People Want To Double Check If They Really Deserve The Blame In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

Everyone has faced difficult situations where acting strong is the only option, and occasionally, this may be misinterpreted by people who are unaware of the complete context. They can more easily come to the conclusion that you are just a jerk. Even worse, despite your best efforts, they will not just give you the opportunity to defend yourself since they already think you are a nasty person. However, here are some stories from people who want to defend themselves from being called jerks. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor That Her Baby Is Not Crying Because Of The Movie?


“My daughter (12f) asked me if she could invite her friends over and play a movie on our projector.

I was delighted because my daughter is usually very shy and has trouble making friends. We set up an area where we could project a movie in our backyard.

The movie they were watching was Iron Man. My neighbor has a one-year-old. The movie was not that loud, but I suppose one could hear the muffling of the movie from indoors.

The mother brought her baby in a carrier and walked up to me.

She said that Ironman was pg-13, and since my daughter is 12, it is not appropriate for her. She is in 7th grade and I think it is absolutely fine for her to watch this movie.

Then she proceeded to say that it will have a bad impact on her one-year-old and that her child was crying because she did not like the scary movie. I found this hilarious, a one-year-old can’t find muffles of a movie scary. If she had asked me to turn it down, I would have respectfully done so, but she asked me to play a PG movie.

I could not hold back my giggles and said ‘ma’am, I don’t think your baby is crying because she finds iron man scary. Perhaps you could give her a bottle or change her diaper.’

She called me a Karen, even though I think that she was a Karen.

I can see why my comment might have been rude, so I am wondering if I was the jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Outside of obvious negligence or making a huge amount of noise, the neighbor should have no opinion in what you watch with your family, even if it’s in your backyard.

Also, it’s laughable that she’s claiming it will negatively affect her child, a 1-year old in a different house, while at the same time deliberately bringing her over to where the movie was being played, thereby exposing her fully to its terrible influence so that she could complain.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Inform your neighbor that PG means Parental Guidance and that PG-13 means that it may be unsuitable for those under 13 if parents decide so. You are your child’s parent and have decided that she is mature enough to watch it, thus providing the ‘Parental Guidance’ of the PG-13 rating.

Then tell the woman to stop involving herself in your parenting decisions.” SayerSong

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If she thinks the movie is bad for her 1-year-old, she can stay inside. Iron Man is a perfectly fine film for a 12-year-old. Most of the Marvel movies are despite their rating.

I was watching Gremlins & Temple of Doom at 7-8 years old. Woman needs to get over herself and worry about her own kid. Honestly, I feel bad for her kid. With that strict attitude she has, kid will be sneaking out & rebelling big time when they’re older.” Holmes221bBSt

4 points - Liked by joha2, suburbancat2, lebe and 1 more

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj lol not her kid not get business. She can screw off.
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17. AITJ For Forcing My Son To Cut His Hair?


“I (57M) have a 16-year-old son I’ll call F. When F was younger, like 3 or 4, he had shoulder-length hair that the whole family liked, but when he was 5 he wanted to cut it because he didn’t think he looked like a boy.

My wife and I agreed, and he was happy with the style until he was 8. He started to like the idea of longer hair again, but my wife had two problems with it. His hair started to grow back thicker and wavier, and he didn’t put as much effort into brushing it as he would when it was shorter, making him look sloppy.

My wife had started making me take him to cut his hair every few months, which usually resulted in him getting upset, and during the early years of that, it’d result in tears as well.

This most recent haircut came with the worst reaction yet.

In 2020, we couldn’t go anywhere for him to cut his hair, so it started to grow out really long, resembling something like that one teacher from the anime about students with superpowers. After the shops reopened, he had been getting lucky and there would always be something getting in the way of him getting his hair cut, allowing him to keep his hair the way he wanted.

However, he and my wife had gotten into an argument over his hair and she kept saying he needed to start keeping it short to look presentable for people as he looked sloppy and made a big deal about how he never brushed his hair, while he countered it with the fact that he has nobody to look presentable for as he has no friends and doesn’t want to make any, his school only requires students to go in person once a week, and he doesn’t even leave the house to go anywhere else.

He also talked about how he takes good care of his hair and he does brush and style it, she just didn’t like the way he does it.

My wife had continued to complain to me saying how his hair needed to be cut by the end of last week and to put an end to it after his class last week I drove straight to the nearest barber shop and made him cut his hair.

After it was done it had gone from past his shoulders to barely reach his eyebrows.

He’s been ignoring both my wife and me since then and only leaves the house to hang out with his sister in her room or get something to eat after we’re already sleeping.


Another User Comments:

“YTJ – he was happy with it. If she had that big of an issue she could’ve taught him how to take care of his hair. And you don’t want to brush wavy hair, you want to comb it, and use GOOD products brushing it makes it fluffy and that looks just as bad as not brushing it.

His hair was probably absolutely beautiful and y’all took something from him that he was PROUD of. YOU TOOK AWAY SOMETHING ABOUT HIMSELF THAT HE LOVED. And I think that’s the most heartbreaking thing about this. He loved his hair, he fought to keep his hair because IT MEANT SO MUCH TO HIM.

And your wife just took it like it didn’t matter. I’d bet anything in some way it made him feel like he didn’t matter to her. At the very least that his feelings don’t.” iAmThem123

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, he now knows that you are both against him and want to control every aspect of his life.

He’s 16, let him decide how he wants his hair. You’ve just undone years of work getting himself how he wants to look and he’s going to resent you for it. You both ganged up on him not because he isn’t presentable, but because he’s not presentable in the way you like.

Just because he didn’t like long hair as a kid doesn’t mean he should be forced to keep it short.

You’ve definitely really messed with his self-image, and he’s now going to have an even harder time socializing because he’s going to constantly be worrying about how he looks.

After all, he dislikes how his hair is. If you’re concerned about him looking ‘presentable’, simply make sure he’s using healthy products for his hair and brushing it. If he’s not complaining about it being uncomfortable, then he’s clearly been doing a good job at caring for it.

You’ve just driven your child away from you.” ChaoticFoodThief

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – He is 16, old enough to decide what kind of hairstyle he likes and wants. Besides, what is so wrong with him having long hair? Who is he hurting? And what is up with your wife not allowing him to have his hair the way he chooses?

Honestly, this is the hill you and your wife have chosen to die on?? There are soooooo many other things that you could have done to handle this situation better. You could have talked to your son to see what he likes about having long hair or talk to your wife and find out just what exactly is bothering her about his long hair.

And so many different things you could have said or done. Like, stand up for your son’s right to have his hair however he wants it.” Affectionate_Bat6655

4 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe, LizzieTX and 1 more

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Jazzy 1 year ago
He's old enough to determine how he wants his hair. As long as he cares for it, leave him alone
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16. AITJ For Saying I Don't Love My Stepsister?


“My mom passed away when I was 9 after her pregnancy with my little sister went terribly wrong. That day I lost my mom, who was my favorite person ever, and the little sister I had been so excited to meet.

My dad and I never had the best relationship, and there was some added strain after we lost them. He remarried when I was 11. His wife had a daughter who was 5 at the time. Before my dad she had never had a father figure in her life, she was an only child also with no extended family and never had much stability.

Because of this, she really looked up to me and wanted me to be her big brother. My dad and his wife had talked me up to her and had led her to believe that I wanted to be her big brother and that I already loved her and was so excited to have a little sister.

This was not true. The truth was I was enraged my dad thought I would sign up to be a big brother to any kid just because I had been excited about my little sister.

Present day: My dad and his wife decided the three of us needed therapy together now that I’m 17.

Ever since they got married they have waited for me to step up and cherish her daughter and treat her like the baby sister I always wanted. But I have never wanted to be her brother and I never wanted her as my sister. She was not the baby sister I adored and never got to meet.

Having her in my life didn’t make up for it in any way. My dad has said it did for him. That he poured all his love for my sister into his stepdaughter and it made up for not having her. I don’t feel the same.

My stepsister wants to be closer to me. They know this. They saw that I was not doing anything to make that happen. So they brought me to therapy to figure out what the block was. They asked me for honesty, but I held back for a few weeks because I suspected they would not like honesty.

I gave it to them. I told them I did not love my stepsister. That I did not consider her my replacement sister. I did not want to be her big brother. I did not care if they wanted that from me. I never had.

I don’t hate anyone but I never wanted the same things as them. I told them their image of me protecting her from the big bad world, protecting her from boys, taking her with me everywhere I went, hugging her and letting her snuggle close to me, looking out for her in everything, was not a role I wanted in her life and that had not changed in 6 years.

They didn’t like what I said. They argued back, saying that whether I liked it or not she was my sister and I should do better. I snapped and told them they wanted honesty and so they needed to deal with it.

They said I was harsh.

