People Await Our Responses To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Going To My Sisters' Events?
“My (22f) brother (17m) was an affair baby. What ended up happening was the following:
My dad remarried another woman and gained a stepdaughter (17) who he treats like his own. My mother remarried another man and had my half-sisters (14f, 13f). My brother’s father is not in his life.
As a kid, I spent an equal amount of time with both parents but my brother was always with mom.
From what I know, my brother doesn’t call anyone dad.
This is something that really affects him. He’s always wanted a dad and one of those happy little families and I recently found his letters to Santa from when he was younger and I’m absolutely heartbroken. It is something I now feel very strongly about.
Because my mom works a lot, no one ever shows up to my brother’s games. He doesn’t really care. Or at least acts like he doesn’t.
Well, my partner and I decided to go to every one of his games and have been going to every game since last year.
He always gets really happy. He even jokingly calls us his parents as we sit with all the other parents. This is something I only do for him.
My brother had his final volleyball game near the end of October and like always, I went.
However, as I was about to leave, my mom said she needed to talk.
Ten minutes later, my dad shows up. They usually cannot stand each other so I thought it was something serious.
They just told me that it’s nice that I go to all my brother’s games but my sisters on both sides feel left out and I should make an effort to go to their things too.
My 17-year-old sister had some dance rehearsal on the same day and they wanted me to go to that instead to prove that I’m not playing favorites. They also said that they want my partner to go as well.
I said no. They kept begging though and my mom told me that my other sisters had something coming up as well.
I said no. Unless it’s a major game or recital, I won’t attend. I’m already very busy and only do this for my brother because, unlike my sisters, he has no one. My parents said that was unfair to the girls because they deserve to have an older sister.
They both also agree that it’s weird my partner and I act like his parents.
I just told them that sucks but I have a game to get to.
They’re both STILL mad at me. I haven’t been allowed in either house since that day and until I promise to commit to the girls as well but I keep refusing.
My mom’s called me mean, selfish, etc and my dad keeps saying that he never expected this from me. I don’t know, am I the jerk for refusing to do the same for my sisters? I just want my brother to have ONE thing. He never gets anything.
But maybe I’m the jerk for doing this at the expense of my sisters.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This was disturbing. It doesn’t sound like this has anything to do with the sisters really. It’s all about punishing your brother for existing.
They really really hate him and perhaps try not to let it be obvious.
For example by pretending the problem is the girls not getting enough of your attention when the problem is that someone (anyone) is daring to show your brother some love and attention.
You could probably continue skipping sisters’ things and it would be fine so long as you skip brother’s also.
The only important thing is that everyone covertly ignores and neglects your brother.
Your parents and stepdad are such major jerks and I’m enraged at them. He’s not the son of dad or stepdad, but no good person would tolerate or be a party to such callousness – and shame, shame, shame on your mother for not being a parent to her son.
Hopefully, the only mistreatment is neglect but that’s enough to make a sad childhood for your brother. Good for you for being there for him and letting him see that he counts too and at least one person loves him and shows it.” Melayla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are making it some sort of hours spent xyz contest, where you are using a needs-based approach like an intelligent person.
Perhaps offer that you will go to your step sisters’ events, provided there’s no other family there for them, but they must ensure you that your brother’s games are covered, meaning there will be a family in attendance. Otherwise, you will go where you are most needed.” TheLuvBub
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is just annoyed that you are a better ‘parent’ to him than she is. Your dad might have been genuinely thinking it was unfair to your sisters, but if he can’t see that you are doing something truly wonderful and generous for someone who was deliberately overlooked by their parents/guardians then he’s no better than your mom.
Tell the girls straight up that they have parents who care and can come if they wanted, but he doesn’t.
Ask them if they think it’s okay for him to be ignored and singled out like he has been. They cannot win that one at all or even argue without showing themselves to be cruel and selfish.” himmelkatten
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Big Wedding?
“My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and are getting married in June. We were planning a big wedding in a very beautiful and expensive venue in Vermont that she has dreamed of since she was a little girl. Recently, however, we have fallen on hard times and will not be able to afford it without taking out pricey loans.
She’s devastated that we may have to cancel. I’m trying to be supportive but personally, I have always wanted to elope or do something small with 20-50 people.
I view giant expensive weddings as unnecessary and a waste of money. I’d rather spend that money on the honeymoon or a house.
I told her early on that this is how I feel but she pushed for the big wedding and I caved. But now this is happening and I feel like she cares more about the wedding venue than the fact that we’re marrying each other and I’m finding it hard to be sympathetic.
I mentioned we could have a 2nd wedding down the road maybe but she’s completely shutting down about it now. I’m to the point that I am finding this all stupid and annoying. We are so alike in every way I could ask for except this but I’ve been stressed about this for months and the idea of canceling is the first time I’ve felt relief.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think a lot of people are assuming a lot about the roots of her emotions about this. She doesn’t seem spoiled or like she’s more concerned about the party than the marriage to me. To me, it reads that she’s grieving the dream wedding that slipped out of her reach.
She’s allowed to feel disappointed and take time to grieve and come to terms with the new reality. A huge financial hit, plus the loss of the dream wedding. It’s a lot!
I think you should tell her her emotions are so valid, and not rush her to come back swinging and smiling immediately.
Let her feel her emotions, even if it’s uncomfortable for you. Just because it’s not important to you doesn’t mean it’s not impactful to her.
‘I know. This sucks. I wish we could go with the original plan too if just to make you smile. I’m here for you, and if you want to sit and cry about it and have a nice quiet night to just sit in the suck of it all, I’ll put on a show and order in.’
I think validating her disappointment and giving her the ability to openly grieve and come to terms with the new situation will do wonders.” NapalmReader
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You should have compromised at the beginning.
You let it get to this point.
However, because you had different expectations for the wedding then you needed to budget what you are BOTH comfortable spending.
If the venue was out of budget that’s it. You shouldn’t have caved. Unless she was prepared to pay the additional cost out of her own pocket.
Your best bet is to postpone the wedding until you can work out your communication with each other. Lay it all out. Tell her you feel the wedding is becoming more important than the marriage at this point.
Don’t marry someone that you can’t communicate with.” Prudent_Border5060
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s devastated to be losing something she’s always wanted; unless she pushes you (as a couple) to go into debt rather than accept financial limits, she hasn’t done anything wrong. Given your high esteem for her, I think it’s safe to assume that it’s not that she values the wedding festivities more than she values marrying you; but your relationship isn’t ending, so of course she’s not grieving it.
She’s losing something that a lot of people value immensely, let her feel that sadness.
You’re also not a jerk for not wanting the big wedding to begin with, and being relieved to not have the stress of a huge event ahead.
I hope you can find it in you to be sympathetic and understanding of her emotions — even if you can’t relate to wanting a big wedding, surely you can understand feeling loss when a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity becomes impossible for financial reasons?
But neither of you is in the wrong.” littlefiddle05
Maybe a themed wedding, like beach, barn or park. If you don't have to spend money on the venue, she could spend money on her dress and cake. Have it in the evening after dinner hour and only serve appetizers, both hot and cold. Make most of the food yourself, but rent high end looking serving stuff from a rental place.
I've put together more than a few weddings that looked like you spent big bucks, but you didn't at all.
Rest assured OP, this is NOT about you and her love for you.
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My In-Laws Take My Daughter On A Holiday Trip?
“This is the first year we are hosting Christmas. We didn’t make big plans, but it feels special because it’s in our home and we won’t be traveling this year.
We want to start our own traditions in our new home. We made plans and both sets of parents were excited to come to stay with us this year. My MIL asked weeks ago if she could take our daughter to visit extended family 7 hours away the week before. I agreed as I think visiting family is important.
My husband wasn’t too happy with it, but I convinced him. I assumed there would be a gift exchange with my grandparents and my SIL but was not informed of any formal plans.
We do not get along well with SIL. She and her husband are very political and judgmental. If you don’t agree with them, you are simply wrong and have questionable judgment.
This has come up before. SIL and her husband did not invite us to their wedding, nor have they attended a family Christmas in years. They had a baby earlier this year and I know my In-Laws are very excited to spend time with her.
Last night we were told that they would not be attending Christmas with us, as they are going to have Christmas with SIL/new baby/our daughter at their house.
