People Give Us The Chance To Comment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Being Proud Of The Dress That I Made?
“For the past few weeks, I’ve been playing Trivia every week with my coworker and her friends. I’m also always going there straight from work since it’s right afterward, so I’m dressed a little nicer in my work clothes.
A few years ago, for a few different reasons, I decided to stop buying clothes and now exclusively make my own.
A lot of my stuff tends to have a little more of a vintage/historical flair, so it’s a little unusual and people comment on it occasionally.
Because of that, occasionally I’ll come in with a new outfit that I’m pretty excited about since I just finished making it, and my friend or the waitress at the bar (who also knows I make everything) will ask me if it’s new and I say yes and there’s not usually much else to the conversation.
A few times when this happens one of the people at the table (we’ll call her Kelsey) will kinda roll her eyes or give me a dirty look.
This past week I wore a dress I made a few months ago that I’m still fairly proud of, and when I walked in the waitress made a joking comment to me along the lines of ‘Wow, that looks like it was custom made for you by a tailor’.
I answered that it was. I thought it was pretty clear from our tones that we were joking, but Kelsey must not have picked up on it.
I don’t remember exactly what she said because it felt rather sudden, but it was something along the lines of ‘We get it, you’re rich.
Stop rubbing it in. Not everyone can afford designer clothes and custom-made dresses.’ I told her that I wasn’t rich and that the joke was that I AM a tailor, and I made the dress for me. It’s not designer, it’s just not what’s typically produced by the fast fashion industry.
Fabric is expensive, so most of my clothes are made from fabric that was given to me by my grandmother before she passed, and tablecloths and bedsheets I either got from her or bought from Goodwill. There is also a local overstock discount fabric shop that I go to sometimes as well.
She didn’t say anything for a while, so I assumed the conversation was over and I waited for Trivia to start since the table was pretty quiet after that.
After a few minutes, she said something about how not everyone has time to sit around all day making dresses, and I reminded her that I work full-time.
Then there was a comment about how not everyone has access to the same resources to learn how to sew or has a grandmother who could conveniently give them a bunch of fabric, which is true. I’m not denying that there is a systemic level of privilege in being able to go to college for a costume design degree and having a grandmother who could afford nice fabrics.
I admitted in that area she did have a point and I apologized, and we went on with the game, though things were pretty awkward after that.
I was just excited about something I’d worked hard on and was proud of, I didn’t really intend to rub it in everyone’s face and make them think I thought I was better than them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Kelsey is a bitter, unhappy shrew and needed someone to take it out on. You can really tell because after she got caught flat-footed when you told her that you MADE your clothes and aren’t rich, she didn’t shut up and apologize.
She instead was BRIEFLY quiet and then moved the goalposts to still try and come at you. Hopefully, everyone else present could see it for what it was… Projection of her own unhappiness and some jealousy.” Aggressive-Bed3269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it’s awesome that you are able to create your own dresses!
That is very impressive as I barely can sew the few holes or rips my kids got in a few stuffed animals or pajamas. Your friend got bothered by something, and she kept being bothered by something at every turn. If this is normal behavior, I feel sorry for her.
If it is unusual for her to react like this, maybe something else was bothering her, and this was her more reacting to that. Good luck with her.” Severe-Hope-9151
21. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of The House Over Nonsense Twitter Argument With My Family?
“My husband and I are both argumentative people who have sort of ‘tough’ personalities (I’m a lawyer and he’s a retired military).
We argue frequently about facts or politics, but these are usually good-natured and humorous. But I try not to do this if we’re socializing or at family events since no one wants to watch another couple argue.
Almost a year ago, we hosted two of my older relatives at our house for a few days.
All was well until the topic of social media came up at dinner. I mentioned something about how Twitter was a toxic waste dump, full of hostility. My husband decides this is something to argue about and says that’s not true. So we start arguing about it, and he’s getting angry.
Our guests were clearly becoming uncomfortable and quiet. Eventually, he furiously says ‘This conversation is over’, gets up, and abruptly leaves the room. I’m left in awkward silence and have to apologize to my relatives.
After they left, I told him how upset I was, that he made us look like two psychos arguing over something so stupid, and that wasn’t a normal way to act with guests.
He apologized, said he wouldn’t do it again, and admitted to me that Twitter was awful and didn’t know why he even argued about it.
Six months later, we were visiting with another relative and he did THE SAME THING. About the same topic! I don’t know how it came up, but he angrily argued til it was awkward and uncomfortable.
After that, I was VERY UPSET. Once again, he apologized and promised me it wouldn’t happen again.
About a month ago, he told me on his own accord that he was thinking of deleting Twitter because it was such a cesspool.
Then at Thanksgiving hosted by my cousin yesterday, he does it AGAIN.
We’re sitting at the table having a pleasant conversation, and my brother mentioned that after the initial argument where he stormed out of the room, it had concerned my older relative so much that she had told my family she was concerned for our marriage.
So the Twitter topic came up, and ONCE AGAIN he started arguing about it in a hostile manner, til the table was uncomfortable and quiet. Finally, I said ‘Are you seriously going to gaslight me again on this topic? Did you not just tell me you were thinking of quitting Twitter because it’s such a toxic waste dump?’ And he said ‘Not in those exact words’.
I was furious he did this to me AGAIN, and we didn’t speak on the ride home or for the rest of the night.
Today, he says nothing to me and doesn’t bother to acknowledge it or apologize. I feel like I’m married to some big domineering gorilla that likes to make displays to show he’s in charge and make everyone bow down to his foul moods.
He doesn’t even actually disagree or care about this topic, so I don’t know why he does this.
Finally, I boil over and tell him I want him to leave the house, three strikes and you’re out. He just asked ‘For how long’ and I said I don’t know.
He then stormed around angrily, got his stuff, and left.”
Another User Comments:
“You are excusing a lot of bad behavior from your husband. As an adult, he should be able to go to your family gatherings a few times a year and be a pleasant and civil person even if it isn’t his preferred activity.
Especially considering you said there isn’t any bad blood between him and your family.
He doesn’t want to go and then pouts and blows up which makes everyone uncomfortable. He’s throwing a tantrum and ruining the event for everyone. Then you excuse his behavior where he says mean things because he was in the army.
Any adult should know the concept of ‘a time and place for everything.’ He can be vulgar with his Army buddies because that’s what they do. But, it’s completely unacceptable if you don’t like it and have expressed that to him.
It’s certainly not acceptable adult behavior around family members that he only sees a few times a year. Why do you excuse his behavior, and why are your expectations for a partner so low?
I also get it… you’re a lawyer and you like to argue.
When you are with family why can’t you just ignore his verbal baiting and change the topic? When he starts on the Twitter topic, why don’t you redirect the conversation to something else? What de-escalation tactics are you using when you are guests at a family gathering to make sure the vibe stays nice?
Because it sounds like you play into it. You know the results will be a blowout argument around your family resulting in everyone feeling uncomfortable and it changes your family’s opinion of him. Which, honestly sounds like he deserves that label.
You play a part and contribute to this, so the full ownership isn’t just on Sergeant first class Tantrum-I-don’t-know-how-to-be-a-good-guest-ruin-the-event-for-everyone-else-make-it-all-about-me.
Everyone sucks here.” fukenhippie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your husband sounds like he could do with some therapy, heavy therapy. I know someone who is recently ex-military and let me tell you… it’s been a rough go for them and for all those surrounding them (including my husband and me).
Honestly, there isn’t much you can do because he really does need therapy. I know that is such a ‘cliche’ response but there are potentially so many things going on here. Maybe your husband misses the adrenaline, the hierarchy, and if they were higher-up military personnel, the power.
Also most likely he has a plethora of PTSD issues that aren’t being dealt with and who knows what else. This isn’t normal behavior on his part, and while I won’t say just straight up leave him, I would really keep him at arm’s length.
Have a discussion with him and let him know how you feel, and if you want to fix the marriage then I would tell him what he can do (therapy being a good start) to make you feel comfortable around him again.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Friend?
“My childhood friend (23) has had ongoing problems with her parent and sibling since I’ve known her & doesn’t have much other family that live conveniently close by like I do.
As of late she has asked to stay at my house every Friday-Sunday to minimize her time at home and avoid fights (probably until she can move out in 2-3 years minimum). The problem is there is no end date in sight. I am also 23 years old, I have a car, I’m in grad school, and live with my mom in a 2-bedroom.
When she stays over she stays in my double bed with me in my room and I have to drop her home as she doesn’t have a car.
For context, she & I fell out for a few months this summer because she has a long history of imposing & being inconsiderate & I set personal boundaries for myself which she didn’t like.
My intolerance and unwillingness to bend over backward caused a rift.
