People Ask For Guidance Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

It's actually fairly simple to not be a jerk. It only entails being aware of our actions, considering how they may influence others, and making an attempt to change for the better. Even if it might be easy, some people just don't know how to act right. They behave disrespectfully toward everyone they encounter while seeming as though they don't care about their reputation. However, the people in these stories below are not them. Actually, they're asking us if we think they've ever been jerks or not. Read their stories and let us know what you think. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

36. AITJ For Not Buying School Supplies For My Nephews?

“My sister, Jennifer, is a horrible person. My sister divorced her first husband, Wayne, to marry her current husband, Lance. Lance is also an awful person. Lance said that he didn’t want to raise Wayne and Jennifer’s daughter, Andrea, and he only cared about having biological children.

Jennifer gave full custody to Wayne because Lance was more important to her than Andrea. No one in the family has spoken to Jennifer since.

Andrea was three when Jennifer left her for Lance. Andrea just started fifth grade and is being raised by Wayne and his wife, Emily.

Andrea knows Emily is not her biological mother, but my niece says Emily is her real mom anyway and she doesn’t care to know who her birth mom is. We have a great child therapist ready if Andrea ever needs her, but Andrea says she has not needed it yet.

Andrea’s birthday was two weeks ago. We went to Build-A-Bear and I bought her a bear with several accessories. I also got her a Mickey Mouse waffle maker. Andrea was so happy that she was smiling the entire day! Wayne and Emily posted pictures of Andrea on the family website eating Mickey Mouse waffles saying they were delicious, courtesy of myself.

I blocked Jennifer on all social media; It was a friend who got a message from Jennifer that was meant to go to me. Jennifer explained in the message that my nephews, Colton and Ryder, were starting school soon and she and Lance were struggling to afford school supplies.

And because I was buying fancy gifts for Andrea, I could surely spare $100 to cover both Colton and Ryder’s school supplies. I don’t even know how Jennifer found those pictures because the family website is supposed to be password-protected.

I responded to Jennifer that I would not be sending a dime to her or Lance.

She abandoned Andrea for some guy. She doesn’t get to come back to the family she abandoned now that she needs a favor. And besides, she and Lance are grown-ups and if they can’t afford things then it’s not my problem.

Jennifer told me how awful of an uncle I was and kept trying to get me to call her, but I had my friend block her and that was over.

Several people, like my co-worker, are saying that I should be the bigger person for Ryder and Colton because they’re innocent in this and it’s unfair they go without school supplies because their parents can’t afford them.

They said I could donate the school supplies directly so I wouldn’t have to worry about Jennifer or Lance spending the money poorly. I have no relationship with my nephews, and people are saying this is a great opportunity to become involved in their lives and be a positive role model where Jennifer and Lance may be failing them.

I get it’s not fair to Ryder and Colton, but it’s ridiculous for me to subsidize their schooling expenses while having no physical or emotional role in their life. Besides, if Jennifer and Lance genuinely can’t afford school supplies there are programs to help them.”

7 points - Liked by IDontKnow, pamlovesbooks918, leja2 and 4 more

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rusty 1 year ago
NTJ....sis doesn't get to write off the entire family, then expect for them to pay for any of their expenses. Not even their kids, sorry to say, even though they are truly the innocent ones. And to those who are saying "get over it" or "be the bigger person" have probably never had to deal with the type of drama sis started, so their opinions do not count.
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35. AITJ For Saying My Stepson's Mother Doesn't Have To Tag Along Everywhere He Goes?

“My (37M) husband (49M) has two kids – Tim (29M) and Jesse (25M). Tim is the result of his mother getting hubby wasted at a high school graduation party after years of crushing on him. They never went out, any relationship, she admits this and hubby only interacted with her to take care of Tim.

Fast forward four years, she drops Tim off for his weekend and infant Jesse and never picks them up. Long and short of it, my husband got sole custody of Tim and she agreed to him adopting Jesse.

She stayed out of their lives until Tim was 17 and she cleaned up her life.

Awesome! Jesse wants nothing to do with her but according to hubby, Tim has lived with her ever since they reunited. Hubby and I live on his family farm – us in one house, his parents in another on the property.

Every time Tim comes to visit he brings his mom with him and it’s usually a multi-day visit. The first time I met her she made a lot of out-of-place comments like ‘Your husband better not try to go out with me while I’m here.’ Told Tim I was exactly his age, and a few comments about me being a stay-at-home husband.

Her dog begs at the table and steals food off the plate and everyone is supposed to just put up with it. My hubby basically ignores her and focuses on his son, as do his parents. MIL has said she basically tolerates her presence so she can see her grandson drama free.

And I get that.

Here’s where I may be the jerk: Obviously I have no say over what happens in in-laws’ house and that’s fine, but these last few visits with her have just exhausted me mentally and emotionally. Tim is not disabled in any way, nor is his mom.

She’s not close with any of the family so there’s no concrete reason for her to tag along so much. Tim will come to our place to hang out and play games and his mom always follows. They’re currently visiting and last night Tim wanted to come over and game, and his mom said she was coming too.

I said no.

Tim asked why not and I told him that I don’t want his mom in my house anymore. She always says inappropriate things no matter how many times hubby tells her to respect me and that he’s an adult, his mother doesn’t need to come chaperone, and frankly, she’s not a major component of my husband’s life that I need would need to placate her.

Tim called my husband at work to tell him what I said and hubby agreed with me, now Tim’s mom is saying I’m a jerk and interfering in their family.

If Tim were disabled or a young child, I’d understand, but we’re all adults. AITJ?”

6 points - Liked by IDontKnow, pamlovesbooks918, Spaldingmonn and 3 more

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Deedee 11 months ago
NTJ. It sounds like she's trying to come between you to see if she can win him back. There's no reason she needs to be there
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34. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My 3-Year-Old Nephew Even When I'm At Home All Day?

“I (19F) live in the same apartment complex as my aunt (31F) and her three kids (3M, 9F, 12M). In the past, I would babysit my younger cousins because they were family and there was really no reason to say no, although I wasn’t paid for it.

Recently, I have refused to babysit for a couple of reasons. I have severe anxiety and OCD, so I find it really hard to babysit young children because I get stressed really easily in situations that I cannot control. This often triggers anxiety attacks where I have to take medication to calm down.

My aunt’s youngest child is 3 and he’s really rowdy, hyper, and destructive. He’s the type of kid to throw tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants. I have refused to babysit him for a while because I get really stressed when I watch him.

I deal with intrusive thoughts that always make me assume the worst is going to happen (like the house burning down, or getting hit by a car when I cross the street) and it gets worse when kids are around. I don’t want to be responsible for another person when I’m dealing with these thoughts.

It gives me intense anxiety. I don’t think it’s safe for me or them.

My aunt got a new job and needs someone to watch him for a few hours a day (1-3 days a week). No one else can (even her partner) because of work commitments, but I am currently working from home as a freelancer where I basically just work when I want to.

She said I have no reason to refuse because I’m home all the time, so why can’t I just sit with him for a few hours? I have refused and feel bad because there’s no one to watch him and they don’t trust strangers to babysit.

I feel really bad because she just got a new job and obviously she wants to make a good impression but will have to take off because of babysitting. But then again, I don’t think it’s safe for me to watch a young child with all of my issues. AITJ?”

6 points - Liked by IDontKnow, pamlovesbooks918, leja2 and 3 more

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
What kind of mother of a small child takes a job without having babysitting arranged in advance? She either just assumed your availability or got told no and assumed she could bully you into taking care of her responsibility. She’s TJ. You’re NTJ.
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33. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Baby Spend Mother's Day With My Mother-In-Law?

“After years of infertility and miscarriages, my husband and I welcomed our precious little one last year. We had a traumatic birth and NICU stay but our baby is doing amazing and I’m so grateful for the chance to be a mother.

Normally Mother’s Day is a huge depression trigger for me but this year is the first time I’m actually excited for the holiday (even though we’re not able to afford much). I want nothing more than to spend the day with my little family.

My husband’s mom expects us to come over for the entire day. I have never gotten along with my MIL. She managed to find a way to get all the attention on her during my pregnancy; she has a history of bad and illegal choices; she threw a fit when we wouldn’t let her see my baby (who was in the NICU) after birth, she hates my baby’s name…

and she cannot/will not remember my child’s name. (my baby is 6 months old.)

I told her we may swing by her house, and my mom’s house, briefly, but I mostly want a lazy day with the baby and my husband. She immediately accused me of being selfish and said she wanted to spend the day with the baby because ‘that’s my baby too!’

We’ve had fights about her referencing my baby as her baby and I felt like she was trying to trigger another one so I hung up.

Now she’s telling the whole family I’m ruining Mother’s Day by taking over because I won’t let her spend the entire time with my baby.

I think I may be the jerk because she is a mom, and her other kids are in no contact with her so my husband might be the only one to acknowledge the day for her, and I could deal with my dislike for her for one day… but I do think it’d ruin my first Mother’s Day.

Would I be the jerk?”

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, pamlovesbooks918, leja2 and 3 more

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rbleah 1 year ago
RED FLAG WARNING The other kids of hers are NO CONTACT FOR A REASON. Tell your hubs that you will NEVER go see her again and if he wants to take your child to see her you won't go. BUT..... NEVER ON DAYS YOU SAY NO. Why is your hubs still in contact with this abusive witch?
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32. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Have My Cat?

“I’m moving to a new place at the end of next month for a variety of reasons. I’m still looking for a place right now, but the places I’ve narrowed it down to right now do not allow pets. I’ve owned a pure breed cat for the last 5 years now, and it breaks my heart but at this point, I’ve been looking into rehoming it.

This is where my sister and her two daughters come in. My sister and her kids adore my cat. Her daughters have always been attracted to it like magnets. This sucks because my sister has no clue how to take care of animals, and has not taught her kids how to treat them.

