People Want Us To Comment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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It's annoying when people give unsolicited advice to us even if we think we're not doing anything wrong with our lives. People who meddle with the lives of others are hard to be around. There are times when they think you're being a jerk so they will comment about your life decisions, but in reality, they are the ones who are acting like jerks because of how overly opinionated they are becoming. Here are some stories from people who were called jerks by those who are not entirely approving of their actions and decisions. Read on and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

24. AITJ For Being Impatient With My Pregnant Cousin?

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“My sister is getting married this Summer. Back in December, I decided to create a group chat with all of my female cousins so we could arrange a bachelorette party for her. All of us are similar in age and have had a very close relationship since we grew up together. When I created the group I explained that I would like for us to organize some kind of weekend for my sister and asked if they were interested in taking part in it.

All of them said they were except for one of my cousins, let’s call her Lauren. Lauren didn’t answer. I found it weird but didn’t think too much about it.

Lauren’s sister, Amy has a job that doesn’t let her have free weekends, so she said she was unsure if she could join and she had to look it up. We agreed to wait a couple of weeks before deciding on the date, in case Amy’s schedule could be rearranged.

During the Holidays Lauren found out that she was pregnant. I figured out that that was the reason for her not answering.

Anyway, once the holidays passed, Amy went back to work and she confirmed that she had a certain weekend free and we could do the party then. We started brainstorming different possibilities but Lauren kept on not answering our messages. After several texts, she says that she cannot take part in the celebration because of her state.

I was pretty surprised since all of our ideas were pretty relaxed. Since I really wanted her to come I said that no plan was definitive and I was open to suggestions. She didn’t answer.

A couple of days passed so I insisted and asked what kind of activity would be suitable for her. She didn’t answer. I asked all of them to please leave their suggestions on the group chat asap since time is running out.

Still no answer. At this point, I’m really mad because I don’t want my sister to not have any celebration because we cannot seem to have an agreement.

Meanwhile, Amy is telling me that Lauren has told her that she will not take part, so we should go on without her. I honestly do not understand why she hasn’t just said that, so I reach out one last time.

Lauren has just sent me a voice message saying how selfish we are for counting her out. I tried to explain that we contacted her several times and tried to adjust to her needs but she doesn’t even respond. She says that she’s got responsibilities and it’s not her problem if I do not understand that. I’m very confused and angry, but maybe I should consider her point? I never wanted to exclude her, but I want this weekend to be for my sister.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Nah, definitely NTJ, you tried numerous times to include her with dates and activity suggestions. You actually went above and beyond in my books because you were willing to change things to suit her. End of the day you’re doing this for your sister, your sister is the queen of the day, not your cousin, leave her off. Some people will never be happy.” Squigs17

4 points (4 votes)
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Beads1912 3 months ago
Lauren's angry because she is pregnant and most likely wants to celebrate with all of the girls with drinks and can't. So everyone has to suffer.
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23. AITJ For Ignoring My Mother-In-Law During My Daughter's Birthday?

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“I (21, F) had my daughter a year ago with my (21, M) fiancé. This last year we have been very stern with my in-laws about our rules when it comes to our daughter. My MIL who has been in my life for 4 years now, was unable to follow our wishes and constantly crosses our boundaries, so she’s only met my daughter about 4 times throughout her life.

I have always been respectful to my MIL and have never said anything rude to her until I realized she had no regard or respect for me or my fiancé not just as parents, but as people too. I called her out about a month ago over the phone and told her all of the issues we have with her. Before my fiancé had always talked to her and tried to explain his feeling and issues with how she treats us but she always ignored him.

So that’s why this time I decided to say something because for years I have always let my fiancé deal with it. I told her we were tired of the disrespect, guilt trips, and gaslighting. She became instantly defensive and said I’m the reason she doesn’t see her son or granddaughter. That was simply not true, since my fiancé and I are on the same page about EVERYTHING that regards our daughter.

In this phone call with MIL, I also brought up the podcast that she makes with her friend. In her podcast, she passive-aggressively talks bad about our political views, and said that our daughter isn’t ‘developing normally.’ So I told her ‘not to see her granddaughter because she doesn’t know her anyways.’

We still decided to invite MIL to my daughter’s first birthday party, because my fiancé decided that he wanted her to be there.

We sent her an invite via mail a month in advance, and she never mentioned it on the various phone calls they had throughout the month. He called her a few days before to see if she was coming because my fiancé’s uncle’s wife has the SAME issues with MIL and we wanted to be able to give them some warning. MIL says she doesn’t know if she will go because she is uncomfortable around me, and she hasn’t received her apology.

My fiancé told MIL that I ‘have nothing to apologize for’.

MIL shows up with 3 other family members, and they all sat in the corner. My mom tried to introduce herself and MIL was rude and dismissive to her. They all talked very loudly while my daughter opened presents, and didn’t even watch her open one. I never went over to say ‘hello’ because I figured that no matter what, my actions and words are always twisted.

I wanted to focus on my daughter on her special day since it was her first birthday AND first Easter. My fiancé still went and sat at her table, but she didn’t talk to him. She left crying and didn’t say goodbye to anyone.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… she’s lucky she even got an invite acting like that. You don’t need toxic people on your left or around your child.

The real litmus test here is that she has a problem with your fiance too and has no respect for your parents. Cut her out.” Bigdaddylovesfatties

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

  • Your family is your daughter and fiance, MIL and everyone else is a relative now, you should always do what’s the best for the 3 of you (especially for your daughter).
  • No one except both of you should decide on how to raise your daughter, as long as she’s not in any danger don’t listen to anyone else.
  • The rest of your fiance’s family seems to know how toxic MIL is so don’t worry, they support you two.
  • Who goes venting about other people’s decisions on a podcast?! That is something pretty stupid to do and as advice, if she continues doing this or messing with your family file a restraining order and uses her podcast as evidence.” jyroux

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you did nothing wrong. She can cry. If she continues to be nasty to you as this child gets older you will need to keep her away. That includes birthdays. You cannot have this woman treat you badly in front of the child. Right now she is a baby but if her behavior continues you two will have to have a tough conversation about cutting her off.” mcmurrml

3 points (3 votes)
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shta 2 months ago
That's the last time she would be invited to anything ever again. You don't need that kind of B'S in you and your daughters lives. Cut ties with her until she gets her head out of her ass! That's what i would do, but that's just me!
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22. AITJ For Not Helping With My Daughter's Birthday Preparation?

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“I have 4 kids. My 3 oldest have the same dad, my youngest has a different dad.

My youngest daughter is turning 10 in 3 weeks. Her dad lives out of state, so he doesn’t visit that much. There is a court order for visits but at his own expense. He just says it’s too expensive, which is why he visits about once or twice a year.

He does video chats too.

So a month ago he told me he was planning on coming out for her birthday weekend (birthday lands on Saturday this year) and said he would like to take her for a daddy-daughter weekend for her birthday. This actually worked out perfect for me as my older kids go to their dad’s that weekend so I could celebrate her birthday the weekend before that and not have to change any schedules.

This also gives my husband and me our 1st kid-free weekend in nearly a year.

Everything was set. Now today, my daughter ended up breaking her ankle at school. She’s in a boot and has to use crutches for the next 6 weeks. I did buy her a knee scooter just so she can get around easier.

I informed her dad about what happened and this is where everything took a turn.

He asked the normal questions, is she ok, can she put any weight on it, etc. He asked if she could go swimming and the doctor had told us it wasn’t a good idea. He said that all his plans were ruined cause he was taking her swimming.

I told him she could still do other things and how we changed our birthday celebration to something small at our house now.

He said I needed to help him with his celebration with her. When I asked him what he meant, he said I needed to bring cake, ice cream, and presents to the hotel they would be staying at. I told him I couldn’t do that as our budget is now tight since we have a hospital bill to pay for when we took her in.

Now he’s mad at me stating how he’s not going to be able to celebrate properly with her and how I’ve ruined everything.

So AITJ for not helping?”

Another User Comments:

“Whoa whoa whoa hold on, you have to buy the cake and presents he gives her? What in the ever-loving carnation!?!?

Now mind you I went and bought a gift for my niece ‘from her father’ (my brother), he was deployed at the time though (and both stepmom & stepdad were being super petty).

He planned to go swimming but now can’t manage a cake? Heck, my high-school sweetheart was broke and he still managed to make my birthday sweet.

(Picnic in the park with a couple of cupcakes, then watching a couple of my favorite movies at home.) Did he ever stop and think ‘hey maybe my kid wants to spend some time with me’?

Personally, I’d let her pick up some kind of treat (her choice) to take to the hotel, maybe let her pick out a few decorations at the dollar store. But that’s me.

I don’t however think you need to buy gifts for him to give to her.

Oh yeah, NTJ.” Megalodona

Another User Comments:

“If your daughter needs you to do this because her Dad won’t for whatever reason he makes up, then you need to do it. It’s about her happiness and not yours or his.

Push him to do it but don’t let it break the chance for her to see him.

You’re NTJ unless you don’t put her first. It’s once in a blue moon.” logaruski73

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, the dollar tree has cheap decorations and helium balloons. He can spend $10 there and set up his hotel room and take her for ice cream. $30 total and I bet she’d appreciate it. No need for you to have to provide everything for him to do a little something for her.” Electronic-Ad-1968

3 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 3 months ago
You had the weekend before to celebrate her birthday, HE needs to step up for HIS OWN DAUGHTER'S day. He is a total asswipe
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21. AITJ For Being Selfish About My Drying Rack?

