emailed us a few months ago saying it would be ‘fun’ to surprise the bride with matching t-shirts for the trip.

Not really my thing, but happy to go along with it. We all agreed, and the organizer said she would order the shirts and send them. She didn’t ask for our sizes, so I emailed her asking for an XS. No response.

The shirt arrived a few weeks ago and… it was an XL.

Someone else in the group emailed saying ‘hey I might have gotten someone else’s shirt? I asked for a medium’ and the organizer confessed that she decided to order all the shirts in an XL as it was cheaper that way(?) and also she ‘didn’t like tight shirts’. WHAT? Forget tight, I looked like a child in her dad’s shirt.

I’m pretty good at sewing (or good enough to size down a t-shirt I’ll never wear again) so I re-sized mine to actually fit me. I did the same for my friend who lives near me and is another bridesmaid.

Well, when we got to the destination, the organizer was annoyed because the two of us ‘no longer matched’ and accused us of sabotaging the surprise.

I thought the matching had to do with the color and design of the shirts, not the sizes. Also, while we were the only ones who actually took scissors and thread to our shirts, others rolled up sleeves, tied the shirt to make it like a crop top, etc. Also if it’s relevant the organizer was larger and actually fit in her XL t-shirt, unlike 80% of the rest of the group.

Also, the bride didn’t seem to care at all.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I feel like the organizer probably wanted everyone to have the same size to make herself feel better about being larger. Not sure how the organizer thought everyone getting the same size would somehow make her look better for being in an XL.

If anything it seems weirder if she fits perfectly in an XL and everyone else has their XL super baggy on them (would probably make her look larger than if everyone just had their right size).” mcgillstudent123456

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You put the key part at the end. The organizer fits into the shirt.

So obviously her intention was that all of you would be in similar-sized shirts. She was trying to minimize, so to speak, her size by bulking all of you up. I’m not sympathetic to her because she thought she was being sneaky rather than honest. Not only that, she was content to try and make herself look better by making the rest of you look worse.” disruptionisbliss

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

The explanation: the organizer is extremely self-conscious about her weight and appearance, particularly in situations like weddings where people tend to dress elegantly and clothes tend to be fitted. She thought she had come up with the perfect way to enjoy the bachelorette party without being constantly reminded how much thinner the other girls are than her: make everyone wear baggy clothes. Unfortunately, you inadvertently undid her plan and now she has to spend the party surrounded by thin attractive people.” User

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10. AITJ For Calling My Sister-In-Law A Drama Queen?

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“I got really wasted during my sister-in-law’s wedding and ended up sleeping with SIL’s sister later on after the reception since we were all staying in the same hotel anyways. The only reason my SIL found out we hooked up was because a couple of months later her sister found out she was pregnant and didn’t know how to contact me to tell me I’m the father.

We kept our son obviously. He’s 16 months old and the light of my life, we both love him so much. And we are co-parenting but also taking our relationship very slow. My SIL stayed bitter at me though for knocking up her sister, her exact words. And for no good reason.

Once I was told she was pregnant I was fully involved in the whole pregnancy and ready to support her in any way she needed. We are happy with how our relationship is going not just as parents but as a couple trying to test the waters without getting too serious.

SIL still acts like I’m scum when I’ve been nothing but a good father. My son’s mom doesn’t know why her sister is this way with me either. It’s not like I mistreat my son or his mom. She acts so cold when we’re at family events. If I literally ask her a question or make conversation she straight up acts like she heard nothing.

I got sick of it recently so I called her out. She says it’s my own fault she’s this way for getting her sister pregnant. Again I ask what is the big deal. It’s our life at the end of the day. We don’t even have problems as parents. So what was she actually mad about? That we hooked up on the night of her wedding, according to her if it had been any other night gone, but now she’s always gonna remember her nephew was conceived on her night.

That’s exactly how she said it. Out loud I said: ‘That’s what you’re making a big deal about?’

All this time acting cold to me just because she expected the whole world not to hook up on her important night. She would have never known anyways if my son’s mom hadn’t told her so it’s not like that would have affected her in any way.

What I ended up telling her was the world doesn’t revolve around her so why does she have to be such a drama queen about who did what on that night specifically and why can’t she just be happy she has a nephew? I would get her being weirded out or just not happy about it for a short period but my son is over a year old.

And she started acting like this since the pregnancy. So that’s why I said drama queen for acting this way for that long.

Of course, she’s mad. So is my brother. He agrees that it’s kind of dumb but at the end of the day those are her feelings and it’s not fair to ridicule her for how she sees this.

They expect me to apologize to her but I don’t want to. It just really feels ridiculous. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Ok dude NTJ by a long shot.

People hook up at weddings quite often. Y’all were wasted and didn’t use protection, which also happens quite often. However, you sticking around and being a great dad to that kid not to mention you were there to support her throughout the pregnancy, does not happen often and is honorable, in my opinion.

Good on you for that.

You could have easily said oh well it was some flimsy hook up I don’t want anything to do with this. But you didn’t. You were a man about it and became that child’s father and a good one at that. AND even attempting a relationship with the mother.

Dude, I applaud you in all honesty and you should tell the SIL ALL OF THAT. She has absolutely NO REASON to be hating on you other than it was ‘her day.’ Oh well. She needs to step off.

Obviously, the child’s mother has zero complaints and it’s none of SIL’s business anyway.

