People Pick Our Brains With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

It's always nice hearing the perspective of another individual. A different person with a different brain can have a different opinion and new ideas from our own. So, when we're stuck on our same point of view, we can turn to others to gather a fresh understanding. That comes in handy when we were involved in a situation where we don't know who was in the wrong. It happens from time to time - a disagreement with your family, wedding drama, a dilemma with your apartment neighbor, you name it. But who's the jerk in the stories below? Voice your opinion in the comments! AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

17. AITJ For Snitching On My Ex Best Friend And Potentially Impacting Her To Get Into A Good College?

“I had the same college-prep elective as a girl who (I thought) was my best friend named Ava. We were in different periods but had the same teacher, Ms. Bell. A big part of junior year in the class was writing essays for three of the common app prompts. Ms. Bell acted as an editor/proofreader for the essays, so when senior year comes we’ll have our essays done and won’t have to panic like the other seniors.

During May, Ava and I ran to the computer lab because the third common app essay was due Friday (it was Tuesday) and Ava’s printer was broken. I read her essay while she was preparing to print it, and I realized she was telling the exact story of how my sister, Maggie, died, only Ava lied that it was her sister who died.

Maggie died when she was seventeen and I was ten. She was driving and this intoxicated jerk rammed into her. My family life isn’t ideal. Maggie was more like my mom than my sister and the trauma of her death still impacts me. I couldn’t believe Ava would use my trauma for her essay.

She even used many of the exact words and phrases that I had used to express my pain from what happened while claiming it was what made her want to be a doctor.

I confronted Ava about it, and she said how she “ran out of topics” for her essays. Ava said since I didn’t write about Maggie and we’re both applying to different colleges, nobody would find out anyway.

Even though I was furious, I suggested she write about Tennis and offered to help her with it. Ava made an excuse that “everyone on the team is writing about it” and she wanted to “stand out” but she’d “handle it.” I only talked to Ava the Saturday after the deadline and asked what she wrote about instead.

Ava told me how she didn’t change the essay and made the same excuses as before. I was furious that Ava not only took advantage of my trauma but wasn’t even apologetic about it.

I went to Ms. Bell as soon as it was Monday and told her what Ava did. (The school wasn’t allowed to tell me, so I only know these next parts because Ava told me.) Ms.

Bell gave Ava a zero on her essay. These essays are worth over 30% of our total grades, and Ava dropped to a C since she was already borderline. She also was gonna get a rec letter from Ms. Bell and her Tennis coach, but Ms. Bell told the Tennis coach about what Ava did and now they are both refusing to write her a rec letter.

She was relying on them for rec letters and now she says it’s gonna potentially ruin her chances of getting into a good college.

Ava and I haven’t spoken since then. The reason I’m writing here now is that I told a cousin when he was visiting last week and he told me I went too far.

He points out that Ava’s a first-generation American (her parents were immigrants), and there’s a big pressure from her family to get into a top college. And nobody would have known if I just let her use the third essay. I still think that shouldn’t matter and telling Ms. Bell was the right thing, but I haven’t been able to get it off my mind.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This is a BIG lesson here. Trauma, and grief—these are NOT things to be trifled with. Not only is her lie easily disproven by checking for a sister, but she’s absolutely cold-hearted if she sees nothing wrong with co-opting your genuine trauma for her own personal financial gain (note that college is, for the most part, education seeking to get a better paying job).

And she wants to be a doctor? Pfft. Good lord. Someone with that little conscience is someone who I hope never has the power over a patient.” GreenStrawbebby

Another User Comments:

“So I’m going to go with an ESH.

Yes, she probably shouldn’t have taken inspiration from your life experience but that is what creative writing is about.

The problem is, she didn’t plagiarise any part of her story, is it morally wrong of her to continue using it after you asked her not to? Perhaps.

You went too far and the school has opened itself up for legal action. I’d personally sue the school and you for going to such extreme lengths.

You’ve basically ruined her chances of success over a story that you’ve not even created yourself.

Plenty of books and stories are out there that mimic people’s life experiences. You don’t see everyone calling for the heads of the authors.” ShiroDown

Another User Comments:

“OP, you are definitely NTJ. I’m so sorry that this “friend” of yours took advantage of you and your trauma in such a disgusting way.

Actions have consequences, and the consequences of her actions are absolutely not your fault, and how she reacts to you doing the right thing is not your responsibility; it’s hers. Whether she wants to learn from this experience is her choice to make, but I guarantee you that if she’d gotten away with it, this entitled, selfish behavior of hers would not have stopped.

I’m so proud of you for speaking up. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially when you’ve had a friendship with this person. I’m sure she does have some interesting stories to tell (e.g: the pressure of being a first-generation American is a great topic), but she chose to steal someone else’s story instead.

She rolled the dice on her future when she decided to lie. None of what happens to her afterward is your fault, OP. I hope you know that, and if the need arises, you can tell her so.

You’re both so young. There are plenty of opportunities to recover from this and for her to do better if she chooses to learn from this experience, but that’s her choice to make.

You absolutely did the right thing here.” No-Narwhal9729

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And your friend is WRONG. It is still plagiarizing! She CHOSE to use your story even when you told her not to. If Ava is first-gen looking for a top college, she should have written about the challenges in that–or whatever, I don’t care.

The point is that WAY too many students are plagiarizing and thinking of so many excuses (work smarter, not harder, and so forth).

It is a sore point for me, as I’ve busted several students for plagiarism, and it tends to get everyone mad. I’ve had to deal with principals saying that I need to cut them some slack because they are still learning and they shouldn’t have to have a zero, to parents who blame me if it causes their child to fail in their senior year–in a required course (because their grade was not high enough to withstand the reduction in their grade) and then they don’t graduate.

It is exhausting.

OP, don’t feel bad about it. Apparently, your teachers feel the way I do–they are justified in calling Ava out, and it is THEIR responsibility. It is time for Ava to pay the consequences. Besides, if she only has two teachers to ask for letters of rec. then that is on her. I wouldn’t write one for her, either.” PickleNotaBigDill

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Jmum 1 week ago
NTJ. She ruined her chances by writing a story and passing it off as non-fction. She lied. She displayed her true character when you asked her not to use it.
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16. AITJ For Being Part Of The Reason My Manager Has To Cancel Their Time Off?

It’s not like they did it deliberately.

“I’m in my late 20s and work in a large retail chain. I have a work colleague “Candice” (22-23f) who is planning to get married later this month. Originally she was planning the wedding for 2020, however, it had to be postponed to 2022. She has booked 2 weeks off for her wedding and for her honeymoon nearly 2 years in advance and everything is paid for.

Me and Candice work in the same store section (white goods).

Now I had bad eyesight as long as I can remember and was finally able to save for an operation. Upon the check-up the doctor said the operation must happen sooner rather than later. They explained that they can see a small rapture in one of my eyes and they are worried that if I fall down or hit my head or due to stress it will become worth and they won’t be able to fix it, which would make me ineligible for an operation.

Due to this the operation was scheduled for the time of Candice’s wedding.

When I told my boss that I will need 2 weeks off for the same week, they declined my request saying its too short notice and Candice already booked it off, so us 2 can’t be off at the same time.

I had to go through the doctor to have a note issued stating I will be having an operation and due to recovery will not be able to work for those 2 weeks and legally it is not something my boss can decline.

Because of this and since Candice’s wedding is more than 2 weeks away, he canceled her holiday request.

She can’t get any refunds at such short notice and said she will take unpaid leave in this case, however, our boss said he won’t be granting her any leave as we are understaffed (someone started their maternity leave recently) and if she won’t show up, then they will treat it as unauthorized absence which will lead to dismissal.

During our shift Candice had a go at me and called me a massive jerk for scheduling the operation during her wedding and getting signed off, making her even more stressed before the wedding. Some other colleagues believe I’m in the wrong too and should have chosen different dates.

Aitj?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You need the surgery. It’s unrealistic for the manager to ask Candice to lose all her deposits for the wedding and honeymoon. I bet it costs a lot. If I were her, I’d quit. The manager is a jerk for not looking for another solution as you both have valid reasons.

He could hire someone temporarily. I know it’s not ideal because they need to be trained, however, it sounds like you work retail. If so, it’s sometimes helpful to just have a body to help with customers and such. Also, in an emergency situation such as this, the higher-ups and managers can pitch in for two weeks.

It would suck, but it’s doable.

Also, I assume you and Candice aren’t starting your time off on the same day? Hopefully, there will be some overlap and the impact won’t be as bad.” WinterBourne25

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

The surgery is so urgent that it can wait for two weeks to clash with Candice’s wedding and honeymoon but not another two weeks to make sure that she doesn’t lose a lot of her deposits and ruin her very major milestone.

Did you even try to work with the doctor to find an earlier appointment, offer to take unpaid time off or take the blame? While your boss is a major jerk for not trying to find a solution, you are still screwing over your colleague who planned her wedding and her honeymoon for TWO years, has put in notice ahead of time, and cannot get a refund.