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“So I just had an argument with my flatmate – he borrowed my drying rack a couple of days ago. I had just washed my clothes so I knocked and walked to his room (this is normal for us, we are in each other’s rooms all the time). He was in his bed and I told him I’m just gonna take the rack back and I started moving his dry bedsheets from the rack onto his chair – to which he took offense and told me to stop moving it.

I was rather baffled by this as I saw no apparent reason why that would bother him. I admittedly moved exactly one more pillowcase to which he responded along the lines of ‘stop touching my things, I will bring the rack to you.’ I was like ‘OK weirdo’ and I backed out of the room – he closed the door in my face and locked it.

A couple of minutes later he brought the rack over and the following conversation took place:

Him: ‘You can really tick me off you know!’

Me: ‘I have no clue how you are this bothered by me moving a piece of the bed linen…’

Him: ‘I would have taken it off carefully myself and I wouldn’t have to iron it.’

Me: ‘It is a bed sheet, not a dress shirt, there is no chance you were ever actually planning on ironi…’

Him (not letting me finish): ‘Just shut up!’

Me: ‘You know what, buy your own drying rack, that will spare us this debate in the future,’ and I closed the door in his face.

I am well aware I could have acted somewhat calmer but AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but don’t get caught up defending ironing bedsheets or not, the point was, the drying rack was yours and you don’t mind him using it but you have ‘rights’ over it. You also don’t want your clothes getting moldy in the washing machine while you ‘wait’ for his stuff to dry.

Sounds like he presumed it was both of yours to use. Clear that up.” tinny36

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I generally feel that it’s wasteful to expect roommates to buy two of something that is infrequently used, but a laundry drying rack requires at least a full day’s usage, if not longer, and sharing something like that is guaranteed to lead to problems especially if your roommate is going to keep it for days.

IMO you didn’t cross a line by touching his bed sheets.

But… who air dries SHEETS inside their house? I can understand using a drying rack for some small handwash items, but surely you have full laundry facilities somewhere for the bigger items?” Allimack

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, screw that clown. Anything you borrow should be handed back ASAP and with effusive thanks. I would nickel and dime him on every single item. That idiot wouldn’t be using my salt without full accounting.” OskeewowwowIL

2 points (2 votes)
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ankn 2 months ago
I wonder if he had some lacy underthings hidden on that rack he didn't want you to see? Never mind. If he buys his own rack, he can hang his stuff as long as he wants.
1 Reply

20. AITJ For Not Being Interested In A Family Vacation?

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“I (16f) go on vacation with my parents, brother, and dad’s side of the family every summer break. Since summer break is coming up soon the adults have already started planning the trip. This year I put my foot down and told my parents flat out I do not want to go. When asked why I explained it was because my cousins (15F, 13M & 11F) and brother (14M) always find a way to pick on me.

I am bigger in height and weight than them and they always tease me and make me the laughing stock of the group. I am so tired of it and it makes me want to die. Well, my parents tell me that I can’t be left alone for a week while everyone is out of state. I tell them I get that but I just don’t wanna spend a ‘relaxing’ vacation getting bullied.

They say they can think about just not going but that makes me feel bad, honestly, I feel stuck and hopeless. I want my family to have fun but I don’t want to be miserable.

AITJ for this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I agree that going to a camp or staying with other family (friends) would be ideal. Personally, staying with Grandma sounds like the easiest solution. I ended up on vacation with my grandmother in my early twenties for just a couple of days and honestly learned more about her in those two days than I probably did in the whole rest of my life.

I only wish I had been able to learn her recipes during that time.

If that turns out to not be possible, I’d suggest trying to frame this in the most mature way you can–as a networking opportunity. What field do you want to get into when you graduate? Some companies/schools offer camps/programs for high schoolers. If you’ve missed the deadline for those, try ‘designing’ your own by asking someone you know if you can ‘shadow’ them for that week.

Who do you know, or who do your parents know, who may be willing (and allowed) to host you for a week, and teach you a bit about their job? If it’s tied to you wanting to learn something about an industry, adults will sometimes be more on board to help make it happen for you. You mentioned that you guys spend this vacation with your dad’s side of the family; what about your mom’s side? Any aunts or uncles that would be willing to let you hang out with them for the week?

If all of that fails, find something separate from your family.

Look for friends at the place where you’re going. Check out if they have any programs open to kids your age. Libraries/community centers sometimes have summer activities that are open to basically anyone. Make up a project for yourself that requires you to be away from the rest of them. Bird watching, plant recognition, etc. Use the time to get to know your parents and aunt/uncle by asking to go on walks with each of them, one a day.

Get to know them, but make sure to also let them know part of the reason for the walk is to be away from your cousins because of how they treat you and the fact that you 1) don’t want to stoop to their level 2) would be told not to anyway because you’re older than they are. Knowing you’re taking the step of scheduling yourself away from the family and feel trapped in what you can do in response might make them actually realize this is an issue they need to help you solve.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If they are willing to miss a vacation rather than actually parent their kids, then let them miss the vacation.

I’d bet anything they have zero intention of canceling that holiday though; this is just a guilt trip to make you comply without making a fuss. Stand. Your. Ground. When they try complaining, let them know this is 100% THEIR CHOICE. They have the option of going on vacation and parenting your little bro, but they have made the extreme choice to cancel the holiday instead.

That’s on them, not you.

If all else fails, then try and get a friend to come with you.” Useful_Experience423

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I completely understand you don’t want to go with them, and it sounds like your parents understand too. Maybe you could ask them to help come up with a solution that allows you both to enjoy your summer. Do you maybe have a friend you could stay with for the week? Or a family member that doesn’t go on the trip that you would enjoy staying with? This would allow your parents to still go on the trip while you won’t have to.” Apprehensive-Pen-531

2 points (2 votes)
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Foofer 2 months ago
Grow some balls, stand upfor yoself. You said ththe"tease" you? Say something rude/hateful, "tease" back. Say it loud, draw attention. As a last resort/if it gets physical, throw punch. Blame parents, you complained
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19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Teach My Annoying Cousin's Daughter?

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“I come from a small family (mother, father, me). We used to live where my mother and I were born. In my youth, I only had real contact with my mother’s side of the family and they were a piece of work.

My mother loves her family, she has a sister who has 3 kids. My two older cousins (female and male) and Lucy, the cousin who this post is about.

Lucy and her sister used to have a very close relationship with my mother. Before I was born, they held my mother as their second mother, and normally stayed in our house when things went south at theirs.

When I was born, Lucy and I got along well, I saw her as my big sister and the feeling was mutual. When I grew older the relationship went cold but never non-existent.

Things turned sour when Lucy accused me of stealing CDs from her, despite having widely different tastes in music. This created a breach between my mother, Lucy, and Lucy’s mother. A few years in the future, Lucy accused my mother of stealing jewelry from her and broke her relationship with our family. My mother was devastated, not only because of the accusation, the thing that hurt the most is the way Lucy spoke of her with the family.

Their relationship never was the same after that.

Fast forward a couple of years, in my twenties and my mother and Lucy patched things up at Lucy’s wedding that I was not invited to. It wasn’t a big deal since I was at my SO’s house for the summer. It was all well until Lucy started to talk about my SO and our son. In Lucy’s eyes, my SO wasn’t ‘good for me’ and had some inappropriate and snarky remarks to say about my SO.

I didn’t care since Lucy never had a big impact on my life (since the CD incident) and my SO didn’t mind because she’s a tough girl. That being said, I cut any ties with Lucy. My mother did so as well, but she’s a sweetheart and ended up forgiving her eventually because she really wanted to have a close family relationship.

Yesterday, Lucy called me several times (ignored her) and then called my mother to ask for my help in teaching her kid English, since she didn’t want to pay the Private Tutor fee.

The deal was to help her with every test. I told her no because I didn’t want to put Lucy’s kid’s grades in danger if I made any mistakes and because Lucy and I haven’t spoken in years and she only reached out to me to become her underpaid teacher, I told her that the school where Lucy put her kid is an expensive private one, that she has the money and that I won’t do it.

This made my mom sad and I feel guilty for it.

Am I the jerk for not helping?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – even without all the backstory. Sad that a close family relationship broke up over some CDs, so it would seem the communication, empathy, and problem-solving skills are not very strong, but the grudge is VERY strong. This doesn’t sound like something you want to be a part of.

They had no contact with you until they wanted something. Nope!” tinny36

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As you said, you had no contact with her before this so why would you help her. Family ties mean nothing when you don’t treat each other with love and respect, so you shouldn’t feel guilty for not helping them. Too bad your mom feels sad but that’s on her, not on you.” Imkode8719

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – even without the backstory, you don’t gotta do a thing for anyone, ever, you don’t want to. Full Stop. Furthermore, entitled parents, historically, make entitled children. There will be conflict and Lucy will inevitably take the child’s side over yours. It will never be their child’s fault or responsibility for bad grades, it will be yours. You will be an unpaid scapegoat.

Stay away from this dumpster fire, you don’t have enough fire extinguishers.” ROZDOG69

2 points (2 votes)
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Shell1982 3 months ago
NTJ tell Lucy she's an entitled b*tch and to jog on.
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear My Mom Talk Bad About My Dad?

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“My Mom (F39) and I (M14) are just getting over a terrible loss, my dad sadly passed away on April 4th. My mom has been impacted hard but has bounced back greatly. Yesterday night we were talking about how funny my dad was when the topic shifted to how much my dad loved my mom.

