People Defend Their Reputation By Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

There's a lot we'll never understand in the world, including how other people act and why they do the things that they do. Since we can't get into their minds, we often judge people for doing things that we would never do. Are these judgments fair? Maybe sometimes, but if you've ever felt misunderstood, then you know that receiving a blanket judgment can be hurtful. Here are some people who have faced criticism for their responses to certain circumstances. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

19. AITJ For Giving Away The Stand Mixer My Dad Gave To Me?


“For my 24th birthday, my dad got me a grey metal KitchenAid stand mixer for my apartment.

It was about $700 I think. However, I did NOT ask for this and honestly, I freaking hate the color as it does not match anything in my place and it’s also too big. I gave it to my friend who liked it and was moving to a different state.

My partner then got me a cute black stand mixer that fits into my apartment a lot better so that’s what I have.

My dad was over last night and he noticed that the grey stand mixer was gone and replaced by the black one.

He asked where it was and I told him the truth (namely, that I thought the grey was ugly so I gave it to my friend and my partner got me the black one instead).

My dad was shocked and said the grey stand mixer had cost a lot and that he thought I would have liked it so that’s why he gave it to me as a present.

Maybe here’s where I am the jerk: I said if he would have been more observant, he would have known that I absolutely hate the color grey (it’s my least favorite color) and everyone in my life who knows me knows that.

I honestly wasn’t trying to be rude, I was just stating a fact.

But my mom called me today and told me I really hurt my dad and need to apologize for ‘throwing away’ a thoughtful birthday gift my dad had put a lot of money and thought into.

I don’t think that’s necessary, I think after my dad gave me the stand mixer, it became mine and I could do anything with it.

And I didn’t ‘throw it away’, I gave it to a friend.


Another User Comments:

“YTJ. He got you a very thoughtful and expensive gift and you just gave it away because it doesn’t match your stuff. Okay. Could have maybe told him up front you wouldn’t use it so he could get his money back.

I can understand if you didn’t want to hurt his feelings by doing that so let’s just skip past that part. Down the line when he asks about it you lash out at him and make him feel like he doesn’t know you or care enough to learn what you actually like and basically ANYONE else would have known that you would HATE that gift. After he got you such a generous gift?

Really? What a spoiled brat.” IWouldLikeAVacation

Another User Comments:


You may not like the color, but you were ungrateful for the gift. You should have told him as soon as you received the gift that the color wasn’t one you would be able to live with, and you should have exchanged it for a color you liked, or for a model that was smaller if that was also an issue.

You handled the situation rudely.

‘I honestly wasn’t trying to be rude, I was just stating a fact.’

Just because you were being factual, it doesn’t mean you weren’t being rude.

‘I said if he would have been more observant, he would have known that I absolutely hate the color grey (it’s my least favorite color) and everyone in my life who knows me knows that.’

That hurt him.

The world does not revolve around you. Even though some people in your life may know you don’t like the color, not everyone is hanging off every peep that comes out of your mouth and storing your comments for future reference.

Somehow your dad missed the detail that you don’t like grey.

Your mom is right. Apologize to your dad.” Ghitit

Another User Comments:

“Ok, so, while it is true that you can do whatever you want with a gift after it is given, that doesn’t mean that you are free from the consequences of that action.

You admit that this was not an insignificant gift. You do in fact want a stand mixer since you have a different one now. This gift came from someone who was going to notice if it disappeared, and who you expect to have a relationship with moving forward.

The best approach to this would be to talk to your dad and let him know that you a) couldn’t fit this large of a stand mixer in your apartment b) strongly disliked the color and c) asked if you and he could return this one and get one better suited to your needs.

And thank him for the thought. Then your dad’s not out the money, your partner is not out the money for the second mixer, and no one’s feelings are hurt.

Instead, you decided to pitch a fit, not communicate, hurt your dad’s feelings and damage your relationship with both your parents.

Congratulations, YTJ. Use your words next time.” Cryptographer_Alone

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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
And I hope for every birthday in the future your father gifts you nothing more than a $20 inpersonal gift card. What a bratty thing to do..."It was the wrong color." Grow up.
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18. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Brother's Best Man?


“My brother & I have never liked each other. We had a huge fight 3 years ago when I came out as gay & he was angry about it.

Said our deceased dad would be disappointed in me. I told him that he’s got some nerve because all he does is ruin people’s lives & get women pregnant. After the fight, we both vowed to never speak to each other again.

Out of the blue yesterday I get a call from him asking me to be the Best Man at his wedding.

His closest friend passed away last year so my mom feels it’s ‘only right’ for me to step in as his Best Man since I am his only brother.

On the phone, he said, ‘Let’s let bygones be bygones, I need you’. This didn’t move me at all because he hasn’t called me once in 3 years to make amends, why would I go out of my way to do that?

I don’t even know his fiancée or kids. I declined and now my whole family is upset with me. Everyone’s calling me selfish saying I need to be the bigger person. It would be very uncomfortable for me to go through this whole wedding process with people I basically don’t know.

Am I wrong for this?”

Another User Comments:


He hasn’t spoken to you in three years and then just calls out of the blue to ask you to do him a favor. The fight was essentially over him blaming you for your sexuality. Your brother literally has no one closer to ask than a brother he hasn’t spoken to in years.

Added all together, your brother doesn’t sound like a nice person. Maintaining No Contact would be a good idea

Also… Any of those other family members who are giving you grief are welcome to be your brother’s attendant.” teresajs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He’s not actually sorry and I will bet the other reason he asked is because your mother made him do it.

Even without the context, you were in the clear. Is he gonna freak out if you bring your partner to the wedding if you are in a relationship? Is he actually gonna treat you like his brother and best man or are you just a replacement who need only show up the day of the wedding?

Doesn’t really matter because weddings and the run-up to them are not the time to be working on strained relationships.” Fun-Replacement1998

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If his best friend had not died he never would have called you, it seems. It sounds like he doesn’t really have friends and now is trying to guilt you into standing up on his wedding day because of it.

That is not your problem and there is likely a reason he doesn’t have anyone to stand up. Weddings are super expensive and time-consuming for the bridal party in the best of times, so in the worst of times, this would just escalate the situation between you and your brother.

And it sounds like any problems that would arise, your family would make out to be your fault. Not with the headache.” Midlife_Crisis_46

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rbleah 1 year ago
Being told to be the bigger person just means they want you to suck it up/shut up and do what you are told....NO, JUST NO. Tell them all to back to hades and leave you alone. YOU ARE NOT THE JERK they are.
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17. AITJ For Banning My Future Mother-In-Law From My Wedding?


“I (27F) am getting married to my lovely fiancé (31M) this summer. I have a daughter from a previous partner, Hannah (8F) and my fiancé has a son Riley (10M).

Hannah and Riley are the reason my fiancé and I started seeing each other all those years ago. They became best friends in their swimming class a few years ago and my fiancé and I met like that. For this reason, we’ve decided to try and incorporate them into the wedding somehow in age-appropriate roles that will be easy for them.

My fiance’s mother has always hated me. She thinks I am gross for having been a teen mom and she believes her son deserves someone better. As you can see, she’s very sexist. She thinks I am an unchaste witch here to ruin her son which is extremely ironic because I was actually married to my daughter’s father when she was conceived and he left during the pregnancy but my fiancé had a shotgun wedding to his son’s mother when she was 2 months pregnant.

I was at my fiancé’s house yesterday and we were talking about what role we could put his son in for the wedding. My fiancé’s mother popped in unexpectedly. She asked about what we were discussing. Fiancé told her we were finding a role for his son in the wedding and he said that my daughter was going to be a flower girl.

She responded by saying my daughter should be kept away from the ceremony because otherwise, everyone will know he’s marrying a ‘used woman’. She said it in a different language but I still understood. I saw red and started shouting at her. I’ve tried to be respectful for YEARS and I had enough.

I told her that she was banned from the wedding and my fiancé kicked her out of his house.

We’re both being bombarded with texts and calls saying that we’re wrong for banning her and people specifically asking me to let her come because they know my fiancé will keep her banned until I say so.

They keep saying that watching your child get married is a beautiful thing and I am depriving her of that because his first wedding was a mess. I am starting to feel like I should unban her. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You can allow her to come to your wedding if you and your partner agree.

You can also not allow her to come. As long as you and your partner are on the same page. Both options are totally morally acceptable.


Here’s the thing – I am getting a ‘doesn’t stand up to strong women’ vibe from your partner, from the way he only reacted to his mom when you did, from the way he’s letting you take the lead on this decision, and from the way his mother feels empowered to treat his partner.

It’s not a real mystery where that comes from – it was a survival skill with his mom. This is fine in your relationship if it’s fine for both of you. But it’s relevant to your decision because you should expect he’s going to look to you for how to react if you decide to let his mom back in, and she decides to complain about you wearing white when you’re a scarlet woman, or whatever.

She clearly feels empowered to do it, and if you unban her, then she knows she can walk on you with impunity, so she’ll probably do it again if she feels like it. So I’d think really carefully about exactly how much you want to deal with her on your wedding day.” BigBayesian

Another User Comments:

“Oh heck to the no! She needs to stay away until she treats you with respect. If that never happens, so be it. Oh, well. Move on. You’ve tried for years in good faith. She hasn’t changed because there have been no repercussions for her.

