People Want Us To Assess What They've Done In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Lock Her Room?
“My (43 f) daughter Lara (17 f) has been struggling to focus on her studies with her brothers Kyle (12 m) and Ryan (9 m) constantly disrespecting her privacy.
A few days ago, she was yelling for Kyle to come to her room. I asked her what happened. She explained that Kyle flipped all her items upside down. I called Kyle to come and flip everything right side up.
Yesterday, Ryan was running into her room and kept stealing her stuff, while she ran to get them back.
On the night of the same day, Lara was trying to sleep, when the brothers suddenly barged in and ran through it, resulting in her screaming at them to stay out and close the door while she was sleeping, to give a few examples.
Today in the morning, her father (48 m) told her he didn’t like the way she was screaming.
She said that she was trying to sleep and her brothers were making all kinds of ruckus. He told her that they are kids and they will learn. She said that they will never learn and the only way for them to learn is to have locks installed for her room.
He did not want her to and they went back and forth on this until she threatened she would move out as soon as she became financially independent since she wasn’t going to wait for them to mature and they should already know to respect her privacy to which he said to wait to include me in the conversation.
I overheard, and when she went to her room, I told her she wasn’t going to have locks set up because she already wastes her time without the need for locks and I don’t want her to fail. Lara said that they were never going to listen without them and I told her that I would make sure they wouldn’t enter her room.
This evening, I heard her shouting for me. We were all in the living room. Her father explained what was going on. Lara said that she was making Kyle tea when he did he’s not allowed to do. She said that she was going to tell on them and he said that if she promises to not tell, he and Ryan will never go into her room again.
She didn’t say anything so they ran upstairs to her room.
I told her that she has no right to complain since she always sleeps in Kyle’s room after school. Her brothers all agree and Lara calls all of us the worst, none of us are allowed in her room, and leaves.
She comes back after a minute and says that she only sleeps in Kyle’s room because he never uses it aside from sleeping at night, and if he was to use it for studying, then she would never go there. Meanwhile, they constantly disturb her, mess with her stuff, and made her unable to sleep just last night.
I told her if they ever go into her room, she needs to go to me. Then Kyle starts saying that they had the right to go into her room while she was trying to sleep because they were playing. Lara yelled at him, then said that she couldn’t wait to move out soon so she no longer has to deal with them.
She also called me an awful mother for not giving her her bedroom locks.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… and not a very caring Mom.
Obviously, your sons are the favorite, and your daughter is just expected to deal with their lack of boundaries and bad behavior. Is she your stepdaughter by any chance?
Because it sounds like how you are treating her.
Your daughter is 17 and will be legally allowed to leave home very soon – and you & your husband’s attitude is telling her that you don’t care. Your boys are 12 & 9 old enough to know right from wrong and respect privacy boundaries.
If they don’t – that is on YOU.
They should have consequences for their actions and misbehavior. But it doesn’t sound like there is – at least for the boys. You make excuses for their behavior, don’t really LISTEN to your daughter, and expect her to wait around until they ‘mature’.
Tell me, how old was your daughter when you taught HER boundaries and privacy? I’m betting younger than 10.
For the short time your daughter is still with you I suggest you allow her to lock the door and tell the boys that if they pound on the door, disturb her when she is sleeping, etc. that there will be punishments involved. A 17-year-old girl should have some privacy from her little brothers and they shouldn’t be allowed to run rampant through her room and use it as a playroom.
Don’t be surprised if your relationship continues to deteriorate as time goes on because you and your husband treat her like her feelings don’t matter – and by extension, she doesn’t, only the boys matter. She sees it. She feels it. She will eventually go with low contact or no contact with you because of the hurt(s) you have inflicted on her.
This is SO much more than a lock on a bedroom door. I am sad you can’t see that. Do better while you have the chance. You’re running out of time.” 1moreKnife2theheart
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter is trying to explain to you how she is overwhelmed and needs her space.
Her boundaries are constantly invaded by her younger siblings. She is always on alert because she isn’t sure when the kids will jump in. She is trying to find a quiet space for herself. She offered a suggestion and you constantly denied her.
Why can’t she have a lock for her room?
Is it such a big thing? How come her younger siblings are not learning about personal space? They are 9 and 12 years old. The boys are old enough to realize that it is not acceptable to keep walking into people’s bedrooms.” feb2nov
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are an awful mother because you are enabling trashy behavior from her siblings and her right to privacy.
And don’t give me that ‘my house my rules’ nonsense. A teen has a right to lock her door so people don’t enter her room and take her stuff. A teen has a right to change clothes in her room without worrying about someone walking in on her. A teen has a right to have some sense of privacy and a safe area in their home that cannot be invaded by others at any time.” Syric13
21. AITJ For Keeping My Grandparents' Money To Myself And My Family?
“My (26 f) grandparents have 3 children, my dad, my aunt, and my uncle. I have one sister, and my aunt and uncle do not have any children. However, my uncle got married about 3 years ago, and his wife, Mary, has 3 kids. Her kids have barely made an effort to be a part of my uncle’s life, although he does see them from time to time because they have a good relationship with their mother.
They have made even less of an attempt than the rest of us. I’ve never even met them. My grandparents have tried to get to know them but with little luck.
My grandparents bought a fairly nice house when I was a baby. I was unaware until a few weeks ago, but it seems that their plan was always to sell the house whenever they got ready to move and split the money among their grandchildren.
I guess my dad and his siblings will get whatever is left in their will, so this is how they wanted to set up their grandchildren. They’ve saved a good amount for themselves, and now they’re moving into a retirement community. They sold the house, and my sister and I are each getting about $250k.
This is really useful for me and my husband. We’ve been looking to get a bigger house because we’re about to have a second kid, so it will allow us to put a sizable downpayment on that and still have a lot to go into savings. My sister plans to pay off her student loans and then put most of it in savings as well.
We’re really grateful obviously to our grandparents because we both really feel like this will set us up well for the future.
My uncle called me yesterday and said that Mary is very upset because her children were not included. She says that they are my grandparents’ grandchildren now too and deserve a cut.
My grandparents have basically said it’s up to us if we want to share, but that they left it to us for a reason.
I’m torn because we had plans for that money. If they had made any effort at all to be ‘grandchildren’ to my grandparents, I wouldn’t hesitate, but they didn’t even meet my grandparents until they were in their late teens/early 20s and they have made little effort since.
WIBTJ if I didn’t share?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your grandparents had plenty of opportunities to change their will.
Mary’s only been in your family for 3 years! She is absolutely, 100% wrong to count on something for her kids, and she is 1000% wrong in trying to pressure you for it.
She’s a gold-digging fortune-seeker. Tell her you are honoring your grandparents’ wishes, and that is the last on this topic. Your uncle is a real jerk for doing this. I’d block him and his wife.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are not your grandparents’ grandchildren. Your uncle’s stepkids haven’t made any kind of effort to interact with your grandparents.
And they have only been your uncle’s stepkids for three years.
If your grandparents wanted them to have any of the money, they would have arranged that specifically.
You and your sister are under no obligation to share any amount with them, no matter what your uncle’s wife thinks. Your uncle can, if he wishes, share his eventual inheritance with his stepkids once your grandparents pass away.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t share it. Let this cause a rift if it must but stand firm. I hate how people March in, exert their entitlement, and everybody caved to save face.
She’s a huge jerk, not you. Greedy people always reaching their hands out for other people’s money.
Your grandparents are right, they left it to you for a reason. They have had ample opportunity to include your ‘cousins’. They have not. And make sure you emphasize that when you tell them that. They weren’t forgotten about. They were left out because they’re relative strangers who don’t just get a hand out because their mom married your uncle.
Maybe they shouldn’t be such reclusive jerks to your family and try and form a relationship with the people they’re begging for money from.
Don’t cave. That’s why entitled people get their way. They were being jerks nd everyone just just pushed over to keep the peace.
Block them if you have to. Tell them you’ll hire a lawyer to send them a cease and desist. Just stop allowing this nonsense to manifest and let your grandparents deal with it if they must.” Mission_Crow468
20. AITJ For Asking My Uncle's Wife To Return My Mom's Drawing?
“My (36 f) mom (68 f) was an artist before she got Alzheimer’s. If you’re familiar with Alz, she’s in stage 6 now. I’ve always loved her art. There was one piece in particular that was special. In high school, she helped me assemble a last-minute costume as a ‘moth fairy.’ We thought it was HILARIOUS.
Later, she made an elaborate drawing of a moth fairy for me. We both loved it. But she wanted to hold onto it because it reminded her of me. She told me, ‘I want to keep it for now. You can have it after I die.’
It represented the good times.
But even when Alzheimer’s hit in full force, I followed her wishes. Her artwork stayed with her.
I didn’t anticipate a family member taking it.
