People Request That We Be Fair In Giving Judgments To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Insisting My Husband Joins My Sister's Birthday Celebration?
“I (f 26) was invited to my sister’s (18th) birthday a few days ago at a restaurant. My husband didn’t come because he said he had a meeting dinner with some clients. This made my family feel let down especially my sister who wanted him there and also her 18th birthday was a big deal to her obviously.
To my surprise, When I arrived I noticed that my husband was having his meeting at the same place, his table was right in the corner and he had about 4 men sitting with him. My parents and the guests saw him as well.
I waved for him and he saw me but ignored me. He obviously was as much as surprised as I was.
My parents asked why he didn’t even come to the table to acknowledge them after the cake arrived. I got up and walked up to his table.
I stood there and said excuse me, my husband was silent when I asked (after I introduced myself to the clients) if he’d take a few minutes to join me and the family in candle blowing and saying happy birthday but he barely let out a phrase and said: ‘I don’t think so, I’m busy right now’.
I insisted saying it’d just take a couple of minutes and that it’d mean so much to my sister. He stared at me then stared awkwardly back at his clients. They said nothing and he got up after my parents were motioning for me to hurry up.
He sat with us while my sister blew the candles and cut the cake. My parents insisted he takes a piece and join us in the selfie but he got up and walked back to his table looking annoyed. We haven’t talked til we met later at home.
He was upset and started scolding me in front of my parents saying I embarrassed him and made him look unprofessional and ruined his business meeting. I told him he overreacted since it only took a few minutes and it was my sister’s birthday and my family wanted him to join since he was literally in the same restaurant.
He called me ignorant and accused me of tampering with his work but I responded that ignoring mine and my family’s presence was unacceptable.
We argued then he started stone-walling me and refusing to talk to me at all.
For your information, I didn’t have an issue with him missing the event, but after seeing that he was already there then it become a different story.
Also, it literally took 5-7 minutes. He didn’t even eat or drink. Just sat down and watched.”
Another User Comments:
“Business meetings are not the same thing as dinner with friends where you can just excuse yourself for a moment to chat with your family.
When you attend a meeting, it is expected that the people in it have cleared up their schedules so the appointment won’t be interrupted.YOU know it was a coincidence, but your husband’s business partners might be thinking you guys arranged the dinners to be in the same restaurant and that would damage his professionalism in their eyes.
Also, your husband said he didn’t want to attend the celebration, he said he had a business meeting, that sounds REALLY important, by the way, and what do you do? You coerce him to participate anyway. I get why he blew up with you, OP, whether you realized it or not, you acted disrespectfully, and unprofessionally and you may have jeopardized his career.
YTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. BIG time. Your husband wasn’t there with friends. He was there for a BUSINESS meeting. One which relates to his job. which presumably helps to support both of you. You were way out of line forcing him to come over and join in the party, esp.
since your family KNEW that he was not able to come because of his meeting.
So they were in the same restaurant. Big deal. that doesn’t give you the right to interrupt his meeting and insisted he do what you want. You and your family seem very immature if you can’t recognize that sometimes people are not able to participate in events if they have other commitments, just because you think they should.” siamesecat1935
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your husband was in the middle of a business meeting! He told you that he was busy and you still decided to be selfish and pester him until he came and joined you.
You absolutely made him look unprofessional and embarrassed him in front of his clients. I don’t know why you seem to think that an 18th birthday should take priority over your husband’s business meeting! Once the meeting was over he could have joined in then, but you had to have him do it right then and there! A massive sense of entitlement on your part!” Old_World_365
20. AITJ For Proving To My Neighbor That Her Proposed Trip Wasn't Possible?
“I (34 F) live in southern Arizona. I have a new neighbor, an Irish woman (30s F) who recently moved here with her American husband. They moved into the apartment next door about a month ago. Before that, they lived in New England where the states are much, much smaller.
(Comparison for anyone who has never thought about it: The state of Massachusetts from north to south is the same as the distance from Tucson to Phoenix)
I am single and my neighbor’s husband is out of town for a couple of weeks for work so she thought it would be fun to take a day trip to show her around the area.
Great! She wanted to start at the Grand Canyon. Not great. Then she thought it would be nice to pop over to Las Vegas for lunch. Oh… Oh no…
I tried to tell her that she had picked places that are much farther apart than she thinks but she insisted it couldn’t be that bad.
So I pulled up Google Maps and showed her just how far we were talking about. That if we drove from here to the Grand Canyon it would be 7 hours if we never stopped for food or gas, then 4 hours from the Grand Canyon to Las Vegas, and that’s not even counting the drive home.
It’s not an easy fun day trip.
After seeing the times she now believes me about the distance but she says it was rude to pull up a map to show her. She says that if she wasn’t getting what I was saying it was my fault for explaining badly and that using Google to show her was just a jerk move to treat her like she was stupid or a child.
I suggested a few places closer to us, but she yelled that ‘You better look up a map to make sure it’s not too far first!’ and went back to her apartment.
I really didn’t mean to upset her and I definitely don’t think she is stupid or a child I just didn’t know how else to get her to believe me that the trip she wanted to take wasn’t possible.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She told you that it would be hoot for you to become her tourist guide in a new country, instructs you where to go and what to see and you communicate that it’s too far to do in a day out – your new neighbor tells you you’re wrong and refuses to take no as an answer, you bring out a map and show her since words aren’t enough and you are worried about upsetting her?
I would’ve just told her that you would be at work or studying your uni courses.
Who wants to be an unpaid tourist guide to a complete stranger? Plus an unreasonable one at that. Most people who make that type of mistake are usually happy to accept why that wouldn’t work.” gemma156
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but getting close.
It’s jerk adjacent. You could have just told her how many miles away it was, estimated the time it would take to get there, and assumed that she’d get it instead of using visual aids. You kind of implied she couldn’t follow that.
If you wanted to let her see the map, you could have said ‘I brought this so we could pick some closer places’ and then maybe pointed out some closer state or national parks. You were trying to be helpful, which is ever a jerk move, but in a way that was kind of off-putting.” errantknight1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your new neighbor is an irrational nut job. Avoid. It was honestly bad enough when she decided to use you as her tour company bus driver and demand you take her to places. She should have googled them herself, you only did it because she obviously hadn’t and wouldn’t listen to reason. But to get offended because you showed her on a map how far it was? What the what? Tell her there are tour companies if she wants to see the sights and go low contact.” Brennan_Boru1031
19. AITJ For Not Sharing My Shirt With My Brother's Significant Other?
“My (24 F) brother (28 M) and I were recently invited to a family gathering to watch a World Cup match. We were asked by our family to bring our favorite team’s t-shirt. My partner (25 M) gave me Germany’s newest T-shirt as a present last month, and that’s what I brought for the gathering.
When we got there, I noticed my brother’s partner brought her own German t-shirt, but it was an older version. I didn’t mind at all, in fact, I was happy we shared an interest. Once she saw mine she got furious and demanded that I give her my T-shirt.
At first, I laughed it out because I thought she was joking, but when she stared me dead seriously, I knew it wasn’t a joke at all. My brother asked if I could trade t-shirts with his partner because she likes the team more and ‘has German blood’.
I told him it was not my problem that he didn’t buy her the most recent one and that God no I wasn’t giving her my t-shirt. That she was acting like a brat for feeling entitled to have something that was a present for me.
He then called me a selfish brat and a jerk for not sharing, but honestly, I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong here. Most of my family agreed with me but some said I could’ve been nicer. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your brother and his partner on the other hand are jerks.
Your brother’s partner can wear what she had brought with her for the occasion. She was happy with what she had until she saw something newer. The fact that your brother expected you to hand over your present was appalling.
They both acted entitled.
Don’t spare another thought for it your brother can’t afford her any way he will work it out one day or go broke trying. LOL. She is a shallow gold digger.” SurvivingOnAir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The girl though? At least you now know not to trust anything she says since she likes to rewrite history to try and make herself look better.
It sounds like your brother’s partner is really, really immature.
I would quietly discuss this with your parents so they know what she tried with you, and about her lying. Tell them that you aren’t holding a grudge, but also are not going to let her lie about you and the situation, and that your brother needs to stop enabling her bad behavior.” Electronic-Cat-4478
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sharing implies you get it back.
No, she wants it forever. And demanding something that was a gift to you is incredibly selfish. She needs to understand that the world does not revolve around her. I’d be careful to not let her around your house at all, in case she takes it upon herself to steal things from you. And watch any possessions you bring with you. And don’t just be cautious around her, your brother as well. He seems like he would steal for her.” No_Salad_8766
18. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust Our Seats For A Couple With A Cat?