Time to cut her off.

Your daughter and son will take their cues from how you deal with this level of misogyny. Do you want your daughter to think women are only valued if they are ‘pure’? Do you want your son to think that way?

Your wedding is comparatively less important than that issue, but NTJ for uninviting her to the wedding too.

NTJ.” Quellecrist

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. No way I will have this woman at my wedding. She uninvited herself by opening her mouth. You don’t have to explain to people why you don’t want to have her.

Explaining to people will just emotionally drain you every time. A simple ‘subject is not under discussion, we can talk about something else otherwise I have to hang up’.

My advice is to stay put and keep your family far away from her. If you have the possibility of moving to another city or country, do so.

Do NOT have her at your wedding. I swear to you she will upset you and even your daughter on that day. If she plans to crash the wedding, let her know she will be escorted out and you will press charges.

It is great your fiancé gave you his support on this.” Ok_Tonight_7262

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Jazzy 11 months ago
NTJ and don't you dare cave
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16. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Shut Up?


“I (25f) have a sister (32f) who has 4 boys (13m, 10m, 8m, and 8m) with her husband (32m). I live in an RV with my husband (25m), and we’ve been doing this for 2 years, this is by choice as my husband and I work remotely, and if we wanted to, could settle down, but we like traveling the country.

We do want kids eventually but for now are just traveling around and working from the RV. Despite this life, we are close to my siblings and nieces and nephews, and frequently FaceTime all of my siblings and their kids.

Lately, my sister, her husband, and her oldest have been getting into a lot of arguments and my sister says she doesn’t know what to do anymore after trying to negotiate with him.

She asked if he could stay with us for a week and see if we could get to what was up with him. We agreed.

We took him in on Monday, and he was acting completely fine, we also had him on Tuesday and Wednesday, and we took him to some sports museums as he’s a big athlete and loves these things.

On Wednesday night, we tried to get him to talk and he said he would if we got him Taco Bell (his favorite), we did and after a bit of nudging he started venting, almost all of his issues have to do with his 10-year-old brother.

He told me that his younger brother has recently been being mean to him, including mocking him for eating a lot while being skinny (as I said, he’s an athlete, and plays multiple sports), making fun of some gifts his friend gave him that are foreign, mocking his outfits and mocking him for starting to explore with religions.

He said his parents haven’t punished him and have only had talks with the 2 of them trying to ‘settle differences’. This makes total sense, my sister is the type of parent who never grounds her kids, even when they act up. I know the 10 y/o has gotten into some trouble at school recently.

We spent the rest of the week with him, taking him to more sports places and buying him some souvenirs.

We just went to drop him off and I went to talk to my sister, I told her what he said (with my nephew’s consent) and she got immediately defensive.

I then told her to shut up and listen to her oldest. She said I was rude for telling her to shut up. She started going on about how her oldest son has got everything so easy, good friends, good grades, and is a star athlete.

Her 10 y/o has good grades but hates sports and the friends he attracts are toxic. She went on about how the 10-year-old didn’t need more groundings as an ‘additional stressor’. She said the 10-year-old needed her to help more. She then told me I didn’t know what I was talking about because ‘I am not a parent’.

After this, I called one of our brothers, who is a dad.

He called me back and said he was able to calm her down a bit, but she’s still insisting I was in the wrong and that I don’t care about the 10-year-old’s struggles.

He has agreed to help her deal with the conflicts between the two kids as he lives close. He said she was still mad I said to shut up. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


Sounds to me like the 13-year-old is getting to that age where he’s starting to try and think and discover for himself, especially with mentions of how he’s looking into different religions and playing around with different clothing styles.

The 10 yo sounds like he may be jealous of his older brother based on your sister’s description of him and is trying hard to get him down – and succeeding enough that he straight up needs a vacation from the family. Yea, that’s something to keep in check.

The main concern here is that in prioritizing both of their feelings, they’re probably communicating that this age of discovery (which is very typical and to be expected for this age) for the 13-year-old is unwelcome and unsupported which may only cause the 13-year-old to hide more things from his family about what changes he is going through and what he is dealing with.

It’s worth wondering if the kid might be avoiding bringing up problems in other areas like in school because his family has already demonstrated that they aren’t willing to listen to him when he has problems at home. Are they really sure the only problems the kid has are at home with his brother or is it just that the kid isn’t encouraged to bring it up because his brother has so many problems and he gets shut down whenever he does bring something up?

Just, you know, some things worth thinking about that you can probably bring up. You’re right to tell them that they should listen to the oldest, especially now, because the reality is that not listening to him now will probably cost them the ability to know what is going on in the future.” AnotherPanicDisorder

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Wow, your sister and BIL are terrible parents. You can tell them I said that. A toxic 10-year-old does not deserve anything more than anyone. Treat your kids equally and equitably.

Also, may want to get a family lawyer involved if the treatment continues.

Technically 13 is old enough to choose to leave the family home, especially if a relative is willing to take them in. The 10-year-old is making the house a hostile living environment. This may be the extreme way to go but I would log every complaint made by your nephew and take detailed notes.

I’ve seen way too many horror stories where the more ‘normal’ kid is punished for the misbehavior of another.” Infamous_Ad_6469

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister called on you to help her with her son, and you did just that, you got to the bottom of some problems and tried to discuss them with her, and she shut you down and defended her very unsuccessful way of not dealing with the problems. Have I got that about right?

I don’t agree with the ‘shut up’ part of the conversation (rarely a way to move a conversation forward constructively), but it doesn’t sound like she was going to take what you told her on board anyway. All you can do now is be there for the 13-year-old when he needs you and try to keep your head down when the 10-year-old spins completely out of control because your sister is too conflict-avoidant to provide her son with the boundaries and discipline he needs to become a socially functional adult.

I pity the 13-year-old, and I pity the 10-year-old more.” SodaButteWolf

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Bruinsgirl143 11 months ago
Ntj but she won't change and she will be the one that gets shut out. I wouldn't even babysit for a parent who plays favorites let alone blately admitting it ... shame on her ... she needs to shut up before she is shut out
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15. AITJ For Shutting Down My Niece's Awful Behavior?


“I (36F) have a sister (41F) with two girls, Chloe (15) and Evelyn (13). Evelyn is autistic, she is a very smart girl but has always kept to herself, not liking to be kissed or hugged even by family and we’ve respected that.

My sister and her husband (44M) have tried to engage Evelyn but she’s always been fairly low-maintenance.

At the end of last school year, one of the middle schools in the district closed, so now all the middle schoolers go to one. My niece went to the one that closed. At the middle school, there is a Sports History elective, my niece has got more into sports over the past year and a half and it has become one of her special interests.

She decided to take the elective and was only one of 2 girls in her class. A lot of the boys in the class have become close friends with her, one of the boys asked her out about a month after school started.

Evelyn’s SO is a great kid, he’s sweet, athletic, and has been a good influence on Evelyn.

He’s an attractive and charismatic young man as well. He’s also the first person Evelyn has ever wanted to hug and be really close to, he’s around her house constantly and always goes to her games. He’s trying to encourage her to do all these different things like join a sport or run for freshman president when they enter HS next year.

I am a teacher myself, though at the elementary level, I do have multiple friends at the middle school though.

A few days ago, my sister got a phone call that Evelyn was acting up in class, which is extremely unusual for her, my sister asked me what this could be about and I told her I didn’t know.

I texted a friend who has her and he confirmed she was not her usual self.

I drove to my sister’s house to try to talk to Evelyn, after a while, she opened up to me saying Chloe was saying mean things, such as her partner was way out of her league, and teasing her about the fact she could hug her partner but not her.

I went and got Chloe and my sister to talk about it and my sister mentioned that Evelyn’s partner mentioned something about how Chloe tried to convince him to leave her but my sister thought he was ‘making it up’.

I pressed my sister on it and she was like ‘you know how boys can be’, eventually Chloe took over the conversation saying it wasn’t fair that ‘someone like Evelyn’ could get a guy like him, and Chloe said ‘I am the normal one’ and started using some mental health/autism jargon I can only assume she found on TikTok like ‘glass child’ (Chloe requires more attention than Evelyn so it made no sense).

At this point, my sister wasn’t saying anything, so I told Chloe she needed to apologize and she started arguing with me, I told her to stop being so full of herself and that she needed to get a life if she was going to bully her sister over this.

My sister then told me to calm down saying I had gone ‘too far’, later I heard through our siblings that my sister was gossiping about me saying I shouldn’t talk to a child like that. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Chloe thinks she’s ‘better’ than Evelyn because E is on the spectrum.

That’s not ok. She’s jealous and has actually made her sister’s partner uncomfortable with her advances and apparently, your sister never noticed a thing! Does she favor Chloe or does she simply need to pay attention? Sometimes things are so unjust, we react at the moment.

I am glad Evelyn has someone watching her best interests.” Smarterthntheavgbear

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Chloe is obviously jealous, which is completely normal with siblings! It’s just the way she took and said things. Bringing up Evelyn’s autism and putting her down clearly shows Chloe’s character.

It is hard to tell people to ‘get a life’, but you simply told her to apologize and grow up. This also falls on your sister for not defending Evelyn. Would she react the same way if this situation was vice versa? Tell your sister to please put her foot down and have a stern talk with Chloe.