They said I was brutal. They said I was wrong and that I should be ashamed for saying the things that I did about ‘my little sister’ who adores me.


Another User Comments:


You are entitled to your feelings. They can’t FORCE you to have a relationship with a step-sibling and just expect her to replace what you lost. It doesn’t work like that.

They wanted honesty and you gave it to them. This doesn’t make you a bad person. I’m sure you don’t hate your step-sister, you just don’t have the sibling bond they want out of you. They probably won’t listen to the therapist either and may try another therapist hoping for different results.

So sorry that you’re going through this OP. You may eventually when you’re older have to cut them all off. That really sucks as you’ve already lost so much but keeping toxic people close will only bring you down. Do you have any extended fam?

Grandparents, aunts, uncles?” Gabbz737

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They asked for honesty and you gave it. I am so sorry for your loss.

You can’t force a bond you don’t want for whatever reason. I have seen your comments and I’m glad you don’t blame the step-sister.

Her mum and your dad are jerks, especially stating they are replacements. But I hope you release any hate or anger as it hurts you more. I’m glad you have your mum’s side to talk to and you may move in with them for college.

Maybe speak to your step-sister and say. I’m sorry you were lied to about all this. I don’t hate you and I’m not angry with you, I just don’t see us having a bond. No one can force a bond and no one can tell you what to feel or do.

Just please let go of any anger or hate as it damages you more.

At least then it’ll set her mind at ease to know she isn’t hated or that.

In the end, I wish you nothing but the best and happiness for the rest of your life and hope.

You do well in college.” Character-Grape520

Another User Comments:


Your dad and his wife are jerks.

You can’t control another person’s feelings/emotions. Your emotions are your own and how you feel about your stepsister is what it is about your father, and his wife and the therapist can’t change that.

Your father needs to understand that this marriage and this stepdaughter may have been his solution but it is not yours. You are not him, you are a different person, with your own feelings and emotions. When he got married, his new wife and stepdaughter apparently helped fill the loss in his life – but it did not do this for you.

Your grief was not addressed and the actions of your father and his wife trying to force his solution onto you probably made things worse for you. Their bullying and manipulative behavior about ‘your little sister’ is repulsive.

That said, it would be nice if you could look out for your stepsister.

Not as a replacement for the sister you lost nor because your father and his wife want this but just because she is a human who respects you and could probably use your guidance.” FatBloke4

3 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe and Nokomis21

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. Go to individual therapy
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15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Follow My Fiancé's Family's Wedding Custom?


“I (28F) am white and am marrying a man (31M) of Indian descent.

To respect both families’ traditions, we are having two weddings. I and my fiancé are splitting the budget for the white wedding and the Indian wedding is being paid for by his parents on their insistence. Originally we were supposed to have the white wedding first followed by a traditional Indian wedding.

Now, that the wedding is less than two months away, my MIL informs me that she had to prepone the Indian wedding because some people from her side of the family can’t attend anymore on the original date because of some issues making it take place before the white wedding.

While wedding planning, I was told by my future MIL that during the Indian wedding I have to apply Mehendi (a sort of temporary tattoo) on my hands. I said okay. The thing is, if my Indian wedding happens before the white wedding, I would have my hands covered with temporary tattoos and it would totally clash with my wedding theme, so I informed my future MIL that I do not like the idea of having the Mehendi put on anymore.

She was upset, to say the least, and also implied that since she was paying for the wedding, she should have the right to decide. She said I was disrespecting the customs and acting ignorant. I talked with my fiancé about it and even though he didn’t say it outright, I know he agrees with his mother.

My friends are divided. Some think that I am right to want a specific aesthetic while others think I’m worrying over nothing. I have had little to no say about what happens at the Indian wedding, so I really want the white wedding to be exactly how I want it.


Another User Comments:

“Indian here. Look into something called Alta. It’s what classical dancers use to color their hands during performances and is washable. But you won’t get intricate patterns like Mehendi, however, you will get the Mehendi look on your hands.

Also… Mehendi wears off in about 2 weeks.

Fun fact, even after you wash off the dried paste it will continue to darken and will be at its darkest two days after application. And the longer the paste stays on your hand the darker your Mehendi will be. So you can take steps to reduce how dark it gets.

Also, If your white wedding is around 10-14 days after the Indian wedding, it will have faded enough if not completely that it won’t clash with your attire.

Mehendi also lasts longer on the palms rather than on the back of the hand or the inside of the wrists.

So that will fade faster.

You also have some call on the design and amount of Mehendi you get. So bridal Mehendi is intricate and elaborate. People get it done all the way up their arms and as fine as lace. BUT, it’s like wearing white at a wedding.

There is no specific traditional reason why only a bride does so. But everyone just agrees that that’s the bride’s thing, so others don’t. My point is, you can just get a small design on your palm for satisfying traditions, or get an Arabic-style design which is more sparse, you could ask for a pattern that extends only partway on your hands rather than getting it done all the way up to your elbows or further.

You could get a design that will match the aesthetics of your white dress. Or any combination thereof.

My point is it’s not a yes and no solution. There are ways to compromise. Do a little more research, and talk to your fiance’s cousins if you can.

Not only will they help you figure out options they might help convince your MIL as well.

NTJ.” nontradionbridezilla

Another User Comments:

“NTJ since you were originally going with it and she’s the one who changed the schedule last minute + she’s trying to dictate details of your own person on your own wedding day.

With that said, in your shoes, I would get the Mehendi. It is a deeply meaningful tradition whereas your concern is only esthetic – superficial in the most literal way. You are marrying someone from a different culture, it won’t look as out of place as you think if your hands show that you honored your husband’s culture.

In fact, I’d find this blending beautiful. You are forming one family; everything doesn’t have to be strictly your culture on one side vs his culture strictly on the other, with a big moat in between to prevent any mixing.

One option would be to ask to limit it to your feet and hands – or even just to your palms -, rather than going to the forearm, if your wedding dress is sleeveless.

This would be more discreet.” No_regrats

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are not Indian, so you have no obligation to follow every single custom. You’re already making a huge accommodation by hosting two entire weddings because they want their culture.

You’re allowing this to honor them.

But you as a non-Indian do not have to appropriate every single aspect of it. The bride is not Indian, and therefore you are only going to participate to a certain extent with customs. That’s reasonable and they should shut up and be grateful. You didn’t have to give them an Indian wedding at all, and they need to remember that.

Enjoy the next several years of being emotionally battered and dictated to about every single holiday and attendance to 16 cousins and 12 other extravagant weddings and things. It’s gonna be a long bumpy ride.” User

3 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe and rdobyns

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Beenthruit 1 year ago
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14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Son's Grandparents To Thanksgiving?


“My wife left me and my son, Jason, four years ago. He’s now six. There was a lot of drama initially. No one knew where she went or what happened. Her parents, Harold and Gertrude, blamed me for everything despite knowing nothing.

In the end, she got in touch with her parents and explained that she wanted a fresh start. Not only did she never want to see me again, but she didn’t want to see Jason either. They ended up reaching out to me and requesting to be part of their grandson’s life.

I agreed to this and even spent the last three Thanksgivings with them. It’s been awkward, but I think it’s good for Jason to have a relationship with his grandparents.

I got married in May. My new wife and I are hosting our own Thanksgiving this year.

Gertrude assumed we were visiting them again this year and contacted me about dates. I explained we were doing our own thing. She asked if she and Harold were invited. I awkwardly said no.

Gertrude got angry. She asked if I was trying to push them out of Jason’s life.

I said no, but this was my wife and I’s first Thanksgiving as a married couple. We want to host our own thing. We can get together at some point during winter break, and we’ll probably do a Thanksgiving at some point in the future.

My wife and I just found out she’s pregnant (didn’t tell Gertrude this, obviously) so we probably won’t be up for hosting Thanksgiving next year, since her due date is in June. We really want to do it this year, before life gets hectic.

Gertrude was upset, and Harold ended up calling me later to talk ‘man to man.’ They said Thanksgiving is ‘their’ holiday and I should either invite them or send Jason to them.

I am not sending my son away for our first Thanksgiving with his new stepmom (gee, what a message to send a kid). My parents and my wife’s parents will be there, which is already a lot of people. Also, I don’t like Gertrude or Harold.

Gertrude is alright, I guess, although very sensitive and easily offended. Harold is so domineering and always needs to be the ‘alpha,’ and it’s irritating.

I told them no. When I was talking to my parents and told them what happened my mom said she understood their anger because if she got to see Jason less because of my choices, she would be devastated. She told me to make sure I’m not punishing them for my ex’s choices.

I don’t think I am, but what do you think?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – You both have valid points, but depending on the jurisdiction, grandparents have absolutely no rights to their grandchildren unless they are the only living relatives. You didn’t provide additional explanation, but I hope during your divorce your ex-wife forfeited parental rights to your son, allowing your new wife to legally adopt him if she chooses to do so as it will prevent complications in the future.

