People Want To Start Conversations About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Mother And Grandma?
“I have a 7-month-old, he is my first and the first great-grandchild.
My grandma is completely obsessed with him. Now to start why I want to keep him from her – so my grandpa passed about 3 years ago, and she moved in with my parents.
My partner and I bought a house pretty close to theirs, and I take the baby over there quite often.
I was married prior to being with my current partner (we’ve been together for 5 years now). My ex was extremely abusive, physically and mentally, hence the divorce. The problem comes in that my grandma works with my ex’s aunt. My ex has had a history of stalking me right up to about a year and a half ago when he moved out of state.
It made me and my partner a bit more at ease about the situation.
Anyways so yeah, she works with his aunt and has told her so many personal things about me. Like she has literally told her where we live now, which I’ve worked really hard to keep from even mutual friends of me and my ex.
And I finally snapped at her the other day after multiple attempts at trying to get her to stop talking about me and my life to his aunt. She got annoyed and said, ‘I’m sure she doesn’t tell them anything’. I went over there for dinner last night and she goes ‘oh I told – about how he got his first tooth and she was super excited’.
I told my parents I wouldn’t be back over there if she was home, and she could see him on holidays since I and my partner are planning on hosting. my mom thinks I’m overreacting a bit since that’s the only time my dad is home to see the baby.
I said they were more than welcome to come over to my house.
So AITJ, or does it make sense?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – overreacting? Um no! What you are doing is protecting yourself, your partner, and your child from potentially being stalked again by a very unhinged individual. You have every right to put up boundaries and stand your ground.
What your grandmother did was betray you and risk your safety by divulging very private details of your life with a family member of your ex. You are most definitely not the jerk, not even a little. If anything you are great for not putting up with that crap and protecting your family.
Also, I am so sorry that happened to you and that you aren’t getting the support you need from your family.” CyraXHavoc_XIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mom and grandma can be cavalier about your ex’s behavior because they weren’t being harassed.
You set a boundary for your kid, they have completely ignored it and made excuses, so these are the direct consequences of their actions.
I would text them: ‘Hi, I so love how much you love baby. I love the baby more than anything, and with that, I must protect them.
You know what my ex did to me. You know what I have been through, and though physically you may forget all the harm that was done, some scars are emotional and internal. And the sense of threat to my safety that he gives me cannot, can not go away.
That is why I ask him not to know about where I am, or anyone around him to know anything about the things I love most. I am willing to do anything to protect my baby, and that includes keeping him away from those who would even bring my ex into the outskirts of our lives.
I love you all, but you are adults with choices. However the baby is not. It is up to me and Dad to do that, and we have chosen that anyone giving info to my ex cannot be around the baby. Please respect this boundary, as the one we set before went unheard.’
But boundaries are for us, so you can only create one that you are prepared to and willing to hold firm in.” gurlwithdragontat2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re right to set boundaries. This isn’t an inconvenience issue this is a safety issue, I could care less how innocent she thinks it is.
She doesn’t get to decide what’s innocent enough to share with your abusive and psychotic ex’s family you do. Your parents are only giving you trouble because it’s negatively affecting them and inconveniencing them not because you actually overreacted to the situation.
It’s easier to gaslight you into thinking you took it too far (which you didn’t) so they can keep things as is than put forth the effort to set rules with grandma or put forth the effort by coming to you to visit.
They’re biased so don’t take their word for anything and even if you did overreact your grandmother still doesn’t get to share your and your child’s personal information and you’re still allowed to set boundaries.” AuraRiver
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A House With My Husband?
“I & my husband have been together since my senior year of high school (approx. 10 years) & we have 2 children. Our oldest is 8 & youngest is 2.
I didn’t have an easy upbringing—both of my parents died when I was a child & I dealt with a lot of poverty growing up so I have worked really hard to give my children better than what I had. I have worked jobs that were hard on my mental & physical health, sometimes 2 jobs at a time to bring in more income.
The only time I didn’t work full-time was in 2022 while I was in nursing school but I still contributed financially.
My husband has never really allowed me to have any say over where we live. When I was pregnant with our oldest we bought a mobile home that was supposed to be a temporary place to live but 9 years later we still live there.
Despite being able to afford to rent a home or buy a home, he has never been on board. We are cramped for space (2 bedrooms/4 people) & the mobile home has MAJOR cosmetic issues & other breakdowns that haven’t been fixed. Anytime I try to talk to him about how unhappy I am to live in it with our kids he gets very mad at me & tells me I am ungrateful & stupid.
Anyways… he finally agreed to purchase a home & we just got pre-approved. Our budget is $200k but I found a home that is $140k. If we invest $20k into renovations, it will be a beautiful home. He was totally on board, but now that we are ready to make an offer he says he does not want to do the renovations.
He says it’s stupid to put 20k into a house that won’t be our ‘forever’ home. I got really upset at him and we are fighting over it. Even if we don’t intend on it being our forever home I want to make it a nice space for our family.
I never lived in a nice home when I was a child and I want my kids to have that. Is that shallow of me? We can definitely afford it, especially since it’s under our budget. I told my husband that if we don’t agree on the plan I’m not purchasing a home with him, so now he’s mad.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not only would I not be buying a house with this person, I’d be leaving this person, and then buying a house for me, and my kids on my own.
Everything you’ve said is just a pile of red flags and blatant mistreatment.
It’s 2023 hon, the days of men only needing to bring a paycheck to the table are gone. If they don’t give you basic decency, and respect, you throw them back. If having them in your life doesn’t improve your quality of life, you throw them back.
Your relationship is not supposed to be something you have to overcome. It is supposed to be something that brings you joy.
Go find your joy honey. You deserve it, and your kids will be better for it.” Careless_League_9494
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He is financially irresponsible and lazy.
Is it your funds to buy the home or combined finances to buy the home? I recommend moving your funds into an individual account and having your paychecks be direct deposited into that account.
Plan for a divorce… I am not saying it will happen, but he is clearly leeching off you by taking your insurance fund and buying himself a vehicle you can’t afford.
If you are upside down on the SUV, you are not in a position to purchase a house.
Keep your finances separate, so he can’t claim half of what is yours. If you want the house, get the divorce and say it is just for financial reasons and that it won’t change anything.
Or contact a lawyer and learn if you can buy a house without him and not have to give him half of it if you divorce… because he will take half your funds. The other option is that if he makes more and has more, divorce him for half his funds and buy the house.
I am not usually pro-divorce, my family is very anti-divorce, but if he is harming your children’s lifestyle and beliefs about what lifestyle they should live when they are adults… that is a major rift in a marriage. Try couples therapy, but in the meantime, be sure to separate your finances and then each of you will need to limit spending to your own means.
Have a joint account for lot rent, childcare, etc.” catczak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – 20K isn’t bad for renovations to make the home you’ll probably be in another 9-10 years a great one. It also raises the value for when you eventually sell and downsize.
What’s your income distribution, fairly equal? Do you make more or does he? This is the only thing I can see having an impact on why he might be monopolizing the financial decisions. But even if he makes more, the fact of the matter is you’re still under budget and this improves your lives, so there’s no reason not to do this.
Further, your name is also on this house, right? So you get a say, too.
I do worry about the bigger picture here. He’s been controlling your living situation for a long time and doesn’t seem to want to let up on that. He also seems to be making all the monetary-based decisions with YOUR income but none of your say.
This isn’t a good situation going into home ownership, at all.” Classic_Sugar7991
19. AITJ For How I Reacted To My Cousin Who Was Asking For My Mom's Stuff?
“So 3 years ago my mom died of terminal cancer. We all knew she was going to pass away soon and had gathered the family for goodbyes and remembrances. Well, 2 weeks before my mom had even passed, her whole side of the family was over for a dinner party.
My oldest cousin (30ishF) (oldest daughter of mom’s sister) had gotten kind of close with her over the past few months and while my mom is within earshot started asking me if she can have her crochet bag and accessories after her passing. I (23F at the time) tell her it’s not an appropriate time to be asking and I have a ton on my plate with being my mom’s oldest that I’m not really concerned about a crochet bag right now.
She just kind of laughed it off and we left it at that.
Well, the day comes and I’m woken up by some neighbors who had been helping us take care of my mom in her final days, telling me that she had passed away that morning (7:30 AM roughly).
I gather my kids and my sisters and we head off to the hospice where her body is to say our last goodbyes before she’s taken to the morgue. Obviously, it was a crazy day for me, emotions were high. Anyways, it’s about noon, I’m back home with my sisters and kids when I get a text from my cousin.
It was kind of long but basically, she just sandwiches the question about the crochet bag between half-meant apologies for losing my mom. I was furious. I did not care anymore and I told her off. Basically saying how inappropriate I thought it was of her to constantly be asking for my mom’s possessions while in the middle of planning her funeral and dealing with everything I was at the time.