It’s YOURS and that kid’s MOM’s business. No one else’s. Keep doing what you’re doing man. NTJ.” MzFiz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

People hook up after weddings all time time. There’s an open bar, and people are looking good in really nice clothes. She could be upset if you two made a scene or were all over each other at the wedding, then sure.

But she had no idea for MONTHS. If she didn’t know and you didn’t know – really who could?

She’s a major jerk because now there’s a child, and her hostility towards you is going to affect your relationship with her sister, and her relationship with your child as well as the family dynamic.

Have a conversation with her, and ask what you can do to make peace because there IS a child involved.

Best of luck parenting, and building a relationship with baby mama! It seems you guys are being incredibly mature!” sunnysideegg2002

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have a plot twist for you, but I think it might be closer to fact than fiction: It’s easier/safer to be mad at you/punish you than it is to do either of those things at her own husband or sister.

2 years is a long time to behave this way. If this was really about you, it would be for one of two reasons: She either hated your guts before her wedding ever happened, or she had a biiiig thing for you. I think neither is true because there would have been signs of these strong emotions.

She has clearly demonstrated that she is no poker player and is not well schooled on emotional concealment. Let’s move on.

She could be angry at her sister for having a baby first, as she expected to have that status, as she is married first. She could be mad at her sister for having a better night on her wedding night than she did, oops.

This brings us to her husband (your brother). Maybe she’s mad at her husband for being a less-than-stellar lover on the night of their wedding. Maybe he drank too much or it was a lot of pressure and things didn’t happen or it wasn’t very romantic, or it didn’t last very long, etc.

BUT, you and her sister clearly had a great night, that night, and were productive to boot. Respectfully.

So, again, it’s easier to be mad at you, as you are still part of the equation of the situation, but one step removed from her than her sister and her husband.

I suggest for funsies, to throw her off her guard, to watch her be ugly in the face of your golden radiance, and have others be witness to it…

and for the reason that it might actually loosen the tightness of anger and frustration in you. The next time she is ugly to you, pretends you don’t exist, is being a total brat, look her dead in the eye with most sincerity you can muster and the most empathy you can bring up and tell her ‘(insert her name), I am so sorry this has been hard on you.

I’m doing everything I can to make this a better situation. I promise.’

Offer her your hand, in a handshake. Maybe she’ll break down and hug you. Maybe she’ll be a total witch and laugh in your face and everyone can watch her completely fall into her own hole of hatred and it will be pretty clear that she is the problem and maybe everyone in the family will stop being so stupid about her petty behavior being your problem. Outshine her.” Maleficent_Can1946

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9. AITJ For Refusing To Go To The Store?

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“I’m in my last year of high school and at the end of the year, I have 2 very important exams, one that is similar to the SATs, and the second one is my college admission. Overall, it’s a lot to study. My mom works at a maternity center. One day she works and the next she spends at home.

The days she spends at home usually consist of her cooking or cleaning. I wanna say I appreciate absolutely everything she does for this whole family and I try not to get in fights with her because I don’t want her to think I don’t appreciate her work.

When she is at home, my mom frequently asks me to go to the store to buy her stuff or to go somewhere to get something for her, even tho she would be perfectly able to go herself.

I usually decline as I am doing homework and I would lose about 20 minutes doing this. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but I organize my time for each subject, and for me every minute is important, I even take my homework with me when I go to the toilet.

It annoys me every time she asks cause she sees me walk around the house carrying 4 notebooks in my hands and thinks it’s the perfect time to send me on my way. Sometimes I say yes and I go because I feel bad saying no all the time, but when I say no, my brother goes as he needs stuff for himself.

Today she asked me to go to the store as ‘there was no one else to go’. This time it infuriated me cause the excuse sounded dumb so I finally asked her why she can’t go herself. She said she didn’t feel like changing, so I should go. So I went further and told her I had really greasy hair (I really did, I was planning on bathing later) and didn’t want to go to the store looking like that.

She insisted it was no big deal and to hurry up cause the store was going to close soon, to which I said that she should just go if it was so urgent.

She got all mad and changed her tone, ignoring my comment and listing to me what I had to buy.

I got mad and told her I would go later. So I finished what I was doing and went to the store. It was closed, so I called her and told her that. She said, ‘I told you to go sooner’. I said, ‘why didn’t you just go then, it’s not my stuff’.

She said that now I had to get in the car and go to a gas station to get her stuff. I said I never asked her to go grab me anything, and overall I don’t really ask her to get me things, with a few exceptions. I also said it’s normal to ask people to go to the store for you, but it annoys me that she does it so often.

She just said ‘Fine, don’t go,’ in an angry tone. I said, ‘yeah, I won’t go, so you can shove it in my face another time’ to which she mumbled something about it being my fault and angrily asked me again if I would go buy her stuff. I agreed as I felt like I had no other option.

I went to the gas station, got her stuff, and came back. Now she’s giving me the silent treatment, and even tho I feel like this is kinda childish of her, I still feel bad about telling her all those things.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She works and on her days off she cooks and cleans for you, and you can’t spend 20 minutes running an errand for her? You are a member of the household, and you need to contribute to it.

You will not fail exams because you take a 20-minute break.” Full_Spirit_8954

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What are you, her personal courier? It would be one thing and quite reasonable for her to ask you occasionally to get her things, but constantly demanding you interrupt your studies is not okay.

