People Await Harsh Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Blaming My Sister's Decisions For The Life That She Has Now?
“I (28F) have a sister, Caitlin, who is one year older than me. Growing up, we were dirt poor. Our family nailed almost every single southern hillbilly stereotype on the head. We both did decently, but neither of us had ever considered college.
Caitlin graduated high school first and got a full-time job immediately. She began to help with bills, but at some point began thinking about maybe going to school.
I was having the same thoughts a year later when I graduated. Well, what we hadn’t known was that when our great-grandma died, she left my dad all that she had which came up to a sum of a couple thousand dollars that they decided to save for us. And because Cait began talking about maybe going to school, Mom began to save her bill money to add to the sum of the money.
Unfortunately, it still wasn’t a lot, so our parents sat us down and explained that they had money for only one of us to go to school and that they would have to think about who to give it to.
I was prepared to fight for this chance because I realized this was my chance to better myself.
I was ready to do whatever it took, but I didn’t end up needing to because Cait gave up.
I guess Caitlin realized she wouldn’t be picked because I had better grades and was more well-liked because Mom told me later that day that she had backed down and said to give it to me.
So fast forward, I got my BSN and worked as a travel nurse. I do very well for myself and live 2 hours away from my hometown. I went to visit my sister because she’s pregnant with my nephew and I missed her and brought some gifts. We had lunch and were just chatting about what we were up to when she began to complain and whine that she was tired and asked if I didn’t mind if she vented. Before I could answer, she started talking about how she was tired all of the time from her shifts at work and then having to come home to her kids and her husband.
It sounded a lot like she was regretting her life and after about twenty minutes, it was starting to get on my nerves. She would not stop or change the topic.
Finally, I lost it and told her that I wasn’t there to listen to her complain and that she really shouldn’t complain about the life she chose.
I told Caitlin that if she didn’t have to get married or have a low-paying job, and if she had wanted to better herself, she should’ve fought harder to go to college instead of giving up before she even tried. It ended in her crying, which I felt horrible about, and then she went home without saying anything else.
I tried apologizing for how I phrased it, but not for anything I actually said because it was true, but she wouldn’t accept it. Our parents have been giving me the cold shoulder and I feel lost because they won’t listen to my side of why I said what I said. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You clearly stated your sister got a job right away and helped with bills. You guys grew up dirt poor and yet you don’t have a single ounce of empathy for her situation. It’s not a life she chose, people born in poverty get fewer chances, it’s a fact. You got lucky and it turned you into an entitled jerk which is pathetic.
You were given a chance she was not so you have no excuse to have become a worse person lol.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nursing school was a waste on you because some of the core principles are compassion and empathy. Your sister decided to step aside to give you the opportunity to lift yourself out of poverty.
Something she wanted for herself but decided to let you have that opportunity without a fight and went back to working a full-time job and helping out the family with bills.
Have you ever considered the fact that your sister loved you so much, that she was willing to keep working a full-time job and help with family bills so that you didn’t need to go through the struggles she did?
For a year she worked and helped out the family while you were able to focus on your high school grades and get into a nursing program.
Now you have the audacity to lecture her about not having made better choices when all she wanted to do was vent and let loose some frustrations that people get, poor or not.
Having a family is hard and there are a ton of responsibilities. For just one brief moment, she wanted to confide in her beloved sister, someone she thought she could trust. If a patient of yours wanted to vent about their condition, would you belittle them? Are you treating patients better than your own family?
Or do you just look at them and say ‘Wow, sucks about your heart disease. You should’ve eaten healthier and worked out more. You probably wouldn’t be in the hospital had you just tried harder.’
Caitlin, regardless of any mistakes she made, deserves a better sister than you.” Zephestus
23. AITJ For Dropping Out Of My Sister's Bachelorette Party?
“My older sister is getting married, I’m her maid of honor and her Bachelorette is coming up. I had presumed she was staying in the state since funds were tight and her wedding budget was already over $50k.
Precisely 6 months before her wedding day we started planning the Bach – where my cousin ‘Matron of Honor’ took over, telling me in our individual texts that as Maid of Honor I was to plan, book, and pay for EVERYTHING.
Later my sister declared her Bachelorette to be out of state in a big city. The budget for the hotel ran up to $4k for the bridal party and bride’s guests, $1500 for my flight and my sisters, $700 for both of our hotel shares, and so on.
I am in my early 20s, work full-time, and go to college full-time.
I told the Matron of Honor I had no feasible room to book and charge everything given I had just paid my university tuition and thought I’d have at least 2 more months to save funds back up for the trip. Despite that, she insisted I pay for everything and said as the bride’s sister I HAD to go.
I quickly calculated that it’d be around $6k for my sister and me to go, it’d fall on my final exam weekend, and as a new employee to my company: I’d be rejected the long weekend off. I told her and the group I wouldn’t be able to go, but I’d happily pay for my sister’s share (especially since Matron demanded the bride not pay for a single thing: not the flight, hotel, food, or events.) As time went by, 1 by 1, the bridesmaids tried to convince me to go despite the reasons I gave.
1 month before the Bach everything for my sister was paid. I even bought her and the bridal party gifts. I found out my boss rejected my time off request for the Bach and it was too expensive for me to fly out and go for a single day. I felt bad, but I still had school to focus on.
One day I got texts from a cousin (also a bridesmaid), she had found discount flights for me but I kept telling her if I went I couldn’t afford the hotel, food, or other expenses and would spend most of the time in the hotel doing my exams. But they kept pushing, soon I got a phone call and all I got was ‘BUT you’re the MAID OF HONOR, you HAVE to go!
Call out, quit your job, do your schoolwork here!’
The frustration and anxiety of having to constantly defend my choice to put myself first was becoming harder and harder. The entire bridal party is in their early 30s, lives on their own, has multiple incomes, makes salary pay, and is not in school: It felt unfair to have this all put on me with little to no understanding.
I kept setting boundaries and saying ‘NO’ with tears in my eyes each time they said to book a flight.
I know it’s my sister’s BIG day and her events ARE important, but I just cannot wreck my mental state to appease others. If I go I’ll make myself broke. Now they’re all mad at me and the tension has become so bad it makes me want to drop from the wedding altogether… Am I the jerk for not going to her Bachelorette?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, I hate this trend towards bachelorette weekends instead of a night out! It’s supposed to be a party with a hefty bar bill, not a couple of thousand dollars out of pocket.
So, so NTJ! You are not required to go on a vacation with someone when you’re in their wedding party.
You have neither the time nor the money, which is a perfectly acceptable thing to say.
Being in a wedding party is already expensive between the dress, hair, shower, shower gift, etc. You don’t need to add this on. Your sister and her friends need to remember that not everyone is on the same footing financially and act accordingly.” dbesy25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And just a word of the wise the maid of honor doesn’t pay for everything for the bride, the bridal party is supposed to split the cost for the bride. If they wanted you to go they should have helped out with paying for the bride’s share. Beyond that, that is an insane amount to ask someone to pay.
Don’t put yourself in a financial hole for this, it is not worth it.” cmogrady13
22. AITJ For Wanting To Walk Myself Down The Aisle?
“My (F) father found out that my mother had an affair many years ago with his brother when they were still together. My father became suspicious and pressured all his children to take a DNA test. I was the only one of the 4 who was not biological.
This screwed up my relationship with my father, I visited him every weekend and after the test results, he cut the visits.
He always gave some money to his children, but for me, he only gave what he was obliged by law to do.
All of my brothers got a car and a trip to another country (a gift divided in 1/2 by my parents), I only got a trip, because that’s what my mother managed on her own.
It hurt to see my brother (1 year younger) get everything.
From one month to the next, I lost a loving, present, and helpful father. And every time I pointed this out, he told me to understand how hard it was for him to see the fruit of my mother’s betrayal and to see that she lied to him for years, taking advantage of the similarity between him and his brother.
For over 5 years he barely spoke to me beyond the basics and excluded me from everything (parties).
It hurt a lot.
After 5 years, under the influence of my stepmother, he had more contact with me, but we were no longer the same.
Our relationship has always been rocky after that.
The situation: I’m getting married to my beautiful bride in a few months and we’re getting ready for the ceremony/party.