If something were to happen to you in the future, your wife could find herself in a messy custody battle.” TreyRyan3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it is reasonable to want to do your own thing for Thanksgiving, especially your first one married to your wife.

Your son should be there too, as you and your wife are his parents. If you sent him to his grandparents he could think that you don’t want him anymore, and who knows what your former in-laws would tell him at that time. If they continue to badger you, tell them that you don’t want to give your son more abandonment issues, and work something out so they can see him after Thanksgiving but before winter break.” CatMomma82

Another User Comments:

“I can’t decide between slight YTJ and ‘no jerks here’.

A few thoughts.

You’ve been open about creating and fostering a relationship between your son and his maternal grandparents which is great. This doesn’t just stop because you’ve remarried. Making sure that your son has access to them – as well as his new step-family is important – whether it’s easy or not.

I can understand their feelings and probably their worry that they will get left out.

I say this as a remarried mother of one. I foster my son’s relationship with his dads family – to the point where we will spend part of Christmas Day with them (my new husband included, as well as my ex-husband and his new partner) so that my son can be with them and I can spend time with my nieces (I’ve been in their lives for their whole lives and am still their aunt, despite divorcing their uncle).

Yes, it’s awkward (more so the first year when my ex refused to enter his sister’s house whilst my husband was there, despite being in a relationship of his own with a new child), but we all suck it up because it’s family at the end of the day.

Messy, complicated but family. And it’s really nice for all the kids to be around each other.

You’ve established a routine of visiting on Thanksgiving and didn’t explain the new plans to them before they reached out to you. You could have had this conversation earlier and discussed alternatives.

Inviting them would be nice. Offering another day around the holiday weekend might also work.

Not liking your son’s grandparents doesn’t really factor in. There are probably lots of us who have people in our family that we find irritating or dislike but tolerate on holidays, etc.

Lastly, please consider introducing them to your new wife (and when baby arrives, the baby). It will make maintaining contact easier and help out your son as he won’t feel like he needs to ‘take sides’ etc.” Queasy-Ad-6741

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have no obligation to see them at all and it’s incredibly generous of you to do so, considering you don’t even like them.

It’s a reasonable request on their end to be part of their grandchild’s life, but it’s unreasonable to expect to be part of your family holidays and traditions. They can set up visits outside of those dates. And if they’re still upset, you know who they can blame for reduced grandson time instead of you?

Their daughter, who is actually the one responsible for this entire scenario in the first place.” Sherbet_Lemon_913

3 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe and Nokomis21

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. You don't have to let your son ever see them. They take what they can get. They don't get "a holiday". That is YOUR son. They blamed you for their daughter's actions so jerk them
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13. AITJ For Telling My Friend's Partner To Mind Her Own Business?


“I (28M) am a smoker. I smoke and have done for the past twelve years. My friend, Mike (30M), is also a smoker. We also have the same birthday, which is November 30th.

We agreed to quit together on our birthday because we’re too cool for new year’s resolutions.

My brother (25M) is not a smoker, but he bought me a really cool pack last week as a gift to ‘quit like a king.’ They’re black and gold.

I went out to dinner with some friends yesterday, and I had the pack with me. I was sitting next to Mike, and I pulled out the pack to show him. He thought they were really cool, and then a few other friends asked to see them, so I passed them around the table.

Another friend of ours, Randy (29M), brought his partner Molly (31 F) to dinner. I don’t know Molly that well, but Randy has nothing but good things to say about her.

When Randy got a hold of the rolls, he showed them to Molly, who immediately went on a rant about how smoking is disgusting.

She took them from Randy, and she said that I was being rude and inappropriate by showing off my ‘cancer sticks’ at dinner. We were at a regular diner, nothing fancy. I asked her to give them back, and I told her I was going to quit in around two months.

She refused to give them back and said that I was procrastinating quitting and I’d just do the typical ‘addict thing’ and push back the date every time it neared.

She was causing a scene, so Mike told Randy to take the pack from her.

He did and passed them back to me and she rolled her eyes and said that he was ‘enabling my addiction’ and he wouldn’t be so blasé when I get lung cancer from smoking. I then said, ‘Mind your own business, Molly.’ She went red in the face, and then Randy started on me for ‘disrespecting’ his partner and her trauma.

Turns out her dad had lung cancer from smoking. I said that his lung cancer was her business, not mine.

Mike and I ended up leaving, but not before Randy called me a jerk. Most of our friends said that although Molly was extremely annoying, I shouldn’t have sworn at her because she’s our friend’s partner, and then I made it worse when I implied I didn’t care about her dad’s lung cancer.

Randy will not speak to me until I apologize for arguing with Molly. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Molly is right. Smoking is disgusting. But you know that otherwise, you wouldn’t be quitting. She was rude and unnecessarily confrontational. Don’t be like Molly. And good luck quitting.

It’s a long, hard road but you’ll get there. For your information, replacing smoke with sugar isn’t necessarily the best plan. Every now and again, I consider taking up smoking again to help me lose the weight I put on when I quit, but then I come to my senses.” EsmerldaWeatherwax

Another User Comments:

“I quit smoking about a year ago after 21 years of a pack a day.

I still hate people like Molly. Smokers know it isn’t awesome or healthy. You know you have an addiction. People like Molly think that you have absolutely no clue what smoking can do, and they make a big deal because it makes them feel good about themselves.

Molly doesn’t actually care about you, she’s just talking so that she can pat herself on the back because she feels guilty that she didn’t do enough when her dad was smoking. Furthermore, taking away someone’s substance of choice in that manner has horrible effects on them- both mentally and physically.

Nobody ever stops someone mid-cheeseburger to warn of the dangers of cholesterol or mad cow disease. For Pete’s sake, let people enjoy their bodily autonomy.

NTJ. Molly needs to mind her own business. And frankly, you were kinder than I would’ve been when I was still smoking.” My_Panache

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Randy certainly can’t accuse you of ‘disrespecting her and her past trauma’ when you didn’t even know at that point about her dad, but that also does not allow her to be a one-woman crusade and accuse everyone in the world of being a ‘typical addict’ and accuse you in advance of failing in any attempts to quit.

She can’t call you ‘rude and inappropriate for showing off cancer sticks at dinner’ and try to keep them from you. That is all ridiculous, over-the-top behavior. Was she drinking? Consuming caffeine or chemicals? Eating beef, fat, or anything cholesterol spiking? I mean, the list can go on as to what ‘offensive or detrimental’ things she was doing while excoriating you.” dart1126

3 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe and LizzieTX

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. She didn't know you guys that well and inserted herself in something that didn't involve her. She needs to apologize
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12. AITJ For Not Giving My College Fund To My Stepsister?


“I (18f) have a stepsister ‘Lily’ (f19).

We both finished ‘high school’ (different school system here) this summer. We both want to attend university next year and are currently doing other stuff and still living at home. Lily is my stepdad’s (m58) daughter, they moved in with mom (f52) and me 2 years ago.

My (ex-)partner ‘Daniel’ (m19) of three years and I planned on applying to the same (pretty prestigious and expensive) uni ‘A’ and want to study the same subject. So we still would’ve been able to be close to each other and continue our relationship.

Daniel, Lilly, and I all attended the same school and on our prom night, I caught them making out in the back. I was, of course, devastated. Daniel tried to apologize to me and to ‘work things out,’ but I don’t think he can make up for this betrayal and I ended things.

Since then he and Lily are together, and I sometimes catch them hooking up at our place. None of my business anymore. We luckily don’t share a room. Daniel, however, still plans to apply to uni A, while I don’t, because of his being there.

I found another great uni that will accept me (I know because it only depends on the GPA) and isn’t as expensive. Therefore I will only need a small part of my college fund. My mom set this fund up with my dad, and because they both earn a pretty good income, it has enough to cover multiple years at whatever uni I’d like.

Meanwhile, Lily has almost no funds saved up for college cause her parents didn’t set up a fund in time.

Now the issue: Lilly now wants to attend uni A to keep the relationship with Daniel but doesn’t have enough funds (without taking a LARGE loan).

Therefore she asked me for almost my whole fund since I ‘won’t need it anymore’. I don’t want to, because I have other purposes for my funds. But she and stepdad are calling me a selfish brat, that isn’t capable of sharing.

My mom says, it’s my funds and I get to decide what to do with it. Daniel recently also started texting me and pressuring me into giving Lily my funds, so they can stay together.

AITJ for not giving Lily the funds, even though I didn’t necessarily need it, but she does?”

Another User Comments:


OMG, are they kidding me? The nerve!

The ex: He had an affair with your step-sister – he has zero to say about anything you do with your life. He’s texting you to give Lily the funds so they can stay together?

