People Wonder If Their Wrongdoings Are Justified In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"My partner's biological mother (who I’ll call MIL) and stepmother (who I’ll call MIL2) don’t get along whatsoever. I adore them both but have a much stronger relationship with MIL2 as I was very close to my FIL before his passing two months ago.

Because I have grown to love my partner's family very much, I wanted to bring my MIL and MIL2 wedding dress shopping with me and my other female relatives as well as my brother. I told the attendees for the shopping that I am doing two appointments, one for MIL to attend and the other for MIL2 to attend, and that I did not want them to know about this because MIL has been jealous in the past of my relationship with MIL2 and I didn’t want any drama for my partner to (primarily) deal with.

Anyway, everything went smoothly until my partner accidentally spilled the beans when talking to his mother. MIL angrily texted me that I had been deceitful, and untrustworthy and that I knew she didn’t want anything to do with MIL2. She also said she was hurt that I had invited MIL2 because she thought it was my way of bonding with her only.

I was really confused as I knew MIL and MIL2 hadn’t seen each other and tried to get an explanation from her to no avail. My partner's family, aside from my partner, thinks I am in the wrong here because I know they do not like each other. Did I mess up? Is there something I missed?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

It's your wedding. Managing their behavior or expectations is not your responsibility. If your MIL wants to act like a petulant child, that's on her. Misleading them wasn't a great idea but I'm guessing it was far from your preferred way of handling it.

If I can give you some advice from a place of genuine care - you and your fiance need to get on to this now.

Politely but firmly set your expectations for their behavior and let them know that you'll be making the decisions as a couple. It's also crucial that you and your partner are a united front - it'll be harder for him because the issues seem to be his side of the family, but it's really important." magnus_the_fish

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

She's not the boss of you and can not forbid you to be friends with anyone, you can not let her choose who you hang out with or this will be a never-ending tantrum-filled relationship, where you have to bend to her will at all times to avoid her tantrum rage.

You were nice enough to plan two events so she didn't have to be a grown-up and just behave for the day, so she is being completely unreasonable about it, as you only had the two events for her.

Now maybe MIL2 was the other woman in her marriage, maybe she wasn't, maybe MIL is just annoyed that FIL replaced her, who knows, not your business anyway, but she can not dictate who you can and can not have in your life

I would be reminding your future dear husband that he gets to deal with her issues and that because you are a fully grown adult, actively adulting in this adult world, you won't be putting up with her giving you a telling off or telling you what to do and if this is how she is going to behave she will find her welcome is limited and boundaries will be enforced." SerenDipitY_2020

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. It's not like you tried to trick them into attending the same event, you went to the trouble of going twice just for them!

If this is how MIL is acting over not even having to see MIL2, how is she going to act when they're both (presumably) at the wedding?

At future kids' birthdays?

You and your partner need to decide on clear boundaries and communicate them to her, otherwise, your lives are always going to be miserable. Make it clear that caring about MIL2 doesn't take away from how you feel about MIL, but that you won't put up with any tantrums and drama." Limonatron