People Are Shaking In Their Boots Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Do More Chores Just Because My Partner Chooses To Work From The Office?
“I (F27) live with my partner (M27). We were classmates at uni, both have the same degree and work in the same field (IT). We earn similar salaries (mine is bigger by 300€/month), split rent and utilities 50/50, and groceries 40/60 as he eats much more than I do.
I work from home while my partner works from the office by choice. He had a hard time when he was working from home because he is very social and likes chatting with people while I prefer to concentrate and work in complete silence so that I can be done with work earlier (neither of us has fixed hours).
Our day looks somewhat like this: we wake up at ~7. I grab a coffee and head straight to the computer, concentrate hard, and work without distractions. By 12-1, I’m usually done with work and am semi-free (I don’t leave home and have notifications on my phone in case someone needs me because most of my coworkers start to work much later than I do).
My partner wakes up at the same time, heads to the shower, eats breakfast and goes to work by public transit, which takes him 40-50 minutes one way. He starts work at ~9.30 and comes home no earlier than 19 (more like 20.30 on the days he goes to the gym).
Eats, packs his lunch, washes his dishes, and goes to bed soon after.
Now, chores. I cook lunch and dinner (different meals) every day. My partner has severe allergies and doesn’t eat nonhome-made food. I also do all the grocery shopping and planning, laundry, and small jobs here and there (like cleaning the counters or dusting).
My partner is responsible for weekly vacuuming, moping, changing sheets, deep cleaning the bathroom, and deep cleaning the kitchen. I spend 1.5-2 hours doing chores every day while my partner opts to do all his share on a Saturday or Sunday. It takes the better part of his day, which he is currently complaining about.
He wants me to help with his chores so that he can be done with them earlier. He feels it’s unfair I get so much free time while he barely has time to scroll his phone or read a book in the evening. I think it’s his choice to work from the office and I’m not responsible for it.
He would save at least 1.5 hours daily on commute alone. He pointed out he was depressed when he had to work from home, which, again I don’t think has anything to do with me or my free time.
He thinks I’m being selfish by not wanting to help him out.
Being together means helping each other according to him. I asked how is it that he helped me then. I previously lived alone and it was cheaper (didn’t have to spend so much on groceries because I don’t have dietary restrictions and am a tiny person who doesn’t eat much).
I don’t want to spend more time on chores than I used to when I was alone on top of that. All so that he could have it easier than he would if he was living alone. I have the time and could easily help him with chores, but frankly, I’d much rather read a book or go for a walk instead.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
” He invented his problem and now he wants her to change her life to fix it. He chooses to go into the office every day, so she has to give up her free time. Commuting and gym are how he *chooses* to spend his free time.
He commutes 1.5 hours a day while she does chores for 1.5 hours a day. Yes, relationships require compromise and give/take. He’s mad because she has a great schedule that uses her time wisely and he doesn’t. He wants her to give more without any compromise or giving on his end.
NTJ. He’s an adult, he has to figure out his schedule. Working from home 1-2 days a week would probably fix his issues.” venus_4938
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I saw that you proposed switching up responsibilities and he didn’t want to. He wants you to keep handling meals which account for his dietary restrictions, he wants you to keep doing shopping, etc. He wants you to take on more of his work so he can go to work and have some fun chit-chat and still have more free time.
Perhaps if it’s an option, he can work from home a day or 2, and with that added free time, he can just get some of the chores done then. Edit: I just saw that he refuses to do that too. Sheesh.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Both of you have created your days by your own choices. You work from home; he, from the office. You spread out your chores over a week; he does everything during a single weekend day. As a result of those choices, you have both weekend days free; he does not.
If you look at the tasks that you’ve agreed to perform and the amount of effort required to do them, they do seem similar. He could (a) rearrange his schedule so that he can spread out his tasks over a week, the same as you, and/or (b) hire someone to do the weekly deep cleaning that he is supposed to do.” Individual_Ad_9213
19. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Feminine Dress Style For My Brother's Friends?
“I (16M) have always been feminine growing up and people often mistake me for being a girl.
I never had a problem with this and I didn’t think my family did either until yesterday. My brother told me that when his friends come over I’m starting to make them uncomfortable because of the way I dress. I’ve known his friends for a while now and they have never said anything or made it known that I was making them uncomfortable before and I hardly talk to them anyway.
If I see them I speak and all but I mostly stay in my room. I told him I don’t know how I can make them uncomfortable if I’m not around them enough. But he then told me that his friends started getting uncomfortable because I looked “too much like a girl”.
I was confused by this as I didn’t see how that was my problem as I’m barely around them but okay.
He got our dad involved when I started ignoring him and our dad agreed with him and told me to try and dress less feminine when my brother’s friends are around because he doesn’t want them to be uncomfortable since they are guests.
When I told him that I found it unfair he told me that he wasn’t trying to be unfair but just wanted everyone to feel comfortable and welcomed and he was just trying to be considerate of everyone’s feelings.
At this point, I just gave up because there was no point in arguing.
So the problem happened earlier today. My brother was gonna drive us home from school and two of his friends always ride with us since their house is on the way but since I was making them uncomfortable I decided I was just gonna walk home and when I told my brother this he asked me if I was being serious and I told him that I was and that’s exactly what I did.
I made it home like 50ish minutes later.
Our dad came home like 2 hours after I did and my brother told on me and my dad got mad. He started screaming at me and told me that what I did was dangerous blah blah blah.
I told him that since my brother’s friends are uncomfortable around me I was just trying to be considerate of everyone’s feelings. He got upset that I said that and told me that I took his words out of context but I told him that I wasn’t dressed very masculine so I’d be disobeying him.
He told me that I knew it didn’t apply to school and that I was being stupid by putting myself in danger to prove a point. I told him that if that’s the case I can ride the bus then cause I’m not riding home with people who are uncomfortable with me and since they have a problem with me I don’t want to be around them at all.
This just made my dad mad. He told me that he doesn’t understand why I’m purposely being difficult when I’m normally reasonable. I’m just so upset right now, I don’t see why I have to change the way I dress for people who aren’t even living here.
Am I being unreasonable?
AITJ for thinking it’s unfair I have to change my clothes just to accommodate my brother’s friends?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You should be allowed to dress any way you want in YOUR home, they are guests and if they are uncomfortable then they can go hang out somewhere else.
It’s okay for you to be feminine/ dress however without explaining yourself to anyone. I would do the same thing by walking home, if they are uncomfortable being around you in your own house then I would assume they’re uncomfortable with you in the car as well.
Keep standing up for yourself OP!” Millepedee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Taken at face value, everyone seems to be putting the comfort of guests over your comfort, someone living at your home. Which would go to show how little they care about you. However, I suspect that your brother and dad share this opinion, which is why they’re so willing to go along with it.
I hope for your sake that’s not true. In any case, so long as you’re not breaking any laws (not that I’m implying you are), then you should be able to dress however you like.” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are instances wherein one should dress a certain way when guests are there.
But this is not one of them. Why should you be made uncomfortable in your own home when there is technically nothing wrong with how you’re dressed? Also, what is wrong with you looking like a girl? Is the image of a girl very distressing to them?
Wonder what happens to them when they look at their moms and sisters. Anyhoo, if they are uncomfortable with you, they should stop coming over.” AffectionateCable793
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Future MIL and SIL to My Hen Do?
“I (31F) am getting married to Tom (30M) in the summer after getting engaged in Jan.
A bit of backstory; Tom isn’t close to his parents and sister. They don’t tell him they’re proud of him or show him affection which is the total opposite of my family.
MIL and SIL are also very different people to us which is fine, each to their own but if they weren’t related, they wouldn’t have had any sort of a relationship. In the beginning, his family made an effort with me but after a few months, they stopped. We moved in together 6 months into our relationship and still lived very close to our families.
We’d invite everyone around often and we saw my family very regularly but his family didn’t make the effort. His parents came around a couple of times for dinner but his sister would ignore any invitations from us (not even a polite, I’m sorry but I can’t make that date) and she never invited us around.
We’ve since moved an hour’s flight away or a 4.5-hour train and the effort has been even more lacking. I invited them all up for Tom’s 30th and they all declined saying they only wanted to celebrate if he came to them. Eventually, his parents did come up but his sister still hasn’t bothered to come visit us.
After we got engaged, his family were very excited about it which took us by surprise and they seem to be making more of an effort with him which is nice to see. For my hen, I didn’t invite mums as I didn’t feel like I would be able to relax properly so I did a separate ‘bridal shower’ for my mum, stepmom, MIL, and SIL to still include them.
