People Blur The Lines Between Right And Wrong In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

In this riveting exploration of the human condition, we delve into a series of personal dilemmas that will leave you questioning your own moral compass. From confronting casual homophobia to navigating the complex terrain of grief, these real-life stories reveal the difficult choices we often face in our relationships. Whether it's standing up for a loved one, dealing with an overbearing family member or grappling with life-altering decisions, these stories will challenge your perceptions and provoke thought. So, are they the jerk? Read on and decide for yourself. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

20. AITJ For Watching The Last 10 Minutes Of My Movie Instead Of Paying Attention To My Partner?

QI

“So (M19) I love Saw! I love the movies and pretty much anything related to it. So every Tuesday I watch a Saw film because I just do, I never get bored of it whatsoever. Anyway, my partner (F20) likes to visit and most of the time I go to hers.

I go to hers, take her out for dinner, have a nice walk on the beach by her house and we go home and do “other stuff”.

This happened 2 days ago and my partner came over whilst I was watching Saw V (5). I paused the film obviously greeting her and offered to take her out but she said she felt like staying in.

So I ordered pizza. Whilst I was ordering on my phone I noticed she grabbed the remote and changed the channel so I just simply put the film back on.

She looked at me as if I committed murder and said “Umm what are you doing?

I’m trying to find us something to watch.”

I looked at her and said “Sorry but the movie I was watching is nearly over. Just got 10 minutes left of it then we can find something to watch together.”

“So what? You can watch the rest of it tomorrow.” She said as she tried grabbing the remote out of my hands.

At this point I just let her take it and let her change the channel. So after ordering the food I went to the kitchen and got us a can of soda. She doesn’t like drinking and quite frankly neither do I.

Whilst waiting for food she was trying to find a movie on Netflix, Disney +, or Amazon whilst I was on my phone watching the rest of my film with one wireless headphone bud in cause I lost the other one.

She saw what was I watching and threw a little fit.

“Are you serious? You can’t be bothered to wait to watch your stupid film tomorrow?”

I just told her it was 10 minutes left and that it’s no big deal before I explained to her what I do on Tuesdays.

Apparently, she doesn’t like horror stuff so she wanted me to turn off what I was watching and pay her attention. I said, “Sure, when it’s FINISHED!”

She then went on and on about how I don’t care about her and care more about some stupid gory films when that wasn’t true.

I do care about her with all my heart but I can’t deal with her if she is gonna act like this so I told her to knock it off and stop being a drama.

She called me a jerk for being inconsiderate and left.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ she’s being the inconsiderate one. I would’ve let my partner finish 10 mins of a movie he’d been watching, I would’ve also let him watch the last 10 mins on his phone while I was looking for movies to suggest.” WavesnMountains

Another User Comments:

“ESH. No more information needed you both are the jerks. What she did was inconsiderate, rude and unnecessary. She knows you’re a horror junkie and must have known it was your film night she could have waited the 10 minutes and was hypocritical when she said you were inconsiderate.

She was hypocritical yes, but, she was also correct. What you did was just as rude, childish, and unnecessary. You know that she hates horror films like many people do, so why shouldn’t she expect you to turn it off when she comes around? No, you weren’t justified because she was a jerk to you.

Frankly, if you have watched those films that much you must be able to recite them in your sleep so you could have missed 10 minutes. Neither of you has respect for the other’s boundaries and you both need to grow up.” crazicelt

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – She’s acting like a spoiled little kid. You only had 10 minutes left of the movie, she could’ve easily just waited for those few short minutes instead of creating a huge fight and ruining the night for both of you pretty much. She was unreasonable, selfish, and childish.

Red flags all the way.” Sinjury

3 points - Liked by LizzieTX, Eatonpenelope and anma7
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. is she always like this? I assume that you don't usually see her on a Tues if the saw thing is a weekly thing.... she's trying to assert her dominance REALLY... take a good long hard think about how she is in general cos you are too young to get bogged down like this
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19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Father's Funeral That My Sister Arranged Against His Wishes?

QI

“My father passed away this past weekend, and the time it took me to drive to his house (after receiving the news) was apparently enough time for my younger sister to commandeer control of the entire situation.

She had the fanciest funeral home in the area come to pick up his body, despite the fact that Dad NEVER would have wanted to be handled there (we are a working-class family).

He expressly told me at one point that he wanted to be handled by the same home that handled my grandparents. When I spoke with my sister, she said that the only reason she chose that home was because I was unavailable, and someone needed to make a decision quickly.

Ok. Fair point. I took a deep breath and just said we can discuss this in the morning.

I called the funeral home and set up an appointment to discuss my father’s arrangements. I then texted my sister the information and invited her to come with me to make the decisions together.

It is also important to note that my sister has been in and out of jail since she was a teenager. I want her to be involved, because I feel it would help her with her grief, but by no means should she be “the responsible party.

When I arrive to the funeral home, I am told that my sister had already met with a director, and that all arrangements had been made. Ok .. All they were waiting for was my signature as next of kin. My sister had signed a contract on some excessive stuff.

The kicker was she had paid for the funeral in full – which shocked the heck out of me because my sister is an ex-con addict, who has never been able to hold down a job.

So I finally get a hold of my sister, we meet up and talk about how she paid such a large sum at once.

She maxed out all of her credit cards and borrowed the rest from a few other people that I would consider “shady.” She immediately asks when I am going to pay my half.

I tell her, I had made plans to include her in the decision-making, but she opted to do her own thing.

Many of the services she agreed to were for her own closure, and not to honor our father’s wishes. I had also spoken with the other funeral home, which gave us an estimate of arrangements per my dad’s request – and told her that she would have paid a third of the cost elsewhere.

I tell her that I would pay that cost, but the remaining balance was on her, since this was all about her ego and ambition to control.

She puts up one of the biggest fits of rage I have ever seen in my life and demands that I pay her cash for what’s owed. I told her that there is no way that I am going to give an addict such a large sum of cash, but I would be happy to make a payment directly to the funeral home, and she could receive a refund from them.

Otherwise, I’d be happy to see her in court.

AITJ for refusing to pay her?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if you and your father had already planned everything, she had absolutely no right to take over and then expect you to pay. This is going to be blunt I’m sorry: he was dead, she didn’t have to rush and get the funeral home out there and then, he wasn’t going anywhere.

She could have waited a couple of hours until you got there or at least called you first to check if your father had discussed his wishes.” gingasmurf

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Had the same issue after my grandma died. My aunt made it an absolute pain for me and my dad.

We refused to pay anything because just the year before we had my grandma adjust her life insurance policy to cover funeral expenses only. Well, my aunt didn’t like that and went way over budget. Then acted like we were going to pay extra. Like nope not sorry either.

We had these plans made up a year ago when you chose not to be around and abandon your mother. We refused to help with any of the funeral planning after that.” Sad_Sherbet_7411

Another User Comments:

“My sister did something similar. My Dad had gone over the arrangements years before and had sat me down and discussed what he wanted. But by the time my flight had landed, my sister had already gone to the funeral home and had falsely represented herself as Designated Next of Kin.

She put in all sorts of changes. She couldn’t pay for it (thankfully). Her name wasn’t on my dad’s life insurance. I refused the changes because that wasn’t what Dad wanted. And I chewed out the funeral home. Surely they knew about slimy relatives!

My sister ranted and raged. She took it to all of our relatives. She made it look like I was the unreasonable one. I didn’t care. And yes, afterward she phoned me up and told me that Dad expected me to support her. The mere fact that she would dishonor my Dad in such a way caused something to shut down in my heart.

That was the day I went low contact. My life is significantly better for it. Hold firm. And go back to the funeral home and tell them she can’t pay for it. You are so very NTJ my dear. Honor your father, not her agenda.” LadyLightTravel

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and I wouldn't trust the "payment" your sister made to the funeral home any further than I could sling a Steinway, if I were you. She's an ex con - just how many credit cards can she have, to have "maxed out" for any amount close to what a funeral costs these days, especially with all the extras she added? And that she has friends who lend her large amounts of jerk? Yeah, pull the other leg - it plays "Jingle Bells". I'd bet much that if your sister paid, it was with credit cards and credit cards that the owners of those cards don't know she's using. She's pretending to pay to get you to reimburse her in jerk, which is why she had a fit when you said that you'd pay the funeral home and not reimburse her personally. Leopards don't change their spots, and your sister was planning on bilking you out of all the jerk she could until her perfidy becomes known.
On a completely different note, I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you're having to deal with your dreadful sister at such an awful time. Peace and comfort to you.
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18. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Partner While He's Sick Because I'm Grieving The Loss Of My Grandmother?

QI

“So I feel like a jerk but I also feel like I shouldn’t at the same time. My grandma died earlier this week and I’ve been going through it. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff including starting to clean out her apartment. My partner came down with a cold and doesn’t feel well.

He doesn’t have the flu, he doesn’t have a fever, he just has a cold. So yesterday I stayed and helped him out with letting the appliance repair man into his house, made sure the person did what they’re supposed to do. I stayed until the repair guy left, I didn’t make it to my grandma’s place until 2:00 pm and that’s ok because I agreed to help him out.

I made him tea, lemon water, soup and I made sure he had multiple water bottles near him before I left. I made sure he had everything he needed prior to me leaving so he could be comfortable.

I get back to his place last night and ask him how he’s feeling etc etc. He says he still feels sick and then asks me if I can stay with him tomorrow and take care of him.

I said I’m really sorry but I can’t because I have A LOT of stuff to do and I’m on a time crunch with the apartment.

