People Explore Personal Boundaries In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Roommate's Partner Taking My Parking Spot?
“Got into it with my roommate when I brought this up to him and we got in a yelling match about it.
So New Year’s night I’m out celebrating with friends doing the New Year’s Eve thing.
After I leave my friend’s house and drive home I notice my roommate texted me earlier that night asking if I was coming home, it was late and I was driving so I didn’t text back since I was on my way home anyways and this was from like 4 hours ago.
When I get home his partner’s car is parked in my only parking spot (we both get 1 and they are assigned) I park next to her knowing this will block in my neighbors but I told myself I’ll set an early alarm and move it in the morning to not bother anyone about it since my plan was to play video games for a few and go to bed.
When I walk in the house she’s at the door of my roommate’s room waiting for me since she must have heard my car pull in (she does not live here btw but is here almost every day and night), she immediately asks “want me to move my car?” To which I responded “no it’s gonna be a hassle for you so don’t worry about it” she then asked again and I repeated the same thing, she then goes “I’m gonna go ahead and move it” looking annoyed with me, to which at this point I’m annoyed about it and I tell her to not worry about it and that my roommate should have not told her to park there in the first place and I guess this is the part they think I’m a jerk about it since then I followed that with “it’s not like I live here anyways” and that it’s not her fault and to not worry about it, she then got more annoyed an said “I’m moving it” so I grab my keys and go ok then.
As I’m following behind her to move my car so she can move hers she proceeds to slam the front door in my face which made me upset but I didn’t say anything about it but almost told her to leave my house I kept it to myself until I could talk about it with my roommate, I opened the door back my car out of where it was to give her room to move and park on the street.
Since then she won’t talk to me and just gives me the cold shoulder.
I brought this up to my roommate asking what’s the deal with her and he defends her actions and thinks I’m in the wrong for saying “it’s not like I live here in the first place” I told him he should not have told her to park there in the first place, he said “I texted you about it” (all the text said was are you coming home tonight?
No follow up) I said I didn’t reply back since I missed it (I didn’t turn off my do not disturb that’s set to start around when I go to bed since I normally have to wake up at 530 am) so why would you give my only parking spot that I pay for?
and that I tried being nice and told her not to worry about it since it would be a haste to her several times before I got annoyed and said that.
I don’t think I did anything wrong and I tried being polite to not inconvenience a guest in our house that late but she insisted.
I a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you were MORE than accommodating. She has some nerve having an attitude about a parking space she doesn’t pay for that goes to an apartment she doesn’t (officially) live in. Since she’s there all the time and now crossing your boundaries and making herself at home, it’s time for her to pony up 1/3 of the rent.” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate and his partner are real pieces of work. GF is passive aggressive for slamming the door on your face, and roommate is a jerk for giving up your spot to her and claiming he “texted you about it”.” WallyBallyGumdrop
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here all too childish and roommates partner even more for having an attitude. You for not just telling her to move her car, and for being passive aggressive instead. Her for that uncalled attitude (but sincerely I think maybe lacks context here) Your roommate for not solving and this whole issue and being the mediator between you and her letting this being a bad moment when this is a normal issue and should not be an argument” houseofwolves-
18. AITJ For Wanting Some Alone Time On A Family Vacation?
“My MIL bought the whole family flights + hotel for a vacation this year.
I’m 24, fiancé is 24, we have a baby, then there’s his brother (29), fiancé (24), their baby, plus the eldest brother who is 34 and then of course MIL and FIL who are all going. So 7 adults & 2 babies.
Let me make this clear, I am VERY grateful to be going on vacation.
However, had I known the “rules” of this trip, I may have thought twice about accepting this gift.
Recently I was talking about all of the things I had planned for this vacation. I said my fiancé and I were saving a lot of funds to be able to do all of the activities we wanted to do (which isn’t a lot btw, maybe like 3 “things”, one or two hours each”.
This is a week long trip.
The day after, my MIL sends out a text stating:
“Hi everyone! I am looking for two things we all can do on vacation. Please send me ideas so we can book things ahead of time. Please do not go booking things or making plans on your own, as this is a family vacation that we have shelled out a lot of funds for.
You all will have more opportunities to go on vacation in your life so let’s make sure we only do things as a whole group. Think of things only for 7 adults & 2 babies.”
I understand they paid a lot of funds and want us all to spend time as a family.
I can also understand her saying something like hey guys, let’s make sure we have time together on this trip. But to tell grown adults we are not allowed to go anywhere without all 8 other people is a little umm.. controlling in my opinion.
I responded suggesting some group activities and also saying “Fiance and I want to do a hike either here, here, or here at some point”. She says “Dad and I can’t do much, maybe find a trail that’s easy for all of us or a different idea of something we ALL can do together.
Again, please only find stuff for us to do together.”
I texted her saying “Hey! So are we not allowed to do anything on our own on this trip? There are some things that we really wanted to do that I know not everyone will be interested in.
(We all have VERY different ideas of fun). She responded saying Fiance and I can have ONE date night of a couple of hours to do something of our choice.
I gave it a week and then asked her again if she minded if we did an activity that is about 1-2 hours long on our own.
She said if it’s not part of our date night then I need to make sure everyone wants to go. I also recently found out they are not allowing any of us to put our names on the rental cars so we will not be able to use them on our own.
Any time we try do something even locally as a group, it’s a complete mess. Everyone wanting to go in different directions, do different things, no one knows what’s happening, just a mess. It gives me so much anxiety.
Now everyone is acting like I’m an ungrateful jerk for giving pushback and asking to do things on our own, and not feeling the need to spend every waking second together for 8 days.
We are grown adults, why am I asking for permission for a few hours to myself? I love them to death but it just feels a bit controlling.
AITJ for asking for some alone time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is odd, because even in a family vacation, you want some time to unwind _away_ from the family.
Does she expect all of you to be together 24/7? However – since they are paying for everything, I do think you likely will have to follow their rules. How does your fiance feel about this? Has he said anything?” s4febook
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It’s understandable that your parents want everyone to do things as a family on a family trip that they paid for.
It’s also understandable that you don’t want to miss out on activities just because eg 1 out of 7 people do not wish to do the thing. 7 adults on a 7 day trip. Why doesn’t each adult have a turn at suggesting an activity each day?
Anyone not wanting to go on that activity can discuss amongst themselves whether they want to do an alternative activity or just hang out.” ScaryButterscotch474
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like MIL is being very controlling. Yes, they are paying for this all inclusive family vacation.
But everyone does not need to be up each other’s butt 24/7. She needs to give a little and ONE date night that lasts for 2 hours max out of 8 days seems a little ridiculous to me. After all, you all will still be eating together and doing other things together.
separate little 1 or 2 hour excursions alone is not gonna kill the mood of the family vacation.” MoetNChandon
17. AITJ For Wanting To Back Out As Maid Of Honor After My Friend Lied To Her Mom About Me?
“My (26F) friend (26F) asked me to be her maid of honor back in September 2023. I was quite surprised as we haven’t really talked since high school, I moved around a lot and she quickly became one of my first and closest friends.
She always had my back, even told me about a partner of mine being unfaithful to me when we were trying to do long distance after I moved away. I was flattered and in the spur of the moment I said yes. Now, It is really hard to be a maid of honor when the bride lives halfway across the country from you (this is in the US).
She’s made a lot of progress on the planning as the wedding is in June, she already has her color theme, what the bridesmaids should choose for their dresses, venue, etc.
One thing she hasn’t been very communicative of though is what she expects of me as the maid of honor.
The only thing confirmed is that she wants me to plan the bridal shower which is fairly typical and she said she would send me a list of who she wants there. It’s been two months and still no list. I also won’t know a single person at the wedding since we haven’t been in contact for many years, and I missed her dress appointments.
I just got a new job the same month she asked me to be MOH and was unable to get time off to fly and participate in all that. So this is where things take a turn as I’m already feeling disconnected. Last week my friend sends me paragraph long texts saying she has an issue with the airbnb we will all be staying at, they only allow 6 people on the property, so she wants to use a conference room in one of the hotels she is booking for guests.