When mom no longer knew the date/year/season or her own age, and couldn’t make food or read bills, she moved to my aunt’s house so I could work on clearing out her house and selling it to get her into memory care.
So her art was at my aunt’s house. Then Mom’s brother and his wife (52 f) came to visit. The wife saw the moth fairy drawing, the most beautiful/detailed piece, and asked to keep it. And Mom, not remembering the significance, said ‘Okay.’ Mind you, this was a woman with moderate dementia who didn’t know her own middle name.
I was devastated when I found out. But I assumed once the wife knew the significance, she would surely return the drawing. (Though she should’ve consulted me as the only child AND Power of Attorney before taking anything.)
Recently, mom’s brother and his wife were visiting again, so I messaged the wife explaining the significance of this piece and politely asked if they could bring it back.
She did not respond.
When I saw the wife, she refused to make eye contact or acknowledge me. When I gently inquired about the drawing, she immediately got angry saying my request was selfish – no, that I was selfish. That she and my mom had a ‘deep and meaningful conversation’ and the artwork represented that.
(Please keep in mind advanced dementia my mom had at the time this supposed conversation would have taken place.)
She said I was rude to even ask. She said that they’d come to town to visit family, not me. She lectured me about how ‘you can’t always get what you want in life.’
I’ve experienced people angry at me before, but never like this. There was such spite in her words. It felt like we’d been feuding for years, but we’d really only ever exchanged idle pleasantries. I realized I’d never see the drawing again.
For my part, I did say that the drawing wasn’t hers to take.
That it was something very meaningful to me. The one potentially rude comment I did make was, ‘I hope that every time you look at it, you remember that you took away something that meant a lot to me.’
If Mom had been in her right mind, she’d never have given it away.
(ESPECIALLY to this lady. Before Alzheimer’s, my mom thought poorly of her. Ironic!)
So AITJ for both asking for the piece AND expecting it to be returned?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As Power of Attorney, you should get a lawyer to send a strongly worded letter requesting its return. That should do it.
No one should be removing the articles of an estate belonging to a person with dementia prior to a fair distribution of assets being determined after death as per the will. If goods must be disposed of to pay for care for someone, the POA is responsible for determining what and how disposal happens.
End of story. Anything else is theft.” illuminantmeg
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ! Your comment was not rude at all. The family member knows exactly what she is doing and how much this is hurting you. The family member took advantage of your mother’s state in order to get what she wanted from her (something that she did not create and has no right to own).
I cannot believe the entitlement of that woman. Some people have some nerve. That artwork belongs to you and I am so sorry things have turned out this way. It’s honestly devastating.” m_o_o_n_f_l_o_w_e_r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are power of attorney and your mother is not able to make legal decisions for herself anymore.
This painting had been promised to you as part of where estate for decades and other people know it. Draw something up and have her return the original immediately, in its unaltered state, or you’ll see her in court over it. Make a print of the painting and have it delivered to her.
Then avoid her like the plague.” External-Hamster-991
19. AITJ For Having A Decompressing Time Every Day After Work?
“So I (37 m) work as a service manager for a high volume dealer and am out of the house for 12 hours a day (leave at 6 am and don’t get home until 6 pm) 5 days a week. My wife (33 f) gets upset when I get home and after eating dinner and wants to get a couple of rounds of Call of Duty in.
My wife is a stay-at-home mom with our 18-month-old and thinks it’s absolutely criminal that I want to get some decompressing time at the end of the day. My daughter is still in the mommy all the time phase so she prefers to spend more time with my wife than I.
Usually, when I get home I will eat dinner, do whatever honey-do’s she has for me, and then play for a little. After I’m done I will join them and spend time with my family which usually is her watching a movie/show and I reading the same book to my daughter 10 times.
LOL. My wife says that even when I’m chilling with them I spend too much time on my phone. While we are all hanging out if my daughter is asking for my attention I will stop what I’m doing and do whatever she’s asking me to do.
Whenever she wants to go back to mommy I will browse Twitter or Reddit since I usually have absolutely zero interest in what she is watching. She accuses me of being absent/not present since I don’t focus all my free time on her and the baby. Also, side note she is currently 20 weeks pregnant.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is telling you that she needs adult attention after spending ALL day with a baby. When you’re there, you are constantly doing everything you can to engage in escapism. She’s telling you, but you aren’t listening. The day will come when she doesn’t complain to you at all.
And it will be because she has already left you in her mind. The only thing left will be the packing. Once it gets to that point, there will be no fixing it. YTJ” PossibleChemist8218
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re wife needs your help. She’s looking after a toddler all day, growing another baby, and then when you get home you want to decompress.
When does she get time out? You need to start stepping up now as there will be a new baby soon.
You say that they nap during the day. Are you sure about that? I’m sure at 18 months your daughter does, but does your wife? The most condescending phrase I heard as a mum was ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’.
Not all babies/toddlers sleep for long during the day. Mine certainly didn’t. And even if they do, there’s no saying that the parent is able to fall asleep at that time.
It’s hard being home with a small child and one of the biggest aspects of that is the lack of adult company.
Your gaming is depriving her of even more company.” MrsT381
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ. You do deserve some time to decompress, and so does your wife. However, it seems her main issue is that you not spending time with her and your daughter – and it’s not the gaming that stopping that, it’s your attitude toward family time.
It doesn’t sound like you’re engaged at all in parenting, so no wonder your daughter only wants her mother. You need to do more than just sit in the room with them. No parent is interested in kid TV, but that doesn’t mean you should zone out on your phone every second your daughter or wife isn’t speaking to you.
For example, you could initiate activities with your daughter – whether is playing a game or joining whatever she’s doing – but it doesn’t sound like you’re doing any of that.” colo28
18. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Friend She's No Longer Welcome In Our Home?
“My husband (27 M) and I (26 F) have a daughter (6) together. She’s the light of my life and we both adore her. Now I work a long job that eats up a lot of my time. This often causes missed weekends or long evenings when my husband is looking after her.
While I’m gone my husband sometimes has friends around for some company. This is fine by me as long as they don’t do anything that would hinder his ability to care for our child however, beginning around our daughter’s fourth birthday there has been one friend in particular who always seems to be around.
For the sake of clarity, I’ll refer to her as Jen. Jen is a single woman who doesn’t have kids, she works with my husband and they have been friends for a few years. I have no issue with this and strongly believe a man and woman can be friends but my concerns do lie elsewhere.
On several occasions, I have come home to find Jen and my daughter cuddling together on the sofa watching tv, movies, etc. At first, I thought nothing of it but now it’s become constant. Jen started arriving on my days off to spend time with us, made jokes about being my daughter’s nanny, and referred to me as an absent mother.
I was appalled, I immediately told her to leave and explained she was no longer welcome in our home or with our child. My husband is annoyed that I kicked her out, calling me selfish and that I was doing it out of guilt that she was right about what she said.
It hurt to not have him see my side. I’m not speaking to him right now due to these comments and I stand by my ban of Jen from our home but his reaction has made me feel unreasonable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of Jen’s relationship with your kid or your husband, she should have NEVER made that comment even if that’s how she feels.
She disrespected and insulted you in your own home, that’s unacceptable.
I think what’s most concerning is your husband’s reaction. It makes me feel like he’s made those comments about you to Jen. Or Jen has said it to him so many times he’s starting to see her point.
I think you need to talk to your husband.” vivid_prophecy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This woman is getting a little too bold. She needed to be put in her place. Your husband seems to be using her as a surrogate mom too. That needs to be addressed. This is also sexist as no other man would DARE to impose on another man’s family this way and call him an absent dad because he worked hard to pay the bills.
It would never be acceptable for YOU to have another man in your home calling himself a third parent and cuddling up on your couch. Your husband would feel disrespected at the VIOLATION of his family. Yet they all expect you to have no job but still pay the bills, be a mom full time but still pay the bills, never leave the kitchen but still pay the bills?
And what does your husband do? Does he even work? Or just bring drama and strange women into your home?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her feeling comfortable enough to say this and your husband readily agreeing would mean to me that they have been talking about this. This is a concern he should bring up with you and not something that is her place to say, especially in that manner.
His allowing this sort of closeness without talking to you or trying to see your side would also be a red flag to me.
I would look further into why your husband is taking her side and worries more about her feelings than yours as well. Not saying they are having anything physical, but a certain emotional closeness can develop and maybe turn into something too close.
Calm down, take a deep breath, and then delve further into what’s happening there.” CrazyCatLadyForEva
17. AITJ For Making My Roommate Pay Rent?
“About a year ago my friend Sophia (27 F) lost her house because she was out of work, she couldn’t afford rent in the area so I (23 F) let them stay with my fiancé (25 M) and me till she gets back up on her feet. She recently got a job at Starbucks and is saving up for a home.