“My husband (m 32) and I (f 25) both have significant invisible disabilities. I also recently fell down the stairs and really injured my foot. I was wearing a boot, so on top of my invisible disability, I was also visibly disabled.
On the way home, we had a four-hour drive before rushing through the airport and dragging ourselves onto the plane. By the time I got into my seat, I was dizzy, brain foggy, exhausted, and my foot was in unbearable pain.
I could barely stand. We unpack our things and settle into our seats, so relieved to be done.
A couple boards the plane with a cat in a carrier and sits in the first row. After a while, the flight attendant tells them that they cannot have a pet in a carrier in the first row because there is no seat to put it under.
She asks the couple if one could switch to a different seat with the cat, and the couple starts to argue that they want to sit together.
The flight attendant comes and asks us to switch with them. There was an empty seat directly behind the couple and at least ten other people directly around us, and we were in the third row back on the other side.
We said no politely and explained that I’m disabled. I explained that it took a lot to get to my seat, I boarded early for extra time, and that I was in so much pain that I didn’t want to get up again.
The flight attendant goes back to arguing with the couple before returning and insisting that we move. She didn’t bother to ask anyone else to move.
I’m typically the most accommodating person, but the trip had taken literally everything out of me and I was so absolutely done.
So I again politely said no. The couple and the flight attendant both made a nasty faces. The flight attendant proceeded to tell us that we would HAVE to give up our seats if they couldn’t find someone else willing to switch.
I’m not a confrontational person, so I just told her that this was not an appropriate way to treat disabled customers. The couple could sit one behind the other or someone else could give up their seat, but I wouldn’t be moving from the seat I paid for.
She continued to argue with me and tell me that I would have more room for my foot if I moved. I told her that I had plenty of room as I have short legs and that I would rather not have to gather all of my belongings and walk dizzy/painfully to another seat just to have an extra room I didn’t need when the couple could simply split up.
Eventually, the woman next to the empty seat agreed to switch so the couple could sit together. But by that point, I was so angry, and the couple and the flight attendant were openly glaring at us. She was fairly rude for the rest of the flight.
As a people pleaser, the whole situation left me feeling bad. I hate not being accommodating. But it wasn’t my fault the airline allowed them to book the first row with a pet carrier nor that they refused to split up.
AITJ for not giving up our seats so the couple with the cat could sit together?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Invisible disabilities would be a great addendum to explain to the airline why such demands are systemically wrong to make, but ‘I have a broken foot and they insisted I was the only one on the airplane that could possibly leave my seat’ paints a horrifying picture of an entire crew of attendants that are not just ignorant or insensitive, but utterly cruel.
Whatever messed up reason they had for targeting you needs to be addressed head-on by their employer. Don’t stay silent. Women are taught from a young age in some form or another to bend over backward not to be ‘a Karen’ and it’s nonsense.
They were willing to literally physically hurt you just because they can.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am SOO glad you did not budge. You shouldn’t have had to. Please report this to the carrier. You may not have the attendant’s name, but with the flight info, they will know who was working.
I would tell them that you expect (1) a letter of apology from that flight attendant, (2) the word of a manager that the attendant receives specific training on how to talk to passengers and what she can and cannot demand of them, and under what circumstances.
You may even ask for more (a perk if you chose to fly them again). I’m sorry that apparently no other passengers spoke up and told the attendant to stop treating you that way.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone knows if they sit in the front row, all their stuff goes in the overhead.
This isn’t rocket science or some kind of new policy. The passengers should have booked the third seat for the cat. The job of the flight attendant was to say, ‘Hey, 3 drink credits for future flights and 3 paid drinks on this flight if you switch to accommodate the two non-planners with the sweet kitty cat up here!’ as they waved drink coupons/vouchers in the air with an inviting smile.
Nowhere in that scenario do you, your husband, or anyone else HAVE to do anything. This is on the couple and the airline, and if they want your help to fix it, they need to shell out some goodies with a smile.
Please call the carrier and report this, along with all the relevant information. I am so sorry. I don’t give up my seat for the most part. Certainly not to those who should know better and should have planned better. If I do, I get something good out of it.” LolaMalfoy
17. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Son To Visit My High School Friend's House Anymore?
“I (37/f) and ‘Nikki’ (38/f) have been friends since Highschool. We were ‘the outcasts’ in the early 2000s, me because of a combination of Goth/ADHD and her because of Poor/Autism. There were others in the group but Nikki and I kept in touch over social media despite the long distance.
We supported each other in the process of both of us becoming single moms when our exes turned out to be not good partners.
I recently moved back to our hometown and Nikki excitedly set up a playdate between her boy ‘Mike’ (5) and mine ‘Dean’ (4).
The first playdate was rocky, Mike had numerous tantrums including throwing toys and sand at Dean or trying to push him around. I eventually had to hover between the two and mediate while she continued to just speak to me and ignore the issue.
It ended on a better note when I gently asked her to watch over Mike while talking because I was unable to listen to her and help both of the boys at the same time.
The second playdate ended up being an overnight stay at my place because she had lost her job and asked me to watch him for her interviews the next day, and the easiest was to just have him stay overnight.
There were meltdowns and a couple of fights between the boys over toys again until Nikki left and Mike was calm, on a hunch I gave Mike a pair of noise-canceling ear protection and that helped significantly, and the boys got along great after that.
Further playdates were similar, I figured out that a less populated playground nearby was quiet enough to prevent meltdowns with Mike.
Two weeks after the sleepover I woke to Dean screaming in his room and I walked in to find bedbugs on his wall and bed.
Having worked in the hotel industry for a while I knew how to handle them, and got them cleaned up. After two months of constant paranoia, I think it’s finally in the clear. During this time Dean was also very sick from strep and RSV, canceling playdates.
I mentioned this in passing when talking to Nikki to re-start the playdates and she admitted that she was fired from her job because they saw a bed bug on her shirt, and stated that her apartment has been infested for years and it’s no big deal.
I suggested ways to take care of it, including contacting housing or me giving Nikki everything I had to take care of it, and she said she wasn’t interested. Having had them before during a move and working in hotels I just can’t wrap my head around being okay with them.
I am really uncomfortable with Nikki and Mike in my house or going to their place during the winter, and feel like I will be a jerk for permanently canceling the playdates between the boys.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But if she’s not willing to handle the bed bug problem then you should be calling child services, so they can be informed that she’s putting her kid’s health and safety in danger.
That’s disgusting and unsanitary, not to mention that she’s sending her and her kid to other people’s houses and working with bed bugs. Ewwww.
If she got fired because they saw one bed bug, then there is more that was going on.
Stay away from her for your family’s health and call child services immediately.” Intrepid-Database-15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – PLEASE contact CPS or some other child safety authority. I’m not one to judge parenting, but this is neglect. A one-off bed bug infestation happens, and as long as it’s handled properly like you did, it’s not really an issue.
Knowing you have bed bugs and being completely okay with you and your child being eaten alive, letting your kid and probably yourself spread the infestation to other homes, and losing your job because of it is neglectful and disgusting. As someone with autism, I stayed somewhere with bedbugs and threw everything that I had with me away.
Also, she has autism, and it seems like Mike could have it as well, or some other auditory processing disorder. She knows what it’s like having that issue (unless god forbid, she is just claiming to have autism. I’m not accusing, just wondering) and the fact that she isn’t trying to solve her son’s issues or help him with his temper tantrums also screams neglect.” weaponizedsloths
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You couldn’t possibly be the jerk here.
I feel very sorry for Mike though, that’s very neglectful and disturbing behavior from your friend.
It’s good that Mike is having an assessment because there does sound like a high chance he is on the spectrum from your story and hopefully a diagnosis will help get him the support he needs, for school and so forth.
Your friend really needs to be pushed on the bed bugs issue though, that’s not something she should be ignoring. If she won’t listen to you then I think you have no choice but to report her. It is not fair for that poor boy to be subjected to an unhygienic living environment.” rox4540
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host A Christmas Lunch For My Partner's Family?
“I (40 F) have a partner (42 M) John and the annual discussion of Christmas lunch has come up.
John has 4 siblings, all of which have 3 kids, and we have 2 of our own as well (22 F and 3 F).
He doesn’t really get to see his siblings much since he works a 9-5 and is also getting his degree as well as his siblings all being busy with their own lives.
We had discussed this before and I was adamant that we would not be hosting lunch this year for everyone – we have done for the past 5 years.
Our house is small and his siblings’ children are loud and messy. My eldest daughter also agrees and wants a nice quiet Christmas with us and her sister. My husband said that was fine with him at the time.
I’ve recently learned (via my daughter) in the group chat that John and she is in for the World Cup, and he has agreed to host a small lunch for everyone on Christmas.
