People Argue About Ethical Dilemmas In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Not Getting My Partner An Uber Because I Need to Pay My Rent?
“I (22f) have been seeing my partner (29m), I’ll call him R, for close to a year and a half. We met working together but have since changed jobs.
I am a server at a breakfast spot so I work exclusively in the morning and he is a kitchen manager at another establishment so his hours are different from day to day.
R gets paid a salary every 2 weeks. My paycheck is not as consistent and is day-to-day. R makes a considerable amount more than I do. We do not live together and pay separate bills. I have noticed that he spends all of his paycheck the week and by the weekend he is in the negative and I have to buffer the time in between when he gets paid again.
He does not have a running car atm.
So I’ll usually send him funds in the morning if I cannot drive him to work. Keep in mind he is not spending his income on bills half the time and he estimates he spends about 30% of his paycheck going to being at the bar.
I do not mind buffering in between the days he doesn’t have funds and he usually always pays me back. This time it just so happened he hit his negative when rent is due in a couple of days and with it being slow season at my job rn I’m pretty much scrounging up nickels and dimes to pay my rent.
R works less than a mile away from his apartment and yesterday I told him I could not give him any funds to Uber because I need to pay my rent and he doesn’t get paid till Thursday and won’t be able to pay me back in time before my rents are due.
Today he told me that he was very upset at the fact I had “all this funds” and wouldn’t let him borrow $20 for him to get to work and that he would never put me in that situation. I didn’t think it was wrong I didn’t offer to pay for his Uber because he knows I have barely enough to cover rent that is due tomorrow.
But now that he has expressed that he was very upset about it I am torn between feeling like I did something wrong and thinking maybe if he didn’t spend all his funds the week he gets paid that it isn’t my fault.
This has not happened before the timing was just really bad and now I’m not sure how to go about this situation.
Am I the jerk for not giving him the funds so he didn’t have to walk to work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck girl why are you putting up with this? Can he tie shoelaces? Open a door? Then he’s probably capable of figuring out that he can’t buy transportation if he doesn’t have any funds left. He’s using you as interest-free loans to subsidize his laziness.
That’s not a partner, that’s a mooch.” Elle_Vetica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and for the love of God, stop covering this man’s shortfall. He’s mad that you didn’t default on your rent to save him from the consequences of his own repeated poor decisions.
You need to draw a hard line in the sand. Tell him straight up that you will NOT be floating him anymore and that he needs to plan accordingly. Then don’t give him a cent.” Wild_Statement_3142
Another User Comments:
“This dude’s almost 30 and can’t budget to get his rear to work?
It would do him good to spend a week walking so he can ruminate on how embarrassing it is to borrow from a kid only 4 years out of high school who earns less than him because he can’t prioritize getting to work over wasting it like a college student.
NTJ – never lend him funds again, he’s not going to learn if you keep smoothing the way for him.” User
24. AITJ For Breaking My Promise To My Sister About Her Older Partner?
“I’m 20f and my sister “Abby” is 18f. I’m living away from home at the moment at university, and my sister recently got accepted onto her dream course at the same university as me. Currently, she lives on campus in a house designed for first years, while I’m in a small flatshare.
Abby seems to be loving the independent life and I’m happy to see her going to bars with friends and enjoying life as an adult so much. But recently a guy “John” came into her life, and she initially promised me not to tell our parents she had a significant other already.
Not knowing much and assuming he was a normal teenager I promised. However, a couple of nights ago she came over and told me all about him.
John isn’t a member of the uni – she and her friends met him in a nearby bar one night and they kept in touch.
John is 28, which she hadn’t mentioned when she first told me about meeting him, which makes me incredibly uneasy. Apparently, he’s a heavy drinker and he smokes, all of which Abby is certainly not experienced in.
I wanted to meet him because I was really worried about the age gap and what he could want with such an inexperienced person, not that I couldn’t guess.
She said John didn’t want to meet me or indeed our mum and dad, because he’s “nervous”. I saw a photo of him and he looks so much older than 28, which makes me wonder if that’s a possibility. But I have no proof of that.
I started regretting my promise, but then this was before all the information came out about him.
I’ve started noticing she doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore because she “prefers to be with John” and “we had our whole childhoods to hang out and now it was time to meet new people”.
Those sounded super manipulative and fed to her by him, and it set off all sorts of red flags in my brain.
That was the final, final straw for me. As soon as she’d left I rang my mum and told her about John. She was horrified and came up to our university the next day, where a huge fight took place.
John was in her dorm with her and took off in a hurry.
Our parents are talking to the uni and my dad (who only wishes he could’ve been there when John was) is thinking of involving law enforcement.
Meanwhile, Abby blames me for betraying her trust, and she says I ruined everything.
I don’t know how to feel about all this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Good job protecting your sister. You gave her enough trust but involved your parents once it started to look like she was in danger. What kind of grown adult hangs out in an 18-year-old’s dorm?
A total loser, that who. He is dangerous to your sister.” guardlamamama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to be concerned about your sister and reaching out to your parents. I mean you are very young yourself. But jerk your parents to call in the circus (university, law enforcement) before sitting down with your sister having a nice chat and assessing the situation.
I can see how she can be out under the limelight and get angry/scared.” KikiMadeCrazy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you think he is older than he says. He is very interested in an 18-year-old college freshman. Wants to hang out in the freshman dorms. He does not want to meet any of her family.
When confronted by her parents he took off running. Why were they not hanging out at his house (wife-GF?)? All are red flags for a problematic relationship. She is an adult but not an experienced adult in the ways of the world. You did what you had to do to protect her.” Crazybutnotlazy1983
23. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Relationship With My Late Husband's Kids From His Previous Relationship?
“My husband and I were married for 12 years before he passed away.
We have 2 kids together. He also has 2 kids from a previous relationship. When he passed away his ex expressed wanting to keep things the same and have the kids spending time together. However, she meant the custody schedule meaning I still have her kids 50% of the time.
I missed my husband and was always close with my stepkids so I agreed. 3 years have passed and his kids are 15&16 and I still want them in my life however I want to start forming my habits, traditions and vacations without her input such as vacations on “her off time” and not taking them, me not spending enough on birthdays, her asking me for money for their sports and interests.
When I brought this up she threw a fit, and said I was abandoning them “just like their dad” and I was showing my true colours I never loved them like I said I did. I explained they could still come over and would still have their rooms but if I want to up and go to my parents who live hours away I don’t want to have to clear it with her anymore because I also don’t want them at my house unsupervised (not because I don’t trust them but because they’re still young).
She has hired a lawyer and is trying to establish that I agreed to a custody arrangement and she wants child support since we always had more money. My husband had money set aside for his kids when we met and when he died I sold assets that were his and split the $ between all 4 kids.
His life insurance was also split in 5 for all of us. The house was mine so it was never written to be left to his kids.
The estate lawyer set it up where they get money at a certain age and she got a monthly amount to help raise them.
I don’t believe I owe her more. Some people in our life are split since it seems like I did agree to custody but I was just trying to be a stable figure for them.
Am I wrong for wanting her to disappear and not wanting to give her anything??
This whole thing seems ridiculous but her lawyer is attacking me?
I’m sure there’s also so much I’m forgetting to mention so I’ll answer questions if needed”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s trying to make you share in the rearing AND the bill for her kids because you were their step-parent???
I don’t think so, man. You’re already being generous, a part of their life actively, and aren’t trying to withhold the money and such left to them by their father. You don’t owe anything more. I’m sure there must be something in the custody paperwork you signed (if you signed that with your husband?) that discusses what should happen in the event of passing.
I’m sorry you’re having to struggle through this it’s not fair to you or any of these children” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under no obligation to co-parent these kids. It’s nice that you’re doing it for them and your kids, but it’s not custody.
Their mom could take them from you at a moment’s notice and never let you see them again and there’s nothing you could do about it. If you haven’t already, I would get a lawyer to stop her from harassing you and to learn what your rights are.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t agree to custody, get out of here. At 15/16, why do you still have them 50% of the time? I would assume by now they’re busy with school/extracurriculars/friends. She’s using you to get a break.
You aren’t obligated to financially support them either. Assuming you’re in the US, she should have been getting social security for the kids.” Ok_Job_9417
22. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé and His Child To Move Out After His Angry Outburst?
