People Beg Us To Reply To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. WIBTJ If Tell Off A Woman For Making My Daughter Upset Over A Winter Coat?
“My 6-year-old daughter takes mixed martial arts and Judo classes at a local dojo. We like the dojo a lot, except the woman (let’s call her Megan) at the front desk has gotten a bit… unhinged. I believe she is married to the owner but I am not 100% sure.
I have always allowed my daughter to choose how much she wants to bundle up when it’s cold. She’s very cold-tolerant and complains that coats and even hoodies make her too hot in the winter, so most days she wears t-shirts. We live in the southwest so it only dips to 40 degrees or so, not too bad.
Megan has made it her mission to make sure all the kids at the dojo wear winter coats. For the last month, when she sees my daughter or any other kid not wearing a coat, she nags them to start bringing and wearing their coat.
I’ve blown it off because it’s just another nosy old lady telling kids they need to bundle up, it’s whatever.
Last week she flipped out on all the kids and yelled at the entire class that she’s been asking for weeks for kids to wear their coats.
I mean YELLED. Then she made a big show of giving out prizes to the kids who did wear them.
I am furious over this for so many reasons: Completely inappropriate to yell at children like that. My kid cried the entire way home because she thought she was going to get kicked out of the dojo.
I believe in teaching my children to listen to their own bodies, not what other people say their bodies should feel.
Most importantly, I am mad that she is overriding my authority as the parent. I believe that sets kids up to believe other people – including predators – can override me and tell her what to do.
I talked to some other parents in the class and they think I am overreacting, that she means well and is actually helping them out in getting their kids to put on a coat without complaining.
WIBTJ if I said something? I’ve decided we aren’t following her rule, and if she says anything, I am going to let her know exactly what I think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but after you’ve said something, follow up with the owner as well. This person has ZERO authority regarding what children wear on the way to class. They may require certain gear inside the dojo, but outerwear is 100% not their concern. To YELL at children of paying clients for something that’s clearly none of her business (literally) is way out of line.
For emphasis: You are not paying this business to police how you dress your child, and you are certainly not paying this business for yelling at/mistreating your child to the point where they are weeping.
Let them know that you’re happy to vote with your dollars.
I pulled my son from a small dojo for less, and I make sure to tell people why I did. Some have the same concerns I did, some don’t, but at least they are going in with their eyes open.
I am furious that this woman is punishing small children for choices the parents are making.
Kids don’t have authority over what sort of outerwear their parents make available to them. There are just so many facets of ‘wrong’ in this woman’s behavior.” SuzieQbert
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your reasons are sound. I mean if she was just making off-hand remarks about it then, yes, you could ignore it as an ‘eccentric woman being a typical busybody’, but the fact she’s yelled at your child and upset them is way too far.
Whether your child wears a coat to and from the business that you pay for is none of their concern; they should focus on keeping customers happy.
I’d have a calm chat with her about her behavior, focusing on the yelling and how it’s inappropriate, and maybe that you’d like her to control her emotions a bit better towards your child.
Or you’ll google review her.” jjswin
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing, she’s not going to listen to a thing you say. You can complain to the owner, but if you’re the only one with the issues, nothing is going to change, especially if she’s the owner’s wife.
It’s an awful situation, and honestly, your only options are to accept that you will have to put up with that crap if your daughter wants to continue training at that dojo, or you find another one where they treat people with respect.
That being said, I recommend talking to the owner.
And the next time nosy Nancy at the front desk crosses the line come down on her, and if she ever makes your daughter cry again, rain heck and brimstone (figuratively speaking) down on her.
But NTJ.” zdstormwolf
20. AITJ For Defending My Boss When A Family Member Criticized Her?
“I (24F) recently got a corporate job at a very prestigious company. I worked very hard to get where I am now, and I am very proud of myself, to be honest.
My partner of 3 years (I’ll name him James – 28M) is my boss’ (Let’s call her Nora – 36F) cousin (he’s in a completely different line of work). I haven’t seen Nora outside of work much (Even at work, I don’t see her a lot because she is at the very top of the hierarchy and I don’t have a lot of work that directly needs her attention – but everyone agrees that she is an awesome boss).
That changed when James’ uncle (Nora’s dad) invited the whole family including James and me over to his house for dinner. Notably, James doesn’t like Nora for reasons I don’t understand.
Obviously, Nora, her wife, and the kids were there as well. She didn’t make a big deal out of being my boss and I felt super comfortable in the family environment.
Everyone was initially very sweet. Over dinner, James’ dad asked me how hard Nora was on us at the company. He said he’d heard about how she made everyone work overtime and was horrible to be around.
Nora is exactly the opposite of that. I don’t have a lot of experience but she is the kindest, most inspiring boss one could wish for.
She works double all of her employees and never makes anyone feel like they’re being taken advantage of. She appreciates everyone’s efforts and that’s why everyone at work is actually happy to work overtime and help her with stuff.
I told James’ dad exactly all this.
He didn’t like the answer but I could tell Nora and her wife were loving it. And I added that despite not having a lot of experience, I was more than happy to work in the same company as Nora did. The conversation ended there.
I thought that was the end of the story.
On the way back, James asked me what was going on because I totally humiliated his dad in front of the whole family. He said his dad liked teasing Nora and it wasn’t personal and I should have just avoided the question and ignored that.
I said I honestly don’t get how I humiliated him. James hasn’t talked to me ever since and thinks I owe his dad an apology. I asked my colleagues and they all agree that it was absolutely ridiculous to criticize Nora as a boss like that in the first place.
James and his family clearly disagree.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Both your partner and his dad are morons for thinking that you would trash-talk your boss while in her presence – even if she wasn’t a great boss, which she luckily is. The dad did that to himself and unless your partner can come up with a sincere apology for you and face his mistake, you should probably consider taking a step back from this relationship.
Good for you for not playing along and staying true!
It’s time to demand some integrity from your partner. NTJ.” aaseandersen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were made to be a part of some kind of inside joke that you weren’t aware of. And even if you were aware, that doesn’t mean you need to play along.
Also, I don’t know what James’s problem is, but his suggestion of just ignoring his father and/or refusing to answer a question is ridiculous. Your partner’s father asks you a question about something that you know intimately, and you are supposed to look him in the face and not respond.
James is the jerk. And he should have also told you about this ‘banter’ within his family BEFORE (especially knowing you work with someone who will be there) taking you to dinner and having you figure it out on the back end.” PeaUpbeat3732
Another User Comments:
“That your partner and his dad are angry that you said nice things about your boss, who they are related to and was sitting at the table, is bonkers. If it was just teasing, it wouldn’t be an issue for you to tell the truth and say nice things.
Whether they have an issue with her sexuality or dislike her for some other reason, you clearly got intentionally pulled into the middle of some family drama and were expected to take their side against her. How dare you have and express the opinion he asked for?
These are red flags. You don’t owe your partner’s dad anything, and both of those men should be ashamed of themselves for this misogynistic nonsense. NTJ.” elle23nc
19. AITJ For Outing My Son When He Wasn't Ready?
“My son (17m) has apparently been in the closet for the past 7 months.
So, my son is fairly masculine/straight acting if that makes sense, however, he’s very obviously had a male partner (18m) for the past 7 months. He sometimes baby talks to this boy, hugs him all the time, has called him handsome, shares clothes, and they sit way too close to each other to the point where they’re basically cuddling.
He closes his bedroom door when with him but not any other friends, sees him like every day, buys him gifts, and for the past 7 months he now always smells great, has his hair fixed really nice, and dresses nicer, among other things.
Today I asked my son if was going to invite his partner on our trip, and he got awkward and said ‘that’s not funny.’ I asked what he meant and he said ‘I am straight, that’s not funny’.
I laughed and when I realized he was serious I started laughing even harder.
I told him he was very obviously in a relationship with a guy and did a terrible job at hiding it, he got emotional and started asking me not to tell his dad (my husband already knows, like I said it was obvious).
Then he got upset saying I outed him when he wasn’t ready, he hasn’t said a word to me in a couple of days. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Look, apologize to him. Your son is right that it’s wrong to out someone when they’re not ready.
That said, tell him you and Dad already thought it, accept him, love him, and appreciate the privilege of knowing his truth. (I mean, unless this isn’t true, and your husband is going to be a jerk about it.)
Then? Leave him alone. Pretend it never happened. Let your son take the lead.
This is big for him, even if you’ve been expecting it. Let him do it in his own time. (And thanks to you and your hubs for being loving parents.)” YupNopeWelp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
When I was 17 and watching tv with my parents, out of the blue, my Dad turned to me and said ‘You know it’d be okay if you were gay, right?’ I laughed it off, said okay, and went about my day.