I told her no she can not have the crochet bag I don’t care how close they had gotten and she needed to leave me alone.
After that I blocked her. It got brought up later that same day and I told my dad (my parents had been divorced for years) what I had said and his jaw hit the floor asking if I was joking.
When I said no I wasn’t joking what she did was messed up and it’s not my problem my whole family basically freaked out on me saying I was a jerk for treating her that way. I know I was definitely rude to my cousin but I feel my actions were justified. It’s been almost 4 years since my mom passed and I haven’t spoken to my cousin since then.
Every time it gets brought up I’m always the one people are upset with. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No, just no. Who does that? Your response may have been cut-throat, but people need to realize how utterly disrespectful it is for someone to come groveling for a bit of the ‘goods’ after your parent died. Not only that but asking for it while you’re grieving and dealing with the funeral is despicable.
If she loved your mum, she would have had more words for her in the message, and not her bag. Sure, she might have wanted it, maybe was promised it, but the timing was terrible, not once but twice. She could have been grieving, true, but she isn’t stupid, she knows that would have been disrespectful considering she was told off already.
She ignored you when you said it was inappropriate, then proceeded to cross that boundary again.” FederalFloor3213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were absolutely 1000% justified. I don’t care that it was ‘just a bag’. The fact she was planning what would be hers before your mother even passed is disgusting.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the only reason she came around and got close to your mom in the end was just to see what she could get, that’s how her actions come across at least. Screw anyone who gives you crap for how you responded to someone’s tactless actions.
She has no heart whatsoever not for your mom and definitely not for you and your siblings in the time following her death.” AuraRiver
Another User Comments:
“There is a proper time and way to ask for something like that. The time is at least a couple of days after the funeral. You don’t demand the item, especially a niece when there are multiple children and grandchildren.
You ask if you can have it if no one else wants it and maybe add a story or two about the time you spent with the loved one and maybe how much it would mean to you. To ask while the loved one was nearing death and again while the funeral was being planned is just horrible.
NTJ” NotMe739
18. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Husband To Share With Childcare Expenses?
“I (f27) have been separated from my husband (m40) for 2 months at this point. He kicked me out saying I wasn’t meeting his needs and that we weren’t compatible as partners. We had been married for 2 years, but together for 8.
I was not allowed to work while I was with him because we both decided we wanted our now 2-year-old daughter to be raised by her parents.
Not a daycare. He was self-employed as a handyman and said that he could handle the bills without my income.
Now that I’m living on my own, I obviously cannot afford to not work, and have since gotten a job and am working full time.
He has also started to work more since I’ve been gone. I have her most of the week (Sunday-Thursday) and he has her during the weekend. (Friday – Sunday). He has said because of the pickup in work that he would like to try and find her childcare for part of the time that he has her and said that if he finds something that would work for me as well since I’m now working that he’d be willing to pay half.
I had applied for DSS but he had me stop the process because they wanted to pull child support from him and we made an informal agreement that we would not go after child support from each other and instead pay for her expenses while she was at our respective houses.
This conversation was last week.
Today I got a few quotes for daycares and let him know my budget. It’s super tight so I can only afford about 200-300 a month. I found a place that is willing to work with me and costs about 700 a month which is a bit on the high side for me but not entirely impossible to pay half of.
Finances will just be tight. I told him that I was looking to move forward with the place. He told me that he was not going to pay for any more than one day’s worth of childcare a week since he only saw her part of the time.
I said that we had this conversation already and that he had already agreed to pay half since he didn’t want me going the DSS route and he is not paying any amount of child support at all. I said that she was his daughter too and that this was all I needed help with.
I had everything else taken care of and it wasn’t like I was asking him to pay for the whole thing. Just half. He said I was using him and that it was my responsibility to figure it out because I’m the one who has custody during that time.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you need to STOP dealing with him and trying to make agreements. He kicked YOU out and now you’re letting HIM dictate things like stopping the DSS paperwork? You need a separation agreement with him paying child support and alimony.
You put in as much at home with the child as he did working outside of the home, however, the economics are on his side now and he’s of course going to want to keep every penny from you. Get legal assistance NOW.” lagavulin16years
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he sounds awful and the ages at the beginning of the relationship aren’t lost on me. I hope things get better for you, but if he continues you should make him pay child support. It’s not fair you already have her more which means aside from daycare you already are probably having to give more than him financially to support her.
On top of that, he clearly makes more than you and can help you more but for some reason he wants you to have to suffer. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Alternative_Ad_6510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are not expecting nearly enough from him.
Cut him back to every other weekend for visitation and go after him for child support going forward and for retroactive payments too. You should also apply for the state to cover your daycare costs. Most states have some coverage for that when your income level is lower.
I’m sorry to say but the age difference here is the elephant in the room. This guy was 32 when you were 19, and guys in their 30s go after barely legal young women because they want someone they can control and mold into their perfect victim.
He kicked you out when you got to the age range where women tend to push back and not tolerate controlling men anymore too.
Contact the local Legal Aid office and see if you qualify for their help. You need to have everything on paper and strictly defined with a guy like this.
You also need to get your fair share of any community property and you should ask for alimony since he asked you to quit your job and stay home. Not every jurisdiction allows for alimony payments, but it’s absolutely something you should be looking into immediately.
Your attorney can also subpoena his bank records to help get you your fair share. Don’t tell him about the child support petition or that you’re getting a lawyer though because that will give him a chance to try and hide assets and trick you out of your fair share of marital property.” Agreeable_Doubt_4504
17. AITJ For Explaining The Concept Of Death To My Neighbor's Son?
“Our neighbor’s son, Nick, is the same age as our daughter Ava, and a great friend of hers. They’re both 6 years old.
My wife (35F) and I (36F) have him over for the day very often and our daughter goes to see him during the day as well.
Overall, they’re both great kids and very good friends.
We have an aquarium in the house, with 8 fish in it. Nick and Ava have named off of the fish and enjoy feeding them and spending time with them while they play in our house.
Nick was in our house (his parents were out and sent him over) when, unfortunately, one of the fish passed away.
His name was Mr. Bubbles. Ava and Nick were very sad and cried over him. After they calmed down, my wife and I prepared a memorial, with a grave in the backyard and a formal ceremony.
Nick and Ava drew pictures of Mr. Bubbles and they wrote a sentence from each of the other fish (Mr. Bubbles’ friends) to read at the ceremony.
We buried the pictures and the notes with him. At the very end, Nick asked if he was asleep.
I already had this conversation with Ava when my wife’s father passed away, so she would sometimes join me in my answers but overall, the conversation was something like this:
I said he wasn’t asleep, and that sleep is not the same as death. He asked how are they different. I said sleep is another way of existing for the living while death, is simply the absence of life and everything that keeps someone alive.
We talked a little bit more about this, he asked if Mr. Bubbles would come back and I said he wouldn’t but he would always exist in Nick’s mind and that is very meaningful. He asked if he was in heaven and I said I don’t know.
The next day, my wife got a call from Nick’s mom, saying we shouldn’t have talked to him about this and that we were not his parents and we were overstepping boundaries especially because they wanted Nick to believe in the concept of heaven its opposite.
Now I had the conversation only because he was desperate for some answers and he was comfortable, but I still wonder if I overstepped a boundary.”
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk. This is a tough one, you had no ill intent. His parents could simply explain to him that not everyone has the same values as they do.
God forbid we teach our children to value each other’s differences.
Maybe you should have kept the conversation a bit more generic and told him to ask his parents. You could have also given the parents a heads up, texted them, so they could have been more prepared to talk to him when he got home.” addamcn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He asked, you answered. Their concern that you’re messing with their religious beliefs (AKA the concept of heaven and its opposite) doesn’t make sense, because when he asked you simply said you didn’t know. You didn’t introduce this kid to an entirely different philosophy of life without his parent’s consent, you just answered his question as best as you were able.
You should be proud that he felt comfortable coming to you about this.” mojojojo2842
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was so ready to say ‘noooo, death is a topic for parents to cover’ but given that he witnessed the departure and experienced the upset that went with it while at your house and the parents had gone out I don’t think you had much choice.
You gave an answer about heaven that left the way for them to instill their belief system – if someone asks me how many miles it is to the sun I can honestly say ‘I don’t know’ but that doesn’t mean the next person they ask can’t volunteer the information.
Your way of explaining it was sensitive, made the important point that sleeping and death are unrelated (seen a lot of sleep issues arise thanks to not making that clear) and you also gave him the opportunity to say goodbye with your family to a pet that meant something to him.