On the other hand though, maybe talk to your mum? It sounds like she may not understand how important your studies are to you rn.

She might see you as ‘available’ when you’re not because of that. It also sounds like she does all the housework, which hardly seems fair either. Maybe she blew up because of an unrelated frustration?

But yeah, I’m a bit ticked off how people here seem to think her cleaning and cooking entitles her to send you about like a serf.

You’re not entitled to ‘Hotel Mama’ but she isn’t entitled to a butler either.” Gumpenufer

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I didn’t read anywhere that you help do any chores, while on her day off she is cooking and cleaning the house, but also she is picking up after her grown children.

Well, of course she isn’t in a good mood, who on their day off wants to be stuck as the only one cleaning? You don’t speak to your mom in a calm tone, once she asks you become defensive, and snap at her. To earn respect you must give respect.” Awkward_Joke_5748

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8. AITJ For Not Sharing My Notes With A Former Friend?

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“I’m (19F) actually in my last year of high school and, at the end of it, I’ll have to pass the final exams.

I and some friends of mine decided to use a shared Google Doc file to upload all of our lessons notes on history and philosophy (these subjects in particular because our teacher is really rigid and, when explaining the lesson, she goes really fast and sometimes it can be hard to have fully taken notes) so that we can all study from a fully organized and complete file.

It is really important for us that everyone dedicated time to upload them, read them, add comments with our doubts and answer each other (Another girl and I, let’s call her X, even drew schemes, maps, and anything needed with our tablets to make things more clear). It really takes time, but it works great and it’s really helpful.

Now here comes the problem. One of our classmates Y one day saw X studying from the file and, after taking a look at it, asked X if she could share it with them. X said, ‘I’ll see’.

(Little digression: Y was before part of our group, but after a big argument we had last summer because of their behavior we basically cut contact with them.

I’m not going to talk about what happened but I’m 1000% sure we were NTJs).

After school X immediately asked us if we all agree with it and we all said that, if Y needed a specific part because they were absent/missed it (totally understandable), we had no problem sending them that.

But Y insisted that they needed the whole file because they were not sure they had everything in their notes. Now tbh the idea that we all worked our butts off to create the file and then just share it with someone who didn’t help at all upsets me pretty much.

After discussing with the others, we moved the conversation to a group chat we had in common with Y and stopped chatting after the argument (before the conversation was happening between X and Y, where X was answering after discussing with us).

We again had an argument. We repeatedly told Y that if they needed specific parts, we would gladly send them, but they kept calling us jerks because it would hurt none of us to just send the file and that it would really help them as they have trouble with those specific subjects.

Still said no. In the end, Y got out of the group chat.

At the end of the first trimester, Y got the equivalent of a D/F (not sure how the grading system works in the US, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 6 is the passing mark, they got 5 in at least one of the subjects) in their school report and is still saying that we could have really helped them instead of acting selfish and petty.

Now tbh I still don’t think that we are the jerks here but some of us started to feel guilty about it as none of us wanted Y to fail.

So are we the jerks here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I hate people in school who think they are owed someone else’s notes/work, they aren’t entitled to the group work you guys did.

None of you are to blame because it is their responsibility to study and have the proper notes.” Chantalle22

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’d be different if Y had helped make the file but they didn’t so they aren’t entitled to it. She could’ve had just as many notes as you guys if she was taking the same class. It’s not your fault she didn’t work as diligently.” Formal-Ant1452

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7. AITJ For Letting My Dog Pee On The Grass?

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“I leave the condo with the dog, downtown Chicago. He pees in his normal spot, all good. I walk down the street, and a couple of blocks away, he decides he has to pee again on the lawn in front of some big condo building. The moment he steps onto the lawn, I hear someone yelling from like 200 feet away ‘SIR!’ At this point, I’ve totally forgotten about the dog and am looking around in this busy downtown area filled with construction and delivery trucks, trying to find who is yelling and if it’s at me while simultaneously pulling out one of the 3 bags I had in my pocket because it looks good when walking with a dog.

The security guy was yelling ‘get your dog off the lawn!’ I said ‘I’ve got to pick up the dog poop’ but turns out he (the dog, not the guard) didn’t actually poop, just peed. So here I am, looking around on the lawn for some dog poop, he yells some more, then a lady yells from some upper floor ‘GET YOUR DOG OFF THE GRASS!’ Couldn’t see where, there were 30 floors but I start looking around for her.

I didn’t yell back either. Distracted between trying to find any dog poo, yelling back to the security dude, and trying to pull my 90-pound dog who is fully stiff legging me.

Anyways, couldn’t find any dog poop but was also getting sick of people yelling at me while I look for it so we left.

Yelled back at the security guy who was adamant about me leaving, telling him to lighten up, while a Karen was pulling into the condo garage with her car yelling ‘THIS IS NOT A DOG PARK!’ out the window. I can’t even remember if I responded to that one as my mind was still registering ‘is this actually happening? Are these people totally off-put by my dog on a square of grass next to the sidewalk?’ Bizarre situation.

Eventful 2 minutes. I’m from Canada but I’ve never had this problem anywhere else in America so maybe it’s just a grumpy building. Generally, people are pretty chill about the part of the lawn that’s next to the road in my experience but this one was new. Most people just ask to pet the big boy.