It was a build-up of things:
- I’m the only one with a car so anytime we go anywhere I drive (which is fine) but she ALWAYS asks to make a stop, no matter how inconvenient because to her it’s ‘on the way’
- She asked me to drive her 100 minutes roundtrip into the downtown core for a cosmetic appointment, I said no but to me, it says volumes that you asked at all
- She asked me to drive for over 3 hours & use my car for her driving test in another city, but I couldn’t
- I once told her I was going to the tech shop where my device was being fixed, and she asked if I could stop at a busy mall to get her a drink. I said no
- She’ll ask me to ‘go with her’ places that don’t require accompaniment when really it is because she needs a ride
- Never offers gas money (not that I always need it but it’s the principle)
- My mom facilitated a cottage trip with her, our other friend & their moms (6 people). Her mom showed up empty-handed with her aunt who did not pay & a dog without asking or letting anyone know.
Her mom & aunt then tried to claim the master bedroom. She wasn’t invited on subsequent cottage trips as a result (my mom’s decision). When she found out that we had gone without her she was upset. This was 10 years ago, this was one of the things she cited this summer when we fell out
- She got upset with me for going on vacation with our friend even tho she swore off the hotel we went to & didn’t have the money to travel. We only went because our friend was starting a new job so no time off & my travel voucher was expiring.
I could go on but you get the gist. She says people aren’t there for her like she is for them but she’s never put in the position to sacrifice so that is easy to say. She is always the one asking for things.
Not to mention I feel like I get no time to myself because I can’t sleep well when I’m close to people in bed and I’m either at school Mon-Thurs or sharing my room with her Fri-Sun.
I just want a friendship where she doesn’t need anything from me, besides a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear & my company on girls’ nights.
I don’t mind favors occasionally but within reason.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to say it and clearly. You can not come over EVERY weekend for 3 days. The truth is sometimes when a person is not at the same level or direction as you, you drift apart.
It’s not always the case particularly when that person is still working to improve themselves. It’s unclear what your friend is doing with her life but you really have to make sure you’re not enabling her.” SuperWomanUSA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the question asked. But do you really consider her your friend?
One of the things you list as HER PERSONAL flaws is something her mother and aunt did when she was 13. If a kid is upset when she’s excluded from friends’ activity because of something her trashy adults did, it doesn’t mean the kid ‘wants others to bend backward’ for her.
Most other things are nothing, also. Like, nothing wrong with asking ‘Will you grab X for me/drive me’, as long as she accepts your ‘No’ without further nagging. Basically, all she is is being human and looking for easy solutions for everything, and you dislike it.
You don’t seem to be friends and you seem incompatible in general. But you also are not in a position to give her temporary shelter from her trashy family. Having another adult regularly share a room AND bed with you without being absolutely forced to (like in a dorm) gets old fast. You WNBTJ if you refuse to do it, but all the ‘reasons’ you listed have nothing to do with it.” Ventsel
19. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws To Stop Their Obsession Over My Baby?
“I (26f) and my husband (27) have welcomed our firstborn child ‘Mia’ 6 months ago. I am not the most extroverted person, so I kept the visits from family and friends organized and made sure it wasn’t too overwhelming for me or Mia. Needless to say, it seems everyone is absolutely in love with our daughter and keeps wanting to take pictures with her (I am against having my child on social media until she can consent to the pictures, they still can take pictures but not post them on social media).
Now to the issue, for the past 3 months, their obsession over Mia reached a new level. They keep mentioning how sweet she is and how they would happily eat her as she is just so sweet and I don’t find it cute at all, I find it very creepy.
I have asked them to stop as I don’t feel comfortable with it, but I was told I am overexaggerating.
This came down to a boil 2 days ago when my sister-in-law ‘Anna’ came around to visit and started showing me a video of a woman jokingly putting her child’s foot between 2 slices of bread and pretending she was about to eat it.
Anna said that’s what she feels like doing when she sees Mia as she is so sweet and adorable, but I have just called her creepy. I have raised my voice and said I am not comfortable with the way they talk about Mia as it seems obsessive and very cringy and if she carries on she or other in-laws are no longer welcome to our house.
Anna got annoyed and left and I have received a lot of calls from my MIL and family friends calling me a jerk for calling them creepy and inappropriate as well as saying it is normal and I’m reacting this way as Mia is my first-born child, while all of them already have multiple children.
My husband and my parents are on my side as they find it weird, but I want to have a second opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people find it cute. You don’t. You’re the parent. You tried to set a boundary and say that you don’t like it.
They invalidated that and tried to gaslight you and say you are only having this feeling because you have 1 child and not multiples. And then leaned in showing you a weird video about the very thing you said made you uncomfortable. Banning them from visiting altogether might be an extreme response but it’s really not that hard to not make jokes/statements that they know the mom doesn’t like.” Flashy_Confusion0226
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. It’s normal to adore children. They are not your possession but I understand why you feel protective. Consider that you may be fracturing the normal loving support system your child should have with your in-laws, as well as your own relationship with them.
The baby is also their family, part of their brother and son which they just want to cherish. No one is saying they literally want to eat your child, they are just showering affection and it may not be something that you grew up with.
Maybe an apology and setting some boundaries would help in reconciling. If they love your baby like it seems, they will want to reconcile with you also.” BaxterBunnyAims
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowed to state what you’re uncomfortable with. You’ve asked them to stop in your home around you, which is a reasonable request. They can do this behavior on their own time away from you where it doesn’t impact you.
When people aren’t willing to respect a reasonable request they are showing you that your opinion and comfort level don’t matter. It’s a matter of respect.” geekylace
18. WIBTJ If I Take Complete Control Of Our Finances?
“I (28F) and my partner (30M) moved to a new house a few months ago, we’ve had to live with his parents for the last year so finances never really came up.
We’ve been together for 10 years and never really had any arguments about money, but we have a son now (3M) so things have changed since then.
Our current situation is that I work full-time and he is a stay-at-home dad. Originally it was the other way around but working ended up being much better for my mental health and he hated his job so we both liked it this way.
But I do remember how depressing it is having no income of my own and having to ask for ‘pocket money’ every time I wanted to buy something. Because of this, I make sure everything is done fairly. I take the rent money and put that straight into our joint account, the rest is split 50/50.
But since we’ve lived in our new house I’ve noticed he’s been really iffy with money. He’s really into a certain game and he’s spending money we don’t have on it. I’ve noticed charges keep popping up on the joint account (which is only for bills) and he said it’s an accident because he’s got the card linked on PayPal but after I nagged him to unlink it, suddenly it’s Amazon charges popping up.
Then this month my car didn’t pass its MOT and I had to spend all the money I’d saved since moving here (around £500) on the repairs, which left me broke. Now we can’t afford food until I get paid because it turns out he’s spent £300 and his whole £200 overdraft on the game this month, leaving nothing for emergencies.
He used to be just as good as me at saving money but over the last year, all his money was either this game or the bookies. The only reason we were able to move out was that I saved up the whole deposit for the house out of 50% of my earnings.
What I’m thinking is that I should pay the rent/bills from an account he doesn’t have access to, plus put an amount in my savings before splitting the rest 50/50, but that won’t leave him with much at all and that does feel mean but it means we’d have emergency money when we need it.
Just to add, I do the food shopping so his only outgoings are things like his phone bill and the odd nappies/milk from the corner shop when needed.”
Another User Comments:
“No, YWNBTJ, but you need to be upfront about this. Tell him exactly what the plan is (that all money for rent and other bills will be placed into an account he doesn’t have access to) and exactly why it needs to be done that way.
Explain to him that you’ll always let him view the account if he wants to, but for the time being, you’ll be the only one with actual access to it (this way, you won’t be accused of hiding something). Whatever money he gets, that’s his to spend for the month.
When it’s gone, it’s gone. Make sure you make a detailed budget, showing him where the money has been going and how you want to move forward in the future.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once a partner starts using ‘bookies’ or spending a significant amount of money on any kind of entertainment, their access needs to be curtailed. You are earning the money and so it is up to you to make sure ALL the bills get paid, not just the rent.
You need to put 100% of the basic budget into a separate account and pay the bills yourself. Whatever is left is ‘discretionary’ and you can split that part 50/50.
If your partner wants more money then he can find a part-time job on nights and weekends.” 1962Michael
17. AITJ For Saying My Uncle Deserved His Punishment?
“I (21M) took one of those DNA tests about 8 months ago to learn more about myself, as I was adopted as a baby. I was surprised when I saw 2 people who were matched to be grandparents in my results, I decided to try to contact them and ended up finding them, contacting them and they were excited to hear about me.
My adoptive parents were supportive of me meeting my biological family.
