People Are Curious About Their 'Am I A Jerk' Stories
27. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister, Who Betrayed Me, At My Wedding?
“My sister (24 F) has a problem with the fact that I (29 F) do not want her in attendance at my wedding.
I haven’t spoken to my sister properly in almost three years, the only contact we do keep is through our mother.
My soon to be husband (31 M), proposed to me eight months ago after a year of seeing each other and in spite of past experiences – I was ecstatic.
About two months ago, I started working on writing up and sending off the invitations which took me a couple weeks altogether.
Slowly but surely, I started to receive confirmation texts, emails and calls.
My mother called me shortly after she got her invitation and asked why my sister hadn’t received one yet which was mind boggling since my mother of all people would surely understand.
Three years ago, I was preparing for my wedding, I had the venue booked, the honeymoon booked and paid for in full, the entertainment sorted – the dress, bridesmaid dresses, tuxedos and food paid for. Everything was sorted. I was ready to marry the love of my life.
However, two weeks before the wedding was set – my Ex called it off with literally little to no explanation and went no contact. I was heartbroken and extremely confused.
A couple weeks later, I find out from social media that my sister and ex-fiance were on the trip that I had booked for our honeymoon – anyways, I soon discover that for nine months, they had been sneaking around behind my back.
My sister.. and my then fiance.
Their ‘relationship’ lasted less than half a year before he left her.
Ever since, she has been begging for my forgiveness and insists that I need to let the past go – that she is my sister and this “childish feud will ruin our relationship”.
To me, it isn’t just the fact that she did what she did, but the fact that she betrayed my trust and let me rant and open up to her about things that were going on in my relationship, whilst she was practically stabbing me in the back.
I’m not quite sure what stance my family hold on this situation because they generally keep out of conflict but; AITJ for not wanting my sister to attend my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so sorry OP. And no, this was not a ‘childish feud’, your sister betrayed you with your ex-fiancé and completely destroyed your relationship through betrayal. Forgiveness is a choice, not a necessity.
Consider this experience to be a blessing in disguise, you dodged a bullet. You and your fiancé should hire a bodyguard to make sure that your sister is not in attendance; it’s your wedding and your rules. You tell your mother very clearly that she will either respect your decision or she will not be invited either.
Congratulations!” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She steals your fiancé and then calls you “childish” when you cut her out of your life. There’s a foreign word for this that I forget, maybe middle Eastern? The definition of it is you kill your parents, then plead for mercy because you’re an orphan.
This is like that. And your mother is a jerk for asking you why sister wasn’t invited when mother knows darn well why.” RealbadtheBandit
26. AITJ For Selling A Kid's Lego Collection That His Mother Sold Me As Punishment?
“About a week ago I stumbled across a post on social media Marketplace where a mum was selling a large collection of complete Lego Star Wars sets for a ridiculously low price.
I was sceptical at first but seeing this as a rare opportunity I messaged her and to my surprise it all checked out.
After exchanging a few messages we arranged a meetup to collect the Lego. I got there, checked out all the sets and it all went smoothly.
I walked away with what I can only describe as a dream come true for any Lego Star Wars fan.
Once at home, I went through all the sets organising, admiring and listing them. There were a couple sets I had wanted for years that were included and although I sold on most of the collection I kept a couple that I felt sentimental about finally having.
Fast forward to today, and I have received a message from the mum. She explained how she had sold the Lego collection as a rash form of punishment for her son. Apparently he had done something so incredibly heinous it warranted his collection being pawned off.
She told me how her son has been distraught since losing his Lego and she had no clue how much the collection was really worth.
I sympathise with the kid as I myself have lost Lego sets moving house or to an upset Dad and I know how devastating it can be.
I can’t imagine losing a collection like this. The problem is I have already sold off the majority of the collection, and really wouldn’t like to give up these sets I’ve kept for myself. The mother is exploding at me for selling on her son’s sets and I feel like a jerk.
I am unsure how to proceed. I genuinely bad for the kid, but the only thing I can offer is the three sets I have left, two of which I have always wanted.
Edit: She is now asking for some of the funds I made from selling the sets and is increasingly aggressive.
I feel bad for the poor kid but I shall be blocking the mum without returning anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and not your problem too. Once you buy something, it’s yours, and you decide what to do with it.
It’s not “her son’s sets” anymore, they’re YOUR sets. Mom will have to buy new Lego sets for her kids – and as I said, it’s not your problem.” Champi_Feuille
Another User Comments:
“NTJ His mom sold it to you.
You just did whatever you wanted with it, since after buying the Lego sets collection they became yours now. Mom shouldn’t have expected you to give them back. If the kid is distraught, it’s the mom’s fault for selling his Legos.
Now, if you feel really really *reaaally* bad, you can sell the remaining Lego sets back to the mother, so that at least some of them return to the kid’s hands. But that’s up to you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do feel bad for the kid but his mom was wrong for selling them in the first place but you did nothing wrong by paying them. It’s 2023, the mom could have easily looked up their market value but she didn’t and again that’s on her, not you.” Here_4_cute_dog_pics
25. AITJ For Moving My Ex-Roommate's Left-Behind Figurines to His New Home and Refusing to Pay for Damages?
“I (21F) own a two-bedroom apartment, where every bedroom has its own bathroom. Because I don’t have much use for the second bedroom, I’ve been renting it out to ‘Joe’ (30M) for the past 1,5 years. It worked out pretty well since we only had to share the entrance, kitchen and living room, so plenty of privacy.
Three months ago, Joe and his partner got a house together, so Joe moved out of my apartment. He left some stuff behind (pretty much just a bookcase full of movie and game figurines) asking if he could pick them up in one or two weeks after the renovations to his apartment are done, so he could store them properly then.
I agreed since I know stuff can easily get damaged or go missing during renovations.
However, after two weeks, he still hadn’t picked them up. I asked him when he was going to pick them up, and he apologised and said he’ll be there next week to get them.
Another two weeks went by and he still hadn’t picked them up. Meanwhile, I can’t rent out the room to someone else because his stuff is still there. It’s now been two months since Joe moved out, and despite me asking him several times he still hasn’t picked up the figurines.
So I put them all in a giant box (gently, though also not using any wrapping material), loaded it into my car and just brought them over myself. Since no one answered the door, I just left the box at the door to his new house.
Two days later I’m getting a lot of angry messages from him how I’ve ruined his collection, how a lot of them are broken, and demanding I reimburse him for all the ones that I damaged (according to him it’s several thousand dollars).
I refuse to pay for it because I don’t think I did anything wrong. I think I’ve been really patient with him for storing his figurines for so long, and think that it’s his own fault that his figurines are broken now, because I gave him plenty of chances to pick them up himself.
AITJ for packing up my roommates figurines and leaving them at the door of his new home, causing them to be damaged, and then not wanting to reimburse him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they were so valuable to him, he would have picked them up instead of forgetting about them for two months and blowing off your requests that he pick up his stuff.
I mean, yeah, that’s not how you pack figurines to move, but they also weren’t your responsibility to care for and he pretty much abandoned them.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s just trying to get money. You did more than you needed to.
After the first month most landlords would have sent a message saying if the person didn’t come get it, the garbage truck would. You should send him an invoice for the box and the gas and for the months you couldn’t rent it out because of his abandoned items.” Best-Razzmatazz5806
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell him he’s lucky you’re not charging him rent for all the time his stuff was in your apartment. Point out that this cost you money because you couldn’t have a new tenant move in. It’s not your fault he failed repeatedly to pick up his belongings.” Paevatar
I also think you were more that patient and more than nice to keep them as long as you did.
Besides, do we even know that they were actually broken? Even if they were it's his fault. And are we sure he's being honest about their value? This sounds a little scammy to me.
24. AITJ For Ending A Friendship After Being Excluded From A Group Outing?
“I have a friend. Let’s call her Linda. Linda and I have been friends for about 3 years now but we all know how over time, people change and friendships drift apart.
However, we’ve still maintained a somewhat cordial relationship
This leads us to the problem.
About 2 days ago, I get a message from Linda and she wants us to hang out and I agree. We haven’t seen each other in months, so hanging out seems fun.
She says we should go see fireworks, along with a few mutual friends of ours. That seems fine with me. I tell her that when she has the finalized plans, she can just let me know. Well, a few hours later, I get a text from her saying she can no longer go see fireworks.
Ok, that’s fine. Context about Linda, she often cancels plans with me, which is fine. I’m a homebody really, so it never bothers me. However, it’s always really abrupt as well, but I just let it pass.