I will admit I was very annoyed and didn’t hide it. He called me selfish and said that it was a nice thing to do for everyone and that he wants to do this. I called him out on the fact that he makes our eldest prep and cooks everything (she wakes up at 7 am just to do this) and it’s not fair to go back on his word.
That if he wanted to see any of his siblings that badly, he would arrange a day and drive to see them. He never sees my in-laws or relatives at Christmas. (we have a similar amount of siblings). He said that we would talk about it another time and has been giving me the cold shoulder since.
Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You came to an agreement. He broke his word to you and his daughter and agreed to host an event he knew you didn’t want without talking to you first.
He was wrong not to talk to you about it first.
Since he agreed without your consent, then he can do the cooking and the cleaning and the hosting by himself, while you and your kids take a nice, quiet vacation elsewhere.” _ell0lle_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Whenever someone suggests doing something at a later point, make sure to schedule that immediately.
It usually shuts them down real quick, because odds are they were betting on you either forgetting or forgiving. Why couldn’t you have the talk right now?
I suggest you and your children go for a nice adventure on the day in question, perhaps even the day before as well.
Go see some local sights or something. He can clean, prep and cook his life out for the guests he invited.” Teh_Hammerer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take your kids and go visit your family. Let your husband take responsibility for his own actions.
If he wants to host a lunch for his relatives, let him host it. He made the plans in direct opposition to your and your daughter’s feelings as well as your previous agreement. He is domineering and selfish. Don’t allow him to strong-arm or manipulate you and your daughter. Go elsewhere and enjoy the holiday.” TheRebelArsenal
15. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Pay Half Of My Car Bill?
“I (F 31) have been with my partner (M 27) for 6 years. 4 out of those 6 years, he’s had trouble with his car and refused to take the time to properly fix it or trade it in for something less problematic.
His excuse was ‘It’s not paid off yet, and my credit sucks so I can’t buy another one yet’. My mom, without my knowledge until recently, decided to pay his car off and help him open a credit card through our bank, getting rid of at least one of those excuses.
He has yet to pay her back, and it happened early this year.
Fast forward a few months, and his transmission officially starts acting up, to which he says ‘I don’t feel safe driving it’ and would only take it on the 10 min drive to work and back, leaving us to take my car everywhere else.
I don’t mind, I bought a newer car last year and I figured it would be fine while he decided what to do about his.
Well, I recently got a job working from home, which means I won’t really need to drive my car around.
I give him my permission to take my car to work while he yet again figures out a solution to his own car situation. We agreed that he would take the insurance off his car while it stayed in the lot since he wouldn’t be driving it anymore.
This month comes along, and I’m hit with my $200 tabs, my $335 car payment, and my insurance. I ask him a month out if he was okay with giving me half the car payment since he’s driving my car M-F, and he agrees.
Well, the week it was due, there was a fight. He doesn’t think he owes me help with the car payment because it’s my car, and that we never agreed to that kind of transaction when I agreed to let him drive it in the first place.
He says that it digs into his savings and that I’m being unreasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Is he on your car insurance? If so, take him off of it and refuse to let him drive your car because if he does and gets caught, he will be in a bigger predicament for driving a vehicle he’s not authorized to drive.
It’s bad enough your mom got him out of the hole once and helped him get a credit card without informing you, but that’s water under the bridge now. He should have done the things necessary to keep his car up.
That’s his fault. He lives with you and is using the car and isn’t using his own, he should pay half the bill too.
If you don’t have a joint account together at this point, don’t bother getting one, and I wouldn’t ever get married to this guy until he improves this behavior.
He is selfish and thinks everyone owes him something and that he owes no one anything, and that’s not how this world works.
I don’t know how great your relationship is otherwise, but if he’s always this selfish, I would start looking for a way out because if you have no reason to believe that this will get better, and I’m not saying this will happen because I do not know – but it can actually get worse.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If you are saying he has part ownership of your car in exchange for paying half on the payment then I’d say NTJ. I’m specifically saying YTJ because you already knew the kind of person your partner is and you intentionally put yourself in a position of being used as the fallback plan.
First off, whatever agreement he had with your mom for her help was between them and not you so that’s irrelevant to your predicament. You knew he has an issue with taking care of his car and also with paying people back, yet you intentionally put yourself in a position where you volunteered your car for him to drive.
You even went so far as to agree that he takes his ins off his car, making him more dependent on using your vehicle.
You gave him an out to taking accountability for his car and now that it’s an irritant to you, you came up with asking for funds.
That was a conversation that should have happened when you first offered to let him drive your car along with discussing how long you’d extend that courtesy. You brought it up later, he verbally agreed but you probably don’t have that in writing.
At this point, stop being the fallback person and have him stand up and take accountability for his car and bills.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But YWBTJ if you stay with this guy. He owes your mom funds, he is using your car and not compensating you for that use (wear and tear, higher mileage).
This guy has found a couple of women who will let him take advantage of them so he doesn’t have to get his own act together. He’s got a very cushy little situation here and isn’t going to change. Why should he? He gets to be an irresponsible teenager and somebody else will resolve his problems for him.” Little-Gur-5233
14. AITJ For Accusing My Husband Of Jeopardizing My Livelihood?
“Ever since I started working from home. My husband has started treating it as if I’m not ‘really’ working. He believes working from home isn’t as much of a real job as leaving the house and driving to your workplace. He’d interrupt me at all times, send the kids in so I could help them get things done, he even goes in randomly and ask me to do things under the guise of ‘just a minute, you won’t get fired over a minute break’.
I have grown tired of the constant barging so what I did was purchase a lock and lock the office to no longer give him access to interrupt me.
He found out and uninstalled it while I was. He said that it’s his house and that I CANNOT lock him out of any room in it.
I was floored once I saw that he threw the lock away. I went off at him just screaming my head off telling him that he was jeopardizing my livelihood. And his body language and tone changed. He started ranting about how I’m being cruel for accusing him of such things and selfish for even entertaining the idea of keeping him and the kids out and ignoring them like that.
He stormed off and left and had his mother lecture me about how I’m being unfair prioritizing work over family and stuff like that. Lastly, she talked about yelling at my husband and trying to intimidate and control him.
He’s been quiet since then.
AITJ? For my reaction.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your employment is at risk; so is your marriage.
His actions disrespect you on many levels. Is this common behavior for him; disregarding your requests, throwing away a tool you installed, ranting, claiming he can do ‘anything’ in the house, and enlisting his mother to rant as well? He stated, ‘You won’t get fired over a minute break.’ – How does he know this? This erodes your expertise and opinion on the matter.
I am sorry you are going through this but it may be the wake-up call you need. If you both cannot put forth basic courtesy and effective communication then you and the children will lose; lose big time.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband does not respect you as an equal partner.
There is no doubt about it based on his actions. Also, your MIL has no place in your marriage and it’s childish of your husband to bring her in. He isn’t worried about coming to an agreement with his partner/wife, he is focused on getting his way by any means, including emotional manipulation.
Again, childish and disrespectful to you.
If you want to stay in this marriage AND be respected, get counseling as soon as possible.” Mrs_Muzzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… however, your husband IS, as well as an over-entitled momma’s boy. You did NOT marry an adult…
you are married to someone who does NOT respect you in any way. He does not respect you as a partner (it’s HIS HOUSE), does not respect you as a breadwinner (you won’t get fired over a minute break), and has no respect for boundaries (how dare you lock us (me and kids) out).
Lastly, he got his Mother to fight for him as well?
Sorry to say this: but you need to discuss this with a lawyer and/or marriage counselor. If you think there may be a way to save this marriage, then invite him in joining you with a marriage counselor that you find. If this won’t work, then get a good lawyer.” ZettaiGeek
?!! I wouldn't pay a jerk bill anymore ! He's a freaking Mo.mies Boy I don't say this lightly but I would pack up n and leave
13. AITJ For Not Exerting Effort In Pulling Strings To Get My Cousin A Job Interview?
“I work as an engineering manager at a boutique firm. When it comes to new college graduate roles, we strictly look at candidates from the top 20 engineering schools with high GPAs and a degree in computer science or a related engineering field.
My cousin Anna (22F) graduated from a state school with an undergrad degree in biology last spring. She’s been searching for a full-time job for over a year with no luck. Anna has spent her last few months taking Python courses and learning how to code so she can apply to coveted software developer roles.
I posted a couple of new college grad software engineering openings with my company on LinkedIn last month. Anna asked if I could fast-track her application. I told her sure and to send over her resume so I could send it to the hiring manager.
I didn’t tell her that I was the hiring manager and that her resume wouldn’t get her an interview.
We recently filled the roles and we automatically send rejection emails to all other candidates once the role has been filled. Anna and my aunt are texting me to complain that she never got an interview.