He was visibly annoyed and I said I would take care of him and stay if I didn’t have all this stuff going on but I really gotta take care of stuff tomorrow.

He then says I would make him feel better if I stayed and he would get better faster if he didn’t have to get up and get himself things, which he has to do bc I’m gone during the day. I apologize once again and stand my ground; I say that I can’t stay.

So I get up this morning to get ready and head out to my grandma’s and he asks where I’m going, I say I have to get ready to go to my grandma’s house, he says of course you’re leaving me. I say can you please not do this and make me feel bad.

He says if you feel bad that’s on you, I can’t make you feel anything. He then asks me again if I can stay and that I have 12 more days left to clear and clean her apartment and that one day won’t hurt. Also my birthday is tomorrow so I wasn’t planning on working in her apartment.

I was planning on taking the day to myself. Now feel like a jerk because I can’t stay with my partner today and take care of him. So, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your partner is. Rethink this relationship. Really, what kind of person shames someone for leaving them home with a cold when they just lost their grandmother?

Stop apologizing. Do not feel bad, do not take care of him. You need to talk him down that his behavior is completely unacceptable. How dare he do this when you are grieving? So sorry for your loss. I am mad for you.” Dry_Alternative5239

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He has a man cold and can get over himself. You’re dealing with the aftermath of a tragic loss. Let’s not overlook that he’s actively working on manipulating your emotions to make you feel guilty on top of your current grief.

I can’t speak too much on your relationship but this feels like a major red flag to me.” brigid_bre

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner thinks his cold is more of a severe event than your grandmother’s death, then gaslights you (“I can’t make you feel anything, you did that!”) about having very understandable priorities.

He is honestly acting very immature (who can’t take care of themselves with a cold?) and entitled to your time, and obviously does not care about your feelings (since he basically said he can’t possibly be at fault for making you feel bad, only YOU can do that).

Doesn’t even sound like at any point he expressed sympathy or apologies for your loss. These are big red flags.” Schrute_Farms_BednB

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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helenh9653 3 months ago
HE HAS A COLD (not pneumonia, not even flu), which you are quite likely to catch. And if you do, it won't stop you from functioning, no matter how it seems to incapacitate him. Enjoy your day of relaxation before you have to go back to the real problem of dealing with the loss of your grandmother, and tell this whiny baby to get over it.
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17. AITJ For Discouraging My Friend's Teen Daughter From Marrying Young?

QI

“I (30f) have been married to my husband (33m) for 11 years now.

We met when I was 18 and got married barely a year later. I deeply love my husband and we have a happy marriage. But it wasn’t always so great. We got married too young and too fast. We didn’t get to know each other as deeply as we probably should have.

Things were hard and there were a few times when we nearly divorced. It took a few years of counseling to get us to where we are now. But if I could do it over again I probably would have delayed a few years to marry.

I do have some regrets.

Now, I have a friend, Amy, who has a 17-year-old daughter, Rose. Amy knows I got married very young but we’re not close so she didn’t know my story wasn’t one of sunshine and rainbows. She invited me to lunch the other day and Rose was there.

While eating she told me Rose was getting married. I was shocked and couldn’t respond right away. I was trying to think of a nice way to ask if Amy had lost her mind. (Where we live a parent must give a minor permission to get married) well I guess I looked a little too shocked because Amy prodded and said “isn’t that wonderful?” I tried to smile but it probably looked forced. I gave her my congratulations and just tried to move on to another topic.

But Amy wouldn’t let it go. She made a comment about how wonderful young love was and how Rose and her partner would have a happy marriage like mine. I was confused so I asked why she used my marriage as an example and not her own.

I was so surprised when Amy said I was proof getting married as a teen was a good thing.

Rose asked if that was true. I told her I was 18. I tried to keep my answer short. Rose asked what it was like and I answered her honestly and in detail.

I told her how hard it was, how I regretted not exploring the world and myself. I told her it’s difficult to be married when you’re not even really sure how to be an adult.

Y’all, things got out of hand!! Rose exploded at Amy screaming about how she doesn’t want to get married and stormed out of the restaurant.

Amy screamed at me for poisoning her daughter and telling her not to get married especially since she’s pregnant. I didn’t know she was or that that was the reason Rose was getting married. She walked out before I could even say anything. Now I’m getting hateful nasty messages from Amy’s family and from Rose’s partner’s family about how I ruined them and am the reason Rose is an unwed teenage mother.

I’m really thrown by this. On one hand, I feel bad for being the reason all this trouble started. But on the other hand, I was asked about my experience and I was honest. And honestly, I don’t think she should get married just because she’s a teen mom.

If I had known she was pregnant I probably would have said something about how adding motherhood into the mix didn’t magically make my marriage better.

I don’t think I did anything wrong, but maybe I’m blind to it because so many people are sooooo mad.

AITJ??”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did the right thing. In the end, that’s all that matters. They asked and you kept it real and you even avoided doing it at first. I can’t find any fault here. I would also wager that the girl might reach out to you sometime in the far future and give you thanks for what you did.

It’s obvious the young woman already had reservations about getting married to begin with and her family only really cares about their reputation, the young woman be darned. Outstanding!” dsegura90

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They cornered you and wanted affirmation that getting married as a teen was amazing and wonderful… without ever confirming that it was.

They asked, you answered – and they didn’t like the answer. Painting YOU as the problem here is not right. I am guessing the parent pushed her to get married due to pregnancy, and wanted you to ‘assist’ in saying that it’s awesome.” DixOut-4-Harambe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, Rose’s family and her partner’s family are though. The biggest mistake she could make is getting married because she is pregnant. While it could possibly work out chances are they would be divorced in a few years and miserable with each other.

If they care for and love each other it won’t matter if they wait until they are older to decide if they want to get married.” 1976Raven

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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Crazycatlady81 2 months ago
NTJ. You're not responsible for other's actions or reactions. You were not prepared for nor given the full scenario of what was being asked of you. Sounds like the two families just don't want their "precious children" to be seen and talked about negatively by being unwed parents and that of course will make THEM look bad. Rose obviously didn't want to marry based on her reaction and was being forced by her mother. Block every number that sends you a harassing text. You owe no explanations and NO apologies. You spoke your truth and probably saved a young couple years of heartache. It's a lot harder to walk away from a relationship that doesn't work out when you're married. Let the expecting couple figure things out on their own so that when THEY are ready, THEY can decide whether to marry or separate. They can still be amazing parents whether or not they are married. You did the right thing and I hope Rose reaches out to you if she has anymore questions about her relationship.
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16. AITJ For Wanting To Ask My Overbearing Mother To Leave While I'm Grieving My Husband's Death?

QI

“My husband died a week and a half ago. He worked nights. Never mentioned anything about feeling unwell the night of his death.

At 5 AM, the police showed up to tell me he had died at his desk at work.

The first people I called were his brothers and mother, then my mother. She lives 2 hrs away. I don’t have any siblings and like 2 friends. I asked her to just come. I didn’t know who to call. My first time going through something so traumatic.

His death was a shock. I didn’t wanna be alone. She grabbed some clothes. Drove all the way here. Arrived at 7 AM.

I live with two chronic illnesses that make me tired all the time. Something my husband always respected and never made me feel bad for.

A month before his death, my husband was more tired than usual. It wasn’t unusual for him. He had trouble sleeping sometimes.

Our house became messy. We often did clean up on weekends.

My toilet broke last week. It flushes but not as well as it used to.

It’s one of those eco-toilets. My husband and I had the habit of flushing twice and that was it.

My mother, who came when I asked her to, has been complaining about everything.

I’m still grieving. I cry 5 times a day. It’s still fresh. But her presence has been detrimental to my mental health.

My husband’s family has been nothing but supportive of my grief. They’re very gentle with me. They take me out to restaurants. Ask me how I’m doing often.

My mother on the other hand: When I express sadness, I’m told that life goes on, that this is life, things happen.

I have lots of life left. Then, she recounts over and over about her own experience with grief from her partner who died 13 years ago. Doesn’t listen just talks and talks.

She also complains all the time about the way I talk, the amount of swearing I do in a day, what I eat, where I dispose of my Kleenex after crying.

It’s nonstop.

Just now she complained about the toilet not flushing properly and became angry when I told her I wasn’t ready to deal with it. All because a small piece of poop kept floating and didn’t wanna flush after 2 tries.

Usually, my husband and I just left it there and waited for it to flush on its own.

But she got very mad when I told her our way of dealing with it.

Since my husband’s passing, I’ve been pushed by her to do things I wasn’t ready to do but did anyway seeing as my personal boundaries weren’t respected. Like talking about finances, insurance, and selling his belongings.

If I’m not ready, I’m told I NEED to be ready, it’s for my own good.

Her way or the highway. I just obliged. I’m a mess.

I’m 43. My mother is still telling me what to eat, how to talk, how to do this and that, and if I explain that I’m my own adult, she rolls her eyes at me.

I’m glad she’s here. I’m not alone. My husband left a hole in my life, but I think I’d rather be alone and depressed than deal with her way of treating me and judging my life.

WIBTJ if I asked her to leave?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ grieve how you want. Kick her out, give her a chance you’ve got a right to change your mind. It does sound like you have a lot to deal with though, I hope you might talk to a therapist if it gets worse and not better.

Take care of yourself first. Help other people when you are in a better place and have the energy to give. When the plane is in trouble you put on your oxygen mask first.” bawbness

Another User Comments:

“Oh no no no. I’m so sorry for your loss.

And for your dealing with this, but you don’t have to. Your mother needs to LEAVE, yesterday. She’s not respecting you or letting you grieve in the way you’d want (in fact, you don’t even know what you’d want as she is trampling all over you).

