People Boldly Discuss Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Either Do Some House Chores Or Move Out?
“My (f) husband and I live together with our four kids. Our eldest is 19 (f), then we have a son (14) and four-year-old twins. Our daughter chooses to not go to college and instead has a job, she works as a receptionist.
My husband is a lawyer and is working most time (even after he gets back home) however he helps with whatever he can. I am a stay-at-home mom and I’m in charge of most of the household chores.
My daughter does nothing around the house.
She works from 9-5 every weekday, she gets home, has a shower, and leaves again to hang out with friends. She wakes up late during weekends and just expects me to do everything, even cook her breakfast (and sometimes even take it to her room).
I do her laundry, cook for her, clean her room, etc. I do everything for her. I’m honestly tired of her attitude.
I told her that either she will need to start helping around (doing laundry some days, cleaning, watching over her siblings, or something else) or she’ll have to move out.
She called me out for my ‘sexist’ behavior because I don’t ask this from her brother. My son is on the football team, he needs to practice and has good grades, there’s no reason to ask more of him. I told her that and she called me a jerk.
I told her if she wants to act like she’s still a teenager then she’s grounded now, she can only leave the house to go to work, and she can’t hang out with friends. My husband supports my decision.
So far she’s been obedient and doesn’t hang out with friends anymore, but she also doesn’t talk to her dad or me.
My parents-in-law have tried to tell us we should let her be an independent adult but we have told them they can’t tell us how to parent our kids, which led to an argument with them as well. Am I being a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ~ I don’t agree with letting your kids get to 18 with zero chores or responsibilities around the house, personally.
That being said, she is not making an accurate comparison. While she was in high school she had the same expectations as her brother. As long as when he turns 18/stops going to school his rules change too you are not being unfair.
Insisting she does her own laundry, maintains her space & picks up after herself is the BARE MINIMUM that you could expect. I think collecting a few hundred bucks a month for ‘rent’ and putting it away for her as a savings account would also be a good idea, but obviously, that’s up to you.
I think your daughter needs a reality check of what the real world is like.” martha-mae-whovier
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – she should at the very least be doing her own cooking and her own laundry, cleaning whatever else for herself.
But she’s also right that her brother should help too. 14 years old is old enough to do some basic chores even if they’re in school. She works 9 to 5, that’s just as time-consuming as school and sports. He can do the dishes or his own laundry.
Not teaching him to do those things is just preparing him to be a crappy partner to some poor girl in the future.
She’s also an adult, so you can certainly tell her to move out but you can’t ground her, that was a stupid suggestion and you know that.
You don’t get to parent a 19-year-old, you’re just hurting your relationship with her. Let her live there or don’t, but stop this stupid squabbling.” Strange_Salamander33
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for infantilizing your kids and then being shocked when they stay infants. This is your fault.
The fact your daughter is acting along with being grounded is, frankly, weird and unhealthy.
You can set boundaries, not control. A boundary is ‘You must keep your room clean and take care of your own laundry and weekend meals, or you are not welcome in my home.’ She gets to choose what she does.
There is no reason you should be cleaning the 14 or 19-year-olds’ room, doing their laundry, and serving breakfast in bed on the weekends. You have made your 19-year-old helpless and entitled and are now reaping what you have sowed.
Your son is 14 and no more capable of caring for himself than his 4-year-old siblings.
What is he gonna do when he’s 19 if he doesn’t know how to clean a toilet, how often sheets should be washed, or how long meat takes to thaw?
You need to treat your daughter like an adult. She does her own laundry, she keeps her own space clean, and she cleans up her own mess in the common areas.
Discuss meals and food. No more breakfast-in-bed nonsense. You can still make her stuff if you feel like it, but it’s not an expectation and she eats at the table.
I’m assuming dinner is a family affair and made by you. It makes sense to continue that, just to prevent kitchen fights, but I think adding that some nights are ’19-year-old or 14-year-old makes dinner’ or ‘fend for yourself’ nights are appropriate.
Iron out why she’s living at home and for how long it’s intended. Is she saving for something? Looking for a place? High cost of living? Culturally inappropriate to leave until married? Whatever the plan is, make you all explicitly lay it out.
Your son needs to start doing some or all of his own chores. Especially basic cleaning and laundry. You can ease him into it, but he’s old enough to do it himself.” Lily_May
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – You’ve made it clear you don’t make your kids do chores while they are in grade school so I’m not really sure how you expect your now adult daughter to magically know to do the things you’ve done her entire life for her? Poor parenting on your part.
It was YOUR job to teach her adult responsibilities so she could be prepared to take that on when she reached adulthood.
Yes, daughter needs to step up, but you need to step up and guide her through this. Don’t make the same foolish parenting failure with your other children, especially with the boy. Don’t make his future partner teach him, or worse don’t create a man who expects women to do the chores for him because that’s how his stay-at-home mom raised him.” KartlindWitch
19. AITJ For Setting Different Rules For My Daughter And Stepdaughter?
“My wife and I each have a daughter from previous relationships, both of whom are 17.
My daughter lives with us and has since we got married 10 years ago. My wife’s daughter Marci (fake name) never has. The full story of what happened is very long, but the shorthand is that despite almost 16 years of legal battles, court filings, and CPS investigations, my wife was never able to get custody or even consistent visits.
There were a few orders on her side at points, but enforcing them was impossible. It sounds like an excuse, I know, but it’s really not.
Things came to a head (again) last fall and Marci was presented with an opportunity to either sit patiently for my wife to pull another filing together and roll the dice again, or emancipate herself.
She decided she wanted emancipation. My wife decided to back it because, and it blows my mind that this was the case, emancipation had the better chance of winning, and Marci gave the impression that she was using this as a way to get away from her father and would want to come live with her.
She had no intention of this, but it finally opened the door for them to talk, and now she’s coming to visit for 3 weeks this summer. Should be great, but now we have a conflict with my daughter. For obvious reasons, we can’t have any of the kind of rules that we would have if she was a child in our house.
If it’s not something that would be a problem for an adult guest to do, I just have to let it go. Of course, I think that a 17-year-old smoking is a huge deal, but I can’t fight about that with her.
I can just say not to smoke indoors. Of course, I don’t want to also be welcoming Marci’s partner to come stay with us for the trip, but that’s a deal-breaker for her and my wife wants this to happen, so it’s happening.
My daughter is mad because, in her words, she’s seeing someone that’s literally two months younger than her be held to a completely different standard. Unfortunately, the reality is that while they’re both 17, Marci just isn’t a child like my daughter is.
We’d love to live in the world where both girls grew up living with us and we got to have the exact same standards and similar conflicts, but that’s not the one we live in.
I’ve tried explaining to her that this is an incredibly weird and difficult situation and that honestly this can’t be compared to a normal family because it just isn’t, but she’s not having any of that.
I tried to tell her to just pretend that Marci is in her 20s and is an adoptee that’s reuniting with her birth mother because that’s the closest scenario I can think of to this, and that made my wife start crying and now she’s mad at me too and everyone is fighting.
I don’t really see what I could do differently. This just kind of has to be what it is, and they won’t accept it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re all dealing with a complicated, emotionally fraught situation. I think you should try to explain again that there’s a difference between guests and residents but not muddle the topic with age or loaded language about family.
Apologize to your wife. I understand and agree with what you were trying to express, but I also understand why it would be hurtful to her.
As for your daughter, I don’t think she’s a jerk as long as you sort this out before Marci comes.
I have a few guesses about what she may be feeling. First is that she could be projecting some anxiety about the fact that she’ll become a legal adult soon, perhaps feeling under-prepared in contrast to Marci who is already self-sufficient.
Second is that for one reason or another, she might’ve already felt that you were treating her as younger than her age and the situation with Marci simply brought it to the forefront.
Third, and here’s where you may potentially be a jerk, how much input did your daughter get in planning Marci’s visit? Have you given her the chance to set boundaries about what she’s comfortable with? Does she feel pressured to view Marci as a sister? Moving two strangers – unfortunately, that’s probably what Marci is to your daughter or an acquaintance at best – into the house for three weeks is a big deal.
I’m not saying your daughter should get a flat veto or that it’s the case here, but oftentimes parents unfairly shift the brunt of inconvenience and discomfort onto their children.
Some hypothetical examples are expecting her to set her schedule around Marci and the partner or to share personal spaces with them.
Your daughter may have deeper concerns about the arrangement that she doesn’t feel permitted to say so she’s beating around the bush with the topic of age.” letheix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think the way you worded it, with pretending that Marci is an adoptee, was the best way to word it, especially with your wife present.
I understand why she would be hurt by that, though I also understand that you were trying to help your own daughter realize why things are so different.
