People Ask Us To Chime In On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Jerks are those who act without considering the potential repercussions of their actions and just consider their own interests. They don't care if they anger others or destroy friendships. Though sometimes, they may feel confused and alone as a result of their hostile behavior since no one wants to be around them anymore. These people below now want to know if our opinions align with those of people who have already rendered a judgment on them. After reading their stories, tell us which of the following is a jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

24. AITJ For Paying My Respects To My Friend's Father's Grave?

“About 10 months ago, my (18F) best friend sadly passed away. It was a shock to the community and I miss him a lot. I always make sure to visit his grave whenever I’m in town. I live an hour away so I’m not really there often.

A little bit of a backstory, I was really good friends with this guy in 2018/2019. We were very close and sadly his dad passed away in mid-2019. His death was self-inflicted, and it really hurt so many people. His grave is directly opposite my friend’s grave.

To this day, I still think about his death and how it affected so many people. The reason why it really hurt was because I, myself, have always had really bad mental health and it made me think of what would happen if I ever went through with it.

When I first visited my friend’s grave, I noticed my friend’s dad’s grave was there. After I sat with my friend, I made sure to give my friend’s dad respect and love too. Ever since then I always have. The reason why I do is because the majority of his family moved away and live 3-4 hours away so I feel like they don’t get to visit him as much.

That’s why I always do, it’s just a respect thing.

About a week ago, I was visiting my friend’s grave as usual, but this time I was with another friend of mine. She is one of my closest friends. Once we finished our visit with my best friend, as usual, I gave my respect to my friend’s father’s grave.

She saw it obviously and she had a weird look on her face.

Once we left the cemetery, she had an absolute dig at me. She was telling me it was disrespectful to be doing that to someone else’s grave, whom I have never met.

Calling me a jerk and telling me stuff like his family wouldn’t approve of it and find it abnormal. It really made me second-guess everything I was doing. So AITJ for paying my respects to my friend’s father’s grave?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your actions are the very definition of respect.

Some cultures would even say you are helping their spirits with your actions. I am sorry for your losses.

I would suggest your living associate do a little reading on the subject, almost everyone has a computer in their pocket these days, before lecturing you further on items they don’t know enough about.

Peace to you and be well.” wisemindcrow

Another User Comments:

“Most countries have a day of remembrance for military members who lost their lives in battle. Someone takes care of the graves of soldiers who died a hundred years ago, this person has never met them but still takes the care as a solemn oath.

Your friend is the weird one.

NTJ.” StatisticianSea2200

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your "friend" is an idiot. Paying respects is never wrong. You should dump someone so insensitive and ignorant.
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23. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Throwing Away My Lobster Butter?

“I’ve been a cook and chef for a long time; over a decade of prepping, cooking, and baking.

Both of my parents have long been critical of my decision to stay in the industry despite the poor pay and long hours.

But recent medical complications forced me to look for better employment.

Then mother found me a job, according to a friend in a hotel in the form of a houseman.

It paid very well, and as it was a union-backed job the wages were enhanced and the health insurance package was a lot better. She pushed me to accept it right away and I was not in the best headspace to realize I should have at least looked into other positions… such as the flagship restaurant that only just hired an entire team of young chefs to develop and implement a menu over a slow reopening.

To say I am a little bitter would be an understatement.

I had admitted to my mother over afternoon tea that I intended to see about transferring to the cooking department at the hotel, as I was increasingly unhappy with the housekeeping job. I argued it was also union-backed, thus entitling me to increased wages and the health insurance I needed.

Then came the moment when she scoffed and dismissed my skills and years of hard work. After all, what have I accomplished? What have I earned? And what would I accomplish in a similar position? She insisted that I would only end up as a mere cook, nothing to be proud of.

That I had no skills from my years of working in the industry.

I nearly broke the chopsticks and teacup in my hands. I refused to speak to her for the rest of the week.

Yesterday had gone pretty decent. I had the day off, slept in, cleaned up my room, did laundry, thought about doing some writing, and then I was fancying a leftover lobster tail.

I had discovered Mother had thrown away my lobster butter. I frantically searched the entire fridge, to no avail. And she of course had the excuse of not remembering; and to be fair, her memory has not been what it used to be.

She questioned why it even mattered, and dismissed it as even an issue.

I explained to her, blood and heart pounding in my ears, that I had made that lobster butter when a VIP was booked. It was the single best batch I had ever made. The best ingredients had gone into it; deliciously expensive ingredients I would have no hope of replicating in a home kitchen on a shoestring budget.

Sometime after I heard snippets of mostly inaudible conversation, but one stood out to me: Mother sounding very upset and telling my father ‘he was yelling at me’ in hushed Cantonese.

This isn’t the first big fight we’ve had, but the most recent one ended up having me move out of the new house to get away from her.

I returned after a better part of a year due to increasingly dire financial constraints.

I believe she only means well, but has a frankly awful way of going about it. But I don’t think I will be apologizing to her.”

Another User Comments:


She is dismissive and rude about your chosen profession. Where she thinks housekeeping is going to get you is beyond me.

She knew what she was throwing out.

BUT, hanging onto this one incident in what is likely a lifetime of similar disrespect, is not going to help you any.

Ignore her. Go for the cooking job. Any cooking job. See if you can get a small refrigerator for your room that you can lock for these things in the future – when your financial situation improves. Believe in yourself. Her approval is not necessary for your success.” maburke

Another User Comments:

“For the butter specifically NTJ, but overall YTJ.

Your parents were willing to take you back in and help you find a job while you were struggling. Instead of being grateful, you’re complaining.

And though it hurts to hear, your mother’s words clearly have a grain of truth to them.

While you haven’t said it outright it seems likely to me that your medical issues are directly caused by cooking and the position provided you with neither adequate pay nor benefits to compensate for ruining your health.

Your mother asked, ‘After all, what have I accomplished?

What have I earned? And what would I accomplish in a similar position?’

And I think these are questions you should be able to answer. If you take another cooking position will you

1. Be able to preserve your health?

2. Earn a sufficient salary to support yourself?

3. Have a realistic plan for career advancement to support your desires later in life?

If the answer to any of these is no, there is a problem. If the answer to all of them is no then you’re refusing to face reality.

If you really want to make a go at cooking again, you should at least be in a place where you can support yourself both in terms of health and finances rather than relying on your parents to subsidize you.” IronWoodSentinel

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ for being upset, but you're kind of stuck in your parents' place for now, so be wise. Work the crappy job for a while to build up your savings and then move out and get back into the food industry where you clearly belong. BUT, please choose a position that will accommodate your physical needs. You don't want to put yourself back in your parents' home by making a bad choice. Good luck! With your obvious passion for food, you'll go far in the industry.
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22. AITJ For Placing My Order Before The Two Ladies In Front Of Me In Line?

“I (19F) was waiting in line at a Starbucks I go to quite frequently and it was taking a very long time. I was the 4th person in line, there was 1 woman at the front of the line and then 2 other women around my age were together behind her.

I think they might have been having some sort of issue with the cash register because they had been taking forever with the first woman. After a few minutes, an employee came out to the line and asked people if they were paying by credit card.

The first woman was paying by cash and the second 2 didn’t respond to her so when got to me and asked I said yes. She told me to come to the second register they were opening that was only taking card payments. I started placing my order and just as I was finishing, the 2 girls who were in front of me came up to the cashier and told her that they were in front of me and that the woman in front of them had been waiting a long time to be served. The woman in front looked confused by the whole situation.

They then looked at me and told me that it’s rude to just rush in front of people to get ahead in line.

I didn’t know how to respond so I looked at the cashier and she just told me my total and handed me the machine to pay so I did.

I mumbled a sorry to them because I felt bad for upsetting them so much and then went to wait for my drink. As I was waiting, they stood behind me and kept going on about how disrespectful some people were.

I really can’t tell if I was the jerk in this situation.

I can see from their perspective how they obviously thought that I went out of my way to cut in front of them, but I just assumed that since they didn’t respond to the employee that they weren’t paying by card and that since she told me to come to the register that I was in the right to do so.

I would have let them go ahead of me had I realized but by the time they had come up to the register, I had already placed my fairly large order and I didn’t think the employee would have appreciated having to cancel it to do theirs first so I just paid as quickly as I could.

I don’t do well with conflict and have never been in a public social conflict like this so I really wasn’t sure what the appropriate way to react was so I’m just hoping for some outside opinions to let me know if I was the jerk and if so, how I should have responded in this situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If the 2 ladies in front of you were asked & didn’t respond, it wasn’t rude of you to move to the other line in front of them. It was rude of them to ignore the service associate speaking directly to them, as well as the entire situation happening around them, and then demand everyone else compensate for their obliviousness.” andalusia85

Another User Comments:


They didn’t answer when they were asked. When you were asked, you answered. You can’t be faulted for them not paying attention.

I suppose you could argue that when they were addressed, you might have mentioned something to them, ‘Excuse me?

That barista is talking to you?’

But you didn’t seem to have any trouble hearing the barista when she addressed you. So, no fault of yours if they didn’t answer when they were spoken to.” RighteousVengeance

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. If those in front of you in line were so engrossed in their conversation they didn't hear the barista, sucks to be them. An appropriate rejoinder would have been, "Barista gave us all the same information at the same time. Not my fault you didn't listen. Excuse me - my order is ready. Bye!."
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21. AITJ For "Preventing" My Ex-Friend From Getting A Scholarship?

“I (23F) attend law school on a full scholarship as part of this program that is about 30% academic based and 70% mental health/advocacy based. So the program involves a lot of volunteer work. I am now in my last year of school and I was asked to be the student advisor on the decision committee for this year’s upcoming cycle of recipients.

I judged the final round of interviews with a few other people. Interviews were going great until we started an interview for an ex-friend (23M).

Basically, I had been friends with this guy up until the summer going into my senior year of college and his junior.

We had been friends all through high school and through college even though we went to different schools.

At the time, I was extremely depressed and I tried to tell him why but before I could say anything he completely went off on me for being a bad friend and not asking how he was doing which I’m sure I was guilty of, but I had a lot going on with family and my own severe depression.