Ever since then, I’ve become close to my biological dad’s side of the family. I found out my dad and mom had me at 15 and that’s why I was put up for adoption. My dad lives in Australia, so I haven’t met him but I do call him every day.
I also transferred to a college near my biological family.
My grandparents have 8 other children, my uncles and aunts range in age from 30 to 11, with my dad (36) being their oldest child, who they had at 16 themselves.
I have become really close to my 13-year-old uncle, Denton.
Denton and I both play baseball, I play for my college and he plays for his middle school. No one else in the family plays sports, so he was very excited when I became a part of his life. Due to being close in age, it feels like we’re more like brothers than uncle/nephew, especially since I’m the older one.
I couldn’t have asked for a better relationship with him and we’ve become very close.
Denton’s youngest brother and my youngest uncle is his brother Nelson, who is 11. I’d say Nelson is a complex person: he’s very smart, loves to learn and read, and has a passion for stuff like Model UN and other things.
However, he’s also not the nicest person. He says some very bigoted things including calling girls ‘unintelligent’, using slurs, etc. The only person I’ve seen an attempt to call him out is Denton, as my other aunts/uncles and grandparents seem to just dismiss it as him being ‘stressed’ or ‘a typical middle schooler’ or some other excuse.
I’ve held my tongue because I don’t want to hurt my relationship with my family.
On Monday, Nelson and his friends got their harshest punishment yet from school and were suspended for a week after using slurs at a gay classmate, and the boys missed some model UN conference because of it.
Nelson was crying, saying that he did nothing wrong. Most of the family was consoling him, while Denton was rubbing it in his face. Denton said this was ‘karma’ and wished that his brother’s punishment was longer. My grandparents asked me to tell Denton to stop because he listens to me more than them and I’ve helped them to get him to clean his room or do his other chores.
I refused this time and told them that Nelson did deserve this punishment.
I ended up taking Denton out for dinner to get him away from all of this. When I got back, my grandparents told me they were ‘disappointed’ in me, and my uncles/aunts didn’t seem happy either.
They said I should ‘act like an adult’ because I’m 21. Thankfully, it hasn’t hurt any relationship I’ve had (besides with Nelson) too much. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nelson doesn’t behave like a typical middle schooler. He does, however, behave like a typical bigot… one that’s going to get into more and more trouble as other people get tired of his behavior.
NTJ. You ARE one of the few people behaving responsibly here. The (only) other one is Denton.
By the way… you might want to consider the very strong possibility that the rest of the family dismisses Nelson’s behavior because they’re bigots too. Denton might be the only non-bigot in the family.” canuckleheadiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, BUT honestly if you could have I would have told him to stop because that sort of stuff coming from your older brother even if he’s correct is not going to be a positive influence or help with any of this.
Especially if he’s just taunting his younger brother who messed up. You could tell him to try to speak to his younger brother seriously/rationally about that stuff without taunting, but continuing to have him taunt his younger brother isn’t gonna help anything and will definitely hurt.
But definitely, you’re NTJ because you have no actual authority over either kid and it’s not your place or responsibility to parent them or tell them what to do, and your grandparents/aunts and uncles shouldn’t have asked you to.” beepbeepitsajeep
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister About My New Job Offer?
“I (26f) am about to start my new job as a yoga instructor for a big gym.
A couple of months ago, towards the end of my yoga teacher training (1 month left of a 9-month course), my sister (38f) approached me while prepping for my mother’s surprise birthday party and first asked me how teacher training was going. I then told her all about it, all the new things I’m learning, how much fun I’m having, and so many other exciting things, when she told me that she ‘doesn’t understand why I didn’t pick pilates instead of yoga, given that it doesn’t align with our spiritual beliefs’.
I was quite frankly caught off guard as I did not ask for her opinion nor have I asked her for a single dime to help pay for the training (which is surprisingly expensive). I just told her that ever since I started doing yoga, I’ve learned so much about my nervous system and how to regulate it.
She was about to argue with me when my phone rang (THANK GOD!)
This wouldn’t really bother me if it was an isolated incident. My sister has a very long history of trying to impose her belief systems on the rest of us.
I first broke the news to my parents about my new job offer, my dad was beyond excited and my mom soon asked me when am I going to tell my sister.
I told her about the above ‘pilates’ situation. My mom agreed that she was wrong but still urged me to be the bigger person and just tell her the exciting news. I refused.
I’m guessing my mom told her because just yesterday my sister said ‘I heard you got a new job’.
I replied, ‘Yes, I did’. She then said ‘BIL and I were quite hurt when you didn’t share the news with us’. I then responded with ‘I did not want you to breathe sanctimony and doubt all over my happy moment’. She asked me what I meant, and I referred to the same situation I told my mom about.
I told her that her advice wasn’t helpful at all and all she was trying to do was make me feel guilty and doubtful about what I was doing. She said ‘I’m your sister, it is my duty to guide you and advise you when I fear you are going down the wrong path’.
I told her that ‘No one asked for your unsolicited advice, you are not my parent, my pastor nor someone whose opinions I actually value. So keep your nasty opinions to yourself.’
She then told me that it is ‘her right to voice her opinion and boundaries about what she feels is right and wrong’.
I told her that she has every right to her opinion and to live her life as she sees fit but she has no right to tell me how to live my life. She walked away quite angry and left shortly after.
My mom thinks I’m a jerk because she believes I blew the situation way out of proportion and accused me of being vindictive and punitive.
She agrees that my sister was initially wrong but I’m being far too sensitive and making it a bigger issue than what it was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘She agrees that my sister was initially wrong but I’m being far too sensitive and making it a bigger issue than what it was’.
I bet your sister now rages to your mother about the situation so often that she just wants it to stop and wants you to apologize or something to shut your sister up. It sounds to me a bit like a keep-the-peace situation, which most times just mean ‘Yes I know you are not in the wrong but the other person makes a fuss and I would rather have her shut up so please act as if the sun shines out of your end so that I have my peace’.
I don’t know how close you are with your sister but if she just brings you down it could help to take a step back and have some distance. ” No-Preparation-9535
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – YOUR MOTHER is an enabler… and frankly, she needs to stop lecturing you and have a go at Big Sister!
Why does she expect YOU to always bend? Perhaps your sister is ‘The Favorite’ of your mom? You stood up for yourself with your sister, now do the same with Mom. Ask her ‘Why is ‘sister’ always allowed to say whatever she feels, but you do not allow me the same liberty?
Why do you continually expect me to squish my happiness and growth to accommodate her?’ You weren’t vindictive or punitive. You were doing exactly what you said, avoiding some sanctimonious blather to bring your joy down. Your joy matters!” Chance-Cod-2894
15. WIBTJ If I Kick My Cousin Out Of Our Home?
“My husband (43M) and I (45F) initially allowed my cousin (37F) to move in for a month or two for free, as she needed a place to stay after losing her job and getting back on her feet.
However, what was meant to be a temporary arrangement has extended to over 9 months. Initially, things went well, with her agreeing to help around the house and cook occasionally. Unfortunately, as time passed, she became less involved in these responsibilities.
The extended stay has created tension between my husband and me.
While he understands the importance of family support, he’s uncomfortable with her behavior. Their differing standards regarding privacy and respect have added to the strain at home. Additionally, the financial burden has increased due to higher utility bills and damages caused by her, compounding our recent financial troubles.
About a month ago, we decided to discuss the possibility of her contributing to the household expenses by paying rent—suggesting $300 per month. We figured it would not be a big deal as now with her sustainable job and being able to fly around on vacations.
To our surprise, she reacted strongly, vehemently refusing and expressing her ‘inability’ to do so. Further attempts to discuss the matter yielded the same result, a yelling match and her storming off. We even suggested helping her find an apartment in town, but she rejected the idea, claiming that ‘living in an apartment is beneath her, and she would prefer living in her car before ever doing so.’
Feeling stuck in a difficult situation, my husband recently suggested the possibility of evicting her from our home if she continues to be uncooperative. At this point, I find myself open to the idea, as it seems we have exhausted other options. Am I being a jerk in this situation?
I would love feedback on how to deal with this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s gotten too comfortable living on your dime and is taking advantage of your kindness, creating issues in your marriage, and causing financial strain. Time to give her official notice that she needs to be out by (stated date).
Stick with it. Yes, that means being ready to evict her. Since apartment living is beneath her, let her live in her car if she chooses, but be clear, YOUR home is no longer an option.” Anxious-Routine-5526
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not evicting her sooner!
If his presence is having a negative impact on your marriage then you should have asked her to move out months ago. This agreement was meant to be for a couple of months and now it’s been 9 months and she doesn’t contribute to any household bills or even help clean up like she promised she would?
No wonder your husband is frustrated because you are a doormat all in the name of ‘family’. How to deal with this situation is to give her the legal notice period to leave the property which depending on where you are could be 14-30 days notice.
