People Hope For Some Assurance Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Daughter's Surname?
“So I (20F) just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a few weeks ago! She’s absolutely perfect and I love being a mom, the main issue comes from my daughter’s father, D (20M).
To give a little background, D pretty much treated me like trash while I was pregnant. I can’t go into deep detail because it’s just too much, but he was honestly a very gross mean person and we went no contact during my pregnancy due to him just being a piece of work and him saying he didn’t believe our daughter was his.
I tell him that once our daughter is born, we’ll get a DNA test and go from there.
My pregnancy goes by and he finds out through his mom, who I’m very close to, that I had my baby and he orders the DNA test.
Well, we got the results back a few days ago and they proved that he was the father of my daughter. He’s been messaging me saying how sorry he is, how he messed up and ‘wants his family back’, and now that he knows he’s her dad that he wants to change her last name from mine to his.
I told him I wasn’t interested in being romantically involved with him again but wanted to co-parent and that I didn’t wanna change our daughter’s last name because it’s a pricy and lengthy process to change the last name and he wasn’t there for my pregnancy and I feel like he didn’t deserve that privilege.
I offered to hyphenate it so she’ll have both of our last names but he wanted it to be just his. I told him no and he blew up at me saying I was being cruel and that she’s his daughter and he has a right to know her.
I said I completely agree and I’ll never withhold her from him but I tried to compromise and he didn’t want to so that’s on him. He hasn’t spoken to me in a few days because of this incident.
His mom completely agrees with my choice but some of his other family members say I’m being bitter and I’m just wondering if I’m doing the right thing or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You kinda have the right to be bitter.
He treated you like garbage and now expects it to magically be ok because he said sorry?
You’ve offered more than a reasonable compromise, and if he’s not willing to accept it then screw him.
If he was genuinely sorry he’d be doing everything he can to be involved and not getting hung up on irrelevant stuff. He’s probably gonna just use it as an excuse to disengage now though.
But you and your daughter deserve better.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing the right thing for yourself and your child. I’m glad to hear you’re not taking him back. He has proven through his behavior what type of man he is.
Not just during your pregnancy, but over this issue now as well. You also have to consider your future. Let’s say someday you have another child, what if you want them, as siblings, to have the same last name? Even if you find the right man, get married, then have a child, you still might want to consider both (or more) of them having your last name.
That’s your call.
Beyond that, I’m also glad your focus is on healthy co-parenting. I also hope you take the steps to establish child support, as well as solidify a co-parenting/visitation agreement.
It’s best to take care of that when she’s young than squabble about it later when she’s older and may be impacted emotionally by it.” bee102019
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not being bitter your being realistic about the situation.
He decided that the kid wasn’t his and couldn’t be bothered to keep in touch while you were pregnant to know when you would give birth until his mom told him.
But now that he has proved he is the dad he wants all the rights he hasn’t earned. What if you change the last name and then he just ghosts you again and only enters the picture to make problems for you? Those family members weren’t there helping you or trying to get him to own up but now they want to put their two cents in. They don’t get a say in how you handle your life or the life of your child.” TypicalAd3575
20. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Change My Wedding Date For My MIL?
“I am marrying the love of my life in 2 weeks. For context, I have saved for this wedding for over a year, even before I proposed, because Janice (my fiancée) wants to get married in Queenstown, NZ.
Kinda pricey but I believe she deserves it.
The problem occurred last night when Future MIL and Future FIL came for dinner and informed us that FMIL’s name was drawn yesterday for Jury service.
And she’ll have to go to court every day for 3 weeks. That means she won’t be able to attend our wedding. FMIL asked if we could move the date to accommodate her.
Janice told her mum that it’ll be very expensive as everything has been paid for (approx. 60%). FFIL was adamant about changing the wedding date and even offered to pay for half the cost.
We didn’t give them any answers when they left last night but Janice wants her mother to be there at our wedding.
This morning I called our wedding coordinator and she informed us that aside from the photographer, the rest of the vendors can’t accommodate our request.
Everything’s non-refundable and moving the date 1 week later is impossible as they are fully booked. So our only option is to reschedule the wedding 9 months from now. Our honeymoon which is also nonrefundable is booked two days after the wedding.
Janice and I talked about this and she said her mum is more important and she wants to move the date. I, on the other hand, cannot afford half the expenses.
My parents are scheduled to fly from my home country to attend our wedding and they will have to cancel plane tickets and hotel bookings (they plan to tour South Island before returning home) which are also nonrefundable.
I want to tell Janice that we cannot move the date but even before I got the chance to tell her, she told me that if the situation was reversed and it was my mum who can’t make it, she would change the date without any hesitation.
Will I be a jerk if I refuse to move the wedding date?
Edit. She was selected as one of the 12 Jurors. She couldn’t disclose any more information. Yes, she told the Judge but her request was declined as she was excused last time for medical reasons.
We live in Auckland and my parents are flying in from Canberra.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry. As someone who has had a jury summons 3 times in Australia, I’m amazed your FMIL wasn’t able to get out of it.
I believe she didn’t submit her excusal paperwork in time. For me, I just provided the appropriate reason and submitted the paperwork (that came in the mail with the summons). Never had to go to the court at all.
She would have known the date for jury duty well in advance and that it clashed with the wedding dates. It’s on her that she didn’t sort it out. You don’t need to go on the dates just submit the paperwork if you have a valid reason to opt-out.
NTJ.” _Megan_M
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless your future in-laws are willing to absorb the full cost for rescheduling with all your vendors AND the cost for your guests to reschedule their accommodations, this is a pretty crazy ask, in my opinion.
It’s a crappy situation for your fiancée but weddings are so expensive that this would be a major financial hit. Not to mention any guests that have had to take time off and prioritize budgeting to ensure they could attend.
There’s no guarantee something wouldn’t come up at a future date too.
If I was a guest and learned the wedding was being postponed with 2 weeks’ notice, I’d be ticked off and wouldn’t be likely to attend the reschedule.” BengalMama4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Most times if you can prove a planned vacation or date that puts you out of town, the court clerk can reschedule your jury duty.
You just have to show that the event was planned well before you received the jury notice. Ask your fmil to contact the court and explain the situation and asked to move her date to serve (especially since money has already been paid out). This doesn’t get you out of serving, but it will allow you to move the date to serve on a jury for duty.” Sea-Tea-4130
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Toxic Family To Live With Me?
“I (18 FTM) was talking to my fiancé (19 m) about my family because my fiancé and I were planning on getting our own place. We talked about my fears that my siblings or my father want to live with us because they are frequently homeless and can’t keep jobs or don’t work.
I told my fiancé that no matter what happened I wouldn’t ever allow them to live with us because I couldn’t handle the stress.
My fiancé understands and agrees because he knows my childhood was extremely difficult and says that if I can’t make myself say no to them, he’ll do it himself.
My sister’s pregnant and living with her baby daddy, but my decision is still the same. Even if she and her baby daddy split, I won’t let her live with me.
I mean I would gladly help with money and stuff but I just can’t handle living with her. But now I’m wondering if that makes me a bad person. AITJ for not wanting them to live with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You know better than anyone how much and what form of help you are able to offer your family members that won’t be harmful to you and your mental health.
Do your family members have a history of making bad life choices resulting in being homeless? If so, having them live with you is only enabling their bad choices.
They need to help themselves. You can’t do that. To try to may only hurt you. If your partner is willing to be the ‘bad guy’, take him up on it until you can tell them ‘No!’ yourself.
Discuss your limits before you are asked.
Someone who refuses to enable someone is never a jerk.” AffectionateOwl5824
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know what you need for peace of mind. Not only would you be stressed out, but you could also have problems with getting them to move out if there was drama.
You would not believe how often people call the police for roommate issues…” flaky-burnt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you are 18+ and getting your own place you have the right to stand your ground, own your place.
Also, the fact that you said I will gladly help with money and stuff with your sister that’s pregnant. You’re a better person than me, I wouldn’t even want to help out just because that’s her decision her problem.” Competitive-Ad-2041
18. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Take Care Of Himself?
“I (f17) and my brother (m18) have always been close but recently as he has gotten older I have noticed how much he relies on my mom and me for everything that is related to self-care kind of or just personal responsibility.
I and my mom have talked about it and I said I plan to stop ‘babying’ him by not making him food, cleaning up after him, getting him drinks, and such.
But now every time I ask him to eat or something he gets so mad at me or annoyed.