Have you talked with your wife about what would be the best way to help your daughter understand the situation? She may be able to help you think of a better way to get her to understand.
Marci’s life and emancipation have nothing to do with your daughter; I understand that it may be odd to see someone that is her peer being treated as an adult, but at the same time the concept isn’t wholly different than what is taught to elementary school students.
‘Fair doesn’t mean everyone gets the same thing, fair means everyone gets their needs met.’
Marci grew up in a way where she needed to be emancipated and become an adult earlier than she needed to.
Your daughter grew up in a way that guaranteed her safety and stability and is able to continue to live as the minor she is.
Different life circumstances cause different outcomes for different people.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, I think… You’re only the jerk a bit for how you talked about it in front of your wife, mostly. I’d definitely encourage you to talk with her and get a gauge on how you can help her feel better about the way you handled this and what she might rather you consider saying or doing instead at that moment so you can figure out a way to address it better in the future.
In regards to your daughter… children, especially teenagers, are often obsessed with the concept of fairness at least in their own home, I think because children often are exposed to a lot more unfairness outside of the home than our society is willing to admit so it becomes all the more important in the place they feel safest.
This isn’t to say I think your daughter should be able to smoke or have a partner around or anything so much as an explanation.
I’m genuinely curious as to what it is exactly that your daughter wants to do but can’t do at home.
Is it smoking or being able to have someone over? Is it something else? What privileges is it that she wants that she can’t have exactly? Depending on what they are, maybe there’s room to be more flexible than what we can see here, but it’s hard to guess without knowing exactly what it is your daughter wants.” AnotherPanicDisorder
18. AITJ For Not Hiding My Sanitary Products From Guests?
“I (17 NB born F) started my period around 4 years ago. My immediate family has no issues talking about it freely in the house and has encouraged me to do so since I got my period. The house is made up of mostly women so this is expected.
The issue arose when my uncle came around a few days ago. Usually, guests use our downstairs bathroom due to it being easier and quicker to reach. This toilet has a small set of drawers filled with sanitary essentials for both men and women and is usually out of sight so as to not clutter the already small room.
However, I’m assuming my mum or someone else was in that toilet at the time so my uncle had to use the one upstairs.
I was in the kitchen when he came back down to the living room and overheard him talking about how ‘gross’ and ‘disrespectful’ having sanitary products ‘on display’ is.
For most of my time having periods, I’ve been very firm with my beliefs that periods are not something women should be shunned or ridiculed for. Apparently, my uncle feels differently. I walked into the living room and my uncle’s attention goes to me (context: my parents have an en suite they usually use and my sister keeps sanitary products in her room because she travels a lot and it’s easier to just keep them in the bag so she doesn’t forget them.)
He starts berating me for having those products (pads, panty liners, and baby wipes) ‘on display’ I would like to say that the majority of these products are in wicker drawers next to the sink with the panty liners being in a box by the wall next to it.
Here’s how that conversation went in a shortened version:
Me: They aren’t on display they are just in an easy place to reach.
Uncle: They shouldn’t be out at all. it’s gross and disrespectful to guests.
Me: Well when you start bleeding every month, then you can tell me what to do with my period products.
He then got mad and left the house 30 minutes later and now my parents said I was rude and should apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You weren’t rude, you were right. Do not apologize at all. You have periods so it’s totally ok to keep that kind of thing close, especially in YOUR OWN HOME.
If he’s not happy with it, he can get out and good riddance.
NTJ. And it seems you were more polite and nice than me. LOL. If someone tried to make me feel ashamed of my periods like your uncle tried to do to you, I would have become very snarky.” Champi_Feuille
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
It is your house. Menstruation is normal and happens every month (for many that experience it at least). It was the private, non-guest bathroom. Even if on flagrant display with flashing neon lights advertising ‘menstruation products here!’ in the guest bathroom, your uncle is in the wrong.
On so many levels. I’m sorry that your parents decided that it was easier to support him than stand up to him.” blueyedwineaux
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m surprised with your parents encouraging that openness that they wouldn’t have seen how justified your reaction was under the circumstances.
He was being rude, invasive, and misogynistic. Then he thought he had the right to berate you in your own home about sanitary products in your own bathroom. Dude, go home and use your own toilet next time and grow up.” Ravenlora
17. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Parents For Using My Wedding Fund To Buy A Beach House?
“I (30F) have a brother (33M) and my parents are (66F) and (66M). My parents have always put my brother (C) above me since I can remember. My brother has been married 3 times and my parents paid for all 3 weddings and he’s now single.
When I was in my mid-20s I started going out with a guy and I thought we were going to get married, but unfortunately, our life plans didn’t work out. At that point, my parents had a wedding fund for me because I was 23 and ‘in love’.
Today I found out that once we broke up, they used my wedding fund to buy a beach house. The problem? I recently got engaged to my fiancé, K (30M) and now I have no wedding fund.
In case anyone is wondering, my brother’s 3rd marriage was when he was 31 and my parents footed the whole bill.
I told my parents I was upset that they didn’t think about my future like they thought about my brother’s and they called me a jerk. My brother is on their side.
AITJ for being upset over this? I know it’s sorta small, but I was hoping to have some sort of a wedding fund considering how expensive they are and my family is well off.”
Another User Comments:
“This is blatant favoritism; it’s easy to tell who the golden child is.
It’s true they’re not obligated to pay for any wedding, but the imbalance here is massive.
You’re NTJ for noticing and objecting to their double standards. Tell your parents that this is effectively your second wedding (your first wedding was a beach house) and you still have one paid wedding to go.
It won’t work, but it might give you some satisfaction to remind them of their own previous actions.
Definitely don’t invite your parents.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not a jerk for feeling this way. It’s disappointing that they did not feel the desire to keep those funds aside for your wedding a bit longer.
People are generally waiting later in life to get married anyway.
That said, you should never expect someone to foot the bill for your wedding regardless of whether they paid for your sibling’s. At the end of the day, it’s their money and they can spend it however they choose.
The good news is that since they aren’t paying for it, they don’t get to meddle in the planning, which is often the case when parents pay.
Good luck, and I hope you and your fiancé have a wonderful wedding.” treadhead101
Another User Comments:
“Gross favoritism of one child over another is not a small thing, and you have every reason to be disappointed and upset.
That said, I think that to have a good life, you need to move on. Have a small wedding that you and your fiancé can afford, or elope and afterward have a massive party. Do not invite the parents who call you a jerk for being upset that your brother gets 3 weddings, and you get zero, or the brother who thinks this is swell.
Start your new life with your new husband, surrounded by people who don’t constantly disappoint you, but who value you and treat you as you deserve to be treated.
NTJ and I’m so sorry about your awful family.” Nester1953
16. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Ex Who Had A Heart Attack?
“When I (29F) was 22, I got into what I can only describe as a silly situation. I started seeing a man who was 21 years older than me and I ended up pregnant very early into our relationship. I will call this man Kevin (now 50M).
I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Adam (6M), and Kevin and I split when I was 25 due to issues mainly caused by Kevin. It was clear we wanted different things in life and he was constantly paranoid that I would get with someone closer to my own age and thus became controlling.
Despite all of this, we’ve managed to have a very good co-parenting relationship for our son. I don’t regret our relationship because I got our beautiful little boy out of it and I don’t consider myself to have been taken advantage of.
Kevin suffered a heart attack a few days ago and had surgery to remove the clot. Kevin’s older children (all daughters) all live out of state/far away and my son and I are the only people he has close by, so I stayed with him in the hospital and called his daughters to fly in to visit.
Now, Kevin’s doctor’s recommended that he stays with a family member for the next month to be safe as he lives alone. Although I’m not technically ‘family’ to him, I am his son’s mother so Kevin’s daughters have expected me to let him live with me so they can return home to their families and jobs.
I told them that I had stayed with him in the hospital day and night until they arrived and they couldn’t expect me to give up my time to care for him now, especially given how tumultuous my relationship with him was.
They’re insisting that now since we get along better, I should ‘do it for my son’ and take Kevin in because my son will feel horrible in the future knowing his mother refused to care for his father when he was ill.
They called me a jerk for refusing because now one of them will be forced to take time off work and come stay with him in my city when I live only 20 minutes away from him and could easily look after him.
I’m starting to feel like I am being a jerk because this is clearly a difficult situation for everyone involved and I’m refusing to help out just because I don’t want to live in the same house as Kevin again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He has family, his adult daughters. You are not his wife, you are his ex and not related to or responsible for him in any way. They don’t want to do it, so are using your son as a weapon to make you do it instead.
This man is only in your life because of your son, if you didn’t have your son, you would be having nothing to do with him. I do not think he should be in your home as he is not proven to be a good partner to you.