I doubt that there were no other options like getting an earlier appointment or framing the surgery as an emergency treatment after Candice had left for her honeymoon so that the boss would not summon her back. Insecure of trying to work with her, you got a doctor’s notice to be on the safe side, knowing that you would totally screw her over emotionally by not being able to go on the honeymoon she has been looking forward to for such a long time and financially for losing the deposits.” lion2652

Another User Comments:

“You’re 100% NTJ.

Your boss could work some of the shifts or he could move someone from another department for the 2 weeks. I’m not sure how it is in the UK but we have temp agencies that can find workers fast. That way when you & Candice get back you would still have your jobs and the temp workers could go to the next available job.

Basically what I’m saying is that it’s his job to deal with situations like this. Part of his job description is to “manage” the store and make sure everything runs smoothly. Maybe he will learn to hire a few more people so 3 people missing work won’t be such a huge issue.” ASolitaryEchoXX_30

Another User Comments:

“While it sucks for Candace, not going blind trumps wedding.

NTJ.

Candice should consider quitting before her wedding and finding a new retail job after her honeymoon. How hard is it to get a retail job, especially during this time? I get it that this adds to her wedding aqq stress and that sucks.

OP, while I’m sure you’d like to help Candace, how’d you feel if you postponed your surgery for a few months to help her, and ended up going blind or having 50% vision loss in that eye that modern medicine can’t improve? The doctor is trying to earn you.

There’s a reason that companies legally can’t override a doctor and it’s because they don’t give 2 ducks about you going blind as long as it doesn’t affect their vacation roster.

Candace needs to realize the world doesn’t revolve around her wedding. If she doesn’t think blindness trumps wedding then she’s no friend of yours and duck her for being a crappy person.

Only a real jerk would risk blindness to suit their wedding. she’s the biggest jerk here for having a go at you if she understood your risk of blindness and still thought you should risk it!

Your company might even rehire Candice after her wedding because it’s cheaper than retraining someone new.” ParentingTATA

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15. AITJ For Replacing One Of My Bridesmaids For Another Friend?

She didn’t seem too excited about the role anyway.

“My partner and I got engaged April 2022 this year (yay!) and we ramped up wedding planning around late May given there is a backlog in Australia for weddings and the standard time for a wedding is around 12-18 months wait.

BM X is (or now was) a friend of mine for around 3 years and we grew close.

It was definitely one-sided where I was putting more energy into the friendship than her (e.g. going out on her terms, getting her birthday gifts, seeing her on special events, giving her change where needed whereas she didn’t even send me a text for my bday). However, I didn’t really find an issue with that, but now I see all the red flags.

The issue started when we started discussing wedding planning, there was an expectation by BM X I would make her a BM, and we were happy with her being a BM initially. She ended up creating so many issues with us having an engagement dinner by telling us ‘she doesn’t have the finances,’ yet going and dining w other friends, telling us she won’t be coming because she has an issue with one of my partner’s friends whose also a groomsman, etc.

Our dinner plans fell through.

BM X’s sisters’ engagement and wedding all fell around the same timeline as ours, 2023 and they got engaged after us. I had and still have no issue with it but I was being stalled by BM X because she kept telling me ‘I don’t know if I can juggle both weddings’, or ‘I don’t know’ to any question I asked re dates, and weddings.

I wanted to secure my location for Nov 2023 at a v exclusive venue, and I ended up booking the last Saturday available. Our culture’s weddings are festivities that last for weeks, and she told me she would only make an effort to come to the wedding day, so her not being there for all the other events and only for the wedding doesn’t sit right.

I thought BMs would stick around for all parts, not just the wedding day alone, doesn’t that make you a guest instead?

I told BM X I to know by June 18 whether she is in or out for the wedding, On the same day, she told me to count her out, and so I did and replaced her spot with another childhood friend about 3 wks later.

2wks later she asked me to pay for her passports, and so I gave her $300, no hesitation, even though we basically depleted our entire savings for the deposit for the venue and that left us with only $100 for the next week. I didn’t mind b/c I was helping. After returning the change, she never made contact with me or any effort with me.

I contacted her last night to talk things through and catch up, but she just went in and started attacking my partner and me for the way we handled the wedding stuff. She called me ignorant, and selfish, that she was sick of making effort and I don’t and when I asked her what she’s done for me, she bought up the fact that she was there for my partner and I once when we had a falling out and stayed with me until 4AM.

She called me a maniac for having calendars and timelines for everything I do and that I was going overboard with my wedding.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Be wary when she tries to get back in your life. Just be glad it’s over before she caused any wedding drama.” MissMurderpants

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Imagine how much drama she is going to cause during the wedding when she can’t even handle the planning. She’s a headache you don’t need.” Awhkm

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- you already realized she’s not a good friend. Just be glad she did this now and not when you lent her another $300 for her dress.” dehydratedrain

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14. AITJ For Thinking There's Nothing Wrong How With My Mom Talked To My Pregnant Wife?

“My mom and my wife do not get along, and probably never will. I told my mom right off the bat that my partner was going to come first, and my mom said she understands that, but I can’t make her like her and that set the tone for our current distant relationship.

My wife is currently pregnant with our first child. My mom did make a brief appearance at the shower and gave to be honest a crappy gift. I know that sounds entitled, but based on her income it was kind of crappy.

My MIL on the other hand is over the moon and seems to think this is her do-over baby.

She talks about nothing but the baby. Both extremes are annoying, to be honest. Anyway, we saw my mom recently at a wedding and were all seated at the same table.

Some people at the table were talking about my mom’s upcoming wedding and making a big deal about it, and asking a lot of questions.

My MIL turned the topic back to the baby shower and then commented that my mom really doesn’t seem excited.

My mom laughed it off and said she is getting married. She literally doesn’t care about anything else. I could see the hurt on my wife’s face. My wife demanded to know why she would say something like that.

My mom said nothing personal, but her wedding is much more exciting to her than someone else’s baby. My MIL was horrified and reminded my mom that it was her grandbaby. My mom said yes, so not her baby, but her wedding.

My wife mouthed to my mom, “I literally hate you,” and that was the end of that.

After we left, I brought up to my wife that I don’t think what she said was fair. They don’t like each other. My mom understands not liking the mom means she won’t be close to our child, and to be honest, she’s right. It isn’t her child, but it is her wedding.

I get why that is more exciting for her.

My wife was very offended, said I shouldn’t have taken my mom’s side, and said I disrespected our baby.”

Another User Comments:

“I literally hate you”…? Dang, that’s some cold-blooded crap right there.

NTJ. I understand backing your wife up, but there are consequences for you doing that.

Here’s how I see it: Your mom probably thinks that she’s screwed no matter what she does because nothing she does is ever going to please your wife. And she’s probably right. If she went completely over the top with the grandbaby thing, your wife would probably be mad at her for smothering and overstepping her boundaries.

She literally cannot win no matter what she does. So I don’t blame her for not getting emotionally invested; it’s just going to lead to disappointment for her in the long run.

How do I know? Because my brother married a woman like your wife, and his wife broke my mother’s heart by making sure she never forgot for one second that she was the ‘other’ grandmother.

My mother was far from perfect, but she treated her DIL with respect and never overstepped her boundaries. It didn’t matter. DIL (my brother’s wife) treated her like crap anyway, kept the grandkids from her except for only very occasional visits, and just generally let it be known that she did not consider my mother to have any standing in her children’s lives — or her husband’s life for that matter.

And my crappy loser brother sat by and let her do it.

Of course, I may be completely wrong here, but I strongly suspect that your mother, whether consciously or unconsciously, is just trying to protect herself from the heartbreak of not being allowed to be a real grandmother to her grandchildren and is looking for happiness wherever else she can find it.” Mehitabel9

Another User Comments:

“ESH apart from your mother, she is the most innocent in this.

And I think your wife and MIL are the worst two.

You told your mother your wife and child are more important. From the post, it seems like she accepts that. She doesn’t push herself into your house to gush over your child because she wants to avoid the tension between her and your wife.

I get that you expect a nice gift and assume that she has more than enough change to spare, but would you buy an expensive gift for a child you are most likely not allowed to spend a lot of time with because the child’s parent hates you?

So during the wedding, people were paying attention to your mother and her upcoming wedding.

Your MIL decides the table should be gushing over the baby and forces a topic change and then immediately forces your mother into a corner.

What did you expect your mother to do? Say, “Well since his wife hates me, I will never get to be around the child anyway.” Which puts all the blame onto your wife and, depending on your family, a lot more hate directed at your wife.

Your mother tried to defuse the situation and move on.

Talk to your wife. Ask her why she is mad at your mother while MIL is the one starting the fight.” Alita_Moonsong

Another User Comments:

“I guess I’ll be downvoted here, but YTJ.

Your mom saying that “she literally doesn’t care about” her son’s baby and her grandchild is over the top dissing on your family.