Driving 2 hours to see us, 4 days after they return is just ‘too much’. If they had told me they were planning their own separate Christmas instead of attending ours, I would have said no to her going. Her Christmas is with us, and I’m just not ok with them planning a Christmas with our daughter, without us.
When I mentioned this to MIL she said ‘Y’all didn’t plan any traditions that day, so we assumed it wasn’t a big deal’. I’m not even sure what that means. I’m upset, not only because this Christmas was planned behind our backs, but if I say no, she won’t be going to visit her cousin.
She does not know about the trip yet. I feel like this was intentional. They want to have their cake and eat it too. Spending Christmas with the new baby, and our daughter, knowing we would not be attending. I also know my MIL, if we agree to this year, she will expect this to be the new tradition.
I know my daughter would have fun, and yeah it’s kinda selfish that I want her only Christmas to be here with us. Of course, they want Christmas with their daughter and new grandbaby.
They want their own separate Christmas, instead of having Christmas with us like we originally planned. Kids have separate Christmases all the time, except it’s still usually with the parents just split between in-laws.
Grandparents don’t usually take grandkids for a separate Christmas vacation. Would I be the jerk for saying no she can’t go on this trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However they are justifying it to themselves they are testing the waters to see if you will go along with being treated like you are worth nothing.
They want to have it all their own way while showing no respect for you at all.
Start as you mean to go on. Don’t enable this garbage even once. Your daughter shouldn’t grow up seeing her parents being alienated at Christmas; besides that, who knows what kind of talk about you she’d overhear without you there.
Anything positive your daughter might get out of this would be poisoned by the completely trashy nature of the whole setup, which even she as a kid would soon catch on to.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said yes to visiting relatives with maybe a small present exchange attached, at a time when your in-laws were coming to your place for Christmas so that’s when they’d be going to Christmas with her.
They’ve changed it to – we’re having family Christmas a week earlier and you aren’t invited but we are taking daughter.
That’s a totally different request.
When the daughter is a teenager, if she wants to go to this – that can be her choice. But she’s a child now – so you get to say no to your in-laws wanting stuff like this.
To me, this isn’t about only Christmas versus not. Because ultimately Christmas isn’t about the presents – as much as my nieces think Hannukah is all about the presents – it’s about family time. And your in-laws are saying they don’t want to spend Christmas with you. So why would you let your daughter spend a version of Christmas with them.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were supposed to host the Christmas party and now they’re having one without you (but they want your kid!). You didn’t have all the information when you gave them permission to take your daughter. You’re entitled to change your mind now that you have all the details.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting your daughter’s Christmas magic and memories to include you and your husband. And I guarantee that in-laws change their mind about how burdensome the trip to your house will be when granddaughter doesn’t get to go with them for SIL’s Christmas.” AITAobsession
15. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor I'll File A Noise Complaint If Her Baby Keeps Crying?
“My neighbors are a young couple in their 30s (Annie and Bill), they had a baby a couple of months ago. The baby came home last month after 3 months in the hospital. My wife is friendly with Annie, we can’t have children so whenever we have a neighbor with a baby my wife makes friends with them.
We have my mum staying with us, as she is no longer able to live independently.
My mum has complained several times that she can hear the baby crying, especially at night. My wife says the baby has bad reflux, and they are trying to deal with it. The baby screams several times a day, it’s awful listening to the poor thing cry for so long.
It does feel like they aren’t dealing with the baby as quickly as they should be. The baby screamed for 10 minutes solid the other night. My wife says that the baby screams when they bathe it, as Annie has told her that the baby doesn’t like being bathed. Baby is always crying and it’s frustrating, especially when mum needs peace and quiet to recover from surgery.
Since the baby has come home, there is no longer any room on our street during the day as we have on-street parking. This is making it difficult to get mum to appointments as she can’t walk to the end of the street to get her in the car but we also can’t park in the middle of the road as it blocks the road and can take over 10 minutes to get her in the car due to mobility issues.
There had always been at least one empty bay outside our house but now it is always occupied by either someone from their family visiting or one of the healthcare professionals involved in the baby’s care.
I reached a breaking point on the weekend. Mum had been home alone all day and she was in tears when I got home from work.
Wife was away visiting friends. She said the baby had been screaming all day long. It was still crying when I came home. I went and knocked on Bill and Annie’s door to ask if they could quiet the baby. I could see through the frosted glass that Annie was sitting at the bottom of the stairs not even trying to calm the baby down.
When she came to the door, she apologized and said she had been trying to calm the baby down, but the new medication was making him constipated, and he was struggling to poo. She said Bill had gone to pick up an emergency prescription to try and help. I snapped as she clearly hadn’t been trying as she was on the stairs and told her that they need to be more considerate of others and if she didn’t quiet the baby then I would log a noise complaint with the police.
Annie was upset at this and closed the door in my face. When my wife came back, she told her what I had said.
Now my wife is angry with me as I was making life difficult for a young couple with a sick baby and is giving me the silent treatment.
I feel like I may be in the wrong because of how my wife has reacted, but at the same time, the baby is always crying and I think they need to be more considerate of their neighbors.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. On-street parking means it’s game for anyone, even if it’s an inconvenience to others.
Filing a noise complaint because of a crying baby is ridiculous. I actually hope you do and you come back here to indicate how big of a laughing stock you are for doing so.
Expecting someone to be able to magically stop a baby from crying that has health issues is also unreasonable.
That’s not how babies work. Just because the baby was crying when you went over to make your ridiculous demand and wasn’t being held doesn’t mean the parents aren’t actively trying to soothe their child and instead are taking a moment to catch their breath – as reasonable parents and people often times do when things get stressful.” Equivalent_Secret_26
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And a huge one at that! She was sitting on the stairs. You decided she clearly wasn’t trying to calm the baby because of that.
She likely HAD been and then laid the baby down and went to take a moment for herself. I’ve had to do the same with my kids.
It’s better to put them down if you’re frustrated and walk away to take a breather. You ever try calming a baby if you’re frustrated? It doesn’t work.
They are doing their best, but sometimes a baby with medical issues is inconsolable. Instead of asking them to be considerate, which I’m 100% sure they’re trying to do, why don’t you be patient?
Play music in your home to drown out the sounds. Watch TV. But don’t be a jerk to a new mom who is probably burnt out, exhausted, and trying her best.
I don’t even want to imagine how you would be as a parent in this situation.” unstablecannoli
Another User Comments:
“YT major J. You actually think you’re going to win this?
Move. Just solve all your problems and move. Your wife can stay in the house though. She’s compassionate and sounds lovely.
Your poor neighbors are trying to handle not only a completely life-altering event with a new baby but now navigating what sounds to be a colicky baby.
Parents just don’t jump into being maternal/paternal instantly and know exactly what to do either. This is all brand new to them.
For you to shame the poor momma for sitting down for one minute and call her inconsiderate to others is absolutely abhorrent. You have no idea what her sitting down for just one minute could have meant.
She needed a second and you berated her and threatened to call the police over a crying baby. Guess what – she’s probably crying too for more reasons than you may think.
Such a jerk. End of story.
Signed, A Mom.” ffohsrm
14. AITJ For Warning My Nieces About Their Estranged Half-Siblings?
“My sister is a mom of three. My nephew is 18 and my nieces are 16 and 14. My sister’s husband also has two older kids from his first marriage. They were closer in age to me (I’m 30 now) than to their half-siblings. Both of my stepsister’s stepkids ran as soon as they could and cut off all contact with the family.
I remember when we were younger, they hated that their dad remarried and was never interested in being big siblings to my nephew and nieces.
My nephew has the most memories of them and doesn’t care to ever try and have a relationship with them but my nieces have longed for their older siblings for years and my sister and her husband have lied to them about the reason their siblings are not around, have lied and claimed they left messages for their little sisters so they’d know they loved them and told them once they were old enough they could look for them.
Apparently, both being at least 14 was old enough in their eyes so they let them start trying to reach out. The girls even paid someone on the internet to track down their info (social media profiles, email addresses, and even home addresses). The girls attempted to reach out to both half siblings and were ignored and then blocked. They attempted to email them and also got no reply.
I told my sister and her husband they needed to rein them in before the girls try and show up at their front doors and get them slammed in their faces or told to get lost. They told me it wouldn’t get that bad. Nobody can shut kids out like that.
I pointed out that they already had, when they walked away initially and when they blocked them on social media and ignored all correspondence from them.
