People Hope To Feel At Peace After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Telling My Dad Not To Ask Questions If He Doesn't Want Honest Answers?
“My dad and I (16m) have been getting along badly for the last year. It all started while I was still remote learning.
My teacher was doing 1:1 zoom calls with us where we could give a presentation on a certain topic. Mine was on the people most important to me. Dad was listening in the whole time and heard me not mention my stepmom or stepsiblings during it but mention him and my mom and my brother (14m) and a couple of my really good friends.
He heard me say how important all of them were to me and that I shined a spotlight on my mom being dead but still being important to me and how irreplaceable she was.
I finished talking and dad confronted me over only considering ‘some of my family’ the most important people in my life, and considering my brother more important than my stepsiblings.
I told him it was how I felt. He said it made no sense though because we’re all close. I said I like them okay but they’re not on the same level as my brother for me.
He and I ended up in therapy for like 3 months and we had it out over that.
Therapy ended at dad’s request and we didn’t go back.
Ever since he has been asking questions he does not want the answer to though. Like am I going to add the step-relatives to my memory board that I keep in my room, did I want to spend time with my stepsiblings instead of keeping plans I had made with my friends?
Then he started to ask if I love my stepmom/stepsiblings. Or don’t I want to volunteer to do a big sibling thing at my stepsister’s extracurricular instead of having her brother/my stepbrother do it? He didn’t like my answers. Then he started bringing it up around the others.
A couple of days ago during a family dinner, he was like ‘you love all your siblings equally, don’t you?’ and my brother, stepmom, and stepsiblings were there. It came up because two of my stepsiblings were saying they had done family trees in school and were all excited to talk about us and show what our family looks like.
Then dad asked me what he did. I got angry and told him we needed to talk. He rolled his eyes at me and then my stepmom was like what is going on? Dad said I was acting weird about the question. I told him we should talk about it in private.
My stepmom told me to just answer and move on. Dad was egging that on.
I snapped at dad and told him he shouldn’t ask questions he doesn’t want a truthful answer to and that he needed to just leave me alone. I walked away from the table and apparently the exchange upset my stepsiblings.
My brother said he was dodging questions from them and dad was seething. My stepmom told me I should have just answered the question and moved on but I made it seem like I didn’t love them. Then my dad told me I had no right to speak to him that way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kudos to you for showing more maturity and sensitivity than your father did at that table, OP.
You didn’t want to hurt the steps’ feelings but your dad figured he’d either force you to lie to appease his sense of family or make you the villain.
You wisely sidestepped his trap.
And you were respectful to him, to boot.
Your father is a jerk. He can’t MAKE you feel anything about anyone. He likely ended the therapy because your therapist told him this. The best he can expect is that you tolerate them and treat them civilly.
It sounds like you do.
Let him know again in private that your feelings are your feelings and it doesn’t serve anyone for him to try to make you hurt them. And that is what he’s actively going to do. Also, let him know that this is emotional manipulation that he shouldn’t engage in.
That one day you’ll be of age and out from under his roof. Remind him that feelings change based on the experiences you have with people and that one day he may find that his pushing and forcefulness may make you not want to have a relationship with him in the future either.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to respect that just because he married a new woman that doesn’t mean she and her kids are your family. He sounds like one of those parents that want to live in a fantasy world where broken families can get glued back together the way everything was before.
They don’t want to deal with the emotional fallout it caused their kids. They don’t want to face the reality that their choices have caused pain to their kids. You loving your real family most shatters his fantasy and he can’t handle it. Don’t let him manipulate you into pretending everything is okay when it’s not just to make him feel more comfortable.” OkraGarden
Another User Comments:
“This pains me so much for you! NTJ all the way!
Your dad is like ‘how dare you feel the way you feel, you should feel the way I want you to feel’. Fun fact about feelings: it’s one of the few things we have absolutely no control over.
Plus, they are not your siblings. They are stepsiblings. Sometimes we can end up feeling like stepsiblings are siblings, but no one can enforce that! And forcing that when you lost your mom… no wonder you bond with your brother, he’s blood-related to your mother!
When dealing with such a loss at such a young age you tend to retract from the world.
Your dad is being super toxic. I think he saw therapy won’t lead to things going his way, because therapy is about getting to understand where the other is coming from.
So he canceled so he may still have it his way.
You might never love your stepsiblings the way you love your brother. But from someone that has many siblings and stepsiblings, you love everyone in your own way, and you may end up loving them as siblings, just siblings that are from another generation so you don’t really relate to them.
You did nothing wrong. If your stepmom is a rational adult (but if she is with your dad still, maybe not) you could address it with her, and tell her that it’s not against them at all, even though your dad likes to think that it is.
You just feel that your bond with your mother and brother isn’t the same as the one with them. I’m sure she doesn’t have the same bond with you as she has with her bio kids.” Dont139
18. AITJ For Uninviting My Brother From My Wedding Because He Has Feelings For My Fiance?
“I am marrying my brother’s best friend. When my partner and I told my brother we were together, he was happy. He was happy that his best friend and his favorite sibling were together. But when we told him we got engaged, things changed. He became sour and didn’t even congratulate us.
Throughout the entire wedding planning process, he made negative comments about everything and kept making ‘jokes’ about what a terrible wife I’ll be and that my partner should run while he can. My family and my partner all acted as if he was just joking.
When we were three weeks out from my wedding, my brother asked me to come over to his place by myself. When I got there he told me I needed to cancel the wedding. He kept saying he can’t tell me why I just need to cancel it.
I was getting worried, maybe he knew something about my fiancé, maybe he was protecting me. But he denied it, he said my fiancé is great but I need to cancel it. As a joke, I said it sounds like you’re in love with him and he admitted that he is.
I was taken aback and didn’t know what to say. So I told him he was uninvited from the wedding and left.
When my family and my fiancé’s family found out I uninvited him he told them it was because he insulted me. So everyone thought I was just being dramatic and I’ll get over it.
It’s now a week away from the wedding and my fiancé keeps telling me to call my brother and sort it out. He says it’s now getting ridiculous and he needs his best man. My family is calling me immature and keeps telling me to get over it.
Even though they don’t know the full story. I’m so conflicted. I would never get with someone my siblings have romantic feelings for but now it’s too late. I love my fiancé, we have a life together and we are planning our future.
I can’t just cancel it all. I’m also not going to out my brother to everyone, I’m not a horrible person. But I feel so guilty. Should I just let him come and be miserable at the wedding or should I continue to be the jerk to the rest of our family and keep him away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel bad that you’re in this tough situation, especially because you’re clearly a decent enough person that you’re not taking the easy route and outing him to everyone just to make it easier on yourself (which you obviously shouldn’t even consider!)
I think you should try to reason with your brother. Tell him you’re sorry but you’re engaged and it’s too late to just undo everything, and remind him that his romantic interest does not share his feelings. I also think he should be coming clean to your fiance because that should give him some closure.
And I do think your husband-to-be needs to know what is really happening.
I would suggest allowing him to go to the wedding. It’s your fiance’s best man, and it means a lot to him. If you clear the air and he’s on his best behavior, great.
And if he tries to pull anything, what is he going to do? He’s not going to out himself in front of the entire family just to try to stop the wedding. And at that point, if he does try or say anything, then it’s just going to reflect poorly on him.
If he tries anything drastic to prevent the wedding after you try to reason with him, then that’s when you should be taking drastic measures.
Also, try to avoid direct contact with your brother, and give him some space (after one last attempt to resolve this).
He’s the jerk for how he has treated you and attempted to get you to end the wedding. This will also prevent him from pestering you behind closed doors, and surely your family is going to be far more understanding if he does/says anything in front of them.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because your brother has created an impossible situation for you. I also don’t think you’re a jerk for uninviting him. If he’s adamant that you cancel the wedding, how do you know he’ll behave during the wedding and not try and sabotage it in some way?
Your brother has forced your hand to make you need to maybe tell someone. I wholeheartedly agree that no one should out anyone, but your brother hasn’t been reasonable here – this isn’t a normal situation. At the very least, start by telling your partner that your brother insisted that you cancel the wedding.
That he went on and on about it. That might be enough to make your fiance wonder if your brother should really be there. He might even reach out to your brother and insist on a reason. That could get your brother to back down and you won’t have outed him.
However, if your partner doesn’t think there’s any concern in your brother insisting you cancel the wedding, then you should tell your partner but swear him to secrecy. At least you will have one person on your side who understands why you did what you did, even if he ultimately says that your brother should be invited again.