Well, I’m looking up places where I can go see fireworks by myself around me when I decided to go Insta. I see posts of her and the mutual friends have gone to see fireworks without me. The problem I have isn’t with the fireworks, it’s why she decided that when she couldn’t see the fireworks on that designated day, she moved it today with the same people we originally were going with.
Well, all but me. I’m thinking I’m the jerk because it’s such a petty thing to lose a 3 year friendship over, but I’m just sick of it. I’m there for everything she ever invites me to, but she never seems to want to come to my events or always drops plans with me to go with someone else.
This time, she has just left me out completely. Not even a text or a thought about how she excluded me but took the others I’m trying to be rational about it. Maybe they had plans to see it 2 days in a row?
I’m not even sure, but I’ve blocked her and unfollowed her. I’m can’t keep putting in effort into a friendship when that effort isn’t reciprocated. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already described all the ways this friendship sucks and how she’s a bad friend, what difference does it make how it ended and who is or isn’t the jerk on this single occasion?
You’re overthinking this. Just be glad to be done with her.” RickStevesLadyfriend
23. AITJ For Ignoring Persistent Neighbor Who Keeps Visiting Unannounced To See My Dog?
“We live across the street from a thrift store and there is a woman who works there. About 6 months ago, I was walking my dog past the store and she came out and said how beautiful my dog was, etc.
About 2 weeks after that she came to the door and asked if she could come in and see my dog to give her a treat. I said sure, and she stayed maybe 10 minutes. Fast forward 2 weeks from then.. she shows up again.
I answer (even though I absolutely despise having unannounced guests) and let her in. She gave my dog a treat and talked about how much she loves dogs, etc.
Well about 1-2 months ago, she comes over again and this time I don’t answer.
If she wants to (I am assuming this is why she comes) leave a bone outside the door for my dog, fine. But the showing up unannounced has got to stop. 2 weeks passes by, she does the same thing.
Now here we are to this past week in a half.
When I say the woman has come by at least 12 times, I am not lying. She has her # on the thrift store social media so I texted and said “Hey! I am working crazy hours and unable to answer the door.
Thanks!” ( didn’t want to be rude but wanted to get across that no I cannot answer the door) To which she replies “oh honey I haven’t seen you or your dog in a while. I didn’t know if you needed me to come in and take care of her?” why in the world would she think that?
Well, I thought that would end it. But, nope. Tonight shows up. Calls me from my driveway and says on the voicemail “hiiiii, I just love your dog so much I know I’m being a stalker. I’m gonna try the door to see if your home”.
Comes up to the door, rings the doorbell and stands there for 2 minutes. Then leaves.
I have a feeling you’re going to ask me why wouldn’t I have just been honest and said “showing up unannounced is not okay” or something along that line, but I truly try and take the nice calm road before giving someone attitude (looks like it got me far )
So AITJ for not answering?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s already said she knows she’s being a stalker. Possibly something like this has happened before. I used to work for this type of place so I suggest you speak to the store manager if you can by phone , and literally say what you’ve said here.
She may be able to help.” PsychologicalBit5422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I completely understand avoiding her! I am the same way I feel like I come off rude when just trying to tell people to back off and I avoid confrontation like the plague!
Hehe Also now I really want to see what your dog looks like lol!” Elegant-Sea-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ be very careful with this woman, something is off. No matter how much she loves dogs, this is not normal behavior.
Don’t let her into your house again and definitely don’t give her access to your dog even if you’re outside with her.” Mysterious-Region640
Some people AREN'T going to get the message until you are rudely blunt though. You may need to be with this lady.
22. AITJ For Not Adding My Dad's Partner's Daughter To Our Wedding Party?
“25M marrying the love of my life 24F in October. The wedding parties are already set. We have 4 people on each side. Our siblings and best friends. Well almost all the siblings.
My brother is a groomsman and so is one of her brothers who is closer to my age. Her eldest brother is not in the party. Point is the parties are pretty close and we both agreed we didn’t want a large wedding party.
(I don’t know how some people have like 10 on each side, but I digress)
My dad is a bit of a sap. Him and mom divorced when I was 7 so most of my memories are of his relationship life. He tries his best but he’s very soft spoken and can be a bit of a pushover.
He has been seeing “Donna” for about 3 years now. This is by far the most serious relationship I’ve seen him in, and he is planning to marry her. Donna has a 19 year old daughter. We see my dad, Donna and the daughter a few times a month.
My dad and I went to the lunch the two of us when he mentioned how nice it would be if Donna’s daughter is a bridesmaid as she “loves the two of us so much”. I laughed and said that was all set, remember dad?
But then I realized he was serious. Like he started throwing out ideas. Replace one of her friends, or we each add a person. I explained that I am absolutely not having this conversation with my fiancé and it wasn’t happening.
He dropped another bomb.
He already told Donna and her daughter that we were “figuring it out, but planning on adding her” and she has been “sooo excited” lately. I told him no. And it’s his fault for saying that so he has to deal with that situation he created. He started with the whole “just do it for me, you know how much I love Donna, I’ll make it up to you” I stayed firm, this is when he started to throw around the idea of not paying for the bar anymore.
I haven’t brought this up to my fiancé yet (I don’t want to at all) because I think it’s so outlandish and it would probably make her feel guilty. She’s a people pleaser and I don’t want to add to her stress by telling her this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your dad no and remind him it is a complete sentence. I wouldn’t tell him this, but 3 years of seeing each other doesn’t mean much. What’s going to happen if he and Donna break up?
All of your wedding pictures will have your dad’s ex’s daughter in it. Tell your dad that the bridal party is set and he is looking forward to having Donna and her daughter as GUESTS and if there are issues, they are more than welcome not to come.
If he doesn’t want to pay for the bar, so be it, but don’t let him manipulate and blackmail you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….100% It’s your wedding, it’s the dad’s partners daughter who from the sounds of it is not close to anybody in the wedding party.
Your dad’s an idiot for making promises he has no power to deliver on. While I’d personal be tempted to blow him up on this, it is your dad, so maybe figure out a way with him you can sell this without your dad turning into a villain, or risk your relationship with him He put you in a bad spot!” Sfgiants420
Nope, this one is his to figure out. Man let his mouth run away with his brain, so he gets to solve the problem he's created all by himself.
21. AITJ For Letting My Almost 18-Year-Old Stepdaughter Get a Tattoo Early As a Birthday Gift?
“I (53m) have 2 daughters. My older one Kristen is 22 from my first marriage, and my second one Amy (17) is from my second marriage. Now Amy is my stepdaughter who I have legally adopted when she was 3. Her father is not in the picture.
Up until she was 12, Amy would call me by my name or nickname and only recently started calling me dad. I was fine with either, but not going to lie I was overjoyed when I heard her calling me dad the first time.
Amy has always wanted a tattoo, probably since she saw Kristen having one, but Amy was not allowed to have one as she was too young (legal age where I live is 18). My wife, Claire (45f) have told her that she can have a tattoo when she is 18 and using her own money.
I have added she also needs to make sure she has a design planned so it is something she really wants to make sure there will be no regrets. Amy had a design in mind which has not changed for about 3 years.
Now Amy is turning 18 in September and as a present I have booked her a tattoo session with one of the artists I know she follows and likes and her tattoo style was hugely inspired by the artist. As the artist is not from our town, I have decided to let Amy have her tattoo done this month, while the artist is still here as I know for a fact she will be flying to see the artist to have the tattoo done as soon as she turns 18.
I have also paid for the tattoo.
Before leaving, I have told Claire where we are going and she just nodded. I have repeated myself just in case she haven’t heard me and my wife said it’s fine and to go.
However when we came back a few hours later, Claire was angry and called me a jerk for allowing Amy to have a tattoo done without talking to my wife first. I don’t think I was in the wrong here since Amy is nearly 18 and the tattoo is a memory of one of her pets and is on her shoulder, so it is not huge.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for me personally. I’d rather my child have a quality piece done by a confirmed artist 2 months early. The alternative is usually them realizing they can’t afford what they truly want and then settling.
Maybe for a lesser design or a less qualified artist. Im assuming she was safe, clean, local, and got exactly what she wanted this way. Apologize to your wife, she felt blindsided. I understand you didn’t mean to blind side her, but that’s how she feels so still acknowledging that and apologizing is only right.
You sound like you care about them both a lot, so just don’t let a gift become a wedge. Good luck.” TheFishermansWife22
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your wife set clear boundaries, she could have one when she was 18 and she was to pay for it with her own money.