Once the girls started to talk about getting their brother to drive them the 20+ hours to where their half-siblings live, I made the decision to talk to the girls.
I suggested they needed to adjust their expectations since their older siblings had ignored and blocked them. I told them they might want to give it some more time. They said they wanted to see them now. They also shared some of the lies their parents made up about what these siblings said (they will always have a home with them, they were their precious little sisters and were always wanted and had been prayed for, and they believed their mom sent them from heaven for the two of them).
Now I know those two never said those things. I remember hearing the stuff they said about my nephew and nieces, about my sister, about their dad for remarrying. There was never any love there.
I told the girls I really hoped they would take what I said into consideration.
They asked me why, when they knew they were waiting. I wanted to tell them everything but held back. Apparently, my reminding them before I left to adjust their expectations stayed with them and they started to question their parents and now my sister and her husband are coming to me saying I had no business saying what I did to them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t dish the dirt, you gave them very general and solid life advice about expectations when it comes to other people. Regardless of what happened, no one can force adults to communicate with kids for whom they have no legal responsibility.
If a child related to someone a person had gone no contact with showed up, unless they were in distress or trying to get away from that person, it would be easy to assume it was an attempt at manipulation.
Not to mention that most adults wouldn’t (and shouldn’t), feel comfortable inviting an unknown minor child into their home without a parent present.” StillLikesTurtles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister and her husband are setting those girls up for a terrible fall when they do make face-to-face contact (I doubt you’ve fully dissuaded them from the meeting, teenagers can be really stubborn).
They failed as parents, they spent so much time telling their kids stories rather than trying to soften the hard truth that those girls will be more hurt than they ever would be if they knew the truth from the beginning, with the added horror that they might not be able to trust their parents ever again.” StevenKnowsNothing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d like to point out they’re being set up for worse than heartache. ‘You’ll always have a home here’ for many is seen as an invitation to simply walk in. Should these children take it this way the result could be a lot worse than just heartbreak from a slammed door.
Considering their actions so far them showing up and knocking, in the best-case scenario, would be a slammed door and them leaving. Setting a child up for the best case scenario being heartbreak makes your sister and BIL not just jerks but pretty terrible parents to boot.” StrykerC13
13. AITJ For Causing My Husband To Miss His Family Trip?
“In a few months, my husband’s family is going on a weeklong cruise. My husband and I will have a 14-month-old baby girl. For multiple reasons, we wouldn’t be taking her and it’s not an option, but I’m not comfortable leaving my baby for 8-9 days, which it would be by the time we left for the weeklong cruise and came back.
She would be staying with my parents who take great care of her and I trust them, so it’s not that – I’m just a new mom who doesn’t want to leave her baby for such a long time, the idea makes me almost sick. I’ve left her for 3 days to take a vacation with my husband but 8-9 days feels too long to me.
Because it’s a cruise we can’t get on late or leave early – we’re stuck with being away for 8-9 days. For context, my husband’s family, besides his parents, has never cared about him or treated him well. Not once after our baby was born did anyone ever ask how she was or how we were doing.
His brother didn’t even know what he was doing in his career and had never shown any interest in any of us. His nieces are spoiled brats.
I told him, with 100% honesty, that if it’s that important to him to go then he can go without me, I do not want to hold him back.
But he says it’s with me or not at all, but has now told me that if I don’t go he’ll resent me for making him miss this trip.
I tried to compromise that I would go if I can just see our baby in the morning and then leave for the cruise (drive 1.5 hrs to the airport, fly 2.5 hrs to get there) but he says that’s impossible and puts the trip at risk if we miss our flight.
I’m trying to make it work but really do not feel at all okay leaving my baby girl for so long.
He is telling me if he cancels it will completely ruin the relationship he has with his family and it would be my fault. Like he wouldn’t even be able to come to the holiday event anymore.
ETA: We COULD take her with us, but she has a really hard time sleeping outside the home, and most of all then it wouldn’t be a vacation for us. Couldn’t drink much and wouldn’t be able to do anything after like 6 pm. Basically, why spend the money to go on a cruise if we couldn’t enjoy it the way we’d like to?
I also don’t want her around so many germs and people so young when she’s vulnerable.
I DID agree to go when I was still pregnant, but I hadn’t understood at the time how it would pain me to be away for over a week from her.
I know it’s silly that one day would make a difference in my mind but that’s just how I am marketing it to myself.
We also have not paid the full amount yet and can still get our deposit back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your baby is still very young, so of course, you should skip the family trip – both of you! A good parent would. Your husband needs to support you, and he should want to stay with his wife and daughter.
I’m appalled that he said he’ll resent you for the rest of his life. That’s super manipulative. You gave him options. He chose to stay behind.
OP, maybe I’m being overly dramatic, but I’m genuinely concerned there are red flags regarding emotional abuse – your husband’s guilt-tripping, seemingly not understanding why you want to remain with your baby.
Please reach out to your family and friends because other people – people who know you personally – should be in the loop, so they can look out for you. Better safe than sorry. Your main focus needs to be your baby, not your husband’s petty drama.” eppydeservedbetter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re not making him miss this trip, you’ve given him options, and he is guilt-tripping you into going when you’re not comfortable with going. Honestly ‘I’ll resent you for the rest of my life for making me miss this trip.’ What?! Like, I see where he’s coming from in wanting you to go, and your baby is old enough to be left with your parents for that span of time and be ok, but as a mom myself, I get where you’re coming from.
Husband is being a jerk for the way he’s going about this.” VixieWillow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being unreasonable. And very nasty about it, which is the concerning part of this.
But I will say, unless this cruise was booked prior to you getting pregnant, I can’t see why you would have agreed to go in the first place.
And I don’t think bagging on his family with the snide comments is relevant or helpful to this at all, so if you’re throwing his bro and his nieces in your husband’s face in these discussions, that sucks and you’re a slight bit of a jerk too.
Just for your information, most cruises are equipped to handle babies/toddlers. But if I were you, this is no longer about the actual cruise and more about how unreasonable and nasty your husband is being. I get that he feels the rug is being pulled out from under him, and the loss of whoever’s money booked the cruise.
If he has been the unfavored child his whole life, this may be tapping into that insecurity of wanting their approval. But his nastiness is unacceptable.” Spare-Article-396
12. AITJ For Not Selling A Bed To Someone?
“My husband and I both work full-time hours, we have two small children. My outdoor area is directly connected to my garage, so in essence there is no garage, just a roller door to my patio and the back of my house.
My husband and I decided to sell a large mattress and bed frame to get it out of our house. The thing is pristine; the person we bought it for never used it and it’s just been sitting taking up space. So I listed it on a marketplace for a ridiculously low price to get rid of it.
I had about 15 requests in the first couple of hours. So in order to be fair I went with the first person that came through, a young woman (YW).
YW asked where we were located, and because it was quite a drive to us we knocked money off the asking price for ‘gas’ as she said.
I held the bed for over a week for her to arrange for someone to get it. Finally, her uncle was going to come to retrieve it this evening. The agreed time was between 6 PM and 7 PM. I gave her my address and my phone number, and she said her uncle would call me when they were close.
At 6 PM I put my dog away into his kennel, dismantled the frame, moved the mattress and bed frame out into ‘the garage’, covered it with drop sheets to protect it from the elements, and went inside to make dinner and wait for them to arrive.
At 7 PM I sent YW a message asking where they were.
She said she would call them. After that, nothing. At 8 PM I sent her a message saying I was sorry but they had well and truly missed their pickup window and I was going to move on to the next buyer. We moved the bed back inside so we could let the dog back out to run.
At 8:30 YW messaged me to say that they were on their way. I again told her no, they had missed their window and I would not be bringing the bed back out. At 8:45 they arrived on my driveway and started pounding on my garage door, looking for the bed. We went out and told them no and they needed to leave.
After they left YW started ringing me repeatedly and blowing up my phone with messages about how she was sorry and they have the cash right now and they weren’t able to pick up the truck until 7:30 and that’s why they were late.
After I told her no again, she reamed me out for wasting their time and their money.
So, I guess was I wrong to turn them away? It was well dark by the time they arrived. Both my kids were asleep. It would have involved trying to maneuver the thing back out in the dark and load it in the dark.
If they had let me know they were going to be late, we could have made arrangements.