My father insisted on giving a value (high) to help and although I didn’t want to, I ended up accepting it as long as there was no charge from him.
Somehow I think one of my brothers found out he wouldn’t walk me down the aisle and he had a meltdown.
He said that this was our moment as we planned it when I was younger and that it was his dream to walk his only daughter down the aisle.
At some point, he talked about helping out at the party (which was the trigger).
I said he forfeited that right by setting me aside for 5 years for something I wasn’t guilty of. So I prefer to go alone.
He again began to say that I should understand his feelings, that it was a very difficult time for him, and that he accepted me.
I exploded saying that I didn’t care about his feelings because he just ignored that he raised me for 17 years and treated me like it was an obligation.
He looked shocked and he left.
My stepmother called me later saying that I broke my father’s heart doing and saying all this and that he is human, he can make mistakes.
And that he was trying his best to make up for lost time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He was the adult, you were the child. Yes, he was suffering but you were still his responsibility, not just for stuff, but as a parent and for your mental and emotional health.
He made the choice to abandon you when you needed him.
That did damage that he can’t expect to just disappear because he wants it to. He can’t expect to have the rewards of good parenting when he was a bad parent to you during those years.
Actions have consequences. He did this, made those choices, hurt you in those ways.
NTJ. This isn’t about him.
It’s your decision, your event. If he had behaved as a father when you needed him, things could have been different, but he made the choice then to do what hurt you. Now, you are making the choice that is going to protect you best, for your event. You aren’t punishing him, you are doing what is best for you.
He broke the trust between you, and this is the kind of role that requires that trust be solid and reliable, not broken.
It’s not your fault.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Everyone is so worried about your dad’s feelings. Well, what about what he did to a child? He abandoned you and everyone wants you to say, ‘Whoops, it was a mistake and my feelings were hurt by your mother.’ Uh, NO!
He has no concept of how much he hurt you. He didn’t put you first. He put himself first. And now he wants you to put him first, probably just for appearance’s sake.
Walk down the aisle by yourself and do it proudly.” Ducky818
21. AITJ For Telling A Family At The Airport To Get Back In Line?
“We were in the tax refund line at the airport. There were four of us (my mum, siblings, and me) and we each had one luggage. I had two receipts, but our receipts added to around 30 total. We arrived five hours early to the airport because we wanted to get this over with and we knew it would take a while, but we were informed that we could only line up to do tax refunds three hours before our flight departs.
A little before three hours before our flight departed, we lined up behind this couple with a bunch of purchases, and several people/families lined up behind us. Suddenly, this family jumped the queue and I, being a stickler for queuing, went up to them and requested that they line up like everyone else. The dad told me that they had been here two hours before…but they weren’t even in the line, they were just lounging around!
I told them that we arrived at the airport two hours ago as well, and he told me to mind my attitude. I just told him to please go back to the end of the line, at which the tax refund person also told the family to line up.
After the couple before us was done, he quickly ran up again and said ‘Hey we only have one receipt I don’t understand why you can’t just let us go first’, but I told him it was because he jumped the queue previously.
He then grumbled something about us having lots of stuff but… if you really wanted your money so desperately, in my honest opinion, you should have gone to get it three hours before your departure. Afterwards, he complained to the couple at the back of the line with him and mentioned that he was trying to catch a plane but still… the way he went about trying to get in front left a sour taste in my mouth.
When we were done, his family and the couple he talked to started yelling at us to get out of the way with our luggage. The reason we had them was that we had to show the contents of the luggage to the tax refund person. My family said I wasn’t a jerk for telling him to get back in line, although I have to admit I was a bit snippy towards the end, but I don’t know because the other couple agreed with him and also were rude to us at the end.
Maybe it’s because we had lots of receipts, but that’s what the tax return is for, right? They also didn’t complain about the couple before us, who had WAY more receipts. I felt like he should have lined up three hours before his flight if he really wanted his money back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As the saying goes, a lack of planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on your part.
He sounds super entitled. I bet if he approached you differently and kindly asked if he could get in front of you, you might have considered it (you still would not be the jerk if you said ‘No’).
I liken this to being at the grocery store. If I am in line with a bunch of stuff and someone behind me only has a couple of items, I will gladly let them go ahead if they ask kindly (or, if they don’t ask and I see them waiting, I will offer for them to go ahead).
However, if someone came at me with attitude or stepped in front of me as if they deserved to be there, I would feel very differently.” User
Another User Comments:
“When you let someone queue jump in front of you, they are also jumping in front of everyone else in line. Maybe the people after you are rushing for a flight?
Or the person three behind is trying to get home to family? You should not allow anyone to queue jump. It rewards bad behavior. NTJ” Lucky-Guess8786
20. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Partner For Commenting About My Coworker's Salary?
“Around a year ago I (19F) moved to the US for university.
In my first week there I met my now (21M) partner. However, 6 months ago he dropped out to start a drop shipping business, (he was a sociology major for context). I tried to persuade him to stay in school for a backup plan but he explained to me that the drop shipping market is huge and he’ll make more money than he would if he got his degree.
A while ago I got a waitressing job at a very popular food chain, if I said the name it’s likely a lot of people would know it (and for context, my work is the first location in the chain). I won’t lie, I make minimum wage, but decent with the tipping. My partner’s business actually makes decent money (around $3000-$4000 per month).
This sounds good but he has a terrible attitude and thinks everyone still in school has a job paying less than him, or is inferior if they don’t own their own business, he also considers himself an ‘alpha male’ and continuously watches business lessons on YouTube shorts.
Yesterday, we got into a fight, it all started when I got home from work and was going to tell him about how we got a surprise visit from a worker at our restaurant and how we got along so well.
The first thing he said was ‘How old is she? What’s her salary? Hah, must be $7.50 an hour.’ I told him that she was around my grandmother’s age and he started berating her for still working at her age and how she still doesn’t have enough money to retire. I was getting really irritated at him and decided to tell him the rest of my story about her.
‘She and her husband founded the chain, they’re probably multi-millionaires, and they’ve earned more than you will probably ever make with your ‘business’.’ I definitely said more but I can’t remember what exactly. I think he started crying because he stopped talking and locked himself in the bathroom, the last thing he said to me was ‘Can you actually stop shaming me, my job pays for our rent.’
I feel so horrible about what I said but I just thought he needed to understand that making fun of people’s jobs is terrible, I also understand that I do live with him and his job definitely lets us live more comfortably than the average people our age.”
Another User Comments:
“So let’s get this straight.
He shames people because he thinks he’s a successful alpha male, you shame him because he’s a pretentious jerk, and then he shames you because his business is paying the rent.
Huh. Lots of shaming going around.
NTJ. Someone who disses other people shouldn’t be that sensitive. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.” NatashOverWorld
Another User Comments:
“Oh, sweet child. First off, NTJ. Second, any man who says he is an ‘alpha male’ is 100% certainly NOT. Secondly, the true measure of someone is how they treat those who have less. While I believe the older woman probably has millions, your partner did not know that and was very condescending.
Who wants to be around anyone like that? In my entire life, the richest people I have known have NEVER looked it.
Get rid of this dead weight. He is not good for you.” TheOneAndOnly75
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex-Mother-In-Law Come Into My House Again After She Told Everyone About My Personal Business?
“My wife ‘Nat’ (29f) passed away 10 months ago. While she and I (29M) were separated we never got to divorce due to what happened. We have a 3-year-old daughter who’s now with me full-time.
She’s been going to preschool already so for the most part I have my home to myself. My MIL never told me she was coming over, she usually does to see my daughter or take her out. Also, she hasn’t used the key to my place in a long time so I completely forgot she had it.
The other morning I had a ‘friend’ over. MIL shows up unexpectedly because she thought that would be their day to go to the park. Instead of you know… closing the door after walking in on me, she starts ridiculing me. It was extremely awkward for my friend, or well both of us.
She was still extremely mad at me, after my friend left she tried to say more about being an irresponsible father, then brought up Nat and how it hasn’t even been a year and I’m already sleeping with another woman.
As if we hadn’t already been separated for 4 months before she passed. Her calling me disgusting was the last straw and I told her to get out. We spoke again later. But it seems by then she told a few people in Nat’s family because her sisters were on my back about it too.