Are you supposed to care about them staying together?

The stepsister: She crossed a massive massive line when she was with your partner. What does she mean you ‘won’t need it anymore.’ Everyone needs funds to live off of. You can keep what you don’t need for the future, you can go out and spend it frivolously, or you can throw it out the window – it is NOT her business.

She can pound salt.

The stepdad: Oh, how about he should have saved for his daughter since she was a small child so she’d have funds for college instead of trying to mooch off of what your mother and father saved for you. They can call you whatever they want.

The truth is your sister behaved abominably towards you, and his expectations tell a lot about how he raised her. Mooch, mooch, mooch.

I’m so mad on your behalf.” yesnomaybe123

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your college fund is from both your mother and father, and as your mother has said, this fund is yours.

I’d be calmly and firmly telling both your stepfather and your stepsister that you don’t owe her any of your college funds and that it’s not your fault that her parents didn’t start a college fund for her and you’ve already gone above and beyond by sharing your now ex.

However, you’re putting your foot down and not sharing your college funds.

Besides a lack of planning on her parents’ behalf doesn’t constitute as an emergency for you and your stepfather needs to accept that he screwed up by not starting a college fund and apologize for calling you selfish.” G8RTOAD

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, don’t give her the funds at all. Block your ex. Tell them you’re using the funds so she can get a job. How dare all of them. If your father is still involved I would go live with him, so you don’t even have to live with them.

He shouldn’t be allowed in your house. Sorry you’re going through all this.

But everyone else is a jerk in this story. Your stepsister and your ex for doing you dirty and still rubbing this in your face. His texting saying to give her the funds.

He’s a jerk.

Stepdad for demanding the funds and calling you selfish.

Your mom for not putting her foot down and still letting her partner come over and not saying it’s hers she’s not sharing it at all. Instead, she just put all blame on you.

Sorry everyone sucks, and you’re dealing with all this. I would get as far away and cut them all off. Also, make sure no one but you can get your funds. Block them from texting you. If anyone says anything I would say if she didn’t sleep with my partner and start a relationship, maybe I would have help.” Working_Knowledge_20

3 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe and Nokomis21

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CletusSnow 1 year ago
NTJ. You may want to continue with a master's degree, in which case those extra college funds will certainly come in handy.
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11. AITJ For Saying I Will Not Spend Halloween With My Family?


“My (39m) siblings and I all still live in the town where we grew up, as a result of this, we are all close and so are our children. We spend all of the holidays together, including Halloween.

I have two siblings, my brother (44m), and my sister (46f).

Every year we go trick or treating with my wife (40f) and our kids (10f and 9m), my brother and his wife (42f), and their kids (13f, 11m, and 8m), my sister and her husband (50m) and their kids (12m, 10m, 9f, and 8f), and our mom and dad (72f and 74m).

My dad is a researcher and professor and is abroad currently, so he won’t be there this year.

On Tuesday, we were at dinner at my parents’ house. The topic of Halloween costumes came up, all the kids started saying what they were going to be for Halloween, my sister’s oldest is doing matching costumes with his partner (12m), they’re both really into vintage fashion and are going as 1950’s schoolboys, nothing crazy, just what a typical boy their age would wear in the 50’s, they are also adding a bit of makeup to brighten their face, these boys love makeup but this is nothing noticeable.

My mom was the one who ordered the outfit and it had arrived a few days before, so he went to try it on.

He was showing everyone it and posing. My brother’s middle son (11) kept making comments that he needed to ‘stop posing and acting like a girl’, and when the makeup was brought out, he said ‘makeup is for girls’, at that point my brother had pulled him aside to ‘talk to him’, when they came back, he kept making comments.

My nephew is probably one of the cruelest kids I have met, he’s bullied other kids at school, his siblings, and his cousins. His parents don’t punish him, so he doesn’t stop. He is in 6th grade, elementary runs K-6 grade here, and he uses his power to bully younger kids as well sometimes, he’s lost recess at school and had to write apology letters, but nothing teachers do work, I know they’re trying though.

I pulled my brother aside and told him if he didn’t get his son in line that my family would not be going trick or treating with them because I didn’t want to be around toxicity, he said he’d talk to his wife but then proceeded to defend his son by talking about how he was a smart kid and said the misbehavior was probably just ‘stress from being a gifted kid’, and I was being selfish and ‘hurting the other kids’ by my statement.

After we were done talking, he proceeded to tell the family what I had said, and they were on his side, saying I shouldn’t ‘harm the other kids’ and that I was being overdramatic. My nephew still made comments after that, like telling his cousin that ‘he should dress like a boy like him’ (he’s going as Harry Potter).

Even my wife said I was making a big fuss over it, we don’t usually disagree on parenting so I am really wondering now if I am in the wrong. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Also, teach the other kids how to walk away and/or stand up to themselves in these situations because they happen to everyone throughout our lives.

It’s a good opportunity to teach kids about boundaries and standing up for themselves in appropriate ways. Maybe leave it up to the kids if they want to go trick or treating with their cousins. Honestly, kids don’t usually spend a ton of time together trick or treating.

They all run ahead and go in different directions. They are usually more worried about their candy.” sparkling467

Another User Comments:


The kid is out of line and the parents are jerks for not dealing with his bad behavior. Don’t punish all the other kids for one bad apple but do try to limit time with that apple.

The bad behavior is not the responsibility of the school to correct. They deal with it while he’s at school but it is the parents’ responsibility to get it corrected. And that behavior is not due to the kid being gifted. It’s likely due to a lack of discipline and proper modeling.

The kid needs therapy and to learn the proper behavior and group skills.” Ducky818

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your children don’t deserve to be around a bully like that. Those parents are doing a real disservice to that poor boy though by not teaching him to act properly.

It will only serve to get him in trouble and to be an outcast from others if he continues to act so horribly. It’s really sad parents would basically ruin a child’s early life (if they actually grow up and fix their actions themselves which doesn’t always happen) and all for their own personal comfort because they don’t want to feel like a bad guy by disciplining their child.” Vallaris24

3 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe and Nokomis21

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CletusSnow 1 year ago
NTJ, but I want you to go with them and dress up in the most feminine outfit you can find. Be a Disney princess. Show support to your nephew who is NOT dressing like Harry Potter and directly dispute every snide and bullying comment that Harry Potter makes about make-up or "gender appropriate" costumes!
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10. AITJ For Refusing To Create An Artwork For A Cancer Patient?


“I (20F) am in college and working some part-time jobs including selling and posing digital art. I post my art on social media, and I do commissions.

One day someone asked me to draw her dying son who was suffering from cancer.

All she said was his birthday was coming up and this would likely be his last. He is only 10 years old and she begged me to draw him for free.

I always liked the idea of helping people out especially people suffering from cancer. My cousin passed away some time ago from it so I responded and said that I could.

The mother thanked me and said that she wanted an elaborate painting of him sitting by a tree with the moon in the background. She sent some inspo and I realized that this drawing would likely take a few days with stuff like collage and my other part-time jobs in the way.

Also, she wanted it to be hyperrealistic a style that I have never attempted before. However, I was willing to do it if meant making a sick boy happy.

I asked her when her son’s birthday was and she said TOMORROW! It was already late at night, and there was absolutely no way I would finish it in time.

I told the mother that I couldn’t do the drawing she requested but I would be happy to do a small less detailed drawing.

She then began swearing at me and then telling me that I was selfish and that I should just stay up all night or have a friend help me.

Edit: The mother sent some pictures of him so it isn’t likely that there was no kid.

This has been bothering me for a few days. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… this woman thinks she’s entitled and if she really does have a child who’s sick, she’s grossly using him as leverage to get what she wants.

Anyone who is serious about art and wants to commission it would approach an artist based on their style, and not assume that just because you can use a pencil you can replicate a Van Gogh. Anyone who is serious about art and wants to commission it would know that these are typically not overnight projects.

And anyone who is serious about art, and wants to commission will understand the value, time, and materials you use to create and not demand it for free.

You owe her nothing, move on. Create for a client who will appreciate your work. And also screen those clients before committing.

Your business will thank you.” Batty_Britt

Another User Comments:

“You’re only the jerk if you keep entertaining requests like this. You need to have firm pricing and styles. And you definitely need to have firm delivery time frames. If you are doing a portrait for someone and you feel particularly moved by their story, then offer a discount or freebie.

Otherwise, your time is valuable and you deserve to be compensated appropriately.

NTJ and good luck with your studies.” LoubyAnnoyed

Another User Comments:


Not the jerk at all. You were already kind enough to work for free. She cannot expect an extremely detailed drawing to be finished in less than a day.

If she really wanted this, she should have asked you earlier.” McMerseybird

3 points - Liked by suburbancat2, lebe and Nokomis21

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. Sick or not, dying or not, she needs to pay and have realistic expectations. Don't feel sorry for her
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9. AITJ For Getting Piercings?


