People Take Us Behind The Curtain Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations

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Dive into a world of moral quandaries, personal dilemmas, and tricky situations that will leave you questioning, are these people the jerks? From bathroom breaks and car accidents to college fees and dental hygiene, this article explores the gray areas of our everyday lives. Engage with stories that will make you reconsider your own actions and challenge your perspectives. Join us as we navigate through these captivating tales that will keep you wondering and wanting more. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Hiding My Cousin's Phone After He Woke Me Up With Water Pranks?

QI

“My (22F) cousin (14M) came to my house on the morning of the 7th (today is the 10th).

I had class that day and had to drive 48 km to go to my college. After I came back home, I took him out to have snacks and then we got cake for him to celebrate his birthday that was the next day.

After that, I accompanied him to an arcade to play with him as he was going somewhere else the next day.

The next day his train was postponed to today and now he got two extra days to spend here.

On his birthday (8th) we were fasting (except my grandfather and him) so we didn’t go out to celebrate but we had already done that in advance.

But as he was all excited, I promised to take him somewhere the next day (on the 9th) as I didn’t have the energy to even move. And I slept for two hours in the evening that day so I didn’t sleep for the whole night.

Yesterday (on the 9th) I took him go-carting and that was again 25kms away from home. And by the end of the day, my whole body was aching and all I wanted was a good rest.

I again slept late because no matter how tired I am, sleep doesn’t come to me easily and I just lay in bed for hours and still can’t sleep.

Now this morning, I was sleeping and all my other family members were up. And I woke up with a start when my cousin splashed water on my face.

My mom even warned him before that I’m always grumpy if I don’t get enough sleep.

And despite me ignoring him for the first time and trying to get to sleep again as I thought it was just a one-time prank and since he got what he wanted he’d just leave me alone and let me sleep, he didn’t. He did that again.

And this time I was mad.

I locked the door (I don’t normally do that as no one enters my room without my consent) and saw his phone was charging in my room. I took his phone and put it on silent and hid it.

He kept on banging on my room’s door asking me to open as he wanted his phone back.

I opened the door and said I’ve hidden his phone and now either he can search if he wants it back or brush his teeth and take a bath then I’ll give him his phone back.

His train was in three hours at this point and he had been awake for more than two hours. He searched for a while and then went to the fridge to get some ice and said If I didn’t give his phone back he would throw the ice cubes on me.

I took a bowl and filled it with water and splashed on him as he threw ice on me.

After that, he searched for his phone for a while and when he couldn’t find it, he started to annoy my mom and grandma to get his phone back.

He even took my grandma’s phone and started using it.

A few minutes later my mom started shouting at me to give his phone back saying he was a child and I’m acting childish as he wouldn’t eat or get ready for his journey.

My grandma asked him to apologize to me for what he did but he said he did nothing wrong and will do it again.

Also, I gave his phone back later and I’d only hidden his phone for about an hour and he did brush his teeth and ate later and then left.

So, AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Bro you hid his phone for 1 HOUR. He survived, and it’s not petty when you hid his phone for an hour after you barely got any sleep, were extremely tired, and were nothing but nice to him and he threw water in your face TWICE to wake you up as a ‘prank’.

NTJ op. Like yeah you are 20 but you didn’t have a whole tantrum or some stuff, you just got him back in a little way that wasn’t even that bad.” bodi123456

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you were tired, you spent time with him the previous day.

He couldn’t handle not being the center of attention and threw water on you. You took his phone for an hour, he needs to grow up. I would never go into someone else’s home then demand they cater to me, waking up when I do, going out when I want, and in no world would anyone I know throw water on someone in their bed because they wanted to hang out.” Angel_of_Death13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would have let his parents know what he did and said until he gave a sincere apology I wouldn’t be returning his phone. Then they could either come pick it up or pay to have it shipped. They’re raising an entitled brat and need to feel the consequences of it.” ApprehensiveBook4214

3 points - Liked by shgo, BJ and Whatdidyousay
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20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Debate My Brother Every Time We Talk?

QI

“My (31F) brother (30M) called me last night to presumably chit chat and it all went wrong. We talked about how I’m pregnant with another girl and when I told him the name Sam Lydia (Last name), his immediate response was “you’re evil” with no joke, totally serious tone.

Obviously, I was confused and asked why and he told me it wasn’t a girl’s name and I’m setting my kid up for a lot of crap. I told him my husband and I like unisex names (big sister also has a unisex name) so we’re fine with it and names are subjective, so calling me evil was too far.

He agreed names are subjective but said this was too weird and unique. I disagreed and reminded him that he named one of his kids Maverick and almost wanted to name his twins Mayhem and Chaos. He still thought those were awesome and then started to explain how Lydia didn’t sit well with him.

I interrupted and said “before you continue, Lydia is from her sister who passed away (pregnancy loss).” He accused me of using a non sequitur (his words) and policing his thoughts by saying that and then hung up on me.

Honestly, I’m still confused as to how something that petty turned into all of that though this seems to be most of our conversations lately.

Last conversation he tried to convince me of the flat earth theory and got mad when I didn’t want to talk about it saying I haven’t researched (which I admitted I haven’t but don’t want to). But important history is that I’m the only one of my siblings to graduate college and get a professional degree (lawyer).

Unfortunately, my two brothers went down the path of substance abuse. He also had children very young.

I’ve always adored my brother and am conscious of his insecurities. When he makes self-deprecating comments, I tell him a degree means nothing about your worth, everyone has a different path, and he can do anything he wants at any time.

He can still get a degree if that’s what he truly wants. It doesn’t matter. It seems like every conversation we have, he starts trying to debate me by throwing in debate terms or certain theories he’s researched even though I’m just trying to chit chat.

Then it ends with me not wanting to argue and him accusing me “for being so smart” and “you don’t have to have a degree to research and understand.” I’m kind of exhausted with it and my heart hurts with all the comparison. I just want to talk about our lives and our days.

But maybe I’m wrong for not indulging him? Am I policing his thoughts?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: You aren’t policing his thoughts, you are informing him that his choice of words to you was unacceptable to you. If he wants you to be in his life and respect him as a person, he can choose to not keep intentionally offending you.

The freedom of expression cuts both ways.” UnethicalFood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think you can support your brother and listen to his ideas and opinions and not give yours. Just say uh huh or that’s an interesting point of view. He can feel like you’re listening.

Then you’re not “policing” him. You can interject “Let’s agree to disagree.” and segue into other topics when things get uncomfortable or dicey. He can stay in your life, and you can get more of a balance going. If he keeps bringing things up and says he doesn’t like you policing his thoughts just tell him, he’s entitled to his thoughts and opinions, but you’d rather your conversations cover different topics.

It’s not about policing thoughts; it’s about directing conversation that is more relevant to the both of you.” lilolememe

Another User Comments:

“You’re very kind, but Flat Earth theory?! You’re not policing his thoughts, what goes through his brain should not be dignified by calling them “thoughts”.

He is calling being led down a YouTube algorithm “research and understanding” and comparing it to your graduate degree and professional qualifications. Stop patronizing him and be honest. You know he’s talking utter nonsense, and treating him like a small child who you can distract with chit-chat is obviously not working.

He can see that you’re avoiding discussing these topics he brings up. Tell him the earth is round, tell him you don’t want his input about your child’s name, tell him you don’t want to continually argue about his latest piece of “research”, tell him you love him, tell him you want to discuss your real lives, but if all he wants to do is endlessly debate you, tell him you’re just going to hang up or leave.

Treat him like the adult you say he is. Give him real options and choices, and enforce your boundaries. NTJ.” JBW66

1 points - Liked by Joels
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19. AITJ For Defending A Daycare Worker's Accent Against A Rude Parent?

QI

“I (31F) was doing a friend a favor picking up her son at a daycare run by a woman from Guatemala. At pick-up, I saw a woman in her late forties causing a scene about how the daycare woman was “disrespecting” her four-year-old daughter by pronouncing her name as “Tee-ah” instead of “Thea” (her name).

She was loud and calling the woman gross for not being able to get her daughter’s name right in front of both kids and parents.

I am not sure if I should have just minded my business but I spoke up and said that the “th” sound does not exist in every language and that it is wrong to embarrass someone like that because of an accent.

That definitely put an end to the scene as the woman ran off. Later my friend called to say that I caused a “problem” for her among the other moms at the daycare. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your friend is being dramatic. Several things, the little girl will see a different side now that you stood up to her mom and will maybe one day see that you should be patient to someone pronouncing something.

My name in my country is forever mispronounced because there is another version with a different way of saying it. Two, the daycare worker will feel like someone has her back and maybe feel less alone. So many things, you did the right thing, feel confident in it, and don’t let the reactions discourage you.