He could then confirm to your family that you had a good reason for uninviting him and that they should back off a bit.
If you don’t do anything here, your family is going to think you’re crazy or really unreasonable and that will be a terrible start to your future.” Est666
Another User Comments:
“The thing is part of being married means not keeping secrets from your spouse. Especially ones that are about them. You don’t want to ‘out’ your brother, I get that. But if your best friend was doing this, and you were the one that didn’t know, would you rather know the real reason that all this is going down or would you rather think your fiance is being an awful person for banning your best friend and his own sibling from the wedding?
It’s not your fault that your brother caught feelings. It IS your fault that you’re choosing a brother who truly does not wish you OR your husband the best in life because he has feelings for your fiance who presumably loves you. If you don’t tell him, YTJ.
You don’t have to make it dramatic. Just sit down and tell him the full story of what happened, and then let him process it. You don’t have to tell anyone else, and your fiance doesn’t either. It’s entirely possible that your brother is actually hoping that you WILL tell your fiance.
Then he doesn’t have to, and they can talk and sort it out.” krakeninheels
17. AITJ For Wanting To Have A Say On What My Husband Does With His Inheritance?
“My husband and I are in our late 40s and got married a little before 2020. This is both of our second marriages and surprise surprise not having children due to our age. We each have 2 kids from our previous marriages. My husband has a daughter who is away at college and a 16-year-old son who lives with his mom mostly but sometimes with us.
Our house is my husband and me, and my 2 kids who are 14 and 12.
On with the actual event. My husband had a great-uncle who recently passed away. He inherited his gently used GMC SUV. I don’t know a ton about cars, I know the car is a 2017 and I’ve seen used ones with low mileage go for nearly $20,000 online (sometimes more).
Here is the issue we are having. Remember how I said my husband’s son is 16? My husband thinks the car would be a great gift to him. He plans on giving him the car regardless of how I feel. I think the fair thing to do would be to sell the car for as much as we can and divide that money up equally between the 4 kids.
That way everyone can benefit and not just my stepson who happens to be 16.
My husband has been mean to me about this. He is literally telling me I have 0 say. It was HIS uncle, and the car was given to HIM, not the family.
He said his son has an after-school job and he needs the car to be less of a stress on him, me, and his ex (we all sometimes have to chauffeur him to and from work since he has no car). He is 16! If he gets 4-5 grand from the sale of the GMC, that is MORE than enough for him to buy a starter car that can take him around town and work.
My husband agrees that he technically can do that, but he’s not going to because he wants his son to have this car.
I’m stressed because he is basically telling me that he’s going to do what he wants, and I don’t get a say.
Aren’t a husband and wife supposed to come to an agreement together? He told me if I have a relative pass away, we will do whatever I want with the inheritance and he will not interfere one bit. I have major issues with this logic though.
He even went as far as to say that we can sell the car and split the funds up amongst the kids. But now he will go and buy an equal-value car for his son out of our joint bank account. I thought it was a jerk thing to say but am I the jerk all along?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
In a legal sense, inheritances are almost always not considered marital property.
Now, yes, in a lot of cases, spouses will still come to an agreement with each other on what to do with the money, but your husband isn’t being a jerk by not doing so here.
It’s HIS car that his great uncle wanted him to have, and his car to do with as he pleases.
His son is at the perfect age to get this car, it’s a lovely way to keep the car in the family – the end.
Your kids are not ‘entitled’ to money from this car and to act like they do is absurd.
Honestly, as long as his daughter is fine with it, that’s the only other thing that matters.
You may well consider all of you to be a family, but you and your kids were not family to this great uncle.
So yeah, your husband is right – this is his decision to make, not yours.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it was given to him and if he wants to give it to his son then that is what he wants to do. You suggesting that they sell the car and split the funds is just saying ‘actually, the great-uncle would have wanted my kids to get something out of his passing too.’ His relative passed away and left him possession and if he wants to pass that down to his own child then so be it.
Instead of being greedy and stuck on what his son is getting maybe try being happy for the kid and even acknowledge that it is a pretty cool thing for a dad to be doing.” Outrageous_Reason425
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Inheritance is something you shouldn’t mess with, doing so can lead to serious resentment.
At this point, you’ve already tainted a gift from a deceased family member whom your husband must have had a decent relationship with to be included in the disbursement of property. It’s probably very meaningful to your husband to be able to say ‘Son, uncle was a great guy, you’re a great guy.
He’d love for you to have this. Keep up the hard work.’ The only party to be rightfully upset is sister, but maybe she loves her bro enough to be happy for them. Don’t crap on your husband’s memories. Apologize and hope your relationship recovers.” impoopig
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents Where I Live?
“I (24F) am one of two kids. My older sister (28F) was the golden child, and honestly, I feel bad for her.
My sister was a prodigy, she skipped 3 grades, and was gifted in both academia and athleticism.
And my parents made her life miserable.
Her schedule was FULL: school, extracurriculars, sports, music lessons, dance lessons… etc. When I was very young I was jealous of her, then I turned 10 and started feeling really bad for her. She wasn’t allowed friends (they would hold her back), free time (she could have the rest of her life to enjoy after finishing medical school), or even the freedom to choose her future career or her own hobbies (it was all planned for her to maximize her chances to get into Harvard for pre-med, and then Johns Hopkins for med school).
When she graduated high school (at 15 almost 16), my parents uprooted us, because they couldn’t allow her to go to college on her own, so we left Virginia to go to Massachusetts. I resented them so badly then, but I felt even more sympathy towards my sister because for years she has been dreaming about finally having some freedom while in college.
They continued with their intense control over her life. I graduated high school back in 2016, then in 2018 I left the whole country, that was how much I hated them. I moved to France. Went to school here, and am currently working here.
When my sister got into med school, they still maintained their controlling attitude, then sadly in late 2019, she suffered a substance-induced psychotic break.
To this day she is still institutionalized because it developed into full-on schizophrenia.
When all the hopes they had hung on her ended in nothing (because of them, she started taking illegal substances because of how stifling they were) they tried to do the same to me.
Sadly for them, I was already a self-sufficient adult on the other side of the ocean, and they had no control over me.
They are my sister’s legal guardians, so I couldn’t cut them off (they are exactly the type of people who would limit my contact with her), and lately, they have been pestering me to give them my address, apparently, they want to visit me and get to know my partner.
I refused, and keep refusing. But I also feel a bit of guilt. Them knowing my address does not mean that they would be dropping in every weekend, they live in a completely different country, and my refusal is making my mom very sad. Also, I have a lot of friends telling me that it is unreasonable.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Go no contact. Hire a lawyer to sue for the right of visitation and communication. Save any messages indicating that they’re using visitation for blackmail or retribution. You never have to set foot in the country. Let the lawyer deal with it.
As many states have some degree of visitation rights for adults under guardianship.
Sorry you have parents like this. But you can’t ever give them any control over you. If your sister was of sound mind, I’m sure her former self would tell you to let her go rather than get under their thumb.
You can harang them with lawyers. To put their actions as a guardian under a microscope. Try to contest their guardianship. It isn’t cheap. But you can dedicate yourself to breaking their control, making them miserable, or getting them to capitulate. Sounds better than hiding or letting them win.” Velocityg4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Believe people when they show you who they are as their actions speak much louder than words. It’s very hard to lie through actions.
They aren’t interested in their daughters, just what their daughters’ statuses can bring to them. That’s quite horrific.
You don’t have to have the worst parents ever to not want to have them around. You don’t even have to have the worst parents among your friends. They just have to be bad enough to you for you to be done. When people ask about them, just say they live far away and don’t stay in touch.” KatzAKat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t need to know your address or visit in person to get to know you and your life. You and your partner can talk to them over Zoom if that’s what you’re comfortable with, and they need to be okay with that.
Or if you really don’t want to communicate about anything but your sister, you get to limit the conversation to that, and they’re just going to have to deal with being sad you don’t want more. They had plenty of opportunities in your youth to build a closer relationship than the one they’ve got now, and if they’re not willing to reflect on and take responsibility for why you’re not open to forgetting all that and starting over, that’s all the more reason not to ignore the reasons you should continue to be cautious.” mm172
15. AITJ For Buying A Table From A Thrift Store?
“I went into my local thrift and immediately found a piece of furniture I wanted. In the past, I’ve been through the furniture section and seen receipts attached to items saying that they’ve been sold already and are no longer available.
That was not the case with this table. Stoked, I ask an employee to help me move it to the register so I can pay for it. A nice dude helps me out by putting it on a dolly and rolling it up front for me.