Within six months, I was questioning. It took several more years before I was comfortably calling myself Bi and coming out to friends and family. I think I must have given off vibes to my parents for Dad to come straight out and say it like that – but at no point in time did he assume, make comments alluding to, nothing.
I was given time and space to reach that conclusion on my own.
You took that away from your son. Instead of saying something to the effect of ‘If you are, cool – if not, cool. We love you regardless.’ You forced him to confront that identity before he was ready.
You need to stomp this crap out before it spirals. Let your son know what I said above – that however he chooses to identify is okay with you and that you love him regardless and will take any future cues on how to proceed from him.” notlucyintheskye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes, he had to come out at an unexpected moment, but maybe don’t suck so bad at hiding it? I mean it’s terrible we have to hide anything at all, but if you’re not ready for people to know, don’t go around showing off things that obviously give it away and then get mad when someone has connected the dots, especially if that someone isn’t even being malicious about it and has no way of being aware of what the entire situation even means.
You’re punishing an ally, that we desperately need as many of as we can get. I mean really, with fascism bearing down on us yall want to scream at the mother who just told her son ‘honey, you’re not as inconspicuous as you think you are’.
OP, it looks like you’re a loving parent and had no ill will toward your child. There is a lot of fear and uncertainty involved with coming out and since your child is now realizing he may not have that security anymore, those emotions are getting charged. The best thing to do (based on what I felt I wanted before I came out) is to just continue to show him that it makes no difference in your love and support of him.” JSSJeepin
18. AITJ For Pressuring My Dad To Buy Me Tampons?
“My (16f) mom is an addict so my brothers (both 14) and I don’t see her much and haven’t in almost a year now. My dad is a good dad but when it comes to girl stuff, he is utterly useless. He’s also not working right now due to the hours not being there for him so he’s really struggling.
My school does provide period products but they won’t provide tampons to girls under 18 for some unknown reason, and when you ask for more than one pad, the receptionist gets really crappy with you for no good reason.
I asked my dad for money this morning because we’re completely out at home and the receptionist wouldn’t give me a spare yesterday.
He asked what I needed money for and I told him it was for tampons. He said he hasn’t got it and I said he also hasn’t got the money to be doing extra laundry because this is the sort of stuff I can’t just live without.
He told me to ask my mom, so I texted her and she still hasn’t responded. I asked him again, and he lost his mind. I got angry back, I told him if one of the boys needed new socks that wouldn’t be an issue, or if we had no milk it wouldn’t be an issue, so why is it not okay for me to get what I need when they can get what they need?
He told me to get out of his face and the boys have been a bit crappy with me all day as well. I am not sure if I am being the jerk here. I know I need tampons, but I also know that they’re not cheap and I pressured him a bit.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes, period products are a necessity. Yes, they are something that you NEED to have. Socks can be darned, clothes mended, and milk can be done without but period products are needed. Regardless of the situation he should not have yelled at you.
The only thing I’d ask you to think of is this: Your dad doesn’t have a job at the moment and is struggling. You however will truly know how tight money is for him at the moment. If he’s buying takeaways he can afford tampons.
If he truly does not have the money all the asking will not create some and asking at the last minute won’t help with budgeting. I say this as someone who grew up very very poor.
Talk to your school counselor, and talk to the local food bank.
Hygiene products should be able to be sourced. If this looks like it is going to be an ongoing issue potentially look at having some backup cloth pads or a diva cup.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, period products are a basic need. Socks are a luxury.
The petty devil inside me says to use their clean clothes as pads next time, but that will only make the situation worse. Alas, it remains a revenge fantasy.
I am also worried that your family is holstering a misogynistic environment. Hopefully, it doesn’t happen, but this type of toxicity can escalate and become a real safety issue.
And are you sure your dad is a good dad or are you saying that because you’re using your mother as a frame of reference? I don’t want to guess, but I hope you do reflect and ask yourself this. His behavior is completely unacceptable.
Most parents would be utterly disgusted with him.” greenMintCow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad is completely ignoring that girls need period products, you’re not a jerk for asking for them. You shouldn’t have to rely on your school just because your dad wants to ignore you have your period.
It’s also not shameful to talk about your period, if your dad is uncomfortable about it he’s the jerk who needs to do some internal work to learn to live with it.
Check out the cheaper brands (they’re just as good as the branded ones, a big box is more expensive to buy at first but actually cheaper per piece, and a box might last you 2 to 3 months depending on how heavy your period is).
Please don’t be tempted to leave them in for longer to save money though (because of the risk of toxic shock syndrome).
‘He told me to get out of his face’
Also, a good dad wouldn’t say those things just because a girl asks for period products… he needs to get himself together and do his job.
Especially as you said your brothers would get new socks if they need them… so why is there no money for tampons?” Crazyandiloveit
17. AITJ For Getting My Friend's Daughter A Gift She Likes?
“So last Saturday one of my coworkers and good friends was throwing a birthday party for her daughter (15) and she invited me. I asked her what I should get her daughter and she said that I should get a karaoke machine. But a few days later when I was hanging out with my younger sister who is around the same age as my friend’s daughter I told her about that karaoke machine and she basically laughed at me and said that no one actually wants that and she said I should just message the daughter and ask her what she wants instead of getting something she’s gonna hate or not use.
So that’s what I did.
She ended up sending me some links to some clothes and bags she liked and said that I should just choose one. They were all fairly expensive ones so I just chose the cheapest bag on her list which was still over 300 Euros (320 dollars for the Americans).
Saturday comes and I end up giving her the bag and my friend saw that I didn’t get the gift she told me to and asked me about it. So I explained everything and she was very upset with me saying that I shouldn’t have messaged her daughter and that I should have just gotten the karaoke machine.
We had a small argument and even her daughter told her that she never wanted a karaoke machine but my friend still insisted I was a ‘jerk’ for going behind her back. She didn’t talk to me at all throughout the party and even now a week later she constantly brings it up.
So AITJ?
EDIT: We’re not just coworkers. We’ve known each other for 7 years and we’re good friends outside of work too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but spending €300 on someone else’s underage daughter is super weird. Then again, so is inviting a coworker to their underage daughter’s birthday party…
Maybe should have had your little sister reach out.
Your coworker just wanted the machine for herself but her concerns about you contacting her daughter aren’t unfounded.
Sounds like a bad situation you should remove yourself from. Limit contact with your coworker and don’t respond to any invitations from them.” EternalCharax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If mum wants a karaoke machine she can wish for one on HER birthday. Children should be allowed to voice their own wishes without them getting invalidated.
I still think 320 USD is way too expensive for a birthday gift for a child who isn’t your own (maybe even more expensive than her parents could get her?), and you definitely could have said so to her and asked for cheaper options.
It seems you didn’t mind though, so getting her an expensive gift she wanted doesn’t make you a jerk.” Crazyandiloveit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The gift was for the daughter, not your friend. Your friend should get over her entitlement and learn to recognize that gift-giving isn’t to make YOU happy it’s for making someone ELSE HAPPY.
The kid is happy. That was the whole point. The fact that you got her an expensive bag, to begin with, was really sweet.
Why any parent would be SO ANGRY YOU DIDN’T CONSIDER THEIR FEELINGS OVER A GIFT THAT MADE THEIR CHILD EXTREMELY HAPPY is beyond me.” Sprigganzee
16. AITJ For Sleeping While My Partner's Family Is Visiting?
“I (25F) am currently a resident. My specialty is a particularly demanding one. I have 24-hour shifts every other day, and I get to go on 72-hour shifts at the hospital with only a few hours of sleep 4 times a month.
I have been with my partner (23F) for two years.
Her parents and brother (29) live in a different city. They were going to come to visit us for a few days. My partner had told me that beforehand. She obviously knows my schedule. I offered to help her before her parents got here, but I only managed to get a few items, gifts, etc. Later she told me to carry on with my routine and said she’d handle the hosting duties.
I had one of those 72-hour nightmare shifts, we had countless admissions and only got to sleep very occasionally. It is safe to say I was almost a zombie by the time I got home.
After I got home, I took a shower and told my partner I was going to sleep a little bit.
I set an alarm to get up and help my partner in the kitchen, and watch a movie or something. I slept through the whole day and got up around 10 PM. When I went downstairs, I saw my partner’s parents and her brother. I had completely forgotten about my partner’s family coming over later that day.
They had a very unimpressed look.