She continues saying I’m fully in charge of planning the bridal shower, however, her mom wants to help. No problem with me, I continue reading, she then says she lied to her mom about me, my life, why she chose me as her maid of honor, my job, and she apparently told her I’m going there to visit family, which I had no intention of doing, only one of my sisters lives there and we have an up and down relationship.
So my friend wants me to plan a bridal shower with her mom, which she has lied to about me and everything involving me. She also said her mom is mad that she chose me to be her MOH when I live so far away.
And there is no guarantee that her mom will even help to pay according to her as well.
She apologized for lying, but now I’m confused, who else did she lie to? Do I really want to end up paying possibly a grand or more on a shower I have to plan with her mom who I have only met once and do I go along with the lies?
It feels like a lot of responsibility with not a lot of connection, it doesn’t make sense to me and I feel like she’s trying to use me to pay for the shower, we hardly talk but she says she really wants me there. I feel guilty because she already sent me a little gift box full of MOH stuff and the I can’t get married without you knick-knacks.
I really just want to reimburse her for the gifts and walk away, but would that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call me skeptical, but I think she’s gonna’ use you to pay for a lot of stuff that her other bridesmaids wouldn’t be able to afford.
I mean, why pick someone who you are no longer that close to, and who lives halfway across the country to be MOH, and assign friends who you actually see more often to bridesmaid roles? My guess is she knows her local friends would balk at the costs of what she wants.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“Girl…. Say no. Why didn’t you just say no? You can easily tell her that though you value her friendship you’re life is too chaotic (doesn’t matter if it’s true) and that you feel that because of the distance you feel you couldn’t fulfill any role in the wedding party well.
That you’d be thrilled to come as a guest but after thinking it over you feel she should choose someone else as her MOH. Why on earth did you agree in the first place??!? NTJ” Asleep-Tank3228
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bridal showers usually aren’t just 1k, even backyard ones add up.
My sister’s ended up being around 5k for 35 people. Luckily my mom took on all the catering costs, the bulk, and my other sister and I, co MOH split the rest and planned the shower. Her fellow bridesmaids were not involved with paying or hosting the shower.
It’s odd that you were asked to do the bridal shower from across the country. Usually a female family member hosts since they can get pricy. Traditionally the MOH leads to planning of the bachelorette.” jjj68548
16. AITJ For Spending Fund My Grandparents Gave Me Instead of Saving it For My Stepbrother's Treatment?
“My mom got married to “Alan” 2 years ago. I (15f) was 13 at the time and Alan’s two kids were “Emma” (9f) and “Noah” (3m). Noah was diagnosed with cancer last year and my mom and her husband were told there’s some kind of different treatment he could get in another country and if they could raise the funds, it would be better for Noah than the treatments available in the US.
My mom and Alan could not afford it so they have been sending him to treatment here and saving for Noah’s treatment. They made a lot of cut backs and asked that Emma and I give over any funds we get so they can afford this.
They have about 70% or something now and that has come from cutting out a lot. We eat very basic meals, they cancelled our internet and we didn’t do anything for our birthdays or Christmas since the saving started. Any money that comes into the house goes on essentials or the treatment fund.
My dad died 9 years ago and my paternal family stayed part of my life. They know what has been going on and they have been buying me little treats and taking me out to eat when they can. They also give me funds every couple of weeks so I can have something if I ever need anything.
I have been hiding those funds because I know I would be told to give it up. I carry it everywhere because Emma is the type to snoop and then tell her dad. She has asked me before why I don’t babysit to help make more money for her brother.
She would work if she could but she’s only 11.
I spent some of the money from my grandparents over the weekend. I got my hair cut and I bought my best friend a gift for her birthday. I also got some food and spent some time at my dad’s grave.
My mom noticed my haircut and asked where the money came from and she realized I was lying when I said I had been with my grandparents and they took me because I forgot they were out of town. So I told her they gave me some money to get some stuff done.
She told me a haircut was not a need and how selfish could I be. Alan heard her scolding me and he jumped in and asked what on earth was wrong with me. He told me this family has to pull together for Noah and I am acting like I don’t care whether Noah gets this treatment or not.
Of course by the end of the day Emma heard and freaked out. But then my mom ran into my best friend’s mom a couple of days ago, and she told mom my gift to my best friend was so sweet and thoughtful.
I was sat down and yelled at for spending the money on not just me but on others.
Alan asked me how I could give the money for a gift that means nothing when it could have gone to save “my brother’s” life. I yelled back that it’s not my job to pay for Noah’s treatments and I’m already sacrificing but I refuse to go all out the way they want me to.
I told them the money came from my family, family who was nothing to them and they need to let it go. Alan called me a selfish little jerk and he told me I should be ashamed of my repulsive behavior. Now Emma keeps telling me I’m a bad person.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go live with your grandparents if you can. Pitch it as it’s a way to help them save money for Noah, and don’t ever go back. I get being worried about your kid, but to starve the other kids of having a youth just to send him somewhere else.
Do they not realize that this is just to send him there. Not to mention the cost of the stay.” COLGkenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The money from your grandparents was for you to spend on yourself. They know that your family has little money now and cannot treat you to anything.
I can understand your mother’s and stepfather’s reaction though as they are desperate to save the money. I would discuss the matter with your grandparents, if this is a recurring issue they would have to discuss it with your mother, you are in a rather weak position here.” nordic_wolf_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is going through a tough time, but expecting a 15-year-old to fund a medical treatment is way out of line. You’re already making sacrifices. It’s unfair for them to guilt-trip you, especially when the money is a gift from your grandparents.
They need to appreciate the support they have and not put everything on your shoulders.” AquaticAllegation
15. AITJ For Asking My Narcissistic Mother and Her Unemployed Husband to Leave My Home?
“I 30 (f) asked my mother to move in with me a few years ago and now I am asking her to leave after she said my partner is unwelcoming and we scare her.
My mother and I relocated after I finished school and when we moved we had nothing but clothes.
I eventually got a job and after 2 years I bought a home. We were renting a smaller place previously and her husband (not my dad) was staying with us. When I moved into my home, I asked her to stay with me because I could not afford to pay her rent and my house bond.
(My mother is sickly and has a criminal record so she barely keeps a job)
We never really had the best relationship but I have always appreciated what my mother has done for me however I have noticed her narcissistic ways the older I have gotten.
She is mildly racist and I have had to unlearn a lot of what she and my (blood) father has embedded in me. My mother still makes remarks regarding someone’s skin or weight or where they come from or what they drive/wear. I have tried to drown out what she says but now I correct her.
Like you cannot say those things anymore, maybe in her day when she was younger but not today. Also who cares what you wear or look like or drive? As long as you are happy in life and not bringing anyone harm. I have also learned she loves to embellish stories.
My mother ended up divorcing and remarrying someone else from another province, he has been staying with us for almost a year now. He has not managed to get a job and he does not contribute enough financially. I have asked my mother and him to please ensure they give me the amount needed at the end of every month which sometimes I do not get the full amount.
I pay for everything at home, and I mean EVERYTHING. The salary I earn goes right out at the end of the month, I try my best to manage.
My mother has told me recently that she is scared of my partner and I and my partner makes her feel unwelcomed. When I questioned her about it, I was told some BS story about how we ignore her and do not acknowledge her and how nothing she does it right for me.
I do not interact much with my mother because she is always on her phone watching something or playing a game and when I speak I am ignored. I also do not spend much time with her because of this. I have asked her multiple times to pay attention to me for a few minutes or give me some time but her phone always comes first. With regards to my partner she is the friendliest bubbly person under the sun.
When I questioned my mother about how my partner made her feel unwelcomed on my home she stated we ate the food we bought and no-one offered her any which was not true and a misunderstanding. Had my partner known, she would not have had the food.
This and many other things have happened and this was the breaking point. My mother has never allowed me to live alone and now that she has remarried again I have asked her to leave, I feel so guilty but I need to do this, AITJ for asking her and her husband to move out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I’m sorry to say that your mother is a sponge, just soaking up all the things you do for her and not contributing. Question for you, does your mother often try to make you feel guilty or not good enough?