They’ve been separated for 13 years and never had much of a romantic relationship but she was like his best friend.

So I understood that she held a special place in his heart. Over the conversation, I heard her talk about the women he went out with and how he was able to put me and the women he’s gone out with in harm’s way with rotten food, going without food, and terrible living conditions. She said it made her feel good to know he really cared about her when he’d sent funds for necessities.

At some point she began to compare her looks and even push down on my dad’s appearance, calling him fat and such. That’s when I asked her to stop talking about my dad in general and called her arrogant. That’s something I regretted when she’s visibly saddened and went on about why she needed to vent to me and I’m her little therapist etc. I felt bad so I just made up some lie about being confused about how their relationship worked.

It was obvious she saw him as a friend but to me, he sounded like a pet.

It didn’t help that tomorrow was the day her mom passed. She had a breakdown at midnight about it and told me about how cruel I was and I didn’t know what it was like to lose a parent and a best friend.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Oh god, the fact that she called you ‘her little therapist’ is honestly so disgusting.

If she needs therapy, she can go see an actual therapist instead of unloading her emotional baggage on her kid. I do feel the way she was talking about him was absolutely uncalled for, and WAY too soon. But you also need to understand, that you don’t just ‘bounce back’ from grief. She’s probably trying to seem like she’s holding it together, for everyone around her including you.

You lost your dad, she lost the father of her child.

Grief doesn’t go away in less than a month. She can seem totally fine for a few days and something small can send the sadness in so fast. I lost one of my family members two years ago, and while I’ve mostly gotten over the grief, I do have off days where they’re all I can think about and I feel the sadness as if I’d just found out he’d passed.

It’s not fair for her to unload on you, that’s your dad and I’m sure you’re mourning his loss too. Hearing my mother trash talk my recently deceased father would send me over the edge and I’d flip out, so. NTJ.” Zestyclose-Hour8614

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So sorry for your loss. Your mom is at best being inappropriate, possibly trying to manipulate you. You’re 14, you shouldn’t have to deal with this, especially just as you lost your dad.

Perhaps she’s grieving too in her own way. You reacted in a very human way and she took it badly. Perhaps the best thing to do is to remind her you’re NOT her ‘little therapist’, you’re her child, and you’re grieving too. And that both of you can remember him, but it’s not appropriate to trash talk your dad to you.” cjack68

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you hit the nail on the head when you called her arrogant.

You lost your dad and here she’s telling you to your face that you don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent? And her way of reminiscing and looking back on her deceased husband’s passing is to vent to you about him by talking trash about him? Your mom is a disrespectful, insensitive jerk who broke the cardinal rule which is don’t speak ill of the dead. And to top it all off, she’s treating a teenager as her therapist which has never been, is not, and never will be okay on any level when it comes to parents and their children.” desolation29

2 points (2 votes)
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rbleah 2 months ago
NTJ Any time mommy starts talking trash just tell her discussion is over and you walk away. If she pushes tell her she is out of line and YOU ARE NOT HER THERAPIST. If she needs one that badly she needs to go pay for a real one.
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17. AITJ For Not Being There For My Partner?

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“My significant other and I spent the last 6 days together. Although we don’t live together, we are together almost every day.

A few weeks ago I had a sore throat and warned her, but she was happy to spend time together.

Yesterday she became seriously ill and couldn’t get out of bed. I live with my parents and went home to spend time with them, so I didn’t visit my SO.

We had an Easter dinner planned with her family and my SO said her parents would pack leftovers for us. I said I would come over.

I came over and dropped some liquids off, but then told my SO I wouldn’t eat with her because I wanted to go home. She was visibly upset. She said ‘why didn’t you tell me that before you came over? I would have changed my plans.’

I didn’t want to become sick too.

She argued we had spent the last 6 days together and at this point, it feels like she was being abandoned. (She lives alone.)

I didn’t want to take any chances. She said that at some point I have to make a decision between prioritizing her or my family and that it seems kind of childish that I’m 30 and still living at home.

I just want everyone to stay safe.

My parents haven’t been sick and I don’t want them to become ill.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You implied you were going to come over and eat with her – at least that’s what she thought – so she adjusted plans (maybe her parents would’ve stayed to eat if you weren’t coming), and then you bailed on her without warning.

You’re her partner and she’s sick and probably needs a little help and understanding from you, not just you going back home because ‘you don’t want to get sick.’ She couldn’t get out of bed and you were like ‘I don’t want to get sick, so I’m going home – good luck fending for yourself honey!’

She was okay with being around you when you were sick.

I bet she took care of you as well. Fair is fair. Is she isolated with something highly infectious?

If you’re that selfish to spot these signs, I bet it’s part of the reason you’re still living with your parents at 30.” burnafone91

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for being dishonest. You spend half of your post arguing that you didn’t want to get sick, how you were watching out for your family, blah blah, but you conveniently gloss over the part where your partner changed her plans for you and pointed this out and you have no answer for it.

Be an adult and let people know if you’re gonna change plans that involve them. And be adult enough to own up to you messing up on this one instead of asking strangers to tell you that you did nothing wrong.” blackandwhitepaint

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, a small one, but you’re the jerk. I think what’s important to consider is that she’s spending the holiday alone. You set an expectation that she would have a plan with someone she cared a lot about and thus eliminated her need to find alternative plans. After backing out, she now has to spend the holiday alone and that sucks.” AvalonNyte

2 points (2 votes)
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IndiaBlu 2 months ago
ESH
You not wanting to get sick and pass it onto your parents is admirable. It's also responsible. Your SO sounds like a child in her response and her need for constant attention. If you didn't tell her you wanted to stay away so you didn't get sick then YTJ. But her wanting you to pick between her and your family makes her a massive jerk.
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16. WIBTJ For Suddenly Leaving Two Months Early?

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“I 21F, live with a girl A (21F) that I have known since 7th grade. We have been friends since then but not super close. In May of 2021, we moved into a 2b1bath apartment. I brought the vast majority of common furnishings, kitchen table, and chairs, all cooking supplies, living room tv couch and decor, and a desk which I let her have to use for school.

A has a few pans and mugs as well as beverage equipment and her room’s belongings.

Since moving in A has been a total slob, using all of my kitchen supplies and making a huge mess then leaving the sink full of dirty dishes. These dishes will sit for weeks on end without getting cleaned or even having the food dumped out of them. Not putting away the food she’s made so it sits out to go rancid.

Filling up the common trash twice a week and not taking it out. The bathroom is completely taken over by her stuff. A has broken glasses, can openers, and a pan without saying anything or replacing them. The knife block is fully empty 95% of the time as she uses any knife for anything and doesn’t clean them.

We have a working large dishwasher. The first few months I would pick up her mess and take out the trash but I got tired of cleaning up what wasn’t my mess.

Multiple times I have asked her to clean up the kitchen mess and made agreements to wash dishes immediately. These have not been helping up. Our lease ends this July, my SO has a place that I intend to move into.

WIBTJ if I moved in there before June and took all of my belongings? There would be essentially nothing left except for her food goods and things that I don’t intend to keep.

I would pay my share of the rent for the remaining two months but I do not wish to live here anymore. I want to give her a final wake-up message to see if she’ll change but I’m not sure what to say at this point.”

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ

If the environment is toxic and unhealthy for you which to me personally wouldn’t be mentally healthy, then you gotta take care of yourself.

Because you are still paying rent it’s not like you are abandoning her with the bill for rent.

But the big question is are you done with her as a friend? Some people are bad roommates but great friends, doing this could be the end of the friendship. Are you okay with losing that friendship?

‘I want to give her a final wake-up message to see if she’ll change but I’m not sure what to say at this point.’

I have learned we can give people a million wake-up messages and some people will not change.

My mother is a huge example of this.

Is this a lesson you are worth possibly losing a friendship over?

Or could you just start slowly moving out things and mention that you are moving over and not make it about teaching her a lesson as much as you want to get a start at the life with your partner? And giving her some time to get some things together so it’s not a sudden ‘surprise, I am gone!’

She may not even realize there is a lesson and just think you are a crappy person.” Distinct-Music3993

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

For your mental health, I would say to just leave.

I had one and only roommate that tricked me into living with her. She said she cleaned weekly and did a deep clean once a month. Not once did I see her do a deep clean. We had several meetings where she said she would clean and stick to the cleaning schedule. I had absolute patience and left it to the last day that she was meant to clean and then ended up having to do it myself.

She tricked me into renewing the lease with her by ‘changing’ her behavior the last few months, then went back to being a slob once the new lease was signed. She’d had roommates before and said that they would clean the countertops once a week! What?! Anyways, there’s no changing a slob like that and it would be better to get out as soon as you can.

If you are both on the lease, definitely do a clean-up before leaving. Take pictures and if possible try to get your half of the deposit from your roommate. Try to leave amicably if you want your half of the deposit back, as the only way you’ll be getting it is if your roommate gives it to you. No chance you’ll get it back unless your roommate cleans at the end of the lease.

If you’d rather just wash your hands of the situation then just pack up your stuff and leave.” Suspicious-Guess-964

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

However don’t just go, you should inform your landlord first and say you’ll still be paying your portion and take photos, and videos and timestamp them as a form of proof so you get your deposit or your portion of the deposit back. Take everything you bought with you as it is yours.

You should also tell her as well e.g I’m moving out in the next week or something to a similar effect to allow her time to prepare, make sure you state your reasons and I’d also suggest getting some timestamped proof of her sloppiness and refusal to clean. Just try and stay in contact with that landlord, I know they typically aren’t amazing but it could very well help you out.