If this is his first experience of death he will probably remember it for a very long time if not forever (I still remember my first experience of it at about the same age – RIP Dorothy the Guinea Pig – and I am now 41) so this explanation was important and I personally think, as a mum of 4 and with children who suffer anxiety, that you nailed it.” Dazzling-Health-5147
16. AITJ For Kicking My Brother-In-Law Out For Bullying Me?
“I’m 5ft4 so compared to my husband and brother-in-law, who are both over 6ft, I’m short. I’m not insecure about my height but my brother-in-law kept bringing up how tiny I was and said how my husband was going to have two ‘babies’ soon.
He also kept joking about how he and my husband could pick me up with one hand/toss me around and how I couldn’t reach anything.
He was getting on my nerves with his stupid jokes so I kicked him out. My husband was in the shower at the time and when he came out he asked me where his brother went so I told him I had kicked him out.
They were supposed to be going somewhere together which is why I think he was so annoyed at me for kicking his brother out.
His brother did come back after he called him but I think he was mad at me too because he was acting weird.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That kind of ‘joke’ is a dominance gesture that you turned over by throwing him out of your space. Hold the line, firmly educate your husband about what kind of joking is acceptable, and make him responsible for keeping his twin brother’s respectful behavior.
If your brother can’t behave himself and be respectful to you, he shouldn’t be in your home. It’s also your husband’s home, but this is a two yeses situation. If any of your friends tried to bully-tease your husband, I’d say the same.” Greenelse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows you don’t like it and while we can all brush off the odd joke, this wasn’t that. He likes getting a reaction which is just being a bully. Hopefully, he learned something here. You don’t have to put up with harassment in your own home, and since you say he knows you don’t like it, good for you!
It matters not one bit whether you’re sensitive about your height. This is deliberate antagonistic behavior. He doesn’t care even what his brother says. Sounds like an obnoxious jerk.” wifeofamarriedman
15. AITJ For Uninviting My Brother And His Ex-Wife Over Seating Arrangements?
“My (25F) wedding is in a month and I sent out the prospective seating chart to my bridal party which includes my bridesmaids and my immediate family.
The bride and groom’s parties are seated at the front at long tables for both the ceremony and reception. It makes things easier since there are a lot of moving parts. The rest of the guests are seated at small circular tables.
My brother Noah (28M) was upset that his ex-wife Flora (31F) wasn’t seated with him like the other spouses.
They got divorced two years ago after Noah said that Flora was an emotionless mannequin who had no time or energy for him. Our family was stunned because Flora always seemed loving though her calmness is sometimes a little too stoic. I think his friends are to blame.
My mom loved Flora. About a year ago, Flora had a car accident where she passed out behind the wheel and drove into a tree in her backyard. It turns out she had a disease that affected her heart and her body. It was a miracle that she was even able to function as long as she did.
She looked fine if a bit underweight but she was close to death.
Noah and our mom threw themselves into helping Flora. He drives her everywhere, makes all her specialized meals, does the chores, and makes the doctor’s appointments. He really stepped up. They recently got remarried so Flora can be on his health insurance rather than hers, although it’s just a marriage on paper.
My mom’s still upset about that.
I made sure that the venue was aware of Flora’s needs, so she’s seated close to an exit for fresh air, has the right dietary food, and has a person there to help her if need be (edit: a CNA/nurse).
Flora hasn’t asked for anything. Noah, however, says that he needs to be seated next to her to take care of her needs. I’ve already taken care of Flora’s needs and I don’t want gossip on why they’re sitting together when they’re divorced on my wedding day, so I told him no. He threw a fit and said neither of them would come to the wedding.
My mother is begging me to reconsider but she wants them to get back together. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are married. Paper marriages are still valid. Also, it seems only to you and your mom that think this is a paper marriage. Noah is her primary caretaker.
You do not do that unless you care for that person. Stop treating them as a divorced couple – they are remarried. Just tell people before the wedding that your brother remarried his wife because they reconcile. No drama on the wedding day.” Fair_Text141
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Even if they are temporarily divorced, they are married now. And it sounds as if your brother is being a responsible caregiver and loving husband, making great sacrifices for her well-being.
And now you’re going to act as if none of this is true?
Refuse to acknowledge how your brother is, now, a model of the responsibility that a spouse promises ‘in sickness or in health’?
Caregivers are not interchangeable. If your brother is her primary caregiver, some random person is not going to know how to help her in the same way.
You should have discussed this with both your brother and sister-in-law before making the seating chart, and made the arrangements they want and need, not just jumped to conclusions about what was best.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – they are married and your brother is showing extraordinary love to and for her.
It’s inspiring really, love is an action and it doesn’t sound like the marriage is a paper-only marriage even if they claim it’s just for healthcare.
Your reasoning is that you don’t want gossip. What are you going to do when they dance together, talk, leave together, etc?
Did you ask Flora what she wants?
Your asserting control that is based on fear of them taking the spotlight from you is ridiculous. OP, he is trying to help his wife not renew their wedding vows.” olive_us_here
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Cousin's Daughter?
“I (20f) went upstate to visit my extended family recently. (Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) This includes my cousin, who had a baby about 3.5 years ago. My cousin will be named Carol and the baby will be named Lily for this post. I don’t like children, never have, and possibly never will.
My whole family knows this. So, I haven’t really spent the most time with Lily when I’ve visited. Surprisingly, she wasn’t too bad the last few times I visited her and Carol along with my other family. However, this time Lily was absolute evil. Screaming, crying, and throwing tantrums along with things across the room.
We were staying in the same house so I heard it every day for a few days. I distanced myself from Carol and Lily as much as possible, other than the time I got mad at Carol, and a bit at Lily, when Lily was throwing a tantrum about something and threw my phone to the floor, cracking the corner of the screen.
Carol said I was overreacting.
Yesterday, I was watching television in the living room when Carol came into the room carrying Lily, who was fussing. She asked me to watch her for the day because she needed a break, but I wasn’t so sure. As I said, I don’t like kids in the first place, but I’m also not sure I could take care of one, especially one as bad as Lily.
I explained this to Carol and she insisted I take care of Lily. I asked if anybody else can take Lily because I won’t, and she told me everyone else was out shopping, and how I don’t know how hard it is to be a mother and the least I can do is help out.
I told her I understand how she was struggling but reinstated my doubts about taking care of another human being. Carol called me heartless and stormed out of the room to go and take care of Lily herself.
A little over 15 minutes later, everyone returned. Carol, of course, told them what I did and everyone was being cold to me for the rest of the day.
This morning, I left because I was getting uncomfortable with how I was being treated and felt like I wasn’t welcome because I wouldn’t take care of Lily. This was met with sad or angry comments from some, but I left anyway. I’m writing this in a hotel because now I’m having second thoughts.
Was I the jerk for not taking care of Lily?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Frankly, it’s irresponsible of a parent to shove an unwitting person into that situation, especially if your aversion to kids is known throughout the family. One would assume you probably wouldn’t have had a lot of experience with babies or toddlers and wouldn’t really know how to care for one.
It’s like Carol thought, ‘Hm, who is the illest equipt person to care for my womb nugget; Ah! OP, yes, she’ll do. My only babysitting requirements are a set of breasts and a liability waiting to happen.’
I get it, it takes a village and everyone needs a break once in a while.
But for someone so tired, Carol sure had the energy to start a bunch of drama. I will never understand people who claim they want kids and then act this way when it gets hard.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for some reason, people love trying to guilt people who don’t like kids into providing free childcare.
First off, being angry about your screen getting cracked is not an overreaction. Phones are expensive.
Second, taking care of the baby was NOT your responsibility and you had every right to say no. She should have accepted your answer and left it at that, and either hire a sitter or wait until the rest of the family was back and ask them to help for a while.
Thirdly, what mom would hear ‘I don’t know if I could take care of her’ and think it’s okay to keep pushing it? Babies are a lot of work, and for your child’s own safety, you shouldn’t let someone take care of your kid if they aren’t confident in doing so.” Individual_Set_8146
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The entitlement Carol has to think you’re obligated to watch HER child is ridiculous. She chose to have kids, so that’s her responsibility. Then, she tries to guilt trip you into doing it simply because you ‘don’t know how hard it is to be a mother.’ I’m sure being a mother is hard, but that was a choice she made, and it’s not her decision to try to pass that burden on to you without your consent.
Then, to bad mouth you to the rest of the family because you had boundaries that she crossed is the craziest part.
Good on you for standing your ground and leaving when you felt uncomfortable. They knew how you felt about children and pushed anyway.
Letting people make you uncomfortable for their own benefit will never be ok.” LemmeToteit
13. AITJ For Being Excited About Prom?
“I (16F) recently received all my jewelry and my prom dress in the mail. I was super excited and decided to Facetime one of my closest friends (16F) to get her opinion on it. She immediately went to trashing me. Like legit before I even said anything, she said ‘Those nails are ugly and that dress makes you look fat’.