I told her the hiring manager didn’t think she would be a good fit based on her resume. Now they’re mad because she’s been struggling to interview for software jobs, she isn’t even getting her foot in the door with any ‘good’ companies, and the least I could do is ‘pull some strings’ to get her an interview.
I asked where else she has applied, she said Google, Pinterest, Lyft, and a few other top-tier well-known tech companies which I thought had hiring freezes. I told her that we’re in a challenging economic period which tech has not handled well and there’s an overabundance of good, experienced engineers in the market right now.
And she would be better off going for internships or applying to smaller, less well-known companies to get some developer experience.
Now I’m being called elitist and condescending. Anna’s older sister messaged me to call me an elitist jerk and say that Anna’s probably smarter than half of the kids we’re interviewing and she deserved a chance.
Anna’s a pretty smart kid but she’s competing against math whizzes and borderline geniuses, and she just doesn’t have the experience we’re looking for.
AITJ for not working harder to pull strings and get Anna a job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Without the relationship with you, she doesn’t sound to be qualified for the job.
With the relationship with you… she doesn’t sound to be qualified for the job.
Taking a few Python courses + the family relationship shouldn’t outweigh the fact that she doesn’t have a qualifying degree for your applicant pool. You would not have been helping if you’d hired her.
You’d have only been risking your own standing at work.
One suggestion. Have her check into computational biology. It’s a niche field and she’d likely need to take more programming classes. But with her bio degree, it might be a better fit for her.
If you’re not familiar with it, it’s about using computers to simulate various aspects of biology. They’ve been doing it for a long time, but in the last couple of decades, it’s become recognized as a discipline of its own within biology.
Similar recognition has happened with computational physics. Both now have full college majors in them available at some universities. A bio degree and programming classes are at least headed in the right direction for it.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s holding you responsible for not getting a job when she is completely divorced from the reality of the situation she is in.
She’s job searching in a tough market with no experience and little relevant education. And she’s only applying for the best of the best. There is nothing you can do to help her or your aunt besides not engaging with them because they are not reasonable people and cannot be reasoned with.
If the situation was different if you’d stuck out your neck and suggested to someone else that they interview her that would have reflected badly on you, and with their current behavior, I bet your cousin not only would have tanked the interview, she would have named dropped you the whole way down.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Unless it’s a family-owned business it seems to be best not to mix your family and business. Tell them they are being elitist thinking that she’s smarter than all these others and deserves these special favors when she has zero qualifications for the said job whereas all these other kids that she’s so much smarter than actually went to school for this job.
Cousin is elitist in thinking that she should be able to get a job at one of these bigger corporations when she’s extremely unqualified for it. And for thinking, she’s too good to start out at a smaller company and work her way up the way most people do.” TheBlueLady39
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother-In-Law Fruit Preserves Anymore?
“For the past 3 Christmases, I always give everyone fruit preserves. I make homemade marmalade and jam of all kinds, it’s one of my hobbies and I even sell them online. I try to only give people one’s that are made from fruits that they like.
I only give them to adults I get the children different things.
Last year, my sister got engaged and married a man, ‘Kevin’.
Last Christmas, Kevin complained when I gave him and my sister a box of jars of different kinds of fruit preserves for Christmas.
He said that it is tacky and trashy for me to give them as a gift in front of the whole family. It was very embarrassing. (by this, I meant he complained in front of the whole family. He complained about the gift itself.)
However he still ate them, and my sister even mentioned to me that he really likes my jam and that it’s better than store ones.
I’m wondering if I would be the jerk if I didn’t give Kevin any fruit preserves for Christmas this year because he complained about them last year. I think it might be petty or childish for me to do that but I really do not want to hear him complain about it again.”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t gift him fruit preserves.
Don’t gift him anything at all in fact. He is an ungrateful jerk who still ate what you gave them even though he chewed you out in front of your family.
In fact, I would get my sister something girly that only she would like and hand it to her right in front of him while he gets absolutely nothing.
Then he can have something to complain about since by doing this, he asked for it.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your poor sister, married to such a rude, mean, ungrateful man who humiliated you in front of the family on Christmas. Your gifts sound wonderful! A person with any class whatsoever would have thanked you profusely and been deeply appreciative of a homemade gift.
Don’t give him a thing other than a cold shoulder. Get your sister something personal that only she can use. (Or – OK I’m being petty here – if there’s a fruit she likes that he doesn’t care for, that flavor!) If BIL says anything, you can reply sweetly that you didn’t want to upset him with anything tacky.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your rude BIL made it clear that he did not appreciate the homemade fruit preserves, so it would be a bad idea to repeat the gift. However, your sister should not lose out just because her husband is so obnoxious. Consider giving the preserves just to her. Give BIL either nothing or something store-bought and modest like a box of chocolates or a pair of fun socks.” justmeat23
11. AITJ For Getting Fed Up And Pausing My Husband's Game?
“I (23 F) paused the internet on every single device in the apartment because my husband (23 M) refused to get off of the game to give our 8-month-old son a bath on time. My husband does not help with the household whatsoever.
Doesn’t wash dishes, do laundry, clean any room of the house, cook dinner, etc. He’ll get home and throw off his uniform onto the floor and leave it there until the next day. If the house is dirty, he’ll chide me and tell me that I don’t do anything, I don’t clean enough, I don’t cook dinner enough, etc.
Our biggest issue is the baby. I am the main caretaker for our son 99.9% of the time. I get up with him during the night when he wakes up crying. My husband will be here or there, but he’ll start screaming at me about how he needs his rest and I need to get up.
If our son is sick, I’m the one that takes off work. I’ve missed almost 6 weeks of work in the past 3 months because my husband wouldn’t even ask his supervisor if he could stay home one of those days.
I’m the one that gets up at 6 am and stays up with our son until about 12 PM-1 PM and that’s when I tell my husband he needs to get up and take care of the baby so I can take a nap (he sleeps anywhere from 8-14hrs a day while I take a nap between 1-4 hours).
Once I get up, he complains that I’ve been sleeping ‘all day’ while he’s been taking care of the baby by himself and I’m lazy.
I recently got promoted to E-5 after being up 3 times in a row and taking a hard exam that I studied for.
My husband unfortunately didn’t make it this time around and is still an E-3, and he blames me for it, saying if he didn’t have to transfer after a year at his previous command he would’ve made it. My husband told me that it’s not a surprise that I made it because my job is easy and all we do is sit at computers all day while he works out in the sun and cold on equipment (I’m in intelligence and he’s got a manual labor job).
Then he’ll say he’s joking and didn’t mean to be rude, but this is a constant thing he does. I paused the game tonight because every night we feed our son and give him a bath at 7 pm on the dot.
He’s always had this routine.
After I fed the baby, I told my husband that it was time for the bath (after I already laid out all the baby supplies and clothes for after the bath) and my husband told me to ‘just sit the baby down in the playpen until he’s done with the game’.
I gently told him no, that it was bedtime and I wasn’t going to shift our son’s routine so he could play the game for an extra half hour and my husband needs to learn to prioritize. I then paused the game and my husband flew off the handle, threatening to break my phone and refused to give our son a bath, and called me lazy for not doing it instead.
My husband literally hops on the game and plays from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is abusive toward you and neglectful of your baby. Even if you were a Stay-at-home-parent, you shouldn’t need to take care of most of the child care.
However, you both work…yet your husband demands you are always the one to get up when the baby needs something in the middle of the night, you are the one who needs to clean, you are the one who needs to take off of work, you are the one whose job is unimportant.
You don’t need to just pause the game. You need to shut off your marriage.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband absolutely is in every way.
Initially, I wondered if you were a stay-at-home mom which would have given your lazy, entitled husband a justification for his expectations (but not his bad behavior) BUT YOU WORK TOO! You both are in the military.
It sounds like when it comes to the home life you are responsible for everything while your lazy, husband plays games and only takes breaks to insult and demean you. The fact that you have an office capacity and he works in the field is utterly irrelevant to the issues at hand his refusal to carry out any of the responsibilities that are his as a husband and father at home.
Yes, you were justified in doing what you did, but you seem to only now be waking up to how abusive your husband is. Clearly, you’ve grown a thick skin in a very short period of time.
If you had no choice, this would be a good thing, but you do have choices, but you need to get yourself together if you don’t want to suffer long-term emotional damage that will negatively impact your work performance.
If that happens you won’t have a source of confidence and end up powerless to control events anywhere and become a victim.
First, you need to recognize this goes far beyond simply not wanting to give your child a bath. His behavior is reprehensible across the board.