My partner’s mother told me it was extremely disrespectful of me to not be there to welcome them the first time they were coming over to visit. I got similar comments from all of them. (My partner said she purposefully didn’t wake me up because I was going to go back to the hospital in a few hours and I needed my sleep.
Her family didn’t change their minds.)
Her brother later told me (privately) that I was neglecting my partner and being selfish in this relationship. He said his sister deserved much better than someone who wouldn’t even acknowledge her family.
I feel horrible about all this.
I asked a few friends but they’re all terrible when it comes to this kind of advice. I honestly don’t know. AITJ?
Edit: I was allowed to leave the hospital around 2 PM, got home around 3 PM, took a shower, and went to sleep at 3.30, I set an alarm for 6 PM but slept through it.
They arrived at around 5.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not like you were out partying, you’re a medical resident. You’d have to live under a really heavy rock to not know they get the worst shifts and any downtime is taken over by exhaustion. Your partner wasn’t offended and completely understood.
Let her deal with her judgmental family. You just try to survive residency.” TCTX73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I can’t say the same for the family. It doesn’t sound like your partner has an issue with your work & what you have to do to get through the program, but I think I would drop the rope as far as trying to make friends or explain anything to the family.
If they were nice people, they’d understand, but they are too hung up on the artifice of ‘respect’ to see they are being unreasonable in their expectations.” FilthyDaemon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but her family are all jerks. Having spent many years working in teaching hospitals, which these people obviously know nothing about, residents barely sleep at all and you did nothing wrong.
It is completely understandable that you slept after a 72-hour shift where you didn’t sleep during the shift and then have to turn back in. As long as your partner understands, then she should handle her family and maybe they will later on figure out having a Doctor in the family is a good thing.” WinginVegas
15. AITJ For Letting My Kid Avoid The New Neighbor?
“My (43M) wife (41F) and I have lived on our street for years with our two boys, James (12M) and Sam (6M).
Every Saturday morning Sam and I have a ritual, he calls them our dude walks. We look for spiders, dig in the mud, and stop at our neighborhood park to play.
It’s sort of a standing meetup for a bunch of parents in the area.
Recently a new family moved in the next block over. The mother mentioned that she had two boys too, Kyle (13M) and Aiden (7M). I told her about the Sat morning park group in case she wanted to meet some neighbors.
When she showed up with Aiden it was clear he has special needs. The mom was friendly, she sat with all the parents while the kids played. Aiden is an enthusiastic player. Loud noises, throwing things, getting up in the other kids’ faces. The mom was good about correcting him, and he wasn’t aggressive, just excited.
The other kids are wary when he flails, but they include him in play still. On Sat he was having an especially tough day. I called Sam over for a snack. He said, ‘I don’t want to play with Aiden, can we go home?’ So we left. The next day Aiden’s mom came to my door.
She told me that I should have talked to him about differently-abled people instead of just abandoning her son. We agreed to talk to Sam.
The next weekend Sam said hi to Aiden, and they played together a bit, but when Aiden got loud again, Sam retreated to the highest platform where Aiden was scared to go.
When Aiden asked him to be his partner for a game, Sam said no thank you. I felt that was fine. My wife still felt bad, so she invited them over.
Aiden had one meltdown but other than that it went fine. Afterward, Sam asked if please could Aiden not come over again.
I asked James what he thought of Kyle, he said that the kid was obnoxious and didn’t smell great.
The next weekend, Aiden destroyed my son’s favorite toy. He snapped the arms and legs off. Sam yelled, ‘YOU ARE A VERY MEAN LITTLE BOY!’ I did not make him apologize, we just left.
Now instead of going out in the morning, we go on Sat afternoon after Aiden has left the park.
After a few weeks, some others started joining us. We didn’t discuss why. But I suspect that they didn’t all shift their weekend routine around solely because they missed my sparkling personality.
Aiden’s mom eventually got wind of it. I don’t know how. She wrote us a long heartfelt letter. She felt I had not done enough to discourage Sam from ostracizing Aiden and that my ‘pull’ in the neighborhood was influencing others to avoid her son now too.
Sam has tried his best. He’s verbalized his need for boundaries from Aiden to us three times now. James has also been clear that he doesn’t like the brother, Kyle. As long as both of my kids treat them with respect, I am satisfied.
I can’t control what the other parents choose to do.
We’ll continue to be friendly and be good neighbors if they need a hand, but not play with them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It doesn’t sound like your sons did anything disrespectful. I think it’s good to teach your sons that they are not obligated to be around people who cross their boundaries.
I am glad that you listened to them and honored their wishes.
I can understand from the perspective of the mom with a disabled son, that they are new to the neighborhood and she wants her kids to make friends and feel included. She is in a difficult position and must advocate for her son, but also needs to respect the wishes and decisions of other neighborhood kids and parents.” dnmcdonn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your responsibility is your child and you can accommodate anyone else, disabled or not, to the extent that it doesn’t disadvantage your child or put them in an awkward situation. Your kid has already tried to accommodate Kyle and he doesn’t like it.
Why would you force him? What lesson are you teaching him from that? To accommodate and roll over for things he doesn’t want to do in life. Having a disabled kid is hard and that mom is going to have a tough ride. But your priority is your child’s happiness and well-being, not accommodating anyone at the expense of Sam’s well-being.
You are NTJ and have nothing to apologize for.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sons have made efforts, they have been respectful as much as they have been able. They have come to conclusions on their own that these other boys are more than they can emotionally handle.
Sam has repeatedly demonstrated that he needs space from the younger boy and has established his boundary.
The other mom is working so hard to socialize her sons, she’s doing everything she can to be the best mom she can be and raise the best sons they can possibly be.
I wish her and her boys every success.
You have listened to your sons, heard their boundaries, and recognized their emotional limits.” poormansnormal
14. AITJ For Buying The Boots My Parents Were Supposed To Get Me For Christmas?
“In early December my parents were asking me what I wanted for Christmas. I didn’t really have anything I wanted, but my mom always complains about how crappy my favorite pair of boots look (they’re a pair of Docs I bought secondhand over a decade ago, they’re pretty torn up) so I figured I’d ask for a new pair of nice boots.
I sat down with my mom and we looked at boots on their site and found a pair we both liked. Christmas comes around and my parents admit that they haven’t gotten them yet because they wanted to pick them up from the store instead of paying for shipping which I was fine with, and they both said they would get them for me soon.
My parents and I talked on the phone multiple times over the next month, and every time we would talk they would mention the boots, and say they were going to get them soon. Two weeks ago (Jan 18th) my partner tells me that her best friend’s SO is going to propose to her, and my partner wants to have a party at her apartment where it will happen.
Her best friend’s birthday is Feb 7th, so the party is going to be the weekend before. She wants it to be absolutely perfect, and so we started planning, including outfits. My outfit included the boots that my parents said they were going to get.
That Sunday night (22nd) I sent my parents a text letting them know that I need the boots by the first weekend of Feb. I had phone calls with each of them last week where they both confirmed getting the text, confirmed understanding the time limit, and both said that they were getting the boots that week.
I visit them Sunday and they haven’t gotten the boots. I tell them I would prefer that they get them early in the week as I am going to be running errands to help my partner prep for the party as the weekend approaches.
I text my parents on Mon to remind them.
They say that they forgot but promise they’ll get them Tues so I can come to pick them up on time. Same thing Tues. I remind them on Wed morning and ask my dad about them when he calls me about something else and he yells at me because I only wanted to talk about the boots.
Thursday I buy the boots myself. I pick them up on the way home from work and text my parents afterward telling them they don’t need to get me the boots because I got them myself.
My dad calls me an hour later yelling about how they said they were going to get the boots and I went out and got them instead and how I had made my mom cry by buying them myself.
My mom never responded to the message I sent her after that call. This morning my sisters both text me saying that I had made mom cry the night before, and my aunt called me in the early afternoon asking what I had done to make my mom cry.
Potentially unrelated but I was planning on going to a show with my cousin and she hasn’t been responding to my messages today (she’s 20 and in college so I understand a lack of responses on a normal Friday).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like mom was crying because she realized that she did not get her child a Christmas gift and that she spoiled whatever little bonding thing she thinks happened when you picked them out together because she prioritized everything else for a month and a half after the holiday was over.
She’s likely regretting dozens of opportunities where she put it off for whatever reason. And probably feels like people are judging her and thinking she’s a bad mom for not getting your gift.
That’s really sad, because we all get wrapped up and miss a holiday goal at some time in life, and the fact that it’s sad is probably why the rest of your family is yapping.
But it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You needed the boots by a certain date, and you bought yourself the boots when they didn’t appear in time. Not your fault.
