People Disclose Their Doubtful "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Cancelling My Brother And His Wife's Trip To Disney World?
“I (M 39) travel for work and make good money. I have never been interested in settling down or having a family. I mostly work and take vacations.
I don’t own an apartment much less a house. I live out of a backpack and a duffel bag.
My brother Victor (30) is the opposite. All he ever wanted since he was a kid was to have a perfect family. Our dad did the same kind of work that I do and Victor hated it.
He was always closer to our mom than our dad.
He married the first girl he went out with after college and they already have two kids. They are happy. And I love my brother and my nephews. I spend a bunch of my extra money on them because I have more than I need and I want them to have a great life.
My brother chose to be a teacher so he could spend more time with his wife and kids. I respect that but he isn’t well paid.
His 30th birthday was coming up and I decided to do something nice for his family. I checked with him when he and his wife had a free week this summer and I got them a week away at Disney World.
I also paid for my folks to go along so they could watch the kids and give him and his wife some alone time.
His wife thinks I’m a scumbag because I refuse to get a girl or have a serious relationship. I don’t want that.
I like meeting a woman at a resort or on a tour. Spending a week together and then saying goodbye. It works for me. They don’t want anything more from me than I am willing to give.
Because she thinks I’m a degenerate, womanizing, heavy drinking, dirtbag she doesn’t want me around her husband or children.
So she made sure I knew I wasn’t invited to his birthday party at their house.
I am seriously tired of her crap so I cancelled everything. I took my mom and dad on a golf vacation instead. I sent my brother a card with $100 gift card to a restaurant he likes.
My sister-in-law found out from my parents what his original gift was going to be and has been contacting me saying that I’m being a jerk taking away an experience like that from her family over a party invitation.
I told her that she was the one who decided I wasn’t good enough to be around her family so my dirty money wasn’t going to be around her either.
I told her not to bother me anymore.
My folks are staying out of it and my brother is as well. He knows I don’t owe him anything and that I just like to blow money on stupid gifts.”
35. AITJ For Complaining About My Brother-In-Law's Fiancée's Wedding Demands?
“My husband (21 M) and his brother (25 M) have always had a great relationship. His brother moved away when he was younger and even though they’re now 2 hours apart, they still regularly talk and play games online together.
My husband is one of six kids and they all are still in contact and on good terms. His parents are also still married.
About three years ago his brother introduced us to his partner at the time. She was originally from a different state but moved here to be with him.
Everything was fine until about a year into knowing her when she started getting snotty and entitled. For one thing, she refused to work and expected him to support her and her mother whom she had brought with her when moving here. She began going through people’s things, making snide comments, and she even told me that I was privileged and said she would use our daughter’s name for her daughter, while I was in labor.
(she also wore sweatpants to our wedding and fell asleep at the reception)
For their wedding, we were told we needed to purchase medieval costumes, drive the two hours to their town, bring food for the reception, and play outside games, and just recently she added that we would need to take pictures on our phones for them since they can’t afford a photographer.
I mentioned to her that this all seemed like a lot to ask (especially considering they had refused to come for any family events prior to this) and she told me if I didn’t like it then I didn’t have to come. I should add that my husband is in this wedding.
She stopped responding to me after I said their attitude was hurtful and started telling my MIL that I was hurting her ‘again’ and making up stories about us kicking them out of our house.
This has begun to affect my husband’s relationship with his brother now and I feel bad but at the same time, all of my in-laws are happy I said something to her and appalled at how snotty she and my BIL have been lately.
AITJ for saying something?
Edit: I feel like I should add that my current SIL (15 F) has a birthday the day before their wedding. She specifically asked for it not to be on her birthday weekend before they had a date picked because she wanted all the family here for her birthday.
Now they are saying we need to come up there the day before (on her birthday) to help prepare their food even though they know it’s her birthday.”
34. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cover A Friend's Vacation Expenses?
“I basically married into this group of friends that my wife had known for years, and over the years we’ve become friends as well, over nearly a decade. During that time most of the group had married or at least had significant others, except for one of them.
While a decent enough guy, frankly, he’s a bit of an incel. He has unrealistic expectations, thinking that any woman 30 or over isn’t worth going out with (he’s 40, not rich, not particularly good-looking), and has an unhealthy attitude towards women and relationships in general. Since I’ve known him he literally has not had a date, let alone a relationship.
Why is this all relevant?