I am the only Buddhist in my family and everybody else in my family is Christian. This does not bother me. I actually really love my family but here’s the thing. I recently got the cartilage in my right ear pierced. Both my grandma from my mom’s and my dad’s side of the family decided that they wanted to talk to me about it.

My grandma from my mom’s side said that it looked nice and she let me know to clean it. I told her that I cleaned it two times a day but I appreciated her trying to help me keep it from getting infected.

She also calmed me down when it was red and sore.

But I had just gotten over the flu so it was sore from me laying on it constantly. I had posted my cartilage ring on social media, saying how excited I was to get it done as I had been wanting to get it done for a little while.

My grandma from my dad’s side of the family commented that I don’t need that and texted me saying that I shouldn’t have put another hole in my ear. I said that I had been wanting it for a while and that what I did with my body is my choice and that if she didn’t like it, she could have just scrolled past the post. She said putting artificial holes in my ears is a sin and she refuses to talk to me.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and there is absolutely nothing in the Christian texts to suggest that there’s anything wrong with piercings or tattoos. Your grandma’s just stodgy and old-fashioned/prejudicial.

Remind her that you don’t belong to her religion, so the rules of it don’t apply to you anyway.

Tell her to look in the bible and find the passages that say earrings are a sin (she won’t find any). Remind her that by her own religious practices, even if it was a sin, you would be forgiven for it. If she still wants to make a fuss, then honestly, screw her, you don’t need that nonsense in your life.” kardiasteria

Another User Comments:


Christian here, I think the argument for no piercing stems from us being made in God’s image and our bodies are a temple and a vessel for Him and therefore we should not alter it in any way (piercings and tattoos).

Also, there are verses that talk about how our bodies shouldn’t be adorned with jewelry.

HOWEVER, none of these things are salvational. The Bible is very specific about what is needed to be saved and none of those include being piercing, tattoo, and jewelry free.

And you’re Buddhist, not Christian so her way of thinking doesn’t apply to you.

Tell your grandma to shove it.” thatone_nurse

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re right, but I suggest you be patient with your grandma. She’s an old lady. As people get older they often become more and more stubborn and set in their ways.

I think you should just let this type of thing go. Do your own thing, but don’t escalate the argument, just try to change the subject. My own grandma criticizes me for a million things. I just laugh and carefully shift toward a topic I know she’s interested in.

Build good memories with her you don’t have a lot of time left.” User

2 points - Liked by tane1 and suburbancat2

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Lotus1382 1 year ago
I hate when people try to force their values and beliefs on others, even when they are from the same faith. Yntj, but Grandma should know better than to judge.
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8. AITJ For Not Asking My Ex If We Could Use His Family's Vacation Home?


“My friends and I are planning a trip to Italy, and they asked me to ask my ex if we could stay in his family’s vacation home. I told them I didn’t want to ask him but they kept telling me he has a soft spot for me and that he would say yes if I asked and it would make the trip a lot more affordable for everyone.

I told them they should ask and a few of them did but my ex said no.

However, according to them, he admitted he would’ve said yes if I had asked and that he hesitated to say no when they told him I was going.

So now they’re all begging me to ask him since two of my friends won’t be able to come otherwise as paying for accommodation on top of everything else will make the trip too expensive for them.

Every time I say no, they get upset with me, and the two friends who won’t be able to come otherwise think I don’t want them to and that’s why I’m refusing.

AITJ for continuing to refuse to ask?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and your friends should be ex-friends for this. Using his feelings to manipulate a situation is crappy, you’ve already said you’re uncomfortable, and actually, him saying he would say yes if you asked sounds like he’s manipulating a scenario so you’ll speak to him.

Either that or he’ll say yes, you’ll all get there and he’ll change his mind and leave you stranded.

He’s an ex for a reason and they need to respect your boundaries. I’ve always been fine with my friends staying friends with my exes and if they could benefit each other in any way, I wouldn’t be upset if they helped each other out, but I certainly wouldn’t get involved in facilitating anything or want to be involved.

If they can’t afford it, they need to not go or find a way to fund it. NTJ.” Important_Sprinkles9

Another User Comments:

“These ‘friends’ wanted you to use your ex to save them funds and when you said no (a whole sentence) they bypassed you and used you when asking your ex?

Man, go on a vacation with someone else. Or by yourself. They sound like terribly unreliable and self-centered travel companions. And if you do go definitely do not ask for the home. They’ll break stuff and pin it on you. If they’re so anxious to have the additional friends asking they can wait another year, chip in to make up the difference, or go find themselves their own ex worth a home in Italy they can just ask to house a bunch of people.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I’m not sure your friends are real friends. I don’t respect people who use other people. I don’t respect people who encourage others to take advantage of other people. This is exactly what your friends are asking you to do since they know your ex still has a soft spot for you.

They are asking you to exploit his feelings for you to get something that they want. That’s not ok. I really hope you stick to your guns and don’t take advantage of your ex in that way.” Such-Awareness-2960

2 points - Liked by suburbancat2 and LizzieTX

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. You set a boundary, stick to it
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7. AITJ For Changing My Email Password?


“Tonight, I got a notification that an unknown device had logged into my email. It wasn’t an email I received – just a notification from Gmail itself. I went onto the app and quickly changed my password after seeing an unknown android logging into my account.

I went to go ask my (19M) mum about it to make sure that it wasn’t just her accidentally going onto my email as I had logged in to watch from my Youtube account when we were on holiday a while back and never logged back out.

She told me she hadn’t been on it and went to check her phone.

Her phone was completely factory reset, and she automatically went to blaming me, saying that I had clicked on something or that I had somehow remotely erased everything on her phone.

Keep in mind that she only had access to my email, I had no access to hers. I tried to explain that all I did was change my password, but both she and my stepdad started shouting at me, saying stuff like ‘no wonder you’re losing your job’ and ‘you’re useless’.

Despite how many times I tried to help and give suggestions (as all that was needed to recover from her backup), I kept on being shut down, and eventually, I got to the point of tears and was basically told to stop trying to get pity, etc. My mum is now crying because she’s lost all of her passwords to her accounts.

I’d like to reiterate that I had not clicked on anything whatsoever. There was no email, no link, I simply got a notification for it directly from Gmail, and changed my password. I genuinely have no idea how this could have happened. Maybe I did actually do something, but all I did was change my password so I can’t see how that could have done anything.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is gaslighting. If you sign a device out of your Gmail account/change the password remotely, that device will simply get a notification saying that it was signed out of the Google account and be prompted to sign back in.

Resetting requires going into the device settings and hitting several reset prompts to execute. Alternatively, you can do so remotely through the find my phone function on the account control panel. You never went to that. You signed an unfamiliar device out of your account and changed your password.

It probably would have been good to check to find my phone to get a rough estimate as to where the login was from, though.” BlueKnight87125

Another User Comments:

“Mildly, everyone sucks here.

If you logged in to your Google account on your mom’s device (which you would have by logging in to YouTube – Google uses a unified login for everything) and never logged out, then an attacker accessing your account could remotely erase the device, and it would be something they might do to slow you down if they’ve stolen your other credentials (like a list of passwords stored in your Google account).

Your mom should be contacting her bank and any other sensitive services she might have logged in to from her phone to report the exposure and changing all of her possibly exposed passwords, and so should you. Use NEW passwords, something you’ve never used before on any website ever.

Your parents, however, are huge jerks. You tried to help, and they just lashed out at you. They were probably upset, but that doesn’t make it okay.” ivanvector

Another User Comments:


Your parents are jerks.

From the description of events, it seems likely your mother’s accounts and phone were hacked – and that had nothing to do with you.

Your action in changing your password was correct. If you haven’t already done so, you should also set up two-factor authentication for your Google account and your other accounts that support this.” FatBloke4

2 points - Liked by suburbancat2 and Nokomis21

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Beenthruit 1 year ago
NTJ. I think they're the guilty ones and are trying to cover themselves by blaming you
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6. AITJ For Not Cooking For My Partner Anymore?


“I (21F) have been with my partner (26M) for a few months. During this time, he’s moved into my apartment, and I have paid for groceries for both of us weekly the entire time, minus the 2 weeks he covered. I do almost all of the cooking.

I make him breakfast and dinner daily and buy him food to make his own lunches.

Last night, after making him 2 dinners (sandwiches and a pizza) he said he was still hungry and started eating the ingredients I needed for the next night’s dinner. I asked him not to, and it turned into a huge fight.

He said that’s unfair and inhumane to not let him eat the food (that I bought) in his own house. I tried to give him other options of what he could eat that wasn’t a part of a meal, and he didn’t want anything else.

I told him to just have at it and said I’m done cooking for him for the near future, and he needs to get his own food from now on.