It could then make him start pushing boundaries when he leaves your home if he ever does.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your relationship with a predatory older man is long over. And any man willing to impregnate a woman half his age is absolutely a predatory jerk.
You are never required to house an ex for any amount of time, or for any reason, and absolutely not when medical care is involved.
I’m sorry that his daughters are trying to make this your problem, but this is absolutely not your problem, and it’s ridiculous for them to even ask you to contemplate letting your controlling and manipulative ex stay with you.
The arguments about your son ‘feeling bad his mother didn’t take care of his father’ are absolute nonsense.
Your son presumably understands that you are not in a romantic relationship with his father. If not it’s past time to explain that ex means no longer responsible for each other’s housing, medical care, or emotional needs.
Your son will benefit from seeing you maintain healthy boundaries. Your son will not benefit from the expectation that exes provide housing, medical care, or support – that’s not how women work. You can’t just get someone pregnant to trap them into taking care of you forever.
Your son may be damaged by the false hope that you are interested in a relationship with his father if you allow his father to move in.
Your son has not become controlling and paranoid like his father, yet – but living with a man who exhibits these traits may cause your son to develop them.
Your ex and his family clearly don’t understand healthy boundaries or have reasonable expectations. It would be convenient for them if you wanted to nurse your controlling paranoid ex back to health – but you don’t. Trying to weaponize your son’s feelings to get their way is extremely inappropriate.
Your obligation to care for their father ended (if you ever had one – since you never married this guy I would argue that you didn’t promise him any level of commitment that included in-sickness-or-in-health) when the romantic relationship did, and that you absolutely will not be allowing your ex to move in with you.
They are selfish, entitled, and disgusting to even suggest the possibility. Clearly, they actively dislike their father, or they wouldn’t trust his recovery to his ex-partner.” AcceptableEcho0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t want you to do it for your son but for themselves.
So they don’t have to. You are not family. You don’t have any kind of nursing leave just because the father of your son has health problems. They might have. Tell them no and they have to figure it out. Not your husband, not your family, not your problem.
What you can tell them, is if they hire a nurse to take care of Kevin, that you will visit him a few times. But you still have a job and have to look after your son. So no, you are not obligated to help out just because it would be easier for his daughters.” Trevena_Ice
15. AITJ For Reporting My Roommate's Dog?
“For a while now, I completely believed that my roommate had been paying the pet fees. After multiple noise complaints and the apartment doing nothing about it, I figured she had just been given a warning as her dog was already in their system.
I was recently gone during apartment safety inspections, and I keep a cat in my room. After coming home, I got an email stating that I had an unregistered pet, which would lead to a $250+ fine… which was odd, as I paid the pet deposit a year ago and continue to pay pet rent.
I asked the front office about it, and they were able to confirm all of this and said the email must have been sent to the wrong room in the unit.
They then asked if one of my roommates has a pet, and I replied that yes, one of them has a dog.
They looked things up on the system, and apparently, my roommate never registered her animal after living here for around half a year or more.
I feel completely guilty that she may be fined when there is only a short amount of time left in the leasing period, but I had no idea that the dog wasn’t listed in her documents.
On the other hand, with noise complaints (it is a very loud dog) and other concerning things about the behavior I have noticed, I feel like it was right to let the apartments know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The unregistered pet is a lease violation.
Since they emailed you, ask if they will remove the email from your rental history. You don’t want that hanging on you when you look for a new place. Responsible pet owners pay the deposit, fees, and pet rent. When you move out, get them to do a walk-through with you and have them confirm that the damage was not done by your cat.
That way, you protect your deposit.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t even really report it, in my opinion. They discovered the pet during an inspection. You just told the truth so you didn’t have to pay their fine. You did and paid everything you were supposed to for your pet.
She knew she was supposed to pay a fee and chose to take the chance of getting caught. She failed.” PettyWhite81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be one thing if you called the leasing office unprompted, but they literally were going to fine you.
Your pet is registered and hers is not. She should have taken the dog out while they were inspecting it if she wanted to keep the dog a secret. You had no idea she didn’t register the dog, and you did nothing wrong.” breaking_sad_
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Invite My Sister To My Wedding Because She Hates My Fiancé?
“I’m getting married in a few months, and I’m struggling with whether or not to invite my sister. The reason is that she’s been incredibly rude and dismissive towards my fiancé ever since we started going out.
My sister has never liked my fiancé, and she’s made that clear to both of us.
She’s made snide comments about his job and his appearance, and she’s even gone so far as to outright insult him in front of our family and friends. My fiancé has always been polite and respectful towards her, but she refuses to give him a chance.
I’ve tried to talk to my sister about her behavior, but she just brushes me off and says that she doesn’t have to like him if she doesn’t want to. But now that we’re getting married, I feel like I can’t just ignore her behavior anymore.
I don’t want her to ruin our special day by being rude or causing drama.
On the other hand, my sister is still my family, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings by not inviting her. I also worry that our relationship will be irreparably damaged if I don’t include her in my wedding.
Would I be the jerk for not inviting my sister to my wedding because of her behavior toward my fiancé?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand she’s your sister. But she hasn’t been worried about hurting yours or your fiancé’s feelings, so why are you concerned about hurting hers? You’ve made your feelings about her comments and attitude known, and she’s brushed you off.
So she clearly doesn’t care about how her actions are impacting you and your fiancé.
If you are really torn on what to do, I would have one final conversation with her about this, and let her know that you are thinking of not inviting her to your wedding because of her actions.
If she still brushes you off? Then you have your answer.” willworkformargs
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I think your fiance has a right to enjoy his wedding day without the rude woman who insults him every time she sees him. This is a celebration and both of you deserve people there who will join in your happiness, not deliberately ruin it.
If you need to explain the lack of an invitation, just say, ‘On ABC occasion you treated my fiancé this way, and on DEF occasion you did such and such. We weren’t going to risk another scene by inviting you.’
She’s an adult and can handle the consequences of being left out.” Helpful-Literature73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your wedding, and if she can’t be nice to her FBIL, then why invite her? You think she’s gonna cause drama at your wedding.
To be honest, you need to sit her down with your parents and get to the bottom of why she dislikes your fiancé so much and tell her that if she can’t be nice, she won’t be invited.
A part of me wants to say she is jealous. Is she older than you? Is she single? If yes to both or being single, then she may be jealous that you are getting married. Especially if she’s older.” Ennardinthevents
13. AITJ For Saying My Niece Should Share The Big Room With Someone?
“We (me, my husband, and my daughter F15) went on a trip with my in-laws. We stayed at a home that belongs to my BIL. It is not a secret to anyone that my BIL favors our niece (F14) who was also there.
My BIL was the one who decided who should stay in which room. He gave one of the biggest rooms to the niece and gave one room to me, my husband, and my daughter to share.
I told my BIL that there is no reason for the niece to have a room all for herself.
Let her share it with my daughter but he didn’t accept.
So I told him to at least let us have her room and give our room to her because her room is bigger than ours. He said no again because apparently it’s the coolest room in the house and niece loves her room to be very cool when she sleeps.
I told him this is ridiculous and unfair to my daughter and that he is showing obvious favoritism and my niece has clearly noticed it too because she was smirking the whole time. Everyone thinks I’m a jerk because it’s his home so he gets to decide what to do.
Edit: Our niece lost her parents a few years ago so everyone babies her and bends over backward to do whatever she wants.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The way I look at this is that every family unit always had a designated room to share when meeting for family gatherings at your BIL’s place.
The fact that the niece lost her parents now means she is now the only one in her family unit who gets the room. Honestly, I can see why the Uncle would decide to not heap even more changes on the kid and let her keep the room that she has always had instead of moving or sharing with someone else outside of her family unit.
OP has no right to demand anything in a free-living situation, especially under the circumstances. Her writing paints her as an unreliable storyteller by blatantly trying to leave out key pieces of information that would affect the judgment. If you cannot stand that a recently orphaned kid gets some extra comfort by having a room to herself over the holidays, I think that says a lot more about you as a person than any sort of unfairness.” Darthkhydaeus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s kind of ridiculous to have a child in a big room by themselves, especially if there is a bigger party that actually needs all the space.
Yes, her parents passed away and she should be comforted and well taken care of, BUT she can still be taken care of in a smaller room.
You could’ve asked in a more polite manner and maybe not demanded it of your BIL but I don’t think you are the jerk.
I think though you should get your own boarding whenever this trip comes up again. If you feel like your own daughter isn’t being cared for in the same way, provide her with an alternative form of pampering. Maybe let her get her own room when you all go on vacay.” midnightrider_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are a guest and have free accommodations from the owner of the house.
