People Cross Their Fingers For Positive Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Everyone faces their own problems and issues, therefore it's important to always work toward treating others with empathy, decency, and understanding. No matter how acceptable you believe your reasons are, being a jerk just brings unnecessary negativity into the world and our interactions with others. It does no good. The individuals listed below talk about instances in their lives when they could have behaved inappropriately. After reading their stories, which of these seem like actual jerks to you? AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Significant Other To Move Into Our Apartment?

“Two weeks ago I (19f) moved in with one of my best friends (20f) whom I’ll call Bea. We also live with Sophie (22f). We met a year ago through classes, and now have a three-bedroom apartment.

About a week ago we planned a small meeting to discuss house rules, like who is responsible for what chores and so on.

I was looking forward to making dinner together with the girls until Bea sent us a message to tell us that her significant other Chad (20m) is coming to stay the night.

This annoys me because he has been over pretty much every single day since I moved in.

It’s also worth noting that the walls are really thin, so having private conversations is close to impossible.

I don’t like Chad. I hope he steps on Lego and that his pillow is always warm. I’ll explain why.

My friend Bea is the sweetest person.

She is kind, caring, beautiful, funny and smart. However, Bea has a pretty big flaw as she is a chronic people pleaser. This has brought her into quite a few toxic situationships, and it’s horrible seeing her allowing people to use her this way.

Chad came into the picture in January 2023.

He attends the same classes as us, and they were introduced through a mutual friend. Chad only invited Bea over when he wanted intimacy, and if they saw each other in public he ignored her. Chad is a mama’s boy and has never had to work for anything in his life.

When Bea would come over she ended up cooking for him, doing his laundry and cleaning, all while he ignored her and gamed. He was controlling and isolated Bea from her friends, and they always argued. This went on for months.

Bea and Chad became a couple in June, but because I’ve been in my hometown for a while I’ve not really met him.

Bea tells me that ‘they almost never fight anymore’ but I’m skeptical.

​Back to the present time. Bea asked me and Sophie if we were okay with Chad being around most of the time, and I told her I was not. She then began to explain that he was a good person and so on.

I didn’t get to say more on the topic before they moved on to the next.

Later that night Bea came by my room to show the text she sent our landlord that contained some questions we had. One of the questions she asked was if our landlord wanted extra payment because Chad would be staying here a lot…What?

I kept quiet, but as the days went by I became more uncomfortable. I wanted to talk about it alone, but Chad was always around. Saturday I sent Bea a text where I told her I wasn’t comfortable with Chad living here. She replied after several hours that she didn’t see the problem.

He usually stays in her room and I stay in mine. I told her I have bad social anxiety and I’m generally scared of men (thanks Dad). I also said I agreed to move in with her and Sophie, not her, Sophie, and Chad.

She got annoyed but asked if we could talk about it.

I doubt anyone will read this before we do talk, but AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s not reasonable for Bea to inflict an extra roommate on you. Like you said, you agreed to live with Bea and Sophie – not Bea, Sophie, and Chad.

It’s normal for people to have significant others, and it’s normal for them to stay the night from time to time. But when ‘from time to time’ turns into ‘most of the time’, then that’s rather a different prospect.” _mmiggs_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but Bea is.

And Chad doesn’t seem like a very good partner from what you’ve said. You have the right to be comfortable in your home. If I were you, I’d just take it to the landlord because you didn’t sign up to live with a man and shouldn’t be forced to.

You can veto any decision about Chad because you’re on the lease and he is not. If you don’t feel safe in your home you don’t have to stay. There are ways to get out of a lease if that’s the case but I’m sure your landlord would rather him stay away than you have a lawsuit for unsafe living conditions.

It also depends on where you live (country/ state). Look up the renter’s rights if you’re in the US.” heaz247

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. i think you need to speak to sophie and ask her how she really feels about chad being g thee all the time and possibly moving in. Then if she has the same opinion as you you need to have ANOTHER meeting woth bea and be united and tell her that NEITHER of you want him moving in. That you BOTH moved in under the impression that it would be the 3 of you.. not 3 + partners.... text the landlord yourself if you areon the lease and ask if THEY can tell you what the number of LEGAL tenants are... whether it's a fact of you payX amount ÷3 or whether it's per person... get that from them yourself !!! It could be your rents are gunna go up if he moves in.. in which case you and Sophie will BOTH be paying more because either HES forcing her to let him move in or because she just WANTS him to move in. Now will he willingly pay his portion of the rent and utilities? Or is she going to hVe to pay for both of them ? Or will she expect you and Sophie to just swallow the rent increase caused by him....
Once you have the info from LL then talk to her sans him and like i say of you AND sophie don't want him moving in and the rent will be affected too then tell her no 2 NOs vetoes her 1 yes and he doesn't get a say as he's not on the lease... if you are not on the lease you may have to look for new housing cos i can see him moving in and treating you 3 as his personal slaves while living there for free....
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23. AITJ For Wanting Some Alone Time With My Partner?

“My partner (24M) and I (23F) have been together for 4 years now. We started going out at the beginning of university, and we are now both out of school and are trying to save to eventually buy our own home. We both live with our parents separately at the moment (which makes sense for us financially), but when we were in school, we lived together.

The adjustment for me has been hard, to say the least, but not for him. My partner’s family is well off and does plenty of things together, whereas my family tends to work individually. My partner is also very frugal and will do anything to save a buck.

I find he depends a lot on his parents, especially when it comes to things like going out.

For example, in 2020, it had been hard to come up with things to do. I often suggested my partner and I go for a drive and get pizza, have a movie night with Chinese food, or in the summers go golfing, as these were the only things open at the moment.

When I mentioned going out with him for a night, I had full intention to pay for the activity, and by no means did I expect my partner to pay for the date fully, as we are trying to save money and he knows this.

My partner would ask his parents every time if they would like to join us SO THEY WOULD PAY FOR OUR NIGHT.

For example, I asked my partner if he wanted to have a movie night and get some Chinese food. Later that night I got a text from my partner saying his parents would like Chinese food too and for me to meet them for dinner.

Afterward, we all sat down and watched a 3-hour movie. I intended this to be a nice night with my partner.

The one night I thought we could try playing a round of golf, he again invited his parents to take us golfing because he didn’t want to pay for it.

Although I appreciate it, it seems to be getting out of hand and I’m not comfortable with it anymore. Not only does having his parents pay my way constantly make me feel absolutely horrible, but I am also tired of spending every night with him with my partner’s family.

Recently, my partner and I had planned our first trip just the two of us out of the country to Florida. We have our flights booked and my partner informed me today that his parents are now coming with us and will cover the costs of our flights after I insisted on paying for my own vacation.

Whenever I bring this scenario up to my partner, he says I am ungrateful and I instantly feel even worse. Am I the jerk for wanting to go out with my partner without his parents?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

This isn’t behavior that’s going to go away.

He’s going to keep involving his parents because he’s cheap, and then his parents are the ones who will direct your choices because they’re paying for it. I wouldn’t just straight-up dump him without having a conversation with him first but make it very clear that you’re trying to have an adult relationship with him, which means doing things alone and paying your own way.

If he refuses to see things from your point of view, you should maybe reevaluate some things.” lil-ernst

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. While I really try not to jump right to recommending leaving a relationship over some behavior as I realize things are often more complicated, this situation just seems like OP will always be playing second fiddle to her partner’s parents or his desire to save money.

OP needs to have a serious talk with her partner about how his behavior is not normal and really bothers her, and if he is not willing to listen and compromise, be ready to walk away.” Small-Jellyfish-2591

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
Oh, honey - please ditch this manchild and find a man. This one will never be anything but a mama's boy and will always pull this garbage to keep them supporting him. So know that this is the best it will get, and you can look forward to the next 35 years or so having to share your husband with his parents in EVERYTHING you two do together, just so he doesn't have to pay. That's not him being frugal; that's him being infantile. He will never grow up because he doesn't have to. And when his parents pass away, you'll be his mommy.
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22. AITJ For Allowing My Parents To Help Us Buy A House?

“My husband (29m) and I (28f) have been married for 5 years.

My husband was a nurse until he told me he wanted to become a doctor. I was fully supportive and he is now in his first year of medical school. I have been supporting both of us as he cannot work while in school, but recently found out our rent was being raised by $500 at the end of our contract (April).

This was honestly the last straw as it pushed us past where we were financially comfortable, so I raised the idea of us buying a home.

This had been a conversation for years, but my husband had always said we could after he had paid off his school debt from nursing (paid off in early 2020).

I asked my mother (real estate agent) who told me that with what we’d be paying, it would be better for that money to go towards mortgage repayments and not rent. I brought this all up to my husband who shut it down almost immediately.

He told me our agreement was to wait until he had paid off all his debt. I told him that was for nursing and that he was in school for 6 years, which was hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and some doctors don’t pay off their debt for 20+ years.

I told him I had been supportive of this career change and by financially supporting the household, but that it was the best financial decision for us and also relieved the financial burden for me.

I brought up the savings we had for our deposit and how we could afford something small and modest within budget, but he told me it was in our interest to use that money to pay off his loans.

I asked him if he realized the financial burden this would put on me, but he said it was temporary and eventually he’d make more than me so it would be even and I’d agreed to this.

My mother called and asked if we were going to look into buying a house, but I told her we weren’t and we’d be looking for somewhere cheaper to rent instead.

She insisted we at least consider it because it made the most financial sense, and asked if it was because we didn’t have a down deposit. I told her that we were probably going to use that to pay off my husband’s debt and he didn’t want more debt until he was debt-free from student loans.

Days later, my mother and father came for lunch and told us they had news. They offered to gift us the down-deposit of a home. I was over the moon and shocked by the offer.

Once they left, my husband exploded on me, claiming I emasculated him and made him look bad in front of my parents.