She could say “I’m happy about the baby, but I’m more focused on my own wedding right now” or “weddings take a lot of planning, so that’s more exciting to me at the moment” or something more neutral like that, but she was fundamentally and completely dismissing interest in your child – not “someone else’s child,” HER SON’S CHILD, her grandchild.

She’s a back eddy in the Darwinian stream that prompts us to promote the interest of those with our genes.” DevilSilver

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

But to be honest, I’m not convinced your mom is entirely in the wrong. Nothing you’ve said here indicates she is a monster in law, and right off the bat, it sounds like you told her your wife would always come first, which is the right attitude, but unless your mom actually did something boundary-crossing or presented an entitled attitude, I don’t know why saying that was necessary.

Context may be missing.

Once you said that, I’m not sure her current attitude is misplaced. You don’t come across like you value her anyway, and you even think her gift was bad just because she could afford better. Additionally, it is pretty understandable that she is getting married soon so her attention is on that, and she shouldn’t be expected to gush over your baby 24/7, especially at someone else’s event. You and your wife sound self-centered.” mzpljc

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13. AITJ For Lashing Out After My Mom Said I Wasn't Invited To Her Wedding?

“I (15F) am my mother’s (35F) only daughter she has from her previous marriage. She has three children the rest being (18, 16) boys, this is important to know.

Last week my mom was talking with one of her friends about the color she wanted the bridesmaids’ dresses to be. My mom had been planning this wedding with her new partner for the past two months or so, they have been engaged for about one year.

The wedding is in December and on the day before my birthday, me and my mom have been planning a party for me around the same time she was for the wedding. She insisted it was alright and that her partner and her would go on their honeymoon the next day.

While she was talking I asked her when we were going to look for my dress since she had asked me to be the flower girl. I could see the disappointed look on her face when I asked her which confused me. She responded only a few minutes later and said “We’ll talk about it later.” A few hours later my mom came to me.

I thought she was going to talk about the dress situation, but instead, she sat me down and explained how her new man thought it’d be a better fit for their three daughters to lead the wedding.

Whatever, I was cool with that, but it’s important to note that my mom had always wanted all girls, I was a girl but I had looked too much like my father which caused a strain in our relationship.

My dad explained to me how my mother had postpartum when she had me and just couldn’t connect with me because of it. So when she gave birth to my three younger step-siblings who all looked like her (triplet 6-year-olds), she was obviously overjoyed, and it hurt to see, but I was happy for her.

My brothers had a similar experience but were significantly better because they looked more like her. I know this is an overdramatic thing to say, but sometimes I feel like because my mother didn’t feel as connected with me at birth was because I was a letdown right out the gate.

After she was done I asked her again about the dress because I still didn’t have one, again that same disappointed look on her face came before telling me I wasn’t invited to the wedding, simply because her partner thought I would upset his family because I was from my mom’s previous marriage and he didn’t like my dad.

She also explained how my birthday isn’t happening either due to him wanting to go on their honeymoon right away. It turned into a screaming match with me yelling “I’m sorry I don’t look like you enough for you to love me. I’m sorry you were too conceited for you to get over the fact I look like my dad.”

I was kicked out by her partner within the same hour because she had cried to him about what I said.

All my brothers know what happened and have now refused to go to the wedding which upset her even more, though I don’t care about how she feels right now. My brothers had an actual relationship with her and I probably just messed it up by letting my anger get the best of me.

Aitj?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom and her fiance are terrible.

Let me paint you a picture. I have 2 daughters from my first marriage. My oldest looks like the girl version of my ex. My second daughter looks more like me. Both girls were my flower girls in my second wedding. I love both girls equally.

Now, my husband and I also have a 10-month-old daughter, she also looks more like me than my husband. Guess what? I love all 3 of my girls. It doesn’t matter who they take after, I will never favor any of them based on their looks.

After my parents got divorced, my father used to make snide remarks about how much I looked like my mom.

You know who’s not in my life anymore? My father. You don’t need negativity because of something you can’t control.

I’m sending as much motherly love your way that I can. You deserve better, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Cpool214

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ, and I can’t understand why your mom doesn’t feel guilt and isn’t trying to make it up to you.

I had a bonding issue with my firstborn, for a multitude of reasons, medical and psychological. She is also 15 and I’m 35 as well, but I have no future spouse.

It breaks my heart to hear of the pain that your mother has caused you, that in all those years she never developed something for you.

I love my oldest daughter dearly, what I lacked back then I constantly try to make up for, I would NEVER choose a stranger over my daughter, NEVER allow another adult to talk me into excluding my own child from something so important.

Your mom is sick, like mentally unwell. It’s not your job to fix her, but I can imagine the urge to try because it gosh darn hurts.

Your mom can’t fix what she’s in denial about, and it seems that this enabling fiance will make sure she never does… I’m so sorry love, you don’t deserve this. I think the best thing to do at this point is to stop contact because they will always have a way of excluding you, making you feel left out by being careless your inclusion or having regular occurrence of small inconveniences that accumulate in your heart.

The best revenge is moving on with your life and finding real happiness, and I know that may seem like a lifetime away and it doesn’t help with the aching void left by that part of you that needs mother, but it’s clear that she is not ever going to be the mom you need and it’s clear that her presence in your life is only going to slowly chew away at pieces of your soul.

You don’t need to become a billionaire, or a Hollywood celebrity, just go on to do something you’re interested in, master it and then be successful. Your success will be because you’re a baddie and if you choose to have that woman in your life in the future, you can always remind her that it was never thanks to her.

I’ll also bet those other kids of hers will end up super dysfunctional. And that fiance? He’s the counterpart to her crazy, which is just a different kind of crazy. Both are messed up, kids are guaranteed to end up screwed.” emeraldkittymoon

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and I’m sorry that the adults in your life have been such disappointments.

I’m being kind here by using “disappointments” because you’re very young and I don’t think it’s appropriate or beneficial to you to describe them the same way I would if you were much older.

I do think your anger is misdirected because this doesn’t have anything to do with you looking like your dad.

However, you’re absolutely entitled to feel angry because you’re being ill-treated by people who should be your biggest advocates.

You aren’t responsible for your brothers’ relationship with your mother or stepdad, let’s get that straight. If they don’t attend the wedding, that’s their choice and your mother and stepdad’s fault.

I’m sorry you are hurting. It’s also not your responsibility to try and fix any affected relationships, so stay close to the people you can count on and the adults can deal with their own actions and choices.” fighter-of-foo

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Dean323 1 week ago
Mad respect to the brothers for sticking by their sister
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Sister's Bridesmaid?

“My partner thinks I’m NTJ, but I want an unbiased opinion.

Last year my (25) sister G was proposed to and I couldn’t be happier for her. She truly loves this (26) guy, and to be honest, he’s great. The problem was that he was one of my best friends (H) exes, and their break up was ugly, and it affected everyone for months, especially after the two-month date when he started seeing my sister, all heck broke loose.

There were sides and that was uglier than the actual break up.

No one spoke to me for weeks because I didn’t choose a side; only my (27) partner and M (26f) talked to me. For this reason, when G asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, I said no; I couldn’t deal with the emotional fallout that would occur.

She asked me what I meant and I told her:

Me- G I’m sorry, but you knew getting with H’s ex would cause drama for me, and now you want me in your wedding?

G- God, I always knew you would choose her. You were never loyal to family!

Me- I haven’t chosen anyone; I just don’t want to lose my friends because I decided to be in your bridal party.

I will still be there supporting you on the day, but I can’t be in the wedding.

G- Leave.

And that’s how the conversation went. As soon as I left hers, my parents and extended family messaged me and told me all the family first speeches and it broke me. I love my sister, but I just can’t be in her wedding knowing that I would lose friends.

So Reddit AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you’re old enough not to give a crap what people say about you who don’t know the whole story. Those friends are acting like silly high school kids. Your sister met him AFTER they were already broken up.

Your sister/family pulling the ‘faaaamily’ card can GTFO.

You are not contractually obligated to be in ANYONE’s wedding. But – you said yourself you love your sister and really like the guy she is marrying. This is ultimately your choice IF the offer is even still on the table.

Peer pressure is for 12-year-olds. You’re an adult with a mind of your own and a sister you love.

If it weren’t for the snarky bitter jealous ‘friends’, would you do it? And why would they have any influence on whose wedding you can be in?

This just reeks of grade school drama. Time for someone – anyone – to be the adult here.” thegloracle

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your sis is getting married.

The guy chose her. He and your friend were already broken up, he moved on. It’s happening whether you are a bridesmaid or not. If your friend is going to drop you for participating in your sister’s wedding-then she isn’t that great of a friend. If she can’t understand why you would want to support your sister, then she is being selfish.