I was so mad about her telling everyone MY personal business so I said she’s not allowed to set foot in my house again. She can call or text on the days she’s here to see my daughter but she won’t be allowed in. My MIL didn’t say anything about it until yesterday when she realized I changed all the locks.
Now I’m being called a jerk for overreacting. Since they think she has a right to be upset about me being with another woman so soon after Nat passed away. And she shouldn’t be punished for it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
For starters, even though you guys were separated I am very sorry for your loss.
You’re NTJ though, you’re a consenting adult who is allowed to do whatever you want. As long as your daughter is safe that should be the only concern your MIL has… not what you’re doing in your adult time.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She ‘realized’ you changed the locks means… she tried using her key to come in AFTER YOU TOLD HER going forward she needs to call or text before planning to come over.
Which should frankly be the way it always is…
She had ZERO call to say you were doing anything inappropriate in your own home, especially when your daughter wasn’t there.
I frankly cannot believe you didn’t throw her out instead of ‘after my friend left she tried to say more about’… why did your lady friend leave and ex-MIL stay?!
You’re doing this wrong honey.” dart1126
18. AITJ For Making A Grilled Cheese And Bacon Sandwich?
“Three weeks ago my (16) sister (17) met, supposedly fell in love with, and started going out with a vegan guy she met at school. At first, it was just her that changed. She went from essentially just tolerating our dog and turtle to all about them according to her social media.
Her room went from chic fashion to save the animal posters.
Then my dad wanted to meet him. Biggest mistake ever. She demanded that we all go vegan. My parents went along with it. I did so grudgingly because hey it’s food. I also had the stupid notion that it would only be while he was over.
It wasn’t. She threw a temper tantrum the next morning finding out I had a bowl of cereal with real milk. I am talking about temper tantrums. Saying how we never support her and now she’s gonna be alone forever. I told her to grow up.
Mom, to appease her, went through the entire kitchen and got rid of anything not vegan.
Mom and I got into it and she told me that since she buys the food she decides what is in the house.
I work a part-time job and got paid today. I actually made a meal plan and a budget and went and bought food for just me. Not much but enough so dinners won’t completely suck.
Sis gets home from practice and gets crazy because I’m making a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich. Saying that I don’t love her or support her. I told her that just because she’s changing her life for a guy doesn’t mean I have to and if it means I don’t support her then so be it.
I don’t want to be supportive of a dumb jerk who decides to change her whole identity because of a guy.
I am grounded and Mom decided to throw away the food I’d purchased though she did reimburse me. I told my friend about it and she said it was a bit harsh because we both know my sister is a major drama queen.
So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if your sister wants to be vegan, then go for it, but the fact that she got mad at you because you bought your food using your money? Your sister is probably thinking her significant other is gonna leave her if she doesn’t go vegan, but you ain’t the sister.
You’re free to eat what you want just like how your sister has the freedom to eat what she wants.” zelyxh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it was completely unnecessary for your mom to throw away all the non-vegan food in your house, even before she threw away the stuff you bought yourself. That food had already been made.
It had already been bought. There’s no reason to not eat it and then start buying only vegan things.
Also, I know plenty of households where one or two people are vegan or vegetarian and the others are not. You’ve made it clear that you’re fine with her being vegan and as long as you’re not forcing her to eat non-vegan stuff (which I think you’ve made clear you aren’t) there’s no reason for her to act like you aren’t supporting her.
Support isn’t doing the exact same thing, it’s allowing her to make her own decision and not trying to sway her away from it.
There’s no reason for her to force this change onto you. Even though she reimbursed you, your mom should’ve never thrown away the food you bought. By her own logic, if you buy it, you can use it.
It’s a problem that your parents are enabling this behavior.” jpmg2k
17. AITJ For Giving A Stranger Permission To Carry My Son During A Hike?
“I (34F) was carrying a heavy backpack full of snacks, water, ‘totally necessary equipment’ (not used once) that we ‘are definitely going to need, mom’ (later: ‘Why’d you bring all that stuff mom?’) and ‘precious souvenirs.’ My son (8M) with a healthy appetite, just hit a growth spurt, really exhausted. The location?
A hiking trail I thought would be no big deal because we’ve done ones twice as long but, crucially, I forgot to accommodate for the terrain. Are you with me?
So I’m tired. He’s tired. ‘Mooooooom. Carry meeeeeee.’ I do not have it in me. It’s not happening. I would collapse under his weight and, much like Humpty Dumpty, not be able to be reconstructed. And then, lo and behold, our savior, our chivalrous knight, emerges.
This kid (early twenties by my guesstimation) appears and offers to carry my son. My son is like ‘Yes! Carry me!’ I’m a little unsure, but he seems like a nice young man, so I give consent. So he puts my son on his shoulders and we walk together the rest of the way to my destination.
We arrive. My son insists the guy stay to have some snacks with us. We eat. We chat. He was actually a very interesting person. Then he left to finish the trail. We rested for a good while and then went back home.
At home, my son told my husband about our new friend. My husband was very displeased. My husband thinks what I did was ‘irresponsibility bordering on insanity.’ Also, many of my friends agree!
Even the ones who don’t think I’ve gone mental all of a sudden say ‘It was for sure a bad judgment call.’
Counterargument: A) I was right there the whole time. B) If he had been a napper, what would I have been able to do in my exhausted state besides calling 911 if I did say no and he napped him anyway?
C) It’s no way to live always assuming the worst of people. D) Everything was fine. E) Kiddo would have been apoplectic if I’d said no.
Render your judgment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on the circumstances you described, if they had wanted the kid, they could have overpowered or outrun you anyway.
Also, generally, trail people/hikers are super friendly types.
Being out in the potential dangers of nature, it’s better to be kind to others and hope that kindness is returned in case of accident or disappearance.” ATLannaBanana420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were the one there to make the decision, you used your good judgment, informed by your intuition—the others didn’t have the in-person information you did (body language, etc.), so they have no evidence that this was a mistake, whereas you have the outcome of literally nothing happened. I am sure you were on your guard because that’s your son, but you have to trust some people sometimes, and your intuition and judgment seem to have borne out in this case.” Iwasgunna
16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Jobless Friend?
“I (23F) have a friend (27F).
She and I have been friends since childhood despite our age gap and I consider her an older sister. Recently, she broke her leg. It wasn’t too bad of an injury, but because of the job she had, she had to be on unpaid leave for 1-2 months. I invited her to live with me in the meantime, my husband was fine with it as long as she stuck to her corner of the house (her room that has a bathroom.
She really only needs to come out to eat.).
She moved in with me 1 month ago, it was all great until my (36M) dad came over. My dad is young as you can tell, he had me when he was 13 before he found out that he was gay. He’s really well built, about 6’3-4, and has a lot of tattoos.
I’m aware he gives people the ‘mafia boss’ vibe and people find him attractive. I noticed her attraction to my dad immediately. She had never met him as the only parent of mine she knew was my mother (37F).
When she first saw him she asked me if she could have his number, and almost passed out when I told her he was my father.
I started noticing that every time he came over, she would be all over him. It got to the point my dad was complaining about being uncomfortable, and I told her to stop. She didn’t listen and somehow got ahold of his number and sent him unsolicited photos. My dad no longer felt comfortable coming over, and I decided that I wanted her out of my house because of that.
I told her this morning and she flipped out on me and started screaming and yelling. Apparently, she said that I shouldn’t even be that upset because she was just trying to help my single dad find true love to ‘lead him the right way’. I gave her a 1-week notice to move out.
Now I received a call from her mother about 20 minutes ago, she was bawling begging me to not let her poor daughter out on the street when she has no job right now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has been in a full-steam sprint to violate a VERY reasonable boundary you set and it’s very reasonable to ask her to leave your home.
She’s also clearly homophobic, and I would hope that doesn’t align with your values considering you seem to have a good relationship with your dad. Tell her mom that she’ll be out of your house on x date if she wants to get a room ready at HER house for her daughter.” butchqueen680
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This ungrateful friend crossed the line. Went after your dad even when you told her to knock it off. Then invaded Dad’s sense of privacy by sending photos. She made your dad uncomfortable to the point he won’t visit anymore. I’d have tossed her too. If her mother is so concerned about her poor daughter being out on the street then mom can take her in.