They had my number.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I got nervous reading this from the start. Always be cautious with people coming to YOUR HOUSE from the internet, check out your multiple offers and go with who seems trustworthy and not the first person to reply, don’t hold for an excessive time unless they seem worth it or you have no other offers and don’t sell low unless you immediately need the funds/space because you’re opening yourself up to scammers and jerkheads.
I can’t believe the people suggesting you open your door to strangers who drove to your house after telling them not to then started pounding your door, just to ‘get rid of the bed’. Even if they didn’t get physically violent they definitely would have just screamed at you. I’ve been in desperate need of funds and still turned down offers on Craigslist for my own safety and I would hope those people would do the same.” crystalfruitpie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she wasted YOUR time. You held it for a week – way beyond nice and even reduced a low price. Even more, you both agreed on a time window, but she missed it (and didn’t call), you told her you’d moved on and not to come – she came anyway.
She’s the jerk.
There are so many inconsistent people on the marketplace that I now give very narrow requirements for both times to reply or pick up, and if people miss the window, I let them know I’m moving on and to move on. Been burned too many times for being nice.
She wasted her own time, and I hope learned a valuable lesson.” Alarming_Work4005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave this piece of work more than enough time to pick up the item. It’s not your problem that they couldn’t be there at the agreed-upon time. Block her number and report her account as soon as possible!
There are a lot of scammers on the Marketplace. Do yourself a favor and take some advice for future marketplace sales… DO NOT give out your phone number. Scammers can use your phone number to steal your identity. DO NOT lower an already low price for ‘gas.’ List where you’re located (not the address) in your listing and let the buyer decide if it’s far enough or not.
DO NOT give out your address until 1 hour prior to the agreed-upon time (to ensure they’re actually en route). ALWAYS put in your listings ‘priority to fastest pickup.'” Kind-Elephant5369
11. AITJ For Reporting A Security Guard?
“I (18f) work in a mall at like a dinner and show type place. Our shows run after the mall closes, usually by about an hour or 2.
Last night I volunteered to stay later and help set something up so I was the last to leave besides security. We’re not allowed to have our phones on the floor and keep them in a locker.
I don’t own a car so I usually Uber home but when I went to turn my phone on it wouldn’t. It kept flashing the Apple sign. I start freaking out because I’m a small teenage girl alone in a mall with no way to contact anyone.
I try everything but to no avail, and I track down a security guard, crying, and ask if I can use his phone to call my dad to come get me.
He starts making fun of me, asking if it was really that big of a deal, and saying only babies cry about silly things and told me he doesn’t give his phone to cry babies.
Eventually, he calls another security guard over and he calls my dad for me. I decided the first security guard’s actions were incredibly inappropriate so I emailed the head of security a complaint.
He responded by telling me he didn’t feel his employees’ actions warranted a complaint, and the guard dedicated to my work called me and told me I was awful for complaining and it was no one else’s fault that my phone broke.
Was I being too dramatic? Am I the jerk?
Edit: it was about midnight when I found the guard, so very late. I wasn’t crying because my phone was broken, I was crying because I was alone at night in a dark mall and I was scared.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The security guard’s actions were inappropriate and unprofessional, and he should not have made fun of you or belittled you for needing help. As a security guard, it is his job to provide assistance and support to people in need, and he failed to do so in this situation.
It is understandable that you would be upset and frightened when your phone stopped working and you were alone in the mall, and the security guard should have offered you help and support instead of making fun of you. You were justified in reporting the security guard’s behavior, and the head of security’s response was not appropriate.
You did nothing wrong in this situation, and you have every right to expect better treatment from the security guards at your workplace.” Novel-Ad7708
Another User Comments:
“In the future, a manager should be on site until the last worker leaves the store. You should never have been there alone and someone in authority should have waited with you or made sure that you had a safe way to get home.
About this incident, email your manager and CC HR, the security company’s main office, and the company that owns the mall. Explain that you were working after hours and discovered that your phone was not working correctly. You approached the first security guard for assistance and not only did he not help but he made fun of you.
You had to have a second security guard help you. You felt that the first guard’s actions were inappropriate so you lodged a complaint against the first officer. Not only did the head of security not take your complaint seriously, but the first officer also harassed you about the complaint.
Even if he felt that you were being a ‘silly girl’, the first guard should have calmed you down, maybe taken you to the security office, and let you call your father or someone to come get you. And there should be a dedicated landline that people can use in cases like these – are you supposed to wait in a deserted mall while your phone charges?
If the guards are this callous in a ‘non-emergency’ emergency, how are they going to react in a real emergency? ‘Don’t cry because you were robbed’ or ‘it’s not that big of a deal that you were attacked.’
Don’t let this go.” PanamaViejo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rake these jerks over the coals.
Blast them on social media, call your local news, and tell everyone you know and anyone else who works at the mall all about it.
They literally called you to harass you after you reported them bullying you. They very clearly failed at their job and their company sounds like a sickeningly misogynistic boy’s club.
So gross.
I would make it my personal mission to destroy their livelihoods if I could or get a new security company in there instead at the very least.” n0ta1
10. AITJ For Backing Out Of Decorating A Wedding?
“Hired in July by the bride and her mom. The bride mentioned her future MIL is wanting to do a dessert table which the bride didn’t want but obliged. I sent her a quote but she didn’t have the funds to pay the $800 deposit at the time so I broke payments up into smaller ones.
She missed her final payment due date. Instead of backing out of the wedding as my contract states I can, I adjusted the decor services to fit into what she’d paid which was half of the total cost ($1600 for 200 guest wedding).
We (the coordinator/bride/myself) thought the MIL was just providing desserts.
However, she had planned to also decorate the table. My contract states that any decor aside from what’s contracted through me needs to be approved by me. The MIL didn’t know and said she was just doing what her son and the bride asked although the bride told me in a recorded meeting that she really didn’t want it.
The theme is Xmas/Winter with navy tablecloths but the table the MIL is doing is gold on gold/gaudy.
The bride didn’t like the table and wanted everything to flow but is too scared to tell the groom or MIL. We had a call with the MIL and she reluctantly agreed for me to review the decor she had and figure out what could be used that flows with the rest of the decor.
The groom (not on any contract nor paid any funds based on what the bride said) goes off saying that I was only hired a month ago (which it’s been 5 months) and that his mother’s table would not be touched. I explained that I was contracted by the bride and her mother to do a job and was willing to compromise with his mom to ensure a seamless theme.
He replied it’s his mom’s table as is or he would get another decorator. I reminded him that the funds paid are nonrefundable and it’s in his best interest for us to try and compromise since it’s so close to the wedding. We settled on leaving it as is but the coordinator and I would be relocating it to the room so it doesn’t take away from the main cake table.
Afterward, he sends a screenshot that he wanted the table to be next to the cake and stated it wasn’t negotiable and to let him know if another decorator was needed. The bride hasn’t spoken up about what she wants and what she and I agreed to do. He has tried to fire the coordinator before and stated that either the bride fire her or there wouldn’t be a wedding.
The bride’s mother intervened and said no one that she and her daughter paid for would be fired. But after the recent convo, I just can’t take the drama he and his mom bring.
I’m 5 weeks pregnant and it’s too much. I don’t want to leave the bride high and dry.
The coordinator is also wanting to back out because of the same reason… stress caused by the groom’s antics and disrespect. I’m willing to rent them the decor from the same $800 so there’s no complete waste of money but I think I’d be putting myself in a stressful situation by being on-site and around the groom.”
Another User Comments:
“Do NOT rent them your items – then the drama will continue after the wedding and you’ll not get them back.
I’m a wedding vendor, so here is my advice from first-hand experience:
Stop talking to the groom and his mom – they are not your clients.
Talk to the people whose name is on the contract. Tell them that being flexible with their event has caused hours of extra work for you, not to mention stress. So you are holding them to the original terms of the contract. They either need to pay the final payments or accept that by not doing so, the contract is terminated and they forfeit all previous payments.
That’s it. Wedding vendors often let people walk all over them because it’s our nature to be people pleasers – we chose to work in weddings! But you are a business owner, so act like one. The contract is there to protect you, so use it correctly!
NTJ.” EconomyVoice7358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The groom and his mother have been difficult to work with and have not respected your contract or your expertise. You have tried to compromise and work with them, but they have not been cooperative. Your health and well-being, as well as that of your unborn child, should be your top priority.