I hope Chloe learns from her mistakes since she’s still young, but that will only happen if her mother steps up.” Perfectwildfire

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – First off I absolutely hate people that use the term ‘normal’. No one is normal and if you think you are you really need to look at yourself.

It’s an insult to call yourself that especially if you are talking to someone with autism or whose family member has autism. (at least that’s my experience and the opinion of my autistic teens). It sounds like Evelyn has found a kindred spirit in her partner that gets her, trust me it’s rare and hard to find.

Chloe is obviously jealous of her sister and also doesn’t understand how hard it is for her to have found someone she can trust and not have to mask all the time for. Evelyn shouldn’t have to hug anyone she doesn’t want to (no one should, family or not) and her Mom excusing the daughter is a jerk move.

The whole ‘you know how boys can be’ is a terrible attitude and it’s people who use that attitude that is the problem with how SOME kids are, excusing all kinds of problems just due to the person being male or female. Let Evelyn know that you support her and believe her sister is wrong and that she should be able to tell at least you if the sister is bullying her.

The school should also know to watch out for this so the sister doesn’t try and turn the other friends against her.

Frankly, Chloe is a massive jerk who needs to grow up otherwise she will lose all her friends and push her family away.

She is a few years away from college and if she treats others that way they will go no contact. It will be a real wake-up call to her if her sister goes no contact later in life.” mede04

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Bruinsgirl143 11 months ago
Ntj and your sister is a jerk, I'm so glad my nieces (older sis is autistic) are loving and kind to each other when they're not their mother treats them the same, their mother is a pos jerk and I hope she sees this and sees everyone things she's a terrible parent and even worse for gossiping about the one person who did right by her children when she didn't .. tell your niece single is her future with that attitude since ugly on the outside isn't ad bad as her she's ugly on the inside and that's the worst quality anyone could have
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14. AITJ For Not Warning Guests That We Are Having A Dry Wedding?


“I got married about a month ago, and we were able to go on a three-week honeymoon in Europe so this was my first week back at work. This was possible because my wife’s family paid for the whole wedding, so we were able to use what my parents planned to contribute for the honeymoon, and then combine all we had saved with all the gifts as a down payment on a house.

The only catch is that my wife’s family is from an anti-booze religion, and not only said they would only pay for a dry wedding, but would only ever come to NY from Utah for that. My wife was leaving the religion as we met in college and is fully out now.

To their credit, the parents haven’t excommunicated her but whenever we are out there to visit, we fully have to play the part, no drinking, no cursing, church on Sunday, and I sleep on the couch.

I am not a heavy drinker and didn’t wanna get wasted at my wedding anyway, plus my parents got them to at least allow champagne for toasts (my parents paid for that).

We didn’t feel it necessary to mention this on the invites but apparently having a booze-free wedding in NY requires notification.

The reception was at the same place as the ceremony, so as the bride and I are about to enter, we were in the hallway and I see my coworker and her husband making for an exit and we ask where they were going as we were about to enter.

Co-worker was at a loss for words but the husband straight up said ‘heading out, kinda in bad taste not to mention a wedding is dry on the invite.’

Now we didn’t particularly care these two were leaving, but my wife was worried it was a sign of things to come.

She was right and not only was more than half the wedding gone before the cake, but other people expressed their displeasure as well.

So there are two conflicts. First, my FIL made a comment about how disrespectful everyone leaving was, and that my friends and family reflect poorly on me.

I snapped and said it was because of the cult nonsense I agreed to follow, and that he should know going forward that my wife and I will not be conforming to any of his standards, and if he wants to keep seeing us, expect me to drink and speak the way I actually do in real life, and never even attempt to ask me about church.

He said I am way out of line (since he can’t curse) and stormed off.

Secondly, when I returned to work, I told the first co-worker her husband was extremely rude and I didn’t want to remain friends outside work. Another co-worker who stayed longer at the wedding jumped in to take her side, saying it was trashy that I didn’t mention it being a dry wedding, as I KNEW people would rsvp no, and that he definitely would have, even tho he agreed the husband shouldn’t have been so blunt.

I told him that we can be strictly work moving forward as well.

AITJ for all this?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. They offered to pay, and you accepted on the basis that you agreed to their terms. Getting trashy with them because your guests left because of a decision you made is ridiculous.

Your coworkers are jerks because you go to a wedding to celebrate the marriage of the bride and groom. If you don’t like the way they celebrate, then that’s fine, but you keep your opinions to yourself.

Your in-laws are jerks because they insisted on this crap in the first place.

This is basically a mess.” walnutwithteeth

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your in-laws suck for imposing their beliefs on your day and saying they wouldn’t even come to the wedding if it had booze (I am surprised nobody else focuses on this bit).

Your FIL is an even bigger jerk for having the audacity to comment on ppl leaving and pinning it on you.

The coworkers/friends who left or worst gave you nonsense for having a dry wedding, sucks coz it’s your wedding so you get to celebrate as you see fit.

Doesn’t matter if most weddings have drinks, you are entitled to serve tea and not give a warning if you feel like it.

But you also suck for blowing up at your FIL. You accepted his terms to take the money. You are as much to blame for the ppl walking out as he is.

You are an adult and you chose to accept his terms, you don’t get to play the victim afterward. Again: your wedding, your choices.” Cold_Light_299792458

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You found out that when you try to make everybody happy, you make no one happy.

You and your wife chose to take her family’s money and accepted the price for that, which was having the kind of wedding you didn’t really want. Ultimately this entire thing was your choice because you placed more importance on getting your in-laws’ money than everything else.

If it’s culturally expected to serve booze where you live and most or all of your guests enjoy a drink, then yeah it’s probably a bit inhospitable or tacky to not serve it at your wedding. It’s like not serving cake or dessert – no it’s not required, but it’s something everyone expects.

At the same time, your coworker was incredibly rude to basically just come out and state the only reason they came to your wedding was to be able to drink on your dime. Same for all the people who showed up and then left because they’re apparently incapable of having a good time without booze.

And of course, your in-laws are the jerks for demanding that their beliefs dictate your lives too, and for being willing to skip their own daughter’s wedding over serving booze.” User

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Justa33508 1 year ago
I had 150 rsvp for my wedding, but I had told them that it was a dry wedding (our choice, I wanted to be clear headed so I wouldn't miss a minute) from the start. Very, very few of my friends came even though they said they'd be there. Reduced the actual attendance to 75 people and we wasted a ton of money. I decided I no longer wanted them in my life. No regrets. NTJ
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13. AITJ For Not Letting The Kids' Mom In?


“For spring break my nephew & niece let’s call them ‘Brooke and John,’ told me ‘uncle Mike can you pick us up from uni we want to stay with you for spring break?’ I was more than happy to. I picked them up directly from their place.

And took them home and they’ve been living with me for the past few days.

We’ve been having a blast, both the kids are homebody types of people. Meaning they enjoy doing things at home, and in peace and quiet. We’ve been playing video games, relaxing on the patio, gardening together, playing water volleyball, and watching movies at home together and it’s been amazing.

I love those two. Growing up as kids, they’ve always spent more time with me than their mom and dad let’s call them ‘Julie and Adam’.

Julie and Adam, no offense to them. They are complicated, they don’t get along well and they don’t believe in divorce, etc. It’s a whole lot of problems it’s whatever.

So Brooke and John have always spent more time with me than those two. It was often ‘uncle Mike can we stay with you tonight?’, ‘Can you pick us up from school today?’ and I always did. Out of the 7 days, they always stayed like 5-6 days a week at my house.

Meaning it’d be me who’d wake them up, get them ready for school, make breakfast, drop them off, etc.

Adam is always cool with it, he actually encourages me and tells me ‘Yeah, it’s best those two stay with you as I don’t want them to be in this environment’.

So Brooke and John have always been with me most of the time.

Well yesterday, the kids and I were relaxing on the backyard patio. We had the bonfire on nicely, we’re just talking, having a good time and all. Till my security app starts making a notification that someone is at the door banging.

Well, I open the app and look to see who it is. My sister, LOL. She’s screaming and saying OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! The door is made out of steel and metal, and it was custom-made and so it won’t open unless I authorize it to open.

And it’s hard to break open as well.

I tell the kids, hey guys your mom is here do you want to see her? Kids say no. I then ignore it. Well, their mom keeps banging on the door and through the camera’s speaker I tell her ‘The kids don’t want to see you, leave.’ She just doesn’t listen and keeps banging.

Then she tires herself out and leaves. I gave Adam a call and he said ‘don’t worry about her, and thanks for taking care of the kids.’ I said ‘no problem’.

So AITJ for not letting her in?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If the kids are in university, they’re over 18.

You asked them if they wanted to see their mother, and they said no. You were abiding by their wishes.

Both of their parents are awful in different ways. It just sounds like Adam’s just managed to smooth-talk you into making you believe that his neglect and lack of care for his children is ‘in their best interests’ and buttering you up so you could be the only real parent that they’ve had so he could look like the good guy whilst abandoning his children just as much as Julie has.

There’s obviously a lot more going on behind the scenes in their marriage, but it’s good that you’re the one who’s prioritizing the kids. They clearly need and love you.” calicosmoke

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They’re assumedly adults in college now, she has NO say in what they do, where they are, or who they’re with.