Also a few days ago I was making food for myself and my mom ordered food for my brother after I asked him if he wanted take-out (I didn’t even bother asking him if he wanted to cook for himself, he has never put any effort into learning how to and I’ve been trying to teach him since we were little but he just refused and got mad saying he can’t and making excuses).
My mom ordered fish tofu and noodle soup for him because he couldn’t even bring himself to think about what he wanted to eat. Well, I brought in his food because from past experiences I know he won’t do it.
Put it on the table and told him that was his food and I went to make my own.
It sat there for a while and I said don’t forget about your food then he asks to pour his soup for him.
I tell him he can do it himself then he just poured it into his bowl all at once and of course, it spills then he gets mad and says ‘see this is what happens when I do it,’ something along the lines of that.
So then he asked me to clean it up and I said no because I am not going to baby him anymore. Then he says, ‘but I am in a game’ and I said just take a quick break.
He is playing a game called Civilization 6 with a group on Discord, he is on a voice chat with them and before when he asked me to play with him I refused because I don’t do good with long games with no breaks.
Then he says you can ask the others for a break anytime. I mention this because when I asked him to take a break to clean up after himself he says he can’t because the game just started so he lied to me I guess?
Anyways fast forward a bit and he starts screaming and saying that helping him isn’t babying him.
He starts throwing things and swearing and screaming at me. Once he has gotten this mad I decide to help him because I was going to help him eventually I just wanted him to start on his own but I didn’t tell him that until now.
Then he starts saying I am gaslighting him because I only told him now that I was going to eventually help him. Then I apologize and say that I am sorry for not listening to him and I will help him in the future.
Am I the jerk for not helping my brother do things he should be able to do by himself and asking him to take care of himself ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is a parenting issue that your mom needs to correct.
If she has concerns about his capabilities she can discuss it with his doctor and work with people to figure out what he is capable of doing for himself and what he may genuinely need help with.
Certainly, you should stop enabling him as well but ultimately the responsibility is on your mom. (Also, the more you try to set a boundary and then cave in and help him the more he will keep throwing tantrums.)” RestingGrinchFace-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Do nothing at all for him from this point forward. Sounds like he’s using feigned incompetence to gaslight you and your mother into taking care of all his needs. Your mom needs to address this because either she’s going to have him around forever or he’s going to find someone else to do this to.” colorful_assortment
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Arguably, you were the jerk in the past for facilitating this inability to care for himself. It’s called enabling. I’m glad you’ve stopped.
That said, it can be a really hard transition from his dependence to independence.
It’ll be easy for him to reverse his progress if you or your mother allow him to. It’s going to be a long, uncomfortable path. But if you hold to it, he’s got a chance at a happy, independent life. He’s lucky you’ve made this decision.” BigBayesian
17. AITJ For Being Mad At The Way My Dad Spends His Funds?
“My (16F) family lives well, all thanks to my mother (54F). When my parents got married, all my father (53M) had was some clothes in a bag so he moved into my mom’s house (she wasn’t rich or anything at the time but still had a better life than he did).
After a while she started earning more and bought a lottery, my dad started working there and that’s it, so now he has his own funds from his salary and other stuff he does by himself.
The thing is that my mom found out he bets too much on the lottery (I don’t know how it works abroad sorry if it’s too vague) like actually a lot.
Besides that, he doesn’t pay bills or anything at home, it’s all my mother, and he doesn’t even like giving us gifts. All his funds go to drinking or lottery games.
When mom told me that I got annoyed, she told me to not get angry because he is a great dad and husband despite the betting thing and drinking issue. I don’t know, it feels wrong that he gets to spend all of his funds on stupid things all by himself while my mom pays for everything for the whole family, I kinda feel like the jerk for being angry though.
Edit: By the way, it’s not about just the gift thing, it’s more about him putting all the responsibilities on my mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is called economic violence, and if he doesn’t want to get better then it might be wishful thinking to think the situation will improve.
Probably your mom is a victim of psychological violence or just in denial. One of my cousins (thank god just divorced from his addicted deadbeat husband) used to say the same thing: good husband nice dad as he didn’t harm them, his only fault was spending all the funds and not supporting their children.
Check laws in your country, in mine, if you can establish parents didn’t support you in childhood you can also avoid responsibility when they are old.” anarmex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your mother should not be the only person putting in finances, you are a FAMILY.
If your dad has enough funds to spend on his own habits then he has enough to make things easier for your mother. You are rightfully upset, especially since he is living under your roof for free.” jelliedjess
Another User Comments:
“Your Dad is the jerk.
I don’t doubt your Mum’s greatness and help but she’s also the jerk for enabling his addiction.
That nonsense accumulates and destroys lives, it’s only a matter of time before he turns from a good dad or a good husband to a bad one, all because of his addiction.” Abstract-Minded
16. AITJ For Trying To Destroy My Ex's New Relationship?
“I (17M) had started going out with this girl 7 months ago and knew little about her. We went our separate ways and ended things peacefully and decided to be friends after a month and a half.
I didn’t speak with her for a month then shortly after that my uncle passed away. He was a very big pillar in my life so I posted something about him and she was the only person to give her condolences and talk to me to see how I was doing and see how I was feeling.
We talked for a while after and she let me know she had a new partner and started going out with him less than a week after we broke up.
We get a lot closer and I get to know her better and she gets to know me better.
She has a lot of mental disorders that I help her talk about and help remind her to take her medicines, etc. She then goes into detail about how her past relationships have been and how she has been treated wrongfully by her 2 last relationships before me.
She then tells me how her new man mistreats her. I then got very angry but calmly let her know that that is not ok and that as a friend, I don’t think you should still be with him.
Last week she was on a trip that I had no clue she went to and I so happened to be there and she quickly pulled me to the side to talk.
She was having a panic attack because she knew no one except for me and her partner was stressing her. I calmed her down and we spent the day having fun together.
She tells me that she has an attachment disorder and that she doesn’t think she can break it off. I was talking to her last night and she was talking about how she told her friends about how we talk and her friends told her partner that she was going to have an affair with me.
He texts me and blows up on me today and tells me how I make her feel terrible and that I’m a bad person to her. I then ask her if any of this is true and she tells me sometimes I do.
I ask her to be more forward with me because I didn’t mean to do that, she then tells me to not tell him what we talk about and to just stay peaceful.
I do as she says and I try to stay polite with my messages and his only response is that I make her feel bad and that it doesn’t matter what my intentions are and that I shouldn’t try to break them up.
He then shows multiple screenshots of her talking about how I’m always stressing her out and making her feel bad and that I tried to break them up. I then ask her what was she talking about and if is this really how she feels and she says, ‘I don’t know’ and so I politely respond saying I had no clue I was causing trouble and I have apologized for doing that.
I have no idea what to think at this point because I have tried the best I can to get her out of this toxic situation and I’m being called a bad person for it.
AITJ?
UPDATE: I’ve got a big update. She came back about a month into the summer and came back with several apologies and explanations that she had been to several therapy sessions and she wanted to pick back up where we left off.
It was just casual conversations to me now because I didn’t want to put my feelings back into anything that I knew would stop with one bad day. I had better stuff to focus on like my senior football year and lifting.
So she then started to talk about her partner doing annoying stuff and stressing her out again and that she wanted to see me and hang out.
I was very apprehensive about it but I was able to make excuses to hang out even when she wanted me to come to her job to see her.
Throughout the entire summer, this happened until school started again. We didn’t have any classes together except for a 25-minute study hall in which we sat next to each other. She wanted me to switch to some of her classes and I told her I didn’t want to do that.
About 2 weeks ago 3 weeks into school I got a message late at night that she wanted to talk and I told her what was up.
She then said she didn’t want to talk to me and that ‘this will be our last communication and if any further were to happen my partner would get involved.’ I outright laughed at what she said and told her so and told her if he wants to have a problem he can solve it but I don’t care anymore.
She then blocked me and I had no interest anymore in talking again so blocked her also. She has been giving dagger eyes when I glance around every once and a while.
Let’s hope everything goes smoothly from now on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she’s telling both of you whatever you want to hear. I’m not saying there’s no truth in it, but you simply don’t know.
You’re NTJ for urging her to leave her partner when she told you he was mistreating her, but now that you know that she’s telling him you’re stressing her out while she’s telling you that you’re the only one she can talk to, it’s time to end things with her.