It is not worth it to put yourself in a stressful situation for a job, especially when the clients are not respecting your boundaries. You are justified in backing out of the wedding and offering to rent the decor to the bride so that she can still have the decorations she wants.” Novel-Ad7708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, aside from the fact that contractually you have a perfect right to back out, staying away from messy family dramas and not letting yourself get drawn into them because you feel bad for the bride is absolutely the sensible thing to do, especially seeing as you’re pregnant and probably not feeling your best to begin with.
That said, if you have anywhere on, say, your website where clients can leave reviews, I would close submissions for a little while if you’re able to. The groom/his family sound like they could be the type to try and blame the whole situation on you and attempt to tank your professional reputation.” Serononin
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend See Her Partner Because I Wanted To Catch Up Just The Two Of Us?
“I had to be in another city for work, so the company was paying the petrol for the 5 hr drive there.
It’s a dangerous road and the hotel room had 2 beds so I asked my best friend if she would go with me so I’m not alone. She wouldn’t have to pay anything, and she is without a job at the moment so wouldn’t be able to afford it, which I don’t mind of course.
We made plans to go out the evening after my workday to go watch a movie at a fancy cool mall here and have dinner and catch up since we haven’t seen each other in a long while, and I’m traveling around for work after this week and won’t be back till next year.
I finish my last meeting and get back to the hotel to get dressed and pick her up to go to the mall. She’s asking me all these specifics about which mall, what movie, what time the movie is showing, where we’re eating dinner, etc. Every time I answer a question she says ‘okay perfect’ and types it into her phone.
I am getting ready and she casually mentions that her SO will meet us there (her SO lives in the city we traveled to). I’m sorry, but I am paying for the hotel and movie and food and road trip snacks and everything besides petrol to be able to spend these 24 hours with her.
I want to have my best friend all to myself for one evening. Is that too much to ask for?
I responded that I intended to spend the trip with her and have our time but she said I’m being a bad friend because I know she hasn’t been able to see her SO in a while and she can’t afford the trip here on her own and that if I really cared for her I’d let her SO come with us.
I understand where she’s coming from but I feel used for the trip and really disappointed that I wouldn’t get to spend time with her and catch up. I don’t know what to do now, we’re both laying on the beds in the hotel now not talking and I don’t know if I should just let her SO join and brush it off.
Am I the jerk if I don’t let her SO come?
UPDATE: I told her ‘if you want to see her tonight, that’s on you. I am going to have a nice dinner and go watch a movie, and tomorrow morning I’m leaving for home at 8 am.’
She left the room with her handbag, and an hour later I saw she was with her SO at some takeout place.
I had a wonderful time by myself that evening. I texted her to remind her that whatever happens, I’m leaving the next day. No reply. So the next morning I wait an extra hour to see if she comes back to the hotel. And I left.
I think she got on a bus back home.
She hasn’t said anything to me since. It rocked me to my core to lose her friendship, but if you know a guy who can cover up a friendship tattoo, let me know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bff knew what she was doing when you invited her. She had ulterior motives from the beginning.
Regardless of whether or not you communicated that you expected this to be a bff only trip or not, she could’ve mentioned her desire to see her SO before y’all hit the road. She intentionally omitted wanting to see her SO and planning to see her while y’all were in town because she was aware, to some degree, that inviting her SO was not something you’d want.” cajun_hippie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She should have said she wanted to see her SO during the trip when you first invited her. If she only realized that day that her SO was available, she should have asked if you minded her SO joining. You two planned a trip together and she either had other plans all along or decided to change the plan unilaterally that day.
She purposefully waited until it would be awkward or seem ‘mean’ for you to say no.
If I were you I would have told her she is welcome to go hang out with her SO, but transportation and money for food/activities, while she does so, is on her. (Though still give her a ride from the hotel to home the next morning.)” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let them see each other. Honestly, you can’t really stop them but let them pay for whatever they decide to do and however they will get around. Do your own thing or just relax. Not what you wanted but if she wants to be with her SO… then her SO can pay for whatever it is they want to do.
Be aware because once you tell them to do whatever and they realize you’re not paying, they’ll be mad. It’s not your problem. You’ve got new plans just like she does with her SO.” Trice316
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom At My Wedding Because I Want A Stress-Free Day?
“I (26F) am getting married in a few months. For some background, I don’t have a good relationship with my mom, because of some reasons that I can’t disclose but I had a rough childhood because of her heavy drinking.
I also have 3 sisters, I don’t talk to 2 of them because they simply don’t talk to me. I love them but like distant cousins. I have no hard feelings regarding them, we are just not close.
The thing is with the wedding approaching, I started to get anxious because I really don’t want my mom there.
Just seeing her makes me stressed. I know she’s trying to change and has made some progress but I can’t forgive her yet. I don’t hate her, and we talk occasionally.
Well, last week I told her she’s not invited and it’s not because I hate her or anything, I just want a calm day and wouldn’t like it if she showed up.
She took it kind of well, she sounded annoyed but she told me it was my choice and that’s that.
Well, my other sisters called the sister I do get along with asking why I hate her so much and she told them to respect my choice. It’s my wedding and my relationship with mom, so they shouldn’t be trying to get in between.
My sister told me but I just feel kind of bad, because I know my mom loves me. Only that she does so in a weird way so maybe I am a jerk.
So, AITJ for not inviting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go have the wedding you want, in front of the people you want.
You’re very strong for setting this boundary to protect such a special day and stronger still for communicating it clearly to your mother. Don’t allow obvious instigators to make you question yourself. It sounds like you’ve overcome the adversity of a strained relationship with your mother and are a pretty amazing person.
Congrats on your marriage.” illinoishokie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother hasn’t yet earned your trust. You have no reason to want to invite a person who has mistreated you or makes you feel vulnerable.
Your sisters shouldn’t have involved themselves. However, that doesn’t mean they were ill-intended to ask your other sister for an explanation that isn’t one-sided from their mother, whom I’m sure they’re aware of her past behavior.
Unless of course, they demanded you invite her or defended her, then they’re out of line.
You’re far from the first to go through this. It’s your day and you have the right to feel safe and secure at your wedding. If your mom doesn’t make you feel that way then you’ve made the correct decision.” Gorgeous-Angelface
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get the guilt of what you are going through. Many times, parents with those kinds of issues, do very little to make up for their behavior. They think just getting sober is enough but never do anything to make things up to their kids for years of bad things.
At the same time, you do love them and want them to be better, but you have too many memories and too much drama. I think you are doing the right thing for yourself. I do find it interesting that when you told your mom she sounded ‘annoyed’ but then didn’t take the chance to have a frank discussion about the past. It shows she is not far enough in her recovery to make that effort.” IgnotusPeverill
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Husband For The Office Space I Use In His Home?
“I (F32) began working from home 2 months ago. My husband bought the house we live in before we got together. He calls it his property which’s fine by me. The house is small and has only 2 rooms, one of which used to be empty til I started using it as an office for my WFH job.
All was going fine with my job til he sat me down last night saying he’s expecting 30% ‘profit’ from whatever I get from my job since he ‘provides’ the office for my work. I was completely caught off guard by this. I asked if he was serious and he went on about it being his home and how he could be using this room for his own purpose since it’s ‘his property’.
I said no and called him unreasonable which led to a blowup. I yelled at him saying he won’t get a penny and he pitched a fit and accused me of ‘taking full advantage’ even though there was no mortgage to be paid. I do all chores in the house as well as split the bills in half.
He got his family involved in this and they’re split. His mom thinks I’m being difficult and that 30% is not a huge amount and that this room is providing ‘stability’ for my WFH and so my husband should get some sort of benefit.
AITJ for putting my foot down and refusing to pay a penny?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like your husband is trying to take advantage of your situation by demanding a share of your income because you are using a room in his house for your work. While it is true that your husband owns the house, it is not fair for him to expect you to pay a portion of your income just because you are using a room for your job.
Additionally, it is not fair for him to expect you to pay for the ‘stability’ that the room provides for your job, as you are already contributing to the household by doing chores and paying bills.” QuizzicalRequests
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is not how a marriage works, and his behavior about the house, as well as extorting funds from his spouse, is not ok.
Given you pay half the bills, and you are doing all the chores, it sounds like it’s your ‘husband’ who is taking full advantage. On top of that, he runs off to his parents to try to coerce you into a disturbing situation in which you are (very reasonably) not comfortable.