“My fiancée (m) and I (f) have been together for 4 years. He moved in with me and my 2 kids (ages 15 and 20 now) 3 years ago.
He also has a child who is 12 now. At first, it was going well but slowly over time, my kids expressed to me they didn’t like him and it’s been wearing on us. He was in the middle of a custody battle for his child and recently won full custody.
During this battle, his stress level was at an all-time high as you can imagine. He began drinking a lot as was I and one night 5 months ago, he had an angry outburst while my daughter and his were home sleeping. The outburst woke them up and everyone was scared. He was acting like someone I didn’t recognize.
My daughter went to her grandma’s for the night.
His daughter stayed with us. Eventually, he calmed down and begged for my forgiveness. We have both stopped drinking entirely and that seems to have helped things. My kids are still extremely uneasy about coming over.
So much so that my daughter has asked me to make him move out or she’s going to hole up in her room / or go to her Dad’s house. I feel like there is no winning in this case. I feel horrible to make him leave and force his daughter to change schools AGAIN.
Also, the daughter will most likely have to go back to her abusive mom.
I too have been having many doubts about our relationship. Everything is good for a while but sometimes it just isn’t. We have different backgrounds and that also causes friction.
He is more strict than I am with kids. He’s been great at giving everyone chores, but he’s also strict with other things and says my kids don’t give him respect. I don’t know what to do!!! Am I too soft of a mom?
I know I have to do right by my kids. I just don’t know the best way to do this. I was thinking of giving him $5k to help him get started and also 45 days to find a new place.
Am I the jerk for displacing my fiancée and his child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Heck, I am getting very bad vibes just reading your post! Yes, ask him to leave. After he is out of the house, you can take time and consider what you want out of this relationship, if anything at all. Be prepared for some outrageous behaviour on his part, so let a trusted friend or 2 before, and the kids and have the # for the police handy nearby.
Remember, in the US if you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse it is considered trespassing. Although as he has been living there, that might be tricky.” Narrow-Natural7937
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to split. Your children are your priority, they were there before him.
You sound like the only reason you don’t want to is because of his daughter. Does he have family he can stay with? My children are the same age as yours, told my last partner that if they ever said he was mean, he was scary or they didn’t like him he was gone.
Guess what? He’s gone.” JackedLilJill
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for allowing him to stay the past 5 months. You should have thrown him out the night of the outburst. Your daughter has been living in fear for the past 5 months, why have you allowed that?
You have put him first for far too long, and are at risk of losing your daughter. She will remember that you chose this man over your children, and that will affect your relationship with them for years to come if not permanently. Break off the engagement and give him notice to leave.” PDK112
21. AITJ For Kicking My Pregnant Sister Out Of My Apartment?
“I (27m) live with my partner (28f) in an apartment with 2 bedrooms, we share one and the other is for guests, we both have stable jobs and are just about getting by.
I don’t have a very good relationship with my family it’s personal so I won’t get into details but I and my sister who is 21 aren’t that close but still look out for each other. One day I come back from work and she’s sitting on my sofa talking to my partner.
To summarise her abusive ex got her pregnant and then bailed on her, she tried to deal with it by herself for a few months but finances became an issue for her. She went to stay with our parents for a bit but said they were trying to convince her to terminate the pregnancy so she left, I’m all she has left.
Of course, I let her live with us, and my partner helped her out and she volunteered to do the housework while we were both at work. It was great finally having a sister again, but after a month I noticed that she had not been doing most of the housework which I initially ignored as she was pregnant but then I rarely started seeing her around the apartment.
She seemed to be always in her room or out with friends, one day when she was out with her friends I went to go look in her room to maybe find out why she was never in, my partner disagreed but something wasn’t right to me.
To my horror I discovered she had been using this room to take substances in, on the desk were remnants of white powder and empty small bags (I had never been in her room before because she asked me and my partner not to because she wanted privacy).
My partner came in and was as shocked as I was, she said we can’t have her living here to do that as she was also harming her unborn child in the process.
When she got back at 1 am, we confronted her to which she started breaking down and asking to stay.
I told her she couldn’t be doing this as it was dangerous for her child and that she was blowing finances that she didn’t have. I told her to pack her things and that I wanted her gone in the morning. I went to bed feeling guilty and wondering if it was the right thing to do, my partner kept saying it was.
When we woke up she was gone and I think she blocked my number.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You already admitted that your relationship with your sister wasn’t the best before you let her live with you. You allowed her to stay under the premise that she helps around the house.
She is the one who not only neglected to keep her side of the agreement but also endangered her child and betrayed your trust. She’s not responsible enough for herself, let alone a kid. If you want to help her, get her connected with counseling.
But that doesn’t mean you have to be her caregiver.” Taru-Shinkicker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your house, your rules. Also, taking substances during pregnancy? WTF Next she’ll steal from you to finance her consumption or the police will be at the door. You can only help if the help is accepted. She wanted to live at your expense and had a party.
This is what it looks like But wait, she’ll soon be standing at the door with the child and crying because she doesn’t have a place to sleep It’s best to stay far away” InsertRdmUnsername
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The cops wouldn’t give her any notice if they decided to arrest her for substance use.
Might even get her to endanger the welfare of a child. And would they give YOU any leeway if she’s working with the ex? What if they decide YOU’RE involved in trafficking? Nope nope nope. Well, at least now you know why the parents were pressuring her to terminate the pregnancy…” otsukaren_613
20. AITJ For Confronting My Professor Who Accused Me of Faking Illness?
“I (18F) am a freshman at a liberal arts college on the east coast of the US. Because of the time of year and all of these students returning to campus, illness is spreading like wildfire.
I get ill very easily. I have a terrible immune system so I have been out of class a considerable amount, and school has only been in session for a little over a month.
I understand the burden this puts on professors, so I made it very clear that I wanted to meet with all of my professors to go over what I’ve missed. I’ve even said that I’d be happy to Zoom into their classes so I don’t miss anything.
All of my professors have understood except for my language professor.
She has demanded an excusal letter from the dean, who does not write those. She has written me rude emails asking why I’ve missed so much class. She even contacted my first-year advisor and told her that I was lying about my illness and was just trying to skip her class, which is frustrating because that is not the case.
What’s even more frustrating is that on the first day of classes, she asked that if we feel any sort of ill, we stay home because she cares for her elderly, immunocompromised mother. She has gotten upset with me for respecting her boundaries!
Now that I am feeling a little bit better, I met with her yesterday to go over the material I missed. Throughout the meeting, she commented on my abilities to speak/read the language and how I’m going to lose it if I continue faking illness and getting out of class.
I tried to politely deal with the problem, by saying that, with all due respect, I am only following what she asked of us at the beginning of the year. She didn’t take that well and erupted, telling me that I shouldn’t use a sick older woman as an excuse for my laziness.
I retaliated with a more mundane sense of anger, letting her know that I’ve spoken this language for eight years now, there’s no way I’m losing it, and stormed out.
Now that I’ve had time to cool down, I feel like maybe I should have done more or not have gotten so angry with her in return.
I fear she will now resort to either my dean or my first-year advisor since I raised my voice at her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Of course, she should not have jumped to accusing you of faking. But it’s only been just over a month and you’ve missed multiple classes then expected your professors to have a shorter make-up session just for you to go over the same lecture notes?
I can see why she might have been frustrated.” Sebscreen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I mean, it’s pretty obvious that you don’t have any Ill intent and you are being serious about your sickness. It’s frustrating that your teacher doesn’t even try to think that maybe she is wrong and you are sick, so I understand that you can get mad at her for being so persistent on this.
If anything, talk to someone above her who can help you on this and back you up on your health situation.” Dreadwolf98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you’re being genuine and the professor should be damn certain before accusing somebody of lying about anything medical/health related. Furthermore… too many college-level educators fail to realize that they are at work, and you are the paying customer.
This isn’t high school anymore and college is very expensive.” Slappadabike91
19. AITJ For Refusing To Send More Money To My Wife's Family Who Misuse It?
“I live in Europe and all my life, I have worked very hard to get where I am now. I am not rich, not at all, but I am doing just fine in my life. I would say we have a slightly better-than-average life.