Every time I’ve had her daughters over, I’ve had to lock my cat in my room and tell her kids that the cat is outside playing because the two of them treat animals like toys. My sister is no better, as she treats animals like property rather than living creatures and neglects them.

I won’t go into details but she’s owned 2 dogs that have run away since her oldest daughter’s birth.

At the moment it looks like a close friend of mine is going to be taking my cat in. I made the mistake of telling my mother this and my sister ended up calling me asking if it was true I was rehoming my cat.

She immediately offered to take it and became incredibly pushy when I told her it was already worked out. She tried to guilt me by talking about how much her daughters loved my cat and it would break all of their hearts to know I would choose a friend over family.

She even insisted I was abandoning the cat when I’m not.

I finally got tired of it and told her that I have my reasons for not allowing her to take my cat. She ended up pushing me further on this and I told her that I would never allow her to mistreat my cat as she has her previous animals, that her two daughters have no clue how to treat animals, and that I would rather put my cat down than allow it to be mistreated by her and her kids.

She lost it with me and I ended up hanging up quickly after. Now my parents and other siblings are livid at me and claiming I went way overboard when I could have just told her no.”

4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, Texaslonghorns and 1 more

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rbleah 1 year ago
She played a stupid game and pushed you too far. Now she reaps the stupid prize. Everyone I know who loves animals would also NEVER GIVE HER A PET if they had to rehome it. You found a LOVING HOME and your fam can get lost about it all. Tell them you will not give your fur baby to someone YOU KNOW will NOT treat any animal with the care that EVERY ANIMAL DESERVES. Then put them all in a timeout for a while.
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31. AITJ For Being Mad At Our Friend Who Invited Her Son To Sleep In Our Hotel Room That We Paid For?

“So I (21F) and three older (ages between 30-50) women I work with planned a trip to Nashville, TN for the weekend. We are planning to go watch a drag show and just a have fun relaxing weekend. Today I come into work and find out about this, and get upset.

I wasn’t even told my friend’s son (22M) was coming over to the room to hang out.

Due to my past trauma, I cannot sleep in the room with a guy I’ve never met, I already told them that I’d probably not sleep since I’ll be with them and in a weird place.

My friend (J) had our other friend (H) that invited her son on the phone and was talking to her about the situation. The third friend, V, was mad because her husband probably won’t let her go now since there is another guy going (a whole other problem).

H tells us that J said it was okay for him to come and stay the night, but J clarified and said she only told H’s son it was okay because H put her on the spot and she wasn’t expecting it.

I told H that she shouldn’t only run it by one of us, also because we ALL paid for this, AND she doesn’t even know if the rest of us would be comfortable with it or our significant others would be either.

We all pitched into buying the room, which he will not be putting any money towards if he stays, and she got upset, said she wasn’t going anymore, and hung up on us. Then, H didn’t respond for a couple of hours.

She sent V an apology message and also told J that she was still going. V and I have decided to drive down separately, but J says H will come around and be okay. I’m just worried about the whole weekend being messed up because of this. I don’t want drama to unfold more when we get there.


4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, LilVicky and 1 more

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ - That is a major change to the plans! Not only does it cause problems for most of you, but it's not fair for him to get a free trip that the rest of you paid for.
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30. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Replace My Penicillin?

“I started getting re-occurring UTIs and BV about three years ago, and they have been horrible to deal with. Constantly having to go to the doctors, co-pays, and prescriptions. It usually costs me about 70-80 dollars including Ubers to the doctor’s office.

To make matters worse, my urgent care has primarily male doctors, who always give me a weaker prescription, even when I tell them this is RE-OCCURRING, meaning that I take penicillin frequently.

I think my body has created an immune system, so only stronger versions really work for me.

However most of the time they start me off with something weaker, just for me to take it all, have to go back, still have a UTI, and they finally give me the stronger one, an additional 70-80 dollars later.

For the past two months, I’ve been UTI-free.

However, I’ve had a spare bottle of medicine I hadn’t cracked open yet, but just saving it, so for my next UTI, I could save some funds  (checked the expiration date, etc). When I went back to it, I noticed the bottle was really light.

A container holding about 21 pills, not contained about 6/7. If you know about penicillin, you take the entire bottle, not portions of it. So I asked my partner and he mentioned he needed a root canal, and that the penicillin helped with his pain, and he took one whenever he was in pain.

Ok, the only problem is that he didn’t tell me and that he has made no plans/means to replace them. He insists he ‘only took three’, but half the bottle is gone, and I haven’t taken any, because I was saving them.

When I woke up this morning to that familiar painful burn of my morning pee, I asked him how he was going to replace my now-needed medication, and he seemed really short, explaining that he didn’t have the money, got out of bed, while mumbling kind of angrily and got into the shower. AITJ for expecting him to replace something? It’s almost as if he doesn’t understand the importance of taking a full prescription.”

4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, LilVicky and 1 more

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rusty 1 year ago
If he is this much of an AH with an antibiotic, just imagine what he would do with opioid painkillers. Lock your meds up! NTJ...
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29. AITJ For Asking My Daughter To Pay Us Back After She Paid Her Friend's Tuition?

“My wife and I are in the fortunate position of being wealthy. We had to work our butts off to get where we are and we never forget where we came from. Our kids grew up ‘rich kids’ but we never spoiled them even when we could have.

They went to nice schools and had nice things, but they also had summer jobs and after-school jobs to pay for their own extras. We also push philanthropy in our family so our kids recognize they are privileged and that our life isn’t even remotely how regular people live.

I’d say for the most part our kids have grown up to be respectful and good people. Our oldest children are twin boys and their sister, who is 18 months younger than them. All 3 are in college now. Our youngest 2 are in 8th grade.

I got a call from our bank a couple of days ago saying that someone had cashed a check that was charged to our bank account in the amount of $61,347.93 and that the check had been made out to the tuition office of the university my oldest three kids attend.

Naturally, I investigated the matter myself with the university and got some answers. I pieced together that one of my kids snagged my checkbook and wrote a tuition check for a friend of theirs (there’s a much bigger story behind why this kid couldn’t pay but that’s private, and my wife and I agreed to fund this young person’s education because of their private struggles).

I grilled my kids and figured out that it was our daughter, ‘Joanna’. Joanna was apologetic but she was also quite insistent that she stood behind her actions. I respect my daughter for her convictions and she really did have good reasons for why she did it but the fact remains that she stole and then she hid it.

Joanna asked what her punishment is and I told her to get a job because she now owes her mother and me $62,000.

Here’s the thing: I don’t expect Joanna to pay us back and if she came to me tomorrow with the money I wouldn’t take it.

What I want is to see an effort made. An acknowledgment of her actions and the consequences. If I see that she’s actively trying I’ll tell her that she doesn’t have to pay me back. She’s my kid and I love her so all I want is for her to learn a lesson.

But, Joanna doesn’t know all this, all she thinks is that she owes me $62,000. So, naturally, I’m a horrible father and a very mean person.


4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, Spaldingmonn, leja2 and 1 more

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rbleah 1 year ago
NOT A JERK. What your daughter did is THEFT. Tell her this. No matter WHAT she wanted it for she had NO RIGHT to these funds WITHOUT talking to you and mom FIRST. As you may not have been ready for THAT kind of funds going missing. I don't care how much money you have. Don't just tell her she has to pay you back, MAKE IT HAPPEN. She MUST LEARN that what she did is ILLEGAL. What would you say if she had stolen that money from someone else?
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28. AITJ For Ordering McDonald's And Not Eating The Curry My Aunt And Uncle Left For Me?

“I (18F) was babysitting for my aunt and uncle. They have three kids, (11M), (9F), (3F). They left food for them to be heated up for their dinner which I did but it didn’t look appealing to me for MY dinner despite there being enough.

It was curry and honestly not a fan of that. So I fed the kids and once all three were in bed and asleep (yes I checked) I ordered Uber Eats and got Mcdonald’s delivered for me.

I then proceeded to eat my dinner when it arrived while watching Bridgerton season 2.

I’m late to the party but I’m loving it so far. I did pause every so often to check on the kids though especially the youngest as she’s the age where it’s not unthinkable she’d be up and down. Anyway, everything was fine and when my aunt and uncle got back, they saw the Mcdonald’s drink I still hadn’t finished and my uncle asked me if I’d taken the kids out for McDonald’s, I explained that no I’d fed them the food they’d left and once they were asleep I got myself McDonald’s.

My uncle was rather cross at me over this and said if I was buying myself Mcdonald’s I should have gotten it for the kids too as it’s unfair. I told him I’d only had enough for myself and if I’d had enough sure I’d have gotten the kids something but that was why I’d waited till they were asleep.

My aunt then began to ask me why I’d not eaten the curry and how they’d made sure there was enough for me too. I told them I just didn’t like curry that much and that made my uncle go off on a tirade about how people my age are so picky and spoiled and how I’d wasted good food (I’d put the leftovers in the fridge it’s not like I tossed what was left).

I admit I was upset by this and ended up leaving asap and my dad is mad at his brother and was shouting at him on the phone today, AITJ here? Was it really that bad what I did? I figured it’d be fine as I made sure the kids were asleep and wasn’t rubbing it in their faces.”

3 points - Liked by Mattie, IDontKnow and Spaldingmonn

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ. Uncle & aunt are!
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27. AITJ For Skipping On My Brother's Bachelor Weekend?

“My brother is getting married soon, his bachelor party was last weekend and he’s still mad at me (29M) for missing it. The trip was for 5 days, a 7-hour flight going and coming back. My wife is 6 months pregnant.

It has been a delicate time for us because we have suffered from 2 miscarriages in the past. The last one was late into the pregnancy so we have just been trying to remain optimistic but I’m also very scared for our baby.

We want him to be healthy and delivered safely so badly.