This is fine except she and her daughter (8) eat everything in my fridge and leave little to none for my fiancé or me. Today when I went to put ranch on my salad nothing came out but a fart, the bottle was empty. The other day it was the butter dish, before that the milk, and so on.
This has been going on for months and I’ve finally had enough of it.
I had a talk with my fiancé about this and he said that this has been bothering him as well, we agreed that $500 a month was a fair amount since they live down in our basement with a small bathroom.
When Sophia got home we talked to her and told her that we would start charging her $500 a month to cover her and her daughter’s expenses. She freaked out and complained that this was an insane amount to live in the basement, I told her that I thought it was fair since the basement is furnished and equipped with a king bed and entertainment station, and this $500 would also go towards things like food, utilities, bills, and other such expenses.
We told her we thought this was a fair amount because it’s in Boston and it covers everything.
So, am I the jerk? Is $500 a month really too much to expect her to pay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are incredibly generous – you let her live there for free and even paid for their food!
And now you ask very little from her.
Sadly, she no longer views what you are doing and the kindness and a huge favor it is: instead she grew entitled to your space and your food and – yes – your money. She’s not thankful, she is a choosing beggar and I’m really sorry, but she’s hardly a real friend at this point.
Some people, when treated with kindness, react with positive emotions and others see this as a weakness and grow entitled and start to view you as a ‘sucker’ that can be used. That’s Sophia right now. To her, you are no longer a friend doing her a solid, you are a sucker that she’s playing.
I had a friend like that once and it’s sad but you can’t really know it’s gonna happen until it does. I pretty much observed in real time as he re-categorized me in his mind from ‘friend who is helping’ to ‘a sucker! I can get MORE out of her’.” LadyKlepsydra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if she doesn’t like the flat fee, then tell her that she is to pay for all groceries and that there better be food left in the house for you and your fiancé to eat. That you are tired of going to get something to eat or use on a dish only to find out that it’s all gone or just a smidge left. Try paying for the groceries and the additional utilities and that is probably more than the 500 that you’re asking for.
Your mistake was in not wording it as a charge for food and utilities but as rent for the basement area.
You need to have another discussion with her about the grocery situation and hopefully, you can have proof of the added expenses that you have been covering for her for the past year.
Otherwise, it just might be time for her and her daughter to leave.” eyore5775
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is a roommate. As you said. If you’re in effect buying food for her and her daughter, as well as toiletries and other sundries, there’s literally no reason not to charge them rent.
If she’s complaining about $500 a month, kick her out and let her find accommodations in the area. I have no clue what the market value would be, but I imagine it’s probably more than that. And she’ll have to pay utilities as well as her own food bill.” bmyst70
16. AITJ For Not Financially Helping My Homeless Roommate?
“From elementary school to high school, my best friend was a girl named Aryanna.
In high school, this group of kids severely bullied me. Aryanna knew about the group of bullies but ended up joining them since she wanted to also become popular and get close to a guy in the group. It obviously sucked, but I moved on and haven’t seen Aryanna since high school.
I feel like my current life is pretty successful, at least by societal standards. Which is probably why Aryanna reached out to me through social media. She apologized to me for the bullying in high school and explained that she needed help because she was leaving a bad relationship and needed somewhere to stay/money for a hotel until she could figure out permanent housing.
I told Aryanna that I was open to talking again through social media, but I really wasn’t comfortable giving her money or having her move in since we haven’t talked in years. Aryanna accused me of still being mad over what happened in high school and holding it against her.
I told Aryanna that I forgave her for the bullying and wasn’t mad about it anymore. It’s just ridiculous to have her move in or send funds when we haven’t talked in like seven years.
A few family members who knew Aryanna as my friend before high school said I was in the wrong for not helping Aryanna.
They said that popularity can seem like everything in high school, and even though Aryanna caved to peer pressure, she was sorry enough to reach out to me and apologize. And that I am cruel for not helping her when she’s trying to get out of a bad relationship and I am more than capable of helping.
I understand that high schoolers can do bad things out of peer pressure and I forgave Aryanna for the bullying. I also acknowledge that leaving a bad relationship is tough, but I still think it’s ridiculous for Aryanna to move in or expect money from me when we haven’t even talked in years.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ANYONE asking for money especially after having not spoken for YEARS would strike people as weird and definitely make them feel uncomfortable. Your family saying you’re in the wrong can assist her if they feel so strongly about the situation but you have every right to choose how you want to spend your money and who you choose to invest your time in.
There’s no telling really how letting them move in with you would go, especially if you take into consideration how often couples alone struggle with adjusting to one another even after having been together for years. It simply sounds like a last-ditch effort by reaching out to you and it’s also kind of insulting to get mad at you saying you’re still holding a grudge while she’s actively trying to solicit help from you.
It just screams ‘I’m trying to use you’.” NerdGhai
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. Frankly, it’s asinine for anyone to say that you are cruel for not letting someone you have had no contact with for 7 years into your home. You are no more responsible for Aryanna’s consequences from a bad relationship than you were for her terrible behavior in high school.
I would honestly block her entirely because the fact that she just now (when she’s over a barrel) decided to make her grand apology feels manipulative. There are homeless and domestic violence shelters in every city in the US that she is free to utilize. Or you can give her info to your relatives and suggest they take her in and see how fast they walk back their suggestion.
Good luck OP, keep moving forward.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her request was unreasonable, but forgivable as she might well be in a desperate situation.
What makes me sure that you should keep your distance is how she immediately started accusing you of holding a grudge about the bullying thing when you refused her.
That sounds more like she hasn’t moved on, and like she played a larger role in the bullying than you might suspect. It also sounds much less desperate, and more manipulative. Like maybe she is always in a hard place and contacting you was more like putting out a lure to see what she could scam from you.
Perhaps you because all the friends she kept in touch with would have warned their friends about her, and her current acquaintances are nobody they or you (or she) would want to know.
Anyway, you are NTJ.” Test_After
15. AITJ For Calling Off The Lease If My Fiancé Doesn't Get A Job?
“I (29 F) live with my fiancé (29 M) in a condo that we rent together.
We moved into this condo at the beginning of 2020, when the world shut down. He just finished school and promised that he would get a job to help support the rent, pay his own bills and buy his own groceries. I agreed.
He never got a job that year and was living off the government’s calamity relief money.
I initially didn’t say anything, because he wouldn’t end up paying that money back and he was self-sufficient. There also weren’t many jobs in his field (not an excuse, but something to note). When the financial support from the government stopped coming, I asked him about getting a job but his excuse was that he was going to go back to school and didn’t want to get one until he knew his school schedule.
When I asked again, he said the financial aid he would be getting from the government would support him. It didn’t last his full year and I ended up having to pay for his groceries and his portion of rent for 2 months. After this, he did end up getting a summer job.
Fast forward to the present day. He promised he would get a job this Fall while back in school, to ensure he didn’t run into the same issue as last year. I discussed with him my concerns, including my worries about our future together and my stress about financial stability.
He said he was ‘sorry’ and would look for a job. It’s been two weeks since the conversation and he hasn’t been looking…
With interest rising and me being on a fixed income, working casually on the side already, I can’t support him should he ‘run out of financial aid’.
I spoke to his mother about this, who suggested that I give him an ultimatum that, ‘if he didn’t get a job by the end of November, I was canceling the lease, moving back home and he’d have to find a place to live on his own’.
I’m not a huge supporter of ultimatums, since I don’t think it’s a great way to solve problems in a relationship, but I feel there may be no other choice.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The thing about ultimatums is that they shouldn’t be thrown around or treated lightly. But sometimes they are not only appropriate but necessary. You’ve talked about this before and he hasn’t changed. He didn’t try to get a job while in school when or at any point before he ran out of funds.
He didn’t work extra over the summer to pay you back or save up for walking directly into the same situation again. He either knows that everything is more expensive than it was a year ago or is dangerously out of touch and should absolutely know that he has to make each dollar stretch even further when it already didn’t stretch enough.
And he knows the burden this already has and continues to put on you. You would be saying this relationship is not going to survive unless he begins to take your needs and concerns seriously and be a partner like he’s promised. That’s absolutely fair!” -im-tryin-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t think it’s an ultimatum – it is a prediction of the future based on his history. You can’t keep the place on your own if he won’t get off his dead butt and contribute. He is going to end up homeless because it doesn’t sound like Mom is going to be letting him move in with her.
You are NTJ for telling him what will happen if he doesn’t start adulting immediately. Don’t be a jerk to yourself. You have been responsible throughout; he has not. It is not your job to raise him, house him, feed and clothe him. What have you gone without because you can’t rely on him?” MyCircusTent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are both old enough to be partners in your future together. That includes financial stability. I can understand why you would be concerned and anxious. He seems to feel differently about the future. That’s OK but your feelings are valid. You need to speak with him and be a lot more firm and also explain the anxiety it’s bringing you.