It is a total failure on every level, completely unjustified, and as a member of the military unacceptable. The military expects and demands better from its members who are also fathers and spouses. That doesn’t mean they babysit anyone, but it does mean when abusive spouses are brought to their attention you will have the authorities on your side.
Even worse he doesn’t seem to show you any spousal affection and sees you as a live-in maid whose job it is to feed him, wash his clothes and keep the house clean and should you fall short on any of those his convenient verbal, personal punching bag.
His constant insults and temper tantrums can be as damaging to you over the long term as physical mistreatment, so you cannot dismiss the hurt and harm simply because he doesn’t hit you.
LUCKY for you being in the military means you don’t have to put up with him.
The military is extremely disapproving of abusive spouses. NO excuses are acceptable for the way he is treating you ESPECIALLY SINCE it is having a negative impact on your ability to do your job in the military.
If you address this (ask them for help) now with your commanding officer I imagine they will start off by having a heart-to-heart with your parasitic, selfish, abusive husband in which they will explain his behavior is NOT acceptable for a member of the military and if he doesn’t shape up he will be ejected so that the military can preserve a productive member, you.
Of course, I realize that might not be your goal, but it doesn’t have to be. What you need is something to shake your husband up and shape up in order to carry out his responsibilities as a parent and husband in the military married to a higher-ranking individual and a good talking-to could do that.
Good luck.” JohnnyinCentralTx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you have to realize how ABSURD it is that you have to treat your husband like a misbehaving child to make him pay attention to you and his obligations, right? The problem is not the gaming, not even how you guys split the household chores per se, it is that you and your husband can’t seem to see eye to eye and communicate about anything, really.
From your story, it sounds like that’s mostly on him, but either way, it’s time to try to consider some options to improve things, like counseling — if you’re both willing to work on your relationship. If not, then you owe it to yourself and to your kid to remove yourself from this toxic situation as soon as possible.” User
10. AITJ For Telling Our Daughter To Get Side Jobs To Repay For The Damaged Car?
“My wife and I (37 f and 37 m) have 2 kids, a twin boy and a girl, who are 14. We also are currently serving as a host family for a kid who’s pursuing his hockey dreams, he is 16.
When I was a kid, my parents served as a host family to many foreign exchange students and always tried to teach my siblings and me how to respect other cultures. They’re currently in their 70s and don’t do this anymore, but as a result, I always wanted to be a host family and my wife was fine with it too.
Now that we have our finances together without parental help, over the past few years we looked more into it and are hosting our very first kid this year, while he’s not a foreign exchange student, my son has been involved in sports since he was little, so when we found out about hosting athletes we thought it would be a good fit for us.
The boy we are hosting has a car and a license, and he will drive himself and our kids to school and back, in our state at his age, he is also old enough to have a full license, which he does.
He will use the car to go to the mall, park, and various other places. He recently took my son and a friend of his, my daughter, and 2 of her friends to the mall. They were going for Black Friday sales.
In one of the shops, the boys all went to the sporting goods store, and my son and his friend got some baseball equipment, including balls. My son plays football with his friend, but one of their mutual friends plays baseball and tutors them in academic classes.
They bought these as a way to pay him back.
After shopping, they decided to have a snowball fight in the playground, this is very common among kids in our area, and mall security has no issue with it. However, it turned from a friendly snowball fight into actual fighting because a freshman teacher decided to post all of her grades for the latest essay, my son and daughter and all her friends being freshmen, have this teacher.
My son got the notification on his phone that grades were up and told his friend to look at the grades, they both got in the 90s, and my daughter and her friends checked their grades and did much worse. Son and friend start boasting about grades and after some bickering, the boy we are hosting tells them they need to leave.
They were standing by the car waiting for it to warm up, daughter and son are bickering and then she decides to take a ball from their bag and see if he can ‘catch’ a ball going at him fast, ball misses son and hits the windshield of the car.
We got a call from the boy, pick them up, and got the windshield replaced, as it caused major damage. We paid to get the windshield replaced, we’re well off enough that it doesn’t affect us that much.
Son has been reprimanded for being a show-off, we told daughter she would have to repay the bill and she could start doing some side jobs like babysitting or shoveling driveways too.
She told us it was unfair and when I told my parents about it for advice, they agreed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but making somebody who cannot work (practically, if not legally) pay to replace something fairly expensive at market rate might not be the best method of teaching responsibility.
For people to reflect on their actions and grow, they generally need to see an actual out to their situation, so unless you’re providing the opportunity for her to earn funds to pay for a windshield in a reasonable timeframe and not just saying ‘find a babysitting job’, your plan here might not be as effective as you’d like.” Milskidasith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Someone needs to point out to your daughter that she should feel LUCKY that replacing a windshield is all that she has to do. If she had actually hit her brother (or anyone else) with a baseball, the consequences for everyone would have been far, FAR worse.
The fact she seems to think she shouldn’t have to face the consequences of her actions instead of being at all remorseful for what happened (or what COULD) have happened is honestly concerning.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone needs to point out to your daughter that she should feel LUCKY that replacing a windshield is all that she has to do.
If she had actually hit her brother (or anyone else) with a baseball, the consequences for everyone would have been far, FAR worse. The fact she seems to think she shouldn’t have to face the consequences of her actions instead of being at all remorseful for what happened (or what COULD) have happened is honestly concerning.” ProfPlumDidIt
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A 400-Dollar Gift For My Sister?
“My sister (22 f) has always been an aspiring artist. She is quite talented when she puts her mind to it. She is also a single mom of two kids 7-year-old & 4-year-old boys. She still lives with mom and stepdad (her dad) as she works part-time at a beauty store and part-time trying to start her own business.
I know she doesn’t make enough funds to pay her bills, so my parents usually have to step up and pay for necessities (bills, clothes for the kids, etc.) My sister is also not good at handling finances. She doesn’t stick to her budget, so on more than one occasion, my hubby and I (both 34) have had to cover bills for the house.
Every year, we spend between $30-50 on each nephew. We know they do not get a lot from my sister or my parents. My sister always requests that her name is on at least one gift for each nephew. To be honest, it really doesn’t bother us.
I know she is trying. So, as usual, I ask my sister to send me a list of things the boys would like. She ends up calling me with a proposition. I would buy a $400 Cricut machine, and I wouldn’t have to buy the boys a gift.
I tell her I am uncomfortable not getting the boys anything AND $400 is really expensive. Can I get her something else? Welp, she then just hangs up. I realize, if she doesn’t want to talk like an adult, I’m not calling her back…
So, my stepdad calls me.
In my opinion, he has always coddled my sister. She is his only child, so growing up, she got away with everything. My stepdad tells me ‘how disappointed he is in me that I won’t help my sister with her dream! Her business is finally paying off, but she NEEDS this machine! She has SOO many ‘pre-orders’ that if she doesn’t get them done, ETSY will blacklist her from selling!’ I tell my stepdad, ‘I can’t afford to buy her a $400 gift.
That’s more than I am spending on both of my kids.’ My stepdad scoffs and says, ‘Ok, then don’t plan on us getting you or hubby gifts. I find it ridiculous family can’t help family.’
I end up calling my mom crying.
I am more mad that I’m being accused of not supporting my family. I remind my mom that my husband and I have always helped when needed. But buying a $400 gift is excessive. My mom agrees but says that every other family member (grandma, uncle, aunt) is buying her materials.
We would be the only ones not helping. I tell her that if she really needs a $400 machine to start her business, then perhaps she is not ready to start her business. It was not a good idea for her to take orders she can’t fulfill right now.
My mom accosts me by saying, ‘Must be nice having money all the time. Your sister is trying to better herself.’
I texted my sister, but she responded with a gif of the middle finger. My hubby says we will not be caving into buying a $400 gift.
We still plan on getting my nephews their gifts.
AITJ for not buying an expensive gift? I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but I may be too upset to think clearly about how this would affect my sister.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can get a Cricut joy for 120 dollars.
It’s a smaller version of a Cricut and basically does the exact same thing. They even give you the option to pay with Affirm on Amazon so she can literally pay 20 dollars a month until it’s paid off. I mean if she really ‘needs’ this machine, she should’ve researched that and know that there are so many more affordable models.
She is scamming you and running to your parents to try and guilt you into buying the Bentley version of Cricut machines, I guarantee she does not need a 400-dollar cricut.” rocky-5
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, OP, NTJ. $400 is a lot for a gift unless it is absolutely necessary for example medical.
Does your sister actually need it instead of say food or clothes for her kids? No, your parents coddled her too much if they have to foot the bills for her. If she wants the machine she’ll have to earn the funds the right way or better yet her parents can buy it for her.
It seems weird she has preorders for products she hasn’t made if she doesn’t have the tools for it much less being an aspiring artist, has she actually earned something from her hobbies, if not, that is what it is – a hobby.