Dig your heels in. Don’t sell his belongings until or unless you, of your own accord, decide to do it. And so on. If you let your mother stay (something I do NOT recommend!): If your mother wants the house cleaned (NOT anything removed, just cleaned), tell her she can clean it.

Point out where the vacuum and cleaning supplies are. If she wants the toilet fixed, tell her she can hire someone to fix it you’re not stopping her. BUT, if she wants to criticize you or tell you how you should feel or what you should do (anything with “should” in it) tell her you do not want to hear it and it’s not helpful and she can stop talking now.

It’s actually YOUR way or the highway, and she should really take it back home. “Thanks for coming, Mom, but you’re actually stressing me out worse and I need to grieve in my own way now so I think it’s best if you went home now.” NTJ at all to ask her to leave.

Take care of yourself!” ParsimoniousSalad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But before you ask her to leave, do you have another support system in place? Make sure there’s something. Or can you just share how she’s not helping? Tell her what you need and remind her that grief is on its own time and different for everyone.

Especially unexpected death. I am so sorry for what you’re going through.” crackersucker2

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ, and give Mom the boot if she's more hindrance than help. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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15. AITJ For Not Letting My Racist Sister Meet My Child?

QI

“I haven’t let my sister meet my two-month-old and I haven’t spoken to her in eight months.

When I first told her that I was going to have a child and would be marrying my partner, the first words out of her mouth were: “I’m not saying this to be mean, but you know your kid will be a ‘minority’, right?” She used actual air quotes.

I’m white and my spouse isn’t, so no duh. I just played it off as I had taken her to lunch to tell her the news and didn’t want to just walk out, but I texted what she had said to my partner immediately. Throughout the rest of our meal she kept on making disparaging comments about our decisions including “Well, I guess it will be good to get your first marriage out of the way”.

It might be relevant that she’s a divorced mother of one.

After leaving I called my mother and asked her what was wrong with her daughter. She tried to play it off as just an odd thing to say, that I shouldn’t be offended by it, and kept making excuses for her.

I should have stopped speaking to my sister then, but it took a few more negative interactions and finally a since-removed racist TikTok video before I finally blocked her on all channels.

But I’ve been continually offended, everything my sister has said is condescending and I know that my sister is racist. Not just from this interaction, but she’s always made a big deal about only being with white men and how not white men are “dirty” and will treat their partners poorly because of cultural differences.

Anyway, yesterday I learned that my sister will be going to the same Thanksgiving celebration that I, my spouse, and child will be attending. I will not be changing my plans, as I haven’t seen this side of the family in over five years. I don’t plan on letting my sister hold my child and if she asks why I’ll tell her plainly, “You’re racist. You don’t respect my partner or relationship and it’s my job as a parent to protect my child from that”.

My partner, while not agreeing with my decision to not have any involvement with my sister, has respected my choice and as such she was not invited to our baby shower and wasn’t told when the baby was born. My partner is very family-oriented and thinks that my sister should be forgiven (and her racism entirely overlooked) for the sake of our child’s relationship with my sister.

Idk, my spouse and parents think I’m being too critical but I think I’m doing my job of protecting my kid, so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you are protecting your child, husband, and self from a racist. Nothing wrong with that. If she wasn’t your sister no one would think twice about you cutting contact.

I wonder if she is also angry that your relationship is disproving her own beliefs about relationships. She has a failed marriage (presumably with someone of the same race) and is convinced that, if her one didn’t work, your one definitely won’t. The fact that you are still together must be both baffling and galling to her at the same time.” VoltesVoltron

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your partner is family-oriented and may not fully understand that her racism is more important to her than family. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this during holidays that are supposed to be cheery. Protect your family, don’t let anyone hold your baby unless you want to, and being clear about the reasons why is your right.” pinkyhc

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I can imagine your husband wants to give your awful sister a chance to prove she’s wrong but you don’t have to tolerate racist behavior and neither should he in the name of family or anything else! This is your child and you will do your best to protect her.

Keep your spine shiny mama, you can’t choose your siblings but if she can’t respect you then you don’t have to allow her in your life.” [deleted]

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ..... keep your mama bear instincts on guard mamma... cos i am telling you your baby will get passed round to everyone INCLUDING her... cos well your in public or with family and won't make a scene... does she say this to your partner directly? Or is it just at you ? Her child will also grow up racist and why should yourchild be subjected to them
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14. AITJ For Leaving Family Christmas Early Due To Homophobic Comments?

QI

“I’m a lesbian. I was at family Christmas and my family was talking about my auntie’s boss at work, who had tried to get people to work on Christmas. I asked if she had family, a husband or wife perhaps?

I was asking because I couldn’t imagine someone with a partner wanting to go to the office on Christmas day. I really didn’t give a second thought about the “or wife” part of my comment.

Anyway my uncle complained I had to “make it gay” and the way I was talking was “political correctness gone mad” and a couple of my older family members backed him up in a “kids these days” way…

I stepped out shortly after for some air without telling anyone.

I felt stressed because I realized a lot of my family was acting pretty bigoted… And I’d been thinking of coming out to my extended family that night; my parents and sister know but nobody else does.

But I’d thought this was a good time to because I’m now in a long-term relationship with a wonderful woman, I was thinking that if we’re gonna be in each other’s lives for hopefully the long haul, it wouldn’t be fair to her to keep that a secret from my family.

But… After that, I felt it wasn’t going to be a good idea. And standing out on the porch, I realized I just didn’t want to be here. It was an obligation. So I left.

I saw a few texts from my mom asking where I was at and I replied to say I had headed out early, the homophobia going on wasn’t my vibe so I was out

I was trying to be kinda lighthearted because I didn’t want to admit how much I was feeling upset. But my mom read my texts not as reassuring but as disrespectful and flippant. She said that it was awfully rude of me to leave before the gift exchange game (which needs a matching number of gifts and players to work) and not tell anyone based on ‘vibes.’

I texted back to say “sorry I was a little flippant but honestly I wasn’t feeling good about being there so I left, I wanted to tell the family about (partner) and me, but after the stuff everyone was saying.. nope.”

My mom texted me back to say that I can’t talk about that stuff in front of grandma, who’s from a different time.

I got frustrated with her and texted back that they had gays in grandma’s time too even if they pretended not to.

My mom was asking me to come back and I said that I’m down to come by if the homophobia is dealt with first, but honestly I wasn’t sure that kinda stuff could be dealt with in one night… So let me know if it is, but otherwise I was out.

I also decided… Forget it, I’m making this stuff public, I’m not spending any more time worrying about what the right way to show my family is. Because maybe there is no right way if they aren’t accepting. So I changed my social media and WhatsApp profile pictures to a couple’s photo with my partner.

(My family mainly uses WhatsApp to text and I have them all on social media)

AITJ for leaving so suddenly?”

Another User Comments:

“You are NOT, NOT NOT a jerk! Listen, I am a Grandma, and old. I’m proud to be old and not a bigot!

Being of a different generation is no excuse. Without discussion, or coming out, my family member who is LGBQ+ never had to be anyone except who she is. We (as a family) LOVE her as she is, and won’t change anything about her. I am tired of older people being excused because of their age, or what was the norm when they were young.

I bet they use smartphones, so they can change. and learn. Show off your girl and be proud.” RobinsRoads05

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I know it’s not the way you wanted to do it, but congratulations on making your relationship public where your bigoted extended family can see.

Enjoy your beautiful life with your partner and don’t let anyone make it seem like your feelings don’t matter. Disrespect should not be tolerated, whether they knew you were a lesbian or not!” DisneyAddict2021

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: you managed that situation like a pro.

And with the patience of a saint. Trust me, getting back would have been a high risk of getting triggered enough to coming out in anger. Your mom’s support for you failed that night. (That doesn’t make her a bad person, just another human being with flaws) still, that’s another conversation that will require a cold head.

Sorry you have to experience this stuff.” Deux_Ex_Machina-

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... mom is though, if the extended family can't see past your sexuality then screw them
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13. AITJ For Defending My Hard Work After My Mom Takes Credit For My Success?

QI

“I paid for everything when I was in college. Car, insurance, phone, food, rent, textbooks, remaining tuition – everything. I applied for every grant and scholarship possible. I worked during school to pay off balances and worked my butt off during summer breaks to save for the upcoming school year.

I graduated with honors and a remaining balance of 10k in student loans I took out to cover what I couldn’t pay. I lost a 4K grant because my stepmom wouldn’t submit a w2 (she’s a jerk and not relevant). I had the grant $ and tuition cleared but it was rescinded due to incomplete paperwork – I had to pay or leave school.

I called my bio mom stressed out that I’d lose a semester and asked for a loan because I couldn’t make the 1 week deadline. She refused at first but then said ok but with a 25% interest rate, which I declined. She told me to figure it out.

I applied for a credit card and put the 4K on it to add to my monthly expenses.

I’m proud that I paid for the majority of my school and only had a 10k balance. My bio mom and stepdad told me after I graduated that they were going to pay the remaining balance – which I was so thankful for and I thanked them repeatedly.

My older stepsister went to a really expensive school and left an 80k loan – never worked. My older bio sister went to 3 different expensive schools, didn’t work, and never graduated but they paid hers.

Before I started school, I was told I was on my own so I wasn’t expecting it.

I was proud of how hard I worked and told them they didn’t need to pay it but they insisted. Again, I was really thankful.

This is where I may be the jerk. I graduated 15 years ago. I have a stable career and am very independent.

My mom said it’s because SHE paid for my school that I have what I have today. Every year, she brings it up. This year, I said “you know, I worked really hard not only during school but also in my career to get where I am.