I pay for it, and he starts pushing the dolly out to my car.
Lady comes out of the store behind us and she is MAD. She comes up with a temper, yelling that it’s her table that we’re wheeling out to my car. Confused, because there was no sold tag on this thing, I ask her if she also paid for it.
She says ‘No, but I told the manager I wanted it and she set it aside for me.’ I feel awkward at first and just kinda freeze there for a minute while she goes back in to get the manager.
I considered going in and refunding it and giving it back.
I did think about it. I actively decided that since I paid for it, I had essentially called dibs and that the store manager should’ve had the woman pay for the item and put a receipt on the item as they’ve done in the past.
So I look at the dude helping me lug this thing out to my car. He looks stunned and clearly is gonna wait to see what happens. I decide not to wait. I tell him I’m not gonna make him be any more involved and I just pick up my furniture and start walking to the car.
As soon as I’m finished loading it into the car, the manager comes out with the woman. The manager asks me expectantly if I’m going to give the furniture back to the lady. I ask the manager if the lady paid for it. She says ‘No, but we did put it on hold for her.’ I told her there was no signage indicating it was sold, it wasn’t moved off of the floor, and no one stopped me when I asked for help moving it and checked out.
The manager then tells me that if I don’t go back in and return the table, I’m banned from this thrift store and to never come back.
So I told her I’m sorry that her staff had made a mistake, but that I had no intention of returning the item I paid for, got in my car, and noped out.
I clearly upset this lady by not refunding and giving ‘back’ this table. I feel bad that she was upset… But I did it anyway. I know I didn’t commit a crime by taking a table I paid for, but AITJ? Should I have just given it to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this sounds a bit shady to me. Like the lady was thinking about it, but still on the fence…. until she saw you walking out with it and THAT made up her mind. The manager probably knows her as well, which is why she wanted you to bring it back.
At thrift stores, antique stores when one sees something they want, and it’s too big to move without help, or you’re coming back with a larger vehicle, you remove the tag and take it to the register, and pay, the store puts a sold tag if it’s not being taken immediately.
The more I think about it the more I’m convinced the other person was considering the item but hadn’t committed 100%.” Striking-General-613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The store employees were negligent and made a mistake. That’s not on you. Sure, it would’ve been nice to give the table to her, but she had a sour attitude in the first place and was blaming YOU when you didn’t do a single thing wrong.
Maybe if she approached the situation with more tact and grace, you’d be more inclined to listen to her.
At the end of the day: you paid for it, and there was nothing that showed the piece was being saved for someone else.
If I were you, I’d give a scathing review, because that is NOT a good way to run a business.
It was an honest mistake due to carelessness or a poor system in the store and it could’ve been solved civilly, but they threw civility out the window when they approached you like you were a thief and a villain. It’s a piece of secondhand furniture, it’s not like you spit on her baby.” ctortan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid, you bought it. If the manager wants to ban a customer who actually spent money right there and then on a piece of furniture that had no hold sign or anything indicating that it was unavailable because another person claimed they may or may not want to buy it, then proceed with the ban, you don’t want to spend any more of your hard-earned money or time in that premises.
The customer the manager chose to favor may not have bought the item anyway. If you want an item, you put a deposit down if you don’t have all the money there, and then or you don’t buy it at all. The store sold an item to a customer and made the money from that sale but would rather choose a maybe sale?
NTJ but if I were you I wouldn’t want to continue being a customer there any longer.” Obvious-Resolve623
14. AITJ For Not Sewing Dresses For Ex-Friends?
“I used to have three best friends, but over the past years, we drifted apart. We’re in our mid-20s. It was partly because of general life stuff, but mostly because I got into a deep hole of depression.
Frankly, I was a bad friend. I completely understand why they distanced themselves, they deserve(d) better.
Realized that loss of friendship was painful, but I understood. They made it clear that we’d stay acquaintances at most. So I knew I had to work on being healthier, being a better friend, and finding new people.
I found them with hobby groups for sewing and drawing. The deep connections might not have developed yet but the groups get me out of the house and around people. It’s nice.
Onto the issue: I recently graduated from university and made my own dress for the ceremony.
Posted a picture on social media. Two former best friends reached out to me in a group chat, asking where I got the dress. When I told them, they asked if I’d make them one. I could, it’s a simple dress, it would take a day or two.
I would have if we’d still be friends. But they did make it abundantly clear that we aren’t. So I don’t see why I should spend my time. I told them that I was very busy and that the fabric wasn’t available anymore (that’s true).
They’ve become increasingly hostile and said that I owe it to them, for burdening them with my depression. Things like that. They’ve been keeping the pressure on for two weeks and I’m questioning whether they are right and I feel like human waste all over again.
So do I owe them at least that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t owe them a thing. You were depressed, and even if you were just a trashy friend without a health issue, you still don’t owe them anything. Your friendship ended, and it doesn’t matter why, because no one owes anyone friendship.
They didn’t like the friendship, the friendship is over. There isn’t a debt to be paid from that outcome.
I think you never had good friends if this is how they act toward you now. I have ditched friends in my life for a host of reasons, I would never reach out to any of them – even the one that stole my man – and say I am owed a dress.
You are not human waste. But I am tempted to say these people are. Unless you injured them, stole from them, or kicked their pet, you did nothing to warrant this response from them. Block them and keep making cool stuff, you are doing great!” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Given how atrociously they are behaving right now, I think you’re probably being too hard on yourself by saying you were a ‘bad friend’ and a major reason why you guys drifted apart.
You need to block and cut these people out of your life completely.
They know full well your mental health struggles and are taking advantage of it, fully in the knowledge that you probably feel guilty for how the friendship ended and think that if they keep on you’ll give in. Decent people don’t act like this towards strangers, let alone acquaintances.” ImStealingTheTowels
13. AITJ For Saying "No" To Raking My Neighbor's Leaves?
“I’m 18, I go to community college and live at home. I enjoy working in the yard so I cut my parents’ grass, shovel snow, or this time of year… rake.
We have a next-door neighbor Trudy. She’s in her 40s… I think.
When I was younger Trudy was always… difficult. When I was a kid playing in my parents’ yard with my friends and we accidentally hit or kicked a ball into her yard she’d have a fit.
Even though it wasn’t anywhere near her house. We didn’t run through her yard or anything either, just went to bring the ball back.
When I was in high school she’d tell my parents on me about stuff that they already knew. Like I was allowed to stay out til midnight or 1 am (I can’t remember exactly) the night of homecoming.
The next morning she came over to tell my mom she has seen me ‘sneaking in’ late.
She’s done other stuff but I don’t feel like writing a book.
Now that I’m ‘grown’ she’s tried having a friendly conversation with me just if we cross paths outside but I’m always very short with her because she’s a nosey tattle tale.
I guess she and her husband are divorcing (shocker).
I was out raking Sunday and she was walking to her car and said ‘hey do mine when you’re done’. I ignored her.
Monday she caught me coming home from school and asked if I’d be able to rake her yard.
I said, ‘sure. But it’ll be like 20-30 bucks’. She said ‘I meant just do it as a favor.’ I said ‘oh then no’ and went inside.
I guess she said something to my mom and my mom said I should do it to help her out.
I said no. I’m not helping someone that acted like that when I was a kid and besides she doesn’t do anything for me so…
My mom said that her husband isn’t around anymore to do that stuff and Trudy needs help. That it’d be a good way to build bridges and show my maturity.
I said, ‘no, I don’t want to build a bridge with her and I’d rather she thinks I’m immature. Then she’ll leave me alone. I have nothing to say to her anyway’.
My mom said I’m being stubborn and I should do it for her if I don’t do it for Trudy.
AITJ for refusing? I don’t want to help someone that was always trying to get me in trouble.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom should use this as a different teachable moment: treat others as you would like them to treat you. Trudy was a bad neighbor – kids live in communities and sometimes there is a stray ball in the yard – and she didn’t care to be neighborly then, but wants others to be there for her now.
Also getting divorced isn’t like a disability. She can prioritize her limited time to rake her leaves, hire someone to do it, or just leave them (the environment says it is good to just leave them).
Your mom can also go help Trudy herself if she is so concerned. Not to be ableist, but going on the assumption your mom is physically capable of raking leaves, she could head on over there and help, especially since you take care of her yard so she has time to spare.
If Trudy falls on the street, help her up. If her grocery bag rips open, help her collect the spilled items. But no, you do not need to help her out by taking care of her home, when she hasn’t done a single kind thing – or even just neutral – for the years she has been next door.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! First of all, you DID tell her you would help her… and gave her a very reasonable price for your work! I hire my neighbor to do our leaves… he has the equipment and does several of our properties on the block.