I don’t like the idea of being so far away from my wife in case of anything. It’s still early yes, however, just in case of anything, I didn’t want to be stuck on a flight for hours while not being by my wife’s side.

For weeks my family was practically scolding me because this is an important event for my brother and it’s not like my wife would be alone because my MIL is currently staying with us until our son is born. They said my wife will be fine.

My brother was the most angry about this but I told him I’m sorry it was my final decision.

My wife supported whatever I decided. The rest of my family didn’t. For the last week, my brother gave me the cold shoulder not replying to my messages.

At work he completely ignores me. The only thing he told me is if I can’t be present for an important event in his life then don’t expect to be at the wedding or for him to be around my son.

‘IF he’s even born’, is exactly what he told me and that stung very very much.

Honestly, he’s never said anything so hurtful in my life. My anger spiked to one thousand really quickly. It ended with us yelling. After venting to my other brother about it he kind of looked at me like well what did you expect? Since I didn’t spend the weekend with him knowing how important it was for him I can’t blame him for lashing out.

Everyone seems to think I’m this huge jerk for skipping out on going. And I do understand it was something important for him so this is why I’m asking if they are right. Was I a jerk for deciding to miss out on it?”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2 and Texaslonghorns

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ - be thankful that now you don't have to go to the wedding if he's that kind of person! To say "IF he's even born" is enough to put that brother in no-contact status for the rest of OP's life. He doesn't deserve to be around his nephew after that!
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26. AITJ For Telling Everyone The Truth About Why I Wore A Wig To My Sister's Wedding?

“I (female-to-male, 21) went to my sister’s (f24) wedding last June. I am closeted to everyone besides my brother and aunt if I can note real quick. I had short hair to my ears at the time, as I cut my hair short a couple of times a year.

I hate long hair, as it sends my senses into overload. But my sister hates short hair since it ‘isn’t feminine’ and I look like a guy. Which is the point, but she doesn’t know that.

My sister asked me to be a bridesmaid and she got me a dress.

She didn’t invite me to the bridesmaids’ party though. But a month before the wedding she told me that I had to wear a wig and to send me the ones I had. I am a cosplayer so I have a lot.

This made me upset originally, as I did not want to wear a wig. I looked fine without it. I asked her if I had to, and she said yes. If I wanted to be in the bridal party (like our mom forced her to make me), then I had to.

She chose one that was the closest to my natural colored hair and could be styled to a ‘wedding style’.

At the wedding, everyone looked confused when I walked in with long hair, but no one said anything. But it’s now a year later and people are finally asking why I wore it on social media.

She replied that it was because ‘(I) had to wear one so (I) didn’t feel ugly’. I quickly told everyone that it was because she refused to let me into the bridal party, which she didn’t even want me in originally.

Now the family is upset with me and telling me I was in the wrong for saying that and my sister is calling me a liar, even though she forced me into it. Apparently, the cousins and elders are upset with her now.

Her husband is even saying I’m lying and a jerk. His side of the family is jumping to her defense and my brother, who was in the original conversation and knows I’m right, was told to stay out of it. I don’t think I’m the jerk for calling her out, but my family thinks so. My brother is saying I should have ignored her and taken the loss.

Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed and not been in the bridal party once she said this, but then she would have made that a problem. AITJ?”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2 and elel

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MzPen 11 months ago
A year later and she's still freaking Bridezilla. I'd stay away from her.
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25. AITJ For Wanting My Sister With Epilepsy To Help With Chores?

“I have a sister who is epileptic and I have always been very close to her. We are both adults now (early to mid-thirties) and live together with our mom.

I have a very busy life, working 60 hours a week, cooking for us, maintaining the house/cleanliness, and when my sis has seizures helping her with her care.

I don’t mind doing any of these things when she is sick and needs my help. But I differ in my opinion about her capabilities than my mom does.

Growing up mom always protected her from having to do any extra tasks so she was typically absolved of any household duties etc.

the rest of us just learned to take on her share. Now, when my life is extremely busy and I’m feeling burned out, I am getting resentful towards her for not ‘growing up’ and not learning to be responsible for her chores.

Her epilepsy is generally controlled but she has breakthrough seizures because she is not super responsible about her lifestyle. She has not learned to manage her triggers well (getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, avoiding mental and physical strain, etc.)

Mom and I had an argument recently because Sis hadn’t done her laundry for six months, so I finally did it for her.

I asked her to put away her laundry after I washed it but she didn’t do it for a couple of weeks. Later I saw Mom folding it and when I walked by she asked if I could put it away since her arm hurts.

I got upset and told her she should ask my sister since it’s her laundry and I already did her a favor by washing it.

Mom proceeded to do what she’s been doing all her life which is to emotionally blackmail me into submitting and doing the chore.

She said because Sis takes epilepsy meds that are strong, she doesn’t want to add stress to her. I said that’s fine, don’t add stress but ask her to balance her life better. Since she has time to socialize and watch movies all day, she should be able to balance it out with doing her own chores.

Mom basically ignored me and said she feels lucky that sis is even alive after living with epilepsy for so long and it’s our job to take care of her etc.

I think she should be held accountable and responsible so she learns to be a mature adult and I fear my parents’ coddling has kept her from becoming mature.

Does anyone else’s family do this? Coddles the sick but capable sibling while putting all the burdens on the other siblings?

Edited for clarification: The laundry Sis neglected and piled up for 6 mos was linens, bedsheets, pillowcases, bath towels, face, hand towels, etc. They were just piling up and all were used by her. She definitely does not neglect washing her clothes and cares a lot about her image and hygiene.”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LilVicky and lebe

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Spoiledbrat123 1 year ago
Move out and stop dealing with their crap
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24. AITJ For Warning My Niece About The Dangers Of The Career She Wants To Pursue?

“My cousin Rick and his wife Lia have an 18-year-old daughter Meg.

Lia mentioned to me, at a family reunion, that Meg was planning on going to college for computer science, just like I did.

I didn’t really want to get into my thoughts about that so I said ‘Cool’ and Rick made a comment to me that he was hoping I’d have some advice for her since I’d done a computer science degree too.

I said, ‘I’m not sure y’all are going to like what I have to say.’ Rick said ‘How so?’ and Meg said ‘I’d like to hear it’. I said ‘Okay… Honestly, my first piece of advice is ‘don’t’… If I could go back in knowing what I know now, I never would have started that degree’.

Lia asked what I was talking about, Meg had an aptitude for it. Meg said that she also really loved it, she was in the robotics club at school. And she wanted to know what I was talking about.

I gave her a brief rundown of my career, I was sold on the whole ‘Girl power’ corporate feminism that I grew up with.

I went to college and found the curriculum doable, but the amount of sexism and harassment I dealt with from peers and professors was really difficult.

I graduated and found the industry was even worse than college. I left my first job due to harassment from my direct manager and later his manager, and HR’s retaliation against me for reporting.

I found a new job and the cycle repeated. At 28, I’ve quit 3 jobs, all due to persistent harassment that HR and management would either not address or would actively contribute to.

I had made a group of female friends and mentors at the start of my career.

9 years later, these women I looked up to as role models have all left the industry. I feel pretty hopeless seeing the people I looked up to all couldn’t handle it, so how can I?

I said that if I could go back, I’d trade everything I made in this field for my mental health and my personal safety.

You can’t put a price on those things.

Meg said she wanted to talk more and wanted to trade numbers with me. I was about to give her mine when Rick slammed a hand down on the table and told me no.

He told me that it was completely inappropriate of me to try to talk his daughter out of a good career. I interjected to say ‘Did you miss everything I said? It isn’t a good career. It doesn’t matter how much it pays if it’s not safe.’ He told me to shut up and not speak to his daughter again, that it wasn’t my place to ruin his daughter’s future.

I got irritated and said ‘I’m not trying to ruin her future, I’m trying to be realistic about what she can expect… Like I wish someone was with me.’ But I did walk off since he was getting pretty heated. I haven’t heard from them since.

AITJ and did I overstep by being so frank about my thoughts on Meg’s possible field of study and future career?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and Spaldingmonn

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Michelle73 1 year ago
Ntj !! You warned them they wouldn’t like it but they persisted!!!
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23. AITJ For Helping My Ex Find Our Dog?

“My (24M) ex (24F) and I broke up a little bit over 2 years ago.

1 year before our break up we adopted a dog ‘Bean’. I am not going to lie, we were the kind of crazy pet owners. He was like our kid.

Our break up was mutual and in the end, we were more friends/roommates than a couple. The hardest part was figuring out what to do with Bean. We both wanted to keep him in our lives so we decided on an arrangement to please both of us.

She has a bigger garden and she often works at home so she has him most of the time. I often go on hikes during the weekend and she has to travel for work once a month so I have him at least a week each month and on the weekends.

I have the code to the gate of her garden so when it’s my turn I just go and get him. Her brother is one of my closest friends and I hike with him so during the weekend he is the one getting him.

If we talk it’s mostly to give small updates about our families (we’ve known each other since we were 15) and the dog.

I know this arrangement is unusual but Bean is our dog and right now both of us can’t imagine not having him in our life.

6 months ago I met Ana (25F). She is now my significant other. She never complained or said anything about how things work with Bean.

This Monday Ana came over to mine. It was just a casual evening/night together. Around 10 my ex called me in tears.

A neighbor came in the afternoon to deliver something and she forgot to close the gate. When my ex came back Bean was missing. She told me that she and her SO looked around but couldn’t find him and they were going to call more people to search for him.

I told her that I was coming. I asked Ana if she wanted to come but she refused. When I arrived at my ex’s place a few people were there to help. Her SO, her brother, the neighbor, her family, and some of our friends.

Anyway, it took us over 1 hour but we finally found him. He was fine. We took him home I gave him a lot of hugs, said bye, and left. I came home and Ana was already in bed. When I tried to talk to her she told me that she was tired and didn’t want to talk.