Well, usually at least once a year we all get together, either for weekend getaways (as some of us have moved away), or for weeklong actual vacations to places like a resort. We’re all middle class, there isn’t really a financial concern to these vacations when we take them.
However, I don’t know how this guy has convinced the others that we should help pay some of his costs for vacation because it’s ‘not fair that he has to pay for things for himself when everyone else can split costs’.
Personally, I think this is nonsense.
I mean even if he has to pay ‘full price’ for say hotel rooms, he doesn’t pay twice for plane tickets, meals, etc. But since I’m technically still the new guy (even though it’s been years) I still get disregarded. I’m frankly at the point where I don’t want to do these group trips, or, if we do, ask he not be invited. My wife somewhat agrees, but she’s not confrontational, so she won’t back me up on it.
So, am I the jerk here, or is this dude just taking advantage of his friends? Again, it’s not a case of he can’t afford it. Dude has a bigger place than we do and makes more than some in the friend group.”
33. WIBTJ If I Move Out Of My Parents' House Despite Their Financial Problems?
“I (24 f) moved back in with my parents (dad is 46, mom is 44) and my two siblings (22 m and 16 f) about a year ago after a nasty breakup. I’ve been paying them $400 a month in rent and also helping out with groceries and other stuff as needed. I love my parents, but they do have abusive tendencies and I have some issues that tend to cause me to be walked all over and not be very good at keeping boundaries.
In addition, my brother is the golden child. I have been working nonstop since I was 16, and I have a good job that I’ve been at for 2.5 years. My brother has never kept a job longer than a year, and right now is unemployed. All he does is get high and play video games.
He is also EXTREMELY rude to my sister and I. My parents (especially my mom) constantly excuse this behavior with ‘he has a learning disability’ (which may be true, but both my sister and I are diagnosed with severe ADHD so it’s not an excuse) and that he’s ‘sick’ (again; he has been having some health issues, which I understand as I have a severe chronic illness, but have never tried to use as an excuse).
Fast forward to now. I have been official with my partner (27 m) for about a month and a half, although we’ve been together for 4 months. I know it’s NOT a long time and I am very well aware that being in a new relationship may have some people scratching their heads.
We were talking about how our current living conditions are less than ideal (he’s also living in a toxic household) and that we both need to get out. He proposed moving in together, as living alone is pretty much impossible with the cost of living in our area.
It would be a month-to-month thing, and we would have very clear boundaries on finances and the like. It would more be like roommates than marriage if that makes any sense?
When I told my mom about this, she was very much more concerned with the fact that I wouldn’t be paying them rent anymore (her exact words were ‘We won’t be able to make it without you paying rent’) than anything else.
I told her she could make her son get a job and pay rent if that’s the case but she just continued to defend him. I told her I’d take on all of the bills that part of my rent covers (about $250 total) but she still just seems extremely disappointed. I know they’re struggling with finances but it’s in my best interest and would be better for my mental health to leave.
So, WIBTJ if I moved out and in turn withdrew the financial support I’ve been giving?
ETA: The $250 wouldn’t be covering THEIR bills. I’m still on their car insurance and phone bill, so it would be covering those things.”
32. AITJ For Locking The Freezer?
“I (39 m) have been married to my wife (32 f) for four years. We usually get along just fine.
One of the issues that we’ve had since our relationship began has been about our freezer. Simply put, my wife stuffs the freezer full of food constantly. There is absolutely zero space for me to put anything in there.
At first, I tried to solve this by buying the fridge with the biggest freezer we could find.
I dropped nearly $4 grand on it. She interpreted this as an invitation to buy MORE frozen food so she could play microwave dinner Tetris with the freezer. Every single nook and cranny is stuffed full. She still buys frozen foods and somehow finds a way to fit them in.
The worst part is when I buy frozen food or freeze something for meal prep, she asks me at least three to four times a day when I’m going to take it out of the freezer. She essentially nags me until I remove the food from the freezer so she can put something she won’t be touching for six months in its place.
Last weekend I finally snapped and bought an inexpensive single-door deep freezer. I put it in the basement near the washer/dryer and put a couple of my own things in there – mostly some frozen veggies and a few burritos. I didn’t really mention it to my wife because she wasn’t home when I brought it in.
When my wife got home later in the day, she went downstairs to do laundry and discovered my freezer. She excitedly ran upstairs to tell me that the upstairs one was full and she could actually fit more food in there now. I responded that under no circumstances was she to touch the freezer because it was mine.