Maybe even have a free consultation with a lawyer about the correct steps to take and have her legally served so she can’t deny it at a later day.
Expect some backlash from other lazy and entitled family members but just draw up a list of their names and then hand it to your cousin as a list of family who are willing to help her and then block them.
If you feel like your financial situation isn’t great then look at renting a room out but get a proper contract next time and be willing to evict at the first sign of trouble.” CombinationCalm9616
14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Not Making An Effort With My Birthday Gifts?
“So my birthday hasn’t happened yet, it is tomorrow.
Now you may ask how I know what he got me. Well, we share our Amazon account and I got a notification that a few packages were on their way. I’m the one who mostly uses our Amazon account, and I know I have not ordered anything recently.
I opened the notification because I thought someone had gotten into our account and ordered some stuff using our cards. But no, upon seeing the items in the order I knew it was him.
I’m super upset that he ordered these items this morning. A day before my birthday.
We are currently carpooling to work. What was he expecting to do when we got home together and all those packages were there on our front porch?
Last week I asked him if he was planning to get me anything because he had not asked me if I wanted anything in particular.
He said he was but again did not ask me anything. I’ve been throwing hints at him these past few weeks that I want a new pair of Crocs to wear as slippers around the house, that I need a new black winter coat, that I’m searching for a pair of black booties, that I need professional clothes for work, perfume, and skincare I’m looking for.
Apparently, all my hints fell on deaf ears.
To give you context I love my golden retriever dogs and reggaeton music.
Well, he got me golden retriever earrings; A t-shirt with a golden retriever; A calendar of golden retrievers; Golden retriever stickers; And a blanket with Karol G’s album artwork.
Those earrings, I was going to buy them but I even told him I decided against it because I really wouldn’t wear them.
The shirt he got me is not my style. I don’t own anything like that, even on my off days. The shirt is not even personalized.
I got a calendar a few weeks ago, and don’t need another one.
I’m turning 36, what am I going to do with stickers???
The blanket is cute, but I already have like 100 throw blankets.
I’m just so upset because I pride myself on buying thoughtful gifts for him.
It takes me weeks to get his gifts together. I feel he could be bothered to go to the store to try to find me something or order from another website. Amazon screams I forgot and I’m lazy. And he was at home all weekend long doing nothing.
I don’t know if I should tell him how I feel now. We are celebrating over dinner with friends and we always open our gifts in front of everyone. I don’t want to make a scene in front of everyone but I just want to cry about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can FEEL however you like, it is your ACTIONS IN RESPONSE that will determine whether or not you are the jerk. That said, you are leaning towards being in the wrong. I guarantee that he doesn’t recall a single one of your ‘hints’.
If you want something specific, clearly communicate it. Otherwise, he will try and find something unexpected as a surprise.
In this case, he wasn’t thoughtless. He knew you liked something and went out and found items related to that thing. He may have missed the mark, but that doesn’t mean that it was without thought.
It’s not a generic gift card or gas station flowers.
Also, some of your hinted gift ideas are really bad ones. With shoes, coats, and clothing items, you really need to try them on to determine whether or not they suit you. Items can look really different on the body than they do on the hanger/website images.
etc. Then there is the fact that women’s sizing is seriously inconsistent. Even if he knows your normal size, he has a chance of getting it wrong when ordering it. It’s setting him up for failure.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s put no effort into your gifts.
He probably literally typed in ‘Golden Retriever gifts’ into Amazon and got the first half a dozen things. You do need to talk to him about it though. Smile when you open them and when you’re alone ask if it’s okay if you return a few things as you won’t use them and use the money to get some things you need. Possibly remind him that you did mention them beforehand.
I have to say, I’ve been married for over 10 years now and have had many situations like this and now tell my husband exactly what I want. Tonight I put what I wanted for Xmas in my cart and just passed him my laptop to pay.
After being in your position several times and being upset that I organize everything for everyone’s birthdays, Christmas, holidays, etc and no one puts any effort into anything for me, I just plan my own birthday too. Does he put effort into other people’s birthdays?
Because if he does, he’s being a jerk, but if he doesn’t, it just might not be a big deal to him and that’s not going to change overnight.” Outrageous_Shirt_737
13. AITJ For Having A Parental Talk With My Brother's Kids?
“My brother has six kids. Four of them are from his first marriage to Jane.
Jane passed away when their kids were 7, 6, 4 and 2. Within months of Jane’s passing my brother married Dawn. There was no affair. My brother threw himself into finding another wife and mom for the kids right after Jane’s funeral and Dawn was the second person he met who he considered. Dawn was in a difficult place when she met my brother.
She was out of a marriage after struggling to have kids and was facing the fact she would never be a mother. My brother having four young children who lost their mother was an ideal thing for her and she said as much to me back in the day.
Later they did have two children together.
So the relationship my four older nieces and nephews have with Dawn is very different. The oldest two are not super fond of her and do not look at her as their mother. But the middle two children do.
All they know is Dawn is their mom and they adore her. They do not understand their older siblings prioritizing Jane’s memory over Dawn. It has been argued over many times. Dawn is also legally the mom of the middle two now because she adopted them.
The oldest two are now both in college while the middle and younger kids are still at home. The middle two kids have been on their older siblings’ cases a lot about treating Dawn like their mom because she’s here and has been their mom longer than Jane was.
The older two told them they didn’t care about Dawn. The middle two kids told them they’ll be left out more over time if they keep it up and to remember how they often excluded themselves from stuff and how left out they must have felt.
The older two told them they never felt left out in a negative way. They never wanted to be included in Mother’s Day portraits with Dawn or to be part of her family traditions.
Last week I had the middle kids. They told me they wanted to do something special for Dawn for Christmas and wanted the older two involved but they said no, and it turned into a fight between them with the middle kids texting the older ones constantly saying Dawn deserves better and why are they so upset at the idea of having two moms and loving both Jane and Dawn.
I asked them about what their siblings normally say and they told me their siblings ‘claim not to care’ but it’s not possible. This is where the ‘parental’ talk came in and I explained that their older siblings have different experiences with them and to believe them when they say they do not mind if they are left out.
I said I understand they love Dawn and feel like defending her but the older two probably feel the same about Jane.
The kids took it badly and said Dawn deserves better and how the older two upset her all the time when they act like she’s not their mom too.
When they told my brother and Dawn, both said I stepped over the line from uncle to parent and it was not my place to have such a parental talk with the kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your brother had bothered to check in with his kids before launching into replacing Jane, this probably would be a non-issue or at least not as big of one as it is.
The middle two are old enough to understand that their older siblings have more memories of Jane and their relationship with her is different.
Dawn was/is their father’s quickly-found replacement that they didn’t need or want at the time. Dawn might be their mother, but she’s not theirs.
Someone had to tell them before the older kids completely blew up on them and truly hurt their feelings. But the main fault lies in my opinion, with your brother and Dawn. They should have done more to help them adjust because they acted in their best interests/wants, not what the kids, especially the older two needed which was time.” Adorable-Reaction887
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kids complained to you. You gave them a perfectly reasonable response. They didn’t like it because the only response they wanted to hear was for you to agree with them.
In the future, when the kids complain to you, tell them they burned a bridge by complaining about you to their parents.
Also, the elephant in this room is that the younger kids got this idea from your brother and SIL, who don’t like that they couldn’t convince the older kids to erase their dead mother, and consequently don’t want you to say anything other than the party line.” Valiantrabbit49
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Come To My Language Exam Celebration With Our Family?
“My (14) younger sister (10F) has got ADD and dyslexia. Because of that, I’ve always been forced into the background, for example, I had to deal with my insomnia at nine alone: I begged and sobbed for my parents nearly every night so they would stay with me and try and help me fall asleep, but they didn’t, while my sister is ten and said parents still stay in her room for at least 30 minutes or more until they make sure she falls asleep.
This was only one example of the many other ones, but I won’t go into too much detail.
As you can guess, I’ve grown some kind of resentment towards my sister—I have had straight As (5s, in my country) in my first six years of school, and I still only get 4s and 5s only, while my sister is barely passing, and yet, my parents only push me.
On the second of December, I took my complex language exam. And now, on December 14th, the results came out, and I got 97%, which is amazing, judging by the fact that I’m only fourteen, and English is not my first language (it’s Hungarian.) I have been asking my parents to go to my favorite restaurant, but since it is a bit pricy, and even though we’re very well-off, dinner for three would cost around 70,000 HUF, which is 199 USD.
I thought that passing my language exam and getting such a great score was a great opportunity to celebrate at that restaurant, but I made a request to my parents: I wanted to go alone with them, my little sister excluded. I haven’t experienced any undivided attention since I was only four, and I wanted to have a simple ‘only child experience’ for once, where my sister isn’t in the spotlight for either her disabilities or that she finally got a B in Math class (which is rare.)