I paid a lot on my own.” She got really angry and said I was ungrateful for them paying for my college. I said I was very grateful that they paid the remaining balance and I wished she realized how much I worked to get the balance down and I could have had an 80k balance like my stepsister.

Idk I think hearing it every year for 15 years finally got to me. I set myself up for success at my job but it feels like she takes the credit. Now I feel ungrateful and petty and just want to give her 10k back.

AITJ for saying that to my mom and acting ungrateful?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you did pay for it yourself. They came in after it was all done and helped pay off the balance. Done. Holding it over your head for 15 years is narcissistic and toxic. YOU worked your butt off to pay for school, do well, and succeed in your career.

That’s yours, she’s trying to take it as hers. Nope. Just because you share DNA with someone does not mean you are chained to them. You are allowed to cut out toxic people, regardless of familial ties.” TCTX73

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The same mother who first wanted to charge 25% interest on a loan to finish school?

Is this even real behavior? Honestly, I would pay the full amount back. She’ll probably object to being paid back (because that takes away her imagined leverage) to which you can simply point out the many times she’s brought it up. Tell her you don’t want money to come between you and her.

Take that high road and enjoy the view.” B_S_C

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your mom is a massive jerk for trying to guilt you all your life long for her relatively small contribution to your educational funds. If you can save up 10k to pay back, she’ll have no excuse to open her mouth about it again.

Failing that, from now on set firm boundaries every time she brings it up and state that you are finished discussing this topic, end of story. Lather rinse & repeat until it is done in. Be like a broken record if that’s what it takes.” notrapunzel

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ, especially after 15 years of hearing bio mom spout the same lies. Honestly, I don't know why you have anything to do with either of your moms; they both sound excruciating. You'll never get any acknowledgement of your achievements and how hard you worked to do everything on your own, so stop expecting any. Both moms are narcissistic, gaslighting tw@ts who don't deserve the time of day from you. Go on and boot them both out of your life, and remember that living well is the best revenge. So live well.
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12. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad's Casual Homophobia In Front Of My Kids?

“So, my spouse and I recently adopted my 4 nieces and nephews. We go to my parents’ house almost every weekend for dinner so they can be involved grandparents.

I have a small problem with my parents’ tendency to be a tad casually homophobic. Not in a hateful way, but in a “being gay is the punchline of the joke” kind of way.

The “I guess your cousin isn’t bisexual anymore since she’s married to a man” kind of way. The “if a guy has long hair he’s a fruit” kind of way. My father has on several occasions told my oldest (14M) that he’s gay or “fruity” for needing a hairband during sports or for putting his hair up in a ponytail once just to see what it would like look.

It’s ignorance more so than hatred but they have no interest in learning to do better. So much so that I, as a bisexual woman, have never said anything to my parents about my sexuality or the women I’ve been with because I don’t feel safe doing so and don’t care to become the punchline of jokes.

Well, we were over for dinner the other night and my youngest (3M) asked my dad if they could watch Barbie Dream House. To which my dad responded, “no, little boys don’t like that crap”. I, having had it with their casual homophobia and aggressive gendering of my children, replied “little boys can like whatever they want”.

A little while later, my 3yo asks again, and again. My dad tells him he doesn’t actually want to watch it because boys don’t like things like that, so I calmly said “if we could tone down the aggressive gender stereotyping and casual homophobia around my kids, that would be great.”

This happened about a week ago and my mom came over today to lecture me about it. She came up with some excuse about me not knowing the context of the conversation (even though I was sitting right there) and said I was making baseless and hurtful accusations.

That I should know better than anyone that my father is not homophobic.

She says that if I felt like it was a problem, I should have taken him aside and discussed it quietly rather than calling him out in front of the kids and making them think he’s homophobic.

I feel like it’s important to demonstrate to my kids that they shouldn’t be afraid to call out ignorance no matter who it is coming from.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is absolutely your right and responsibility to call out your father for his homophobic and gender stereotyping as it happens.

Furthermore, I think it’s fantastic that you’re doing it in front of your kids. It’ll give them the courage to be able to call it out when they see the same behavior from others and let them know you have their backs regardless of any gender or sexuality questions or issues that may arise in the future.” NUT-me-SHELL

Another User Comments:

“I don’t understand your consistent downplaying of how straight-up (not casually, not harmlessly, not jokingly) homophobic your parents are. Their “jokes” and comments are detrimental, and your kids shouldn’t be constantly exposed to that. If I were you I would actually put my foot down more forcefully – no more homophobic nonsense or no more dinners.

NTJ, it’s good you’ve said something – but back it up with actions.” UsefulCauliflower3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for the comment to your dad. Keep on protecting those kids. But YTJ for not doing more already: why take them every week to see your parents given the issues outlined?

Instead do discuss with your dad and set a hard line. Comments like that mean you won’t be there the following week or two. and then increase penalties until they get the message or you effectively have gone LC. You have 4 kids, so there’s no bad odds that one of them is gay/bi although they may be too young now to know.

But these comments will stay with them for years.” TwoCentsPsychologist

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... personally i would keep putting him straight or not go over as k7ch when they ask why tell them straight... well dad's 'jokes' ain't funny and if the kids repeat such stuff in school they could get into trouble.. you know cos it could be seen as homophobic
1 Reply

11. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Display Photos Of My Wife And Me In Her Home?

QI

“My older brother and I have had a rocky friendship since I was little. He always acted as if he needed to be “one step ahead of me” in life since he’s the older brother. There’s a 7-year difference between us.

After graduating high school in 2017, I left home to be a Peace Corps volunteer.

I returned to my hometown and began school at the local community college at the beginning of this year.

While I was away, my long-term partner and I had been talking about getting married once I got home. My brother stopped talking to me for a while when he heard this.

I guess he was mad that his little bro was going to get married before him.

Two months before I came home, he surprised my whole family and announced that he and this on-again-off-again partner had gotten engaged and were getting married in a year.

They then decided to have a shotgun wedding two weeks before I came home. I was kind of sad that my brother wasn’t willing to just wait two more weeks until I got home, but he came up with an excuse that they were the easiest dates for some family members of his fiancée to make it back east (we’re from Georgia) for the ceremony.

Anyway, fast forward six months after my brother’s wedding, and my partner and I got married too. My brother was just about to start graduate school on the West Coast, and he told everyone that he had to “ditch town” to sign the lease on their new apartment.

He didn’t attend my wedding.

Six months after my wedding, my brother and his wife end up getting a divorce. This was hard news for everyone in my family. The divorce was especially hard on our mom. She took down the big group family picture/mural of all of us that was hanging in the family room as well as any pictures of my brother with his wife.

She left untouched any individual pictures of my other siblings with their spouses and children.

For some reason, my mom never even bothered to put up any pictures of my wife and me after we got married, and now says that she can’t put up our pictures because it would make my brother sad to look at.

She says it would only be a reminder to him of where he wants to be and what he doesn’t have anymore.

It’s been more than a year since my brother got divorced, and there’s still not even a single picture of my wife in my parent’s home.

My mom says that she has to “balance the joy of one child with the despair of another.” If my brother lived nearby and visited often I would kind of understand this, but he lives on the other side of the country and never comes home, in contrast to my wife and I who come to visit my parents every week.

My wife is starting to feel as if she’s not welcome as a part of the family. AITJ for wanting my mom to put up pictures of my wife and me in their home next to the photos of my other siblings and their spouses, at least when my brother is not in the state?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ask your mother why photos of your siblings’ spouses are okay but photos of your wife are not. Then ask her if she cares that she’s making your wife feel singled out and unwelcome. (And if she brings up that despair/joy nonsense, point out that it’s hard to be joyful when your wife is being singularly excluded from the family.) If you don’t like her answers, let her know that you will not continue subjecting your wife to this exclusion on a regular basis, so you will be visiting much less.” DinaFelice

Another User Comments:

“She has pictures up with your other siblings and their spouses, why doesn’t the same rule of “not wanting to make your brother sad” apply to them as well? It should not matter even if your brother lived next door, if she has up pictures of her kids and their spouses then yours should be there too.

Your brother has some serious jealousy issues and your mother is enabling him instead of telling him to grow up/picking favorites. I strongly suggest you visit less …much less. You and your wife don’t deserve that type of treatment. NTJ.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom’s a jerk who coddled and enabled your brother into a full-blown issue. If a picture upsets your brother so much, I guess your mom doesn’t want you two around for holidays and events where he might see you with your wife.

Is her whole life going to be divided by eras? B.D. (before divorce) vs. A.D. (after divorce)? And because your milestones occurred in A.D. they’re never to be acknowledged or celebrated? What happens if you have kids? Will she never utter their names?

Refuse all photos? Pretend they don’t exist? Where does it end? This sounds like a typical golden child/scapegoat dynamic. I’d give her one last chance – an ultimatum to quit her nonsense immediately or you’ll stop engaging with her altogether. Allowing them to erase your wife/marriage to assuage his feelings is unconscionable.” JaneIre

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rbleah 4 months ago
You and your wife should JUST STOP GOING OVER and WHEN she calls to whine at you about it tell her...UNTIL SHE STARTS TREATING YOU AND YOUR WIFE LIKE FAMILY then you will no longer treat THEM like family. THEN GO NO CONTACT. PUT THEM IN TIME OUT.
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10. AITJ For Not Telling My Family I'm Dying And Leaving My Pregnant Sister To Raise Her Baby Alone?

QI

“I (21F) have been suffering from chronic illnesses for a very long time. I have been ill since childhood and I was never able to get at least a partial diagnosis until I was 20 as my family always told me I was a liar.