Not a single ice cube should be put in there. Then I told her to not even ask (because I knew she’d mention 3-4 times a day that she needs more freezer room). She sulked and tried to debate the issue, but I was able to placate her.
A couple of days later I went down to the basement to get something from my freezer, and there I found it about 70% full of microwave dinners. Upon checking the freezer in the kitchen, I found that it too was still completely full. I calmly went downstairs with a large garbage bag, threw everything into it, and then tossed it into our trash bin.
Then I found a padlock I had lying around and locked it with a chain.
Later that day my wife brought more frozen food to put into the new freezer, but when she got downstairs she noticed the lock and flipped her lid. She told me I was being controlling.
When I told her that there was no way she would ever use that freezer again, she threw something like a tantrum and left for her mom’s house. She came back later that day and told me that I had 24 hours to unlock the freezer.
Nothing really happened after those 24 hours, but now she’s completely ignoring everything I say. I think my actions were justifiable, but was I wrong here?”
31. AITJ For Not Allowing My Housemate's Significant Other To Stay At Our Apartment Anymore?
“I share an apartment with a friend I’ve known for years (both M 24). We have had this place for over a year and haven’t had any real issues, we get along well and do heaps together. He works full time, I am a university student and we split all bills, food and rent down the middle (we hate the idea of ‘share houses’ and just want it to feel like a home).
A few months ago, he started seeing a girl (T) who spends every day and night at our place (T is also a university student and hates her studio apartment.). Until recently, I have had no issue with T being here and have never asked her to pay for anything.
She eats all meals at our place and takes food to uni if she needs it. The way I see it, my housemate and I just buy a bit more food and it really doesn’t matter.
The other week, I got home from uni, went to the kitchen to make a coffee (I had an assignment I needed to work on so wanted a pick me up) and when I opened the fridge I noticed some Red Bulls.
I just assumed my housemate had gotten them for us so I grabbed one and drank it.
The next morning at breakfast, T opened the fridge and then got super angry that one of HER Red Bulls was missing. I said it was me and that I thought my housemate had gotten them.
She started telling me how she bought them for herself, that I should have asked, and that I needed to apologize for taking them.
I was going to tell T that it’s my fridge and I shouldn’t have to ask if I could have stuff in it, but didn’t want to start a conflict so I just apologized. She demanded I buy her a replacement…
Since then she has started labeling any drinks or food she brings for herself and makes a point of saying it’s hers.
After all this, I have said to my housemate that I don’t want her staying at our place unless she is going to start paying rent, paying bills, and pitching in to pay for food.
I don’t want to pay for her anymore just so that she can abuse me for taking a drink from my own fridge.
AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Get A Job?
“My wife and I just recently bought a house together.
I was happy to continue renting our current modest place, but she always dreamed of having a nice house, and our income allowed for it, so we made the decision to buy one – a pretty nice one at that.
When we decided to purchase this house, I was concerned about the large mortgage, and we had a discussion about how we’d both have to be responsible and how having to make those mortgage payments would require dedication.
For decades. We both agreed that this choice would require us both to have an income.
Unfortunately, right after closing, my wife lost her job as an IT project manager due to a shortage of work. The timing could hardly have been worse. She was earning around 55% of our household income, so we’re not doing great, and my income and savings won’t be enough to last indefinitely.
Immediately after being laid off, she updated her resume and started applying for jobs and updating relevant certifications. I was proud of her for how quickly she started looking for work, and I was very supportive.
A couple of weeks into it, she was rejected from a position that seemed very promising, and it really broke her spirits.
I did my best to try to cheer her up – she’s a serious professional with lots of valuable work experience, and she shouldn’t let one rejection get her down. But she’s devastated and defeated. For the past two weeks, she has made 0 effort to look for work.
Days come and go, she plays video games, paints, and plays musical instruments while I’m working to support the both of us. She’s happy, and seemingly not concerned about the fact that our income is no longer sufficient to hold onto our house long-term.
Though most days I try to be supportive, today, after 2 weeks of 100% hedonism on her part, I told her that I was concerned because she didn’t seem to be doing anything to get a job.
I tried to be gentle and tactful, understanding that it’s a sensitive topic and I understand her struggle and her feeling of despair. I let her know that I was available to help if I could.
Despite my best attempt to be calm and rational, I came off as irritated and angry.
I told her that I was concerned that she was treating this interruption as a vacation that I was paying for and that we had an agreement that we’d both work for this house. She blew up and told me that she ‘can’t’ put any effort toward looking for work and I’m being a jerk for pressuring her.