Now I am married to an extremely sweet woman, coming from a Latin American country.
As she comes from a Latin American country, I am well aware that our life here is much better than the life of the remaining family over there. Thus, we regularly send small amounts of funds or a box of clothes/gifts over as a way to help them.
However, recently, the requests for funds and help have gotten completely out of control. There have been requests now at an as good as weekly basis. Once again we received a request for $1000 (not the first time). Even though we are not rich, we could afford to send this amount of funds, but it has a significant impact on our financial buffer, something I am simply not willing to do.
Now some of the family members are angry, thinking I am heartless, cheap and cold. Luckily, other family members are more understanding, as they too are tired of the constant requests (about half of the siblings live in Europe or the USA).
The reason I declined to help again is quite simple.
The funds were not used for buying food or clothes, nor the bills. On top of that, the ones asking for money all the time, are also the ones who’ve never had a job and always relied on the sponging of their family members. I should also add we never hear from them unless they need something.
So, am I AITJ for refusing to make their problems mine and refusing to send my hard-earned savings across the ocean, to those who have never worked for anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why should you help them if they are not using the funds for good use – bills/food?
I don’t get this culture to not work but try to sponge on family members who live abroad. Maybe talk to your wife so you are on the same page. If there are family members who really need funds (because single parent, old and sick or so), you could still send them funds but only if they agree not to tell the leeches.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however I would recommend sitting down with your wife and mutually agreeing on boundaries (who will you support eg. only parents and how, will this be by sending clothes, will this be by paying bills directly etc. what is the maximum amount per year/month) and stick to that.
Do this now before things get out of hand” Icy-Cherry-8143
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I understand this might be normal in their world but it doesn’t make it okay. To not work and just ask the more well-off family members for funds is not going to change anything.
I honestly would start cutting back in general. Send clothes and food but no more funds.” MixConscious6299
18. AITJ For Treating My Stepson Differently Due to Financial Constraints?
“I (38f) am a mother to my biological son Kai (10m) and a stepmother to my husband James’ (42m) son from his first marriage, Luca (12m).
This subject has been the source of some arguments in our family so looking to get some honest opinions!
James and I have Luca every Thursday, every other weekend and parts of the school holidays. Luca’s mother remarried a man who is a lot wealthier than us and so the kid has a lot of nice stuff, designer clothes, game consoles, goes on fancy holidays with them etc. We aren’t on the poverty line by any means but times are tough and we don’t have a lot of disposable income right now.
This December I want James, Kai and I to go on holiday because we haven’t been away at all this year. James wants Luca to come because he thinks it isn’t fair if Kai goes on holiday and he doesn’t. However Luca has been on fancy holidays abroad twice this year with his mum and stepdad, and we would struggle to afford flights, meals etc for a fourth person.
We didn’t argue about this as I think if James can find the funds then Luca definitely should come, but it’s more about this perceived ‘unfairness’ that I think isn’t true. Because by that logic it’s ‘unfair’ on Kai that he didn’t also get to go on three holidays this year.
(I don’t think that’s true, I’m just saying that logic cuts both ways)
The ‘unfairness’ rose its head last week again though when I bought Kai a Nintendo Switch because he did well at school, and I didn’t have the funds at the end of the school year but I do now.
James said to get ‘big presents’ for one child and not the other way again ‘unfair’. It didn’t seem to matter that Kai’s was a reward (and that Luca has a Switch already anyway), but that I “can’t treat them differently”.
James gave another example I occasionally take Kai to the cinema on Tues/Weds (we have 2-for-1 tickets on Tues/Weds with our car insurance) but not on a Thursday when Luca can come.
This is “treating them unfairly” even though it’s purely a ticket cost thing – cinemas are so expensive if 4 of you go! (Of course, Luca goes all the time with his mum and stepdad…)
So now I’m a “bad stepmother” because of these examples… and I’m so frustrated by it.
I love Luca and I’m not trying to exclude him at all, but our kids are in different situations and surely it’s ‘unfair’ on Kai to not do nice things for him if we can’t necessarily do it for both every single time. James has been quite nasty (he has a bit of a temper) suggesting I’m not happy to have Luca as my stepson when that isn’t true at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The movie issue: The movie deal isn’t on a day that Luca is there, so the point is moot unless you are taking Kai on days Luca is there and leaving Luca home (which you are not) The Nintendo Switch issue: If you get Luca ‘something big’ what will Lucas parents get Kai that is ‘big’?
Nothing. The vacation issue: If you going on vacation is during the time that Luca would normally be with you, then you should be taking him with you. If not, then you do not need to.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“ESH – not bringing Luca at this age will hurt his relationship with your husband, now and in the future.
You deserve alone time with your son, so I think the movie time is nice. The switch example is fine alone too. But to exclude from what otherwise looks like a family vacation is different – that’s how it’s going to be remembered. It doesn’t matter he went on trips with his Mom, this is a trip and precious time with Dad.” puffalump212
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is making unfair comparisons. It should more focus on what you as a mother are doing for Kai and what Luca’s mother is doing for Luca. Similarly, if one were to compare how Luca’s stepdad treats Luca, is your husband treating Kai?
I guess not, so why don’t you start making those comparisons, of how the step dads treat their step sons and then see if your husband understands the issue? NTJ btw.” Cleantech2020
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel To My Wife's Family For Christmas Due To Her Pregnancy?
“I (27 m) refuse to agree to travel to my wife’s (25f) parents for Christmas.
I posted here once about 2 years ago and the community tore me apart, but hopefully this time my perspective can be seen a little better since it’s regarding a different type of issue.
Anyway, my partner and I have always split Christmas with each of our families.
One year we spend Christmas with my folk, the next with hers. You know the deal.
The issue is that her parents live in a different province than we do. My family lives a couple hours’ drive, hers lives 4 hours plane ride. So she pretty much only sees them once every other year on account of how costly and time-consuming it is to travel that far.
We had a son a couple of years ago and he’s never spent a Christmas with my wife’s family.
My parents had a double Christmas with him because we travelled there last year for her sister’s wedding so I wasn’t interested in travelling again for Christmas.
Technically that makes this Christmas my parents turn again, but more so than that my wife is pregnant with our second child.
She’ll be 7 1/2 months along by the time the holidays roll around and because of that, I said it wasn’t smart for us to fly.
We’ve been arguing about it on and off for weeks now and I’ve been getting mixed opinions from friends and family. My family agrees with me, a few friends have mixed opinions and her family thinks I’m being completely ‘selfish’ (like looking out for my wife’s health is selfish…)
The arguments about this are escalating to her just pointing out or bringing up every example of me doing something she thinks is wrong.
It’s getting on my nerves because 1) the whole trip will be paid for on my dime so I should get a say in how I want to spend my paycheques
2) not wanting to travel when she’ll be that heavily pregnant has nothing to do with how many chores I do or how often I help with our kid
3) I’m just thinking about her and our new baby
4) If something happens and she gives birth over the holidays what are we meant to do?
Spend a whole month extra out there??
I’m getting so tired of these arguments I’m almost tempted to just say I’m not participating in Christmas at all this year.
I won’t obviously because my son deserves gifts and festivities and all. But the temptation is there.
Anyway. Am I being the jerk here by not agreeing to travel for Christmas or is she being the jerk by trying to push something I’m uncomfortable with?”
Another User Comments:
“Your dime? Wow. And then rather than find a solution with your wife, you think ‘not participating in Christmas’ seems like a viable choice.
I didn’t see your post two years ago but seems not much has changed. YTJ. It isn’t close and to boot I have my doubts that how far along she will be is even the real reason you’re against it, but that’s irrelevant because you’re being a jerk even if your stated reason is the real one.” techorules
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was divided right up until you said, “It is on my dime, and I should get a say on how we spend my paychecks.” Your wife hasn’t seen her family in several years. She hasn’t been able to introduce your son to her family and just an FYI, your wife is pregnant, not incapacitated to make decisions on her own health.