I might have gone with ‘no jerks here’, but your dad is kinda over the top.
So… yeah NTJ.” AnonymousTruths1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They chose not to get the boots and now are angry for not doing the bare minimum. Apparently, you need to wait forever and have them dangle the boots.
The fact everyone ganged up on you feels like manipulation.
Consider not playing the game. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t apologize. Let them come to you and answer accordingly. And if your sisters and other relatives try to come after you, tell them you are not having this conversation and get off the phone.
Go to the show alone.” journeyintopressure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is just upset knowing she dropped the ball on your gift. You kept reminding them you needed it by a certain date and they just plain forgot and they’re just making excuses for their feelings of letting you down but turning it back on you.
You’ve got nothing to apologize for and honestly, your parents are being a little unreasonable in being mad at you for their own mistakes over something pretty minor to you. Maybe just suggest going out to dinner or some other little gift to placate their misappropriated anger of themselves.” TripppingRoses
13. AITJ For Saying No To Hosting My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“My daughter will turn 4 this weekend, we have three children under 4 and our youngest is a very clingy 5-month-old who even refuses to nap away from my arms so I don’t have a lot of time to myself let alone to clean the house and make the meals, I manage but things are not perfect far from it.
My mother (who happens to be overbearing at times admittedly) offered to host her birthday party. Since I barely have time to take care of our house I am quite thankful for the opportunity. She wanted everyone to come but my husband’s side of the family refuses to come because they are uncomfortable at my mom’s.
(Nothing bad ever happened between them and when my mom isn’t nice it’s always to me never anyone else.)
My husband is disappointed that his problematic mother will miss our daughter’s birthday (she always has issues with everyone, before it was my FIL, then it was me, after it was my BIL’s partner and now she has chosen my mother) and he wants me to host the birthday instead but the party is tomorrow and I don’t want to cancel everything and take care of the whole thing because his mom has made up some issues.
He’s upset that I am not willing to host the birthday at our place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL is simply being childish and to suddenly change plans to cater to her stupid hang-up would be a bad idea. This is an opportunity for you and your husband to set the tone with MIL that things regarding your children do not revolve around her and if she doesn’t like it, that’s not really your problem.
She can act like an adult and go to the party for the sake of your daughter. and if she’s unwilling to do that, so be it.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if it was such a big deal to your MIL, why couldn’t she and your husband clean and prepare the house for the party?
You already have perfect arrangements that your mom offered to prepare to take a load off of you and has now put in the work and love into getting this ready for her granddaughter. Please don’t cancel the already prepared party, if you invited your MIL and she cares enough about her grandchildren and can stop being petty for a day she’ll show up, if not it isn’t your fault or problem anymore.
NTJ.” x_a_man_duh_x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom offered to host which is a very nice thing to do and she put in a lot of effort planning your daughter’s party. It would be incredibly rude to cancel on your mom last minute because your MIL wants to flex.
Ask your husband the reverse: If his mom had planned a party would he cancel the day before because your mom didn’t like her house?
You guys are so used to your MIL being a jerk that you’re at risk of becoming jerks yourselves to keep the peace.” veni_vidi_dixi
12. AITJ For Checking Into A Hotel To Grieve?
“I just lost my aunt and uncle whom I was close to. The current plan is for there not to be a funeral but a memorial in a few weeks’ time. My wife had tendon surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago and still can’t do much around the house so I have been doing all of it when I am home.
Pretty much all of my emotional and mental energy has been going into caring for her, the house, work, and supporting her. She gets some help during the day while I am at work from her sister who comes to sit with her since she can work from anywhere with her work laptop.
I’ve been happy to do this for my wife. It’s just that when I got the news the other day not even an hour after my wife was asking what I was making for dinner and started talking about her surgery again and I did my best to be there for her and take care of her and me.
She knows I was close to this aunt and uncle so I took a couple of bereavement days and she kept saying stuff like ‘I really need you right now,’ and ‘It’s so hard seeing you sad like this I don’t like it.’
I told her we really need to support each other right now and asked for support and patience. Her sister came over and asked why I was so mopey. I informed her about my aunt and uncle and she told me to pull it together for my wife who is still recovering from surgery.
I packed a bag and told my wife if she isn’t going to give me some support and let her sister talk like that to me, then I’d be going to a hotel for a few days to give myself space to grieve as I need. That was last night, I am still at the hotel but my wife and her sister are calling me constantly and leaving messages that I am being selfish, and that I can grieve during the memorial with my family.
AITJ for going to a hotel to grieve?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife and her sister are, though. I am sorry for your loss. Just because they were your aunt and uncle doesn’t mean you can’t grieve for them as you would a parent, for example.
You’ve been great to your wife since her surgery and now it seems that you aren’t 100% over your loss, she feels the attention is off her.
You have every right to grieve in your own space and there are no rules when it comes to bereavement.
You cannot box it to a particular time period, the memorial will just be part of the process.
Be straight with her. Tell her that you need this time and if her sister is that bothered about you ‘being negligent’ then she can step up and look after her.
I hope you find the peace you are looking for, but remember that you could be going back to a hostile environment that will only hinder your grieving process.” emmylouhowareyou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regardless of physical limitations your wife should support your feelings. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to be there, lend an ear and listen, or give you some physical affection (like a hug, or cuddle with you to give comfort).
Your wife and SIL are out of line, trying to tell you when, or how to grieve, especially when you have been doing everything your wife needs.
Tell SIL that she can carry the ball for a few days, and invest some time in yourself.
I am sorry for your loss, and hope you can find someone who can give you the support you need.” MorgainofAvalon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If only grief was a one-day event. It sounds like your wife is demanding something from you that she is not prepared to give.
She wants unconditional, limitless support from you, yet in this dark moment, she provides you with none. Frankly, she sounds bloody heartless. I’d normally assume the pain was making her more grumpy/needy, but her sister jumping in and acting like this is normal makes me think this is likely her baseline.” Sea-Smell-6950
11. AITJ For Bringing Up My Grandma In An Argument With My Mom?
“I (15F) took a jewelry-making class at school where we got to make projects based on prompts and after the class ended, we got to take them home.
My mother decided to display some of my creations in the living room.
Today, I walked in on my mom and my sister, Erin (19F), talking about them. Erin was saying that the jewelry was cool, and my mother told her that since she keeps admiring it and saying that, then she should take it back to her room.
I said that just because she thinks it’s cool, that doesn’t mean it automatically belongs to her and she can do whatever she wants with it.
My mother asked me whose the jewelry was then, which I thought was a weird question. I am the one who made it, so it belongs to me, and I said as much.
She told me that she ‘made me,’ therefore everything that I make should be hers.
Then, I asked her if everything that she owns is her mom’s then, following the same logic. I feel pretty guilty about bringing up my grandmother. She was neglectful and when present she was abusive to my mom.
I know that she’s been stressed recently with my grandmother spam calling and then proceeding to pretend that she can’t hear anything.
My mom started yelling at me, asking who buys the materials for the craft projects I make. The school gave me the supplies, so I am not sure what the logic was there.
She said the jewelry shouldn’t be in a common area if it’s something that belongs to me and that I should take it away because she doesn’t want to look at it anymore, so I did. On my way up the stairs to my room, she kept yelling about how I eat the food she makes every day.
I hate loud noises, so I just wanted to go back to my room as fast as possible.
I think I might be the jerk here because I brought up my grandmother, especially knowing that my mom’s been stressed recently. She told me about a week ago she woke up at 4 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep because she had a nightmare about my grandmother standing over her.
I wasn’t thinking when I said it, and she might have believed I was comparing her to her abusive mother, which does make a lot of sense why that upset her. I was just trying to point out that it’s weird to think that a parent automatically owns their kid’s belongings.
I feel guilty about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made the argument about moms ‘owning’ everything their kids make. That was foolish, considering her own mother. And you weren’t intentionally trying to hurt her with the comparison. It’s a stupid argument anyway, especially since she didn’t buy the supplies OR provide any of the time and effort on the jewelry.
Sounds like she’s trying to cover her shame at suggesting your sister steal from you by gaslighting.” anonymom135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a valid point, and if your mother wants to distance herself from her own mother’s pattern of abusive behavior then a good start would be admitting that people are not possessions and should not be considered as such.
Give your mother space to deal with her feelings but don’t let her place them on you or blame you for them – you did not create her past, and you are not responsible for her emotions.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your Mum needs some therapy to get over those issues.
Saying something like that is something an abusive parent would say, and probably something she heard a lot. I understand where you were coming from when you said that and your Mother was probably triggered by the mention of her own Mother. If you feel like apologizing, which you should, then maybe start by saying you didn’t mean to compare her to her own Mother.