She’s happy and she’ll look for work ‘when she can’.
I feel like I made compromises to help her achieve her goals, and now I’m on the hook for buying this house that’s too much for my needs. I have buyer’s remorse and yet I’m the one who’s having to battle through this, I’m the one picking up the extra OT and I may have to get a second job.
I understand that it’s difficult for her but I find it demoralizing that she’s just casually dumped the extra financial burden onto me with no concern for my feelings.
AITJ for pressuring her into looking for a job?”
29. AITJ For Yelling At My Nephew To Leave My Dog Alone?
“So my brother (40 m), SIL (38 F), niece (Emily, 7 F), and nephew (Bobby, 6 M) have been staying at my house for 5 going on 6 days now. To say that it’s been hard is a gross understatement, especially with my SIL and nephew.
My nephew is autistic with possible ADHD (they’re waiting on getting a formal diagnosis from his doctor). I also have ADHD so some of Bobby’s stimming (random loud noises mostly) is overstimulating for me but I can handle it.
I have a little Yorkie, named Chewie.
She was a puppy mill mama and my husband and I rescued her. Since rescuing her, I will admit that we spoiled her. Chewie is 13 years old and has some health issues so we try to make her as comfortable as possible. She’s not in any pain or anything, just high maintenance.
My brother and SIL believe in gentle parenting and encouraging their kids to be comfortable in setting boundaries. When it comes to my nephew I don’t think it’s working. Mainly because there are no consequences for his actions. My SIL loves to play the ‘he’s autistic’ card at every opportunity, especially when he does something he’s not supposed to.
Bobby has a tendency to chase Chewie until he has her cornered, yank on her ears when he’s petting her, be extra loud around her, sneak up on her, and scare her to the point where she’s cowering in the corner. I’ve tried talking to him about this and teaching him how to act around Chewie.
He literally looks at me and just giggles. I’ve also tried talking to my brother and SIL about this and as usual, SIL says ‘Oh he’s just stimming. He needs the stimulation in order to regulate his emotions.’
This morning, things went down.
While making breakfast for everyone, Bobby was chasing Chewie again. After days of calmly but firmly asking Bobby to leave Chewie alone, I snapped and physically blocked him and yelled ‘I said knock it off and leave her alone!’ Well, you can imagine this led to a massive meltdown.
SIL freaks out and yells at me, calling me every name in the book and how dare I yell at her child! My response was the following, ‘Wow you preach but you don’t teach, don’t you?! You sit there and expect the rest of the world to bend over backwards for Bobby but God forbid you should actually invest any energy into teaching Bobby to respect other people’s boundaries including animals.
Chewie is NOT here to be his plaything or his stim to help him regulate his emotions! That’s your job to guide him on how to do that and you two idiots have failed miserably at it!’ SIL left sobbing as well as Emily because she thinks she’s being punished.
After they left and I cooled off, I called my parents to get their perspective. While they agreed that I was in the right in defending Chewie from Bobby they say that I didn’t need to yell at him and to call my brother and SIL failures at being parents.
Hubby supports me 100%. I just feel so guilty and I can’t shake it. So am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Responding Publicly To My Mother's Social Media Post?
“I was taken from my biological parents’ home and put into foster care when I was 4, along with my older brother who was 5. We are now 18 & 19. After being moved around a lot, we were eventually adopted by my aunt (bio dad’s sister). She is awesome and we both consider her our mom (will refer to her as A-mom for adoptive mom to distinguish for this story).
My bio dad basically disappeared off the face of the earth once we were taken. I’ve heard from him once – he messaged me for $$ and I blocked him. Bio mom, however, is obsessed with the idea that we were ‘stolen’ and posts her ‘evidence’ of this all over her social media/multiple blogs/social media groups for other parents like her.
Here’s an example of how she twists things.
Her post on social media: ‘My kids were stolen by X County CPS and sold to Kelli (my A-mom) for the crime of being poor and having an old home and an abusive partner.’
What actually happened: She and bio dad were disgusting slobs.
I have seen pictures and I remember living in a moldy hoarder house. Also, they spent money given to them by relatives on smoking and gaming. We had to scrounge food ourselves. They also did a lot of stuff that I would violate rules by describing.
She also thinks my A-mom lied and manipulated us into hating her, but we hate her on our own. And she thinks my A-mom forced me to change my name when I wanted to ever since I could remember. I was originally named a misspelling of a virtue-type name (like ‘Chastity’ with a double T).