If the landlord says something like it won’t stop them from keeping your deposit I’d not tell her and clean the whole apartment on the day the lease is up to get your deposit back and then text her the reasons you won’t be renewing the lease with her etc.” Deer-Sage

1 points (1 votes)
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rbleah 3 months ago
Just make sure you give the rent to whoever you pay rent to. Tell you are moving out and this is YOUR portiion of rent. Tell roomie you are gone, you paid landlord your portion of rent and get out, taking ALL of your things. NTJ
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15. AITJ For Asking The Person Who Damaged My Car To Pay For The Repairs?

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“I was at a party at a friend’s house that I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Because I had to get up early the next day and wasn’t drinking anyway, I decided to drive home, as the rest of the group decided to walk to a bar nearby.

I got in my car and let some time pass by setting up the navigation, drinking some water, and setting the playlist…

After I was ready I started driving down the road my friends were walking on. I assumed they would do some stuff, so I intentionally took some more time before I started the engine, hoping that they would have left the street by now, but they didn’t.

As I drove up to them they jokingly tried to open the doors (the car was locked) and fold in my mirrors.

All that while they blocked me from driving past them.

I really really like my cars and I absolutely hate it when someone is that disrespectful to them, so since I didn’t want to deescalate the situation by screaming at them or whatever, I didn’t do anything.

The car I drove that evening was a new BMW X5, so not a super expensive car, but still not a trashy one.

Those friends all drive cars that are less than 5k, so they do those jokes to each other all the time and they don’t really care if the car gets damaged, but I thought that with my car that would be a different story. It wasn’t.

After some tried to unlock the doors at least 3 times, one of the heavier guys (a friend’s friend) decided to jump on my hood.

My heart dropped the moment I saw what he wanted to do and I couldn’t do anything against it.

The result of this was a big dent in the hood along with two very deep scratches from the buttons the guy had on his pants. He jumped on it, and then slid off it. So the scratches are really long.

Along with my dash cam recording everything I got out of my car and took pictures and videos.

He was way too wasted to realize what he just did, even after I tried talking some sense into him.

I didn’t want to ruin the evening for anyone else, so I didn’t want to call the police (which might have been a mistake if I look back at it?)

The repair estimate so far is a bit over 1.5k.

Some of my friends think I am a bad person for not paying for it myself since ‘You can afford it.’

I honestly do not care if he can afford it or not.

I don’t care if he pays it off in a year, but I really don’t want to pay for it myself either directly or with insurance.

AITJ for asking someone to pay for something they damaged?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ!!!

They were complete morons and acted like children. You don’t jump on someone’s bonnet and not expect something to come of it!

Maybe send him a message and just say something along the lines of:

‘Hey mate, last night was fun, was good to see you but I’ve got some bad news! When you jumped on my hood it left a dent and scratches and it’s gonna cost around $1.5k to get it repaired.

I know you didn’t mean to wreck it but I’m a bit upset about this tbh. If I give you the part number you can have a look for a better price but maybe we can chat about how you want to pay for it?’

It’s polite, not trashy, and totally reasonable. Send him the pics you have of it and the part number.

Good luck friend, also have a European car in a foreign country so understand how expensive it can be to repair!” d1zz186

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ, but this is one of those extremely delicate situations that could lead you to lose more than what you’re willing to lose over this.

Your friends sound extremely immature, immature enough that they will hold this against you even if it is definitely their responsibility to make it right. Are you willing to lose friends over this? If you’re a strong-spined person, this is a good way to pick out the jerks in the group.” wovenbasket69

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all, holy cow, that’s bad, you need new friends. Friends don’t do stuff like that, even when wasted. And friends definitely don’t act like you should pay the damage he caused. And if he refuses to pay he deserves to have the police called on him.” Ashanovia

1 points (1 votes)
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IndiaBlu 2 months ago
NTJ
It's not too late to call the police. If you make an attempt to collect reparations and he refuses then you turn over the evidence to your insurance and the police.
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14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Prom Even Though My Partner Wants To?

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“It’s my senior year in high school and I’m in a relationship with my partner, who I’ve been with for a little more than a year. He’s been wanting to go to prom and I started to give not-so-subtle hints that I didn’t want to go. I explained that I never wanted to go and spend so much on something that I’m not going to enjoy.

Even the thought of going gives me such bad anxiety that I’ve been puking, unable to eat for weeks now. We had gotten into a huge argument where I suggested we do something else, more personal and fun and we could make a day out of it. He agreed to it but is now upset again about it.

I understand his side, prom is built up to be this big fun event.

But our school doesn’t even have decorations, just a DJ that’s not even there the whole time. (I know through student council) it’s been built up to be this big deal but still. Am I being selfish? Should I just suck it up and go?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I totally understand where you’re coming from. If it’s giving you this much physical anxiety, then that’s obviously a sign you don’t want to go.

I understand his side, your partner wants to go and you’re his partner so it seems like a no-brainer for him. If he doesn’t want to take your compromise see if he wants to do something on another day, not the day of prom. Are you fine with him going without you?

Another option is that if you change your mind, you can always show up in the middle for 15 mins and see if you want to stay or not.

You don’t have to spend a lot on clothes or anything. It is one of those things that people who didn’t go might have wished they had gone and vice-versa. I honestly went to mine for maybe an hour.” klgh07

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

I agree with you that proms aren’t that big of a deal. I didn’t go to mine and have no regrets.

However, I also know that in many cases proms are made into this almost mystical experience of love and everything like that.

I also don’t agree that you need to ‘suck it up and just go’, especially if you are really anxious about going. Honestly, if he refuses to go with someone else, and you don’t want to go, then I am not sure there is a good compromise here that doesn’t give you anxiety.” DiegoIntrepid

Another User Comments:

“I think you should suck it up and go, yes. Either that or tell your partner to go with someone else.

Normally, I’d say don’t do something you don’t want to do, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and your partner really wants to go. I would not want it on me to deny him that. Besides, it’s one night. You also need to breathe. If this has caused you to puke, that might be more about personal issues you have than it is about prom. How are you going to handle actual life after graduation, if this sends you into a tailspin?

It might even end up being fun.

I mean, it could suck too, but again, it’s one night. Then, it’s over forever.

Of course, you are NOT the jerk for ‘not wanting to go to prom’, but for arguing with your partner, and the huge big deal you’ve made out of this, Imma hand you a soft YTJ. Sorry.” Total-Being-4278

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Suck it up or let him go with someone else.

It’s not fair to him to not be able to or be forced not to experience something he really wants to and only gets one chance at. You should probably speak to a therapist. Anxiety to the point of puking isn’t normal and ignoring it will never make it better. The only way to get out of a comfort zone is to get out of your comfort zone, and if you can’t help yourself then maybe talking to a professional is a good step.” Additional-Number969

1 points (1 votes)
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Foofer 2 months ago
I didnt go to mine...not by choice (was only 15, summer birthday; religious bullshit, couldnt date til 16) an my last year i got stuck working...but have you considered asking your partner (my girlfriend turned wife did, when i couldnt go) if theyd feel weird taking someone else in yo place?
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13. AITJ For Refusing To Have My Grandma Take Care Of My Kitten?

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“I got this kitten when he was about 5 weeks old. He’s so precious to me and as a first-time cat owner, I don’t let him outside unless he is on a leash or being supervised on our enclosed patio.

In May, I’m going out of town for 5 days with family and want to bring him with me. We are staying with other family members so him not being able to come with us isn’t the issue.

My mom is INSISTING I let my grandma watch him. She is 74 and has my kitten’s sibling (also 10 weeks old). She just leaves him outside and I feel terrible for her kitten. I don’t want to leave my kitten with her because I know she won’t even ‘watch’ him like she is supposed to. She will just leave him outside or in the garage without any sort of interaction which can be terrible for a developing kitten.

My mom got very upset that I don’t trust my grandma (her mother) with my kitten but my grandma has lost cats in the past by just leaving them outside and not keeping an eye on them. That’s what is stressing me out about it. It’s causing a lot of tension between the family and makes me not want to even attend our family trip if I can’t bring him with me.

My mom isn’t understanding and it makes me upset that she is trying to dictate what I do with my own kitten. Am I the jerk for wanting to make sure my kitty is okay while I’m out of town?”

Another User Comments;

“NTJ – first off though, a kitten should never be separated from its mom until at least 8 weeks so you do need to be very careful and attentive with one this immature, untrained, and likely with attachment issues.

I’m assuming you had nothing to do with this, however, it IS your kitten, ideally, you wouldn’t leave him alone at all. I’m going to assume you are not old enough to stay home alone. So take him with you, or tell your mom you’re going to leave him in a pet care place. the choice is theirs. It’s expensive to own a pet, this is one of many.” tinny36

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I would never have someone like your grandmother ‘watch’ my cats. She clearly cannot be trusted to provide an adequate level of care. She sounds the type to think ‘it’s just a cat, it’s replaceable.’ Your mom can be offended all she wants, but at the end of the day he’s your pet and she can’t dictate how you care for him.

In your place, I’d have a pet sitter or trusted friend watch the kitten. That’s much more simple than trying to travel with him.” catanddogtor

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, just ask a friend to watch it. I don’t think you can assume it is okay to bring the cat on vacation with you, even if you are staying with family. A lot of people don’t like cats or wouldn’t want to have the responsibility of it in their house.” NefariousnessGlum424

1 points (1 votes)
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ankn 2 months ago
I wouldn't let Grandma take charge of a kitten when she has lost cats in the past, but I wouldn't take your kitten on this trip either. If there are resident animals, they may not take kindly to your cat. The resident humans may not take kindly to her either. You'd do better to hire a pet sitter (check references!) or maybe skip the family trip this year. Five weeks was way early for your kitten to leave her mother, and ten weeks is still pretty young.
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12. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay Me Back After Two Years?