I told him I never asked for this but we should take it as it was a privilege most people don’t get and would relieve so much financial burden on me. He refused to talk to me or my parents until we apologized for shaming/emasculating him but I refused to.

I apologized but told him I wouldn’t make my parents as they’d done nothing wrong. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your husband is straight up RIDICULOUS. Ridiculous. Is he otherwise a good partner? Is he thoughtful, is he kind, does he respect you in every other area of your life besides this one?

And I mean EVERYWHERE. Because if he isn’t, I would even wonder if it’s worth being married to someone acting like this.

The kind of emasculation he’s describing doesn’t actually exist — it’s a byproduct of toxic masculinity and it’s nonsense.” SalaciousSapphic

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband is a jerk, though.

You need to look carefully and dispassionately at this situation. He doesn’t want to buy a house with you – a large financial commitment that binds you and him. He instead wants you to put the money YOU’VE earned and YOU’VE saved to pay off HIS student debt while YOU support him through school.

Do you see the problem here? After school, he could leave you, not have a house tying you together, and have his student loan burden greatly reduced because YOUR money has gone towards it.

Someone so wholly selfish and unwilling to consider the feelings and well-being of a partner isn’t in this for the long term.

I hate to be so negative, but my bet is on him leaving you when he’s graduated and with a reduced student loan thanks to your hard work.

Protect yourself, sis.” BattieJane

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MadameZ 5 months ago
I agree with PP that this man intends to spend YOUR money on his career, after which he will move on, debt-free, to another woman. He is using you. Buy a house for yourself and let him sort his own debts out.
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21. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Phone?

“I (F 20) was traveling on the train to London, which as you can imagine is a packed train with few unreserved seats left, a long and expensive journey but necessary for work.

I reserved a (free) window seat with a table and socket so that I could charge my phone (and kill time watching Netflix). For those unfamiliar with table seats, it is essentially booth-like, with 4 seats (2 on each side facing each other) separated by a table, and the inner window seats have a socket each.

Now I board this train and it is full, standing room only. I find my way to my reserved seat and a male mid-30s suit is sitting in it working away on his laptop with his bag on the next-door seat – despite the lack of seats.

I politely ask him to move his bag, which he does and I sit down, though not in my actual seat thinking I’m not going to make him shift in this cramped space. I smile at the older lady opposite and strike up some friendly conversation with the young working mom and her baby who is fascinated by my hijab, the kid was cute, and playing with him (till he fell asleep) was the only highlight of this journey.

Half an hour into the journey and my old phone is dying, but I’m bored and will need the phone for directions later on. I asked the man next to me if I could plug my charger into the socket to charge my phone, but he refused. I explained that my cable was long enough to reach over the table without bothering him, but he still refused. At this point I’m mad, I’ve got a long day ahead and I don’t need anything to sour my mood.

After a 3rd rejection, I stand up, pack my stuff, pull out my ticket, and as if I had never sat down in the first place say ‘Hi, excuse me, but you’re sitting in my seat. Please can you move over’. He is furious, and at this point, the whole carriage is watching.

He ignores me. Funnily enough, the Train Attendant arrives and so I ask again with them present, the attendant overhears and also asks him to hurry up and switch with me so he can get by. Forcing him to move.

The older lady opposite said I didn’t need to cause a commotion (she offered her socket to me but I declined as having cables crossing diagonally over everyone’s stuff wasn’t comfortable, especially with the baby) but I said it was an easy and polite thing to do, and became a matter of principle.

Others agreed with her and now I’m thinking should I have just left it?

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would’ve made him move from the beginning. You reserved that seat for you, not him. I really don’t tolerate that crap, if it’s a place where you have to reserve seats then park where you’re supposed to, and don’t inconvenience others by sitting wherever you feel like it.

That whole conflict would’ve been avoided if he had just sat where he was supposed to. If he wanted that seat he should’ve reserved it.” AhGaSeNation

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... he knew it wasn't his seat and was being a jerk, you could have made him switch earlier but dust all you asked was to plug your phone on he refused.. so unluckily for HIM when you asked him to vacate your BOOKED seat and he refused again the train attendant just happened to be in the carriage lol.... oh well maybe if he hadn't been a jerk to start with you wouldn't have had to ask him to move and he wouldn't have been shown to be a jerk publicly
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20. AITJ For Letting My Stepdaughter Dress Up As The Little Mermaid For Halloween?

“I (27F) have the honor to be the stepmother of a sweet, imaginative, and wonderful little girl (6). Her father and I get her every other weekend at the moment and she lives with her mother and stepdad the rest of the time. We alternate holidays every year.

(I.e. she was at her mom’s last year for Halloween, so she will be with us this year.)

One day, about 2 weeks ago, I was driving her back to our house and the topic of what she wanted to be for Halloween came up.

This little girl had a 10-year plan for what she wanted to dress up as. She’s told me for a while now that she wants to be Ariel from The Little Mermaid this year. I told her that absolutely, we can do that!

Well, cut to yesterday, I’m driving her to our house after picking her up from her mom’s house and the topic of Halloween comes up again.

(It’s her favorite holiday as well as my own) She all of a sudden says ‘Jacob (stepdad) says that Halloween is for scary things only not cute things. That going as a mermaid was dumb!’ And she said her mom agreed.

Luckily we were at a red light, so I looked back at her.

She was clearly upset and was starting to tear up. I was getting really upset for her. This is not the first time that her other parents have told her something was dumb or stupid to like.

I told her that Halloween is the time of year when you can be anything you want!

That’s the point! I told her that her idea was not stupid and that she’ll be with us this year. So if she wants to go as Ariel or a barrel, we don’t care and she’d be cute no matter what!

She thought that going as a ‘barrel’ was a funny idea and it made her laugh. However, she still thinks that going as a mermaid is stupid and is now trying to think of something scary…

My heart hurts for her. But am I the jerk for going against her mother’s feelings about Halloween?

I always am afraid of overstepping boundaries in that department… My husband says not to worry because she’ll be with us, so she can pick whatever.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But her mother and stepfather sure are! Don’t ruin your kid’s Halloween because you think going as something cute is ‘dumb’.

Halloween is all about dressing up, and being whatever you want! I think it’s awesome that you’re advocating for her and being a person who will let her be herself openly. No boundaries were crossed.” churbb

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Her mom and stepdad don’t seem to be forbidding her from wearing the costume, and you have your husband’s support, so keep building her up and validating her choices (where appropriate).

She’ll need it, especially if her mom and stepdad keep tearing her down the way they are now.” JosieJOK

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... how about if you can't convince her to go back to her ariel idea.. what about ursula... she was the scary octopus baddie... or YOU dress as Ariel and let her go as Ursula or whatever... but please have that little girls back cos it sounds like mom amd SD are going to continue belittling her ideas all the time and it's going to knock her confidence etc
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19. AITJ For Cutting My Mom Off After She Was Mean To My Fiancee?

“My fiancée was in a previous abusive relationship before she and I got together. She’s still getting better, she has some night terrors of some things that happened and PTSD that will cause her to wake up screaming, kicking, and shaking but she’s in a support group and therapy and she’s getting help.

My mom has this thought that I have to choose her over my fiancee to the point where in her mind there is competition.

We went over to her house 2 days ago and my mother was actually talking to my fiancée. I was talking with my brother.

My mother comes up to me and pulls me into the other room. She said ‘Why didn’t you tell me you’re marrying someone who’s crazy!’ (saying that her having PTSD makes her crazy) I asked her what is she talking about now and she said ‘What if she wakes up one day and attacks you’ ‘What if she was really the one who was actually abusive?’ ‘You don’t know how manipulative she can be’.

I told her to stop making up crap to fit her narrative and leave us alone.

My fiancee told her about her PTSD in vague detail after she asked her (not sure how she even found out) and this was her reaction.

She ‘dropped it’ (at least at the time I thought) until we all sat down at the table for dinner.

My mom started questioning ‘So what type of nightmares do you have?’ ‘Are you sure it’s from HIM and not… you know’ saying she was the abusive one. My fiancee got visibly upset and said that her past relationships don’t affect my mom and it isn’t her business so please stop giving hints I was the problem when you don’t know the situation.

My mom got embarrassed, stood up from her seat, put her hand toward my fiancee’s face and she pulled her chair back.

I got up from my seat with my fiancee and left. My mother apologized, ‘to me’, not my fiancee not once apologizing for what she did and just that ‘she caused the dinner to be interrupted’ and she refused to apologize to my fiancee.

I said that we would not be coming over there at all and she wouldn’t be seeing me or my fiancee point blank.

She started crying on the phone and now I’m getting multiple messages from multiple different people saying that I know they don’t like each other.

(my fiancee had bent over backward to accommodate her and now she doesn’t do that)

They said that I can’t push them to like each other. I’m being a jerk and a bad son to be making my mom feel so sad and that I am just making everything worse by not accepting her apology, they said that I can’t not see my mom and I need to apologize because I’m being so disrespectful to someone who’s done so much for me.

9 people have sent me along the lines of this.

It’s not my apology to accept and I wouldn’t need to be so disrespectful if my mom would respect her, At the end of the day I’m always going to support my fiancee but I’d be lying if I said these messages aren’t getting to me.

Though I feel a little guilt tripped if that’s the right term.”

Another User Comments:

“Welcome to the wonderful world of triangulation!! This is where person A uses person B to manipulate person C.

The bad news is that it sounds like your mother is an expert at manipulation in general. The good news is that you don’t have to listen to any of it at all.

You can answer each and every one of the people who try to talk to you about it, ‘This isn’t really your business and I’m not going to discuss it with you. Mom knows what she can do to make me willing to see her again.

If she wants that, she’ll do it. Either way, it’s between her and me.’

After that, you just don’t engage with it. When they start bugging you about it, you say, ‘I told you I’m not going to discuss this with you – do I need to hang up now?’ If they say one more word on this topic, you say, ‘That’s an answer.