Doing the right thing sometimes makes people uncomfortable because it forces them to reflect on their own biases and beliefs that may not align. Good on you.” Yin_Restorative

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is important to do your best to properly pronounce someone’s preferred name.

Even when it isn’t your native language. There are many threads I’ve read about how rude it is when someone just gives up and chooses another (easier for them) name or pronunciation as the preferred name is “too hard.” So I get the mom’s frustration.

BUT when someone is legitimately trying, browbeating them is never the answer. And it sounds like your approach was more an explanation of her struggles than calling out the mom. As long as the employee keeps trying, grace should be granted. My grandpa was not a native English speaker and never could say my name “properly.” I couldn’t quite understand why when I was young.

I grew to love his special way as I got older.” Holiday_Trainer_2657

Another User Comments:

“NTJ—good for you for standing up for a fellow human being! I don’t understand why that woman would make a big scene over an accent, but she’s definitely NOT a role model for her child or anyone else for that matter.

Sounds like you were the only one who stands for diversity, equity, and inclusion. And that’s horribly sad that parents would’ve stood by and allowed this to happen. What’s up with your “friend” that she’s more concerned with the “problems” with the other moms, rather than standing up with you and demonstrating tolerance and compassion?

Don’t do her any favors next time.” Dizzy_and_Depressed

1 points - Liked by Whatdidyousay
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18. AITJ For Being Upset About Unexpected Party Costs After RSVPing?

QI

“My friend’s birthday is in six weeks. Got the invite a few weeks ago and the host pushed for quick RSVPs because they wanted to rent a place and needed a headcount. At this point, nothing about cost was mentioned.

I just got this text blast:

“Hi! We’ve got some more details about the party for you. We’ve rented out (—). X is covering the majority of costs, but we ask that attendees contribute $60/person to help cover sushi, pizza, drinks, and snacks. There will be no limit on drinks or snacks at the bar.

Party will be from 7-10 pm, with an after party at our house. Please text X if you have any concerns about costs.”

I’d have no problem if the potential of paying was mentioned up front, but this feels like I was locked in and now the cost is being sprung on me – and it’s a significant cost!

I can afford it but $60 is a dinner out for me. The host frequently mentions their income and that they make “big money” so it doesn’t feel like they couldn’t afford to throw a party without asking for extra money. But they’re also a close friend and I don’t want to ruin the friendship over $60.”

Another User Comments:

“I N F O. They specifically mention to text if you have concerns about costs, so how about doing that instead of bailing directly? Seems like you’re getting ahead of yourself. Gonna go with no jerks here. If you don’t want to go, then don’t go, but I don’t see how your friend is the jerk at this point, either.

They informed everyone well ahead of time and even mentioned that you should contact them if you’re concerned about cost. If they’re being a jerk about it, when you cancel, then that’s a different issue, but I don’t see the problem so far.” thumpmyponcho

Another User Comments:

“In fairness, you’re being asked to pitch in on someone’s birthday dinner at what sounds like a bar. Are you expecting the host to pay for everyone else’s? Put it this way, if you got invited out to someone’s birthday dinner are you expecting the person that invited you to pick up the entire tab?

Also, someone else is picking up the cost of renting out the place and you’re just being asked to split the cost of food and drinks. I don’t necessarily think you’re a jerk but I think you may be taking this the wrong way.

If you can’t afford it just say you can’t swing it and excuse yourself from the party.” nobody546818

Another User Comments:

“Some of y’all don’t really understand what’s happening here. Especially the “they’re making you pay for their party!” comments. The birthday host asked for RSVPs because they were looking for a headcount before renting a place – this is a normal thing to do.

They may or may not have known that there could be things like a set price for food & drink because they hadn’t picked a venue yet. They needed rough numbers to get that idea. Then they did the normal thing of telling everyone, “hey, we found a place (THAT THEY’RE PAYING FOR) but there’s a $60 price per head for food/drink.

If that concerns you, please text me.” They’re not “springing it on you”, they’re not “scummy”, they’re trying to plan their birthday party. If everyone texts them back with “bro, $60 is a little much”, I’m sure they’ll look to change venues or find an alternative.

I swear some of you don’t like in an actual reality with real-world experiences. No jerks here, because this is how normal people plan things and normal people are free to come and go to things as they please.” Up-in-the-Ayre

1 points - Liked by Joels
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17. AITJ For Prioritizing My Health Over Moving To My Husband's Hometown To Care For His Parents?

QI

“My husband and I have been married 5 years (together for 10) and we met in the town that we live in now, where I am from, and where he was stationed in the military.

For background: my husband has always desired to move home to where he is from.

Early on in our relationship I supported it. I even did most of the house hunting, etc. But ultimately he was the one who couldn’t ever decide what to do.

And so 10 years, 2 kids, and a degenerative brain disease later… here we are, still living in my town.

My brain disease will eventually leave me disabled. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. But I’ve got some of the country’s leading doctors, my family is here to support me, I have friends, and the weather is mostly agreeable to my condition (heat exacerbates it).

On the flip side – a few years ago my FIL had a heart attack that he recovered from, and my MIL has her own list of issues (mostly self-induced, like being celiac but still eating alllll the flour products).

My husband recently expressed the desire to move again, but now with the intent that it’s his “duty” to care for his aging parents and be the “glue” that holds his family together.

While I do believe his intentions are noble and well intended, I can’t help but feel like he is basically making me choose between doing what’s best for me/my condition, and his family.

So, AITJ for prioritizing my health & well-being and wanting to stay where we are VS moving to prioritize his parents’ health?

For context:

  • His parents have LOTS of family near them. They are not alone and my husband isn’t their only source of help should they need it.
  • His parents have pressured us from day 1 to move there. MIL even used to send my husband emails of jobs, houses, and network for him behind my back.

    Now she’s pressuring our school-aged kids, who are settled in their school/life and they’ve said it makes them feel bad/weird

  • The new location is not conducive to my disease. The heat exacerbates it and causes complete vision loss & cardiac issues.

    Plus there are not many MDs there to treat it. (And the ones that are, have awful reviews on multiple sites).

  • The new location also requires moving in with his parents indefinitely until the housing market gets less expensive.
  • We had the luck of buying at the right time in our current location, and my hubby got a great job.

    He will basically have to take a 50% pay cut if we move, and the houses are twice as expensive as our current market.

  • A great solution would be for his family to move here. They joked about that at the beginning of our relationship. But ultimately they cashed in on their home and upgraded to a McMansion there where they live.
  • His parents are late 60s/early 70s and can navigate their McMansion and lifestyle just fine. They do cross-country trips, clean their 3000 sq ft home, go for walks, and are out in town regularly. They are living their best retired life. I think my hubby is just realizing that time is finite now.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Health issues entirely aside, it is one thing to support moving back home at some point in the future, and another thing entirely to be asked to move in with your in-laws. I have a great relationship with my in-laws, which is why I would never compromise it by putting myself or my kids in a situation where we rely on them for housing and cohabitate.

Honestly, it sounds like the health issues are both of your excuses – him for wanting to go home, and yours for not wanting to leave your support network and resources. All of these things are valid without trying to measure which health issues take priority.

You’re allowed to not want that, even if you were in great health.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“What your husband is doing is actually insanely poor character from a partner. Yes, the plan was for you to move back to his hometown. That was before you got sick.

Sometimes plans have to change. He chose you. YOU should be his priority, not his parents. You move to his hometown and not only do you put your health at more risk, you have NOBODY who is primarily in YOUR corner. Not even your husband because he’ll be splitting duty at best. His parents have other family to care for them.

They are not invalids who have nobody else. This would be a complete dealbreaker for me and a hill to die on. Emphatically NTJ.” pacazpac

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband wants to uproot you and your children so HE can feel better about himself.

Selfish. Your husband wants you to sacrifice your health, your privacy, your independence, your support system, your doctors, your children’s friends, your children’s education. All so he can say “but I’m going to take care of my parents”. Wow. And I suspect that your husband would actually expect YOU to be the #1 person helping his parents because, ya know, you are a woman.

NTJ and I hope to heck that you tell him you will never agree to a move.” TossingPasta

1 points - Liked by Joels
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16. AITJ For Rejecting An Expensive Birthday Gift From My Friend Who Recently Rejected My Love Confession?

QI

“I (20m) have been friends with ‘Jessica’ (20) ever since we were 13.

Last month, I finally told her that I’ve been in love with her for years.

She let me down gently and told me she just started seeing someone else. I was heartbroken but stayed friends with her.