In the year 2019, I had almost gone to the ER because of my heart and honestly this just gave me a wake-up call that I don’t have much time left. It doesn’t bother me and I honestly don’t care if I will pass on.

My sister is pregnant (F16) and honestly this has caused a lot of uproar in my family.

Well, my family soon got over their uproar and she is gonna give birth in a few weeks and things have been interesting to say the least as my family is more excited for the birth than anything else. Honestly, it is expected I will take care of said baby mainly due to my sister’s immaturity and my parents’ immaturity as well.

My uncle and even my grandparents have said that they already know where this is gonna go and they feel upset for me as I am a college student and shouldn’t put down my life because of other people’s issues. I do like children, but this isn’t my responsibility.

However, due to circumstances, I am financially dependent on my family, but at the same time, my body is giving out.

If I am honest, going to school and trying my best to manage not only my physical but my mental health has been straining.

My family’s toxic cycles I refuse to feed anymore. They can happily turn a blind eye and pretend I don’t matter. I have chronic anemia and vitamin deficiencies they know about but they do not know about anything else. They have no idea that I am dying and I will not tell them.

The reason why I did this is because they did not want to take responsibility for themselves and didn’t really care to listen to me when I tried to tell them what was going on in my life. They honestly have used me as a buffer for their problems and all of their other tirades as soon as I could talk.

Even other family members and my close friends know this and it’s painful.

My sister having this baby has put pressure on me as I have been acting as a mother to her since my mother moved to another city to go be with her affair partner in another state while my sister and I are with her dad.

I feel like I am being forced to become a mother again with this baby being born but I know I’m not going to last that long considering the circumstances but it is out of my hands. I created a will and basically any money that is in my account goes to my sister’s baby and my grandma.

In my will, I explained why I didn’t tell them of my impending death. I think I’m justified because at the end of the day I just don’t want to bear with them much longer and I just want to be free.

So AITJ for letting my family find out about my death suddenly and potentially leaving my sister to raise her baby?

I feel like I may be the jerk for not telling them but what do you think?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think you need to sit down with your sister to tell her the following: I will not always be around to help you with this or any other child you have.

I expect you to take parenting classes to build skills, apply for public assistance to offset costs, and to work on a long-term plan. You’re not spilling the beans on your condition but you’re giving her notice to start making plans.” Flat_Contribution707

Another User Comments:

“NTJ It’s your life, live it how you want to. My friend’s mother (who passed away last year) always followed the saying “I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” So do things you want to do, do them because you can, and don’t listen to anyone who says you should not do it/should do something else.

Your sister’s baby is not your responsibility. If no one can take care of her baby then she should put it up for adoption, not force it on you. I’m sorry to hear about your illness and how you will likely be passing soon.” Chapter97

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Could you move out to live with your grandma before this baby is born? The strain of caring for the baby could hasten your death and your sister needs to learn to care for her child without relying so heavily on you.

Also, if you leave money to the baby, it will be spent by your sister and parents before the baby ever reaches 18. If you had enough money to create a Trust, you could protect your money, but that doesn’t sound like it’s the case.” teresajs

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ, and don't do one single thing for your sister. She has the attention of the whole family - she doesn't need your help or support as she's got everyone so entranced with the coming baby that she's just basking in all the attention. If you want to do anything for your sister or her child, leave something in the will in a trust for the baby's education, but nothing else for the rest of the family, and don't tell them anything about your imminent demise. I hate to say this, but they probably won't believe you anyway, were you to tell them. I'm sorry for your trouble and wish you a peaceful life and an equally peaceful end to it.
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9. AITJ For Reporting A Coworker Who Made Me Uncomfortable Despite His Mental Health Issues?

QI

“I (22F) recently started my new job a month ago. It is on a rotating 12-hour shift work schedule (important to know for the whole story) and is in a STEM field in which most of my coworkers are male.

Which isn’t a big deal to me, but I wasn’t prepared for this experience. I had met everyone in my department rather quickly, and they were all very chill. And I am still in the training process with someone who has been employed here for a couple of years.

This past weekend we were on dayshift, and someone who works in another building (but on our same crew) introduced themselves to me. Let’s call him K. He is 6’5, probably 300+ pounds, 60+ years old, and a former soldier. He is terrifying to be around due to his stature.

At first, I thought he was being friendly as he told me he wanted to get to know me and be friends. I was cool with it cause he’s been there awhile and could teach me about the job. But not even an hour after the first conversation, he approaches me again (while I’m alone) and asks if I want to have lunch with him.

I thought it was weird because we had just met. I declined.

I tell my trainer about this to see if this guy is super friendly with everyone, and he told me he and K hadn’t interacted much since my trainer had been there.

During this same shift, K comes back into my building, approaches me sitting at my desk and kneels down to talk to me for like 20 minutes. He talked to me about how he likes to only be friends with just girls, and said he likes to attend pride parades, but made sure to tell me that he isn’t gay himself.

Again, a strange interaction to have out of nowhere. He also asked if I was married, which should have been obvious as I always wear my wedding band to work. Again, I tell my trainer all of this and he agrees that it is an uncomfortable situation.

Two days later, I’m on night shift and show up for work at 6:00 PM. K is a dayshift-only worker, and should have left at 5:30. When I walk in, he’s waiting on me and tells me he’s been waiting since he got off shift to see me.

That was the final straw for me. Cause who would willingly spend extra time at work to see someone they barely know? My trainer and I discussed it and decided to report K to our boss.

I think it was the right thing to do because K was making me highly uncomfortable.

But then again, not long after we reported him, we found out through another coworker that K has mental health issues due to his time in the service. So, I felt like I perhaps should have approached K myself and told him that he was making me uncomfortable.

I feel like I jumped the gun on my judgment of him before I had the whole story.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Mental health issues or not, his behavior was not appropriate, especially in the workplace. He was making you uncomfortable, and you shouldn’t have to accommodate him so that he can feel better or okay.

It’s also okay if you didn’t feel comfortable approaching him to have that conversation. Your gut was probably telling you not to do it for a reason. He could be harmless, sure. But it’s best not to put yourself in that situation and find out that he’s not.” scatticus_finch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Reading this threw up so many red flags in my mind. Mental health issues or not. There was no knowledge of him behaving like this with others. That is alarming. That tells me that he is not usually like this. Why is he doing this just to you?

I think you did the right thing. Let the management deal with it.” XaryenMaelstrom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Do not talk to him alone. That is going to be putting your safety at risk. Regardless of him having mental health his behaviour is inappropriate and clearly making you uncomfortable.

It’s also at the point where your trainer was concerned. The appropriate thing was to tell your boss ASAP. You need to start keeping a record of every time he talks to you. You need to not give out too many details about your life, be vague.

Be polite and be firm about not discussing things with him.” Pineapple_Wagon

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ, and please go to K's boss, your boss, HR, your boss's boss, EVERYONE needs to know what's going on because harassing you to the point of making you uncomfortable is ILLEGAL! And any boss worth their salt knows this, so you're not out of line in the slightest for keeping yourself safe Also, any physically imposing male harassing a female is completely inappropriate, and K doesn't get a pass because he has PTSD. If he does, and it's that badly controlled, he needs to find another job. But I have a sneaking suspicion that K only has PTSD when he gets caught doing something he knows he shouldn't, and plays that card to escape the consequences. I would be at HR's door any time K does anything that makes you the least bit uncomfortable, and document each and every time he harasses you and report it to absolutely everyone. If the powers that be continue to ignore your problem, you might want to consult an attorney and see what your options are. If the attorney were to call them out for their behaviour and remind them that they could be looking at a VERY expensive lawsuit (these are federal laws that are applicable here, and the fines can be staggering) I bet K gets a very small paycheck and a very big boot out the door. Please, PLEASE don't let this go. That man could turn violent and as big as he is, you'd be lucky to escape him unscathed. Good luck.
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8. AITJ For Considering Reporting My Interim Manager For Disregarding My Disability?

QI

“I (19F) work at a fast-food Chinese restaurant with a mascot that eats a lot of bamboo.

I have what’s often called an “invisible disability” because it’s not plain to see just from looking at me. Because of this, my normal manager and I came up with a plan to let me do my job without hurting myself, which includes a very short list of tasks I’m not supposed to do.

It’s 1 thing I can’t do and 2 things I shouldn’t.

My normal manager went on leave for a bit, and the person who took her place is a very hard woman to work with. Today she asked me to do the one task I absolutely can’t do and when I told her that I wasn’t allowed to do that task because I’m disabled, she said I could do it and it would be fine.

After I reaffirmed that I could get hurt, she said

“I saw you walk in here today, are you saying you can do that but you can’t ______?”

I didn’t want to be a jerk and run straight to reporting her, so I asked if she and I could talk.

I explained that her comment was offensive, it invalidated my experience as a disabled person, and I was upset by it. She said I should’ve just answered the question and not been so rude about it. At the end I asked her to apologize and she didn’t.

The dilemma here is that this fast food company is very good to its employees. A while back when I had to report a superior for inappropriate behavior towards me and many of my co-workers, the company had him fired within the week. I would feel really bad if I got her fired, and I also kind of don’t want to be known as the one who reports every manager.

So WIBTJ if I reported her comment?

Edit: forgot to add that the rest of the night she kept saying “oh, so you can do (insert task) but you couldn’t do what I asked you?” every time I did something.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – if your usual manager will be back soon, report it to them.

Document it thoroughly now, though. Do you have any of the agreement in writing, anything on file you could show the interim manager? Is there an HR department you could refer it to? If she’s going to create a hostile situation, you need to be ahead of it as straight-up and professionally as possible.