I reached out to MIL and SIL in Feb and was told they wouldn’t come to where I live. Fine. Then when I asked for dates, SIL told me she was busy on X weekends and when I asked ok what weekends was she free, I was ignored. My stepmom offered to take over organizing and got the same treatment until MIL called my stepmom to say they didn’t have a single day from Feb – Aug that they could celebrate.
I’ve not received a message apologizing that they can’t make it. In the call, MIL told my stepmum, out of context, that the daughter of their close family friend (30F) had had an agreement to marry Tom if they were still single at 27.
For some reason, they are enamored with her so it felt like a personal dig. SIL also told Tom (after she knew he was proposing) that the four of them would be ‘forever’ and that I and her bf were just add-ons. There’s a lot more that’s gone on but it’s just made me feel very unwelcome and not liked.
Tom’s sorting his stag and gets on with his dad, my dad, and stepdad so extends the invitation to SIL’s partner. She saw and messaged my mum and stepmum about whether the bridal shower was separate and it’s weird she hasn’t been invited to my hen do (I’m sure she knew my hen do was already sorted ages ago and she was trying to make a point).
I’ve since tried to ask for a phone call to maybe sort things out but, again, she’s ignored me.
So AITJ for not inviting MIL and SIL to my hen do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to include them. She’s just making trouble.
You can stop making an effort to be closer or include her. Also, it sounds like Tom was single at 27 and failed to marry a Childhood Friend – if so, that had nothing to do with you, and you might point that out. Many people in your position found that a chilly MIL became loving and/or overbearing once grandkids were on the table.
(Is that reassurance or a warning? Maybe both.)” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hahahhaha. Your hen do was/ is on a weekend that she isn’t free anyways AND it is not near them either. No way should you invite them. Ignore any comments from them.
Once you get married, you should make sure that your hubby does all the communication with his side so you don’t have to be involved in their drama and don’t feel rejected. Don’t go out of your way to see them. If you are visiting their town anyways, then you see them too.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they made it a point to choose a family friend over you. Both women constantly act like they’re too busy to get together with you. They’re purposefully acting like the victim so they can blame you. Don’t take the bait, be civil and quit responding to their antics.” ChiquitaBananaKush
17. AITJ For Refusing To Do All The Housework While Working From Home?
“I (30M) work from home, my wife (25F) works in an office nearby.
Yesterday before heading to work my wife asked me to hang up the laundry that she’d done at some point during the day.
I went and hung it all up, it was an absolute ton of washing that we’d both neglected, no problem. Fair enough. I carried on with my workday and got a text from her about being hungry and looking forward to dinner. I took one look at the kitchen and saw a mountain of dirty dishes and pans and stuff and just sighed to myself.
I cook for her almost every day of the week, the washing also gets left for me to hang otherwise it never gets done. The dishes are also left for me on top of the cooking, so before I can even cook I have to wash everything.
Even if I cook, she won’t wash up, which is supposed to be the fair way to do things. I’ve tried bringing this up to her many times, gently and more firmly but regardless of what I say she gets defensive or complains she’s busy or tired or hates doing X chore.
But then it just means everything gets left to me. I’m so tired of feeling like all these things are purposely being left to the point where I’m forced into doing them. I don’t mind cooking or doing my fair share but why am I being left to do EVERYTHING?
I’ve ended up suggesting eating out or just ordering takeaway so many times because I can’t stomach the fact I’m doing all the work, it physically makes me feel ill with stress, shame, and frustration. I’ve had to empty the bins pretty much every time for the past 6 months too otherwise it just piles up and she starts just letting it fall out the top or even worse just scattering things around the bottom of the garbage can.
I picked up 20! TWENTY! Rolled up tissues she’d used and thrown towards the garbage can, missed and just not bothered to pick up the other day. Her dirty clothes are all over the floor, so if I don’t put them in the machine they’ll just stay there until I inevitably have to hang them again.
Reaching my wit’s end. Yes I work from home, but I’m working, it doesn’t mean I do everything… She’ll come home, eat the food I cooked, go on her phone, sleep for like 12 hours, go to work and the cycle repeats. No attempt to help.
I don’t get it. I’ve suggested buying a dishwasher and she hates the Idea because we’ll also need to clean that or it’ll never get emptied or something like that She came home last night, woke me up, and seemed angry that there was no dinner.
I told her that I was not doing everything and that if she wanted dinner then she could clean the dishes. She got majorly upset and accused me of “counting everything that we do”. She also said that “she never told me that I have to do it”.
She stormed off to bed and we both went to sleep without food. She purposely slept on the opposite end of the bed to me.
This morning I woke up and it looks like she’s cooked food for herself and only herself at some point during the night.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife is both entitled and manipulative. She knows that you will eventually cave and do most all of the chores, which, quite frankly, you have done up until now. It is time for you to sit down and communicate some very reasonable boundaries where the division of chores is concerned. I would also add that you should demand that you guys attend marriage counseling to learn how to establish better communication and effecting boundaries and consequences for those boundaries being ignored.” Grannywine
Another User Comments:
“She’s defensive rather than curious and concerned about your feelings. Because of this, I would recommend couples therapy if you want to maintain a relationship with her. Is there anything difficult going on in her life? Is this unlike her? Is work stressful?
If so then perhaps try to chat with her on a day she doesn’t have work. That said if you do not have children, perhaps evaluate what value you gain from this relationship. Does she contribute to your happiness?” HAND_HOOK_CAR_DOOR
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is your wife not doing her fair share of housework but also she is disregarding your feelings on the matter. If she lived alone, she would have to do the chores that she is refusing to do now. Ann Landers used to tell similarly overworked wives to ask themselves: “Am I better off with him in my life or with him outside of it?” You should do the same.” Individual_Ad_9213
16. AITJ For Defending My Modelling Gig To My Controlling Stepmom?
“My (F16) dad, Liam (M34) got married a couple of years ago to a woman, Tilly (F40). She’s not in the least similar to his ex-partners, all of whom were quite fun, live, and usually either modeled or worked in the arts. She works in a pre-approved school and likes to act as if I was one of the students there.
Liam used to be eccentric before he met her, he’s still usually energetic and funny when she’s not around, but she does keep him on a tight leash. He’s given up modelling and painting for a conventional job, he gets his haircut into the style that she likes, which is very short and she’s practically remodelled him into her ideal partner.
Based on how Liam was before he met her, I was raised pretty unconventionally too. We moved around a lot, I learned to be very social, I went to most parties he attended, and I’d usually get to miss school to go on little coffee dates with him and whoever he was seeing at the time in posh London cafes.
I usually dressed however I wanted.
The girl he was with before Tilly, Cherry (F33), was his longest relationship. She is my mam as far as I’m concerned. We all lived in her apartment in a lively part of London, so we frequently went out.
I was used to Cherry taking me out to get our hair done together, or clothes shopping, or for brunch. She’d always buy me the most beautiful clothes. Cherry even managed to get me modeling gigs when I was a kid. Of course, when Liam married Tilly, all that went down the gutter, out of nowhere started to control what I wore, even how I spoke.
She tried her best to treat me as if I was a little kid, forcing me into all these twee, little girly activities and outfits and whatever.
I still speak to Cherry regularly. I told Cherry that I was still interested in modelling and she managed to book me a gig!
It was great, Cherry took me out for the day to get both hair and lash extensions put in, my nails gently manicured, and get some new clothes, we spent the rest of the day just lolling about her apartment.
When I came home, Tilly was extremely upset that Cherry allowed me to alter my appearance, even though it wasn’t altered that much.
She started ranting about it and asking me to take my extensions out. I told her that I couldn’t, that Cherry had managed to book me a modeling shoot and I couldn’t just ruin all the work she paid for, which set Tilly off. Tilly said that it was a stupid vanity contest and that Cherry shouldn’t be encouraging me to do things like that, or allowing me to alter my appearance without her consent.
I yelled at Tilly that she was acting super obsessive and strange, that she shouldn’t act as if she holds some kind of ownership over me – it was a simple photoshoot and just the most unnoticeable extensions you could get.
She got upset and went crying to Liam about it, who said that I was acting like a jerk when Tilly just didn’t want me acting too grown up for my age.
Cherry said that she was being melodramatic.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know you’re looking at this situation and seeing Tilly as the problem (and she is A problem), but the problem is your dad allowing you to be treated this way by Tilly. He’s your dad, he shouldn’t be allowing his new wife to behave like she’s your mum and set these kinds of rules on you.