We pay him 300 plus a good tip for fall cleanup because it’s hard work!
Your mom is the type who wants to see the best in others, but your cranky neighbor doesn’t seem to be oozing with goodness. Offering to help with major chores for free would be the type of thing you’d do for a person who has done so much for others that it’s a pleasure giving her a helping hand.
This lady is NOT one of those people! Why WOULD you want to do favors for someone who has been nothing but nasty to you over the years?!
She is the one who built those walls around her, keeping neighborhood families out and herself isolated in her misery.
It’s not your job to now build bridges to reach her over those walls. Be cordial, be civil, but you are not required to do anything more.” Effective-Gur-242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your mom is so concerned about building bridges she can rake the leaves herself.
Besides who asks like that – ‘do my leaves when you’re done’. She didn’t even have the decency to actually ASK. She just demanded with an attitude of entitlement as she expected you to just do as she told you. Screw Trudy.
Also, what does her divorce have to do with anything?
She has no husband so she can’t pick up a rake? If her husband took the rake in the divorce she can pick up one at the store for cheap and watch a YouTube tutorial on how to rake leaves.
Expecting you to help out Trudy cuz she’s a divorcee is some messed-up misogyny right there.
Trudy can learn to do whatever her husband used to do around the house. Or she can hire a landscaper/gardener/whatever she needs.” Epsilon_and_Delta
12. AITJ For Exposing That My Friend Never Brings Her Wallet?
“My friend Lisa and I (both 30s) have been close since college. We’ve never had serious issues before and have always confided in each other about any issues we’ve had.
Six months ago Lisa asked me out for dinner at a new tapas place. I’m Spanish, I miss tapas greatly, so I was excited to go. After we were done she apologetically told me she forgot her wallet – no issue, it happens, I covered the bill, which was massive (why are tapas only cheap in Spain?) She never paid me back.
This has happened several times since then. I’ve tried asking her if she has money troubles but she only laughed uproariously. She’d then tell me she would wire me the funds as soon as she got home. She never did.
Yesterday we went to the same tapas place with some more friends.
On the way there I was talking to a friend of ours about how we had gone to the restaurant before, and how delicious it was. I then said ‘oh yeah that’s when Lisa forgot her wallet’ and then added, mostly joking ‘and she never paid me back’.
I genuinely wasn’t trying to start anything but I can’t deny I was miffed. I had talked to her about the money several times before but had never gotten anything back apart from ‘omg I’m so sorry I’ll transfer it as soon as I get home, I’m really sorry!’
Well, Lisa obviously overheard and although she looked kinda annoyed she said ‘oh gosh yes that’s true I keep meaning to transfer it to you. How about this, I’ll cover your bill tonight?’ I was super happy about this and accepted it gratefully. We then got to the restaurant and before we went in, some of us were smoking outside and I saw inside her bag which was weirdly empty.
I then asked her if she had her wallet with her. She dismissed me laughing and said, ‘of course I do’. I then told her ‘look I just saw your bag, I don’t think your wallet is in there and frankly, I’m not setting foot inside this restaurant before you show us you brought it.’
Gotta admit I was really angry at that point because it really felt like she was going to use me again since I was her closest friend there. Everyone else didn’t understand the context and just looked at me weirdly and told me to calm down.
Well long story short: we fought and it turned out she really hadn’t brought it. I yelled at her that this was the fifth time in six months and that I was done paying for her only to never get my money back. I then went home.
I feel guilty but also kind of happy that I stood up for myself. On the other hand, Lisa is super hurt by the whole thing and keeps saying I humiliated her and that she never did it purposefully. When I asked her how it was possible this has never happened in 12 years of friendship but has now happened five times in six months, she had no answer.
We are speaking but things are really tense and uncomfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But I am not sure you are being truthful when you said I genuinely wasn’t trying to start anything. What you told the friend was you definitely having a dig.
Not that I blame you, she really has acted appalling.
If she can’t afford a night she should be open and try to arrange another time or something cheaper. If you decide to treat it is then your choice. At the moment you unknowingly treat Lisa.
I have to say the not having the wallet thing is a bit difficult to comment on, I have seen people pay amounts on their phone, albeit she seems to have admitted that she didn’t have her wallet (how was she planning to pay for you both that evening?)
There is obviously some issue with her, I am unsure why she doesn’t want to share it with you. I really don’t know what to advise you because you don’t want to lose 12 plus years of friendship and there may be something seriously wrong with Lisa.” TheVoiceofOlaf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is an adult. She has a phone. So she has ApplePay (or similar) to pay her bill right then and there, and she has Venmo to send you her repayment right then and there as well.
She was just choosing not to.
Maybe there is something going on. If you have been friends for over a decade and this is a new development, maybe she is having financial problems. Maybe she is embarrassed and doesn’t want to tell people. But you don’t deal with that by inviting friends out to expensive restaurants, and leaving them wondering why you keep dodging the bills.” ImaginaryAnts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s one thing to forget the wallet one time. I’d even give her the benefit of doubt if she then promises to pay back, but forgets it.
But 5 times in 6 months? And repeatedly promising to pay back and keep ‘forgetting’ it immediately afterward?
No way.
It’s indeed very strange that this behavior never occurred before, in all seriousness: maybe she has some kind of cognitive disorder, like some sort of dementia. I know, it’s a far stretch, but otherwise, she’d simply be a plain jerk you have to cut out of your life.” wulfenganck
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My SIL To My Surprise Party?
“A few weeks ago, my friend had a surprise party for me. To be fair, I had suspicions but put them out of my brain as you do when you want to enjoy a surprise.
And I definitely wasn’t sure and didn’t know what was happening or when/where. But I showed up to what I thought was just an errand and it was mostly moms from my kids’ school and some of my other female friends – it was sort of like a spa/pamper day.
The only thing is that my SIL (who is also a mom at the same school and thus knew most of the guests) wasn’t present. Admittedly, I immediately knew it would be a problem, and given the way the party was structured, I could easily have called and included her, there would have been room for her, but I just wasn’t really wanting to deal with it or create drama.
I also knew exactly why she wasn’t invited.
SIL/BIL/their kids moved to our area and started at our school as of this year. It’s not a big school so from the start I introduced her to my friends among the parents. But SIL had a really hard time fitting in.
There are multiple reasons for this but one is that she’s just not a very pleasant person. I don’t think she’s particularly offended by the person who threw the party as far as I know, but that woman is close friends with another parent who SIL was rude to.
That specific incident did not make SIL a lot of friends. People are polite to her because that’s what you do and maybe because they like me but very few people that I know at least actually seem to like her. So while it was a little rude to not invite her, I do understand and at the moment didn’t want to invite her myself.
I had a lovely time. SIL found out of course because she’s a parent at the same school and it’s not that big of a school. I didn’t post on social media because I’m not on there much but others did. I could have stopped them I guess.
To be honest, because SIL hasn’t lived in our city that long, I don’t think she has many other friends other than the other parents so I understand why it was hurtful. Plus a lot of SIL’s rudeness comes more from insecurity than anything, she’s a little easier when you get to know her.
SIL is upset that she wasn’t invited and is complaining to everyone in our family that I purposely excluded her and that my friends are being cliquey. Which I suppose they were, but they had a reason and I had nothing to do with the guest list.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP. It was a surprise party for you, so the guest list is not your responsibility.
Both your SIL and the person who organized the party are the jerks here. The person who organized it for not inviting her (which is within their right, but still kind of a jerk move), your SIL for calling your friends cliquey just because she wasn’t invited. SIL has a right to be upset, but frankly, it doesn’t sound like she did much to make herself be liked, and complaining about you and your friends isn’t gonna help.” catch_perfect
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends might not be cliquey if she wasn’t an annoying person to be around, they just don’t want to be around her. Which they’re allowed to do as adults. And you didn’t organize the party so it’s fair that you didn’t include someone who was clearly not invited. That could’ve made the hostess and other guests very uncomfortable.
I’d make sure all the family knows it was a surprise party that you didn’t organize.” Arquen_Marille
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Simply because SIL lives in the area, and has a kid in the same school as yours doesn’t entitle her to be included in every aspect of your life, especially when your friends organize a surprise for you.
They’re not obligated whatsoever to include SIL.
And even if you were the one organizing you’re still not obligated.” Acrobatic-Bison-2805
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Help Me Cook?