She said the dress was ugly (which I don’t get because earlier that day she’d sent a dress in our group chat that was nearly identical to mine, just a different color, and asked if she should get it cuz it was cute.) She said the jewelry looked cheap and you could tell it was from a Chinese website, especially the pearl necklace.
I informed her that the pearl necklace I was wearing at that moment was an authentic one, gifted to me by my dad and only worn on special occasions. She sort of stumbled over her words and tried to defend herself, saying that wasn’t what she meant and I was crazy.
I hung up the call after a while, but not before she made some snarky comment about how I would look so good they (her and our friends) would have to beat their dates off of me. I laughed awkwardly but she didn’t.
Now, literally, just a couple minutes ago, I got to school and went to her car to chill and do my makeup, and we were chatting for a bit until she brought up the topic of prom.
She did the whole ‘hey girlie no offense’ thing and said it was kind of crappy and flirty of me to look so good knowing all the other girls in our group were bringing dates, and how obviously I wasn’t bringing a date so I could sleep with their partners.
I legit gasped and started crying. I asked her why she thinks I would do that and she said because she doesn’t trust her partner, so I shouldn’t try to tempt him more. For context, her partner has lied to her before and we all advised her to dump him but she didn’t.
She also said it’s obvious I have a crush on him. Her evidence? The fact that I say hi to him whenever she’s on the phone with him. Just hi.
I left her car and went to come to cry in mine, but now I’m wondering if what she’s saying is right.
I see how it could look like I wanted to be the prettiest in the group, but I just wanted to look good at my first prom. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s insanely jealous of you and trying to undermine your confidence. Also, if her partner has an affair, it’s on him.
It’s really trashy to put that on you – a completely regressive way of thinking too, that women are responsible for making men stray because of how they dress. You’re NTJ, and sweetie, please don’t be friends with this girl anymore. She certainly doesn’t consider you her friend, or care for you.” mban4
Another User Comments:
“Oh, sweetheart no. You are NTJ. Your friend is being extremely rude because of her unstable relationship and her own insecurities, and that is NOT acceptable. That is not a friend.
Tell her firmly and calmly and politely over text, you don’t appreciate how she spoke to you, that her insecurity in her relationship is not an excuse to call you the things she did, and you need some space.
Ignore any spam texting or temper tantrums. Block her if you have to. Keep the texts to show any friends she might try to tell a different story to.
Then you go to prom and ROCK that dress and special necklace (I have a real pearl necklace that was my great-grandmother’s, wore it for my wedding!) and ignore this girl.
This Mom gives you full permission!” Reevadare1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m going to be honest with you. She’s not a friend. Think in the future: if you get a scholarship, if you get a job offer, a romantic partner, ANYTHING GOOD: she’s going to say you don’t deserve it and make you miserable simply because she is miserable.
She also is being sexist by implying you’d be responsible if her partner lies to her (AGAIN). I know it’s hard to break off friendships at any age but especially in school. But you need to because you don’t need her toxic mindset rubbing off on you.
I am legit worried if you stay friends with her because look what she’s already doing to your self-esteem. Have a wonderful time at prom and avoid her and anyone that agrees with her.” snoopyfan126
12. AITJ For Selling My Furniture?
“I (F21) am moving out of my current apartment at the end of the lease I share with my roommate (M22) to move to a different city. I work full time and am not home often enough to do much but laundry, play games, and sleep.
I am fully aware that I have some occasionally annoying habits like playing music when I clean, leaving laundry in the bathroom (in the basket), and sometimes not doing chores when I’m tired but I’ve made it clear from the beginning that if I do something to annoy roommate to please tell me, it hurts me more if you say nothing about it.
A few weeks ago my roommate said something uncomfortable about my good friend regarding their cultural practices, I told my friend the situation. This is where it went downhill, another friend who was in the loop told me my roommate was on public discord servers talking about how much he hates me and telling others about my home habits.
This made me uncomfortable as I have asked him to be honest, additionally, I feel disrespected by how he talks about my private life behind closed doors to his large group of friends plus anyone else who sees, I wouldn’t mind if he was venting to a small group of friends but my friends were able to come across it and read it that’s where it seems cruel.
This was the last straw for me after what he had said about my friend and also a previous incident of his friend and himself calling me a transphobe and anti-Semitic over playing a game (take a guess) I was gifted by my sister (F17) for my birthday the week a mate of mine passed away.
I had taken the week off to grieve and had distracted myself with the game.
With all this in mind and the lease renewal upcoming I have decided to move out, giving him two months’ notice of my departure so he isn’t thrown off so I can move to my BFF’s in another city and begin my studies.
He’s taken the initiative to begin hunting for someone to replace me and even had someone to look last weekend, though I was confused by beginning the search so early I didn’t question it as that’s his choice. That was until he told me I needed to leave two weeks earlier than the lease renewal to allow him time to move his content into my bedroom and let the new tenant move in.
I firmly put my foot down and said no as it’s my legal right to remain on the lease until renewal, I mentioned I would seek a legal consult if he insists because this would put me in an awkward position as I can’t leave the city until a certain date due to prior commitments.
I began moving all my belongings into my room to begin packing but left the furniture in the lounge while I begin to organize myself. As soon as I did he moved the whole layout around which is fine as I’m leaving but he also began setting up his tv system on my cabinet he didn’t ask to keep.
This annoyed me as he assumed but instead of talking to him I’ve gone ahead and put the furniture I bought in the marketplace.
Am I the jerk?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
We’re only hearing your side of things, so to be charitable I’m going to assume that you and your roommate just had a personality clash.
Not everybody gets along with everyone else, and the best thing to do is just move on. You’ve given plenty of notice to someone who appears to strongly dislike you, so frankly he should be thankful that you’re going. The process of finding a replacement can be a pain, but life is pain and he needs to deal or move back in with his parents.
So legally two things: it is absolutely your right to remain until the end of the contract period. Don’t let him pressure you. In fact, notify your landlord that he is trying to move you out earlier and let them know that you will pursue legal action if he tries.
Second, see if you can’t get friends to help you move so that you will have backup once you remove your roommate’s television to reclaim your cabinet. A lot of people just assume that furniture is communal or belongs ‘to the house’ because all tenants use it, but be ready to put your foot down on that one.
Good luck!” DropDeadDolly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope. Your lease, you have the right to remain until your lease is up. Your furniture, you have the right to sell them if you choose. Your roommate has no say in either matter. If he gives you any grief about trying to move his new roommate in or force you out before the end of your lease, go to your landlord as you are the one paying the rent for that entire month.
The new tenant is not unless your roommate is charging him the rent for the two weeks prior to the end of your lease and planning on keeping the funds for himself.” TimelySecretary1191
Another User Comments:
“Obviously you and your roommate are not happy with each other, and can’t wait to move on.
No, he can’t move you two weeks early but you know that. He shouldn’t have assumed that you were leaving your tv cabinet. He probably noticed you were moving all your things in your room and felt that since you hadn’t also moved the cabinet you were leaving it.
You are both angry at each other and everything the other one does is 1000 times magnified.
Sorry this is happening to you but at least you’re moving out soon. You were extremely nice to give two months’ notice that you would not be renewing your lease.
You and your roommate will never be friends again. I’d make sure I took everything and I mean everything that was yours even if it includes the kitchen sink! If your roommate wants the tv cabinet I’d sell it to someone else even if it was at a lower price than your roommate was willing to pay but that’s me you do what you want.” LifeForever6893
11. AITJ For Defending My Baby From My Wife's Mean Comments?
“My daughter, our second child, is three weeks old. Pre-pregnancy, my wife was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression, and in the days since birthing our baby girl, is most definitely experiencing post-partum depression.
Our first child, our son, looks very much so like her.
In fact, if you look at baby photos of my wife, they look almost exactly like our son’s baby photos. And my wife is a looker, so my son is super cute thank you very much.
Our daughter got a bit more of my side’s gene pool.
Her hairline kinda has a widow’s peak (which I’ve had since I was a baby). Her lips are relatively thin (like me). Her nose is a little larger than our son’s was (I have a Middle Eastern classic hook nose).
Nearly every day in my daughter’s 21 days on this earth, my wife has made a comment to the baby girl about how she’s so sad she got daddy’s features.
Some of the things my wife has said to baby girl: ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get you a nose job as soon as you’re old enough,’ ‘I wish you had gotten more of my features. My family is beautiful and all the women are timeless.
Your dad’s family, not so much,’ ‘(Son) has the beautiful pouty lips and you got stuck with those pencil lips – oooh it’s really tough being a girl.’