Don’t let her bait you into an argument or yelling.” thegloracle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. People who don’t take ADA compliance seriously need to be taught to do so, even if it’s just for the benefit of the company, so they don’t get sued out of existence.

You don’t do yourself, or any other person she encounters in the future, any favors by not reporting inappropriate behaviors. Remember, you don’t “get people fired” by reporting inappropriate behaviors, you are letting them get themselves fired.” bloodfeier

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but this is a good case for treading gently, especially if you don’t want to get her in trouble.

It sounds like your normal manager understands what you can and can’t do, so maybe talk to her about getting together as a group so you can discuss what the limitations are, and so forth. And maybe ask that the other manager remind the rude one about EOE and ADA laws that she violated by the behavior she exhibited?

It’s likely to be tense for a while, but it is behavior that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, and if not because of you, she will probably get in trouble for doing something like that to someone else.” CatPhDs

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ, and despite what others might think, you are not the one who needs to "tread lightly". You have an acknowledged disability for which your employer made accommodation. You need to tell this interim manager that, and if she has a problem with it, the two of you need to go to HER boss and discuss it - immediately. It's against federal law to discriminate against someone with a disability by refusing to acknowledge it, and to require them to do tasks for which they have an accommodation. Some people are fine with it once they understand their responsibilities, some have to be hit over the head with it and your interim manager sounds like the latter. Either way, your employer could get into a LOT of trouble because of this moron's actions, a lot of very expensive trouble, so you owe it to them to tell them what's going on. Good luck. I know exactly how you feel, having once been in your position from a temporary disability, and I had to do the same thing by reporting an assistant manager who had never heard of HIIPA and was too mean and willfully ignorant to stop harassing me the first three times she was told. I persisted, she finally got a knot jerked in her and left me alone for the most part after that, but it was a struggle. Some people.
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7. AITJ For Defending My Drag-Enthusiast Brother In Front Of Our Unsupportive Family?

“I (23F) have a younger brother (19M) and an older brother that I am not close to anymore. My younger brother is very much into drag.

He has a few friends who are also into drag. My parents found out when he came home from a party wearing drag clothes. My father flipped out and called him all sorts of names. My mother was even more embarrassed and claimed my brother was doing this to spite them.

I will help my brother with his makeup and buy him the clothes that he wants. He’s getting a lot better with his makeup as I am teaching him how to apply. My parents were having a party this weekend and my brother had a drag event before.

I picked him up and brought him back to the house. As we walked inside the house, everyone turned and looked at my brother with a surprised look on their face. My grandparents looked disappointed and asked why he was wearing those ridiculous clothes. My parents tried to change the subject and turn the attention back to them.

My Aunt and Uncle asked my brother if our parents were supportive of his hobby and to get out of the ridiculous outfit. My brother left feeling heartbroken and went to his room. I turned to my parents and said well, I think brother would feel better if he had parents that loved and supported his hobby.

Instead, he has two parents that are embarrassed by him.

I took my brother out to dinner and told him that he had nothing to be ashamed of. I love him for who he is and have no problem with his hobby. My parents have been blowing up my phone accusing me of embarrassing them in front of relatives.

AITJ for calling out my parents in front of family?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents, grandparents, and other family members are the jerks. They are more concerned with how they “look” in public vs having a child who is free to express themselves in a manner that makes them happy.

Your brother is part of a wide and diverse community, from Rupaul to Bob the Drag Queen to Charles Busch and Coco Peru. He has nothing to be ashamed of and neither do you. Your family is a bunch of stuck-up bigots who are dinosaurs.

Tell him to pay them no mind and be fabulous.” Nilmandir

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for defending him and making sure you knew he had you on his side. Your whole family is sad for that. But you’re a bit of a jerk for taking him there knowing everyone would be there.

You can’t pretend you didn’t know that’s how your family would react and it was kind of set up for him to be publicly ridiculed that way. Hope your family comes around to accept him someday soon.” softheartedwench

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – somebody had to stand up for him and prove that he is loved and supported no matter what.

If they say the same to you again; “Oh, so it was okay for your own son to be embarrassed BY the entire family–but not okay for YOU to be embarrassed in front of them? “” Babsgarcia

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. can brother possibly move in with you, they will likely go through all his things and bin all his clothes makeup etc.... good on you for defending him and having his back shame the rest of your family are bigoted idiots
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6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take On A Mortgage To Save My Dad's House?

QI

“In early July my grandmother passed away. My dad lives in her house. There’s a reverse mortgage on it, with ~$130k owed. It’s currently appraised at $425k. My dad and uncle (who lives in another state) both then own half of the remaining $295k value.

My dad wants me to help save the house by taking out a 30-year fixed mortgage. I’d put the house under my name, then we’d start paying off my uncle’s share. The monthly payments are $2250: $500 on property taxes, $500 in utilities, and $1250 on the reverse mortgage.

If we don’t do this, we’d have to sell the house by next July.

Within 2-3 years he says he’ll be able to make enough money where he could put the house in his name, get a roommate to take over my half of the monthly payments and I’d be completely out of the picture.

Currently, I pay $1900 in rent/utilities. So, I’d be saving $650/month (he says he’ll pay half). Plus, years from now I’d inherit the house. Despite it making more financial sense in the short term, I just don’t want to do this, even if I’d only stay for a few years.

I really like my privacy/independence and where I live. The house is nice and all, and I’d like him to keep it, but I don’t feel ok making these big life changes for something I don’t want to take on.

I net $4200/month and he nets $2000 from work, plus ~$700 in tips as a musician.

The latter has been in the last few months so isn’t on his taxes or anything, so with the $2k he wouldn’t qualify to get a reverse mortgage loan currently.

As we talk about this, he says things like, “Please, I’m begging you son”, or “You know, your uncle lived with our grandfather for a few months to help him out” and things like that.

He also had a drawing I made as a kid where I wrote “I love you mommy and daddy” conveniently on a table. Things like this make me feel like he’s trying to make me feel bad. In the last 15-20 years he’s made some bad choices, such as getting involved with substance abusers and reckless driving.

He’s been better recently though.

Others in my family feel like he’s trying to manipulate me into feeling bad for not doing this, which I don’t necessarily disagree with. But at the same time, I still would like for him to stay in the house, which he grew up in, and all that.

He told me earlier, “You know, if you can’t help me then I don’t know what I’m going to do. I mean I don’t have a plan B”. And one of my grandmother’s last wishes was for me to help him stay there.

I just don’t want to do this, even if I’d only stay for 2-3 years and would cost less than my apartment. He’d get ~$145k if we sold it which is a good portion towards a condo. I’d also inherit years from now, but I still have some fears he’ll make another bad decision that could cause us to lose the house.

Theoretically, my dad and uncle could sell me their shares for $1 and I’d only have to pay off the $130k, but my uncle would want the money for his boys’ college fund.

So, what do you all think? I think he’d feel I’m a bad son.

Would you agree?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, there are so many ways this could go wrong.

You’d be taking on a mortgage for a house that your dad will consider his, but he won’t have any responsibility for it. If he loses his job or spends too much, you’re on the hook for the whole mortgage.

Will he be responsible for repairs? Or will he continue to guilt trip you into paying for all of it? What if you want to move, but you’re still bogged down by this house situation? Plenty of parents emotionally manipulate their kids for their own benefit, so whether he calls you a bad son or not is irrelevant.

Emotional manipulation to get what he wants doesn’t exactly make him a good father.” toe-beans

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is one of those situations where you need to follow your gut. Everyone has family members they know they can’t really trust with big money situations.

As much as you love your father, it seems like you know you can’t really trust him with this and that you’re taking a huge risk with your money and your credit to do this for him. I know it’s hard, but I wouldn’t do it.

Sell the house. This will save you stress and it will save your relationship with your father because if he ends up not keeping up his end of the bargain, you’ll resent him so much and hate yourself for doing something you knew you shouldn’t have done in the first place.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Are you sure your grandmother didn’t take out the loan to help your father get out of the situations he got himself into and now he’s asking you to take out a loan to get him out of another? If you do this make sure the loan is big enough to purchase your uncle’s shares because he at least sees the home as an investment to secure his children’s future by sending them to college while your father’s counting your paychecks and making budgets to secure your future full of debt, anxiety and working over time.

Imagine being gaslit and manipulated into making a financial decision of this kind based on emotion instead of financial common sense by your own father. Once you move into that house you’re never leaving. You’re going to marry and bring your wife there, raise your children there, and take care of your father there, especially if he deviates from the original plan or makes more bad life decisions.

It is better to fall out because you didn’t do something than to fall out because you did. If he loves you more than he loves the house he’ll understand if not then that wasn’t going to change whether you saved the house or not.” Outrageous-Program30

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and please, PLEASE don't buy into your father's scheme. Because that's what it is - a scheme. He clearly knows nothing about a reverse mortgage, or he thinks you don't, because everything he's told you is a lie.
When your grandmother took out the reverse mortgage, she in effect sold the house to the mortgage company, and that's what she was probably living on, the payout from the reverse mortgage. When she passed away, her surviving heirs did NOT inherit the home, and cannot recover the home without paying off the reverse mortgage, which will have risen substantially because there are still taxes and fees that continue to accumulate on the home that get added to the mortgage balance. Plus, if your grandmother wasn't keeping up with the property taxes, that balance would also be added to the mortgage balance. Usually, the only way to pay off the reverse mortgage is to sell the home and use the proceeds to pay off the mortgage, so unless your father or uncle have an extra $130K lying around, they will never own the family home. So neither your father nor your uncle have any financial stake in the home at all, because they never owned it; your grandmother did, and she sold it to the bank. All your father and uncle have is an opportunity to pay off the mortgage to regain ownership of the home, but they won't have enough money to do that without selling the house to pay off the mortgage. So any money you give your father to "buy back the family home" is going to go straight into his pocket and you'll never see it or any benefit from it - ever. Look up reverse mortgages and how they work and tell your father to go sell his snake oil scheme to someone else and steal their money because you are not buying into his.
Good luck.
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5. AITJ For Asking My Mom Not To Wear A Dress Similar To My Wedding Gown At Her Anniversary Party?