Yesterday was my birthday. She gave me a bottle of Hugo Boss cologne. First bottle of cologne anyone’s ever bought me; I only use deodorant.

I was quite surprised to see what she bought for me as a gift and asked her why she spent so much this year. Quite taken aback. Usually, she buys me a paperback book on my birthdays and I buy her chocolates on hers. Nothing pricey like this.

Jessica told me she feels bad about breaking my heart and thought she could make it up to me by getting something extra nice this year.

I told her I don’t feel comfortable accepting an expensive present (one that I can’t afford), that I don’t want her money to be involved in what we have (her parents are loaded), and that I don’t need expensive gifts to get over her.

She looked hurt. My mom also chided me, saying I should have just accepted the gift since it’s a nice gesture on her part and Jessica could afford the gift.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, based on this: “Jessica told me she feels bad about breaking my heart and thought she could make it up to me by getting something extra nice this year.” The fact that she gave you this unusually nice gift, along with this explanation, means that you’d be reminded of this whole situation any time you used it.

She misjudged this one – an appropriate gift from her in this situation would have been the same sort of thing you’ve each been doing this whole time. I feel for both of you here – this isn’t an easy situation for either of you to navigate and I wouldn’t blame her for not knowing what was appropriate.

She’s probably scared that she’s going to lose her best friend, and honestly, she probably has – it’s close to impossible to go back to the status quo after an admission like that.” Venetrix2

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Cologne might be an ‘intimate’ gift sometimes but the intentions matter to make it ‘intimate’.

I don’t think Jessica gave you cologne to make you remember the rejection. I think she just didn’t really think it through. It seems she genuinely felt bad and didn’t want to lose you as a best friend. Also you’re completely in your right to reject a gift that made you uncomfy.

Telling her you don’t feel comfortable taking in the gift was honest which is great but the last bit “and that I don’t need expensive gifts to get over her.” It kind of implies you’re telling her, you believe she was just doing this to make you get over her and not to make up.

It was a bit harsh. I believe something along the lines of “I appreciate it but I just don’t feel comfortable accepting this gift” would have been nicer. But of course if that’s not how you felt that would just be empty words.” daysalmon

Another User Comments:

“What she wanted by getting you the gift was to make you happy, not uncomfortable. You can’t just say “Abracadabra, sim sala bim, I now magically am happy about the gift” and make it true. And it’s not cool to lie to a close friend that you’re happy when you’re not.

She made an effort with the gift and her intentions must have been good, so it’s obvious she’s sad that it didn’t work out well. It’s natural. But it could have become much worse if you hadn’t been honest this time. Imagine you pretended you liked the gift very much, so she got you some other expensive gifts on other occasions, and after that, she’d find out (for example from a mutual friend) you were only pretending you liked it and every single time you felt uncomfortable.

That would be just HORRIBLE if you put time, effort, and money with all the best intentions to make someone happy and then learn all you did was cause discomfort. Letting her know now very gently that you appreciate the effort and intentions and you care very much about her, but the kind of gift makes you uncomfortable is the kindest thing you can do when she so clearly wants you happy, but does something that makes you unhappy because she didn’t know.

It’s important to be kind to people who did something nice to you, but it’s also important to let your close friends know how you feel and be honest with them.” Skrybowiedzma

1 points - Liked by Joels
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15. AITJ For Removing Ingredient Lists From My Groceries?

QI

“I (22M) grew up with an almond mom. I wasn’t even 10 when she developed orthorexia, which is the obsession with healthy food.

She did everything she could to give it to me and it took me years to recover, although I know I can relapse very easily.

I now live with my aunt (52F) who also has orthorexia. Although it is not as extreme as my mother, and contrary to my mother she lets me eat what I want, she always reads me the list of ingredients of all the products I eat despite me specifically asking her not to as it is the main trigger I haven’t managed to fix yet.

When it comes to food, we usually cook together so we split 50/50 on the groceries. This week I had to travel for academic reasons, so I went to our country’s capital. We love Asian food so I came back this morning with $100 worth of condiments, noodles (mostly NOT the instant ones), preserved vegetables, and spices.

I paid for everything myself, she didn’t contribute a dime.

I also took some snacks and fermented soybeans for myself. She saw me putting the soybeans in the fridge so she went after me to come check it, and I hear her shortly after asking me where the ingredients are.

I answered: “On the packaging, it’s in Japanese so use your phone to translate it”. She asked for translations she could understand, but I had removed them before hitting the road. Everything I bought had their translated list of ingredients removed.

She got angry because she obviously has never heard of Google Lens (And I’m not telling her about it) but she wants to know what’s in my fermented soybeans she’s not going to eat anyway.

I pointed out that she never respected my wishes so I took matters into my own hands, and she stood there dumbfounded for half a second before saying “I’m doing that for your own good, you need to understand basic nutrition and what’s good or not for you,” completely ignoring the fact I had biweekly nutrition classes with a dietician when I was in middle school.

I ranted about it to my best friend, and he answered that even if he understands why I did that, I went too far. So, AITJ for removing the list of ingredients of groceries I bought?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. Your health is your priority.

That being said, going from living with one person with an eating disorder to living with another person with an eating disorder, whilst you yourself also have the same eating disorder… is pretty dangerous for your own health. You seem to have a fair bit of money to spend on certain expensive types of food and on travel, so I recommend saving up money instead, with the aim of moving out.

Living with two people who are supposed to be role models, with toxic food mentalities, has taken its toll on you and the only way you are going to break this cycle is by going low contact with them both and living either solo in your own place, or with roommates who have a healthy relationship with food.

Good luck, and please consider moving out for your own progress.” majesticjewnicorn

Another User Comments:

“Mixed judgment here. Your food – NTJ. Remove the label, cover it in Sharpie, repackage it in clear plastic, etc. Whatever you like. Not her food, she can go jump.

Shared food – YTJ. You are expecting someone with known mental health issues to trust you completely with regards to kanji and, more importantly, what they put into their own body. Coupled with the fact that you won’t assist them in finding the ingredients that they will (not) be putting into their body, you’re a jerk.

Whatever someone’s perceived issues are you unequivocally do not have the right to hide what a person is putting into their own body. …If these “shared” items are meant for you alone despite the aunt also enjoying them in regular circumstances? Well played. You would definitely be a jerk but someone I would consider the options of trickery against before acting.” Plot-3A

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for your situation. Might be a different story if you had someone over that had allergies and you couldn’t confidently say that there wasn’t any of something they are allergic to in what you were serving them. Are you in a position to move out any time soon and live away from your family?” KitchenDismal9258

0 points (0 votes)
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14. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Get Money From Our Dad After He Damaged My Valuable Pokemon Card?

QI

“My older sister is in her early twenties. She’s graduated college and I’m still at home because I’m much younger (14).

I have a very large Pokemon card collection. Which I’ve built on my own. My parents did not buy the cards for me. A while back I bought 2 Japanese Pokemon card packs and I got a card worth ~$250 out of it.

I packed it into a sleeve and Toploader and everything and kept it safe.

One day I had been sorting out the cards in one of my binders on the dining room table when my dad came in and said he needed the dining room table and I had to go upstairs.

(Mind you he was not cooking dinner or anything he just randomly came in there.)

I explained to him that I’m currently sorting and I can’t really move because one misplaced card in the binder would offset everything by 1 space.

My dad flipped and grabbed my cards together and set them on the stairs (which lead upstairs and also to my room).

During that, my dad damaged my $250 card, so now it’s likely only worth about $100-$110 instead of $250. I was very upset (crying due to the damage he caused) and told my dad he owes me $140.

My dad has refused to pay me this money for months.

He says it’s my fault, that I should not have been sorting on the dining room table. I reminded him and reminded him but he refused to pay this money to me, so I went to my sister.

I told her my situation and asked her that when she asks my dad for money next (We are middle class.

Not rich, but my dad definitely has the money, we are not struggling by any means), to ask him for an extra $140 and give it to me.

She did it for me and my dad doesn’t know about what I did but I still feel really guilty for it.

I was wondering if this was a jerk move to make.”

Another User Comments:

“Honestly, ESH. In the future, sort your cards in your room. Saying you couldn’t move is nonsense, kid. I, too, had a Pokemon collecting phase, and when you move mid-sort, you stack your cards up in order and lay them back out.

Also, the mass-produced cards aren’t actually worth hundreds of dollars. They’re mass-produced. Obviously, your dad shouldn’t have flipped.” No-Locksmith-8590

Another User Comments:

“INFO: Was the card graded? Is the price you’re quoting the price for an ungraded card or the highest-grade card?    I feel it’s a bit unfair to expect your dad to pay the difference in value for a card with an unrealized value.