It’s possible she felt pressured to lie to him, or it’s possible she felt pressured to lie to you. It’s impossible to know, but this is something she needs to work out on her own.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“My first thought was yes, you are the jerk.
But after reading the whole post, I have to say NTJ. It seems like you genuinely care about her mental health, and when you said she should leave him, you didn’t mean so that she could get back together with you.
As hard as it might be, you should probably cut back on how much you talk to her, and what you say. Let her decide on her own how much interaction she wants to have with you, and whether or not she wants to stay with her partner.” pryzzlicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like she has genuine problems you’ve tried to help her with, but it also sounds like she’s knowingly manipulating you too. Best to keep a distance and cut back on messaging and texting. Hope she’s seeing a professional to help her manage these things.” Rohini_rambles
15. AITJ For Not Supporting My Friend's Lies?
“I (23 M) have a friend (23 M) that has been down lately in the self-esteem department.
I always support him no matter what, he’s 6ft4 (194 cm) and has never had an issue with weight but always saw himself as fat and repulsive, doesn’t help that the few relationships he’s had were rough.
Recently, he gained quite a few pounds and hit rock bottom. He’s always had a hard time with the ladies and resorted to the internet through the years where he met the to be rocky relationships.
The other day I found out he has made a catfish account posing as a girl while using photos from a social media account. He confesses to me and I confront him about it, he’s trying to justify it by saying he is only talking to girls in order to see how they act and respond not knowing it’s him but his personality speaking.
Since he never gets the chance to show his personality on his actual account, due to basically never getting any matches, and the ones he gets don’t respond/empty bio, etc.
He explains how he got 99+ likes and matched with this sweetheart and super kind girl (who isn’t straight/bi) where things really kicked off and they’re very often texting each other & really connected so to speak.
He has to make some things up but tries to keep the lies to a minimum and respond as he would with his normal account. She seems really into the person my friend is portraying (Looks and personality it seems like), and she has already asked for Snapchat/meeting up which he declined of course.
She doesn’t even suspect it is a fake account and kindly respected the lies about being unavailable.
At this point he is starting to fall for her and asks me for guidance, saying he is going to try and sway her over and make it all right.
I am very upfront with him regarding this as it’s very serious and it’s going to deeply hurt her feelings and himself. I try to inform him about the complications of all this and that you can’t go around pretending to be someone else, to then build up a chemistry with someone as said person.
Then proceed to completely crush all their hope, feelings, and moments of longing to meet that person, by confessing it was never real and all made up or trying to ghost/another far-fetched excuse to make the pain more bearable.
Imagine you have been speaking to x person and you know this is the one, this is the person I have been holding out for. Waiting for that person to respond to your text, having butterflies when you see a notification if it’s that person, and agreeing to meet up.
Then rip all that away and tell the person with a straight face it was all a lie, it was me the entire time and this person doesn’t exist.
After explaining all this and making it clear I am not supporting him and he is clearly in the wrong we had a big argument.
Haven’t spoken to or seen him in a few days now. At the time they had been texting for 2 days nonstop.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend is deeply in denial here.
So just to make sure I have this right… not only is there a catfishing situation. But your friend has been messaging a woman — who identifies as a woman seeking other women and who does NOT identify as bi…
and he somehow thinks that she’s going to magically be interested in men once she meets him?
Honestly, your friend needs therapy. It sounds like (perhaps subconsciously) he’s putting himself in a situation where the relationship has zero hope of working out because that way when he gets rejected, he can play the victim.
Whereas if he was in a real relationship that had a real potential for becoming something serious, then he would feel much more hurt when it inevitably doesn’t work out (in his mind).
But you’re very very unlikely to get him to actually hear you.” sarita_sy07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he probably won’t listen to you any more tomorrow than he is today. He won’t magically change her sexuality.
Every man who thinks his manhood can do that magic has an ego problem to get over before he considers his romantic problems.” laeiryn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being a voice of reason.
He’s going to hurt this girl when she eventually discovers the lie (as people tend to) and he’s going to get hurt when she rejects him for lying. It’s a lose-lose.” NeverFailTheMayor
14. AITJ For Demanding My Things Back?
“My friend (30m) of 15 years and I (30F) had a close friend (27m) pass away unexpectedly a couple of months ago. After the funeral, I slept over with him and accidentally left a very important pair of earrings at his house.
I didn’t think anything of it and assumed I’d get my things back as usual. My friend slowly stopped responding to me and wouldn’t see me after that. I assumed it was because he was going through some very intense grief so I let it go.
Over 2 months later and he flat-out leaves me on read after I’ve been begging to just have my earrings back. He wouldn’t even respond to me when I had to call people near me for help when I was in a car accident.
He didn’t have to see me, hang out with me, etc, I just wanted them back. I’d normally drop it but they are earrings my late grandfather gave me. I feel like a jerk because my friend is grieving but I also feel crapped on and cast aside when I’m grieving also.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is YOUR property.
Write him a letter explaining that you know he is grieving, as are you, but the earrings you left behind were given to you by your late grandfather so have sentimental value to you.
Ask him if he can leave them with a mutual friend for you to pick up or whatever other arrangements that would be convenient for him.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, send him a message saying you’re sending an empty pre-paid package so all he has to do is throw them in his mailbox.
You shouldn’t have to but it’s probably the best way to get them back at this point.” littlebitmissa
Another User Comments:
“You are both grieving for your friend, but I think the reason he has stopped responding to you is either he wants to keep them, he sold them, or he gave them to a girl.
Put a note in with the pre-paid envelope that says send your earrings back or the next time you contact him it will be with a summons to court. Let him know that these earrings were a gift from your late grandfather and that you want them back.
If you have to go the court route print out all the text messages you sent him and any responses.” cindyp1976
13. AITJ For Making Myself A Plate Of Food?
“I’m a janitor for a middle school and let me tell you ever since they changed principals they have been underappreciating us, janitors. I know teachers deserve more than what they are getting paid, but it doesn’t give them the right to be rude to people who help them.
Recently they are doing teacher appreciation so they celebrated with food and all that type of stuff. Now my co-workers and I come in when school is done and most teachers are gone and the school usually orders more food than anybody can eat which isn’t a problem because they give us the rest of the food.
Today was different. They did order more food than expected and knowing how the teachers were, they would let us eat the rest. The new teachers complained about me taking their food.
I looked at them and said why is that a problem when the food will just sit in the fridge and rot might as well give it to us janitors to not waste food.
The new teachers scoffed saying we don’t deserve to be appreciated because all we do is clean and not deal with kids all day. I looked at the teachers and laughed because they were right.
We don’t deal with kids, but we do deal with their mess and clean the things nobody has the guts to clean.
Mind you I work at an all-rich white school and trust me they are extremely messy and they leave the restroom horrendous the least they can do is let us eat the food they aren’t going to eat.
So with the most serious face, I grabbed a plate and served myself food and ate in front of them and they just stormed off. My sister got upset with me because I could lose my job, but little does my sister knows I’m quitting so I’m going to give these new teachers a piece of my mind if they ever disrespect me.
Just because we are janitors it doesn’t give the teachers the right to be rude to us because we are doing them the favor of keeping the classrooms clean and helping them prevent sickness from happening.
Just for them to look at us like we are dirt is not acceptable. Plus the teachers who have been working for the school for years don’t care and mainly encourage us to eat the rest of the food.
So it shouldn’t be a problem for the new teachers and if they have a problem with it they should talk to the old teachers. So I am the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
One of the first things I do, whenever I go to any new job, is become friends with the supporting staff such as custodians, administrative assistants, or any other style of them.
Y’all literally run these buildings and people seem to forget that. Yes by technicalities insert management title here does, but if you annoy the wrong support staff, your entire job and life just got incredibly difficult.
If you make friends with them, everything becomes easier.
These people are just immature. I always try to remember that some teachers act like little children (gossip/cliques/weird power trips) because they are surrounded by them for 8-10 hours a day and are used to being listened to in their fiefdom of class.
You tend to mimic those around you. Just ignore them (or stop cleaning their rooms as thoroughly). They’ll get off that little power trip of theirs at some point.” joshthatoneguy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – those new teachers are rude.
However, it would have been better to retort that every year prior, extra food was ordered so that other staff including maintenance/janitorial employees were able & allowed to access the food, too.
I wonder if they also turned their nose up at the paraprofessionals or even office staff/administration (principal, VP) from enjoying the food, too.