Sounds like she may be afraid of being alone – this is not your problem. Stay strong, once she’s gone, stay low/no contact for a while until the dust settles. If she can’t sustain herself or her lifestyle, that is NOT your problem. Good luck!” Agreeable_Sea3080
Another User Comments:
“NTJ call her bluff and say “that’s because you’re not welcome, I’ve asked you to move out” when she’s gone, you’ll be so much happier and you’ll feel lighter. You deserve to enjoy your space. Your mother is an adult, she can figure things out.” 7fishslaps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but my advice is talk to a lawyer about how to evict someone. Also let your mom know if they don’t leave quickly and quietly- you will be happy to make sure you are loud and proud at your house and any needs or feelings she has will be ignored. Ps is your mom homophobic and was ok with the idea of you being with a woman but now that she is seeing it is triggering her homophobia” Shiel009
14. AITJ For Refusing To Fold My Dad's Laundry?
“I’m 15F and my dad is 44M. I do my own laundry and have since probably like 10 or so years old. Most if not all of the time I do all of my washing myself.
A few weeks ago I put his washing in a basket and put it in his room.
Later when he got home he noticed I had hung up my washing and asked me what I did with his. I told him it’s in his room and he asked me why his washing wasn’t folded in an irritated tone. I told him I didn’t think I had to, he said he had mentioned this to me before and he raised his voice telling me it’s polite and I should do it because he does it for me out of the kindness of his heart so I should do it for him (he doesn’t do it for me, I seriously cannot recall a single time within the last year that he has taken my laundry off of the line for me and then folded it for me as well).
I told him I had been busy that day and he told me I needed to “make time” to do it. If he asked me nicely I wouldn’t have minded but it’s the fact that he expects me to do it, it’s not like I don’t already have chores, I have assigned days set the days I don’t do chores are days I work and especially since being off of school I do all of my chores on my days.
If he was really busy and needed help I’d understand but he wasn’t busy, he got home from work, complained about the laundry and then played video games. He also had 2 laundry baskets in his room already that weren’t folded and had been in there for who knows how long (this was like 2-3 weeks ago…the baskets and clothes are still there).
This is not the only instance where he basically expects me to be his slave but I won’t go to to much into detail about that in this post (expects me to parent my 5 yr old sister more than he does, etc), but I’m getting sick of it because if I don’t do his laundry for him it’ll result in screaming matches, and I’m not overexaggerating he will begin yelling at me if I try to explain why he should be fully capable of doing it himself and if I try to defend myself it will result in me trying to talk to him and him yelling at me then me yelling back to get him to hear me which inevitably ends in screaming at each other.
I understand this isn’t healthy but I’m 15 and most of the time my emotional regulation is way better than his and I’m sick of having to be the responsible one, having to be the one to walk away, having to be his 2nd housewife because otherwise it’ll end in a fight and I just don’t have the energy.
Last time I ended up just folding it for him while he was at work because I was too tired to deal with his nonsense. When he got home and saw my laundry up he asked if I had folded his, I said “mhm”. He never responded no thank you no nothing.
Next time I have to do my laundry I’m debating telling him that he’s old enough to do it himself and it’s not my responsibility, how I’m not his slave and he hasn’t even done it for me and even if he says it’s “out of the kindness of his heart” that’s total nonsense because it’s not because he wants to be kind, it’s because he wants something in return, for me to do it for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you seriously need to talk to him when everyone’s calm. Show him your work schedule. Show him the list of your chores that he expects you to do on a daily basis. Bring up the babysitting duties. Your dad is the one paying the mortgage/rent every month as well as the utilities, car maintenance , insurance, food, right?
You both need to have a clear understanding of what’s expected and be able to compromise.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here Definitely do NOT explain to him that he “should be fully capable of doing it himself”. No parent wants to hear that from their 15 year old and it won’t help you at all to take that approach.
Instead, set up a time where you two can talk, and come with a list of all the things you do to contribute to the household. Try and have a calm conversation about your responsibilities and how doing his laundry has never been on your list, so why is he yelling about something that isn’t your responsibility?
Stay calm even if he gets upset – both of you getting upset will not accomplish anything. You don’t mention your mom – so your dad is a single parent with 2 kids? That’s a stressful situation. Which doesn’t mean he should transfer that stress to you – but it does mean you can be cognizant that he has a lot on his plate and may be stressed about things that you don’t even know about (job, money, etc).
Basically, be kind to one another and work things out.” PhoenixRisingToday
13. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband Because I Needed Some Alone Time?
“32f. I have 4 kids. 13, 12, 9 and 4mo (yeah, I know, don’t come at me). As of 4 weeks ago, the kids’ school shut down completely due to water damage and a fallen roof in the gymnasium/cafeteria. They should be returning fairly soon, I would think. Until then, online learning.
I’m honestly just having a rough time with the lack of decompression time. The kids are simply more rambunctious than usual due to lack of stimulation and sitting at a computer screen for learning but add a baby who is going through sleep regression, who sleeps ALL day and is up quite literally all night and you get one tired mama who has zero down time.
It won’t last forever and that’s what I keep telling myself but right now, I seriously just need a breather without entertaining or answering questions or being touched.
My husband is fully aware of this but for whatever reason, he feels it doesn’t apply to him.
So on the off chance that the baby does go to bed at a decent time (when the other kids are in bed) he assumes I want to spend every second of that time with him. I understand how important it is to maintain that closeness with him but right now I’m touched out.
So him touching me and trying to “get a piece” or trying to talk about our finances (which we already talk about when the kids are awake) is exhausting. Especially considering he gets downtime. After the kids go to bed, he goes to his office to do whatever for 2-3 hours while I try to get the baby down (she’s strictly breastfed).
It’s just that the second she is asleep, in his head it’s like “oh, kids are all asleep, my turn to get attention”. Even if he sees that I’ve opened a book or put in headphones. And it’s just getting increasingly frustrating because like I said, the baby is up all night and she’s at an age where she wants me to be fully engaging with her (talking, holding, playing) or she gets fussy.
So everyone here right now is just constantly begging for my attention, while I’m just begging for 30 minutes of being left alone. And like I said, my husband is fully aware of this. I’ve told him. He simply thinks it does not apply to him.
So, last night I got the baby to bed around 9ish and my husband comes in and says “wanna watch a movie”, so I said no and that I wanted to read but he could watch the movie beside me so we are still together or whatever.
But he kept making comments. “Babe, you don’t even want to watch this? It’s funny.” Or “did you see that?” (And then proceeds to rewind the movie so I can see even though I said I didn’t want to) and lastly the “you don’t even wanna give me that butt?” At this point I’m fuming mad because I haven’t made it through 2 pages uninterrupted and I snapped. I said “will you just leave me alone?
Why do I have to keep repeating myself to you?” He turns off the movie and storms off to the office, while saying “I just wanted to hang out with you” and now I feel bad but I need to be left alone for once.
eta: he does his part around the house. he helps clean, helps with dinners and is usually the one who drives the kids to and from their sports. this isn’t about what he does and doesn’t do to pull his weight. it’s only about me not getting any downtime because he, much like the kids, want my undivided attention.
we do still hang out together. we literally watch a movie together every single night. but on the nights that I don’t want to do that, he sits and basically begs for my attention, even when I’ve voiced that I want to do my own thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know you said he pulls his weight but if one parent has 2-3 hours of free time a night and the other one has zero then you need to redistribute “equal”. Tell him next week you’d like him to put the baby down – as soon as you’re done nursing hand him the baby and take time for yourself until it’s time for the next feeding.
If that recharges you find a way to make it the routine at least some nights a week.” MPBoomBoom22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A dad of a 6m here. I didn’t “get that butt” until like 5m, and it’s our first kid. You’ve set your boundaries, it’s a shame he’s not respecting them.
I know it’s a little more emotional work, but maybe try having a clear and calm talk with him about your lack of decompression. He misses you and that’s understandable, but a good partner should be able to see that, or at least “pick up on cues” when you’re telling him directly.” solidly_garbage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also he was confronted with something he did not want to engage with and his first reaction was to go “storm off to the office”? Are you sure he is not just goofing off at the office getting down time and actually working because that does kinda sound like his private time escape place to be honest..” Easy_Floss
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Siblings Over Their Homeopathic Advice And Criticism On My Living Situation?
“I 36(f) am in a large family.