If he still doesn’t act, then yes it’s time to move on and save some funds while living at home.” User
14. AITJ For Not Throwing Away The Used Coffee Pods?
“I (f 21) rent a room from a guy who is significantly older than me.
We both use the Keurig equally. He uses those disposable Keurig pods and I use the reusable ones, I just buy coffee grounds because it’s cheaper. I woke up this morning to find that the Keurig is not in the kitchen. When confronting him he said it’s because I keep taking his used Keurig pods out of the machine and leaving them on the counter.
I personally feel like it’s not my responsibility to throw away his used Keurig pods. Neither of us seems to care if it’s left in the machine. And I personally could not care less if it was left out on accident for a few hours. I do however throw away his pods most of the time.
It’s just been a busy holiday season at work and I’ve been tired. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this right… Your roommate makes a cup of coffee and then turns his machine off. You come along later to make your own cup of coffee and take the pod out and set it on the counter instead of the garbage?
Who does that unless they’re trying to make a statement? You’re using somebody else’s coffee machine, just throw the pod away! Or even put it back in the machine when you’re done! Why are you making this into a whole thing by putting the garbage on display on the counter so he is forced to see it and throw it away?
You seem really petty! Clearly YTJ” Squirrel-mama
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – why would you think that leaving trash on the counter was ok?
You don’t feel it’s your responsibility to throw out the pod that is in the machine? He doesn’t feel it’s his responsibility to allow you to use his machine.
This is the most important fact in this story – it is HIS machine and he allowed you to use it – you used that opportunity to be petty because you couldn’t drop the used pods in the trash can?
If you would have preferred a conversation, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE to instigate it when you felt that he should have been throwing out his used pods instead of being petty here.
He would have straightened you out at that point and maybe you would still have use of HIS Keurig.
Speak up next time so there is no misunderstanding or UNNECESSARY pettiness.” MsJamieFast
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Either leave the pod in or toss it. Intentional or not, leaving it on the counter cones off as passive-aggressive.
As if you’re trying to send a message of ‘throw these away!’ If he lived alone, he’s presumably leaving the pod in until his next cup then tossing the old one. You use the machine in between his uses, hence it becoming an issue. The burden isn’t on him to tell you to toss them—it’s common sense.
Just apologize and say you’ll be more thoughtful moving forward.” knapen50
13. AITJ For Applying For A Program In Canada Without Telling My Husband?
“I’m Ukrainian, my husband is American. We reside in 3rd country, in the Middle East because of his work. It’s very expensive to live here, I am doing freelance work online and I live in a rental house under his name and there are many stupid rules where the wife needs no objection to even opening a bank account, etc and I’m under his visa here.
Because he’s USA citizen residing abroad I’m not entitled to any immigration visa to the USA.
I was about to have an interview to get a tourist visa to the USA so we can go there to see his family. We got into an argument because of something he did a day prior to my interview when he took away my supporting documents and said I don’t deserve a visit visa to the USA.
I didn’t like that he used this as a power play of some sort so I applied for a program in Canada that allows me to live and work there for 3 years, I got approved. I want to go ahead and go for it.
Now my husband says I’m a jerk for doing it behind his back.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Go to Canada and don’t look back. What your husband did, taking away supporting documentation for your tourist visa to the US, is inexcusable. It’s an abusive power move and is a terrible sign for your future with him. He feels justified in ruining your ability to travel with him.
If you’re living in the Middle East under his visa, he can also threaten your ability to stay there with him, too. Don’t wait for this to happen and you need to try to flee a country.
This is a hill to die on. Nothing in the marriage will get better for you when your husband acts like this.
I’m an American and have lived abroad. Your husband is a terrible jerk. You should move to Canada; it’s a fantastic opportunity. Do it and know it’s the BEST decision you can make for YOUR future, with or without your husband.” Electronic-Bet847
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he was allowed to make a unilateral decision (to not give you the documents), it seems fair you get to make unilateral decisions.
Also, he said you don’t DESERVE to visit the USA – well fine, apparently Canada would be thrilled to have you.
Your husband is controlling and trying to punish you. The bit about the bank account – looks like you are saying you can’t open a bank account without his approval. And by implication, he will not give that approval.
His house, his bank account(?) for your money? These are all ways to control you. Is this what you want in a relationship? If you’re not sure, you will have 3 years in Canada to figure it out.” Blacksmithforge3241
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Go to Canada and get away from this man.
He won’t be able to try to apply for you again for a permanent visa to the US as he already had an application for a visit visa and pulled the supporting documents. His and your name (together) are already in the system and are now red-flagged. Time to divorce and move on and you’ll be better off without him as his behavior would be way worse once he got you in the States for good.” GardenSafe8519
12. AITJ For Not Keeping An Ear For My Roommate's Kid?
“I (24 f) rent a place with my friend (27 f) and she is a single mother of a four-year-old girl. We’ve lived together for five years and I’m okay with it. Especially with the setup. As a woman with no motherly instincts or care for children the way we live is great.
I have a room and a bathroom and my own kind of section of the house. I have a place I can just relax that isn’t my bedroom. I pay less rent so my roommate has more space and uses the kitchen. I don’t really cook things I just order food and I have a microwave and a small fridge/freezer in my room.
If I wanted to cook something she lets me but I make sure it isn’t in her way and I am not bothering her. But I cook like two times a year and everything in there is hers.
Also, there is an exit/entrance that leads directly into my ‘quarters’ from the outside so there are times when days go by and we don’t even see each other.
I’m usually in my space wearing headphones or focused on something (I work from home) and every so often things come up. One time she knocked on my door and I took off my headphones and opened it to see that the kid wrecked everything while my roommate was in the bathroom.
Flour, crayons, and markers were everywhere. Some electronics were knocked over. She was upset about that but she was mostly upset that the tv was knocked over and it could have fallen on her daughter. She was like ‘You didn’t hear this happening? She could have gotten crushed’ Every time something like this happens I tell her I keep my door shut and locked and wear headphones the majority of the day.
My area is not kid proofed so I know not to keep it locked up when I’m gone. But really I think that is the most I should be expected to do or am I wrong? It doesn’t happen too often but every few months something will come up where she is annoyed that I didn’t hear something happening.
I told her that I’m not the child’s parent and that I am not thinking about listening for the kid. I exit and enter through my door and obviously, if I were in her area and saw the kid holding a fork to an outlet I would stop her. But I don’t think I should be expected to be on high alert.
I shouldn’t have to listen for if the child is falling down the stairs or if she is getting into something she’s not supposed to. It’s not my job to stop her daughter from trying to do jump flips off the couch from my room that is by their living room.
Over Thanksgiving, I told my parents about this and they said I should be listening whenever kids are near. A few months ago she needed to go somewhere and wanted me to watch the kid for a bit but I wasn’t home. She said she was knocking on my locked door for so long and is annoyed that I just left without telling her.
Also, I have NEVER watched her kid or any other kid before.”
Another User Comments:
“If childcare isn’t part of your agreement, then NTJ. ‘It takes a village’ is a trite sentiment people like to lean on when they are overwhelmed with their own kids, but it doesn’t entitle them to your time or resources.
Functionally, with your roommate, this would be no different than her being upset at a neighbor in a rowhome or apartment situation, which would be wild. As a parent, I get the frustration. But these things happen with kids and the real issue is she herself didn’t notice. Not you.
If you can help and want to help, and because of those things choose to help – that’s kindness. But her child is her business.
NTJ” Encartrus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You and your roommate are essentially neighbors. Would she expect the people who live next door to constantly watch out the window in case her kid gets outside by herself?
Would she expect the people who live next door to let her know when they leave their house? I am guessing no to these questions, even if the person next door was a friend.
I assume that being a single parent of a 4-year-old is becoming difficult in a different way than being a single mom of a baby.
Babies are A LOT of work – but if you put them in a baby contraption they stay put. It is also a lot easier to baby-proof a home than it is to toddler-proof it. She sounds like she needs help, but it is not your responsibility to provide that help – especially since she is not even doing you the courtesy of asking before she just assumes.
You may want to start looking for your own place to live before the combination of her expectations and your boundaries ruin the friendship entirely.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So your setup works for you and the boundaries seem clear. It seems like your roommate is looking for a ‘village.’ You know, ‘It takes a village to raise a child,’ and that would be cool if that has been your arrangement, but it’s not and her expectations are unreasonable.
By the way, her fear and anger that her child could have been hurt is misplaced on you. Large TVs are really dangerous for unsupervised kids who like to climb or run around bumping into things. It’s her job to strap everything down tight so stuff doesn’t fall on the child.