Bye, X.’ And you hang up the phone.

You can train relatives. It’s just that, like training pets, you have to be consistent. If you give in after the fiftieth try, all they learn is that it takes fifty tries to get you to do what they want.

In case you hadn’t figured it out by now, OP, you’re NTJ. Your mother earned what you did, good and proper. She knows what she can do to earn your company back. If she chooses not to do it, that’s her own problem.” VoyagerVII

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your fiancé is a victim and you just watched your mother revictimize and shame her. The instinct to protect her and cut off people unworthy of her (and you) – despite how close they may be – is exactly the kind of loyalty you need in a marriage.

You did the right thing, anything else would have been failing your fiancé and it sounds like she’s failed enough times. Good for you. Go no contact with your mom as long as you need to, even if that’s forever.” Feral_Feminine3811

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... block the lot of them including momster and save a huge amount of fu ds on the wedding just go the paro of you with 2 friends get married move away jpb dine
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Memorial Table For My Husband's Ex-Wife At Our Wedding?

“I (35F) have been with my fiancé, Jake (42M), for 4 years, engaged for 1. Our wedding will be in late September.

Jake was previously married to Melissa (59F). Jake worked for her while he was in college, they started seeing each other, she got pregnant very early into their relationship and they got married right away.

The marriage only lasted a few years and the divorce was unpleasant. Their daughter, Mia, is now 22.

I did not like Melissa at all. She was condescending and rude, and personally, I feel like her relationship with Jake was predatory and I hold that against her.

I rarely had to interact with her but I hated every time I did. She treated Jake like trash and she snapped her fingers at me whenever she wanted my attention. Jake would privately complain to me about her often but did very well at hiding his true feelings from Mia.

Melissa passed away unexpectedly 2 weeks ago and Mia is obviously distraught.

This morning, she approached us about having a memorial table for her mother at our wedding. I tried to be as gentle as possible but I told her that we would not be doing that.

I didn’t tell her how I felt about her mom but I did make it clear that I wasn’t open to memorializing her mom at my wedding.

Mia has been crying all day and Jake thinks we should consider it though he clearly doesn’t want it (his exact words were ‘Well, I wouldn’t let it ruin my day’ which is not exactly an enthusiastic agreement).

He is desperate to ease his daughter’s pain and while I understand that as much as I can understand, I don’t want to honor a woman who treated me or my fiancé poorly at our wedding. They had been divorced for years before her death.

They weren’t friends, they didn’t get along. She was not on the guest list; if she was not welcome in life, why should she be highlighted now? He understands where I’m coming from and agrees with me to an extent but thinks that we could appease Mia with little effect on us and is upset that I won’t consider it.

Now I’m feeling guilty hearing her cry. Mia and I get along really well and I don’t know if this is a reasonable hill to die on. I know she’s in pain and I want to show her compassion but I don’t want to do this.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. First I’m sorry she lost her mother.

But your wedding is for you and your husband. Both of you weren’t fond of her. And he’s been divorced a long time.

I believe the only people that should come to a wedding are those who support and love the bride and groom.

I think this should extend to memorial pictures as well.

Stepdaughter can have a picture of her mother at her wedding. Or any other special occasions in her life.

Maybe there’s a compromise. Could you both surprise her with a locket that has her and her mother in it?

Or something similar she can carry with her.” softshoulder313

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think the most important thing here was that she was not on the guest list when alive. In my opinion, it would be one thing to acknowledge when an invited guest has passed with something small like maybe a candle and a photo sitting at their assigned place setting, but to add her memorial into your day simply because she died is unnecessary.

She has her own ceremony, it’s called a funeral.” SleepyN00dle

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ. There's no way in he!! I'd have ex harpy memorialized at my wedding if I were you, and it sounds like SO is in agreement. I think Mia is in so much pain right now that she's grasping at anything she can think of to ease it. While I feel for her, what she's asking for is not only inappropriate but downright disrespectful to the two of you. I know she's not thinking clearly right now, but I think if you gently tell her that that isn't going to happen, and maybe think of another way you can help her over what is a very, very raw grief right now, y'all might end up all the closer for it. But she needs to understand that since her mother wasn't invited anyway and had zero relationship with you or your SO, your wedding is not the place for grieving her.
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17. AITJ For Not Allowing My Partner To Take Our Daughter Across The Country To His Family For The Holidays?

“My (18 female) significant other (21 Male) wants to take our daughter (5 months old, female) to his family’s house across the country for 5 days after Christmas. This doesn’t sound wrong at all at first glance, but I think it is.

My family hosts Christmas at our house and there’s a lot of prep work to do for hosting the big holiday. And the issue is that that week after Christmas is when my family spends all its time together in contentment without rush or preparation for the holiday.

My SO, knowing this, decided to hastily plan and buy tickets to visit his family with our daughter for the week after Christmas. He threw the plan together 6 days before Christmas. He told me about the plan later that night whilst I was busy researching something else and when he planned it he didn’t even check the calendar to see what was going on those days that he and our daughter would be gone.

I told him later that I wasn’t okay with the trio’s timing and he freaked out. He kept saying things like ‘I do so much for you. All I’m asking for is 4 days’ and ‘What did your mom say to you?’

I will admit that my mom had expressed her sadness with the trip because the time she had to be with our daughter and him was being taken away.

And he and I had decided MONTHS beforehand that Thanksgiving would be spent with his family and Christmas would be spent with mine. I asked why he was so dead set on going that week and he said it was because that’s when one of his friends was in town and that he wanted his family to have time with our daughter.

I know his friends are important but the commitments we had made together beforehand trump the ones he’s making last minute. Not to mention that my dad saves his time off work for that week specifically to spend with family and that all my cousins and extended family will be in town to see us and see or meet our daughter.

And to be honest I think he could go another time. His college starts back up in the middle of January so he has free time before his school starts to take the trip up. I need to know, AITJ for not letting him take our daughter across the country the week after Christmas?

Or am I in the right?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You two made a plan. You made a plan months ago. He has decided to try and change that plan, without your input, without checking in.

In my opinion? All of the whining and ‘OH I do so much for you’ is guilt-tripping.

He KNOWS why you’re not happy. He KNOWS this isn’t okay. And he’s trying to make you feel guilty and unreasonable for not agreeing to his absolutely unreasonable change in plans – that he made without your input.” Hazel2468

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

And I am not even taking into account prior agreements and where you spent last Thanksgiving or whatever.

I would NEVER take a five-month-old across the country and then have them interact with a bunch of people and be exposed to the current diseases that are especially dangerous for infants with undeveloped immune systems.

Logistically has he been the principal caretaker because even taking an infant to the mall is a huge undertaking.

What about car seats when he gets there? Is he intending to leave the infant in the care of people when he is out socializing with friends?

Just say no – it isn’t safe or reasonable.” Jujulabee

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anma7 5 months ago
ESH... somyojr family get priority over his then yeah.. what happens next year will it be a swap and your family get thanksgiving his get xmas.. probably not cos it will be but ny family planned XYZ.. sort this jerk out NOW... i was 19 married and had a kid with 2 families in different areas we made it work EVERY YEAR... have you thought that after the manic crap in the run up to christmas with your family he maybe wants to take YOUR DAUGHTER to see his family for a de stress an see her paternal family... see this is why kids playing grown ups don't work 80% of the time... heres an idea get YOUR OWN PLACE in the middle of both and have THEM travel to you while kiddo stays at home and plays with her toys !!!
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16. AITJ For Letting My Insecurities Cause Friction With My Husband?

“We have been married for 3 years and together since high school. He’s seen me at my worst and we had twins 5 months ago, so yeah.

I know hormones are at an all-time high during pregnancy/after giving birth, but I don’t think it lasts that long.

Anyway, I’ve never considered myself beautiful. I don’t have a flat tummy, I am short, and all the other things women are self-conscious about.

And now after our sons, I have so many stretch marks on my hips, chest, stomach, and thighs and my self-confidence is at an all-time low. I get annoyed pretty easily. And that’s exactly what happened. One of my friends visited me yesterday and she couldn’t stop talking about how handsome my husband looks, especially when taking care of our sons.

She had passed those remarks before but I ignored them most of the time. I never wanted to be the insecure, jealous, boring wife because I am not. But now it’s hard.

I tried talking to him about my body issues so I could have a little bit of an idea of how he felt about it, but he just told me he didn’t know what I was talking about.

And that I still look the same to him. And I don’t know if he’s lying or telling the truth. And since I’m on maternity leave from work, these thoughts completely consume me.

I recently saw a post on Reddit about how a guy doesn’t find his wife attractive anymore after the birth of their child.

She’s still in recovery and that just breaks my heart. That post took any bit of self-assurance I had with it.

And maybe that’s why I snapped at him yesterday. My feelings were all over the place. When we were having dinner, my friend asked him what are we doing for Valentine’s and I knew what he had planned. Because that’s been our routine for the past decade or so.

We had a night out at the restaurant where we went out for the first time. It’s about an hour’s drive away from where we live now. He said just that, and she started laughing and telling him about how boring our life is and how having the kids will mess up our lives even more.

He replied ‘Boring and happy and the kids are a bonus.’ I felt awful. I don’t know why, maybe because he should have elaborated more. She just shook her head.

After she was gone, I fed the babies and put them to sleep. Before falling asleep, I told him to cancel the plans for Valentine’s Day because I couldn’t leave the kids alone.

(This is not true, since my parents and his parents are completely capable of taking care of them in our absence.) He was confused for a moment and told me to get some sleep.

In the morning too, I was not very warm and welcoming towards him.

I just can’t get past my thoughts. He said we would talk today and I don’t think I’m ready for the confrontation. So is it bad? Am I really being a jerk? I feel like a hot mess. And I need him to tell me, show me I’m enough for him.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. But hear me out.