I used to be a high school teacher, and one of the schools I taught at just gave everyone a $5 Dunkin Donuts gift card as an appreciation gift.
A catered meal is nicer than that. Almost all school staff is under-appreciated. First-year teachers should spend less time policing the food and instead worry about if they will get a contract for next year.” todreamofspace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m a teacher, and holy cow, that teacher is out of line. We can’t function without our custodians. I bet that teacher is one of the teachers who doesn’t have their students pick up their trash and pencils at the end of the day.
I’d love to see this teacher walk into a middle school boys’ bathroom during the devious lick craze. They need to see the absolute misery you put up with.
Honestly, I would talk to the principal or that teacher’s department lead for that absolute disrespect your coworker handed you.
Because let’s be real. They are your coworker. They are not above you. That teacher is going to fail if they can’t get support from the classified employees, and their behavior is toxic.” Brewmentationator
12. AITJ For Not Wanting The Girl I'm Renting From To Crash At Our Place?
“I decided to take on a short-term sublease & rent a room from a girl who was desperately trying to fill it. We agreed the room would be furnished and her only condition was she would need to stay in the living room for the week of our college graduation next month and I said why not (and only agreed to the week of graduation).
Out of the blue, the girl messaged my housemate a few hours before she was arriving that she would need to stay for the next 2 weeks in our living room.
The girl never bothered to message me or ask if I was ok with it. I also paid rent for the whole month but moved in a week after the start of my lease because of some family stuff.
According to my housemate, the day before I moved in, the girl came without notice and stayed overnight in my room without asking me.
I texted her to communicate with all of us better and also calculated what she owed for the 2 weeks she wanted to stay.
I also charged her for the night she stayed without asking me. She got upset I asked her to pay rent (she only wanted to split 2 weeks’ rent between her and my housemate…?) and said I should be grateful she chose me for the apartment.
I told her I was pretty firm on charging her since…whatever is going on was not what we agreed on and I would not let her stay unless she did.
She then got really upset because she also asked me to move her furniture out at the end of the lease so she could get her deposit back, and I wouldn’t do it unless she was willing to negotiate my last month’s rent.
She begged me to do it (for free) because it costs a couple of grand for her to travel to our college town, and said I should move it anyways because I was using it for free.
I reminded her we never discussed moving furniture at all, & our original agreement was the place would come furnished so I was not obligated to do anything. I simply ended our convo with: ‘I wish you all the best moving forward and figuring this out.’
Today, the girl told my housemate (the only person she is willing to speak to) that she needed to pick up her stuff and gave us less than an hour’s notice.
She told us a time but didn’t show up until two hours later. I came home today to her glaring me down, stomping on the floor like an insolent child.
My housemate is moving home next month & said I would have to handle any upcoming issues with the girl.
She also said the girl was talking trash about me, getting upset I was ‘rude’ to her & also making up stories about me berating her over text. I showed my housemate the texts and she was like yeah… none of what the girl said ended up being true.
She is literally a master’s student in a prestigious program, a part-time lecturer, and is also six years older than me but is still so immature. Frankly, I do not care about her and am tempted to leave her clothes on the curb once my housemate leaves.
I’m also petty & thinking about charging her for the one day she stayed but she seems pretty firm in not wanting to talk to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The agreement was clear.
Your choice not to let her crash was obviously valid.
You shouldn’t throw out her stuff. You should be the mature one. And get out of there as soon as is responsible – you don’t want to waste your time on landlord drama.
For what it’s worth, I’ve seen people with significantly more prestigious credentials act significantly more spoiled and entitled. I’m not saying that to one-up you – just to let you know that credentials of that sort may connote advanced study, and literacy, but they do NOT connote maturity.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this girl is crazy and if I were you I’d find a way out of this sublet.
Did you sign a lease? If not, I’d get out and let her deal with her furniture and the rent. Surely there are other places available in a college town.” EveningJellyfish1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She slept in the room you had started paying for.
She last-minute informed a separate roommate for 2 weeks on the couch. She wanted you to move her furniture out.
She is entitled and rude. I wouldn’t hold much hope on the one-day rent in your room but sadly there are people in this world who think the sun revolves around them. Don’t get too stressed by their behavior but don’t go out of your way to appease them either.” InternalProcess3999
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother For Saying Something Hurtful To Our Mother?
“My deceased sister Michelle was not a nice person. Any friendship or romantic relationship she had never lasted. She was cruel, mean, and just unpleasant. She was fired from every job she ever had and relied on our parents for finances because she couldn’t keep a job.
At the time of her passing, neither I nor any of my siblings were on speaking terms with her. Our mom was the only relationship she had. Michelle passed away suddenly 3 years ago.
When she passed away, the only people to offer condolences were strangers (ie my co-workers who didn’t know anything about Michelle and just heard I had a sister that is now gone).
No one came to either of the visitation days at the funeral home or the funeral itself. It was just my mom, me and my siblings, and my aunt and uncle.
The only flowers were from people we all work with who didn’t actually know Michelle but were just being polite.
Even though I and my siblings and my aunt and uncle were not on speaking terms with Michelle we all did our best to support mom.
None of us said anything about how we hated Michelle and were estranged from her. We all took care of things like taking Michelle’s possessions to donate, closing her bank account, and other stuff so my mom didn’t have to worry.
We have comforted her and gone with her when she goes to the cemetery. We all agreed to keep our own feelings out of it because mom is heartbroken by her passing.
One annoying thing my mom has done since Michelle passed away was act like she was a saint. That she was the nicest, kindest, humblest, most charitable person to ever live.
She goes on about the nice things Michelle did, the charities she gave to, and how everyone she met loved Michelle. She goes so far as to rewrite history to tell stories that actually happened but with Michelle in the good role as opposed to the villain.
For instance, Michelle canceled her vacation and gave the funds to one of our siblings for a lawyer. Meanwhile, it was one of us who gave Michelle funds before the estrangement because my mom’s neighbors had a restraining order against Michelle.
I just roll my eyes and change the subject. That’s what all of us have been doing. But my brother Billy broke rank and told me to stop making Michelle out as a saint because she was a terrible person who everyone hated.
Yes, Billy is right about Michelle but my mom really loved her. I think Billy is the jerk for what he said to mom. I yelled at him about it because we all agreed just to keep quiet about it but Billy thinks I’m the jerk because mom has taken it too far and needed tough love.
He is mad at me for yelling at him about it. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I don’t believe in hagiography. It’s one thing to look at what little bright side she can muster but I loathe rewriting history or pretending that the pain she inflicted on everybody never happened.
Billy has the right to say ‘I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to be told that she didn’t hurt me when she actually did hurt me.’ Now if Billy was the one bringing her up to knock her down then yeah, it would be rude of him but it sounds like it’s your mom constantly trying to get Billy and you guys to pretend along with her.
And frankly, Billy does NOT have to do that. Full stop.” Maleficent_Ad_3958
Another User Comments:
“No one is the jerk here. Grieving is tough and weird and your mom’s need to paint your sister as a good person is probably hurtful to some of the people she hurt along the way, perhaps even Billy.
Or maybe he feels that your mom doesn’t speak as adoringly about the rest of her children and that’s difficult for him? Have you suggested that your mom speak to someone about this loss and her grief? It’s possible that she’s dealing with a lot more than she’s shared with her children.” RestingGrinchFace-
Another User Comments:
“I think your intentions are good but YTJ.
Your mom is understandably very distraught at losing a child, and I think not emphasizing how unpleasant your sister was during the funeral process was a very kind and decent choice.
However, ultimately I don’t think her feelings deserve to be coddled at the expense of your siblings. You and your siblings have in all likelihood had to endure a lot growing up with Michelle, and it’s very understandable that all this praise is difficult to hear for your brother (especially when history is literally being rewritten).
I think you were out of line to yell at your brother. In an effort to shield your mom, you disregard your brother’s feelings about the situation. Ultimately, your mom being so deluded about the situation doesn’t help anyone. She probably needs therapy to deal with these difficult emotions in a healthy way.” Im_Chad_AMA
10. AITJ For Retaliating At My Friend In The Group Chat?
“My friend group and I have a group chat to mess about and share memes. Earlier one of them randomly insulted me so obviously I insulted him back as I thought it was banter.
Then 2 of my other friends started to gang up on me for insulting him.
So I was practically getting bullied in a WhatsApp group chat when one of them suddenly calls me fat and that I look like a bowling ball.