I’ve met someone who cared about their grass like that because they were prepping it for a wedding. I do understand that dogs, wild animals, people, etc walking and peeing on lawns is bad for it, so maybe I am the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for being so self-righteous about your right to have your dog pee on someone else’s lawn.

Most people wouldn’t freak out that much about it, but you were technically in the wrong, so you left yourself open to being chastised. It’s part of the security guard’s job to stop dogs from peeing on the lawn. And you can’t call that female resident a Karen for telling you off, either.” parishilton2

Another User Comments:

“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’.

I know in a different comment you said there was no grass curbside, but it’s generally considered rude to let your dog on other people’s lawns, even in a public condo-type space; you’ve gotta keep walking until you find more curbside grass. & obviously pick up after them if they poop, which it sounds like you were planning to do.

& it’s probably the security guard’s job to yell at you about being on the lawn, the condo probably has strict rules about that so he was just doing his job. The other two people piling on though is so unnecessary and a bit jerk-ish.” possiblethrowaway369

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It is your responsibility where your dog does their business.

Private property is not an acceptable area for them to do their business. I have two dogs and when we go for walks, I keep the leash short in areas they aren’t allowed.

Some other common courtesy is to not allow your dog to pee on the side of buildings, on windows, on the side of gates, on flowers, on areas where people are seeding grass, or on dead spots of grass on public property. For the last one, try to get your dog to pee in greener areas of grass so there aren’t massive dead areas that eventually become mud.” another_bright_day

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6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy My Partner A Cake?

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“A few years ago, my partner (23) and I (22F) had a mutual falling out after his mother died. I wanted to be there for him, but he felt overwhelmed and needed space. What I didn’t know then is that he was extremely close to his mother because his father was awful.

Last year, we reconnected as friends and eventually began going out again.

In the interim, my SO has gained a lot of weight. He used to be more active and health-conscious, but now he’s borderline obese. I still love him just the same, but I am almost positive he has an eating disorder.

Apart from a few self-deprecating remarks, he’s never really explained the drastic weight gain to me, or how he coped with his grief. We don’t live together, and he will only eat in front of me during shared meals, so I can only surmise that he overeats in private.

I can tell he’s still not completely recovered from his mother’s passing or his relationship with his father.

We’ve talked about it a little, but when I’ve brought up therapy, he says it would be worse to talk about these things in detail because it would be like reliving them. He’s barely willing to talk about them with me.

For a few days, I’ll be traveling for work near where we took a day trip when we first went out, and we were reminiscing about the trip.

He asked me if he paid if I would pick up a cake he really liked at a bakery that we had visited, for us to share. I didn’t say anything at first because I honestly didn’t know how to react. The errand itself isn’t a big deal for me, but I really don’t want to enable him if he has a food addiction/disorder.

So finally I just asked him if he really thought that was such a good idea.

He got really embarrassed and told me to forget it. I told him I’m honestly concerned about his emotional and physical health, that I suspect he’s emotionally dependent on food, and that I’d act the same way if he were a substance abuser and asked me to get him some of his stuff.

I admit I did raise my voice a little, because I was trying to make a point and he tends to get defensive, but I didn’t yell. He said ‘no, you’re right’ but wouldn’t talk about it further. He hasn’t asked me to apologize, and he insists he’s not upset at me, but he’s become much more distant and awkward ever since.

AITJ?

EDIT: I didn’t really want to have to bring up all this history, but evidently, some context is necessary:

I did not abandon my SO after his mom’s passing. I wanted to move in together so he wouldn’t be alone; he refused. I would’ve spent every spare moment I had with him, but he expressly asked me to give him his space.

I respected his boundaries. We got to a point where we were only texting weekly. He didn’t want to see me because he wasn’t in a good place, and I didn’t push it.

Eventually, he stopped replying to me. I was frantic. I reached out to his friends, who said he’d been ignoring them too (their words were ‘he’s gone off the deep end,’ which even I wouldn’t have said).

I called his sister, whom I barely knew, and begged her to talk to him for me. He finally told me though he appreciated all I’d done, he needed to grieve alone. I was stunned and hurt and terrified for him, but I had no choice. This is the aforesaid ‘mutual falling out’: He couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the time, but I wasn’t going to force myself into his life.

He later apologized, as did I, when we reconciled.

When I met him, he was very into running, lifting, and boxing. Except for really special occasions, like our trip, he almost never let himself eat ‘unhealthy’ things. At friends’ parties, he declined dessert so often that they stopped offering it. He wouldn’t let loose even when we ate out, he made up excuses why he didn’t want me to cook for him, and he was very particular about what he ate, attributing it to OCD.

This in itself should’ve been a red flag, but at the time I dismissed it as a quirk and let him do what he wanted. So I was shocked when he did a complete about-face. He used to love running and boxing. I asked what happened, and he said he didn’t care anymore, for no particular reason.

That was troubling for me because not being interested in your favorite hobbies after three years sounds more like depression than just grief.

Third, I wish this went without saying, but I’m not fatphobic. I don’t care about his appearance if he’s happy. And I can tell that he is not. He has not only given up the things he used to love, but he has also become shier, more reclusive, and more insecure than before.

He used to love going out (with or without me); now, he almost never has the desire.