You don’t have to be a bridesmaid for anyone, ever. But, if the only reason you are sitting it out is to keep the peace with your friend, then that seems wrong to me. You can celebrate your sister’s happiness and be supportive of your heartbroken friend. They aren’t mutually exclusive.” BoomBoomJacob

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You chose your own peace and that is always the best choice. Your sister chose to date your friend’s ex after 2 months. The friend’s ex chose to date your sister 2 months. They’re choosing to marry each other. Great for them.

Now she wants you to be in the wedding and you declined.

You did what was best for you. If your sister was sure about marrying this guy, she’d accept your no and pick someone else. It’s really that simple unless she’s trying to cause drama.” Own-Blackberry2647

Another User Comments:

“ESH. None of you are handling this in a healthy way. Your friend is allowed to feel hurt.

Your sister is allowed to feel hurt. You’re allowed to not want to be in the middle of it. But you are all too old to be acting so immature and having all of this drama. They broke up. He moved on. Your friend needs to heal and move on. Anyone who is trying to make you choose sides is a jerk.

You’re the jerk in this situation because you are only doing this because you’re trying to keep the peace. Do what you want to do. If your friends get angry for being a part of your sister’s wedding (unless there had been an affair, but you didn’t mention that, so I’m assuming there wasn’t) they are terrible friends. Your sister is also out of line for getting angry at you for your choice (again she is allowed to feel hurt, but she doesn’t get to dictate that you need to be a part of her wedding).” curlsthefangirl

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Sugar 1 week ago
YTJ
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11. AITJ For Asking For My Donation From A Non-Profit Organization To Be Returned?

“I (30f) got married to my now ex-husband (40m) 5 years ago. We tried to make it work for the longest time, but last week, we got into the biggest argument we’ve ever had when I found out about his infidelities.

During our relationship, I worked while he was taking odd jobs here and there, but he would eventually quit or get fired.

He had his heart set on being a streamer and playing Xbox online professionally. I took care of all of the bills, and my aunt owns the home, so I pay rent to her even though it’s half of what I would normally pay to rent out a home in my area, I still pay her monthly.

A week after I kicked him out, I went to pay my bills and had insufficient funds in my account. Confused I called him and asked if he spent my savings. He then proudly proclaimed that he donated it to Saint Jude’s. I have made a donation to multiple charities, but they are usually a small amount or what I can afford.

I don’t have a bank account. I usually use one of two prepaid debit cards to pay my bills and they do have my name on the card, unfortunately, it’s a universal name that can be used for men or women, so it would be easy for him to he was the cardholder.

So I then had to make the most awkward call to Saint Jude’s, get transferred from person to person explaining to each the situation and asking for the donation back. They said it could take 1-3 days to get it refunded back on my card. I’m trying to get them to send it to my aunt’s account or even a different card that I bought that he doesn’t know the info for, but they can only send it back to the original card it was paid with.

I’m so embarrassed and a couple of my friends said I should have just left it alone since I basically live rent-free (it’s reduced) and that they could definitely use it more than me, but I don’t think it’s wrong, it’s humiliating sure, but I need this to be returned to last me till my next check.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Since you never made a donation to St. Judes, you’re not taking anything back. You’re asking them to return funds stolen from you. You should also report this to the police.

As for your friends, seriously? You don’t deserve to have stolen property returned because your cost of living is low?

NTJ.” stannenb

Another User Comments:

“I agree with everybody else.

You’re not asking for a donation back. You are asking for fraudulent funds to be returned.

Also, just because these are prepaid debit cards, I assume they still have a Visa or MasterCard logo on them which makes them legally credit cards.

This is absolutely credit card fraud and should be reported to the company that the card is through at the minimum.

There should be a number on the back to call and report fraud. They can usually get you a new card within a few days and deactivate the one you have.

If I was you I would also report it to the police as this is a crime.

NTJ.” Red_Dreamer_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You didn’t make the donation and you don’t need to feel guilty getting it back.

This was without your permission and a violation. Your friends need to mind their own business unless they’re going to be helping you pay your bills.

If it makes you feel better- set aside a small amount each week and make a large donation again when you’re able to afford it.” Reddit user

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Sugar 1 week ago
NTJ
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10. WIBTJ If I Got A Elderly Man With Dementia Evicted From His Apartment?

“We recently had two elderly people move in downstairs (m&f guessing 65-70) I don’t know their relationship status but from what I gathered the woman helps take care of the man who I suspect has Alzheimer’s or dementia. They argue at least once a week to the point if all the windows are closed, I can still hear her telling him to get his crap and get out or she will call the cops.

(I’ve seen this man outside, and he can barely walk with a walker.) On top of that, the man screams insanely loud at all different times of the day. Just short very loud screams, one after the other for about 3 minutes straight at a time.

His screaming has happened during the day, middle of the night, and evenings.

It happens about 3-4 times a day. I’m woken up 2-3 nights a week by the screaming but I usually can fall back asleep once he’s finished.

A coworker has told me it may be because he has dementia. I decided not to complain because I thought I’d be a jerk if I did so I left it alone.

It’s been getting warmer so I’ve been opening my windows to get a breeze. The man for sure smokes on their patio below my balcony (not sure if the woman does too) and now has made my entire apartment smell like smoke. (I leaned over and saw him smoking) I decided I’d only have my windows open at night, hoping they would be sleeping and not smoking but unfortunately these two are relentless and are always smoking.

Our lease states absolutely no smoking in or on the property.

After a few weeks of dealing with the smoke, I decided to go downstairs and ask them to stop. I knocked, and she quickly closed her blinds and never answered. I decided to leave a note. The next day, the note was gone and they continued to smoke.

All came to a head when one night I was woken up by his screaming. I fell back asleep about 15 minutes later but woke up again a few hours later to the smell of smoke. I couldn’t take it anymore so I complained to our leasing office that morning. The smoking stopped for a couple of days but they went back to it.

I complained again and the office told me they would talk to them again and to please let them know if they continue because, after the third strike, they are evicted.

They have started smoking again and now I’m stuck wondering if I should complain because it will be their third strike.

My coworker told me I’d be the jerk for getting a man with dementia evicted and you can’t ask a man with dementia to just quit smoking. (She’s sensitive because her grandpa had dementia, but so did mine.) AITJ if I complain again?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I think the guy ought to be in a nursing home, but getting him turfed out onto the streets would unequivocally make you a jerk.

Both my parents had dementia, so a lot of this is very familiar. For what it’s worth, the screaming is almost certainly night terrors, my dad got those with his Alzheimer’s too. It sounds like his wife is struggling to handle the situation.

I’m shaking my head at this post and these responses.

You all hear a story about a sick elderly man and his evidently struggling wife and your first reaction is that they should be thrown to the wolves? Shame on you all. I hope that if you or your loved ones ever suffer from this terrible disease – statistically more likely than not – you’re shown more compassion and understanding than you’ve all given here.” KrtekJim

Another User Comments:

“Talk to the leasing company.

They shouldn’t be smoking there, but they do anyway. That apartment will stink of tobacco for a very long time…the carpets and curtains (possibly wallpaper) will need to be replaced to get rid of the stink. It’s going to cost the property owners quite a bit to deal with the stink.

Then there’s the yelling at all hours… which is also grounds for eviction. You and other neighbors (if applicable) also pay rent, and you shouldn’t have to deal with getting woken up at night by this screaming. This alone would have had me going to the leasing office… I have chronic insomnia and sleep apnea, so I am VERY protective of my sleep.

I’m also allergic to tobacco smoke, so even more reason to complain.

It’s unfortunate that they’ll have to find another place to live… but they’re knowingly and willingly making life unpleasant (at best) for everyone around them. If I lived there, it would be very nearly unbearable. NTJ.” canuckleheadiam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Call Elder services before you call the leasing office.

They both need help.

If he truly has dementia so bad that he has screaming fits, he needs to be in a place with appropriate professional care. The woman may be screaming at him because she is at the end of her rope. One person cannot provide adequate 24/7 care for an adult with dementia without serious consequences for their own mental and physical health.

(My FIL tried and nearly killed himself. BP sky-high, terrified to leave his wife alone for 10 minutes, so distracted and preoccupied that he didn’t notice that his car engine was on fire.)” TheFilthyDIL

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to abstain from a judgment because this is NOT a judgment scenario.

If this man has dementia, in actuality, then what I will say is that it sounds like he is not receiving adequate care right now.

The yelling and the negligence with smoking are clues here. I’d in fact advocate for reaching out to Adult Protective Services if you’re stateside or any equivalent in any developed nation if you are in one – not because this is necessarily neglect (although it might be) by caretakers, but just a need to connect him with resources. Worst case scenario, it’s an inconvenience for somebody who’s 100% not dealing with dementia and it gets the ball rolling on not having you drowning in smoke or dealing with nuisances, anyway.

Best of luck, OP.” KamilaMosa

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Jmum 1 week ago
NTJ. He has dementia, she is crazy. Whatever the issues are, it does not mean that they don’t have to abide by the same rules as you and the rest of the residents in the complex.

Yes, they sound like they both need help and don’t need to be living alone. But by not reporting these issues, you could be endangering their lives as well as yours.