But that it was a generalization of what she was saying. Where does this ‘owning’ thing end? When do one person’s things become their own? And seriously. Your Mum needs to speak to someone. She is hurting. And she needs to get you girls in to speak together with someone as well.
So that you all have a safe space to learn how to communicate with each other.” Gurlspida
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Show My Exam Results To My Classmate?
“I recently took The Institute of Chartered Accountants of India (ICAI) Foundation exam and found out its result today.
I had attempted this exam last year too but failed.
I have a college classmate who likes to go around asking everybody who takes any competitive exams if they passed or failed. We don’t talk much in class just through text and that too is just work-related or if she needs notes or something.
The 1st time she asked me about this was just after I had given my 1st attempt and found out I failed. I noticed that she seemed really excited to talk about this topic and went around asking every classmate of mine who had taken this exam what their results were.
I thought that even she must have taken this exam and wanted to discuss it. But I later found that she hadn’t. The way she jumped from one classmate to another so excitedly wanting to talk about it felt kinda weird to me. But I ignored it.
Now, a few days before the results of my 2nd attempt were to be declared, while I was chatting with some of my friends & classmates, she came up to me again and excitedly asked me if I was waiting for the result and nervous about it or not.
She also asked if this was 2nd attempt and when I said yes she got quiet and gave me a look like she was judging/looking down on me. She did this in front of some of our classmates who I wasn’t very close to and wasn’t comfortable telling this news to.
And I was very much nervous about it. I am the type of person who puts much importance on academics, all my life I have always gotten good grades and always did well in whatever academic task I took on. I was so scared about this result that I put it out of my mind and had completely forgotten about it.
I acted cool in front of my friends and classmates but inside I was was a nervous wreck.
Today I got a message from her asking me again very excitedly if I had checked my results and if I had passed or not. She already sent a congratulatory message without even knowing if I had passed or not.
She may have just been being hopeful for me, but again I had forgotten about the result date and had a little panic attack reading her message. I quickly checked my result and I had passed. So, a while later I texted her thanks. She immediately asked to see my result page as if she didn’t believe me and was acting very condescending.
I told her I am not going to show her my results. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that with her and I had a feeling that she was just going to comment on how the marks I got were quite low or how her other friends had gotten better scores.
I asked her why she wanted to see it and she avoided the question and just insisted that I show it to her. I refused again giving no reason why. Now she has been talking about me to her friends and our classmates that I was being rude to her and how I am probably lying because I didn’t want to show her my result.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Big NTJ! The ICAI exams are a tough nut to crack. People prepare for years before even feeling confident to take their first attempt. Took me 4 attempts to pass that thing. If anyone is going to judge you for taking TWO attempts to pass, then they’re absolutely clueless about what it takes to even write that exam.
You don’t need that kinda negativity in your life. Cut that ‘not a friend’ out and move on with your life.” Low_Departure_6497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like she’s a busybody looking to get in on other people’s experiences so she can experience the emotional rush vicariously.
You did well to stand up to your boundaries, she should respect that.
As far as her talking trash, how do you want to handle that?
My advice would be to talk to a couple of people about what she said about you, get the story straight, and confront her.
Something like ‘if you have a problem with me, you should talk to me about it.’
Set the story straight with the people you care about.” Void-splain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why are you even bothering to entertain her nonsense? You passed. You know you passed. You can prove that you passed to any future employers.
What she thinks isn’t relevant in any way shape or form.
She probably spends too much time watching those bad Indian soap operas that have way too much drama, and bad camera effects.
Congratulations on passing your exam, and good luck to you with the whole Chartered Accountant thing.” Visitor137
9. AITJ For Telling My Daughter That She Isn't Gay?
“I (46f) am a lesbian and have been with my wife for 20 years. We have 3 children together, Bree (18F), 16m, and 12m. Bree is in college and has recently started seeing a girl Nala. They’ve been together for about 2 months. Nala is a nice girl I met her once but Bree has never had any interest in women.
Her whole childhood was her obsessing over Justin Bieber or One Direction, her whole room was filled with posters of them. She knew she could be comfortable coming out if she was. She’s made comments to her brother about how it feels weird kissing her, and she doesn’t know how their moms do it.
My wife and I both agreed that this was just college experimentation. I know this is a new world, but I also know my daughter.
A few days ago we were on the phone and Bree told me Nala was telling her she should quit her extra-curricular, and focus on her major.
I reminded her that without soccer she has no scholarship, and how she expected to pay for it. Well of course Nala has this idea on how to handle it. We got into a pretty heated argument over it. She said something to me like ‘You guys don’t care about my mental health like Nala does!’ I snapped and told her ‘stop saying that you’re not even gay!’ She got upset and called me a ‘mega jerk’ and accused me of being ‘homophobic’ (even tho I am gay), told me she was dropping soccer, and hung up the phone.
She won’t return my calls or texts and she lives 4 hours away on campus.
I got a little crazy and looked Nala up on social media and texted her asking her to have Bree get back to me, and Nala left me on seen.
This upsets me because I never meant to put my input in, she can love who she wants to love, and I want her happy, but I do think she’s moving extremely too fast into unknown waters.”
Another User Comments:
“Yup, YTJ. From one 40-something lesbian to another: you screwed up.
You don’t get to gatekeep what being gay means. You don’t get to define your daughter’s sexuality for her.
It doesn’t matter how open you are at home, it doesn’t matter if you are right. It doesn’t matter if your parents were homophobic jerks who threw you out and you made sure this kid could feel loved and accepted every day.
It doesn’t matter if she is experimenting. It is HER journey.
Imagine if you were experimenting and claiming a label that felt safe – and your mom said to you: but you aren’t really straight!
Also: she may in fact be gay. She may not.
She’s 18 – she may just be starting to sort out romantic attraction.
And while we are at it – Justin Bieber looks like half the lesbians I slept with in college – so – his picture in her locker is proof of nothing.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter could be bi or pan. Or asexual but not aromantic. Or lesbian and not like kissing. Or, sure, potentially straight but exploring her sexuality and relationships as a young adult which is absolutely her right to do.
You seem to have some weird resentment about this or some calcified idea of what being gay is that Bree’s actions clash with.
You had a disagreement/argument with your daughter about college and it turned into an accusation against her sexuality that, whether permanent or transient, was not the issue.
You say you ‘never meant to put your input in’ but this is certainly something you’ve been mulling over for some time and when you thought you had an opportunity to play that card in an unrelated argument you couldn’t wait to slap it down on the table.
Figure out your thoughts and feelings on this because running back to her with ‘I am sorry I didn’t mean it’ when you did mean it is only going to lead to this happening again the next time you feel resentful.” theirstar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First of all, it is entirely possible for LGBT people to be homophobic (and as the B in LGBT, let me tell you now that 95% of the crap I have received from fellow LGBT people is from the ‘L’ section, so there are plenty of lesbian bigots out there).
That aside, what you are being here is a massive jerk. She might be a lesbian, or she might not. She might be bi, questioning, or anything. None of that matters. If you have a problem with someone giving her what you perceive to be bad advice about her college choices, that’s what you should talk about.
The ‘stop saying that you’re not even gay’ comment was totally uncalled for and incredibly rude. Also, looking Nala up on social media and texting her is waaaaay out of line. I am not surprised she’s not talking to you.
I understand why you’d be worried about her dropping soccer if that’s where her scholarship comes from.
As her Mum, it’s also totally fair to worry about your kid getting too serious too fast in your opinion. But you’ve really handled this all very poorly and now you’re just digging the hole deeper. Where is your wife in this?” KatInBoxOrNot
8. AITJ For Finding It Hard To Say "I Love You" To My Little Sister?
“I (F25) grew up without a dad. He was in the picture until I was about 6-7 years old, and after that MIA for the next 10 years. I grew up with my mom (mentally unstable but doesn’t admit it). I had a pretty hard childhood, sometimes nothing to eat, sometimes we even lived without electricity.
When I turned 16 I left home and got my first job and my own apartment. My dad contacted me in 2015 and I agreed to meet him. I wouldn’t say that we discussed our issues, we rather concentrated on the present and the future.
After a few months of talking to him (we live in different states) he announced that he is having a baby with his partner.
I had no problem with that, technically it is my half-sister (8 y/o) but I take her as my real sister. We don’t meet often but when we do I am very happy to see her, I also get along very well with her mother, I’d say even better than with my dad.
But in no way do I take her as my stepmom since I am already a grown-up.