Also, there’s some inherent risk that comes with and that you ultimately accept when using a common space like the dining room table. Especially when dealing with something as fragile as cards. Except at the same time, not so fragile as cards. Because I can’t imagine your dad necessarily handled your cards any differently than he would playing cards.

It’s just that nobody gets playing cards graded like trading cards as the most minor blemish can affect grade. And so if you wanted to make sure only you handled your cards, you should make sure no one else has a reason to handle them….

Like listening to your dad when he asks you to clear the table. There are common ways people handle certain things and as far as we know, he didn’t handle them incorrectly as far as the common person would be concerned.

Yes, he shouldn’t have flipped out.

But at the same time, you should have moved the cards yourself. So what if your cards are off by 1? I collect Pokemon cards too and that just happens sometimes. Oh, and was your dad ever made aware of the value of some of your cards?

Did he know one of your cards specifically had (potentially) a value of $250?” Own_Purchase1388

Another User Comments:

“ESH/YTJ. IF you had bought Apple shares a while ago, they would be worth X but you didn’t so they aren’t. Unrealized gains are just that.

At most, he owes you a partial of what you paid. But he’s also your dad so he doesn’t actually owe you, don’t be ridiculous. My dad broke the end of a $300 knife of mine, do you think I even SUGGESTED he owes me another?

Of course not.” OLAZ3000

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MadameZ 3 days ago
NTJ because your dad sounds like a bully. By the sound of it he could have waited a few minutes for you to move your cards, but he had to show that he is more important than you and you need to jump when he said so. I am all in favour of getting repayment however you can when a bully damages your property to put you in your place.
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13. AITJ For Refusing To Sell A Puppy To A Potential Breeder?

QI

“I (F25) am selling purebred puppies. I have a female but I’ve refused another person on the premise that I think they are a breeder.

This current person is asking a lot about her history, her parents’ history, and if they are AKC (they are).

I decided that I won’t sell to her specifically because I think she plans to breed the female puppy.

Is this wrong?

I had an accidental litter, the male is being neutered to prevent this. I just feel like no dog deserves to be bred over and over again.

Though I made the mistake myself, and I’m technically as bad as them.

They will take good care of the puppy and are well off. I just want to protect her.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I bought a female puppy who isn’t fixed because of health/size reasons with AKC pedigree.

I signed a contract not to breed her even though I never planned on it (she wasn’t fixed due to show dog stuff we just cared about temperament). I can’t wait until I can get the go-ahead from her vet to get her fixed so we can get her around other dogs.

Do not give that dog to anyone planning on breeding.” ButtToucherIRL

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ but like someone else said, those are questions any responsible dog owner will ask when getting a new puppy. Part of my job is to work with dog and cat breeders, most of them will NOT hesitate to deny a sale if they get the slightest negative vibe.

You can and should do that too. To those saying puppies should be kept until they are fixed, fixing them really young primarily only happens with shelters/rescues. That’s why breeders have proof of spay/neuter by whatever age or it voids the contract (and then can take the puppy back if the owner doesn’t do it) Some vets will fix small dogs around 4-5 months but most wait until 6 months.

Keeping puppies until 6 months makes it harder to find them a home, as most people want little puppies. Also, it’s expensive to keep puppies for that long.” LilySundae

Another User Comments:

“Hi. Vet student. Do not rehome that puppy with her. That being said, you should NOT rely on neutering your male dog to prevent future accidental pregnancies.

As Jurassic Park so eloquently put it, life finds a way. Especially if your dog escapes while in heat or an unneutered male jumps your fence to breed her while he’s wandering around. Those are real scenarios of accidental pregnancies I’ve seen. Also, she should be spayed for medical reasons.

Any unspayed dog is at huge risk of pyometria. That is an infection in the uterus, which causes pus to accumulate. This is a fast and extremely life-threatening condition. If she isn’t taken for emergency surgery to remove the uterus, she will die. I’ve seen pyos that weighed 6 lbs pulled out of 20 lb dogs.

They get BAD. And the risk of getting it increases with every heat cycle. Unless you are actively planning to breed, there is no benefit to keeping her intact, only active risks. Get the surgery now when it’s non-emergency or get it later to save her life at emergency surgery prices.

YWBTJ if you do not spay her and ensure ALL puppies are given to homes that will spay and neuter.” jinxedit48

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12. AITJ For Splurging With My Gift Card On Expensive Groceries Instead Of Saving It?

QI

“My (F24) job gave me a 500 bucks gift card for a supermarket. I’m usually very careful with how I spend my money. When I want a snack I will choose the cheapest option.

I eat cheap food, wear cheap clothes, etc because I’m saving for a house.

When I got this card for the first time in my life I thought, heck it, I’m gonna go and buy everything I always wanted but couldn’t afford to buy.

Just to be clear, I didn’t just buy junk food.

I bought steak, meat, chicken, cheese, etc.

It cost me 400 bucks.

Now my mom is mad at me for wasting my gift card. She thinks I should have let her do the shopping so she could buy more useful and cheaper options.

I feel so guilty and awful right now that I can’t stop crying and my mom is berating me and calling me a jerk.

Now I regret telling her about the money at all.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your money, your choice. I sort of relate it to when I get given birthday money, I like to spend it on something that I wouldn’t get otherwise. Do you share a property with your mom?

And do you usually buy groceries together? I’m wondering if maybe your mother felt it should have gone into shared finances.” FakeyName88

Another User Comments:

“I have an aunt who is frugal. Frugal to the point of it not being healthy. She lived in a bad neighborhood in a rent-controlled apartment.

Her son was getting his rear kicked every day. She sent him to live with her sister rather than move. She never sent her sister money for him either. She saved enough to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. Paid cash. No mortgage. She is still frugal. She walks into walls at night because she won’t turn the lights on.

She babysat my son once. She charged a 7-year-old to call his mom at work. Now she is 90 years old, has dementia, and never got to enjoy the money she saved. (over $1 million). I get that you’re saving for a house. But you can’t take money with you.

You’re entitled to splurge once in a while. Your mother is a fool.” JackB041334

Another User Comments:

“Buying food is not wasting money. I am very frugal and I allow myself an annual tradition: when I get my bonus every year, I fill up the wine rack.

Nothing expensive, mid-range supermarket wines that I like; could that money be used on better things? Sure. Would some people argue drinking is a waste? Sure. But it’s a fraction of the total and brings me pleasure. You could have spent the whole £500 on dry goods and tins, but you’re still saving and not in debt so allow yourself a reward.

NTJ.” Rcsql

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MadameZ 3 days ago
NTJ. There is more to life than saving; everyone needs a treat now and again.
1 Reply

11. AITJ For Not Apologizing For Making Involuntary Noises While My Partner Works From Home?

QI

“So I (28f) live with my (23m) partner. We live in a studio apartment (there’s not much space, and the wall that separates the bedroom from the living room is thin).

My partner works as an assistant at a law firm and needs complete silence while communicating with clients, judges, and other lawyers over the phone.

I understand this, so I always keep my phone muted and avoid listening to any audio content during his calls.

I don’t have an issue with any of this. I respect his work and don’t want to be a nuisance. If I ever need to make a call or have a meeting (work-related), one of us shuts itself in the bedroom, and we still try to manage the volume so as not to interfere with each other.

I’m a bit of a loud person, and I can be a bit vulgar sometimes when I’m speaking with my friends or playing video games (he knows this and loves me as I am), and it has happened sometimes that I accidentally say something when he’s picking up a call.

I’ve done my best to stop and regulate myself (I know this is my fault, not his), and I’m always trying to listen to his ringtone.

Lately, he seems to not understand that I’ve gone out of my way to make it comfortable for him.

If I sometimes want to catch a break and listen to something, he complains because he feels I’m forcing him to shut himself in the bedroom (when I always offer him to shut MYSELF in the bedroom and he rejects it).

Before, his ringtone was at max volume, and I could always tell when someone was calling.

But he’s put his phone in vibrate mode, so sometimes I don’t notice until he picks up and I say something. To which he always reacts very negatively, and we have an argument about “what I did.” I kept telling him to put his ringtone back on, but he dismissed it, and I’m tired of repeating myself.

He also started “pointing out” to me that when I’m sleeping, I make noises, and that bothers him on his calls. He hasn’t specifically complained, but he’s been pointing it out EVERY DAY, and at this point, I think he’s expecting me to do something about it???

A couple of days ago, I stretched involuntarily and made a bit of a noise (imagine a grunt. Not a scream, not a full-blown yawn, a GRUNT). And he got mad at me because he was on a call. He got angry, and I just simply brushed it off.