Why are you punishing your supportive husband for your friend’s rude, unnecessary comments? That’s not fair to him, OP.

First off, tell your friend to stay away for a while. She obviously has a thing for your husband and gets off on making you feel bad, trying to portray you as some boring hen, to make herself ‘more appealing’.

It’s obvious your husband loves you and loves your body even when you don’t (and that’s ok, it takes time, I know, I’m a mom). Loves your family. Believe what he says. And stop letting other people’s perspectives and experiences dictate your own.

Your husband did nothing to deserve this disappointment.

And you don’t deserve to miss out on an awesome night where you two can connect as a couple for the first real time since having your babies. Go slow, but go have fun with him. It’s okay that your mental health is all over the place.

But it’s not fair to let your husband deal with the fallout. Let him help you. That’s why he’s still next to you each night. Good luck, OP.” OsaBear92

Another User Comments:

“Darling, you’re NTJ. Neither of you is. He does love you and is more in love with you and impressed than you’ll ever know.

With regards to this, please let him know by writing him a note. Know that he doesn’t want to put additional pressure on you, but he is still looking to you for love and support.

Go out, and if your emotions are still running out of hand on Tuesday please call your doctor.

If you need a little more support that’s cool. Everyone in your life wants and needs you to be the fabulous short lady that they love.” soleil_brillante

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LilVicky 5 months ago
Time to find a better friend. Sounds like she wants your husband
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15. AITJ For Telling A Relative I Didn't Need Their Forgiveness During My Great-Aunt's Funeral?

“My great-aunt has passed away at the age of 103. She was more than a great aunt to me, more like a third grandmother, really, more than that.

She was the kind, upfront old woman sharing wisdom and comfort.

She was there for me in my darkest times, and somehow always knew what was up, even if I had told no one (I never told anyone in the family, since having feelings as a man was generally frowned upon) and always knew the right things to say, in her clear, concise, simple manner.

She was a special person to me, so I was devastated when she died.

For context, I have no contact with my parents. Their love for me was always conditional, it was a toxic environment to grow up in, and when I finally failed in the field of study they chose for me, I was an embarrassment and human scum.

I thought the same about myself for many years, felt guilty, and suffered from depression. The only one who had my back in the family was my great-aunt.

I’m better now, thanks to a loving wife and therapy.

Of course, at the funeral, my parents were in attendance.

My father managed to remain civil, my mother, however, stared at me as if I was the most disgusting insect she had ever seen.

I cried during the service. The priest’s words weren’t that good and did not fit her personality, but I thought of her.

After everything was done, we were preparing to leave the graveyard. I was a mess. In such a way that I had problems walking straight, and my wife had to support me.

In comes a distant relative, walking into our way and asking me if I was sad.

I said, of course, (great aunt’s name) has died. She said no, isn’t there anything else? I said no, and tried walking around her, but she kept following us trying to get a conversation going, even as my wife asked her to leave me alone.

Finally, she stopped following us and said ‘Sometimes, forgiveness is just waiting around the corner, if you would just ask for it!’ I snapped and told her ‘quite harshly’ that there was nothing I would need forgiveness for, and I didn’t want nor need their forgiveness.

We then made our escape. My wife is on my side, of course, but I have been told by other attendees that my outburst ruined the funeral, my mother had started crying at the restaurant where the others met up after the funeral, and the main topic of conversation was our estrangement, not my great aunt, and it breaks my heart.

My great-aunt deserves so much better than to be upstaged by family drama at her funeral.

I feel guilty, like I should just not have said anything, just have let it go. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your great aunt loved you and I’m sure she would forgive your outburst. Your mother crying is her own problem not yours and frankly, her giving you dirty looks isn’t appropriate behavior for a funeral either.

Sounds like your mom and your distant relative who was instigating are the ones who ruined it. Had you not been provoked there would have been no outburst. I’m sorry for your loss it sounds like your great aunt was a lovely woman.” TiredAllTheTimee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You didn’t ruin things, the relative who confronted you ruined it. This was neither the time nor the place for them to confront you, but, even after you did the right thing and just tried to leave and asked them to leave you alone, they persisted. I’m understanding why you are in no contact with them.” bamf1701

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. if incubators flying monkey had just let you leave as you were doing then you wouldn't have snapped back at the relative. Incubator s tears at the restaurant were
A ploy to garner sympathy because you refused to do the flying monkeys bidding and go and ask the Incubator and the sperms donor for forgiveness IN FRONT OF EVERYONE as she had hoped. She turned the tears on at the restaurant instead and they worked!! Your great aunt would have been looking down at you smiling while telling you good for you OP you ain't playing her games woohoo...
Therefore you DIDNT ruin the funeral AT ALL her stupid stunt with her trained monkey ruined the funeral but seeing how it was as you were leaving its not like it happened in the middle of the priests crappy sermon.. now that may have ruined her service.. as is your good but threatened need a quick trip to the block list me thinks
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14. AITJ For Not Being Able To Help Around The House While I Was On My Period?

“So my 2 younger siblings (7m and f) and I (16f) mostly see my mom (stay-at-home mom) during the week as dad has a job in another state and visits on weekends so my mom expects me to always help her out in household work and I’m happy to help but since half a year or so she is dumping everything on me.

She expects me to be ahead on my school work, clean the house, and watch the kids in the evenings and I just don’t understand why she can’t try harder.

I’ve tried to talk to her if something is bothering her but she shuts me down and tells me to not interfere in her life.

She usually goes out in the evenings and doesn’t return until late so I’m the one who has to watch the kids.

So what triggered me is that I got my period on Monday and I have very severe periods with intense cramping, vomiting and sometimes passing out so I’m mostly lying down.

When I told my mom I wouldn’t be able to help her today she got mad and started yelling about how ungrateful and selfish I am and how periods aren’t an excuse to slack on responsibilities. I basically just hear it out and hope that she’ll understand.

When she was leaving the room I asked if she could get me my heating pad. She ignored me and left.

She came back sometime around 4 and asked if I could make the kids something to eat as she was tired and wanted to nap.

I said no and she threw another fit at me.

When I got down around dinner time my mom was nowhere to be found and when I asked my brother where she was he said that she was in and out and I was gonna prepare them dinner.

At this point I was mad at her but still scraped something up while I was still in pain.

All of us slept before she came back and I ignored her for the rest of the week, I would just stay in my room. This went on till Friday with neither she nor I initiating a conversation.

My dad got home on Friday night and noticed that I was off so I told him what happened, he was furious at Mom and basically said that it was her job to look after the house not mine so my mom snapped that there was nothing wrong with doing household work.

Now they’re fighting and my mom is blaming me for overreacting and causing a fight.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It seems like something is up with your mom but you really can’t do more than ask her what’s wrong. And it’s also no excuse to let you do everything, especially if you also need to concentrate on your schoolwork.

Unrelated to all of this but your periods don’t sound normal at all… Have you seen a doctor regarding that? You shouldn’t be vomiting and passing out from them.” xlost_feelingx

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother is shrugging her parental responsibilities onto you and making you essentially the mother while she goes out and does goodness knows what while she should be at home with her children.

You are only 16 and whilst you can definitely help your mom out, it is not your place to take over her role. She should also be there to take care of YOU when you need her.

If this continues when your dad leaves again, be sure to tell him – he needs to know what is going on and be able to take care of you and your siblings even if living arrangements have to change.

Something is definitely going on with your mother.” Various-Bridge-325

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. tel, dad EVERYTHING hownsjes leaving you to sort the kids going out every night getting mad if you can't help etc... that you really are struggling aoth your periods you think you end to see a dr but mom brushes them off
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Adopted By My Mom's Husband?

“I (16f) have a brother and a sister who are 9m and 8f. My mom is married to John, who has a son (11m) and a daughter (9f). My dad died while my mom was pregnant with my sister.

She met John two years later and they married quickly (7 months after meeting). The other four kids consider Mom and John as their parents. My sister is especially close to John and calls him dad 100% of the time, and considers my dad to be MY dad and not hers.

My brother is a little more mixed. Calls John dad but does ask about our dad at times, and does keep a photo of him in his bedroom.

John and my mom wanted to do a big adoption where he adopts us, and she adopts his kids, and then our last name changes to his.

The other four kids are on board for this but I am not. It’s been a two-year discussion of sorts. The year 2020 meant they couldn’t proceed for a while and then, when they looked into it, they learned I would not be adopted and my name wouldn’t be changed without my giving the go-ahead.

For almost a full year now they have tried everything from therapy, to bringing it up in front of other family members so I will accept. I told them I was not going to agree. So they filed for the four adoptions and two name changes to happen.

They feel the whole thing was less special and had a sour note to it because I was not included in the adoption and name change. My sister was so mad at me for making her dad upset. John’s kids hate me for rejecting their dad.

My brother was more upset that the whole thing was such a focus really. My mom told me the moment was almost perfect and I was the reason it wasn’t. She told me letting John be my new dad was in no way replacing my dad and that I was going to regret it when I was the one who was the odd one out in the future.

I told her I already have been because I am the only one who doesn’t say mom and dad for her and John, I’m the only one who has memories of the parent I lost, and I’m the one who had to be hounded by it forever.

John told me he’s sick of my crap and he hopes I regret this decision in a few years because he won’t offer again. I told him I didn’t want him to offer again.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If I’m doing math right, and your sister is 8, and your dad passed while she was in utero, that means you’d have been 8 or so when he died. And 10-11 ish when your mom and John married, whereas your sister would have been 2-3.

So while it’s very understandable she’d view John as her father, as he’d be the only one she’s ever known, you had years of memories with your dad, and presumably remember his death and funeral as well. They asked you to change a major piece of your literal identity, your name, and acknowledge someone in a role you do not see him in, John as your dad.

It’s very sad your mother pushed so hard for you to participate in this mess.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The other kids are much younger and cannot possibly comprehend what you’ve been through. I’d say your mom is the jerk here big time, as she’s trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.