The next day she was cold and barely talked to me but after work, she called me to talk and kind of exploded on the phone. She said that I left her to go with my ex and that she was hurt.

That I chose to spend the night with my ex and our friends rather than with her. I tried to explain that I only went because of Bean but she refused to listen to me.

According to her, there were enough people to find Bean and my ex didn’t need my help.

Which is true but he is still my dog and it’s my job to be there for him. Even our friends came to help.

I want to add this is the only time that something like that happened since we broke up.

Honestly, I don’t know what to think. In my mind, I did the right thing but Ana said that I neglected her.

My friends don’t get along well with her so if I ask them they will be biased.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LilVicky

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LilVicky 1 year ago
NTJ You need to rethink your relationship.
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22. AITJ For Defending My Kids From My Family?

“I met my husband when I was 18 and he was 19. I was still living with my parents as was he. Both of our parents supported our relationship, and then a year later we had an accidental pregnancy and when I told my parents they gave me a choice, either I terminate the pregnancy or they kick me out; I talked to my SO about it and he said that choice is up to me whether I wanna keep it or not and when I said I did we both talked to his parents and they were generous enough to have me move in with them.

Over the years we have both saved up to get our own place and raise our son and have a couple more kids, get married, etc… I am in low contact with my parents and get along very well with my husband’s parents

Onto the issue at hand of course – My family had a get-together last week, and, after many years of healing and putting the past behind us, I (33F) and my husband (34) decided to attend this gathering with our kids (14M) (8F) (7F).

It was going pretty well and I got to catch up with everyone and it was going really really well, then my mom decided it was a good idea to get a group photo of my kids with some other relatives I don’t really know.

I hear a loud dispute happening and when I went over there I just heard my kids saying they didn’t wanna take a picture and that they didn’t even know these people and this is where I decided to step in and basically tell them my kids don’t have to do anything they’re uncomfortable with doing.

My mom says and I quote ‘You should’ve gone through with that termination given that you’re incapable of parenting your own children’ right in front of them! I was so shocked and just grabbed my kids and left and my husband joined me shortly after (I heard him yelling at his mom).

We got home and my and my husband’s phones were blown up with texts saying to never come back. My kids are still very hurt and confused and even though I and my husband keep assuring them that was never going to be the plan, they’re more distant, especially our 14-year-old son – thinking that their mom was considering not having them, hurts me more than ever.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

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Stanman17 11 months ago
Yes, tell them the truth. That your mom wanted you to terminate the pregnancy and you chose him, that it was never an option you considered. Then cut your family off for good. They've already written you off, accept that in the same spirit it was given. With prejudice.
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21. AITJ For Being Mad That My Sister Gave Her Daughter My Son's Milk?

“I (27F) am a mother to a 4-month-old and have had a lot of struggles breastfeeding and expressing my milk. Every drop is a struggle so to me it’s very important and I stockpile as much as I can so there is extra for him.

My wife (29F) and I had to travel to her brother’s wedding so my sister kindly offered to babysit our son while we were gone so we weren’t bringing a baby to a wedding.

I was more than happy to agree after making sure she would be ok and wouldn’t be too stressed from it as my sister has two kids of her own, a 6-year-old boy and an 8-month-old girl but she assured me she’d be fine and that she and her husband could manage three kids.

I ensured I had enough milk prepared for our son which wasn’t easy and gave it over when I dropped him off.

The wedding was lovely though I missed our son like mad while we were away. When we returned I learned that my nephew had knocked over the formula so my sister had given some of my breastmilk to her daughter rather than having her husband run to the store literally next to their home immediately.

It wasn’t a financial concern in case anyone thinks that just that she thought it’d be easier in the moment. They got the formula later so it was only one bottle my niece took but I’m still upset over this and told my sister as much, she doesn’t understand what the big deal is and thinks I’m overreacting.

I feel that as she herself struggled to nurse which is why my niece takes formula she should understand why this has me so upset but she thinks it’s no big deal.

I have no diseases or infections that can be passed on through my milk and I’m not on any medications so there is no real safety concern here to my niece taking some of my milk.

It’s more a matter of principle for me. I feel hurt over this as to prevent a quick trip to the shop they took some of my son’s milk. My wife is supporting the fact I’m upset but she is trying to tell me what is done is done and to let it go.

I know it’s just milk and I shouldn’t be this upset and it’s not a stranger but I just feel so upset by this and I’m not sure I am ready to forgive my sister over this. Am I overreacting?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
Your sister stole something she COULD NOT REPLACE. Of course you’re upset. There’s nothing she can do to make amends other than apologize. You need to decide whether this is serious enough TO YOU to cause the end of the relationship over—or if there’s a way to move forward with stronger boundaries in place (e.g., no babysittng).
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20. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Telling The "Funny" Story Of How I Ruined Her Birthday?

“When I (30F) was 10 years old, I had a bad falling out with my best friend. This led to her bullying me constantly. I was dreading going to school every day and would avoid parts of our neighborhood that I knew she and her family frequented.

One day, the bullying at school finally got so bad that a teacher noticed and decided she needed to call home to both of our parents. This day just so happened to be my mom’s birthday.

At the time, my mom (54F) was genuinely angry that she got this call on her birthday and that it put a damper on the rest of her day.

She had to go in for a meeting (maybe like an hour tops but I wouldn’t remember) with my bully’s mom and the principal and a few of our teachers. She was able to still make the party my dad was throwing for her but was in a bad mood for it due to the situation that, in her mind, I created.

As a kid, I was absolutely devastated that I was dealing with this at school and then I came home and my mom was against me for it too. I fully believed the idea that it was MY fault her birthday was ruined and that I did something wrong.

In the (almost) 20 years since then, she’s come to find it funny instead of a frustrating story. She brings it up constantly as a ‘funny’ story, especially at birthday dinners or whenever we drive by a grocery store that I refused to enter for a while as a kid because my bully’s mom worked there.

For her, it’s an absolute riot. But for me, it just brings back memories of being bullied really badly by my former best friend and then making my mom mad at me for being bullied. I’ve never laughed at this ‘super funny story’ and it’s gotten to the point where even other family members are sort of uncomfortably chuckling instead of actually laughing along with her.

Her birthday is at the end of next month, and she started a group chat with some family and friends about meeting at a restaurant to do a big dinner. She, very predictably, made a ‘joke,’ saying ‘Hopefully I won’t get a call from (head of the law firm I work at) saying someone is being mean to you at work before the party’.

I got super annoyed and texted back ‘Can you please let it go and stop bringing this up constantly? I don’t know why you think this is a funny memory for anyone besides yourself, and to be honest, I can’t imagine why it’s a funny memory for you either.’ The group chat fell dead silent.

I later got a call saying I embarrassed her in front of a large group of people and I could have at least had the decency to talk to her in private, and ‘god forbid she tries to make some light of a bad situation.’ She feels like she can’t show her face to her friends now.

I am at a point where I don’t necessarily regret finally saying something, but maybe I regret going about it the way I did especially if she now feels embarrassed in front of her friends. So am I a jerk for calling her out?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and elel

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LilVicky 1 year ago
NTJ & it’s only “funny” if everyone (you) is laughing
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19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay To Furnish "Our" House?

“My (30f) husband (30m) and I recently got married. My husband’s family is well off financially. For our wedding, his parents gave us a new house as a surprise gift, but the house is still under my FIL’s name. My husband asked me to move there since well it is a nice house, a nice neighborhood, and very close to where my in-laws live and I’m on board.

We used to live in an apartment that we rented together and split all the bills and rent 50/50.

I’d been saving for a big size down payment for a house before our wedding, and my husband agreed that he was the one to pay for the mortgage, that was our initial plan.

My husband is a consultant in a top accounting firm, his latest client is a big architectural firm, one thing led to another he went ahead to their interior designer and conceptualized the house interior, and determined the budget, etc. And he told me that the budget to furnish the house is close to the down payment that I’ve been saving and he expects me to pay for all of it.

And then I told him no, I said the house is still in his dad’s name, what I feel is we only got a rent-free house, it’s not our house, and I don’t want to drain my savings to furnish it.

I would pitch in, but not pay for all of it.

My husband said well it’s a gift from his parents. They won’t ask us to give the house back in the future. It’s only his dad’s name but it’s ours, and he feels his part of pitching in is by having parents that provide the house that was way above our initial budget, and my part of pitching in is to fully furnish the house.

We got a prenup and it says that all of our assets will be divided accordingly. (If we bought it together then split it 50/50) and the assets and debts we have before our marriage the other spouse just needs to know and didn’t have any rights/liability over it.

So I said that the money for the down payment is my asset before marriage he doesn’t have a say in it, I could use the funds to buy a new car, luxury travel, or invest it and gain interest from the funds, instead of buying furniture or building a closet and a kitchen who’s value will decrease in the future in a house that is not even mine.

I told him that he got 2 other siblings who are not married yet. We don’t know if they’ll get a house too in the future. If god forbid something happens to his parents, his siblings could also claim this house too.

My parents used to have a messy divorce and when he passed without leaving a will it was chaotic. My uncle fought with my sister, and his kid from another woman who also wants to claim stuff, and it resulted in me not being on speaking terms for a decade with my paternal side of the family.

I know his family is unlike mine. They’re not after blood and money, but I just don’t want to risk it.

So, AITJ if I don’t want to pay to furnish the free house?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ. Even if the house was in both of their names, so that a death or divorce meant that OP would either inherit or get 50/50, then it still wouldn't be fair. Renovating and redecorating the house should still be a 50/50 investment. "His part" was getting conceived 31 years ago?! No. As it is now, if he died or if they got divorced, the house would stay as his dad's house. How is it fair for OP to put an entire down payment's worth of money into the house?? Renovating and redecorating (assuming this involves paint, flooring, cabinets, major appliances, etc.) stay with the house. The only way this would be close to being fair is if the money goes to furniture and other items that can be later removed from the house and would be OP's possessions to keep or sell, but even then, those items would depreciate in value.
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18. AITJ For Not Giving My Chocolate Bar To My Best Friend?