My weight is something I’ve always been self-conscious about as I have been overweight all my life and my friends know this, so when my friend who was bigger than me said this it got to me.
And when I retaliated with ‘well I can’t tell where your stomach ends and chest begins,’ I was shocked that everyone was mad at me and now I don’t know if I’m the jerk or not.
Just wanna know others’ opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This is why you don’t insult over text. Hard to tell jokes from real. Though honestly, I’d say the friend, especially the one calling you fat, is more at fault.
But you retaliated. Could have just been like ‘Whoa dude, thought we were joking around like always, what’s your deal?'” Kurigin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Doesn’t make what they did right, but you stooped to their level and now your friend group consists of multiple jerks and not just 1.
If you had been vocal about being hurt, people probably would have taken your side.” TMO5565
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – commenting on someone else’s weight is usually not cool in any context, unless you’re specifically asked to.
Responding to an insult with an equally hurtful insult and then being surprised that it was hurtful is disingenuous. It hurt you, so you knew it would hurt them otherwise you wouldn’t have said it.” Phaethuuusa
9. AITJ For Being Shocked When Our Landlord Posted Our Apartment Online?
“Earlier today I got a notice from Zillow that my apartment was being listed for rent and the rent was even lower than we pay now. Mind you we have NEVER had problems before.
Never late on rent etc. We checked, and it had 11 days on there and 72 contacts. The other day I heard people coming to check out the other apartments so a bell rang in my head and panicked.
I emailed the landlord wanting to know why this happened. I told my wife about this and that I couldn’t call until I was able to get a break at work.
My wife called the landlord trying to explain to them that the property has been on there for days and people might come by to check it out expecting our apartment to also be rented out when it’s supposed to be the apartment upstairs.
We are extremely private people especially when it comes to where we live. My wife asked them why this was happening all of a sudden without notice or anything. We have a 1-year lease signed and no prior issues and would like an explanation.
The woman refused to give her more information. They brushed off the situation and called me after I emailed them.
The woman claimed my wife was being difficult on the phone. Mind you there is no way my wife would be like that, we work in customer service and know what it’s like to be on the other end.
Calmly, I explained to her that this was not an appropriate manner to solve this. I am also in Real Estate and mistakes happen. Just apologize, remove the post and move on.
People must have been paying to apply for this property too. I have screenshots and everything but don’t know what to do.
It looks like they are making us the enemy by the tone they used on the phone and in emails we have received from them.
The post was removed and now here we are.
We were pretty mad after the conversation with them. I sent them a long email regarding all this. And our privacy is important.
No response so far.
So AITJ for calling and asking my landlord why the apartment was being listed while we lived there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
I think the management is wrong on this, as they’re not only risking your privacy but other people who are applying are also paying a price to see the place. And if the lease is not up yet, no prior issues of rent payments, or any other complaints then they shouldn’t have posted it for rent.
Mistakes happen but they shouldn’t blame the tenants for wanting to protect themselves.” wewewe_e
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Know the rental laws that support you. This is outrageous. I would keep all communication (direct or summaries) in writing.
If you have a phone call with staff write the date/time/person and a summary and send it to them via email (i.e. Per our conversation today, I updated you and requested ‘X’, and you stated you would do ‘Y’.
Continue to check in with your landlord every two days until you get a phone call or response from this responsible party. Also, there is often free rental legal advice in most cities that may help.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – landlords need to have a conversation with their current tenants to see if they want to renew the lease agreement and if not, they need to give you proper notice when people are coming to view the place.
It’s literally an invasion of privacy. Just because they own it, doesn’t mean they can show the place unannounced. I would screenshot the listing and see if you can get a lawyer to look over your lease agreement. I would also keep all conversation in writing.” danzah92
8. AITJ For Leaving My Best Friend At A Restaurant?
“My best friend and I have been friends for 8 years, we’ve been through thick and thin and are seen as inseparable. Naturally, we’ve built a friend group, we made new friends and now we’re as happy as we can be.
This happened not too long ago, I and another friend had plans which, my best friend, who we’ll call Emma, was invited to. The plan was to go to the park, hang out for a while, then go to get something to eat.
Emma said she couldn’t go because she didn’t have money which I found strange because eating was not the ‘main attraction’ of the whole outing. I told her she doesn’t need money, but she kept repeating that she couldn’t go because she didn’t have any.
I gave in and told her that I would pay. With that, she got ready and came out. My other friend who was coming with us wanted to go put her stuff away at her house.
I let her, turns out her dad was home and had no idea she was going out so he did not let her go with us. Okay, that’s fine. I’ll still have Emma to go with.
Emma came down, and she wanted to go eat first so we did. When done the order came out to 20$, which I paid for, and asked if we were going to the park after which she replied, ‘Oh sorry I can’t.
I have to go watch my cat.’ What? Then why did you come? ‘So we could eat together?’
As I paid I felt this rage build up inside of me, my brain flashing images of me paying for her.
I did not want to cause a scene so after I paid, I left. She had no idea I left. She texted me saying ‘Where are you?’ to which I replied, I left.
She then started saying there was something wrong with me and I’m a bad friend, removed me from our group chat to tell them what had happened to talk behind my back, she forgot to remove my alt so naturally, I saw what she was saying.
Long story short it was resolved but I am curious. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She declined the invitation. She never asked you to pay. Sounds like she couldn’t/didn’t want to spend all day away from home.
You offered to pay, so she accepted the offer. You got to spend time with her. You may have wanted to spend more time together, but it sounds like missed communication on both of your parts.
Getting mad at her was entirely on you. She never took ‘advantage’ of you, since you were the one to offer to pay for her.” Windermyr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can get not wanting to go out when other people will be eating when you don’t have the money to.
However, by wanting to eat first and then leave, it’s clear that she saw this as getting a free meal. Maybe you could have said goodbye, but she was being rude and using you.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You told her you would buy her lunch. And then you left her there without saying goodbye. At least you did pay and didn’t strand her with the tab. True, she should’ve told you she was pressed for time.
She was giving very bizarre excitement though, it sounds like something else going on here.” Big_Bowler8424
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You because you left. That was a very immature thing to do.
Her because I think she took advantage of you. She just wanted a free meal without taking into consideration that you wanted to go to the park. Also, she DID say she wanted to eat FIRST. Therefore, you were led on.
I think this friendship has run its course.” User
7. AITJ For Arguing With My Fiance Over Pasta?
“My fiancé (M30) and I (F27) have been together for 8 ½ years and have been engaged for about 6 months.
We both work full-time but he makes a lot more money than I do.
We split the house bills in half, but he does help me a bit with my loans. I enjoy cooking and our rule is, I cook, you clean. So, I usually cook every night (usually a protein, veggie, and starch) but he does not do the dishes every night.
I end up doing them the next day. I also clean the house, do laundry, and do all other chores around the house.
Now for the story: I am cooking dinner tonight (seared chicken with pasta).
I went to ask him if he wants boxed mac and cheese or plain white pasta. I was kinda feeling the boxed mac and cheese but wasn’t sure. He says the plain pasta and I said aw really, I was thinking the mac and cheese.
His voice starts to raise and says the mac and cheese is bad for you and has a ton of fat in it and you always put a whole stick of butter in it (not true).
I said alright (nice and calm) and walked back to the kitchen.
I grabbed both pasta boxes to compare because I was truly curious about how bad the mac and cheese is.
So I take both boxes to show him as well and while I’m walking I start reading the labels and say ‘the mac and cheese really isn’t that bad for you.
The fat isn’t too bad but the sodium is insane’. He takes the boxes, starts analyzing, and then tells me the difference between each nutritional fact, line by line. I took the boxes back and while I’m walking away I calmly say ‘I’ll just make the white pasta’.
He gets really mad now and raises his voice and says ‘You really just came in here to argue with me about the mac and cheese and now you want pasta? What was the point of you walking in here then?’
I told him ‘I just wanted to show him the difference and I don’t want all the cheese now.’
He now gets even madder and starts laughing in a condescending way and says ‘just cook the mac and cheese, that’s what you want’.
I said, ‘I changed my mind’ and walked back to the kitchen to start cooking.
A few minutes later, he walks into the kitchen to put a plate in the sink and I said ‘you need to chill you’re gonna have a heart attack at 60’.
He says ‘We’re gonna have diabetes before then anyways?’ I told him then he can cook more often if he wants healthier food. He got the most disgusted look on his face and says ‘are you kidding me? Really? You’re really serious right now? This is a joke.