What she seems to fail to realize is that the child could have knocked the TV over even if Mom was right there. These things happen so quickly.” sanguine_sheep
11. AITJ For Spoiling My Nephew?
“My brother (43 m) has 2 kids, my niece Miley (17 f) and my nephew Noah (18 m). I (26 f) have found my personality aligns better with Noah’s than Miley’s, but I still treat them equally for the most part. For example, when it was Miley’s sweet sixteen I got her a super expensive eyeshadow palette she’d been drooling over for a month, and for Noah’s, I got him an equally expensive Lego kit.
This might sound odd but they just have different interests and I bond better with Noah, as we like similar things.
Last summer, I was staying on the west coast (USA) with my brother and his kids for a summer internship (That resulted in an awesome job that provided me with the budget for the gifts mentioned above).
In my free time, I taught Noah how to code. He ate that crap up and became really good. We ended up making a webpage that has even attracted advertisers. I use that money for college debt and he uses it to save for college. Whereas Miley was equally uninterested in hanging out with me as I was with her.
Not to say I don’t love her, but again, we’re not close.
Fast forward to this year, Noah got into an Ivy League school near my apartment on the east coast. So he lives with me now. I’m super proud of him (CS major) and he is so happy as well.
The drama begins when I post on my TikTok a video of Noah blowing out his candle (birthday) at an upscale restaurant with the caption ‘I’m so proud of my favorite nephew! Have an amazing 18th!’. He’s also my only nephew but that’s irrelevant. we went out with his friends, and mine had an awesome meal and went home to open presents.
I then posted another TikTok of him opening my present because I wanted to record his reaction. I got him a new iPad for college/note-taking and an Apple Pencil. I just want to note that I recently helped fund Miley’s birthday party (in July) with 1500 of my own money, so it’s not like I gave him an unfair gift.
Well, anyways, both Miley and my brother are upset and calling me the jerk online because I guess I spoiled my nephew. I don’t know because I’m just trying to reward him for his super hard work. I plan to get Miley an equally expensive and valuable gift for her 18th, but again, on an academic scale, he works so hard that she doesn’t really care.
My parents are on my side, saying that Miley doesn’t need a gift like the one I gave Noah at least not yet. I think my brother is also upset I called my favorite nephew because it demeans Miley. I don’t really know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the parent, you have no obligation to treat them equally.
Unless you’re deliberately ignoring your niece.
I suspect a great reason they’re complaining is because of the financial advantages they think Noah has over the sister for being the favorite. Again, they are not your kids, you’re under no legal compulsion to treat them like parents treat them. Sure, it’s great if you treat them equally, but the niece is not being mistreated.
However, consider that Noah might suffer a backlash from the sister and dad.
NTJ.” pPC_bC
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You favor your nephew because when you say jump he says how high. You don’t give your niece the time of day because she’s her own person. What’s wrong with not wanting to learn how to code?
You offered she said no and you hold it against her. What’s wrong with wanting to pursue interests other than STEM? Again you downplay her academic achievements by saying her bro works so much harder. Your bro isn’t blind. He doesn’t like you playing fav with his kids. The thing is you don’t see how toxic you are just as long as you throw money at your niece.
One day she’s going to throw that money back into your face because she’s sick of the way you dismiss her.” Basic_Jellyfish3262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be calmly and firmly telling your brother and niece that yes he is your favorite nephew as you only have 1 nephew. Then remind them both that you’re sent $1500 for your niece’s birthday and that should be more than enough, especially considering that you were planning on doing the same for her 18th birthday, however, both she and your brother need to understand that neither of them is entitled to demand or expect anything for you and right now they are both going the right way for you not wanting to part with any money for her going forward if she’s going to be so entitled.” G8RTOAD
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To The Mall?
“Yesterday it was really hot, and since it won’t be for much longer, I made plans to go swimming. I invited my friends, and we had a group put together.
One of my friends texted that her partner was coming and can’t swim and suggested the mall instead. A few people said they were fine with changing plans.
I had no intention of going to the mall. I said I would be getting to the pool at around eleven. I figured whoever wanted to join me, would.
My friend texted ‘Oh, it’s the mall now.’ I texted back that I was still going to the pool, but I hoped they had fun at the mall.
Another friend texted ‘How about downtown? We could walk around.’ I texted back that that all sounded really fun, but I already made plans to go swimming.
My friend who suggested the mall said I was being inflexible. I said, ‘I guess so, LOL.’
Another friend said we could have two groups. Whoever wants to swim meet at the pool and whoever doesn’t at the mall. At this point, a mall friend texted ‘It’s not my fault my partner can’t swim.
You guys are being really unfair.’ I didn’t respond.
Most people showed up at the pool, but the few who went to the mall are talking in the group chat about what a jerk I am for refusing to be flexible and just go to the mall. I didn’t want to go to the mall.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m generally a believer that if you make plans to do a specific thing and invite people to do that thing, you shouldn’t have to change plans because one person can’t/won’t do the thing (especially a friend’s significant other that you didn’t invite specifically).
In fact, I think it’s rude to respond to a group invite to do some specific activity and ask to change the activity. If you don’t want to/can’t do the activity, you bow out. I know sometimes people are just making vague plans to hang out and haven’t decided on an activity – that’s when it’s better to be flexible.
I’m generally happy to go with the flow in that situation. But if, for example, I invite a group to go on a hike, and several people want to go, but one person is like, ‘I hate hiking, can we go to a museum instead?’ Um, no. This particular group outing is for a hike we’ve made plans to go on a hike, you can sit this one out and we’ll do a museum trip some other time.
It sounds like things worked out with people splitting into two groups. You were not ‘being unfair,’ you just wanted to go swimming, and your friend was being a brat by attempting to completely hijack your plans for the sake of her precious man, whom you didn’t actually invite in the first place.
Frankly, your friend was being equally inflexible by her own standards.” Thesafflower
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, hilarious, you made plans, set them up with people, and then your friend was just trying to reorganize everything around her man? She can go spend her day with her man if that’s what she wants.
You’re not required to hang out with her partner.
It is so stupid that it’s even a discussion that they’re saying that you should change the plans, that you were inviting them all along to go and hang out with you. If they wanted to go to the mall, that was their choice of how to spend the day.
Like I just can’t. I’m so baffled.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you could’ve explained a little more to the other people that it was less about hanging out and more that you actually wanted to go to the pool, but you set up plans and you are allowed to not want to change them.
It sucks for the mall friend, but it’s not even them it is their partner, who doesn’t need to come. I tend to communicate too much but if it was me I would send a text explaining that and try and phrase it a little nicer than ‘I guess so, LOL’.
Make it clear that you wanted to go to the pool, and they were welcome to join you or skip it but it was your event and you were allowed to do what you wanted and planned. Maybe offer doing something different next time?” llunarllamas
9. AITJ For Not Allowing A Student To Go To The School Clinic?
“I (32 F) work in a school. I’m not in the US so our grades are counted differently, but my students are between 12 and 14 years old.
This story concerns a boy who is 13 and who I will call John.
John will often ask to go to the nurse’s office during lessons, usually because he says he feels sick. I’ve been letting him go without a fuss because if he feels sick, he shouldn’t be in class.
But last week, I talked to the nurse and I asked if she’s talked to John’s parents about him being sick so often to see if there was something more serious going on. This is the nurse’s responsibility in my country, and she would normally tell the teacher about the problem if it affects the class a lot, which is why I asked. She told me he’s never been to the nurse’s office.
So of course I realize that John has been skipping class by saying he needs to go to the nurse’s office and I’m mad because I haven’t given him any absence marks because he had a valid reason to leave. I can’t give him absence marks retroactively so he has full presence in my class, despite missing 15-20 minutes every other lesson.
The next time he says he’s sick and needs to go to the nurse’s office I ask him if it’s serious enough that he needs to go to the hospital or if I need to call his parents. He looks surprised and says ‘No, I don’t think so’. So I say that he can’t go to the nurse’s office because it was not that serious.
He stays for the rest of the lesson and shows no signs of being sick.
The day after this incident I get an angry call from John’s mother. She tells me I have no right to deny her son medical attention. I tell her about him missing class and not going to the nurse’s office, but she says that is irrelevant as I couldn’t know if he was really sick or not this time.
She told me she was bringing this to the principal and now I’m worried I messed up.
So AITJ for not letting a student go to the nurse’s office?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But in the future with this kid I would do the following: before he leaves, call the nurse to expect him.
When he doesn’t show, then he is marked truant. At the same time, you send him to the nurse, and email mom about his nurse trip. Every time. Make a template email so it takes no time. Every time he doesn’t arrive at the nurse, call mom or email during your break to ask if she picked him up since he was so ill he didn’t make it to the nurse.