Today, the same thing happened, and he got angry at me. I told him it was involuntary and that his complaining about it was the same as his complaining about me sneezing. He said it was not the same, got angry about it, and left.

He came back a while later and acted as if nothing had happened, but he still hadn’t apologized, and the way he talked made it seem like he was waiting for me to apologize or stop making noises that I honestly couldn’t control.

AITJ for not apologizing for this?

Also, WIBTJ, if I ask him to make compromises regarding his job (such as not complaining about some of my involuntary noises, because I’m doing my best as it is)?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He needs to go into the office. Working from home in a shared studio and expecting complete silence continuously is ridiculous.

Turning the ringer off and then expecting someone to know you’re on a call is absolutely ridiculous. There’s no reason to do it other than purposely trying to create an issue. You repeatedly “saying something” is incredibly childish. The first few times it was an accident, but now it’s just being immature and careless.

Still, the fact remains that his expectations are unreasonable and selfish for a studio apartment.” GhostParty21

Another User Comments:

“If the noises are involuntary then no not at all, getting on you for noises you make while you’re sleeping is a bit beyond the pale.

It’s an insane reason to basically get mad at someone for snoring…if he needs silence and you have a bedroom. He can isolate himself. You should ask him to turn his ringer back on so you know he’s getting a call (took me a minute to get this cause weird he’s still WFH for a law firm).” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – if he needs that quiet of a work environment then HE needs to be shut in a room with soundproofing. My partner and I have this issue occasionally where we don’t know when the other is on a call so we’ve taken to texting each other or popping in to say “hey I have this call until X time can you shut yo mouth” or we close our office doors.

When I was in a one-bedroom with my ex he would occupy common areas and I would occupy the bedroom as that was the ONLY private area we could close off. I’m not sure what state you’re in but there are also places that you can go for free to sit in an office cubicle-like environment with others who also cannot just work from home but need to work somewhere.

Even local libraries you can get a private room reserved for free that he could do instead of complaining that you make noise (that likely aren’t being picked up by his microphone).” QueenArtie

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Joels 12 hours ago
Sounds to me like you either need to get a bigger place or ask him why every single sound you make is setting him off. When people spend too much time together when they are young they realize maybe the things fun and exciting really aren’t anymore and their feelings change to where every behavior is now obnoxious and triggering and not adorable and cute anymore.
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10. AITJ For Kicking Out A Bridesmaid Who Skipped My Bachelorette Events For A Guy?

“I’m (26F) getting married to my fiancé “Matt” (28M) in May.

One of my bridesmaids is Matt’s cousin, “Casey” (29F).

I have to admit that I only added her to my wedding party at my mother-in-law’s request. But I get along with her, so I never had a problem with that.

We recently had an almost week-long holiday in our country, so I decided to treat my wedding party (maid and matron of honor + 3 bridesmaids) to a short trip to New York City for my bachelorette.

I paid for the three hotel rooms we got, they each covered their plane tickets and their personal expenses.

We only had 4 days to enjoy NYC. Because some of my bridesmaids had never been there (one had never left our country), I decided it wouldn’t be fair to plan activities for the whole trip.

So instead, I decided I’d only plan one thing for each day. Everyone was free to explore the city and do whatever they wanted at other times, as long as they showed up to my plans:

  • Saturday: dinner at a pizza place (we’d split the bill);
  • Sunday: Broadway musical in the afternoon (tickets had already been paid for);
  • Monday: official bachelorette dinner (I was paying);
  • Tuesday: group lunch before leaving for the airport (we’d split the bill).

I informed my party of those before the trip, and everyone agreed.

We arrived in the city Saturday morning, checked in at the hotel, and went our separate ways.

When it was time for us to meet for dinner, Casey didn’t show up.

She called me 40 minutes into the dinner to say she’d met an American guy on an app and was going out with him. I just told her to please show up tomorrow.

But she didn’t. App guy invited Casey to grab lunch, and she only let me know minutes before the musical. And on Monday, she bailed on my bachelorette dinner to hang out with app guy again. She also slept at his place.

On Tuesday, she skipped our group lunch to have a “goodbye date” with app guy, and was so late to meet us at the hotel later that we almost missed our flight home.

Throughout the whole trip, we only saw her 3 times, including when we checked in at and out of the hotel. Not even the bridesmaid she was sharing a room with saw her. Casey always left before she woke up and returned after she fell asleep.

Upon returning home, I told Casey I was upset she’d missed all my events and run off to do her own thing. She said she was an adult and had paid for her own plane ticket, so I couldn’t tell her what to do.

I decided that if she had the right to bail out of my plans, I also had the right to have bridesmaids who actually cared about my wedding.

Thus, I made the decision to kick Casey out of my bridal party.

Casey is now calling me unfair and selfish. She said she “didn’t realize the trip came with conditions”, and I couldn’t expect her to put me first while she was in NYC.

Matt is on my side. My mother-in-law is on Casey’s, and is begging me to apologize.

I’m torn on this. I wanted the girls to have fun, but this was still my bachelorette trip and I expected it to be treated as such.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Casey deserves to be kicked out and honestly shouldn’t have been included in the first place. I’d argue she owes OP for a hotel room/plane ticket, but it’s probably less aggravation to just cut those losses. The major, MAJOR problem for OP here though is the meddling mother-in-law.

Better stand up to her now and make sure fiance is on board, or this sort of drama is going to be OP’s life.” ABeerAndABook

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It was a trip specifically for the bridal party. Of course there’s the “condition” that you spend some time with the bride!

This was supposed to be a celebration, but she took advantage of the trip and completely dismissed you. You don’t owe anyone a place in your wedding to begin with, and you definitely shouldn’t feel bad for wanting your bridesmaids to be people who actually care about you.” Swirlyflurry

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but if it were me I would just move past it and ignore her rather than have a conspicuous hole in your wedding party. Will that one groomsman walk alone and all the others with a bridesmaid? To me this behavior falls into “You suck” territory, but not quite “I hate you and can’t stand to see you” territory.

But I understand if others react more viscerally to it. I guess I’ve been treated like this so many times that I half expect it.” I_SuplexTrains

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9. AITJ For Considering Calling A Tow Truck On My Rude Neighbor Who Keeps Parking In My Spot?

QI

“I’ve been living in this apartment building for about 3 months now. When I was shown the apartment I was told right off the bat that I would have my own designated parking spot.

Forward to 3 months later and my neighbor KEEPS parking in my parking spot.

I’ve tried to leave notes asking them to please not park in my spot as I’m the one paying rent for it and so on.

This is still a recurring issue and today when I went to personally tell my neighbor to not park there (I saw him personally parking there when I went to throw my garbage away) he rudely told me he can do what he wants and if I can’t use the parking spot then too bad.

Things escalated and he yelled at me, his wife came out and called me a rainbow of insults, and so on. So once again I’ve had to leave my car outside. I had lent my car to my brother for two hours so when he came back he had to park outside.

All of this to say, at this point I’m willing to call a towing company if this continues but I don’t know if I’d be a jerk for doing that. I don’t want issues but there’s just a lack of respect for my space and at this point it’s getting more than just a little annoying.

I work as a security guard so I work anywhere from 12-16 hours and on a slow day and when it’s busy I’ll sometimes work nonstop for 24-48 hours with just hour lunches. So when I get home I’m extremely tired and for me to NOT be able to park in the space I pay for is becoming a bit inconvenient.

I’m not sure what else to do.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. In theory. However, you should speak to the landlord first. They might be able to resolve the situation. If that fails, ask your landlord if that action would be ok. Cover your bases.

Sadly, you will also need to be prepared for some pretty nasty consequences. If a neighbor is this hostile and unpleasant to your face when things are pleasant, think of how nasty it will get after you cost him several hundred dollars and a lot of time and inconvenience.

I can see that going wrong in soooooo many ways. But as far as would it make you the jerk? No. Not even close. Good luck.” KaoJin-Wo

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ. Though, before jumping straight to calling the tow company make a formal complaint with your landlord first, make them aware of the issue, and that if the landlord can not mitigate the situation you will be calling a towing company to have their car towed every time they park in your spot.

Do so via call/in person with a follow-up email detailing your discussion. If you feel it necessary and relevant make it clear you are informing the landlord of this because if they retaliate unjustly against you you will be involving the authorities. (whether it actually comes to this or if you actually involve the authorities is sort of beside the point, this is more so to kick your landlord’s rear in gear and to have a ‘paper record’ of the pre-existing issue if you need it.)” InkGeode

Another User Comments:

“Talk to your landlord as others have said. There’s likely a towing company that comes through to tow illegally parked cars (i.e. ones without permits), so it’s probably pretty easy for them to get someone to come get your neighbor’s car out of your rented spot.