Based on the way you talked about your dad and Cherry, and then your dad and Tilly, it kind of feels like your dad adapts to whoever he sees, taking on their interests and traits. While that’s fine, it’s not fine for him to prioritize every new partner over you, his kid.
Talk to your dad, let him know how hurt you are. It might help to make a list of the hurtful things that have happened with Tilly, and let him know what you need from him to feel safe and happy at home. I hope everything works out, I’m sorry you’re hurting right now.” Superherowho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I have very little experience with that sort of situation. It does sound like Tilly is taking this too seriously but she might mean well. Presumably, she has a different worldview and experience. I also assume being 16 you can start to make up your mind but also might make some mistakes.
In 2 short years, you’ll legally be an adult. So until then you probably should negotiate with her and try to get along, and keep the peace. You don’t need a new mom but presumably, Tilly can teach and impart things to you that could be useful.
It’s clear she judges the free-spirited lifestyle you’re used to and that you seem to be aspiring to right now, but don’t take it personally she probably has some good points and she might have her issues. If your father chooses to let himself be molded by her it’s probably for a reason.
PS: Reminds me of this quote: “What do you do, Mr K. was asked, when you love a person? I sketch them, said Mr K., and then do everything to make it fit. What? The sketch? No, said Mr. K., the person.” – Bertolt Brecht” YoursTrulyKindly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tilly needs to get over herself. You are not a little girl, and you most definitely are not HER little girl, and even if you were the level of controlling behaviour she displays would be over the top. You are 16- old enough to drive a car, work, and in many places join the army.
You are preparing to step into adult life. Getting makeup and hair done for a modeling gig is perfectly reasonable age-appropriate behavior to be engaging in. Keep in contact with Cherry, and see if you can get your funds from this gig put into an account that Tilly and Liam can’t touch.
I have a feeling you’ll need the escape route as soon as you turn 18 and can legally get out from under Tilly’s nonsense and your dad’s utter lack of spine.” AethericOwl
15. AITJ For Rejecting a Street Preacher's Pamphlet and Telling Him to Stop Following Me?
“My mother called me a jerk for not taking the man’s pamphlet and walking on when we got further down the street.
Claiming I “embarrassed myself and her publicly.”
What happened, in a nutshell, was quite a brief exchange that I didn’t think much about, but apparently, Mother thinks I took it “too far.”
So I walked past and crossed the road to avoid the person standing with his God signs and pamphlets that many others were avoiding.
Just to be accosted on the other side of the street by his partner who blocked my path. (He saw me cross the street to avoid his partner).
He handed me the pamphlet, with the usual iconography of fear-mongering claiming my soul needed saving, requesting a donation of 2 pounds for his ‘mission’ …
I immediately and impulsively shook my head, sighed, and stepped to walk past the man, walked to a nearby bin, and put the pamphlet in the bin.
Then as I tried to walk on he followed me, ringing a bell that he whipped out from who knows where and shouted; ‘Why do you hate God when he loves you.’ I tried to ignore him but he was speeding up and getting closer and kept shouting the same thing.
‘Why do you hate God?’ ‘God loves you!’ etc…
So I, still walking away, turned my head and said; ‘I have no hate for something that I believe to be made up. Now stop stalking me with your little bell and find someone else to bother please, I’m busy.’
Then he didn’t take the hint and still followed, so I raised my voice for the first and only time and said, “Can you PLEASE stop STALKING ME? Get lost!” … This made him stop moving, but he continued preaching in my direction as I quickly got away.
The ending exchange (saying I have no hate for something I believe to be made up then accusing him of being a stalker and telling him to get lost when he continued following me well down the street) is what I did that made me the jerk.
Why can other people do and say whatever they want..? But I can’t? When I didn’t harm anyone, I simply binned what I considered to be rubbish.
I’m not too happy with my Mum, I spoke with her and now she claims she gets where I’m coming from.
But I kinda feel like she was a bit tone-deaf…
A little background; I’m gay and was very badly bullied and picked on by kids and teachers at my catholic school… I was also raised extremely religious and it took a lot of work to distance myself from the massive amount of trauma of being religious and knowing I was ‘Evil and going to face consequences’ etc nonsense… or at least that’s what I was taught, especially in school.
So I’m the worst person to start preaching to as I have massive trauma related to religion and how it’s directly affected me and my self-esteem/self-worth.
To end this I’ll say, yes maybe I could have avoided all this and just took his pamphlet.
But I feel like that just encourages this kind of weird behavior.
So after all that AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! What you believe or do not believe is no one’s business but your own. He should have left you alone when you shook your head.
You should have retrieved the pamphlet and reported him for harassment to whichever organization he was supposedly representing.” Which_Stress_6431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was harassing you. This is street harassment. These people count on you not making a scene and count on people like your mom to enforce that on you instead of backing you up.
In the past, when dealing with this kind of harassment, I have found the quickest way to deal with it when they follow me or block my way is to take the pamphlet, rip it in half, and hand it back (or toss it behind me) as I move away.” NopeRope777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they were way too pushy with their preaching and btw I love the line you wrote “Why can religious people do and say whatever they want? But I can’t?” Religious people truly get away with so much hateful and violent behavior under the guise of their beliefs.” Flor_al_viento
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Sister For A Gift She Bought Without My Consent?
“My (24F) sister (Chloe, 22F) is horrible. She skips work regularly, is disrespectful to our nan that she lives with and loses friends and partners because she takes without giving, you get the picture.
She also has a problem with taking accountability for her actions, for example, she had a party without permission and trashed my parent’s home then blamed her punishment on the family friend who saw her IG stories of it all and told my parents.
Chloe has no interest in seeing the family.
She is happy to text them and ask them for money and gifts though, which bothers me. My family are enablers and will let her act the way she does with no consequence just so they don’t have to deal with her.
Our cousin Lily’s 3rd birthday party came around and she claimed to be going to a friend’s birthday.
This excuse has been used so many times that I know she’s lying. My aunt and uncle specifically asked that no one outside Poppy’s grandparents get her presents as they have way too much for her as it is, they’d rather everyone just be there.
The day before the party, Chloe called me saying that she was going to get Lily some presents. I reminded her what our uncle had said, which I told her was why I hadn’t got anything. She said, “well I’ve already got her some clothes, toys, and a book so you need to send me some money for it”.
I was shocked so I asked why she’d say that and she said she had put my name on the card so it was “only fair”. I said that I never agreed to it beforehand so she can’t just expect me to owe her money.
She told me to just send her £10 and be done as it’s “not much money”. I told her that the money wasn’t the problem, it’s the expectation. She is employed and makes an okay salary, about 75% of her earnings go on whatever she wants so she isn’t struggling for money.
Day of the party, I was sending Chloe snap chats of our cousin at the party. She was replying with pics of herself just sitting in her room for the entire day. I told my nan that Chloe had forgotten the lie that she told about going out for her friend’s birthday.
My aunt and uncle were upset that Chloe assumed she could just get gifts instead of turning up to see my cousin.
After the party, my nan questioned Chloe and how her friend’s birthday went and my sister said that she had been out for a meal, something we know to be untrue because of the snapchats.
My nan and I agreed to not mention it now because she is ridiculously illogical and can not admit to anything, even with proof.
Since the party, Chloe has asked me multiple times for money for the presents. She said that she had “lowered it to £5” and again I said that the money was not the problem.
Today she has asked for a screenshot of my internet banking. I assume that she can’t fathom the idea of me not wanting to do something for the family so she assumed it must be that I have no money.
I have no intention of giving her anything, not even 2p, but she won’t stop asking.
WIBTJ for continuing to refuse?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’d be a sucker to not refuse. I trust you have no intention of letting her into your private financial records. She’s free to make whatever assumptions she wants when you decline to throw undeserved money at her.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree with not sending anything. This is what happens when parents check out of parenting and don’t punish their children for misbehavior, Chloes are made this way.” Irdgafbra
Another User Comments:
“She can’t fathom the idea of you not wanting to do anything for your family!
You went to the party and she sat in her room alone. Your sister is delusional and someone needs to set her straight about life. You are NTJ.” MEkamAss2021
13. AITJ For Using A Cushion For My Chronic Pain Despite My Mother's Criticism?
“About six years ago I developed chronic pain in my coccyx (tailbone). All doctors agree: that there is nothing that can be done. After all the injections, creams, and physical therapy in the world, I have found that something that helps me is sitting on a circular cushion designed for people with this pain.
It’s a small, black oval that I carry with me everywhere.