The fact that their own father knows they’re better off with you is really heartbreaking, but at least he’s aware enough to do what’s best for them. ‘Don’t believe in divorce’ is just an excuse because they’re too scared to be alone… Your sister sounds kinda toxic on her own, not gonna lie.

She’s about to have no relationship with her kids if she keeps this up…” StonedHuntress

Another User Comments:

“Nope, NTJ.

You don’t know what her intentions were. You don’t know what sort of mood possessed her to pound on your door screaming. You can venture a guess, but given that the children didn’t want to see her and didn’t feel comfortable staying with her, it couldn’t have been just for a chat.

For all you knew, she could have had their stuff in her car and was about to drive off with them without saying anything to anyone.

Anyone from the outside looking in can see that what you did was nothing short of acting in the children’s best interests and for their protection.

You’re not a jerk, you’re a good uncle. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.” Elegant_Parfait_2720

6 points - Liked by lebe, Botz, LilacDark and 3 more

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psycho_b 1 year ago
Ntj. Idk what's going on with sister and bil but thank you for giving the kids a safe space when they need it. So sad that it's frequently.
2 Reply

12. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Let Go Of Her Grudge Or She'll Lose Her Daughter?


“My sister Viv has a daughter named Serenity. I’ll call her Sera for the post. So when Sera was 7 her dad passed away. Her dad walked out the door to work that morning and got into an accident that cost him and two others their lives.

Viv was super shocked. She and Sera’s dad were high school sweethearts who had Sera the year after they finished college. Sera and her dad were as close as could be and his loss rocked her.

About a year later Viv met her current husband Michael.

A year after they started going out, they introduced Sera and Michael’s daughter Mia to each other. Sera was 9 at the time and asked her mom not to keep seeing Michael and not to be Mia’s stepmom. She told Viv she wanted her to herself and didn’t want to be the second choice to her.

Viv, instead of showing concern that Sera would feel that way, or even asking some questions about where that was coming from, called her selfish and told her she was a child who had no idea how the world worked and would not get to be selfish by denying another kid a mom.

She also told her Michael was looking forward to being her stepdad and that she’d be better off having another dad and a sister for the first time.

I remember at the time telling Viv that she had felt the very same way when our dad married our stepmom.

And we didn’t even lose our mom to death, she just left our lives. Viv was especially angry that our stepmom had two kids of her own and didn’t want anything to do with them. She said she was a selfish little witch back then too and realizes now they were the best thing to happen to us.

Sera is 16 now and she’s in high school. Mia is 15 and also in high school. The girls are not close. I think both still see themselves as only children and they’re not claiming each other from what I know. Viv has held onto what Sera said as a 9-year-old girl who lost her dad and was scared to lose her mom, and because she and Mia aren’t close, she brings it up to her constantly and accuses her of trying to get her way by not embracing Mia.

Michael, I have come to realize, just wanted someone to raise his daughter, and is not really involved all that deeply in anything related to his marriage to Viv or being a parent to either girl, even Mia.

Sera told me, my husband, and my MIL (who acts as another grandma to her) that she feels like her mom hates her and that she wishes she could move out.

She told me she can see now that Mia is more important to her and that unless she loves Mia and adopts her as a real sister she’ll never have her mom back. She also told me she wishes she had never said anything to Viv and how much it makes her wish her dad was still around.

Viv didn’t like how much time Sera was spending with us, confronted me and I told her she would lose her daughter if she doesn’t get over this grudge and accept that her child just wanted to experience less change after such a big loss.

Viv said I was ruining her family. She also called me a witch.


Another User Comments:


Polite housemates. That’s where a blended family needs to start. And it’s the most that a parent can expect from their child. Anything beyond that is a lucky bonus.

For all the talk that parents have when divorcing or remarrying after a divorce or death of a spouse about ‘the best interests of the child,’ the decisions that are made are always the parents deciding what they think is best for themselves, and the kids have to go along with it.

Sera spoke clearly that she did not want her living situation to change, did not want a second adult in the household, and did not want a step-sibling. All of this was ignored.

Sera’s mother got what she wanted. A new spouse. Sera got exactly what she said she didn’t want, a step-parent and step-sibling.

Where is Mia’s mother in all this? OP doesn’t mention whether Mia’s mother died, her parents divorced, or some other problem separated Mia’s parents.

And how does Mia feel about having a stepsister and stepmother? Two children had to adapt to a situation, not of their choosing, not just Sera.

Even if Sera decided to try to accept Mia as a sister, it’s not going to work unless Mia feels the same.” Jazzlike_Humor3340

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Your sister isn’t going to lose her… she already has! Sera is now 16 and she can petition the courts to either be emancipated or ask the court to make you her guardian.

I know this isn’t a decision to rush into. Something for you, your husband, and even your mother-in-law to think about. But Sera is at an age where her home life can have a negative impact on her future. School, future plans (more schooling), careers, depression, friendships, bonding with other adults… all this can be affected by how she feels now and obviously the past several years.

Your sister is not going to take her head out of her butt for this child, someone needs to help Sera, and now!” Equivalent-Fan6782

Another User Comments:


Let’s forget your suspicion that Michael just wanted a caretaker for Mia, which is a whole other story.

I believe kids should have veto rights, while they’re minors and powerless to get away, if their parent’s prospective partner is a specific person they really can’t live with. However, there comes a point in the grieving process when they don’t get to veto marriage/moving in just on general principles.

If they were young when their parent was widowed, it’s too much to ask for a lot of people to remain unpartnered for possibly over a decade.

What makes you NTJ is that your sister couldn’t have handled this worse, in more ways than I can list. She didn’t approach it with ‘I know you miss Daddy, I do too.

I love you, but it’s in a different way than with an adult partner, and I need that too. How can I make you feel better about that?’ She went with ‘I am going to be partnered again, and I don’t care about how you feel about it.

This is going to work, so deal with it.’ She’s the jerk.” Pale_Cranberry1502

6 points - Liked by lebe, LilacDark, OwnedByCats and 3 more

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Jazzy 11 months ago
Someone needs to get Sera a therapist
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11. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other To Make Some Friends?


“So, my SO is extremely introverted and only has 1 or 2 friends who she rarely speaks to because they are both busy with their own lives so she spends 95% of her time with me or at work.

I don’t really mind this and always take the time to include her in my life, I always invite her out with me and my friends which she always accepts. But she’s quiet and doesn’t really say anything to them until we leave.

Recently, she’s been acting quiet and not her chirpy self, it took a lot of encouragement but she eventually told me what the problem was.

She told me that she said that she felt lonely and that all she feels she does is wait for me to come home (she works part-time and is a student) and follows me and my friends around.

She said that she feels that we don’t spend any time together alone and it’s getting to her.

I told her that it’s hard to balance work, my friends, and her all at the same time and I try to include her as much as I can.

She said that my friends aren’t hers and she just feels left out.

So I told her that she needs to find her own friends, she got upset and told me that I don’t understand and now she won’t talk to me.

Am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:


I walked into this thinking it was going to go the other way because she’s some clingy SO dependent upon you for her whole social life, but it’s not that. You completely dismissed her actual problem.

The problem isn’t that she’s lonely or dissatisfied with the amount of time she spends with other people.

The problem is that she is not getting quality alone time with you – which is something that is completely reasonable in a relationship and in fact, recommended if you actually care about your relationship and want to nurture it.

And you dismissed her and told her to find friends so she has something to occupy herself while you continue ignoring her for YOUR friends.

You’re either incredibly dumb or you don’t actually care about your relationship with her and are just playing the long game of keeping her on the hook before she finally musters up some self-respect and dumps you because you don’t actually treat her like someone you enjoy spending time with and want to foster a relationship with.

You honestly don’t sound like you’re ready or interested in a relationship with anyone if hanging out with your buddies is higher on your hierarchy than your significant other. At a certain point, you have to learn to strike a balance in fostering all of your relationships, romantic and platonic, which may mean slightly less platonic in your life rather than shoe-horning your romantic into the platonic.” AmishAngst

Another User Comments:


She says she misses time with you. Alone. No friends or anything.

She wants alone time with you. Go out for a picnic, a walk, play a game together, go to an escape room….idk, build something, puzzle, whatever people do to have fun nowadays.

This is not about her wanting more friends, it’s about her wanting to spend quality time with you.

Her getting dragged along with you and a bunch of your friends is not fun for her but she takes it because it’s probably the only time she gets to ‘hang out’ with you.

Take her seriously, find a compromise, because stuff like this can build up resentment.” AdmirableAvocado

5 points - Liked by LizzieTX, OwnedByCats, Alliauraa and 3 more

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Kllswtch7 1 year ago
Ask yourself if you actually like her. Cuz if you cant make time to hangout with just her then maybe you should stop wasting each others time
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10. AITJ For Inviting My Significant Other And His Parents To My Graduation?


“I (17F) am my parents’ only child. They are still married but live separately as my dad’s job is about 2 and a half hours away.

The commute isn’t a big issue as both my parents have their own cars and my dad can take time off of work whenever he wants. Despite this, he has missed every event and family occasion since I was 14. Birthdays, holidays, awards ceremonies, you name it.

Each time, my SO and his parents took his place. They were the ones to take me on family vacations and weekends away.