Full stop.” Minkiemink
15. AITJ For Being Mad That My Sister Got A Graduation Gift Too?
“I (26F) just graduated from my 2-year master’s program. My sister (18F) just graduated from high school. I’m the first in my family to get a master’s degree.
I didn’t get any gifts when I graduated high school, nor did I when I graduated from my undergrad. I never even really had any sort of celebration.
This is fine and I never expected anything anyway.
I was recently at the mall with my family and my mom said they had a surprise for me. They took me to a jewelry shop to pick out a gold bracelet and necklace in celebration of my graduation. I’ve never had a piece of jewelry that wasn’t some cheap piece from H&M or something so I was really excited. My family also never really does anything for me, being the middle child I get forgotten a lot so it was really nice to actually have something special just for me.
I’ve never even had a birthday party growing up so it was something very different.
My sister, who just graduated high school, is the youngest and had a very different upbringing. She’s had birthday parties every year, is always paid attention to, and my parents even are paying for her to go abroad for university.
I had no choice but to go to a local university when I graduated high school because my parents wouldn’t pay for me to go abroad, even though the country we live in has very few universities that are accredited outside of the country. It wasn’t a financial thing either; they could afford it but just didn’t want to.
This is all to say that my younger sister has never been deprived of anything growing up.
When she found out my parents were buying me the jewelry, she threw a fit and said she graduated too. My parents gave in and bought her a bracelet as well.
After she announced her bracelet, I went from excited to seething.
This is the one time I was going to have something for myself but of course, my sister has to come along and yet again make it all about her. My parents noticed my mood shift and asked what was wrong. I tried as nicely as I could to tell them that I really thought this was going to be something special just for me, and they responded by telling me I was ungrateful and selfish.
Now they’re not talking to me and I’m feeling like an entitled jerk but I still feel like my annoyance is justified. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are highly unlikely to change anything in your home dynamic. The truth is that your younger sister is unlikely to succeed as everything has been too easy.
You need to live your best life which is to remove yourself from this toxic environment and do your best. There’s no way that you will be appreciated here but there are many other locations and people who will.” trialtestofreddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations on being the 1st person in your family to get a Masters Degree.
It’s a huge accomplishment. After years of your parents not seeming to give much of a crap they did something extremely special and little sis just went and crapped all over it so you have every right to be upset. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to see how playing favorites absolutely destroys the other siblings.” Amaryllis83
14. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Keeps Buying Me Jewelry?
” “My husband and I have been together for 18 years. At the start, he asked me what kind of gifts I enjoy getting.
Before I could even answer, he said I bet you like jewelry. All women like jewelry. I was nice but corrected him, saying that no, not all women like jewelry, especially not me. I told him I very rarely wear it, and when I do I’m quite picky about what I wear. I told him I really hated yellow gold.
I asked him not to buy me jewelry.
First gift: a bunch of small silver earrings. I thanked him but reminded him that jewelry wasn’t my thing. 1st anniversary: I got 1 ct diamond studs in yellow gold. We fight. He calls me ungrateful. I say he’s not listening to me. The store wouldn’t allow me to return them, only allowing store credit.
I compromised, telling him I would wear them occasionally if I could put the stones in a white gold setting. He agreed.
For years, I thought I was probably the jerk for not being grateful. Years passed & more jewelry gifts. I returned what I could. A ridiculously expensive diamond tennis bracelet. Another argument. Another expensive necklace after I made the mistake of saying it was pretty.
I didn’t make a fuss, just thanked him and put it away. I figured out that he gives me jewelry cuz he wants me to wear it. I said I understood this was the reason he did it, but again told him that I wouldn’t wear jewelry and asked him to please stop.
Xmas morning: There was a jewelry store logo bag on the counter.
I asked him if he just bought me more jewelry that he knew I hated. He gave me that smarmy smile that kids put on when they knew they messed up. I say No! Not funny. Why would you buy me jewelry again when you knew I hated it? First, he said he forgot. Then he said cuz it was simple.
It’s a yellow gold diamond & emerald necklace. I said several times to stop buying me jewelry & I hate jewelry. I gave him the bag & said take it back, please. He was mad.
The next day I tried to talk to him about it, but he said I was ungrateful. He said his aunt hated chocolate, but when she was given chocolates, she was gracious.
I said yep cuz the person giving her the chocolates had good intentions and just didn’t know that she didn’t like chocolates. My husband knew very well I didn’t like jewelry and continued to insist upon giving it to me cuz it was what HE wanted. I told him he was disrespecting me cuz he wasn’t bothering to get me anything I actually liked. He said, nope, I was disrespecting him by demanding that he return the necklace.
I asked what would he do if I continually bought pink shirts for him cuz I wanted him to wear them. He HATES pink. He said that he would thank me & accept them graciously. He would not wear them, no matter how much I wanted him to. He has always been gracious about whatever he has received. He also told me I was being hurtful.
I might be the jerk cuz he is right, I’m not being grateful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Next time he gives you jewelry, be gracious like his aunt. ‘Thank you for the jewelry.’ Put it in a drawer. Never wear it. If he’s telling you the truth, that will be the end of it.
I’m sure no one ever harassed his aunt to eat the chocolate in front of them.
If, instead, he starts complaining that you never wear the jewelry, you know he’s full of it. You already said, ‘He wants me to wear it’ so perhaps you’re already receiving that sort of pressure.
At some point down the line, you’ll be able to regift the jewelry to friends or relatives who enjoy that sort of thing.
In the meantime, please do start buying him pink shirts for every occasion. Dress shirts. Sport shirts. Polo shirts. T-shirts. Maybe mix it up with slacks, socks, and shoes, too.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband is buying you jewelry because it’s a no-brainer way for him to look like a big spender while expending as close to zero energy on your gifts as possible.
To him, woman = jewelry, and telling his family and buddies about the $3,000.00 bracelet he bought you makes him feel good regardless of your wishes. He doesn’t care what you want, only how the gift makes him look to others.
Try throwing the next unwanted expensive bauble directly into the trash right in front of him and see how that adjusts his attitude.
Refuse to talk about it anymore. He already knows how you feel and it doesn’t mean anything to him. Just toss it and walk out of the room.” Gorilla1969
13. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Brother Again?
“I (15f) live with my parents and two younger siblings: May (12f) and Adrian (2m). My dad works full-time in the military and my mother is a stay-at-home mom. In the fall I will be attending my first year of high school and I also work part-time so my dad doesn’t have to pay for all my things himself.
As far as I can remember, I was always sent to take care of and entertain the little kids at weddings and stuff whether it was my younger cousins or kids that I almost never saw, even if I didn’t want to. It really led me to dislike most children. (For a bit more context, I am an introvert and misophonic so kids screaming really puts me off.)
For the last two weeks, it was just me and dad at home because my mom went to her sister’s for vacation and she took my siblings with her claiming that my brother would get traumatized if he was separated from her for so long and she wanted my sister to help her with the toddler.
My dad and I took care of the house and cleared up some things with my future school.
Well, yesterday they came back and today my mother wants me to take care of her kid again, because ‘She has so much work to do in the house.’ I had enough so I told her that it was nonsense because taking care of the house is not as hard and as time-consuming as she claimed and I could do all she complained about in a third of the time and that Adrian is my brother, not my son, so I shouldn’t be the one caring for him and I left her with the kid.
To say the least, she’s mad.
So, AITJ? I feel like I’m not, but maybe I’m just being a moody, spoilt teenager.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need a disappear strategy. Consider extracurricular activities that consume time – are there clubs at school; are you interested in hiking or sports or is there something you would like to volunteer at – an animal shelter?
Or start hanging out at the library or with some friends. Fill up your time. Don’t make a big deal about it. As you are walking out say ‘I saw an interesting lecture at the museum.’ If she asks you to stay home, say ‘Sorry these kinds of activities are crucial to getting into a good college or I already promised my friends that I would be there.’ Or expand the hours at your part-time job.