Expecting you to be ok with changing your last name – to be your stepdad’s and not your actual father’s – is absolutely ridiculous to me.” eula-lie

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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MadameZ 5 months ago
NJT. You can respect, like and even love a parent's new partner without considering them your parent. If John was a reasonable man, he would be accepting of your feelings about your actual father and be satisfied if you and he can have a warm, friendly, relationship. But this man thinks children are property and as you are not 'owned' by your own father, John gets to lay claim to you.
Your family CANNOT force you to be adopted by him. THey have no right to. You get to make such decisions for yourself.
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12. AITJ For Wanting My Sister-In-Law's Dogs Out Of My House?

“My sister-in-law from Texas (without notice) showed up on my and my husband’s front porch in Michigan 4 weeks ago, with her TWO dogs, pregnant and homeless, needing a place to stay for a while/quite some time.

My husband and I have just recently gotten a puppy ourselves and are in the most crucial time for her training and personality development, so NOT having her 2 dogs here was our only stipulation of her staying here (RENT FREE, by the way). The distraction of her 2 untrained dogs (13-year-old male Yorkie & 6-year-old female mini schnauzer) and the chaos it presented in the house, we couldn’t do anything with our puppy’s training.

And her 2 older dogs are not tolerant of our puppy’s energy, often nipping at her and even nipping at her in her own food bowl. Dog owners know that can’t be tolerated. Puppies MUST feel safe in their environment.

She found a friend willing to take the 2 dogs, but that only lasted 9 days after the male Yorkie peed all over his furniture… so the dogs were brought back here, and today is day 10 since they’ve been back.

There has been a cloud of negativity & resentment since.

We have been giving her transport options to fly them back to Texas where they had a home with her ex (she took them out of spite), and boarding kennel options, but they are ‘too expensive’ and those are her babies.

I get it. My puppy IS my baby. But this morning her yorkie escaped his cage and when I went to pick him up and put him back, he nipped at me and bit my finger. That was the cherry on top for me…

So I’ve told her that she always has a place here in our home, free to save her $ for her coming child.

But she is now saying she never should’ve come back to Michigan and maybe she should just go back to Texas (where she would be homeless again…).

We are opening our home to her free of any responsibility for rent, food, utilities, etc. Just so long as her untrained and misbehaving dogs are not here to teach these things to our puppy, who we want to act completely differently.

I told her that coming home was not a mistake. Uprooting and taking her dogs from their home knowing she was going to have to impose upon someone HERSELF WITH A NEWBORN BABY was the mistake. I feel bad for stressing out a pregnant woman over this, but it’s MY home and I feel like I am sacrificing an awful lot and asking extremely minimum in return.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. To be honest, the dogs sound stressed. Try locking them in a room with food and water for a while when they act up. Do not talk to them. Ignore them. It may sound mean but they need to learn that things are changing.

Put them up to eat and divide the bowls safely. The dogs know each other but see the pup as a threat. Also, a pee band will stop the marking. Or crate train them.” Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She showed up unannounced to stay for a long and indefinite amount of time and is trying to set the terms.

You’re trying to be generous but you have a reasonable limit. That limit is being crossed because she wants to spite her ex. She also chose not to teach those dogs to behave at any point before now. I don’t want to minimize the pain she must feel knowing she will have to give up her dogs (which seem too misbehaved to be around a baby anyway), but she’s lived a life where the only alternative to that sacrifice is being homeless while pregnant.

She’s living the consequences of her actions.

Hopefully, she makes the smart choice here instead of putting those consequences on her child.” thefanciestcat

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... so her dog bit you and she's pregnant !! So she's putting 2 u trained dogs over her thankfully not born yet child... she's got free housing but the dogs gotta go.. fair trade... if she wants to go back to texas then let her go. Can you not contact the ex tell him you are sending the dogs back dint ask him tell them they are coming and ship them back ASAP
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11. AITJ For Not Canceling My Plans To Babysit For My Sister?

“I (20F) have a sister (26F) who, at the time, had started a new job and was in desperate need of childcare, and at the time her little boy, a toddler, wasn’t enrolled at a nursery just yet.

This arrangement was completely sprung upon the family last minute and my family and I, although mostly me, spent every day looking after her son at our house from around 8 AM-7 PM, and when I wasn’t looking after her son, I was running to my other sister’s (32F) house to watch her daughter (school age female) so I was absolutely exhausted and even got sick at the end of the holidays because of it.

The week approaching was the week that her son (let’s call him Charlie) was supposed to be in nursery, and I had no babysitting planned that week since my other sister took time off to be with her daughter, and had invited me out to the fun fair with the two of them.

This was PRE-PLANNED, may I add. Charlie’s mother suddenly turns around and says that Charlie won’t be starting nursery for a few more weeks. I thought eh, okay. And I decided to simply take Charlie with me to the funfair since my other family members were busy during that week.

I casually asked Charlie’s mom (let’s dub her Frankie) what snacks I would be taking for him to the fun fair. Frankie went silent, and then suddenly exploded at me for ‘arranging a playdate behind her back’ and ‘crossing boundaries’.

I saw the error of my ways and apologized for not checking with her first, but that my funfair day with my other sister and my niece was pre-planned since Charlie was meant to be in the nursery that week, and that there was no one else available to watch him.

I didn’t expect to have him that day. And she actually knew about my plans with my other sister a week prior, but she told me about Charlie’s nursery enrolment delay 2 days before my trip.

She said she ‘didn’t care’ and that I should learn to respect boundaries and ‘not play mommy’ (?).

I’ve taken Charlie out by myself multiple times and she saw no issue with it until that day. I apologized and thought it’d be the end of it. I was wrong.

She went on about how could I dare make plans with Charlie without her knowledge and that I should always do what she says when she says it.

Her entire tone with me eventually set me off and I told her that I wasn’t going to be spoken to like that and that she was going to need to find someone else to babysit Charlie. She then went off on me about how she was going to lose her job all because of me and that it’d be my fault when she was broke and jobless.

She eventually texted our mom about it all, who blew up at her for speaking to me in such a vile manner and for her own lack of boundaries, and that she ‘shouldn’t have slept with a deadbeat’. My sister ended up not being able to work due to our spat and I can’t figure out if I was wrong for not telling her straight away.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

So she’s mad that you offered to not only watch your nephew but to bring him along with you to the whole funfair thing? You didn’t ask for money, in fact, you asked what treats YOU should bring for him. She then takes the biggest crap on your kindness imaginable.

You should not watch her son until she legitimately apologizes and honestly makes amends. Boundaries were crossed, by her, now she needs to pay the price.” No-Personality5421

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ummmm what? Assuming that Frankie wasn’t paying for you to babysit these additional weeks, and she won’t entertain her son interacting with his cousin?

I suppose if she was paying you, and had given you reasonable notice about this extra babysitting assignment, she could dictate who her child was allowed to interact with while in your care. Given the presumed lack of babysitting payment, she’s entitled and I’m super glad your mom stood up for you.

Pretty sure that when someone chooses to accept a job, it’s their responsibility to make arrangements for childcare, etc. It’s not your fault she would be ‘broke and jobless.'” Snackinpenguin

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. honey as his MOMMY its her job to let YOU know when the plans dangerous not expect YOU to change YOUR prearranged plans... if she lost her job its on HER and her FAILURE to let you know she needed your FREE sitting service cos of said change.. good oh mom for calling her out on your behalf... in future tell her NO NOT DOING IT. N walk away
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10. AITJ For Regifting My Friends' Gift To Me?

“I (19f) was diagnosed with PCOS, and last year at the end of November, I miscarried, then again in early December. I didn’t know I was pregnant, let alone with twins, and if I had known I wouldn’t have seen the pregnancy through anyway, but it still hurts knowing once I am financially and emotionally ready to carry a child, I might not be able to.

I didn’t know how to process the emotions but I later went through a small depressive episode.

I had told my closest friends and most were just making sure I was okay. I’m not gonna lie, I joked about it a bit, I grew up where feelings weren’t shared but instead were joked about so it was my only way of coping.

My friends cheered me up and I let it go.

Onto the issue, we had a Secret Santa for Christmas with some of my friends, and when it came for me to open my gift, there were two blank, white baby onesies sitting in a small box with red dye along with it.

I tried to muster up a nervous laugh and asked what this was, a friend laughed and said ‘Your twins! We can splash red paint on the onesies as a goodbye!’ I was upset but laughed it off and moved on.

At home, I expressed my feelings to my partner who agreed he didn’t like the idea.

We kept the onesies and dye but never used them for their intended purpose.

This month, my mother is adopting a baby girl, I’ve always wanted a younger sibling so I am over the moon. I showed my mother the baby onesies and she said they’re super cute and just her size, as I have no need for them I gave them to her.

When my friends asked for the onesies back so that we could use them for their intended purpose, I was honest with them that I gave them to my mother who needs them for my new little sister. They blew up, saying it was for ‘my twins’ and not some ‘stupid baby’.

I was absolutely dumbfounded.

I asked them why they thought it was a good idea to remind me of that event with clothes for the babies I would never meet! They said, ‘For the joke!’ I just left. I didn’t know how someone could just think like that.

I feel like a jerk for regifting the gift they spent their money on, and I might be overreacting, but who in their right mind gets a gift like that for someone, the baby clothes would have been fine, but the dye and reasoning were too much.

AITJ for regifting a gift that I was given for ‘closure’?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not like you regifted them to someone random, the baby clothes ended up in your family anyway so what’s the big deal?

That’s your baby sister and they’re going to good use instead of being used on something that clearly wouldn’t have brought you anywhere near closure, it seemed to have upset you.

I think you need to clarify to your friends why that gift wasn’t okay and maybe help them understand that they’re still going to be worn by a baby that is here and is also very important to you – they should respect that.