I told him I understood and didn’t fight for the friendship because I knew it could be hard being friends with someone who was going through depression.

I would like to be clear that while I never shared the details of why I was going through things, he was aware that I was depressed. We still had mutual friends who complained that he was openly being friends with racist and misogynistic men at Alabama which I know is true because he did try to defend them even when we were friends.

This behavior is what discouraged me from ever trying to reach out again.

After the interview, I did immediately tell the other judges about my bias in the situation. I was asked about it and I told them that we had been formerly friends, but no longer were.

I was not given a vote on his interview, but I was asked on a personal level if I thought that he would be a good fit for the program and I didn’t give my opinion because I still didn’t want to bias the other judges.

However, I believe that my refusal to give an opinion was sort of enough said.

We have chosen our next scholarship recipients and I’m happy with all the candidates chosen as they seem amazing. My ex-friend was not one of the recipients and I got a message from him after the decisions were sent out.

He was upset with me for ruining his chances and he went on and on about how immoral it was for me to allow my personal vendettas to affect his financial ability to go to law school. He told me I was still the same ‘selfish jerk’ from years ago and that I should have been unbiased, especially knowing how hard he worked. I am aware of his financial standing as of years ago because his parents couldn’t afford to send him to college if he hadn’t gotten a full-ride scholarship based on merit to Alabama.

I told him I didn’t have any vote on his interview and blocked him. I still feel kind of bad for not trying to help him, but I also don’t really think he’s the best person anymore.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did very well in this situation.

You knew your opinion was biased, didn’t say anything negative about him, let everyone else know the situation, and didn’t vote for him. There is literally no better way to handle this. Good on you!

Also, you shouldn’t feel bad about him not getting the scholarship.

You say that your silence may have influenced the others, but maybe he just wasn’t a good enough candidate anyway? Like you said, the other candidates were amazing, so if he wasn’t at that level, that’s not on you.

Last thing, sounds like the outcome was for the best. Given his reaction, he isn’t the type of person who should be rewarded!” You_Stole_My_Hot_Dog

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… your obligation and duty here was to pick the best candidates for this program. And that is what you did. You made everyone aware you had a potential conflict and recused yourself. That was the correct thing to do. His not being able to afford to pay for law school isn’t a reason to do the wrong thing.

I’m sure all the award recipients were in the same boat as him financially. You would have been a jerk though if you voted for him to receive it and ignored that he isn’t a good person and would be representing the program with his bad behavior.” Inevitable_Speed_710

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Not in any way, shape or form are you a jerk. You recused yourself as you should have done, and even refused to share a personal opinion. How could you be to blame? The other judges are presumably intelligent, responsible people who have been entrusted with choosing scholarship recipients. Do you think they're easily influenced? I doubt it.
No, leave this one alone. You are not to blame. Tell your "friend" to shove his problems where the sun don't shine and block him. He's a loser who just lost again. Boo freaking hoo.
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20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Sister Anymore?

“I (F 16) live with my parents (M 51 and F 45) and my younger sister (F 11).

We live in a house with a basement. My room is in the basement, I like it down here because it’s cool and away from everyone. I love my family, but they can be annoying. My mom and dad used to barge into my room without knocking (even when they knew I was changing), and my younger sister is LOUD.

So I decided to move downstairs to get away.

Recently our AC broke. I will be honest it is extremely hot upstairs and our basement is cooler because it’s unfinished. It’s still hot, but cooler than upstairs. I’m used to the cool of downstairs so I did not like it being hot.

So I brought a bigger fan into my room to cool me down a bit more. Well, we have another fan that goes in the kitchen/living room/wherever people are, and my sister has been complaining about not having that fan in her room.

So she moved downstairs into the cool.

Now I had no problem with this as she’s my sister. She was down here for about a month, the AC got fixed, and then it broke again. So she’s down here again. Now the issue happened with the fact I don’t like her invading my space.

I realize I don’t own the whole basement, but she’s been hanging on a couch right in front of my room. She tries to talk to me but I just shut her out. I may be the jerk about that, but my room is a space I want away from people.

My sister is my mom’s golden child, so obviously I get in trouble.

My sister has admitted to hiding under my bed multiple times and my parents still see no issue with it. I have told her time and time again to stop (she never does), and recently I’ve been finding trash everywhere.

All over the basement, the couch, and even in my room. I told my parents about this, and they always say she’s young and doesn’t know better. I always tell them that she’s old enough to know to clean up. She along with making a mess, complains about the noise I make at 1 am.

I am a student-athlete and I am in bed by 9:30, and I am gone out of the house at 6:30. Meanwhile, she’s up at 4 am yelling with her friends on Facetime. I have asked her to quiet down, and she never does. But my parents tell me to stick it out and maybe learn to get closer to her.

Well, one day I cracked and said that I didn’t want to live with her anymore because of how much of a slob she is and how she disturbs my much-needed sleep (I get 8+ hours of practice in while she sits around eating all day).

My parents said I was being unreasonable because the AC is broken and she’s trying to cool down. But I feel like I was being reasonable after my invasion of privacy and the mess. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, and no matter what I say nothing changes.


Another User Comments:

“11 years old is old enough to learn what is right and what is wrong. Tell your parents to be your sister’s parent, and to teach her right from wrong and impose some dang rules with a child. 4 am up for an 11-year-old is nuts.

Not being told to clean up after herself is nuts. Not giving your teen daughter some privacy in her own room (not even with someone else in the room) is nuts.

Your parents need to understand that kids don’t just grow out of things they are never taught is wrong.

They need to be taught things are wrong for them to stop doing it.

Worst comes to worst, you’ll have to act like the parent when your parents aren’t being parents if you want change around you. I’m sorry for the crappy situation you are in.” PresToon

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Unfortunately, your parent’s inability to parent your younger sister is not only pushing you away from your family as a whole but also doing damage to your school/athletics. If they don’t effectively parent your sister into being respectful of your space and your things, I don’t see you having a good sister relationship any time soon.

If ever, given your age.” wayward_painter

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19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Renew A Lease With My Dad?

“I (F 25) have been living with my dad and my brother (23) on and off since 2021. In 2019, my brother and I got the opportunity to move in with our dad for the first time.

Moving in together became a real nightmare for me because my dad started expecting ME to do EVERYTHING for the family from cleaning to health insurance with no help from my dad or brother.

Since I was not living full-time with my dad, I told him that I would stop paying for utilities and dealing with the landlord.

It didn’t take long for my dad and brother to get into arguments with the landlord who ended up calling the cops on them and now they have to move out of the house by August. My dad called me again to ask me to help him look for a new house as he didn’t have time to do it himself.

We’ve always had to use MY income taxes and pay stubs to get approved for anything because my dad earns cash and now that I was unemployed we literally don’t have proper docs to submit for houses.

As expected, we got denied to most of the places we’ve applied. Finally, we ended up getting approved for a great house and we just needed to sign the lease.

My dad ended up arguing with the realtor about how last time he had to pay less than 10k to move in and now it’s astronomical what landlords are asking. I managed to negotiate with the amount that we needed to put down upfront and we were good to sign the lease.

When I told my dad the news, he said he didn’t want the house anymore since the rooms were not ‘big enough’ for him and the house was not worth the price. I completely lost my cool as this man is DELUSIONAL. He then had the AUDACITY to tell me to call our current landlord and APOLOGIZE for the ‘inconveniences’ and to please let us renew the lease.

I told him I would not be doing such a thing as I’m DONE with his nonsense and that he has to resolve his own mess now. I stormed out and went back to my partner’s place and had not talked to my dad in a couple of days.

My mom told me I was in the wrong and that I should be helping my dad no matter what as I’m the oldest child so I attempted one more time to lower the price of the house and succeeded.

I spoke to my dad last night and asked him if he was still interested and he said no again.

I took that as my final confirmation that I’m done and won’t get involved again as I get too invested and end up having anxiety attacks. My dad called me back and asked me to come to the new house showing today. I told him I already had plans to go to my partner’s beach house for the weekend and I then told him it’s his problem to figure out where he’s going to live cause I’m done.

My dad told me I was a trashy daughter who preferred other people than her own family and that he wished me good luck with the strangers I’d picked.

I just know this is all going to come down to me again in August when they don’t have a place to move into but I don’t want to carry on and solve all of my family’s problems all the time.


Another User Comments:


Stop using your income and pay stubs to find a place for other people to live. Use your income and pay stubs to find a place for YOU and only you to live. You’re an adult, if your income is high enough to rent a place for three adults to live, it’s definitely good enough for you to rent a nice little place where only you will live.” PurpleMarsAlien

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m so sorry your dad tried to put you in this ‘impossible to be comfortable & well in’ position. Here’s the good news, you somehow found the tools growing up to know how to get out of said position.

Walk out, sweetheart. There’s no guilt to carry. Any dad worth his salt would want to ease your burdens not selfishly add unnecessary weight to them brick by brick. Yours just doesn’t realize it yet.” twoofheartsandspades

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ, but you will be if you don't stop enabling your idiot sperm donor. Let him figure out his own living arrangements. And tell your mother that if she's so worried about where sperm donor is living, she's free to help him all she likes, but he has taken advantage of you for the last time. Go find yourself a nice little place that's easy on your budget, and enjoy a quiet space that's all your own. You've more than earned it.
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18. AITJ For Reporting A Dollar General Employee To The Manager?

“Yesterday my partner (23f) and I (25m) were driving to her parents’ house. Along the way, she wanted to drop by the Dollar General for some things. She told me she didn’t need my help and shouldn’t be longer than a couple of minutes.

About ten minutes go by and I was wondering what was taking so long. The next thing I knew, she was walking out of the store with an employee behind her carrying a bag. He saw me in the driver’s seat and gave me a look of surprise.

She told him to put the bag in the backseat and he went back inside right after.

I didn’t know what was going on because Dollar General employees don’t usually help out like that. I asked her what that was all about and she said, ‘He asked me out and wanted to help me with the bags.’ I jokingly asked her, ‘You said yes right?