Up until yesterday, I was taking a softer approach with comments like – ‘ok be nice’ and ‘ok chillax’ but today I had enough and just snapped and yelled at her for like five minutes straight, and I cursed quite a bit too.
The gist of my statements were: ‘I don’t care if she can’t yet understand what you’re saying, stop putting that nonsense out into the universe,’ ‘(Son) can understand you, so stop this garbage,’ ‘I can understand you, so stop putting this crap in my head and making me listen to it,’ ‘Yea, life on girls is tough in this world, especially when their mom is crapping all over their appearance,’ ‘She’s three weeks old and is still perfect and noble and hasn’t hurt a soul.
Stop projecting onto her,’ ‘You were regularly tell me how your mom messed up your psyche with all her comments about your appearance so why are you doing the same to the baby girl?’
Anyways she was understandably hurt by my comments and we haven’t really talked about it or debriefed since.
I recognize that part of her comments stems from her anxiety/depression as well as her post-partum depression, and I also recognize there a lot of this stems from her mom’s influence on her psyche. I also recognize that yelling and berating people is rarely the right thing.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ – I don’t think you approached it the right way by yelling and cursing at her, but if I’m being honest I’d probably get fed up and start a fight if someone was insulting my genes, my family, and my LITERAL INFANT, in front of me.
Even in spite of her mental health issues and her mother’s influence this woman is, first and foremost, this baby girl’s mother. She should treat her with love and respect and some dignity. Being an adult and being a parent means handling yourself in a grown-up way and not projecting your issues onto others.
That especially applies to children! You’ve heard before that kids, even babies, are sponges and the environment around them WILL influence them without a doubt. She needs to do better for her baby, for your son, and for your family (including herself) because this kind of attitude is only going to hinder the baby, you, and your son’s outlook on women.” DumbAtLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…
Post-partum depression, anxiety, and depression are all terrible things, but they do NOT mean that someone can not be corrected and held accountable. Regardless of whether or not the baby girl can understand what’s being said, as you stated, YOU can understand and so can your son.
Not only is she degrading baby girl, but also you by wanting to get rid of YOUR features on your daughter.
I also do not think that mentioning her mother was too far. It’s a valid point. She’s doing to the baby girl what her mother did to her.
She needs to take into account how that made her feel, and how she definitely does NOT want baby girl to feel.
One thing that you CAN do better, however, is the way you address things. While all of your points are justified well, yelling and swearing is not that way to go about it — but grace is given because you’re fed up.
I understand, but do better in that area.” jadedcastles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, reinforcing those toxic beauty standards when a kid can’t even understand them yet is awful. It’s just going to set her up for a lifetime of insecurity if it continues.
While I don’t think heated arguments are ever good, it’s understandable why it happened. It’s sad to hear anyone putting down a child, let alone your own. There are just so many more important things in life than looks.
Just try to have a talk with her calmly.
Easier said than done of course. If she’s unable to see your perspective consider therapy as a couple or even for her. Just seems like there are so internalizing or projections going on as well.” sirenserenade
10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mother-In-Law For Getting The Same Tattoo?
“My (38 F) SO ‘Aidan’ (40 M) and I have a beautiful daughter ‘Mary’ (15 months F).
Mary has Down Syndrome. This has been discovered when I was 4 months pregnant and we decided to keep her. This was the best decision in our lives. Mary is a little sunshine, always smiling and laughing. We love her to the Moon and back.
Our families didn’t accept our decision though.
For them, it was a terrible mistake to choose to give birth to a disabled child. Things have soothed since Mary’s born and they love her, except sometimes petty remarks about Mary’s abilities (e.g. she doesn’t walk yet).
We went to a restaurant with MIL (66 F) and BIL for Aidan’s 40th birthday.
MIL asked what I got Aidan and we explained that we wanted a tattoo and I will be offering Aidan his. Aidan showed her the tattoo. It was a tribute to Down Syndrome: the triple chevron arrow. He wanted it on the external face of his wrist, I wanted mine on the internal face of the wrist.
Today MIL FaceTimed Aidan and she was very excited. She showed her wrist and she got the exact same tattoo Aidan wanted! Now she’s bragging on social media that she had a wonderful idea to show her love for her granddaughter. She’s also very excited about the 3 of us getting the same tattoo.
Aidan was fuming and so was I. This is not the first time MIL does something like that. We told her what we would get for Mary’s first birthday and she stole the idea. He blocked MIL on social media and is wondering about getting the tattoo or perhaps altering it.
This was supposed to be a couple-thing, for our child.
AITJ for being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Considering the families – and therefore presumably the in-laws – were originally wanting you to terminate the pregnancy, and continue making rude remarks about your daughter, I would be irritated that your MIL decided to not only out of nowhere get a tattoo to ‘show her support’, but also get involved in a couple’s tattoo.
Maybe I’m just petty, but I’d think that your MIL is being fake (especially due to all the social media stuff) and invasive.” Bartok_and_croutons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you and Aidan would be upset about your MIL getting the same tattoo, especially since it was meant to be a special tribute to your daughter and a bonding experience between the two of you.
While it’s great that she wants to show her love for her granddaughter, it seems she didn’t consider how her actions would affect you and Aidan. It would have been more appropriate for her to ask for your input or get a different design to avoid taking away from the special meaning behind your planned tattoos.” Waxmaniac2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom sounds like a narcissist. She sounds like she is trying to live vicariously through you and your family. It’s hard because you want to include them and have a normal relationship but they’re a narcissist and they will never be able to have that normal two-way giving relationship with their kids it will always be somehow about them, this tattoo thing will turn into your mother being the victim.
I hope I’m wrong because narcissistic parents suck. If you haven’t yet, maybe research narcissistic parents and see if any of it rings true for you and your mom.” gentlepettingzoo
9. AITJ For Going To Walmart Without My Partner?
“I love my partner, she is amazing, but she is the type that absolutely refuses to leave the house without at least some makeup on. Personally, I find it completely ridiculous, she’s gorgeous in any state (maybe I’m biased on the one), but if it helps her feel as beautiful as she is, more power to her.
Plus I’m not dumb enough to pick that hill to die on.
As some of you may know, since their release, PS5s can be very difficult to get your hands on. I had been saving for a while hoping to get myself one for Christmas, but that didn’t work out.
On a whim, I decided to check online, lo and behold, the Wal-Mart right down the street had one. So I eagerly ordered it, paid online, and got ready to go pick it up. She sees me all excited and putting my shoes on and asks where I’m going.
I tell her and ask if she needs me to pick anything up while I’m there. She says no, but she wants to come with me. I say okay cool, let’s go. She wants time to go get ready. Get ready to go to Wal-Mart.
Maybe I’m being a jerk here, but there is absolutely no scenario where she is the worst-looking person in a Walmart.
So I told her it was already paid for, I just had to run in and grab it, she didn’t even need to get out the car, and they close in 90 minutes.
She scoffs at me, tells me it won’t take her that long and goes to the bathroom. Then I hear the shower turn on.
At this point, I have wanted a PS5 for longer than I have known her, and it is right in my grasp.
I text her that I’m going and will be right back (she didn’t have her phone in the bathroom), go and get it, and make it back in less than 30 minutes. She is still in the bathroom, didn’t even know I left. By the time she got out, I was halfway through setting it up.
Anyway, now she’s mad and claiming I abandoned her (at her own apartment) and that I care more about a video game than I do about her (which feels pretty unfair, and by that logic, she cares more about her make up than she does about me getting something I’ve been looking forward to for years, though I very quickly learned that was the wrong thing to say).
So now I have an angry partner and a PS5 that I can’t turn on without starting an argument. So I humbly ask you, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She saw how excited you were. She gave you a hard time after you told her you were rushing to get there.
Sorry, but taking a shower is just too much. It’s so selfish delaying someone else like that when your presence isn’t required. It’s almost like she wanted to prevent you from picking it up.
You’re 100% right and she’s totally the jerk, but she sounds really petty, and you’ll probably never play without her getting upset.” Liss78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got back in 30 minutes and she still wasn’t out of the bathroom. She was being ridiculous and inconsiderate. You told her that it closed in 90 minutes. You were on a time crunch. If you had waited for her, you might not have gotten your purchase before.
Even with 60 minutes, you didn’t know how traffic would be and how many people were in front of you that would be waiting for pickup not to mention all the crap the employees have to do to shut down for the night it makes fewer people available to help customers.
I know this from working at Walmart and having to do it multiple times especially when they are on a no-overtime kick not even a single minute over your scheduled time.” bellanma
Another User Comments:
“When gaming is life. NTJ, it was just a quick trip to Walmart, if she wanted to come, she didn’t need to get prepared. You weren’t going in to go shopping, it was just a quick pick up and she felt like she needed to get all ready when at most all she’d be doing was standing next to you if it wasn’t curbside pickup.