On a family lunch, hosted at my grandmother’s, the subject of my language exam popped up. My relatives congratulated me, then came the topic of where we would celebrate. I said the usual, dinner or lunch at my favorite restaurant, only the three of us.
My parents and most relatives got very angry at me, saying that I couldn’t exclude my sister. I don’t understand though, cause it was me who accomplished such a thing, and it’s obvious that my sister won’t even be able to graduate high school. So, why should I invite someone I don’t like (loathe, to be exact) to celebrate something I alone accomplished?
For further info, my parents didn’t help me prepare for the exam, I did everything alone.
So, AITJ for not wanting my sister to come with me and my parents to my language exam celebration?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except the sister. It is ok to have these feelings, it seems like your parents haven’t done a good enough job of showing individual love and attention to you while also raising your sister who has some special needs.
It is natural to want to do things by yourself with your parents, I make sure both my kids get alone time with me along with our family activities, and I think that’s what you want the most.
I think where you went wrong was your delivery, and how you insulted your sister for things she cannot control.
This is your parents’ issue, not hers. My biggest suggestion is to tell your parents how you really desire some alone time with them, but do it in a way without insulting your little sister. Best of luck!” IndustryLow9689
Another User Comments:
“You are completely justified in your feeling left out from what you describe, but it seems you believe achieving in school and trying to outshine/exclude your sister (an innocent party in this) is going to force your parents to redirect their attention.
You should get more attention from your parents, but when you pose it as it’s either me or her, it makes it impossible for your parents to choose.
NTJ, but your parents’ response is also reasonable. Perhaps you can share with your parents exactly how you feel (Because at the root of your resentment is probably not your sister, but how your parents treat your sister and you).
You can explain that it is not that you want to actively exclude and hurt your sister, but that you miss the attention and quality time with them. Probably your parents will want to celebrate all together if it is such a fancy place, as otherwise, it will really hurt your sister’s feelings.
So it doesn’t have to be this time, but you can ask in the near future for a quality time outing with one of your parents.” Optional_Chatter
Another User Comments:
“A very kind and gentle ‘everyone sucks here’. Congratulations on the exam, and you do deserve to celebrate!
However, your resentment is misdirected. The reason you were neglected was not your sister, but your parents and their inability/unwillingness to be there for you.
Your sister did no wrong, and she’s family, and she doesn’t deserve to be excluded. Plus if I’m reading this correctly, your parents are the ones making everything about your sister, she’s not being attention-seeking or mean (in which case wanting to exclude her would be fair).
Plus, on a more practical note, your parents would make everything about her regardless of whether she’s there or not, so if you want a celebration where you’re a priority, I’d suggest maybe celebrating with friends or having a solo day out where you are doing things you enjoy, instead of enjoying with your parents who don’t seem to care that much about you.
Also, I do understand where you’re coming from, as an older sibling. I have a little brother who got a lot more attention than me, and I did hate him for that when I was your age. It happens. But I hope one day you do see that your sister has very little to do with everything.” stayingalive47442
11. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Not Bring Bell Peppers Into Our Home?
“After I gave birth to my first son, I slowly became allergic to bell peppers. I can not eat them at all – I will vomit so much that I get dehydrated and sometimes have to go to the ER to get it to stop and help rehydrate me.
It grew to me not being able to eat paprika as well (since it’s made from bell peppers). Tons of food has paprika in it so I have been lucky enough to find an enzyme supplement that helps break it down, although it’s only strong enough for paprika, not pieces of actual bell pepper.
Well, in the past year, it has grown to me becoming allergic to touching them as well. A year ago, I could cut up and cook them, no prob. Just couldn’t eat them. But now, I can’t touch them… can’t be in the same room or area if they’re being cooked or heated up or cut, etc etc. I get really itchy EVERYWHERE and turn red and get hives.
It’s awful. I have to take Benadryl to help alleviate the symptoms, but Benadryl makes me super sleepy. Can’t drive, hard to take care of the kids because I’m so sleepy and miserable. I’ve had to leave work on multiple occasions because people were eating them in the lunchroom, and my Thanksgiving even took a bad turn when a family member cut up bell peppers for salad because they ‘forgot’ about my allergy.
I have asked my partner to please not bring bell peppers into our home. He likes to cook with them sometimes because he likes the flavor. He has continued to cook with them once in a while and every time, I get really upset because it ruins my entire day because of the reaction and having to take Benadryl.
He always acts like I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal to him.
So my question is – AITJ for wanting bell peppers to be banned from my house altogether? Or am I making a big deal out of something small since I’m not ‘deathly’ allergic?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is completely reasonable not to want allergens in your home especially something that causes you to have this severe of a reaction. Family members may honestly forget (I don’t know how close you all are) so reminders before holidays not to bring or cook with bell peppers (and any other allergies within the family) could probably be useful.
But your own partner? Gosh. HE’S the jerk. He should want to protect you, not make you feel like you’re asking too much to not want to battle hives, over an ingredient that is really easy to avoid.” Oy_with_the_poodles_
Another User Comments:
“You grew and bore his child, the least he could do is not set off your allergy.
NTJ, but you may have to put yourself first and kick him out. It sounds like it’ll get severe enough to kill you with repeated exposure. Your partner doesn’t care if he kills you because he can’t be moved to cook something else.
He has to substitute ONE measly vegetable and he can’t compromise. You can just die for his convenience, I guess.” Similar-Copy7895
10. AITJ For Not Getting My Other Grandkid A Ticket For A Vacation?
“My granddaughter is 13. She will be graduating middle school this school year and I want to do something special for her graduation. She has always wanted to go on a cruise and I found a three-day one that would be perfect.
I have taken the kids on vacation before and overall it has been fine. The issue is my grandson (11) has health issues that are just getting worse. My ex-DIL has been neglecting my granddaughter due to it and I have been taking care of her more.
It also doesn’t help that he has to be included in everything and experiences get messed up for her. One example, for her birthday she wanted to go to the national park for the day and hike. Well, they went and couldn’t do the hike at all since he refused to stay home with his dad and then refused to do an easy trail since it was too hard.
My granddaughter called me in tears over it.
This has happened over and over again. It is starting to make her resent her brother.
Back to the vacation, I asked my son, her father, (divorced) if I could take her during his custody time this summer.
He gets them a lot more in the summer (weekdays and DIL gets weekends). The cruise falls under his time. He gave me permission and their custody agreements mentioned vacations don’t need to be approved by the other party (DIL). This is how they have done it and it hasn’t been a problem before.
So I had early Christmas with the kids and my son this weekend. I gave the youngest a Switch as his big present and I gave her the tickets. She is super excited and can’t wait.
I have been getting call after call from my ex-DIL about how I am a huge jerk for only getting a vacation for my granddaughter even if it is her graduation gift.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thank you for giving her experiences of her own. Whether or not her brother is sick, he is going to have to get used to the fact that she is going to want to do things on her own. She is a teenager.
She is going to want her own space, her activities, and her independence. And her mom is going to have to get on board or face the consequences.” photoskills13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d really suggest you talk to your son about the way his ex treats the kids.
Your granddaughter shouldn’t be deprived of things because of your grandson, and they shouldn’t be made to resent each other. Perhaps she needs some help figuring out how to raise these kids in this situation, or maybe she’s been getting the wrong sort of help.
In any case, good on you for trying to do what you can. I hope that your grandkids will value each other and their differences.” SquallkLeon
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Move In?
“My (38F) MIL (61) and FIL (66) have always been irresponsible with money. They’ve spent every penny and more that they’ve earned and made no provision for retirement.
My MIL hasn’t really worked but has always been a big spender. My FIL has planned to work until he dies, but he’s had health issues for a few years now.
My husband (38) has a brother (28) and a sister (41). SIL has inherited her mum’s ways and overspends.
BIL is more responsible but doesn’t earn a lot. Both BIL and SIL have relied a lot on in-laws over the years, both financially and childcare, and general help. My husband has had nothing from his parents in the 20 years we’ve been together, either financially or any of the usual things you do for family – help with moving, childcare, or even general care or support (he has always had to call them, for example).
It’s like adult neglect. My husband has done well for himself and we have both worked very hard to now have a comfortable lifestyle with a good-sized house in a nice town. We don’t have loads of spare cash, as most of it goes into renovating our house, which currently has an annex (the longer-term plan is that we use the annex as our kitchen).
My in-laws are great fun. We don’t see them often, perhaps three times a year. They are lovely people and we get on well enough with them for short periods and they’re lovely to our children.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
My MIL has recently explained that FIL is likely to lose his job and they will have to live in our annex for the long term as they don’t have any money. I told my husband that I wasn’t willing to forego our plans that we’d worked hard for to bail them out.