I mean he did carry a bag out for you after all.’ It wasn’t a big deal at the time and things like this have happened before.

She told him she was already seeing someone but didn’t tell him I was in the car.

About thirty minutes into our drive she went into more detail about the situation. She told me he was one of her old classmates from college but she didn’t know him that well and they didn’t talk much.

When they were talking in the store he made her feel really uncomfortable.

He kept asking her about our relationship saying stuff like he would treat her better and asked ‘Does your man ever help you out or even do anything for you, besides just sleep with you?’

She tried walking away but he persisted and insisted on helping her.

Before they exited the store she thanked him for carrying a bag and he said, ‘Don’t worry. You can make it up to me later, I still have your number from class.’ She let him carry the bag because he was letting off some very ‘nice guy’ vibes and she didn’t want to make him mad by refusing the help.

The reason she waited to tell me was because she didn’t want to cause any problems. She was worried that if she told me, I would have tried talking to him. Potentially leading to conflict or a fight.

I asked if she was going to talk to him about it, she didn’t want to and she’s had problems with guys like that before.

So I offered my help which she accepted. My solution was to call the store and explain the situation to the manager in charge. He listened to what happened and said he would tell his manager when he got the chance.

I didn’t think much would come from it and at most he would get a write-up or verbal warning.

The comments and behavior were inappropriate for sure but I didn’t think they warranted more than the mentioned punishments.

I told her she might want to block him as he would know where the complaint came from. She likely forgot because the next day he texted her saying he needed to talk to her.

He was mad, saying it was her fault he was in hot water at his job and he was about to get fired.

This guy is about to lose his job because I went over his head and called his boss when I could have talked to him about it.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner was uncomfortable and he was inappropriate. She told you she was worried and you discussed it together. You did not get him fired and neither did your partner. He got himself fired. In fact, he doesn’t even know if he has been fired. This probably isn’t the first report he got.

Once is a write-up or maybe explained as a ‘misunderstanding’, if he’s about to get the axe he’s been warned.” pnutbuttercups56

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Quite frankly, this warrants him getting fired. You don’t hit on customers at work, and you sure don’t, when they turn you down and say they have a SO, ask probing questions about their relationship and push the issue.

He behaved unprofessionally and opened the store up to liability. Your reporting may save other women from having to deal with him there.” NerdySwampWitch40

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. I'd bet much that your partner isn't the first person he's hit on during the course of his employment, and that he's also been warned about hitting on the customers too. The fact that he texted your partner and blamed HER for HIS bad behaviour is proof positive that he considers himself above and outside the rules and is a repeat offender. Neither you nor your partner are responsible for that clown's trouble at work; he's the only one at fault.
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17. AITJ For Selling My Property?

“A few years ago we bought our first flat but due to work, we moved abroad shortly after.

About 9 months ago Mum and her new partner decided to move into the flat – without asking! Mum had the keys and the reason is a long story I will save for another time.

But she moved in after I told her I was putting the flat for sale because I couldn’t afford it anymore.

Eventually, she informed me she moved in with her partner, and my gran and my sister (and my sister’s cat) were moving in as well.

My husband was not pleased but my mum and sister had no job and nowhere else to go so asked my husband to let them live there so long as they pay the bills, replace if anything breaks, and pay repairs if needed. I explained to Mum that I wouldn’t make any profit from renting it to them to help them out but I could not have any costs either, I could not afford it.

Mum agreed and all was well for a couple of months – until Mum’s partner lost/quit his job.

Then they stopped paying the bills, plus I learned A LOT of money disappeared from Gran’s bank account. Gran and Mum had a fight. Mum and her partner left and said they were not coming back.

I told my sister I was going to sell the flat, but would wait until Grandma was back in a nursing home. All was okay until Grandma was back in a nursing home and I started organizing the sale, then my sister started getting difficult, didn’t want to open the door to the estate agent, and took a week to let them take pictures, things like that.

Also, she didn’t have a steady job (had just started her business), so she said she could not pay me any bills and Grandma offered to pay the bills for her until she could afford it.

Everything escalated today. My sister informed me the shutters broke in one of the windows.

I said she would have to fix it, she mentioned I was the landlady. I said yes but they only pay the bills, I don’t make one penny out of the property, don’t even have a deposit.

I was already upset because the estate agent is a family friend who knows the house well and said a lot of damage happened in the last months (doors kicked, cupboards broke, and cat scratch marks), and that has significantly affected the value of the property.

The house was put on the market today and we will have to postpone visits until the shutter is fixed as that window is the access to the balcony.

My sister sent a voice message almost crying saying I knew she didn’t have a steady income and I was not helping her.

I think if she is living somewhere for free (nothing paid is coming out of her pocket) she should at least fix or replace what she (and her cat) damages. She said the agreement was made with Mum, not her, and therefore doesn’t apply to her.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Your sister is not entitled to your home. Period.

You didn’t even invite her to stay there, she and your mother barged their way in and then took advantage. She isn’t paying or taking care of the home and then has the audacity to claim it is your responsibility as a ‘landlady’ to fix what she broke?

She is just trying to find another angle to manipulate you with.” theallsoweird1

Another User Comments:

“If the agreement to live there was ‘made with mom, not her’, then she has no agreement and thus no right to be there. Kick her out. It’s hard to sell a property with a squatter.

You need to clean this up as soon as possible. No one wants to deal with a messy eviction process, not of their making. Have the estate agent find you a lawyer, retain him, and authorize him to have the property cleared and the locks changed. Take the hit on the damage if you must but GET EVERYBODY AND THEIR CAT OUT.

It may be a bigger problem than you realize.” User

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ, but I agree that the condition of your flat may be a bigger problem than you realize, and you need to personally inspect it ASAP, together with the estate agent. Oh, and start formal eviction proceedings against your sister, because I guarantee she won't move until forced, and you're on a timeline to get the flat up to snuff (because I'd also guarantee that there's a lot more damage than your estate agent knows about, which is why sister isn't letting anyone in) which will involve more time and money than you are counting on. Get the squatter and her cat out of your home, and get to work. Good luck.
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16. AITJ For Uninviting My Friend From A Concert We Were Supposed To Go To?

“I’ve been friends with Ronnie for a few years now and she’s a notorious flake. She wasn’t like that at first but it’s to the point now where 80% of our plans get canceled or changed last minute. We’ve argued over this before and it’s the only issue we’ve really had.

We had plans the other day to go see her friend who’s in a band perform. She had practically begged me to go with her so I agreed. It was supposed to start at 7 and she would pick me up at 6:30. She didn’t pick me up until almost 8.

We got to the venue and her friend found us in the crowd. He said he had already performed and there were only a few sets left. We had a drink with him then we left. On the way home she could tell I was angry.

I told her I wasn’t even excited for the show to be honest it’s just the principle of the fact that she invited me out and then made us too late to enjoy the event.

She apologized as usual but that’s when I told her I was no longer taking her to the concert like we had planned. My birthday is coming up and my favorite band will be in town around then.

I had bought two tickets and invited her over a month ago.

She said that was petty and I asked what she expected me to do – let her make us late for my birthday concert or leave on time without her and go angry and alone?

She said that wasn’t fair and she wasn’t always late. I said no, but I wasn’t going to take that chance on something I was actually looking forward to.

She dropped me off without saying goodbye and I haven’t heard from her since.

I feel like I was justified but in hindsight, I think I may have been harsh. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – this is clearly a pattern of behavior for your friend. It is not respectful of your time, your schedule, or your feelings. From your story, it sounds like you’ve tried to express this to her multiple times but she continues to do it.

Ultimately, it’s your birthday and you paid for the tickets, so they’re yours to invite whomever you please.” No-Actuary-9388

Another User Comments:

“Soft NTJ. It just depends on what you want here. The way you handled it, she doesn’t have much incentive to continue hanging out with you, and perhaps that was your intention.

Had you wanted to give her a chance, you could have reminded her of the timeline for the concert and told her you’d be leaving by (x) time regardless of whether she was ready or not. Uninviting her (when it doesn’t seem like you are inviting anyone else instead) was definitely the more confrontational option.” corpserella

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Definitely NTJ. Your friend is disrespectful of your time and irresponsible with your friendship. Friendship can only work when two people give equally. Your friend is a taker, and you've enabled that behaviour for not holding her to account when she continually cancels on you or makes you miss part or all of whatever event you're attending. Although you do have a tiny percentage of responsibility for this by not giving her a figurative kick in the butt and a scolding about repeatedly bailing on you, she's the jerk for constantly screwing up your plans with her. I wouldn't say you were too harsh with her; I'd say you waited too long to be harsh with her, and so she thinks she's the injured party here. Tough. People like her are going to continue to be late and disrespectful until something REALLY important comes up and they pull their usual garbage and something bad happens. Could be missing a plane, or a very important event like a graduation or wedding, but it usually comes down to that to make the eternally tardy change their ways. I know - I used to be one of them. Not nearly to the level of your friend, but bad enough that I had to embarrass myself by being late once too often to mend my ways and realize how disrespectfully I'd behaved. Not my finest moment to be sure, but I learned a lot. Hoping your friend will have a similar epiphany, but until she does, I'd steer clear and find someone else to accompany you to your events. Good luck.
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15. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Come With Me And My Friends To Watch A Movie?

“My (17f) sister (14f) has been bratty for years now. My parents shrug it off. They have dropped the ball so badly with her. They’ve had complaints from other parents, from neighbors, from me, from other members of the family.

They all say we pick on my sister and we don’t understand her. The truth is she’s a brat. She feels entitled to get what she wants and to comment on other people (their appearance or interests). She can be a bully to others. But my parents see her as this sweet kid who has a big heart and just wants love.

She might want love and to be accepted or whatever, but she treats people in a way that it would never come true.

Examples: She told a girl that her glasses made her look ugly and she should have stayed home to avoid the embarrassment.

This was all because the girl had glasses her parents could afford that weren’t exactly in fashion.