All in all, it seems like your glorified roommate is only interested in using you for labor and money. You may want to consider separate living or marriage counseling.” SummerOracle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There are legal formulas, defined by your country’s tax authority, for how much of the cost of a home can be deducted from taxable income for a home office.
There are rules for what spaces qualify. And I guarantee they never, ever add up to 30% of anyone’s paycheque. Unless your work is paying you for home office expenses, you probably can’t qualify for the space.
Your husband is being utterly unreasonable, trying to treat your earnings as ‘profit’ from a home business and rent the space to you as if your earnings aren’t part of the resources of the marriage.
Tell him to bugger off.” Amiedeslivres
6. AITJ For Telling My Father I Expect The Same Trust Fund Amount As My Brother?
“I recently turned 18f and had to go through the procedure of obtaining my trust fund. My brother (19m) got his a while back and has gotten his first apartment and a second car (the favoritism is clear as day) with it. I knew what amount he got as I wanted to make sure I got the same.
He even clarified that just before he moved his whole trust fund, his father added an additional 8% to it.
I got my information in the mail and spoke with the bank. I come to find out that my trust fund is 12% less than my brother’s, which is a significant difference.
I told my brother about this and he said that’s bizarre and that maybe there was an error on our father’s behalf.
I go to my father and show him mine vs my brother’s, he just says ‘I added more to your brother’s as he knew what he wanted to do with it and that you were just going to be irresponsible’.
This is incorrect as I planned what I was going to do with it & his point doesn’t stand as my brother is more irresponsible, he just does it in a discreet manner and is his ‘golden boy’.
He said, ‘as it is my senior year I shouldn’t get carried away’.
I informed him that I wanted to get my apartment at the start of spring, but he didn’t care. Then I told him that I needed it and he is ruining my plans for the summer coming up. He just told me to suck it up and said he was busy now.
I went to him later that evening and told him that if he doesn’t give me the money he promised me, I won’t come to the log home for Christmas. He told me that ‘if I lived under his roof I didn’t have a choice’. I proceeded to tell him that ‘I will go move out now, so I don’t have to come’.
He gave up and told me that he will add the additional amount if I just give him some peace for the rest of my curriculum year.
Yet later that evening, my mother was upset with me and told me that I was causing immense trouble again. After my mother spoke to my dad he told me that he was thinking about going back on his word and that ‘I just expect to be given everything’.
He and my mother are both upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s hard to hear someone who is about to come into a huge amount of money complain that they should be getting more. For future reference, you could do with toning down the whinge factor when you post about something like this.
But your dad is clearly favoring your brother. If this scenario was over anything other than a trust fund, like a parent giving one kid way more money for a house deposit or their university fees, you’d be getting a fairer judgment. It’s just that the word ‘trust fund’ is triggering for a lot of people.
You aren’t likely to change your parents’ minds. If your brother has always been the golden child, they’re already two decades deep in justifications for their favoritism. There is no untying those knots. Drop the threats and ultimatums and take some time to come to this relationship. If you need to separate yourself a bit from the family because it’s too painful to face favoritism, that’s fine.
But don’t do it if your aim is to punish them or make them change their mind, because that’s just going to make you miserable too.” OverlyVerboseMythic
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You are not guaranteed anything from your parents. Would it be nice if they gave you equal amounts and didn’t clearly have a favorite?
Yeah, for sure, but at the end of the day it is their money to use as they see fit. But it’s also your prerogative to not go to family functions if you don’t feel like your presence is valued, although it sounds more like a manipulative tactic to get more funds if you’ll go if they pay you.” Forsaken_Confection
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because this is ‘rich people’s problems’ doesn’t make your concerns less valid. Your brother got more than you without a just explanation they expect you to get over it. If they had said they had to dip into your trust fund because of some financial problems, this would be a different story, but they didn’t.
They just expect you to say nothing and it isn’t right. Each child should have been given the same amount. But I suggest you be careful though, I’m worried that if you fight, they might just take it all away. We gotta pick our battles. But you also have valid reasons why you needed the 12% to get an apartment.
But again would you rather downgrade on the apartment you want or have your trust fund taken away? I would at least ask for a just reason why you aren’t getting the 12%.” Peaknhiskool
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Your parents suck for the favoritism and I believe that if people choose to bring someone to this crappy world, the minimum that they should do is absolutely everything in their power to make the life of their offspring easier.
But I don’t dictate the rules.
Most people have to make do without a trust fund.
You don’t owe anything to your parents, just take your money and tell them to get wrecked instead of getting mad that they are trashy parents. Most people just inherit trauma, consider yourself lucky.” i-forgot-my-usern4me
Until age 25 the brain doesn't reason things out well. 24 to 25 is known as the age of reason.
Usually 18 year olds get trust funds to send them to college.
What are your plans for the money? Your brother has invested in a home and cars. Evidently, your Father sees that as a good investment.
What are your plans?
5. AITJ For Expecting My Bridesmaid To Pay For Her Own Hotel Room?
“I (F30) am getting married in a few months and chose one of my best friends (F30) – let’s call her Bea – as a bridesmaid. I haven’t been to a lot of weddings so I don’t know what is normally expected, but for background, here were my expectations:
I’d pay for professional hair and makeup for everyone. I did not have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party (I’m pretty introverted).
Bridesmaids needed to book their own flight, and hotel room (I shared the link to book in our room block), and wear any formal black dress.
I thought this was fairly reasonable, but Bea disagreed.
Although I sent her the link to the room block months ago, she did not book then and now our room block (about half of the usual price) is full. Bea was extremely upset that I did not repeatedly send her the link and remind her to book it.
She did not want to pay full price for a room.
I offered a list of nearby hotels at a wide variety of price points (it is in Miami so there are TONS very close). She refused and said I should pay for her hotel room.
The hotel also has luxury condos in the same building.
I found a one-bedroom, 2 bathroom condo with a pull-out couch and rollaway beds on Airbnb. It’s about 1000 square feet and beautifully furnished with an ocean view. It was a good deal and cheaper than our block rate even.
I knew our other best friends (both M30 and a couple) hadn’t booked yet either, so I suggested I rent the Airbnb and they could share it.
I would cover costs completely. That way I’d be making it easier for our best friends too.
Bea said no way and that I should pay for her and her partner to have a private hotel room instead of sharing the condo. I said it was the condo or she needed to book her own place.
She then said I had unreasonable expectations for my bridesmaids and that if I ‘couldn’t afford a proper wedding’ I shouldn’t have a wedding at all.
For further background: Bea is by no means poor or even average middle class really. She’s at the very top of the upper-middle-class bracket.
Bea and I are both best friends with the couple she’d share the condo with – we’re all in a group chat and talk daily.
Bea is not autistic or has ADHD and has no allergies or medical conditions.
Am I the jerk for expecting my bridesmaid to pay for her own hotel room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
You have been an extremely reasonable bride and especially generous in your recent offers to Bea. She is quite demanding and takes no responsibility for her own failure to have a room in the block. Don’t offer her anything else. Don’t beg her to take the offer you had made.
There was never a need for you to cover the condo costs for any of these friends. (Generous, but really their responsibility)
Bea is not out a cent if you tell her that she can attend as a guest if she’d like. Whatever black formal dress she owns is hers to use for any future special occasion she actually makes the effort to attend.
The dress and reserving & paying for her flight/room were her only responsibilities. She’s not 20; she’s 30 and should be able to have managed that on her own. She’s expecting a lot from you for so very little effort on her part.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was considerate of you to pay for hair and makeup, and not force anyone to pay for extra trips.
You let them pick whatever dress they wanted instead of requiring them to buy one they may not like. That’s way less money than the average wedding party members end up shelling out to be in a wedding. You do not have unreasonable expectations. And offering to pay for the Airbnb was more than you needed to do.
Tell her you would love to have her in the wedding and you’ve sent her lots of options on where she can stay, but paying for her hotel room isn’t in your budget. If she doesn’t want to come, then she doesn’t have to.” snuggle-ellie
Another User Comments:
“Former hotel worker here.
Your friend Bea is the jerk. Wedding blocks sell out.
If she was in financial straights I could see her declining to come to the wedding because of travel or hotel stays. It’d be a bummer and you’d have to have an alternate.
That being said as a chronically broke human being who has a customer service job I often beg off from anything that costs a lot of money or travel.