You don’t gift an underage child something like a tattoo without discussing thoroughly with the parent first, before even mentioning it to your daughter. You have plenty of opportunity to discuss this with your wife and you didn’t. Edit: other* parent” coppeliuseyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You clearly told your wife what was happening. She would have spent much more to fly there and get the tattoo in September. She has ink of her skin for a few extra months of life – not a big deal. Your wife had AMPLE opportunity to speak up.” Aardeehar
20. AITJ For Wanting My Sleep to Be Respected By My Partner?
“I put our daughter (11 months) down and came back downstairs at 8pm. Partner and I watched Wimbledon together for an hour then partner wanted to go up to bed to watch some YouTube. I agreed saying I had an hour video that I had saved. Both watched separate YouTube videos in bed for roughly an hour and I was falling asleep towards the end of mine I was so tired. Last bathroom breaks and lights out happened just after 10pm and I am very settled and so ready for sleep.
P
artner snuggles up and starts trying to have a conversation with me about our daughter starting nursery next week and if I’m nervous/telling me that he’s a bit nervous. I try to placate him and his fears without inviting too much conversation as he’s had two hours to talk to me about this and I am ZONKED. So he complains that I’m not really replying or talking to him to which I say to him “yeah I’m just really tired, I was falling asleep watching my video I’m ready to sleep” to which he instantly replied with a very angry tone “oh you can’t use that excuse every time”.
I’m like wait what I’m exhausted man! I’ve tried to ease your anxiety but you’ve chosen the time just before I go to sleep to talk to me? Come on…
He goes into child mode of throwing all his toys out of the pram and is like “I can’t deal with this stress I’m going to sleep downstairs” I getting annoyed at his reaction at this point so I was like what is wrong with you and this reaction?
You had 2 hours to talk to me! And his reply is that he only just thought of it which is fair enough but maybe just be kinder to me about being sleepy instead of instantly making fun of me and being aggressive..?
So he went off in a huff downstairs to sleep on the sofa. No bother. I went to sleep pretty soon after. Today he still doesn’t get it and thinks I’m the only person in the wrong…I said very calmly I just want you to respect me when I say I’m tired and he said he didn’t think he needed to book time in with me to talk.
so infuriating!
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have done this to my partner, he just wants to be heard. but he can’t expect whenever he feels like is the perfect time to talk to you.
if he knows you are sleepy, he should respect that as you said. best thing you can probably do is talk to him and say something along the lines of, if I’m sleepy I won’t listen and I want to listen to you.
then it puts the ball in his court and if he talks when you’re sleepy and say you fall asleep, then its on him because you did prewarn. This worked for me and my partner, obviously every relationship is different, but now I know more on when I can talk about important things.
might be worth a thought” Strange-Rise-5703
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here His timing wasn’t good and he threw a childish tantrum. No excuse for his behaviour at all. On the other hand he did seem to be asking about something that was troubling him so either spending a couple of minutes to talk to him about it or more gently deferring until the morning wouldn’t have been too hard.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I told my husband that if I’m getting ready to fall asleep, a conversation will wake me up, which gives me less sleep and more crankiness.” ClothesQueasy2828
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Best Friend After She Hinted At Romantic Feelings?
“I (23M) have a really close friendship with a girl, let’s call her Sarah (22F). We’ve been best friends for several years and we’ve always had each other’s backs. Recently, we both found ourselves in a situation where we needed to save some money, so we came up with the idea of moving in together.
Initially, I thought it was a great plan. We get along really well, have similar lifestyles, and splitting the rent would be a huge financial relief for both of us. We started looking for apartments and discussing the logistics.
However, things took an unexpected turn when Sarah dropped some romantic hints.
It caught me off guard because I had always seen our relationship as purely platonic. Suddenly, she started flirting, making compliments, and even made a few comments about how living together could be like a “trial run” for a romantic relationship.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Sarah is a fantastic person, but I simply don’t have romantic feelings for her. Besides, I’m currently focusing on my university studies, and I don’t want any distractions that could potentially affect my academic performance.
So, here’s where the issue lies: I told Sarah that I wasn’t comfortable moving in together anymore because of her romantic hints and my need to concentrate on my studies. I explained that I value our friendship immensely and didn’t want to jeopardize it by pursuing a romantic relationship that I wasn’t genuinely interested in.
Sarah was hurt and felt rejected. She accused me of leading her on by suggesting we move in together in the first place. She believes that I should have given her a chance and seen how things could develop between us.
I ended up letting her know that I was moving in with a different girl who had the same major as me who I thought could help me be productive with school. Me and my best friend still text but it’s not the same as before.
Now, I’m starting to question if I made the right decision. Maybe I should have been open to exploring a romantic relationship with Sarah and taking the risk. But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my academic goals and personal boundaries just to please someone else.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even a little bit. Moving in with someone does not at all imply a romantic interest. If she mistook that, it was a misunderstanding on her own end and you did the right thing by talking to her about it and clearing the issue up, it’s unfortunate that the friendship took a hit but you’re not at all a jerk.” Spirited_Block250
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dodged an exploding cannonball. You can’t force feelings. And it’s not your fault that she manufactured a whole scenario in her head. Fortunately, she overplayed the scene and gave you the chance to shut that down before it got really, really complicated. Don’t overthink it.
You have different priorities right now and you don’t owe someone a shot at a relationship if you’re not really interested.” cachalker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are never obligated to reciprocate someone’s feelings. If she isn’t taking no for an answer, it is best to set firm boundaries, like no living together.
You are doing the opposite of leading her on.” DreamingofRlyeh
18. AITJ For Being Upset My Parents Surprised Me On My Birthday And Ruined My Plans?
“Today is my 19th birthday. I’m currently across the country from where my parents live, and they decided without asking me to visit me for my birthday. This annoyed me, because I knew they’d just nag me to cancel existing plans I had with friends and get upset if I didn’t.
They did exactly that, and then insisted on taking me to their hotel room and cooking me a big dinner. I don’t want a big dinner with my family on my birthday night, I’d rather be having fun with my friends.
Further, they got in a car wreck while driving me to the hotel (everybody’s okay) so I’m spending my 19th birthday stuck standing on the side of the road. I didn’t want them to come, I didn’t want them to nag me into spending my night with them, I didn’t want to spend my birthday standing at the side of a car wreck and then eating dinner with them.
The irony of this situation is, there is actually something I wanted as a gift for my birthday which was $300. This isn’t a lot to my family, but they said they couldn’t afford it because they spent lots of money on plane tickets.
They said they didn’t have money for something I wanted, but had enough to buy three plane tickets to visit when I don’t want them to. If they just didn’t have money to get me something, fine, I don’t mind.
But if they’re actively going out of their way to spend money on something that I don’t want and will ruin my night and then saying they no longer have money, that’s just infuriating to me. It’s not about the money or the present itself, it’s the fact they spent so much money just to make my birthday worse.
I told them, when my mom asked why I was being so cranky, that I had plans with my friends I had to cancel and that I frankly didn’t want them there. She got upset and said my family just wanted to see me and just wanted to feed me.
I pointed out they only talked about what they wanted and asked if they even thought about what I wanted.
This caused my mom to start crying, and my dad got angry and called me a jerk and ungrateful. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve been in your situation before. Family decided to surprise me on my birthday and expected me to cancel plans. I had an exam around the corner which is why I celebrated my birthday a week before with my friends, so I’ll have time to study for the exam later on.
Cue to my aunts who just wouldn’t take no for an answer and decided to surprise me, making me lose a whole 3 days of studying. I was so stressed, I was sobbing to my mom on my birthday because of the study schedule setback, but I was expected to put on a happy face because they’re family who took time off to surprise me.” AnnaK22
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here I know I will get down voted here but they traveled across the country to spend time with you on your birthday. I know being in a car accident will have put you in a foul mood as well.
I understand you had plans and not getting the item you wanted had upset you but all I am really reading is woe is me my parents travelled across the country to be with me on my birthday instead of giving me a $300 present I wanted. We see a lot of posts where people just get ignored by their parents on their birthday and will read this and envy you this experience.
Now your parents it’s one thing coming to see you but unannounced if you have plans you shouldn’t be expected to cancel you can maybe spend a little time with them say an early evening meal they know at your age you will have plans with friends and should respect them.” 33Yidana53
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You can go out with your friends anytime. You can go out the next weekend. I get being 19 and wanting freedom but not everyone has family that would travel to see them. I get being disappointed about missing out on your plans but you have people who care about you.
That’s very lucky in this world. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to them about you not really enjoying surprises though” Sandwichlover7504
17. AITJ For Yelling At My Father Because I Refuse To Marry A Man Like Him?
“My father (58M)) and my mom(53F) don’t have the greatest marriage.