No disrespect to anyone who are artists as a living but unless she is actually selling her work not just trying to get Instagram likes it’s a $400 waste of space in the basement.
Maybe you can ask your nephews what they would like for Christmas or ask them what did they ask Santa for Christmas.
Don’t let people who can’t see the difference between dreams and reality tell you you’re a bad person your being realistic and shelling out a large amount on something that would be used once and then forgotten isn’t worth it.” Potential-Drive8623
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your sister sounds incredibly immature and entitled. And, your mother and stepfather are enablers. You and your husband (and the nephews) might well be the only members of the family who aren’t jerks. If this were my situation, I would buy gifts for the nephews with my and my husband’s names on them and I would forgo all other gifts. Let the choosing beggars go pound sand.” Suchafatfatcat
8. AITJ For Looking For An Apartment Behind My Sister's Back And Removing The Bills From My Name?
“I (F 27) have a daughter (2) and another baby on the way. I moved in with my sister to help her while she was going through her divorce. It was messy, he shut all the utilities off out of his name with no warning.
She has unpaid bills in her name so she couldn’t get them in hers so I put them in mine. I help her pay the bills, I cook every night, and clean the whole house when all she does is work.
She doesn’t make her kids mind and they run out of control. They eat all of my daughter’s food and take off with my stuff losing it. When anything is said about it she gets passed.
When I talk about leaving she gets mad.
So I went behind her back to get an apartment. I just got approved for an apartment and she’s not happy. She thinks the bills at her house will continue to be in my name knowing I need them switched over to my apartment.
I took me and my daughter off her food stamp case and went behind her back to have the bills switched over to my apartment. She now has 2 days to figure out something or she’ll be left with no utilities.
She’s blowing me up asking what she’s supposed to do, she has kids and I’ve replied ‘I don’t know and it’s not my problem because I have kids too’. She has a partner she can have put in his name but would have to pay a down deposit but she barely makes enough to make bills because she’s financially supporting him because he doesn’t work.
I have people messaging me to call me a jerk and I reply with why because I left that miserable place. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Did she think you were going to pay her utilities permanently or something? She’s decided to host a leech of a partner rather than manage her life constructively, so she can just deal.
And if she doesn’t deal pretty darn quick, I suspect family services are going to have something to say about the fact that she doesn’t bother to keep utilities in a residence with small children. Tell those jerks who are giving you grief to pay her bills for her themselves, you have your kids to think of and no one is helping you with that.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“No, of course, you’re NTJ.
You’re doing the best thing for you and your children. That’s absolutely the right priority. The fact that your sister has made poor choices is not your fault. She needs to get her own act together and that’s her responsibility, not yours.
If she had wanted your help, she could have made better choices. She could have insisted that you, your things, and your children be treated with respect. She could have helped around the house. She doesn’t need to support a non-working partner.
Tell those folks who are calling you a jerk to go to your sister with donations.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: If she didn’t pay her own bills she won’t pay when the bills are in your name once you go if you left the utilities in your name and you’ll be responsible for that debt.
If she has the means to support non-working partners she can pay her own bills and should’ve been a responsible adult and parent to pay off debts when you were staying with her paying half the expenses as well as food and childcare so she could have bills in her own name and provide for her and her children instead of giving it to man.
Those insulting you instead of telling her the truth and asking her why she didn’t think of how she was going get utilities and the fact she has children living with her and anything else she wants to throw at you for her failure are a waste of your time and energy so just block them all on everything, you do not need that stress.
Put your feet up, rest and take care of yourself, and your children and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Good luck. If your sister keeps being a nuisance don’t feel bad to go with very low contact or no contact. Your mental health, child, and having a healthy pregnancy and delivery comes before her and her nonsense and put passwords on your accounts in case.” User
7. AITJ For Confiscating My Daughter's Gifts From Her Dad?
“I have 2 daughters who have different fathers, Mia (14) and Ava (16)
Ava’s birthday was 2 months ago and she asked her dad to buy her a new phone and a backpack. She chose what model and color phone she wants and found a backpack that she loved and was so excited to get them.
Unfortunately, her dad fell ill and lost all his savings to pay for medication and can’t afford to buy them anymore and I can’t afford them either. We explained to her and she understood. I bought her a less expensive backpack from both me and her dad
Mia’s birthday was a week ago.
When she opened her dad’s gifts I was shocked. It was the exact phone and backpack that Ava wanted. Ava went to her room and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. I waited until after the party was over then told her that what she did was cruel and immature.
I took both of the gifts away and grounded her
Her dad has been blowing up my phone demanding I give her gifts back. He called me a jerk and said I have no right to take them away. I told him he should have stopped her from doing this and acted like a parent.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Give the gifts back to your daughter. Your actions are teaching your daughters that you will always expect one to give up her good fortunes so the other doesn’t feel bad. This will create resentment and will ruin their relationship.
Yes, this is a difficult situation where one may always have more opportunities than the other, but taking gifts away isn’t the answer.
Talk to the girls separately and together. You have an opportunity to teach your one daughter about sensitivity and compassion and to teach your other daughter about resilience.” StellaByStarlight42
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here, of course, your daughter didn’t just coincidentally ask for the exact same phone and backpack it’s deliberate and horribly mean, however, I don’t think you can just take her gifts away.
I think you need to sit down with her and get to the bottom of this. You can do some awful things to your siblings as part of growing up but there is a cruelty in this that you need to address.
Her gifts have to be returned, I understand the impulse but that isn’t a solution, And jumping straight to that makes resolving this more difficult. Talk!” Higgledypiggle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I agree that what Mia did was obviously cruel and malicious, but I don’t think what you did made anything better, in fact, it made it all much worse.
Punishments are supposed to teach children how what they did was wrong, they aren’t supposed to be for revenge on the child or spiteful, which is what this was.
Children emulate their parents and based on this post, Mia gets it from you.
You can’t teach a child not to be mean-spirited by being mean-spirited to them. If you can’t see that then it’s because you are unable to be objective and are judging others by their actions but yourself by your intentions. It reminds me of my friend who always overreacts and yells about small things her children do wrong, then complains that her children have short tempers and yell.
You say Mia has completely different tastes and actually wouldn’t like the phone or the backpack. Well, you should have forced her to use them then, for X months. No other bags are allowed to take to school and no phone cases that disguise the phone color.
In the meantime, give Ava some extra time and attention because that is free. Maybe take a day to go into all the thrift shops with her and see if any bags there take her fancy. Let her talk to you about her feelings without Mia around.” ttnl35
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here, except for Ava.
Mia is a jerk for taking advantage of her father’s financial situation to make her sister upset.
Her father is a jerk for not parenting his daughter better than that and not caring about why even after knowing.
You are the biggest jerk for not properly parenting both of your children, allowing financial issues to drive a wedge between them, and having a poor co-parenting relationship with Mia’s father.
Sounds like you have a better relationship with Ava’s father than Mia’s and are letting it influence your attitude with your children, who are noticing.” Sea_Rise_1907
6. AITJ For Not Prioritizing Adding A Third Bathroom To Our House?
“My husband, our daughters (18, 16, 16, 12), and I live in a 4 bed 2 bath house.
All of the girls share a bathroom and they’ve been complaining about it for a while. We’ve been saying we’ll convert the laundry room into a bathroom for the twins for a while.
It’s an expensive project so we’ve never gotten to it.
My husband and I started working on our garage recently and turned it into a gym for him, a new laundry room, and an office for me. Then we came into some funds and decided to renovate both bathrooms, remodel the kitchen, and do work on the backyard.
The girls were mad when we told them about the work we were doing on the house. They were saying it’s not fair that my husband gets a gym when the twins share a room and that we chose to work on the backyard instead of adding the third bathroom.
They’ve been calling us selfish and even got our parents and siblings to give us a hard time for not giving the girls another bathroom or giving the twins their own rooms. They don’t understand that now that the laundry room is done we have the space for the bathroom.
The bathroom is next on our list.
I wanted to get some outside opinions on this since our kids and our families have been giving us a hard time.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Two bathrooms between six people, one of which has to be shared between four people, another one should have been a priority and was on the cards.
You didn’t do it because it was expensive, but managed to renovate the garage and when you came into funds decided newer projects were more important. That you converted part of the garage into a laundry space indicates the space you were already using for laundry before then was open for another bathroom, a project that would have served a far more practical value than work on the backyard.” ScorchieSong
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You knew the bathroom was causing tension/conflict with your kids. You TOLD them you’d build them a new bathroom—which they were ALL anticipating and looking forward to.
Sure, your kids won’t die from sharing a bathroom, but it’s straining their relationships with each other and with their parents.