You initially left out important information in that the niece is an orphan who lost both her parents a relatively short time ago and so any ‘special’ treatment is hardly spoiling her.
You wanted your own room and to have the niece share a room with your daughter.
When that didn’t work, you suggested your having the larger room. For what purpose other than a power trip since it is a bedroom in temporary accommodation so why do you need the largest room?
The ironic thing is that you aren’t opposed to favoritism – only favoritism that doesn’t favor you.
You would have been fine if you had received the largest room at the expense of your niece.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here and honestly, niece having lost her parents SHOULDN’T MEAN she automatically gets a big room all to herself over 3 people or at least sharing it with someone.
BIL is a jerk and you should consider just ignoring the trips if he’s the one housing since he’s clearly full of crap.
That said, making outright demands does kinda make you a bit of a jerk. But I wouldn’t react much better probably. I would likely either make an ultimatum or just leave altogether right away, call BIL and any relative who would take his side a bunch of choice words, and have my own family trip.” Dr_Molfara
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Baby After Her Late Aunt?
“So, my partner and I have been together for about six years and I’m pregnant with our first baby. About a year and a half ago, one of his older sisters passed away. It was very sudden and shocking and the family is still in mourning.
Recently, my partner and I have started discussing baby names (even though we are keeping the gender a surprise until the baby is born.) Agreeing on a boy’s name was easy enough, but he is dead-set on wanting the baby named after his late sister if it’s a girl.
I didn’t want to be insensitive so I told him that I would think about it, but I already knew what my answer was. No.
His sister and I never really got along. She acted cold and was distant towards me (the rest of his family and I get along fine so I’m not sure why) from the beginning.
Maybe if we had been closer I would be more open to the idea of naming the baby after her but I’m not sure. Also, this is probably selfish but I just don’t want the baby named after a family member that has recently died.
I don’t want them to grow up feeling like they’re just a memory of their aunt.
After a few days of thinking about it, I let my partner know how I feel. He was shocked that I said no and became incredibly upset, calling me selfish and immature and other things like that.
I offered to compromise and use his sister’s name as the baby’s middle name but he didn’t like that idea. He said he wants the baby’s first name to be named after her and he won’t budge on that. He won’t listen to any other names that I like for the baby, and now he’s barely speaking to me at all.
So, I don’t know what to do. My family doesn’t really care about the baby’s name but his family is also really upset that I said no (especially his mother, which I understand but I think she’s the one who is really pressuring my partner to get me to agree to this.)
Anyway… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He doesn’t get to ‘not budge;’ you’re the one carrying the baby and you’ll be the one giving birth to the baby, so you have the final say on the baby’s name. This business of partners who employ silent treatment tactics and name-calling mystifies me – it’s never a good way to settle a disagreement, because all it does is breed resentment that will eventually beget greater problems.
You didn’t get along with his sister, and so you’re being more than sensitive in offering to give the baby her name as a middle name. If your partner doesn’t like that then he can step aside and you can simply name the baby as you see fit.
As far as his family – same thing. You’ve offered to give your baby their daughter’s name as a middle name. It’s a good compromise.” SodaButteWolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the whole family isn’t realizing how hard it’s going to be to have to use the name of a loved family member they just lost with a new family addition.
Let’s say her name was Chloe. So now they don’t get to grieve the loss of ‘their’ Chloe, because ‘Chloe’ is constantly coming up. And then there are the corrections. ‘I’m going over to see (parents) and Chloe.’ ‘Wait, didn’t Chloe pass?’ ‘Oh, no, not that Chloe.’
Not to mention that it might eventually catch up with the parents that they won’t be able to grieve the loss of their daughter properly because there’s a new Chloe that keeps that name painfully fresh.
And all of that is on top of Baby Chloe having a burden of a whole adult person that passed on her little baby shoulders. ‘You know, your Auntie Chloe used to be really good at (thing). You should be just as good.’ And then it becomes trying to make Baby Chloe a clone of their passed family member.
This is bad all around and you need to tell your partner that you want him to go to a counselor with you over this because you’re concerned about how he’s handling his grief and how he expects to handle it when he has to keep saying his dead sister’s name over and over.” WikkidWitchly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – naming your child is a personal thing between and mother and father – ONLY.
Others may voice their opinion, but they don’t have a say in the final choice. Naming a child should always be two ‘YESes’ and not a split decision. Be honest with your partner and say ‘Sis was always cold to me and aloof.
Although I am sorry she has passed, her name brings up hurtful feelings that I wouldn’t want to associate with my child.’ Yes, all children will have a period where they give their parents the cold shoulder or silent treatment. It would only reinforce a negative feeling if she has the same name as his sister who treated you the same way.” karenrn64
11. AITJ For Not Stopping The Van When A Cheetah Pooped?
“I’m a zookeeper of eleven years and got the call yesterday that we’d acquired 2 cheetahs from another zoo, about four hours away. (Happens from time to time, zoos decide that particular animals might be better off at one facility than another).
We left in one of our transport vans around 2 pm. I took two keepers with me – let’s call them Seth (who’s been around as a swing keeper for a few years, and has a bit of cat experience) and Megan (fairly new to the industry, brought her partially for the experience and partially because she was the only other one who wanted some extra hours working late).
We arrive at 6 pm and get to see these two beautiful cheetahs, and Seth helps me get them loaded into our crates.
He does ask ‘Shouldn’t we wait for them to go potty before driving back with them,’ which I know is a common practice sometimes, but I said nah, it could be hours, and the van smells of animals already – we’ll be getting back late enough as it is.
So they agreed and we headed back.
It was a bit cramped but we made it work. Megan sat up front with me and Seth sat in the back with the cheetah crates (had to keep them in the passenger compartment to observe them/make sure they were ok).
The drive back went fine until right before the 3-hour mark, predictably, one of the cheetahs relieved itself. Seth said ‘Oh, oh no it went,’ and a few seconds later the smell hit us up front. Honestly to me it just smelled like healthy cheetah poo – I was mostly just happy to know the cheetah we got was healthy! It sprayed too (intact male cheetah) which did make it worse.
When the smell hit Megan though she started gagging saying ‘Oh my god it’s atrocious.’ I agreed but kept driving. Less than a minute later she said ‘Please can we pull over, I’m going to be sick,’ I said that it’ll be hard to clean this, it’s only another hour and a half tops, but she said, ‘I don’t know if I can make it an hour in this.’
I really hoped we could make it back, but when even Seth lost his composure and started retching I knew this wasn’t good, and Megan was practically crying, so I relented and pulled off at the next exit and pulled up behind a gas station to clean the crate, but not before Megan threw up.
Seth had to help me transfer the cheetah and then we cleaned the crate and Megan’s vomit.
Then we got back in, but Megan recoiled and gagged, saying the van still reeked of vomit, cheetah poo, and spray, which was true. She asked if we could let it air out for another hour, but I said no, sorry, it’d barely help and we need to be getting back.
She looked ill and miserable the whole drive back and has been a bit standoffish to me since. I’m not her regular direct manager so it’s not really my place to intervene. Seth did say the next day ‘That’s what I was afraid of,’ but I think my actions were justified.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – honestly I don’t think anyone is on the wrong side here. You do what you have to do for the animals and deal with the smells as best you can. The problem is that for some people that smell is way more overwhelming than it is for others so I understand the vomiting and the being standoffishness too.
I think it’s just one of those things where people learn their limits. For some folks that will be plowing on through and for others, it will be getting out the van, vomiting and never coming back to that role again.” Imaginary_Reveal7884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She chose a job involving large animals with bodily functions and accepted the overtime for the trip.
The cheetahs needed to be moved expediently and with as little shipping stress to the animals as possible so they didn’t become ill. OP was being a good steward of the animals they were entrusted to move. Longer time in the holding cages = more stress on the animal and the possibility of it injuring itself or falling ill due to stress-lowered immunity.
It sounds like Megan isn’t cut out to work with large animals if she couldn’t handle the smell of normal big cat bodily functions without becoming ill. Perhaps she will grow into the role, but unpleasant smells, getting peed, pooped, and thrown up on are all a part of working with animals – as well as the possibility of getting clawed, bitten, nipped, or kicked/stomped, and occasionally helping deliver young.
Animal work is smelly, dirty, and often dangerous, but the welfare of the animals must always come first (or a very close second to a handler’s physical safety).” IndgoViolet
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘no jerks here’. I get that Megan seemingly wasn’t prepared for the smell, and as someone with a sensitive stomach in that sense, I definitely empathize with her; after a certain point, you really can’t force yourself not to throw up if you definitely are going to.