My father did the whole work outside the house and my mom did everything else. Cooking, cleaning, raising both my sister and I etc. Honestly any normal person probably would have left my father but my mom is very against divorce so made it work at all costs.
I’m 7 years older than my sister because my mom had some serious complications when pregnant with me and didn’t want another one but my father threatened divorce because he wanted a boy but was angry my sister came out and continued to complain he only had daughters.
Now I’m(29F) a dentist and because of my father I’m really sensitive to nonsense from any guy I date. I make a lot more than anyone else in my age group so I at least expect my partner to do equal chores.
I haven’t yet met a guy who will do equal chores(most say they will but in practice think equal chores is mowing the lawn once a week). and most don’t like the thought I will probably be the main breadwinner.
One even suggested I reduce my hours if we were to marry so that I can do more housework. In my parents day the person who made less (my mom) usually quit their job and took care of everything but now when it’s the guys making less expecting them to wash dishes and vacuum is somehow asking for too much?
Or they will just claim a pigsty is acceptable and not clean.
Anyway because of this I’m still happily single because I refuse to tolerate what my mom did. My father is always complaining about my singleness to me, my sister my mom and anyone who will hear saying I’m make too much for guys to be comfortable with and I’m too old to be picky so I should just marry anyone.
He did this again recently and I yelled at him that he’s the reason I won’t tolerate nonsense because I refuse to be treated like how he treat my mom and he stormed off calling me a “crazy feminist”.
My mom keeps defending him saying not to take it personally and he wants the best for me but I’m convinced he just wants me barefoot and pregnant cause he’s old fashioned as heck.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You aren’t “crazy feminist”, you are “normal feminist”.
Like, the actual normal definition of feminist. You do normal human stuff, expecting other people to treat you as such, and being a woman is just extra info on top. If you say you are happily single, stay being happily single.
Just make sure to yourself you aren’t staying single “out of spite” to you father.” ProDavid_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I completely get. There are so many men that were unfortunately raised seeing their dads not helping around the house or women raising men and not making chores a part of their life.
Then they genuinely do think mowing the grass, taking out the trash and doing “projects” *is* contributing. I mean, it is but that’s not a fair share of the workload. I’ve lost this argument with my partner. But I darn sure am teaching my son to cook, clean, do dishes, laundry etc. because I don’t want *him* to be that partner.
He’s a teen and knows how to clean better than his dad lol.” throwwzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this just makes me sad. I’m sorry your family failed you this badly. You’re absolutely right to refuse to repeat the patterns you were shown as a child.
You deserved better, and you *still* deserve better. Your mother can’t admit that without admitting that she messed up, so it’ll probably be a cold day before you get the apology and emotional support you’re looking for.
And that really sucks.” DiTrastevere
16. AITJ For Closing Our Shared Bank Account After My Partner Took Money Without Explaining Why?
“My partner and I have a shared bank account we opened 3 months ago. He lost his job in the tech sector and we decided to contribute 50% of our take out to the account to pay for shared expenses like groceries, rent, utilities etc. He makes $1800 a month take home in unemployment and I take home $5600 a month since I still have my job.
So he contributes around $900 and I contribute $2800 a month. Our rent is $2200 our utilities $200 and our groceries $400 so we should have some left over each month.
I haven’t checked what is taken out of the bank account until 2 times it over-drafted. I got a call to add overdraft protection and said I wouldn’t need it and the bank person said it overdrafted twice and I was charged $35 each time so I should be adding overdraft protection.
I checked the bank statements and sure enough I had $30 in there. I checked the transactions and they had all been transferred into my partner’s account.
I confronted him when he got home and asked where the money went.
He said it was in his account and he was using it to pay our shared expenses. I pointed out I bought the groceries, utilities were on autopay and I also transferred our landlord every month so what bills are there to pay?
He kept saying our shared expenses and refused to elaborate. I demanded receipts and he called me paranoid and refused to talk about it any further. After several days of trying to get the answers I’ve had enough.
I called the bank to close the account and I’ve told my partner I’m moving out at the end of August (end of lease) if he doesn’t return the money.
By my estimate he took $2700 from our joint account and about $1800 of it was mine. He still refuses to tell me where the money went and calls me money hungry when I point out it’s mostly my money that’s gone.
I’ve told my landlord I’m leaving and he can’t afford the place alone so he will need to move. I’ve also done a credit check on my credit because now I don’t feel like I can’t trust him.
But am I being too harsh? We’ve been together for 2 years and we haven’t shared finances at all until this point?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seeing as how he is refusing to tell you where that money went, he’s definitely hiding something.
The fact that you instantly went to closing the account and moving out means that your gut is telling you something and you are right in trusting your instinct. If he wasn’t doing anything wrong or worth hiding, he wouldn’t have issue 1 with proving his innocence.
But the fact that he has resorted to name calling (paranoid, money hungry…), He is deflecting and gaslighting, making it seem as though you are mentally unhinged. It’s good that you’ve seen this now instead of years down the road when you have a mortgage, marriage and kids tangled up into the mix as well.” reallynah75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!! I’d be leaving too. Lesson-learned: When you have a joint account, check it weekly, if not daily. Me, I wouldn’t open up a joint account with a partner. Even husband and I only have a joint account for the rent.
The rest of our money goes into our own accounts and we decided how to split the rest of the expenses. Ie. I pay utilities and he pays our car payments, etc. split equitably not equally.” throwwzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like a gaslighting thief to me. No one likes to have money stolen from them, but at least you found out sooner than later. You might have to just cut your losses and be glad it wasn’t worse than it was.
I had to do that before with a previous partner regarding money he owed to me. Good for you for calling him out, taking financial control, and leaving him.” BennyBear180
15. AITJ For Wanting A Private Space In The House I Share With My Partner And His Kids?
“My partner (“Greg”) and I are considering moving in together.
Greg has two children, ages 5 and 7. I have no children, but one 50 lb dog. Each of our individual places is too small for everyone to live in together, so we’re looking for a new place altogether.
I love Greg’s kids to pieces, but I am a naturally quiet, introverted person that enjoys peace, quiet, and solitude.
I also get extremely anxious and uncomfortable in situations that are over stimulating to me in one way or another (too much noise, too much clutter, etc). I wish that wasn’t how I act, but I can’t just wish my mental illness away.
I know a lot of this will understandably be sacrificed when living with young children, which is why I want a place in the house that the kids are absolutely not allowed. I’m not talking about an entire floor or wing…just maybe that small random bedroom that a lot of homes have and people tend to turn into offices or something.
Also worth noting, Greg’s kids are quite messy and irresponsible, even for their ages. I’m talking full blown meltdowns when they’re told to simply pick up after themselves.
Greg thinks it is completely unacceptable and that it isn’t fair to keep children out of a certain part of their own home, especially when the dog is allowed to go wherever she wants and the kids live with their mom 50% of the time.
I think that I’m already meeting him at least halfway by just requesting one room that isn’t covered in graham cracker dust. It’s not necessarily their presence that can wear my down, but all of their stuff and mess (and sometimes noise).
I offered that this could also be a space for him that he didn’t have to let the dog into if he didn’t want. We got into an argument about it and he said he didn’t think it was fair to pay for an extra bedroom for me to sit in and be selfish, and then I said I didn’t think it was fair that I had to pay for extra space for HIS kids (which I do feel bad about saying).
Am I being unreasonably demanding? Is this just something I need to give into that comes along with being in a relationship with someone who has children?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You and your partner should not move in together.
Your request isn’t unreasonable, but your partner’s isn’t either. Your partner wants to raise his children in a home where they feel no space is off access to them. This is a part of your partner’s parenting style and the type of environment he wants to create for his children.
You want to live in a home where there is one space that you can call your own. Where his children will not be allowed. Your request isn’t unreasonable either. I don’t think there is compromise when it comes to what makes for a peaceful home environment.
You each have your own ideas of what that is. I don’t think a parent should sacrifice or alter the way they want to raise their children to appease a partner who doesn’t have children. Nor do I think you should have to sacrifice your peace or comfort for someone else children.
I think maybe you shouldn’t move into right now. Maybe you can revisit it when the children are older.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m the same. I don’t consider it a mental health problem. Some of us are just wired differently and function best when we have a bolthole we know is tranquil and exactly as we left it, no matter how small.
It’s the only way I was able to stay sane bringing up two children. These children are his, not yours, so you need space to adjust and your SO should be understanding.” Curious_Puffin
14. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Partner's House To Take Care Of My Younger Sister?