Make yourself unavailable.” feminist1946
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is not your child. If a grown woman who has no job cannot take care of all of her children then it’s on her not on you. I understand helping from time to time. But you’re not the child’s free live-in nanny.” ksushechka
12. AITJ For Quitting My Job Over A Sandwich?
“I (F 18) have been working at this coffee shop for over two years now. I close 4 days a week with only me and one manager left to run the store from about 2 pm to close.
The other three days a kid (M 16) closes with a different manager. This is about the only staff we have excluding the owner (who will never close), another kid (M 19) who can only work day shifts due to college, another kid (M 18) who also works days and does night classes, and a grown man who works in the back baking all morning and has another job in the afternoon making him only available in the mornings.
So they very clearly need me working there with them.
I’ve been there for a while now and I really don’t mind the people, they can be a bit rude sometimes but I’m super shy and don’t talk much anyway so I stay out of everyone’s way and just get all my work done.
Anytime I’ve worked with my manager she tells me about how I’m the best employee she’s worked with and she likes how I just get stuff done.
Fast forward to a week ago, I went inside of work on one of my off days to say hi, order a coffee, and get a sandwich, I am a vegetarian, and I’ve struggled a lot with food and being able to eat enough for my whole life and I always had a hard time not getting grossed out when eating meat, so I stopped and my relationship with food got much better, so I ordered a grilled cheese and got my coffee and left.
I was driving away and I went to take a bite, I took one swallow and it was fine. When I went to take another I felt a super gross texture and I instantly spit out my food and pulled it apart, they put chicken in my sandwich, (they know my diet and what I normally order), I was so upset but thought it was a mistake so I took the loss on the 3$ sandwich, felt a little gross, and moved on.
The next day when I went to work, when I got there there was normally a shift change so I got to see my other coworkers as they left. I was talking to a guy in the break room while getting ready to work and he was about to leave. I casually made a little joke about how I’m never coming to this place after they got my order wrong (just trying to mock rude customers) and I told him about the grilled cheese I ordered and how it came with meat.
He laughed and told me that it was actually our manager that made me that and it wasn’t an accident, she wanted to ‘pull a prank’ on me and make me try the chicken cause she said it’s delicious and she even gave it to me free of charge anyway.
After he told me what she said, I packed up all my stuff, took my hat and apron off, and told the manager what I heard, that I was done, and how disrespectful that was to do.
I’m still getting calls and texts telling me how rude it was to leave with no two weeks’ notice and how much this shows that I’m just petty and can’t take a joke. They are so short-staffed now they close early and I know it’s affecting business.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your manager deliberately disrespected your boundaries concerning what you eat. It’s not a joke if you don’t find it funny. Also, they got called out and didn’t even try to apologize. They know they’re short-staffed, and they’re still treating employees like that? If they can’t respect a dietary choice, you can’t trust them with more complicated workplace issues.
Your ex-coworkers should stop harassing you and block their numbers. You don’t have to work at a place that doesn’t make you feel welcome.” Independent_Pie_5999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can quit for any reason or no reason, but being openly disrespected and laughed about behind your back is definitely a reason.
There is no reason they should expect you to stick around for weeks after, listening to them complain about how you can’t take a joke and you’re causing a problem for nothing and you’re so dramatic, which is, by the way, what would happen right up to your last day. Your boss knew she was playing dominance games, so why was she unprepared to lose?” poddy_fries
11. AITJ For Not Letting An Injured Clarinet Player March?
“I’m a band director for the local high school band. My best clarinet player had gotten surgery on his spine in 2021 (he has scoliosis) so he didn’t get to march that year by orders of his doctor.
He understood that well and instead he played the keyboard in the front ensemble (although in reality, it was really the ‘back ensemble’ since it was in the back of the field).
So this year, his doctor said he could march again. However, our show this year is going to have a lot of visuals which I think could be difficult on his body, and his doctor had no idea of that when factoring in his judgment on the matter.
He came by my office the day of kickoff weekend (a weekend on the first weekend of May when we teach freshmen how to march and review all the marching fundamentals) and told me his doctor said he could march. He asked me whether he needed to stay at the HS for kickoff (where the horn line was) or go to the middle school (where the color guard and percussion were) and that he would prefer to march again this year.
I told him I’d email him later and he responded with a thumbs up and went to lunch.
I emailed him later that he was going to be in the front ensemble again because I didn’t want him to hurt his back or anything with the hard visuals. I wanted to keep him healthy.
He was upset. I learned from a fellow clarinet that he had also intended to try out for the clarinet solo in the 2nd movement of the show. Later that day, I asked the percussion director if he was at the middle school, and apparently, he wasn’t.
So we start band camp next week, and I have been informed by the other clarinets that he quit in retaliation for me not letting him march.
Now we just lost our best clarinet player, and not only that, but the other 2 synth players quit too because they had become close with him over the past year and they decided to join him in quitting. I’ve been at a loss for words as this is his last year. The assistant band directors are conflicted on the whole thing.
We have no synth players and none of the other percussionists are able to do the sound effects in the show as they are already playing instruments.
AITJ for not letting him march to protect his back which caused him to quit in retaliation?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If his doctors cleared him, it’s not your function to second-guess them.
If you were really concerned that his doctors didn’t understand the extent of the activity, you could have made a list of the specific activities he would need to do as part of ‘marching’ and have his doctors clear him for those.
You seem less concerned about this particular player than how the loss of him and his friends affects your precious band.
That’s not terribly sympathetic.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
As someone who’s marched band and drum corps, that is not your call to make in any way. You are not a doctor. I understand you are looking out for his safety, but if the doctor says he can, he can do it. You could have at least expressed concern to him about the visuals in the show and his condition, he could have re-consulted his doctor about whether he should march or not.
Honestly not sure what gives you the right to just rip away a student’s last season like this with no warning or conversation about it. I hope you learn a very valuable lesson from this.” Maxcat94
10. AITJ For Wanting To Entrust Our Kids To My Sister Instead Of My Husband's Sister?
“My husband (34M) and I (32F) come from relatively different backgrounds. I grew up middle class with one immigrant parent, but they came to the US when they were younger and my other parent was born here. We also primarily spoke English. Both of my parents work office jobs with good salaries and went to college.
However, my parents came from very low-income backgrounds and it took them longer to build their success. It took my mom 12 years to finish getting her degree and my dad started at the very bottom of his company so while we live in a nicer house now, it was not always like this and I understood sharing a room with my two siblings, shopping at thrift stores and hand me downs, not being able to afford to go on school field trips, etc.
As for my husband, his parents both do not speak English and work blue-collar jobs. He lived in the town over from mine when we were younger and his family rented a smaller apartment. I have no judgment for him whatsoever and I’m proud of him for being a first-generation college student. I am in no place to judge where he came from when I understood being below the poverty line in my early childhood when it’s where my parents came from, and it’s the life that some of my family lives as well.
Now, we have four small kids. When we were writing our wills, I said the kids should go to my sister – who is married, makes six figures apart from her husband, and lives in a large house with her one child and could provide a good home for my kids. He wanted the first person our kids to go to to be his sister – who is unmarried, lives in a small apartment in a more dangerous neighborhood, has one daughter who she had as a teenager who is now grown up and makes a little less than 20,000 annually.
I love his sister, she is very sweet and a good woman and I completely trust her to raise my kids – but I would be more comfortable with them going to my sister as I would know for sure they would always be fed, clothed, and have their own rooms. I offered to put his sister down as the second option, which was my plan anyway, but he said that I judged his sister for her lower-income lifestyle and I didn’t want our kids to grow up like he did and I was being classist. I don’t think it’s classist to be concerned about the welfare of my children and I also think it’s unfair of us to force 4 little children on a woman who lives in a two-bedroom apartment alone, works a full-time job, and has already raised one child.
She would have to be worried about childcare and my kids would have to grow up with an absent parental figure – which is unfair to all of them.
As for my sister, she is a real estate agent and is able to work from home so she can care for the kids, her husband can step in when she is gone, and they can grow up with their cousin who is their age and they adore.
My husband says I’m the jerk for being classist to his sister but I disagree, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It’s fine to think about the environment your kids will be living in, but I’m confused about your assumption that your kids would be moving into their Aunt’s apartment and relying on her to support them financially.