I have said that his sister and brother should be paying them back, or they could live with his grandma (she lives alone and needs care, but MIL would rather live here because it’s nicer). My husband thinks I’m heartless and I feel terrible, but I’ve put my foot down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws don’t get to TELL you that they’re moving into your home. And by ‘long-term’, MIL probably means ‘for the rest of our lives’, which could be 20+ years. No, they can’t invite themselves to live in your kitchen for the next couple of decades.
They don’t ‘have to’ live with you. They could both work, FIL could file for Social Security (assuming the US), and they could downsize their life by selling many of the items of value that they have (house, one car, etc…). FIL planning to work until he dies, and neither of them saving/investing for the future, has been a bad choice.
Your husband, his parents, and their other two kids need to figure out a path forward that doesn’t involve moving in uninvited.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they move in, that’s it. They will be there for the rest of their lives. Your home will not be your own anymore, and they will continue to hemorrhage funds to their other children whilst holding their hands out to you.
When your husband has calmed down for a day or two, explain that to him. Remind him that he already has a family who are his priority, and that’s that. Don’t bring up that they haven’t earned your care or financial support: then, it becomes a punishment.
Just focus on that you have your family priorities and they are not a part of them. End of discussion.” Cursd818
8. AITJ For Taking My Mom's Watch Back?
“I (M 17) have been hanging out with my friend from school, Barbara (F 17), quite a lot lately. We have three classes together and enjoy each other’s company a lot.
I’m going to be completely honest when I say Barbara is a bit of a troublemaker. I’ve known this throughout my high school life but only ever thought she was a troublemaker in a fun sort of way.
For the past few months, Barbara and I have been going to each other’s houses a lot.
During this time, random things at my house started to go missing—headphones, books, one of my hats, etc. All started vanishing. My parents (M 56 and F 53) and sister (F 16) all chalked this up to just misplacements, and I thought the same as well. I’ll also point out that all this stuff started going missing around the time Barbara started coming over, but I thought this was just a coincidence at the time.
A few weeks ago, my mom’s favorite watch completely disappeared without a trace. We searched high and low but didn’t find it anywhere. The watch had a very distinctive look to it since it was from overseas and given to my mom by her younger brother (who has since passed away).
She was completely distraught at losing it since it was the last thing he gave her before he passed away.
So a few days ago, I was at Barbara’s house, and we were chilling in her room. At some point, her mom called her, and she left me alone.
While she was away, I saw something shiny on her desk. It was largely covered by books, but I got curious and took a closer look. Lo and behold, it’s a watch identical to my mom’s.
I was so shocked at seeing it that I didn’t think twice and just put it in my pocket.
When Barbara came back, I made up an excuse about needing to be home and left. I showed the watch to my parents that night, and my mom confirmed it was hers. My mom thanked me many times for finding it, and I made up a lie about finding it under the kitchen sink.
The day after this at school, Barbara was acting really different around me. She seemed guarded and kept giving me one-word answers when I attempted to have a conversation with her. At the end of the day, she told me that I was ‘sneakier than she thought.’ I just told her that she surprised me.
She actually laughed at this and told me that she wasn’t a thief and that she thought we could trust each other. She then said that she didn’t plan on keeping it for very long and would have returned it sooner or later and that she expected me to have more faith in her.
I told her that I felt conflicted, and the conversation sort of fizzled out.
I told some of my friends about it later (since I’m still far too ashamed to tell my family and especially my mom). Most of the guys think that Barbara is pretty crazy, but one of them (Jon, M 17) brought up the fact that I was a jerk for not trying to hold a conversation with Barbara before taking the watch and I’m a bigger jerk still for not being transparent with my mom on how the watch got back.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, you’re 17. You’re on the cusp of adulthood and I think you’re holding yourself to an adult standard, but here’s the thing – you’re not an adult yet, and your parents are there to help guide you in situations like this one.
If you have a good relationship with your parents, you should talk to them about it. I’m a parent and a teacher, and we KNOW 17-year-olds’ limitations. No one expects you to know everything, and no one expects you to be able to deal with everything.
The other thing is that plenty of adults are duped by their so-called friends. There’s no shame in this for you. If you trust your parents, be open with them. Tell them you’re in an awkward situation and you need their advice. But also, they have a right to know.
It’s their stuff. Remember it’s OK to be friends with all kinds of people, you can’t help how other people act. It’s how you deal with it afterward that matters.” Unable-Head6072
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Barbara is mad she got caught and had absolutely no intention of returning that watch.
It’s really audacious of her to call you ‘sneaky’ when she’s been the one snatching a bunch of stuff from your house! And Jon is completely wrong here.
Barbara didn’t have a conversation with anybody about the watch before she outright stole it from your mother.
Why is she owed a conversation when somebody takes back what she stole from them?
And while I think you had no reason to tell your mom a fib about where you found it, I understand wanting to spare her feelings in the moment. It feels like a betrayal by your friend and that’s embarrassing to have to explain to people!
You’re not a bigger jerk than A LYING THIEF just because you told a little fib about where you found something. You shouldn’t HAVE to explain that your supposed friend has been stealing from your family.
Jon is completely out of touch if he thinks the victims of theft are more jerks than the thief because they didn’t coddle the thief first.” EuphorbiasOddities
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Visit Me And My Newborn Baby?
“I am 25 and expecting my 1st baby, a little girl at the end of March and will be a single mother. My situation isn’t ideal so I have been fortunate to move home to be with my parents who have been very supportive. (I own this house, but my parents moved in during the global crisis as I was living abroad and this house was more secluded and ultimately safer for them).
My sister (29) is married and has a 1-year-old little boy, I was very involved in the 1st 10 months of his life as I lived nearby, and I love him beyond measure. However, since I have moved I have barely heard from my sister, communication has been minimal despite my attempts.
On asking, she said that she is jealous I am in our home country with our parents and feels like she is intruding. I have reassured her multiple times that she isn’t, I would love to hear from her more, and I miss her and my nephew.
This past week, my sister came to visit for a week with her son and husband, during this time I bought cakes, and presents, cooked and cleaned for them all as it was her husband’s and son’s birthdays, I was so excited, but like every other visit home, they brought a ‘bug’ and I ended up so sick that I was throwing up and in bed for a few days, I’ve since been put on antibiotics.
While she was home my sister mentioned coming home at the end of March, I said nothing at the time but since then I have been thinking that this is not something that I want, for many reasons. I tried to ask my sister if she would wait 2 weeks before coming to visit, in order to give me time to get into a routine and to heal. That didn’t go well, she rang my mother screaming and crying about how unfair I was being.
I purposely didn’t tell her my real reasons for not wanting her here and tried to spare her feelings. It stresses me out that my sister would be coming with her son and husband around this time as they need to constantly be catered to, they don’t help at all when they visit, and I wouldn’t have access to the upstairs toilet after giving birth which comes with its own problems, my sister has not been involved with my pregnancy at all (even ruining my gender reveal by making it about her), every time she has visited they have brought illness with them and I do not want that for my newborn baby, the idea terrifies me.
Honestly, I really don’t want them here at all, or maybe just my sister and nephew, but I thought a 2-week wait was a compromise because I know she wants to be here to meet her niece. I am being made to feel like a horrible person for this by my family, am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if they decide to force a visit, there will be no reason as a new mother to cater to anyone but you and the baby. No cooking for them. No cleaning for them. Just focus on you.
As far as the illness goes, if they visit, be clear about your boundaries.
No holding, kissing, or otherwise interacting with your baby. And be clear as to why. Will it cause WW3? Yes, but it sounds as if your sister will do this anyway unless everything is catering to her and her family. So just roll with the visit but defend your boundaries with a vengeance.” drtennis13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your house therefore you have all the right to say no to her visit so soon after the baby is born. Tell her that you have valid reasons: you won’t be able to clean, cook, or play hostess, every time she visits she brings illnesses with her, and a newborn shouldn’t be exposed to germs for the first 6 months (at least), tell her that your doctor advised you against visitors from abroad for the first six months of the baby’s life, you will need access to the upstairs bathroom at all times since you will be recuperating from childbirth.
Play the ‘doctor against visitors from abroad since they may bring germs’ card.
Frankly OP, your sister is rude, childish, and uncalled for, her behavior while visiting YOUR HOME is disgusting.” BulkyCaterpillar4240
6. AITJ For Not Letting Anyone Hold My Baby?
“I have a 5-week-old (Oliver). He doesn’t get his first set of shots until mid-January.
RSV/flu is pretty bad where we are, and the local NICU is at capacity.