Inform your admin NOW before she muddies the message.” Background-Aioli4709
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He cried wolf too many times, you called him on his crap. His parent is continuing to defend his crappy behavior because he went home and whined, instead of recognizing that her child being deceitful is the bigger problem.
I’m sure your principal will side with you when you explain the situation.
Just next time, call the mom with your ‘concern’ before the kid has a chance to make you out as a villain – ‘Hi Ms X – just wanted to make you aware, little X keeps truanting lessons claiming he is unwell but the nurses have no record of him visiting them.
He did ask again today but he seemed well, so I asked him to stay in the lesson. Could you speak to him about the importance of not missing his education because I’m concerned about him falling behind or failing’.” snufflefluffles
Another User Comments:
“Ehh, NTJ but you need to come up with a better solution for how to handle this than denying him access to the nurse.
As much as we all know little John isn’t really sick or going to the nurse, it just comes back negatively on you when his parents hear about it, as you’ve just experienced. You definitely should have immediately alerted his parents as soon as you realized he wasn’t actually going in the first place.
That way everyone would have been on the same page. But for the future, maybe have a staff member or even another trusted classmate escort him to the nurse to make sure he gets there. I’m sure once he figures out that he actually has to go to the nurse’s office, he will find himself feeling much better.” starfruitlicker
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom I'm Earning Money?
“I (16 f) just got my first job at a restaurant in my town and I got paid yesterday. My parents can check my bank balance and my mom asked why it had gone up and I reminded her I had a job now.
She was mad I hadn’t told her I was getting paid when I told her about the job, because when my older sisters (ages 23 and 25 and both moved out) didn’t earn anything at their jobs. They both did unpaid internships for experience before university. I reminded her of this but she’s mad that I deceived her and now thinks she shouldn’t trust me with the money as I am probably using it for something I shouldn’t like smoking or doing illegal stuff.
I told one of my sisters and she said I probably should have been clearer that I was getting paid. I thought that saying I had a job meant I was getting paid as I never said I had an internship or anything that would suggest I’m not getting paid.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said you had a job, not that you had an unpaid internship. Your mother misunderstood but it was not because you were being deceitful, it’s because she made assumptions most people would NOT have made.
‘now thinks she shouldn’t trust me with the money as I am probably using it for something I shouldn’t like smoking or doing illegal stuff.’
Even if you have had problems with substances in the past or something, preventing a 16-year-old from getting a job and learning to manage her finances is… wait for it… NOT going to help that 16-year-old learn to manage finances. Your mother needs to establish rules and consequences for substance use, not take control of your money for herself.” graywisteria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I really don’t get to miscommunication here. You said you got a job, not an unpaid internship.
But you need to listen to the actual message here, she’s saying that because you have money now, she thinks you are going to spend it on something unimportant.
Your mom is absolutely going to steal your money dude. She’s already crafting reasons to say that you don’t deserve to have it and that you can’t be trusted with it in your account.
You need to look around, find another adult that you trust, who isn’t on your mom’s side like the sister you spoke to, and have them help you make another bank account at a different bank from where you bank with your mother.
If you have direct deposit with your work, have them split the money with most of it going toward your new account. That way there is still some funds going into the account and you can say the first check was higher cuz it was a sign-on bonus, and if your mom steals your cash, she doesn’t steal all of it.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As far as I understand, people get jobs so they can have money. Internships generally still pay the interns at least enough to drive there and back, eat some lunch, and maybe have some food after work too.
I believe, should she start messing with your money.
You might benefit from just cashing your checks, or withdrawing all/most of the money before she can access it and ‘repurpose’ it. Should that not be the case then you’d be fine, but keep a close eye on your money. I’ve seen way too many stories of parents having too much access to their kids’ bank accounts to the point they couldn’t properly flee a bad situation until they got a second bank account with someone else or once they were 18.” couldathrowaway
7. AITJ For Telling My Unemployed Friend To Stop Comparing Her Life With Others'?
“My (25 F) friend Anna, left her job 2 months ago. Her boss was toxic and controlling and the pay was pretty bad. Since then she is not working and she receives financial help from her parents.
She has become very insecure and jealous of everyone’s achievements and will always make snide remarks like ‘You guys don’t know how difficult my life is’ or ‘I wish I was lucky as you guys to have a great boss/colleague’.
The thing is most of our friend group have really terrible bosses and are not ‘lucky’ as she claims. We stopped talking about work in general around her as it has become a sensitive topic.
Yesterday we were all planning to go out for dinner so I called Anna to ask if she can come.
She again started her whole ‘you guys are lucky enough to afford fancy meals while I can’t etc.’ I lost it and told her we are not lucky and we all tolerate our work to pay bills. If she does not wish to tolerate her horrible boss it’s cool but she should stop comparing her life with others.
She said she was allowed to complain as she lost her job. I pointed out she left and did not ‘lose’ the job. I added that she has not been even looking for a new job for over two months so her behavior is absolutely unacceptable. She is mad at me and wants me to apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Like you said she chose to leave her job instead of trying to find one better before she quit. She put herself into that situation, so she has no right to be making the comments she does.
It’s called being an adult. If you don’t like something, you look for something better while still working where you don’t like it.
Otherwise, if you just quit, then you deserve not to be able to afford finer things. Especially if you are not actively looking for a new job.
Everything you said was correct, and you have nothing to apologize for.” Whiskeygirl81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand the frustration of being unemployed but it’s not fair for her to make everyone around her feel bad about it and assume their work situations are perfect.
Having left a job with an incredibly abusive toxic boss, I wonder why she’s not looking for a new job. I definitely had some PTSD from my experience and was scared it would happen again. Therapy costs money that she may not have but if you’re comfortable and her parents are willing to assist perhaps you could suggest she explore therapy to work through any residual trauma holding her back from finding a better job?” throwaway7829282626
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is hard to find a new job right now, she shouldn’t have quit that job without having something else lined up unless it was truly dangerous. She doesn’t have the right to throw a pity party and try to make everyone else feel bad and try to minimize the struggles the rest of y’all go through.
It really sounds like this is just a point where you guys need to cut her off because she is choosing to look at you all without empathy and try to get something out of y’all.” JCBashBash
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Work In A Museum?
“I’m currently in grad school for library and information science.
I’ve been working in a public library for the past year and a half as an assistant and I’m planning on applying for librarian positions when I graduate. This has been the plan since I was in high school.
My dad recently reconnected with a cousin he’s never been very close to and who I’ve never met.
He learned that his cousin has a son (my second cousin) who has been working in a museum in another country and recently moved back home. Today he told me that he wanted to arrange lunch with the family because the son could potentially help me get a job when I graduate.
For my graduate program, I could’ve chosen between a few different pathways, including museum/archival studies and public or academic libraries. Obviously, I wanted to work in a public library so I’ve been taking classes pertaining to that field.
I told my dad I’d be happy to meet the family but I don’t think that he’d have any connections in the library realm, considering he has a completely different degree than I do, works in a different field, and hasn’t even been working in the country.
My dad said he could get me a job in a museum, and I said I didn’t want to work in a museum, I wanted to work in a library, which is why I’ve been working at one trying to gain experience and make my own connections.
He and my mom responded by saying they didn’t even know I wanted to work in a public library, which kind of annoyed me because they’re pretty involved in my life.
We live close enough to each other that I usually see them once a week, my mom and I text constantly, and since I’m in school they still help me out financially. Just yesterday I was telling my mom about hearing from a former coworker that their new librarian wasn’t doing too well and that it’d be great if that position was open in a few months when I graduate.
I reiterated that I was perfectly fine with my dad arranging lunch for me to meet this family but that I wasn’t going to try to get this guy to introduce me to museum archivists or anything. He got mad and started saying ‘Don’t meet them then! Don’t go to lunch!’ angrily.
He went into another room for the rest of my visit. He came out to hug me goodbye before I left and didn’t seem mad anymore but I don’t know what I did to make him mad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you handled the entire situation, with a slight ‘no jerks here’ for the overall argument.
Your father is right that you do need certain connections to get into a library profession, which is surprisingly competitive (according to a librarian friend I used to know). However, you are mostly in the right for not asking your extended family for helping you find a job with the lunch meet.
It may also seem extremely rude and selfish to your distant cousin and family; it wouldn’t look good to you that, after so much time passed, the only reason that your parents reached out to the extended family was to help you get a job. That probably wouldn’t go over too well…
If that wasn’t bad enough, your parents didn’t even know what your dream and major were, let alone the fact that your cousin was working in a completely different field than you. You may be seen as short-sighted for not pulling strings, but you’re also being realistic and showing maturity and pride in your hard-earned skills.
Reach out to your cousin to catch up on your own terms. You’ll become a librarian when people see you are legit. Good luck with the job hunt!” Treeflower77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The museum world is different than the library world and they don’t seem to want to understand that.