Sometimes reporting these issues forces people to get the help they need but refuse to seek until pushed.
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9. WIBTJ For Being The Reason My Ex Loses His Steady Source Of Income?

“So backstory, I (24F) was in a relationship for 4 years with my ex (24M) that I left 2 years ago. We met while working at a local seasonal attraction and were really close with our work friends who basically became family. That relationship was very toxic; however, like many other survivors, I became pretty adept at hiding the severity of what was going on.

Unfortunately, that resulted in the majority of our friends either not knowing the whole story, hearing he was barbaric yet preaching forgiveness in order to move on, or straight up taking his side, to the point where I went to the said event as a customer and was surprised to find them working at the same company as always, despite me telling our manager and friend some of the awful things he did.

Plus, he had been employed there longer and he didn’t hold down another job the rest of the year the entire time we were together so they knew he counted on it. Upsetting, but neither the end of the world nor the worst thing to happen to me and I have made my peace with it and truly cherish the few surviving relationships.

Cut to now, over time more people have been seeing his behavior and comparing notes on what I told them and reaching out to apologize. I have forgiven them and they even offered to reach out to our managers and tell them THEY don’t even feel comfortable with him around. I thanked them for their offer but we have gotten closer to job application time and I have learned he hurt 3 other women after I left him.

I had talked about reaching out to the company that runs the event instead of just the people we worked for and making an anonymous tip that he shouldn’t be allowed to work there. To be clear, I have no intention of working there again. I have considerably more self-respect these days, and I want to keep the young bright-eyed innocent girl I used to be, safe.

I mentioned that plan to friends and family and got some pushback, even from people that KNOW I’m telling the truth. They say I should just move on and keep enjoying the happiness I’ve built but I can’t help but feel responsible with this knowledge and a desire to keep history from repeating.

So I ask you Reddit WIBTJ for risking my ex’s only steady income for years?”

Another User Comments:

“When people misuse power, the first thing they do is close the door. You helped him keep it a secret when you were mistreated. You know how that works.

Shout it from the rooftops. Tell anyone and everyone.

NTJ.” epostiler

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell the bosses. Tell upper management. Tell everyone.

I’m so sick of people excusing awful behavior because someone needs the job or needs the income. They can behave better, then!” embopbopbopdoowop

Another User Comments:

“Think about your safety. Would he come after you if he ever found out? Some things you are forced to let karma handle. Hurts me too that other women can be harmed by him, but you have to stay safe.” Accomplished-Week484

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Mindyg124 1 week ago
Most definitely report him to anyone and everyone you can think of to report what he's about. curious shout it from the rooftops because you reporting him my save someone else's life and or mental health.
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8. AITJ For Discouraging People From Buying From a Certain Small Business?

“I’ve recently started getting into crystals and spiritually. Since I am only a beginner, I don’t have the biggest collection just yet. One of the easiest ways I found to expand my collection is to order crystal sets on Etsy. I’ve only ordered a few and I’ve been very happy with the results.

When I was scrolling on social media, I saw someone order a crystal mystery box. As she did a review on the box I noticed she had gotten beautiful crystals, some of which I never even heard of. This excited me, so I decided to save up so I could afford a more expensive mystery box and treat myself.

Once I saved enough, I stumbled across this one Etsy page, which I found on a women’s social media account. Her account had quite a large following, which attracted me to her shop in the first place. I read a ton of views and watched videos of her packaging boxes, all the comments seemed to be very positive.

I purchased a mystery box. To save myself the embarrassment, I won’t be specific about the price, but it was over $100.

It took about two weeks for my box to arrive. When it did, I opened it only to realize I wasted my time and earnings. Most of the crystals were the same crystal, and the point of the box was to expand to new, unique crystals.

Not only that, but the crystals were just ugly. Definitely not worth what I paid for, let alone $10. I was extremely disappointed and tried contacting the seller to try and return it.

At first, the seller was on board. Until she asked me why. After I gave her the reasons she stopped responding.

I messaged her multiple times throughout the week, and she never texted back. I tried offering a few compromises: sending the crystals back, letting her keep some of the profit, asking for a crystal exchange, etc. She never got back to me, so I decided to post on social media talking about my experience with her.

My posts (on multiple platforms) got a decent amount of views. Some people were even commenting about how they’ve canceled their orders and tried contacting her themselves. I’d like to say I didn’t think about it too much, but with the amount I spent on it, I couldn’t not think about it.

Some time goes by and I finally hear back from the seller. To my surprise, she was angry with me. She went off on me, saying that since I made my posts, she’s been having a bunch of people cancel orders, and she’s even gotten some threats to let me get refunded.

She accused me of trying to ruin her small business. I just ignored her like she did to me, and she continued to message me throughout the week. I sent her one text saying that if I got a refund, I’d delete the post. She called me a jerk along with many other names.

I’ve talked to friends about it and they blamed me for trusting social media influencers and told me to suck it up since she probably needed the profit more than I needed my refund. so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ for telling people what happened – that’s just a review basically, and your review is telling the truth.

People can decide what to do with that knowledge.

And just because she might or might not need the finances doesn’t mean you owe her anything. Especially because it sounds like a scam.

I do think you’re naive though because you fell for a fairly common type of scam: using social media or various other platforms to advertise something with a fake, good review.

Your friends are right that you shouldn’t have trusted it.

And you’re naive for buying a mystery box to begin with.

A “mystery box” is exactly what it says: a mystery. You can’t expect anything specific about what’s in it in terms of what types of crystals unless there were some guarantees given.

Some companies will say what the minimum dollar value might be, but even then it’s basically random because crystals are generally only worth what someone wants to charge and pay for them.

Honestly, mystery boxes are almost always a scam. People don’t lose profit selling them or else they wouldn’t sell them to begin with.

So by definition, you won’t get more from it than what you paid on average. And you usually get less, because they can claim “well it was a mystery and you got unlucky.” witcher_rat

Another User Comments:

“”which the point of the box was to expand to new, unique crystals”

The point of a ‘mystery box’ is to sell crap you can’t otherwise unload.

“I sent her one text saying that if I got a refund, I’d delete the post.” And with that, she can now file extortion charges against you.

ESH. You for being gullible enough to fall for the ‘mystery box’, for not knowing you can do a chargeback and for buying into the bullcrap that crystals are good for anything other than to look at.

Her for lack of communication… assuming we’re getting the full story, which I’m not convinced we are. Given that she was on board at first tells me we’re not getting all the info we need. Which brings me to my final point – you better be sure you are 100% in the right before doing a chargeback, otherwise, that is theft.” Johnny-Fakehnameh

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, She could have resolved this like a responsible business owner but chose not to.

It’s not like you doxxed her for some arbitrary or fake thing, she charged an arm and a leg for a product that wasn’t worth the cost and chose to not be responsive to a dissatisfied customer.

She literally could have just figured out a compromise with you in any of the ways you mentioned and she chose not to.

How she expected to not get a bad review is beyond me, but she made this bed, she can lay in it.” ShadyVermin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – “They need the profit more than you” is not license to scam people.

Once a guy in a crappy car hit my wife. He then told her she needed to pay for his car because hers was nicer and she could afford it. Dude probably sold crystals.” Portie_lover

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7. AITJ For Refusing To Go On A Trip Unless I Get To Sit In The Front Seat Of The Car?

“So I’m (25F) not a great traveler. I get severely sick very easily no matter how many pills or tablets I take. I get not only nauseous, but I get weird cramps like a bad period, along with a headache and lightheadedness. I also have a very low iron count and have been on the drip several times.

I always have to plan ahead in advance to know what path we’re taking, how many hills, and winding roads, so I can prepare.

So my husband (27M) and I were staying with his parents, and we had decided to go for a small hike to an outlook. I should say, staying with his parents is like living in a regime.

You have to be in bed by a certain time, I’m not allowed to sleep in the same room as my husband (just me and not his other siblings but that’s a different story), and you can’t go anywhere without their consent i.e we were staying for 2 weeks and couldn’t go out for one night to town to have dinner, just my husband and myself.

It’s not ‘allowed’.

So we decided to go for this drive, which we had to consent with the parents, and his mother decided to come along. Not a problem for me, we get to the car which is a 2-door. I stood there waiting for her to jump into the back. I thought she didn’t know how to pull the seat down so I did it all for her.

She stood there and said ‘are you jumping in the back?’. I said oh no I get car sick. She said she wanted to be in front to ‘show us the sights’. I said I get very carsick, also, the car has a very low back because it’s a sports car, so I don’t fit.

My head hits the top and I would have to angle my neck. My husband’s mother is 5’2 and I’m 5’8″. She kept insisting she needed the front seat. I said no, I would prefer the front. I should note she is a spritely older woman so no physical ailments. The husband’s dad comes out and starts bullying me and saying that the mother has ‘seniority,’ so she gets the front.