You, in the meantime, have spent time with your family. They have met and have a relationship with your child. If you love her and want what’s best for her, you should be thinking about how you can reconnect her with her family at a time when she will be feeling their absence, not stomping your feet.” PoetRevolutionary160
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not a single one of your reasons to stay home holds water, including the bit about pregnant ladies flying. 7.5-8 months pregnant is still fine for flying (assuming she’s not high-risk). Have her strap on some compression stockings and she’ll be good to go.” DinoSnuggler
16. AITJ For Not Realizing My Partner Wanted More Say In Our Takeout Choices?
“So my partner and I just had a huge fight tonight.
A little background for you… We’ve been together for over 7 years now. In the house it’s just the three of us (us two plus my son, not his) plus dog. My partner has no issue with expressing his dissatisfaction or any other emotion and prides himself on being a better communicator than me.
He can be a picky eater because he is a super taster and can be indecisive (I promise this will all make sense later). We order out about once a week sometimes more, sometimes less. I usually cook and again he has no issue communicating if the meal I made was good or not.
This evening he basically accused me of being inconsiderate because most of the time when we order out he says that it is typically my preference or my son’s preference. I was truly taken aback because in the seven years we’ve been together this is the first time he has ever expressed this.
He said that he rarely chooses and that the only time he gets to pick is for his birthday or when my son is with his father, which is two or three times a month at most. I told him that he was a. really being unfair because whenever we have a discussion about where to order he will suggest something and then say something along the line of… What do you guys want?
Or Whatever you guys think? Or If you guys want something different and b. I told him if he felt that way why did he not say something or just hey can we order from here or what I want today and do not give an open-ended option.
Again, he could be right, maybe we choose our preferences most of the time but given his history of having no problem in communicating himself and his history of indecisiveness I just always figured he was giving an option but open and willing. In fact, typically we put three options on the table and whittle it down from least likely to most likely.
He’s communicated at those points, well I don’t want Chinese food or I don’t want a burger. So again I was completely caught off guard.
When I mentioned all this to him, he stated that maybe partners test the other partner to see how considerate they are.
He also stated that he did not want to come off as a food dictator by stating that he would rather order food from X place for dinner today.
At first, I felt a little like those husbands who ask their wives what they want and the wife says whatever then the wife gets mad when the husband chooses incorrectly.
Then, I cried. I had no idea and felt truly bad and told him as much.
AITJ and inconsiderate? Or AITJ and completely clueless on not picking up on his clues? Please help!!!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He stated that maybe partners test the other partner to see how considerate they are WTF kind of game is that?
It sounds like if he’s not getting the food he likes, it’s because he’s not communicating. It’s not being a food dictator to express “I feel like Thai food tonight”. You’re not a mind reader and he hasn’t communicated the issue until now. If he’s upset at anyone it should be himself.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he has so much pride in expressing when food tastes bad or good then why doesn’t he give that much pride in picking somewhere to eat. Seems a bit babyish and seems like he’s picking out a fight from thin air, I guess next time give him the first word on where to eat and if he says something along the lines of ‘Where do you guys want to eat?’ Then that’s all his fault.” Gloomy-Adeptness7553
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What clues. He said it didn’t matter, and used various word choices to communicate it. When I tell my family “you decide”, that’s what I mean. You can’t be expected to read his mind. This seems out of nowhere.
Ask if there’s more going on.” HotDonnaC
15. AITJ For Confronting My Parents About Favoritism Towards My Younger Sister?
“I (19f) found out a few days ago that my parents (48f) and (47m) are getting my sister (14f) a brand new car for her 16th birthday. A few days ago my mom and dad started talking about going car shopping. I thought they were trading in my mom’s old car because she’s been complaining about it since there is no need for a big SUV anymore.
When I asked them about it, they told me it was for my sister and I was confused. I started making faces asking why would she need a car if she was only a freshman.
My dad told me to just mind my business, but I told him that there was no need to get her a car yet.
She can’t even drive, two in the state that we live in. I’m not sure about all of them, she can’t drive alone until after six months of getting her license. My mom gave me a nasty look and she told me to stop being an ungrateful jerk and to accept that they were gonna get it for her no matter what.
I told her that that wasn’t fair because I had to wait until two weeks before the junior year was over to get one. And on top of that, I had to pay for half of it. My parents just made more excuses and I went off.
I told them about the other times that she’s been favoured more. When a certain event happened they got her a brand-new iPad I didn’t get anything.
When I turned 16 I had to buy myself a new phone because they weren’t gonna do it for me.
They got her the same phone when she turned 11. They’ve bought her all the clothes that she wanted but they won’t do that for me because they’ll say that I have enough at home. Ever since I started working, I just started paying for my stuff because if I don’t do it, I know they won’t.
After that whole argument, my mom told my grandma which then she told everybody else in my family and now everybody thinks that I’m spoiled and entitled.
I will say that we are more financially stable than a few years ago so I do understand where my dad would be getting the extra funds but honestly, I think that they should just make her wait until two weeks before her junior year ends to even give her a car.
Nobody in my family is really on my side. They’re on my parents and I’m sure they’ve said some other things that are not true. I just really want a second opinion on this because I honestly don’t know what to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they’re playing favorites and I’m sorry, I’m petty enough to go to grandma or someone else and tell my side of the story under the excuse of not knowing what to do and needing advice” justancuteuser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your parents are playing favourites and that sucks. That they went and told some story to the rest of the family was a dirtbag thing to do. They favour her it’s not your sister’s fault even if she benefits. Wish your sister the best. I can’t think of anything you can say or do about it.
It just is what it is, unfortunately.” look4irl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When she gets old enough to drive, she will 100% want a new car because the one they buy her now will be “old”. Don’t have any expectations of them. Just quietly work your way out of that house.
Talk to your sister because she might not know any different/better. You don’t want to cut your sister out if she doesn’t even know what’s going down. Sadly, favouritism seems great as a kid, but they are going to turn them into a terrible person.” JaxValentine91
14. AITJ For Prioritizing My Work Over My Friend's Late Night Call?
“I (35F) have this friend (38F) who has admitted previously about getting frustrated/annoyed with others when people ignore her calls or texts or don’t give her their time.
Last night I was working on a work project until about 12:30 AM, and there was a portion of it that I needed to focus on and get done so I missed her call.
(It’s editing documents so focus is required.)
I called her back after I submitted the main portion of it, but still had (and still have) plenty more to do. I took a break and talked to her about the project (to explain why I missed her call) and we talked about a mutual friend.
I mentioned a few times I should probably hop off to finish the work, and she randomly drops in some stuff about Guy 1 who is asking her out and Guy 2 who isn’t responding to her.
She originally said something like “I want to tell you about it, but you have to go right?”
And I said yes, I do, but I guess I could stay on the phone for a few more minutes and then hop off or we can talk tomorrow?
She immediately got annoyed and snapped about how busy she was tomorrow and how she just wanted to talk through what she was feeling, so I said I could give her a few minutes now but would have to hop off because I didn’t want it getting too late.
To note, I’ve been on the phone with her for HOURS before, going well into 1-2 AM occasionally, so I do normally give her my ear & time.
She snapped back saying it was fine but she needed to talk through it but knew I had to go and there was this long awkward silence.
She then repeated the same thing and asked if I needed to go. (I did because I didn’t end up finishing what I needed to do and went to bed at 12:30. These are word-heavy documents that I really needed to focus on and didn’t want to be rude and not give her my full attention.)
We hung up but I immediately felt like I was a jerk or that I should have put my work aside to hear her out. I ended up sending her an apology text just before I went to sleep, saying that even if she was busy today that I was only a text away if she wanted to talk.
I haven’t heard from her today at all. She hasn’t even acknowledged the text I sent. AITJ for not staying on the phone with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to drop everything for her just because she demands it.
In fact I wouldn’t be chasing her up with a text. She sounds the type of person who is an emotional vampire sucking the life source from everyone she meets. Let her pout the Universe does not revolve around her” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for prioritizing your work life over your friend’s relationship horrors?
You’ve been quite accommodating previously, so I’d say she should let this go if she has any sort of conscience man. You also told her multiple times you were busy. She thinks her relationship troubles are more important than your work struggles, and it shows.” demon_ass6789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had a friend like this so I implemented a 15-minute time limit. She had 15 minutes to talk about what she wanted to do over the phone and after that I was out. She stopped being “friends” with me which was a relief.