I am one of the youngest of 7 kids. We are close but have had issues in the past. Most of my siblings are strong able-bodied people. I am neurodivergent and physically disabled. I have lupus and a protein c deficiency. Because of how bad my illness is there are times I can barely move and my kidneys are currently covered in blood clots.
I have been betrayed by friends and it is hard to get people to help me. My husband cant always help me. So I bit the bullet and asked my siblings to help me with chores in my house. My siblings are very into keto and holistic medicine.
They believe it is bad that I take immunosuppressive medication. But if I didn’t my blood clots would not go away. Lupus patients are prone to kidney disease and joint issues. I have both.
So one day my siblings were going on how I eat badly and need to get off coffee.
Let alone I drink coffee once a day and eat more veggies, fruit and lean meat than them. My brother was telling me I had to cook with tallow and eat liver. My sister said to only drink tea. Then suggested teas that have just as much caffeine as a cup of coffee.
I let it go because I assumed they were just worried about me. My sister then said “I can’t clean up this hoard you need room have two plates only two people live here.” I say to her ” what about when I have guests over like my in laws?” She then says “use paper plates for them.” I don’t feel comfortable with that.
I told her I am not doing that. She then said “Where are you going to put all this stuff?” By this point I showed my sister where I put my stuff three times. I have a shelving area that I keep all my plates cups bowls utensils and more.
My brother agreed with her even though his wife and him change out plates every season. But they act like just cause I needed help like my lifestyle and choices were bad.
They went back to me getting off of steroids, immunosuppressants, and blood thinners.
They both tell me it is not good for me and I just need to cut down my clutter, junk food and use homeopathic medicine. I then blew up and said” Just because I am disabled doesn’t mean I can’t have a normal amount of dishes.
Just cause I am disabled doesn’t mean I need room live in nothingness. I am not going to eat like a dog and I am not going to get off my life saving medicine. You are not my doctor!”
My sister got upset and started crying and I think this is where I might be the AH.
My sister left and went to my mom. She and my brother had told my mom I was unhinged and she called me. She knows what they are like but still asked me to apologize and I said
“why should I do that? They don’t listen to me and barely helped me.
They want me to get off the medicine that is keeping me alive. Why do I have to always be the bigger person?” Then my mom said ” because I raised you better than that.” I just hung up and now they are mad. I have not spoken to them in two days and am starting to think I screwed up.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Their interference could cost you your health. Your mother says she “raised you better than that”. So, is she saying she didn’t raise your siblings? One would assume she raised them better than to interfere in your medical care.
I’m afraid you’ll have to go LC with them. I’d hate to think that they might try to take your meds away. If you’re in the states, there are sites that have people you can hire to come give you a hand when you need it.
Take care.” trappergraves
Another User Comments:
“TtJ your mom and your siblings are all jerks. So she raised you to be better so why couldn’t she raise them to be better? No you don’t owe them an apology. They owe you one. They are not your doctors and they shouldn’t be criticizing your medical condition or the medication you take.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your siblings sound absolutely really annoying. Nonmedical people who think they know better than doctors are horrible. Unfortunately, you need their help. So you kinda need to play nice with them. It sucks, but unless you can afford to hire other people to help, you don’t really have much choice but to play nice with the people you need help from.
Tbh I’d say screw your siblings and hire a cleaner to come once a week, but I don’t know your financial situation. But if you need help from family, you kinda have no choice but to deal with it, or risk losing their help.” Cats-in-the-rain
11. AITJ For Leaving The House To Avoid My MIL Who Insists On Visiting When We're Sick?
“My MIL is a good woman, make no mistakes.
I’m not trying to paint her in a bad light here. I do love her but I’m so resentful of her that it’s clouding my brain. She has this overwhelming desire to feel needed and comes over here whenever she finds out any of us are ill.
Even if we tell her no, she will still show up. And like… She doesn’t help. That’s the thing. She comes here with a can of chicken noodle soup and then stands in front of our TV or tries endlessly to get us to talk to her, knowing I have zero energy to entertain.
Even when my husband and I were not feeling well. He told her and she showed up here and despite seeing that we were trying to rest, still attempted to get us to drink coffee with her and hang out in the kitchen. When we tell her to leave, it’s always met with a “I will be fine” (thinking we are telling her to leave for her safety, which isn’t the case 9 times out of 10).
And it’s happened so darn frequently (my husband has a weak immune system) that I don’t want her here half the time, even on a good day.
We now have a 4 month old daughter. But Little Miss is feeling a bit under the weather (just a cold- she’s been seen by her pediatrician).
My husband gets a phone call from his mom earlier and he ends up telling her that the baby is a bit sick. After he gets off the phone I tell him that she had better not come here (he and I have discussed this in the past so he’s fully aware how irritated it makes me when she shows up here while we are ill).
He said “well she said she was going to swing by”. I told him to call her back and tell her not to come and that I don’t want her here. I told him to blame me. So, he did call her but he walked out of the room so I didn’t hear the conversation.
Next thing I know she’s knocking on the door. He answers and says “I told you you didn’t have to come” and she says “I know but I figured I’m needed”. As soon as I heard this I honestly just started dressing the baby and packing an overnight bag.
She comes in to the room and says “where ya going?” So I said “to a hotel” and pushed past her with the baby. She DOES know that I don’t want her here when we are sick because I’ve told her that I don’t want ANYONE here when we are sick, so it shouldn’t have come as any surprise.
Both my husband and MIL started protesting but I didn’t even catch what they said. I just took off. My husband has been texting me ever since, saying I overreacted and that his mom simply wants to help but I argue that I truly don’t need her “help”, which consists of her just taking up my space and energy.
I also didn’t need her fussing over my already sick baby and getting her even more unwell because she should be resting. I won’t come home, despite him asking me to and I also said he either tells her she’s no longer welcome here when we are sick or I will have to make a decision on whether or not I want to deal with this going forward because it may not look like a big deal but it is to me.
He says he “can’t believe how largely I’m blowing this out of proportion”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the issue is your husband. He’s the jerk. It’s HIS mother HE needs to lay the law down. HE needs to be the bad guy. He clearly did not tell her “no” he told her “you don’t NEED” to come by.
He’s using specific language to keep the door cracked so that she CAN come over. He needs to be firm. And honestly, why does he keep telling his mother when people are unwell?!?! Just…. don’t share that and problem solved. He seems to let it “slip” that there is someone unwell every time to the point you have to think he likes being babied by his mother.
It’s weird AF. He needs to grow up and not go running to mommy every time he has the sniffles” MizZo2
Another User Comments:
” NTJ — husband needed to get clear on it The problem is your husband. He’s trying to have it both ways.
She does it because she believes her son is okay with it — and he squiggles around with it. Someone has to let her in — that’s HIM. And his mom bothers you far more than she bothers him. You told him to tell her YOU didn’t want her.
NO, no. He needs to tell her both of you don’t want visitors when you’re sick — ANY visitors.” redgreenocean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did exactly the right thing. You’ve tried telling her bluntly to not come over and she ignores you. Your husband won’t back you up with mommy dearest and doesn’t understand how upsetting this is to you.
Husband is using the old “you’re overreacting, she’s just trying to help”. He’s still not listening to you or taking this seriously. Unless he does accept this is your hill to die on, you have choices to make. Good luck.” squirrelsareevil2479
10. AITJ For Being Upset That Someone Took Our Chair At An Indoor Playground?
“My husband and I have 2 small kids and I’m due with our 3rd this week.
A few days ago we went to an indoor playground where you can eat and hang out while the kids play. We live in the Netherlands (crappy weather).
The place was full but we managed to find a table with 4 chairs. We placed our coats on our chairs and went with our kids to play.
Some parents just hang out at the table while their kids play alone, our kids are 6 and 4 so we went along to get them settled in.
After a while we decided to go get drinks and lunch at the restaurant in this indoor playground. Next to our table were a grandma and grandpa with 2 kids.
We make a short stop at our table to drop off our shoes and walk a few meters to order food. When we return no more than 15 min later with our drinks and stuff I see that the grandma had removed my kids’ coat and had taken our chair.
In total confusion and disbelief I turn to my husband and say “someone took our chair?! They even removed our stuff to take our chair!”
I was honestly shocked. I looked around and saw the grandma sitting in a corner of her table super obviously with the extra chair.