I am graduating in 3 weeks, and the school finally lifted restrictions and allowed us to invite four people to attend, rather than just one parent.

I was excited by this and FaceTimed my dad to tell him the good news, asking him to attend my graduation with my mom. He told me no and that he would rather stay in his city and work, that he’d make it up to me eventually, and that I should invite my uncle and his family (his wife and daughter).

I was annoyed but was used to him doing this. I ended the call abruptly.

This is where I might be the jerk. I would much rather my SO and his parents come, as they make it known they consider me family and I am extremely comfortable around them (I have severe social anxiety around most people, even family).

I texted him to ask if he and his parents would like to attend my graduation with my mom instead (he’s in a different school and graduated this week, so it wouldn’t interfere with his.) They gladly agreed and I gave them all the details.

When my dad found out, he called me to yell at me for inviting them instead of my own family. I told him my own family chose to work instead of attending his daughter’s graduation, and at least my SO and his family attended things important to me.

He told me I was acting like a spoiled brat, and that I was choosing ‘someone temporary’ over my family. My mom told me I should have invited my uncle and his family to keep the peace, but I say I should be around people I am comfortable with.

So, AITJ for inviting my SO and his family instead?”

Another User Comments:

“So your father is deeply neglectful and doesn’t care about being there but still insists on having his way in what is solely your event? Nah, man. You can and should invite people that actually want to celebrate with you.

If I was you, I would exclude him from future events; see if his work wants to invite him to its engagement/wedding/baby shower instead.

Your job is not to ‘keep the peace’ (that’s what enablers of bad behavior say): your job is to enjoy your life with people who love you.

Evidently, he’s not it.

NTJ.” mustytomato

Another User Comments:


I assumed at first you invited them over your parents and was going to tell you it was wrong. But it seems like you handled this right. First, you invited dad. When he declined, you invited people you’d like there that helped support you, while still having mom.

Good choice. And your SO and his family must really care because graduations are incredibly boring. The reason to go is to celebrate the accomplishment of the person walking.

Congratulations on this success, and know you are clear on this one.” gte105u

Another User Comments:


Your dad wants to have his cake and eat it too. He declined the invitation. He consistently prioritizes his work and his personal comfort over his daughter’s milestones. He has no right to dictate who you invite in his place. There’s only one person acting like a ‘spoiled brat’, and it’s certainly not you.

Your mom isn’t helping the situation either. Keeping the peace is overrated. I do wonder, you say your SO’s family attends all your events and takes you on vacation – what is your mom doing when all this is happening? Do you live with her?

Your SO and his family are absolutely wonderful for you. Meanwhile, your dad is neglectful and I don’t know about your mom.

You are 100% right that you should be around people you’re comfortable with. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had chosen to invite your partner’s family first.

Enjoy your graduation!” MasterKilvin

5 points - Liked by Botz, LilacDark, OwnedByCats and 2 more

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Kllswtch7 1 year ago
That's your dads problem right there. Thinking people and events as 'temporary'. The memories are forever.
2 Reply

9. AITJ For Not Cooking Two Meals?


“I (28F) was diagnosed with coeliac disease a few months ago. For those who don’t know, this means I can’t eat gluten. It’s not a dietary choice I’d choose to make, it’s medically necessary.

I live with my husband (32M) and I do all the grocery shopping and cooking (he does an equal share of chores).

Since my diagnosis, I have adapted all our meals to be gluten-free. Although gluten-free food is a lot more expensive, it’s easier to cook one meal for both of us rather than two separate meals. Some of the gluten-free alternatives are (subjectively) not as good as the ‘regular’ version.

For example, dried pasta and ready-rolled pastry. Others don’t make a difference, like stock cubes, gluten-free sausages, etc.

My husband has recently started complaining that my food isn’t as good as it used to be and he wants me to make the ‘normal’ versions again.

For example, if I made a pasta sauce, he would want me to cook both regular and gluten-free pasta or if I made a steak pie, he’d want me to make two (smaller) pies. I said I wouldn’t be able to do this as already I spend a lot of time cooking.

I said I would happily continue to buy him ‘normal’ foods, and if he wanted to cook the regular versions, I would make enough sauce/filling and he could finish the rest.

This led to an argument, where he called me selfish and said I was punishing him for my diagnosis.

I have always done the cooking, and he said that he should still be able to eat the food that he likes. He said that he does more general housework because I do the cooking, and asking him to cook his own food (even if it was just the pasta) would mean that our pre-agreed spilt of the housework was no longer fair.

I argued that it was fair, as I was still doing all the shopping and cooking.

AITJ for not cooking two meals and only cooking gluten-free food?

Even after my diagnosis, I continued to (and will continue to) buy him most of the regular food that he ate and we didn’t/couldn’t share, like bread, cereal, frozen pizza, etc. I also buy him little treats, like small cakes/baked items and confectionary that I can’t eat anymore.

All our finances are joint and we are lucky to make enough that the increase in food costs due to this does not impact us.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he’s being a huge whiny jerk. If you had to make two meals every night, then you would be doing extra work that would make your previously agreed-on chore split unfair.

You are cooking meals for both of you and if he wants something specific, he can make it himself.

I certainly hope this is out of character because being married to someone like this sounds incredibly unpleasant. ‘Punishing him for your diagnosis’, Jesus Christ.” Outrageously_Penguin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re Celiac. This isn’t a small thing, and there are good arguments to be made that you shouldn’t even handle glutinous food.

Consider making meals that were never intended to be gluten-based. There’s maybe only one brand of gluten-free pasta that’s remotely good and only one brand of bread.

I can’t imagine that the replacement pastry doesn’t taste like paste.

As for your spouse? If he doesn’t like your cooking, he can cook for himself. That he calls you selfish for not catering to him is fairly ironic.” pineboxwaiting

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you should cook for yourself, you are the one that goes through pain and discomfort if you don’t. If he doesn’t like the food at all, I understand that, but then he should cook his own.

As for the share of chores, this is a bit more tricky, but I don’t think laundry, for example, takes as much time and effort as cooking and shopping.

If he would have to now cook a significant amount of his meals, perhaps add one or two chores to your side of things, but other than that, no.” Cyber_monkey7

4 points - Liked by lebe, LilacDark, LadyTauriel and 1 more

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rusty 1 year ago (Edited)
Tell him one time: "Eat what I cook, cook your own, or starve". If he wants "normal" food, he can cook HIS OWN "normal" food, or tell mommy to cook for him. You did not "choose" to be celiac, and you are not "punishing" him for your diagnosis. You are not the jerk...he is a huge manchild and needs to grow the F up! What is he, 32 going on 12?
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8. AITJ For Not Selling A Part Of My Property To My Neighbors?


“I bought my house/property in 2014. My neighbors have been living next door since 2012. Along with those neighbors, I also share a property line with another set of neighbors whose backyard meets with my backyard. We ended up having a disagreement with a backyard neighbor over who was responsible for some trees close to the property line, so I had a property survey done because neither of us had one.

So the survey was completed, backyard neighbor still hates me 3 years later, but that’s not where my inquiry stems from.

The survey revealed that the OTHER neighbors, with whom we share a side yard line, planted landscaping and built a fence about 6 feet into my yard.

I suspected this was the case when they did it, but I didn’t want to confront them because I didn’t have a survey to prove anything. After the survey, I did inform them that their fence and landscaping were on my side. They weren’t happy and insisted that my survey was wrong and that the multiple people who lived here before me always used an old hedgerow (that was long gone when I came) as the divider.

I told them I don’t know anything about that, but the results of my legal property survey are right here. They became confrontational and told me they were going to call their lawyer, and I hadn’t even made any kind of request at that point.

Fast forward about a month, they asked if they could buy the sliver of property that their fence was built on. Within this time, I found out that they had actually had their own property survey done a year after they moved in. This irritated me because they knew all along where the line was (legally), but they decided to build over it anyway based on what someone had apparently told them about some hedgerow, so I said I didn’t want to sell any of the property, partially because of that and partially because the fence they built is only about 3 feet from my shed, which is too close based on zoning laws where I live.

I was also upset that instead of making this request from the start, they threatened me with calling their lawyer.

They’re middle-aged people, and I bought my house when I was 21, so to me, it feels like they thought they could take advantage of a younger couple and do whatever they wanted.

They did move the landscaping, but the fence still stands where it has been. I had suggested drawing up an agreement that allows them to use the property for the fence, but if they ever move, I’d like the fence taken down to prevent problems with future owners.

They didn’t like that and told me in a fit that they’d just move the fence back onto their own property. Now they’ve been avoiding talking to me about it for 3 years. But I guess it’s whatever. I am not a confrontational person.

It does bother me because I know they’ve been talking to other neighbors and people in town and telling them my husband and I are jerks for not just selling them the property and expecting them to move their fence, even though I’ve never actually said that.

So… am I?”

Another User Comments:


Did they move the fence?

As property owners, it is their responsibility to have a survey done before making any improvements that could intrude on another’s property. They did that but knowingly used your property anyway.

Asking you to sell that bit of land to them is totally fine but you rightfully declined. Now they’re acting like entitled bullies.

Stand your ground, literally!

Ignore them and don’t worry about what they are saying about you. The people they are complaining to probably know they’re bullies. Besides they’re in the wrong, period. This is not a grey area.” MagicianOk6393

Another User Comments:


You need to consult with a real estate lawyer.