So in that respect her needing some air and whatnot is reasonable, she can’t control her body’s reaction, and presumably, she didn’t know how bad it could smell in a confined space and that she’d react that extremely, so I get it.
But animals get stressed, sometimes easily, as I’m sure you know better than I or most people do. Being confined for hours and being driven for hours must be stressful to them, and it was important to get them to your zoo as soon as possible so you can get them in and settled.
Delaying it by another hour or so isn’t in the animal’s best interests, which is pretty much your job.
I think it’s unfair of Megan to treat you differently or blame you for putting the animals’ needs first since stress in animals can be a big deal.
But maybe she doesn’t blame you, maybe she feels embarrassed or something.” JCaerso92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Reading this as someone who has no experience in this field and isn’t even an animal lover, I don’t understand why someone would think it’s acceptable to pull over for an hour with live animals in the back?! It seems like the smells and sticking to the schedule are a part of the job, and while it may be more comfortable to let the van air out the animals are the priority.
In Megan’s defense I’d probably be standoffish too but try my best not to make it personal since this seems like a situation that could happen to anyone on the job. If she is making it personal, that sucks but it’ll probably happen to her again and she’ll understand it’s the job and not you.” laughingcyanide
10. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Will Leave Her If She Gets Fat Again?
“I’ve (25M) lived with my partner of 3 years (26F) for about a year now. We were kind of unfit and had poor diets for a while until my partner introduced a workout plan for herself and asked me to join.
Despite being the one who started it, she wasn’t as into it as I became. I ended up working out 4 days a week and now I eat incredibly healthy.
I’ve lost 50 lbs. My partner only lost about 22 lbs. I dropped most junk food, she still eats some from time to time.
I try to get rid of our junk food to avoid getting tempted. Anytime my partner brings in cookies, pizza rolls, etc… I would instead give them to my niece whenever she comes over or my mom whenever she’s hungry whenever she visits.
My partner always complains about this but I keep reminding her that we are pursuing a healthy lifestyle.
She ended up gaining 5 lbs and I was worried she’d get back to her starting weight, so I hid all of our junk food and made her healthy meals.
She complained that I’m controlling her diet but I’m not.
Yesterday I came home from work and she was eating a Hot Pocket. I lost it and asked her why she even started our weight loss journey if she was going to eat like crap.
She told me she can eat whatever she wants and I should get over it. I asked her if she wants us to go back to being fat and if so, to leave me out of it. I unintentionally told her that I was going to leave her if she goes back to her starting weight.
I didn’t mean it. I was just angry and frustrated, but now she won’t even talk to me.
She told me this morning that if I keep acting like this, she will leave. I don’t want to lose her over Hot Pockets.
Was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Mate. Your partner ‘only’ lost 22 pounds? That is seriously an accomplishment. Not only that, but women’s bodies metabolize stuff differently than men’s. And hold onto fat more. Our weight can easily fluctuate by 5 pounds in a given week.
Let her have her hot pocket. If you show her you accept her no matter her weight so she can work out and eat healthy to be healthier and stronger, she won’t be motivated by guilt and shame. Both of which are terrible motivators.
Trying to control what she eats is what leads to guilt and shame when eating, which is exactly what leads to binging/purging/starving eating disorders.
YTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are literally controlling her diet by removing and hiding her food. You can’t force people to change, they have to commit to it on their own.
She’s an adult and has the right to decide how to feed herself, whether it’s ‘bad’ for her or not. Your choices are to either set an example of what you believe to be good eating and exercise habits and hope that she’ll join you, or reconsider whether or not this relationship is right for you.
You can’t force your habits on her and demand change without driving her away.” nriabko
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You say you’re not controlling her diet, yet you’re hiding her food? So… how is that not attempting to control what she eats? Your partner is an adult, and she can eat what she wants.
If you’re not happy with how she looks, that’s something you need to work out for yourself – but berating her and criticizing her certainly isn’t going to get you what you want, and it’s just going to make her mad.
Try being supportive instead of critical – maybe she’s perfectly happy with her appearance, or maybe she needs a different lifestyle adjustment that isn’t the same as what you want or needed to lose weight. Ultimately, it is up to HER how she approaches her weight and eating. You can make your own decisions about what you want, but stop trying to control her decisions.” PNWPainter02
9. AITJ For Saying My Neighbor Is A Crappy Mom?
“I moved into a townhouse in December with my kids. My immediate neighbor and I have always been friendly, she baked me cookies when I first moved in. I had to set some boundaries when just a few weeks after moving in she asked me if I could watch her two-year-old so she could run to the grocery store.
I didn’t mind that, but she just kept asking me to watch them for her to do tasks and I didn’t want to be responsible for essentially a stranger’s child. When I did set my boundaries she got very upset saying that I’m home all day while my partner works so it’s not like I wouldn’t be doing the same thing.
I felt uncomfortable after that so I stopped speaking to her.
She has a teenage daughter who I’ve seen sneaking out through the backyard we share a few times on the weekends but I mind my business and honestly couldn’t care less.
I was 19 myself so I remember sneaking out. Her daughter has also told me that her mom works a lot during the evening and nights and she also has to work a fast food job to pay the bills so her mother leaves her toddler in the hands of her six and eight-year-old to take care of during those hours.
I was so shocked and felt like reporting it to CPS but my partner said not to and that he was raised in the system of our city and it sucks. Ever since I always keep an ear out and even feel compelled to knock on their door some nights with food to make sure they’re ok and have set up cameras outside in case anything happens there’s something recording.
The eight-year-old is very mature and they all sleep in one room she told me but it’s a sad situation.
Last night my neighbor knocked on my door to ask me if I’ve ever seen her teen daughter sneak out since another neighbor said they saw her jumping the fence to the backyard and she knows I spend a lot of time on the deck out there.
I said no and she said to keep an eye out and let her know and I said it’s not my responsibility to do that. She laughs and says but I think it’s my responsibility to bring her kids food and I snapped back and said that’s because she is a crappy mother and to be a better mom and that she should be more concerned that she has her child working a job so they can pay rent than if she sneaks out and to stop having kids and to stop asking me questions.
She called me a witch and said to not bring her kids fast food and that she’s a better mom than me that stays home all day with a toddler. That she works 80 hours a week to take care of her kids with no help and is only 30 and I’m an entitled jerk to refuse to watch her toddler but claim to care about their wellbeing.
She’s now telling neighbors that I ‘cussed her out,’ ruining my reputation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. I think this family has much bigger issues than whether or not the oldest daughter is sneaking out at night. I know your partner doesn’t want to put young kids into the system, but if she’s leaving a seven and eight-year-old alone with a toddler for multiple hours, and the oldest isn’t at home to keep an eye on them, they could get themselves into danger.
You might need to make that call if something doesn’t change.
NTJ.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“Your neighbors, if they have been paying attention, know what kind of a person she is and how she runs her family. I am sure your neighbors take her badmouthing you with a big old grain of salt.
NTJ for keeping quiet about her legally adult daughter hopping the fence out back. Not your problem, not your business.
About feeding the little kids – Obviously, you don’t want them to go hungry. And she could have thanked you for feeding them.
Talk about biting the hand…
NTJ, and if you see the kids being hungry, screw it, I would report her. It will take a lot for them to take the kids away. Maybe the authorities will even get her some assistance.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this mom sounds like a nightmare to live next to, especially having to worry for her children all the time! She has some nerve for sure, and you’re kind to worry about them.
The absolute gall trying to make you responsible for her children because you’re home in the daytime! Wow! She needs to manage her own life and leave you alone. Whatever help you give her you certainly don’t owe her more just because she thinks you do, and you definitely don’t owe her policing her teenage daughter.
In fact, you owe her exactly nothing.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you would be off base calling child protective services but I don’t know where you live – I’m in a state that houses foster kids in office buildings so I certainly get your partner’s perspective.” spicey_tea
8. WIBTJ If I Tell My Cousin's Fiancée My Aunt Will Be Wearing A White Dress To Her Wedding?
“I’m going to be seeing the bride at her hen’s night however I do not want to ruin her hen’s night either so I’m unsure how to meet up or tell her. The bride is my cousin’s fiancée. Our families are very close and she has A LOT of anxiety.
She’s been planning this wedding for two years getting every detail correct making sure it’s perfect and she is literally such a kind person.
A few days ago my mum called me saying she had spoken to my nan. My nan said my aunty is going to wear white and not just white a long white dress.
My nan obviously protested against this but my aunt said ‘It’s 2023 people can wear whatever they want. No one cares.’
She did not ask the bride for permission, my aunt is literally delusional. I mean how hard is it not to wear white for one day? Anyway, my mum said, ‘oh well my aunt can look like an idiot in front of tons of people.’