One thing I’d worry about now though is how you’ve already voiced your complaint directly to the offender, so anything that happens to their car is likely going to get pointed directly at you. If they’re willing to behave the way they already have about you trying to be reasonable, then they’re likely willing to do unpleasant things to your car once you have your spot back.

I might suggest a fun game you can play with them if you can pull it off: go down to their car one night and take the valve stem off of only one of their tires, and release all of the air. They’ll look for holes, then go fill it up and chalk it up to a weird anomaly.

Then go back a week or so later and do it to a different tire. Rinse and repeat.” lookalive07

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8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Mother At The Hospital?

QI

“Yesterday my (F21) partner (M20) of 4 years ended up in hospital with a hemiplegic migraine.

When he was at his mom’s house alone he called me saying that I needed to rush to him as he couldn’t feel anything on his right side, completely paralyzed. I could barely understand what he was saying to me. When I got to the house he was lying on the bed barely moving.

I called the ambulance and they rushed him to the hospital. We tried calling his mother before the ambulance arrived and a few times while already in the hospital same with his family members but the only reply we got was “I’m busy.”

After a while she called me asking me what happened I explained and she started shouting at me that I’m taking too long to tell her what happened (I was a nervous wreck).

After 20 minutes she got to the hospital and started yelling at me for calling an ambulance as now my partner is stuck with a bill (we’re in Ireland it’s really not expensive) and I should have waited until he felt better. She went to the room he was in and refused to let me go with her.

I could hear her yelling at him over me being in the hospital and not at home minding HER DOG and just saying a lot of nasty things about me.

Eventually, my partner’s mouth got better and he asked personally for me to go into his room.

His mother would yell at me over everything while I was doing nothing wrong. She kept bossing me around threatening to get me kicked out and telling me that need to leave as I’m “just in the way”. While my partner tried to talk to the doc she would stop him and talk for him.

I told my partner that if she’s here tomorrow I’m not coming to visit because it’s embarrassing. And I do not want her here while I’m around. Before she and I left the hospital she said I’m only allowed to come to the hospital in the evening as I’m not needed. Because of the way she was towards me and me not wanting her there the next day she and my partner got into a fight.

AITJ??”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Partner needs to make the call here. That said, it sort of seems like he’s just telling everyone what they want to hear, and I’m not sure I would be so confident that he actually doesn’t want her there or if he just doesn’t want to take sides.

I would stay out of it if I were you, and let him make the call if he wants.” p666xsky

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner did not want his mum there, he wanted you. Of course, she is not best pleased with this.

Don’t punish your partner for her atrocious behavior. You want to stay cool, calm, and collected while she is behaving like this. You do not want to have something akin to a mental breakdown in this situation, which is what his mum seems to be having.

When your partner says he needs to spend a couple of hours at his mum’s house, he probably has his reasons that will become apparent to you in due course.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for not wanting her there. Why weren’t hospital staff removing her?

As the patient, it’s up to him who is in his room. You would be a jerk if you abandoned him when he’s sick and vulnerable to her. You need to be his advocate and make sure his wishes are respected. Even if that means dealing with her.” ApprehensiveBook4214

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7. AITJ For Taking Long Bathroom Breaks When My Sister Wants To Shower?

“I (16M) keep getting into arguments with my mum and my sister (18F) about this. For some reason every single time I go to the bathroom to go poop my sister shows up 15-30 seconds later complaining how she wanted to have a shower now and how she’s tired from work and school.

She’ll then go downstairs and complain to my mum who’ll proceed to come back upstairs and shout at me whilst I’m still in the bathroom saying how I’m being inconsiderate, immature and that I’m back chatting when I ask her why I’m not allowed to go to the bathroom whenever I want considering I was in there first and I had no prior warning my sister wanted to use the shower at that time.

Now granted I do sometimes take a while in the bathroom at max half an hour. I usually take about 15 minutes yet if my sister’s in a really bad mood she’ll scream and bang on the bathroom door till I leave because there’s no way I can concentrate on going to the bathroom with that going on outside and if I don’t leave the bathroom my mum threatens to take all my stuff away.

Am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. A normal bowel movement shouldn’t take 15-30 minutes. It could be that you’re on your phone, in which case leave your phone outside of the bathroom. It could be that you’re honestly straining this long to poop, in which case see a doctor and eat more fruits and vegetables.

Or it could be that you’re deliberately taking that long to annoy your sister, in which case it worked. Only OP knows which of these is true.” InappropriateAccess

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – wow, a lotta judgmental jerks in the comments with pristine bowels.

congrats y’all. Between actually going to the bathroom, washing your hands, etc 15/30 is not that long for a bathroom break especially if you have IBS/celiac/etc. I personally check in with folks BEFORE I USE THE SHOWER to see if anyone needs to get in there just in case so they’re not stuck holding it so your sister is literally doing the opposite of being considerate.

She can wait ten minutes to shower, it won’t kill her. Sorry your family is using you as the scapegoat for drama.” Fenris304

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – for multiple reasons.

1) No matter how much fiber I have invested, I am not able to go if I am being rushed, or if someone is hovering around the bathroom area and keeping tabs on the time I am taking, even though I normally am done after max.

five minutes. I remember working as a caretaker for people during their holiday, being on the job 24/7, together with a colleague who was micromanaging me so incessantly that I was only able to go twice in the span of two weeks.

2) I feel it’s irrelevant what OP is doing in that half hour.

I have multiple men in my larger family who have designated bathroom books, and although I find it not that sanitary, neither are the phones that many people take with them, and just the fact that there are studies that show how many poo particles there are on the average phone makes it clear that there are quite a few people who find it relaxing to read/scroll on the toilet, so he shouldn’t be shamed for that.

I highly doubt that his sister will vacate the bathroom immediately after her shower.

3) I find it weird that his sister always needs to shower at the exact time OP is using the bathroom. Waiting for half an hour before showering should not be that big of a deal. OP, as someone who had to share a bathroom as a teen with four other girls, I’d advise you to propose a bathroom plan, where your sister can block out the specific times she needs the bathroom so that you can do your business without fear of punishment at the other times.” FlatConclusion8847

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6. AITJ For Tracking My Wife's Location Because She Was Late Home From Work?

QI

“My wife is a nurse and she deals with a lot. I bring home the money and pay for our lifestyle, but she loves what she does and I admire that. While she’s working her shifts, I handle the household (garbage, dishes, cleaning) as well as cook for us before she gets home.

One point that keeps coming up in our relationship is her phone usage. Not the “on the couch” kind of phone usage, but the “90% of your day is spent on your phone” kind of usage. Her parents told me that before we met she would hide in the bathroom for hours on her phone, avoiding responsibilities and/or the whole family altogether.

I didn’t think much of it until we got married and she started doing it more and more until I felt like I never had any meaningful quality time with her.

I ended up talking to her about this, and we came up with a compromise.

If she feels like she needs alone time, she tells me and I cater to that no matter what – as long we set up a date or two during the week that is “phone free”, and that we don’t just “ignore” each other, we communicate our needs and go from there.

Recently, she has been getting home from work really late. She mentioned patient care has been getting harder, traffic has been getting busier, etc. Which made sense and I didn’t push it any further until tonight, when it took her 2 hours to drive home. She texted me letting me know she got off work, and then was still not home after a significant amount of time (we only live a few miles away from her hospital).

I started to get worried because she wasn’t answering my phone calls or texts like she usually does, and it was getting to be 2.5 hours from when she told me she would be home. I worried she got into a car wreck or something happened while she was walking to her car.

I called her again and still no answer, which was extremely unlike her. Worried something happened to her, I checked our Apple “Find My” app and saw she was sitting in the park parking lot.

When she walked in the door hours later, (it’s well into the night at this point, dinner is cold, I’m getting ready for bed) she acts like nothing happened. I asked if she was OK and she said “yes, why?” … I confronted her about everything that happened and mentioned I was worried, she then mentioned traffic again.

I brought up the fact that I was worried and used the Find My app, and saw that she was just sitting in a parking lot. She told me she was just on her phone and went to bed.

I feel guilty for checking her location, and I also feel bad for even getting upset about it because she has one of the hardest jobs out there and she has to deal with a lot of crap sometimes (sometimes literally).

I can’t help being upset at the fact that she wasn’t truthful and that she has been “hiding” her phone usage after we both came to a compromise.

If I’m the jerk, unleash your claws upon me and I will go straight to my wife and apologize.

I just need help seeing the situation for what it is without my emotions getting in the way.”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely not! You did the right thing by checking her location because if something bad happened to her and you never checked where she was, you’d feel terrible and other people would ask why you hadn’t checked on her sooner.