Do you really think a home gym and office are more important than your kids being happy and comfortable? Because that’s essentially exactly what you told them when you pushed the bathroom reno to the back burner.” ctortan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you had no budget for a renovation, that would be one thing.
Adding a toilet and shower to a laundry room where there is already existing plumbing is not that large of a project, and yet you chose a home gym and an office. Yes, lots of families have more than 4 people for a bathroom, but you showed your daughters that their needs were less important than your wants. They won’t forget that when they move out in a couple of short years and will plan their visits accordingly.” Tacos_and-tequila
5. AITJ For Not Moving Back In With My Fiancé To Help My Sister?
“I’m assuming it’s the same everywhere, but the UK is currently going through a bad cost of living crisis. Electricity and gas are super expensive so my sister and her husband were trying to limit how much they turned the heating on which was rough as they have a 4-month-old daughter.
They took me in after my fiancé broke up with me and at first, my sister wouldn’t let me financially contribute but she eventually agreed when I said I would leave otherwise. I’ve been paying the gas bill so that we can keep the heating on most of the time for my niece.
My fiancé and I are back together and he wants me to move back in with him but I told him I can’t as my sister needs my help. He offered to give my sister the funds himself but I told him she hates him now so she wouldn’t accept it from him and she wouldn’t let me keep paying the gas bill while I was living with him either.
He thinks I’m making excuses to avoid living together and is upset with me.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – take a long hard look at what you want for your future and make some sensible decisions. Discuss these topics with someone you trust who can guide you, preferably someone impartial, without any agenda of their own.
Then sit down and talk to your fiancé. He deserves to know what you have decided, and not be left hanging wondering if or when you will stop living with your sis and her fam and start a marriage and a domestic life with him.
Time to make a mature plan. Wishing you the best! Living with your fiancé and embarking upon marriage together is a serious undertaking.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have the right to make your own decisions on where you live and honestly, if your fiancé was the one who kicked you out in the first place, he’s kind of a dummy for getting upset that you won’t come running back.
However, are you sure you’re being entirely honest with yourself though about your hesitance to go back to your fiancé? You honestly don’t sound all that enthused about the prospect of going back with him. It’s your decision of course, and maybe you’re willing to get back together but you’re still hurting from the initial breakup and don’t want to go back to living together right away. That’s fine, but if you’re not honest about it, you probably won’t make the right move here.” Different-Sign6050
4. WIBTJ If I Ghost My Psychologist?
“I’ve been going to my psychologist once a week every Tuesday at 10:30 am for 7 months now. On 11/01 she cancelled on me and stated we would resume regular sessions on 11/08. On 11/08 I showed up at our regular scheduled time and she came to the waiting area and called someone else’s name then looked at me and had a confused look on her face.
She had two patients there. She called me back and asked me what I was doing there. I read her the text messages and it turned out she canceled all of our reoccurring appointments vs just the one. She then said she wouldn’t be able to see me until 11/29.
I agreed and then left feeling horrible.
I know she made an honest mistake, but I can’t help but feel like she didn’t do anything to try and accommodate me. I had to be the one to leave on 11/08 and I had to be the one rescheduled until 11/29.
Not to mention that I’ve been coming to her at the same time for 7 months and she didn’t even seem to notice I wasn’t on her schedule. It made me feel very bad like I didn’t matter and unmemorable. In my opinion, being her client for this long she should have some idea of how that situation would’ve affected me and tried to remedy it, but it left such a sour taste in my mouth that I am considering ghosting her.
WIBTJ if I ghost my psychologist?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Framing behavior around your psychologist as a jerk/not a jerk is not a healthy way to engage with therapy. Expecting your psychologist to hold you in personal regard with a full schedule is not that reasonable.
Trying to get out of therapy or seek justification to avoid it is a very common and bad outcome of certain mental illnesses. I say this to point out that you’re missing a key issue by asking things in this way.
It is possible that they communicated poorly and it’s entirely their fault, but if that is sufficient to not want to go to them anymore you should be seeking new services, not focusing on quitting this one. If you do want to leave therapy, yes, you should contact them to cancel so that you don’t deal with future hassle or bills for missed appointments.” Milskidasith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to ghost.
But probably doing yourself a major disservice.
Therapists are people and people inevitably do things that offend or hurt each other in relationships. If we bail any time anyone offends/hurts us then we undermine our ability to form lasting meaningful relationships.
Instead, use this as an opportunity for assertive communication and repair with a person who is literally trained to help you with that.
Think about what you want her to know (e.g., ‘I understand that everyone makes mistakes but I want you to know that I felt unimportant and brushed off when you weren’t able to see me the last time I came to your office.
I even considered not coming back but I think we’ve already done some good work together and want to see if we can use this as an opportunity to change some of my typical patterns in relationships.’)
Then you can think about if there is a specific ask, ‘I was kind of dazed when you weren’t able to see me at the moment and wasn’t sure if there were other options to talk before today, is there a way I can contact you between sessions if I need to communicate with you in the future? Do you have any ideas about how we can repair and continue to do good work together?’
And if she is super defensive or dismissive then you have the info you need that you aren’t going to be a good fit.
And if she is super validating and appreciative of you communicating this then you will likely feel even better about working together moving forward and will be better and communicating what you need from her to get the most out of your treatment.
Wish you the best!” psychologistfeels
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one but I’m leaning to YTJ. You’re clearly not a monster, but your expectations of your therapists knowing your schedule that well aren’t realistic. The therapist is using an automatic calendar precisely because she isn’t capable of remembering everyone’s appointments.
If she could she wouldn’t need the calendar. It has nothing to do with you personally being unmemorable. You don’t have to go back, but this narrative you’ve constructed that relates your decision to your personal value is not reasonable and it comes across like you’re trying to make your therapist the villain for deleting an Outlook appointment incorrectly.” ghotier
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re entitled to do what you want in seeking a new therapist if you feel it necessary.
But it’s important to ask yourself: am I overreacting and why? Is it because routine is extremely important?
While you’re important to your psychologist, she is also human. She also only has a set number of hours and seasons a week, and many other clients.
As well as her own personal life.
It’s not uncommon for psychologists worth their fee to be booked weeks in advance.
Perhaps if you’re very impacted, you could request a free session, or a discount on the next batch of recurring treatments.
Ghosting over an honest mistake isn’t necessarily a jerk move. I just wonder whether the pros outweigh the cons. Has her service been good outside of this mistake? It might be hard to find a new psych and take more time and effort than just waiting another day.” shinynewcharrcar
3. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Wear A Dress That's The Same Color As My Mom's?
“My daughter just let me know that she expects me and her stepmother to wear the same color dresses at her future wedding. She said they don’t have to be the same style but they do have to be the same color.
It’s not scheduled yet, so I have plenty of time to think this over and negotiate if appropriate.
For some reason, this really bothers me. I’ve worked hard to be pleasant with her stepmom under some difficult circumstances. I’ve always tried to embrace the positive aspects of her having another person in her life to love and care for her and to be polite at joint events.
I always expected her stepmom to be at her wedding and to be acknowledged as part of her family. But having to wear the same color dress feels bad somehow. Like we’re being placed in the same category. I’ve never tried to be competitive with her stepmom and to recognize the role she plays in my daughter’s life but I have always felt like it is a different role than mine.
(I’m also a stepmom myself and have a stepson I adore, but I always try to respect his mom’s role as the mom and mine as a supportive additional person in his life without trying to act like I’m his actual mother).
It also doesn’t help that the stepmom is about 15 years younger than me and tall and lanky whereas I’m short and kind of dumpy. I always figured I’d end up looking ‘matronly’ in comparison to the stepmom whatever dresses we chose, but never thought we’d have to wear similar dresses, which I feel will invite people to make unfavorable comparisons even more.
WIBTJ if I asked my daughter to be able to wear a different color dress than her stepmom? (Also, is this a common thing? I always figured as long as I didn’t show up in white I’d basically be able to pick out my own dress).
Or should I just get over myself and wear the color she wants us to?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Think of it as a uniform you’re wearing identifying yourself as part of the bride’s side. It’s a bit insensitive of your daughter to imply that you and the stepmom are the same, and you might ask whether there can be a palette for the family rather than a single color.
Ultimately though just choose a dress that you feel comfortable in and remember that you have a happy life despite your ex marrying the nanny (for which he is the jerk but that’s outside of scope).” no_good_namez
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ.
First, let me say that it’s a tendency now for couples to ask their immediate families to wear the exact same color for their wedding and I think it’s a stupid one. It just adds unnecessary stress. I understand wanting a cohesive look for the pictures but providing a color palette for your family to choose from would have the same effect.