My mother has grown increasingly strange about the cushion. Whenever I see her, she’ll make some snide comment “Still need the cushion?” Or, if I sit next to her someplace, she’ll say things like “How are you going to live if you can’t sit comfortably?” I remind her that the other option is, well, not living, but it never seems to bother her.
This all came to a head recently. She picked me up from the train station, and I was making conversation about the play I saw (we both like plays, so I thought she would be interested). People at this play refused to sit down when it was supposed to start, and the ushers were not having it.
The show started twenty minutes late, and by then the ushers were screaming at the patrons to sit down. I have been to a ton of plays, but I’ve never seen anything like this.
When I finished this, she unloaded on me. She said that these people weren’t sitting down because I needed the cushion to sit on and that it was so incredibly rude of me to still use it since I blocked their view.
I was shocked. The people who were standing were all in front of me (everyone behind me was sitting down happily). Also, my cushion collapses when I sit on it, I slouch when I sit to make up for it, and I am not the tallest person in the world, so while I suppose I do sit an inch or so higher than I would without the cushion, I’m certainly not the tallest person in the theater.
What got me, of course, was that she wasn’t at the theater. She had no idea why people were refusing to sit down, if my cushion was too high, or whatever. It was clear that she had been thinking about this for a while and just exploded. Then, it dawned on me: she must think that I don’t need the cushion, and I’m pretending to have chronic pain for attention.
This is particularly disturbing to me because she has seen me struggle for years, gone to doctor’s appointments, etc.
So, this is one of the posts where the poster doesn’t think they’re the jerk, but is there something else I’m not seeing? I would like to have a good relationship with my mother, but if she is going to behave this way, what am I supposed to do?
In the fall we’re supposed to be going on vacation to a foreign country together, where I will need to use the cushion a lot for things like the plane and the tour bus.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Dunno what your mom’s problem is, but SHE does have a problem.
I’ve no idea of the relationship between you and your mother, but is this one of those things that’s a mask for some other problem that she has? Have you asked her, straight out, what this is all about? I mean, this is a really weird fight to pick.” Grindlebone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did say you’re not the tallest, and from what I can see you don’t seem to be negatively affecting anyone. Your mother will just have to put up with your cushion. Have you ever asked her why it bothers her so much?
I understand a bit of what you’re going through. My mother has a chronic pain condition in her pelvic region and uses a cushion also. She also isn’t that tall (5,5) and has to take it everywhere. I don’t see why it’s anyone’s concern, regardless of familial ties, to interfere with the business of your cushion.” Dangerous_Guard_4644
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not bothering anyone using your cushion. Your mom is being weird and controlling about it. The only solution that I can offer is to distance yourself a bit from her. And every time that she criticizes you for the cushion, you need to draw a hard line (possibly enforcing it with a short period of no contact or low contact each time that she crosses the line).
I would not move forward with plans for the trip. Your mom is the one who is putting your relationship in jeopardy, so don’t feel bad about having to put your foot down.” asecretnarwhal
12. AITJ For Not Responding To The Woman Who Rear-Ended My Car?
“I am a new driver. I just got my junior operator’s license last week and I started driving to school, driving with my sister to get ice cream, shopping, etc. April break came a few days later and my parents took themselves, my siblings, and a few of their friends on vacation.
I opted out as I had gone on college tours over winter break and I wanted to spend a week at home studying for upcoming AP exams.
One day, I was coming home from a store and heading to get some lunch when I approached a crosswalk.
A man was walking by who looked like he wasn’t going to enter the crosswalk. Then, at the last moment, he ran into the road and I had to slam on my brakes. I would’ve killed him if I hadn’t. When I thought all was well and I was safe to go, I felt a car come crashing into the rear end of my car and I jerked forward.
I am a very cautious driver. I don’t speed, I buckle up, I do everything that’s required of me to be safe while driving. I was only going 32 mph in a 30 mph zone. The driver behind me had to have been riding my tail for her to hit me.
And she was.
We pulled into a parking lot and the lady asked me if I was okay. This lady had to have been in her 60s. She was driving a white Mercedes-Benz. Immediately, she accused me of going way too fast and criticized my driving.
I was astonished and almost was brought to tears. I had no idea what to do in this situation as I am a brand new driver and never would’ve expected anything like this to happen during my second week of driving with my license.
I only had a few scratches on my bumper (thank the Lord!) and the hood of her car was curved in a bit to the point where she couldn’t pop it open. She insisted that she take pictures of the damage and a picture of my license, to which I told her that I didn’t have an official license card yet, just a permit paper with the indication that I passed the driving exam at the bottom of the permit.
She had a field day with this.
After the screaming, she told me that she would let this “slide under the radar”. I didn’t know it then because I believed that somehow I was in the wrong, but she was trying to make an insurance claim for this whole situation-something she wouldn’t have been able to do successfully since SHE hit ME.
So we parted ways after we exchanged numbers and she said she would call me to update me.
I told my parents and they said I absolutely shouldn’t contact her. They told me that she must’ve wanted to make an insurance claim for this accident so that she wouldn’t have to pay for the damage out-of-pocket.
They also told me if I contacted her, I could accidentally permit her to do things that would get me in trouble (not entirely sure what though.) She left me a voicemail saying she wanted to touch base with me and I haven’t responded at all.
So, am I the jerk for not responding to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She rear-ended you. There are no circumstances in which you would be held at fault. It sounds like she’s trying to bully you since you’re young and a new driver. Contact your insurance and let them sort it out. Do not talk to her privately.
In the future, if you ever get into an accident, call the cops, they’ll ask you and the other driver some questions and file a police report. Take a lot of pictures from different angles for your records. Call your insurance company when you’ve had time to settle down and aren’t rattled. Also, get a dash cam. If you’re ever in an accident it provides incontrovertible evidence for your insurance company when they fight it out with the other person’s carrier.” Meta2048
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – certainly not. you (or your parents, whatever) pay for insurance specifically so that things like this can be their problem. and her insurance can pay to buff out those scratches on the back of your car since she wanted to make a big deal about this.” natalierhianne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen to your parents. Her wanting to talk doesn’t create an obligation for you to listen. I had something similar happen when I was rear-ended as a new driver. As with your situation, she somehow managed to make me think it was my fault so the police weren’t contacted. Without a police report the insurance company wouldn’t cover the damages.
Fortunately, it wasn’t too bad and a mechanic friend repaired it for his actual cost, with no charge for labor. It was then that I learned to call the police if you’re ever in an accident. Then let your insurance company deal with theirs. Please learn from my mistake.
Ignore her and let your insurance handle it. I am glad no person was hurt though.” ApprehensiveBook4214
11. AITJ For Moving My Mom In With Me Instead Of Letting Her Continue To Serve My Abusive Grandma?
“So, I (31F) am the older of two. Baby bro decided to go backpacking 4 years ago and is doing fine, but not home. Mom (55F) has issues with her knees, so she no longer works.
Nana (79F) has always been abusive. She isn’t disabled but acts like she is, expecting Mom to act like a kind of personal slave.
Does Nana want a tea but her favorite show is playing? She will get angry if mom doesn’t rush to get her said tea, refuses to believe mom is in pain, saying she’s just “too lazy”.
Nana views mom as some sort of secondhand thing just because she never married, and was a single mom.
Nana’s golden child is Uncle Dan (51M), and will always compare him with mom, even though he went LC with her long ago and will just send her $60.00 to “live on” (doesn’t need it, Nana hoarded a good sum of money when grandpa passed, and is always forcing mom to buy her stuff, thus spending her disability and the money I give her).
Now, there is me, I don’t cook or do chores, I work at home and take care of the bills, give mom money for her stuff, and do my best to spoil her. That’s our arrangement. She loves cooking so I buy her whatever she needs for her recipes (delicious food that Nana will find a way to find disgusting), she will bring me coffee or snacks to my desk, braid my hair daily, and just spoil me rotten.
My fiance Eric (35M) knows this, at first he was shocked when he saw the amount of attention I get from mom, but slowly started to crave her food, getting used to fresh lemonade when he comes in, and overall being babied, with a smile, because she likes doing so.
So when I talked about the situation to him, he suggested we take mom to live with us when we marry next year. To say she was happy is too little, she’s excited to move in with us and already planning her daily routine and what she will cook for us.
Eric, on his side, has decided he will also give her a similar amount of money as me, in exchange for her care.
The only one unhappy is my uncle, he has been outraged ever since I called him to let him know he has to do something about Nana as she will no longer have my mom to slave away for her, trying to change my mind because “his wife dislikes nana, and he is not going to ruin his marriage by bringing her to live with him”.