All other tables had 4 chairs except theirs now had 5 and our had 3.
My husband tried to hush me and said “I know I know just sit in my chair” and went to take our girls to pee.
I looked around for an extra chair but saw all tables were empty but occupied (like coats and stuff).
I was now forced to “steal” someone else’s chair and took an empty chair. I would never touch someone’s stuff though. I then saw that grandma had used one of their 4 chairs to put her bags on. We just put our stuff on the floor.
When my husband returned I pointed this out to him. Now I didn’t whisper and I’m sure my shock was evident. I responded with my authentic response like not extra dramatic or more subdued. I believe that if people behave asocially you can call them out on it.
Hindsight that’s what I should have done.
My issue really lies in my husband’s response though. He told me to hush up. Which I regrettably did. When we were at home I asked him about it and told him I was disappointed in his conflict-avoidant behavior.
He criticizes people for this kind of behavior behind closed doors but in public tells me to hush up and let it go.
He is now telling me I was making a scene and acting like I am the jerk. Since we didn’t actually see her do it he says we can’t address it and if I had said something about it calmly and quietly he would have done something about it.
So a hundred reasons why he didn’t do anything and why I am the reason for it. He says that “evolving” (turning to him to tell him someone took our chair) him wasn’t fair. I honestly feel like he is gaslighting me. I think I responded like he wish he would have, making him feel like less of an alfa for not defending us or standing up for us.
Now I just feel really frustrated that not only did he not support me in the situation, he hushed me (which is a hypocrite) and now tries to make me look like the jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and quit letting your husband hush you.
FFS you’re an adult and a mother, so do what you believe appropriate regardless of what he or others think. You can speak up without being obnoxious and in this situation you should have.” IDICbeliever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every day people act more selfish and entitled. How can we curb that if we don’t call them out on their behavior?
Enablers don’t want to “make a scene”, but a little public humiliation or confrontation is oftentimes the only way to get people to stop being so selfish. So long as the “scene” isn’t over the top (no yelling, cursing, or violence) then I support it.
Plus your husband is teaching your kids to be doormats.” prevknamy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ— they didn’t take your stuff and leave it in the urinal. And you admit you did the same thing yourself when chairs became scarce— moved other people’s stuff to use chairs.
If everyone stopped hogging chairs they aren’t using, there would be plenty for use. Sure, when stuff isn’t in high demand, people do this and no one cares, but do you expect people to stand while jackets enjoy a rest?” TeddingtonMerson
9. AITJ For Not Defending My Mother-In-Law After She Claimed My Daughter Looks Just Like Her?
“I’m not sure what crawled up my MIL’s behind but she and I got along so well before I got pregnant. She called me her daughter, came over to see me all the time, called me randomly to just talk, told me she loves me all the time, etc. But after I got pregnant, something switched in her.
She stopped calling. She never said “I love you” back when I said it. She only came over to see my husband and 9 times out of 10, it was trying to get him out of the house to go with her. Barely gives me a hello/goodbye in passing.
She even tried staying in the labor and delivery room after she was already told no because “her baby needs support”, and clung to my husband’s arm- several times trying to get him to go sit on the couch with her instead of standing by me where he was (she was kicked out by nurses).
Since I had my daughter 3 months ago she has come over a good 10-15 times and has literally only held my kid twice. She just follows my husband around everywhere and still tries to get him to leave with her to go do chores/tasks for her (changing tires, changing oil, fixing her computer, moving around her house, etc etc etc).
And honestly none of that bothers me nearly as much as her comments about how my daughter looks nothing like me and looks exactly like HER and my husband. For a bit of context, my husband looks nothing like his mom. He is a spitting image of his father.
His mom is short, blonde, brown eyes. He is super tall, black hair, green eyes. You can’t tell they are related at all. But she insists my daughter looks just like her and my husband and nothing like me. She’s made these comments more times than I can count and I just give a “yeah okay Becky” and leave it.
But yesterday I hosted a dinner for the family and obviously invited her. She shows up with a scrapbook album with a bunch of photos of her and my husband from birth to present. She was showing/telling everyone who would listen that my daughter was “basically not even mine if you go off of looks”.
My husband spoke up a few times with a clipped “she actually looks just like my wife” but his mom didn’t acknowledge him. But then she got to my mom and my mom, being a “no nonsense” woman, said “Are you blind or are you just being ignorant?
That girl looks just like my daughter and nothing like you. Kinda weird to me that you are desperately pushing the narrative that the baby looks like your son AND you considering your son looks nothing like you either.” No one in the house said anything but a few of them were chuckling.
My husband also didn’t say anything but he looked more like a deer in headlights than anything. My MIL then left. She group texted my husband and I later on saying she will never forgive us for not defending her against my mom “making a scene and embarrassing her in front of everyone.” I don’t feel bad.
My husband does. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “My mother simply ended the scene you started. Funny that you think your son should have defended you from my mother when my mother was doing exactly the same thing by defending me from your negative comments.” And then don’t welcome her back into your home until she can respect you.
And if your husband can’t understand this, then he needs help.” Disastrous-Nail-640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You took her baby away for real now. She also wanted to continue being central to her baby’s world. This particular actual baby you guys just had put an end to that.
The transition from center of the family to literally being alone on the periphery is a hard one. But it’s not on you how she is coping/not coping with it. Be kind though. There isn’t a mother who raised good kids that launched into the world, that won’t feel that pain one day.” IllTemperedOldWoman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously something snapped in your MIL’s head when you got pregnant. Like ‘wow, this is permanent! My baby is really going to stay with some other woman!” Your husband needs to deal with this. His mother is going to alienate everyone.
She is going to make your child very uncomfortable as the girl grows up. He can feel bad, but his mom needs either a wake-up call or professional help.” FuzzyMom2005
8. AITJ For Considering Dropping My Partner's Nephew From Our Japan Trip?
“My partner (27M), Nick, has an older sister, named Megan, that works for an airline. One of the perks of Megan working for an airline is that she has multiple ways she can give family and friends free standby flights. There are three ways she can give these to family/friends.
1. Her children can fly standby whenever they want.
2. She can choose a single family member, outside of kids and spouse, to fly standby unlimited for a year.
3. She gets a certain number of buddy passes each year that she can give to anyone to fly standby for a single roundtrip.
Megan had an extra buddy pass and offered to give it to me, because Nick is able to fly standby this year. I have always dreamed of going to Japan during Cherry Blossom season, so we decided we would use it there.
Nick called Megan to ask for tips on how to get there, since Cherry Blossom season may cause planes to be more full.
Megan’s son, Jack (21M), lives with her and after she finished the call she told him that Nick and I were planning on traveling to Japan. Jack told Megan that he wants to come with us, and Megan texted my partner.
Nick then texted me asking how I felt about it.
I told him that the main issue I had with it was that it would make planning the trip harder, since he may not want to do what we are doing and that it also makes it more difficult for us to all get flights there.
Jack has unlimited standby flights, so he could go to Japan whenever he wanted. I only have the buddy pass, so I don’t know when I am going to get a chance to go again. Nick told me he gets it, that he was not too thrilled when he heard Jack wanted to come, and he would talk to him.
I then texted I understand that Jack might want to have travel buddies, and I am not completely against the idea. I think it would be a good chance to hang out with him. I suggested us putting together a plan of what we want to do and sending it to him and seeing what he would like to do with us, but if flights are looking full around that time we may need to drop the trip.
The next day my partner brought up how I was willing to drop his nephew from the trip if it was busy, and said it seemed selfish. I told him I thought it was a bit hypocritical because he did not seem happy Nick wanted to come prior to me sending that text, and told me he would talk to him.
He claims he meant talk to him about solo traveling.
To be honest, I initially thought I was being selfish for being willing to drop him but I don’t know when I will have the chance to fly there free again; however, the more I think about it, the more I question if it is actually selfish.