“I love my wife. We have been married for 15 years now. She is an amazing mom and partner. She cannot cook to save her life.
I’m not sure why but she seems to have no sense of taste or smell. So she doesn’t care what food tastes like. She also doesn’t care how it feels in your mouth. She will boil a roast until it is cooked through then make up a $2 package of gravy to go with it.
With boiled potatoes and store-bought salad.
I know she is busy with work and the kids so when I am in between jobs I take over the cooking. I make everything from scratch. I have the time. So for example instead of microwave pizza, I will make pizza in our wood-fired pizza oven.
Or I will make stuff like pulled pork poutine. That is french fries with cheese curds covered in pulled pork and gravy. The pulled pork shoulder takes about eight hours to do up.
That’s what I was making today. I do meal preps for the kids and her when I have time.
So I made a really big pork shoulder in the slow cooker with a stout, chicken stock, and apple cider vinegar as a liquid to reduce for gravy afterward.
I took the dogs for a walk while I was waiting for the shoulder to rest so I couldn’t have shredded it and set aside 2/3 of it for wraps or other lunches.
She came home early. And decided to pitch in. She microwaved some fries and just shredded the entire shoulder. She then put the fries on a tray, put a few cheese curds on, and then dumped the pork and liquid on. The fries were soggy from it.
The kids and I ate it and I thanked her for helping. And then I asked her for like the hundredth time to please stop helping me cook meals.
She called me ungrateful. And said that the food was fine and that she wanted to eat right away.
It would have taken me an hour or so to make up the fries and reduce the liquid to a nice gravy.
I know she gets jealous when the kids eat my roasted potatoes with mixed roast veggies with gusto but leaves half her boiled vegetables on their plates.
I have offered to teach her how to cook better. I have left detailed recipes for her to make simple meals for the kids. No go, she just can’t understand that food is more than just fuel.
I am getting really upset now. It is like she is sabotaging my meals on purpose now.
But she thinks the kids and I are just picky babies.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She doesn’t need to understand this. She doesn’t need to care about food or cook better or… whatever.
All she needs to do is understand that your cooking is important to you and that you want to do it yourself.
You’re not blocking her access to groceries or the fridge. You’re not telling her she’s not allowed to cook for herself or others. It sounds as though you’re not even asking her to avoid using specific ingredients.
All you’re saying is, Please stop interfering in my artistic outlet.
Does she have any hobbies that she’d hate someone to do this with? Imagine she was a visual artist and every time she left a canvas alone half-done, you went in and splattered paint all over it at a fifth-greater level and told her, Hey honey, I finished it for you!
NTJ, and ugh.” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is an enraging story. She seems to think that going through the motions is the same thing as doing the thing for real. But clearly, she’s not actually helping whatsoever in regard to the food, so she doesn’t get to act like she’s doing you a favor.
If she wants to do you a favor she has to actually want to put in the effort, and the correct type of effort, not just general hard work. In order for her to be able to actually help you she needs to put in the effort to actually care about how to learn to cook.
What she’s doing now seems to be just trying to give the appearance of help without actually requiring her to learn or do anything.” r2bl3nd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as you were kind when you asked her to stop helping you (and not like ‘stop messing up my food.’)
Your wife needs to either change her cooking behavior or change her expectations. If you’re gonna take a ‘food is fuel’ approach and put no effort into how it actually tastes, you don’t really have much room to be upset when people don’t enjoy it.
It’s also kind of trashy for her to step in and sloppily finish something that you clearly get a lot of pride and enjoyment out of. Like if you were painting a detailed portrait and she stepped in and just slapped on a simple nose and a mouth with a big drippy brush because she thought you were taking too long.
She needs to stop Potato Jesus-ing your food.” CumulativeHazard
9. AITJ For Backing Out Of Volunteer Work?
“I’m 18 and a senior. I go to a religious school (possibly relevant). It’s ‘college prep’ so we get a lot more free time than most schools, to study or whatever.
Seniors have ‘senior privilege’ which means if you keep over a certain GPA and don’t have class last hour you can leave school.
I have decent grades and no class last hour.
Well, apparently my school and the elementary school next door decided to have seniors come over once a week and help us in different classes. Read to kindergartners, tutor, and play games. They assigned 2 seniors to each class, and apparently, they switch classes weekly.
They never asked me to do it they just said I’d be going there every Friday. I don’t like kids, I don’t even babysit and I’m definitely not someone that plays with my younger relatives. Pretty sure they picked me because I’m a girl.
I went once and already HATED IT, pretty much watched the clock the whole time.
So I talked to the teacher that was running it and he gave me some nonsense about volunteering being important and that I should want to give back and help kids, what would Jesus do and all that. So I went a second week and just UGH.
Then I got yelled at by the teacher I talked to for not being engaged enough with the kids.
Long story short, between me and my parents talking to them, they let me out of it.
Now my friend that VOLUNTEERED to do it and getting credit or something is giving me a bunch of crap.
Saying one of the classes will be short-handed and they’re going to have to do more work. She called me selfish and said ‘eventually I’ll have to grow up and learn to deal with kids’ and I should have been willing to help even if it wasn’t fun for me.
I feel like if it was anything besides dealing with kids I would have done it, but I wasn’t even asked and I can’t stand kids so it was better if I didn’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You tried it, twice. It didn’t work.
You chose not to return.
Eventually, your ‘friend’ is going to have to learn that people have free will to make priorities and choices. You made yours. Let’s not even start on you being female and an automatic good match for anything to do with childcare!
These late teen years should be the time when you learn to set boundaries and deal with conflict. You handled both very well and should be proud of yourself.” Objective-Sky-7009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Consider me old-fashioned, but I think that volunteering must be, well, voluntary, otherwise it’s an obligation.
You haven’t offered to do this, you haven’t even been consulted (what if you had other commitments?), you have been forced to do something you hate and you aren’t even paid for it!
Sure, volunteering is a beautiful thing, it helps your community, but you should be free to choose what to do, and there are many other fields, like helping the homeless, soup kitchens, hospital volunteering, support for marginalized communities, local library, etc…
I also think you got involved because you are a girl, so religious people automatically thought that you must like children and that someday you will have your own, which is gigantic crap.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there was going to be a volunteer requirement, they should have looked into several different types of volunteer opportunities and allowed each student to choose which one they wanted to participate in.
I think the school was just short-staffed and didn’t want to pay to hire people to help, so they drafted unwitting teenagers. Kids aren’t your thing, just like animals might not be someone else’s thing. Since it’s a ‘volunteer’ situation and you would have never volunteered willingly for such a thing, you are NTJ.
Actually, more parents should be suspicious of this sudden ‘short staffing’ the school is experiencing and asking why their teens are being put in this situation that is full of such liability. Your parents got you out of it and that’s none of your friend’s concern if she likes doing this.
And no… you don’t have to learn to ‘deal’ with kids at this level of interaction. She chose to drink the Kool-Aid. You didn’t.” moew4974
Remind your "friend" you are too old to cave to peer pressure and that her guilt tripping won't woek. Use the terms. Good for you, as women need to start standing up for themselves and stop being raised as older generations did: people pleaser. I'M almost 60 & still struggle with standing up for myself and saying NO.
Good job standing your ground with the teacher.
Now don't allow your friend to push you around either.
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Remove My Dog's Staples Right Away?
“My 7-month-old puppy was run over by a truck while in the care of my parents for a week.
He’ll never spend time with them alone again, but that’s not the subject of this point. My parents, thankfully, elected to bring him to the vet hospital and perform orthopedic surgery to repair my puppy’s back leg. It was a pretty severe break, the femur was sticking out apparently.
So anyway, he had a successful surgery 8 days ago. Thank god. He’s got a bunch of staples, as opposed to stitches, to seal the incision which is a pretty substantial cut all the way down his hind leg. The surgeon said to bring him back in 14 days after surgery to have the staples removed.
Well, my partner’s mom is a nurse practitioner and she literally ALWAYS has medical advice and ALWAYS undermines whatever any medical professional says. I love her, honestly, but in this regard, she does annoy me slightly. She recommended that we save some funds and take the staples out ourselves (the operating doctor would do it for free, but that’s 3 hours from where my partner and I live).
She sent us medical-grade staple removers and I’m comfortable removing them myself. However, this morning my partner suggested that we take the staples out early. The reason, she says, is because her mom insists that she can tell when an incision is fully healed or not.
According to her mom, we could get away with removing them 7-10 days after surgery, and the surgeon was just being extra safe.