He slept on the couch and is giving me the silent treatment. AITJ for not getting and making him food anymore?

Edit/Update: I manned up, and he’s out. I’m giving him a month to find a new living arrangement because I don’t want to feel guilty about taking away someone’s bed they thought they had for a while.

Okay, Edit 2: Our conversation before the prior update started with him crying begging for a hug, and asking why I was treating him so terribly.

I told him to leave me alone, but he continued crying at me, so I told him to leave and that he could come back in a few hours if he wanted to talk. He then changed to cursing at me, so I started yelling and said ‘I’m not your emotional dump or your mom, don’t curse at me and get out of my house.’ And he did, and I locked the door after him.

I haven’t told him the 1-month plan, or that we’re done, that was the end of our convo. He’ll be back for his things, and that’s where I’ll offer the 1 month deal. As someone who was previously homeless, I morally will not be able to kick him out tonight if he has no other arrangements.

I just can’t do that. But he will be gone soon.

Final update: I told him everything, and he’ll be out by November! I’m safe and can protect myself if something goes south. He is indeed going to try running home to his momma.”

Another User Comments:


He’s leeching off of you. A decent person, if you were helping them through a difficult time by providing housing and groceries, would contribute in other ways. Like cooking the food, helping with chores, or anything to show appreciation for what you’re doing for them.

The way he acted over this would be a jerk move even if you were married for years and both contributed financially to the household, let alone someone you’ve only known for a few months who is very much taking advantage of you.

Make sure you’re familiar with tenancy laws in your area, you may have to go through legal processes to remove him from your home if he has been there for a certain time period or contributed in any way toward expenses.

Depends on laws where you live.” notme3219123

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but here is something to really consider. You’re wasting your hard-earned income on a ‘man’ that’s 5 years older than you who doesn’t cook, doesn’t pay bills, and treats you like trash.

You’re 21. You could be saving so much funds for your future, or saving for a fun trip or whatever else because your income, efforts, and time would be better spent literally doing anything else. He is using you because you’re younger and naive.

It’s not your problem if he can’t find anywhere to live but I’m guessing by his behavior that that’s exactly why he was in a ‘tough spot’. Get rid of the mooch before it’s too late and he ruins you and ruins your views on relationships.

There’s zero reason that at 21 you should be shacked up and playing mommy for a 26-year-old. Because you aren’t his partner – you’re a replacement mother.” SaltyCrabbo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, girl don’t just walk… RUN. This man sounds like a leech.

You’ve been together for what? A few months and he already moved in. That just has red flags written all over it. Does he have any redeemable qualities? So far I see nothing. At this point, you would be better off and saving funds by just buying groceries for yourself and not having to deal with this 26-year-old child who is incapable of thinking of anyone else, but himself.

Please send him back to his momma’s house.” Chantalle22

2 points - Liked by suburbancat2 and Nokomis21

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj.. HIS own house?? NO buddy, you're a deadbeat pos. I'm so happy you got rid of him. You don't need that kind of garbage in your life. You are the one paying for everything and looking after everything he's doing nothing. I honestly wouldn't even give him that month, he can go live at his mom's. Make sure you have somebody there with you for safety when he's clearing out his stuff.
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5. AITJ For Not Leaving The House During My Wife's Book Club?


“My wife has a weekly book club with her friends, and I’m really happy that she takes the time to enjoy her hobbies and connect with friends.

The issue is that she volunteered to host the club in our home, and I’m not allowed to be there while they’re meeting. While I don’t mind busying myself for an hour once in a while, they meet weekly for three to four hours at a time.

She says there’s a ‘no men’ rule because the women share private things with each other, which I understand and respect, but I also don’t think it’s fair for them to expect me to get kicked out of my own home for most of my weekend.

Especially since I work six days a week (we both work, but I work more days), and I only have that one Saturday off. I also prefer to spend the extra time playing video games, so it’s not like I can just take my computer to Starbucks with me.

I’ve offered to put on headphones and stay in the bedroom, but she says the women will still ‘feel my presence’.

I’ve asked if the women could take turns hosting, but she says all of the women have reasons why they can’t host (including, which I thought was kind of irritating, some of their husbands not wanting to leave the home for so many hours).

I’ve also asked if they could meet at a coffee shop, and even offered to help pay for them to rent a meeting room somewhere, but she said they felt more comfortable in a home.

This has been going on for two months now, and last week I told my wife I couldn’t keep this up anymore and she had to find a solution herself (because I’ve given her so many options already) and gave her the heads up that I wasn’t leaving this weekend.

I think she thought I was bluffing, but come Saturday, I stayed home. Out of respect, I stayed in the bedroom when everyone came over, but they knew I was there and I could tell the meeting got cut short because of that. My wife and I had a huge row afterward, and here we are now.

She’s not talking to me, and I’m pretty mad, but I’m not sure who’s really in the wrong here.

EDIT: My wife and I do spend time together on my day off. We usually get breakfast, go to the market, etc. And after the book club, she likes to go out for dinner, a movie, etc. But I need some of my own private time too, which is why I want to play video games for a couple of hours in between.

My wife also picked the day because it’s the only day all of her other friends are free as well (some have kids, church, etc.) which is why Saturday is the only day they can all meet together.”

Another User Comments:


It’s your home too.

And your only day off. You have a right to spend it relaxing how you see fit, so long as you aren’t harming someone else, getting in your wife’s way for her group, or other things like ignoring your family’s needs.

You stayed in the bedroom with headphones and you don’t care what they say and aren’t listening, that should have been enough for any of them.

But if the mere presence of a man ruins everything, then they are going to have to find another place to meet. It’s that simple. That’s a significant period of time to be kicked out of your home on your only day off every week.

Considering this is your only day off, had she thought about having it on a Friday or a Sunday? You’ll be at work, so, there’s no need to kick you out or worry about how you just being there makes them uncomfortable (for some reason.” justheretolurkreally

Another User Comments:


She’s asking too much. There are public libraries for that. Coffee shops. Even some comic and hobby shops will allow you to use their gaming room or space for a club so long as you aren’t entitled to it and allow others to participate.

Some places will even give you a discount later on with some negotiation once they see it as a possible regular income.

Kicking you out of your own home is too much. If they need that level of privacy they need a counselor, not a book club.

Your wife and her club need to make more of an effort. They don’t get to gang up on you and make YOU uncomfortable to avoid some discomfort themselves. Discomfort isn’t a valid excuse for not trying unless it involves actual pain.” snailranchero

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! (and this is a wife’s response)

Wow. Your wife really doesn’t care about you at all (in this particular aspect of your lives). Your wife should be truly ashamed of her stance to date.

She respects other husbands’ need for not being kicked out of their house and book club members’ conveniences/preferences so much that she doesn’t think other book club members should EVER have to inconvenience themselves or their husbands.

She offered up your home EVERY WEEK during key relaxing hours for you without even asking you or taking your needs into account one bit.

She refuses to consider any other options or any form of compromise.

I sincerely hope she loves you much better than that in every other aspect of your lives.

You have no other choice but to hold your ground and refuse to leave during the club time. You certainly have shown a willingness to compromise. Might have been willing to leave one night a month (plenty of big concessions from you). But since you have to deal with the club every week, there’s no need for you to offer to leave ever.

She can’t expect you to budge more than you already are (staying out of sight) when she won’t budge at all.

I seriously doubt she would be willing to leave the house for 3-4 hours every Friday night so you could have guys over to hang out.

I know she’d be outraged if you just dumped that in her lap as a de facto decision. She can take the situation as it now stands or she can more willingly compromise with you. If she can’t stop complaining, she can start experiencing her Friday nights out of the house.

She really should be ashamed of herself.” swillshop

2 points - Liked by suburbancat2 and Nokomis21

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. Your wife is being really inconsiderate
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4. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend What Others Are Saying About Us?


” “I (32f) am currently traveling with my friend (31f) in a country where I speak the language, and she doesn’t. Last night, we were on the subway speaking in English, sitting opposite a group of lads, when they started talking about us in a really gross, disgusting way.

I understood everything they said, but I decided not to confront them because we’re two women alone, and you never know how people will react/ it’s not worth it. Their comments were mostly inappropriate, but my friend is also a little overweight, and they were mocking that, too (this part is important).

My intention was to ignore them, get off at the next stop and take my friend with me without telling her what they’d said because I knew it would upset her (she is very sensitive about her weight). However, before we got to the next stop, another girl on the train came over and started yelling at the men to stop being rude.

They basically just laughed and started calling her awful names too. The train pulled in and all three of us (girls) got off. On the platform, the girl switched to English and explained to my friend what they were saying. My friend got very upset that I didn’t stand up for her and thinks I was a complete jerk who doesn’t care about her feelings.