Yes, she will look stupid but my concern is the bride is going to be upset and feel like her wedding is ruined.
I don’t care about my aunt’s feelings, I care about the bride and making sure she doesn’t feel hurt on her wedding day. I told my mum we need to tell her or at least the bride’s mother in advance so that the bride can have a good wedding.
Unfortunately, my mum said I would be a jerk if I did that. She said it is not my place but no one seems to be man enough to tell the bride. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to annoy my family but I also think she deserves to know and not feel hurt on her wedding day.
I don’t know what to do. I believe this situation should be mentioned beforehand and not on the wedding day.
Edit: So my nan had three daughters (my mum, my aunt, and the other aunt (MIL to the bride). I’m referring to the aunt who isn’t MIL to the bride.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would tell the groom’s mom what her sister is planning to do, and let her handle it. She may be the best one to deal with the situation and get the point across that this aunt should NOT be wearing white on someone else’s wedding day.
That’s super tacky.
You could also try speaking with the aunt who plans on wearing white directly, and let her know that wearing white on someone else’s wedding day is not ok, and that if she insists on wearing white still, you’ll tell the groom’s mom, who won’t be nearly as nice about it as you are.” willworkformargs
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
However, tell the bride, or the person you deem best suited to tell the bride – a friend, bridesmaid, or the groom – outside of any events.
It can be the day before or something like that but do not add to the stress of an event if at all possible. Even fun things like hen nights have their stressors.
It absolutely should be mentioned before the wedding day, and I’d say as far in advance as you can.
I know it’s the bride’s responsibility for handling her anxiety, but I don’t see any sense in adding to it if it can be avoided.
Do not spend so much time figuring out who should tell her that you run out of time to tell her.
I don’t know what your time frame is here, but I’d probably try not to take more than a couple of days, less if possible. It’s a case of don’t let perfect be the enemy of good, and there will likely never be a ‘perfect’ time to tell her.
I’d also add, tell her calmly. You say the bride has anxiety issues, and take that into consideration, but honestly, this is not the end of the world. Don’t approach this in an ominous way, or something that leads her to believe it’s on the level that someone died.
I suspect the aunt is right to an extent, and no one will really care, or if they do, it’ll be more like ‘Can you believe that?’ However I think she’s being disrespectful, and the bride should be ready for that.” LazyCrocheter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This hen’s night is perfect because that gives her wedding party the ability to plan how to take care of that spectacle. Looks like red wine should be on the menu or at least the wedding party should come out with a bottle ‘just for them’ and have an accidental spill on Auntie’s dress.
Go further to have a budget for dry cleaning or replacement (only if she has a real receipt for it) and post lots of pictures showing her before and after.
If her maid of honor and bridesmaids are tight with her, tell them and not the bride so they can handle it.
This way you can say that you did not tell the bride and hopefully the wedding party can take care of things either in a spectacular manner (red, red wine) or discreetly (red wine toast away from the bride’s dress, you know, because bride’s dress).” ConfectionExtra7869
7. AITJ For Going To Work While My Wife Is Undergoing Surgery?
“My (31m) wife (32f) was having a ton of really bad abdominal pain last weekend. I drove her to urgent care Saturday morning – she didn’t want to go but I basically made her. Urgent care made her go to the ER where they determined that her appendix needed to come out that day.
She called her mom before surgery. Her mom must have told both of my parents as well because all three (her mom and my mom and dad) ended up at the hospital to be with her during her surgery.
Now; here’s where the conflict lies…
I was scheduled for work at 5 pm that night. I’ve just started a new job that pays well. I only started it a couple of weeks ago so I am brand new at it. I didn’t want to call in.
They probably would have been cool with it given the circumstances but I still didn’t want to do it. I didn’t even have the PTO for it; I would have either had to take the day unpaid or gone negative on my PTO.
So, while my wife was having the surgery I went into work and pulled my shift.
My wife is upset with me. She is accusing me of ‘abandoning’ her. But I think that is unfair. She was having a completely routine surgery and she had plenty of company and support.
It was unfortunate that I couldn’t be there and I feel bad about it but it’s not as if I’m a surgeon and could have made a difference. I had to work, period, and I’m too new there to call in.
The timing sucked but my wife’s health outcomes were the same either way.
Her mother gets it and so does my father. But my mom thinks I should have called in. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got her to the doctor, she was sent to the hospital and had 3 people with her.
Some people do not get that some companies can and will fire you during the probationary period for anything, including an absence, especially since you’ve only been there a couple of weeks. I understand she was nervous but she needs to understand you just started this job.
Well-paying jobs can be hard to find these days, depending on where you live. I’m sure you wanted to be there too and everyone here is acting like you are some heartless monster for wanting to keep a brand new job and paycheck.
It’s a risk you weren’t willing to take and I don’t blame you.” Obsidiannight2010
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘They probably would have been cool with it given the circumstances but I still didn’t want to do it.’
The fact that you didn’t even bother trying to contact your work to discuss the situation for their input is repulsive.
There are plenty of options that your boss could’ve possibly offered you in that situation, but you’ll never know because you didn’t buckle down as an adult to communicate with them. The timing absolutely sucked, and you know, people might have actually understood that and worked with you, had you tried.
There are significantly worse things in life than unpaid leave or negative PTO. One that immediately comes to mind is making sure your wife understands that unpaid leave and negative PTO outrank her need to have you there with her.
I’m not sure how familiar you actually are with medical procedures, but as others have said, no surgery is routine.
You really don’t want to learn to not take things for granted on something like that the hard way.” LtDan281
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You went to work not out drinking with your buddy. There was literally nothing for you to do until your wife was out of surgery.
There’s no difference between sitting in a waiting room, going to grab a coffee, or being at work. If something went sideways the hospital staff was not coming to get you to help solve the problem. She had support with her in the hospital & they knew how to reach you. Hopefully, you returned after your shift & are helping her during recovery.” Alarming_Reply_6286
6. AITJ For Having No Interest In Being "Family" With My Stepmother?
“I (F30) was raised by my stepfather/dad from 9 months until 14. My parents split and although my stepfather was not my biological father he included me in his custody agreement with my younger sibling. We spent every other holiday, and most of the summers with him barring deployment.
He met my now stepmother; she was a single mom in the same career field as him. Our relationship was always rocky, I felt she made digs at my mother for having a lower economic and educational level than her at the time.
My dad deployed often but he did not want to amend/lose any time with us, so we kept the custody schedule but just went with her.
The major incidents I can remember:
- She did not want me in their wedding and my paternal grandmother had to threaten to have none of the family show up if she didn’t put me in the wedding
- During Christmas, it became apparent I was given much less than everyone else.
The other children were given scooters as the big gift of the year. My dad was embarrassed since up to that point mom always had us for Christmas. Stepmom made a big stink about how that wasn’t fair and then pulled this crap.
- My grandmother passed and at the repast, my stepmother ‘introduced’ me as ______’s stepdaughter.
While my parentage was not a secret most of the family just knew me as his child. My grandpa could not bear to enter the house or to even sleep in their room he was so upset about the death her mom decided that she would watch TV in THEIR BEDROOM WHILE LAYING ON THEIR BED.
I physically threatened her mother and barricaded myself in the room while sobbing hysterically. I told my mom I wanted to find my ‘real dad’. It hurt his feelings and he wrote me a long email basically saying that I needed to learn to get along with his wife for the sake of the family.
I told my dad that if he was accepting of how she treated me then I no longer wanted to be a part of his family.
I did not speak or see my dad again until I was 19. I wasn’t ready.
Fast forward to age 25 and he reached out again and I was still not ready. He has according to my sister been going to therapy, he started reaching out to me more insistently recently, and after going to therapy myself I felt ready to at least have a conversation.
I told him that I’m open to rebuilding my relationship with him. He gave me his viewpoint on the situation at the time. He always assumed that I would eventually come around. He asked ‘Are you open to apologizing to your stepmom’.
She feels she deserves an apology since the situation between my dad and me has caused continuous strain on their marriage and although not the only factor it’s a big factor in them being in therapy as a couple apparently.
He feels I should be fine apologizing so we can fully reconcile as a family but I don’t view her as a parental figure.
And I’ve no interest in being a ‘family.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Has your dad apologized to you? Your grandmother shouldn’t have had to intervene in their wedding planning to make sure you were included because your dad should have taken that stand first.
There should have been no reason for him to be embarrassed about the disparity in Christmas gifts because he should have known what they were giving the kids and made sure it was equitable. It sounds like this current request for an apology is just your dad once again disregarding you in favor of his wife without taking any accountability for his own role in the matter.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“Your father needs to understand that the reason he and his wife are in couple’s counseling is because of how his wife treated you.