Ever since my sister was little she said ‘I love you’ very often to close family. Whereas I have never said it to anyone, except my partner and even then it took me a long time.
So I am not used to saying it to anyone else, I just don’t feel comfortable. My dad gets mad every time my sister says ‘I love you’ and I don’t say anything back. I am mad at him since I didn’t have a childhood and environment where I could have said it and meant it from the bottom of my heart, I just didn’t have (and still don’t) that kind of relationship with my parents.
In my eyes, it’s their fault that I had the childhood that I had and I don’t think I could say ‘I love you’ since they don’t deserve it. So AITJ for not saying ‘I love you’ to my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Mostly because there’s a history of trauma but I am confused as to your reasoning because ‘My dad gets mad every time my sister says ‘I love you’ and I don’t say anything back. I am mad at him since I didn’t have a childhood and environment where I could have said it and meant it from the bottom of my heart, I just didn’t have (and still don’t) that kind of relationship with my parents.’
He’s not asking you to tell him ‘I love you too.’ But you seem to withhold that sentiment from the child because of the father.
‘he announced that he is having a baby with his partner. I had no problem with that, technically it is my half-sister (8 y/o) but I take her as my real sister.
We don’t meet often but when we do I am very happy to see her.’
You talk a lot about your strained relationship with your parents and so it makes sense that you don’t feel they deserve to hear ‘I love you.’ But what does that have to do with a child who wasn’t around for any of that and sees you as her sister, and whom you see as your sister as well?
I understand that it’s hard for you to say ‘I love you’ to anyone, given your childhood. But if you love the kid, tell her so, for both your sakes. I hope you’re able to do that one day. Telling the child you love her is not the same as telling your father you love him.
I hope you’re able to see that one day as well.” Sylvurphlame
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
How about you and your sis find a word or phrase you could use instead of ‘I love you’?
Explain in easy terms (without bringing up the childhood part, that’s something for when she’s older and you want to talk about it) – just that you have a hard time with saying these words and it has nothing to do with her.
Tell her that you still want to say it to her somehow and that you want to make it special just for her and you.
It can be anything: purple unicorn, 3 shooting stars, green cat, etc. to show her you care and that you love her.
Coming from someone who can’t say it easily. It weirds me out and therefore I understand where you’re coming from.” Popular-Block-5790
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re an adult now that can think for yourself. Your parents may have messed up your childhood, but you’re going to mess up your future if you keep acting however you want and just blame them for it.
It took me too long to learn that blaming my parents for the things they did wrong does absolutely nothing to help me. Recognize their mistakes and be better.” froggrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I desperately hope that you get some professional help as you definitely have some serious emotional trauma from your upbringing.
I very much sense that you do love your sister, which is obvious by your spending time with her. You just have some serious issues around saying it and your dad is not helping by prodding you.” Royal-Advance7374
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Sister And Her Friends?
“I am a 19-year-old guy who has an 11-year-old sister. My parents both work full-time and they usually ask me to babysit my sister on weekends. I’ve been doing this for a while now and I don’t mind it most of the time, but this weekend I have plans with my partner since she will be away with her family on valentine’s day.
Here’s the problem: my parents are asking me to cancel my plans and stay home to babysit my sister who is also having some friends over, yes I knew I was going to have this problem when I told my partner that we can do stuff for the next couple of days, but my parents usually don’t mind me being busy and will usually ask one of our neighbors to care of her.
None of this would be an issue if I hadn’t learned last night that my sister’s friends were also coming over, so I need to make them food and whatever else, we couldn’t possibly ask anyone else to do that (and yes the girls have come over before so I know how to deal with them, their parents trust me as well.)
I understand that my parents are working the weekend, but I need a break from my responsibilities to enjoy my time. I’ve been working hard to graduate and get into college lately and I just need a weekend off. I’ve been looking forward to this for a while now and I don’t want to give it up.
I’ve tried to talk to my parents about this and I’ve told them that I don’t want to give up my plans but they don’t care. They say that I am the only one who can take care of my sister and that I need to be more responsible since I don’t pay rent, don’t have a job, and had to redo my senior year of hs (that’s a whole other story) and have been living for free.
I understand their point of view, but I feel like I’ve been taking care of my sister a lot lately and I just need a break. I’ve also suggested that they ask one of their friends or family members to help out this weekend, but they don’t want to impose on anyone else.
I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty for not wanting to babysit my sister, but I also feel like I deserve some time to myself. Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Too many parents offload their parenting responsibilities onto their oldest children.
She’s not your responsibility. That said, since you’re an adult not paying rent, it’s not unreasonable for them to ask for your help. But forcing you… You may not have a way to get out of it under the circumstances, but you’re not a jerk for wanting to.” elle23nc
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Everyone deserves their time to be ‘free’ and your parents are right about you not contributing to the household in any other way.
But also, I don’t feel like you signed up to take care of your little sister’s friends too.
That seems like more than what is expected of an older sibling. Maybe you can schedule with your partner for the week after Valentine’s Day, and make sure your parents know it’s been scheduled far in advance. It for sure can’t be an emergency to have your little sister’s friends come over.” PeaUpbeat3732
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s become so normalized for you to take care of your sister that your parents didn’t even consult you when they decided you would be taking care of multiple children. You need to talk to your parents to set the rules of engagement.
It’s important to know whether or not you pay board/rent. You have more bargaining power if you pay for yourself, if you don’t, it’s possible they consider that you’re trading your weekends for your housing.
‘Parents. I am happy to help with my sister, but it seems like you have come to assume and expect my help.
I know you work, but I have plans, too. Specifically, it’s not okay for you to decide that I will be responsible for other people’s children. Setting up playdates that force or guilt me into complying with your plans without even consulting me to see if I am free is not okay.
I am busy this weekend. You never asked. These are your plans and it’s not going to work for me if you keep plans on my behalf. Moving forward, can we keep a joint calendar or agree to ask each other about plans?’
If they don’t take this well, your only option is to move out so you aren’t immediately available.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Definitely NTJ for wanting the occasional weekend to do your own thing. But saying ‘my parents don’t usually mind me being busy’ sounds like you didn’t bother to check first. If you know they’ll likely ask you to babysit, for goodness’ sake TELL them that you have plans in advance.
And I realized on a re-read that your parents didn’t ask you to babysit so they can have a date night. They have to WORK and as an adult, this is one of the only ways you contribute to the household.
That being said, if they expect you to babysit they really should communicate with you before setting up a playdate for your sister.
It’s not very reasonable that they let her have friends over while making you cancel plans so you can monitor the party. Maybe they did it this weekend so you’d be free on Valentine’s Day? Who knows, but sounds like you and your parents are both in desperate need of communication.” anonymom135
6. AITJ For Increasing My Sister's Rent?
“I am 32F and a single mom to two kids, 8F and 7M. I left my husband in March of last year and stayed in our 3 bedroom/2 bath home out of desperation/fear of not getting approved for other housing even though it was not easy for me financially.
I’ve been surviving and able to pay our $2300 rent but slowly slipping into more debt. Our lease is up at the end of April and I have made the decision to leave the house and downsize to an apartment to save and take the physical load of caring for a house off of my plate.
My 25F sister lives with me and has been paying $425 in rent since March of 2021. She moved in with us when I was still with my ex-husband and he financially supported our family. When I decided to leave my husband, I didn’t raise her rent.
She makes around $16.50/hr working full-time hours. She has minimal bills (car payment, phone, car insurance) and to be frank, has the financial maturity of a 16-18y/o. She doesn’t help me with house chores even after asking her several times over the years, maybe she does the dishes like once a month.
Anyway, our new place is a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment with an oversized garage. I chose this place because it is still zoned for my kid’s school and it’s important to me to keep them within our community. The rent is $1979. The plan is for me to share a room with my kids and for her to have the other room.
The more I think about this, the more I feel weird about the fact that my 25y/o single sister is going to be getting 1/2 my apartment and paying 21% of the rent. I had the idea to increase her rent to $660 which is 33% of the rent.
But my friends and family still don’t think that’s enough. I am not asking her to live with me, and she’s made it clear she won’t share a room with either of my kids, which I understand honestly. They aren’t her kids.
I know she won’t/can’t live on her own. I don’t want to make her broke, but I don’t feel this is fair either.
AITJ for raising the rent to $660 or am I enabling her to stay mentally 18 for the rest of her life?
Or am I being reasonable?
ETA: she has her own room here at this house and primary use of the guest bathroom. She only shares when we have guests here, myself and my kids don’t use it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s taking advantage of you as it already is.