My husband turns to me and says that I can just sit in the back, just take more pills, and he’ll drive slowly. My husband has always been a pushover and never stands up for me, especially against his parents or family in general.

I was fuming, I went inside the house, and got changed.

My husband comes in after 10 minutes and asked what I was doing. I said I wasn’t going. He said I was overreacting and to just take more pills. He knows that doesn’t work and we also went through the travel plan together. I’m still so mad because it’s also his car, so he should have said something but he didn’t.

He ended up going and I was given passive-aggressive dialogue the rest of my stay, with his mother constantly bringing up the hike saying it was ‘amazing’ and ‘once in a lifetime.’ I know it was definitely a stab at me.

I don’t really know if I overreacted. I thought it was simple for her to just go in the back.

I couldn’t because I physically didn’t fit in and also because of my health. I feel like she just wanted the front as a power move. So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but this is way bigger than a car trip.

You can’t just go somewhere with just the two of you without their permission? Can’t sleep even in the same room? What the heck? Why does your husband allow them this kind of nonsensical tyrannical behavior? Why is he not sticking up for you and himself?

If I was you I’d be saying “we’re not staying with your parents ever again.” You can visit their town but book your own accommodation.

If he doesn’t agree, just say that he can visit them on his own, since you’re clearly not welcome.” gumbuoy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband comes from an incredibly toxic family.

Your first boundary should be to inform your husband that you are going no contact with your in-laws for an indeterminate period.

You won’t be joining him when he visits them and they won’t be invited to your home.

This may sound harsh but these people are seriously dysfunctional and it will destroy your marriage if you don’t put up very firm boundaries now.

You can’t dictate what your husband does and it will probably be a really tough situation for him to manage.

But you can and must remove yourself from their unhealthy family system.

Edit – please don’t be too hard on your husband and at least give him a chance to change things rather than just dismissing him as a wuss, as some recommend. His parents’ behavior isn’t normal. It’s abusive. He’s grown up with this and it will have damaged him and his ability to stand up for himself.

He’s very much a victim here.” StompyKitten

Another User Comments:

“The pills you take, are they over the counter or prescribed by a doctor? If it’s over the counter you might want to see a doctor. I get car sick so I can sympathize with you.

I can understand their house and their rules, but if I’m married, then I am sleeping with my husband, or we would be staying at a hotel.

I probably would anyway with all the stupid rules the in-laws have. TBH, they are just wanting to control all of you like you are little kids.

As for the hike, it’s your car, MIL can sit in the back, but I would not have allowed her to go. She only wanted to go bc again it’s a control issue.

Hubby was mad because you stood up to his mother when he is a wimp. As for MIL making passive-aggressive remarks, smile and say she did need the hike and she should do it more often.

After this visit, I would let hubby know that he would have my back and stand up to his parent, stay at a hotel instead of their home, do things with me without a chaperone or I would no longer be going to ILs.

NTJ.” charlie1550

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Beenthruit 1 week ago
I would really love to know how this ended
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6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Daughter's Beauty School?

Sometimes the best thing to teach your child is that their choices have consequences.

“My wife and I have three daughters. We always told them we would pay for their college tuition, provided they wanted to go. Our eldest “Hazel” graduated in 2018. She started at a 4-year university and lasted there 6 months before dropping out and coming home.

We had to eat a lot of fees because by that point they were non-refundable. Her reason for dropping out was she didn’t want to pursue that major anymore. We told her she could switch to undecided or general studies until she did figure it out but she insisted on dropping out.

From there, she enrolled in the local community college which was cheaper, but as we didn’t qualify for financial aid, we were paying for all of it. She stayed through til the world fell apart in 2020. She tried online schooling but it was too hard and we respected that, our younger two were struggling with online school, I can’t imagine how hard college was! She took some time off, then in January of this year, started at another 4-year college.

Keep in mind, only some of her credits transferred. But we were supportive.

Last month, she came to us and said she wants to drop out yet again, and go to cosmetology school. I have nothing against that, but after spending tens of thousands on these other schools, she’s gotta pay her own way on this one.

I told her if she finishes and gets her license, I will reimburse her, but she needs to figure out how to finance it on her own. She asked how she was supposed to do that, and I told her to get a job. She got upset and said I’m going back on my word.

It doesn’t help that this year, our middle daughter graduated and we’re paying for her to go to a 4-year college. Hazel said this isn’t fair and I said I’d do the same to her sister if she was as wishy-washy. Now, Hazel won’t talk to me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This seems like a failure-to-launch scenario.

If she had stayed in the first school, she would have already graduated by now from college!

I went to college undecided and switched to my major in the first semester. She could have done the same, took her required general courses while trying to sort out what major she wanted, but instead gave up and came home.

I suspect if she was having a good time at school and made friends she wouldn’t have dropped out, so homesickness and social anxiety may have played a role in her decision to come home where it was familiar.

She’s an adult. She needs to make her own way now. Hazel should have been working in the 4 years since dropping out of college, but she had you and your spouse paying for everything so she doesn’t fully understand nor value the cost of her multiple education changes.” OneTwoWee000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I think you’ve been more than understanding and generous to help her on her way.

“Not wanting to pursue a major anymore” is…in my opinion, not really the most valid of reasons to drop out. Especially since changing majors is not unheard of, if not really common.

I’ve had friends who had to drop out because of lack of funds, complications with health, the school course not offering what they needed, or feeling as though the environment was too hectic/stressful for them to handle.

Those friends either went back to school at a later date when they felt more stable and finished or they didn’t return and pursued other options.

People who have the conviction and understanding of knowing where they want to go will act accordingly. They will find other options to make things work.

But it seems your daughter has been too content with having a safety net to fall back on that she has made a series of careless decisions without thinking about how they will affect her or anyone in the long run. It’s time for her to understand the weight of her decisions when she is literally paying for it.” DubiousInfinity

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Time for her to have some skin in the game. You might want to have conditions for your other daughters as well so you aren’t the only one dealing with consequences if she drops out.

A friend has a college fund for his kids which will turn into a beach house fund if they don’t graduate by the age of 26.

It doesn’t sound like Hazel understands the value of finances. Is she currently paying for her own living expenses?” cassowary32

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5. AITJ For Telling My Parents That My Sister Has An Eating Disorder?

“I (20M) have a sister (16F) and brother (18M). I’m home from college and I realized a lot of things changed with my sister. She eats dinner in her room more and when my parents make her eat with us she barely does. I don’t see her eat breakfast, and she only eats apples and other fruits like that for lunch.

Sometimes I see her eat big meals but not often.

I saw a lot of physical changes too, she looked a lot skinnier than she used to, and her appearance looks weaker in a way. She’s always been slim, but she looked even skinner than normal.

I asked her about it, and she told me she just doesn’t have an appetite much.

We have a good relationship but I doubted she would tell me about that. My friend had an eating disorder before, and I noticed she did things similar to her.

So I asked my brother about it since he sees her every day unlike me, and he straight up told me she had anorexia because he found out from one of her friends.

I was honestly kind of mad and asked him why he didn’t say anything to our parents. He told me he told her about it, and she said she would tell our parents by the end of the summer.

Apparently, if she didn’t do it by then he would do it but I think is dumb to wait that long anyway.

I wanted to talk to my sister about it before I considered telling my parents and she was really mad at me. She told me to stay out of her personal business and that she was going to tell our parents soon.

I know how hard eating disorders can be on a person, so I told my parents about it.

Both of them freaked out and were shocked at how they didn’t realize it before. Both of them talked to my brother and I then her. My brother was telling me how I shouldn’t have told them until she was ready.

My parents said they were going to get her therapy and send her to a rehab center.

She screamed her head off at me and told me she hated me more than anyone. She said her life is “ruined” now, and she’s never going to forgive me.

My brother and my partner said I should have given her time before I told them and should have talked with her more.

I didn’t think I was the jerk for doing that since I just wanted to help her get better, but she’s still furious at me, and it’s been 2 days since then. My parents told me they’re going to send her to rehab and she’s super upset. Now I feel bad for it and think I should have waited until she was ready.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Eating disorders have serious health consequences, and the earlier treatment starts, the better.

I get that your sister would be angry, you telling is causing huge changes in her life before she was ready for it, or to admit she has a problem at all most likely. And I understand your brother’s perspective about giving her more time since they had already hammered out a deadline.

You did the right thing in telling your parents because of the health risks associated with not eating. In fact, your brother screwed up, but not in a jerk way due to his age. He should never have given till the end of summer as his ticking clock. Anything of more than two weeks is running the risk of actual death from malnutrition and starvation.

And anything more than a week is risking damage from starvation, perhaps permanent. But I doubt many people his age are aware of these risks.

Every time your sister lashes out just tell her that you love her and can’t stand to see her hurting herself so she needs help. Don’t further engage or justify, she either doesn’t know how bad this can get or is lying to herself about the dangers.