I wasn’t a friend in her mind, just someone who existed to be what she needed me to be. She didn’t care about me, just cared about having someone to talk at. I’m glad she is out of my life and wish I had had the guts to dump her outright for her selfish behaviour.” BigWeinerDemeanor
13. AITJ For Snapping At A Rep For Touching My Orchid Without Permission?
“I work in a doctor’s office doing their billing. Because of the way the building is set up, my “office” is an unused lobby on the other side of the practice.
Since there is a lot of space and some chairs, the staff / the owner will use the area for one-on-one meetings while I’m at my desk working. I wear earbuds while I work and can concentrate well, so people having meetings near me don’t bother me.
One of the admins came by with a medical supply rep to discuss some things in the room and I turned up my music to give them privacy. It was all good till the end of their meeting and they were standing next to my desk while chatting.
I have an orchid on my desk that was gifted to me. I looked up to see the supply rep was touching the orchid (turning the pot around, feeling the leaves, etc.) This irritated me because he didn’t even ask anything.
Without thinking, I snapped, “Could you please not touch my things?” The guy said he just liked orchids and went to touch the pot again.
I said, “So do I,” and I knew my face wasn’t friendly.
The admin quickly ushered the rep out and while he joked with me after, he said the rep was a good guy overall and that I was being mean.
I admit that I can be very curt with people, so I probably could’ve been more gentle with my reprimand.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He probably thought it was an office decoration. If you never want your stuff you be touched it’s probably not a great idea to keep it in a lobby area where people have meetings. Also, I need to know the secrets.
Someone got me an orchid for my office and it died in record time. It’s become a joke but I want to try again! How do you keep it thriving in the office environment?” rchart1010
Another User Comments:
“What? No, NTJ. You communicated clearly and he attempted to ignore your very reasonable rule.
You don’t have to be gentle. The admin is being a jerk to you. Feel free to tell him that, clearly and not gently. Own your space. From this interaction, I’m guessing you’re not male because typically men don’t get this sort of pushback when they clearly state expectations.” inertial-observer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This guy isn’t a client, he’s a salesman. You don’t owe him politeness. Don’t even worry about it, people like that don’t have feelings like normal people. If they didn’t get off on being annoying and being rejected then they wouldn’t be doing that job.” OddResponsibility565
12. AITJ For Letting My Niece See Her Rabbit Against Her Father's Wishes?
“My niece (14)’s grades ‘weren’t good enough’, according to my brother. He told me this over dinner one day, saying her lowest score was 72%, which he described as disgraceful. I just gaped at him and asked if he was serious.
Then he asked me to take the rabbit and keep him at my place until my niece started showing improvements. For the record, I disagree with this kind of punishment but he was toying with the idea of rehoming the rabbit so I took the rabbit.
Yesterday he had me babysit my niece. He told me to keep the rabbit in another room and not let my niece play with him. I sighed, told him ‘OK’ and then he left.
Once my brother was gone, my niece immediately begged me to let her see the rabbit.
Gave me puppy dog eyes. Pouted. Looked desperate and I gave in.
My partner later told me it was wrong of me to ‘undermine’ my brother’s parenting like that and I should respect his decision since he is the father.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Withholding the rabbit is not going to improve her school grades, it will make them worse as she will worry more about the rabbit and it’ll distract her. If anything, you did the right thing in letting her see her rabbit. I think your brother is being a complete jerk.” JumpGlittering8120
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for two reasons One what he did was cruel punishment across the board and he is a jerk. Two he rehomed the bunny into your care. It is legally no longer her bunny but yours. This means he has no say over who you let the bunny interact with.
If he were to go to court over this a judge would laugh in his face. Once you re-home a pet you no longer have any say in what happens to it.” Dependent_Praline_93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother has issues. My mother did stuff like that.
Like got mad near Christmas one year. She picked out most of my Christmas presents, made me unwrap each one individually, and then dragged me down to the store to return them. And the entire time telling the store employee how big of a disappointment I was.
Please report this behaviour. What you see isn’t as bad as it gets.” Evening-Ad-2820
11. AITJ For Accidentally Wearing White to a Rehearsal Dinner?
“My old friend (24F) invited me (20F) to a dinner party a few days ago.
Due to a lack of communication and since it was near her birthday, I assumed it was a dinner to celebrate it. I was told to wear something nice, as in more formal, so I was in a pickle. My wardrobe consists of mostly T-shirts, shorts, jeans, and one or two skirts, but nothing nice for a “fancy” dinner, so I opted to go through some old clothes and found a short white dress that resembles a bohemian beach sorta style that would still fit the fancy aspect.
It’s a very childish-looking dress (in my opinion), with puff sleeves, an empire waistline, has some pretty patterns (I don’t know what they are meant to be though) and it roughly reaches my knees. I kinda even like it, and I was told it makes me look younger.
So I put a long jacket on, that covered most of my body and the dress and went to said dinner party. As I got there I realized my mistake, it was a rehearsal dinner. In my country, we don’t make a big deal out of “wearing white at the wedding” let alone a rehearsal dinner, but I still didn’t want to seem disrespectful and refused to take off my jacket.
Although long, it wasn’t made of a thick material, so I wasn’t too uncomfortable.
Some people started to ask about it, and I just said I was a little under the weather and preferred to not take it off. As my friend approached me, she asked about the jacket and even opened it a little to see that I was wearing white.
I asked her if we could talk and explained the situation. She was super nice and apologised for not communicating better, even said that I could take the jacket off or leave earlier if I felt uncomfortable. I thanked and apologized to her and left, and felt super guilty that I might have made her uncomfortable.
A few days passed and I started to get some notifications from people from the rehearsal saying I “should be ashamed for trying to outshine the bride.” I didn’t know how they even figured it out since I wore the jacket, but someone might have seen it.
I called my friend and apologized again, to which she said I shouldn’t listen to others and that she was not upset at all.
I know my friend has reassured me plenty of times, but I still think I was a jerk for doing this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing wrong with this at all! First, you were a guest and that was what you had to wear. The bride welcomed you and assured you that you were fine with what you wore. She was very gracious. Having you there was more important than what you wore, as it should be!
Please ignore those who are talking to you about it. It is not their business to say anything.” Pink_RubberDucky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be if you had done it on purpose. Also… how could you outshine her if it wasn’t even her REAL wedding day?
Tbh, the fact that you care this much just shows what a good friend you are to her. I would recommend maybe posting something alluding to why you wore white on social media. Although it might be better to follow your friend’s advice and just ignore it.
The people who care that much about a rehearsal are looking way too deep into it anyways.” justananon_sorry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t even care what colour you’re wearing at my wedding. Honestly, I remember my mum’s wedding. She married my stepdad. Some people were wearing white.
This is 2002 though. No one upstaging my mum because she has these sparkly dresses and a big veil.” PanicPancraotic
10. AITJ For Being Rude To My Friend Over My Laptop Issue?
“I (M 23) am a law student. I was having technical issues with my laptop (my pin wouldn’t work due to an error code (code 0x80072f8f) and I couldn’t connect to any wifi or hotspots).
Since my whole life is on my laptop and most of my important documents aren’t backed up, I was understandably freaking out.
I reinstalled Windows, tried to connect to the wifi at the law school, and tried to connect to a hotspot on my phone to reset my PIN and nothing worked.
This led to me talking to my dad on the phone (who is a tech guy) to try and fix the issue before going to Best Buy. My friend Anna (23) walked up to me giggling saying hi while I was on the phone with my dad.
I admit I was rude when I responded to her by saying “I’m sorry I just can’t right now my laptop is broken I just can’t.” I admit I said it was not the nicest tone as I was on the phone and a little freaked out.
Anna said nothing and walked away.
Later Anna texted me to ask if there were any updates and I said to her I was going to do one last ditch thing to try and fix the laptop. That one last ditch effort was trying to connect to my apartment’s internet (I didn’t think it would work).
Fortunately, it did which allowed me to change the pin and get access to my laptop again.
When I told Anna it worked I also immediately apologized for my rudeness earlier because I recognized I was rude and I knew I wasn’t in the best headspace (yes I’m the jerk for being rude).
First, she accepted my apology and said she understood but then she said “so it was just an issue over wifi?” and further said, “u are so dramatic OP.”