Also OP, I am really sorry for your loss – it’s a tragic loss but a miscarriage doesn’t necessarily mean you may not be able to have children in the future. If it comforts you in any way, my mom had two miscarriages before my sister and I were born.” User

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ, even if it hadn’t been a gift in extremely poor taste, it was yours to do with whatever you wanted.

I’m keeping in mind that you’re 19 and your friends are also 19 and everyone thinks super edgy humor is the best at that age, but this is the kind of thing they will cringe about when they’re older.

I’m sure they thought it was genuinely hilarious and it’d help you cope, but it wasn’t.

Anyway, babies grow out of clothes super fast, so if you still wanna burn the onesies in a couple of months, just wait for your sister to outgrow them.” weirdcrabdog

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
Oh, SO not the jerk. I'm sitting here gobsmacked at your "friend's" "joke". On what planet is that funny, to make sport of someone's loss? I would have lost my $h!t at her and anyone else who thought it funny. But for her to compound the horror and ask for them back? Really? How many of the other Secret Santa gifts were wanted back, I wonder? That would be none. Sweetie, none of those people are your friends. Please boot them out of your life and find new people who actually have hearts and compassion and value your friendship instead of insulting and backstabbing you. The nerve!!!
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9. AITJ For Not Packing And Storing My Ex's Stuff?

“So I (32f) left my partner (32m) a few months ago, moving into temp housing with the assistance of the police until I could save up enough for a permanent place.

I took all the small things I could pack into boxes and bags but left the bigger furniture until a later date (agreed upon by my ex as he had basically moved out the day after but had kept his name on the tenancy due to the contract).

He contacted me consistently for a while, which I never responded to, then went no contact, so I thought if I hadn’t heard from him by the time the tenancy deadline came I would store his smaller items (clothes, photos, etc), just in case something had happened to him until I could get them to his parents.

A favor for them, not him.

Coincidentally about 3 days before I was due to collect the keys to my new place I received a message from him stating the deadline to remove the stuff I wanted (which happened to be the day after I would get my keys), and what he wanted (basically you could fit his remaining stuff all in 1 car).

At no point did he suggest he was unable to meet the deadline/wanted my help, or suggested he knew what my idea was as his family member had gone no contact by the time I said it to them. Added to the fact that he had clearly been up there at some point as some items had been removed when I measured up the furniture I was taking, so I thought he was going to collect it himself.

Turns out I was wrong. He missed the deadline and now I’m being called the jerk because I didn’t follow through with my idea of storing his stuff because ‘I know what his responsibility and organization skills are like’ (he had 3 months to remove his stuff into wherever he was staying, because it turns out it wasn’t in that property, something I have discovered via a mutual friend, and no job to fill up that time).

However, I feel I was justified in not following through because I told his cousin ‘If I don’t hear from him, I will take it just in case’, however I had received that message clearly showing he knew the deadline, and in no way asking me to continue to help, and I never responded asking if he wanted me to.

I didn’t even open the message to read it, just read it in my notifications so for all he knew I didn’t get the message and I haven’t even been back for mine.

So AITJ for not packing and storing my ex’s stuff in case he couldn’t get it out knowing that he lacks organization skills?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You are not responsible for doing his adulting for him. Many men expect women to be the organizational powerhouse during a relationship. From his statement that you know ‘what his responsibility and organization skills are like’ it sounds like he’s one of these people who is perfectly comfortable allowing his partner to shoulder an unfair amount of responsibility.

He’s not a minor child living with mom and dad anymore.

It’s asinine that his expectations of assumed responsibility continued after a breakup. Hopefully, this will be a lesson in the consequences of immature behavior but he’ll probably choose to blame you rather than grow.” LadyCass79

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – he is an adult, you broke up, and that is his stuff. This seemed like a ‘darned if you do; darned if you don’t’ situation. If you had taken some of his things and stored them, I have no doubt he would have accused you of stealing.

So you leave it and now he’s accusing you of not keeping it safe. You are not responsible for him, his actions, or lack thereof. Sounds like he’s trying to get one last dig in while he can. He was willing to sacrifice his belongings to do so; he is not well and good for you for getting out.” MayUrBladesNVRdull

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. not your partner any longer not your problem any longer ... too bad so sad he was hoping you would take his stuff for god knows how long until he could remember to come get it... err nope
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8. AITJ For Causing My Friend's Fiancée To Call Off Their Engagement?

“I (26F, single) have a friend (26M), let’s call him Tom, who is actually a childhood friend (you know the kind of friend who is your neighbor and your moms are friends). He has a partner of 2 years, let’s call her Kate.

Kate has been trying constantly to exclude me from outings with friends and family gatherings (P.S. We have a group of mutual friends, and all the girls in the group have a significant other) but every time she tries to do that, my friends always pull me back.

Recently Tom and Kate got engaged and we were really happy for them but the other day all the girls went to a bar and we started discussing things for the wedding. I went to get a drink and Kate followed me to tell me that I was actually not invited to the wedding and that if Tom asks me I should not go.

I stared at her for a second and asked her for the reasoning and her reasoning was that she doesn’t trust me and I’m one of those girls who have guy friends as a backup. I really don’t know where she got that idea from, but anyway, I told her okay it’s your wedding do as you like with it but if Tom asks me for the reason I’ll tell him the truth, that’s where she blew up on me and told me unnecessary things.

Here is why I think I may be the jerk: After she was done yelling I told her to sit down for a moment and told her the reason for me not being with Tom as more than friends (I thought she would be calmer if she knows my intentions).

‘Other than him being like a brother, I don’t think he can be any better than just a friend to me. I have seen him in relationships and know what dynamic he wants in one and that dynamic is far from what I want’.

She asked me what I meant by dynamic. ‘The dynamic that he has to feel superior to his partner and his need for the other person to accept that fully’.

She really did calm down and we spoke about it for a bit before heading out of the bar.

Then in a week, Kate called off the engagement and Tom was not happy about it, no one knew what happened between them. Actually, I know that the reason was our conversation because I had a feeling and called her BFF, she told me that after we spoke Kate started to think of the relationship that she wanted and remembered every detail of her relationship with Tom until she decided to call it off.

I told my brother about it and he told me I am the jerk for ruining Tom’s relationship.

So am I?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You didn’t grab her ankles & stop her from walking down the aisle; you had a conversation. Mind you, it was your observations as his friend & not actually being in a relationship with him, so the fact that it struck a nerve with the woman about to become his wife says everything.

I mean, she’s already jealous of you; she could have easily brushed everything you said off, but she didn’t.

Sidebar: Props for hitting her harder with some cold truth rather than actually hitting her. LOL. I’m sure you wanted to, especially when she projected what she thought your intentions were.” Critical_Product420

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you didn’t make her do anything, she chose herself by moving on from an unhealthy relationship, and honestly, I think she knew everything you said but was in denial and blaming you and his relationship for her relationship issues with him, I think she saw how you didn’t deal with his ego and controlling nature by having boundaries and not being in a romantic relationship with him, and was actually jealous of that.” slivertonguewitch

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. all you did was tell her the truth behind why you and tom will never be together in a relationship.. that then set her brain working cos these signs are already showing to her and she decided to cut her losses and save herself the pain of thinking he will change etc realising he never will and having to fight with lawyers to get free from him... see even her BFF said that her chat with you made HER RETHINK her possible future and she decided to RUN
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7. AITJ For Putting Down My Husband's Dog?

“I (30M) am currently married to my husband (also 30M). My husband is a very hardworking man, and I love him very much.

He regularly takes business trips out of town and is always under constant stress while working. He usually leaves me in charge of taking care of his dog which he has had for about 10 years, which I don’t mind at all. I’d never want something terrible to happen to his pride and joy.

While my husband was on a business trip, I noticed that his dog was becoming less responsive and active. I originally brushed it off as him just being tired, but as days went by, he hadn’t even moved out of the same spot on the carpet.

He didn’t even get up to go use the bathroom outside or eat his meals. Every time I called his name out to get him to go somewhere, all he did was open his eyes and slightly lift his head to look at me, only to put it back down and close his eyes again.

When this began to happen, I attempted to call my husband about how the dog was behaving. But I never got an answer after the first few times. The next day I tried to call again. Still no answer. I resorted to a text message, telling him I was going to take the dog to the vet the next day, and he should try to catch a flight home just in case our dog doesn’t make it home after the visit.

Because from what I could tell, that looked to be the route it was going. I still hadn’t gotten an answer from him.

I sat in the waiting room for hours, still attempting to call my husband. My urgent calls were interrupted by a veterinarian getting my attention to tell me the results of the checkup.

She told me that there weren’t any health problems, but rather old age getting to him. She told me there wasn’t anything they could do to get him back to 100% again, and told me that our dog probably has another week at best.

I chose to put down the dog.

About a week later when my husband came home from his business trip, I had to sit him down and explain what happened. Of course, neither of us were happy to talk about it. He told me that he didn’t have any signal where he was, which is why he didn’t respond to any of my messages or calls at all, but told me that is no excuse as to why I should put down his dog.

As I tried to explain my panic about the situation, he just began to ignore me, storming off to our room and having me sleep on the couch.

He has been ignoring me for the past few days. I was only trying to help our dog.

And I didn’t want to wait for my husband in fear that it would be too late for us to do anything. Of course I tried to contact him in any way I could, but I didn’t want my husband to come back to our dog’s corpse if he didn’t make it.

I feel that my decision was really the only one I could make, but my husband is not happy in the slightest, and I understand why. But there was only so much I could do without him answering me or even coming home. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The dog was in hospice. Essentially what you’re having is the euthanasia debate with your husband. I don’t think that he’s being quite clear on his position either.

It sounds like you were following the recommendation of the veterinarians. It is absolutely his fault for remaining out of contact that long.

And of course, the suffering of the animal is an excuse.