In his desperation, he asked me to meet today for breakfast, when I arrived at the place, he started berating me for being “selfish” and trying to “harm his family by imposing them to care for Nana”, he also accused me of “being lazy and treating my mom like a servant”.
I said I was not changing my mind and he left in a huff, now the whole family is blowing my phone, asking how can I be that heartless towards a “sweet old lady.”
A sweet old lady my bottom. AITJ here? Mom is scared, and I certainly don’t think leaving her is a good option”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your uncle just doesn’t want to have to deal with it. Used to his hands being free of having to take care of his mom because your mom shouldered that burden for so long. Toss him the spare keys to Nana’s place and yell *”No take backsies”* and run away lol.” AnonymousBromosapien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so not. But if I can offer a suggestion? It sounds like your mom’s love language is caring for people, and that is fine, so long as everyone agrees with what is enough. Please encourage your mom to have a few to several things in her daily schedule strictly for her, not any other person.
She sounds like she would love living with you two. Please make sure she gets the well-rounded life she needs too!” LettheWorldBurn1776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you have with your mom appears to be a loving and caring reciprocal relationship. I read your comment as wanting to get her out of the situation for her own mental, financial, and physical health.
Your uncle appears to want to say ‘not it’ and placate himself that his small financial contribution absolves him of other responsibilities. If as you say mom living with Nana is untenable, and uncle living with Nana is untenable, is there a third path that takes care of everyone, Nana included?
You state she is financially comfortable enough and ‘isn’t disabled’. Could Nana live independently with both siblings checking in upon her frequently, or perhaps downsize to renting an apartment in a senior housing development if her current home is too costly or too much work?” Furry-Baracula769
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Keep Lending Money To My Financially Irresponsible Brother?
“I (25f) have a 28 year old brother. He used to have a proper job with an amazing company a couple of years back. He had a nice car and did well for himself.
Unfortunately, he got himself into some credit card debt but it wasn’t a huge amount so he was able to manage it on his own.
He met his wife at this company and they both ended up quitting that job a year later due to its toxic environment.
My brother ended up losing his car too due to a crash. Shortly after, his wife got a really good job with a higher salary while my brother started a zero-hours delivery job.
They both lived at home with me, my sister, and my parents.
His wife started arguing with my mum so they moved out a few months after she got that really good job. They were able to manage the rent etc and everything was going well for them. Until his wife started having mental breakdowns due to the job and decided to quit.
We live in the UK so she started receiving benefits instead. Benefits were nowhere near what she used to earn at her job and my brother was still at this zero-hours delivery job so things became quite financially tough for them.
At the end of the day, he is my brother and I care for him.
I’m very empathetic towards my loved ones so whenever he would ask for money, I would always give it to him. He always would say that he would pay me back. He started borrowing from my dad, sister, and mum. All of us. We did say move back home if you can’t afford it but I don’t think his wife wants to.
It started with me lending my brother £20 here and there where he would pay me back once he would get paid. Then he would say he couldn’t pay me back this time and ask for more on top of what he already owed me.
This made the total of what my brother owed me to build up.
He chose to move out. He chose to quit his job. He chose to max out credit cards knowing it could affect him in the long run. It just seems like we (our family) have to pay for his mistakes now.
He comes over and takes food and toiletries. We just help him out so much and he continues to take and barely gives back. I’m writing this post after reading his text today asking for money, again. I work a job which I do not enjoy.
So I appreciate every little penny I have. I wish he understood that.
Also, when his wife gets paid and he has just been paid too, it’ll be radio silence from both of them for over a week. Then when they’ve spent all their money, he starts to visit more often and starts asking for money again.
I really wouldn’t mind if he paid it back promptly but I just feel like he is taking advantage of me now. I also end up giving him the money because I know if I don’t, he would end up asking my dad for it which I also hate!!!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my opinion, the real title of your post should be “AITJ for not wanting to “gift” money to my brother, who would rather get free money from me than get a job and earn money himself?” Lots of us have dull or stressful jobs.
Like you, we do it because we have bills to pay, kids to support, etc. And most of us don’t overuse our credit cards by using them to purchase items we really can’t afford. *”He chose to move out. He chose to quit his job.
He chose to max out credit cards knowing it could affect him in the long run.”* Exactly! Brother is 28. He needs to step up. You and your parents need to stop being enablers, that is, people who enable another person to keep getting away with bad behavior.” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “We did say move back home if you can’t afford it but I don’t think his wife wants to.” You offered an option to help them out which they could’ve taken until they got straight again. “Also, when his wife gets paid and he has just been paid too, it’ll be radio silence from both of them for over a week.” You’ve done what you can to help.
It sounds like they’re using you & family though. They’ve got to step up & sort themselves out. If you guys keep helping them they won’t have the motivation to do that.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not obliged to lend your brother money.
It is often a bad idea to lend money to relatives unless you are willing to never see that money again and hold no resentment over that. If you can’t do that, then just don’t. Also, your family needs to stop enabling your brother.” GreekAmericanDom
9. AITJ For Supporting My Fiancé's Decision To Not Meet His Half-Siblings?
“I (27f) have known my fiancé for 8 years now and we’re getting married next year. He does not have a relationship with his mother anymore and his dad died when he was 6 years old. He had grandparents, aunts, and uncles as well as cousins from his dad’s side he was very close to and still is today.
On his mother’s side, he only had grandparents that he still spoke to but he was not that close to them. During our relationship, they did get closer because they validated my fiancé’s bad experiences with his mom and they accepted that she did a poor job after his dad died and had messed with my fiancé’s head.
My fiancé’s mother had two additional children before he moved out of her house. She has a daughter who would be about 9 now and a son who would be 11 I think. I have never met them so I could be off by a year or two.
My fiancé does not see these kids, he does not want to see them or have any contact with them. This was always something he was honest about. He never wanted to reconcile with his mother and would never be okay with anyone attempting to encourage that and he also had no interest in getting to know her children either now or in the future.
I accepted that. His grandparents said they understood this.
But they were lying. After we got engaged his grandparents invited us over for dinner at their house and who was there? The kids. My fiancé was furious and the grandparents had already told them about my fiancé and the fact we were getting married. His half-sister was super excited and had wanted to meet him for ages and was given the idea by the grandparents that she and her brother would be at the wedding.
My fiancé demanded to speak to his grandparents and he told them they had crossed a line and could get themselves out of it because there was no way he was inviting the kids.
We left after this and his grandparents reached out multiple times to scold my fiancé and tell him he shouldn’t take his issues out on the kids and he should embrace having siblings.
His response was to forget biological ties and forget the idea that he’s going to accept any of his mother’s additional children into his life because he doesn’t care if they have a DNA connection or not.
After enough of these arguments and my fiancé blocking them they reached out to me and asked me how I could marry someone who would reject his flesh and blood and two kids at that, one who had been so excited to meet him and be part of his life.
They told me that should make me hate him to see him crush her the way he did. I told them I don’t put their actions (telling the kids, bringing them to the house, setting us up) on my fiancé because he was always clear on this.
They accused me of being heartless to innocent children I have no prior bad history with because I defended him. I shook it off but they really didn’t like me blaming them and have since said I’m not only heartless but rude.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is solely on the grandparents, they shouldn’t have set up the meeting like that. It put everyone in a very poor position. It can be seen as cold on your fiance’s part, however, his relationships should be his choice, and who knows what could or could have happened down the line without this kind of meddling on the grandparents’ side.” IHaveSaidMyPiece
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandparents are master manipulators. Why are you and your fiancé heartless for not letting yourselves be emotionally blackmailed by near strangers? The grandparents probably think these kids could do with an older sibling to fall back on for moral, financial, and practical support as they grow.
Your fiancé has been clear about not wanting to be burdened by his mother’s choices. He is not wanting to cause the kids upset, it’s the grandparents in this scenario. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The grandparents did hurt the children. heartless and irresponsible.
they *assumed* the manipulation would work. so no harm done. then asking their grandson’s partner to break up with him! What degree of darkness is this? now you can understand your fiance much much better. he doesn’t want to get mentally harmed by these little or huge manipulations.
it’s amazing how much evil people can do in the name of kindness/family/love.” JaziTricks
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Half Siblings To My Birthday Party Because They Don't Accept My Foster Brother?
“So I (20M) will be turning 21 in a couple of weeks. I was raised in foster care. In my first foster home, I was placed in the same home as my (not biologically related) brother. The two of us bonded in our five years with that foster family and when they were no longer willing/able to care for us it was decided we could not be separated because of how much we longed for the other when it looked like we would be.