The trip was going to be just the two of us, until Jack requested to come. It’s not like we initially started to plan this thinking Jack was coming and then kicked him off without warning. I was open to the idea of Jack coming, but also wanted to be realistic that it logistically might not be a possibility and he needs to be aware of it.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was only meant to be a trip for the two of you, and just because Megan gifted you the standby, it is not an excuse for her son to invite himself. If you were happy with him coming that’d be great, but you’re under no obligation to bring him along if you feel uncomfortable.” MundaneBadger7349
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because Jack’s mom is gifting you a free ticket doesn’t mean you owe her to let her son come along. It was a gift. It wasn’t a favor that she asked you like hey please accompany my son to Japan and I’ll pay for your ticket to cover it.
It was not like that at all. If Megan expects favors from you in return of a gift then it’s not really a gift. And it’s up to you if you want to set this precedent of caving in for the sake of a free trip.
But you’re definitely NTJ and Nick, btw, totally failed on having your back.” Soft_Start
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, just need to communicate more. I think you want this as a couple/ relationship trip only. Tell your partner that clearly. He is probably a people pleaser and wants to please all involved. Maybe you can go for X amount of days, and the last weekend you are there, nephew flies out and you show him a few spots you guys enjoyed them he continues his trip as you leave.” Trick_Delivery4609
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Aunt To Use Our Rented House While We're Not Home?
“Me, my husband and my mother rent a house that my grandmother owns. We all pay rent here equally. My brother stays at our house too while in college.
We agreed to let my aunt use our house as a meeting point for my niece’s father’s family to see her once in a while.
Our house is in the middle of everyone and my mom plays a mediator roll for their visits. Every time they have used our house, one of us 3 renters were home. Side note: my aunt and niece live with my grandmother. Over the holidays my mom went out of town with my grandmother.
So it was just me and my husband home. My aunt called me and said that she “might” have my niece’s family come over on Wednesday. There was no time or details told to me. Either way, I told her that no one would be home on Wednesday because of work and a party we had to go to at night.
I asked her to call my mom to see when she would be back from her trip. Since she would most likely be home Wednesday sometime. My aunt said “ok”. And that was the end of the conversation.
On Wednesday, my husband and I went to work.
We locked up the house like a normal day. Then I get a text from my aunt asking why the garage door was locked. I advised her that no one was home. She said “you knew I was coming here so why would you lock the door”.
I was so confused by this because I had told her that no one was going to be home. She then blew up at me saying that she had made plans with me to use the house and said I need to take it up with my landlord since she was told she can use the house as a meeting place.
She called my mom and told her that I locked her out on purpose. Then went and got a house key from my brother. My husband texted our house group chat asking us why she was at our house with other people while no one was home.
My mom said she didn’t know what was going on since she was out of town. My mom said that aunt texted her that she was going to be there on Wednesday, but my mom told her she needed to talk to me and my husband about it first.
My aunt sent me some nasty messages telling me that my perception of reality is off. And I am going against the agreement she had with my mom. I advised her that she is able to use our house if one of us is home.
She now has my grandmother mad at me telling her that I am being mean to her. I showed my mom and my husband the messages that were exchanged. They both agreed that I handled the situation with respect. My aunt was the one being rude to me.
My grandmother thinks my aunt can come and go as she wants with strangers at our house since she is family and my grandmother owns the house. My mom, husband and I think this was very rude of my aunt and we do not want strangers in our home when we are not there even though my aunt will be there.
We are renters there so it should be up to us. So AITJ for not letting her use our house while we’re not there and expecting an apology before she does use it again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your aunt is a conniving person who knows exactly what she did: Get her way and pit you against one another.
Unfortunately she will throw you under the bus again and toot the horn. You are renters (and location depending) you have rights on who enters the house. Now is the time to get your mom, gma, together with you and your husband and write/text a message to your Aunt stating: Moving forward, you will have access to house based on these conditions.
It’s a new year, create what you want; don’t cower to her entitled inconsiderate side.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however guilty of poor communication, from your tone in your message to us we can tell that the answer is no however you don’t explicitly say no to her, you instead say that “no one will be home” which could be interpreted as yes but no one’s home or no but no one’s home, your aunt has interpreted it as the first and had a poor reaction to being told yes then no ( in her head).
That being said your aunt’s reaction tells you a lot about her and how she handles situations.” ratherelectro
Another User Comments:
“no jerks here. You are renting from a family member (bad idea to start with) and that family member is saying that it is okay to have someone there who doesn’t live there.
Do you have a lease? Is the property run by property management or is grandma the “landlord?” These things all matter. IF it is run by property management, NO your aunt cannot be there without permission as she is not on the lease. IF you live in grandma’s house on a verbal agreement, she can do what she wants- it’s her house.” NotTheMama4208
6. AITJ For Lashing Out At My MIL After She Accused Me Of Faking My Disability To Avoid Having Kids?
“I (29f) am married to “John”(29m) (3yrs married, together for 7yrs). Without going into too much detail I have multiple disabilities that leave me needing a wheelchair on occasion.
Its genetic so I decided early in life that I didn’t want to have kids because of it. I don’t want to pass it on and it would be a huge risk to my body. My mom passed away when I was born and she also had it.
John has always understood/agreed as he never saw himself as a dad. He and his brothers went into foster care due to his parents substance use. They were found alone fending for themselves.
He’s not sure about his father but his mother is back in his life after being clean for the past two years.
I’m happy for her as it is a huge problem in our state and not easy. My MIL has always been quirky but sometimes makes comments about my disabilities.
Recently she has been asking when we were having kids as she is desperate to be a grandma.
I explained my side multiple times. John has also explained his side how he has always said no to kids and that we spoke about it multiple times before marriage. Lately she has been very persistent which I ignored.
On NYE we had a small party and since it was my own home I didn’t need to use my chair.
My MIL came and when she saw me was visibly upset. She’s mostly seen me in a chair (especially in the wintertime as it can affect me more) and said that seeing me out of my chair surprised her. Again I ignored it its something I’m used to.
In my friend group we do a NYE wish and share it out loud. When it was my MIL’s turn her exact words were “I wish for (my name) to finally put John first and give him the family he deserves” and I froze. When I asked why she would say that she said that she felt that I was lying to John about my illness and faking it to avoid giving him a kid and called me a bad wife.
I explained that I could pass away like my mom did and she said that it happens and if it did that she would take care of the baby. I admit that I was impulsive but hearing her be so casual about it made me rage especially since John wasn’t intervening.
Apparently she and John had been speaking about it as she believes he has to pass on his legacy and that I’m holding him back.
I completely lost it. I said “there’s no legacy to pass. You chose substances over your kids and then left them.
Even if there was a chance of me having kids I wouldn’t leave them to a substance addict that thinks my kids are there for her to try again” stormed out of the room and I went to bed crying.
Yesterday John said that he had been reconsidering the idea of kids because he wanted to be a better dad than his.
I told him that if it was important that we could talk about fostering/adopting but he said MIL said they wouldn’t be blood related so it didn’t count. He and a few of my friends think I took it too far and while I somewhat agree I also feel like the idea of putting my life at risk because she wants a redo shouldn’t be so casually glossed over.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s repeatedly been disrespectful to you and ignorant to your condition and appears to have poisoned your husband. I’d be thinking about moving on from both of them given the situation.” conswithcarlosd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your MiL was being horrible.
Selfish, ableist, blatantly disrespectful and manipulative. You were right to call her out and put her in her place. She basically said it’d be no big deal if you died! That is insane! John needs to get his priorities in order and not let his mom run his life.
It’s okay for him to welcome her back in his life (if he wants), but not to let her take it over. Pregnancy would be a huge health risk for you, and you don’t owe anyone your body or, potentially, your *life.* It’s super concerning that he’s talking with her behind your back.
Also, kids that aren’t blood-related “don’t count”? Gross, gross, gross.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How could John or anyone you know especially that was there think you took it too far? She should’ve been shown the door right off the with wish business.
She wishes for you to ‘finally put John first and give him the family he deserves’ was throwing quite the loaded gauntlet down. In that one sentence she said you’re selfish, not disabled/ have a serious genetic disease, and act like it’s John’s sole wish in life has been to be a father.
None of that is true. Then, you remind her of your risks…she literally says you can die but that’s a risk I’m willing to take? I mean, hand it to her…she can double down with the best of them. John is no prize.
Leave” dart1126
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Inappropriate Mother-In-Law At My House Anymore?