Asking you to apologize is once again allowing her to pretend you are the problem, simply for existing and being loved by your dad. What does he want you to say to her? ‘I’m sorry you never wanted me. I’m sorry that you resented me.
I’m sorry that you were expected to treat me as having equal importance to my siblings.’ I’d point out to him that the problem has always been how she chose to treat you, and you stopped speaking to him because he allowed it.
If he’s looking to make you the problem, then maybe he isn’t ready to be a part of your life yet.
She’s the one who created the rift in their marriage by treating you unkindly. Asking you to apologize for that only shows that she hasn’t grown or changed at all.
She still wants to blame you instead of accepting responsibility for her actions.
NTJ.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would be upfront with your dad and say the only apology you can sincerely offer is one where you say you are sorry you lost so much time with him because you reacted poorly to his wife’s awful behavior.
I’d also acknowledge that neither an insincere apology nor the only one that can honestly be given is likely to help things, particularly given that stepmom doesn’t seem ready to acknowledge the reality that she was, in fact, abusive to you, but you’d certainly hear her out if she was ready to sincerely apologize for what she did.
If not, and you feel generous, you could offer to treat her like a polite stranger, so long as she does likewise, and hopefully that works for all of you. I would tell your dad if it doesn’t, the best you can do is have a one-on-one relationship with him where you and stepmom never talk or cross paths at all.” DetailEquivalent7708
5. AITJ For Not Lending My Car To My Sister?
“My sister (28F) and I (26F) have always been close. We live in the same city and see each other regularly. Recently, my sister got into a car accident and totaled her car. She was lucky to escape with only minor injuries, but her car was completely destroyed.
Since she relies on her car to get to work and run errands, she immediately started asking around to see if anyone could lend her a car until she could afford to buy a new one. I offered to let her borrow my car for a couple of weeks but with a few conditions.
First, I asked her to cover the cost of gas and any maintenance or repairs that might come up while she was using it. Second, I asked her to be responsible and take good care of the car, as it’s my primary mode of transportation and I can’t afford to be without it for too long.
She agreed to these conditions and took my car. However, after a few days, I started getting calls from friends and family members who saw my car parked in places where it shouldn’t have been. Apparently, my sister was using it to run personal errands and even let her friends borrow it without asking me.
I confronted her about this and she got defensive, saying that it was just for a short time and she needed to get around. I reminded her of our agreement and told her that she couldn’t continue to use my car unless she respected my boundaries.
She got angry and accused me of being selfish and stingy. She said that family should help each other out in times of need and that I was being unreasonable. I argued that I was happy to help her, but I couldn’t let her take advantage of me and my property.
We ended up having a big argument and she stormed out of my apartment. Since then, she’s been avoiding me and telling our mutual friends and family members that I’m a terrible sister who doesn’t care about her family. Am I the jerk for refusing to let her use my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Running personal errands herself seems fine and part of what she agreed to, but letting anyone else use the car without your knowledge? She’s done, no more.
The fact that she’s calling you selfish and stingy, unreasonable, and talking crap about you behind your back is the final straw – she owes you a major apology and needs to set the record straight with everyone she badmouthed you to.
Shame she decided to ruin your relationship out of her own self-centered jerkness.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t be mad about her using the car to run errands, but letting other people use it? Nope, nope, nope. You don’t know these people from Adam.
For all you know, they’re on illegal substances, or their license is suspended or they’ve got warrants or who knows what. One wrong move with someone else driving your car and you’ve got a ton of towing fees to pay and a nightmare of impounds to deal with.
She was ungrateful and dismissive of your property, therefore, she doesn’t get to use it.” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your car. Your insurance. She has no business loaning it out to anyone. You set reasonable ground rules for using your car. She broke them.
I’m sure if she had been responsible and followed the rules, you would have allowed her to continue to use it. She can take public transportation to work or carpool with someone (she can pay for gas since she doesn’t have a car to drive). She can use Uber/Lyft for errands. She can look around and find a cheaper car that she can afford to purchase. She has options.” Legitimate-Moose-816
4. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Family And Friends That I've Found My Seven Other Siblings?
“I did a 23&me ancestry test and found out that the person I thought was my dad was not my actual dad. After the shock subsided I felt kind of relieved because the man I thought was my dad was a piece of trash anyway.
He is, however, my younger sibling’s birth father. We saw him once every couple of years and didn’t have a close relationship with him or his family. It wasn’t until we were adults that we bonded with his family through social media.
My birth father was the complete opposite of the piece of trash dad I thought was my father, however, he passed away over a decade ago. I found three of my siblings from him on 23&me and we connected. It turns out I have 7 siblings total from my birth father.
We are all excited and happy about this new discovery. It turns out we have so much in common and they are amazing human beings. I want to share this discovery with family and friends but my mom said she would be devastated by the judgment she would receive.
She said she is embarrassed and doesn’t think she could handle people talking about her.
For clarification, she claims she didn’t have any doubts about who my father was and was just as shocked as me. She supported me in doing the 23&me and even wanted to do it herself.
My mom made a lot of mistakes when she was younger but she is an amazing woman now and I respect her very much.
When we first found out she cried and kept apologizing to me saying she felt bad about me not knowing my father.
I told her I wasn’t mad and that I love her and things happen the way they are meant to happen. I didn’t want her to feel guilty or sad. Even though I’m sad I never met my dad, I’m excited to meet my siblings.
They live in other states so we are still working on that part but the past two months have been hard keeping this secret in. AITJ for wanting to share this news with family and friends? I feel like my mom is only worried about herself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but, if you do decide to share, be prepared for some repercussions.
Eventually, this IS going to come to a head when you host a family event & your half-siblings decide to join, after all, it isn’t fair to exclude them from events you host because it will make your mom uncomfortable & talked about.
Your mom needs to take this bull by the horns & confront this all before you accidentally say you’re visiting your siblings. Slips do happen. So she better handle her discomfort sooner rather than later.” Sea-Geologist-8727
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you’re right to want to live openly and authentically.
Your mom, however, is also allowed to be very nervous about the fallout from this – particularly from her other children. I think it’s worth giving this issue a little more time to breathe and have another conversation with your Mum emphasizing your support of her if and when this news becomes public.” Radiant_Composer_454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom may be an amazing woman now, but she failed in the most fundamental way by depriving you of a relationship with your birth father. Hear me on this. You never got to know your dad before he died because of your mom.
Every action she’s taken with regard to this was meant to keep her from ‘looking bad’ and you were a casualty of that.
You can respect your mom. You can keep your relationship with her. But what you should not do is continue to sacrifice yourself on the altar of her decades-old lie. It’s time to get to know your family and not keep them as some dirty little secret.” NorthernLitUp
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Cousin's Wedding Anymore Because Her Fiancé Is A Jerk?
“My cousin (26F) and I (24F) have always been close, and I was excited to hear about her engagement to her long-time partner (28M). However, when I met him for the first time, I was taken aback by his behavior towards me.
He made several rude comments and seemed to be trying to provoke me. When I asked my cousin about it, she dismissed it as ‘just his sense of humor’ and said that he didn’t mean anything by it.
Over the next few months, his behavior continued to escalate.
He would make snide comments about my appearance and intelligence, and would often talk over me or interrupt me when we were all together.
I tried to talk to my cousin about it again, but she became defensive and said that I was overreacting.
She said that he was just joking and that I needed to learn to take a joke.
Despite my misgivings, I agreed to attend their wedding as a bridesmaid. However, on the day of the wedding, things came to a head.
While we were getting ready, my cousin’s fiance made a particularly hurtful comment about my weight.
I snapped and told him off, saying that I was tired of his constant belittling and that he needed to grow up.
My cousin overheard the argument and came in to see what was going on. When she realized what had happened, she begged me to apologize and just get along with him for the rest of the day.
But I refused. I told her that I couldn’t support a relationship where one partner was constantly belittling and disrespecting the other. I said that I couldn’t attend the wedding in good conscience and that I was going to leave.
My cousin was upset and accused me of ruining her special day.
Our family members have been divided on the issue, with some supporting my decision and others saying that I should have just kept quiet for the sake of family harmony.
Am I the jerk for refusing to attend my cousin’s wedding because of her fiancé’s behavior toward me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The groom ruined their wedding, not you. I don’t believe you should have gone through with attending the wedding just because it was already too late to back out or because they (presumably) paid for your bridesmaid stuff. Those are not strong enough reasons to endure any more possible awful treatment from the jerk that is the groom.
I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Hopefully with this, more people would be aware of what the groom is like, and by extension, your cousin.” richkidwannabe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Backing out on the day of the wedding was really bad. You had plenty of opportunities beforehand.