If this was the first fight and she didn’t handle it well, yeah, the break up was necessary.” Devourer_of_Sun
8. AITJ For Not Making An Old Lady Pay For A Fabric Bag?
“I (18f) am a cashier at my local Loblaws and recently we have stopped using 5-cent plastic bags and replaced them with these 35-cent fabric ones.
It’s a good change, I know, but there are a lot of poor people who sometimes struggle to have enough change to buy groceries as is and the extra 30 cents is too much. There is this elderly woman who shops there often and buys the bare essentials (bread and carrots, and like once every 2 weeks a pack of water).
Usually, I don’t charge her the 35 cents for her bag as she ends up paying with exact change most days anyways.
Yesterday there was a man behind her (he doesn’t work for the company as there is a discount card all employees get) who as I was giving her the bag spoke up to say ‘Hey you need to charge her for that’.
So I nicely said ‘Oh, right my mistake’ and faked putting it in (still not charging her and giving her a nod as she left).
After she finished with her order and left I started scanning the man’s things and bagging them. He used 12 bags.
When I went to charge him for them he interrupted me saying ‘I reminded you about that lady’s bags’ (despite that she only took 1) ‘So you shouldn’t charge me for mine’. I disagreed saying that I was thankful for the reminder but that wasn’t how we did things.
He then left afterward and complained to the managers about my ‘horrible service’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is never wrong to show kindness and compassion to someone who needs it. In this case, you are towards the elderly woman. Don’t second-guess yourself.
That dude needs to mind his own business. Why do people pay so much attention when it is not their turn in line anyways? I don’t get it. If your management were to have an issue with this due to his complaint then they suck too.
Good customer service is good customer service and your kindness could likely keep that lady coming back to that store for as long as she can.” No-Arachnid-2546
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What horrible service? You showed an elderly woman on a tight budget some kindness.
If that jerk had a problem with it perhaps HE should have dug deeper in his own pocket and dished out some kindness also. What the world is missing is kind-hearted people like you. Keep up the good work.” KylieJadaHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The man complaining would probably not have if he wasn’t planning on using it to his advantage.
Even in these times, fortunately, there are still people that are capable of being human and seeing that sometimes some people need help but will not ask for it. Others just don’t see anyone but themselves or what can be done for them. Keep being the good human you are.” TimelySecretary1191
7. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé My Son Doesn't Eat Enchiladas?
“I (29F) have been with my fiancé (34M) for over a year now and together we have 3 kids.
Two from his previous relationship and one from mine. We have been learning how to co-parent but it hasn’t always been easy. For context, my fiancé LOVES cooking. It’s his passion and he has always done the majority of the cooking, especially dinner, ever since our first date.
His two kids, (4 and 6) also love the majority of the things he makes. My son (8), however, is a very picky eater. I know it’s partly my fault for not knowing how to cook and for being a single mom for so many years I just used the easy way out.
Well, when I met my fiancé and saw how bad our diets were (lots of chicken nuggets and ramen) I really wanted to make it better. However, the changes have not been easy for my son. There has been a lot of complaining and nose-turning at the new foods for the last year.
And it’s not always anything fancy, even spaghetti he refuses to eat. This is where things got frustrating.
Tonight, my fiancé was going to cook enchiladas for dinner and my son, as usual, didn’t want it and asked for nuggets. My fiancé basically threw up his hands while prepping dinner and has now said that he will no longer cook for this household because he is tired of his food being snarked and pushed away.
He says I can do what I want for my son and I but he will no longer be disrespected. I am extremely upset and all I see is red. Granted, I know he doesn’t have to cook for me but I have fallen in love with his food and I feel so frustrated. Am I the jerk or is he right?”
Another User Comments:
“Kids often have food issues as a control thing. There’s not much they get to control in their lives. Your son doesn’t get to control getting a new family or the household routines and traditions changing to accommodate that new family or any other changes but he does get to have some control over the food he eats.
It’s the one bit of power he has over his life.
Also preparing food for many is an act of love. You, his mother, have stopped making food for him and he is being expected to accept someone else as your replacement in this role.
That’s hard for a child (I know it’s illogical but kids are).
For the time being, can you cook for your son the foods he likes but your fiancé cook for the rest of the family? Then start giving your son a small portion of the family meal to try alongside his safe foods.
Encourage your fiancé to cook food with you and your son as a family. You can’t expect children to accept change overnight, instead, do it gradually so he doesn’t feel all control and his safety nets are being stripped away from him in one go.
Yes, your fiancé is coming into a situation he didn’t create but he had more choice in it than your son did and as an adult, he needs to be patient and try not to take it personally. Your son is rejecting unfamiliar foods not him as a person.
No jerks here” lysalnan
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – First, your fiancé is 100% entitled to not cook. In fact, if your fiancé does not want to cook all the time, you should cook around 50% time. You can learn how to cook. Your fiancé saying he does not want to cook food should not make you ‘see a red’.
You adults made this into a power struggle and that is an issue. It is ridiculous that 1 kid’s refusal to eat new and weird-looking food (to him) is interpreted as an ‘I am disrespected by everyone here’ thing. This should not be a power struggle where the other 2 kids are punished, because one child finds spaghetti or enchiladas distasteful.
Your kid did not even say something disrespectful here. I kinda feel sorry for the kid. Instead of food turning into something positive and healthy, it is a thing that he is beaten with over the head, every time he does not like something.” unsafeideas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if you’re constantly letting him have what he wants to eat just because he says he doesn’t like what’s being served, then you’re contributing to the problem. Either he eats what is served or YOU cook his food. If you go the eat what is served option, get rid of all the nuggets and mac and cheese; don’t reward with sweets until after the meal; and if he misses a meal because he refuses, he won’t die of starvation, so don’t fill in with other foods.” Individual_Brush_116
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’ – you both need to be firm, patient, and united. This is a you all vs the problem issue, and fighting amongst each other is wildly counterproductive.
Boring time – find a safe food your son will eat, but isn’t excited about (no nuggets, maybe bread and peas or something similar – nourishing, but super boring).
A kid with phobia around new food will eat the boring but fine food pretty happily, and a picky kid that can learn to eat new stuff will be motivated to try the new and more interesting food.
If this is dragging on, time to find a dietician with an interest in picky eating and get some professional help.” reverseswede
6. AITJ For Giving A Free Drink To Only One Girl?
“I work at a bar/restaurant, this happened a couple of weeks ago on St. Patrick’s Day but my coworkers are giving me trouble about it now because one of the girls involved came back into the bar last night.
So what had happened was a group of 6 girls came in and asked if they could get free drinks because they were all Irish, I of course told them no, but the whole interaction was good-natured and they were all laughing about it.
They sat down at the end of the bar and ordered a few rounds of drinks over the next little while and were pleasant.
Later in the night we got pretty slammed so one of the girls had to come up to me at the other end of the bar to put in another drink order, and when she did she asked if there was any chance of getting those free drinks now.
I said it was still a no, but told her there was a mispour that she could have if she wanted it. (The other bartender messed up and made a drink the customer didn’t want, so it was up for grabs.) She said sure thanks and took it with her while I made the rest of the drinks she ordered.
When I brought the drink order over to the group, the other 5 girls were all suddenly very icy with me and didn’t really warm back up to me for the rest of the night. Since everything was fine up until that point and since the girl who got the mispour was still perfectly pleasant, obviously they were upset because I only gave her a ‘free drink’ when they had all been wanting one.
I feel like one girl was just in the right place at the right time but the other 5 probably feel like I was playing favorites.
I mostly forgot about it but then as I said, last night one of the girls came into the bar again and was giving me dirty looks which then got everyone talking about what happened, and now we’re all kind of debating whether I messed up or not so I figured I’d ask here.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t single her out or play favorites, it was, as you say, the right time/right place/right situation.
It’s interesting that the one girl didn’t explain this to her friends. Or, that they were not understanding the situation.
It sounds as if they were either purposely being offended over nothing, or that they somehow weren’t bright enough to figure out the whole miss pour thing.” canvasshoes2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She just happened to be there when the other bartender screwed up. If the drink had been something she didn’t want, maybe one of the other girls would have ended up with it.
Doesn’t seem like it mattered to you who drank it, she just happened to be the one. The girl that gave you the dirty looks because they didn’t all get free drinks has no valid reason to complain. Jealousy or entitlement is not valid.” TimelySecretary1191
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They shouldn’t have expected free drinks. They shouldn’t be salty about it.
You probably shouldn’t have given the chick the mispour but you didn’t think it would be a big deal (and it shouldn’t have been). The girl who got the free drink was just in the right place at the right time.