Am I the jerk for refusing and insisting that my puppy keep the staples in for the full 14 days? I don’t care if he’s more comfortable with them out.
I want him fully healed and I want to be as safe as possible with regard to his medical decisions.
Edit: I’ve spoken to the operating vet and he said we were more than fine taking the staples out ourselves and that his appointment 4 weeks post-op is for his check-up.
The vet told me just a tech would remove the staples.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner and her mom are major jerks (infuriatingly so).
Your partner’s mom needs to stay in her lane. Being a nurse practitioner does not make her an expert in veterinary medicine.
The follow-up with the vet is not just to remove staples. It is also to assess your puppy’s overall recovery, which includes more than just the incision. Your partner is just as bad for going along with her mom.
Frankly, I wouldn’t let them anywhere near the puppy.
These are the type of people who would remove the staples against your wishes and then say ‘it’s no big deal.’ Just so there’s no mistake – they really suck.” 86max86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Listen to the trained veterinary professional. Why would the vet tell you to leave staples in for 14 days if that wasn’t necessary?
They will remove them for free either way. So what if the surgeon is just being extra safe? What is wrong with that?
It sounds like your partner’s mom cares more about being the authority on all things medical than she does about your pup’s health.
She has not given a single medical reason in favor of taking the staples out early, just said that you could ‘get away with’ taking them out now.
Is pup a bit uncomfortable with the staples in? Possibly. But that may actually be a good thing as it will keep him from getting overactive while he is still healing.
Unlike a human who understands the need to take it easy while they heal, dogs are gonna dog.
Follow whatever instructions your vet gave for keeping the incision and staples clean and keep an eye out for any type of infection (swelling, redness, new tenderness around the incision, etc.).
I know it’s a lot to drive 3 hours there and back to have the staples taken out, but it also gives the vet the opportunity to check how your pup is healing and provide any additional follow-up instructions.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – medical advice aside – this is your puppy and your decision.
Nothing is wrong with keeping them in for 14 days so do it. If you’re looking for a way to tell your partner and her mom this, I’d just explain that you want to be in charge of this decision after not having any control over the situation in which he got hurt.
It was on someone else’s watch and you’re obviously concerned and just want what’s best for the pup. You aren’t blowing her off – just opting on the safe side to make sure everything is good. Also, it might be worth a shot to see if a vet closer to you can remove the staples should you decide not to do it yourself.
I work at a vet clinic and we have removed sutures and staples for patients who were seen by another doctor.” apollosmom2017
7. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out Over A Christmas Tree?
“I (22F) live with my roommate, Will (25M). Will is one of those people who is totally obsessed with Christmas. I don’t celebrate Christmas for cultural/religious reasons. As soon as Halloween was over, Will bought two mini Christmas trees and offered me one.
He had forgotten that I didn’t celebrate but I appreciated the gift nonetheless and I put it in my bedroom. I decorated it a little with pink tinsel and baubles because my room is pink and it’s very cute.
My mother and I don’t have a good relationship.
I left home at 18 and was in low contact up until recently. I’ve struggled with mental health problems my whole life and she never took them seriously and made them worse. She also didn’t stop my stepdad from constantly bullying and harassing me. A few weeks ago, she emailed me and asked if we could repair our relationship.
She said that she had been feeling bad for how she treated me and she wanted to make amends. We’ve been meeting up once a week for lunch and we speak on the phone around three times a week.
Yesterday, she came over to my apartment.
I had a bit of a mental health crisis last week (nothing severe but I was in the hospital for a few hours) and she said she wanted to check up on me. I let her come over once the worst of it had blown over and after hanging around in the living room for a while, she came into my bedroom and saw the Christmas tree.
She immediately asked why I had it and I told her that my roommate had bought it. She started talking about how it was wrong and I shouldn’t have it and she even grabbed it to throw it away. I was just deflecting her questions until she grabbed the tree.
When she did that, I got up and took it from her and said that she needed to back down and leave my decorations alone. She kept insisting that it needed to be thrown away and it was making my mental health worse (I still don’t understand the logic behind this one) and I snapped and told her to get out.
She was extremely offended and she left immediately.
I later received a phone call from my uncle who was telling me off for disrespecting my mother over a tree that doesn’t have any cultural or religious significance to me. My brother also called me and said I was being a jerk because mom’s actually now making an effort to have a relationship with me and I kicked her out over a tree.
They’re both demanding that I apologize. Will and my friends are saying that I was right because she had no right to touch my decorations but I still feel really bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t kick her out over a tree. You kicked her out because she found something she didn’t like but was not hurting her that you displayed intentionally for the joy of it and she attempted to destroy it.
She didn’t care that she had no right to touch it, she was going to attempt to control you. Your family doesn’t get to control your relationship with your mom and you don’t have to tolerate her stomping over your boundaries and your autonomy.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult and deserve basic respect from everyone, including your parents. Basic respect includes, among other things, respecting your belongings.
She could give her opinion that she believes you celebrating Christmas, or having Christmas decorations is not helping your mental condition.
Then you can decide what to do with the information that you want. Not sure about the other relatives that called you, they surely didn’t get the same story posted here, so can’t really tell if they’re jerks. If they also listened to your side and then decided you’re wrong, they also fail the top line and are jerks too.
If they didn’t even listen to you, well, then they are jerks as well.” KleineDorpsbewoner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not a tree or a cultural/religious symbol, it’s a gift that has some significance for you, period.
If your mother wants to make amends, she needs to learn to respect your boundaries first.
She made your mental health worse by action (not taking them seriously in the first place) and inaction (not stopping your stepdad from bullying you), so she has no say in what is good or bad for your health.
Also, you have the freedom to decide to start celebrating Christmas any day, change your beliefs, or whatever you want to do with your life, it’s your roof now, not hers, so it’s your rules now, not hers.
Talk with her, set your boundaries, and see if she really wants to make amends or is just looking for a way to gain back control of your life.” LordNeo
6. AITJ For Acting Rude Towards My Mom's Partner?
“I (25f) don’t like my mum’s partner (67m). Despite that, I appreciate that my mom loves him, and I respect that he has treated her well in the 3 years they’ve been together.
He just isn’t my kind of guy. I find him very passive-aggressive, and obtuse, and he often makes inappropriate and offensive remarks which I cannot abide by.
He is not mean as much as he is ignorant, but I do find it incredibly draining being around him.
That being said, we’ve always maintained a polite and civil relationship. I expect this is out of a mutually shared love for my mother.
I recently had to move back in with my mum due to the cost of living crisis (UK based). I pay my own way and help around the house. I never expect my mum nor her partner to do anything for me and I make sure to give them plenty of time with each other.
Today, a friend who is leaving the neighborhood brought us a small bouquet of flowers and a card as a parting gift. It was very sweet. I went to fetch a vase and started arranging the flowers.
As I’m doing this, I notice that my mum’s partner is standing over me, watching me.
This is something he often does, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I ignore him and continue with my task.
He often makes passive-aggressive comments while I’m carrying things out. In this instance, I was arranging the flowers and he says ‘don’t we have a bigger vase?’
I replied ‘no.’ The bouquet was only small and the flowers would not have had enough support to stay arranged in a larger vase. I didn’t have the mental energy at that moment to get into a discussion with him about it.
He exclaimed ‘we do!’ and looked at me expectantly.
I let my frustration get the better of me and asked ‘why don’t you go get it then?’
He got very angry and stormed out.
It came out a lot ruder than I intended, and I apologized once he returned with the other vase.
My mother (who was oblivious to the whole interaction) questioned why he had brought in another vase and told him we didn’t need it. He said, ‘I’ll just shut up then.’
He accepted my apology for my rudeness, and we have restored our civility, but I do struggle with him and it’s not like me to snap at someone like that.
It makes me feel bad.
I was in the wrong for being so rude, but AITJ? Is anyone the jerk, or are we simply incompatible?
EDIT: He’s been a real bully towards me today – I had to remove a plug-in air-freshener from the living room as I’m terribly allergic, and he yelled ‘just stay upstairs then!’ when I told them, but I’ve been ignoring him and not rising to it.
I’m looking to move out as soon as I’m financially able.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What was he doing supervising a task you had under control in the first place and that had nothing to do with him anyway? It wouldn’t have been rude to call him out on that, much less point out that if he felt that strongly about the dang vase, he should do something about it.