Before, I was the one who preferred to stay home. He frequently mentions how he feels inadequate and sad and ‘stuck’ in his life. I’m not saying that his weight is to blame for this; but, out of nowhere, one of the first things he told me after we started going out again was that he was afraid to pursue me romantically again for fear that I was no longer attracted to him.

I suggested to him that we get back together. My OP is the first time I’ve even alluded to his weight in six months of going out.

Oh, and lastly, I never said I wanted the cake, either. He asked for it, and I suspected that if I went ahead and bought it, he’d end up eating it himself because I really don’t want it right now.

I am definitely going to apologize because I see now the way that I expressed my concern was insensitive. But at the heart of my actions was, in fact, a legitimate concern, and I don’t think I should be vilified for that.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It’s a cake. From a place that brought him happy memories before he went through the trauma of losing his mother at a young age.

He’s responsible for what he eats, and unless he’s expressed a desire to you to help with his food intake, it’s not your job to police his diet. I wouldn’t be surprised if now when he thinks of that bakery he feels sadness and regret you have called him out on it.

If you want to have a talk with him about his relationship with food, the time to do that is not during a transactional moment intersecting with food. Have it as a separate discussion.” purplegrog

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

If you’re concerned about his health, then you have a conversation about it, straightforward and in an appropriate setting.

‘Do you really think that’s such a good idea?’ Regarding a cake is passive-aggressive and insulting. Obviously, he thought it was a good idea or he wouldn’t have suggested it. Rather than suggesting you are concerned about his health, you shamed him for wanting to share a cake with you (which, by the by, is a very sweet suggestion on his part.)” missshrimptoast

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

The way you speak about him and the lack of sympathy is concerning. You could have very easily had a conversation with him about how he is doing and tried to work on the best options to support him. Maybe start cooking together and incorporating healthy eating. Maybe when you do spend time together, you go for walks or hikes or play a physical game of some sort.

Sometimes working on one aspect of your health can have a positive effect on another. Encouraging him to seek out some sort of therapy, whether it’s individual or going to grief support groups, is important as well. Hearing him out and discussing where he is mentally and seeing how he views his relationship with food would also be helpful.

What you did and how you did it was not helpful at all. It was kinda cruel and very degrading. You’re not his mother. You can’t just put your foot down. You can’t speak to someone like this and then expect them to go back as if nothing happened. YTJ OP and I think you too could benefit from some therapy.” CS0607

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Pcogale 2 weeks ago
NTJ.

He sounds like he's got some significant mental health issues that were actually there when you were first together. They likely stem from his abusive father. But it was his normal as he was growing up and he did what he could to cope and also to protect his mother. His sister may be somewhat oblivious to what was happening if she was shielded from the worst of it.

You can't help someone who isn't ready to be helped. Right now it sounds like you are walking on eggshells around him and this incident was a bit of a tipping point. You can't bring up his mental health but it needs to be brought up.

He's probably dragging you down. Without an involuntary admission or hitting rock bottom, he's unlikely to be rushing out to get any help whatsoever. You can't help him unless he wants it. But he has no right to treat you like he's treating you. He may be your 'partner' but he's not actually your partner and I suspect that some of what you are doing is actually mothering him which is what it may seem like he needs. That's a part of it but you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved or who doesn't want to make changes.

This isn't even about the weight or exercise but about his mental health.
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5. AITJ For Leaving My Friend With Three Rowdy Guys?

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“Friday night, my friend (15f) sent me (15f) a message that she started talking to a guy (18M) online and he and his 2 friends were going to hang out and wanted to know if she wanted to go. She didn’t want to go alone, so I said I would come.

I got my brother to drop me off at her house, and then the guy and his friends came and picked us up at her house. We got in his car, my friend sat in the pass seat and I sat in the middle seat in the back between his 2 friends.

We go out and drive around and they had paintball stuff in the trunk and they drive around and paintball cars and houses and stuff. I was like what the heck no but couldn’t do anything to stop them. They did this for a while and I saw a gas station and asked if we could stop there because I had to go to the restroom.

We stopped and I got out of the car and went in, I went into the restroom and called my brother and told him what was happening and asked if he could pick me up. He said he could be there in like an hour.

I went back out to the car and went over to my friend’s window and told her I felt like I was going to throw up so I called my brother to pick me up because I don’t want to get sick in their car.

I said I was just going to wait here.

I walked back to the gas station and went inside and talked to the cashier lady almost the whole time and she thought I made the right decision.

After my friend got home she called me and was super mad because she said I ditched her with those guys.

I guess they went out and kept doing it after I got out. I thought she was being a jerk for even putting me in that position but she thinks I’m a jerk for agreeing to go and then ditching her.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Not for leaving, but you escaped a bad situation and left a friend alone in a worse and more dangerous situation without you there.

This is how people get hurt.

It would be one thing if you told her you were leaving and gave her the option and she refused – then that’s on her. But you lied to her and left her with three guys doing dangerous stuff. And you knew she wasn’t comfortable being alone with them because she asked you to come in the first place

You lied to her and then abandoned her in a situation so bad that you wouldn’t even stay in it.

Girl, cmon.” violetbaudelairegt

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ.

You saw an unsafe situation and found a way to excuse yourself from it. I think you could have been a better friend by asking your friend to come to the bathroom with you and tell her that you were leaving and that she was welcome to leave as well.

Did she want to be with them and had no way out of it? You really aren’t clear about that side of the story.” kimariesingsMD

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

While you were correct to leave the situation – what those guys were doing was illegal and wrong – you should not have left your friend alone with them.