I apologized, but she’s still angry at me, and I’m still not sure I’m totally in the wrong. I was hoping to spare her feelings entirely, plus I was a little worried for our safety if I confronted them.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were trying to protect your friend from something that could have been very damaging to her self-esteem.

This is exactly what I would do if I were in your shoes.

That being said, she’s now gotten two bruisings. She didn’t know she was being made fun of and it was about her weight.

I also would explain, very clearly, that you’re not from there and you were more concerned about both of your safeties.

You are 100% correct about how it might have been dangerous, especially if there were more of them than you two.” briendoesitallbad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were right not to confront them because as you said, being two women alone, you never know what could happen and you prioritized safety which is the main concern.

And it’s also good that the other woman stood up for you so I think you’re both in the right because those men shouldn’t have been saying those awful things and I’m glad she stood up for you and your friend. I do understand your friend’s point of view though because if someone was saying something about me, I would want to know and I would want my friend to tell me about it.

I don’t think that she’s wrong but I don’t think you are either. I think this is one of those situations where you have to have a talk with her about your thought process and why you did what you did (or didn’t do, rather) so that way you can come to an understanding and see each other’s points of view.

I think she just needs time to process and cool off over the situation. But I don’t think you’re the jerk.” liontribe613

2 points - Liked by suburbancat2 and Nokomis21

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj you were trying to make sure that you were kept out of danger. In many places people can talk jerk like that about others and then attack them because they think it's funny. They start with name calling and laughing at you and then it escalates. It's a fear tactic. Absolutely not the jerk for trying to make sure you didn't get attacked. She needs to understand that you're not in America where it's a lot safer to tell people off for bullshit behavior like that.
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3. AITJ For Showing Up At My Ex's House At 2 AM To Get A Teddy Bear?


“My son has a teddy that he takes everywhere with him and that he can’t sleep without. He left it at his dad’s house and when it was time for him to go to sleep he was inconsolable.

It took me around 3 hours to get him to sleep and eventually, he just passed out from exhaustion. Unfortunately, he woke up at 1 am and the crying started all over again.

I had tried to call and text my ex multiple times to see if he could bring the teddy to our son from the time I noticed it was missing but he hadn’t responded so I decided to just go and get it because I couldn’t get him to calm down again.

When we got there, my ex was having a party. I asked him for the teddy and he told me I should’ve called him and he would’ve brought the teddy to us which really made me mad because I had. He then suggested we stay with him because he didn’t trust me to drive home since he thought I looked half-asleep.

We ended up having an argument because I felt like he was being condescending and I made a jab about if he had cared enough about our son he would’ve answered the phone instead of getting wasted with his friends.


Another User Comments:

“I have to say NTJ in this situation. You attempted to contact him as soon as you noticed the bear was missing, and you attempted to contact him multiple times. You, exhausted physically and emotionally from your child’s breakdown, went to fetch his prized possession to get him to sleep.

Upon arrival, you found a full-on party going, which in and of itself isn’t bad, but the fact that he was obviously LYING and being CONDESCENDING to you made your already emotionally and tired body SNAP at him!

There was NO WAY he didn’t see your attempts to contact him.

He cared more about his party, his drinking, and his friends than he did about his child that night. What would he have done if you had your son in the emergency room for some reason? Still would have tried to blame you I’m sure.

Maybe if he didn’t have a full-on party going when you arrived you might have taken him up on his offer to stay, but he obviously just trying to make himself look better in front of his buddies.” Fickle_Interest6605

Another User Comments:


You knew the teddy was missing at 8, so why didn’t you try to get it back then? You instead tried to sit and console your son for 3 hours then drive to your ex’s place in the dead of night. Should he have checked his phone?

Yes. Was he maliciously ignoring your calls and texts? No. He doesn’t have to be glued to his phone. You wasted hours and hours trying to reach him and trying to console your son, to instead drive over in the dead of night anyways for the teddy bear and just argue with your ex instead while you were there.

You decided to have some 6-hour+ saga instead of just driving over from the get-go, and when your ex was apologetic, and expressed concern for you, and offered for you to stay the night and not drive tired, you lose control and lash out. Of course YTJ.

He made a mistake, but you were stubborn and malicious, and made worse choices than him from the get-go.” zakiducky

Another User Comments:

“Ya YTJ. What time did you get your kid back and how long did it take to realize the bear wasn’t there?

Have you ever forgotten to pack the bear? Seems like a simple mistake that wasn’t intentional and wasn’t noticed until nighttime. So he didn’t answer the phone and said you should have called, sure that’s annoying but so is showing up unannounced at 2 am.

He wasn’t mad, instead was worried you had to drive late and asked if you two wanted to stay at his place even though he obviously had other things going on. I think that’s pretty nice of him considering you showed up all mad… would you rather him tell you to leave or be angry you showed up?

I see why you could be irritated but yeah I think you let your emotions get the best of you and it doesn’t seem like the teddy bear was the only thing you were mad about. Definitely not fair to say he doesn’t care about your kid, and I hope your kid didn’t hear you say that but it seems like they must have since you drove there with them.” Jbeebee1840

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – you for taking your son out a 2 AM and not having a backup Teddy exactly the same in case of an emergency, what if the Teddy got stolen or ripped apart? You would need to settle him some way without it then…

Your ex is slightly, not majorly, a jerk because in MY opinion when you’re a parent you should always have your phone near and on loud in case of an emergency especially if the child isn’t with you…

You’re a jerk even more by taking offense to him asking you to stay because you were tired at 2 am and shouldn’t be driving (also that same sentence he was having a party and that isn’t an appropriate place for a toddler) but you sitting there saying he doesn’t care because he was partying is a load of bull crap and you know it, you wanted to bite the snack after he poisoned you.” Aniexty1994

1 points - Liked by suburbancat2

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TJHall44 1 year ago
NTA but stop coddling your kid so much
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2. AITJ For Spilling My Dad's Secrets At Dinner?


“So my parents divorced when I was 8, but they separated when I was 7 because my dad had an affair.

My sister and I had heard about it before mom. She was heartbroken when she found out. She had been with my dad since she was 14. My sister and I were angry because our family was torn apart. We had to deal with our parents divorcing.

We had to watch our dad move in with his other woman and her kids. We had to go to the house he built with her when we were dealing with so much. These new people were in our lives, and we were expected to treat them like family.

We also had to watch our mom try to keep herself together for us, but my sister and I would hear her crying at night, we would see him get so tense when dad was around and especially when his other woman was around.

For me, infidelity like that is not just about being a bad spouse.

It’s also about being a bad parent. You are taking your kid(s) stability and blowing it up. You are subjecting them to the trauma of divorce, seeing their parent broken, throwing new people into their life, and expecting them to be happy. You also take away their chance for one home.

For the happy memories to stay happy. It changes stuff. At least for me. I know my sister feels the same way. She stopped talking to him when she turned 18 last year.

I’m 16 now, and I have never forgiven my dad. I have never accepted his wife or her kids.

They pretended it did not have any negatives for me and my sister. The wife’s kids are so unaware of what happened. They were much younger and their dad dipped the second he found out their mom was having an affair and he realized she wouldn’t just give the kids to him.

And before anyone asks they can’t be my dad’s kids. My dad and his wife are white. His wife’s ex-husband is black, and their kids are dark-skinned. My sister and I are too because our mom is black.

Anyway, my dad was having a dinner party with his boss and some friends.

He insisted I be there. His boss and one of his friends were commenting on how quiet and sullen I was. Dad joked that teens are always sullen and he and his wife laughed at the fact I acted like they had ruined my life.

It was not the first time they had done that. I asked him what did he think he did to my and my sister’s lives when he lied to our mother, broke up our family, moved in with his other woman and her kids, and proceeded to act like everything was perfect for us.

I asked if he thought that was just a tiny blip in our lives that we would forget. I also brought up how two marriages were destroyed.

My dad tore me a new one for that and told me to leave, so I went to my mom’s.

He raged at me on the phone the next day saying I had no right to do that in front of people at dinner. He called me a childish and selfish person. He told me I was putting his family at risk if he loses his job.


Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ

The idea that people don’t set out to hurt others when they have an affair is nonsense. Most affairs happen incrementally, not suddenly. If you want out of a relationship, end it. Don’t be a coward and sneak around.

Being a decent parent takes commitment and sacrifice. Your dad checked out of his family in the most destructive, purely selfish fashion possible. It would have been less sadistic to have you two with mom full time (and, maybe, visit alone) than forcing you two into some part-time, farcical blended family solely for the satisfaction and convenience of the home-wrecking couple.

It turns out (to no reasonable person’s surprise) that you can’t ‘have your cake and eat it too’ in this kind of situation.