Next time, don’t apologize or at least make sure it’s only for your tone if you really do feel like you could’ve gotten the point across with less snark. And figure out how to quit walking on eggshells around this guy in general. Again, if he’s going to make an issue out of things that don’t need to be an issue, let that be his problem.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t going to get along with everyone you meet, and being civil is the best you can do. Seeing this is the only time you have spoken up which really doesn’t sound bad just shows the love you hold for your mother to maintain that relationship with him by apologizing.
Don’t beat yourself up, stuff like that happens to the best of us. It also sounds like you hold a high level of maturity to navigate your feelings regarding the situation.
Edit: Also he sounds horrible to be around so the fact you can stand living with him and this is the worst you’ve done is astounding.
Good luck and hopefully you can move out soon.” Blackrose_920
5. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Help Me Buy A New Nintendo Switch?
“I’m 19, I got a switch for my 17th birthday, my parents covered half of the price and I paid the rest.
My sister is 14 and constantly asks if she can play on my switch, I allow her as long as she’s careful and has clean hands. She’s been pretty good all these years until last week. She sent me a text asking if she can play on my switch when she came home from school and I was still at work, I said sure.
When I came back, the whole switch was greasy, especially the joy-cons. She admitted to eating chips while playing. I told her not to ever do that again.
Two days later the same thing happened, she texted me asking if she can play, I said yes but only if she was not eating anything and had clean hands, she promised to be careful and said that she just wants to show something to her friend really quickly.
When I came back from work, my switch was on the dining table, one joy-con was missing, the screen cracked, and the back panel was in pieces. My sister just locked herself in her room. So from what I was told, my sister was showing something to her friend and accidentally dropped it.
I really doubt that this is what happened due to the damage but she swears up and down that this is what happened. I wasn’t super mad at her, I was more so just sad and upset.
We both explained the situation to our parents and I asked them to pay half for my switch or if I’m buying an OLED to just contribute half of the price of a normal switch.
They said absolutely no. We argued for a while and I asked them if they would at least give me $100 but they would not budge. My mom said that I’m entitled for expecting them to pay for my ‘toys’ and now I’m kinda feeling bad…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is a minor, and if she breaks another person’s property, your parents have the responsibility to make it right and repair/replace what is broken.
And your parents should then expect your sister to gradually pay them back.
And if you do get a replacement, get a shatterproof screen protector – the kind that is a thin layer of plastic that can be replaced. Joycons are also fairly cheap to replace if broken.
Not sure what you can do to fix the back panel, though.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Inform your parents, as a minor child, they are responsible for her destruction. If not, take them to court, where they’ll need to also pay the court costs back to you.
Do this in writing (not mentioning court at first.) Chances are they’ll send back an email stating, on the record, that they aren’t going to pay even though they’ll admit she broke it. If they do, decide if you want to give them a ‘final chance before pursuing legal action.’ I’m betting once they realize they’ve admitted it, you’ll be getting a replacement.
This is no different than if your sister broke a nonrelative’s property.” swissmtndog398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to demand the full price. Your sister was reckless with your property and either she or your parents should pay to replace it. If you had damaged something that belongs to your parents, they would rightfully demand you pay to replace it.
If they refuse to pay, just tell them that you’ll return the favor and not pay to replace anything you damage in the future. If you didn’t live with them, I’d even be advising you to take them to court. I guess some things you could do in the meantime would be refuse to do anything nice for your sister and give her the silent treatment until she or they pay or agree to a payment plan.
Don’t lend her anything else in the meantime.” CutEmOff666
Also where are joycons inexpensive? They're $60-$80 if you want them to actually work
4. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Giving An Expensive Wedding Gift?
“I’m flying out to Belgium from the UK to attend my friend’s wedding, thanks to the internet we’ve been friends for a little over a decade.
She’s getting married in march next year and wanted me to attend as we’re very close friends, I agreed happily.
She recently reached out to tell me what I’d be expected to bring as a wedding gift. I had been planning a gift already, a custom piece of art to commemorate their day made up with their birthstones all in a cute design that I’d seen online that I thought would be nice but I’d not yet ordered it so I was, of course, happy to hear what she wanted instead.
I was told I had to bring a minimum of £250 cash as my wedding gift to them. I was shocked by this as that’s a lot of money, especially considering that I have to fly out and get a hotel. When I questioned her about this she said it was the bare minimum every guest had to bring and that anyone who didn’t wasn’t allowed into the wedding.
This has me shocked as that’s… extremely rude, right?
I confronted her about that and told her it wasn’t really appropriate to make such demands of her guests and that I wasn’t comfortable with this. She brushed it off saying it was normal and customary in Belgium as all the money goes towards getting the newlyweds a house… ok I can see some grounds in that and would be happy to throw a little cash towards that if it’s what she wants but the demanding and set price seems fishy to me and this isn’t a small wedding, she has 97 guests coming… I’ve also not been able to see any hint of this being a tradition in my online searches.
I told her as much and she had a meltdown saying if I wasn’t comfortable paying it wouldn’t be fair to the other guests who were paying and she wouldn’t be comfortable with me being there then even bragged about how her father had promised her three grand as his gift. I told her if she felt that way I wasn’t sure I wanted to come and thanked her for the invitation.
She’s been freaking out online over my disrespect of her customs and my rudeness in questioning her and even crying to other friends about how I’m trying to spite her day… am I out of line for not feeling comfortable with this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is absolutely lying to you. Cash gifts are custom in many cultures. You know what is not a custom ANYWHERE? Dictating the amount that you have to gift. She’s being greedy. You already know she’s lying though.
The obvious answer here is don’t go to the wedding.
You’d have to spend a bunch of money to fly out and attend her wedding. Flights and hotel alone will add up fast, never mind other related expenses and the wedding gift. She’s shown her true colors, and I doubt she was a very close friend if she’s treated you so poorly, so she probably did you a favor going full Bridezilla before you wasted all your time and money on her wedding.
Chances are your mutual friends aren’t going to be too pleased with her either, so I certainly would not worry about her complaining about you to them. But the fact she’s holding this against you certainly just makes it all the more clear what a giant jerk she is.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It IS rude and it is NO more customary in Belgium than in the UK. A wedding gift is not a mandatory fee and while the married couple can express preferences and wishes, only love and/or politeness should rule the guest’s choice, as to its content and value.
Wedding lists exist for that reason, so people can choose a gift they feel appropriate in value, beauty, utility, and cost, and yet stay within those the groom and bride wish to receive. If they only want cash, they should let the guests decide how much they’re ready to give (which is often more according to their means than to the price they set for the relationship).
Making a scene online and calling other friends to guilt you into giving what she decided acceptable is terrible entitlement and attitude.” flora66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Considering you’re flying out of the country (albeit within Europe) and having to get a hotel room and pay for food/drinks in order to attend, she shouldn’t be demanding a specific dollar value.
She should simply be happy you’re attending.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking guests to give cash as opposed to buying a gift, but there shouldn’t be a minimum dollar value. I’m not sure what the custom is in Belgium, and whether her request is genuine, but it seems odd for the guests to shell out nearly $25K for a down payment on a house.
In my opinion, weddings should be a celebration of two lives coming together and not how much money (or gifts) you get. At least that’s how I viewed my wedding.” dorkfaceclown
3. WIBTJ If I Try To Prevent My Neighbors From Parking In Front Of My House?
“My (f26) partner (m23) and I have recently moved into a nice home located on a riverside. We have no neighbors in front of us, only to the side and behind. Our neighbors to our right live in a Triplex, three families under one roof.
A few weeks ago, one of the neighbor’s friends started to park in front of our house. We didn’t know it was them until my partner, who knows one of the girls living in the triplex, asked them if they knew who this unknown large black truck belonged to.
I didn’t think much of it until the car was parked there every day after. My partner asked them to move their vehicle upon my request. It was becoming an eyesore, and frankly, I find it rude that they were parking in front of our home in the first place.
They moved the large truck, to only be replaced a few days later by two sedans now taking up the entirety of our front. One is even blocking our mailbox now. My partner said due to property easement, I can’t even legally make them move.
He originally (back with the black truck) told them that they can park in front of our recycling bin off to the side of our property. They would basically be parked half on our side and half on theirs under one of the electrical posts.
They moved our recycling bin forward, now near the post, and are parking behind it right in front of our doorway with the other behind.
At this point, I’m getting mad, and I’ve even thought about saying, ‘screw it’ and going out to buy a bunch of bushes and plants and planting them on the property line so they can’t park there anymore.
My partner has already asked them not to park there, but he said that if they’re choosing to ignore him it’s out of his hands. He also doesn’t understand why I’m getting so worked up about it and says I’m being dumb. My biggest issues are 1) I find it incredibly rude to park in front of someone’s property & 2) I didn’t buy a riverside property to stare at my neighbor’s cars all day.