You should see a financial planner to ensure you have appropriate levels of life insurance, college funds, etc so that your kids will be provided for financially should one or both of you die.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s really admirable that both of your sisters are willing to be the first choice to care for your kids.
But the willingness and desire to care for your kids is much different than the material reality of providing them with financial, physical, and emotional support. If your husband’s sister doesn’t have the resources (even if she has all the desire and love in the world), I don’t think it’d be fair to his sister to struggle to provide for the kids.” NoMathematician6900
9. AITJ For Going Out With Friends The Night Before A Date?
“I (24M) had been talking to this girl, we’ll call her Millie (22F), for about a week after we’d met online. We’d hit it off really well and after a few days, we decided to arrange a date and decided on meeting up for some lunch on the Thursday of that week.
I told her I had some plans on a Wednesday evening (arranged a week or so before we’d planned to meet up) so asked if we could meet a little later in the day, around 1 PM. She said that was fine and I thought that was that.
Wednesday came around and she asked me what my plans for the evening were.
I told her that I and some of my work colleagues had arranged to meet up for some food and drinks at a local bar. Immediately she replied with ‘Let’s just forget tomorrow then’ and when I asked why she said she was not interested in wasting her time meeting up with someone who would turn up hungover and tired. I told her that I’m not a heavy drinker and I was conscious of the fact I was meant to be meeting her and had told my colleagues I’d be taking it steady.
She replied, ‘No it’s fine, don’t let me ruin your night out’ and at this point, I was getting quite panicky. I told her if it was really that important to her I’d cancel meeting with my work friends to put her mind at ease but she wouldn’t have it. In the end, she replied that she’d be meeting me at 11 AM and that if I couldn’t make that then I shouldn’t bother replying.
I replied that I’d be there and she just said ‘OK’.
AITJ here? I really don’t understand what I did wrong. I don’t have too many friends outside of work so I always jump at the chance to meet up with them.”
Another User Comments:
“Lol no NTJ. You can’t see people the day before you are meeting up with this person?
That’s wild and super controlling for someone who you’ve known for like a minute. You said you wouldn’t be compromised and that should be enough. This person must have some prior negative experience to react this way… now what you have to figure out is do you want to spend time with someone who is that confrontational and seemingly controlling?” Lildiar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you end up going on more dates with this person, please keep in mind that this is red flag-worthy behavior. Expecting someone not to have plans, when they told you up front that they had plans, and being upset when you learn the specifics of those plans (when you’re not a couple or anything significant) is concerning and potentially manipulative behavior.” Disneyland4Ever
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Friend Around My Kids?
“My (33f) parents (69M and 59F) have always historically hosted Christmas and Easter. I have two kids (13f and 11 non-binary) who have spent them with their grandparents their whole lives, with the obvious exception of the last couple of years. My parents are kind of a lot, especially my mum.
My mum decided to marry a man with multiple neurodivergent traits and then was surprised and annoyed when the children she had with him came out neurodivergent. Her solution was just to bully us for our nd traits until we acted ‘normal’. To be fair, it did work. I mask like a pro and literally lock the door and close the curtains to stim now.
And holidays are very extra. With a lot of decorations and perfectionism. I’m finally getting the diagnosis she actively avoided me having as a child for me and my kids. And occasionally requesting the odd ‘reasonable adjustment’ to the holiday plans. She can’t handle it. She still isn’t really engaging with the reality of any of this, not even for the child who has a formal diagnosis of autism.
She still refers to it as ‘being funny about slimy food/loud noises/etc’ and acts like we’re being difficult.
My babies and I talk about it. So far everyone wants to keep visits short, and support each other, but still suck it up so we can join the family holidays. What might have brought me to breaking point is that this year (the first time we’ve done Easter since 2019 for obvious reasons) my mum’s 50-something-year-old friend has been invited for the whole day.
This woman has this weird running joke that my parents are her parents and she like… takes it to kind of a weird place. She makes a point of calling them ‘pa and ma’ and talks about how her kids are their grandkids and demands to be included in literally everything, it seems like she ramps this up if my siblings or I are around (My sister has also complained).
She also has a sense of humor that is limited to ‘saying something inappropriate regardless of whether it is funny or clever’.
We’ve been told that the Easter eggs my sister sent as a gift for her family have to be included in the ‘grown-up egg hunt’ but we also can’t expect her to share anything she finds even if the rest of us do because she doesn’t like sharing.
And… I think I might be done with this. I’m not a child who has to put up with my parents prioritizing their unpleasant friends over me. I can just choose not to be here. But I also know that not being here will cause a lot of upset and that I will definitely 100% be seen as the bad guy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to create boundaries to protect yourself and your kids. It’s important that you learn how to stim whenever you need to so that your kids also feel free to do the same based on examples.
If your mother cannot make the environment neurodivergent friendly… that’s her issue, not yours and you have every right to stay away.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe try to negotiate a shorter, less overbearing visit if you aren’t ready to skip altogether. A second commitment to an imaginary event would give you a good reason to hunt eggs and bail before ham with a side of inappropriate comments towards your children. And you are right to not make it the kids’ decision but as their parent, you have to elicit and listen to their input.
If they aren’t comfortable you need to extract them from the situation. (If they’re just being angsty teenagers who would rather stay home texting their friends… a different situation). Generational trauma is only broken by changing the way the generations interact.” timespassing_
7. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Friend A Ticket To The Event Until He Pays Off His Debt?
“Two weeks ago I met with a friend (m 25) – let’s call him Mike – to talk and connect after not seeing each other for a while.
We went to a bar and I had two glasses of wine while he ordered 2 expensive drinks and after that one glass of wine (he also ordered himself snacks and antipasti).
After we asked for the bill he suddenly stood up and said that he didn’t feel well and he had to go to the bathroom.
I was worried but after he left for the toilet the waitress came ready to get paid. I paid for us both and went looking for Mike. The minute the waitress stepped away he came out of the restaurant (we sat outside) and said that he was feeling better. He promised to transfer the funds this evening because he didn’t have enough cash now.
After two days of waiting, I asked him about the payment and he said he had forgotten. I asked him again and again but it never worked. I was really mad. I ordered not so much wine and food because I wanted to save for a trip (the bill was like 60 euros – 16 euros for me and the rest was his) and I felt betrayed.
This week my friends and I planned a wine tasting. I said that everybody had to give me the payment BEFORE I booked this event (it gets cheaper with every ticket you book). Mike was not there when we talked about it but he heard it from another friend. All my friends did without complaint and to my surprise Mike transferred me the 30 euros for the wine tasting.
I wrote him and said that I would not book his ticket but would take the money to pay off his debt. He can transfer me the amount again and I would order a ticket for him but not now. He got really angry and even some of my friends said that it wasn’t right and now he is excluded from this event.
They say that he especially sent the funds to attend the event and that I have no right to exclude him and take this money for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows he walked out on the bill, he knows he promised to pay you back. Suddenly he comes up with an immediate €30 to get this ticket.
I don’t blame you at all for saying that goes toward what you still owe me.
All the friends saying you’re excluding him blah blah blah they can all pitch in and get him that ticket and then be the ones to see what it’s like trying to get paid back by him.
Or of course, Mike can just now give you the ticket money and be done with it, you know, like an adult.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can easily solve the problem by actually paying off his debt. He was planning to anyway, right? So where is the issue?
Of course, the issue is that he never planned to actually pay you back and now he’s mad that didn’t work.
Your friends who worry he can’t attend could just offer to cover the debt for him, and then collect the money from him later. Should be no problem if he’s an honest guy, right?” HoldFastO2
6. AITJ For Thinking My Therapist Is The One Who Has Control Issues?
“I have EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) over Zoom for PTSD. This is a challenging but effective therapy that involves moving my eyes, at the same as revisiting traumatic memories to process them.
My therapist told me last session that I have a need for control which comes from my trust issues, and warned me that another therapist might find this quite off-putting.
She said another therapist might not even notice that I have these issues.
I’m surprised by this as I feel like I’m unhealthily passive, and have been working consciously on saying when I’m unhappy and asserting my needs.
I asked her what I do to try to control things and her evidence was that:
- One time I asked what she was writing.