First, that 6 feet or so of land could be the difference between a legal size house lot and one that is too small.

Second, as lots of people have mentioned, adverse possession. Depending on the laws in your area, they might have to take the fence down, or they might not.

But you do need to clear this up.

And there might be other ramifications from having their fence on your land. But if you are in the US, property laws vary so much that you really should meet with a knowledgeable lawyer. It might only take one or two sessions with the lawyer to get everything sorted out.” krankykitty

Another User Comments:


If I am interpreting this right, even if the ground the fence is now on is part of their land, it still would’ve been too close to your shed. If that’s the case, they were out of line on more than one level, and just never cared.

Sounds as though you were very friendly and understanding and they’re trying to make you think that you’re the one who’s in the wrong in hopes of convincing you to sell that part of your land after all or to sell the entire thing.

You’d be entirely within your rights to expect them to move their fence the full 3 feet to where it would be on their land.

Do you know the exact amount of useable square feet of your property that they’ve actively & literally blocked you from?” Imaginary-Mood-8345

4 points - Liked by lebe, LilacDark, LadyTauriel and 1 more

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rusty 1 year ago
Tell the "neighbors" that if they don't move the fence IMMEDIATELY, it will be moved by you with force of law if necessary. There would no great loss of friendship since they are already treating you like trash. Then put up a privacy fence and give the neighbors the back of your hand if they say anything.
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7. AITJ For Quitting The Family Business?


“I (31F) have been in a long-running feud with my family since I was about 16. My parents own a small business and have been nagging me since I was in high school about their dreams for me to finish school quickly so that I could take over their business so that they could retire.

I wasn’t interested in their jobs but it didn’t matter to them what I wanted. As soon as I finished post-secondary and found a job outside, they started sabotaging my jobs no matter where I was working. They’d spontaneously show up at my jobs and cause trouble.

They’d insult my jobs and ask why I would want to work my way up a corporate ladder instead of simply inheriting the business. They dragged me back to their office to work for them with threats (e.g. ‘we’ll disown you’) and guilt trips (e.g. ‘your mother needs time off and you won’t even help us?’) shortly after.

It sucked but I dealt with it and did my job. I was underpaid but they said it was justified because I hadn’t earned my position, and because ‘We’re family. Why would you expect us to pay you to help your family?’ So I sucked that up too and kept working.

Time passed, and after some delay, my sister who is only 2 years younger than me, finally finished her schooling. But they don’t pressure her at all to come to work.

She spent a year browsing job options before getting engaged and then ultimately deciding she wanted to come work at the family office.

My parents are ecstatic. They finally look back at the years of work I’d done, and tell me that in hindsight, a woman could never actually lead a business and it’s actually more professional if sister’s fiance takes over. BIL can be my superior. He has no experience in the field at all but it doesn’t matter because he is a man.

And a male boss is better. So they want me to train BIL.

I went home that night and I finally snapped. I had my first seizure.

My partner called an ambulance and I woke up in the hospital. My doctors told me the seizure was likely stress-induced.

I called my parents to tell them what happened. I was offered no empathy. They told me I was dramatic and had no reason to be stressed or upset. Ridiculous, privileged me. How dare I?

They never even visited. Just asked when I’d be fit to work again.

But my driver’s license is now suspended.

Between hospital visits, my parents hound me to return to work. They demanded that I find someone to drive me, or simply Uber into work. Stress and anger build up and things worsen.

I hit seizure #2. Got diagnosed epileptic.

Needed more medical testing.

They don’t care. Parents want a vacation. Cue seizure #3. #4. #5.

Doesn’t matter. They already bought the flight tickets for vacation. Demanded I returned immediately.

So I called in and I quit.

Now my family is calling me selfish. Ungrateful. How dare I refuse to help?

Sister and BIL need training! There wouldn’t be any seizing if I wasn’t being petty!

Am I really just petty?


Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your family will continue to call you names to fulfill their selfish needs. This is not love. They are takers and they took your health.

YOU need to take care of YOU and the person who loves you (your partner). This experience is excessively hurtful and your personal identity is (perhaps) caught up in them validating your worth. YOU are valuable and you have worth. You will thrive without this job.

Create a future you want not the one you were bullied into. Best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa

Another User Comments:

“You are not petty.

Block all of them – phones, email, social media, etc. Put your partner in guard dog mode. They show up? Through the door he is to tell them to leave and that if they don’t you guys are gonna call the cops.

Get ahead of any ‘concerned calls on their part’ by going to your local police station and letting them know you are dealing with some family drama & that sudden and serious health issues brought on by that drama have caused you to step back from the family yadda yadda any wellness check requests on their part are malicious yadda yadda yadda.

Focus on your health OP. That is and always will be more important than this chaos. Minimum safe distance from these people because when BIL runs the company into the ground (which he will even with your training) they are going to try and blame you, so you might as well be as far removed as possible.

Be fully prepared to pull out the harassment charges and restraining order guns cuz I think you might need them.

NTJ.” Fun-Replacement1998

Another User Comments:

“Wow! They sabotaged your jobs and harassed you for years, guilted you into the family business, consistently underpaid you so you have lived a poorer lifestyle than you would have otherwise, and now they’re going to give it to your future BIL?!

And if that’s not enough, they want YOU to train him, to replace you and be your boss? What cads! What scoundrels! What unloving parents they have been! How sad, and my heart goes out to you.

Let them and their toxicity go, and focus on you and your partner, and live your best life!

So very much NTJ, so much so I am going to spell it out for you – NOT THE JERK!” Advanced_Sea7222

4 points - Liked by lebe, LilacDark, OwnedByCats and 1 more

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psycho_b 1 year ago
Wow. Your parents suuuuuuuck. Go nc and take care of YOU.
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6. AITJ For Backing Out Of My SIL's Wedding Party After My Husband Had An Affair?


“I (25f) just found out my husband (26m) has been having an affair. We have been together for 6 years engaged for almost 2 years and married for just over a year now. My husband’s family would always take his side on everything even if they don’t have both sides of the story.

My husband started drinking heavily in November 2022. They all saw how bad it was getting at family events but still, they made up excuses. He had an affair 2 days before Christmas, I found out and consulted his mother since she had to deal with his lying father.

She gave him a speech and said I should stand by his side while he is working on being a better man.

2 weeks ago I caught him red-handed and called his mother to come and get him. I don’t want him in our home or even near me.

After the call, his brother phoned me and asked if it is possible that my husband can please stay and that I need to be patient. I told him if they don’t pick him up I will be calling the cops to escort him off the premises.

My brother-in-law and mother-in-law finally came to pick him up. Once he was gone I posted all the screenshots I had as evidence on his family’s group, removed myself, and deleted the group which means those images will be there forever.

My sister-in-law is getting married in April.

I was one of her bridesmaids, they already started to make my dress for me, and they paid for my seat to be there. Bear in mind I paid for the dress so that is on my account.

Once she saw the screenshots she sent me a message saying how sorry she is about everything and that she hopes I am okay.

The next message was ‘I really don’t want to sound selfish, but are you still coming to the wedding? The dress was made just for you and I am not asking someone else’.

I was shocked but I kindly replied ‘I am not sure, there’s a lot of things going through my mind at the moment, I’ll let you know.’ The next day while I was starting to pack my stuff to move she asked again will I be attending.

I said with everything going on right now I think I will pass.

It’s not only that. She made everything about her. I also have to be around my unfaithful husband’s family, smile and wave, and act as if nothing is wrong.

AITJ for telling my sister-in-law that I will not be attending the wedding and giving up my seat they paid for?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here (except your husband and his mom and brother). I can understand why she needs to know. Depending on when the wedding is in April, maybe she could have waited to ask, but I can see why she felt the need to ask.

But ultimately, while I am sorry this is affecting her, her brother did this. He chose to be unfaithful, and at least two members of his family chose to try to guilt trip you into just accepting it. You’re not obligated to be around them.” FrederickChase

Another User Comments:

“Is there any chance at all the SIL wanting you in the wedding is her way of telling her brother, ‘Screw you, you were unfaithful, and I am sticking by your ex. You want her out of the wedding cause she tossed you out of the house, too bad!’

If that’s the case, I don’t hate her. (You still don’t have to go, but at least she’s not completely dreadful.)

If, on the other hand, you being in the wedding is your ex’s family’s way of trying to get you to pretend that everything is hunky dory and even getting you to get back with your ex, and you’re supposed to mince down the aisle next to him with a fake smile plastered on your face, well, that just sucks, and they’re a pack of jerks.

But in either case, you’re NTJ.” Nester1953

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here (between you and SIL). She needs to know, and it’s possible that she did not want to simply exclude you. If you wanted to show up in your beautiful dress, you could.

The timing felt tone deaf but I guess she felt really anxious over something her family did without her input and didn’t know how to proceed.” Solid-Recognition669

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am sorry, but why would your SIL even want you there? All your presence would do is create drama.

If she literally has no one else to ask to be a bridesmaid then I am guessing that your ex is not the only problem child of the family.

Let them bask in their own crazy drama. Let them try to make you the bad guy.