“My best friend (F15) has an eating disorder, and I (F15) spend pretty much every day with her and I encourage her to eat, and if she doesn’t during the day I go to the local corner shop and buy her what she wants so I know she’s eaten.

The problem has happened though when she has been asking for my food. I normally have a sandwich and a chocolate bar in my lunch that I bring to school and she asks for the chocolate bar, which isn’t great but I’d give it to her.

One time, I went out of school to get blood drawn and I fainted so I had to stay out of school for an hour longer and get food. She asked me to get her something instead of asking me if I was okay.

I normally give her food, but I know that she has food at her house, and even if she doesn’t have food at her home, she’s able to buy something from the school. She also makes jokes saying that if she ever asks for my food I’d give it to her because of her eating disorder and that sometimes she just couldn’t be bothered to go and get school food so she’d eat mine.

A couple of days ago, I was sitting down with my friends including her, and I had just gotten my food out. Well, I hadn’t had breakfast and I just really wanted to eat my lunch and when I took out the chocolate bar, she asked if she could have it.

I said no, and that I really needed the food and energy but she got really upset and told me that her eating disorder was getting worse and that she didn’t bring anything to school but she really wanted my food.

I said I’m sorry but I couldn’t give this to her because this is mine, and I needed the food for my upcoming classes which I needed the energy for. I also had no money to get food from school. I had asked her a day prior and she said that she did have money on her school card to get lunch, so that was the only lunch I had for the day.

A lot of my friends said that I should’ve given her the food, but honestly, it was going on all week and I would’ve bought her something if she just asked before I left for school, and it’s not like she doesn’t know my schedule because she’s stayed at mine on a school night before.

She’s barely spoken to me since. AITJ?

Also please don’t think that I don’t care about her. If I’m not with her at lunch I ask friends if she ate and if they say no I go with her to get food with her.”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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rbleah 1 year ago
NOT THE JERK and she is NOT YOUR FRIEND. She is just USING YOU. End of discussion. Time to make new friends. REAL FRIENDS.
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17. AITJ For Calling Out The HOA's Irresponsibility?

“I recently moved into a property that backs up to an HOA neighborhood, my yard adjacent to about 4 of theirs. I am not part of the HOA. The road to my house is a small private road and runs parallel to their private road.

So when I first moved in the county told me my trash pickup location was on their road, mine’s not got a good spot for a trash truck to turn around. After about 2 pickups I find a note on my trashcan with the usual HOA nonsense, can’t leave my can on their road, etc., etc.

Whatever, I take it to the end of my road and that works fine.

Next, I try and get hooked up with gas, because electric heating’s super expensive. The nearest gas line runs down their road, the utility is cool with it but they block the construction.

Fine, I install a tank and shortly thereafter get another note on my door saying the noise from the installation was disturbing and the tank is an eyesore. It’s a buried tank, and you can’t even see the cap from the HOA properties.

That was that for around 6 months except for a few complaints of me mowing outside of HOA designated mowing hours (but within county hours) until a flatbed with a backhoe backs into my driveway. I walk out to see what’s going on, apparently, the sewer connection for the HOA runs under my property, something’s clogged and they need to tear the pipe up to get a look.

Long story short, apparently the builder had some handshake deal with the previous owner about that sewer line and gave up a few bucks to let them run it through the property. No easement on the deed, nothing in writing. I sent the backhoe guy off.

Next, HOA President comes and knocks on my door, telling me the sewer is causing a backup in several of the houses and no one can use their toilets, shower, run sinks, etc. until it was fixed and rerunning the sewer down their road instead of across my property is going to cost millions they don’t have and take months.

I said something like ‘Man, that sucks for you guys, hope you get it fixed soon. The sign says no trespassing though, so if you could keep off the property I’d appreciate it. Have a nice day.’ I got a letter from their lawyer with a lot of threats a bit later but didn’t see much to back them up legally, figured they can take me to court if they want.

They’ve had some giant loud mobile poop tank stuck in someone’s backyard for the past 3 months and I see no signs of a new pipe. A few of the HOA residents stopped by and said the houses were basically unlivable with the pump, could only take 5 minutes showers, only flush #2, can’t sleep from the noise, costs a lot, someone lost a house sale, etc.

and they didn’t have any part of the HOA stupidity other than living in it. I told them I feel for them but that HOA’s been a pain in my rear since week 1 and I’m not inclined to let them go driving construction equipment across and digging holes in a yard I worked pretty hard on after the way they’ve been treating me. They told me I was a jerk.

So, am I the jerk?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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Michelle73 1 year ago
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16. AITJ For Revealing The Truth About My Brother's Biological Mom?

“I (19F) have an older brother (21M). My brother is not my mom’s bio kid but she did raise him. He was the product of my dad’s infidelity but after his bio mom said she didn’t want to be a mother, my mom took it upon herself to take care of him as his own.

My brother and my mom were really close but when he was fifteen his bio mother came back saying that she wanted her child back and ended up taking him with her against his will. They move to a different city, but he and my mother kept in contact and he still calls her his mom.

The problem is that the story they told him about his bio mom his whole life is fake and painted her as the mother of the year who let her kid go to give him a better life when the truth is she simply didn’t want to raise him.

He also didn’t know he was the product of infidelity.

When I moved to college my mother moved with me and we moved to the same city my brother lives in and he immediately went to live with us against his mother’s wishes.

The woman got furious at this and went to my house and started screaming at my mom that she was trying to ‘steal her child as she has been doing his whole life’. She blamed my mother for the bad relationship between them and called her all kinds of names and I was not having it.

I got up from where I was studying and screamed telling her to stop being a jerk to the woman who raised and loved the son she abandoned. That the bad relationship between them was her own fault because she chose parties and men over her own son, that she was lucky my brother didn’t completely cut her off from being his REAL family, that she didn’t even bother to be a real mother to him when she took him (She never really took care of him and borderline neglected him) and mentioned how she was the woman my dad had an affair with.

Then I told her to get out of my house and never come back and slammed the door in her face.

However, I didn’t realize that my brother was listening to the whole thing and he has just found out that his bio mother abandoned him and everyone has been lying to him for twenty-one years about his own life.

He got out of the house and didn’t come back to sleep and when he came back he told me that he had completely cut off his bio mom.

The woman called my father and told him a twisted side of the story where I was the bad one and even tho I told him the truth, he and his whole side of the family still think I’m a jerk for ruining the image my brother had of his family. And I might be the jerk not for lashing out but instead for making my brother find out that way.”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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rbleah 1 year ago
He was bound to find out sometime, tho wish it had not been that way. He did not cut YOU off and maybe he now knows why she treated him the way she did. Tell him you love him and if he wants to talk you will be available. Tell dad to shut up since HE COULDN'T KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS he has NO SAY RIGHT NOW.
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15. AITJ For "Ruining" My Dad's Marriage By Telling Him My Thoughts About His Wife?

“When I (17m) was around nine, my dad (39M) started seeing a friend of my mom’s (an affair). They got married, and they now have three kids together.

My dad asked for custody and he was granted to have me on weekends.

He seemed happy to have me and always tried to include me in everything but it was kind of weird and frustrating. He even tried to make me call his wife ‘mom’ and went for full custody several times. Since being with his wife and making me accept his new family was more important than spending actual time with me alone I stopped going to his house.

When I was 14 he tried to fight for full custody after my mom started going out with my stepdad (a nice guy) but I told him to stop.

The other reason why I stopped going (I never told my dad this one) is because his wife was so hostile towards me, my dad used to pay attention to me when I was there so I think she didn’t like it that way and one day told me behind my dad’s back that I was an obstacle to my dad’s happiness and that I should just stay with my mom full time.

Their anniversary was 5 days ago. I didn’t want to go but he called my mom to threaten that if I didn’t go, he’d go to court.

He took his four kids (including me), his wife, his parents, and his parents-in-law to celebrate at a nice restaurant.

Once there he said that he had 6 tickets for vacations, I didn’t say anything but then he looked at me and said one is for you, I said ‘Thanks, but I’m not going’.

He seemed angry and said ‘Ok I had enough, why don’t you want to go?’ ‘Just because,’ I said, but then he asked the same questions five more times so the sixth time I said: ‘Because I hate your wife’ then he started asking ‘why’ over and over again so I ended up telling him the mean things she said to me.

He was seemingly uncomfortable but told us to finish our meal. No one talked for the rest of the night and after we finished I asked my stepdad to pick me up.

I haven’t spoken to my dad since. He just sent me a message asking if I changed my mind about the trip but I said no.

My cousin told me that my dad is staying at my grandparents’ now.

His wife texted me yesterday calling me a brat and asking if I was happy for potentially destroying my half-sibling’s home life. But I just ignored her.

My cousin says that the kids are hurt and crying because my dad isn’t at home and she says that I should just have said other things or agreed and then told him later that I wasn’t going.”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ - another case of someone pushing for an answer & then not really liking the answer. It does sound like the dad maybe realized what kind of woman he married? Sometimes a truth bomb like this is enough to make a person remember all of the other "little" red flags through the years, so it's unlikely that this 1 conversation was the sole reason for the dad moving out. For the dad's wife to blame that 1 conversation is a classic "deflect" technique. Mean ol' OP, saying those horrible things about her! Conveniently ignoring the fact that if she hadn't done & said those things, there would've been nothing for OP to tell!
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14. AITJ For Leaving My Late Friend's Mother With Nothing?

“My best friend (29F) passed away last year in a car crash and it’s been a really dark time in my life (31F). We were supposed to grow old together and she is the only lifelong friend I have. She was supposed to be my maid of honor and I think I’ll leave the spot empty since I don’t think I could handle replacing her.