People can make declarations like ‘it’s no excuse’ but that doesn’t actually make them true. Of course the suffering of the animal is a valid excuse. I think it’s important to try to understand what on Earth is going on in his head though and him just saying no excuse is just his own preconceived assumption.

Find out if he has some sort of weird anti-euthanasia view.

Also who in the heck stays out of contact for a week, simply because they don’t have cell service? There are ways around that. And why in the heck didn’t he find a way to get ahold of you just to let you know that there was no cell service?

He sounds entitled.” NeitherBox6915

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Letting the dog suffer for one last week just in case your husband managed to contact you or come home would be unfair to a devoted family pet. Your husband is probably only part angry with you and also angry with himself for not being available to say goodbye.

I hope he comes to his senses soon so you can both grieve together.” gavrielkay

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. However does he not let you know where he's staying ?unless he sleeps in a tent in a field he must stay in hotels so MAYBE he should start ringing you from the hotel landlines and give you his room number etc.. you know in case there's a human emergency that HE NEEDS to know about like i dunno you have a car crash or similar and he needs to be called home.... the fact he disappears for weeks and is off the grid and when you need him in an emergency you can't reach him but he would rather you let the dog suffer til he got home seeing how he can't get you an emergency contact.. don't have kids jesus your kid could be in ICU and he wouldn't know til he got home and it would still be your fault... nope he's the 1 who's out of reach not you your the 1 watch the dog die in front of your eyes cos youncaould call him at all... yup you have a massive HUSBAND problem but you aint the jerk
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6. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Mom For Choosing Not To Sit With My Wife?

“I don’t think my mom is a big fan of my wife.

She’s never been awful like some MILs, but I can sense that she doesn’t approve.

My wife is pregnant and got some flack from extended family about how she should try harder with my mom. I told her that she absolutely didn’t need to, but she did feel some pressure.

Recently she attended an event on my side of the family (women only, I wasn’t there).

My mom was sort of left out I guess as she was close to the host but no one else there, so she was looking for a seat and my wife extended the olive branch and said that she could sit with her.

At the same time my dad’s mistress, soon-to-be wife, also said my mom could sit with her, and my mom chose to sit with the mistress.

My wife was fuming when she got home. She was in disbelief that anyone would sit with their husband’s affair partner, and not only that but apparently she was talking excitedly about the upcoming wedding.

My wife told me how much she can’t stand my mom and that she doesn’t want her at her upcoming baby shower anymore.

I called my mom to get to the bottom of it. She said they both invited her and she had to say no to someone.

I was stunned. My mom said she just picked the person she finds more enjoyable, and while she doesn’t condone the affair, if she has to sit and talk to one of them she prefers the mistress. I was shocked and snapped at her that she is a trashy mother, MIL, and soon-to-be grandma and I feel bad for my wife for having her as a MIL.

My mom said we were both crazy and then her partner got involved and called us entitled. I hung up because I was too furious to speak to her, and now multiple people are telling me I’m crazy and she didn’t have to sit with my wife.

I am backing my wife and she is no longer invited to the shower.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Your wife and mother don’t really enjoy one another’s company. That has been established – cool. Everyone can stay in their separate corners and live.

Your wife offered your mom a seat with her.

Your mom declined and sat with your dad’s fiance/mistress instead.

Your wife blows a gasket because your mom’s choice made it plain that she does not care for her, but she really didn’t do anything wrong. Not like she cursed her out or anything in public.

You rush to your wife’s emotional state and call your mom to vent/go off? But to what end? She didn’t sit with your wife. So what? She doesn’t particularly care for your wife. So what?

Are your mom’s feelings going to make you suddenly leave your family?

I don’t think so, by your story.

Honestly, this is an escalation that really didn’t need to happen. To a degree, you and your wife both decided to be highly offended when you could have shrugged the whole thing off.” moew4974

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

You’d love to have a family with your mom and wife. Your mom clearly doesn’t want that. And I’m sorry but that’s her right. To the family insisting that your wife reach out to your mom—ignore them. Engage with your mom in a manner that makes you and your wife comfortable.

And if that means limiting your child’s engagement with someone that isn’t able to ’tolerate’ their mom – that’s your right, too.” Ariesinnc3017

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LilVicky 5 months ago
NTJ your mom is big time & I hope she enjoys the mistress because she just lost her grandmother status
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5. AITJ For Being Angry At My Dad For Defending My Mom?

“I (24F) am celebrating my birthday today, and my mom left last night to go see some friends out of town for a few days. This doesn’t bother me at all honestly because even though I currently live with my parents, my mom and I are not very close.

She is an incredibly difficult person who is narcissistic and emotionally exhausting.

What DOES bother me is the fact that my siblings were trying to plan a small, last-minute dinner tonight to celebrate, and my dad declined to go.

For context, my dad and I are very close and I consider him to be a great person and father overall, but his fatal flaw is his loyalty to my mom.

He constantly defends her, chooses her, excuses her actions, and loves her unconditionally even when she does the opposite for him. We have tried to get him to see the truth for years – but he consciously chooses to only see the good in her.

What hurts the most is that he doesn’t realize how much it hurts us every single time he fails to call her out or hold her accountable for her wrongdoings especially when they are directed towards us.

My dad admitted that the reason he won’t go to my dinner tonight is because he knows it will make my mom angry and feel ‘left out.’ What’s funny is that my mom made her travel plans last minute with friends who literally live two hours away and she can see them pretty much any time.

She chose to leave on my birthday – so I don’t think she has any right to pitch a fit about missing anything. I made it clear to my dad that I really wanted him to be at my dinner tonight and he continued to decline and tried to make other plans that fit my mom’s schedule better.

Eventually, I blew up and told him that it is unacceptable for him to accommodate my mom in this situation and I reminded him that he has done this over and over again throughout my life in different ways. He told me that I was being inconsiderate and dramatic for not wanting to make other arrangements, even though I had plans for the rest of the week.

I angrily uninvited him, told him I was sick of him constantly choosing her over us and hung up the phone. AITJ for how I handled this situation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re making declarations and setting boundaries that appear to have been needed for a long time.

I give your parents a small bit of credit that all of the plans were last minute, both your mom’s travel and your dinner arrangements, but not enough. How tied to his leash is your father that he can’t participate with his children without his spouse once in a while… it’s beyond me.” tosser9212

Anotther User Comments:

“NTJ, your dad has told you he holds your mom’s opinion higher than his children’s happiness. It’s time for you to decide what you want from life.

My mom is a narcissist and so is my dad, they both have additional mental health issues on top of that.

I know what you’re going through and it sucks. Just know that this will never change, maybe your dad will see the light but that’s a slim chance at this point.

Maybe you and your siblings can write down situations where your mom has hurt you and your dad backed her up.

Tell him how it makes you feel and what you wish he would have done.

That’s about the most you can do but have an escape plan because this will go nuclear with a narcissist.” CuriousPenguinSocks

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. maybe take parents LC cos he won't upset her, SHE don't give a crap anyway unless it benefits her leave them to it, just remember you and siblings that you get to choose their care homes when they need it and to be honest they deserve the worst on the list.... if you are dependent oh them for financial reasons... get a job getnthrough school and leave them too it and encourage the sibs to do the same... 1 day dad might realise what he's missing out on however until he does its pointless trying to forge a bond or keep him around cosnSHE WILL ALWAYS come FIRST over you kids and HIMSELF.. leave them too it and get them the shittiest care home you can fjnd and leave them in it
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4. AITJ For Not Accepting My Ex's Mom's "Apology"?

“I (30f) have 2 sons. I left their father (29m) 5 years ago after he chose his mother over me and the kids (I got an apartment and he refused to move in because mommy convinced him not to).

Despite the ill blood his mother and I had in the past, we overlooked this for the children’s sake and built what I thought was a pretty solid foundation to a certain degree of trust and respect. She took the kids every few months despite her son failing to continue visitation with his children.

Last year she was diagnosed with a disorder that makes her lose weight, lose hair, and bruise easily. It does not cause her pain but it has triggered insecurity, understandably. During this time she started lashing out at me pretty frequently. Just being incredibly jerky for no reason and would pull the ‘I won’t let people walk all over me’ lines (I’m assuming that due to her insecurities following the diagnosis she also became paranoid because no one was walking on or bashing this woman).

But regardless, I became her boxing ring basically and 3 months back, she pushed it too far.

I had made a comment about her son never seeing the kids and she freaked out. Calls me childish, says ‘I told you not to bash me’ (I clearly wasn’t), and says some backhanded comment about knowing how I am and being able to read between the lines.

So I went no contact after basically telling her she was full of crap and I was done being her doormat.

During this time her son also coincidentally started asking for visits with our children again. Which I allowed, supervised by me, as he hadn’t seen the kids in a stupid amount of time (the kids wanted to go).

When he shows up he starts talking about his mother and how her condition has worsened and that I should be more understanding of her illness and accept that she is just angry right now. I told him it was no excuse for the way she spoke to me and had been speaking to me for months leading up to that incident and until she took accountability and apologized I would not be accepting the treatment, simply because she is ill.

He didn’t push the issue.

However, his mom reached out through text yesterday and said something to the effect of ‘Well you know how I am. Stress doesn’t sit well with me’. No apology, just her saying I know how she is so I shouldn’t be angry.

I basically told her that it doesn’t matter how she is and considering she was calling me childish months ago, she should take that statement and reflect on it because she is the one acting childish. Especially with her lack of self-awareness or ability to take accountability and just apologize.

She stops responding. I’m being told by my ex that I’m a jerk because this is his mother’s way of apologizing and I need to be more understanding. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She’s simultaneously telling you that her own emotions are not her own responsibility, and blaming you for your own emotions.

That’s some gaslighting jerkery.

Her emotional state, illness or not, is her problem to deal with, and you are not obligated to accept abuse from her on account of the 25% DNA she shares with your children.” toofat2serve

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Being ill is a reason for being a grouchy jerk but it does not excuse it.