Would I be the jerk if I were to actively try and prevent my neighbors from parking in front of my home, despite the whole ‘property easement law’?
If it makes a difference, I live in Virginia. We have a 72-hour parking limitation here, if I wanted to I could call the cops after 3 days and treat their car like an abandoned vehicle.
I know I would be the jerk if I did that, so I would like to avoid that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
They legally have the right to park there for 72 hours. You not wanting to look at the vehicle is neither here nor there.
You are NOT a jerk if you call about the vehicle being there more than 72 hours (as long as it actually is). You’re literally just following the law. But you don’t own the street in front of your house, so yes, even the neighbor’s friends can park there, LEGALLY, for up to 72 hours.
And whether or not it’s legal for you to plant something that would prevent that is up to you to research. Just make sure you’re acting within the confines of the law.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You because this really is a silly thing to make a big deal out of, even if I do agree with you that it’s rude.
It’s just common courtesy to not park in front of someone else’s house if there are other options.
Them because they do have other feasible options it sounds like and they’re just trying to annoy you at this point.
I’d be parking my own vehicles there until they get in the habit of parking somewhere else.
I also like the comment about blowing grass on their vehicles. Haha! Not sure if you can get in trouble for that though.” meltn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for wanting them to park elsewhere, but not for wanting to keep their cars out of your yard.
Legally, if the street you live on is a public road, anyone can park anywhere that it is legal to park on that road.
So you can check parking regulations in your city/town and see if there is anything there that might help—maybe cars can’t be parked within 15 feet of a driveway or something.
But unless you want to become known as the angry neighbor, I would just let the parking in front of your house issue drop.
But you don’t have to let them park on your land unless there is some sort of easement or local regulation about that.
So YWNBTJ if you put up a small fence or planting trees and shrubs or put a few large rocks along the street frontage of your house.” krankykitty
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – it does not sound like you are in a situation where your neighbors are breaking by-laws or parking regulations or anything, it sounds like you are in an area without those controls.
If they are parking on your property you have the right to ask them to move, and if your landscaping plans don’t go over property lines you have those rights too.
Unfortunately, you probably don’t have a right to your view not being impeded or any way to prevent your neighbors from legally parking in a place that you don’t want to look at.
It might be an eyesore and not a nice thing to do to the people next to you, but you also didn’t present any viable alternatives.
Are there other places they could park within a comparable distance? If they park there instead of in front of your place, are they just becoming the opposite neighbors’ eyesore?
It sounds like you bought your cabin in the woods next to everyone else’s, and now you’re complaining you’re not in your perfect piece of isolation.” EatMyBalcony
2. AITJ For Not Calling My Dad's Wife My Stepmom?
“My (25f) parents split when I was 13 but both remained pretty present in my and my siblings’ lives. My dad is overall a pretty good dad but we definitely have a complicated relationship. There has been a lot of selfishness on his part when it comes to how he prioritizes his wants and desires over the relationship he has with his kids.
He remarried about 5 years ago and was going out with this woman for maybe 3 or so years before that. At first, this woman, G, was nice enough. She tried to take an interest in our lives and was respectful of times when we said we just wanted to be with our dad.
However, we noticed that she was really rude or cold to our youngest sibling (T) who has a disability. G would either speak really harshly to T or yell at them or try to parent them (she did it to all of us but was really hard on T in a way she was not with me or my other sibling).
One of her own children has a disability and she has infinite patience for her own child but is straight-up mean to T. Over the course of the relationship, she became increasingly mean and icy to T. We would point it out to our dad and he would usually acknowledge it but nothing would change.
When he told us they were planning to get married, my middle sibling and I warned him that if G continued to treat T this way, it will seriously impact our relationship with him because he continues to allow it. They married anyway and G’s attitude to T become even worse, she would even make up lies to get T in trouble.
Dad continued to let it slide.
The other weekend, we were all out to dinner and we ran into a few of my friends from middle school. I introduced them to everyone and introduced G as my dad’s wife. She and my dad both interrupted me to say ‘stepmom’, I shook my head, insisting ‘dad’s wife’ but continued on talking.
My dad pulled me aside after we got home to say that I really hurt G’s feelings because I won’t call her my stepmom. I reminded him of all of her trashy behavior and reactions to his kids and told him that that certainly fits the bill of an evil stepmother from fairy tales but that I don’t even want to pretend we have a familial relationship.
She is his wife, not my anything. He is continuing to insist that I am being unreasonable and a jerk for this, so, AITJ?
ETA: Some clarity! My mom is fantastic and is and has always been a huge support to me and my siblings.
Her husband is also great and treats me and my siblings really well. My mom has defended us and T and advocated for us as much as she can to my dad. We lived primarily with her and would see our dad on the weekends and for a few full weeks throughout the year.
G and her children moved in when both I and my middle sister were in college. T would only go every other weekend at that point and if there were times he refused, my mom would never force him to go.
None of us live at home, and we don’t stay the night at dad’s house anymore.
But all of us try to maintain a relationship with our dad and so we see them frequently enough.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being in a broken family is hard and parents can’t sugar coat it by saying they’re a ‘blended’ family and demand everyone treat their next spouse as if they were part of the original family.
This woman is your dad’s new family member, not yours. He has absolutely no right to insist anyone else form a relationship with her simply because he’s in one with her currently. Statistically, the odds are great she won’t be around long anyway given the failure rate of remarriages.
Don’t waste your time with her. She has not earned the right to be called part of your family.” OkraGarden
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – have you or your siblings ever pointed out G’s behavior directly to her? I doubt she’d do anything to change, and would probably be super defensive in her response but there’s a chance (albeit remote) she hears what you say and makes an effort to change.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if your dad has brushed what you and your siblings have said under the rug and never told G.” dorkfaceclown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I completely understand why you want to provide a very direct statement on your feelings regarding the woman who married your father.
However – and unfortunately for you – the term ‘stepmother or stepfather or step-sibling’ is a legal statement of fact so introducing someone as the spouse of your parent doesn’t really change how other people will view her.
If your father or stepmother were actually asking you to address her as anything indicating any amount of affection such as any variant of mother, mom or bonus mother, etc., it would be different because people would conclude there is some degree of emotional connection.” Jujulabee
I like another posters suggestion that you hold your dad's wife accountable for their treatment of your sibling. The next time it happens say it to her face.
1. AITJ For Telling My Son's Coach To Back Off?
“My son’s basketball coach is something of a mentor to him. I have no problem with this, as kids need a variety of good adult influences.
However, we had a disagreement, and I’m not sure if he overstepped or I was too harsh.
When I went to pick up my son, we’ll call him Bobby, he asked to talk to me. We stepped aside and he started talking about how 13 is a difficult age and kids go through awkward phases.
It was a very disjointed speech. I wasn’t sure what he was trying to tell me. I asked if something happened at practice.
He said ‘No, but Bobby told me how he got in trouble the other day. It’s okay to give kids grace. They make mistakes.’
I was beyond confused and annoyed. I asked him if he was telling me how to raise my son. He said, ‘well, it takes a village.’
I was so angry. I wanted to tell him no one who wasn’t in the room when he was conceived gets a say in how Bobby is raised, but that seemed extreme, so I swallowed what I wanted to say.
I told him that I appreciated his concern for Bobby, but that it’d be best if he kept his advice sports related because he isn’t a member of our family and it’s not really his place to weigh in on my parenting choices.
He was obviously hurt and offended, but he agreed. He said he just wanted to help.
I walked away. On the way home Bobby was telling me about all the fun he had at practice, and I started to feel guilty. His coach really cares about the kids. Maybe I shouldn’t have snapped at him for getting a little overzealous. Was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your son probably doesn’t feel like he can talk to his parents. He vented to his coach and likely wanted to tell you the same thing but doesn’t feel comfortable.
He vented to his coach instead of bottling it up like a lot of males tend to do.
He might have a lot more on his plate than you realize and is afraid to tell you. Coaches are a good source of information when a kid trusts them you can find out a lot from them if the kid feels comfortable especially if the kid is going through a lot.
The coach probably thought to hint to you that some things are up and to be a little nicer because your son is stressed.” FlakyState1968
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your son has another adult looking out for him. Parents aren’t perfect and maybe he saw that it took a toll on him, or sees him struggling in other ways.
You were defensive which is normal but it really doesn’t sound like this guy was arrogant or over-stepping, he was speaking out of genuine concern.” OLAZ3000
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