I am sick of her nonsense and lies. So when she recently posted in a public social media group for ‘parents of stolen children’ I responded with pictures of the house conditions, which totally refuted her claims that the house was ‘normally lived in.’
She sent me the following message:
(Old name): Once again, I am devastated by the results of your Aunt X’s twisted manipulation and lies. It sickens and saddens me that you have been raised into such a classist, hateful person. As always, I am waiting and will always be here when you come out of the fog.
Your mother.
And several other members of that group who are her social media friends sent me messages saying I am such an ungrateful jerk of a daughter and that I don’t understand how much she is hurting.”
27. AITJ For Not Covering My Roommate's Rent?
“I (F 25) live with my roommate (F 27). I would say that we are fairly good friends, but not especially close.
About three or four weeks ago, my roommate’s mom passed away unexpectedly. My roommate was understandably devastated. She flew home for a few days, but she has mostly been staying at our place. She asked for fewer shifts at her job, so she only goes in for a few hours 3 days a week (she used to be full-time).
When she’s not at work, she lies in bed or calls her dad.
I feel so awful for her. Without asking, I took over almost all of the household duties. I’ve been cooking her meals, cleaning the whole house, etc. I even offered to clean her bathroom (we don’t share one), and she took me up on it.
Earlier this week, she was sitting on the couch reading a book and I asked her if she would give me her rent money so I could give it to our landlord. She said ‘You want me to pay rent after my mom just died?
That’s kind of mean.’ She said that she hasn’t been working much, so she can’t really afford rent anyway. I don’t blame her at all for not working much because she’s obviously going through a difficult time.
I am a grad student, so I don’t have much money.
I technically have enough money to pay for our rent this month, but I would have to dip into my small savings account and I really don’t want to do that. Also, I am nervous about setting a precedent where she thinks it’s okay for me to pay all of our rent and utilities.
Our rent was due on the 1st, but I asked our landlord for a 2-week extension, and he was willing to be flexible. So now our rent is due on the 14th. My roommate still keeps insisting that I should cover it because she is grieving, but I keep pushing back and insisting that she pay her part.
She called me a jerk, and our mutual friend also said I should just suck it up and pay her part. So, AITJ for not paying her rent?”
26. AITJ For Bringing My Niece's Birthday Cake To Their House?
“My sister has some financial issues and isn’t able to afford a nice cake for her daughter.
I was coming over anyway for my niece’s birthday and offered to bake her a cake. I made a chocolate cake and came over and texted my sister to let her know I was at her house. She texted me back telling me she was not at home so I needed to go home until she said I could come.
She never told me why she wanted me to make another drive over. I have a spare key to their place because I babysat for her occasionally. This is Texas and it’s hot and the frosting is melting.
I told her I could go back home after I dropped off the cake in her fridge and she warned me not to go in saying to wait until she goes home.
I think she is being ridiculous because I go to her house unannounced all the time and the cake will be ruined if it’s not refrigerated so I go inside to drop off the cake.
My niece greeted me and I was surprised she was there.
My sister said no one was home and I told her I baked her a birthday cake, put it in the fridge, and waited for my sister to come home. She came back and was furious because I didn’t follow her instructions and yelled at me because her daughter now knows I made the cake.
Apparently, she wanted to take the cake from my place and bring it to her home so my niece would see she baked it for her.
Apparently, my niece has noticed my sister has financial issues and is asking her about it and she thinks she will ask more questions now that I’m the one bringing her her birthday cake.
I don’t have a problem with her passing off the cake but she never told me not to come over and wait for her to pick it up.”
25. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner For Eating Everything In The House?
“My partner and I had very different upbringings. He had everything he wanted growing up, food was always available to him and he never had to have a second thought about what he was eating as his house was very ‘first come first serve’.
I, on the other hand, grew up very food insecure. We often had nothing to eat in my house, and what we did have was used as a tool against my siblings and me. I developed a very problematic relationship with food that affects my day-to-day life.
I’m in therapy and working on it, but still struggle quite a bit (think how an animal guards food when it’s been mistreated or had other animals steal its food, you’ll understand kind of what I deal with). One of the ways I have learned to take the stress off food is by planning meals and making sure we get what we need. It’s not only helped our budget but also eased my consciousness about whether or not we have enough food in the house.