I understand where you’re coming from but you have to realize that nothing can take away from the fact that you are your daughter’s mother, including wearing the same color dress as her stepmom. If you discuss this with your daughter, you’ll be making her feel guilty for your insecurities.
That’s not fair to her.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘no jerks here’. It doesn’t have to be the same dress. I think you seem more worried about being compared to your stepmom because of the differences in body type. Find a dress that suits you, in the color your daughter chooses, and don’t worry about anyone comparing you.
Walk in, hold your head up, smile, and let the world know how happy you are for your daughter. Comparing and worrying what others might think will make you miserable.” Menrevil
Another User Comments:
“Objecting to a particular color because you genuinely feel it doesn’t look good on you and you would prefer a different one? NTJ.
Refusing to wear the same color as the stepmother because you feel you are too special? Yeah, YTJ.
It’s an old tradition (and not one I am particularly a fan of) to have the mothers of the bride and groom (and often the grandmothers of the bride and groom) all wear the same color to more easily identify them as family of the bridal party.
And whether you like it or not, your daughter’s stepmother is part of her family.
I’m sorry if that makes you feel less special, and I would strongly encourage you to talk to a therapist about such feelings. But wearing the same color as another family member doesn’t actually make you less special.
And your daughter’s wedding day is hardly the day to wallow in whatever negative feelings you have about your ex’s new spouse.
If I were your daughter’s friend, I would encourage her not to attempt to follow a tradition that hasn’t been commonly followed in decades. But in your shoes? I would simply do my best to pick out a fabulous dress in the color my daughter requested and know that I was supporting my daughter on her special day.” DinaFelice
2. AITJ For Letting My Son Into The Home Office?
“I sometimes let my son sit in my husband’s office while I’m putting my youngest down for his nap or feeding him. He usually will play on the floor and my husband has always been fine with it in the past.
My brother-in-law has started working from our home more often as they’re working on an important deal together. The other day I let my son into my husband’s office as I needed to feed my youngest but my oldest was getting jealous.
Neither of them said anything when I first let him in or when I brought him his toys but he didn’t just sit and play with his toys like he normally does.
According to my brother-in-law, he kept trying to grab their papers, was touching their laptops, and wanted their attention.
My brother-in-law told him not to do something and made him cry which meant they had to stop their discussion so my husband could calm him down.
They ended up taking a break and both seemed annoyed at me. When I asked what happened, my brother-in-law told me I shouldn’t have let him in the office while they were working and there was a reason the door was shut.
He was pretty rude so I got defensive and told him if he had a problem he could go home.
My husband tried to seem neutral but it seems like he was siding with his brother to me since he said I was being unfair by telling him to go home and he told me he would lock his office door for the next few hours which I thought was unnecessary.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – because your husband said it was ok. But I really do want you to think about what you are doing. Your husband is trying to work to earn funds to pay for you, the kids, the house, etc.
while your job is to take care of the kids. It is really convenient that he can work from home because he doesn’t have a commute, if he does have a break during the day, he can enjoy it with you and the kids.
However, it is important that you don’t overburden him because he is working. His focus needs to be on working. You have two kids when the older one needs to be entertained, you should put in a video to keep him entertained while you feed the baby away from his view.
Or you give him some toys in his bedroom. Or whatever. You need to pretend your husband is not at home, because he is working, and he can’t always stop and watch the kid. You need to figure out how to keep the two kids entertained by yourself.
I know it is easier for you to ask him, but he is working. I am guessing he says yes, because if he said no, that would cause a thing with you. So he doesn’t want to say no, even though he should.
I get it. I was working from home with a baby several times a week. Those were very long days for me, but I appreciated that I got those two days with my baby rather than being in the office 5 days a week.
It was harder when my child was a toddler. But I had to draw lines when I was working vs being mommy because I needed to keep my job and I needed to do well at my job.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
When an office door is shut, it means the occupants are busy and should not be disturbed. End of sentence.
Your husband may be fine with his son in there for brief periods from time to time, but did you even bother to ask his brother how he felt about that? It sounds as if you assumed that it would be fine without even asking.
That’s on you.
They are WORKING. Sometimes it may be OK for you to ask your husband to watch your son for a little bit. Sometimes, it might not! You should always have the courtesy to ASK before disturbing anyone’s employment.” MbMinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, primarily because this has been an acceptable arrangement for you and your husband, and you weren’t told today was any different.
While I agree that work is work, your husband has not previously expressed that he needs to be left alone and not interrupted. As you’ve said, it’s normal for you to open a closed door to let your son in, and your husband has been ok with it.
You had no reason to think it wouldn’t be ok this time.
Perhaps things are different in your brother’s home, where ‘closed office door’ = ‘do not disturb.’ Well, he’s not at his home now.
Their need to be left alone wasn’t communicated to you.” aldhibain
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Whilst I can accept that your husband normally allows you to interrupt with one child while you deal with the other this was not the norm with the BIL.
Your own story notes that they were working on a big deal!
Your child was clearly disruptive and caused issues… Here is where I feel you crossed over to jerk territory… You got defensive and threw your BIL out of the house because he was upset and you didn’t like it
What you should have done was acknowledge that whilst it’s not normally an issue clearly this time your child was disruptive.
Apologize for the disruption, explain to the BIL that this is normal for your routine and has never been an issue with your husband but going forward whilst they are working on this important deal you would keep your child out of the office.
Your actions impacted their work… noted your child didn’t normally act this way so not fully predictable… but still your error and your place to resolve the conflict… not double down and throw your BIL out of the house. At this point that is just pride and ego.” BakerShort5927
1. AITJ For Eating My Husband's Birthday Cake?
“My husband’s family and I don’t get along, like AT ALL. we’re rarely ever on good terms and for my mental health I decided to put distance between us. Especially after I was blamed for my most recent miscarriage (which happened 3 months ago).
My husband can still see and visit them whenever he wants. For me, I don’t attend any of their events not even Thanksgiving or Christmas.
My husband’s 30th birthday was 2 days ago. I planned to celebrate with him. I bought a cake and a gift but he said that his family invited him to celebrate his birthday and he ‘really really really’ wanted to go because the birthday parties his family throw are like no others.
We had an argument over this but he told me to wait for him til he finish celebrating there with his family then we could celebrate together at home and eat cake.
After he left I felt so terrible. I called him but he turned his phone off.
I was so mad I took the cake and brought it to the living room and started eating from it. I ate the whole thing not saving him a single piece (guess I was so angry and it made me hungry).
He came home and saw what I did and blew up saying I did this to spite and to punish him for not ‘ditching his family on his birthday’ like I ‘wanted him to’. I reminded him I paid for the cake but he called me petty and nuts.
He ranted and ranted then said that he didn’t get to eat cake at his parents’ house because lots of kids were there and he didn’t get enough cake and what I did was 10 times worse.
He’s been upset with me ever since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The second they blamed you for having a miscarriage, your husband should’ve very firmly put distance between him and his toxic family and stood behind you.
That he’d choose them over you repeatedly, shows just how little you matter to him.
A good husband would never allow anyone to blame his wife for a miscarriage, much less his own family. And if he wanted to eat birthday cake with you, he shouldn’t have chosen them over you again.
Men need to understand the second they get married their wife becomes their nuclear family and always comes first.” Sea_Rise_1907
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You: for assuming he wouldn’t celebrate with his family and not communicating that you wanted to celebrate with him before checking about his family’s big parties (which are apparently a regular event), throwing a tantrum when he did, then saying the cake you bought for him was your funds.
None of that is good behavior.
Him: for choosing to celebrate with his family over you 3 months after a miscarriage, caring so much about a cake than what seems to be a serious gaping wound in your marriage.
Hate to say it, but unless yall get to work asap fixing things this relationship seems pretty much over, and it’s nothing at all to do with this cake.” Encartrus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your husband’s family has treated you poorly, but it was still his birthday and he should be able to celebrate it with them separately from you if that’s what he wants. He kept you informed of his plans and came home as intended to share the cake with you to make sure he could also celebrate with his wife.
You threw a tantrum and ate an entire cake like a child. That’s embarrassing and really unfair to your husband.” FrobisherLetters
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your in-laws suck for the way they treat you. Blaming someone for a miscarriage is horrendous. There are no excuses for that and you’re justified in cutting them out.
Your husband sucks for not approaching this issue like an adult and, it seems, for not standing up for you when his family are being jerks. He sucks a very great deal for turning his phone off, creating the problem then having a go at the OP.
He sucks the most in my view.
You, OP, also suck just a little. Eating the whole cake was spiteful and acting out of spite always makes you an arsehole. It may also have been that after spending time with his family, your husband was really looking forward to that quiet time with you and values it.
It seems like the two of you have some work to do on your relationship.” magnus_the_fish
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!