She likely didn’t know they were going to be paintballing houses and was probably just as scared as you were. You should have taken her with you instead of leaving her by herself in a car with older boys she hardly knows. She could have gotten hurt.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, those guys are criminals, and you were protecting yourself. You made sound decisions to get yourself away from them without risking drawing their anger, which sounds like it could be very dangerous. Try and get your friend away from that guy and his group. Nothing good can come of it. But look after yourself first.” TarzantheNinja

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Pcogale 2 weeks ago
NTJ but YTJ at the same time.

You're 15 so probably had no idea what you should be doing. Ideally your friend should've gone with you when your brother picked you up and you shouldn't have lied. Ideally you should've given her the choice.

Did anyone know what the two of you were planning? Did anyone know that you were hanging out with much older boys (from a maturity perspective)?

NTJ for getting yourself out of there. YTJ for not asking your friend if she wanted to leave with you.
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4. AITJ For Making Sure That The Bachelorette Party Is Safe?

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“My fiance’s mom is getting remarried soon and is having her bachelorette party at a resort on a lake. A few days ago we all met up to hang out and it got brought up that she is planning on renting a pontoon boat for us.

When asked who is driving the boat she said ‘OP can drive us since she doesn’t drink’ and I immediately said I had never driven a boat before in my life, which is true.

Another girl going said she could probably do it but she doesn’t have any real boating experience either. According to my fiance, she’s driven a boat before but I have no idea what kind or for how long or if she has a boating license, she didn’t sound very confident.

I was talking to my fiance today about how I was nervous and wanted to make sure we had someone experienced behind the wheel and he told me I should either get over it or just not go on the boat and that he didn’t want my worrying to ruin his mom’s bachelorette party and make his family not like me.

AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If they were having the party on a party bus or in a limo, they wouldn’t expect you to drive it–they would get a professional driver with the right kind of license. The same goes here–they need to find or hire an experienced helmsperson. Perhaps the place they are renting the boat has employees who would like to make some extra cash.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

She is the jerk for her to automatically assume you would be driving the boat. Also, you need a license in most countries. Is she gonna pay for you to take your boating course? Is she gonna pay you and hire you to drive the boat? Maybe she is being willfully ignorant or just refusing to acknowledge the laws.

Could you inform her of them without feeling too anxious or confrontational?” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You’re looking out for his mom (your future MIL) and the entire party. She should be appreciative of your solicitous care and concern about them. Hopefully, she’ll understand that you’re NOT trying to ‘ruin’ the party and that even if it IS inadvertently ruined, it’s better than having to attend a funeral instead of a wedding.” AbbreviationsFar7867

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3. AITJ For Venting About My Roommate On Social Media?

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“My (28F) roommates, Laci (33F), Meghan (32F), and Nancy (55F) have always treated me like a kind of little sister of the group. I was ok with it for a while, but as more serious issues have come up, it’s really become clear that they think of me as Not As Much Of An Adult.

As an autistic adult, I’m really familiar with people infantilizing me, even though no one ever admits it’s because you’re autistic.

Issues will come up and the others want to take shortcuts (on things like FIRE SAFETY), and I disagreed, so I would get advice on how to phrase it as nicely as possible, and they would just shut me down, then say I was being hostile and ‘disrespectful’ (???) when I didn’t instantly shut up.

Most of the time it was Laci, but Meghan ALWAYS backs her up.

I talked to Nancy, and she would admit that how they treat me was awful, but then we’d argue again and Nancy would play devil’s advocate, claiming that I was taking things too personally (Even things like ‘This is the end of the conversation and I don’t want to talk about this anymore’ and then they all would continue talking about it & I just wasn’t allowed to take part anymore.)

But when Laci talks to NANCY that way, Nancy flies off the handle and is totally unambiguous about it not being acceptable to treat HER like that.

Just me.

I tried talking to them about it, and Laci always talks about how she’s just ‘super stressed’ and ‘shouldn’t have spoken to me that way’ w/o ever actually saying sorry, and Meghan would be like ‘I’m sorry you FEEL that way,’ etc.

My friend list on social media is really small.

I use my account as kind of a personal AITJ, and my friends will PM me and validate me/explain why I’m being unreasonable. A lifetime of people telling me I’m ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too autistic to understand’ so that they can get away with being trashy has really messed up my ability to tell if I’m being sensitive, so it helps to ask uninvolved parties somewhere they can reply if they want rather than DMing all my problems to them and making them feel like my personal therapists.

I admit some of the posts I made were really snarky. Eventually, Laci (who I didn’t even think USED her social media?? My bad, I admit that was short-sighted) called me out and said that I was allowed to vent about her, but to private the posts so she couldn’t see them.

I said that was reasonable and that I’d do that from now on.

I posted on social media invisibly to her after Laci twisted my words around to be as rude as possible, AGAIN. I never name names when I vent, because it’s been explained to me that naming names when you vent is more akin to gossip and ceases to be valid as venting.

I didn’t even go into specifics, just that I was sick of people making autistic people out to be over-aggressive. Laci GOT SOMEONE ELSE to snoop on my page and now says that it’s unacceptable that I vented about her and that she wants me out. The others are backing her up, saying that this is all my fault & I’m always the one ‘starting problems.’