“I (25M) been with my partner (27F) for 3 years now – and living together for 2 years.
I also have a younger sister (16F) and of course my mom (53F) and dad (58M). My parents immigrated to the US before we were born and had us here.
My parents and sister live around 4-5 miles away from my partner and me.
Recently, however, my dad was diagnosed with a medical condition and because of how expensive healthcare is in the US, my parents have decided its best that they go back to their native country to complete my dad’s treatment which should take about six months.
Since my sister is still in high school, my mom asked if we can take her in for these next few months so that her education isn’t disrupted. She also offered to pay for any expenses we would have to incur for housing her.
I broached the subject with my partner but she adamantly refused. Her problem is that she and my sister did not get along for a couple of years. I agree that my sister was kinda moody and blunt back then but she never said anything cruel.
As she’s matured, she’s kept her thoughts to herself and acts civil with my partner. However, my partner still holds on to that grudge. I tried to convince her to change her mind but she wasn’t listening to me. Since she owns the house, I can’t really do anything about housing my sister here.
So I decided to pack my stuff and move back in to my parents house to take care of my sister. When my partner found out, she lost her cool and accused me of choosing “my brat of a sister” over her.
I told her that if she wants me to live with her, then she can either move in to my parents’ house (they’re ok with this) or my sister and I can move in to her house. She was still having none of it so I told her that she made her own choice and I’m not abandoning my minor sibling when she needs me the most. Since then she’s gone and complained to her family and they’re blowing up my phone calling me a jerk for ditching her for my sister.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are being a responsible adult and good brother/son by looking after your sister. Your partner sounds like the brat and way too controlling. I think you need to leave her. Also I don’t know many teenage girls that don’t go through a moody phase so to hold a grudge against a child is ridiculous” Fancy-Diesel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ . What does she want, your sister to be living alone at this age. She is creating a problem by being mad at you for living with your sister and not even providing a solution by letting your sister stay with both of you.
She is acting immaturely and like a brat” Careless_Drawing_743
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – partner is a jerk if she thinks it’s ok to leave a minor on their own. Does she not realize that if were the kind of guy who would carelessly abandon your underage sister when she needs you then you would also quite possibly be the kind of guy who would abandon a wife or children when they needed him?” Seriouslydude-no-way
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Church With My Visiting Friend?
“My friend came to visit me and stayed at my apartment. We met in college during our first year. He moved away, but we have stayed in touch. We planned to do lots of fun outdoor activities. I knew my friend is Catholic as am I.
However, my family only goes to church a couple times a year. When me and my friend were in college together he did not go to church.
During his visit, when Sunday rolled around when I woke up, he told me he was planning to go to church today, and proceeded to give me a lecture about why church is important.
I told him OK. How about you go to church while I’m at work. I looked up catholic churches and found mass times that were during the time I would be at work for a few hours. He encouraged me to join him.
I told him he could go when I’m at work and that my family doesn’t go to church very often. He proceeds to give me a long lecture about the importance of receiving communion.
My friend ended up going for a bike ride instead of church while I’m at work.
I find a time for later for him. After listening to him, lecture me more about the importance of church. I tell him I’ll go with him. He tried to convince me to go to confession an hour before church starts.
I told him I don’t have anything. I feel the need to confess right now. Anyway, we ended up going to mass, but not confession.
I feel resentment towards my friend for trying to force his activities that were not prior discussed onto me.
I know he has a good heart. I personally have question my faith, although I certainly believe in God.
Later during his stay, I learn other views of his such as LGBTQ people being a sin that I challenge him on.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to go to church and trying to get my friend to go on his despite him driving eight hours to see me and me refusing to go to confession, and as a result, being annoyed with my friend for the majority of the visit?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s actually a real jerk move to keep pressing the issue when someone is clearly not interested. The one thing I’ll grant your friend is he maybe be coming from a different spot. Instead of being in annoying sales mode, they are maybe more in “my friend is faltering mode”.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are working AND if its not something you want to do you should not feel like you are being forced. religion and how someone expresses it is between them and whatever they believe or dont believe in.
he should not be pressuring you about something like this.” FlashySong6098
12. AITJ For Wanting To Cover Up A Tattoo Done By My Recently Deceased Uncle?
“My (26F) uncle passed away earlier this week. This came after a cousin died just a month ago so my dad’s side of the family is pretty torn up.
A few years ago, this same uncle agreed to tattoo a drawing my dad did for me. He used to work at a shop before he switched careers and he also had tattooed all of my older cousins at least once.
I thought it was a nice thought.
The issue is, I absolutely hate how it came out. This is not me placing the blame on him. I agreed because it was free and I was the one that told him to try and keep to the sketchy colored pencil style that my dad originally drew it in.
All of my uncles work before that was very much old school tattoo style—American traditional with some black and grey thrown in. It looks horrendous and I’ve lied to myself ever since that I liked it that way because he did it.
I got a gift card to a shop I had been wanting to go to and made an appointment to get it covered up about a month before he passed. I never told him; the only one in the family that knew I was covering it was my dad.
I was dreading the confrontation after my first appointment (which is later this month).
Except now my uncle is dead and it feels like the rules have changed?? My dad brought it up and asked if I was still getting it covered. I told him yes and he seemed, not upset, but neutral?
He doesn’t share feelings easily, even when asked/encouraged to. I’ve already told him I’m getting the design again, but by someone who actually tattoos the style I was asking for, so I think it’s fully about my uncle being the one to tattoo it.
I talked to a couple friends and one said my uncle would want me to be happy with my tattoo while the other said it was a jerk move to get a tattoo covered up that was sentimental, especially since he had just died.
So WIBTJ if I get a tattoo covered up that was done by a family member that recently passed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You kept the tattoo original while uncle was alive which was a classy thing to do. He’s passed on, so there’s no one to be insulted by having it covered with something more aesthetically pleasing.
Maybe the artist doing the coverup can integrate something into the design to serve as homage to uncle/former tattoo? Then it would look nice but not be a total erasure of the original tattoo? Just an idea, but end of day it’s your body and your artwork.
Change it as you please.” Emergency_Ad_5935
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to keep a bad tattoo just because your uncle died. You never liked it, and given that you don’t feel all sentimental about it now that he’s gone, neither should anyone else.
Anyone who complains: send them a picture of the tattoo and tell them to frame it. NTJ.” StoneAgePrue
11. AITJ For Not Eating With My Dad Because I Wanted To Watch A Show?
“So I (18 f) live at home with my parents and sister. My mum and sister like a TV show that is live every Friday evening for like two months each year. I don’t really like it, but my mother works a lot so I don’t get to see her so often, that’s why I always watch it with them.
I enjoy talking to them and discussing things about the show.
Now this Friday an hour before the show would be on I went and made dinner for everyone. My father said he would be home like half an hour before the show would start, so I finished making dinner at that time.
We were all waiting at the table for about 10 minutes then we called him and he said, that he was running late and we could start eating without him. So we did.
After eating we went in the living room to watch the show.
About an hour into the show my dad comes home. (Side note: my dad had this weird thing where he wouldn’t eat if he was alone. So basically he would stop eating if I had to go grab something for a second even if he could see me the whole time.
As soon as I leave the room he stops eating and gets mad.)
Then my dad asks me to stop watching the show and come eat with him. I get in the kitchen and get the idea that he could eat in the living room.
(We have done that before…often and there is a small table) So I said: “I could bring the food in the living room then we all could watch”. He says: “No it’s fine you don’t have to do that”.
I reply: “It’s no problem it wouldn’t take long”.
He now starts yelling at me, that if I was too lazy to eat with him and didn’t care about him, then he would just go hungry. My mum and sister tried to calm him down but that made him just scream more.
He then left and did not come home until the next evening.
After he left my mum and sister screamed at me for making him mad and leave hungry…
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not “let him go hungry”.
You prepared his food, and he could eat any time he wanted. He simply refused to eat. That’s on him. *my dad had this weird thing where he wouldn’t eat if he was alone.* Your father is indeed weird. Now, people can be as eccentric as they want.
Life would be very dull if we were all the same. But the minute a person’s eccentricities start negatively impacting on other people, they cross a line. Your father’s weird dining preference is affecting your comfort, and he throws a toddler tantrum when you refuse to indulge him.
This is not OK. If your mother and sister think you did the wrong thing, why didn’t **they** go eat in the kitchen with him? Ignore the lot of them. You did nothing wrong.” ThisWillAgeWell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father has much different expectations then your generation has.