“My mom is currently planning her 25th anniversary which has spiraled into pretty much a second wedding just without a ceremony. This event is also going to take place within a couple of weeks of my wedding.

Obviously, I knew that when I picked the date and I’m okay with it, but I have felt hurt by how much she is focusing on her party and not my wedding. Also she has become best friends with my toxic hateful mother-in-law, and honestly, that hurts.

Mother-in-law’s mission statement in life is that mothers should not be martyrs and she takes it to a whole new level and is very focused on having her own life and not “needing” her son. My dad loves this motto and has been encouraging the friendship, so I’m just feeling hurt right now.

Anyway, I have my wedding gown picked out. My mom has seen it. Mother-in-law was there but not paying attention, so maybe doesn’t remember. My mom went shopping for her anniversary party and invited mother-in-law, which already made me not want to go, but I agreed.

My mom very much wants to feel like a bride again, and can’t stand that I’m the one actually getting married. I think wearing white to an anniversary party is pretty normal, but the dresses she picks are just so lacy and sparkly, though thank God not floor length.

Mother-in-law was egging her on and my mom desperately wants to please mother-in-law. It’s weird. My mom found one dress that mother-in-law loved, so my mom loved it. The lace on the dress is very similar to my wedding gown and it made me feel weird.

The vibe feels similar too. I simply asked my mom to make sure her dress isn’t too close to mine, because it is my special once-in-a-lifetime dress.

Mother-in-law immediately called me jealous and insecure. My mom started to whine about how she loves it and I should care about her feelings.

Mother-in-law gave her a weird pep speech about how I’m an adult and she doesn’t owe me anything. I said it was fine and not that big of a deal, and I had just been expressing a concern, but if it meant that much to my mom, just get it.

Mother-in-law still thinks I’m a jerk for expecting my mom to care more about my wedding than herself, and my mom seemed hurt that I wasn’t happier for her.”

Another User Comments:

“I’m a little torn here. You chose your wedding date knowing your mother and father were also planning their 25th wedding anniversary.

Then you are hurt your mom is focusing on her party and not your wedding. Well, you’re the one who chose a date so close to her event. Parents shouldn’t be martyrs. We get our own lives. Especially once our kids are adults.

Sorry but it’s true. The mother-in-law shouldn’t actively cause division, but your mom is entitled to her own dream party. Even if it is a second wedding. The dress… It seems like anything she chose that looked like a wedding dress, you probably would have had a problem with it.

I guess after typing all that out. I’m saying YTJ.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“YTJ big time. As long as your mom doesn’t come to your own wedding dressed as a bride, her dress choice is none of her business. Think of it the other way around, how offensive it would be if she asked you to make sure your wedding dress doesn’t look too close to her anniversary dress?

You would be royally upset, right? Try looking from your mom’s perspective, she had the date set up 25 years ago. You knew the anniversary would be on that date literally since you were born. Still, you chose to have your wedding close to that date (oh yes, you are fine with it, but did you even bother to ask if SHE was fine with it?

25th anniversary is also a very special day, not anywhere less special than your wedding, maybe even more). Then, you jumped in making demands on how her party should be so it doesn’t somehow steal your thunder even though those are 2 different parties? Do you really think you aren’t the jerk here?

Also, if you dislike your mother-in-law, please send her to me. She sounds like the best parent ever, focused on their own life instead of meddling with the lives of their children. You sound extremely bitter about that for some reason (did you want them to help you and sort out your stuff, focus on you and your wedding and so on instead?), which is quite jerky imo.” tatasz

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You picked your date knowing it was her anniversary close to the day. It’s your wedding. It’s her anniversary party. She’s wearing the dress at her party, not your wedding so you don’t get a say. And you’re in Bridezilla territory for being mad your Mom is focusing on her own anniversary instead of your Wedding.

You knew it was her anniversary when she picked it, she’s not hijacking anything, you’re the one who decided to make the dates close. Also she can befriend who she wants. And your mother-in-law saying it’s time to focus on her own life doesn’t sound toxic in itself.

It’s healthier than being bitter about losing her son, which seems to happen a lot. So far the one who sounds controlling is you.” Gigibean3

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ for that one comment, cleary you bought your dress first and it would be weird for her to buy something too similar unless you were trying to do some cute twinning thing. But once you'd expressed your concern MIL is right that you have no actual say in the choosing of the dress. It's not for your wedding day, it's for her anniversary. Your overall attitude towards MIL stinks though, so slight YTJ. You don't give us any reason not to like her other than she wants to live her own life and not invade you and her son's lives. That sounds like the dream MIL in my opinion, and I hope your mum follows her lead. You don't need her to plan your wedding, this day is between you and your partner and no one else.
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4. AITJ For Asking My Grieving Coworker To Pay Me Back For A Retirement Gift?

QI

“Recently a coworker of mine (Cindy) decided to retire. She’s well-liked and everyone is sad she’s leaving so everyone got together and decided to do something for her. I found a present that will be useful for what she has planned for her retirement and everyone agreed so I went ahead and purchased it.

Everyone who wanted to be involved agreed to pay a small, equal, sum of money. Another coworker, “Jane (25F)”, also agreed and said she’d pay me next payday. It’s been two weeks, today is payday again, and everyone else has paid me.

Unfortunately, Jane’s dad died unexpectedly last Thursday and Jane has been out on bereavement since then.

We all got together and everyone made a covered dish so the family wouldn’t have to worry about cooking. Everyone went to either the funeral or the wake.

The thing is, Jane still hasn’t paid me and I don’t know when she’s coming back. I know money seems trivial right now but I’m paycheck to paycheck and even Jane’s small portion is something I could use to pay for a few groceries or gas for my car, and my whole point of doing a group gift was so that no one had to take a chunk of their own money and then be lacking until payday.

I figured if everyone gave a small amount then everyone could feel good about giving a gift without being put out.

Jane hasn’t come in at all since her dad died and I’ve only seen her in person at the wake and I wasn’t going to ask her for the money then.

That being said, it’s been a week, the funeral is over, and I really do kind of need the money, I can’t afford to eat an expense right now. I have Jane’s cell phone number so I sent her a text, tried to be as nice as possible.

All I said was: “hey, it’s me, hope you’re doing well, I’m sending you and your family my good wishes and thoughts. I’m sorry if I’m texting at a bad time but I was wondering if you’d been able to get the money you owe me from Cindy’s retirement present.

If you could let me know, just whenever you get a minute, thanks!”

Jane sent back: “wow, we literally buried my dad three days ago and you’re already on me about the money? Can we let the dirt settle on his grave before you start on me?

I haven’t had time to get the money because I’ve been a little preoccupied with my dad IDK dying????”

I didn’t say anything back because I feel she overreacted. I said in my text that she didn’t have to get it to me right this second, I just wanted to make her aware.

About an hour later I got a notification from PayPal that money was waiting for me from Jane and she’d included a really nasty message with language I can’t include here. And a short time later I got a call from one of our managers telling me Jane had complained about me and now we’re not allowed to do presents for anyone if they cost money.

Was I a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If you are living paycheck to paycheck you shouldn’t have bought a gift with the intent of collecting funds after. Everyone who wanted to participate should have paid first, or you should let someone else take the lead.

It was insensitive to text her anything other than condolences.” admomo73

Another User Comments:

“YTJ No, just no. Don’t offer to buy a group gift if you can’t front the full expense. Or get the money first. Or, in this case, you could have asked your co-workers if everyone would contribute a little more to cover her share (I bet they would and it would have been a nice gesture).

Or ask a friend to loan you the funds/explain the situation. My God, you don’t ask someone for anything three days after burying a parent.” pieridaered

Another User Comments:

“While I understand you needing the money back, I’m gonna say YTJ. Gift-giving at work is something I loathe.

You don’t know everyone’s home life and finances. Every time you turn around someone wants money for a new baby, someone’s birthday, a death in a coworker’s family, an adoption, a wedding, then a shower gift. On and on and on, it never ends. Don’t get me wrong, I love giving and receiving gifts.

But it’s hard enough keeping up with my family, I don’t have the means to chip in for every occasion. And some coworkers tend to have more events than others. And you’re the one that picked out the gift. While your heart was in the right place, just know there is nothing wrong with a heartfelt wish in an empty card.

You certainly deserve to get your money back, just think you could have waited till she was back at the office to ask.” Ok_Confidence_6788

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Crazycatlady81 2 months ago
Definitely YTJ. Living paycheck to paycheck means you should NOT have been the one buying the gift. YOU put yourself in the financial bind, NOT Jane. You do not ask a grieving person for ANYTHING. You should have collected the money first or like another person said, asked those who had contributed to give a little extra if they could. You showed care and kindness to someone retiring but lacked total empathy to someone grieving. And now because of your actions, no more gifts can be given that involve money. Yes, maybe Jane overreacted by reporting you, but she is in emotional deregulation due to losing her father. I would have done the same. Enjoy your groceries or tank of gas, I hope it was worth it.
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3. AITJ For Telling My Neighbors They Have My Inherited Cat?