My husband and I have different opinions on precautions. I’m admittedly overly cautious, and dealing with PPA (which I’m open about) and would honestly have had no visitors for 2 months if I had my way.
He would have preferred basically no precautions.
Our compromise was no visitors for 2 weeks to let me heal (which I bent for him because his grandparents are snowbirds and were leaving the country), and we wouldn’t attend any Christmas gatherings and would lay low for a week after to let any illnesses that spread rear their heads.
I found visits exhausting. They always overstimulated Oliver and disrupted his feed/sleep schedule. He would be cranky for days after and I’d get no sleep.
MIL didn’t take the ‘no gatherings’ plan well and insisted on visiting us for Christmas Day. To her credit, she held her big gathering (without us) a week before.
But all parties obviously miscommunicated, because I was envisioning a quick drop-in for some pictures. Instead, they invited SIL and brought a whole turkey dinner to enjoy at our place. It was a nice thought, but I was overwhelmed and felt a little put out.
SIL has an active social life (pubs, etc.) and I didn’t want her holding Oliver. To avoid singling her out, we simply said we’d prefer no one held Oliver. Not to mention, at the last visit, MIL failed to mention she had just visited a nursing home that was in active outbreak until she was already holding Oliver.
MIL was disappointed but hovered over top of me the whole time touching him anyway.
In order to avoid a cranky baby for the next 2 days, I decided I would stick to Oliver’s schedule. I’d go to the nursery to feed him, pop back out to socialize, and within 5-10 mins he’d want more food (growth spurt).
After an hour, it was time for his nap. MIL wasn’t giving me a lot of space, was grabbing him, taking pictures, and trying to FaceTime people with him on screen… so I was delayed getting him down by 15-20 mins. This made him cranky, and I tried for ages to get him down before giving up and letting him contact-nap on me.
Since his nap was 2-3 hours, they had gone before we came back out.
MIL is disappointed she didn’t get to hold Oliver or see him much. My husband thinks I should have just kept him up and bottle-fed him in the living room (we are still new at breastfeeding and have worked really hard to ditch the bottle.
I didn’t want to backtrack our progress).
My husband feels guilty because of all the work they put into the food and they brought a bunch of presents. He thinks we ruined their Christmas. I feel bad at how it timed out, but since they aren’t the ones that deal with the fallout of disrupting his schedule, I think they don’t get to decide.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When someone chooses to do a ‘nice gesture’ for someone else the other person shouldn’t be expected to be grateful. What you asked for was a Christmas of solitude and peace – that wasn’t provided to you, at all. I understand Hubs has feelings about everything too and they are totally valid – but sometimes it’s better to just support your spouse and stand united – even if you aren’t fully on board.
You just had a baby, things are rough, and you’re dealing with some post-partum stuff… this sounds like a good time for support from the spouse. Your time to ‘suck it up’ and support him will come too – and he’d probably want the support instead of passively strong-arming him into getting your way…” Kill_The_Dinosaurs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and schedule, schedule, schedule! As babes, toddlers, youngsters, and pre-teens. By teenage years they’ll be making their own. When they’re old enough, have a routine. Ours was brush your teeth, put on your PJs, have a bedtime story, then hugs and kisses, lights out, and sleep.
With very few exceptions, it worked every time.
As far as contagions go, definitely hold your ground. You are doing everything right. I know it’s exhausting to have to deal with other’s good intentions and your husband‘s expectations. Just head to the nursery as often as you need to.
You might try to get MIL on your side. Let her know how you’re feeling and tell her what your concerns are. Maybe she just doesn’t really understand. She could end up being your biggest ally.” Curious_Discussion63
5. AITJ For Not Welcoming My Cousin To A Get-Together I Was Hosting?
“I (F 23) hosted a small get-together with a couple of friends whom I barely got to see this year. My friends and I also had a little falling out in mid-2023 and this was our first get-together after said fallout.
My aunt (and her family), who lives next door, dropped by and saw my friends.
A few moments later, my cousin (F 30), who has autism, came and invited herself to my get-together. I’m not exactly sure what her level in the autism spectrum is but she behaves as a kid, like a 6-year-old and not 30 years old. She cannot function as an adult (e.g. she cannot have a job, did not go to proper schooling, etc.).
My aunt raised her as a spoiled brat, who gives her everything and does not correct her behavior. My cousin would throw tantrums in public places and would scream whenever things didn’t go her way. You can’t also scold her since she’ll just be a menace and would make a scene.
A little background: when I was a teen (around 14-15), my aunt would often force me to babysit her. Whenever I would go to some place (like malls, churches, etc.) my aunt would tell me to bring my cousin with me.
At some point, it got tiring as a kid myself, I really don’t want to take care of someone who’s older than me yet behaves like a child.
Honestly, her kid is not my problem.
So when my cousin showed up at my little get-together (which may be due to my aunt’s doing), I was annoyed and gave her a couple of snacks and sent her home. My aunt was annoyed at me, saying that I should be ‘more understanding’ and that my cousin needed social interaction too.
Again, I fail to see how that is my problem. But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her showing up was a misunderstanding, we presume. You weren’t mean, you gave her snacks and sent her on her merry way. From what you have written I take away that any ill will against your cousin on your part is due to your aunt.
Since you mention that your cousin has autism, I would like to encourage a very precise way of using vocabulary about her. A ‘tantrum’ is something you would not expect or tolerate in any adult, as it is something you can control, whereas people with autism sometimes have meltdowns for a number of reasons.
‘Meltdowns’ are not something people with autism can control, so not something they should be blamed for.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if she needs social interaction then her mother should look into community resources, activities, and events for adults with autism. There are a lot of recreation leagues and other ways for your cousin to gain social interaction experience without it becoming an unpaid job of yours.
My cousin is an adult who has severe autism and he is involved in a number of organized activities/sports/etc.! It was nice that you gave her snacks and I’m sure when you sent her home you were kind and friendly about that because it’s clear that you have a lot of love for your cousin & that your issue is with her mother, not her.
Don’t let your aunt gaslight you into sharing her responsibilities as the parent of your cousin.” singleportia
4. WIBTJ If I Ask My Parents For More Financial Support?
“I (M 20) study abroad for university. My parents provide funds for me to attend university and for general expenses (eg. rent, food, etc) they explicitly stated their funds could not be used for partying/clubbing/etc. They do the same for my sister (F 22) as well.
We both get the same amount per semester. We study in different towns but in the same country (too far away to live together). Our tuition and rent are about the same, although my rent is slightly higher but on the other hand, restaurants in her town are more expensive.
I, however, developed multiple disabilities and chronic illnesses that even with insurance cost up to 700+ EUR a month.
Over the last year, I’ve had to be in and out of the hospital for testing and treatment. I now have a diagnosis and a treatment plan but it’s expensive.
I don’t party or even drink but, I burn through the funds considerably faster than my sister. My sister goes out clubbing all the time and even goes to concerts. She recently got a job to help fund this but previously used our parents’ funds.
As a foreigner in this country, it’s incredibly hard for me to get a job due to my physical and psychological conditions. On top of this, there is a lot of anti-immigrant discrimination in the town I live in. I got accepted for 2 jobs before but both are not accessible to me (physically) anymore plus, to work I have to get my visa sponsored, and it’s hard to find employers who will do that for me.
I’ve done what I can think of to try and be strict with my money; buying only discounted food or the cheapest item, growing things myself if possible with my limited space, I haven’t even gone to a restaurant since developing the condition nor have I gotten takeout.
I do lab studies at my university as a participant but they often pay only like 4-5 euros. I’ve sold clothing, food, etc. to try and get some income but it’s incredibly hard. I had to make a GoFundMe to get a wheelchair as I couldn’t afford it.
Because of the difficulties in gaining finances and my medical condition causing a large variable expense every month, I am forced to stop treatment or ask for more funds.
At the same time, my parents refuse to accept my new condition medically. I have given them any and every document they ask for and have tried countless times to explain it to them but they refuse to believe it.
I don’t blame them, it’s a lot to process. The thing is, they already provide a lot of things monetary-wise not just to me but also to my sister.
WIBTJ for asking for more money despite all they have given me?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here for asking, but I think you need a long, hard think about where post-university life is going to take you if you don’t like where you’re at and where you’re from.
As you’ve noticed, getting citizenship isn’t an easy feat, so you may need to work out what to do NOW to minimize being stuck.
If your parents aren’t bailing you out you may need to look at the practicalities of the situation. You may need to record or show some live footage of your issues – it’s easy to dismiss a piece of paper, so you may need to somewhat force the issue to stand a chance of them getting their head out of the sand.
They may never – some parents are sadly like that, but seeing your issues upfront and center is the best chance of getting acknowledged.