They’re the ones that look like jerks.” Natural_Garbage7674

3 points - Liked by lebe, LilacDark, REHICKS72 and 1 more

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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
NTJ: under the circumstances, I believe no one should expect you'd want to be there. Send a beautiful card and apologize for missing the event "under the circumstances."
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5. AITJ For Telling My Parents That I Don't Want To Live With A Stranger?


“I am 22 and my fiancé and I live with my parents with our 2-year-old daughter.

We are going to be moving out in May because that’s the only time an apartment is available in our price range. We currently pay my parents 600 in rent.

7 months ago my 17-year-old brother got into a car accident and has been in a coma ever since.

My dad and my brother had to transfer to a hospital 2 hours away. While there my dad befriended a homeless man and even brought him up to the hospital room so he can help take care of my brother. My mom refused to help.

About a month ago my dad came home to stay the night and brought the man with him.

The biggest red flag of all is that he stole 6 of my mother’s anxiety medications. Well, now my dad is back home for good because my brother transferred to a local rehabilitation center and of course, he brought this homeless man to come stay with us.

Apparently, my mom wants to give him another chance. My dad said he has a wife and child 1000 miles away and he’s supposed to go back to them soon.

I just feel so uncomfortable. He seems like a nice man but I don’t even like interacting with strangers out in public because of social anxiety never mind where I live.

Plus for the fact that I have a 2-year-old daughter who he says he wants to take for a walk to the park. Like there’s no way I would ever let that happen. He’s living in the living room and I feel uncomfortable going out there.

It’s hard to be stuck in a room with a toddler. So I told my dad and mom how I feel and my mom called me selfish and my dad started cussing at me.”

Another User Comments:

“You should trust your gut on this.

A random man offering to take your two-year-old to the park is beyond creepy. Even if he had only good intentions, what kind of idiot wouldn’t understand how creepy that is?

Please install a lock on your door, and use the funds you would pay your parents for rent to live somewhere else.

Your parents wanting to let this man back into their home when he promptly stole your mother’s meds is insane. Living with a friend of a friend or going into debt staying at an extended-stay hotel for a couple of months is a much better idea than staying in this situation.

Go to a random local charity or religious community and ask for help.

Your parents are showing shockingly bad judgment and no concern for the safety of their grandchild. NTJ obviously.” Alison-Chains

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your mother wouldn’t help with her own son but wants to give this stranger danger man a second chance after stealing her medication the first chance he got and is also perfectly fine with him being around her grandchild.

They know absolutely nothing real about this man. They are letting him stay for free while you are there with your child paying $600 a month. That rent alone is too high for just renting a room out, especially to your own child and grandchild.

Politely share how uncomfortable and unsafe you feel because of this man.

Share how he expressed wanting to be alone with a child he doesn’t know. It’s not normal. It’s not safe. Share an ultimatum if you have to. It’s family or it’s stranger danger addict man. If you need to, take your $600 a month and find a hotel room.

Maybe find a friend who is more willing to take your rent and keep you safe. Just get out as soon as possible if your parents keep it up. It’s their house but you’re paying and your child’s safety and security matter more than anything else.” Erratic_Giraffe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for the situation. Maybe reconsider the way you talk about homeless people with more respect because you never know someone’s circumstances BUT in this context, it’s entirely relevant to you and your daughter’s safety.

He is an entirely anonymous person.

Usually, there is some context to relationships – ‘my dad’s friend from his softball league’ and ‘mom’s coworker’ is sleeping on the couch – there is some degree of familiarity and accountability. If he was arrested for assault, his place of work would have known that.

If he had a home and was a human trafficker – he would have to register. Not to say these familiar people couldn’t also harm your daughter, but there is some form of background check in other relationships.

Also as you are paying rent you should have some say.

There are resources and places for him to stay, especially with your father’s help. There are group homes. He could get a job at a care agency and become your brother’s caregiver in a legal capacity. There are other options that can help him AND make you feel safe.

It’s not about him as a person, but the risk is too high.

Your parents are thinking with their hearts but not their heads.” Bubbly_Welcome8629

3 points - Liked by lebe, LilacDark and LadyTauriel

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Kllswtch7 1 year ago
What the jerk is wrong with your parents?! Get out now
3 Reply

4. AITJ For Buying My Daughter A PS5?


“My ex and I have a 14yo daughter together. She also has 2 more kids who are 16M and 11F.

We have 50-50 custody.

Here is the problem: my daughter loves gaming. She has been begging her mom and me to buy her a PS5. I bought one for her a few weeks ago but I didn’t give it to her right away.

I decided to wait until after an important and difficult exam that she had and give it to her as a prize for getting an A+ in that exam (which I knew she would).

A few days ago my ex called me and asked me not to buy a PS5 for my daughter as apparently she has been gloating at her siblings and making them jealous because their parents are financially struggling and they can’t have as many privileges as my daughter.

My ex gave me a long lecture about how she doesn’t deserve another privilege because of her behavior. I told her I would consider it but I didn’t promise anything.

Well, she got her exam results a couple of days ago, and not only did she get an A+, but she was also the only A+ in her grade.

I was extremely proud and decided that she deserved to get her new PS5 and gave it to her.

Yesterday I took her to her mom’s home and a few minutes after I left my ex called screaming at me asking me why I did it when she specifically asked me not to do it.

She thinks I am a huge jerk for doing this but I think as her dad, I should be able to decide what my daughter does or does not deserve and my ex doesn’t have the right to tell me what to do.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Not for getting the PS5 but for your terrible communication. When she asked you not to give her the PS5, you should have said you had already bought it and planned to give it to her. You also should have talked to your daughter about her gloating and bragging, and let her know it would be taken away if she acted like that.

You are a parent and you do get to make parenting decisions, especially regarding what your daughter does and has when she’s with you. But you still have an obligation to at least try to work with your daughter’s mom. You’re on the same team.” waterbuffalo750

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for rewarding her jerk behavior. You just taught your daughter that academic achievement is more important and valuable than being a good and kind person.

Did you even talk to her about how she’d been acting toward her siblings?

Getting her the PS5 is fine, even if her siblings can’t have one too.

But letting her get away with jerk behavior because you have this ‘you can’t tell me what to do’ thing towards your ex, that’s not OK. She needs to learn to be gracious about her privilege and not to be rubbing it in people’s faces.” User

Another User Comments:

“This is several issues all in one.

The ex asked you not to after you already had. Why didn’t you tell her you already had and set boundaries together before the daughter got it?

She sounds like a brat and I understand her mom wanting to stop her bad behavior, but it sounds like the main reason is because the ex can’t afford it for her other children and the daughter bragging is upsetting her other kids.

Your daughter acting like a bully to her siblings is something you need to help your ex correct. This can’t be allowed to continue.

Yes, you are her dad and absolutely should be allowed to do for your child and not deny her because her siblings have a different set of circumstances, but help your daughter with empathy.

THAT would be the best gift you can give her.

Based on the circumstances I have to say that because you withheld you had already bought it, then failed to tell her you gave it, YTJ.” Anonnymusse

2 points - Liked by LilacDark, OwnedByCats, Sheishei101 and 1 more

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Bruinsgirl143 11 months ago
Ntj ... here's the thing though teach her to be better. Did she deserve it for the reason you bought it? Yes ... should she gloat and rub it in other kids faces ? No so you wanna do right let her know if you gloat you won't have access to it period. She got it as a reward and will be using it for the same, make her a better person because to be frank her attitude sucks BUT your child shouldn't be short shafted because she can't afford for her other child. That is not your issue that is her issue, but teaching basic respect is part your issue so use this as a teaching opportunity; she got it BUT how and why she uses it are up to you ... don't make her a brat discipline her accordingly. I'd give it to her, set it all up and then tell her it will be ready to use the next visit because at that point you won't be hearing bad reports or how she's been gloating to her siblings, be humble, be kind and get rewarded act like a spoiled brat and get treated as such...
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3. AITJ For Getting Upset At The Chef And Arguing With My Partner?


“I (26, M) recently went on a vacation with my partner (27, F). On the last day of our vacation, something seemingly trivial about our resort and how they handled things really irritated me.

I had asked the chef at the live eggs counter to make me some eggs. After a few minutes I went back up to him again to ask where the eggs were and he pretended to not know that I had placed my order a while back.

Then he proceeded to pretend as if he would make mine. I came back to my table and kept looking at the counter, irritated.

My partner saw that I was irritated and went up to the counter to have a word with the chef. After 5-7 minutes of her being at the counter, I lost my patience and went up to the chef to ask him what was going on and why it was taking him so much time.

My intention was to be stern and ask him why he was being so unprofessional about it.

Before I could complete my first sentence my partner said something down the lines of ‘don’t make a scene’ and then proceeded to walk out from there back to the table.

I started second-guessing myself and ended up not telling the chef anything.

I later told my partner that I felt she disrespected me and made me second-guess myself. Her point of view is that she felt I would get aggressive and did not want to be around me yelling at people (she refers to previous instances of me having had disagreements with people while I am wasted but this was different – I was sober and this was breakfast time!).

She did kind of apologize later but made it seem as if she was justified because I could have been aggressive at that moment.

Honestly, I am still mad at her for walking out. AITJ for holding this against her?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You sound incredibly childish.

I strongly suggest you get therapy to learn how to maturely handle your emotions.

Getting angry over eggs is so incredibly dramatic and immature.