If the host can accommodate me and my work will let me go, I go at a minimal cost to my host.
My best friend from high school paid to fly me from So Cal to Alaska on her points so I could be a bridesmaid. I was unemployed at the time and it was important that I get there to her.
I slept on her couch. I took up bridesmaids’ duties when I got there and her other bridesmaid fell ill etc.
Your friend is just being picky. I ‘paid’ for my trip to Alaska by making sure the bride was taken care of emotionally and just showing up and hanging out.
That’s what friends do. When I could afford better accommodation, I just paid for them myself.
You’re not out of line and you are NTJ.” the805chickenlady
4. AITJ For Refusing To Eat At Other People's Houses Because They Don't Respect My Diet?
“I have GERD, which is Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. It is essentially 24/7 heartburn and other stomach acid-related pains. I was diagnosed as a baby and have had this condition my entire life. There are medications to treat it but, due to costs, I just stick to dieting. This leaves me on the diet of a five-year-old, but I don’t mind it.
Every time I go to a family function or any gathering with food someone makes a comment about what I’m eating and someone almost always tries to pressure me into eating something that I know will make me sick. In recent years I’ve been in many arguments with family and friends that say, ‘oh, you’ve grown out of that stuff’.
I have also had people put stuff in my food that I shouldn’t have because it makes me sick. So, I’ve started just not eating at events with food and simply eating before or after so I’m not going hungry. This makes family and friends mad and most believe I just don’t like their cooking or I’m a picky eater.
I have become used to comments about how I’m just being rude or disrespectful and how I shouldn’t be invited to holiday dinners, parties, etc. because of my behavior.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is incredibly messed up. Your family is literally poisoning you. The lack of empathy from your family is appalling.
If they’re too boneheaded to get it through their brains that you have a medical condition that prevents you from eating what they serve that’s their problem. Honestly don’t know why you would want to attend events with these jerks if they’re treating you like that.” Remarkable-Intern-41
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being completely reasonable in a family of unreasonable people. You have a medical condition, but your family chooses to either forget about it, ignore it, or not believe you. These people are the ones being rude and disrespectful. The fact that they hang their self-esteem on who eats their food is their problem to deal with, not yours.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your friends and family are. Yes, some people can grow out of a diagnosis they were given young, but not always! It’s rude and disrespectful of them to not only pressure you into eating something you don’t want but to also put stuff in your food!
I say just go ahead and eat the food, get sick all over EVERYTHING in their house, and then run out and leave not cleaning it and refuse to pay to replace anything. It will obviously suck for you at the moment but will either stop them from being jerks to you in the future or they won’t invite you to another event…” Chesynacholover
3. AITJ For Calling Dibs On The Coffee Machine?
“I like my coffee weak.
Like VERY weak. Essentially water with a hint of coffee taste. I know it’s weird and I know most people wouldn’t even consider it coffee but it’s just how I like it. I’ve been drinking a full pot of this every day for my entire adult life.
Recently my partner moved in with me and obviously enjoys coffee like a normal person.
She knows how I like my coffee and teases me about it, it’s never been an issue until now. I like to prep my coffee at night and wake up to a pot of coffee water so I can enjoy it in the morning before work. She did the same with her coffee before moving in.
She refuses to drink mine and I refuse to drink hers so we often argue about whose coffee preference should be made the night before.
We only have one coffee machine so we can’t do both. She thinks that because her coffee is normal and mine is a bit exotic that she should be the one who gets to prep.
I say that because it was my apartment first and my coffee pot and I have had this routine for years that I should be the one who gets to make it. She called me a weird jerk the other day when I refused to let her prep her coffee (I let her prep the preceding 2 nights).
Our friends and family are torn on this issue. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You both like different things but at the same time of the day. Go to a thrift store and buy a used drip brew machine, clean it with warm soapy water, then white vinegar.
One person uses machine A, one person uses machine B.
Alternatively, get an electric kettle. Make the stronger coffee, and pour yourself a 1/4 cup of it. Then add hot water to your cup to dilute the coffee down to your taste.
Alternate alternate. Get the kettle and some Nescafé coffee crystals.
Pour yourself a mug of hot water, and add 1/2 teaspoon of coffee crystals to your cup until you reach your desired strength of coffee. Take note of the final amounts of water and crystals.
Regardless, quit arguing over a thing that can be solved so easily. Instead of being ‘right’ focus on finding solutions that get you both what you want.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – this is one of those times when there are more solutions than problems but you are being too stubborn to see them. You need to drop the ‘my apartment first’ attitude. That was in no way relevant and you are immature for thinking it should give you the advantage in this.
You could literally just water down the coffee she makes. That is it. So simple. I literally used to make extra strong coffee and water it down to make it chuggable. My god.
OR
Get a second coffee maker. I mean come on, it isn’t like you need a fancy one.” MixWitch
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You both need to learn to compromise or resolve the issue as a team. She doesn’t need to call you names. That helps no one. Ask friends and family who have an extra coffee pot. If you need to buy one, Amazon has them for as low as 18 bucks.
You two are arguing over less than 20 bucks. I am sure if you both go to every friend and family member you know and ask if they have a job you can do for 10 bucks, you will be able to come up with the 20 needed to get a second pot and you both get your way.
If that is too much, then a resale shop will have them for 10.
Side note, while it is your coffee pot so yes, you could tell her my pot, my coffee, that is not a loving response. Couples work together to fight the issue, not fight each other to prove it’s their way or the highway.
Again, everyone sucks here.” FreeRustProofing
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Everyone is entitled to their likes or dislikes and while it may have been your coffee pot and your apartment first it’s now also her home. Compromises are a good start and I think that the easiest one to fit both of your needs may be to make a regular pot of coffee and just dilute it to your liking.
That way you both get what you want and it is prepped the night before.
You can even have either an instant tea kettle to warm up your water or buy a second coffee machine. (It could be a Christmas gift if you get her a really nice one) She is also slightly the jerk for the way she reacted after getting her preference 2 days in a row and demanding you change your ways.
Cool down, then talk to each other like adults and come up with a solution you’re both happy with.” Just-Throat-348
2. AITJ For Giving Away My Stepkids' Disney Tickets?
“Two months ago I told my oldest stepdaughter (18) I needed her to request this weekend off because we were celebrating our Xmas and the boys’ birthdays. I even texted their mother and made arrangements for my youngest stepdaughter (14) and she acted like she was on board with it.
We have this ongoing issue with my stepkids about them only coming over when we are doing something fun, every time we try to get them and just spend time with them at the house they make up every excuse in the book about why they cannot come.
I purposely did not tell them or my kids what the plans were this weekend.
SD18 couldn’t get off of work so I told her it was cool and we will do something for her later on, no big deal, I understand how it is working retail during the holidays. Today I texted their mother to confirm if SD14 was coming over tomorrow and she said SD14 had a long week and was really emotional and did not want to go to our house without her older sister (total nonsense, she doesn’t even like her sister like that and she’s been to our house plenty of times without her sister) just another excuse on why she cannot come.
Mind you, it’s my hubby’s court-ordered weekend with her anyways. We don’t make her come over so we just get her whenever she wants to come over. So I texted their mom back and said ‘no big deal, we will do something else with them another time’.
So SD18 texted me a little while ago asking what we were doing and I told her we are spending the weekend at Disney and another event.
I told her so she wouldn’t be surprised when photos are posted this weekend. Now she wants to call out of work and my other SD14 wants to come without her sister lol.
I told them ‘I’m sorry I gave the boys’ friends those tickets because y’all didn’t want to come over’ (I really did) so now they are mad and a part of me doesn’t feel bad for SD14.
SD18 is understandable because she actually has a good excuse but I do not want her calling out because she’s on the verge of getting fired already for her attendance. Hubby wants to cave in and let her come but I don’t want to because I’m over her only wanting to see us when we’re spending money on her.
I want this to be a lesson to SD14 and he doesn’t see it that way. I gave her an opportunity to come and she didn’t want to sooooo…
AITJ?
ETA: I treat my BIO kids the same way. My oldest had his fair share of missing out on events.
He knows better now lol when I say get in the car and let’s go, don’t question it, just get in.”
Another User Comments:
“Big YTJ.
SD18 had a good excuse and you didn’t give her a lot of time to make plans. If it was going to be a regular night it might have been tough to ask off work but this was a special trip.