She may have a difficult job but spending quality time with you should be a way to relieve stress and relax. If her phone is completely replacing that, then it’s time she ask herself why she is retreating to her phone first instead of loved ones.” Far_Veterinarian5349

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Not seeing how you “lashed out” either. You got worried after no response, checked the location, and seemingly reasonably confronted your wife about this. She wasn’t honest about it either. You had an agreement (that you seem completely fine with) that you would accept her need to be alone at her whim.

So she could have texted you about that need after work instead of lying about traffic. Nursing is tough, no doubt but it doesn’t give someone a blanket excuse to check out of a relationship either. This sounds like it’s been a problem for her for a long time too.

Sounds like your needs (presumably for connection with your wife) aren’t being met and you are twisting yourself into an emotional pretzel trying to accommodate hers.” Amberfore

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but her behavior is really suspicious. A lot of affairs happen in parking lots, and most hospitals don’t keep nurses that far past the end of their shifts because they’re not wanting to pay overtime just to lighten the load of other nurses.

They keep those nurses stretched as thin as they can, no overtime is their preference! I think you really might want to A) STOP telling her what you discover, if she’s innocent it makes you look bad, and if she’s guilty you’re REALLY shooting yourself in the foot.

And B) make her aware that her job is really starting to make it so that she’s more like a roommate you rarely see than a spouse…but probably phrase it more diplomatically than that.” NomadicusRex

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Joels 12 hours ago
I’m sorry but I’d be checking what she’s doing on that phone. Calling a boyfriend and the time got away from her, etc. i know a few people who had affairs and would pull over to do all their calls before going home to the SO. Sounds very suspicious to me.
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5. AITJ For Doing My Own Thing When My Friend Came To Stay With Me?

“My friend (35M) asked if he could come visit me (34F) and stay in my apartment on my couch.

I said that would be fine, stupidly, before I knew how long he was coming for. I then learned he was planning on 9 days! I had already agreed so I (again stupidly) let it be.

He arrives and it’s not too bad at first. I am feeling depleted as he is around all the time but we are making do.

However, it very soon becomes apparent that he expects me to drive him around everywhere, feed him when we are at my apartment, and hang out with him at all times while we are at my apartment.

When he first came, we went to the grocery store and picked up some groceries.

I made sure to ask him what he wanted during his trip. In hindsight, I should have told him to buy himself some snacks. Instead, he kept saying “I don’t know” and vaguely suggesting a pasta dinner dish. Okay, fine. I got some stuff.

When it came time to pay, because a lot of the stuff was me replenishing my pantry, I just paid for it. No biggie.

However, sometimes when we weren’t out doing an activity and got home, I would rest in my room to get some time alone.

The first day or so, I hung out with him but after a couple of days, I just got so worn out. He was left to his own devices. Every time I left my room during the evenings we were home, he would make comments and/or stare at me like I am being rude for not being in the living room with him and making food with him.

Clearly ordering UBEReats was not something that crossed his mind. And clearly, time spent apart is bothering him.

Finally, he confronts me and tells me to sit down in the living room so we can talk (thanks for the invitation to my own living room).

He asks me if I am ignoring him. I get upset at this situation and say no. I tell him that I am introverted and need time to myself.

The next day, we move on. However, tomorrow and the next day, I have to work.

I remind him of this and tell him that he should be prepared to also get dinner for himself. He says “don’t worry, it was pretty clear from the beginning that you weren’t going to make meals” in a passive-aggressive tone. Then I get very upset.

I confronted him and told him that I didn’t agree to be his bed and breakfast.

During this trip he has paid for 3 things. One, a tank of gas. Two, he paid for a $5 ticket for me for one of the many museums. And three, he paid for a $5 parking pass for a state reservation park.

I paid for the food we’ve been eating at my place (and the 2nd tank of gas). We each paid for our own everything else.

He is unwilling to take an Uber places by himself. Either I am ferrying him around, or he is sat in my living room.

He also expects me to drive him to and from the city on the days I work.

It really feels like he is expecting me to wait on and entertain him and I don’t understand when I ever agreed to that. I know I could’ve done a better job communicating my rules and expectations but I seriously didn’t think it was going to be an issue.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Neither of you did a good job of communicating your expectations about his visit. However, his expectations are crazy, which makes him the jerk. Why are his expectations crazy? First, because he didn’t say how long, and 9 days is just too much.

House guests, like fish, begin to stink after 3 days. Everyone knows that! Or they should. Second, because he expects you to buy everything. Everyone knows that guests should treat for dinner, and so on. And third, expecting you to be his chauffeur is crazy. That’s what Uber is for.

I don’t know why you didn’t shut that down the first time he asked. “Like dude! Uber!” You have made it way too easy for him to walk all over you. There were so many times to shut this down. I mean, I probably would have been stuck with him for 9 days too.

But not driving him and cooking for him. I’m sorry he did this to you.” SushiGuacDNA

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Not gonna lie, for a minute I thought this guy was a 20-something-year-old being a super cheap couch surfer traveling on someone else’s dime.

But he’s 35 and expecting that you are his tour guide, uber, cook, and Airbnb host. This dude is old enough to have figured out by now that when visiting a person for 9 days, the assumption is that they’ll have to work at some point, and you’ll have to entertain yourself by doing sightseeing.

If your host lives in the suburbs, you have to factor that in and either get a rental car or figure out how to use public transportation from their house. You were offering a self-serve free place to stay and could catch up on old times.

Dude was expecting an all-inclusive. He’s not welcome to invite himself over again.” Snackinpenguin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, OP!!!! He asked for a couch. You agreed to a couch. You did not agree to cook, maid, chauffeur, or tour guide. Point blank – call him out on this crap.

When he asked to stay, he asked for a couch. This is not an all-inclusive resort, it was a sofa for free. If he doesn’t like the service, he can go pay for a stay that’s more in alignment with his expectations. Otherwise, he can learn to shut up, smile, and be an infinitely grateful houseguest because staying at anyone’s home for nine days is one heck of an imposition (even if one were the best of guests, and had a guest bedroom to remove oneself to).

“I agreed that you could crash on the couch, Guest. I did not agree to drive you around, feed you, or show you the sights. I have other commitments and am unable to entertain you in the way that you seem to expect. Let me recommend (hotel) and (car rental service) so you can get the experience you seem to want, as I will not be (driving, cooking, or spending an absurd amount of your time entertaining him).”” Dramatic_Attempt4318

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4. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Brush His Teeth More Often?

“My partner and I have been seeing each other for 6 months. I am over at his house quite frequently and I love him. There’s just one thing that is bothering me.

He doesn’t brush his teeth very often and his breath doesn’t smell the greatest all the time. He may brush his teeth once every 2-3 weeks.

The thing is he’s very talkative and is in my face which I don’t mind because I love him being affectionate and talkative but his breath throws me off.

Especially when we are intimate. I want to tell him in a polite way to brush his teeth but I don’t want to hurt his feelings because he’s the sweetest. I don’t want to feel like a bad person.

Like I said it’s been 6 months so how would I go about telling him this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He only brushes his teeth once every few weeks? That’s disgusting. Do you have a toothbrush at his place? Does he see you brush your teeth before bed and he just… doesn’t? Does he have a toothbrush at your place? If he does have a toothbrush you gave him at your place “Hey, babe, do you not like the toothbrush I got you, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you use it.” If you’re only at his place, “Hey, I’ve always wanted to brush our teeth together before bed like in tv shows/movies, let’s give it a try.” Of course, there’s being blunt about it.

“Hon, you have to brush your teeth more. Your breath regularly smells. I love talking to you, listening to you, but then I get a whiff of your breath. I love being intimate with you, but breathing in my face takes me out of the mood….

To say nothing of the fact that it’s terrible for your oral health. All these problems could be helped if you just brushed your teeth daily.” Also, I don’t think I’d personally be able to go out with an adult man who refused to brush his teeth.

Yuck.” fallingintopolkadots

Another User Comments:

“Dude. Just for fun, let’s say he brushes his teeth every 2 weeks. That means in 6 months (180 days) he’s brushed his teeth 13 times (that’s rounding up). That is horrifying. Horrifying. A typical person would have brushed their teeth 360 times in that same timeframe.

13 vs. 360. Why are you trying to be nice about it? It’s so beyond gross. If he doesn’t do that basic hygiene thing, I wonder what else he doesn’t do….” turtlefacemcgee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Does he have ADHD? It’s apparently a common thing amongst that sort of neurodivergence to have difficulty with that sort of hygiene routine.