She didn’t tell me she put me down as a beneficiary for her life insurance so it was a complete shock when I was told her dad and I would each get half of her payout. I told her dad he could have my half.

I didn’t expect to be a beneficiary but he told me to keep it since she added me on purpose.

I don’t know how my friend’s mom got my number but she called me and asked for my half of the payout since my friend was her daughter.

I don’t know much about her mother even though I’ve known my friend since middle school. All I know is before middle school my friend was with her dad who has full custody and she never talks about her mother. She did mention that her mom lived in an assisted living facility since elementary school and when she got her first real job she mentioned her mother asked her for money.

I told her I would think about it and asked my friend’s father who told me to ignore her. I don’t know what went down between her and her mother so I’m not sure if I should return the money. Her mother has been sending me texts and phone calls telling me it’s her money and she will sue me to get it since I’m stealing it from her.

To me, since I have a good relationship with my parents I wrote both parents on my life insurance as a reflex since I don’t have children so the fact she didn’t indicates she didn’t have a good relationship with her mother.

But I’m sure she didn’t think very long about it because she didn’t expect to pass away. She works a safe job and is a bit of a homebody so now I feel guilty for getting money that she nor I expected me to get. Would it be cruel to leave her mother with nothing?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ. The fact that the mom is so desperate is a red flag. A normal person would ask once, maybe explain more about some need & ask one more time, & then accept the no. The mom isn't dropping it! Also, if the friend put her dad as a beneficiary & not her mom, that was a conscious decision & it should be honored.
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13. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Stepsister Stay With Me While My Dad And His Wife Are Away?

“I (25M) have a younger sister named Irene (17F) and a step-sister named Ava (16F). My dad and his wife married 6 years ago when I was already out of the house, I’m not very close to her or Ava because of that so I see them, at best, 10 times a year, however, I got an apartment close to home and Irene is over quite often, mostly to bring me baked goods or to walk my dog.

My dad and his wife are planning a 2-week vacation to Mexico as a late honeymoon and I quickly offered to house Irene, I have a 1-bed 1-bath apartment, but I can crash on the couch while she stays here with no problem.

My dad asked about Ava and I’m just not sure about letting her stay here. I just don’t feel comfortable taking care of her because I don’t really know her and I have no grounds to stand because she won’t listen to me.

She’s quite rebellious and since I’m not an authority figure to her, she’ll end up doing whatever she wants and she might endanger herself under my watch and get me in trouble. For me, this is a situation where it’s better to play safe and let her stay with her mother’s family (dad’s a deadbeat, and his family is not really around, so she’ll probably stay at her grandparents’).

My dad said that I shouldn’t separate my sister and step-sister but Irene doesn’t seem that affected because of that. She says she doesn’t care if Ava is around or not and agrees that she’ll end up ignoring my rules and it’ll be problematic.

I offered to check on her every two days and take both my sister and her out on the two Saturdays they’re away, but my dad said that I have to take her in or else he won’t go. To be honest, I laughed because it doesn’t really affect me if he goes or not, I just said ‘do as you please’ and left.

He and his wife have been sending me messages, offering to pay for Ava’s housing and he’s on the verge of begging, but I keep refusing, this is not worth whatever bad thing I might get into.”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
Still NTJ, but I overlooked the fact that OP is a male, & not related to Ava nor has ever lived in the same home as brother/sister. Unfortunately, some teen girls make false allegations of abuse, especially of they're mad at being told no for something. Even if eventually found innocent, that could mess up his life for a long time. Hopefully Ava wouldn't be that type, but you never know! I wouldn't want to take that risk if I were him.
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12. AITJ For Making A Scene At A Family Gathering?

“Since I (23m) could remember I’ve always been picked on for looking like a girl. In school and by family members. It didn’t help that I liked presenting feminine and stereotypical ‘girly things’. The only people I got support from when I was younger were my mum who some would call a tomboy and my older sister who presents as masculine.

As an adult people would still mistake me for a girl but I was in a much more supportive environment, had good friends and bullying wasn’t as commonplace but I still got the occasional jerk who gave me trouble for it.

My family still does tho but I avoid them other than when there are family gatherings.

Well, last week we had a family gathering and a bbq to all catch up. I wasn’t going to go but my sister convinced me and said I could bring my significant other for support so I ended up going.

My SO is a pretty tall masculine guy so once I got there all I hear were stupid comments calling me the girl of the relationship and other things regarding me. I tried to ignore it but my uncle said ‘Glad our little girl finally found a man to take care of her’; and that sent me over the edge and I lost my mind, calling him every name under the sun and then some.

My sister and SO had to drag me out of there. I was just so sick of the sexist homophobic nonsense.

My whole family is now mad at me. The only people on my side are my SO and my sister. My sisters tried to apologize for asking me to come but it’s not her fault plus she’s the one now getting the brunt of their crap since they don’t have my number and that’s making me feel like more of a jerk.


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rbleah 1 year ago
Except for your sister tell the rest of the cretins to go pound sand and then BLOCK THEM ALL. Go NO CONTACT. Hopefully your SO has a better family than yours is.
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11. AITJ For Swapping My Daughter And Stepdaughter's Rooms?

“I got divorced 8 years ago because I found out my husband was having an ongoing affair with a coworker. We had a daughter called Lila together (10 years at the time), who we got split custody. He married the coworker and I ended up marrying my now husband Miles, four years ago.

Miles had one daughter, Emma, who is a year younger than Lila.

Lila started uni this year, a few months after her father also moved cities. Since his new house was very close to her new campus, it made sense for us to save funds on accommodation and for her to live with him.

I was disappointed, and I’ll admit a little jealous he was going to be living with her while I wouldn’t get to see her much, but I knew it was best for Lila so I was alright. She moved in January and there haven’t been any issues since she came back to visit us during the holidays.

In the 3 bedroom house Miles and I bought together, all of the bedrooms have walk-in robes while only two of them have ensuites. Miles and I took one of those, and Lila got the other because she was older and Emma didn’t mind.

After Lila moved out, Emma asked if it would be alright for her and Lila to swap rooms so she could have the ensuite and the extra space. Since Lila was going to be home very rarely and Emma was doing an apprenticeship in our town, therefore would be living here for years to come I thought this was reasonable so we did the swap.

It was fine until Lila came back a few days ago and saw what had happened.

She asked me what I’d done and when so explained, she started accusing me of favoring Emma over her own daughter. She said I was forgetting all about her now and that I was probably glad she had left so I could ‘have Emma to myself’.

She was yelling in front of everyone and I could tell how embarrassed Emma was. She stayed in a motel that night and didn’t take any of my calls.

The next morning she came back and said that she was sorry for how she acted and that she would forget all about it if we just gave her the room back.

I told her there was no way she was getting the far better room just for it to sit there empty 95% of the time while Emma was living here permanently.

Upon hearing that she left again, and she must have driven back to her dad’s because later that evening he called me and told me that I was being a jerk for favoring Emma. I wasn’t trying to do that at all, and I didn’t think what I did was an issue, but now I’m starting to doubt myself. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ for switching the rooms, but it would have been a good idea to tell Lila at the time. "Now that you're staying with your dad most of the time, we're going to move Emma to the room with the bathroom. We'll set up her old room for you when you're able to visit."
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10. AITJ For Uninstalling The Tracking App?

“I (18f) have lived with my grandparents for 7 years. My grandma has always had strict rules for me. She used to take my phone at 7 pm every night and check my messages and made me write my passwords down.

She installed Life360 on my phone. I had never given her any reason to do these things as I was always a trustworthy kid.

As I got older she became more lenient. I got a car, started paying my own bills, and started becoming more independent.

I always was honest with her about my plans but she still had trust issues with me which I never understood. This is when she started abusing Life360.

One night I and my 2 friends (18m and 16f) were hanging out at my house and decided to go get food.

I let my grandma know where we were going and we left. On the way, my friend said she wasn’t hungry anymore so we chose to just go home. We needed gas so we stopped at the gas station. I got a text from my grandma asking why we were there.

I told her we had stopped for gas but she didn’t believe me. I sent her a picture of the gas station but she argued with me saying she can never trust me and for me to come home.

There was another incident where I had spent the night with 2 of my friends (16f and 18f) and I was scheduled to work at 7 AM the next morning.

When I got up my car would not start (this was a continuous issue). I decided to call out of work because I was tired and went back to bed. I woke up to my phone going off, I had 10 missed calls from my grandma and numerous text messages.

I answered the phone to her asking me why I wasn’t at work. I told her what happened and she told me I should have called her to bring me to work. I told her I didn’t want to wake her up and that it was my choice to call out and she needed to respect that.

She argued with me about how I was being irresponsible and that she was coming to take me to work. I told her no, that I can make my own decisions, and that she needed to stop using Life360 like this or I was going to delete it.

She hung up on me and proceeded to text me trying to guilt trip me saying that all she’s ever done is try to protect me and how she’s done so much for me and this is how I repay her.

She denied tracking me and said she only uses it for my safety. I told her she needed to stop doing this and start trusting me that I can make my own decisions.

I ended up deleting the app for my own sanity.

She didn’t like this and has since begged me repeatedly to reinstall it. I think my grandma needs to start letting me make my own decisions especially when it comes to my job and social life. I have never lied to her about where I was going or what I was doing and I think she needs to trust me more as I am 18 and have started becoming more independent. I understand she has trouble letting go but I can’t keep living like this. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ. At 18, you're legally an adult & no longer need your grandma to protect you, or in this case, stalk & control you!
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9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get A Part-Time Nanny?

“My husband and I both work really demanding jobs. When we had our daughter (5), he wanted to get a nanny but I did not like the idea of someone else raising my kid. So, I switched jobs to one that let me work fully remotely and have flexible hours.