Your family has good intentions but it’s just not going to work.
The museum field is hyper-competitive with its own professionals with advanced degrees too and I’m speaking from personal experience.
You’re getting your own degree and you’ve been getting relevant experience. You could humor your family and go to lunch to get them off your back.” KassandraFrye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP.
Your dad is well-meaning, but he doesn’t really have the right knowledge base to help you in your future job search. You’re not just job searching cold turkey, you’re well on your way to your career right now. You know other people in your field, you know their typical job progressions and educational requirements.
You’ve got a realistic expectation – it’s great to meet this family member, and it never hurts to have some extra connections, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll get a job from this meetup.” Graflex01867
5. AITJ For Calling My Sister A Spoiled Brat?
“I (F 16) recently transferred schools in my junior year, and I joined theater. I have a lead role in our fall play. I have been at rehearsals for it M-F after school for weeks, since September. Our opening night is this Wednesday 11/16. I want my family to come see me obviously!
My dad asked me if my younger sister (F 8) could ‘bring her iPad to the show since she would be bored.’ That’s when I started to get sad. I told him that is a little insulting to me, but he kept saying ‘She won’t enjoy the show.’
I started to feel mad and I started to yell and I told him that this is really insulting to my hard work and that all I wanted her to do was watch. I also called her a spoiled brat. I don’t care if she loves it or hates it, I just want her there for me.
Not playing a silly little iPad game…
My dad told me that I’m ‘jealous’ of her and that I can’t ‘always get my way.’ Now he is insanely mad at me. Maybe I’m wrong, but to me I just want her to come and see me on my opening night on something I’ve worked so hard for.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father’s comment was out of line. He shouldn’t have said you are jealous. She is 8. She can sit and deal with being bored. Too many kids don’t learn how to deal with being bored. And you are right. She might not be bored at all she might like it and be fascinated by the game of ‘pretend’.
Your dad is being a lazy parent really by not teaching an 8-year-old how to sit still and shut up for a short time.
You are not jealous you just want an 8-year-old to be able to behave properly for her age.” exotics
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She’s 8.
We don’t know what your play is about, but there’s a good chance that she will not get the subject, nor understand everything, and that it would be too long for a child to follow through. You’re old enough to understand that and not take it personally if she actually gets bored on your big day.
It has nothing to do with you working hard or the play not being interesting enough, she’s just not part of the targeted public. Yelling that she was a spoiled brat when it’s your dad who’s insisting about the iPad was uncalled for. Don’t feel offended at the thought that she might be bored. She might be.
That’s no big deal.
But also, usually, no phones, no iPad, not anything disturbing in public is expected for a play. And your father overly insisting is not okay. If your sister is bored, she can absolutely be bored silently on her chair and tell you how long it was for her afterward.
There is no need to make specific changes for her.
It escalated because both of you felt attacked and attacked back. You took personally the fact that he expects your sister to be bored at the play, and he felt attacked in his parenting when you said your sister was a spoiled brat.
Is it just this time or has he shown signs of favoritism on several occasions? It sounds like the background lead to the situation more than the situation itself.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is indeed a selfish exhausting privileged brat and your dad coddles her and enables the behavior.
Both your sister and dad are the jerks. It’s this whole you’re ‘just jealous’ or ‘you can’t have your way’ nonsense, it is misogynist men’s go-to when gaslighting women it’s just sad. The sadder part is women are first introduced to the behavior at home when their fathers or brothers use it on them and then they are desensitized to it when they get older in the real world.
It’s harder to tell or stick up for themselves as women let’s say in the workplace when a male boss or colleague is disrespecting/harassing them because daddy or brother (because brother learns from daddy) or both in many cases treated them the same way.” epicandlegendary
Then again, do you even want your sister there? I'm just afraid she will do something to screw it up for you, and your father won't reprimand her because she's probably the golden child.
4. AITJ For Buying My Wife A Box Of Hairnets?
“I love my wife, but she does not understand how gross it is to find her hair in my food.
I have asked her to please stop cooking for me. I am more than happy to cook for us. Or to order out. Delivery. Restaurant. I don’t really care. I just hate finding her hair in my food.
She refuses. She says she likes to cook. And she promised to tie her hair back.
And she does. For a week. Then she ‘forgets’.
I find her hair in cookies, soups, salad, pasta, and pizza.
It must be intentional at this point.
This was our first time hosting Thanksgiving. I begged her to please allow me to make the food so she could spend the day watching football and help with the dishes afterward.
She called me silly.
Her dad is not as polite as I am. He asked, ‘WHY IS THERE HAIR IN THE STUFFING?’
Her mom found a hair in the mashed potatoes.
I just kept my mouth shut.
Now she is upset with me for not helping out and letting her be embarrassed.
I bought her a box of hair nets a couple of years ago. I brought them out and reminded her, gently, that I had told her about her hair in the food.
She is calling me a jerk for letting her screw up our first time, maybe last time, as Thanksgiving hosts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hair in food is disgusting. A hairnet seems a bit extreme for a domestic kitchen but I can understand why you went there. You’ve highlighted this as an issue to her before and she refuses to address it. Maybe now someone else has raised it she might start to take it seriously.
I honestly don’t know what else you can do to make her understand – maybe you frame it as a phobia? I’m slightly uncomfortable suggesting that but if it helped her to understand the depth of your (completely normal) aversion, maybe she’d be prepared to take some simple steps to avoid getting her hair in your food.
Otherwise, you’re well within your rights to just cook for yourself forever, in my opinion. Good luck!” Spare_Ad_4907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When she actually does tie her hair back, do you still find hair in the food? If so, some of it may be coming off her clothing.
If she sheds a good bit, it may be hanging out on her shirt and falling off during cooking. So, in addition to your hair tie/hairnet/chef’s hat solutions, she should probably also put a fresh shirt on right before cooking. Hopefully, her recent embarrassment will be the push she needs to take it seriously.” just-jen57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve made many offers to avoid hair in food, and yes, even with long hair, if you find hair in food that often, it’s starting to seem like it’s on purpose, or at the very least negligent to the point of maliciousness. i.e. deliberately not checking.
You didn’t ‘let her screw up’, she’s an adult and makes her own decisions not to take care that hair isn’t included in the dishes.
It sounds like stubbornness at this point, she knows she’s messing up but won’t admit it or change her kitchen habits.” Click_To_Sign_In
3. AITJ For Rejecting My Mom's Help?
“I (27 F) and my husband (26 M) are currently staying the night at my mother’s, as I am being induced with my second child in the morning.
Our son (1 M) is going to be watched by her while we’re in the hospital, and to save gas/time, we joined him for a sleepover, which my mom (46 F) was fine with, and offered the spare room.
Now. This isn’t ideal. My mom and I don’t have the best relationship, and my husband and her do not get along.
She is alright, at a distance, but once you’re around her, she flips a switch. She is the type of woman that has no problem being disrespectful in other people’s homes (a whole story about that) but the minute someone calls her out for her behavior, she immediately calls them rude and disrespectful.
We did not have anyone else who could watch our son, and my husband was adamant that he be in the hospital with me (I’m high-risk), so we were stuck.
Well. The minute we got here, she was overstepping my parenting. Which I figured was going to happen, and I would gently tell her that there is a method to my madness and it would be helpful if she played along with it.
Which was met with aggression. Which again, I figured would happen.
We were putting our son to bed, and I have a very strict routine as to how I do it, and anything that disturbs it messes with his process. I had already prepped the room to make it as close to his room at home, to help him adjust. He’s a pretty decent sleeper.
He was about halfway through settling himself down and she goes into the room, turns the light on, and tries to mess with him: kiss good night, tickles, etc.
I walk into the room and I tell her to get out, she’s going to keep him up and he’ll get upset.
She tells me that she’s allowed to do what she wants, tells me to go screw myself, and flips me off. In front of my husband and father.
I ignore it because that’s just what she does.
Well, the inevitable happens and my son flips out, to the point where it took us two hours to calm him down.
She kept popping in to try to help, and I kept telling her to leave because I was just extremely agitated at her for not listening and the situation in general.
Now that he’s asleep, I feel like I wasn’t super nice to my mom, and I realize that she may have noticed she messed up so she may have been trying to help, but my husband says she was in the wrong to begin with.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I understand you are in a somewhat desperate situation needing someone to watch your son while you have your second child – but gosh! Your Mom is TOXIC.
Your son does not need to spend time with this off-balance, rude woman. If we were friends I would have your son sleeping at my house right now to avoid your mother!
LOL.
I wish you a safe and wonderful childbirth tomorrow and hope you get out of the hospital soon and can go home and go low contact or no contact with your mother.
YOU are your son’s mother – YOU know his routine and what he needs – your mother does not.