This is all over because you came in to argue over mac and cheese when you didn’t even want it in the first place. You started this nonsense’. Then he walks away and I just start cooking dinner.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but as someone else noted, pasta vs mac ‘n cheese is the least of your problems. What you should be worrying about is why you’ve wasted 8 1/2 years of your life with a man who speaks to you like you’re an absolute halfwit; is shockingly rude and condescending over nothing more than pasta vs mac ‘n cheese; makes way more money than you but splits the bills 50/50 AND does none of the housework despite you both working full time, and apparently has no respect for you whatsoever…
and are planning to waste the REST of your life on him as well? That just makes me sad. Like, I’d say you can’t possibly hate yourself that much, but after reading other posts, apparently, a lot of women genuinely think this is acceptable in a relationship.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would SERIOUSLY question wasting any more of your life on someone who thinks you’re an idiot and good for nothing else but a stand-in Mother figure…
If he’s yelling over something as petty and stupid as pasta now; what’s his reaction going to be if something is seriously wrong? What happens when y’all have kids and they wake him up?
Not saying it will happen, but this sounds like the stepping stones to a physically abusive marriage.” BooBooKittyChris1775
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Um… is this a standard interaction between you and your fiancé? Because it’s disturbing. The man immediately started raising his voice when you dared to suggest you eat Mac and cheese and then continued to escalate his angry reactions.
That’s not normal.
It’s also not normal that you both work full time, split bills 50/50 even though he makes more and you do the vast majority of the housework. He doesn’t pull his weight and yells at you while he’s at it. It doesn’t look great for your marriage.” User
6. AITJ For Crying After My Grandma Commented On My Outfit?
“I (16f) like to wear this really pretty strappy crop top from Shein, and it’s pink. I was wearing it to go shopping with my grandma, and for context, I have the body/face of a twelve-year-old who hasn’t eaten in three days.
I walked into her R.V. and she told me to go back home and change because I looked like a scarlet woman. I ended up not going shopping with her and was crying in my room the whole day.
My 17m brother was in his room and he called me a weak witch for crying over a word. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were bullied by family members. Tears are a normal response.
It’s not a weak person who cries when hurt. It’s a weak person who attacks someone in pain because the weak person wants the one in pain to be as weak and unhappy as themselves.” GothPenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like your family enjoys bullying people.
I know it’s hard to ignore when someone says mean things especially when it’s family. And crying is a natural response to pain. Again NTJ and I’m sure you looked super cute in your outfit.” zink300
5. AITJ For Winning Against My Significant Other In A Video Game?
“Yesterday I had my partner over. She showed up while I was finishing a game of NBA2k. To my surprise, she was interested in the game and wanted to try playing.
She is not much of a gamer at all, but does know the basic rules of basketball and sometimes watches games with me. I asked her if she wanted me to teach her how to play, but instead, she wanted to hop into a game against me right away.
I told her at least three times that she would not have much of a chance, as I have been playing this game for years, but she insisted.
I decided to play as the Raptors (a decent team but far from the best) and she picked the Bucks (one of the best teams).
I tried my best to give her easy chances to score at the beginning of the game, but my competitive instincts kicked in. After a couple of minutes of playing, I looked at the scoreboard to see that I held a 28-0 lead.
It did not seem like she was having much fun, so I asked her if she wanted to do something else. Instead, she said that she had to go home and quickly got up and left.
We have not spoken since. I tried to check in on her on social media this morning after I saw she was online. She will not respond to any of my messages.
I told my close friends about the situation and they said that I did nothing wrong. However, my partner still will not talk to me, which is starting to make me think that I did something wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (maybe). My 2 cents on this story as a 22yr old with a gamer partner:
I think she wanted to spend time with you doing something you liked and was just trying to make you happy.
Maybe you could have tried harder to include her.
This is my real argument: when you say ‘my competitive instincts kicked in’ do you mean, by chance, you got carried away and showed some overly aggressive behavior —so carried away, in fact, that you didn’t notice the scoreboard changes until you were beating her 28-0? It happens sometimes, and I get that is how you would normally play, but this is your partner after all.
You can’t treat her the same as you would other gamers —if you are an aggressive player. Have you considered the fact that maybe the problem wasn’t her losing the game but your behavior whilst beating her?
Moreover, I get wanting to win, but again, considering this is your partner, maybe let her score some points too to end the game at, let’s say, 28-10.
I hope this helps.” Southern_Macaron_496
Another User Comments:
“NTJ really but man, she didn’t want to play 2K with you and doesn’t really care about basketball. She wanted to hang out with you doing something you enjoy and find interesting even if she doesn’t because she likes you and wants to spend time with you.
And you beat her, but it sucks to get owned at something you don’t like just because you wanna spend time with someone.
But she sucks for acting like a sulky kid about it and not actually saying she’s embarrassed she got her butt beat or wishes you’d actually engage with her or whatever.” iolight
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You should not run up a 28–0 score on someone who you want to do… stuff with. But she definitely overreacted; she sounds very immature to just run away and give you the silent treatment.” He_Who_Is_Right_
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Help Our Neighbor?
“We live in a multi-unit apartment building. For months, the unit beside us was vacant. Fast forward, a young mom moves in with her two kids, both toddler/school age. Unfortunately, the walls are VERY thin and every cry, footstep, and music blaring EVERYTHING you can hear.
This caused some ripples with other neighbors which resulted in a yelling match between other neighbors. Management was involved and the issues were somewhat resolved.
After this happened, my fiancé (male) got some books for the kids and I (female) wrote a note with our numbers if she needed to reach out for anything.
She texted both of us eventually and said thanks.
Fast forward, she texts my fiancé cause she couldn’t figure out how to get out of the garage (it’s a clicker with a certain code) and asked if he could also let her back in once she gets back.
As his kind soul is, he does so… no hesitation. Another time, power was scheduled to be off at a certain time. The management company posted signs out by the mailboxes.
She again texts my fiancé and he offered a portable charger.
She gets a grocery delivery one morning, so I text her and let her know that the delivery is outside. I wasn’t sure if she was home.
The response I get is ‘thanks, who is this.’ Low key, I was feeling perplexed at this response and she has both of our numbers. I come home pretty early and am mostly grumpy from working the night shift, but I’ve made multiple solid attempts to say hello at 7 am only to be greeted by a standoffish ‘hi.’
In turn, my SO and I have gotten into an argument about it as I feel disrespected while he kindly does things.
It just makes my disrespect feel invalidated. I feel like if these roles were reversed, this is shady. If I go message her SO anytime I needed anything would it be received well? I mentioned that we do have a management company who can deal with these situations as well.
Not for lack of trying have I gone out of my way to try and be kind. He said just cause someone doesn’t like me he won’t actively be a jerk.
So AITJ for feeling some type of disrespect from her cause if the roles were reversed and I was asking her significant other for things the situation would be different?
AITJ for not wanting my SO to be so ‘neighborly’ to help?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Y’all don’t talk/text via phone. It’s entirely possible she forgot to save your number. She could have gotten a new phone recently and your number for whatever reason didn’t transfer (had this happen and lost like 10 contacts.
Didn’t realize it until I got a text from a friend whose number was previously saved). Her asking for clarification on who she was talking to was not a slight/dig/whatever you’ve cooked up in your head.
She’s got two little kids, not for nothing but most parents aren’t chipper/with it at 7 am.
Could she be being shady? Sure. Based on what you wrote and only that? Not enough to go on.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“Like I partially want to say a very very soft YTJ but also it more seems like maybe the neighbor lady might have it in her head that your partner is a ‘kind single man next door’ or maybe she’s just kind of sexist and doesn’t think a woman can be helpful…
I’m gonna go with neither you nor your partner being the jerk (he sounds kind) and maybe just ask him to talk about you to the neighbor next time he’s helping her with something (like just mentioning you in passing in positive ways) and see if her asking him for help just stops as she may have a bit of a case of the lonely fantasies (not accusing her of anything it’s just an easy thing to fall into when alone).
Either way, the situation seems like multiple levels of misunderstandings, and if anyone is the jerk, it’s probably the neighbor but only a bit.” Wingnutmcmoo
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I get it. She’s not reaching out to you guys as a unit, she’s reaching out to only your SO.
The problem is, you offered help as a unit. An ex-friend of mine would always put on this ‘damsel in distress’ act whenever my ex was around, even though she was never ‘in distress’ so to speak otherwise, and perfectly capable of handling her own affairs.