This made it harder for us to be placed but we stayed together for the rest of our time in foster care. Sometimes foster families would attempt to send one of us back but the other always insisted they would leave too. All we had was each other and we were determined to keep each other.
He’s my brother even if legally and biologically he’s not.
Six-ish months ago I got some DMs through social media from two half-siblings who had also grown up in the system. They met when my half sister learned she had two half brothers and he was easier to find as a minor and she asked for a chance to see him.
I was harder to find but eventually they both found me and they were all excited and I was both surprised and also a little curious about them. I was never told about half-siblings. We share the same mom who did not keep any of us for any real-time after our births.
It was exciting to talk to them at first but as soon as I mentioned my brother their tones changed and everything I read from them sounded so jealous and possessive. It escalated when my half-sister asked me to stop referring to my brother as my brother.
She said they were my real siblings now and they did not want him to be part of the family they wanted the three of us to build. I told them I wasn’t going to discard my brother and he was always going to be part of my family so if they refused to accept him then they didn’t want me either.
They told me I should be glad I have them now and I said they were strangers, he was family and if they wanted a relationship of any kind with me they needed to accept my relationship with him.
They refused but continued to reach out and continue to try and form a relationship with me.
They ended up cyber stalking my brother’s social media and found out about my party through his public account they asked me why he knew and was invited but not them and I said they had made it clear we were having no relationship so wouldn’t be invited. They told me they had never said that and they wanted to come.
I said they were not welcome. My half-sister said it was a terrible thing to reject my family for someone not related. I told them their attitude was exactly why I wouldn’t let them come. They called me all sorts of names in retaliation.
My brother and I changed the venue for my party so no worries about them crashing but AITJ for not letting them come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given all the interactions you’d had, if you did allow them to come it sounds likely that they’d be rude to your brother. It’s a shame that they wanted to reconnect with you in such an exclusive way.
The blood relations shouldn’t matter, if the person is important to you that’s all that should matter. Furthermore, what would they have said about a half-sibling you had through your biological dad? Or if you were now married, they going to exclude your spouse?” Caramel9941
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are biologically related to these people, but they are not “family.” You do not wish to have any sort of relationship or contact with these people, which is fine. Ask your brother to lock his accounts down so strangers can’t see them.
Then, block the individuals with whom you share genetic material and get on with your life. Happy 21st! Hugs and Good Luck” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Family doesn’t necessarily mean the people you shared blood with, they are just relatives. Family is who you choose to be at your side, the ones who are there for you through thick and thin, you can depend on them and vice versa.
I’ve seen a few situations similar to yours, they find out you are related and expect you to drop the family you grew up with when in reality your half-siblings are still strangers. They need to give him a chance because just like the rest of you he was also left in foster care and he was there for you.” LingonberryTop3150
7. AITJ For Refusing To Draw For My Friend After She Sold My Artwork As Her Own?
“I (28F) love to gift art for friends and family, physical or digital. I have gotten to a point in my life where I get commissions for my art now, which is exciting.
My friend, (30F) let’s call her Becky, also likes to draw, but because of some circumstances, even though she has drawn for nearly as long as I have, we both agree she hasn’t improved. Which has been a sore spot in our years of friendship…
Becky asked if I could draw an OC for her as an early birthday gift. I had 5 commissions (pricing from $50 to $200) and informed her that I did not have time to do a full body. However, I could do a headshot for a profile picture for now, then work on a full-body character reference later.
Becky agreed, I told her that it would still take time, seeing as she’s getting work for free while I had 5 others waiting for their art that paid.
I thought she understood until she started asking daily if I worked on it. I’d tell her no, and remind her I have to do my paid commissions first, only for her to then move to asking for progress weekly.
Again, I haven’t started. Eventually, I did start and got to a pretty decent chunk done and sent her the almost-finished results. I only did line art and color and didn’t start on shading or highlighting yet, because it was not complete. I told her as much, and she thanked me and said that she didn’t mind waiting now that she knew I was still working on it.
Fast forward to a week ago. She starts showing off her “artwork” one day. I say it like that because she has sadly become an AI art user. (She’ll draw her drawing still… but then put it in an AI filter so it comes out looking better, then try to sell it…) As I look, I realize one of the headshots of her OC looked familiar.
I straight up asked if it was my art of the profile picture I made for her that she used.
Becky: Yes I was too impatient to wait for you to finish XD
Me: OK…but you’re not selling it right?
Becky: God no! It’s my OC I don’t want others to use or steal it.
(The irony)
Me: OK…as long as you’re using it for yourself, I guess it’s ok. (I then noticed she re-colored a lot of the pic in the AI art) but if there is anything you want me to change I’ll do it before the highlight and shade because that’s the final process
Becky: Nah it’s ok. That’s just the filter changing the colors lol.
I get a bad feeling at this point, and I know she has a DeviantArt. (Note: I never used DeviantArt, so I never thought to look at her account until now) So I went to check, and what did I find, but was that same headshot!?Becky’s advertising it as her work.
After scrolling a bit, I found other art I’ve given to her posted as her work! Some with AI filters and others where it’s obvious she traced my original work, then re-colored it. It’s been a week, and I haven’t confronted her about it.
So WIBTJ, if I tell her I’ll never draw for her again because of this?
I’ll also try my best to give more details if asked.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Cut her off, art-wise. Maybe even friendship depending on how she takes it. I was 75% in her shoes. I enjoy writing fantasy stories and had the honor of clicking with my friend of 15+ years.
She is an amazing artist and she drew a bust (shoulder up?) Of my favorite OC. I’m still rocking the character and I scream her name from the rooftops when people compliment him. He was free. Because she was my friend and platonically loved me.
I was so darn happy to get his art, I even have the speed video of her working on him!!!! Sorry, I got sidetracked but it proves a point. This “friend” bugged the heck out of you. It took my buddy a few months to get my Boi done, FYI.
But the real kicker here is rather than being happy/grateful, your person is trying to pass the work off as her own. AI art does not equal traditional paper / digital art. Never will. She can’t steal an outline then color and slap it with AI without crediting you for the line art in the VERY LEAST.” Sad-Expression7697
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be super annoyed and make sure everyone knew she was using my artwork. She can credit you or she can get dragged through the art world as a thief. Can you watermark or copyright your work? I don’t know how the copyright world works now in the digital age.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not even sure why this is a question for you. She is flat-out stealing your work, tweaking it, and selling it as her own. Just cut her off. You owe her nothing. Your current agreement with her is over. There is nothing you are obligated to do for her.” swillshop
6. AITJ For Snapping At An HOA Board Member While On My Way To Put My Dog To Sleep?
“A month ago my husband found a largish lump on our 9-year-old Russell Terrier’s face. We took her to the vet who told us that there was nothing that could be done for her. I was not content with that so we got a second opinion that ended up reflecting the first.
That vet told us that no matter how early we detected it, there was nothing we could have done short of jaw removal. She said that our pup had days maybe weeks, as it was a very aggressive cancer. She gave us a couple of prescriptions for pain and inflammation, which perked our dog up and made her playful again.
When it seemed like the medicine was no longer working, we decided it was time.
The HOA had hired a contractor to do siding replacement and painting but our back patio was a disaster so a couple of days before they were going to get to our unit the HOA told my husband he needed to clean up the back patio.
He spent the entirety of the day cleaning up the patio but we had made the appointment with the vet for 4:00 so he had to take a break. He planned to finish up the little bit that still needed doing that evening. Fwiw, it took him less than 15 min to finish up that night.
As my husband, our 10-year-old, and I were all walking to the car with our dog, a woman I didn’t recognize approached us. She had a smallish dog with her so I thought she wanted to introduce our dogs to each other, which I thought was sweet.
The first thing out of her mouth was something along the lines of her being on the board and noticing our back patio wasn’t done ( which she couldn’t possibly have known unless she opened our privacy fence gate). I stepped in front of my husband (who had very clearly been crying and my 10-year-old who was actively crying) and told her that now was not a good time as we were on our way to the vet to have our dog put to sleep.
I honestly can’t remember how she responded exactly (the adrenaline head kicked in) but it was something along the lines of “Well the Workmen will be here tomorrow”
My husband said he would be finishing it and I repeated that now is not a good time.
She said “Well I’ll have to contact someone” and I cut her off and said “I don’t give a darn, like I said now is not a good time. We have to take our dog to go die, back off”
I sidestepped her to get to our van and said very loudly “Jesus Christ woman, read the room for goodness sake” and we promptly left.