SHE overstepped and apparently, she does not understand social cues or outright being told not to do something – she will anyway. The only way she backed off was when you were a bit cold toward her. If that is what it takes for her to listen you really had no other choice.
You’re good – do not fret or worry over this. You don’t need the stress.” 1moreKnife2theheart
Another User Comments:
“I get that you need her help, but I hope that once you are safely done with giving birth, your husband picks up your son and that the two of you never rely on your mother again, and I would put in some hard boundaries, but her behavior is unacceptable.
She is not allowed to treat you or your husband that way, and she did it in front of your son. You can count on the fact that she will continue to do so as he grows up and you need to shut all that down.
Best of luck with the induction.
May it go fast and smooth. Especially fast. LOL. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I doubt you are going to win this. First of all, I do not think that having his sleep routine violated is going to ruin your son’s life. It’s not even going to ruin his week.
When you are in the hospital, in labor, having your baby, and everything else that entails, most likely your son is going to be aware that you are not around, Grandma is, and he will probably stay up all night and sleep much of the day. Then she will get a break.
Some things, you just can’t control. And after the baby comes and you are all back home, there will be much more upsetting him and his routine than your mother. You never have to have her in your house again, unless there’s a situation where you have no choice.
When your son gets older, he will have friends, and their sleep patterns will be different.
He will become aware of this if they stay over or he stays over at their house. Again, it’s great to have a consistent sleep routine, especially with a kid who isn’t calm-natured, but I don’t believe everything is going out the window forever because of this. This is not to say that your mother does not violate boundaries, or has the right to behave the way she does.
Especially flipping you off and swearing at you in front of your son, when you were trying to get him calmed down.
He may not understand any of this dynamic right now, but you’ve got a lot of time to deal with all of it. Good luck at the hospital, and congrats on the new baby.” PandoraClove
2. AITJ For Wanting To Make Sure My Sister Understands Her Relationship With Her Current Partner?
“My sister has been seeing a new guy for the last three months.
Six weeks ago he dropped the bomb on her that he has kids, four. My sister always said she would never date a guy with kids, so I was expecting her to tell me she dumped him, but she didn’t. She said she liked him and wanted to keep going out with him for a little bit longer.
I thought she was wasting her time, but it’s her time to waste.
Last night she met the kids for the first time. She hated them. She told me they were rude, annoying, picky, messy, etc. I asked her if she was going to break up with him. She said no. Three of the kids are teens, and the younger girl is in middle school.
She said she is going to keep seeing him until the three older kids are out of the house, and then she will move in with him. She said she can handle living with the youngest for a couple of years because she is the ‘least annoying’ and will be able to babysit if they have a baby.
And then when she leaves all the kids will be gone.
I told my sister that was the stupidest plan I ever heard, and she is a delusional psycho if she believes any of that made sense. She got mad and said I had no right to decide how she lives her life.
I said that there is no guarantee the older kids will move out at 18, and even if they do, they’ll still be a part of their dad’s life. She said she knew what she was doing and to keep my judgment and name-calling to myself.
I said she’s my sister, and it’s my job to give her a reality check.
She called me a jerk and hung up. I know calling my sister names wasn’t mature, but I think she needed a wake-up call. Was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t even know where to start with this one. First off NTJ. I would be very concerned if this was my sister.
Serious red flags that he did not tell her that he had children from the jump. Then she is ok with lowering the bar that she set for herself in regard to being with a man with children. OP you are right, that is a stupid plan. Don’t worry, this crap fest won’t last long.
Her attitude towards his kids and the fact that she hates them will be the nail in the coffin. Pop some popcorn, pour yourself a glass of wine, and sit back and watch the train wreck that’s coming.” Ok-Blueberry-8142
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Honestly, you could’ve handled this way better and said her plan was stupid and delusional without insulting her.
And your sister just sounds super toxic, and her attitude toward the kids is just disgusting. Describing your partner’s kid as ‘least annoying’ is horrible. And then only moving in with them because she can use the youngest as a babysitter for your own kid you might have with this guy?
Your sister really just sounds like a bad person. I guarantee she will treat that youngest child as second best if she ever has a kid with this guy.” TheBigBluePit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
One thing you might want to point out – if all of his kids are badly behaved, then it’s likely from his parenting.
They’re a peek into what he’s like when he’s not on his best behavior during dates. Either he doesn’t give his kids structure so they’re entitled jerks or he’s an entitled jerk and they’re growing up just like him. Does she really want to have kids with him and risk those kids behaving like the current batch?
(I realize there might be a mom/ex-wife in the picture somewhere and it’s possible she’s the entire reason the kids are so badly behaved. It’s also possible the kids are just kids and your sister is projecting bad behaviors onto them.) He’s already lied to her about the kids even existing – what else is he lying to her about?
Her attitude is also not fair to those kids but since she already hates them, it’s not worth pointing that out.” MythologicalRiddle
1. WIBTJ If I Tell My Friend To Get A Prenup?
“I (29 F) have been best friends with ‘S’ (29 F) since high school (13 years). In that span of time, she has done a lot of things to make her a bad friend and just recently, I ended the friendship.
Yesterday she got engaged to ‘J’ (29 M) who she has been with for 4 years on and off.
J is very kind and a man that any woman would be lucky to marry – but in my opinion S does not deserve him. Unfortunately, J doesn’t know the full history of S or the things she has done to him.
Before S met J, she was hopping from job to job not lasting more than 3 months.
She would continuously be accused of stealing or lying. The kicker was when she worked at different banks and used their system to screen her potential partners – checking their account balances and credit scores. This is how she chose J to date and told me she would never have considered him otherwise.
To be clear, J is not wealthy in the slightest but does ok.
Eventually, things got better for S and she started to act like a decent person for a short time… but this dragged J down. He lost his stable job on her recommendation and began to hop from job to job when she told him to.
He went into debt spoiling her while still working 12+ hours 6-7 days a week and she was either unemployed or working at minimal employment.
They rented a condo that he paid for, and he had to work continuously to stay afloat while she was between jobs. She would make the excuse of staying at her parents’ house because she was lonely in the condo alone, but instead slept around with an old partner + many others.
She accused J of being a slob (not keeping the house as soon as he returned from work) and completely neglecting her because of his job. He left, and she kept the condo but moved back in with her parents because she couldn’t afford it.
For nearly a year, S slept around but soon realized men wouldn’t cater to her every demand like J would, so she begged her way back.
J took her back right away because he was so depressed thinking it was his fault. Not long after he bought a condo out of pocket, and they are heading in the same direction – him working impossible hours and her not working enough while complaining about him.
They got engaged yesterday and it’s eating me up inside that J doesn’t know the truth – he thinks S is the victim because that’s the narrative she gives him.
I have already told him he needs a prenup but he brushed it off, and S is against a prenup for obvious reasons. He says that he only wants to marry her because ‘he can’t see himself with anyone else’.
Some of my friends and family say it’s not my business and J’s own fault but others say that he is not making an informed decision because he simply doesn’t know.
To add, I have known J for the entire relationship and we’re decently close.
WIBTJ if I told him the truth? ”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
You ended the friendship. Why are you still up in her business? Clearly, she has ‘issues’ and clearly he has chosen to look past them or accept them or whatever.
So imagine that you show up and tell him how terrible she is. How do you see that going over? You’re not going to look good in this. It’s not about whether you’re right or wrong about her, either. It’s that you ended the friendship and keep butting in anyway.
You’ll just look like a stalker or someone who wishes this man was with you instead of her.
All that is likely to happen is that he’ll be mad at you thinking he’s a fool (even if he is) and she’ll be in your face giving you trouble for being in her business.
It’s not up to you to ‘protect’ this man from your ex-friend’s machinations. You walked away from the friendship. Keep walking.” The-Answer-Is-57
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: mind your business. You are going around gossiping about them under the guise of concern for J. You sound deeply involved in the lives of others for no good reason.
If J wanted to be with you then he would be with you. He chose someone else and your opinion of her has no bearing on his decision making. Move on before you lose the respect of the people who you are talking to about this. You are not the revelatory truth-teller you think you are.
It is time to move on.” enonymousCanadian
Another User Comments:
“‘I have known J for the entire relationship and we’re decently close.’
So you knew she was stepping out on him, your friend, and didn’t say anything for years? You looked him in the eye day after day and did nothing?
YTJ. And no matter what you say, you sound jealous. Either because you lost your dirtbag of a ‘friend’ or because your friend has a man ‘any woman would be lucky to marry.’ Neither is a good look for you.
If you were really concerned for him you would have spoken up long ago.
Seems like you just want to give yourself a reason to stir up trouble. And if she’s finally acting decent now… why are you compelled to finally speak up? This just doesn’t sound right.” aDarumaDoll
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