Guys like to fix things, girls know this, and some take advantage of it for one reason or another.
Guys don’t always pick up on what girls think is flirting. Girls also know that guys don’t pick up on this, which makes the whole thing innocent, all the while being secretly delighted that they have them under their thumb.
It sounds crazy but when you experience it, you know. All I can say is while it was happening, everyone told me I was being ridiculous and he was just being nice, and then after I broke up with them both, went to therapy, and talked about it to the people closest to me, they couldn’t believe I stuck around for so long.
The biggest clue is being standoffish when you say hello, bet your butt she isn’t standoffish with your SO.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for being suspicious, but just talk to your SO and let him know how you feel.
He’s breaking the whole ‘helpful unit’ thing by only going over himself, definitely could make you feel left out, unwanted, and hurt that he’d go despite the neighbor clearly taking some dislike to you and being standoffish.
I wonder what would happen if you said ‘don’t worry honey, I’ll go over instead’ a couple of times. If she keeps reaching out then she definitely just needs help. If she stops, she only wants him for some reason.
Hope it goes better with yours than it did with mine.” Ok_Appointment3668
Another User Comments:
“YTJ this is dumb, She has contacted him twice, that’s it. It’s completely possible that she forgot to save your number or only put in the first one she saw.
For her not saying hi in the hallway that could just be she is shy or she is mixing you up with someone that was part of the screaming matches.” Solid_Quote9133
3. AITJ For Having Travel Plans A Day Before Our Family Vacation?
“I’m a 21 (turning 22,f) that goes to college, and summer vacation is coming soon. I plan to go to a friend’s place and see people there to celebrate my birthday and graduation since I’m significantly closer to them than with my family.
However, my friend lives out of state and I need to drive there. Think 8-ish hour drive one way. I’ve visited them multiple times and have never had any issues but because of this length of time, I often stay over for a week when I do.
My plan was to pack up everything and drop it off at my family’s house, whom I still live with, then the next day travel to their place. Then I would stay until my birthday and then travel back the next morning, making it back home around probably 8-10 pm.
Then the day after my family planned on going on vacation, traveling starting probably around 10am-noon. I would be paying for everything myself for this trip.
I called my parents letting them know this entire plan (they knew that I intended on traveling to my friend’s place around this time but not for how long) and THEY BLEW UP! They started telling me that I was inconsiderate because they planned this vacation (which I will admit was rather expensive) and told me that if I didn’t make it back on time that they would leave without me.
Essentially they told me to plan an extra day at home with them so they have a buffer in case something happens with my trip back.
I figured that if something went wrong then either I could take care of it myself and could probably make it back in time (although maybe a bit late and I might be really tired) or if something SERIOUS (like major injury) went wrong in which case a single day wouldn’t fix that.
Also, I plan on packing before I leave.
Now, I may have listened to them if this wasn’t the first time they tried to limit my travel, but they constantly tell me that I shouldn’t do x or y because z could go wrong.
Simply put they tell me that I can’t leave the state because I’ll miss this or I’ll be in an accident because of that. Amazing way to put confidence in your young adult child, I know.
I’ve essentially gotten sick of them trying to rule me by fear (I’m 21 for god’s sake) and I feel like my family just wants me to only do what they want, but my brother (25 and lives with my parents) called me today.
He asked for me to give them that buffer day to make my parents feel better and so he wouldn’t have to listen to them complain constantly, but I really don’t want to, mostly out of principle and the fact that they constantly try to control my travel.
However, I don’t want my brother to suffer from it and I would admit it may make my life a bit harder, so I told him I would think about it.
I haven’t decided yet but probably am still gonna tell my family no on the buffer day.
So, AITJ for wanting to travel to my friends and stay for my birthday? And WIBTJ for sticking to that plan?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, if you want to be treated like an adult it may be time to start acting like one…
cutting it this close to departure date for a vacation is not responsible. It sounds like their concerns come from a place of knowing you for your whole life and knowing there’s a pretty reasonable chance you won’t be back in time, will sleep in too late, or will cause some type of delay in hitting the road.
I think it’s perfectly reasonable for them to threaten to leave without you if you aren’t back in time, because like you say if something happens you should be able to figure it out yourself! You’re the adult!” EveningJellyfish1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Seems like your parents are taking you on an expensive vacation which you clearly don’t appreciate. You are not celebrating anything else with them. They would like you back a day early so they can be organized for the trip.
You can’t even give them that day. Are they totally dreadful? If so, why are you even going on vacation with them? Why accept an expensive vacation if you don’t want to spend any time with them? You are definitely taking a vengeful stance against your family and want to make them feel your disapproval.
How do you think your actions will impact the tone of the vacation? If you disrespect them right up till the moment of the departure, you will probably all be on edge and not get along which you will then blame THEM for.
Bananas.” IllustriousPomelo152
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Being an adult involves compromise, and working with others’ needs, even if you don’t see the validity in their requests. These friends that you’re closer to than your family won’t last in your life.
They may seem like everything to you now, but that’s just the short-sighted nature of youth. Your parents really care about you and planning an expensive trip. They won’t be around forever (my dad just lost his mom today) and you’re willing to throw away this special time they spent a lot on for some friends that you won’t even talk to in a decade? Trust your elders for once and stop acting like a spoiled child who wants everything their way.” BaronVonNumbaKruncha
I think the rest of the people missed that
2. AITJ For Telling My Daughter That If She Refuses To Babysit, I'll Kick Her Out?
“My wife and I have 3 kids. Tina (19f), Jason (15m), and Ally (14f). Late last year, my SIL passed away unexpectedly leaving our niece Jenny (4f) orphaned (her father is not in the picture).
My wife and I, of course, agreed to take her in.
It has been a huge adjustment for all 6 of us. Tina and Ally had to start rooming together. Ally is OK with this, but Tina has complained since we brought our niece home.
In fact, whenever Jenny does anything typical of a 4-year-old that Tina dislikes she will loudly and rudely comment that ‘THIS is why I am childfree and will never have kids!’
A few weeks ago there were big changes in our childcare coverage and now we lack coverage for about 2 and a half hours Mon-Fri.
Jason and Ally both agreed to take 1 day of the week for babysitting duties, when we asked Tina to take on the other 3, she refused stating she is child-free and means it.
I told Tina that if she won’t pitch in to help the family by babysitting, then she was no longer welcome to live in our home rent-free. I told her what we would be charging for her room and board and she had a meltdown.
She did a lot of yelling and screaming but when she realized I was serious about kicking her out if she didn’t pitch in, she agreed to take on the 3 days of babysitting.
Our relationship has been tense. Tina says I am not being fair because she has to take 3 days when Jason and Ally only have to take 1 day each. I explained it is because they are still in high school and both are involved in after-school activities while she takes college classes part-time and online while only working weekends.
Also because she is an adult and the other two are not. She has also called me sexist and says I am discriminating against her beliefs.
Am I the jerk for forcing my adult daughter’s hand in this?
ETA: We can’t really afford an outside babysitter right now.
This was the reasoning behind charging my daughter room and board. I currently pay her school fees, car payments, car insurance, phone bill, all of her groceries, health insurance, and utilities.
I was charging her less in room and board than what her lifestyle costs monthly.
If she doesn’t want to babysit she is free to stay here IF she pays the amount we said in room and board.
She would have to take on more hours at work to do so though.
A couple of things: My daughter’s monthly expenses are generally $1200+ a month. A big portion of this is taken up by her car payment and car insurance ($590) and her grocery bill ($300) as she follows a vegan diet, the rest of the family does not.
We were planning to charge her $600 for her room and board. That was the amount we needed in additional household income for everyone to maintain the same quality of life and afford to hire an outside sitter (which would cost $800-$900 a month).
There is no child support or government assistance. My niece and SIL were not US citizens at the time of her passing. My niece’s biological father is incarcerated in their home country.
He won’t be out until my niece is pushing 30. We took on a fair amount of debt (five figures worth) in order to facilitate international adoption. Sending my niece back to her home country was never an option as it has high crime, high poverty, and lots of government corruption.
Her mom died while visiting the states.
If I had a time machine and could go back and do it all again… Maybe I’d soften the blow to my daughter and explain things differently.
However, all my ultimate decisions would have been the same. My niece would still be adopted. Tina would still have to share a room. Tina would still have to either babysit 3 days a week, pay the $600 we asked her to, or move out.