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If your roommates don’t want to have actual conversations with you or hear you out, they can’t be too surprised if you vent about it somewhere else. Why did Laci even ask for the post to be private if she was going to snoop anyway? Also, being autistic myself I can definitely relate a bit here.” User

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – I would also be mad if someone was posting not-nice things about me on social media publicly.

If you want to vent, privately reach out to your friends. Don’t air out your issues on social media. If they’re not interested in having adult conversations about things that upset you, I would recommend finding another place to live.” jindy15

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your account, your option to post whatever you like…

however you are not free from consequences if you upset other people with your post. If you make Laci mad, you’re going to have to deal with it. I’d ask yourself if it is truly worth it or maybe make a special group for a VERY small number of people that you trust to vent to.” TerrifiedSquid

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

If your posts are alluding to your roommates, then it doesn’t matter if you aren’t naming them. People will know who you’re talking about and it’s still going to come across as gossip. The fact that you hid it from her shows that you knew she wouldn’t appreciate you saying it. But your roommates also sound exhausting.” Classic_Special7045

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Pcogale 2 weeks ago
Everyone is a jerk. Best not to vent on social media because everyone can work out who you are talking about.

Your room mates are arses. Nancy isn't helpful as she doesn't want to rock the boat otherwise they will turn on her.

However I wouldn't stay. None of them are treating you very well. Nancy might be in for a rude shock if they find another person in their 30's and she suddenly find herself the odd one out and not made to feel very welcome herself.

Are Laci and Megan in a relationship, or is Nancy in a relationship with one of the others?
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2. WIBTJ For Pursuing The Career That My Sibling Has Always Wanted?

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“I’ve never been particularly academic, but went to uni to get a job and did an engineering course. I had a part-time lecturer I clicked with and it turns out I’m good at a very niche skill. I did very well in the course, and actually won the class prize for my dissertation (the same lecturer assessed it to confirm the prize).

With that, I got a job in the field very quickly. To my (and his) surprise I discovered that my lecturer worked in the same company. Over a few years, we’ve worked together on a few jobs and got on well.

In the meantime, my sibling has always been intently academic, and always wanted to work as a lecturer in an arts/humanities field.

Despite this, they found academia intensely stressful and after 8 years emerged bloodied and exhausted with their Ph.D. and no job prospects. Their field is awash with other graduates and part-time volunteers, so paying work is hard to come by and there are going to be very significant challenges in getting a lecturing role.

Meanwhile, after working in the role for about a decade, doing interesting work, and doing well in the company, my old lecturer reached out and asked if I want to help teach a module in the new university course they are putting together. To my surprise, that appeals. I like the idea of giving back, and there are some complicated subjects that are easier to understand with real-world experience.

I’ve said yes.

This might be really, really, hurtful for my sibling. If they discover I’ve been effectively gifted the job they’ve coveted for decades, whilst having made almost no effort to attain it myself, they might take that horribly. I’m debating doing it and not telling them, but they will find out eventually.

WIBTJ for doing it?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

The job as a lecturer has ‘found’ you because you’re skilled at what you do, and lecturers in your field are needed. You may not have started out aiming at a lecturer position, but your skills, hard work, and connections in the field led to this opportunity presenting itself.

Unfortunately, your sibling is finding that there are far more takers than positions as lecturers in their field. They will have to decide whether to use their degree differently (high school teaching, for example) or completely reinvent themselves (pursuing a job using some other skill he has).

You don’t need to feel guilty, even if they have some feelings of jealousy when you tell them your news.

I get a slight feeling that you may be enjoying the fact that you, ‘the non-academic type’ will get to do something your sibling has always wanted… if that’s the case, try not to let that part of you show through when discussing your new role!” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but only if you take the time to talk to them about it privately, not in front of any other family.

Let your sibling have their feelings, but also– take ownership of your strengths, OP! This job wasn’t a gift to you, this was something you have earned through your work performance. You made the effort daily in showing your intelligence and professionalism. Please don’t devalue your own work because you feel guilty.

Not everyone is cut out for academia. It can be a real slog for some. How your sibling handles it is for them to decide. It might be a good indicator for them, in any case, to consider how much they still like their work and if they are frustrated in their situation, to examine options.

Good luck!” pdxflwerpwer

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Despite what our parents may teach us, siblings don’t ‘own’ certain professions, hobbies, talents, or interests. In fact, it’s natural that what appeals to one sibling would also appeal to the other. But do your sibling the favor of letting them know about your new gig personally, don’t let them hear it from a parent or put two and two together during a conversation at a family event.

Since we don’t know yet how they will react, I’m not going to call them the jerk, either.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

There’s a huge difference between teaching in engineering or the sciences and teaching in the humanities. Anyone in the humanities knows it: There are simply way more people in the humanities looking to teach than there are jobs.

It’s not necessarily that way in science and engineering.

And it’s not like you’re going on the job market to become a tenured professor — you’re just helping a colleague teach a unit in a class. Your sibling will know the difference, and if they don’t, you can talk it through with them.” Perdendosi

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1. AITJ For Walking Out During A Bowling Game?

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“I (mid-20s male) suffer from very low confidence and while I have a group of friends, I prefer to socialize at one of our homes than go out, however, I am happy to go out places with them too, it just means my anxiety level is already kinda high.