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“During early 2020 my friend (of 3 years then) asked me to go to a concert with her for one of her favorite singers. I’m not a huge fan of the singer but I said okay, as I wouldn’t mind a night out and like spending time with her, and sent her just under 100 dollars for the ticket.

She ordered our tickets and we were very excited until it got canceled.

Now it’s 2022 and I’ve asked her once previously about the tickets and she said she’d heard nothing.

Lately, she’s been, to put it frankly, a crap friend. She puts no effort into our friendship and it’s left me miserable. Examples: If I want to talk about something I get a lousy reply, when something happens with her I give her long replies. I visit her (almost an hour drive each way) and she’s never come to visit me.

I spent around 50$ on her Christmas for her to give me 3 tea lights, a tea bag, and a cheap bottle of mulled wine (I put a lot of thought into her gift and that’s what hurt). She never congratulated me on my new relationship or passing any of my college placements, etc. She meets up with our other friend and no longer invites me as well.

I messaged before Christmas and asked if I’d done something and she said everything was fine.

I asked her 2 weeks ago for an update on the tickets and she ignored me until I asked a mutual friend to check in. She then said she was on holiday but she’ll forward me the email to let me know what’s happened. This was ten days ago. Since then she’s been posting on social media, etc.

and I’m assuming she’s home now for Easter. I sent her a message yesterday with a news article saying the tickets for the concert should have been refunded but rebooking is an option. I said I don’t want to rebook as I won’t be available on the new date. She didn’t open this message but she replied in a group chat. I sent a passive-aggressive reply (she said she’d come to terms with something and I said I’m coming to terms with her avoiding my messages).

I also commented on a post she’d put up today asking her to reply to me (which she deleted). She said in the group chat she’d been too ‘busy’ to check her phone and ‘thanks for being patient’. I replied by saying I’d been patient for over two weeks.

I then sent her a long message explaining again how I felt about our relationship and that I just want my money back which she didn’t open despite being active on social media.

I posted on my story something along the lines of ‘if you owe me 100 dollars stop ignoring me and saying you’re busy while posting and viewing my stories’.

I know I’ve been petty but I was irritated and start back at college tomorrow and really need the funds for gas and living expenses. The tickets should have been refunded in January.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You paid for your tickets and it’s perfectly reasonable to expect to get your funds back if you no longer want to go.

It’s obvious that she’s avoiding you and the subject as a whole and I think the only thing you’re doing that’s… not wrong, per se, but unnecessary and ineffective is hovering around her and hoping that she’ll suddenly change and repay you. Trying to reach out to her numerous times and going public makes sense, but the chances that it’ll have any effect are slim to none.

I know you want the money, but if she’s been dodging you for this long and she’s not even opening your messages anymore, I think it’s safe to say that she probably feels the same way about you as you do about her friendship-wise and that you’re not going to get that money back anytime soon, if at all.” ShadowCoon

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here in my opinion.

You for resorting to social media to contact the ‘friend’ and taking a private matter into that space. The friend for blatantly ignoring you and not providing an update.

Sure the whole global situation and cancellations were an unforeseen situation but the friend does owe you a response at least and is likely just trying to avoid paying you back.

It sounds like this friendship is toasted and the final cost of dropping the friend was $100 which is unlikely to be returned and even a rescheduled concert is probably not worth going to with this individual at this point.

With enough evidence you might be able to take it to like small claims or something but it’s potentially not worth that time or effort and may be best to accept you lost the $100 and the friend.

I guess this is why in general it’s not the best idea to loan to friends.” Lurus01

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s obviously up to something and acting in a manner not acceptable for a friend or someone who owes you any amount.

I had a similar situation with a female friend, a standup comedian had to cancel, and during the time we waited for the funds to be reimbursed our relationship broke down. Still, as soon as I received the refund, I sent her the funds. It’s hers, not mine, and the fact that she was not my friend anymore didn’t change that. (I miss her, she was extremely fun to hang out with.)” BobiaDobia

Another User Comments:

“Taking your grievance to social media is childish and 100% jerkish.

If you want your funds back, sue her in small claims. Leave everyone else out of it. No one wants to hear this squabble between the two of you. Yeesh.

And this business of you ‘needing’ the funds for gas is stupid. If you had gone to the concert you wouldn’t be getting a refund. If you can’t afford your gas without a refund you shouldn’t be buying concert tickets.

Sorry if I sound like a jerk too, but having several decades of adulting under my belt I have little patience for this kind of nonsense. Honestly, if I had seen you pull this on social media I probably would have blocked/deleted you even though you were talking to her, not me.

ETA: Just to clarify, your friend is a jerk too, but your question was whether you were a jerk for taking this argument to social media and the answer is a solid yes.” throwaway20698059

1 points (1 votes)
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11. AITJ For Refusing To Sell Another Rabbit To My Friend?

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“I’m a rabbit breeder and I breed for show and standard perfection, I put a lot of time care, and love into my rabbits and I care greatly for each and every one of them. One of the breeds I specify is a high-maintenance breed, they take lots of grooming and good care to show quality.

About a year ago my best friend got a male high-maintenance rabbit from me, although she loved him greatly his body was not taken care of correctly.

You could tell he was spoiled and would be a great show-quality rabbit if only his outward appearance would have been taken more seriously, For context this breed is a large fiber breed. They need to be combed and groomed at least once a week. She ended up returning him to me in mid-January stating that he was too much to handle which is 100% fine, I get a couple of returns a year.

The issue is now she wants a new rabbit from the same breed just younger and a female. I offered her my other two low-maintenance breeds but she turned me down.

What I’m asking is am I the jerk for not selling her a new rabbit after she didn’t care correctly for the first one even though she now claims to have more time for this breed?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your friend has proven she can’t handle proper care for this particular breed, and so getting another rabbit of the same breed seems like a bad idea.

You don’t specify whether this friend planned to show the rabbit, but I don’t think you should expect that everyone you sell a rabbit to will use them as show animals, despite your personal intentions. A perfectly content, well-maintained pet is a fantastic goal.” PopeBunnyface

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I mean it’s your right to choose who you want to and don’t want to sell to, so it’s not that you HAVE to sell to her knowing what you know, but is it really your business to judge if she does or doesn’t have time for the breed?

If she says she has more time for this rabbit, great.

Just take her at her word for it, give her what she wants, she knows the work involved, knows the time commitment and the level of care needed, and if she doesn’t meet those requirements, that’s her lookout, not yours.

I get that you care for the rabbits and their welfare, that’s really sweet, but if she doesn’t really care for the outward appearance of the rabbit and doesn’t keep the rabbit ‘show-ready’, it’s not really a problem you need to disqualify her from ownership for.” Stroopwafeled

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I’d suggest telling her that she can have one of the short-haired rabbits and if she can upkeep the husbandry on them then in the future you can allow her one of the long-haired ones.

Allow her to have one of the bunnies (I’m not sure if she pays for them or not) but only under the condition she provides you with weekly videoed updates to prove the bunny is groomed, and after 6 months go to monthly for the updates.

Or, and it’s completely within your right, not let her have one based on her past with the other bunny. I’d try and see how any of her past animals were kept, especially on the grooming side as it is necessary for a bunny, let alone a long-haired one like yours, and base your offer on her past pet history

You could consider having her come over frequently if that’s possible to help with your bunny care to set an example to her, if she claims she has more time now for whatever reason I’d at least give her the opportunity but no OP you aren’t the jerk.

No matter what, the bunnies, in this case, come first. She proved she couldn’t handle this breed and so I don’t think she should just get to try again. Animals aren’t something you get to give back after you get bored or think they are too much so really base it off of what you know about your friend and her potential to have changed because the bunny deserves the best it can get in terms of quality of life.” Deer-Sage

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Straycat610 2 months ago
Ntj and stroopwafeled is an idiot. She has past history of not taking care of her animal, she shouldn't get another. At least not a long haired breed. It's not just about "it's outside appearance isn't taken care of." If you have a long haired pet, you HAVE to spend time grooming it or pay someone to groom it. It's not nbd because it's just appearance and if it isn't a show rabbit it doesn't matter. Not keeping a long haired animal groomed causes fur to get matted. Poop and pee gets stuck in the fur. The animal can get infections. It's not just appearances, it's the animals health. Pet stores and animal shelters deny sales and adoptions to people with a bad history for animal caretaking. No reason why a breeder shouldn't either. Good for you on saying no.
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10. WIBTJ For Dropping Out Despite The Grants?

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“I’m studying at a university in the UK, and every few months I receive around £1100 from student finance as a ‘maintenance loan’. Normally this would be used for stuff like rent if I was living away from home, but I’m staying with my parents as the university is local.

I live in a very low-income family – my dad works minimum wage and my mum doesn’t work so that she can look after my disabled sister.

They ask me for around 70% of the loan I receive to help them financially, and I let them have it.

The problem is, I hate the course I’m studying and I don’t want to keep doing it. I can’t keep up and it gives me so much stress and anxiety. When I told my parents I wanted to quit, they didn’t want me to as this would mean I would stop receiving the funds from student finance which helps them out.

It ended up getting into a bit of an argument and I was basically made out to be selfish. I get that I’m thinking about myself here but this is my life and future I’m thinking of.