But then getting angry at your partner because she didn’t want you to make a scene is next level! Serious red flags here.

I am shocked that your partner didn’t dump you. My guess is that this relationship won’t last much longer.” Pepper-90210

Another User Comments:

“Mm. At those types of places aren’t you supposed to wait for your order to be ready? If you walked away, they probably thought you didn’t want the order.

If so, and you came and left repeatedly, I wouldn’t have been so keen to fill your order either.

So, I am imagining somewhat of a buffet-style setup with a couple of ‘live stations’ which you see on cruises or in all-inclusive resorts. Most everything is set out and self-serve but there may be an omelet station at breakfast and a stir fry station at lunch.

You line up (queue), wait for the chef/cook to be ready for you, place your order, and wait while they cook it in front of you, then make your merry way to your table with your order.

All in all, YTJ for getting so mad.

Get over yourself. Your partner did not disrespect you. You either were about to embarrass yourself, did embarrass yourself, and/or have a history of embarrassing yourself. Frickin’ take a breath and count to 10. Get something else. There’s an avenue to complain about service and that ain’t it.” Inside-Solution-729

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You need anger management courses. How many people were in the restaurant? If he had 15 orders going at the same time he might not have pretended to forget you, he might have actually forgotten you. Do you care about how your previous angry outbursts have hurt your partner?

Because you apparently keep drinking and exploding at people since you say there has been more than one instance of this happening. That’s not a good character trait.

If drinking was the only reason you regularly lose control of your temper, why have you not stopped drinking?

You are being humiliating, probably abusive, and emotionally draining all the time because of your behavior but you don’t notice or care. You only care about her ‘disrespecting’ you. Get help.” SafiyaMukhamadova

1 points - Liked by lebe and LadyTauriel

2. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law That I Don't Consider Him Family?


“I (M19) have a sister (F23) who is married to my BIL (M24). Now I like my BIL he’s a cool guy to hang out with and I guess he’s like a big brother I never had.

But one habit I don’t like about his is that he tends to muscle his way into family conversations and pass judgment, especially on me.

In this instance, I had just come home from work and my sis and BIL had come to visit. Understandably, I was tired (it’s a manual labor job) and I didn’t feel like socializing too much beyond sitting on the couch and watching Netflix.

My family has an impression of me being anti-social, largely because I struggled to make friends when I was in school. Hated it back then but I’ve learned to enjoy and love time alone like many introverts.

Anyway, as usual, my family (extended relatives were there too as sis and BIL rarely get to visit due to his job) start commenting on how unsocial I’m being, comments I’ve learned to ignore over the past few years.

BIL begins to jump in and makes similar statements, telling me I should be more welcoming to them as they are my family, I have to learn to be more social to survive in today’s world, and the real stickler for me: I have to learn to talk to ppl in order to get a better job than the one I have now, which I happen to love.

So… I snapped. Told him ‘why are you making any comments about me? You don’t know me, you’re not my family. You’re nothing to me’.

Well, he went nuts. Saying how could I say that and by ‘disowning him’ I was also disowning my sister.

The whole family went silent including my sis. After they all left, however, my parents did say that was a bit too far and my sister said I had burnt a bridge for no good reason except my own ‘ego’ not being able to handle criticism.

I haven’t really replied to her message and I surely don’t give a rat’s rear end about the messages from extended family members saying I made the night uncomfortable. Anyway AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You were really aggressive in your response, probably have done some damage to your relationship with your sister and hubby but.

People are not the same. Your family needs to accept you for who you are and stop trying to make you into who they want you to be.

Many folks are introverts. We like our quiet time, don’t want to be the center of attention, don’t want to always ‘perform’ for others, and get irritated when people try to tell us we are wrong or damaged because of it.

Your family needs to back off or they will cause you to avoid them.

You did say you liked your BIL. You can help mend fences by telling either him or your sister how you just needed quiet time and them constantly pulling at you even after you tried to tell them to stop is what made you snap.

Tell him/her you don’t try to change his/her voice/laugh/accent or whatever, and they need to respect you the same. Hopefully, they can understand they are culpable too. NTJ. Good luck!” Anonnymusse

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. He was jumping on the bandwagon – he probably wants the adults in your family to see that he assimilates with them, you responded harshly and singled him out which made your comment exponentially worse.

If you’re feeling antisocial after a long day of work, which yes is understandable, walk in the door, greet everyone in whatever your regular way is (hugs, waves, words only, etc.), and excuse yourself to your bedroom, explaining how glad you are to see everyone, but how tired you are and that you’re going to take a little rest to refresh yourself before you come to hang out with them.

You’re only 19, but you need to understand decorum. The phrase ‘you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar’ comes to mind. Play nice for 5 minutes, then people will empathize with you instead of thinking you’re acting like a bratty, moody teenager, which is how it’s coming off.

You’re not special for being tired after work. We all are. The rest of us have to behave too.” batmandi

Another User Comments:

“I think you definitely went too far but I can also completely understand and empathize with what you must have been feeling at that moment.

Who the heck is this guy to pass judgment or tell you what to do? He has exactly 0 authority over you. Unfortunately based on what this post reveals about his character I doubt you’ll ever get to have the sort of productive, nuanced conversation with him where he acknowledges and takes accountability for his much larger screw-up.

Instead, he seems like the kind of person who will cling to the fact that your reaction was overboard and refuse to engage with anything else. Also yeah totally agree that extended family telling you that ‘you’ made the night uncomfortable can shove it. If he had stayed in his lane then no one would have had to have felt uncomfortable.

NTJ.” DemureDamsel122

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You’re a jerk because you targeted one person when everyone was doing/saying the same thing. And you lashed out about something that has nothing to do with what you were upset about.

You’re an adult and you need to learn to communicate effectively.

You absolutely should lay down some boundaries with your family and let them know that you will walk away if anyone begins giving you unsolicited advice or criticism about your personality. You don’t criticize them for being extroverted, and you do not deserve to be criticized for being an introvert.

Now is an excellent time to lay down those boundaries and also take responsibility for your own bad behavior as well.

Send a group chat to everyone who was there when the argument occurred. Apologize to them for lashing out and making anyone uncomfortable, but make it very clear that you no longer want to hear anyone criticize you for having a more introverted personality.” Pepper-90210

-2 points - Liked by OpenFlower

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Bruinsgirl143 11 months ago
Ntj and I'm sick of people saying you need to do this or that .. how about they learn to read the room? How about they don't judge? I'm an introvert until I m comfortable so am I anti social ? No I'm uncomfortable with situations I don't know
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1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Dad For Condoning Cat Calling?


“I (20f) went to the gym a couple of days ago. When I was done, I got sushi from a local grocery deli while still in my workout gear.

I heard someone wolf whistle from behind the deli counter and saw a couple of men – one mid-twenties, another 30-something, then a middle-aged guy. I swear it was the men who worked there because when I looked at them I could hear them laughing and making jokes.

Not wanting to cause a scene, I paid and left.

When I came home, I told my parents, to which my dad said, ah yeah that’s what young guys do. I got mad and said even if they were young it doesn’t make it okay for them to do that.

My dad said yeah but it’s gonna happen. I also told them they weren’t all young. He responded, oh well tell management next time then. When I went into my room, I heard him talking smack about me in the kitchen about how I can never have a conversation like an adult because I always get upset.

I was just angry that it was so hard for them to just take my side in that I don’t like being harassed! It’s pretty simple! I responded by walking out and saying if he wanted to have an adult conversation, he should wait til I am in the room instead of trash-talking me when I am gone.”

Another User Comments:


You have every right to be upset. Your dad is trivializing it, because ‘boys will be boys’. Yes, boys will continue to be boys if their awful behavior is enabled by people unwilling to act on it.

Also, the premise that an adult conversation has no space for people to be upset or express their feelings is… simply wrong.

Your dad has probably described women as being ‘too emotional’ many times in his life.” MasterKilvin

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You shouldn’t have paid. You should have confronted them. If you didn’t feel comfortable doing that, you could’ve just chucked your stuff on the counter, glared at them & walked out.

Your Dad didn’t condone the behavior. He just pointed out that it happens. He even advised you to complain to management. What does taking your side even mean here? Was he supposed to go down to the store & tell them off? Was he supposed to just express concern & congratulate you for having done nothing?” Jumpy_Needleworker87

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but unfortunately your dad is right that it’s going to happen. I know how it feels, especially when you get laughed at and your dad should have been kinder in his response, even if he still wanted to point out to you that it is a part of life.

Your response to him after how he talked about you when you weren’t in the room was spot on, he is definitely the jerk here. In fact, I am really dismayed that he didn’t feel more protective of you. If it makes you feel any better, my dad was the same way and it sucks.” forbiddenlist2

Another User Comments:

“I think if we were there and actually heard the words and tone, we would find that they were NOT making excuses for the men, but we’re helping you to put it in a context that made it easier for you to deal with emotionally.

It’s common for 20-year-olds to see everything as black and white, and to react defensively to anyone who tries to introduce ‘grey’ or nuance to a situation.

If your parents feel like they can never discuss anything without you exploding, it’s likely that you’re assuming bad intent from what they’re saying and not actually listening to what they’re really saying.

YTJ.” HappySummerBreeze

-6 points (6 vote(s))

Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's not! Now it's up to you to decide who you think is the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)