This is doubly so when the ill person recognizes it, as that shows they are just using their illness as a way to try to get away with being trashy.

You are right. You do not deserve to be anyone’s doormat. If she wants to resume relations, all she has to do is apologize and show a genuine effort to be kind and pleasant (or at least not a jerk).

Best of luck. I see you are trying your best to keep your children engaged with their paternal family and they are not making it easy on you.” Seemoreifsandsorbuts

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. tell her she can use her son as an emotional punching bag from now on, that you will, let her see the kids HOWEVER... i wrong word and he's out the door.. she is notgoing to verbally abuse you EVER AGAIN and if she wants to see the kids she will abide by the rules or stay away until she is better
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3. AITJ For Constantly Talking About My Celebrity Crush?

“I work in a retail environment, and my coworkers and I are all pretty close-ish in the sense that we like to go to happy hour together and hang out outside of work.

My coworkers like to tease me about a crush that I have with a certain male celebrity and the fictional character they play. It’s all in good humor, and I don’t take offense since they’re just light jokes in passing (i.e. if they saw a trailer they might tease me and say ‘We saw your husband on TV last night’).

We recently had a new hire and she was pretty nice at first. At our latest happy hour, the topic of my celebrity crush came up. At one point I jokingly said ‘I’m so ready to be a stepmother’ because he has children.

At that point, our new hire went really quiet and said, ‘That’s not funny.

It’s not fair to his children.’

It kind of grew awkward around the table, so I apologized and explained that I was totally joking and did not actually have any intention of breaking up his marriage to be a stepmother. Honestly, just typing it out sounds kind of insane to me (because hello?!

Of course I’m not going to leave my minimum wage job to marry a ‘celebrity’ who’s much older than me).

Everyone laughed it off and I thought that was that, but since then the coworker hasn’t let it go. It’s gotten to a point where she (non-jokingly) has called me a home-wrecker to other coworkers and is blatantly rude to me at work.

In my defense, she’s been pretty aggressive and will straight up say things like ‘ruined any marriages lately?’ to me out of nowhere. It’s gotten to a point that’s pretty upsetting. This is the part where I can admit I got a little petty, but I doubled down and made his photo my lock screen and have only exclusively referred to him as my ‘future husband’ in conversation with coworkers.

The offended coworker recently said that she’s thinking about quitting because she can’t stand to work with a homewrecker.

Like I get it, I’m not saying that my jokes weren’t annoying. But in my defense, I never speak to her unless spoken to first. I also know (from speaking to my manager) that the coworker isn’t speaking from a personal place (i.e. a child of divorce) or has social anxiety.

She just simply thinks she’s morally better than me because of this dumb joke (she was also reprimanded for calling me names at work).

On the one hand, I feel like it shouldn’t be my responsibility to rise to her ‘moral standards’ to make her feel comfortable, but on the other hand, I feel kind of guilty because the joke made her hate me so much she wants to quit.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, while the joke wasn’t in the best taste she is taking it WAY out of proportion. You even apologized. I get the feeling she was either two-timed or had something like that happen to her for her to react this poorly.

Don’t engage with her anymore, stop antagonizing her just to uphold your moral high ground. If she keeps asking you those questions just respond with ‘I’m no longer going to engage in conversation with you at work unless it is work-related. You are now harassing me and honestly, it needs to stop.

If you continue I will report you to HR (or your boss) for creating a hostile work environment. I have apologized for the initial comment I made and I’m apologizing now for antagonizing you, but again, I will no longer engage in conversations with you if you cannot be civil.'” Ezada

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m single, but it’s not a secret to those around me that I have a massive crush on Chris Evans. I’ve even talked about marrying him but obviously, I’m joking. Plenty of single and taken people joke about entering into a relationship with their celebrity crush but most of those people don’t actually plan on getting involved with their crush.

I mean, there will always be the weirdos who actually think that one day they’ll meet their celebrity crush and the celebrity will just fall for them at first sight and then they’ll get married and have the whole fairytale ending but those kinds of people are far and few between.” wisegirl_93

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MadameZ 5 months ago
Just keep saying to the silly cow that you have nothing to discuss with her that is not work related and if she persists, you will report her to HR. NTJ. She probably creates drama wherever she goes.
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2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Live With Her Significant Other?

“My daughter (18F) is headed off to college soon. I am very proud of her for getting accepted to her second-choice university – where she plans to go. It’s in Seattle, which is only an 8-hour drive from home, which I feel comfortable about because I can visit her by car or plane easily and it is not known to be dangerous there.

For background info: She has a significant other who my husband is especially fond of. I like him too, he is polite and respectful and clearly a very bright boy with high aspirations. My daughter, however, is head over heels for this boy. As a mother, it is especially hard for me to see how much she cries when their plans don’t work out.

My daughter is diagnosed with anxiety but refuses to take her medicine for it because she says she is afraid to gain weight.

Last night, she showed me a presentation about why she should live with her SO instead of in residence. I did residence at Brown and adored it.

I am still friends with my roommates and maintain it is essential to the university experience. I told her the presentation was thorough (it was 17 verbose slides) but cute, and said I could not allow it. She argued she would be lonely, scattered, and ‘disconsolate’ without someone familiar to make the transition to school easier, but I think she will be able to focus better on school if she lives at school.

Plus, I am only OK with letting her move away from home if I can guarantee she will be safe, living on campus. I am the one paying after all. Plus, it will be a new city completely alone – with a boy. I am not sure what they do behind closed doors.

I do not want to know. She is my baby girl!

She also argued that she is not used to sharing a bathroom or having a small room. I admit that she is a lucky girl who gets what she wants. She has an en-suite bathroom.

I told her it would do her some good to share common spaces and she told me she wouldn’t ‘want to do that unless there was really no other way.’

Ultimately, I see no problem with my daughter living with her SO for her second year of university.

I explained that if they couldn’t stick it out for one year, it would not be the end of the world. However, she is not speaking to me, only very curt ‘OK’ and wide-eyed stares until I leave her alone.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

She probably would be far better off getting some space. And they can go out and not live together. Moving in with a significant other just to cope with anxiety is a horrible plan.

It’s a school year. She can survive, and you are funding her education and have every right to set her up to succeed and get the full experience.

That said it’s not a jerk move for her to ask.” superfastmomma

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your daughter sounds codependent and she needs to have a world/friends/independence to grow up. She cannot move from home to living with her SO. She needs to get that the priority is college.

It’s also like she uses the guy as a crutch because she said he would ‘make the transition easier.’

She should also get therapy in school and you should make that a requirement, even considering she living with the guy in the second year.

She has anxiety and clearly codependency with this other kid.

Living on campus also makes everything easier.

I’d also worry about her living with him because it’s a commitment on rent, and if something goes wrong then she’d be put in a situation to either (a) put up with it because she cannot move out, (b) move out and leave him with rent or find a solution.

The kid might be nice and everything, but you never know. Living together puts a lot of pressure on a relationship.” Coco_Dirichlet

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. however if she's so wrapped up in him bir won't take meds for her anxiety have you tried getting him to talk to her about the meds, do you know how many are known her dorm? All thr fine details you know her anxiety is bad and she refuses to take meds however if he can convince her to try them for a while etc. I agree them not living together is the right way to go definitely does she not know anyone who's going to that school that she got on woth at high school? Maybe arrange for THEM to share a dorm to ease her stresses... will she not talk to dad about this seeing how she seems to dislike you woth a passion at the minute
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1. AITJ For Not Letting An Employee Change Her Resignation Date?

“I’ve worked at my agency for 5 years and worked my way up to manager. I was instrumental in hiring the employee, let’s call her Pam. I wasn’t her direct supervisor but I was the Director of Compliance for the full agency when we kinda got into a tiff.

I sent Pam an email asking her to contact a specific client for a time-sensitive matter. She did not respond to my email and when I checked with her later, she said she didn’t contact the client because she didn’t think it was necessary. I told her she needed to do what I asked her to do and that if she had questions about anything to let me know instead of ignoring the directive.

After that, Pam didn’t like me. About a year later, another Director position opened up that I applied for and got. I was now Pam’s supervisor’s boss. My new role was announced about 3 weeks before it was to be effective.

The week before my position started, Pam was out on a week’s vacation (approved).

On the first day of her vacation, Pam submitted her resignation notice giving 13 days’ notice. Since she was on vacation, it was impossible to work on transitioning her work while she was out so we had to do some scrambling.

When she came back from vacation, she learned her health benefits end on her last day rather than at the end of the month.

Well, Pam came to me asking if she could extend her last day one extra day and I denied it. She tried to make it seem like she didn’t realize she gave 13 day’s notice instead of 14. I said her presence was no longer necessary and I accepted her original resignation date.

The end result was she basically cussed me out, sent a mass all-staff email trashing me, left causing a scene, and ended up getting banned from the building. The next day a bunch of people were saying I went too far and it wasn’t that serious.

I don’t think I did anything wrong. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Yes, you were petty, but she left for vacation and while she was gone, decided that she wasn’t coming back. That puts the whole team in a difficult spot; they are counting on her to do her tasks and to do her off-boarding so a new hire can be trained. She left everyone in a lurch, piled work onto the rest of the team (presumably since she wouldn’t be there to finish), and then doubled down by throwing a temper tantrum because of her own mistake.

NTJ from me.” agarrabrant

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She hated you for calling her out for not doing her job. Once she realized you’d be over her boss, she intentionally went on vacation and timed her 2 weeks’ notice in order to screw you and the company over.

Y’all had to scramble to fix her petty revenge. Only when she found out she had her own consequences to deal with did she expect you to do her a favor. Next time when Pam tries to get revenge for getting called out for not doing her job and then holding a 2 years grudge, maybe she’ll plan better.” Mandajolene123

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. well,she wasn't ignoring you that day was she lol,
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