I know I can’t convince them, so I’m thinking of just going behind their backs and doing it anyway. I know how this would affect them though and I don’t want to be a jerk.

So, WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Not only are you NTJ, but you said ‘maintenance loan’ which means it’s not a grant, it’s a student loan, and you’re going to have to pay that amount back eventually. Are they planning to pay it back for you? I’m assuming not and their plan would be, once you qualify and get a job, that not only will you be expected to pay the repayments from your wages, but they’ll want you to continue to support them as well.

If your mum doesn’t work because she needs to look after your sister, then she should be getting some kind of carer’s allowance. Obviously, with the current state of the system, it’s not that easy but has she tried? If she’s getting the funds then them taking the loan from you is downright unethical and if she isn’t then she needs to continue to make efforts to do so.

Any which way they are not entitled to the funds being loaned to you to secure your future and you have no responsibility to support your parents. It’s a sucky situation if they’re struggling but it’s their responsibility, not yours, to deal with it.” craftyboxing

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents are responsible for their life choices, and you are responsible for yours. However, if you quit and still live with them, you should be paying them rent, which means that unless you transfer to another course and the funds you receive will follow you, you need to get a job and either move out or pay them what they ask for as a tenant.

That said, you will also have to accept the changes in your relationship. You are not responsible for their reactions or emotions, but you may need to change the level of contact due to their response. It’s up to you to decide how you live your life, but you have to consider all the facets as well.” EscapeIntoDreams

Another User Comments:

“Kind of close to ‘no jerks here’, but since your parents were rude enough to call you selfish, I’d say NTJ.

It’s your life and you’re the one who has to deal with the stress of taking the course. If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to do it. I’d even say you don’t owe your parents anything if you don’t want to pay them, so the mere fact that they see you as a cash cow is a huge red flag.” ShiningConcepts

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ankn 2 months ago
Start looking for a job, save your money (they'll try to squeeze it out of you, but hold firm) and move out. Maybe join the military, that's a classic way to break the ties with your parents.
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9. WIBTJ For Complaining About House Chores?

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“I (F) have two brothers, one who’s older and the second who’s younger than me. I and my older brother are supposed to have basic house chores such as cleaning out the dishwasher, putting the clothes in the dryer, etc. Of course, my older brother barely does them because he’s out with his friends most of the time while I’m staying at home. I do 98% of the house chores he has to do, which very angers me as we are supposed to switch every day (I do the work Monday, he the next day) but my parents oversee this problem as long as my brother wipes the dust down once in a month (He still does it bad).

Most of the time I do it for him + I vacuum the whole apartment we live in). My younger brother isn’t helping either, mainly because my parents say he’s too ‘young’ (He’s already in middle school and the only thing he does is make tantrums and mess around). My parents also get mad at me (as I’m the first one in aim) for the dishes not being put out/in, the counter not being wiped down after my brother made his breakfast (Younger Bro and I can’t cook) and if I try to tell them that it’s my Older Brother’s turn they argue with ‘You are always home.’

So WIBTJ if I complain about it? I want to see your opinion on this because I’m not quite sure.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You can and should complain, but it may not help. This is just classic sexism. Women are considered to be the housekeepers as if it is natural in our blood or something. It’s not. There isn’t really anything you can do about it right now. When you grow up and get full control over your life, you can make fair decisions for yourself. You are right to be upset.

A lot of us had to go through this too. Know that you deserved better.” Still_Association

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I had this same problem. Whenever my parents weren’t at home I was stuck spending my free day cleaning, vacuuming, doing the dishes, looking after the pets and cleaning them, scrubbing and cleaning floors and windows, and changing beds. Given I had school work and social life too, it was a lot of work to do in one day, especially since my twin brother just sat behind his computer screen all day doing nothing but adding to the dishes, eating all the food, and collecting dust in his room.

If your brother is given chores he should do them. Don’t do them for him. Let him face the consequences of his actions and let your parents get mad at him for not doing anything. My brother never faced those consequences because I was too scared of my parents’ reaction if the chores were undone. So he would never do anything, knowing I would just stay home all day and clean every surface of the house.” MentalTelephone4055

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ… but don’t expect anything to change. Sounds like your parents are discriminatory and expecting the daughter to be the household drudge while the idiots get away with doing nothing.

Perhaps you need to find an activity that gets you out of the house more.” LostinNerdWorld

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rbleah 3 months ago
Do your chores and when parents get stupid about brothers chores not being done tell them how much do you get paid to do those chores? If needed ask them why they think YOU are an unpaid servant?
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8. AITJ For Cutting Off My "Friends" Who Catfished Me?

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“I recently started high school so my friend group spilt apart into 2 different schools, so I do not see my group of friends at the other school as much anymore. My friends at my other school, who I was really close with, decided that they were going to start a fake Snapchat account with the name Hailey Anniston and catfish me. They added me on snap and I accepted and we got talking.

A day later they called me and asked if anyone had added me on snap, I said yes a girl called Hailey added me. They freaked out saying she was the hottest girl at their school, which excited me because I am not the best looking. After about a week of chatting ‘she’ asked me out and I said yes because my friends peer pressured me into saying yes.

They pretty much peer pressured me through the entire thing and I was very uncomfortable the whole time.

Anyways later I had a meet-up with some friends at the other school, they were not the people directly catfishing me but they had been keeping it from me and encouraging it. At the meet-up one of them told me about it and I was fuming. Not because I loved that girl, in fact, I was so happy that she wasn’t real because I was very uncomfortable.

But because my own friends would do that. Who does that?!?!?

So as soon as he told me, I blocked all of them and their Snapchat account but I forgot to block one of them (he was the main guy who started it). He said that I was being a jerk for blocking him and that I was overreacting. On top of all that he spread lies about me to my friends to get them on board with the idea and told everyone at both schools.

I am now famous at BOTH schools for being catfished. I am just really upset that my own friends would keep something like that from me, and to be honest it really hurt. So, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Those aren’t friends, they’re childish weirdos who took a bunch of time out of their lives just to play mind games with you and laugh behind your back.

Don’t feel bad for cutting toxic people out of your life and don’t let anybody make you feel bad for standing up for yourself. You don’t need that kind of nonsense in your life, you’re better than that.

NTJ” Suitable-Cod-1381

Another User Comments:

NTJ, they aren’t friends they are cruel and nasty bullies. You should definitely report them to the administration or let their parents know what they did. This behavior is completely unacceptable and cruel.

The only saving grace is that it’s high school and people likely won’t give a crap in a week, because the next piece of gossip will be going around.” Pretty_Pen4851

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7. WIBTJ For Not Adding The Lazy Groupmate's Name To The Assignment?

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“I (18F) am in a math discussion group with 2 other people (both also 18-19F to my knowledge) and one day a week, we have a worksheet that we’re supposed to do together in class and submit online by the weekend.

Group member 1 (‘Katy’) shows up every class or texts us if she can’t make it, and is generally very helpful/does her share of the work.

Group member 2 (‘Ella’), as far as Katy or I knew, hadn’t shown up since the first or second week of the semester and didn’t contact us most of the time except to tell us to put her name on the paper.

She did mention being sick a few weeks back, but even when she didn’t call out of class, we didn’t see her anywhere and she definitely didn’t contribute to the worksheets.

The teacher’s assistant (TA) even called us up after weeks of this to tell us that if a group member didn’t show up, we shouldn’t put their name down on the paper.

Last week, I didn’t put Ella’s name on the paper because I hadn’t seen her in ages and was getting tired of it. She did text us in the group chat and ask if we’d turned it in, to which I said yes without mentioning that I didn’t credit her.

When we got the grade back, she texted us to ask why she had a 0/10. I told her she might want to email the TA and ask why that was the case because I didn’t want to confront her about it.

However, Ella kept pressing, so Katy asked her if she’d talked to the TA about not showing up to class, and Ella said that she actually had and we just hadn’t seen or talked to her.

It’s a small class in a small room (probably less than 20 people) and this has been going on for months, so I was dubious about that, but we don’t know each other well and everyone wears masks, so it’s possible that that is the truth.

Anyway, Ella was upset with Katy and me for excluding her, and Katy and I were confused for a while, but eventually, we all apologized to each other and agreed to communicate more in class going forward.

Ella told me again to put her name on the paper and resubmit it, and I told her I still thought she should email the TA, though I didn’t specifically tell her that I would or wouldn’t do what she asked. By the way, she didn’t complete or turn in the assignment on her own because I said I’d finished it and didn’t tell her I didn’t put her name on it.

So, I’m trying to decide whether to help her or not. If I’ve made the wrong assumptions, I’d feel bad for making her feel excluded and also leaving her high and dry with the grade, but I also think that since she hasn’t talked to us in class and therefore hasn’t done any of the work for most of the semester, I don’t have an obligation to give her credit for this.

Katy and I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a long time despite the lack of communication, and Ella only brought it up now.

Would I be the jerk if I didn’t resubmit with Ella’s name and just let her fend for herself?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if you don’t add her name since she didn’t contribute.

But it was kind of rude to tell her you turned it in without telling her you didn’t add her name.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Telling her you turned it in, leading her to believe that her name was included as it always had been before, and not giving her a chance to do the assignment herself was misleading.

That said, just be clear with her about expectations going forward. You don’t contribute, we don’t add your name. That’s it.” BDizzMcNizz

Another User Comments:

“University professor here. I am strongly against putting the name of someone who didn’t do any work on a team project.