I was playing video games one day and she stepped in front of me and told me video games were dumb, she then pulled out the plug while everything was on, and then told me I was being a boy which was ‘dumb’.

She called me a certain word another time because I was reading a book she thought was a kid’s book.

She was playing outside with kids in the neighborhood before and started yelling at them for not playing the game she wanted and said the kid who suggested the game should sit out and not make their game super bad.

The kid’s dad was there and was furious and told our parents.

Another day while she was home with me she called me a jerk and then chased me all over the house to hang out with her, because after she called me a jerk I went to my room and ignored her.

Not once did I hear an apology.

So onto the incident in question. My sister was supposed to see a certain movie with her friends. But now they’re not her friends. I was going to see the movie with my significant other and a group of friends.

She wanted to come. I said no. She begged. I told her to go away. I told my parents and they were like just take her. She followed me around for two days and just before I went she told me she would really really love to go and why wouldn’t I take her.

I told her I didn’t want her there and was not going to ruin things by bringing her there. Then I left. When I got home she’d been crying and my parents were furious because my sister felt like nobody wanted her.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ and no you should NOT be more gentle with her. Being gentle with her is what made her the way she is. You and everyone else need to be way LESS gentle with her. I don’t see that happening from your parents, but maybe you can sit her down and explain to her that it’s true, nobody wants her, and here’s why.

Tell her she needs to adjust her attitude or no one will ever be able to get along with her. She’s already lost friends because of it. Tell her that if she doesn’t want to change, that’s on her, but you will not be entertaining her tantrums anymore.

Your parents are going to be mad when they find out, but too bad. They created the monster, they can take care of her. It’s not your problem.” MySquishyFishy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Err… with the nasty attitude she has, it’s true that nobody wants to be around her.

If I were you, I would calmly say to my parents that they are ignoring obvious issues with their youngest child. Tell them that if they want her to have a full and successful future they need to consider getting her to therapy. Tell them that it isn’t your or anyone else’s responsibility to put up with her entitled behavior and that literally, people don’t owe her anything in life and the sooner they realize it, the better off your sister will be.

Explain that she is being ostracized in the neighborhood and school because she is destroying her own relationships due to her behavior. And finally, tell them that while you are just a kid, you can see that your sister plainly needs help that they can’t give her.” moew4974

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your parents are clearly too lazy to parent, so they're dumping as much responsibility as they can on you, and ignoring what they can't. You've now established boundaries with your parents, and put them on notice that your sister is a horror to whomever she's with because she has no manners and no tact, and that's THEIR fault, and theirs to fix. If they don't want to, they can look forward to a lifetime of supporting your sister and paying for enabling her when she ends up in juvie, or worse, injured or killed because she insulted the wrong person.
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14. AITJ For Only Giving My Friend $50?

“I (24F) was friends with this girl (Alex) when I was in college a few years back.

We were pretty close. After I got my certification, we lost touch. Recently we reconnected. Apparently, she had got married and had twins. Finances were rough bc she became a stay-at-home mom since the kids were so young.

I was on social media and saw Alex had posted on a free site where she was begging for funds for groceries and some Pediasure for one of her twins who needed the extra nutrients.

Nobody was responding so since we were friends, I PM’d her and told her that I could give her a ride to the store and pay for $120 worth of groceries. I’m in school again and my particular certification doesn’t pay that well. Money’s tight because of tuition and bills so $120 was really the absolutely most I could do.

I explained that to her when I agreed to get her groceries.

I drove her and the kids to the store and offered to walk with her and be in charge of an extra buggy so the kids could sit in the one she was pushing.

She refused and asked if I and the twins could stay up front until I paid. I agreed and after about 35 minutes, I saw her at a checkout lane. I got up to help her and noticed that her buggy was full of stuff, but I assumed maybe she’d found sales.

As it was ringing up, it was nearing $150 and there was still stuff in the cart. She noticed me staring and said that she got everything she needed and it was a little more. I asked if she was paying the difference, but she said she was out of money and asked if I didn’t mind covering it since it was only about $40 more.

I politely asked her to put some stuff back as I didn’t agree to pay extra and I didn’t have the budget for it.

She refused, stating that I told them to ‘get what they needed” earlier and this was what they needed. She would pay back the extra $30+ next month when she had it.

Alex and I began to argue as I told her I didn’t have anything extra to let her have, so she needed to cover the difference or put stuff back. I was getting flustered and embarrassed because the cashier was staring me down and there was a line behind us.

Alex kept asking what she should put back, her baby’s Pediasure or their food.

Finally, I lost my temper and slapped $50 cash in her hand (I had planned on using that and the rest on my card) and told her that she could use that for her groceries if the original amount wasn’t good enough.

I went and sat in my car to make sure she found a ride and eventually her mom picked her up.

She’s been making horrible posts on social media and mutual friends have been messaging me calling me a jerk for not paying the full amount I promised or just lending her the $30+ to make sure her kids get to eat.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ – The audacity of her. You were kind to offer and kinder to give her fifty at the end. I’d have walked out. For all she knew, you could’ve only had $120 and the remainder would make you overdraft, but she didn’t care.

If anyone hassles you, tell them to take her shopping and see how it goes with their money.” JudgyRandomWebizen

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! You went above and beyond for her. She tried to take advantage of your kindness and compassion. She should have gotten what she needed for the kids as that was the purpose of her post. You set up terms with her, which is a verbal contract.

She violated said terms which voids the contract. I would not have given her a dime after she tried to pull that crap. This was her intention the whole time, and that is why she wanted you to wait up front. She probably didn’t think you were going to confront her.

It’s one thing to be kind, it’s another to be a pushover. You handled everything right.” Vincenza8907

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your "friend" is an unabashed user and you behaved better than I would have done. Now that you know who and what she is, you can avoid her. And tell anyone feeling sorry for her EXACTLY what she did to you when you offered help.
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13. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Sister Money Again To Buy Her Daughter Clothes?

“My (25f) sister, Jane, had a daughter, ‘Rosie’, a little over a year ago.

Initially, for her baby shower, I just gave her some money for her to buy clothes for the baby, as she hadn’t told us the gender and I hate buying clothes for other people, and I figured it would just be better for everyone if she could pick out the clothes.

The baby was born, and a few weeks later she put a few pictures on social media of Rosie and thanked me for the onesies she was in. The clothes… I don’t want to say what they said as that would influence responses but it was an opinion/group that I heavily disagree with and was saying some disparaging things towards their opposition.

I didn’t say anything, just sent a picture to my fiancé as kind of a LOL look at what she bought with the money we gave her. She knows our opinions, but it’s fine, she can dress her baby however she wants. It’s nothing awful, but especially where we live… it’s an interesting choice.

I just don’t want it to be with my money. Rosie’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I picked out some outfits for her, so it wasn’t something I so strongly disapproved of. I also got her some toys.

My sister messaged me a few days before Rosie’s birthday asking if I was sending money or gifts, and I said gifts.

She asked what, I told her. She said ‘I thought you said you didn’t like shopping for clothes? Did you not like what I bought for her?’

I never expressed any issue to anyone but my fiance and that was somewhat jokingly. My sister got upset, I told her I changed my mind.

She said that she could buy Rosie whatever clothes she wanted and that I was being unreasonable, and that I did suck at picking out clothes.

My fiance thinks I should have just given her money again and avoided conflict. I think maybe I did show I didn’t like her choices, and she picked up on that, and maybe I was being overly petty to not just give her the money again.


Another User Comments:

“It literally does not matter what the clothes she bought were like. You are entitled to your money, and she is not. She can’t dictate to you what you should do with your money. If you want to give her money to buy clothes herself, that’s your prerogative.

If you want to buy the clothes yourself, you can do that. She is free to not put the clothes on her daughter, but complaining that someone bought her child clothes instead of handing out money is entitled. NTJ.” Prof182

Another User Comments:


Yes, once you gifted that money it became your sister’s to spend how she pleases – seems like both were in agreement that it was to go on clothes and that’s exactly what she spent it on.

But I think you know that – because when you saw what she bought, you didn’t have a go at her, or demand she return it for something that you approve of or ask for your money back. You made a comment to your SO and left it at that.

But now a similar situation has arisen, you are absolutely within your right to decide that you don’t want a repeat of the situation, but again you’re not actually making a fuss about it, you’re simply making a decision that removes the chance of her doing the same thing.

Honestly, though, I’d just say to her ‘Look, we clearly have a strong difference of opinion when it comes to clothes, I don’t want to dictate to you what clothes you buy your daughter but equally, I don’t want my money being spent on something that so blatantly clashes with my values, and obviously I’m not great at choosing clothes for myself.

So, to avoid any drama, I’ve decided to gift something other than clothing or money this year. If you have some ideas of things you would like her to have, I’m happy to take suggestions but ultimately the final decision will be mine’.

And if she kicks up a huge fuss just get a small token gift and leave it at that.

Personally, my go-to gift for young kids is books. I’m a huge believer in the benefits books can bring to kids, even at a young age, and encouraging a love of reading and learning from an early age can only be beneficial. I do tell my friends that I understand there is such a thing as too many books (especially when storage is an issue) so if a book isn’t a favorite they shouldn’t feel bad about giving it away as it will no doubt bring joy to another child.” kiwifarmdog

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your sister seems to think that a gift for her child is a financial opportunity for her. I wouldn't give her one thin dime for herself or her kid. Rather, tell her you've opened a bank account for your niece's future/education and will be making deposits into it at Christmas, birthdays, etc. for her to have on her 18th birthday. And listen to your sister scream. 😀 Good luck.
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12. AITJ For Snapping At My Stepdad?

“My (21F) mom (48) found out she was pregnant with me after she and my dad (51) divorced. I have a good relationship with both my parents, but I’ve always been closer to my dad. Mom remarried later and I have a half-sister, ‘Georgia’ (15).

I live in a different state for college but recently went back on a short break.

My mom and stepdad said they’d take me out to lunch anywhere I wanted, so I picked a Chinese restaurant. We went and ate, but I noticed Georgia wasn’t eating much and only picked at some dumplings.