She will learn what she doesn’t know in getting treatment and if she’s not completely warped should forgive by the time she’s coming home from rehab.” zmach21

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This isn’t a situation where it’s acceptable to wait. And likely the eating disorder would have just grown/gotten worse the longer your brother/sister waited to say anything if they ever would have.

Organs can fail, you can lose the ability to carry children, you can develop osteoporosis and have the bones of an elderly person while you’re still a teen. And the ED voice in her head would just become more powerful.

Keep being a great, supportive, and caring brother. Your sister can’t see it now because of the eating disorder voice in her head, but hopefully, with treatment and support in the future, she will realize you saved her.

I also want to say that when you sister does return home from treatment, her support system needs to be strong, and everyone should subtly just keep an eye on her and make sure she’s getting the help she needs to stay on track. Eating disorders, and anorexia especially, have a high relapse rate and can take years to overcome.

I hope your sister’s journey is not so arduous, but I think it’s worth mentioning.

Much love and support are being sent to you, your sister, and family during this time.” NascentNik

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you also have to accept your relationship with her may be irreparably damaged. It is irrelevant as to whether what you did was right or wrong. She will be feeling hugely betrayed, and this feeling may very well carry through to after treatment.” TheSpicyTriangle

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4. AITJ For Refusing To Do A Construction Project For My Family?

“I’m a contractor and I’m the first call to “take care of” any project within my family. I have also done some smaller projects at my parent’s house in the past too.

So let’s start off by saying that I have never refused a project from my family. Also, I have never made a dime from my family and never will.

I have only asked them to only cover my costs and that’s it.

My parents had a backyard bar area near the pool. The pool and surrounding area is about 3 feet higher than the bar area with a large tree in between providing shade. It was an inconvenience when we wanted to have any people over to swim and BBQ (constantly going up and down the stairs).

The BBQ area was built by the previous homeowner but it’s been falling apart for years. It has always been an eyesore for everyone.

Now the tree has developed some sort of disease and got infested with termites. Now I’ve always wanted to tear everything out and build new. So my brother and I removed the tree, BBQ, concrete, and roots.

Mind you that this tree was about 50 years old and went under the common wall. So when that was done we had to come up with a plan to rebuild it. I talked to my parents and they agreed on a plan to rebuild the area. I started removing the debris from the area when they came at me with a whole other plan for the area.

There were two plans.

The first plan, the one already agreed upon, was to put a brand new sewer line to the main (the bar sink was just leaching to the backyard), build the BBQ area up with a raised concrete porch to match the height of the pool area, build the bar cabinets, build a custom metal gazebo (to cover the BBQ area and the 10 person outdoor table), new plumbing and electrical, and new stairs to up to the area.

Pros: everything is one level. Cons: would take a long time because of the steps involved.

My parents’ alternative plan was to not raise the BBQ area up, build a detached pool bathroom where the BBQ area was, move the BBQ area somewhere else (on the other side of the backyard thus having the pool and BBQ separate again).

Pros: faster and adds a bathroom. Cons: they already have a dedicated pool bathroom and is expensive.

They already have a pool bathroom yet they want to build another detached bathroom. Futhermore, their plan doesn’t solve any of the issues in their backyard. So for the first time in my life I decided not to take on the project.

Everyone in my family collectively lost their crap. I got comments like, “how could you,” “you’re being a brat because you’re not having your way,” and the best one, “you’re a terrible son.” Like, lol, I even take care of my parents’ rental property for no cost to them.

I feel bad for not taking on the project but they’re plan would have left the backyard disjointed again.

My parents did trust me to complete their project, only because I have the experience and I’m family. Since I didn’t like their plan I said no and I left them wanting.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are not obligated to do any work that you don’t want to. It’s a favor. And if you are not invested in it then you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.

I’m an architect and I am constantly being asked by my family to assist with design and project decisions. And there have been a few times that someone is doing something that in my professional opinion is a bad move financially and spatially. In those cases I let them know that if it makes them happy they should do it.

But I don’t know how much help I’ll be for that project.

It’s entitlement. They have just realized that goodwill only goes so far and just because they expect to have you do the work for free they came up with as cheap a plan as possible. Now that you are no longer comfortable doing a job that will have to get redone in a few years it has probably occurred to them that they will have to pay another contractor to do the work and it will be expensive.

When you work in an industry (ie lawyer, accountant, plumber, etc.), people often feel like they should get things for free because your “family” and therefore the family then has full and uninhibited access to your service. It’s not true and the expertise should only be offered when you want to.

Edit. You could use an opportunity to white lie a bit and just say that work is busy right now so you can’t take on side projects. That way you are still “playing nice” as you referenced in a comment, but you are still setting a boundary.” Choice_Werewolf1259

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you need to start actually charging them for your time.

A better plan would be just not doing work for  family anymore. It never works out.” Deucalion666

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I wouldn’t budge on this and hopefully, the care of the rentals is in writing to protect your interest in it/liability. It might be time to step back away from that and institute a paper trail for any projects.” Ilovegifsofjif

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3. AITJ For Leaving To A Party Instead Of Comforting My Crying Colleague?

“So, this happened a while ago, but recently came up in conversation between my friends and some said I acted harshly. So wanted some extra opinions.

I work in the petroleum industry and have lived in a middle eastern country for about 7 years. My work was fully field-oriented, where I will spend some days in the desert, then come back to the city for a couple of days.

It was very hard to maintain appearance other than basic hygiene, clean clothes, brushed teeth, washed face. Once I come back to my accommodation, I will take a 2-hour long hot water bath just to feel clean, and then, if it’s still not night, go to party with whoever else is available from our peers.

We didn’t have friends outside work.

Enter a new hire girl, Y, from another country on the same profile as I work but in a trainee position. I gave her the gist of it. Life is tough, fieldwork doesn’t have luxury but pay is good, so she can decide in a month if she wants to work in this role or not.

She had heavy makeup on. I told her maybe she won’t have time to do it in the field, so she should get used to it. All this information was taken in with a blank face, so I didn’t know if she felt anything bad or not. I know I can be abrupt and to the point a lot and people who know me get used to it.

A few days later, I came back from the field and was getting ready to go out. I called out in our group chat and 4 or 5 people told me they were coming. 10 minutes before we go out, one of the other colleagues S, male, calls me and asked me to come to Y’s apartment as she is crying and he doesn’t know what to do.

I got ready quickly, go to her apartment and sat down and asked what happened. Between sobs, she says, since coming here she has gained 1.5 kilos of weight and her jeans don’t fit anymore. S was a dear friend of mine, and I know he has been courting her, so for his sake, I tried to sit through.

I told her maybe she can wear a skirt. She continued sobbing. I asked if she has anything that she can wear and then maybe at the mall, we can buy some new clothes that fit her. She shouted at me saying I do not understand the problem. How could she show her “fat” face to anyone? Mind you, she is 5ft 2, weighs 115 lbs at that point.

And I was close to 75. She told me just because I don’t care about my body, doesn’t mean she won’t, and she cannot go to the party until she loses some weight. She was still crying, and my other colleagues were already downstairs waiting for me, so I just got up.

I told her, you know what, no I don’t understand, nor do I care about it. I have to leave for a party I want to enjoy with my loose-fitting jeans, so good luck with your dieting and stormed off.

A month later, she quit because it doesn’t fit her lifestyle and we were rather happy to see her go.

She told in her exit interview that people were unfriendly here. We only know because were given a verbal warning to be more friendly to newcomers.”

Another User Comments:

“A very gentle ESH.

Her for lashing out at you for her insecurities. It’s not your fault she had gained weight was having some issues with her body image (although she was clearly upset and upset people maybe don’t always act rationally).

You for saying “I have to leave for a party I want to enjoy in my loose fitting jeans so good luck with your dieting”. You could have just told her you were leaving and left. You didn’t have to kick sand in her face while you were walking out. Yes, she was hostile with you, but two wrongs don’t make a right.

Obviously, this wasn’t the job for her. I am glad for all of your sakes that she figured it out early and left.” Previous_Bird_2765

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – hear me out; this isn’t at all about weight or the gain/loss of it. This is entirely about the trainee realizing she is out of her depth (emotionally/professionally/personally) in some way and she is having a major freak out moment over it and externalizing these feelings as weight feelings.

That’s entirely normal if she’s new to the industry and maybe is realizing it’s not a good fit for her, but you are still NOT responsible for her feelings or how she chooses to (not) deal with them. Everyone in this thread needs to stop focusing on weight as it’s a red herring.

This teammate is not adjusting well and framing it as a weight issue because weight is something she sees as more in her control or sphere of influence than these big feelings about work. She needs some EFAB-type employee support from the company or she needs to talk to a therapist or leave the fieldwork.

It’s not working out for her.” Satannista

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

You tried to do a good thing, but the situation went south. Your ex-coworker is obviously a jerk for how vicious she was when you tried to help, and your retort at the end was unprofessional.

In life, when someone is upset/crying, sometimes they have a problem they can’t solve, other times they just need to vent/emotional support.