- (She claims) I asked her to move the camera so that I could see her.
- In our first session I said I’d prefer not to tap my arms as I find it triggering.
- She told me that holding a water bottle was a distraction tactic. She said, ‘You don’t need to drink water in that hour, you’re not going to die of dehydration, are you?’
She said she’s just bringing up what she noticed because she’s an honest counsellor and that’s what therapy is about.
In our first processing session when I said I’d prefer not to tap my arms she said ‘Well how are you going to do EMDR then?’ I said I felt like she was annoyed with me for not wanting to tap my arms. She said, ‘Oh, no, not me.
I’m not that petty’.
She’s done some other creepy-ish stuff.
She spent five minutes at the beginning of today’s session saying how I’m the spitting image of some supermodel from the 80s and has said she should be like a mother figure to me because a therapist is a kind of mother figure.
I feel like she reasserts quite often that she’s a very experienced therapist (with 14 years experience) and she’s seen thousands of clients, and ‘only three or four have not had their trauma removed’. ‘And one, it was because he had a brain injury from a car crash, so he couldn’t do processing’.
When I said that I felt really safe and ready to work on myself with my previous therapist, she seemed jealous and started to say that they might not have been doing the therapy properly because they were giving me too much support and she was not ‘nicey-nicey’ like that.
My honest gut reaction is to feel that she has some control issues and some attachment issues that she’s projecting onto me.
However, I also know that my abusive mum is very controlling. I thought I had BPD at one point because I used to so desperately try to get my ex-partner to act in the way that I thought I needed, so I know I’m capable of being manipulative to others when I’m very distressed. I think I might be projecting my issues onto my therapist and overanalyzing her behavior.
I have spoken out most times I’ve felt uncomfortable. I also know that going online to find validation and prove my point isn’t the best sign.
AITJ with control/trust issues that I’m in denial about?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this therapist sounds UNHINGED. Saying things like she’s a mother figure and claiming she’s removed thousands of people’s trauma is not how therapy and mental health work AT ALL.
It sounds like she’s the one who’s trying to control you, and it sounds like she’s trying to gaslight you into feeling bad about harmless things and into not finding another therapist.
Dump her yesterday!” GoingPriceForHome
Another User Comments:
“What worries me is your therapist, who is supposed to be a professional, boundary stomping all over your requests and displaying their own weird need for control.
Telling a therapist you are triggered by arm tapping and do not wish to employ that technique is a very reasonable boundary and any therapist worth their salt will respect that and address it later when you have trust built up. Additionally, you are allowed to drink water when in therapy. I know talking always makes me thirsty and even more so when I am in a therapy session.
What is more damaging is now you will be second-guessing yourself in future sessions, and probably with future therapists as well.
So NTJ and I hope you find a new therapist.” EsharaLight
5. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To My Sister's Wedding Because I Hate Her Fiance?
“My (25F) sister, call her Brooke (32F), has been with Mark (32M) since freshman year of high school. As far as I understand it, they did not want to get married initially because Brooke is vehemently child-free, and Mark agrees with her, but they have decided to hold a wedding/commitment ceremony next spring after a lot of years of back and forth.
The problem is, I’ve known Mark since I was a kid (he started coming around to the house a lot when he and Brooke were sophomores in high school, so I was eight or so when I first met him as Brooke’s significant other), and I have basically hated him the whole time.
I’ve tried to be polite, particularly now that we are all adults, but I just don’t want to go to the wedding of my sister and the guy she’s always put before her family.
As an example, when Brooke and Mark started going out, Brooke went from eating dinner at home with the rest of us every night to going out two or three times a week with Mark and his friends.
This was against our parent’s rules and caused a lot of arguments that negatively impacted both me and our younger sister Jenny (22F) (who was barely in kindergarten at the time and didn’t understand what was going on).
Brooke and our parents started fighting basically every night, and it was incredibly disruptive to our home life.
My sister went from being my best friend to a stranger, and Mark was the one encouraging it.
The stress of those years was so bad that I had to repeat fourth grade (failed math), and I was bullied really badly for that. I stopped going to school looking nice because there was so much tension in the home that no one was paying attention to whether or not I had clean clothes.
Jenny also struggled academically and socially but I was able to step in and help her more with things like getting dressed and packing her lunch, so she doesn’t remember those years as negatively as I do.
Of course, as soon as Brooke and Mark graduated he convinced her to move across the country to go to college.
Our parents were really hurt by this and there were a few years when she didn’t come home over Christmas or summer. Eventually, things cooled down when I was in high school and Brooke started making more contact with our family, but Mark would do things like glare at our parents over the dinner table and suddenly declare that it was time for them to go.
I don’t think I should have to go to the wedding of my sister and this guy who stole her from us, and I am planning on RSVPing ‘no’ when the time comes. Our family has been minimally involved in wedding planning, and I am not in the bridal party or anything like that (they are all friends of Brooke and Mark from the hospital where they work).
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re being childish and petty over stupid nonsense. I think it’s insane that one of your examples is she wasn’t eating at home as often.
Frankly, you are blaming your sister for things you aren’t entitled to. You failed math. No one else made you do that.
Your parents sound just as immature.
Why aren’t you blaming them for creating a toxic home life? Why aren’t you mad at them you had to take care of your younger sister? She’s their child!
The way you talk it’s like you feel ownership over her instead of being an individual. It’s weird.
It’s like grow up and get over it.
Jesus. YTJ.” Puzzleheaded-SR
Another User Comments:
“Wait, so your high school-aged sister got a partner, with whom she socialized, and it messed your parents up so much that they stopped caring for the rest of their children? That’s abuse. Your parents mistreated you, according to your story. And you’re angry at your sister for escaping that situation?
I think you need to take a big step back from all of this until you can look at the situation objectively. It honestly sounds like you’re angry at your sister for acting her age, and because your parents mistreated you, you blame her for problems that she’s obviously not responsible for causing.
It sounds like you’ve experienced a lot of pain from all of this. I’m sorry for that. I think you should talk to someone about this. Someone who can help you break down and reorganize your thoughts. YWBTJ if you hurt your sister out of spite because of your messed up childhood.” kfrostborne
4. AITJ For Telling My Friend That I Think Her Partner Hates Her Daughter?
“My (30F) friend Vicky (30F) and I both have daughters. Mine is 3, hers is 5. Vicky is no longer with her daughter’s father and now has a new partner, Cody (28).
For as long as they’ve been together, Vicky has brushed off Cody’s issues with being with a single mother as him not liking kids. He can never babysit because he doesn’t like kids, he’s never able to help her out with errands because he doesn’t like kids, and he chose to sit far away from her on the plane because her daughter hates planes, and ‘kid noises’ bug him.
She seemed happy with him so whatever, I just went with it. When I saw them, I noticed how he wouldn’t engage with her daughter. Her daughter is not the best behaved, I’ll admit (loud, not great manners, restless), but not so far off the scale that it would send someone running. But Cody won’t hold her, or play with her, and the second she even moves in his direction he’s calling for Vicky to do something.
I get not wanting to be ‘daddy’ right away and I get not liking kids (I’m not such a fan of other people’s kids myself) but I always felt like he was taking it to the extreme for someone who was willingly going out with someone with a kid.
Anyway, Vicky, her daughter, and Cody came to visit me at home for the first time for two weeks.
I was expecting Cody to ignore my daughter as he does Vicky’s, but after a couple of days, he took a liking to her. He would draw with her, and if she brought him a toy he’d do a little impression with a funny voice for her, he even joined my husband in teaching her how to swim.
He hasn’t been over the top, just way more accommodating of her than I expected, and it’s really put in perspective his attitude toward Vicky’s daughter.
Vicky has chosen to ignore this, like won’t even look in his direction if he’s near my daughter.
Yesterday Cody and I were sitting out by the pool and Cody was reading a book, and Vicky’s daughter came over and asked him if he’d come and play with her.
He said he was busy. She got a bit upset by this and started tugging his arm and whining. Eventually, he just snapped ‘Get off me’ and went inside. Vicky came out straight after and soothed the whole thing with an ice cream. I told Vicky that Cody was a bit rude and she said ‘Well, he tries, but you know how he is, he hates kids’.