So we came back to Mom’s place and Georgia started complaining that she was hungry and didn’t like Chinese food.

She said that it wasn’t fair that I got to pick the place and we all had to go along with it. Stepdad turned to me and said that I should’ve picked a place that Georgia would like as well, to which I said that you asked me to pick a place, I did, and when I told you no one had a problem with it.

Stepdad then says that Georgia was being nice to her big sister and sacrificed a nice lunch for herself. My mom then said that we’d go to Georgia’s place of choice tomorrow night all together, but I said I couldn’t because I was going to the movies with my dad.

She then said that it’s fine, we (me and Dad) can schedule another movie time to which I replied no, we’ve already decided it’s going to be on this day at this time. My mom got really upset and said that ‘I was being really mean to Georgia’ and I should make time for her.

Again, I said sorry but I had other plans. I also mentioned that we could do another day before I leave, to which Georgia replied that she had plans other days with friends or something and couldn’t.

Stepdad then says that I’m terrible for making Mom and Georgia ‘so sad’ and I think of myself as ‘upper class’, because I go to a ‘fancy pants school’ and ‘show off’.

Now this made me really, really mad. I go to an Ivy League school and I most definitely do not go there to ‘show off’, I work my butt off so I snapped that I work hard and he has no right to say something like that to me and he’s not even my real dad.

Mom said that I was being out of line and then turned to stepdad and said ‘What can I do, her dad has always enabled this type of behavior’. I said ‘Neither of them has any right to talk about me OR my dad like that’, so I left and didn’t talk to them for the rest of my trip.

My mom later messaged me and said that she was disappointed I turned into this type of person. Now I’m thinking if I went too far with what I did/said? We hadn’t bought the tickets yet so I guess technically I could’ve gone to dinner and rescheduled with Dad, and maybe this whole thing could’ve been avoided. Was I being the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your half-sister is and it seems that your mother and her husband are enabling her. They ask you to pick out a restaurant and you did they never had a problem until your half-sister complained about it and then they try to make you change your plans with your father so they can please the spoiled brat and you didn’t so now they are trying to blame you.

If I was you I would go very low contact with your mother after this. Say you wanted to do something for your birthday and your half-sister doesn’t want to or like it are you going to bow to her because of your mother every single time?

Just a thought. That’s why if I was you I would just cut contact for a time period until your mother comes to her senses.” Wise-Caterpillar8301

Another User Comments:


Your half-sister had plenty of time to say she didn’t like Chinese.

You were home from college and a guest. They can go out to eat what Georgia wants all the time you’re not there.

Georgia needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her. She was being rude to a guest.

Her father needs to learn not to enable her or she’ll get a horrible wake-up call when she starts going to college/starts working. Because no one is going to cater to her there.

Your mother needs to stop being a doormat and enabling her husband.

You told your stepdad he is not your father — which is the truth. What about that is rude?

Why would you go out on that specific date to get food Georgia likes? She’s not home from college?

She can go any time?

Your half-sister had plans every single other day? And you’re supposed to change the one plan you had? While you had limited time to visit people Georgia could meet her friends any other day all through the year?

Don’t listen to your mum, stepdad, or half-sister.

They sound jealous and spiteful. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them being jealous of your accomplishments and your dad’s support.” xxSKSxx_

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and I wouldn't bother to see any of your mom's family the next time you visit. Just plan on spending all your time with Dad and any friends you want to catch up with, and give mommy a miss. And when she calls whining because you didn't make time for her and her heinous "family", tell her that Georgia probably wouldn't like where you want to eat or what you want to do, so it's better no one upsets her and they can cater to her and leave you out of it.
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11. AITJ For Quitting My Job Because I Didn't Get A Raise?

“I (24M) worked in a kitchen as a sauté cook for the better part of a year. During that time I tried my best to be a model employee.

I cleaned up after myself and tried to stay on top of other cleaning projects as well as maintaining orders as they came through. There were three other cooks who would work my station while I wasn’t.

Of the four cooks, I was the only one who would regularly clean the burners and thoroughly clean the rest of the station (cutting boards, floor, etc).

Despite all of this I liked working there. The pay was terrible but that’s expected it seems. But the other employees, while a bit lazy, were a cool bunch of people.

The issue arose when the manager (I still like him to this day) saw that I was maintaining my station and that it would only be properly cleaned after my shifts.

He decided that I would be the best employee to give other cleaning tasks around the restaurant. Before long I was cleaning about as much as I was actually cooking. We were a busy restaurant so this was a lot.

With each new cleaning job that was added on I would get more and more disgruntled. But my goal was still to be the best employee that I could be because my parents had ingrained something about promotions and raises and stuff.

This kept on for months without a raise or a promotion. Eventually, there was a tipping point.

The assistant manager asked to speak with me when I came in for my shift one day and explained a new cleaning job. I would have to, every other day, climb up a rickety ladder and take down the massive metal filters from the fume hood, of which there were twelve.

I would have to scrub them, which took about 10 minutes each, and then rinse, dry, and put them back. All while maintaining my orders and performing my other cleaning duties.

I asked the manager if I could have a raise because of the amount of work I was doing so that a health inspector wouldn’t shut the place down.

He asked the owner who said no. So I went to the back and wrote my resignation, left it on the desk, and walked out.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they didn’t value your work. But honestly, even if that was not an issue, you would 100% not be in the wrong to leave without notice.

You don’t work out of charity to the company and are free to quit at any time for any reason you want. The exact same way they are free to lay you off at any time for any reason they want.” ShiningConcepts

Another User Comments:


That is a huge change in your basic job.

Minor cleaning of specific types is a tangential task for my staff and is included in their written job description. You know what happens if I find out one employee is cleaning and the rest aren’t?

Everybody not doing their job gets spoken to and followed up on to make sure they pull their weight again. I don’t pile work on the one responsible employee. That one, they get a raise and put on the shortlist for a promotion if they want more responsibility.” Meghanshadow

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. This just wasn't the right fit for you. And, you had an absolutely TERRIBLE manager who clearly doesn't know how to keep a good employee happy and productive. It's okay; you learn about working in your chosen field by working in your chosen field; there ain't no substitute. So the next place you go, you will know to stand your ground the next time a manager or anyone else repeatedly request that you assume duties outside your job description, and put a stop to it immediately. Good for you for being professional and knowing when to leave. Good luck.
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10. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Stay At Our House?

“I (44f) and my husband (41m) bought a home in October. We were thrilled and thankful his parents helped with a down payment that I have decided to pay back since we can.

Now, our aunt, MIL’s sister called and wanted to visit us while she was visiting Texas from Alaska.

She’d been staying at my in-laws’. I was napping and my husband told her it would be fine to stay with us. When I woke up I was happy she was coming to visit but soon realized it was the same weekend as our daughter (21) came home from college.

We called to tell her that she may have to stay at a hotel because we don’t have a room.

His parents got mad because they planned to come too without even asking and were even bringing our niece (we don’t have a kid-friendly home as our 3 dogs don’t like children)!

They insisted they could stay here and sleep on the couch. I said no, the couch is new and does not fold out and again we simply don’t have the room. They asked if my daughter could visit another weekend and I said no, she would always take precedence and we had these plans for weeks.

Aunt was fine and excited no matter what but now his parents are annoyed with me since they have to pay for a night at a hotel for 1 night since we told them we have plans with the kid Friday. Mind you they have no bills, everything is paid for, I’m paying them back for the down payment so it’s not held over me, and there is no financial burden whatsoever not to mention we thought it was just aunt coming to visit and they didn’t even ask to come with the niece.

My husband feels caught in the middle and I told him there’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries. He says I’m kind of being a jerk. So, am I the jerk for not letting them stay here when they invited themselves and we don’t have room since my daughter will be here?”

Another User Comments:


But you need to get it through your husband’s head that he needs to discuss things like this with you instead of just saying yes. It has to be a mutually agreed decision, not just his decision. He’s a jerk for that.

If he had discussed it with you first, none of that would have happened. He needs to also set boundaries with his entitled family, too, and stop making you look like the bad person.” LoveBeach8

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, see that’s why I hate when people try to make me feel like they’ve offered conditional help.

Regardless of the fact you’re paying the money back, they’ll always see it as ‘You wouldn’t have this if not for me/us’. There’s nothing wrong with being grateful for the help and hosting when you don’t have plans. They, however, are looking at it as ‘We helped you obtain the house, so we’re entitled (keyword) before anyone else to stay when we want to’.

Just because they helped with the down payment doesn’t give them carte blanche.

Set boundaries now or you’ll be having uninvited guests more than this once. It’s a good thing you’re paying them back so they don’t hold it over your head. Who in their right mind would ask you to tell your daughter to visit another time?

That’s some entitlement right there. I don’t understand why your husband thinks you’re a jerk for being honest that there wasn’t enough room. Did he think your daughter should stay in the hotel? And he’s the one who agreed without checking with you first anyway.

To me, that kinda makes him the jerk. Maybe he thought y’all could share a bed with the aunt.” GreenDistribution903

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and your outlaws need to learn boundaries. And it needs to be your husband that teaches them, because you know you'll never hear the end of it (and they'll never listen to you or respect you) if you're the one doing the teaching. So tell him he needs to check with you before letting anyone outside the family stay in your home, without exception. And make him tell monster in law that she is never to assume that she can come without advance notice, or preferably, an invitation because if she does, she'll be turned away at your door if she comes without your express permission. I don't envy you - you've got your hands full with that one. Good luck.
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9. AITJ For Only Telling My Mom About My Wedding Two Days Before?

“I have an abusive mother that doesn’t support my choices. We don’t have a good relationship since she never bothered to actually get to know me.

Every time I tried to share a problem or any life event with her, she either ignored me or made it about her in some way.

I wasn’t allowed to express myself in ways she didn’t approve of.

In the end, I kept my life very private and she didn’t know many things about me.

Now onto the jerkery.

My fiancee and I are getting married this Saturday. We originally had the wedding planned for next year, but due to living circumstances, we decided to speed it up to this month.