Don’t let their saltiness get to you.” juicydreamer
5. AITJ For Posting My And My Daughter's Photo?
“So I (F56) decided to get Instagram and Snapchat to connect with my kids Linda (F19) and Connor (M16) more. I’m still getting the hang of it, but Connor showed me how it worked. My husband Bill (M55) has no interest in any social media, as it’s just not his thing.
Anyway, I hadn’t posted yet, and I had taken a trip down to Cancun with Linda over her spring break, as we had talked about doing it after the global crisis was over. We took a lot of great photos, and for my first post, I figured it’d be extremely sweet if it was a photo of Linda and me at the beach.
We were both wearing bikinis for reference, because a day after the post, Connor told me that his friends who follow Linda were saying inappropriate things about us. Connor said it was gross seeing his mom and sister like that anyway and wanted me to take down the post. Linda eventually took Connor’s side after she found out, and she even admitted one of her friends’ moms thought it was inappropriate of me to be exposing us near-exposed like that.
I really had no bad intentions, and ‘I’ve been crying for the past two hours. Bill’s been neutral on the whole thing and has been trying to comfort me, but the kids are giving me the cold shoulder. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You can’t fix stupid.
Your son’s teenage hormonal friends are going to give him a hard time because they get over-excited by seeing some skin.
You are NTJ for making and posting the picture, if beachwear were appropriate for public places it’s equally acceptable for online platforms. However, you will be a jerk if you continue ignoring your kid’s discomfort and don’t remove the photo.” Glittering_Bottle706
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – It’s a general rule that you ask people’s permission before posting a picture of them on social media. You are new to these platforms, so you are not a jerk for not knowing. Your daughter is not a jerk for being upset.
It was the correct move to remove the picture after finding out your daughter is uncomfortable.
Your son is a bit rude for blaming you instead of telling his friends to not be creeps, but he’s a teenager, so it’s understandable.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Connor has no say over what photos of other people you post. He’s the jerk for making this about him.
Your daughter should be able to be comfortable with the photos you post of her online. I personally would ask before posting a swimsuit photo of someone else.
I don’t think you really understood that, but you also genuinely seem to not know how nerve-racking it can be to have swimsuit pictures online for a lot of people.
You did nothing wrong posting your own photo.” madelinegumbo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Don’t post photos of other people that might leave them uncomfortable, or put them in uncomfortable situations, without their permission. If you do and they object, take it down. No crying is required.
Your son is clearly in the wrong, though. Connor needs to understand that if his friends are saying gross things about his mum and sister, the problem is with his friends and he needs to deal with them, not whine that mummy and sis should cover up so he doesn’t have to deal with the idea of them being attractive!
As a parent, you’re in an ideal position to have a serious chat with Connor about his internalized misogyny and ask him why he thinks it’s the responsibility of women to fix men’s bad behavior.
Maybe tell Linda that you’ll ask before posting photos of her next time.
But otherwise, clearly communicate to your kids that you can post whatever photos you please, and they can either unfollow you or get over it.” Rowanever
4. AITJ For Being Irritated By A Crying Baby On The Plane?
“My best friend and I spent a month backpacking around Europe. By the time we were going to head home, we were exhausted. To make our flight, we took a 4 AM shuttle to the airport and could barely think/keep our eyes open.
We had pretty crap seats on our first flight, they were right up against a wall or cubby at the end of the plane and not only didn’t recline backward but pushed forward a little while the people in front fully reclined into us. Needless to say, we didn’t sleep, but it was a quick flight, a quick layover, and we were praying for decent enough seats to get a good sleep on our final flight home, which was 6.5h.
We are in a 3-person row but the aisle seat remains empty as the plane gets close to finishing boarding. We are so excited at this point, thinking we can stretch out and share the spare seat (we’d move and make the middle seat the spare and take turns lying down or stretch out a bit further and sleep back to back… I was so exhausted this was all I could imagine.
LOL). Boarding is finished, the seat is still empty, and we are SO excited to finally get some sleep.
After boarding a woman from a few rows down says she noticed the empty seat and asked if she can switch us (we are a bit confused), then explains that she would ask her seat neighbor to fill our empty seat so that she can have a full seat for her baby.
We were visibly disappointed; I was super nauseous at this point and just wanted to sleep for a bit. We asked if we can switch seats after a couple of hours because we’d been traveling for a long time and were really rung out. She said ok.
Shortly after we were served a snack. The woman couldn’t really manage her baby and asked a flight attendant to hold it so that she could eat. A couple of minutes after this, she came over and said that’s it, the man is coming to fill the empty seat, we have to move back to our assigned seats and let her have an extra for her baby.
I gave her a rude look/looked away and didn’t say a word more. She put her baby seat on the seat next to her, now empty, and that was that.
The baby was very loud, always whining and crying but that’s nothing you can blame a baby for.
She then gave the baby a rattle toy which was constantly being shaken and really loud, on top of the whining and crying. The mum also shook the rattle toy for the baby to try to get it to quiet down (didn’t work) making additional noise.
This wasn’t once or twice but throughout most of the flight including during lights+windows off/sleeping time.
After we got off the plane I complained to my friend and she said I was being a jerk for acting so irritated by this woman when she was struggling with the baby.
She said I should have been kinder, but that she didn’t bring it up or bug me about it because of the irritability of needing sleep/feeling crappy. I’d like to get some outside opinions on whether we should just have offered the seat and whether I’m a jerk for being grumpy about the whole thing..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The only reason she didn’t have to carry the child the entire flight was because there happened to be an extra seat on the plane. She went into this situation knowing that by not buying a second seat she would have to hold the child so I would hope that she may be a bit more considerate as she had gotten lucky.
Instead, she was demanding as if you had been the one to ask her to join a full row with her baby and she had done you a favor.” JennHatesYou
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Neither of you paid for the extra seat so neither of you can call dibs on it.
You wanted it so you could stretch out and sleep. She wanted it so the baby could sit in it. You were cranky because you were tired from traveling. She was cranky because she had to mind a fussy toddler all night. No one had a good flight.
There are lots of stories I’ve read about people being asked to move from seats they paid for this reason or that, but that isn’t what this is. You were both in the seats you paid for. The question is really if there is an empty seat that no one paid for, should it go to a young healthy person who wants to stretch out and sleep, or a mother with a screaming infant who might be able to settle them better and disturb the rest of the flight less if they have a bit more space.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ
I don’t like parent entitlement and don’t think parents deserve anything that non-parents don’t also deserve (and it totally sucks to be tired while flying). However, the parent was merely asking you to sit in your assigned seats (if I were the parent, I would have asked a flight attendant to make this change for me, and I expect they would have done that as long as the seats were in the same class).
Being a parent of a tired and noisy baby is simply harder than being tired, and you sitting in your assigned seat would have made the flight less noisy and stressful for everyone else on the flight. The best scenario would be that the mom could afford to buy a second seat for her baby and that there were two seats together at the time she booked the flight, but if that wasn’t possible, it doesn’t seem like much of an ask for you to sit in your assigned seat.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You for thinking you were entitled to the aisle seat when you were not. It wasn’t your seat and you had no right to expect it. Also for thinking you’re the only people in the world to ever be tired on a flight or that a baby being noisy is such a jerk move.
Her for thinking she deserved a seat she didn’t pay for and double her for putting an infant young enough not to require its own ticket on a seat without a proper safety restraint for a long period of time. And not a jerk move, per se, but anyone who thinks lap-sitting a child on a flight for 6+ hours is a good idea isn’t the sharpest cookie in the crayon box (that or they planned to manipulate someone to another seat from the start).” EvilSockLady
3. AITJ For Not Paying For My Son's College Fund?
“My ex-wife (36f) and I (36m) have been divorced for 7 years now. We have twins, both 17 (F, M). My wife and I are the stereotypes of high school sweethearts. I’m more of a geek. She was a cheerleader. My son takes after my wife and my daughter takes after me.
When they were younger, I gave them the option of allowance. They could either spend the funds on what they wanted to or I could walk them through investments and savings. My wife was all for this at that time. We explained that they each have a set amount that we have put away for future schooling as well as a car fund.
At first, both of my kids decided to invest it, and I started to show them how to and the risk involved. My son put his into a very risky investment (against my advice) and ended up losing it and decided not to do it anymore (within a few weeks).
My daughter started off rough but quickly got the hang of it. Playing with different investments and companies. She has been in the positive most weeks.
The issue is that due to this, my daughter has saved up more funds than her brother. She also likes to spend most of her time over at my house vs my son over at my ex-wife’s house
My daughter’s interests are more minimalistic when it comes to most things and does not spend a lot. She will when she finds things she likes. She is not into fashion, rarely puts on makeup (when she does, it is very light), bought a used but nice car, etc. They just got their acceptance letters for college, and she will be able to pick any of her choices due to grades and her savings plus our contributions.