I was playing bowling with 6 friends (3 male/female couples) so I was already feeling like a bit of a 3rd wheel…

technically 7th wheel lol. I was also kinda annoyed as this was on a Saturday night and I work early on Sundays which none of them do… I have asked repeatedly if we can do stuff on Friday nights as we ALL have Saturdays off but they continually make plans for Saturday nights meaning I can never stay late or drink much.

For the most part, it went OK, we were all playing and encouraging each other and laughing at each other, etc as you do. And we had good banter going. But eventually, I started noticing that when it was my turn nobody was really paying attention. Not that I wanted attention but everyone got excited when someone scored a strike but when I got the first strike I turned round to see that nobody was even watching me, they were just all chatting among themselves.

This is the kinda thing that gets overblown in my brain cos I’m already feeling super self-conscious.

After the first game was finished everyone decided to take a break before the next one started. One of the couples left to the bar next door to get a drink (it’s all in the same complex so they didn’t really ‘leave’ but they left the bowling area).

I didn’t feel like getting a drink (as explained I had work the next day) so I decided to wait there and hang with the other 4. After they left, the two other girls decided to go to the bathroom together and the 2 other guys decided to go outside to smoke (I don’t smoke).

They all just kinda got up and left at the same time and just left me sitting there on my own. I felt that was kinda rude.

It’s not that I want a babysitter or to be pandered to but I thought that was kinda trashy, it was like I didn’t even exist, nobody cared that they were all just leaving me on my own.

They didn’t even acknowledge me as they got up and walked off.

I did the usual thing of pulling my phone out and scrolling some social media so I had something to do but I only did this for a few seconds and then thought, screw this nobody deserves to be treated like this, I got up, changed my shoes, and walked.

As I left I passed the 2 smokers and they asked where I was going and without stopping or turning around I just said ‘I’ve got work tomorrow’ and I walked off.

I’m sure if I had spoken up at the time I would have just ended up feeling like a drama queen, but now I’m starting to wonder if I was a jerk.

If I’d just stayed and said nothing it would have made me feel awful too.”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t really think anyone is a jerk here, but I do think you’re being a bit of a drama queen. First, you’re offended that they always want to do things on Saturday instead of Friday.

Is this day convenient for anyone else besides you? For a lot of people, getting off early enough on a Friday to get a group together can be tough with commutes and stuff. Could this be at play? Same for the choice of venue (at home, or out), most likely a choice made by popular vote, no? I doubt the choices are a personal slight.

You should totally get a say in these things, but no more than 1/7 really.

As for ignoring you during the event in question. Is it possible that this is just how you perceived it at the time and/ or a product of being a 7th wheel (everyone cheers for their SO)? Again, I highly doubt this was a personal slight.

As for leaving you there, I’m having a hard time thinking this was entirely unreasonable of them.

Sure, as others are pointing out, any one of the pairs who left could have invited you to their destination, but since they’re friends they probably already know that you don’t like to smoke (and so wouldn’t invite you), don’t want to drink on Sat (and so wouldn’t invite you), and are not about to go to the girls’ room.

Additionally, did two of these three pairs leave without knowing the others would all go as well? That would make it only two people who knew this would be an awkward situation for you. Even so, they’re taking advantage of a break moment to do something they couldn’t easily do in the middle of the game (not exactly unreasonable).

You could have easily done the same and gone to the bathroom, or gotten a snack or soda, whatever.

They probably assumed you would do just that. I know it felt deliberate, but I highly doubt in a group that big, and a setting that chill, anyone is going to take tabs on every single person when they take a quick break.” smbpy7

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

While I get that you don’t smoke and didn’t want to drink, you can still tag on with some people to continue socializing without smoking or drinking. When you realized that you were on your own, you could still go meet up with your friends at the bar or outside. Not sure how close you are with these people, but just coming up to them and jumping in doesn’t seem like too far of a stretch.

In an ideal world, yeah they’d invite you to go with them. But just because they don’t doesn’t mean they don’t want to be around you.

Similarly, if you want to leave, that’s your right. If you have work it should be completely understandable to dip out early. Even if it’s just because you aren’t having a good time, you can totally do that.

My only suggestion would be to have that conversation with someone rather than walking out angrily. I’ve been in similar situations, and I tend to overthink social interactions. I’ve realized that my friends just don’t think to include people on stuff like that, and you can get the same benefits by just going with them on your own.” birdmanbox

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you weren’t rude.

And you let some of them know you were leaving. If my friend left like that I wouldn’t think twice about I’d be like ‘yeah he’s got work tomorrow, see you buddy!’

That said I do hope your anxiety improves. That sounds horrible. But good on you for not taking it out on them.

You removed yourself from a situation that made you uncomfortable. I hope in hindsight you can see that it’s very unlikely they were doing anything to spite you.” Tinaszombie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’s better you left, it’s not fun going out with a group of friends and not having anyone to actually hang out with. If everyone is supporting each other except you, that’s not inclusion which is what good friendship should be, along with them not particularly thinking of your schedule when always planning things on Saturday evenings.” BarnacleOdd4587

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Pcogale 2 weeks ago
NTJ - it's very hard when everyone is paired up and you're not. They haven't really been taking any of your needs into account for a long time. But it also depends on what else is going on for them as any people aren't too keen on going out on a Friday night if they've had a long week at work.

They knew you had to work the next day. I wouldn't have thought twice about you leaving.
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