I texted another HOA member who said to put the details into an email but now I’m wondering if it’s worth it. I feel kind of like my language sort of relinquishes my moral high ground (I regret nothing!). Also, I can’t see what recourse there would be since being a decent human being isn’t a prerequisite to having a board position.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you should make the board aware – even though your language was rough – so was the situation. You told her and told her and told her. You don’t need ‘recourse’ but the board needs to know how she behaved in case it happens again with either you or someone else.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a rare situation where suboptimal language is 100% understandable. Document the interaction to the board in a professional email, don’t worry about it again, and avoid that insensitive lunatic whenever possible. Edit: honestly, this is the kind of situation where even a disinterested eavesdropper would tell her to go eff herself.” gringledoom
Another User Comments:
“Send the email. Just the fact that she came into your property (the backyard) which should not be allowed. I have a HOA and they only inspect the front yard. If the workers called then I can see explaining the situation to the workers who probably wouldn’t have said a word.
She crossed boundaries with this one to even speak more than … hey just wanted to remind you of the workers. That should have been all of anything” Adventurous-travel1
5. AITJ For Defending My Platonic Friendship With My Male Best Friend?
“Ok, so I 15 (f) have been friends with Justin 15 (m) since 8th grade, so over 2 years. That year was my first in public school so I was very nervous, but he was nice and talked to me and brought me into his friend group.
We had lots of classes together and were always with each other.
Because of that, rumors started and people were always telling us that we did not have to hide that we were “together” we were not. I have to add he is straight and I am very openly queer.
He and I were very uncomfortable with all that people were saying so we stopped hanging out as much for the rest of the school year.
This school year we started hanging out again because it was a different school now we are in high school. We both get to school 30 minutes before it starts and the friend group all hang out in the library.
We don’t have many classes together so we will meet up at free periods or in-between classes.
We often bring each other snacks and stuff. In the middle of the year when Justin and I were always with each other, I met this girl, Tina, we became friends and I introduced her to Justin.
She did think we were together but was confused because we never held hands or hugged or kissed, so when she asked if I was with Justin I made it very clear we weren’t and were very platonic.
After like a week Justin told me he liked Tina, and she also told me she liked him.
I convinced him to ask her out and he did. After a month of being together. Me and Justin stopped hanging out as much, but I was ok with that he was busy being with his partner.
But whenever I was around him and her, she seemed to be annoyed, when he gave me some of his food Tina would glare. When we would be talking and had our feet up (He liked to annoy me by putting his feet on mine) she would start trying to get his attention on her.
So when Justin told me that Tina was uncomfortable about how we acted with each other I stopped doing that as much. It felt weird because, with my other friend group, we were so much more “touchy” it’s a queer friend group so I thought that straight people saw things less platonic which I get.
(I do stuff with my other queer friends that I would never do with Justin. With one of them, Sha, we are like always dancing and very flirty, as a joke because Sha is a race and I don’t like men like that.)
I tried to respect her boundaries, but it seemed to never be enough, one day Tina yelled at me (in front of Justin and some other friends) to stop trying to “Steal her man” I laughed at her and asked if she was stupid, that I was the one who introduced them, and helped them get together.
Tina got mad and now she and Justin are on a break. He is on my side that she was being rude and controlling, but some people think she’s right to not want him to have any female friends. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Insecure women behave the way they did.
She knew you were friends. You did help them get together. Sounds like she is probably insecure and immature. People have platonic friends of the opposite sex. Guess she found out, that if you try to control your partner you may lose them.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“Idk how it works with girls but boys cannot just have friendship with a girl. I liked your phrase “as a joke”)). There are some cases. He wants to be with SMB or needs you to meet SMB (your case) or he tries to forget everything before and just spend time with you or simply wants to be with you.
Mostly it is individual. As for calling her stupid, come on you are right. What I’ve read before makes me feel that she is really stupid. Don’t worry it is ok for teens to have conflicts but remember that all of them can be done peacefully.” mifikaLL
4. AITJ For Yelling At A Fellow Crafter Who Criticized My Pricing At A Market?
“So. I, F25, am a crafter, I crochet and do some other things and have just started selling them at markets.
I have made some commissioned work but it has mostly been for friends and family. I have a full-time job and only craft to relieve stress. I started selling at markets for the sole fact that I have an excess amount of stuff and didn’t want to just give it away as it does take time and money to make.
I sell my items for cheaper than most people.
At my first market this past weekend, I was approached by another crocheter, I had seen their name on the list but hadn’t had a chance to look at any of their items. However, some customers had told me that my prices were much cheaper and that we were selling some pretty different-looking things.
When they walked up they introduced themselves, I’ll call them Mary for the sake of simplicity. Mary looked around and immediately was bumping customers out of the way to pick things up and making comments about how much I was undercharging. Mary then began to very loudly talk about how much they charge for their stuff and how I needed to raise prices.
I just smiled and said “Yeah, know maybe I will after this first market” and they continued to pick things up and comment on everything saying I was cheapening myself. I started to ignore them as I had someone asking a question about another thing.
Mary walked off yelling about wanting to talk more and that they’d be back by. I just brushed it off.
About 15 minutes later Mary returned to my table and again began talking about how if I wanted to make money I needed to charge more.
This time bringing a blanket with them. This blanket was very similar to one I had made – I found the pattern on Pinterest so not surprising. Talking about how they charged a little over $300 for it and I was only charging $85. I explained that I used a nice brand of yarn but it didn’t take me long to finish.
They kept saying how they charged $16 an hour for labor and then added materials, etc to the cost. I replied that if that works for them then that’s what works, but I didn’t think I needed to sell my stuff for that much.
I turned to accept payment from someone else.
Mary then came around the table to beside this customer and continued saying I needed to do better and that I brought crochet a bad name because I made everyone else’s work look cheap. I told them we could talk about it later or they could bring it to the market board’s attention and they could tell me to raise the price.
They then grabbed the debit card from my customer and told me I needed to charge them more. I was fed up. I screamed for them to go back to their booth and please leave me alone. That my prices were not their concern and they should be worried about their work.
I was contacted by the board and told that due to my actions, I was more than likely not going to be welcome back in this market. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would file a complaint about Mary with the board.
She was harassing you and trying to drive off your customers. Not to mention that she ripped a credit card out of a customer’s hand. If I had been the customer, there would have been a major scene and cops would have been called.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Will the market board let you explain your side? A stallholder harassing another stallholder is a lot more serious than yelling. Who else has this ‘Mary’ run off, just so she can be the only stallholder specializing in crocheting? Be interesting to ask the market board how many crocheters have only been a once-off.” faerie-kitteh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to charge whatever you want for the things you make. She is allowed to be annoyed by the undercutting, but coming up to your stall to annoy you and especially harass your customers was out of line. Get security involved next time.” neercsyor
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Roommates Over Their Ghost Prank?
“So about 3 months ago I moved into an apartment with my friend (Hailey) and my partner (Nick). We’ve been friends for a long time and usually get along well.
They’ve lived in the apartment for well over a year whereas I just moved in.
A few days after moving in, we were interrupted by a noise coming from the attic (a little attic that a person can’t fit into without crawling) like an animal “giggling” (similar to the hehe noise foxes make).
Hailey laughed and went “Oh, that’s the ghost”, and Nick says they hear that noise sometimes. Hailey kept joking about it being a ghost, and I asked her very politely not to because I get scared easily. Especially since there’s a hole in my bedroom ceiling that’s creepy at night.
She’s like, ok fine, and didn’t bring it up again that night.
That’s where the issue started. Ever since then “weird” things keep happening and I’m positive it’s Hailey and/or Nick trying to mess with me:
* I hear different animal noises/”voices” coming from the attic.
They sound faintly “fake”/tinny like a recording. I did stick my head up but couldn’t find anything. When I mentioned it Hailey laughed and said it was probably just a squirrel
* scratching sound coming from the other rooms
* the clocks in the house were set to random times when I woke up
* Nick and Hailey have both pointed out “symptoms” of the house being haunted
I hate this, it scares me. I keep telling them to stop and they both will claim innocence every time it comes up. But despite the source of this “ghost” is obviously one or both of them, I’ve never actually caught them doing anything so can’t call them out on it
It came to a head yesterday. I was on my bed on my laptop. I looked up and in the ceiling hole, there was an “animal” sticking its face out. It’s possible to stick a Halloween mask or something through there from the attic and this was not a real animal. I shouted and it pulled away.
A minute later both my partner and Hailey were there asking if I was ok. I got really angry – I told them to shut up and it was messed up that they were still playing this prank on me and escalating it when I had asked them to stop day one.