I still work a lot, but I bill many hours at night after my daughter goes to bed. My husband works in an office and doesn’t get home until about 7.

It’s a point of contention between us that I don’t want a nanny.

Because I work most nights and he needs to go to bed early to get up for a long commute, it means we don’t get a lot of time together. We do have weekends, but he doesn’t like doing activities. He says he would rather just be at home, which my daughter thinks is really boring, so we try to compromise and do some days at home but also do activities just her and me.

It’s my choice to stay at a full-time job (he suggested that if I don’t want a nanny, then look for contract or part-time work), but I don’t want to step back from my career. This recently became a huge issue because I chose to sign her up for a Saturday swim class (I did ask him if he thought she should do it but he claims I asked him when I should have known he wasn’t paying that close attention bc he was reading work emails on his phone), and he blew up at me saying I’ve made it so that he essentially gets no time with his family.

He said I’m being incredibly selfish by ‘trying to have it all’ (he means having a career plus being a really involved parent) and that I don’t care about him. I feel guilty now because it’s true that my choosing to work full time while taking those daytime hours off means less time with him.

Am I being a jerk? Should I just get a part-time nanny? His anger is making our home so uncomfortable now.

EDIT: I work a lot of hours total because my job requires certain minimum billable hours, so my hours are usually 9:30-4 (ends up being about 6ish hours average during the day) and then 8-11/12 at night.

I also work some on weekends (usually at night) if I haven’t billed enough hours during the week. My daughter is in preschool during the day, and I am not staying at home with her.

My husband wants to get a nanny for after school so that I can do all my hours straight and be done by the time he gets home.

He also works a lot of hours, but he doesn’t work remotely and he doesn’t want to break them up like I do. I concede that my husband and I barely have time together during the week, but I do try really hard to make time for him outside of just my daughter on weekends, but clearly, he thinks it’s not enough. He also is mad about the Saturday swim class because he said weekends are for relaxing and a regularly scheduled class means less time with him since he hates going places on weekends.”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
No jerks here, but you and hubby have to learn how to compromise. No, he doesn’t get to dictate that ALL family time must be spent at home. The two of you have to figure out how much “family at home” time is a reasonable expectation for your husband. If one of you needs to cut back on hours at work, does it have to be only one of you? Could it be both? Can the two of you figure out some not-at-home activities that he could share happily? You both have a lot to work on if your marriage is going to survive.
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8. AITJ For Buying A Nice PC Setup For Myself?

“I (24f) live with my partner (27M). For some context: We have been together for 4 years, and living together for 8 months. We live in an apartment I inherited along with one other house that I rent out.

Now onto the story.

My partner and I both love playing video games. We both have full-time jobs but still find time to play together as well as separately with our own friends. He is a much better player than I am, he plays tournaments and competitions whereas I just play for fun.

A few months ago my partner started talking about some new PC and other items he wanted to upgrade his setup and how he was saving up for it. I was okay with it since we have separate finances. He doesn’t pay for the utilities but splits grocery.

Which wasn’t an issue because I had extra income from the rental property. I thought I could use my inheritance fund and get myself an expensive set upgrade as well. I took suggestions from YouTube and some friends. I scheduled the delivery for the day that I knew he won’t be home all day.

The setup came, and they sent someone from the store to set it up for me. I used the PC for a while and it was amazing. My partner came home during the evening and saw my new PC. I was so excited to see his reaction but his face remained very dull.

He looked at me and asked why it was on my side of the room. I told him it was because it was mine. He asked me to confirm that I bought his dream PC setup for myself and I said yes.

He got visibly mad but then said, it’s useless for you, we should just swap, you don’t play well and won’t be able to use it to its full potential, you can have mine.

At first, I just laughed, because I genuinely thought he was joking.

But when I realized he was being serious I told him no. I said that I bought this for myself. He blew up at me and told me that I need to buy the same one for him as well. When I said no again he started yelling about how unfair I was being and how I wouldn’t be able to appreciate technology like that since I am too dumb to even understand the specs.

By that point I was losing my mind so I told him to get out.

He grabbed a few items and left to stay with his best friend. Now his best friend and a few other friends are blowing up my phone saying that as a girl I shouldn’t own something so expensive that I don’t understand and I could buy him the same setup since I can afford it due to the inheritance. I don’t have any loans so it’s not like I am saving the funds for something particular in the future, which is making me doubt if I was the jerk?”

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Jessi83 1 year ago
No way are you jerk. In their eyes because you are a girl you don't deserve to have nice things. Who cares if you aren't a pro gamer. Your SO is just jealous you have more more money (even though it's from someone passing away and I'm so sorry for that). It's always going to be that way with him whenever you get something he feels should be his. Get rid of him. Treat yourself and enjoy your new gaming system.
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7. AITJ For Joking About Why My Sister Wants To Meet My Partner?

“I (24f) have family visiting from America for about a week and my sister (26f) is coming with them. She called me a few days before her flight to inform me that she only wanted my fiancé (25m) to pick her up from the airport.

She was the last of the family to arrive but she said that she did not want me, my dad, or my mother to be at the airport. She only wanted my fiancé there.

My sister and my fiancé have known each other (through me) since I started my relationship with my fiancé.

While she has known him since our relationship started, she has not been very warm to him. Her behavior is often aggressive and abrasive. She often makes comments about him being too tall or too dumb. She goes so far as to call him the village idiot or dummy but he had thick skin so he just moved on.

Long story short – I and fiancé were under the impression that my sister did not like him very much so imagine my shock when she suddenly wanted alone time with him.

Trying to figure out the reason, I very absentmindedly started throwing out possible reasons to her as to why she would want my fiancé there with no one else.

I said things like ‘to find him in a crowd’ and ‘so he can carry all your things’ and jokingly said ‘to take a selfie with him and send it to your partner’ – and as soon as I said the selfie joke she blows up.

She calls me a narcissist and a jerk and hangs up the phone on me like it’s the most distasteful joke she’s heard from my mouth.

I’d also like to clarify my sister habitually calls me a fat jerk.

Fiancé says that my joke might have been too harsh and I’m now wondering if it was a jerk thing to say. AITJ?”

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
NTJ. That is an extremely odd request. There is nothing good that would require just the fiance picking her up at the airport. She has some sort of mischief in mind, anything from wanting to make a move on him to setting him up for false accusations that could get him in serious legal trouble. If she had good intentions, such as mending fences or arranging a surprise for OP, she could do it over the phone or involve their parents in a surprise.
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6. AITJ For Not Liking My Daughter's New Name?

“I (39F) was born in Canada but was taken to India weeks after I turned 18 and was married by my parents to my cousin who I barely knew. I was treated well by my husband (he was polite, paid for school there, took me on dates, and never forced me to do anything) and his love is why we reconnected when he came to Canada.

But his mother hated me and was always yelling, calling me useless, demeaning me, and even vowing to get me divorced so my husband could marry my sister. When I got pregnant I had to go, I couldn’t subject my child to that witch.

Our maid helped me return to Canada and I named my daughter Zahira (a fake name) after her.

I have a good life, a great job, and amazing children, and am in a Ph.D. program now and it is because that maid took a big risk just to help me.

My daughter became hateful of the name Zahira at about 10 and then pretended to have a more typical Canadian name or used a nickname. She stopped appreciating that she was named after the woman who helped us escape the underworld.

When Zahira turned 18, she changed her name to Ruhani (again fake). I can live with a name change but Ruhani is so close to my mother-in-law’s name. It triggers me. I’ve told her and she doesn’t care. My psychologist has helped me with this but it hurts.

I accept she is not Zahira anymore but I cannot say Ruhani even if everyone does so I use pet names like baby or sweetie. I thought she wouldn’t notice but she has.

I’m pregnant and we learned it’s a girl. My husband said we can name her Zahira and my daughter said do it so you can call me Ruhani.

With all my stress I got angry and said she can’t be replaced and I still hate her new name. It started an argument between us with my daughter calling me a selfish jerk for not accepting her new name. My husband understands as he knows I hate his mother but my sons are on my daughter’s side and said to post here saying people would agree I am the jerk. I do not like them using that word but am I?”

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MzPen 11 months ago
Out of all the names in the world, I can't help but wonder if her selection of name was deliberate to vex you. It feels like there's more to the story. On the surface, I don't think you're a jerk- you seem hurt , and your daughter doesn't seem the least concerned about it.
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5. AITJ For Calling My Friend Selfish For Not Wanting To Take In My Kids?

“I (F29) have 4 kids (F6, M4, F1, and F 3 months). I was living at home with my mother and my brother but recently had to leave.

Without giving too much info, the cops were called to my mother’s house and they ended up calling CPS since they believed that my children were in an unsafe environment even though me and my kids were not involved in the issue.

CPS took my kids and I was told they will be placed in foster homes and probably split up until the issue is resolved.

I do not want strangers to take my children in but my children’s fathers won’t do so, and the only family I have is my mom and brother who obviously can’t take them.

I decided to call a friend of mine, we haven’t spoken in a while because I’ve been busy but we were close. I begged her to take my children in and she said she was not able to.

First, she told me she didn’t have a room but I know she and her partner recently bought a house, a big house, and they do have spare rooms.

When I pointed it out she said those rooms are their home offices and a home library which isn’t really the point here, because she DOES have the space. She also works from home so she would be able to stay with my kids, and I even offered to pay her too.

Then she changed her story and told me that she can’t take in my kids because of the ‘chronic pain’ that she has, and chasing down children all day would make her pain worse.

I did get a bit angry at this because it sounds like she doesn’t even care about my kids.

I begged her and she said that she would talk to her partner and they might be able to work something out since my kids are older. At this point, I forgot that she didn’t know about my two youngest kids.

When I mentioned them she freaked out and said she ‘absolutely wouldn’t’ take my kids in and there was no way she could watch so many of them.