None of that would have changed or will change.
I love all my kids. I love my niece and she IS my kid too now. My wife, kids and I are all she has in this world now.
While I understand that this is a frustrating situation for my eldest daughter (and my younger kids as well, but they are taking it in stride!) the mere fact of the matter is my niece has more NEEDS right now than Tina does.
It sucks but sometimes families need to shift resources during family emergencies and crises.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you have all been thrust into an extremely difficult situation where nobody involved is at fault.
You’re going above and beyond to try to make it work but even that isn’t enough to cover all the gaps.
Tina is being a total brat, but it’s understandable that she wouldn’t react well to suddenly having to share a room and take care of a four-year-old for three days straight without compensation even if she liked kids, let alone wishing to be child-free.
She’s technically an adult but at 19 her brain still is not fully developed. She’s still very much an adolescent.
You’re totally correct to point out that she’s getting free housing and that asking her to chip in one way or another is fair.
If she doesn’t want to deal with the child, that’s fine, but then she should be doing something to help out in a different way. If that’s getting a job to pay for the kid’s babysitting then that works.
You’re right and Tina is in the wrong, but I don’t think anyone is a jerk here. It’s an extremely unfortunate situation.” ElizaThornberry4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You decided to take Jenny in, and you are to be commended for doing so.
But did you really think your children would automatically be okay with this? Did you ask them for their opinion or concerns, or just make this huge change to their lives without talking it out? You moved the two girls in together, and now you’re expecting childcare, too? (You ‘asked’ but made it plain that they didn’t really have a choice.) Of course, it is entirely unfair that Tina has to handle three times as much babysitting as either of her siblings, not to mention threatening to start charging rent or kick her out.
And forcing Tina to babysit Jenny isn’t going to be good for Jenny, either. Not that Tina would mistreat her, but kids can tell when somebody wants to spend time with them.
Of course your relationship is tense now.
All of this nastiness could have been avoided if you’d shown just a little compassion to the changes your decisions were going to make to your children.” BaffledMum
Another User Comments:
“It’s always messy when it comes to ‘family favors’ technically the rent-free living and the babysitting have nothing to do with each other and I’m sure to your daughter it seems like an unfair consequence.
Also taking 3 days of babysitting sucks, it may not seem like it but that’s a big burden on a 19yo, especially if she’s also working or doing schooling. If she is doing all of the above it’s likely unbearable while still studying and having time for social life (which is important).
It’s a consequence of a decision she had no say in.
That being said we all know that getting a place to live for less than 10 hours of work a week is a screaming deal that you will not find anywhere else.
The bottom line is it sucks for everyone, but as long as your family does right by you and helps you when you need it, you should do the same for them (within reason, of course, I always support cutting out toxic family members).
As long as there isn’t missing info or warped perspectives I’m going with NTJ, but it is a trashy situation so try to be understanding/accommodating where you can.” Huze17
Another User Comments:
“I do think YTJ.
You agreed to take the niece in. Not your daughter. The niece is your responsibility, not your daughter’s. Your solution is your children, who are experiencing a shift in their lives and you’ve said your oldest never had to babysit her siblings.
This ‘she is an adult’ now is deceptive. She is 19. And going to school and working part-time. Those ARE jobs, her job is college and part-time. Not childcare. She isn’t a full-blown I have a 401k, savings account, and tons of experience and resources to pull from.
Clearly, she isn’t an ‘adult’ because you, as her parents, help support her. As you should. She is 19 of course she should be on your insurance. Eat your food. You are the parents.
You should be helping her be in a position for the most success and helping with these things.
If she were 17, you would still be paying for those things because you are the parents.
You aren’t doing her a favor. So if she were 17 or heck freshly 18, how would you force her? Still say it’s ‘because she is an adult?’ It’s a weak argument because it’s all you have to fall back on.
It doesn’t sound like she would just suddenly be able to make this money. Or enough to move out on her own while going to school.
And you know it. You know you’ve put her in a position that means she has to do this because her options are limited and in a way, this feels like exploiting her.
You are using your ‘help’ against her and punishing her.
Her doing this is not a long-term solution and shouldn’t be her primary responsibility. It’s yours. You took the girl in. Like really you’ll kick your own daughter out? Do you want to go down that road? And what if she left, what would you do then?
It really reads like you believe what you are providing your own child is a favor at this point, not what a parent should and could to help her be successful at school and life.” cantonioli
1. WIBTJ If I Didn't Let A Special Education Student In My Class?
“J is a student at my school. He works on a kindergarten level. Reading, writing, math, science, all of it is at the level of a 5-year-old. He has 2 full-time para-teachers.
He doesn’t do homework or tests, he just kind of shows up. He’s in inclusion classes because his mom doesn’t want him to be in exclusively ‘special ed’ classes and because she wants him to graduate, not just get a certificate of completion.
Here’s where the issue is out of my hands… J’s teachers have been passing him along. I’ve seen what he can (or can’t, rather) do academically and it breaks my heart but they just throw a ‘C’ at his grades and pass him to the next level.
Recently one of his core subject teachers was so overwhelmed she just gave him a children’s coloring book and graded him on that.
His mother is tired of the coloring book treatment and wants to switch him over to one of my dual enrollment classes.
She can pay for it but his grades don’t reflect that he can be in the class. Other students in this class usually have around a 3.5 GPA. I had a meeting with admin and they said that I’m just not capable of taking on the ‘extra burden’ and that’s why I don’t want him in my class.
I’m capable of it with the help of a para but if he’s in this class, I have to create an entirely new grading system that all of the students would be held to.
Meaning that while ‘M’ is working at a college level, she’ll receive the same grade as J working at a kindergarten level.
He won’t be able to keep up with the readings (I don’t think he can read on his own), he won’t be able to keep up with the essays (he can’t write) and I’m afraid I’ll only do him a bigger disservice by not giving him a C on all his assignments.
Idk what to do and I’m so afraid to have broken this to his mom because he’s a nice kid but he’s just not able to do what the dual enrollment students can.
WIBTJ? And how can I do this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think the problem here is that when you talk about this you’re making this call qualitatively without much to back you other than your perception of the student’s abilities.
The student (if in the US) should have an IEP with accommodations. The student should meet the same prerequisites and requirements as other students in the class IF you account for the accommodations.
That means, the student’s GPA is a problem and may exclude them at baseline. Beyond that, they should be able to complete tests, essays, or other tasks required for the class if they have the requisite accommodations in the IEP.
This shouldn’t be a situation where you completely rework your grading scheme, and if it is that means either the IEP is incomplete or the student shouldn’t be in the course.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with ‘no jerks here’…
this is a tough situation because it seems that if anyone is the jerk, it’s the teachers that just let him skate by all these years because they didn’t want to offend anyone.
The problem is that the admin and other teachers have been treating him like an ‘extra burden’ that they have to deal with.
A discussion needs to be had with Admin, whatever other teachers are involved, and the mom of J, so that a plan can be made as to how he can go about learning at his pace…
while doing something of more substance than coloring. Because it seems like no one is trying to teach J anything, or meet him halfway between coloring and high school (?) coursework.
This is something that should’ve been done YEARS ago, and it now falls on you because other teachers before you weren’t willing to say or do something aside from throwing a coloring book at him.
J’s mom has good reason to want her son to be challenged in school. She’s taking it a bit too far wanting him to be in dual enrollment classes, but it seems she has the right energy to want to fix this or do something about it.
I would say roll with that before things get even more frustrating?” versaillesna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His mother while trying to fight for her child is doing him a disservice by putting him in classes that do not benefit him.
When he is learning at a kinder level it is unkind and torture to expect him to write an essay. The other teacher also shouldn’t just be giving him a coloring book.
Why is she not using the kinder curriculum to create lesson plans for him? The school should also be pushing back on this parent that if they cannot provide the experience she wants and it is negligent to require him to do work that is years ahead of where he is able to comprehend.” Odd_Light_8188
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Being a teacher is definitely incredibly hard, and generally underpaid work.
And I commend you for doing it.
But as a teacher, it’s your responsibility to accommodate all children in your classroom and you don’t get to pick and choose what children those are.
So, if they move this child to your classroom, it is your responsibility to educate him to the best of your ability. Yes, that includes modified lesson plans and grading, as needed.
This poor kid has been failed so horribly. Please don’t add to it.” sparklingsour
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!