They got defensive about it – Hailey walked away and Nick said he hadn’t done anything and didn’t get why I was yelling at him. I told him to get lost and that I was sick of him and he went back downstairs.
We haven’t talked since and I feel crummy about it.
I don’t know which one of them it was and just yelled harshly at both of them because I was freaked out. AITJ here for going off so heavily on both of them at the moment when I’ve been putting up with this for months?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you yelled at the wrong one, they’re both participating in something that makes you uncomfortable in your own home. I could see someone trying this prank once, and testing to see if it’s something you’d find funny and go along with.
The moment you asked them not to continue, they should have stopped.” ChickadeePeachTree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jokes aren’t funny unless everyone thinks they are. Also neither here nor there but animal noises that sound vaguely recorded could also be starlings. They’re incredible mimics and often incorporate other animal sounds into their songs.
The number of times I’ve heard a red-tailed hawk only to realize it’s the local starling is pretty funny. ” AniaOnion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pranks are only funny if all involved are laughing. This isn’t a prank, it’s torture. If they’re doing this, they are deliberately torturing you, and your partner especially is a massive jerk.
That being said, you might want to get your room checked for carbon monoxide and possibly see a doctor just in case. If for no other reason than to have more ammunition to prove you aren’t seeing things that aren’t there. You could also “booby trap” the area up there with something like skin-staining ink that they’ll have to touch if they are moving around up there.
I’d also look into getting out of the lease if you can. It sounds like they are deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable, and the best way to stop that is to no longer give them the power to do it.” WanderingAl08
2. AITJ For Defending My Daughter Against My Mother's Harsh Behavior?
“Me and my 11-year-old daughter, we will call her Shaina, live with my parents. My daughter is starting puberty and is bullied in school. About 6 weeks ago I had to take Shaina to the therapist because she was on school computers looking up ways to harm herself.
She was also hurting herself.
Things were starting to get better, but she failed 2 classes this marking period and got smart with her teacher about the extra credit I told her to ask for before the marking period ended. So, I grounded her, she could only do schoolwork, or read a book.
No computer, phone, or TV.
Now, in the midst of me “yelling” at her and grounding her. My mother, who has stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, and is dying, told my daughter, “You’re gonna kill me”. I immediately said, no she isn’t, don’t say that. She tried to say that’s not what she meant.
Today is 3 days later and my mom has done nothing but get smart with Shaina. Anytime Shaina says anything, my mom tells her to be quiet or gets a smart attitude with her. Like, she isn’t even allowed to speak. Now, as I see it, I’m Shaina’s mother and it is my duty to protect her, that includes from my mother, and her grandparents.
So, this morning I told my mom to stop with the smart mouth towards Shaina. She said, but I’m mad at her and I said I don’t care, there’s no reason to speak to her like that. My mother snapped, and we had a little argument.
About how she’s treating everyone poorly lately. She says that’s because we treat her that way first, but we don’t. We get her her meds, we take her to chemo, we make sure she has what she needs and we get upset with her when she doesn’t listen to the doctor.
That’s what she’s talking about. She’s mad that people are telling her what to do. She says she’s 60 years old and no1 can tell her what to do but then expects to tell everybody what to do for her.
This morning was I guess a culmination of all this.
She’s mad at me and refusing to take her morning meds. I’m a jerk and I’m not supposed to speak to my mother in any other way but with complete and utter respect. She talks about how her mother wasn’t loving and she would never talk back to her mother.
I’m not talking back to my mother, I am defending my child from another bully, that happens to be my mother. I have felt for years that my mother is a narcissist. If she doesn’t get her way, she gets mad, throws a tantrum, goes to her room, slams the door, and ignores everyone.
She’s done that because her food was wrong when delivered. All that is beside the point. I would just like y’all to tell me if I was being a jerk, I don’t think I was. I’m sure my dad will take my mom’s side, he always does.
My sister will see both sides and we don’t even bother my brother with stuff like this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to defend your daughter from your mom. The last thing your daughter needs is to feel guilt when your mother dies because your mother was upset with her and said such mean things.
Ask your mom how she thinks she is better than her uncaring mother if she wants to place that on the shoulders of a young girl who is already suffering from low self-esteem.” Effective_Olive_8420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hi. I was Shaina, except the internet wasn’t a thing when I was her age.
I’m 36 now and still dealing with the effects of being bullied by my peers from the time I started my first period (at 9!!!!) until 2002 when we had to move school districts because of how bad my mental health was. I was struggling horribly despite being a good student up until that point.
I was … in bad shape and I’m just going to leave it there. I was being bullied at school by my peers and at home *by my sister.* It was horrible. I had to go on meds to treat my depression (and the subsequently revealed ADHD).
Kids need to be protected from bullies, no matter who they are.” midnightsrose77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to be put in her place & since no one else is doing it, you had to step up & tell her. This is a very difficult time for your daughter.
She’s suffering through a lot of pain, doubt, insecurities, etc. Your mother needs to find some compassion for your daughter. But clearly, whatever your mom is going through is a priority over your daughter. She’s sick, I get it. But unfortunately, she’s not doing your daughter any favors by treating her this way.
I hope you are getting your daughter the mental health help she so desperately needs.” NOTTHATKAREN1
1. AITJ For Not Going On My Elderly MIL's Dream Family Reunion Trip?
“My MIL is 85. She has always been kind to me, and I respect and love her. FIL passed away a few years ago, and she lives alone but stays busy with friends. We live a 6-hour flight away from her and see her 2x each year.
The issue: MIL announced last year that she would like us all to take a 2-week trip over Christmas to have a family reunion in her birth country. She said she and FIL always wanted to do this, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to travel much longer given her age, and she would pay all costs for all the grandchildren.
This is a lot of money for her.
I am not enthusiastic. It will still cost a lot of money for flights for my husband and me, and require us to use most of our leave from work for the year. (We both work full-time.) Also, we have a 3.5-year-old child, which makes the logistics of the trip difficult; my energetic kid simply cannot sit still and behave for the 15-hour flight, plus another 3-hour drive to the destination after we land.
The time zone difference will throw off Kiddo too, and I know that I’ll end up telling my husband to go have fun with his family while I stay behind with multiple toddler tantrums. Then, when we get home, we’ll have to readjust Kiddo all over again, so realistically it will cost more time off work.
My husband has mixed feelings. He loves and enjoys his family and doesn’t want to disappoint his mom, but he knows this trip will be hard for us. He is a people pleaser, and both his mom and I have strong personalities, so he probably does not want to upset either of us.
I told my husband he should just go alone, but he doesn’t want to do that because then he would miss Christmas with his wife and kid.
He told MIL we’d love to do a family reunion trip closer to home, and we’d pay our way, but that this particular trip would not be feasible for us while Kiddo is so young.
She cried and said she’s already paid for the hotels. He offered to pay her back for our share (although we never agreed to this plan or had a say in the hotel, etc), but she refused. We know it’s not really about the money, she is sad the trip will not be happening as she hoped.
My husband then called his sister to tell her that we were not going, and his sister said that if we were not going, then her family (husband and 2 older kids) would not go either, as it is too much of a money and time commitment for what will not be a family reunion without us.
She lives near her mom and plans to tell her mom this weekend. I know this will devastate MIL.
I think I may be the jerk for causing a generous older woman who has always been kind to me to cry. And for inadvertently causing others to pull out of her dream trip, too.
AITJ for not sucking it up this time, and inadvertently being the domino that caused my MIL’s whole family reunion dream to collapse?”
Another User Comments:
“I would try to make my husband feel okay about missing a Christmas. Your child is so young they won’t remember, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime moment for his mother- who likely can’t travel back home alone due to her age.
If that’s not possible, perhaps work together as a family to get together and do something special to reconnect your MIL with her home and with family living there.” king_chaga
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Some things are beyond rational calculations. She is 85 and she can die any day, she won’t be alive for the day when your little kid is grown up enough to comfortably travel with you.
you are not ruining the family holiday. you can have holidays any other time. But you are ruining her last chance to see her family in her homeland, to connect you to something very valuable for her. It is a sentimental and cultural value” DSK34759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ MIL was asking a lot from all of you, which is why everyone is happy to desist. She could have asked one of you to go with her if she thought she’d never get back, there was no need to make all of you go.
(Imagine if an accident happened, the whole family could have been injured or worse.) Help her get her money back from the hotels and ask if anyone in the family would be willing to accompany her so she can go.” hadMcDofordinner
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