Good on you for not getting steamrolled by your dad here. He seems like a real piece of work and I hope you find peace from him sooner than your 18th birthday.” User

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, whilst it was wrong of him to start up a new relationship without ending things with your mother, he was right to leave. It would have been worse if he stayed, no longer in love or happy, and things slowly deteriorated over time.

They would have argued and resented each other more and more, and everyone in the house would have been miserable as a result.

You said they’d been together since the age of 14, that’s a very young age and people grow and change over time. I imagine neither of them is the same person they were at 14.

You grow up and realize you want something completely different in a partner than a teenage you.

Also, how your mum feels and acts around your dad should not shape your feelings. What happened between them is their business. You’re choosing to allow the fact that their relationship ended (regardless of the circumstances) in taint memories that likely occurred long before this did.

Your true feelings about this kind of thing are not something to throw in his face in front of his boss. Maybe you could have spoken to him or a therapist about your feelings a long time ago.

Also, you have taken out your feelings on your step-siblings, who have done nothing wrong and likely have no idea why you have done so.” Haylz19

Another User Comments:

“Even though I don’t think it’s a good idea to air dirty laundry in front of a boss that could put a family in financial issues, I’m going with NTJ for the followings reasons:

Your dad has never gotten you to therapy for the trauma from his infidelity

He continually minimizes your, your sister’s, and your mother’s trauma due to his direct actions

You are correct, that he was completely callous with his affair and the fact you and your sister found out about it, just shows how callous he was.

A 7-year-old should not be finding out about their parent’s infidelity like that. That’s heartless.

He forced you to go to this party. He went above and beyond to force you into this situation that you felt uncomfortable with.

And he knew it! You and your sister have repeatedly said you are uncomfortable playing ‘happy family.’ Your sister, immediately peaced out as soon as she was old enough to do so, he has seen how his actions have affected his relationship with his kids and he does not care.

He can easily say, your sister is away at college or working and still pretend to be in her life to his boss. He doesn’t care about his relationship with you guys, he only cares about how he appears to other people.

He tried to make you look like a sullen teen, that’s just a brat, not someone who has been repeatedly betrayed by your father.

(Which you have, because he is constantly belittling you, not taking responsibility for the trauma he caused, and not getting you the help you need to overcome said trauma).

He had the audacity to claim you are selfish. No, he is selfish and it is all about him.

Him, him, him.

And as the others have said, he messed around and found out.

I’m sorry OP, that your father sucks. I bet he has been telling his boss what an amazing father he is and has probably lied about his home life to them.

Yes, you don’t want to put someone’s job on the line, but honestly, he pushed you to your breaking point. On another note, I think you also need to get help, this resentment toward him is not going to do you any favors.

Also, try to remember to place the blame where it belongs. Your step-siblings are completely innocent in this. I know it’s hard not to let your resentment of your dad and step-mom boil over to them, but they are not the ones that caused this.

You can decide if you want a relationship with them or not, but try not to let the hatred of your dad cloud your judgment of them. Work on yourself and leave the trash where it belongs.” singindablues

Another User Comments:

“If he loses his job, his boss is the jerk.

Look, you’re entitled to be upset at your dad for the divorce, but ultimately, your parents’ marriage failed because your dad was not happy with it. Not having an affair wouldn’t have made him happier, and your parents’ marriage would have likely ended either way.

You’re entitled to be upset, he caused you pain, but it really isn’t his boss’ business. Nobody should ever be fired from their job for not behaving perfectly in their personal life in a way that doesn’t directly relate to their job. Like there’s a point where, yeah, an employer is maybe not in the wrong to not want someone publically associated with them because of how badly they behaved, but having an affair a decade ago ain’t that, bro.

He’s the jerk for saying stuff that could have prompted you to respond with this, also dumb. He could have headed this off at the pass, it’s on him that he gave you the opening.

But to be honest, yeah, I do think you’re a jerk.

A jerk in a regular teenage way, but when you grow up I think you’ll one day look back and think ‘I guess I didn’t have to do that.’ You could have politely excused yourself, or maybe taken the high road and said something more like ‘no need to air our dirty laundry to your boss, dad, I dunno why you’re bringing this up,’ or something, which would have frankly perhaps reflected even worse on him because of the levelness of your response.

Soft ‘everyone sucks here’.” Kittenn1412

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. He fucked around abs found. Out
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1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister-In-Law For The Way She Announced Her Pregnancy?


“We rarely talk to SIL even though she lives in the same town as us, we try to call and make plans but we’re always met with ‘no’ or ‘maybe another time’. Even when she’s been the one to make plans she cancels or complains about the whole outing.

Me (25f) and my husband (27m) have two kids together (4,2) and 3 weeks ago found out were pregnant again. Husband was so excited he told everyone when he told SIL (26) she just said ‘again!?’ When replied with yes she said ‘well good luck’.

Well about a week after we found out, she found out she was expecting to.

SIL called me to see what clinic I’m going to, what doctor, what to expect, etc. I told her everything she wanted to know. She hadn’t told anyone but us and her fiance. We have already told my mother-in-law we’re expecting again and my oldest loves to say ‘I want my baby brother’.

Today SIL called and she and MIL and some other family members were on video call asking to see my kids. I didn’t think anything of it and called my kids to say hi. We talk for a second while waiting for the kids. When they come MIL tells the oldest ‘wheres baby brother,’ and the oldest starts talking about baby brother, SIL then says ‘are you excited for baby cousin?’ Asking 3 or 4 times until MIL realizes what’s being said.

MIL starts screaming with excitement and they immediately start talking about baby shower stuff and other baby things.

I was still on the phone and MIL says did you hear I told her ‘yeah she told us a couple of weeks ago.’ Then MIL proceeds to only talk to SIL about what they’re going to do for her and what she wants for her baby shower, then starts telling me ‘well looks like we’ll see whose is better.’ I was already annoyed the only reason SIL called was to use my kid to announce her pregnancy and not actually talk to them, so I just said ‘yeah well I gotta go’ and MIL says she was ‘just kidding’ and that she was throwing both of us a baby shower.

I didn’t really care and just said talk to you guys later and hung up. I told my husband what happened, but he thinks I’m overreacting, but my sister said she shouldn’t have called just to use my kid to announce her pregnancy when she never calls and should’ve called to talk to my kids or not at all.

Now I don’t know if I’m the jerk for being upset.”

Another User Comments:

“While I understand your annoyance because she doesn’t usually include you guys or reach out, I think this was her way of trying to do so. She even came to you first, that’s huge.

I didn’t take this as she was trying to use them but she wanted you guys to take part in her excitement and actually reveal too. Some people don’t catch the baby bug and get excited until they’re pregnant, but that’s alright.

Not saying you have to jump at the chance and be all excited but I think she just wants the kids to have a good cousin relationship unless you really have reason to believe otherwise. No jerks here.” skyelyy

Another User Comments:

“YTJ on this specific question.

You are really overreacting for getting upset that SIL announced her pregnancy by asking your child if she was excited about her new cousin. It is a witch eating crackers reaction to something innocuous. You are focusing on completely the wrong problem. The problem is your SIL always brushes you and your husband off and never shows an interest in your lives.

I completely understand if that bothers you.

However, focusing on the way she announced her pregnancy makes you look silly and downplays legitimate issues that you have with her. Focus on what is important is that she is forever brushing you both off and how you want to manage that.

It might be enough that both you and your husband privately agree she is a pain but not worth rocking the boat over or if you can’t stand to be around her, decide how you want to handle that.” Cherry_clafoutis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she should have told you her plan before doing so.

She used your kid for her benefit when you also thought she wanted time with your kids when it became about her. I get why you’re upset and I would be also. Not that you’re jealous of her, just at the lack of care in your regard even though you’re there for her.

If I were you, I’d keep some distance and not do things for her just because. The relationship needs to be reciprocated. I’m not saying to ignore or be rude to her, just keep yourself at peace and tell your husband to acknowledge and respect what you feel/do as you aren’t being mean or malicious.

Just cautious.” Chlo3chlo

Another User Comments:

“Sorry, (lightly) YTJ. You’re really making a big deal out of nothing. You say she doesn’t reach out or talk to you, then follow it up with several examples of her doing just that, related to the pregnancy, but nonetheless.

If I’m understanding correctly, your MIL is her mother, and this is SIL’s first child, your third. Yeah, MIL is going to be a bit more psyched about her daughters first. It doesn’t mean she loves your kids any less, and it sounds like she is throwing you both showers (despite showers for third children being a bit of a faux pas in some places).

SIL didn’t ‘use’ your kid, she was just trying to be sweet and it was harmless. To be honest, you seem a bit bitter about sharing the attention and are looking for reasons to be upset with your SIL. Stop digging and just try to be happy for her, especially since it’s led to her reaching out and your kids are getting a cousin.

We all have moments of pettiness. It happens. Rise above.” MagicianGOBBluth

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. That was rude of her.
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