Anna proceeded to lecture me on how the school said they were turning off wifi last week and that I should’ve used a hotspot despite me already telling her my laptop wouldn’t connect to a hotspot.
Anna then proceeded to say that the way I acted to her was “rude” and that this wasn’t a world-ending or big event (for context my brief all my research which I’ve been working on for two months is only on my laptop which I couldn’t access for like three hours).
To me this was a world-ending event- I risked losing two months of work over a software issue. Anna then closes by saying in the future I need to relax, recognize the issue, and treat her better. I lost it and said “Why are you making my issue about you when I already apologized and you said you understood and accepted my apology.”
Anna responded by saying “Do not speak to me again.”
I get why she’s upset with me but I’m so frustrated that she accepted my apology just to turn around and minimize my issue and make it about herself. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – to be fair she was the one to drag everything out. Get on Amazon and order an external hard drive to back everything up, do it weekly. SyncBack Free is what we use at work. In case something were to happen with the cloud.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“YTJ purely for getting into this situation in the first place, sorry. You say you have ‘important documents’ and ‘your life’ and ‘2 months work at risk’ but the stuff on there can’t possibly be important if they are the only copy.
ANYTHING could happen to that laptop. Back your stuff up – preferably keep it in the cloud. Then when your laptop is stolen/lost/driven over, it’s an inconvenience and not a world-ending event.” SupraJames
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You WERE overly dramatic even in your descriptions of your actions, and to top it all off, the entire mess was of your own doing because you hadn’t backed up your work.
Now it sounds like the friend was also being a bit dramatic, but she’s also right in what she said.” Exciting_Kale986
Another User Comments:
” Um, “I’m sorry I just can’t right now my laptop is broken I just can’t.” Are you sure more wasn’t said, then or in the later conversation?
I can’t imagine dropping a friend over something *that* innocuous. I also cannot imagine telling someone that I accept their apology for being rude, then telling them they were rude, and then telling them never to speak to me again. But if more was said and you didn’t mention it… NTJ as presented. But it doesn’t sound right to me.
At any rate, get an external drive to make regular backups. My computer friend after my first year of law school. You can bet your ass I started regularly backing up after that.” He_Who_Is_Person
9. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Sleep On The Couch After Her Surgery?
“My Mom (60F) recently had a minor bladder surgery and is on bed rest for two weeks. She has been sleeping in my (19F) bed without asking. For the past year she had been voluntarily sleeping on the couch, she even got a new one specifically for sleeping so it’s comfortable.
I am her only caretaker during the time she’s recovering, we have no other family or friends in the state other than my brother (21M) who has been severely injured from a car accident and cannot help her.
I can’t sleep with her in my bed for a multitude of reasons.
It’s a queen-sized bed but she takes over 3/4ths of it in her sleep and I have to curl up on the edge of the bed. Due to a disability, this leaves me with moderate muscle and joint pain. I also can’t lay on my right side because it triggers severe chest pains so I’m forced to face her.
She snores. Loudly. Like louder than a car engine turning on. Lastly, it is a massive trauma trigger from the years of forcing me to sleep with her until I was 17. She would yell, berate and insult me when I didn’t want to cuddle with her and often forced me to cuddle by physically cornering me in the bed. It was so bad that when she does sleep with me now that I have my bed I have the worst hyperrealistic nightmares that leave me paralyzed when I wake up.
My brain simply won’t allow me to go to sleep with her in my bed anymore on top of the pain. It is currently 1 PM and I haven’t slept.
She hasn’t given me a reason why she has to sleep in my bed. I’m not sure if there is one because she keeps dodging the question.
I don’t think sleeping on the couch is currently painful for her because she has accidentally fallen asleep on it. I can’t sleep on the couch because just an hour of laying on it has given me two weeks of debilitating pain and she knows this.
I need to take care of her but it’s very hard when I’m sleep-deprived and in severe pain. My brother has offered to let her sleep in his king-sized bed with him but she seems to be ignoring the offer. Also, she didn’t tell me about this surgery until a week before and didn’t tell me she was going to sleep in my bed until the night before.
I have no idea if kicking her out of my bed would be entirely insensitive given her surgery. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not required to care for your mom, nor are you required to share a bed with her. Tell Mom she can sleep on the couch/her bed, but that if she wants you to continue to take care of her, then she can not share a bed with you.
If she refuses, then maybe it is time to consider other living arrangements (if possible) for yourself. One of the most important (if not the most important) parts of being a caregiver is taking care of yourself. NTJ” Grand_Positive5347
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What on earth did I just read?
Why in the world is your mother forcing you, her adult daughter to share a bed and have cuddles? Get as far away as possible as soon as you can. This is not right at all.” GingerbreadWitch_878
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if she has recovered from surgery you need to move out and get into therapy.
What your mom did to you as a kid is not ok if it causes you nightmares.” Artistic_Tough5005
Another User Comments:
“There’s a lot to unpack here. Firstly, it was wrong and abusive for your mother to force cuddles on you when you were younger and I am not surprised you no longer feel comfortable sharing a bed. It seems your mother has two bedrooms and two dependent adult children living with her and has chosen to give a bedroom to each child and sleep on the couch herself, which is quite some sacrifice.
You call it voluntary as if it is her first choice rather than her selfless solution to lack of beds. You say the couch is comfortable enough for your mother to sleep on but not comfortable enough for you to sleep on. So I don’t know there.
If it is uncomfortable, I could understand her wanting a bed for a bit at the moment. In these circumstances, I think some compromise could be worked out for two weeks recovering from an operation. It is not appropriate for you or her to sleep with your adult brother, but could you and you mother share his larger bed?
Could you and him take a week each on the couch so your mother can be in a bed and a bedroom to recover? No judgement because this is a difficult situation. Apart from anything else, post surgery it is good to have a private room and not sleep in the living area.” thisisgettingdaft
8. AITJ For Rushing Off The Plane To Catch My Connecting Flight?
“I had a flight yesterday that got delayed, so I had a tight window to make my connecting flight (like less than 10 minutes). I knew I was gonna just have to sprint off the plane and directly to my next gate. Unfortunately, my seat was in the very very back of the (small) plane.
As soon as the seatbelt light turned off, I jumped out of my seat with my bag and moved toward the front of the plane as fast as I could. I didn’t shove anyone out of the way, but I did ask to squeeze by a few people, apologizing and explaining that I had a very tight connection.
Everyone was willing to let me get through.
Once I got to the door, some guy behind me started yelling that I “should just wait my turn” since there were lots of people with tight connections. I explained that I didn’t have time to compare everyone’s schedules, but he maintained that I was being a jerk and should have just waited my turn.
AITJ? Is this some unwritten rule of plane etiquette I didn’t know about? I would understand if I was shoving people aside or cutting people who were waiting, but I don’t see what’s wrong with moving forward in an empty aisle.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
However, next time let the FA know about your incredibly short connection and they may ask everyone to stay seated for “the person in (seat) who has a 10-minute connection“. FA’s have done this for us on 2 occasions, due to weather. They even called ahead to the next flight to let them know we landed and were running through the airport.
Edited due to fast fingers and not checking bloopers.” BeeSlumLord
Another User Comments:
“This is an old topic here. You’ll find some Americans calling you a jerk. Everyone else will say you’re not. If other people also have tight connections they can get up early as well.
There’s no rule that you need to follow the row’s order. NTJ” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Getting on and off an airplane is already set up most slowly and stupidly possible. That guy is not striking a blow for justice by insisting that you rigidly adhere to it at the expense of missing your next flight.
What does he think he’s going to do, save 4 seconds? He’ll probably end up making it off the plane at the same time anyway because some lady in front of him will be taking forever with her bag that she can’t get out of the bin.
Idiot.” l33t_p3n1s
7. AITJ For Publicly Debunking My Friend's Earthquake Survival Story?
“To make it short, my friend was on a trip in western Japan in Kanazawa city (金沢市), Ishikawa prefecture on March 11, 2011. As you know, a 9.1 magnitude quake happened on the east coast of Japan. However, where he stayed is on the west coast, opposite side of the country.
Given the location, I know he may have felt the shake but in the worst case is “felt” not “damaging” as it is very far from the epicentre and the Japanese Alps act as a blockade of wave propagation thus lessening the shake. At that time he was 10-11 or around this age.