My son, on the other hand, spends most of his allowance when he gets it. Always has new clothes constantly (a bunch of shoes), bought a new, very expensive car with payments, goes out all the time, and spends everything he gets. My son is upset because he can’t go to the college he wants because he would need to get a loan, and with what I make, he doesn’t qualify for much.
My ex says I need to stop favoring my daughter and financially hurting my son and just paying for his college. Among other things. She and her side of the family are all calling me a jerk for not paying ‘because you easily could.’
I told them that they had a choice when he was younger and he didn’t listen. I also pointed out the fact that if he had saved his funds, he would have also been able to go where he wanted. He needed to get a job to cover costs if he wanted to go.
And life was about choices.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He has a college fund for both kids. He is not making them fund their education from their allowance. Your daughter is just ABLE to fund her education with her allowance because she saved and her brother didn’t.
So let’s say that they each have $X in their college fund.
Your daughter has $X from the college fund plus $Y which she has been diligently saving for years.
Son only has $X because rather than saving, he blew every penny he made as soon as it hit his wallet.
What lesson is Dad teaching both of his kids by making up for your son’s lack of discipline?
He’s teaching your son that Daddy will bail out his crappy choices. He’s teaching his daughter that her hard work is actually penalizing her because she is ultimately receiving less from him even though she was the one that acted responsibly.
His son can still go to college – his life’s career success is not hinging on his teenage financial decisions. But having to take out loans or go to a cheaper school is a perfectly reasonable and natural consequence of his actions that is going to go a lot further toward teaching him financial responsibility.
Unless he is willing (and able) to make up for his son’s financial situation and give the same amount to his daughter so she doesn’t have to dip into her savings, then he is NOT showing favoritism and he is NTJ.” SkettiPuddin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You set him up to fail. You were a crappy parent allowing a child to make adult decisions with no safety net. You designed a system to reward the kid who was like you and give just desserts to the one like your wife, instead of trying to instill good values in them both.
You have been actively hurting your son for years. If they are making bad decisions that require adult approval like car loans and investments, then you are making bad decisions. If he is spending funds unwisely, stop giving him free funds instead of holding it over him later.
It’s a shame you can’t just divorce your son. It looks like you found the next best way to permanently hurt him.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you would be showing favoritism to your son if you saved him now. You have treated both equally, and given both the same things.
Your daughter acted responsibly your son did not. There are consequences to our actions, this is the lesson – even if it isn’t an easy one to learn.
That said, if your son comes to you with a plan on what he wants to do (re: college) or asks for your help with that, you should do whatever you can to support him and help him get there.
You are walking a fine line in the lesson you are teaching, but if he is learning it and taking proactive steps towards being responsible then giving him a hand up is part of your duty as a father.” sdjmar
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you did treat your children equally.
And you have no obligation to pay for their school. But I also don’t think that children should be responsible for making financial decisions that impact their future at like ten years old, that seems like an obvious set-up. I’m sure he didn’t understand the consequences of his choices at that age, so it seems like a shame to make his future suffer for that now.
Not that he deserves more funds or anything, but your plan to have the kids fundraise for their own college without telling them kinda sucked. There’s a reason kids aren’t supposed to be responsible for that kinda thing, and this is it. Everyone sucks here, lightly.” WearyRelationship729
2. AITJ For Telling My Little Sister She's Not Fully One Of Us?
“I’m (17M) the middle child in a family of 3, I have one elder brother Adam (23M), and one younger sister Bella (6F).
My parents (both 48) only had my sister a few years ago via surrogacy because they wanted another child and for some other reasons, while my mum and dad did try to have Bella themselves their attempts failed multiple times because Bella was born via surrogacy she looks different from me and my brother of course.
Now, Bella’s teacher had assigned a task where they’d have to write about their family and make a family tree of some sort.
My mom was very excited to do a task like this and she got out our family photo album and began showing Bella photos of our aunts and uncles and other relatives, Bella’s very curious so she began to notice the differences between her and our relatives I guess because she asked why she looked different from me and Adam and everyone else in our family.
Most of my family is pale with mostly light brown hair, Bella’s got tan skin with almost black hair, so yeah she does look different.
I just told her ‘You’re not fully one of us’, no malice intent or anything just the truth, she isn’t really like us in the sense of DNA and other things.
I guess this news made her upset because she kinda started crying like crazy on the spot and my mum just shot me a dirty look like she wanted to skin me alive or something.
It took quite a while of reassurance for Bella to understand that being different wasn’t anything bad and that she was still her child regardless.
I got a call from my older brother saying I was being a total jerk and that I was ridiculous for saying such a thing to a 6-year-old and that I should be ashamed of us.
It was just something I said, I mean it when I say there was no bad intention behind it – Bella was bound to know in the future anyway so what was the harm of telling her now?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you had better start telling your sister every single day that you love her and are so proud and happy that she is your sister. I mean, Every. Single. Day.
If you think family is determined only by DNA, then, yeah, YTJ and have a lot of catching up to do with reality.
And if, by chance, you said this because you resent her for taking the baby of the family position away from her, well, you’re old enough to have gotten over that, and it’s a total cliché way to think and behave. You’ve had 6 years to get over that if it’s an issue.
You’re also old enough to know how girls struggle with self-esteem in most societies around the world and she’s your sister so you should be looking out for her and building her up to be strong and confident in a hostile world.
So, I repeat: tell her you love her and are proud and happy she is your sister.
Every. Single. Day.” cadaloz1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First, you chose language that excluded her. She’s six years old. How do you think she’s going to feel when, at that young, vulnerable age, the people that she is forced to trust to protect and care for her aren’t even hers?
You basically told her that she’s not family.
I don’t blame your mother and brother one iota for their assessment of you.
Second, no one was asking you anything. You should have let your mother handle this. She could have postponed telling Bella the truth and just said, ‘Sometimes that happens.’ And leave it at that.
Then she could address the subject with her when she’s older, explaining the process of surrogacy.
Choose your words carefully in the future, and let your parents handle the sensitive issues.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re definitely a jerk. Being honest isn’t an excuse for being mean and your intentions are irrelevant.
Timing is everything with sensitive topics like these and how the information is delivered to her can greatly impact the rest of her life. You can’t understand because the mother who is raising you birthed you. And if you feel confident enough to say that being told your mother didn’t birth you wouldn’t bother you, then good on your parents for raising you to be secure in your identity.
You didn’t even allow that for your sister. You just threw that information on your sister so unsympathetically.
Also, if she’s a surrogate through IVF, then she has half of your father’s DNA just like you. There’s still a chance she received your mother’s egg.
So she is like you genetically, epigenetically, socially, culturally, the list goes on.” N2OCoffee
1. AITJ For Buying Tickets For Me And My Partner Without Consulting With Her?
“I’m a big fan of band concerts. I’ll go to multiple ones a year with all my favorite music groups. Last month, I found out that some of the music groups I love will be coming to town in October, and I was very excited.
I told my partner ‘Laura’ about it, and showed her the bands. She seemed to enjoy one of them, so I decided to surprise her by purchasing two tickets for the concert.
I thought she’d be happy about it, but she was actually annoyed. She told me that it was a nice thought, but kind of insensitive to assume that she’d be available that day when it’s a weekday and she works, plus that she’d have to take the entire day off due to the time and location of the concert.
I told her I did it because I thought it would be a fun date for us, but she really didn’t seem thrilled and asked why I would spend hundreds of dollars on her under the assumption that she’d be able to just take that time off.
I understand where she’s coming from, but I really think that it was a dramatic reaction and a nice surprise. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A gift is supposed to be enjoyable for the other person. You’ve now put the burden on her of taking a day off and using valuable PTO to see one of your favorite bands.
Her saying ‘It’s a nice thought, but insensitive to assume she’d be available’ is 100% accurate and also doesn’t sound like she was ‘annoyed’. It sounds like you expected her to happily shift her life around based on a surprise gift and are annoyed that that’s not how real life works.” NArcadia11
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You spent hundreds of dollars on a band she just learned about and would have to take time off to see. I could understand if it was an artist she loved not you, but it seems like you are presenting it as a gift to her when you are really just asking her to take time off to accompany you to an event you want to go to.
It seems comparable to me as if my partner surprised me with tickets to a football game. I’d want to be consulted before spending a lot on something like that.” soccerklf914
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s not dramatic, you meant well but didn’t think about what day will be the concert?
And it’s so far you’d be away for all day. If you wanted it to be a surprise, you could just be asked if she was available that day. She’s not responsible for you spending hundreds of dollars without even being sure if she could attend, you’re an adult, and you’re responsible for your own decisions.
Communication is key in all relationships.” EndeavorForce
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