Not sure what culture he grew up in but he might have to be a bit more open to new things or he might starve if you and your sister move out one day. Your Mother is probably used to it by now so if he unfortunately ends up alone then he will need to get used to eating alone.” Lanky-Huckleberry696
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your dad is a weirdo and instead of being thankful that you made dinner, he made you feel bad for not staying in the same room with him. It’s not normal to require that someone holds your hand before you’ll eat.
Your mother and sister were also wrong to scream at you,” barbiegirlshelby
Bottom line is your father needs to get over his, "I eat with someone or I don't eat at all" weirdness. Or he can fr3aking go hungry because I wouldn't put up with that BS.
10. AITJ For Offering To Help Pay My Younger Brother's College Tuition?
“I don’t want to take too long here so I’ll cut to chase. I’m 27M and around 20 years ago due to some unfortunate circumstances I was taken in by my aunt and uncle(who were then 24F and 28M respectively), and they’ve treated me really well.
They looked after me as one of their own. I have 2 younger siblings/cousin who are 17M and 13F. Long story short I finally got my first decent job after finishing a bachelors and masters and working in between a bit.
I invited my aunt and uncle out to dinner alone and showed them my first real paycheck. They were very proud and my aunt shed some tears saying her firstborn(me) can get settled and married etc.
We live in America and education is expensive and they helped me through college.
I still have debt but they tried their best and I’m forever grateful for that. They asked me what I want to do with the money and told me to either invest it or save it for when I get married(we’re Indian so they really want me to get married as my next step).
I told them I am very grateful they took me in and I would like to help out. I know my younger brother/cousin is going to head to college next year and I said would like to help contribute to his tuition and maybe help him be debt free.
My aunt DID NOT like that. Maybe it’s the way I phrased it. She walked out of the restaurant and texted me a video saying and crying how I betrayed her. She claims that I should not have to owe them anything and that me insisted I “repay” them for taking me in shows that I still have a wall between them.
She said she performed her duty as a parent and I, as her kid, don’t need to “repay” her. She said she didn’t take me in so she can profit off me. She said she loves me and wants me to use it for myself and is upset that I would try to do something so insulting and how it’s against our culture(Indian) and how they think of me as their own son.
My uncle is mediating but he’s leaning towards her. He gets I want to do something nice for them but sees her point too. Idk what I did tbh. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe write them a heartfelt letter saying that you wanted to give your younger brother a gift because you see him as your own (if that feels true for you) and they taught you to be generous with family, but that you understand if they aren’t comfortable with it and didn’t mean the offer in the way they feared you did.” MmeMerteuil
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You wanted to do a nice thing, but it’s not a nice thing that your aunt in particular is ready to accept. Reiterate that you love them and gracefully back down. Perhaps when your cousin is a little older, you could speak to them directly about support so that they don’t end up with crippling student loans.” IntrovertedBookMan
I also think you need to take a minute and try to put yourself in your aunt's shoes. Try to see this from her side. When you can do that, you'll be able to better communicate what you want/meant to her.
9. AITJ For Holding Secret Game Nights After Friend Kept Leaving and Accused Us of Exclusion?
“Ok so let’s call my friend Jared. So me, Jared, and two other friends who we’ll call June and Mark, are all decently close friends. Me and the other two, June and Mark, all like the same video games and often play together on discord.
We saw Jared was feeling left out when we talked about our favorite games, so we invited him to join next time we played and teach him whatever game he wanted to play.
The first call went great. June bought Jared a starter account for 40ish bucks so he could play at our level, and we all had a good time.
Jared said he had fun and couldn’t wait for our next game night, so we were all glad he could join us and feel less left out in the group.
The next call rolls around, and after about 10 minutes Jared leaves the call for some reason.
I start texting him to ask if his power went out or something, and got met with a paragraph about “You guys probably hate having me interrupt your game time, I guess I’ll just be alone instead” etc etc. I hop off the call to call Jared just me and him, and I reassure him that I want him there with us.
And if he doesn’t like the games it’s ok, we could plan something he wanted to do. He said “ok, I’ll stay on call next time then”.
Next game night comes around and not even 5 minutes in Jared leaves the call texting the same stuff as last time.
I call him again reassuring him, and said if he doesn’t like going to our game nights, I would be happy to do something else he wanted to do. He hangs up and doesn’t talk to me for a bit.
Several more of these game nights go on, and Jared keeps leaving saying the same things. Later on he tells me “You guys don’t do anything with me, so your game nights are the only way I can talk to you guys even though I hate them.” I was annoyed because I have offered to do things he wanted to do in the past, but he refused, so why should I give him a second chance now?
I told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, so me June and Mark continue to do our game nights secretly.
Just recently Jared texted me this creepy list of each time me, Mark, and June were all online on discord playing the same game.
There were at least 10 different entries with the exact time we logged on and off. So he had been stalking our accounts to use it as evidence against us. I’ve been ignoring him since.
I feel like I might be the jerk because me, Mark, and June hung out a lot without him.
I realized that he was being left out, so I did try to fix things, but I think I made it worse. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he has some kind of unresolved insecurity or something tbh that’s causing him to be jealous.
That sucks but it’s not on you to deal with, and you especially shouldn’t have to deal with him being weird. Sounds like whatever he’s dealing with he isn’t dealing with well and is resulting in unhealthy and borderline stalker behavior.
I mean this is a classic case of how stalking (online or in person) starts. You’re probably gonna have to be pretty stern with him on this before he takes it too far.” CryptidsNGhoulies
Another User Comments:
“You’ve gone out of your way as a group to include Jared, but he seems to prefer playing the martyr solo.
I’d be thinking seriously about how much I wanted to be friends with someone who behaves like that – the Discord-stalking to provide a list of times that you were all having fun and would’ve welcomed him if he’d bothered to fire up his game and join the call would really be pushing it for me.
NTJ.” ieya404
8. AITJ For Not Mediating My Adult Daughters' Apartment Disputes?
“I (57F) have two daughters, the older one is 25 and the youngest is 23.
Earlier this year they both decided to move out and rent an apartment together since they are both working and can afford it.
They both have very different personalities, my oldest is more of an extrovert, likes hanging out with friends, partying, etc and my youngest is more shy, she does have quite a few friends, but she doesn’t like partying and drinking.
Despite these differences between them, they’ve always gotten along with each other, they have a lot of common interests (majorly movies and music), and I was very supportive of their decision of moving in together.
However their differences in personalities are clashing a lot.
My youngest is always calling me complaining that the oldest one brings a lot of friends to hang out in the apartment without asking and that they stay until very late, talking loud and drinking. She also complains that the next day the apartment is a mess, and that the oldest takes her time to clean after herself.
They are fighting a lot about this.
I told them they need to sort out some rules and boundaries with each other. I suggested that maybe they set a time limit for her friends to stay at the apartment and that they are allowed to come over X times a week (like two or three times a week).
They tried to do this, but the oldest is not following with her part of the deal.
Now my youngest wants me to be more assertive and prohibit my oldest to have friends over. I, however think that this is not my place since they are both adults.
I do think that my oldest should be more considerate of her sister and respect her more, and I try to talk to her about it. She just shrugs it off. However my youngest one is still calling me a jerk, lazy, and a bad parent because I won’t do anything more assertive to make sure my oldest is doing the right thing.
I don’t feel that I’m wrong in this situation, but I wanted an outside perspective, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Everyone who pays rent at that house needs to work together and no one’s rights are more important than the others.
And you have no role to play except to encourage them to work it amongst themselves — or tell them to get different places and roommates.” MarcTullyCicero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your children are adults and have moved out. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to give them advice on dealing with roommate issues.
It is not reasonable for one of them to call you expecting you to make and enforce rules for their new home.” Bubbly_Chicken_9358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, your younger daughters reaction to you not stepping in and dictating how their home situation works makes me wonder if her version of what’s going on there is even accurate.
But yeah, definitely don’t step in. It’s not only not your place, but in my experience a parent stepping into conflict between their adult children only ever makes things worse.” hannahkelli
7. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Siblings Over Their Lack of Support?
“I (f33) have had just about enough with my siblings (f38 and m32).
Yesterday I was checking in with my siblings over something that was going on in my house. Dealing with household pests and I was venting about being annoyed.
Sister responds with it being “normal” for this area. Casting off my concerns and basically invalidating everything I said.
Brother reads and keeps quiet.
I go on to explain how half of my household is literally allergic to these pests, and it’s making us all very sick.
Sister responds with “my nickname, life makes you sick.”
Brother reads and keeps quiet.