Years later, he always claimed himself to be a victim of the strongest earthquake of the decade and acted like any natural disaster are joke to him. He doesn’t care about hurricanes, flooding etc. We have been friends since middle school but I just look over this problem.
We enrolled in the same uni in geology. Yesterday, in a lecture on the seismicity of Pacific coasts, the professor opened the class with student’s experiences of the earthquake. Surely, he answered quickly that he experienced that M9.1 and started to tell his story, claiming to be a victim again.
The professor giggled (I think he knew about how far my friend was). When he finished speaking, prof asked some students to share their stories and silence. By that time, I was searching Google for some evidence from Japanese sites because I’d learned some Japanese from my grandmother who’s Japanese although I’m not good at it.
I found all of the shindo scale intensity by prefecture list then I checked them. I found his place got an intensity of 3 (震度 3) which is described as “most of indoor felt it, awakes majority of sleeper and rattle dishes”. So I asked to speak and prof permitted me so I spoke to everyone that his place shaking wasn’t damaging or even called strong.
The tsunami at Kanazawa was about 8 inches high, the breaking news that day reported a chopper camera from Sendai that the wave height was 30 feet. I showed what I got from my brief search to the class and the professor said “You’re right but I will teach you guys about this next class”
As I expected, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in front of 80 students. I told him I was just going to correct him and that he wasn’t a “victim” of the quake. I’m not ignorant of natural disasters but I just want him to be based on the facts and should not misunderstand others about the event.
AITJ for telling everyone he wasn’t a victim of the quake?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-resorting to public humiliation is trademark behaviour of an ex-friend. Roll your eyes, vent to another friend, talk to the friend privately that you’re tired of her/his shenanigans, discuss with the professor privately, put some distance between you, and do ANYTHING but this.
You robbed him of his dignity in front of 80 people that he has to be in class with throughout the rest of the program. Yes, you are a jerk, and yes, I know he’s wrong for doing this too, but at least he didn’t hurt you the way you’ve just hurt him.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! A true friend might have complained to him in private, but to mop the floor with him in front of the whole class? WOW! Why? That’s super mean and hurtful, just for the fun of being super mean and hurtful! You are a big jerk!
He may have the flaw of boasting but you have the flaw of vicious! Deliberately cruel. People will remember your cruel behaviour much more than his foolish, harmless boasting. Besides, he was a little boy then – maybe it seemed big to him because he didn’t have perspective.
I live in CA and your first EQ is terrifying.” OXRblues
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your friend is a jerk (probably one with borderline personality disorder) for lying to everyone. But his story wasn’t causing anyone any harm, so you are also a jerk for going out of your way to publicly question his story.” newfriend836639
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife's Coworker's Pregnant Wife To Stay With Us?
“My wife and I are in our early 30s and have a 2-year-old. She has a coworker whom she’s known for about 3 months. They’re on good terms but she’s never met his wife, I’ve never met him etc. So they are very much friends at just work.
Unfortunately, his father passed away and he had to go back to his home country today. His wife is 5 months pregnant and scared of being alone. My wife knew his dad was ill and told him yesterday that she’s happy to help in any way including having her stay at ours for a couple of days.
His father passed away this morning and he called her asking if his wife could come over tonight to stay for a week. My wife was a bit taken aback because she had honestly not expected it. Anyway, she asked me and I said no. We don’t know who this person is, what she’s like, she’s 5 months pregnant we might have to take her to the doctor and be responsible if something happens.
It was just weird to me and I said I wouldn’t be comfortable. My wife said that I’m an uncaring jerk and that we should be helping them. Anyway, she said no to her coworker but said she could go check in on his wife from time to time.
So am I the jerk for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I are also both in our early thirties with an 18-month-old and I asked him his opinion on what we’d do. Personally, we’d probably take her in. HOWEVER, you’re 100% NTJ for not being comfortable in taking her in you’re in the right to not let in someone you don’t know.
It’s your house and you deserve to be comfortable in your house and that includes not letting someone else intrude on that.” AmaraBird93
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The coworker asked for help and you refused. There are also cultural issues at play.
I assume you’re in the US. It’s also entirely possible that the coworker has no other support system outside of work friendships in the city. There’s no harm in helping someone you have no deep relationships with but you’re not obligated to help them out” bumpyclock
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here I’ve gone for the best fit. Kind of a tough one. But ponder this, to make the request they have to people they barely know, they must be pretty friggin desperate. And you’re sure you won’t help? She’s 5 months pregnant we might have to take her to the doctor and to the hospital and be responsible if something happens.
I found this pretty sad, to be honest. It’s another human being, and your concern is that you might have to give her a lift if she needs it, or maybe be there for her a bit. You seem to lack humanity.” elliptical-wing
5. AITJ For Refusing To Help A Pregnant Coworker With Extra Tasks?
“This happened a while back when I used to be a waiter. When we would close everyone had a position that they would close, I was in area 2, and I helped out the girl next to me and finished all my work. There was a specific role given at random every shift to someone to make sure they checked everyone did what was needed to be done (only in their closing position)this was called our checker.
The lady assigned to the checker was pregnant. If the managers saw that specific people didn’t do something and the checker cleared them to leave, the manager would make the checker do it. I had finished everything and asked her to check my work and give me the okay to leave.
She told me to wait, she was talking on the phone for 10 minutes. She signed a girl’s paper and I told her I had to leave…. she rolled her eyes, checked my work and said I was good but to also do something else (which was outside of my position.
I told her no. I had already clocked out since she gave me the okay to go and the manager said I was good to go.
She never helps out and all she does is take orders, she never had closing work, never helped run food or drinks, was always leaned over on her phone face timing, and when asked for help she’d said she couldn’t because of any pregnant-related reasoning.
She was just there doing the bare minimum and earning tips like regular and using pity from customers to give her more. When my mom was pregnant she did not work at all, my dad supported her. The following day of work, coworkers were telling me she injured herself and she told people huddled in a circle that I was a bad coworker and a bad person.
All she did was push a rack forward that had wheels and weighed not more than 10 pounds. A lot of coworkers saw my point of view of how she was asking me to do someone else’s work and understood why I said no when she had let that person assigned to that leave without fully checking their work, and others just ignored me and gave me an ugly look.
I was later pulled into the office and fired and called useless and unhelpful. The GM said he doesn’t need bad team players and I explained that we are all assigned a position to close, to CLOSE THAT POSITION, he said I was wrong.
So again, AITJ for refusing to help a pregnant coworker.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If she needs accommodations, it is up to management to make sure she gets those – NOT you. And certainly not unpaid, during your free time. If she can’t do the job, management needs to move her to another job.
YOU are COMPLETELY fine not to do her job and fire her. Your boss was the jerk.” Aggressive-Mind-2085
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but no winners either. Technically you were correct that you didn’t have to do it. But workplace norms say if you can do it without too much effort you help when you can.
Especially someone with a medical condition, like pregnancy. Correcting your timesheet should have been a simple change for your supervisor. It’s clear you disliked her and that clouded your judgement.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were very hostile towards her. But you don’t have to work with her now, which is what you wanted. Also, how is it relevant that your dad supported your mom while she was pregnant?
Not everyone has that support.” Old-Fox-3027
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Away From My Support System While Pregnant?
“I (30 female) have been seeing my partner Joey (35 male) for about a year. I’ve known him longer than that as friends and I love him and he’s a great guy.
Joey had to move for work and is about 6 hours away from our hometown.
Long distance has been hard but we make it work. My job can be done anywhere – I work in medical billing and work most days remotely. Sometimes I visit him where he lives and he comes here as well.
I’m pregnant. We were having a conversation about doctors offices and our birth plan and he commented on looking for a doctor near where he lives so we could all live together there.
Both of our families are in our hometown though. We don’t have a support system there and I want to stay here.
So I told him I didn’t want to move. He can’t move back here yet because of work and asked if we could compromise.
Living a year out there and letting him work his way back into moving here. I said no.
I don’t think I should have to be away from family during this because of his job. He said I’m taking away the most important parts of our child’s life away from him.
He said I’m taking away from him seeing all their firsts.