I’ve known about it for a few weeks now, however chose not to tell my mother, since:

1. she lives in a different country and doesn’t speak any of our languages and I felt she’d feel really uncomfortable and out of place;

2. her schedule is crammed, she’s at work almost 24/7;

3. she can’t even be responsible enough to pay her own bills, let alone travel;

4. she has this ‘if it’s not my way, it’s wrong’ mentality;

5. she’s a heavy drinker;

6. she nearly RAN in front of me and my fiancee because she was uncomfortable about us holding hands or hugging, despite constantly reassuring me that she was okay with us being gay.

I also chose not to tell her until now because I wanted to avoid conflict. I felt this little time to give her wouldn’t even let her find a replacement for work and as mentioned above, I doubted she’d come anyway. I looked at my choices and decided the outcome would be the same no matter what.

I promised her that our wedding would be live-streamed online and we’ll have a vow renewal ceremony as well as a late wedding party next year. But she refused to listen to me and hung up the phone on me. Angry that she wasn’t included, that it ‘won’t be the same’, and telling me she never expected me to hurt her like this.

I find it very difficult to figure out if she’s actually hurt or if she’s manipulating me. Because I didn’t expect her to see the wedding as such a huge thing.

I don’t know how to deal with the feelings I’m going through right now.

On one side I felt guilty for hurting her feelings, but on another side, she never cared about MY feelings.

Footnote: I also have borderline personality disorder and she’s a narcissist, so it makes it incredibly difficult to differentiate between emotions and gauge the seriousness of a situation.

Am I the jerk for not inviting/informing her about the changes?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it sounds like you have a myriad of excellent reasons for not telling her until now and clearly did not do this out of spite. Also, I think it’s worth remembering that two things can be true at once – your mother can feel truly hurt by this, AND she can be using that sense of hurt to manipulate you and make you feel responsible for her emotions.

Just because someone is hurt by something you do, that doesn’t automatically mean you did the wrong thing. Unreasonable people will get upset at you no matter how reasonably you behave – there’s no point living your life trying to make someone else happy when they’re determined to be upset.” invomitous-rex

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There is not a single person who must be invited to a wedding. It’s your event and you do not have to include her. Her disappointment is not your problem. The only suggestion I might make in the future is to be clear that you’re not including her for X reason, however, I don’t believe narcissists ever really learn lessons, so they would likely be a waste of energy.

Enjoy your wedding and turn off your phone.” FlyingDutchLady

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
FlyingDutchLady is absolutely right - narcissists never learn lessons, because they're convinced they're always right, so what's to learn? My mom was like yours; an egomaniacal narcissist to the bone, one who would hurt me for sport and then turn around and cry crocodile tears when I clapped back. I learned far too late how to handle her, and when I did, it was WW3 when she didn't get her way for the first time (we didn't speak for two years and didn't see each other again for nearly four). BUT, ever since that happened, I've been much happier and mentally healthier, and she hasn't, and that's just fine with me. I think you handled your mother perfectly and have nothing to apologize for. Wishing you a beautiful wedding and a long and happy marriage.
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8. AITJ For Going Off At A Friend For Wanting To Take My Seat?

“In high school, I hung around with a group of about 6-7 people. We were all really close and hung out every weekend. Junior year, one of the guys in the group (Connor) started going out with a girl named Jill.

Before they started going out, my relationship with Jill was complicated. She tried to be my friend but was actually my bully.

She picked on me, liked to point out and laugh at my flaws, and just made negative comments all the time. I usually ignored her but one time after class I told her that I didn’t like how she treated me and sometimes she hurt my feelings and it was rude of her to constantly pick on me or point out my flaws.

I was proud of myself. I was very shy and introverted and it was hard for me to stand up for myself. Safe to say I didn’t get an apology. She just laughed and said they were all jokes.

When she and Connor began going out, she became even more unbearable.

In the group, everything became about her. If she didn’t get her way, she’d throw a fit. One time we went to the movies and we were seeing a movie she didn’t want to see so she and Connor left. We went to Six Flags and she wanted to sit where I was on the rollercoaster, so she threw a tantrum.

Stomping her feet and acting like a toddler until I finally gave in. These things happen all the time.

Around the last week before graduation, the group went out to have one last dinner before most of us went away to separate colleges. I sat down at the table and Jill decided she wanted my seat.

I was not going to give in this time, so I said no and stayed in my seat. She was persistent. She began to throw her little fit and I ignored her until she put her hand on me and tried to push me out of my chair.

This is the moment where I just exploded and everything I was feeling inside came out. I got up and yelled, ‘FINE, TAKE THE CHAIR! YOU’RE A SPOILED LITTLE BRAT THAT ALWAYS GETS HER WAY AND I AM SO SICK OF IT! STOP ACTING LIKE A TODDLER.


After the words left my mouth, I immediately regretted it even though that’s how I truly felt.

Everyone has a breaking point and this was mine. After this incident, I realized I was slowly getting pushed out of the group. I’d scroll through socials and see everyone was hanging out without me. It’s almost been 10 years and I don’t associate with any of them.

They all still hang out though whether it’s at the bar or someone’s wedding, the group is still always together.

Ultimately, I still stand by everything I said and no longer regret it. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and if I were you I’d count my lucky stars that I didn’t end up being one of those losers who never developed the skills to interact with people outside of high school.

People who only hang out with people who like the immature versions of themselves never really grow as people, and are pretty boring honestly. You dodged a bullet, especially if they are still enabling her trashy immature behavior. Holding onto something for a long time can be an admirable trait, but not when that something is a high school version of yourself LOL.” ppl_n_r_neighborhood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your ‘friends’ witnessed this and said nothing. You were either the emotional equivalent of a meat shield or they just didn’t care enough to speak up. They likely realized you wouldn’t be so easy to push around and because you’d established a boundary they couldn’t use you anymore.

I’d bet that group isn’t as close as social media would have them seem. You did the right thing.” Hoplite68

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7. AITJ For Telling On My Cousin To Mom For Refusing To Wear Headphones?

“My cousin, who we’ll call C, has been staying with the rest of my family for the past few months. She used to stay here but got kicked out for constantly getting in legal trouble, stealing, and overall being a bad vibe.

Out of the kindness of her heart, my mother let her back into our house, rent-free, and let her stay on the couch in this additional room we had built.

The room beside it is the TV room. It’s the room I use to watch TV. I helped pay for the TV and everyone else has one in their room except for me, including her.

Every night after work I bring a chair in there and watch TV.

I don’t have the volume up high and I don’t disturb anyone so it’s usually not an issue.

Last night my cousin C had a guest over. She didn’t even ask could she have someone over but I didn’t say anything. I put my chair down and went to get some food and I came back and my cousin was sitting on the couch watching a movie on her phone.

I asked her at first if could she put some headphones in. She ignored me. I asked her if could she go to her room. She said her friend was sleeping. I reminded her that we let her have that entire room as her space to do what she wants.

This is my space in the house and she’s taking it up. She didn’t say anything.

I then asked if could she move to the other living room and she said it was too cramped. I brought her some headphones and she didn’t use them.

My mom was still up and I told her the situation. My mom went downstairs and asked her to move pointing out that I’m the only person who uses this room and she has a space, AND like I said she isn’t supposed to have guests over anyways.

She then started yelling at my mother saying that I was ‘a grown-up’ and that I came interrupting her. My mother once again let her know that this is my space and she knows that too. She kept yelling and complaining that I was always on her case.

What C was referring to was that since she’s gotten here I’ve had to unclog the toilet nearly every day because she seems incapable of doing it herself. Yesterday I made her do it herself because I don’t like unclogging other adults’ poop.

She kept yelling at my mother and eventually, my mother told her to ‘get out of my house’ and my cousin started complaining saying we’d been mistreating her and trying to get her out of the house since she got here.

Ignoring that we’ve had to buy 3 times the toilet paper since she got here (we all use a bidet), ignoring that she regularly takes my Xbox and puts it in her room to watch Netflix without my consent, ignoring that she tries to use the water cooler to cook which was making it get used up way quicker than usual. Ignoring that she knocks on my door at 6 AM to get me to open the door because she doesn’t have a key.

All that.

So she stormed out last night and we haven’t seen her since. But I don’t care or feel bad. All I asked her to do was move when she knew she wasn’t supposed to have people over and knew I used that room to watch TV after work.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“You made a reasonable request, for a space that belongs to you. She broke house rules. Now she’s mad because someone told her, please respect my space and follow house rules. That’s not your problem. Let her be mad.

NTJ.” littlestgoldfish

Another User Comments:


She is just a guest in your and your parents’ house and she should respect your boundaries and personal space. Also, you are not her servant and she should clean after herself and provide something to the household.” Prestigious_Net_383

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and I'm glad your mom had your back and stood up to the little wretch. Pretty clear now why she got kicked out in the first place. Just be glad the trash took itself out and you have your space back.
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6. AITJ For How I Reacted To My Sister's Prank?

“This weekend I had a birthday party and we had this massive cake of about 30 servings. At the time, because of reasons I don’t wanna get into, I couldn’t eat the cake so my friends and family had it and 3/4 of the cake was left. By Monday there was one slice.

I told my whole family not to eat the slice because I really wanted to have it after school today. I had a really long day as I had some exams and stayed back for an hour and a half to do revision and the entire day all I could think about was this cake with a hot tea and bubble bath.

When I got home, the packaging was in the bin. I couldn’t find the cake anywhere. In general, I’m a pretty sensitive person so I was nearly in tears. I know that it’s just a cake. Not a big deal at all. But I was really mad.

There was only my sister and she said that she ate it and I shouted at her. I was really mad, nearly hysterical. It might’ve been a breaking point or something.

She looked really confused at me and took out the cake. Turns out it was a prank.

I calmed down and apologized immediately and made her tea. I asked her not to tell people because I felt really embarrassed about my reaction and she said sure.

Later that day, she started chatting to my mum and brought up her prank. I knew what direction this was going in and asked her not to.

She said it was funny and continued. I again asked her to stop and my mum told me not to be stupid, it’s just a silly little thing so my sister went on to tell the story.