“I absolutely adored my MIL up until I got pregnant, when she started acting weird. My husband is her youngest child (30) and the only one out of her children who didn’t have any children so originally I thought she was just projecting her excitement over him finally having a baby in weird ways but that’s definitely not it.
She does not act like this at all with any of her other kids and she 100% never acted like this toward my husband UNTIL she found out I was pregnant (we announced it after we found out the gender).
Anyways, she has always been a super modest, very conservative woman.
She showed zero skin because it wasn’t “ladylike”. She never ever made any hint of inappropriate comments. She never would have dreamed about discussing her bedroom life. It simply was not who she was, or so I thought. But after I got pregnant she started showing up to my house randomly 2-3 times a week and asking my husband to leave with her to go run errands and other miscellaneous stuff that she could 100% do herself, with the excuse of “I figured you’d like to go with me and get out of the house”.
That’s not weird but then it amped up to her started to show up with her bust completely revealed and asked my husband if he liked her shirt or if he liked her pants that looked like they were painted on. Doing little spins for him.
Then started the comments about her partner being intoxicated and not being able to “get it up” and complaining that she wasn’t having her needs met and that she needed a real man.
Started coming over with gifts of money and expensive watches, etc for my husband.
Literally showed up to our baby shower with stuff for my husband, not the baby. Started bringing him food (just him, not me) saying “I figured you missed Mama’s cooking” (he hates her cooking and it always hit the trash can when she left). I had our daughter 3 months ago and shes held her twice.
She made a really inappropriate joke that made everyone really uncomfortable. After she left I told him I really don’t want her here anymore. She makes me uncomfortable and quite frankly, she’s starting to gross me out. I asked how he felt about it and how she’s been acting and he said “I don’t get it, this is not the mom I know.”
She’s acting like I’m her husband but I can’t just tell her she can’t come here. She was a single mom. I’m her baby, blah blah blah”. He said I’m wrong in asking that she not be allowed here anymore, despite agreeing that she’s being over the top weird.
I don’t want her near my kid. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is really weird and creepy and I don’t blame you at all for feeling uncomfortable. That said, if this is totally unusual and new….. maybe your husband (or his siblings) should make sure she gets checked out by a doctor.
I don’t know if this could be an indicator of dementia / Alzheimer’s or some other health issue that’s causing her behavior changed. Kind of weird that no one has yet considered that maybe something is wrong with her and make sure she gets evaluated by a doctor.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You guys need to be a united front, agree on acceptable boundaries, communicate them with her, and enforce them. Regardless of what is plaguing her as of lately, it’s disrupting your ability as a new family to adapt to the baby together.
Have you talked to other family members about her to see if she has shifted with them as well, or is concentrated on your husband?” DumpTruckSupremeDuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was uncomfortable just reading this, I can’t even begin to imagine the discomfort with witnessing/living with it.
I’d suggest marriage counseling and unpack this with a professional. They can help you and your husband set boundaries together. He’s clearly uncomfortable too, and it needs to stop ASAP.” Unhygienictree
4. AITJ For Changing My Name and Rejecting My Father's Expectations To Uphold My Grandmother's Legacy?
“I (30F) was named after my deceased grandmother, Phyllis, whom I never got the chance to meet. She was the matriarch of my dad’s side and her death left a great impact. I was the first child in the family born after her death.
My mom says she really didn’t want to name me this but my dad strong-armed her.
This name has been difficult for me in a number of ways. My dad refused to let me go by a nickname all throughout my childhood. The other kids still found ways to mock me.
Such as calling me “Phil” and telling me I had a boy’s name. Then in my teens, they’d ask me if I wanted to be “filled”. Now, I know kids can find anything to tease people with but it certainly didn’t help.
The larger reason it was hard is I felt like I had to live up to a ghost. It doesn’t help I look just like her. I was constantly reminded of the legacy I had to live up to. Any time I made a mistake, I was told I needed to uphold the honor of the name.
Keep in mind, I have always listened to my dad’s stories, learned about the history and I greatly appreciate that I was named after someone so amazing. And I tell my dad this, even though I say I’m not a fan of the name.
In college, I decided to reinvent myself and began going by Lissa. In time, people began to assume my name was Alyssa and I just went with it. To the point that’s all my friends, colleagues, etc. called me this. My family was aware but would still call me Phyllis which I accepted for the time.
My dad made his disappointment clear but I told him all that mattered is he got to to call me it. I also explained why the name was difficult to me several times, both growing up and as an adult and he told me the meaning behind it was greater than bullies and that I should be honored to have such a legacy.
I got married last fall and it was an issue for my dad that the officiant called me Alyssa, that Alyssa was written on all the wedding decorations and invitations. When I went to hyphenate my last name with my husband’s, I also chose to legally change my name to Alyssa.
I had my grandmother’s middle name as well my whole life and I kept that as it was never an issue (it’s Marie for those curious).
The issue for my dad is that his family has grown used to calling me Alyssa. I never asked them to, but they chose to do so.
My dad has said that I was wrong to change my name and that I should feel honored. I tried to explain my reasoning and he said it hurt him that I didn’t care enough.
I got mad and said I cared enough to respect him calling me Phyllis and never correcting him.
I respected him by always validating his feelings and never telling him he was wrong, while he always brushed mine off. But if he wanted the truth, I wasn’t born to be a reincarnation of his mother. I am my own person and it’s not fair for him to put his grief on me.
This really upset him. My mom said I pushed it too far by saying all of that. I feel bad he’s upset but I don’t know if I agree I was wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needed therapy not a daughter to replace his mother!
He comes off as a bit toxic and quite self-absorbed, and your mother comes off as an enabler. I would go LC with him if he keeps bothering you. But hope what you said was a wakeup call to him.” bimmer_rider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is a jerk and frankly is lucky you haven’t told him to sod off and cut him off given how completely he disregards your feelings every chance he gets. Who cares if your grandma was a saint, the most beautiful woman, a queen, a whatever.
The point is you don’t like the name and as it’s YOUR name, you can decide what you want to be called. That he keeps choosing this as his hill to die on, and your mom backing him up shows how entitled an attitude he has and an utter lack of empathy for all you’ve endured with that name.” Epsilon_and_Delta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The problem isn’t so much the name as it is the expectation you should be that person. Honoring a person by passing down the name is one thing but expecting someone else to be just like that person because they have that name is being a jerk.” poncanach
3. AITJ For Telling My Spoiled Sister The World Doesn't Revolve Around Her?
“I (18f) am away at college and my sister (16f) is still at home with our parents.
Moving out of my parents house was totally the biggest relief of my life. They always favored my sister over me and they also wanted me to dedicate a lot of time to her. She always wanted me too and is very needy when it comes to my time.
My parents spoiled her that way.
Some examples of this;
* She got better Christmas gifts than me. While I would maybe get some books and clothes instead of gaming stuff or art supplies on my list. She got a new TV or a new phone, new laptop, Calico Critters and trampolines when she was younger and all kinds of scooters and stuff.
* She would get gifts to open on my birthday and would often get to blow out my candles and my parties had to be catered to her but hers were not catered to me and I never got a gift at her birthday parties
* She got to choose where we’d get takeout once a week and I had no input
* She got her room freshly decorated once a year and however she wanted but I only had mine done twice when I could remember and I had no input
* She got to have a TV and her laptop in her room but I could not
* She never had to include me when seeing her friends but my parents would insist I had to include her with mine
* They have a college fund for her but they never had one for me
* She could ask for money whenever and always got it.
I was always told I should earn money when I asked. Even when I was a little kid.
* They know her favorite foods and they don’t know mine. They used to call her favorite mine and would dismiss me when I corrected them.
I did try talking to my parents before and I had my grandparents help me a few times as well.
All it did was make my parents kick my grandparents out and refuse to let me see them. They scolded me every time I spoke up and told me I should love my sister.
My sister was always so demanding of my time and attention and when I would tell her I didn’t have the time, or I had plans, she’d say she should come first, or she was more important than anything else.
She also used to say she should be my first priority.
For Christmas I decided to stay at college and join some of my friends who weren’t going home. I told my sister I wasn’t coming home and she got so upset. She told me she’d miss me and I should come home to see her but I made it clear I wasn’t.