They didn’t earn the grade, you and the other team member earned it. If she can’t contribute, she has to bear the consequences. This whole she was sick, she was in class, etc. is nonsense. She wants you to put her name on a project that for whatever reason, she did not contribute to. She needs to contact the prof or TA and make other arrangements.

The solution is NOT to put her name on the project.” ceilylou

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here: It’s kind of irrelevant if she’s been there if she hasn’t been part of your discussions or contributed to any of the work on your paper, isn’t it? Simply put, to be a name on the paper, she should have done 1/3 of the work. So yeah, she’s the jerk.

But then you and Katy rather than directly addressing it in any meaningful way basically led her along to think that she was fine, she’s definitely the bigger jerk, but you’re old enough to be able to directly address this with someone.” twiddlywerp

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rbleah 3 months ago
NTJ She wanted the grade without doing anything. Cut her out of any more school work. Classes and school work are hard enough without having to deal with a deadbeat student.
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6. AITJ For Being Angry That My Family Didn't Tell Me About My Grandpa's Condition?

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“I, 17F have a grandpa that sadly passed away a few years ago. I was 10 when it happened but my grandpa has always been a part of my childhood and he was just the sweetest man ever. Around the last few months, before he passed away, I was seeing him less, and apparently, he thought that I hated him or didn’t wanna see him and he was upset about it, but no one ever told me about this until he passed away.

During the last month before my grandpa passed away, my whole family was acting weird. I knew that my grandpa was sick but I didn’t think it was that bad cause I didn’t know he had cancer. He was also in another country to get treatment. Looking back at it I should’ve been able to put two and two together but I was clueless. Then one day before I was gonna go to sleep, I found out from my sister that he was gone.

I couldn’t sleep and cried all night. I thought it was a shock to all of us but then my family told me that they found out that he was getting weaker a month before and they decided not to tell me. I was really upset with them and I still am to this day because if they had told me I wouldn’t have been as upset as I was, I would’ve been prepared for it and I would’ve at least tried to say something to him if I had known he was gonna die, but he died thinking that I hated him.

And I’ve felt guilty ever since. My family doesn’t seem to care about what they did, and they don’t understand how it would’ve hurt me. So they just get mad at me when I get upset with them about it, then I’m the bad guy. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they were wrong for not telling you, also they were wrong for hiding how he felt about the less frequent visits.

You didn’t do anything wrong… My godmother passed away when I was 17, no one told me, and I said hey I’m going to visit grandma Maggie again this week (the only one still visiting when she had Alzheimer’s.) They said oh she died last week and her funeral was the day I had planned to visit… you have every right to be upset.” tinamarie85

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You should have been given a heads-up. Your grandfather should not have been allowed to pass away thinking you hated him.” ChapSteve711

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LiaMckellen 2 months ago
NTJ but your parents are awkward. My Grandpa passed away the night before I left for a music trip for school so they didn't tell me. Apparently my music director was supposed to tell me and she forgot. I came home to someone I hadn't seen for decades coming to pick me up and take me to his viewing. A rude awakening. My parents didn't want to screw up my trip. Your Grandpa knows you love him now.
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5. AITJ For Sending An "Inappropriate" Email?

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“I (25F) had an incident with my (49F) supervisor, in an office corporate setting, that involved my ‘inappropriate language’ being reported to HR.

I’ll admit, working from home for 2+ years has made me more casual in emails, and cursing is against the employee handbook (which I didn’t read), so I got destroyed in the HR meeting and put on probation for 3 months (but it was only for the 1 email).

Basically, probation means if I have another HR issue where I’m found to be the cause, I get either demoted or fired. (It goes warning, probation, termination). I already had a warning for wearing a long sleeve t-shirt on Zoom, so this put me in an awful spot.

The inappropriate language by the way was a response to my boss asking if a co-worker from a different department should be moved to ours, and I emailed back ‘Heck yeah, I love Amy.’

So, even though I broke policy, I still think she’s the jerk for going straight to HR and putting my job at risk, instead of just emailing me herself or pulling me aside or whatever!

Anyway, in response to this, after reading the handbook carefully, I have gone to insanely formal language whenever she is trying to email or talk to me.

Including meetings. Ex, instead of saying ‘Good Morning Boss,’ it’s now ‘Salutations Mrs. Boss, I sincerely hope that your day has started efficiently.’

And it makes her insanely mad, which I find very funny because there is nothing she can do. But the animosity in the room is making some coworkers uncomfortable, and I’ve been told by more than one that I should grow up and not expect to be treated differently.

We just came back to working in an office, and they say I add more stress to it. (Amy’s on my side though, lol.)

Personally, I plan on doing it until my probation is up. I also don’t start conversations with her, so I only do it in response to questions or requests. Does that make me the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I can’t believe they considered ‘heck yeah’ to be inappropriate.

I honestly do not pity the supervisor. Seems like they power trip on you, and now they have to deal with the humiliation of not being taken seriously because they chose to exert power over another person rather than remain focused on the task at hand. Your ‘heck yeah’ response was a positive response, indicative of a cooperative attitude. There was no reason for your supervisor to turn that into a negative thing, they chose negativity.

Don’t put your job at risk over it or anything, but yeah I really have no pity for power trippers. If your other coworkers have any sense, they would do what they could to push this lady out as well because people like that make things suck for everyone.

If your other superiors have something to say, you should explain that this supervisor is more preoccupied with exerting power and inflicting chastisement than they are with accomplishing the task at hand, and perhaps someone with a more down-to-earth and task-oriented attitude (maybe like yourself) would be better for the position.” abrown1027

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You are creating a hostile work environment, acting extremely childish as well as very unprofessional. You may think that you are being cute but if you don’t stop you are probably going to be hearing from HR again.” Nagadavida

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She was someone who you had spent time with after work and reported you for saying ‘heck yeah’. Seeing as this put you on probation, I see nothing wrong with using formal language.

This is a rigid and hostile workplace if saying ‘heck yeah’ is something that could cost you your job. I don’t understand what your supervisor expects you to do. If she threatened your job because you said ‘heck yeah’ then it sounds like you are expected to speak the way you have been speaking since you got put on probation. If she is getting mad at you for speaking the way the workshop manual says is the appropriate way to communicate at work then the supervisor is angry that she can’t get you fired.

Sounds like the person making everyone uncomfortable is this supervisor, not you. Hope you find a better less hostile workplace.” pink4pink

Another User Comments:

“Was ‘heck yeah’ appropriate for a work email? I don’t think so. Was it worth going to HR? I don’t think so. A quick response with a reminder about email etiquette would have been enough.

Your current method, while clever, is still pointless. It gains you nothing.

You’re trying to provoke her.

YTJ.” mdthomas

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LiaMckellen 2 months ago
NTJ anyone saying YTJ apparently never had this type of boss. Good on you for not getting stress induced migraines like I do and actually having fun with it. Just be sure to document everything!
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4. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Call My Cousin By His Nickname?

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“My (39m) cousin (41m) has in the last couple of years decided that he does not like the shortening of his name that he has been called by for the last 39 odd years of his life. His name is Damian and has always gone by Damo (pronounced Day-mo) until now. He has decided that he would rather be called Day. To me, calling a 41-year-old man Day sounds plain wrong (and yes I appreciate it formed a part of what we were calling him anyway).

WIBTJ if I refused to call him Day but instead used his full name from now on? And further WIBTJ if I continued to use his full name even if he asked me to call him Day instead (as I just can’t bring myself to call a grown man Day)?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If he’s a grown man why do you judge what he wants to be called? Let him make the decision. How arrogant of you to think you get to choose.” Kris82868

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It costs you nothing to respect his feelings and wants. NOTHING. You can in fact bring yourself to call him Day, you simply don’t WANT to.” PommeDeSang

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3. AITJ For Ripping An Easter Egg Open Because They Tried To Take It Away From My Daughter?

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“On Friday, I (F34) took my children (F5 and F3), Mum (F58), and Sister (F30) with her children to a local Pub/Social Club as they had set up an Easter Party for kids. They had an Easter Bonnet Parade, chances to win eggs through dancing, and an Easter Egg Hunt set up in another room with lots of music.

We had a nice time, really chatty and enjoyable.

There was a huge prize pool of eggs and they’d started with 50-ish in the night. At one point my 3-Year-Old comes running to me with an Easter Egg at the back of the pub and I sat her on my lap and congratulated her.

A few minutes later the DJ comes over after leaving her booth and asks if she could have the egg back. I ask why, and she said that her assistant had given the egg to the wrong child dancing.

I politely asked if it really mattered and if we could keep the egg (we hadn’t won one yet). She scoffed and said no because my daughter didn’t win it and wasn’t deserving. She then reaches for the egg on the table, I pull it back and put it under the table. My mum sighs and says ‘Stop being so difficult.’ And I was starting to get annoyed because there were at least half the eggs left so I was hardly putting a spanner in the works.

The DJ grumbles and says ‘Hand me the egg before I get the pub manager.’ And that tipped me over the edge. So I rip open the Easter egg packaging and hand the unfoiled egg to My 3-Year-Old. My sister laughed, the DJ threw her arms up in the air and stormed off. The manager never came and we had a nice night.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You behaved badly at a children’s party.

Blame it on the venue, blame it on the DJ, whatever – you set an ugly example for your kids. It could have been a teachable moment (‘Sometimes mistakes happen and it stinks but life goes on!’) but you chose to demonstrate how to be a jerk to adults who sound like they’re trying to provide a treat for local kids. You must be a delight to dine out with.” Fabulous_Piccolo_178

Another User Comments:

“It’s very odd and inconsiderate to ask for candy back, but yes, YTJ for purposefully going out of your way not to comply with the request.