I guess it’s not that big of a deal but I feel really disrespected. I didn’t like the prank and her telling others about it.

I’ve always been called a drama queen by my parents and I know that this story will be used by my mum later. I don’t know. It was a really bad reaction on my part, I was near to screaming and having a breakdown OVER A CAKE, and I don’t really blame her for wanting to tell it cause it was probably funny.

I think I’m pretty thin-skinned but I never feel like my boundaries are respected in my family.

AITJ for being really mad and overreacting?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but your family definitely is a jerk. This isn’t about a piece of cake, not really.

It’s about feeling heard, feeling respected, and having your boundaries respected.

I hope you are able to create some distance from them soon. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person, or ‘being born a marshmallow’ as my tender-hearted son says. It does make it hard a lot of the time, I know, but you can develop ways to protect yourself.

Seeing a good therapist can help a lot, but so can getting away from those who use your tenderness as a weapon.

Big HUGS from a mom who herself was, and who has, raised ‘thin-skinned’ kiddos.” Comfortable_Tied

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… This was your birthday cake that you didn’t get to eat?

And not only does she eat it to upset you (specifically to get a reaction out of you, that isn’t a prank, that’s just a mean thing she did) she also mocks how you react to others?

Does she do this kind of thing often?

Do other people in your family do things to specifically upset you and then call you a drama queen, or do you just react to things regardless of intent or impact and blow them up? Because one scenario would be a family of narcissistic parents with a golden child and a scapegoat child, the other would be you genuinely overreacting.

But your sister is specifically trying to upset you, knowing that your family mocks you for getting upset… Something is fishy with how they act, not you.

Also, when they call you a drama queen, do they seem to enjoy teasing you about it? The way you said your mom will hold this over your head is also a red flag for her actions too… I don’t know, something about how they treat you is really rubbing me the wrong way.” Endalyne

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. It's always "a prank" or "a joke" whenever someone is mean to you and gets called out on it. Your sister is a total jerk, and mom isn't much better. My narcissistic mom was always pulling crap like that, and if one of her family were visiting, it was pure jerk in my house. My uncle (mom's youngest brother) was visiting and hid a piece of cake I was eating when I had my back turned. I turned around looking and looking for it and started to cry when I couldn't find it. My mom and uncle both jumped on me and laughed at me, telling me I'd "better get used to this or you're not going to get on in this life" or some such bull$h!t. I was six at the time. I remember thinking at the time, "Why should I have to get used to people being mean to me?" and to this day I haven't been able to figure it out. Later when I learned that she was a narcissist and that's what they do, it all made sense.
You don't say how old you are, so hard to give good advice. I would suggest that since you're still in school, that you talk to another adult or relative to see if there is any other living situation you might explore. Other than that, keep getting the good grades so you can get scholarships and go to school far, far away from your heinous family. Good luck.
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5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go With My Mom When She Moves Away?

“I’m my mother’s only child and all of my life she’s always been extremely dependent on me for basically everything, especially emotionally.

I have always felt it was suffocating and unhealthy. While I was constantly propping her up emotionally, I felt I, as the child, was severely neglected on that front.

Last summer, now in my late twenties, I left home. I didn’t leave in a good way, I admit that.

One day I just packed up my things and left, while she was out of town visiting someone. She came home to an empty house, and for months I did not answer her texts or phone calls.

There were many motives, including my struggles with severe depression, addiction, the trauma of abuse I suffered at the hands of a person from my past, and being threatened with violence and death, all things that she was unaware of at the time.

I just wanted to run from it all and hide. It took a long time for me to feel slightly sane again.

Though, I also simply got tired of doing things for her like cleaning up towels off her bedroom floor covered with urine and feces.

Just so you know, no, she’s not ill or an invalid in any way.

It was never my intention to hurt her, but I know I did and there’s no changing that. We are talking again, now, sort of. I’ve since visited once, and she has visited me a few times.

She’s still deeply embittered by everything that happened.

We moved to Manitoba almost twenty years ago because of my father’s job. Now, they’re long divorced, and she has no family or real friends here. She’s requested to be transferred back to my birthplace, Victoria, BC, by her employer, and she intends to move back in with her parents.

It is something she’s talked about doing for years – when my parents got divorced, she threatened to do that and leave me forever if I went to live with my father and not her.

She has tried to persuade me to go with her.

I refuse. Therefore, apparently, I’m a horrible, evil, vile human being.

I’ve explained many times the reasons why I refuse to go back to the west coast. Among other things, I am six months pregnant. I know she disapproves of the man I’m with now since I left my old fiance, who she was fond of.

She literally just wants me to abandon the father of my child, the home I have settled into, and the life I’ve built for myself. I will not do that.

So apparently that means I don’t care anymore and just threw her and our beloved cats out like trash.

I tried to say that is not true. I am still here. I care more than words can say. I love her and them so much. I never stopped.

I also pointed out plainly that if she leaves, that’s very very far away, and I’ve neither the means nor the money to travel, nor will that really be feasible anyway after the baby is born.

So, if she goes, it’ll probably be quite a long time before she meets her grandson.

Doesn’t matter though. Apparently, all that matters is driving home the fact that I’m an awful demon who deserves eternal shame.

Sigh. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I do hope you’re in some type of therapy for the abuse you took when you were younger and for the addiction issues.

You’re six months pregnant. In just a very few short months you need to be there for your baby. The father needs to be there for the baby.

I’m curious how she is able to hold down a job if her hygiene is as abysmal as you say.

That type of behavior is from either someone who is not very mobile or someone who has some strange mental issues. She sounds like she needs some counseling, too.

If she would like to move, she is allowed. You’re an adult and soon to be caring for a new human being who ideally will be raised by a caring parent who does not have to deal with a child twice her age.

You need to make choices for yourself and your baby, not your mother.” Hydrogeology

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother sounds like she was very narcissistic, not to mention emotionally abusive. I think that you need to first take care of yourself during your pregnancy, and then get counseling or therapy for your past mental issues.

Maybe going no contact completely is the best thing, because it’s obvious your mother will never change her ways.” User

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your mother is just angry that you escaped from her, and is trying to get you back so she can continue to abuse her. Tell her thanks but no thanks.
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4. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Find A New Apartment?

“I had my mom move in with me last year after she got laid off. I made clear that I only wanted her to stay with me until she got back on her feet and was collecting her SSI at the time we were setting the whole thing up.

I moved out from my friend’s place and got a nice two-bedroom apartment. And it’s been miserable for me. She’s extremely moody and is always talking about how her life fell apart after my dad died. The same stories over and over, and almost any conversation turns super negative and all about her woes.

Needless to say, I am not interested in extending her stay with me.

So, this week we (I) start looking for places she can move into when May rolls around. I ask her to help with the apartment search, but she says that she wants me to coordinate the whole thing.

Now, during the year she’s lived with me, I’ve ended up having to coordinate pretty much everything she’s wanted/needed to do. I had to be on phone calls with her for her SSI, I had to be on the phone with her while she was setting up her car/health insurance.

She doesn’t NEED me to do it, but she WANTS me to do it because I’m ‘good on the phone’ (almost a decade of call center work, go figure LOL). She won’t even drive 10 minutes to the Walmart unless either I go with her or she rides with me if I’m going.

This afternoon, I’m sitting downstairs playing with my puppy and we broach the topic of her moving. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but I told her that if she didn’t have a place by May 1st, she would be destitute. This struck a chord with her, and she called my sister to get more help with finding an apartment.

She also started looking on her own.

I’m happy that she’s taking a more active role in her apartment search, but now she won’t stop talking about how she’ll have to throw away everything if she doesn’t have an apartment by May, and how it was mean and selfish for me to tell her this in such a forward way.

She’s making me feel really guilty for there even being the possibility that I could kick her out on May 1st. I acknowledge I could have probably phrased it better. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Obviously your mom is depressed. Obviously, she needs mental help. You have been generous in letting her stay with you.

And now it is time for her to go. And – good – your sister is helping your mom look for a place.

OP, start getting the eviction papers ready. You don’t have to use them. Your mama doesn’t even have to know you are looking into actually legally kicking her out.

But… you may have to. So, at least look into what it entails. Good luck. NTJ.” LuvMeLongThyme

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – by all means, apologize to her for not phrasing a true fact less bluntly, but you needed to get her attention to make her understand that it’s time for her to concentrate on her own welfare.

Living with a family member suffering from (at a guess, I am not a psychiatrist, but it’s common with older people getting laid off and suddenly realizing they’ll probably never work again) adjustment disorder is difficult and I don’t blame you for getting irritable.

She’s going to berate you.

Everyone has a different idea of what a good mother looks like, but she’s more concerned with you being a good child. She should look in the mirror.

You aren’t kicking her out; her lease is up too, and she should be thinking of it in those terms, not that you’re some big meanie.

She’s putting herself in situations where she has no agency so she can blame others and meep about how hard done by she is.” User

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Familiarize yourself with the concept of "weaponized incompetence" and see if it applies to your mother. Of course she misses your dad, but she is also an adult who knows how to use a telephone and do things for herself, but she's refusing (weaponized incompetence) and pretending she doesn't know how. I think you're handling her perfectly. She was sure you were going to cave and let her continue to stay with you, which is why she pitched such a fit when you reinforced your demand that she be out of your home by 1 May. Well done you! And don't you dare cave. Now that your sister is helping her, she should be able to get everything done and be out when scheduled, so the end has been achieved. Definitely NTJ.
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3. AITJ For Wanting To Help My SO's Family With Their Expenses?

“I (19M) have been with my significant other (18F) for about 3 years. About 3 months ago, I overheard a conversation (not intentionally, I was passing by the room they were in) between my SO’s parents and her elder brother (23M) about how they were struggling to pay some of the bills.

I work a decently paying job, so I decided that I would set aside some money from my (admittedly quite comfortable) salary to help them and give it to them as a birthday present for my SO’s father.

A week ago, I checked the account made for them and decided that it was enough to help them with bills and such for at least quite some time.