Ever since Christmas she has been on my case about not coming home. She called me on New Years and told me I should have come home so she could see me because she deserved that. I got so frustrated with her and told her the world doesn’t revolve around her despite our parents making her feel like it does.
She cried down the phone to me and said it was so mean and I talk like I don’t miss her. I didn’t tell her this, but I don’t, it has been GREAT not seeing her every day.
She and my parents both blew up my phone after that saying I was awful to talk to my sister that way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honey I wish I could hug you. I grew up with abusive parents who also blatantly played favorites (still do). I understand how you feel. First, are you back in contact with your grandparents? You should try to do so if not!
Second, this is the hardest thing I ever heard but I needed to hear it, and now I pass it on to you. **They will never be the family you wish they could be. The best thing you can do is let go** Get yourself some therapy stat, and consider LC if possible.
Get your ducks in a row to become as independent as you can!” Reevadare1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your parents made your life a living nightmare by prioritizing your sister like that. At college and with your friends, you’re finally feeling what it’s like to be *valued* and cared for; of course that’s a better environment than home.
It’s wrong how they kicked out your grandparents, who sounded like your only advocates. Your parents created a monster in your sister, and you no longer have to be involved. You’re not the bad guy for not catering to her or participate in whatever twisted game your parents are playing.
Your sister isn’t entitled to you or your time.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t have bad parents, you had bad emotionally abusive parents! They are toxic, for what they did to you especially, but in other ways for what they are doing to your sister.
You at least have been able to develop good life skills, to succeed and be successful, this is the silver lining, sadly I don’t foresee your sister having these skills, even with a few rude awakenings! Your grandparents sounds lovely and I am glad you have this support network” Scared-Delivery9254
2. AITJ For Disciplining My Sister and Ignoring My Dad's Ex's Harsh Comments?
“I (13) get my sister(7) ready in the mornings for school most days because my dad(35) works morning so I can do extracurriculars.
Our routine is always the same: I wake her up, she gets dressed, I ask if she wants to eat here or at school, if she chooses home breakfast she gets two options, and then we relax on the couch until her bus is here.
Occasionally her mother(36) comes over to get her ready. She is not my mom, but my dad’s ex. She and I have always had a rocky relationship when it came to my sister, but we were fine otherwise. This morning she was at our house and planned to get my sister up, but felt sick and ended up in the bathroom and asked me to get her up and ready.
I got my sister up as normal, but when we came to breakfast she was insistent on pancakes to which I said her options are waffles or yogurt. After a while she gave up and decided to eat at school. The rest of the morning went normal until we came to preparing for the bus.
I always give her 10 minutes to get her coat and shoes on before the bus is here. Today when I said to put her coat on she grabbed one I had never seen.
Her mom had set out a coat for her and I told my sister to put that one on.
She started screaming at me saying she wanted to wear this one. I, not wanting to get in trouble, made her put the one set out on. I told her no TV in the morning tomorrow, as I am allowed to take that treat away in the morning.
She started crying and began to put her shoes on.
Her mother came out of the bathroom to say goodbye to her and saw her crying. She asked my sister what was wrong. My sister told her I said no TV after school, that I hadn’t fed her breakfast, and was yelling at her.
Her mother flipped out and started screaming at me, asking if I was allowed to dish out punishments for her. I said I was allowed to in the mornings and that was it, which was normally simple stuff like to TV or games. She said she had to drive her to school now because she had to make her breakfast(which is provided everyday without fail at school), and called my dad to tell him I was mistreating my sister.
Because he was at work the conversation was quick but he made it obvious he was also annoyed with her mother too.
I went and prepared to bring our dog in from outside, setting up his food and water bowl. I passed back through the living room where my sister’s mother was and she asked if the dog had food and water.
I ignored her and continued to make my way outside, to which she raised her voice. When I reached the door, I turned and said yes, visibly annoyed and began to walk outside. She said to watch my attitude, that she was an adult and I can’t talk to her like that.
I said that doesn’t give her a right to talk to me the way she was. She slammed the door in my face and screamed.
I had no more interactions with her till I left for school, and she will be out of town for the next 2 days.
I don’t think I am the jerk here, but there is a possibility I am biased.”
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t sound like you mistreated your sister, so NTJ. You’ve been given a lot of responsibility taking care of your sister in the mornings, and doing your best. Sister’s Mom didn’t have the full picture, and it’s not fair for them to flip out at you.” Delicious_Meat_8684
Another User Comments:
“Not wrong here. If she wants to be treated like an adult, she should act like one. You’re doing a great job!!!! And I hope from what it sounds like, your dad stands up for you. It seems like you three have a good plan in place, and she shouldn’t interfere.” GlitzyGhoul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your dad has custodian custody at your house. Her mother overstepped that clear boundary here. I would ask your father to limit his ex to just the court-ordered visits and not allow her to visit whenever she likes without him being there.
His ex has shown she cannot be trusted to abide by the rules and forfeited that courtesy. Whether or not she is the adult here is irrelevant, she is interfering with his household.” Mustng1966
1. AITJ For Refusing To Invite My Stepmom To Events?
“Growing up I (24F) spent every other weekend with my dad. I dreaded going to my dad’s house because my step mom treated me like a jerk. He knew but still forced me to come. Never stood up to her behavior.
When I was four, I would constantly cry myself to sleep because I missed my mom.
My dad used to read to me or tell me stories, or sit with me until I fell asleep. He never had an issue doing this until he met my step mom. She made him stop coming into my room to comfort me and from then on I was forced to cry it out.
My dad had two house phones, so my mom told me to start calling her before bed so that she could talk to me until I fell asleep. Sometimes the phone would die, so I would go downstairs to grab the other. My step mom would complain and eventually I wasn’t allowed to call my mom anymore.
She would get angry at my dad when he would take me places, spent alone time with me etc. She would ignore him the rest of the time I was there.
For one of my birthdays they took me out to eat and apparently I did not say thank you.
She called my mom in front of me to tell her. My mom’s like…she’s six years old? Moreover, when my daughter is at my house, do I call you up on the phone to complain to you about what she’s doing when she’s with me, or ask for parenting advice?
Did you want me to punish my six year old for not saying thank you?
One year my grandma gifted me a laptop and thought I finally had something to do to pass the time when I went to my dads. Well, you guessed it!
My step mom would come take it from me at like 7pm. And the same thing when I got my first phone. It is clear that she was trying to deprive me of things to keep myself occupied. One day I actually sneakily recorded her screaming at me with my laptop so that I could show my mom and dad, but she looked through my computer and deleted it and then confronted/threatened me.
She used to lock their bedroom door during the day (I had no idea,) and when my dad confronted her she said she did not want me “stealing” her things. I had never stolen anything prior.
Anyway, My dad and I have been attempting to “repair” the super damaged relationship that we have.
I invite him to holidays, my birthday, etc. but he said that he “feels guilty” that he has to leave my step mom behind and wants me to invite her too. I told him ABSOLUTELY not, I did not have a choice in regards to being in her presence as a child and now that I finally have a choice in my adulthood, I do not want to be around her whatsoever.
He says he understands but still asks me why I don’t invite her places.
The relationship I had with her, and with him have both had a term effect on my mental health and even play a part in my relationships with significant others and friendships.
He thinks this is something we should move on from and start over.
AITJ for not inviting her places? I am having a hard time “moving on” from this and I don’t feel like I should have to invite her to functions just to make my dad feel better.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is YOUR life and you’re an adult and you get to choose who is and isn’t a part of your life. It’s too bad your dad feels bad coming without her, but it’s not your job to make him “feel better” about coming to your place without her.
Since you’re both working together to repair the relationship, he should know how much his allowing her to walk all over you has affected not only you, but your relationship with him.” MrsChickenPam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is your stepmom’s introduction to “you reap what you sow.” Feel free to point out to your dad that he allowed her mistreatment
for 15+ years. It’s unfortunate that he didn’t feel bad enough about his wife’s treatment of you to do something about it. If your stepmom wanted some kind of reconciliation, she would have apologized by now. Stepmom doesn’t care about being excluded, and your dad shouldn’t, either.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs to understand and respect your perspective. It’s reasonable for you to choose not to invite your stepmom to events, given the history and the impact it has had on your mental health. Your healing process is a personal journey, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need.” DreamyDahliaDance
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