I tried to convince her but she stopped replying to my text messages or DMs on social media.

She also blocked my number and I tried to text and call her partner and he blocked me too.

I made a post on social media to vent and tagged her even though she hasn’t used her account in years. Apparently, her sisters all saw the post and began commenting very nasty things.

I think my friend told them what happened because one of her sisters also made a snarky comment about the report and called me a bad mom.

I don’t know what to do and I think that my friend is being very selfish right now, but maybe I should have just kept talking to her or met her face-to-face instead of blasting my business on social media.

EDIT: I wasn’t aware of the issues until someone called the cops on my brother (who was responsible). I didn’t know what he was doing. I have not lost custody of my kids, I AM getting them back as soon as I do what I was told. I just need someone to take them in the meantime.”

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LilVicky 1 year ago
YTJ I get where you’re coming from but nobody owes you to take in 4 kids & blasting it on social media was trashy.
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4. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Kid For A Long Drive To Meet My Husband's Family?

“My husband and I have a young toddler, 15 months old. We live out of state from both of our families who are also far from each other, a 5-hour drive. Neither of our families lives very close to a large airport, about 3 hours for my family and 2 for his.

For context, my family adores my husband, and his family hates me and I don’t like them either. The reasons they hate me aren’t important, just know that it’s nothing I’ve done, there are certain unchangeable things about me that they hate and they were against us being together as soon as they found out.

Since establishing boundaries and getting married they have calmed down but they still avoid speaking or making eye contact with me.

Now we have a toddler and I’m planning a trip to visit my parents for an upcoming holiday. We’re also planning to tour the area because we’re considering moving there next year.

I’ve done all the legwork to plan the trip. My husband wants to visit his family as part of the trip but I refuse. My main reasons are, it’s way too long of a car ride with how young my kiddo is, and it’s already enough traveling and stress just getting out there.

Second, they don’t do anything for our kid. Multiple members of my immediate and extended family have visited at least once and stepped in to help with childcare gaps even though they are all a flight away. So part of the purpose of this trip is for us to be the ones going to visit instead of them always coming to us.

My husband’s family has never met my kiddo and has only done 2 video calls, although they have sent some small gifts.

Third, we’d have to take more time off of work to fit it in.

My husband is mad and thinks I’m trying to deny his family a relationship with our kid.

I’ve extended an open invitation for them to visit but so far they haven’t. There’s no financial burden on their side, they just give semi-plausible excuses. They counter with an ‘offer’ to take my kiddo for a few YEARS so we can focus on our careers and kiddo can learn their language.

Obviously, that’s a hard no for us.

I offered to meet them for a day or two in the major airport city (they go there all the time) since we have to go back anyway but that’s not good enough either. Apparently, we have to go to them and can’t expect them to accommodate us because they just won’t do it.

So if I want them to meet kiddo we have to do all of the work. But… I don’t really care if they meet my kiddo or not, especially after all they’ve put me through. It’s not my job to make sure that happens.

I think if my husband wants them to meet our kiddo then he needs to plan his own trip and coordinate with them, not tack onto what I’m already planning. My husband thinks it’s ridiculous to expect him to plan another trip when we’re already going to be out there (even though it’s not exactly close) and that I’m not considering his feelings. AITJ?”

0 points - Liked by DAZY7477

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Spoiledbrat123 1 year ago
Ntj. If his family wants to meet your child so badly they can come visit you and stay in a hotel
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3. AITJ For Commenting About My Cousin And Her Husband's IVF Treatment On My Mother's Birthday?

“My (f28) cousin Lauren (f35) and her husband have been struggling with having kids and are suffering from health issues. They’ve begun IVF treatment which is expensive where I live. So far they’ve had several rounds but no luck.

They visited on my mom’s birthday yesterday, We don’t see each other much now but mom tells me about how they’re doing in general.

We were conversing at dinner and the IVF got brought up. Lauren said she and her husband are about to undergo another round of IVF. Everyone at the table said a prayer and wished them luck, but I told Lauren that after spending this much and after having already gone through several rounds in addition to other factors contributing to their infertility issues, she should really consider stopping IVF and taking a break and also saving up.

Lauren and her husband looked offended, Lauren then said that they aren’t struggling with finances so it’s okay. I explained that they may not be struggling now but will be in the future seeing they’d spent thousands and wasted money for no benefits when they could’ve financially helped some struggling family with kids.

Lauren got quiet, I stated that this was just my opinion after all. Lauren’s husband looked at me grudgingly and said ‘I think you should just mind your own business and keep your opinion to yourself’. From there, the argument ensued.

I told him he was being disrespectful and he kept talking back. Shortly after, he and Lauren left. Mom started asking me why I caused a scene on her birthday. I said we were just talking but Lauren and her husband blew this way out of proportion.

Mom said that I had 0 say in anyone’s reproductive choice and should’ve kept my mouth shut. My sister who rarely agrees with me sided with me saying I was good. But mom is insisting I call Lauren and apologize to her. My husband too sided with me and told me to give it a few days and Lauren will call. I see Lauren as my sister and I respect her but we have our moments.

AITJ in this situation?”

-1 points - Liked by lebe

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Jessi83 1 year ago
Seriously? As long as they aren't asking you to fund what they choose to do then it has no effect on you. Let them live their lives and you live yours YTJ
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2. AITJ For Not Helping My Husband Take Care Of His Mom?

“My (f33) mother-in-law fell extremely sick and has been bedridden for 3 months now. Her husband is deceased and her daughter and 2 sons (who didn’t even bother to visit) live towns away, so my husband is left to fully take over her care.

He wanted to bring her to live with us but I said no and had my reasons for that, one of them is that our home isn’t fit for disabled patients and I already explained this to him but he chose to pick an argument and say I don’t want him to help his mom but that is not true.

I suggested he pays for a carer and said no when he asked that I contribute money with him and the reason is that his mom has assets he could sell to pay for a carer. I suggested home care but he got very offended and said I was nuts to suggest such a thing.

After shutting down all my suggestions, I made it clear I will not be taking any part in his mom’s care or be dragged unwillingly into her care. He said okay then moved in with her now and I bring him meals occasionally just doing what I can.

The other day, I was in the kitchen reheating his dinner when I heard him shouting for me to come to help lift his mom off the floor after she fell off the bed. I went to see what was going on but refused to get involved.

He asked what I was doing standing by the door and staring. I reminded him that I will not be helping out after he shut down other means of help and he started lashing out at me saying he had no time for my pettiness and insisted I help him lift his mom but I just turned and walked out leaving him yelling for my help.

I stayed in the kitchen for a few minutes then he barged in calling me ‘cruel’ and ‘unhinged’ for seeing him and his struggle and refusing to help just to prove a point. I told him he shouldn’t act surprised and he replied that he couldn’t help but feel surprised that I was this unhinged and petty.

I said I’m not petty I’m just setting boundaries and sticking to them and I did not volunteer to be a carer. I’m not qualified and neither is he but he argued that being sympathetic and helping his family doesn’t require any form of qualification.

He lectured me about how appalling my behavior was, how I could’ve helped just a little, then said that his mom will never forget me just standing there and refusing to help. The guilt tripping got me overwhelmed so I grabbed my stuff and went home.

My mom knew and berated me for what I’d done. She said I should be proud of my husband for being a stand-up guy who helps his family instead of guilting him and making him feel like he’s making a mistake for choosing to support his family.

He called me later and cried saying I hurt him with my behavior and he never expected me to act this way towards him and his loved ones. I felt awful because I’m a sympathetic person and this wasn’t my intention, I was just trying to make him understand he doesn’t have to carry a weight he can not bear nor drag me along with it. I’m happy he’s willing to help his family but I don’t want to be used if he’s okay with being used.


-3 points - Liked by lebe

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Texaslonghorns 11 months ago
Where is your compassion you just stood there and wouldn't help
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1. AITJ For Creating A Spreadsheet About All The Girls On Campus?

“So freshman year of college, I began working on this project casually. I like to keep notes on women I talk to about their favorite things, activities they enjoy, gifts/candy they like, and sappy stuff like that. I suck at remembering things like that so I decided to keep a spreadsheet.

Eventually after getting a handful of entries, I offhandedly mentioned it to my friend group. One had the idea that I share it with them so we could all keep new entries as they ‘caught’ different entries.

So this expanded further. Right now about 40 guys have access to it and it’s mainly the guys in my frat, and the women featured are girls from different sororities.

We also added more information such as like where you should take them if you really wanna impress them. We don’t keep this information for any nefarious or scumbaggy reasons. Just to help us know what to do if we want to impress certain girls.

Like the original idea of this was just to keep information like favorite colors so I didn’t ever forget their favorite colors. Now it’s helping a lot of guys.

Somehow, a girl who was on the list found out and she was mad.

She was eventually able to trace it back to me so I assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the Pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him.

So she’s mad and she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women when it’s most definitely not that.

It’s just to impress them on dates easier. That’s it. She’s made a big deal of this telling so many girls around campus and now they’re all saying that by the start of the fall semester, none of them will be visiting our fraternity or going to our parties.

Now all the guys are mad at me when I’m not even the one who told girls about the list and they were all also using the list. I also think it’s unfair to say the list was all about getting girls, when it wasn’t at all.


-3 points (3 vote(s))

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RandomStranger12345 1 year ago
YTJ. The moment OP became a jerk is when he shared it with others. While I doubt his innocent intentions, let's pretend that this spreadsheet really was an innocent way for him to remember things that girls have told him. But now 40+ guys have access to this. Can he truly verify that NONE of those 39+ other guys are using it for stalking or other nefarious purposes? No, he can't.

Also, as a woman, it would be VERY creepy to meet a guy for the first time & he already knows my favorite color, favorite restaurant, favorite flower, etc. That's "restraining order" material right there.
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