I just don’t think I should have to move. I won’t have anyone to help me there while he’s working. Our support system is here.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- however you both need to openly communicate to discuss and come to a decision you both can live with even if not the ideal arrangement. Sure it would be ideal from his side to have you and baby there 6 hrs away so he doesn’t miss out and be able to continue his job.
Sure it would be ideal from your side to have him move back and you to stay where you are so you have a strong support system as a new mom.” Upbeat-Adorablisa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What does he think you are supposed to do if something happens, and you need help with anything?
What if there is an emergency? You would be up a creek. Just a mother and her baby, fending for themselves… while he is at work. Nope. Stay where you have your support system.” -Sabbatica-
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk in my opinion but maybe someone else might not think so.
Do you guys plan on getting married? This is why I truly don’t think partners should be having kids together. Typically these things are discussed prior to marriage and children. You work remotely and he does not. You’re having a child together and both parents should be involved and present.
He’s trying to compromise and you’re not meeting him anywhere.” SandraLynnS
3. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Pay More Rent After Our Mortgage Increased?
“Two and a half years ago my elderly parents’ lease ended as had nowhere affordable to live. My husband and I, just wanting to help them, offered to buy a condo for them; They would just pay rent to cover the mortgage, strata fees and other expenses.
We told them we wouldn’t increase the rent for “a few years”.
Since then our mortgage cost has increased 80% and we are now paying out of pocket $600/month to cover the additional costs.
We explained to them the bind we are in. We pointed out they are now paying 33% below market rent and asked them if they could help us out by paying $300 more per month.
They are refusing to pay more. They are in a comfortable financial situation but feel that the cash flow deficit shouldn’t be a problem for us because the property “is an investment”.
AITJ for asking them to partner with us on this and pay a bit more rent so we aren’t digging ourselves deeper into a hole?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can ask. Their refusal suggests that they are taking for granted you won’t evict them — which is when the real drama would start. They sound entitled to live in your property rather than thankful for your help. Come back when you decide to evict them if they don’t pony up the increase.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- and if your parents are comfortable, why didn’t they buy their own condo? They need to be paying the $600 difference, not half of it unless you left out something that would cause them to not need to pay the full amount?
Side note, how did your mortgage payment go up so much? Or, is that why you’re only asking them to cover half? Did you take out a loan or re-up the loan or something? We live in what’s become a pretty high cost of living area and even still our mortgage payments have only gone up slightly but not $600, that seems pretty steep.” theferal1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ The property is in your name so you are the ones getting the equity. You agreed rent for a fixed term and now you want to put it up before the end of that term. If you were a landlord doing this to a random tenant you would be judged jerk and told that your mortgage and costs are not your tenants’ problem, only the agreed lease amount is.
That doesn’t change just because this is your parents. ETA if you are genuinely struggling with the increase then I don’t think you were a jerk to ask, but you will be if you keep pushing it.” Legitimate_Sun_390
BUT, if your expenses have gone up on YOUR home (I don't see how you could have an 80% increase on your mortgage unless you cashed out a good bit of equity, and that IS on you) then you shouldn't ask them to subsidize your increase. Sounds like your parents aren't the only ones making poor financial decisions.
2. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter She Can't Control Others' Diets In The House?
“I (45f) have been a stepmother to Lucy (17F) for the past 2 years. I also have a son, Jack (15M) from my previous relationship.
For the first 18 months that I knew Lucy, she was in love with junk food. She would use the funds she would get from babysitting the neighbour’s kids to buy cookies, chips, and ice cream all the time.
It was very unhealthy how much of that stuff she was eating. I tried to politely encourage her to switch to something healthier that still tasted good like yogurt but she would always respond with “You’re not my mom” and “Stop controlling my body”. Because of this, she’s put on a lot of weight.
Anyway about 6 months ago, she got into an argument with a boy in school. They called each other names and he ended up calling her a hippo. That made her self-conscious and she’s been trying to improve her health since then. She threw out all the junk food we had at home and tried to exercise 3-4 times a week.
She’s been making steady progress and I’m happy that she’s been taking care of herself.
My son however has recently taken a liking to Doritos chips. He doesn’t eat a lot of it. Maybe a packet every other week. He mostly eats it in his room so Lucy hasn’t seen him eating them.
But a couple of days ago he was watching a TV show downstairs and he decided to eat his chips. I was cooking in the kitchen but then I heard an argument so I ran out to figure out what was going wrong. Lucy was mad at Jack for eating chips and told him to throw it out because she was trying to lose weight.
My son said he can eat whatever he wants. I tried to calmly tell Lucy that Jack is allowed to eat in a common space and if what he’s eating is tempting her, she can nicely ask him to put it away or she can go to another room until he finishes if he declines her request. That just made her angrier and she accused me of “playing favourites” and “sabotaging” her progress.
This upset me because I’ve done nothing but support her these past few months. I firmly told her she’s almost 18 and she needs to grow up and accept that not everyone will follow her diet, especially in their own homes.
She cried to her mom who’s now blowing up my phone calling me a jerk for not supporting her daughter.
My husband, her dad, is on my side but after sleeping on it, I think I could have used a gentler tone. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her being on a diet doesn’t mean other people’s diet as well. If she can’t eat chips, that’s fine.
It doesn’t sound like other people are trying to force her to eat them. But if her argument is “I’m on a diet so chips can’t be in the house”, that only flies if it’s her house. If she wants to control what food is her residence, then she would need to be the sole person paying for the residence.” 7hr0wn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but she should be talking to both her physician and a therapist as well as a dietician if she wants to do this healthily and sustainably. If she has some kind of problem then it might be very helpful in the short term to minimize her exposure to trigger foods, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to follow her diet or completely remove those trigger foods from the house.” revmat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. The teenager gains weight after a change in her home dynamic, her stepmother thinks it appropriate to comment on it, a teenager has a sudden drastic idea of dieting which seems to involve significant restriction. Put two and two together here.” BartokTheBat
1. AITJ For Not Wanting Visitors After Giving Birth Until I've Healed?
“I (35 F) am pregnant and expecting a boy in December. I’m not from the US but my mom is coming and staying with my husband (35M) and me for two months to help cook and clean while I take care of my baby. My husband works nights and three times a week he works till noon, so I already know I’ll be taking the night shift every night with the baby and he won’t be able to help me in those days before the afternoon.
I’m having a c-section and would like the first 3 to 4 weeks to go by without visitors so I can heal properly and take care of the newborn while my mom helps me with the house. I was also concerned with his immune system during that time and wanted to wait for him to get at least some of his health protections.
My husband told my in-laws they could see the baby at the hospital when he was born but after that, we’d go for 3 to 4 weeks without any visitors, them included. His mom’s jaw dropped and they said they couldn’t believe they weren’t going to be allowed to see the baby during that time.
Now my husband is asking me why they can’t see the baby during those weeks and if I have a problem with his parents. It’s true, I don’t have a good relationship with his parents but ultimately I didn’t want visitors since I’ll still be healing from the surgery and taking care of the baby while also teaching online part-time – I’m self-employed so I don’t get maternity leave.
I know they’re also upset that my mother will be here for two months while they can’t see the baby for 3 weeks, however, they never offered to cook, clean, or do groceries for us.
They keep saying they want “to see the baby”. My MIL even went as far as to say we could bring the baby to her house whenever we wished. When my husband pointed out we won’t be driving a newborn anywhere (they live 30 minutes away) she said she was reluctant to come by because my husband doesn’t like it when she drops by unannounced. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Surgery is a major event. Your mom is there for a very practical and needed purpose, to take care of you. My in-laws are being rude. It’s about competing with your mom for baby-time. Otherwise, they would have a plan to be useful.
Take your time healing. Three weeks might not be enough. Forget the “it’s not fair” whining. Take care of your health and your baby. Congratulations!” Maximum-Company2719
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had the same rule for my kids too. One of my kids caught whooping cough at 4 weeks when I loosened the rules – she was very ill and hospitalized for a week, on home oxygen for 3 months.
I should have stuck to my guns but everyone pressured me for being such a worrywart.” dozens
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ here. Can you not see how your inlaws (and husband) see it as hurtful and unfair that your mom gets to be with a baby for a whole month before they get a chance to see it?
What would be the harm of letting them come by for a few LIMITED time visits with the baby while you’re resting or teaching online?” celticmusebooks
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!