The idea that you’re going to have a two-bedroom two bath apartment and she will have her own bedroom but isn’t paying around half the rent is insane. If she was also getting her own bathroom then she should pay half the rent. If she has to share the bathroom with your kids then maybe around 40%.
You’re a single mom with two kids it’s not your job to support your sister.
You obviously have more than enough on your plate and your family should be ashamed for burdening you with even more responsibility. It’s not your problem and it’s not really cold-hearted for you to refuse to make your sister your problem because you’ve got two kids to think about.” lllrk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Charge her 50% of the total rent, that‘s $989.50. If she doesn’t like that, she can find housing elsewhere. You should not be subsidizing a 25-year-old adult when you are the sole provider for your two children and yourself. Please do not put yourself in a stressful situation when she’s already proven to you she’s not a good housemate (not washing her dishes, not being nice to your 8-year-old daughter, etc).
Honestly, if you don’t need her portion of the rent tell her she’s not welcome at your new apartment. You deserve your own bedroom. Please do that for your own mental health.” Prudent_Valuable603
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She needs to pay half the rent and half utilities.
She’s old enough to learn about the value of a dollar. If she doesn’t like spending that much, she can find a job that pays more or find someplace else to live. If rent is that astronomically high where you live, there’s got to be better paying jobs out there for people willing to work.” G-Kira
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Baby To Stay At His Grandma's House?
“I (36F) am a first-time mom-to-be and my husband (38M) is an amazing man, we usually get along really well, and he has been super involved during both our wedding and my subsequent pregnancy – which came about a LOT quicker than either of us expected due to our age and everyone in our whole family harping on us to ‘hurry up and have kids’ because ‘it could take months and months if not a couple of years’ for me to conceive.
Welp. One honeymoon night and a few weeks later I got the double line for the first time ever on the pee-stick. So yeah.
This is when our argument really began, although it has already kind of been in the back of our minds as a potential issue once we did decide to start trying – his mom (my MIL) is what I consider to be a HEAVY smoker.
She no longer smokes when I come over because she knows I am asthmatic and somewhat allergic to smoke, but her house is still literally INFUSED with smoke. I actually make sure to not wash my hair whenever I know I am going to her house ahead of time so that I can wash it as soon as I get home because it’s so bad that my hair and clothes retain the smell and then it makes me sneezy, eyes watery and sniffly going to bed, which I can’t stand.
I have also made it clear to my husband whenever I go to her house for more than a couple of hours that it has become a sacrifice for my health that I am making every time because I start coughing really bad after a few hours there, and the next day in the morning I feel as though I’ve smoked a whole pack myself (in other words my lungs hurt, my nose is stuffed, and I feel like complete crap for a whole day after).
Having said that, I truly do love my MIL, we get along really well most of the time and she is so sweet and caring – I always say I lucked out in the MIL department.
I know quitting smoking is insanely difficult, but at some point don’t you have to stop to think about how everyone around you is getting impacted by it?
ALSO, she is always more than welcome to come over to our house but she apparently refuses to drive on the freeway and a 30-minute drive is too long for her… she is 62 years old. I personally find that ludicrous considering my parents are in their mid-60s and commute over 2 hours a day on the freeway every day to work still.
It just seems like it’s her way or the highway on this, but I don’t want my baby inhaling smoke and that’s that. I don’t know… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s going to be difficult to have the talk but the sooner you do, the better.
She can work on quitting or getting used to the drive. Maybe the baby will be motivation enough for her to quit.
Smoke hangs around indoors for hours. The baby would be getting secondhand smoke even if she is not smoking while you are there.
Even with air purifiers, open windows, open doors, and airflow. There is just no safe way for that baby to be in her house.
There are tons of research and data about indoor smoke and exposure. If your husband is not on board yet, pull the info and he will be.
It is terrible for growing lungs.
I am sorry you have to bring it up to her, but you really don’t have a choice.” Top-Butterfly-9582
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re breathing in carcinogens every time you step foot in there… it’s not a healthy environment for anyone to be in, period.
It’s kind and empathetic of you to understand it’s a very difficult addiction to overcome. But it’s an addiction that impacts your health and the health of the little person you’re responsible for, and you should never compromise in that situation.” Specialist-Fox-5777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re doing what you have to to protect your baby. If this is your reaction to what the house smells like, imagine how your newborn will react. Worse than you I assure you. If your MIL wants to meet up with the child, and when it isn’t a newborn baby, maybe you guys can meet halfway if she doesn’t want to drive all the way to your house so she can spend time with her grandchild and so you don’t have to go to her house.
Win-win.” UmbralikesOwls
4. AITJ For Asking Questions During Someone Else's Presentation?
“So a couple of weeks ago a psychologist came to my school to present to my senior class a PowerPoint about how our nervous system works and how to keep ourselves calm during exam season.
I, being a very curious guy asked the psychologist what the difference was between the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems. This very question left the psychologist very uneasy, she could not give a clear answer and was left uncomfortable for the rest of the presentation.
When it finally ended the teacher who was with us was fuming at me since apparently ‘that was not appropriate’ and I ‘needed to learn when and where to ask questions to not leave people in an awkward situation’.
Needless to say, I was furious.
So a person comes to a bunch of 17-year-olds to deliver a lecture on something and they aren’t ready to answer a single question about what they have been talking about five minutes before? Besides, no one else was giving two craps about the presentation, I was the only one who cared enough to ask questions.
Had I not interrogated the psychologist she would have had a hard time regardless, as it would be noticeable that no one was caring.
My class is divided on this, my teachers are against me and my parents are divided too, with my father being on my side and my mother against me.
So am I the jerk? All feedback is appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a pretty basic question if someone is giving a lecture on stress, and if they brought it up they should define it. The easiest way to think of it is the body’s difference between fight or flight & rest and digest, AKA stressing out or restoring to a calm state
However, by your own admission, you were asking a ton of questions.
As a former instructor, we know the difference between the smart engaged student who really wants to learn and the guy trying to trip someone up for their own entertainment. The sad thing is that one student trying to trip up the lecturer is ruining learning for the entire class by making it all about them, which makes that type of student incredibly selfish/self-absorbed. Don’t be that guy.
YTJ for being that guy.
If you are truly a student who wants to know, jot down questions as they come up then listen to the lecture as they may be addressed. Asking after is usually welcome by any instructor who wants to see people learn.” ErnestBatchelder
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This person was asked to come and essentially give a speech. You interrupted said speech with questions. Because the speech follows a certain script or train of thought, you derailed it, making the speech-giver nervous, and ruining the speech for everyone else… who was listening silently, as they were supposed to.
Just because it’s a PowerPoint presentation rather than a dude at a podium doesn’t mean it’s not a speech.
If you aren’t invited by the presenter to ask questions, keep your mouth closed. It’s common courtesy.
You’re not the jerk because you didn’t know this, you’re the jerk because you didn’t listen to your educator when your breach in etiquette was explained to you and because you presume the presenter’s knowledge/intentions based on their refusal to derail the presentation further just to appease you.
Not your room, not your rules.” AnonymousTruths1979
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When professionals create presentations for specific audiences, they are picking and choosing which information to share that is appropriate for that audience. She wouldn’t present the same information to her colleagues that she is going to present to a bunch of teenagers.
There are so many details that get added or subtracted depending on the audience. When you ask questions that aren’t related to the actual slide she is on, she has to work through what information is important to share.
There are entire books and courses on the question you asked. You’re asking someone who has a world of knowledge to pare it down into something teenagers would understand, and it’s not a question she was prepared for.
That doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she’s doing, in that moment she didn’t know the best way to explain it to that specific audience.” foreverlullaby
3. AITJ For Telling My Kids Why Their Mom Went To The Dentist?
“My wife & I have kids between 11-15 years old.
Today I took her to the dentist because she broke a tooth. She had it pulled & a fitting placed (don’t know the exact term but it’s temporary until a full replacement). She’s very anxious about the dentist, so I was with her, reassuring her, handling the paperwork, driving her to & from, getting her pain meds & antibiotics, and I am taking all the parenting duties for the next 2 or so days.
So, what did I do wrong? I told my kids, ‘mom had a tooth pulled. Please let her rest this weekend, if you need anything ask me.’
I knew she was (weirdly) embarrassed about an extremely common dental procedure, so I didn’t mention it to anyone but the kids.
While buying apple sauce & microwave-mashed potatoes for her, I started getting texts about how I ‘betrayed’ her, how she ‘trusted me to keep this private,’ and on & on. I came home to her screaming at me that I was a jerk etc. To be clear: the only people who know are the dental people, presumably the insurance people, my wife & kids, & myself.