You are punishing her for working and being committed to her job.
SD14 is where I wasn’t 100% sure at first but the more I think about it the more I go with YTJ. She is 14 and is going through a crazy time in her life.
You also seem happy with how this played out and it is most likely damaging the relationship they have with your husband.
Yes, I get that you want people to come and visit you and your husband because they want to but based on how you have posted it seems there might be a good reason they avoid your house.” MarriedLife7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the simple thing is the stepchildren don’t want to spend time with their family unless they directly profit off of it.
They had their chance to spend time with OP and family, who made it clear they all wanted to spend time with the two stepdaughters. They didn’t want to, which makes it fair to pass that opportunity on to someone else that actually wants to spend time with them.
In this case, son’s friends.
You can’t reject the cake and eat it too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Here’s why. The girls are teenagers. Even teenagers from intact families are incredibly busy and don’t necessarily enjoy just hanging out and visiting with their parents and younger siblings. They could have a plethora of perfectly acceptable reasons for not wanting to come over at any given time – a big school project coming up, an important test, or a work session for a group project.
They could also just be burned out from the week and not feel like interacting with step and half-siblings.
Going back and forth to different homes is really hard on kids. No matter how hard people try to co-parent together, the other house does things differently and has different rules and a different schedule.
It’s really hard on kids. Then you add the mix of a stepparent and step and half-siblings, and it can just be a huge stressor for kids and the teenage years are hard enough.
If you had told them that they were going to do something really fun, like Disney, they would have really planned it out to make it work.
Instead, you set them up to basically say HA HA no Disney for you. Parents of teens – especially those of you who do not have them full-time – need to do whatever it takes to find ways to connect with them and create good memories. I think you did some major damage with this stunt.” 1Preschoolteacher
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re setting up tests for how much your SDs love you like you’re King Lear. The only question you need to answer is do you want to spend time with them? It doesn’t sound like you do since you’re purposefully withholding information that you know would impact their decision on whether or not to visit.
Are they acting selfishly? Yes, they’re teenagers, that’s what they do. Bring them on the trip, the memories you make with them as a family are more valuable than pulling off your elaborate trick. Otherwise, just admit that you’d rather they didn’t come because you resent their choice to base decisions around activities.” Much-Pumpkin-3706
1. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Wear Her Sister's Old Clothes?
“I (43F) have two teenage daughters, Molly (16F) and Ella (14F).
My daughter Molly is very athletic and is at a regular healthy weight, my daughter Ella on the other hand is quite overweight, not so much that it stops her from living life but enough that we were encouraged to help her lose weight by her physician at her last appointment, which we have been helping her do.
Recently Ella has been very jealous of Molly because her sister does not need to go on the same diet, she has been treating her very unfairly, and calling her all sorts of names like ‘anorexic’ and ‘skeleton’, as well as complaining that we are punishing her for having a different metabolism when really Ella has always had a very unhealthy diet, whereas Molly tends to eat very healthily.
We have been punishing her for her treatment towards Molly by taking her phone and her Xbox, but she always ends up doing it again even after we give them back.
Today this is when it hits the worst point, Molly has grown since last winter and so she needs new sweaters, which we were going to buy on the weekend, but during the week when looking in Ella’s closet, I noticed some of the clothes she had put to the side to be donated as they did not fit looked like they may fit Molly, including one of the sweaters.
I washed the sweater and asked Molly if she would be ok with wearing the sweater to stay warm until the weekend, she said yes and that she would prefer it to her old ones as they were not big enough to cover her completely in the winter.
When Ella got in she completely lost it, and I came into her arguing with her sister.
When I came in Ella was grabbing at the sweater trying to pull it off her sister, I broke it up and asked Molly to go upstairs so I could try and talk to her sister and figure out what was wrong. She said it was because Molly was wearing her sweater, I asked if she wanted to keep the sweater, and Ella said no, she wanted to throw it away because it was not comfortable anymore, but that she did not want her sister to have it.
I said ok, but her sister would still wear it for a few days until the weekend to keep warm, she then got very angry and said we ‘wanted to make her insecure’ and that Molly ‘does not deserve new sweaters’.
I explained that Molly would keep the sweater, and she went to her room refusing to talk to me.
This morning Molly called me to her room, there was fabric all over the floor where Ella had cut the sweater up. I grounded Ella and told her I have had enough of her jealousy, to which she called me a jerk (in ruder terms).
I have been thinking, and I wonder now, AITJ?
EDIT: Ella has been in counseling for some time.”
Another User Comments:
“Ouch. This is a tough situation. First of all, you need to recognize that this is not about being practical (eg. who fits into what, saving money on clothes, etc.) this goes way deeper. There is huge emotional scarring that can happen from something like this for Ella.
Her behavior is stemming from her insecurity with her body, trust me. By giving Molly Ella’s sweater you are essentially saying ‘look how small she is relative to you and look how big you’ve gotten this year’ and I promise nothing will change the way she interprets that.
Sorry, Ella’s sweater should be off-limits to Molly unless Ella chooses to share.
Ella is also going to struggle with her diet as long as the rest of the household isn’t following it. This is family weight loss help 101 right here: If she’s eating healthy, Molly is eating healthy and YOU (and anyone else in the household) are eating healthy too.
Yes, Ella will need to learn how to manage her diet around others, but home should be a safe space for her. She needs your support. I’m sure whatever diet your physician has prescribed for Ella is balanced, safe, and healthy for everyone else too.
If you present as a supportive and united front against Ella’s health issues she will feel less ostracized, especially by her sister (inadvertently, I’m not blaming Molly here).
If you keep treating her this way she will hate Molly and you by the time she’s an adult, and will be very unlikely to succeed in bettering her health before she becomes an adult.
YTJ, but honestly I don’t envy your situation at all and I sympathize with how difficult it is for you.
I have no experience in your shoes, but I’ve been the obese child living with a normal sibling.” Whats_Up_Coconut
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, feeling like everyone sucks here.
Taking your daughter’s clothing without her permission is a jerk move, especially when she’s already dealing with weight issues and insecurity at that age.
That definitely overstepped the boundary.
It was also rude and unreasonable for your daughter to destroy the sweater. That definitely is an inappropriate anger response, and jealousy issues stating your other daughter doesn’t ‘deserve new sweaters’.
It really sounds like you need some serious family therapy to work through the jealousy and lashing out over the insecurity.
It’s honestly not your daughter Molly’s fault that Ella is battling her weight issues, but being punitive probably just adds more resentment when Ella acts out.” WholeAd2742
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. You seem to be having trouble balancing the very different emotional needs of these girls, and you may want to tap into a professional therapist for Ella, if not for both.
In solving a practical problem (Molly needs a new sweater), you did not think at all about how it would feel for Ella to see her older, more conventionally attractive sister in something that no longer fits her, and when she tried to tell you you brushed her off and dug in your heels.
Could YOU not have loaned Molly a sweater for the weekend when it obviously meant a lot to Ella not to have to see her sister in this sweater?
If you’ve never been overweight, it may be hard to understand how devastating seeing Molly look ‘thin’ in that sweater would feel to a young teen already struggling with body image.
Ella sounds like she’s genuinely in emotional distress. Getting Ella professional help now might head off years of disordered eating and other issues later, as well as help her regulate her feelings and keep her from taking them out on Molly, who doesn’t deserve to be abused either. You should also check in with her and make sure that the comments from Ella aren’t impacting her self-image either.” MyName___YourName
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I definitely feel for Ella having been the chubbier younger sister my whole life. It does come with the burden of feeling like it’s unfair. Sometimes it is simply genetics and some metabolisms work differently. I’m glad Ella is getting professional help, but I also feel like you should treat her more gently because she is very insecure.
Not only regarding her weight but possibly favoritism.
For example, when Ella and Molly were fighting over the sweater, it sounds like Ella was the only one spoken to and Molly went away without an issue. If the sweater was being pulled, it was both of them pulling it. So Molly should’ve also been told something in regard to the situation.
For Ella, it may feel like life is unfair because her sister is older, skinnier, doesn’t have to diet, and doesn’t get in trouble. Of course, I think everyone sucks here because I do recognize Ella’s wrongdoings, but I think you should also view a different viewpoint of where she’s coming from.
Especially at her age, where insecurity skyrockets.” Unknown_newyorker
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