I may have slightly snapped. I went off a smidge because I have diagnosed severe breathing problems, diagnosed multiple autoimmune diseases. Plus many other physical and mental health diagnoses on top of that. I didn’t think it was okay for sister to be so dismissive and sarcastic about my diagnoses.
I was just trying to vent and commiserate with my siblings, and the extreme rudeness and sarcastic response really set me off!
This is how she consistently responds to anything that isn’t related to HER in-house drama and problems. Sarcasm, being dismissive, and being rude.
I posted just a simple “I need a vacation” on my social media as a status, and her son commented on it and said “who asked?”
Like, rude AF and she does NOTHING about how rude her kids are because she is the same way.
She hasn’t taught them a single ounce of online etiquette…
I shouldn’t be getting comments like that because I posted something about how I feel on my own social media.
And through all of this, brother reads, stays silent, and does nothing.
But he will expect me to be there for him when he has a questions, problem, needs advice, wants someone to celebrate a small win with him, or commiserate over a failure, a new diagnosis for his wife or one of his girls, or whatever all else.
Pretty much any situation I know how I’m supposed to be there for him and how I’m expected to behave in response.
Sister is similar when the stuff involves her house. I’m expected to be there, listen to venting, commiserate, respond, get fired up, be ready to take on the world for them, etc.
But when it’s my house, my kids, my problems, my need to vent….
I get sarcasm, rudeness, or silence.
It’s been this way for our entire adult lives. I have background to share if anyone thinks it will help them decide if I’m the jerk.
Am I the jerk for losing temper in conversations with or regarding my siblings over this?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you are not self aware. This seems to be a pattern of behavior, and your family is over it.
I do not think any of you are jerks, but I do think you need some kind of professional help. You seem to have a lot of issues, and I think they are getting worse, judging by your family’s responses to your behavior.” JMarie113
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I have no idea what you expect from your siblings. Your sister engage with you : she is (to you) unsupportive and judgemental. Your brother lets you vent as much as you want : he is unsupportive and useless.
Does any of them work in pest control? Or in real estate? If you need a therapist go and see one, don’t expect your siblings to be as effective as one” DivergingParallelism
6. AITJ For Refusing To Cut And Dye My Hair To Spite My Neglectful Mother?
‘My mother has 6 kids. Annabel (22f) Seth (20m) Lilly (19f) Melanie and Stephanie (17f twins) and me, who’s 16F.
My mother has never been a real parent to us. She popped out baby after baby, forcing my older siblings to take care of the next one.
People even assumed that Annabel was my mother for a time because she’d always be seen grocery shopping.. Buying our uniforms and bringing us places.. My mother was busy enjoying her life.
Our mother has cared about one and only one thing about us.
Our hair. She loves our beautiful blonde hair. She’d always skimp out on grocery money, but always brought us to hair salons every time we’d go to any sort of event. She’d spend a pretty penny on our hair. And she’d take better care of our hair than our health.
Annabel started the tradition when she turned 16. To spite our mother she dyed her hair pink and cut it all into a short Bob. My mother was absolutely horrified. One after the other each 16th birthday my siblings dyed and cut their blonde beautiful hair to spite our mother.
I’m the only one left with my long blonde hair. It’s down to my legs and my mother adores it. She always favored my hair the most because it was the lightest blonde and “it’s just like a dolls hair!”
She spent hours brushing it when I was a little girl. So I wasn’t very surprised when all my siblings came to me a day after my birthday, eager to bring me to a salon and cut all my hair off and dye it.
I told them I loved my long hair, and I loved the color.
They all got mad and told me that I needed to cut and dye it, or at the very least dye it, my mother loved it and they wanted to see her cry (she always cried when they cut their hair)
I told them that I hated mom, she was horrible and toxic but it’s my hair, and I love it.
None of them are speaking to me.. I understand their hateful nature, and why they want me to cut it, maybe I just should… But I don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to choose what to do with your own body. None of this- from your mom or your siblings- is healthy. Do yourself a favor and find a therapist (school counselor maybe) you can talk to because it doesn’t sound like you have many healthy people in your life.” No_Location_5565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your siblings will not soothe their own mistreatment by turning around and abusing their siblings. Ask them if they’d like to actually spite her, or if they want to grow up to be just like her.
Because in this case, giving you your bodily autonomy and caring about your genuine wants are the best way to actually spite your abusive mother. They all got to protest in their own way. Why are they trying to steal that choice from you now?” PsilosirenRose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Right now your main priority must be safety. You are a minor whose mother is abusive. There aren’t always readily available recourses for someone in your position (being homeschooled and essentially caged). Even if you wanted to cut your hair?
Keeping it may keep you safe until you can run out of that house at 18. Your siblings insisting you do what they want is as bad as your mom’s insistences everyone have perfect blond hair. When your 17yo siblings leave I assume no one will be there to help protect you.
Look out for yourself.” SpinsterlySpeaking
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Rekindle My Relationship With My Absentee Father?
“I (19f) had a strange relationship with my dad since I was born. But he got even more distant when my brother passed away in 2021.
We both were grieving so I gave him space. But the day of my brother’s funeral, he had a party for somebody else instead of staying with us and celebrating my brother’s life. I would like to add that I’ve been using pot way before my brother passed away.
My mother knew about it, but he didn’t because he’s an absent parent and I felt like he didn’t need to know.
So I guess it got back to him that I was using and he came over Christmas 2022 and was demanding that I quit because I wasn’t doing what I needed to do in school.
I was a senior with a 3.1 GPA and 32 credits, also graduated with my certificate in accounting. So I told him he’s an absent parent and shouldn’t have a say so in what I do because he barely knows me.
Fast forward to April/May 2022, I was getting ready for graduation like ordering shirts, paying for my cap and gown, setting up all my important appointments. We only had 8 tickets per student, meaning his partner couldn’t come. He got mad about that and told my brother he wasn’t coming, so I confronted him about it and he lied and said that’s not what he said.
But I got mad and told him don’t come. Mind you, he didn’t pay for ANYTHING.
My mom, stepdad, and grandpa (my mother’s father) did. So all he had to do was show up. My mom even offered to pay for his shirt.
He didn’t show up to graduation, didn’t even congratulate me. Now in 2023, my siblings (sister mostly) want us to reconcile but having a heart-to-heart conversation with a narcissist that doesn’t know they’re narcissistic is very hard and emotionally draining.
So I decided to forgive him without the conversation but my sister keeps forcing it, saying I will need him in the future. I don’t plan on moving out of my mom’s house until I’m financially stable (she’s not rushing me to move out).
I’m in college working on my degree in accounting and I have a plan for when I move out that doesn’t require me needing him.
So AITJ for not wanting to open up that relationship again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult. Something that comes with being an adult is being able to decide who you do and don’t interact with. And a personal word of advice? Don’t waste any energy on anybody that drains you more than their worth.
Sounds like he doesn’t benefit you emotionally, mentally, or financially so there doesn’t appear to be a big reason to be wasting any energy in that area when you’ve got your future to be putting all your energy towards.
Also, do you have multiple brothers or did he suddenly come back to life after the funeral lmao” ImNiceOccasionally
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult that can make your own decisions. My only concern is that your sister is perhaps being manipulated by your dad.
I’m not sure why she would be pushing it otherwise or why she thinks you will “need him” one day. Either way, it’s up to you. Know that there is a time limit if you want to reconnect but I understand if you don’t.
My sister and I are this way with my dad. I’m in contact and she isn’t. I’m happy to chat more in DMs too.” Chan-tal
4. AITJ For Accusing My Dad of Abandoning Us For His New Family?
“My sibling “Jace” (22NB) and I (25F) have always had a rocky relationship with our father “Mark” (53M). It especially fractured when he had an emotional affair with a coworker, “Olga”, and left our mother to be with her, as it broke the rose-tinted glasses that we saw Mark through.
However, both of us are invested in trying to heal our relationship with Mark as we recognize a lot of it came from his troubled upbringing. To that end, we started attending family therapy and have been doing so for 6 months.
Unfortunately, we have basically done no progress whatsoever because Mark refuses to compromise with Jace and I. When we want to spend time together, he always prioritizes Olga and her kids over us:
1. He refuses to meet with us on weekends because he’s always traveling to be with Olga and her children (they live in another city) – for example turned down spending Father’s Day with us because he was going to be out of town to see them;
2. Even if he is in town, if Olga is visiting he will not spend time with us unless we invite Olga along despite the fact we have told him we are not ready to meet her, so he refused to go to Jace’s birthday party because Olga wasn’t invited.