I neglected my teeth in my 20s and am paying for it now but finally have very good dental hygiene. He will appreciate you one day if you push it on him.” pheothz

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3. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Daughter's College After Her GPA Dropped Below 3.0?

QI

“My daughter started college last fall. I agreed to pay for her school on the condition that her GPA stay above 3.0.

Well, the transcript came home and she ended the semester with a 2.0. So I told her she is gonna need to get student loans this semester, and we can talk again after she brings her GPA back up to 3.0. Of course, she wasn’t happy and claimed that I was just making it even more difficult for her to do well, and it is not possible to get it above a 3.0 because she’d need straight A’s, ie, a 4.0 to average out the 2.0.

I told her I warned her I would only pay if she got above a 3.0 and I meant it. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. As a teacher, I have to say that it matters why she got low grades, but no matter what — you’re pulling the trigger too fast. The first semester is hard even for a good student.

Often there are roommate problems, distractions, and homesickness. There’s also how different college is from high school. High school teachers chase students down, pressure students to do their best, and invest in them. Professors… are totally relaxed. You don’t show up, it’s your problem. Students who relied on their parents and teachers to drive them struggle.

They often get worse in the second quarter. Then they learn how to manage college that final spring quarter. A four-year college is a marathon, not a sprint.

Give her the first year to get her grades together and learn how to “do” college. At the end of the first year, if she’s still floundering, look at why.

What courses is she taking that are ruining her grade? College is the time to do what you’re good at, because you’ll be doing it for the rest of your life. It’s amazing how many students choose majors that are all wrong for them, or take classes they hate — if you can take any science class, why take bio if your stomach is queasy?

You can get a better grade and fulfill the same requirements with anthropology or astronomy. If you hate writing, why take literature when psych will fulfill the same requirements? If there isn’t a good explanation, if she’s goofing off… then yep. Pull the trigger.” icarusancalion

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ. It should be based on the GPA of each semester, not cumulative. So she had a hard 1st year, many do. Anything can happen when you go off to university (I did terribly my first year because I had a friend who passed away 2 months in).

Let her try for a better second year/semester, if she hits a 3.0 for just this semester it should come back because she is clearly trying. Using a cumulative GPA to asses this just punishes her for a rough first year of university (which is really common, both my parents failed their 1st semester and still finished school).

Give her the opportunity and grace to come back from this.” toothbrush_wizard

Another User Comments:

“I see a flaw in your logic. You say that you will only pay if she has a cumulative GPA of 3.0. That’s your choice. But, if you are judging on cumulative GPA, which terms that you pay for should also be cumulative.

Per-term payment determined on a cumulative basis seems a mismatch. NTJ, your money your decision, but you’ve given your daughter an amazingly difficult task to get back in your good graces.” fuzzy_mic

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2. AITJ For Driving My Friend's Car Despite My Fear And Causing An Accident?

QI

“I (M27) am upfront about what I don’t like and cannot do. Since 17 I have had a fear as well as a type of just apathy to driving. I can walk, take public transport – it has never been such a big problem. However, all my friends — they drive.

They are the type that really studied a lot about their cars before they bought cars that they took loans/years of savings for – and some of them are reckless drivers.

Today (not the first time someone has asked) my friend Max’s (25) new partner Paul (30) asked me to drive over to his place to pick up something.

I said I don’t drive but I would be happy to split cab fare with you, and Paul said it was okay.

Later on, we went out to join a group of friends and everyone got wasted – except for me because I had to take my medications without booze or other substances.

As everyone partied, I was with some friends from work who stopped by for the live band. I was then waiting to pay my bill and leave with them and go to another music show with my friends.

Paul runs over and says that I have to drive them to a hospital because he had too much to drink.

I said once again I didn’t drive but I can get you a cab. He then went on to give me a 5-minute lecture on how his car was super valuable and could not be left at this bar.

That was not enough. With Max wasted, Paul basically ordered me to show him my wallet and he saw that I have a driver’s license which I only have as a form of identification.

He said you can drive for sure and then we headed into a car with two other people that I know casually from the bars – Cleo (36) and Simon (28).

Simon was extremely anxious and worried and kept telling me to speed up and go faster and faster.

I kept it at the speed limit and just before the hospital there were two signals. At the first signal, the light was red for a long time – which means that the light is either broken or the road is closed.

Then one of them puked inside the car and Paul freaked out and with everything happening I got super anxious and had a panic attack and I just pressed down on the accelerator instead of hitting the brake and swerved the car right into the sidewalk/curb area.

We had to call the cops who wrote us tickets and fines (also some for overly intoxicated and disorderly conduct/public nuisance etc..) and I told them that I never drove and only did so because someone needed to go to the hospital. Simon ended up getting his stomach pumped. Not fun.

Paul has since insisted that I was the cause of the accident since I didn’t perform well under pressure even though I was sober. Max is still friends with him but no longer sees him and said I should not consider it. He started sharing my name and number in groups saying that I wrecked his car and his life because I am a child who cannot drive.

I made it clear from the beginning that I don’t drive.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“1. Get better friends 2. It’s okay to say “no”. You offered to get them a cab. You could and should have insisted on that. If his car is so valuable he probably shouldn’t get so overly intoxicated at a bar that he can’t drive it away from there.

Everyone’s the jerk. If you don’t feel you can drive safely then don’t drive. You did something unsafe and put people at risk because an overly intoxicated jerk pressured you. The thing about cars is that they can kill people. Do not get into the driver’s seat if you don’t feel you can drive it safely.

You’re a jerk for putting people at risk. You didn’t want to do that, but in the end, that’s what you did, because it was easier than saying “no”. Everyone else in this story is a jerk for acting utterly irresponsibly, and pressuring you into doing something you feel you can’t do safely.” boring_pants

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s the jerk. Paul shouldn’t have pressured you to drive after you said no. Inexperienced drivers and overly intoxicated passengers are a bad combination. Simon shouldn’t have had so much to drink. OP shouldn’t have given in to Paul against his better judgment.

That was, frankly, dangerously stupid. If there are fines and damages to be paid, OP should pay them, as he was the driver and did cause the accident.” InappropriateAccess

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s the jerk. No is a complete sentence. As soon as the hospital was mentioned you should have called an ambulance.

Forget Paul’s fancy car. It can be in the bar lot for a night. Also, this is just a curiosity. I live in CA, and here we have the option of a state ID, which has all the legal identification properties of a DL, minus the legal ability to drive.

Is this not an option where you live? And, sober or not, the accident was your fault. You are on the hook for damages and should sort that out with the police and Paul’s insurance.” R4eth

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1. AITJ For Holding The Door Open For A Disabled Woman Without Asking?

QI

“I (27m) was walking towards the door of my local YMCA this afternoon as a disabled woman (40s or so) in an electric wheelchair was coming up from another direction just behind me.

I reach the door first and pull it open to hold for her. As I turn around and greet her with a smile she looks at me pretty harshly and just says “you know, they make a button for that,” rolls her eyes, pushes the automatic door button, and insists I go ahead.

I know not everyone’s the same but is this typically seen as insulting? I wasn’t trying to be patronizing at all, I simply wanted to hold the door for a stranger which I regularly do for able-bodied people alike. Instead, I feel like a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Your instinct to get the door is fine, but there are a few things you need to consider: if it’s a double set of doors, the button needs to be pressed to open both inner and outer–now she’s got to navigate the other one herself.

If you’re standing inside the door bracing it open, now she needs to navigate it while trying NOT to hit you with any part of her chair. And if she needed help, she’s capable of using her voice to say “hey, could you grab that door for me?” Also, once the button is pushed the door generally stays open longer/closes slower and at a more predictable pace than a held door does.

As a disabled person who uses a mobility scooter–please don’t help unless I ask for it, ten to one you’re actually making things harder. Thanks for thinking of me, but please don’t.” UnhappyTemperature18

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. It’s not universally helpful to hold open doors for wheelchair users just because you intend it to be helpful.

You didn’t describe the situation in a way that we can be certain you either definitely were or definitely weren’t in her way blocking her from passing through the door. Also as far as I know it’s common for long-term wheelchair users to have experienced malicious people and/or clumsy “helpful” people holding a door open and then letting it fall shut with the wheelchair user halfway through.

It’s mildly insulting, but not personal, to assume you would do the same, or to generally trust a machine more than you when she has the option.” Blim4

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. It’s the fact you smiled and treated it as this important thing.

It’s often seen as condescending and “look at me, I did a good deed!” They shouldn’t have been rude, but as someone who has been that person, I know exactly why they reacted that way. Also, a person holding a door open, depending on the angle, means that some chairs can’t easily get past. In the future, it’s always better to ask whether they would like you to hold the door.” medievalqueer

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