I’d also try and see what resources you can get out of your uni – some can do hardship grants or connect you to other students and professional services to help.
If your uni has some kind of social network it might be useful to join to find out about free stuff and suggestions of how to get stuff. I’d at least let the administration and your tutor (if you have one) know how much you’re struggling.
Might be able to shunt some deadlines about if it helps get the money you need.” quenishi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you have access to the internet and I’m guessing also a laptop. Look for online jobs. There are plenty of jobs on indeed.com that are work from home.
Find a part-time online job like data entry or customer support. You don’t even need a visa or whatever for that. Your parents are already helping you out financially but they are being insensitive to your medical plight. That’s really sad.” LilChisai
3. AITJ For Uninviting My Niece From Our Trip To The Theme Park?
“My fiance and I (both 35M, WE’RE GAY) are roller coaster enthusiasts, big time.
As in we’re saving up to go to South Korea next year just to ride T Express. So when we go to a new park, it’s very important to hit up all the coasters—riding & re-riding coasters is the #1 priority, with other rides, shows, and general theme park merriment secondary.
We love the niblings and have taken them on plenty of theme park trips that are more kid-centric. If we’re going to a repeat park, I’ll text the family group chat and whoever has a kid available who wants to go will let me know, and we’ll bring them along.
We just got engaged and are doing a Cedar Point trip to celebrate. It’s technically a repeat for us, but we haven’t been in years and there will be several new rides. I was telling my brother about the trip NOT in the context of inviting my niece, but just talking about the recent engagement, and I guess he thought it was business as usual.
He told her about the trip and got her all excited, and when I told him Oh uh NO that is not what this is. He was hoping we’d be accommodating and include her on this trip, and said he’d get us into his buddy’s cabin for a long weekend so we could still have a getaway for just the two of us.
And when I said I appreciate it but sorry, we’ve already got a plan here. He said ok well you have to tell her that she’s not invited.
So I got my niece on the phone and said sorry kiddo, this one is grown-ups-only, but your dad is gonna take you to the lake.
Thus uninviting her from the trip she was never actually invited to. She’s confused, my brother is ticked off, and our parents are like Come on, what’s an adults-only theme park trip even about? You can’t take your niece on roller coasters?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m assuming it was a genuine mistake on your brother’s part and just a misunderstanding, but he should have told her. Things get canceled all the time! It sucks, but he could replace the fun trip with all kinds of things that are basically equal in a nine-year-old’s eyes.
(Like the lake or cabin you mentioned).
As a parent, it’s my job to have those conversations with my kid, especially when it was my mistake that led to the misunderstanding in the first place. I’m guessing your whole family kind of thinks like, you’re going to a kid place, bring a kid!
I have 3 kids. There’s a huge difference between going somewhere as adults versus with a child, even one well-behaved one. You’re definitely NTJ. And congrats on your engagement.” Engineer-Huge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just got engaged and want adult time. Your brother overstepped by telling his daughter and should’ve told her he made a mistake.
Now you know he assumes talking about a theme park means his kid can go you need to tell everyone that in the future, if you tell them you’re visiting a theme park, they need to wait until you invite others before telling their kids they’re going.” Emotional_Bonus_934
2. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Wife To The Gym?
“My wife (29 years old) is obsessed with the gym and goes on a weekly basis.
She goes for an hour every morning to the gym Monday through Friday and Saturday sometimes. We have an 8-year-old daughter and I keep an eye on her when she goes to the gym before I go to work, it’s not a problem because it’s super early so I’m just awake watching over just in case she wakes up and needs anything.
It was not a problem until she told me that she wanted to go in the morning and in the afternoon. So basically she wants to go every day for an hour and an extra hour from 5 to 6. Look, I don’t mind she wants to take care of herself but isn’t 1 hour a day enough?
So I compromised she goes every day and 2 days of the week in the afternoon and she agreed to those terms, I don’t know if that makes me a jerk but I feel that 6 hours a week is enough plus I want to spend time with my wife and so does my daughter.
It felt bad when one day my 8-year-old asked me if her mom skipped gym because she wanted to be with her.
So I decided it was the last straw, and said that if she wanted to go she would have to drive there herself.
For context, her gym is a 7-minute drive plus we have two cars so I didn’t want to drive her because not only does it inconvenience us, but it lines up with our dinner time. Due to our schedules, our lunch is at 5:00 so the two days she goes to the gym, we have to take her to the gym, go back, make lunch in a hurry, feed my kid, and then hurry back up to pick her up or else she’ll be mad.
I arrive from work at 4:30, I’m human and I just want to rest a little because I have to cook but immediately being forced to drive her to a very close location gets to me.
Yesterday I told her if she really wanted to go I wouldn’t stop her, and I wouldn’t get mad but don’t ask me to drive her because I’m busy cooking to feed our family.
She was upset but I was upset too because in my eyes, I got home and she didn’t care about our well-being (since she gets home at 2:30) then she went off without feeding our child to the gym, and if you remember, she had already gone in the morning anyways.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is there a chance your wife has a history of an eating disorder or OCD? Or is having an affair? There’s something weirdly compulsive about what she’s doing. At a minimum, she needs to start driving herself period. And really, I think it’s marriage counseling time.” capmanor1755
Reply:
“She used to eat a lot and feel guilty about it, doesn’t help that her family has always given her a hard time for it, even if she wasn’t even fat. About the affair I’m pretty sure she isn’t, I mean I’m starting to wonder about it now.” throw_awayaccountan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see no reason why you should be driving her in the first place – she can drive, there is a vehicle available, and it just seems like a waste of your time, effort, and fuel driving back and forth. And if it is a sub-ten-minute drive, that also means that unless the weather is particularly unpleasant where you are, it is almost certainly a very reasonable cycle… But to be blunt, your description of her behavior shows a lot of the hallmarks of some mental issues – issues with codependency or anxiety driving, addiction to the gym or using it as a crutch for other issues, possible eating disorders… Separate most seem unusual but not perhaps a big cause for concern, but added together they do start to paint a picture.” Nrysis
1. AITJ For Being Annoyed After My Daughter Peed In The Car?
“My family and I (39M) traveled to visit my wife’s parents for Thanksgiving which involved a 5ish hour drive one way. My daughter (13F) had gotten the new Zelda game for her birthday a couple of weeks ago and spent the drive playing basically nonstop.
On the drive back home, we stopped about 2 hours in for gas and a bathroom break. My wife and daughter went inside while I gassed up before going with my son to the men’s room. When we got out, my wife and daughter were already in the car, so we got back on the road.
Not even half an hour later, my daughter announced that she had to go to the bathroom and asked if we were stopping soon. I’m not a jerk so I wasn’t MAD but I was confused. I asked her if her stomach was okay, and she said that yes, she felt fine and that she didn’t have to pee when we stopped but had to pee now.
I gave my wife a look, and she stammered that she (daughter) said she didn’t have to go. Fine. Whatever. Dumb, but whatever.
I asked my daughter if she needed us to stop right this second, or if she could hold it for a bit.
She said that she had to go, but could wait.
Another 10 or so minutes passed before she frantically asked if we could stop because she really couldn’t wait. I told her I would get off at the exit with a bathroom.
Needless to say, she didn’t make it.
My wife is annoyed with me for not stopping immediately, I’m annoyed with her for letting her say she didn’t have to go when I suspect she just wanted to get back to her game, and we’re both annoyed with my daughter for wetting herself when it was easily, EASILY avoidable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She probably said she could wait out of fear of making you upset. YTJ. You could have pulled over right away or maybe reminded her to go if she isn’t used to longer rides. Before pulling out of the gas station, ‘Go try to use the restroom just in case because we aren’t stopping til we’re home’.
She’s a child still. If you’re really that worried about her game use then deal with that separately.
I remember crying in the back seat of our family vehicle because I had to pee so bad and my dad would not stop, I didn’t need to ask to know.
And if I’d had an accident it would have been much much worse. I’m 39 and that still bothers me. Don’t be a bomb that’s always going off emotionally around the family. Is it really that big of a deal to stop again?” musicorloseit88
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your daughter is old enough to know she should try to use the restroom when on a road trip without needing a reminder from your wife. She’s also old enough to communicate and be believed when she says she can wait and it’s not urgent.
This seems like an unpleasant experience for everyone involved but especially your daughter, unfortunately, based on your description it seems like the only person who could have prevented this incident was your daughter so hopefully it’s a learning moment.” DesertGardener12
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Plus, when a teenage girl suddenly begs for a bathroom break, there is a strong likelihood she may have started her period unexpectedly or may need to change her pad/tampon sooner than expected. It doesn’t sound like her period was involved here, but as the parent of a teenage girl, you should be aware of this and not respond by grilling her or demanding to know if she can hold it.” secret_thymus_lab
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