QI

“Quite a few months ago now, a close family friend (J) passed away and left behind two cats – we’ll call them Boo and Miso – one of which he had willed to me.

I was very touched and loved Boo from the first time I saw him, so I started making arrangements immediately.

One issue is that, at the time, Boo had an awful habit of spraying. I figured that because Miso bullied him, the issue would be resolved once they were living separately.

I also spoke to cat behaviouralists and vets who said the same thing. However, I could not be sure so I kept him in J’s house (both my mom and I visited the cats regularly) first and planned to do a test trial before bringing him up to my flat.

One day I receive a call from my mom. As it turns out, Boo was rehomed a week before she called me. When she heard that our neighbors across the street had lost their cat, she figured that they could take either Boo or Miso.

Naturally, they took Boo as he is a pedigree and very beautiful, with a placid temperament. As I had suspected, once separated from Miso the spraying stopped immediately. I didn’t blow up at my mom on the phone, but I expressed that she should have spoken to me first and how hurt I was.

I went over to visit Boo yesterday and the neighbors were shocked at how clingy the cat is with me. They asked me why, so I told them the truth that I had spent a lot of time with him as I had adopted him after J’s passing.

I did say that he seemed happy now and although I miss him dearly, it would not be fair to him to move him into an unfamiliar place again after he just got settled.

After I got home, I cried a lot. I said to my mother, “I wish you would have spoken to me first”.

She became very upset and screamed at me, calling me selfish, saying that this is what is best for Boo and that if I really loved him I would let him go.

I said I knew that he is happy now and I don’t intend to ask for him back.

I just wish she had spoken to me first and I just want her to acknowledge that. She became very angry and did not speak to me for the rest of the day.

Anyway, she found out what I had said as the next time she spoke to the neighbors, they said that they felt bad and that had they known the situation, they would have spoken to me first. My mom went nuclear on me, crying and swearing… she said that I need to apologize for making the neighbors feel that way, and that I never considered how stressed she had been at that time.

I knew how she had felt then, which is why I stayed calm on the phone when she had initially given me the news.

I know that I should not have said anything and I only did so out of emotion – I feel like I’ve upset everyone over nothing and even my father is angry at me, saying that I’m being childish.

AITJ for saying something? Should I have just kept it to myself and let things lie?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom is a colossal jerk. You’re willed a cat, one that is bonded to you that you’re excited to bring into your home, and she rehomes it without consulting you?

So you calmly say you wish she consulted you and she screams at you? So you visit the cat, tell the new owners the situation, and still leave Boo with them and she gets mad because you made her look bad? Your mom sucks. This clearly isn’t a one-time rare event as you seem used to dealing with it.

I’m sorry about your cat OP.” killerbekilled92

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom is the jerk. Boo was willed to you, and you were excited about having him in your home and were taking steps to be a responsible owner. It was immensely unfair for her to give away YOUR CAT.

It would have been so easy for your mom to say “I’m sorry, Boo has a home, but here is Miso!” The neighbors sound like good people; I’m sorry that your mom has made such a mess of this. Perhaps the neighbors will let you visit Boo sometimes?” Groundbreaking_Mess3

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. You asked for advice on breaking Boo’s habit of spraying eight months ago. What have you been doing for the last several months? Leaving Boo alone with a cat who bullies him and stresses him out, and obviously leaving your mother to look after them, since you didn’t even notice when she rehomed Boo.

She shouldn’t have rehomed him without warning you, but I can understand the frustration that drove her to it. And Boo is clearly better off with the neighbors, since you had months to provide him with a home and never got around to it — you had no intention of bringing him home, and probably would have left the poor thing where he was and claimed you had a cat while dropping in to see him twice a month for the rest of his miserable life.

He’s happy now. Be happy for him.” Felixfell

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Eatonpenelope 3 months ago
ES You were willed a cat, you should have taken the cat home immediately, if you had this wouldn't be an issue!
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2. AITJ For Being Upset My MOH Upgraded My Bridesmaids' Spa Treatments?

QI

“I (31F) am getting married next week. This weekend, I decided to treat myself and my bridal party to Brazilian waxes at a nice spa.

I had booked 7 regular waxes for myself and my bridesmaids, as my treat to them.

When we arrived at the spa, my MOH noticed that there was a more expensive chocolate wax listed in their list of services. I had never seen this before, but apparently chocolate waxing is a higher-end service and better for your skin than regular wax, but I was fine with the normal and less expensive wax that I had booked initially.

MOH got really excited about the chocolate wax on the menu and decided to pay the additional cost out of her pocket to upgrade to the chocolate wax.

I was fine with this until she made a big show of asking the rest of the bridal party – including me – if they would like to upgrade to the chocolate wax and offered to pay the difference.

For context: MOH earns significantly more than I or the rest of my bridal party do. The rest of my bridesmaids seemed enthusiastic about the idea and opted for the chocolate wax, but I decided to go with the regular wax and just pay for it myself like I had initially planned to.

I felt upset and embarrassed that my MOH had upstaged what was originally supposed to be a gift for my bridesmaids from me, especially knowing that I could not have afforded to pay for chocolate waxes for everyone, however, I didn’t say anything at the time because my bridesmaids seemed so excited about the chocolate wax and I didn’t want to make things awkward.

However, after the wax, MOH came to me privately, telling me that she had noticed that I refused the chocolate wax and wanted to know why. I told her that I felt she had hijacked my gift and made it about her, all because she wanted a stupid chocolate wax.

She told me it wasn’t about wanting the chocolate wax, but about wanting to do something nice for everyone. Honestly, I didn’t believe her. I told her that it came off as a show of wealth for an event that was supposed to be my gift to my bridal party.

She said that I was being ungrateful and that I had hurt her feelings, and that she wanted some space to think about our friendship. Things have been tense between us for the past few days, and neither of us has apologized. My fiancé thinks I was too hard on her and she was just trying to be nice and that I should apologize, but I don’t think I owe her an apology.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Why is she your MOH if you don’t trust her or even really seem to like her all that much? I would never accuse a friend of having motives like these. You sound petty, jealous, and self-centered in this story—you know that getting married doesn’t mean the world revolves around you for a year, right?” MollyRolls

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It sounds like your MOH was just trying to do a nice thing for YOU and everyone else. She didn’t hijack the experience, she offered to cover the cost of an upgrade. You have no valid reasoning as to why you “don’t believe her” but you did comment on her making more money than you with a bitter tone.

Maybe reflect on why and consider that it’s not her putting that on you. If you value your friendship then apologize.” itsonlyforever569

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It sounds like she spotted an opportunity to give you and the bridesmaids something nice. You’re the one being self-centered; you want all the attention and kudos of being “nice” to your bridesmaids but then get upset when your MOH also wants to do something nice for you?

You’re not giving a gift because you care; you’re giving a gift to stroke your own ego and your MOH accidentally bruised it by being kind. Get over yourself OP.” Harbard12732

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. I agree that MOH was trying to upstage your gift to your bridesmaids. Pretty crappy thing to do, in my opinion. If MOH had wanted to gift the rest of the bridal party with something (and who does that? No one, that doesn't want to upstage the bride, because it's not her place) she should have asked you in private if it was okay for her to give everyone an upgrade, giving you an opportunity to say no. But she had to be the big spender. I'm thinking you need to let her and her "hurt feelings" take a hike and just have one of your other bridesmaids be the MOH. Your "friend" sounds excruciating.
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1. AITJ For Standing My Ground As A Tall Man At A Concert?

QI

“I’m 6’5”. I drove 5 hours to see a show last night. Was about the middle of the crowd with a buddy.

I get that I’m tall, and if someone tries to push their way around me with no fight I get it. But I got tired of having my shoes stepped on every 2 minutes. So my buddy and I started moving towards the back where they have a balcony.

It’s not like it’s packed up on the balcony. I tried to find a spot out of the way the best I could. Leaned against a partition with another area behind it raised about 4-6 inches higher. Then I hear the ever-familiar and dreaded passive-aggressive remarks coming from the raised platform behind me.

“Oh yeah I didn’t want to watch the show anyway.”

Usually, I’d just ignore it. Or if they had said something politely rather than being a jerk about it, I’d do my best to make sure they could see around me. But I was already in a bad mood, and I turned around and looked at them and they said “I can’t see around your big head.”

At this point, I was not in the mood to be disrespected. So I looked him in the eye then looked to the left of him where there was literally 6 feet of empty space and then literally started screaming at him.

“Then move 6 inches to the left you stupid jerk.

Are you seriously that dumb?”

We went back and forth for a second before he backed down. The whole thing kinda soured my experience though. Also funny enough like 5-6 other 6’2 6’3″ guys came and stood in the same spot right next to me 5 minutes later.

Made me giggle. But I guess my questions are…

1. Did I overreact? I’m normally a super considerate, easygoing person. I know I could have just as easily moved to the left, but the way he initiated the confrontation really rubbed me the wrong way.

2. Do I owe it to people to stand as far back as possible and abandon my friends at a concert just because I’m tall?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ lol. Own it. It sounds like you’ve already made a concerted effort to be considerate to others but you can’t magic yourself a foot shorter. I’m 5″2 and my partner is 6″2 so we have opposing problems. He doesn’t really care about his height.

If people want to get to the front and have a great view, they can arrive early and do so.” daydream128

Another User Comments:

“If I’m reading this correctly, you moved spots and moved directly into the sight line of someone’s already established spot? That would make you the jerk.

However, the person’s response pushes it to everyone sucks here.” PhishnChips

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... you handled it just right and his attitude sucked tbh
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