Also: it’s a tooth extraction?
So, am I the jerk for telling my kids my wife got her tooth pulled, instead of just ‘mom went to the dentist and now she’s in pain’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s very common to explain how medicine works especially to younger children so they can develop empathy for other situations.
This could have been a good learning experience but she poisoned it with her over-the-top reaction that was not needed. I would have a more detailed conversation with your wife about why you told them and ask what exactly upset her so you can work through it together.” whateverisstupid
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you knew she was embarrassed. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s weird to be embarrassed. She did trust you, which was a mistake she hopefully won’t make again. Whether you think there’s anything to be embarrassed about is irrelevant.
She’s entitled to her feelings and you should respect them. It’s a big deal for her to feel like she doesn’t have privacy. Potentially anything she doesn’t want the kids to know from now on, she’s never going to tell you. You could have just kept your mouth shut.” BetterYellow6332
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That’s… a lot to unpack. And it’s for your wife to unpack. You didn’t do anything wrong, you did what was logical and reasonable, and that upset her. It’s not healthy to have such a strong negative reaction to something so… mundane.
She shouldn’t have such shame around something like this and lash out at you over it; whatever this irrational fear is, it’s impacting her life and now her relationship with you and her relationship with the kids, since she apparently views them as outsiders to keep secrets from.
Whatever her issue is, it sounds deep-rooted and about more than just dental work. She might want to consider therapy to help her get to the core of this and work it out.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She asked you not to share information about a situation that was anxiety-inducing and made her feel ashamed. It’s not up to you to judge whether the procedure was embarrassing or not.
She felt it was embarrassing and asked you to keep it private.
She reacted strongly in a way that sounds like a jerk, but honestly, I understand as someone who has a lot of anxiety around teeth/dentist, a history of dental issues, and experience with a parent with fake teeth.
My dad had a lot of fake teeth including his entire top row. He lost his teeth through no fault of his own. But it was incredibly shameful to him (I do not know why, but it’s not my place to judge). He was/is extremely private about it and we didn’t know as kids until teenagers even though he took out his whole top front row each night.
Our mom never told us; it wasn’t her place.” pdx_joe
2. AITJ For Thinking That My Husband Is Jealous Of The Relationship I Have With Our Daughter?
“My (35M) husband (34M) and I adopted a girl (11F) 9 years ago. My husband is Italian and I am Brazilian, but we communicate in English as it is our common language. I always wanted my daughter to get to know my culture from an early age, so I invested in Portuguese classes so that one day she could travel to my country.
However, during classes, I noticed that she was great with languages and learned very quickly. That’s why I learned more languages with her. Currently, she understands English, Portuguese, Spanish, and a little Italian.
Recently, my husband said that I should invest in another hobby with our daughter, as studying languages is not very common and he felt left out.
He also said he wished we only spoke English at home as he didn’t understand the other languages and again said he felt left out. When I asked what he wanted us to do with him, he suggested trips (only to countries he liked), games, and family time.
I replied that if he wanted to spend more time with her he should show interest in her hobby even if it wasn’t that common instead of just being jealous.
After that night he hasn’t spoken to me properly and said he expects an apology from me.
I am not sure if I was the jerk, as what he suggested was to force our daughter to do things he enjoyed instead of joining us in our hobby of learning other languages. My daughter is not a math or science genius but she is very smart when it comes to learning and I want to invest in that trait in her as it will be good for her future.
So AITJ?
Update: I suggested to my husband that he should teach our daughter something. Today when I got home from work I came across them in the kitchen preparing dinner. There were a lot of dirty pans, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.
I was even greeted with cake. They finally found something they like in common and are enjoying doing it together! I apologized to him for the way I expressed myself and now we’re on speaking terms again.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
There is nothing wrong with introducing the child to things BOTH parents like.
He was asking for more family time and more travel and you immediately shut him down. I suspect this is about you not wanting to do things YOU don’t like. Since your husband has never been allowed to introduce the things he likes to the child there is no saying she wouldn’t enjoy them.
Your jealousy comment was unnecessary. He expressed what he would like to do with your mutual child. You don’t get to decide whether or not that happens and no, not every activity needs to be centered around her likes.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s great that your daughter wants to learn new languages.
And it’s great that you decided to do that with her. Great time bonding.
Talking in front of your husband in another language is NOT a problem. It’s your house. If you can’t practice what you learned in your house and if your kid can’t practice, then the house is not yours and she and you will feel like guests in his house.
Your husband, however, has two options: learn a new language and practice with you (Italian would be great, wouldn’t it?) or stop complaining and let it go.
If he wants to bond with his daughter he needs to learn to do the things that she likes, not the other way around.
They can have a middle ground, of course, but now is the time for her to learn about her interests and her identity. It’s very dangerous to cut her options when she’s so young.” Savings-Talk-5415
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
He said he wanted to travel, play games, and have family time… and this was somehow unacceptable?
And then you add that little (only countries he liked), what does that even mean? You’re expecting him to suggest a country he doesn’t like to go to for a family trip? I am failing to see how this makes any sense and why it’s so weird to you that he would suggest these things.
It seems to me almost like you want to use your bond with the child as a weapon against your husband to show how ‘not enough’ he is.
Well, it would be hard to hold bonding with the child over his head if he actually got to bond with her, wouldn’t it?
You seriously need to back off and let the child and him find some common ground, which you are currently hindering.” Squidnote
1. AITJ For Making My Daughter Clean The Horse's Stalls?
“We recently got 2 horses. My younger daughter (13f) wanted them as she’s been learning to ride.
My older daughter (17f) was against them, she’s much more ‘princessy’ and didn’t want to deal with the mess and chores that come with horses, but we told her it wouldn’t be something she’d have to deal with and that her younger sister promised to take care of all of it.
Well, recently my older daughter has been disrespectful at home and staying out too late, and her grades have been slipping.
We warned her to shape up, but last week when we heard that she’d been needlessly insulting to her younger sister while I was out running errands, I told her that she’d be cleaning out the stable each day for the next week as punishment and that her sister would get a break.
She got really upset and offended and said we promised she’d never have to go in there or have to scoop horse poop. I said I promised it wouldn’t be one of your chores, of course, but obviously, punishment is supposed to be something outside of your normal chores and something you won’t like, and I thought it was perfectly fair here.
She’s been doing it for three days now but seems to be very resentful of our ‘broken promise,’ acting very disgusted and keeps begging to get out of the rest of it. But I said I thought it was very fair and that she was overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You bought two horses for your younger daughter and promised the older daughter she wouldn’t have to be involved in their care. You broke your promises. There were plenty of adequate and appropriate ‘punishments’ available you could have given your daughter for staying out late and letting her grades slip.
Are you deliberately trying to stir up resentment between the two sisters because this is how you get resentment between two sisters.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You may note that most parents of teens manage to discipline their children without resorting to forcing them to literally shovel poop.
Any lesson you are trying to teach her is going to be completely lost under her understandable rage and hurt at you for completely going back on your word and using a quite extreme punishment for behavior that basically every teen goes through at some point.
All she is learning here is that her parents have total authority over her and will wield it capriciously, so she better get out from under your thumb as soon as possible.
Be sure to remember this episode when ten years from now you are wondering why she never calls and only visits on holidays.” mdaniel018
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – to both your daughters.
First of all, who the heck buys two horses for a 13-year-old just because she got into riding? She can only ride one at a time and assuming you really are putting all of the upkeep on her, that’s a LOT of responsibility on such a young kid.
It’s no wonder you think she could use a break.
As far as your eldest goes, you wanted to buy her younger sister a pair of field puppies, and when she said she thought it was a bad idea you told her she would not have to take care of them.
Then because she’s being a 17-year-old you decide to break your word to her to teach her a lesson. Lessons don’t mean much coming from a lying teacher.
I don’t want to make assumptions but this is coming off more as you and your family weren’t prepared for caring for two 1000 lb.
creatures that you’ve saddled (pause for laugh) family with.” RefuseItchy2531
Contrary to popular belief, mucking out stalls isn't the heinous punishment y'all seem to think it; no more onerous than raking leaves or mowing the lawn. Or being grounded, or taking care of household chores that normally are done by the younger sister. Just because the word "poop" is mentioned, everyone loses their mind.
In my experience (professional horse woman here) mucking is as soothing as digging in my garden or weeding; mindless work that frees one's thoughts and helps immensely with problem solving,....or reflection on one's sins. "Princess" daughter couldn't have had a better punishment meted out, in my opinion. Y'all sound like parents who spare the rod and spoil the child. Shame on you for criticizing this parent.
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