Who was watching the child when she initially acquired the egg? If you had been watching it happen, you could have intervened, instead of just blowing up at a worker after the fact. What kind of example does that set for your children?” naughtmyreelname

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your mom was right.

What gave you the right to take a prize that belonged to another kid? Mistakes happen, and you had the chance to be reasonable, and instead chose to be a knob.” asdferdfas

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LiaMckellen 2 months ago
Esh with a ytj for you. Your kid is a bit too young to understand if indeed the helper gave it to your kid accidentally. Asking for it back is not something your child can really understand at 3. However, you're and adult. You can certainly understand that "neener neener" is not a proper argument. You acted in a manner younger than your child to a worker that probably had a headache from dealing with screaming kids all day, congrats to you. You won.
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2. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Get Rid Of His Ex-Wife's Painting?

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“I (34f) am married to Brian (41m). He was previously married, but it ended on bad terms. His ex-wife was an artist, and the one piece he has from her is hanging up in the guest bedroom. It’s nothing special or explicit, just some flowers in a vase.

My parents are visiting us soon and my mother is very into art. I know she will ask who painted the picture and will dig into it.

I asked him to move the painting out but he said he liked it in there and wouldn’t move it because it ‘fits the room’.

I’ve never thought it really acceptable that he had a painting from an ex-wife and I don’t know if she knows he has it but I think it’s really a small ask that he move it when there are guests in the room.

He’s refusing and saying there’s ‘nowhere else to put it.’

It also just makes me uncomfortable knowing that there’s a painting in my house that was painted by his ex, and he wants to display it to visitors.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“INFO: Have you asked your husband about his attachment to this painting and how it makes you feel before?” missshrimptoast

Original User Replies:

“He says that she painted it after they lost their child and that it reminds him of her (the baby they lost).

That’s the only reason I was willing to compromise in the first place.” Fresh_Yam_7428

Another User Comments;

“YTJ. Do Brian the biggest favor and file for divorce. You cannot erase his past OP and because you can’t do the bare minimum of respecting not only his past but his valid and soul-destroying loss, the least you can do is take your funky attitude and leave. He deserves better.

Nothing special my butt. It was painted after their child passed away in an event that likely led to their divorce which is super common. You don’t want it because you don’t want to deal with the fact your parents would take his side regarding your necessary hatred towards the painting and his ex.

Also, you touch that painting on your own and you need to fully expect nothing good as a result.

Grow up.” PommeDeSang

Another User Comments:

“I literally feel like I could cry right now knowing that you’re treating your husband like this. Losing a child isn’t something you just shove to the side and move on from. Likely, the loss of his child and the pain he felt attributed to the dissolution of his previous marriage. You, as his current wife, should be supportive and understand that while his marriage didn’t work out and maybe he no longer has feelings about his ex, he’ll NEVER get over losing his child.

It doesn’t go away and if that’s ALL he has to remember her by, THEN FREAKING DEAL WITH IT. He’s not asking for much. You married someone with baggage. Accept it, embrace it, and leave your ego at the door on this one.

Everyone saying YTJ on 2 accounts is so freaking right. Hiding the fact that this was a memorial painting instead of telling us the meaning behind the painting – that makes you a jerk.

Asking your husband to take it down to spare your feelings over something so petty makes you an even bigger jerk. Maybe someone asking about the painting will give him a chance to talk about his little girl and keep her memory alive and remember her in a good way. Don’t take that from him.

I’m in tears thinking about how I’d feel in his position. I have a little girl and if anything ever happened to her and someone asked me to just act like she didn’t exist, I don’t think I could have them in my life anymore.

Count yourself lucky your husband isn’t at the divorce lawyers drawing up papers.” Spare_Truth466

Another User Comments:

“YTJ because of the context that this is a painting in memoriam of the child he and his ex lost. That is a totally different situation than him just really liking one of her paintings and wanting to keep it.

IF it had been just a painting that he liked and not a memorial to his late child, then I would say you would not be the jerk for asking him to move it just while your parents are there but you would be the jerk for not wanting him to keep it at all.

My ex became very emotionally abusive, and our relationship and its end caused me very deep pain that it took me years to get over, we have not spoken in years… and yet I keep two small paintings she made for me very early in our relationship, because they are beautiful and because she made them for me and because we did love each other very much, and the fact that things went so wrong later doesn’t erase that love or the time when our relationship was good, and the hurt she caused doesn’t erase the good things she did and how much I learned and grew in that time.

And they were made for me. I don’t hang them up anymore, but for a while I did, and I CERTAINLY don’t still have romantic or at all positive feelings for her.

But in THIS situation… YTJ unequivocally. No, you cannot ask your husband to put away a painting that is a memorial to his dead child just because that painting was done by that child’s mother and you don’t feel like explaining that to your parents.” lawfox32

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kipa 2 months ago
Ytj. Out of an entire marriage, your husband has a single item - a painting by his ex-wife, and it is in the spare room. Can you hear yourself here? Talk about bizarrely insecure! What do you think might happen if your family sees it? They might admire it? So? Does it matter? I just don't understand what the problem is!
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1. AITJ For Saying That My Mom's House Rules Are Unfair?

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“I (m26) am in a polyamorous relationship with my two partners I’ll call Cherry (F24) and Vanilla (F26). My family is actually very accepting of this and we all get along very well. I have an older brother and an older sister. Both married. And a younger brother who is in college.

My mom asked us all to come to her house the day before Easter and spend that day and easter day with her.

Something we haven’t been able to do in a long time due to the you-know-what the last two years, and too busy for a year or two before, so we were all excited and agreed. My Mom told us some details and slipped in that ‘only married couples can share rooms’. I didn’t think anything of this honestly because I thought she was telling this to my younger brother without calling him out by name.

But in hindsight, I absolutely should have taken notice and called my mom to clear it up. My partners and I are ‘pseudo-married’ in that we have legal documents drafted by a lawyer solidifying our relationship and guaranteeing some rights married people have. But we aren’t LEGALLY married (Vanilla and I have been together 7 years and Cherry joined us 5 years ago. The legal documents were drafted 3 years ago and we had a celebration akin to a wedding/)

My partners and I get to my Mom’s house and say our greetings and all that and my mom says ‘okay so you’ll be sleeping in your younger brother’s room.

Cherry, you’ll be in the guest bedroom, and Vanilla I have a pullout couch for you. But if you two want to switch that’s alright with me’ and I was confused and so were Cherry and Vanilla. We asked her why and she said ‘I told you. Only married couples can share the rooms.’ I told her she was being unfair.

I’ve been with my partners longer than one of my brothers and his wife and my partners and I can’t be married.

So the rule shouldn’t apply to us. We got into an argument and I said that it’s her house, her rules, but I think she’s being really unfair so my partners and I will just go get a hotel room to sleep in for the night but we’ll stay at her house all day and tomorrow as we planned. She tried to argue more but I told her if she can’t treat my relationship as equal to my brother’s and sister’s, I won’t put up with the disrespect.

She got quiet and didn’t bring it up again but she looked upset that day and near the end of easter day when we were leaving she said that she wished we could just get along. I told her that we could if she didn’t disrespect my relationship just because it wasn’t declared a marriage on legal paper.

On the ride home, my partners and I talked about it and they said they wouldn’t have minded sleeping apart and they think I may have gone overboard with the hotel and standing my ground so hard.

And now I’m starting to doubt myself.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You were being treated differently. It’s not your fault that the laws do not let you have a government/church-sanctioned marriage. You are as married, in paper and all, as you can be. Sure, you could have gone ahead and been quiet, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but when you stand aside and let someone push you around, you’re just reinforcing that they’re right.

Keeping the peace can only go so far. Sitting there and saying ‘your seven years of being together means nothing’, is more than enough reason to leave and not come back period.

At the very least, you made a statement: you’ll stand up for yourself and your partners, and you cannot be forced or shoved into any garbage unfairness.

You didn’t break the rules in her house. You just went somewhere that she had absolutely no say and no choice but to live with it.

Maybe next time she’ll realize she can’t keep you apart and just live with it.” ArchyDWolf

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Her house, her rules. Yes, maybe it doesn’t seem fair to you because you’ve been together longer than one of your other sibs has been married, but still, the bottom line is, her house, her rules. You shouldn’t have tried to change her mind then; it wasn’t going to work.

And your partners were perfectly happy to sleep apart for the night (how challenging is that to do for one night?). Once you saw she wouldn’t change her mind, you should’ve dropped it, and made arrangements for a hotel w/o further discussion.” stroppo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You respected your mother’s home and rules by not staying there when you didn’t like the rules. It doesn’t sound like you were rude or mean to your mother, just expressed your feelings and made a choice that stuck up for yourself and your family while not getting angry or hostile towards your mom.

It’s really kind of your partners to have been willing to put up with the sleeping situation at your mother’s, but you were 100% within your rights to not stay there given she wasn’t treating your relationship as equal to your siblings.” petulafaerie

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – when you were younger, you did abide by her house rules… why would it be any different now… it’s still her house. You say that everyone is good about your poly relationship but maybe her concern was that she didn’t want a threesome happening in her home. I’m sure you will say you wouldn’t do that but she doesn’t know this.” ifnotnowtellmewhen

-2 points (2 votes)
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LorkhansDaughter 2 months ago
I would have showed her the paperwork
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