This last event caused a huge fight to break out in our last session of family therapy between Mark and Jace, and towards the end I finally snapped and burst out crying and yelled at him that he had abandoned Jace and I and traded us for Olga and her family.
He got really angry and started screaming that it wasn’t true and the therapist intervened before it got uglier.
I feel really lost and confused. On one hand, he’s shown a constant pattern of favoring Olga and her family, so I feel somewhat justified. On the other hand, I feel like I’m a jerk for being jealous of actual children, and Mark *is* in a long-distance relationship so it’s normal to invest time in it…
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but what does the family therapist think?” AceyAceyAcey
Another User Comments:
“NtJ. But move on. Unless your dad is still financially supporting you both. If not there’s no reason to have contact with your dad.
He already chose another family.” Sonadormarco
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Meet My Son Due To My Partner's Discomfort?
“So, my friend and I just had a disagreement – he is having a tough time right now and conflict with his immediate family.
I am trying to encourage him, not make him feel like he’s the problem (he’s kind of the family scapegoat – sometimes it is him, but I also feel like sometimes they unfairly blame him for things). He turns to me and basically says you’re encouraging me and doing all this stuff but you don’t welcome me either.
We were always good friends (absolutely nothing romantic, I am not his preferred type as far as gender), and for a while he was really not a good friend to me. He was actually kind of a bad friend to me for a period of time (uninterested in my life, borrowing money without returning it, just generally self-centered).
My SO/partner/father of my child was very supportive and told me to cut this person loose, but I didn’t. And in the past few years, he’s turned it around, grown up, started paying me back, just being a better friend.
My SO, however, is not forgiving. I also am now a sober person, and this was a friend I used to drink heavily with, which makes my SO very nervous. Doesn’t want him around, doesn’t want to interact. Because of that, he hasn’t met my son.
I talk to him fairly regularly, offer phone support, and be there with him as best as I can, but I’m still working on getting to a point where we can all get along.
So he basically told me today that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, and I’m BS and until he meets my son and feels welcome in all parts of my life, he’s done with me.
I am sad, because I do value him as a friend. Truthfully, I am having my own issues in my own household (that he is not aware of), I’m trying to break out of the whole people pleasing mindset. I don’t want to hurt him- I feel like I’m doing my best but it’s not enough.
I don’t want to hurt him at all.
So I apologized via text.
Am I the jerk here? I feel like I am (truly).”
Another User Comments:
“He’s not entitled to meet your son just because he’s your friend. especially when your SO feels uncomfortable around him.
I get that he’s having a hard time, but his attitude really comes off as entitled and demanding. NTJ.” eagle2120
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one gets to demand meeting someone else’s child, ultimatums are not the way to go with your friends either.
If your SO is uncomfortable with him meeting your child then that’s the end of the matter really, you both need to agree. This friendship may have run its course.” dazed1984
Another User Comments:
“Tell him the truth, your priorities are your family and it sounds like your SO has some valid reasons for not wanting him around.
YTJ for that.” Royal-dame4710
2. AITJ For Prioritizing Family Over 'Zipper Feed-in Method' While Deplaning?
“My wife, toddler and I were recently on an 8-hour flight from the States to Europe to visit my parents.
When we switched our phones back on upon landing I had several voicemails and texts from my dad saying that my mom had had a heart event and was in hospital, giving us updates as to where to go and asking us to come directly from the airport.
I was relaying all of this to my wife as all passengers began to stand to deplane.
I was in the aisle seat so as soon as possible I stepped into the aisle and got our luggage down from the overhead.
My wife was in the middle seat. She picked up our kid, who was in the window seat, and tried to step into the aisle directly after me to continue speaking, as we were traveling as a unit. The woman in the aisle seat across from me told her to sit back down and that deplaning happens in “zipper feed-in method”.
I’ve never heard this before, so I told the woman that my wife and I needed to stay together right now. The woman shrugged and stepped between me and my wife, so I reached around the woman, took my wife’s hand, and pulled her and our kid past the other lady.
I then continued to tell my wife what had happened, what the latest from my dad was, and we made a plan for me to go straight to the hospital in a taxi with Kid while my wife stayed, collected our checked bags, dropped them at my parents’ place, and came to the hospital as well.
The other lady caught up to us at pass control and was absolutely incandescent. My wife was calmer than I was and tried to explain that there were circumstances that meant that we needed to stay together, but I jumped in and said that it’s never okay to prioritise “zipper feed in method” exiting a plane over a family seated together deplaning together.
The woman said that if a family can’t be separated for a few minutes they probably don’t need to be flying, and that we cannot ignore the rules of society.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That is not a thing.
Zipper merging is a thing on highway onramps and actually can improve the flow of traffic if everyone is doing it correctly. People deplaning are not the same as cars on a highway – the way they move, whether they have overhead bags (in their row or another), whether they have physical limitations, and how they occasionally travel in groups, etc. The logic does not translate.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This woman sounds like a real jerk. I’ve traveled quite a bit and never heard of the “zipper feed-in method”, especially when people are clearly traveling together. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that you could have probably communicated better, but it’s also not this stranger’s business to need to be told “I’m sorry, my mom just had a heart event and I’m trying to talk to my wife about the updates” but that doesn’t make you the jerk.
This woman is making up “rules of society”. If anything the rule is, if people are obviously traveling together, you let them stand/deplane together before moving into the aisle.” IAmMikki
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Yes the lady was weird, but let her off.
You’re all going to the same place – as immigration proved. You got into a physical altercation on the airplane over 10 seconds?” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Telling My SIL That My Dog Is As Important To Me As Her Baby Is To Her?
“This past weekend I (24f) went on a vacation with my partner (26M)’s family. This is the first time we had put our dog in boarding.
I adopted him last summer when he was a puppy. I was very worried about this, my dog gets really anxious in new environments, he’s a rescue so I was worried he’d feel abandoned, and he’s on a special diet.
My friend runs it, and my dog has met him before. I knew he was in good hands, but I’m very protective of him. I had arranged to FaceTime my friend to check in on the dog every evening.
Apparently this bothered my SIL (30f), because I would skip going to certain places when I knew I’d have to go into a quiet place to FaceTime. I go out with them at other times throughout the day and night.
She kept making snide remarks about it to my partner. Eventually, she started making remarks to me that “he’s just a dog, and it really isn’t that serious.” For context my SIL has had a really hard time having a child, and she finally gave birth to a healthy baby boy a couple of months ago, who she took on the trip.
I don’t like babies, they freak me out, but I’m happy for her. At first I just let it go, because she was drinking.
But it continued, to the point that she hid my phone, so I’d miss my FaceTime.
I knew she did it, because I found my phone in her bag and her husband confirmed. This is when I snapped.
I asked her why she had a problem with me checking in on my dog, when she had her baby with her.
She said, “You can’t compare my baby to your pet.” This made me really mad because he’s my baby, but I chose not to say that. I simply said, “My dog is just as important to me as your baby is to you.” Now everyone is mad at me because they think my comment was insensitive given what SIL has gone through.
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. My partner thinks I should apologize just to fix things over, but I don’t think I need to especially when she never apologized for hiding my phone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The fact that your partner isn’t/didn’t back you up bothers me. They should have been nipping it in the bud with their sister when the first snide comments started. But instead the SIL kept being the jerk over and over until it escalated. Stealing your phone was the icing on her whole jerk cake!
You also didn’t say your dog was More important than her child in general, just that he is really important to You, so I don’t know why all these people are complaining. I hope you didn’t wind up apologizing to her.
She is not the victim here.” FunInspector6597
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you SIL and anyone supporting her need a serious reality check. You saying your pet is as important to you as her child is to her is a statement about how you FEEL.
They’re the ones equating that to “oh you think your dog is as important as a baby”. That’s not what you said, you just conveyed how important your pet is to you. Her fertility issues have absolutely zero to do with this situation.
This is entirely her own problem, of her own making. Are these people cracked in the head? She needs to apologize to you.” Open-Negotiation6232
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your SIL had no right to touch your phone.
That’s insane that she would hide your phone. And the snarky remarks were unnecessary too. You don’t need to FaceTime your dog. You trust the friend who is caring for your dog, so you don’t need visual confirmation that he’s enjoying himself.
And the dog is not engaging you when you FaceTime; he does not know that you are there. As such, there’s no need for a video call. And. YTJ for comparing your dog to an infant. I don’t care how hard it was for her to have a child.
The dog is not on the same level as a human. No pet owner who is also a parent values the pet as much as they value their child.” Equivalent_Price5898
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