You knew before then that you did not like him and did not support their union so you never should have said you would be a bridesmaid. That is on you. It’s good that you stood up for yourself, but your timing was awful and you left her hanging.
You made a commitment to her.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That ‘family harmony’ everyone else wanted would have come at your expense. Screw that noise. Let them share in the joy of having this jerk in the family. When people lean on you to ‘keep the peace,’ what they’re saying is that they want to keep their peace undisturbed so they don’t have to deal with the jerk.
I would call your cousin a jerk for her ‘learn to take a joke’ nonsense except I suspect she’s going to find wedded life isn’t so great with this guy.
Stay strong. You did right.” AnnieLosAngeles
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, so yes he sounds rude, etc.
and your cousin should have made him stop or maybe not even marry him; however, you knew all that and decided to be a bridesmaid and then he makes a comment and you say that’s enough, why now? I think yes you should have sucked it up or not have been a bridesmaid or at the wedding at all since you know him/his behavior but to do it on the wedding day is not okay.” Ok_Possibility5715
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Being Ashamed Of Our Relationship?
“I (30F) have been married to my wife (I’ll call her Eve – 35F) for 9 years. She is an amazing person but her behavior the other day honestly left me speechless.
Eve got into an accident last week. Thankfully she is perfectly fine.
Her car isn’t though and it is currently at the mechanic for repairs. I give her a lift to work in the morning and she usually gets back home on her own.
The other day, I had a rather long day at work.
I texted Eve and asked her if she wanted me to pick her up so we could go home together. She said yes. She’s a doctor and works at the hospital. I got there and I texted her where I was.
I waited for half an hour and there was no response other than I’ll be there shortly.
I’ve never really been inside the hospital and she hasn’t been to my workplace as well. We never discussed this there was just no need for it.
Eve has always managed to keep work and home life very separate and prides herself in doing that.
Anyway, our kids’ sitter’s time was going to be over in a short while so at least one of us needed to be home soon.
I called her, texted her, and still no response after half an hour. I got worried so I got into the hospital, and asked for her. They didn’t just tell me so I introduced myself as her wife.
I waited inside for 15 minutes and learned that they had an emergency and she had rushed into the OR for a patient.
Eve finally came and we went to my car. She asked me what I was doing and I explained the situation.
She got really angry and said she didn’t really want everyone to know about her private life at work. I was really confused because, from her tone, it felt like she didn’t want people to know we were a couple, let alone married.
She kept pushing that if they knew her spouse was a woman she wouldn’t hear the end of it from her coworkers. She said she didn’t want me to be dragged into the middle of this and that her workplace was toxic at best.
I may be the jerk here because I got mad and went on a rant about us being together for 11 years, having two kids and that being a fact, not something to be ashamed of.
The argument went on, and even after we got home, I can’t bring myself to accept that she sees this as a liability.
Eve tried to apologize but I still can’t let this go. My friend told me she works in a ridiculously male-dominated field of specialty and her concerns were valid. Was I being a jerk? I feel like I am losing my mind.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I think it is an unfortunate circumstance.
You were valid in your concern about her and walking into the hospital to check in on her. And she is right in trying to safeguard her personal life from a system and space that will be discriminatory and potentially even hostile upon learning about her sexuality and marital relationship.
It is super concerning though how you both have spent 11 years not ever discussing the toxicity and duplicity of working in the industry that she is in and how she might have to safeguard and keep her personal life away from her work life.
It is easy to assume that she is embarrassed of you or your relationship but as someone who has known people in the medical field it is equally possible she did it to not create a hostile environment for herself or to avoid people making unwarranted comments about you and her relationship.
This could be a big emotional and psychological toll. You both need to sit and talk. Check in on why she felt exposed with your visit and if she is keeping her sexuality hidden at work and how that would make you feel.
Not every queer person wants to be an activist at their work; it is a hard battle uphill and shouldn’t be their burden to fight always.” No-Kale3800
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Out of respect for your partner and your 9 years of marriage please find a time when you can calmly discuss this.
Tell her you are very concerned that she is working in an environment like this and concerned about the toll it will take on her. Ask her why she feels the need to work in a place like this. Maybe it is the easiest means to a goal that matters to her.
Let her know that her hiding you hurts your feelings. Maybe the two of you can find a way to get her out of that toxic environment so you can live your lives openly.” Suspicious-Donkey609
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because you weren’t in the wrong, but your wife is understandable.
That said, if she didn’t want anyone at work to know about her being married to a woman, she ought to have told you this. She has reasonable, if very sad, concerns. I’m sure you two could’ve worked this out if you’d been clued in on it.
But she can’t be mad at you for breaking ‘rules’ that you didn’t know existed.” missy20201
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You went wrong when you went on a rant and continued the argument even after the apology. I understand why you went inside and why it makes you angry but I also understand why she might not want people at work to know because of this – ‘My friend told me she works in a ridiculously male-dominated field of specialty and her concerns were valid’.
Maybe she is not out at work because she knows it won’t be accepted by her colleagues and it is not a safe or comfortable environment for her to come out. That does not mean she is ashamed of you but she should have told you earlier that she did not come out at her workplace yet.” funisindysfunctional
1. AITJ For Ruining The Fun By Telling My Partner What Happened In The Video Was Fake?
“My significant other sent me a video that he found hilarious. It was the one where people are on a Zoom call and one guy thinks he turned his camera off and goes to get lotion and tissues while his colleagues all shout at him in horror.
I knew halfway through the video that it was fake. I told him ‘That has to be scripted.’ He replied ‘I really hope it isn’t.’ I was curious so went on the web and found out it was actually an ad for an adult website.
I sent the link to him.
He got really upset that I ‘felt the need to prove him wrong.’ He said everyone else he shared the video with just ‘laughed and moved on.’ He eventually got over it and we made up.
Recently he sent me another video where a boy shoots a Nerf gun at his mother’s painting and she falls onto the couch and spills paint everywhere. I’m not certain but I also believe this video to be set up as well.
Everything in me is telling myself not to tell him it’s fake, but the urge is strong!
One of my major annoyances with social media is so many staged videos and content, which is fine if everyone is aware that they’re fake.
But the problem is a lot of people believe these are real. It’s fine for funny content but where it does matter is for political or ‘scientific’ content.
Am I the jerk for telling him it’s fake and ruining it? Should I just keep my mouth shut and pretend to laugh?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It seems like the bigger issue might be that you’re secretly embarrassed that your SO is falling for these videos. I get it. One time getting confused isn’t so bad, but it shows a lack of awareness on your SO’s part if he can’t tell the difference between real and fake.
And your SO is (maybe rightfully) defensive about his intelligence after you called him out, especially if he already revealed his hand with other friends.
This seems like a small issue in the bigger picture of a relationship, but I don’t think you’re wrong for trying to steer your SO in the right direction.” bwilson525
Another User Comments:
“Nobody wants to be a buzzkill, but so many people fall for misinformation that I think it’s worth talking about.
There’s no harm in not wondering if that fail video is real, but he should definitely have some interest in fact-checking other things he finds online. It’s so easy to fake videos and photos or show things out of context. We should all be in the habit of questioning sources and thinking about the context of what we see and the potential agenda of the person sharing it.
NTJ.” Friendly_Shelter_625
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I get that it’s funny content and that some people think it’s harmless if he believes it’s real. AND, I also understand that OP understands that it’s funny but would rather that their SO be laughing, KNOWING that it’s not real.
The problem here is that if a person is viewing content always believing or always wanting to believe it’s real, they will often fall for more seriously deceptive content that could potentially actually cause harm. (The whole, ‘I trust that site/poster so it must be real’ syndrome or worse, the ‘I believe everything I see on the internet’ syndrome).
OP’s approach though was just way too ‘know-it-all’. Just tell him it was funny (because it probably was), but that you think it was staged/fake, and let HIM look it up in his own time. Hopefully, he doesn’t fall for any serious scams in the future.” slvstk
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
He’s not sending you scientific or political posts that might be fake or questionable that need validating. He’s sending you silly things that he finds amusing cos he thinks you’ll enjoy them too. I send my husband a lot of random stuff on social media, some of which he probably thinks, ‘what on earth is this rubbish?’, but he’ll just thumbs up and move on, and I do the same with him.
For some people, it’s how they show that they’re thinking about you, and they just want to share a moment of their day with you. Honestly, it just sounds like you’ve got a need to feel more informed than others and be ‘right’ all the time. If you genuinely don’t like receiving these videos, have a conversation with him about the type of content you would like to receive. Otherwise, just scroll past it.” InThePurpleReign
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