I proposed the idea to my SO a week after I came up with it, and she felt that it was very thoughtful and supported me fully, although she was unable to add too much money in (she is paying off student loans).

Four days ago was my SO’s father’s (‘Mike’) birthday.

My SO’s mother (‘Lara’), my SO, her brother (‘Ted’) and I were at Mike and Lara’s house to celebrate, and Ted had specially driven down quite a distance to celebrate. When it came to gifts, mine came in the shape of the cheque giving them all the money in the account.

(I will not say how much it is, but it’s enough to cover about 7-8 months’ worth of expenses. I was also paying off some debts at the time.) To my surprise, Lara ripped the cheque out of Mike’s hand and stomped on it.

‘We are not paupers. How dare you insinuate that we are?’

An awkward silence ensued until my SO coughed and said that she and I had a meeting to get to and leave. In the car, she apologized profusely and said she really had no idea they would take it that way.

Mike appreciates the gift (although the cheque we gave is completely useless as it was ripped into pieces). However, Ted and Lara have been messaging my SO and me, saying we ruined the birthday for Mike and how they will go no contact unless they get a heartfelt apology from both of us (me for giving the gift, my SO for not stopping me) as we both ‘called them poor and useless’.

I really don’t think I did anything wrong, but still…

I talked to my friend and she thinks the gift was really meaningful and my SO’s family is wrong to reject it, but there’s still part of me that feels bad for insinuating that they are poor and unable to help themselves.

I really wanted to help though. So, am I wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’ve been together for three years. It’s not like you’re a drive-by rich date splashing your money around?

I agree with your friend, your motives were entirely in the right place, and it’s interesting that the two people offended the most are not Mike?

Perhaps it would have been gladly accepted by Mike if you’d given it to him in private.

I’d ask your SO how likely Lara’s wrath will continue (not so concerned about Ted, although it’s interesting the family thought he should know their finances but not your SO?), about whether it will blow over with time (surprised that she gave you the ok if they’re super sensitive about finances).

Has your SO indicated if she’s willing to talk to her family about this frankly, that you accidentally overheard the conversation and saved for three months for them? This wasn’t you just cutting a check for charity, you thought and saved for the occasion.” BikingAimz

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – some people are incredibly prideful, I think you needed to figure out their mindset before offering such a gesture. It probably would’ve been easier just to talk to her father and offer him a well-paying job on the weekends to do something for you, this is what I did for my dad because I know he would not accept any money from me.

Instead, I paid him about double the market rate to do things around the house for me that I couldn’t get to because of my travel schedule, it gave him purpose, it was a mutually beneficial relationship and I was able to help my parents with money.

I do think maybe you should apologize though, but I wouldn’t apologize without saying my piece about trying to do something helpful for them, apologize for the way they took it, apologize for not understanding their perspective.” GreatOneLiners

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2. AITJ For Giving My Niece A Notebook With A Black Unicorn?

“I (19m) have an older brother ‘Jason’ (30m) who’s married to ‘Rebecca’ (32f) and has a kid ‘Lucy’ (8f). I love my brother and I adore my little niece, so much so that I’m one of the main go-to babysitters because I don’t mind watching Lucy for free.

While I do respect the fact that Rebecca is my brother’s wife and the mother of one of my top 5 people, we’re not really close and we’re both cool with that.

Growing up Lucy has been kinda like the stereotypical girly girl, liking the fairytales, the color pink, dolls, etc. but I feel like she’s starting to get to the level where she’s starting to figure out her own identity and what she’s really into.

I first noticed this when I was babysitting her and we decided to watch the Addams Family movie and really took a strong interest in the character Morticia. She asked a lot of questions and wanted to watch the movie again so I indulged her.

I honestly had other things planned for us to do since I was babysitting her for the whole weekend, Jason and Rebecca went to an out-of-state wedding, but all Lucy wanted to do was watch movies. At first, it was the Addams Family but then we watched Hotel Transylvania 1-3 and she really liked Maeve.

For some reason Lucy has become really interested in the goth girl aesthetic and instead of wearing pretty bright stereotypical ‘girly-girl’ colors she started asking her parents to buy her darker colors.

I could tell that Rebecca was annoyed but I thought it was because A) I technically didn’t get approval to show Lucy any ‘scary/horror’ movies we watched and B) the prospect of having to shell out more cash to buy a whole new wardrobe to appease Lucy.

I apologized for not getting permission before showing Lucy the movies, promised never to do so again, and thought we were cool.

That was back in May and Lucy is still very interested in female characters who don the goth aesthetic and witches, and says that her favorite color isn’t pink anymore but black and dark purple.

The last time I babysat Lucy, she asked me if I could buy her a notebook with a Black Unicorn she saw on Amazon and because it was less than $10 I got it. Lucy was so happy when I gave it to her but later her mom pulled me off to the side and chewed me out.

Rebecca said I had no right to buy Lucy that notebook without her permission, that the color of the notebook promotes evil, and that I would no longer be allowed to watch Lucy anymore since it was obvious that I was trying to convert Lucy.

I was so dumbfounded to say anything at the moment but I’m starting to question if I did something really wrong here so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. However, you want to be careful how you proceed. Rebecca is the gatekeeper to Lucy and if you push too hard, they may stop contact.

You have to decide if you want to be right (which you were) or if you want to have a relationship with Lucy (and just defer to what Rebecca wants). It’s a sucky choice, but Rebecca has all of the power in this situation.” Appropriate_Speech33

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like your SIL has plans for ‘what kind’ of child she’ll have and it doesn’t match up with the kind of child she HAS. That’s going to be a source of resentment between the two of them for years to come.

She doesn’t sound like she recognizes that her daughter is a PERSON and she can’t dictate everything she’s ‘allowed’ to be interested in. That’s ridiculous.

It also sounds like she’s jealous that you and Lucy have such a good relationship and Lucy shares things with you that she knows she can’t share with her mother.

If she were a good mother, she’d be happy that her daughter has someone to confide in and share things with who will do their best to keep her safe and give her good advice. That’s obviously not how her mother feels because she wants Lucy to always like the same things she was TOLD to like when she was too young to actually know what interested her and appealed to her.

That’s the mother’s problem, not yours.

If she keeps this up, they’re going to end up as two strangers who live in the same house. If she continues to push you away, her daughter won’t have ANYONE that she feels comfortable sharing with.

(That’s STILL not going to make her start sharing with her mother, though…) That makes me SO sad for both you and Lucy.

I hope that talking to your brother helps to solve the problem. Here’s hoping that he’s a reasonable person who recognizes that his daughter is a whole person with thoughts, opinions, and feelings of her own.

I also hope that he recognizes that unicorn notebooks aren’t promoting evil… because that’s actually insane.” Affectionate_Salt351

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1. AITJ For Informing My Kids That Their Dad Won't Be Seeing Them For Two Weeks?

“My (41f) soon-to-be ex-husband T (43m) and I are separated and have been having some major challenges communicating. Because of this, we email each other for any changes in our visitation schedule. We have 3 children together (5m, 5m, and 2f).

Currently, T has the kids during the day on Sundays only. This is completely his decision, not mine nor is it court-ordered or anything. There is no communication between him and the children on any other day. Again, that’s his decision, not mine.

About a month ago, T emailed me stating that he would be going out of town for work at the beginning of October and so would not be seeing the kids for the first 2 weekends.

Ok, no problem. This past Sunday, I confirmed with him that he would not be seeing the kids for the next 2 weeks. He said yes. Ok, no problem.

Fast forward to this morning, I was driving all the kids to school (kindy and preschool). We were all talking about the school holiday on Friday and so the conversation of the weekend came up.

One of my boys made a comment about Daddy Day on Sunday. I said, ‘Well Daddy is going out of town. So he won’t be seeing you for a couple of weeks right?’ Well, apparently they didn’t know this. The boys both started crying.

I asked, ‘Didn’t your dad tell you on Sunday that he wouldn’t be seeing you for a couple of weeks?’ They both said no and were very upset. School drop-off was rough, to say the least.

So I called T and asked if he said anything to the kids about him being away.

He said no. I asked why. He said because he wasn’t sure when he would be leaving. I said well you knew that Sunday was the last for a few weeks so why on earth would you not tell your kids that you wouldn’t be seeing them?

He said that I’m the jerk because I told them! That I should’ve said nothing and let him tell them when he was ready to. So I asked what he expected me to do when the kids asked me what was happening. The information I gave them was the exact same information he gave to me.

And it’s happening this week! At no point did he ever say not to tell them. His only response was that he didn’t want to say anything until he had his plans completely set. But he still won’t be seeing them Sunday even if his plans change… And has zero plans to come and talk to the kids.

I think he’s a jerk because he wasn’t upfront with them.

So, AITJ for telling my children that their dad will be out of town for a couple of weeks?”

Another User Comments:


Did he think they wouldn’t notice when he didn’t pick them up on Sunday?

Not telling them makes him the ‘fun’ parent and makes you the ‘mean’ parent. It’s one of the easiest ways to get the kids to resent you. When this keeps going on for a while he will start blaming you because ‘Mommy wouldn’t let me see you.’ Because they already resent you they will believe him.

My sperm donor did this with my brother and me. When she figured out what was going on she would mention if he wouldn’t be able to spend time with us when he picked us up. This forced the burden of explaining it to us back on him.

Was that fair to us? Heck no!

It did end that nonsense game he was playing.” midlifeducation

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If he told you that he wasn’t going to be there then it’s a reasonable assumption that he’d told the kids. What did he expect would happen, that they’d magically just forget for those two weeks?

On a separate note, get it court-ordered and get it all documented. This is the type of guy who will ignore his responsibilities entirely, given the opportunity.” walnutwithteeth

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and I would do as walnutwithteeth says and go to court and get visitation set and documented. And get him started paying child support as well, unless you've already got that sorted. Your soon to be ex sounds well on his way to making you a single mother for all intents and purposes, so you might as well get him started paying for the children he's ignoring. I'm so sorry you and your kids are having to go through this. Best of luck.
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