In that instance, from her perspective, the biggest problem she had was how she felt about gaining weight, not the consequences of gaining weight.” Legitimate-Review-56

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Her weight gain was the tipping point. There are likely a lot of other changes that happened when taking on this position and she was struggling with all of it.

You were very nice to go over and try and comfort her. In reality, no one could’ve, she was finally realizing she took on a role that wasn’t compatible with the life she wanted and was stressed out. She was wrong to then blame leaving on all of you when it’s obvious it just wasn’t a good fit for her lifestyle.

If anything, I think you being blunt saved her a few more months of depression in a bad job.” TheSkinnyJeans

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2. AITJ For Hiding My Food From My Roommate And His Children?

“I (26F) live with my husband (27M) and a roommate (32M). He has lived at my house for the past year and a half, but for awhile didn’t pay any rent at all. We fed him and got him a phone because he’s had a tough life and we wanted to help.

The deal was supposed to be that he would keep the common areas as well as his areas clean. He never really did this, and if I asked him to do something, he would always completely be insufficient about it (if I asked him to clean the kitchen, all he would do is sweep and he’d leave obvious areas that had not been swept with dirt).

When I ask him to clean, because I feel we’ve done so much for him and he has never kept up his end of the deal, he gets mad and says that I always make him do the chores I don’t want to do, and he is tired and should just get to relax.

He accuses me of making him do the “Charlie work” and taking advantage of him.

He has always eaten my food, which I have been trying to stop him from doing for months. He started paying rent (he pays 1/3 of the mortgage and bills now). When I ask him to buy his own food, he says he hardly eats at home, etc.

I have offered to grocery shop for him if he made a list and reimbursed me. He also declined this. He has his kids every other weekend, and never buys any food for them. They always eat all of my stuff including special things I save for myself. The last example was an entire family-size bag of beef jerky (I barely got any).

They always eat all of the cereal and pretty much everything I have. When I asked him to buy his kids food, he said “you’re the one who wants me to pay so much in rent, so..” it is $600 with all utilities included. He buys maryjane frequently and vapes all of the time.

If he did not do this, he would be able to buy his kids food. On top of this, he does not have a car and will always expect my husband to take him to and from work. He also sometimes expects my husband to take him to get his kids.

My husband is really sick and he wanted him to take him to get his kids. They are an hour and a half away.

I’ve finally had it. I took all of my food besides canned foods/raw ingredients out of the kitchen and hid it in my room (save for salads, eggs, and milk) and hid the frozen things really well below the dog food in the freezer.

We’ve decided we are done helping him. So, am I the jerk for hiding all of my food and choosing not to help him anymore?”

Another User Comments:

“Oh my Lord, this takes me back to the days of having to put ownership notes on food and then having them ignored anyway back in college.

It’s always been my opinion that it’s really difficult to share living spaces with people who aren’t romantic partners or close family or “ride or die” friends, because of stuff life this. And even when you share it with these people, sometimes these issues come up.

You’re going through what I went through with my ex after we broke up, but were still living together.

He had no job, was not paying any bills. Never cleaned, and when he did, I wished he hadn’t, b/c I’d have to go behind him and do it all over again after he very begrudgingly did the minimal effort possible. Lost his license, expected me to drive him everywhere. I even had to walk and feed his dog.

ATE EVERYTHING IN MY KITCHEN b/c he was “bored” and home all day while I was at work, school, or taking care of my sick mom.

He had 4 weeks to leave and find another situation for himself. He could’ve rented a room somewhere if he’d worked & saved; I even offered to give him starter $ for this, or gone back to live with his family in another state.

But he was comfortable where he was, mooching and trying to hold on to our relationship, which he destroyed with his constant lying and SEVERE addiction issues.

I straight up finally had to threaten to call the Sheriff and have him arrested for trespassing to get him to leave.

He got out 2 weeks later.

NTJ and good luck.” Pleasant_Choice_6130

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is insane. Roommates are a financial arrangement to share in costs of shelter. This doesn’t automatically mean you become besties with that roommate who a)isn’t even paying you the rent b) expects you to be his parent and chauffeur him to pick up HIS children and c) for any nominal rent you’re charging (that he’s not paying for) that it includes feeding his children.

All of the above are his responsibility and/or obligation as being a parent.

Smoking and vaping is a luxury if you can afford it. They don’t rank above putting food on the table. Indirectly with your concern, you’re continuing to enable him and he’s starting to think of you in some ways as a co-parent.

As for his lack of car, that’s his problem to figure out if he wants to continue maintaining a paycheque. Not yours. Not your husband’s problem.

He treats your house as though he continued to live at home and have his parents clean for him. Please evict him for your family’s sake.” Snackingpenguin

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

You are the author of your own misfortune. You talk like you are doing this guy some huge favour, but then mention in passing that he is now paying 1/3 of your mortgage and expenses. I doubt that he is getting 1/3 of your house.

If you don’t like the arrangement, change it or ask him to move out.

Nobody else can solve this.” checco314

Another User Comments:

“In regards to the title question, NTJ.

In regards to the whole situation, YTJ.

You have allowed this guy to move in with you and he does the bare minimum with cleaning – if at all, and steals your food. The second he started not living up to the agreement he should have been warned and any subsequent failure to abide by the terms of the living arrangement he should have been served notice and out the door.

Whilst I appreciate that you feel sorry for him and his kids and that you are friends with him, he clearly has zero respect for you, your home, and the food you buy. He doesn’t sound as though he appreciates you providing a safe home for him and his kids and is not treating you as a friend in the same way you have shown him.

He should be full of gratitude and absolutely pulling out all of the stops to show his thanks by keeping the home clean and by providing his own food, or heck, even cooking you guys a meal once in a while by way of thanks.

He is a grown man, capable from the sounds of things of getting a job and paying his own way in life.

Instead, he chooses to smoke, act immature and entitled and mooch his way through life. Honestly, his kids would be better off not visiting him as he is setting a rather poor example for them.

It’s high time that you got rid of him. You are not doing him any favors by enabling his entitled and immature behavior. The longer you enable this, the harder it will become overall. A good friend will recognize the burden they have become, apologize and either take steps to improve the situation or move out.” ToxicDinosawr

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User Image
Beenthruit 1 week ago
NTJ and he needs to be given the boot
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1. AITJ For Renting My Own Place After Initially Agreeing To Rent With Friends?

“Me and my two other friends are soon going to study abroad at the same university, since we know each other already and wanted to save some change, we agreed that we would look for an apartment together and split the costs. We have been preparing for this trip for several months now and everything seemed in order except for the housing.

Beforehand I agreed to be the one to contact landlords if I see interesting advertisements and my friends to send me the one they find. I should probably say that only one of my friends was sending me ads she saw and the other not so much. That’s why I had the feeling that they were relying too much on me, but I didn’t say anything and simply regularly reminded them to send me stuff they found.

It was really hard to find apartments because we were international students and because of the duration of our lease. We already agreed that we should have backup plans and apply for the university campus (but it was hard to find a room at that uni) We were desperate and one suggested that we go there book a hotel and look for places then, as it would be easier if we were already on site.

I didn’t like the idea.

Since we didn’t have much time left, I started looking for housing for me alone even though it would be pricey, while continuing to look for a place for us three. I finally found a place, it was a student residence and I could rent a room even though it was more expensive than the price I had in mind (but for an urgent situation think it’s fair).

I decided to take it since we haven’t found anything else after months of searching. I told them about it and even shared the residence contact so they could do the same but they didn’t want to. They were clearly mad that I backed off.

I tried to explain myself and even suggested that I keep looking for apartments for two if they were still interested.

(But I don’t think they are). Friend 1 didn’t say much but was unhappy and hasn’t talked to me since. Friend 2 said the student residence was too pricey for her, said was still hoping we could rent a place together, and was mad that she has to do everything on her own now.

I don’t really know what can I do since I already finalized my contract. And I also feel hurt because of their reaction as I did everything in my power to please them.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’s not your fault that your friends are planning to go to another country and can’t even be bothered to find housing.

They will never succeed at life if they aren’t making an effort on their own. And no, forcing you to be mommy/daddy and find them an apartment doesn’t count. If they’re grown enough that they can study abroad, they can find their own housing or cancel the trip. They’re going to be in for a rude awakening, probably in the near future.” sparrowhawk75

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You agreed to look for EVERYONE yet are annoyed because no one helped much. Then you didn’t have a discussion about backup plans when options weren’t looking good BEFORE signing a contract for just yourself.” Wild-Pie-7041

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I don’t agree with the situation that you were in, where you were the one doing all the legwork.

That being said, you agreed to it so you have to honor it.

You’re ultimately not responsible for other people’s living arrangements, BUT in the time when they thought you were looking for apartments for all of you, you were looking for only yourself. Then only after you’d connected to a place you informed them that you weren’t moving in with them. If they had known you were looking for your own place maybe they could have had more time to look at each other.” abuko1234

-1 points (1 votes)
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