I just said ‘I don’t think he hates kids Vicky, I think he just hates yours. He’s better with my daughter than I was with kids before I had her. This isn’t a dig but I really don’t think this problem is what you think it is’. Vicky took offense, called me a jerk for insulting her parenting and her partner, and went back to the guest house (where they are staying).
She’s been off with me today. I know maybe I was a bit harsh and it wasn’t my place but was it really so bad of me to bring up a problem she is clearly not acknowledging?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think the problem is with your friend. She is choosing to entertain Cody’s behavior against her own daughter.
She doesn’t seem to care about how Cody’s actions are going to affect her daughter’s mental health. If she chooses to stay in a relationship with him then years down the line her daughter might think that even her mother chose him over her. She needed this wake-up call by you for her daughter’s sake.” Scarlet_sunset01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Vicky pretends to be blind just to keep her partner happy. She’s willing to let her child suffer because she doesn’t want to disturb the status quo.
At the same time, I don’t think Cody hates Vicky’s daughter. He seems to try to avoid any form of responsibility as a father figure.
He plays with OP’s kid because it’s safe and doesn’t mean anything. He wants to go out with a ‘single’ without ‘mother’.
Regardless, his attitude is borderline abusive, so the ‘why’ is not so important. Vicky has to admit they have a big problem.” Garamon7
3. AITJ For Excluding A Friend From My Party Because "She Would Ruin The Aesthetic"?
I (29F) started a small online book club for book lovers in my city about a year ago. I know it sounds a little nerdy but it’s not like that, we’re all just some girls who like to read and share our thoughts, especially on historical fiction. Well, I’ve been seeing a lot of those book balls on TikTok recently where people throw huge parties where everyone dresses up extravagantly in ball gowns and those intricate masks and parasols and whatnot and thought it looked super fun, only there wasn’t any being held anywhere near me so I decided to hold an intimate one with the girls from my book club.
There are about a dozen of us and we’ve met up multiple times so we’re all good friends.
One of these girls is a close friend of mine, I’ll call her Sam (29F) and she does not like to dress up at all. She’s always in sweats or athletic clothes, never does her makeup or hair, and just doesn’t really care about her appearance even for formal events, I remember she skipped our prom and wore jeans to our ceremony, which is fine, she’s a beautiful girl.
But I didn’t want that at my ball, so I didn’t invite her. I sent out beautiful invites that I spent a good chunk of money for, rented out a small hall that fit my budget, catered, and only asked my friends to pitch in about $20 each to cover some costs.
Everyone bought beautiful extravagant gowns and accessories and I got even more excited. Well eventually word somehow made it to Sam and she asked me about the event.
She asked if I was really hosting an event for the book club and not inviting her and after hesitating I said yes but only because I knew she would never wear a ball gown or put effort into looking good. She said she was upset that I wouldn’t want her there even if she wore her regular clothes and I told her that that’s not fair, that I put in all of this effort for a beautiful event where everyone can be a little extra for one day and I didn’t want her to ruin the aesthetic.
She hasn’t spoken to me since then and the ball was two days ago (a success, by the way – everyone looked amazing). Am I the jerk for not inviting her because she would ruin the event?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I would have sent her an invite and said that the attire was mandatory that way she could have chosen whether or not she wanted to attend and if she didn’t no loss to you.
If you two are as good of friends as you say then you should have at least told her about it so she didn’t hear it from anyone else and feel left out.” Plenty_Risk2896
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You excluded a friend of more than ten years because you were afraid she’d ‘ruin the aesthetic’ of your party.
You didn’t even give her the opportunity to choose to dress up or decline the invitation. That’s insulting.” General_Relative2838
2. AITJ For Refusing To Raise My Half-Sister?
“My (30F) parents got divorced 6 years ago. After we found out that my father was having an affair. Out of the affair, they had a daughter, Annie (7F). After the divorce was settled we moved my mother out of our hometown and had completely no contact with my father and his family (they were jerks and toxic to me and my twin brothers).
I have a good job with a nice salary, and so do my brothers (28M twins). I live with Mom and my brothers both have apartments close by, and we are very comfortable with what we have.
Three weeks ago we got a call that my father and his wife got into an accident and died leaving my sister with my grandparents.
They all insisted that I take in my sister, basically guilt-tripping me and my brothers to take her in. Such a poor girl, both her parents died, leaving a young kid alone. Surely her sister will step up and raise her.
I refused.
I told them I was not compromising my mom’s health (she requires constant care and I don’t mind because we can afford it and I love her and she’s gone through a lot), and as I’m also going to therapy I told them I wasn’t fit to raise a kid.
Truth is, I just don’t want a kid around. I have plans of being childless, which my family knows about and they’re very supportive of my decisions. I don’t want a kid in my house, messing with our routines, and ruining my own plans. I don’t even know her, like, at all.
Then they started threatening us, gaslighting us, and all around harassing us even after I blocked them all.
They came over to my house and almost made my mom relapse. I didn’t want the cops involved so my brothers took turns sleeping in my house so they could block off my father’s family. And they went on social media telling people that we were monsters for not willing to provide for Annie and that we were jerks for not taking her in.
I am so stressed and now I don’t know what to do. My brothers are adamant that a kid is a big responsibility I don’t need to take, and Mom flat out doesn’t want Annie in our house. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You or your brothers have no obligation whatsoever toward a girl who is basically a stranger to you and your family since you have no contact with your father.
Also, if I can be frank, yours wouldn’t be a suitable setting for the girl. You don’t want children – and this is your sacred right – so you are the last person who should take care of the girl. You would do it reluctantly, only because someone put pressure on you from the outside, and it is not what the girl needs.
‘I didn’t want the cops involved’
Hun, if the girl’s relatives came knock on your door and harrassed your sick mother, it’s time to get the cops involved and show a restriction order to those tossers.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel awful for Annie, who at 7 has just lost her parents, and now has her actual family trying to pawn her off onto what are essentially strangers.
You don’t have an obligation to take her in just because she’s a half-sister, your mum certainly doesn’t need this stress, and Annie absolutely deserves a better family (those on your dad’s side being the crap ones, not you, your brothers & mum) or a chance at a family who will love and care for her in a traumatic time through adoption or something of that sort.” dingleberrydoughnut
1. AITJ For Not Going To My Wife's Birthday Party?
“So my wife’s birthday was earlier in the week. We spent the evening together in the house because the kids were home and funds were tight but made the most of it. We watched a few shows and movies together and had little parfait desserts with candles.
I thought we had a good time and I really enjoyed spending the time together.
A day or two later her mother messages after the fact and says that she wants to have a party for her at her sister’s house and it would be our niece’s party as well.
A few things to note about her mom and sister’s family beforehand. Neither of them liked me for a reason unbeknownst to me.
Shortly before we got married their attitude changed suddenly towards me to the point that my wife was even told not to marry me. I’ve never done anything to these people besides be as nice and helpful as possible. I’ve honestly treated them better than my own family. It’s to the point that when I’m in a room with them they don’t even acknowledge my existence or even say hi at times.
Her brother-in-law constantly calls me for ‘help’ with computer stuff (I used to work in IT) but it always ends up with him bragging about new stuff he has bought and the real reason he called never gets answered. I just don’t feel wanted or welcome around any of them. I have expressed this to my wife and she sees it and doesn’t understand it either.
Anyway, I say all of that to say this. Today was the party and I didn’t go. My wife was clearly upset and tried to make me feel terrible for not going. She acted as if I completely missed her party despite having a more intimate one here at the house on her actual birthday.
So with that all being said AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not obligated to go to any family function that you don’t want to. Especially one where you’re very clearly not wanted. If she knows you’ll be miserable, she shouldn’t want you to have to deal with that. She can suck it up and party with her family without you for a few hours.” reyballesta
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like your wife wanted you there.
While you don’t feel wanted or welcome, her birthday isn’t the time to make this about you. However, your wife ought really have a good sit-down talk with her family.
But meanwhile, it’s her birthday. Hang out with her at her family’s. You don’t need to acknowledge Mom, Sis, or BIL.
Maybe say happy birthday to the niece. Be cordial.” Poesy-WordHoard
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