The problem is that my partner has very little regard for my food issues. We’ve lived together for about 5 ish years now, and food is one of the few things we don’t see eye to eye on. He will literally eat EVERYTHING, even if I let him know ahead of time not to eat said thing.
He will eat all our leftovers, all our snacks, drinks, ingredients, etc… without a second thought, and then gets upset with me when I try to explain to him how and why it bothers me that he will consume things at the level he does.
If we buy a case of soda or a bag of chips, it will be gone in a matter of a day or a few days. He’ll cook things when I’m out that he knows we bought for a specific purpose or meal. It often pushes me back into that food insecure head space when I come home knowing something is supposed to be in our fridge or cupboard, only for me to find that said things are gone.
I got really frustrated this last time after he ate almost two entire large pizzas while I was gone at work, plus drank a half case of soda, and ate almost all of our snacks. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown and got really angry with him.
I yelled at him and told him that it hurt me that he just eats without regard for anyone else, even though I’ve explained to him why I have so much difficulty with my relationship with food. This isn’t the only time he’s done this and I feel like sometimes it’s intentional. He never explains why he does this, just that he didn’t think it was a big deal. I’ve tried even making extra food for him, and having us get our own personal snacks, but nothing is changing.
I just want to know, AITJ? Is there maybe something I’m not seeing that I’m doing wrong?
Edit: I want to clarify that, I do not control all the food at home. Our budget for food is immense because I didn’t want us to be hungry ever.
The problem is that he eats so much, even eating my food, his food, all our shared food, and the things we bought specifically for meals. He eats to the point of making himself sick.
The only ‘controlled food’ we have is what we specifically buy for making our planned meals (this wasn’t only for my sake, but for the sake of not eating out every night, which we agreed on), and when we have personal snacks.
Everything else is pretty free range and doesn’t bother me that he eats it. It’s when he eats all the free-range food AND the ‘controlled’ food that it makes me upset. In the case of leftovers and shared snacks, I almost always ask before taking them if we are low so I can make sure he has gotten his fair share.
He doesn’t extend this same courtesy.”
24. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Husband's Boss?
“My husband works across the road from where we live, yep great he’s home on time, gets to leave 5 minutes before he starts, etc so it has its perks.
But also has its drawbacks…
My husband’s boss seems nice enough, an older lady giving the impression that she’s a bit of a cougar. My husband and I are mid-30s and he’s the only man who works at this branch.
Favors started innocent enough because we live so close if someone was off sick or needed to pick up keys, etc. they’d ask my husband first.
Then they’d ask on his days off if he could do banking. Annoying but he did get paid extra.
Then she called to ask if he would do a late shift with her because she didn’t want to work it alone. It’s an easy shift that doesn’t need 2 people and it was his day off.
When he got there she left early because ‘it was so quiet’. So I had to do another bedtime alone with our 2 young kids.
We budget a lot because I’m on maternity leave, so I make meals that will see us through 2/3 days like a massive lasagna.
He told her what we were having for dinner that night and she sent him home with an empty lunch box and told him to get her a slice. Granted she did send a message that day and thanked me. But it still irked me.
Now husband has come home during the babies’ nap time (he knew this it’s always the same time) because she wants him to bring in our dog for a cuddle. So he’s basically come home, the dog’s excited so has barked and woken the baby.
Now he’s taken my dog back to work and I’m left trying to make dinner with a screaming 9-month-old.
I didn’t nag, but I said ‘I’m not happy’ as he left. I was met with ‘she doesn’t sleep great anyway’ and a shrug (exactly so why wake her when she’s actually napping?!)
Am I a jerk or a jerk? Who’s overreacting?
I’m not insecure about her, honestly, my husband isn’t like that, but he is a people pleaser and I feel it’s taking the mick now, to be honest.
Edit:
He is not having an affair.
She treats all employees like this. Him more so because he lives closer. Honestly, he is not having an affair!
He does say no when she calls if people go sick unless they are genuinely in need and we have no plans. It’s just the constant phone calls that annoy me.
After talking last night he has now agreed to turn his phone on silent mornings and evenings.
He is NOT a bad dad. I never said he didn’t like being around his kids. He loves his job but he loves his kids more. Yes, he’s a bit thoughtless regarding nap times, but he spends every minute when he’s home playing, reading to them, taking them out.
He’s the best dad. And we split home chores 50/50 so he isn’t doing it to be lazy.”
23. AITJ For Taking My Wife And Kids Away From Their Grandparents?
“My dad is the kind of person who, if he were born 60 or 70 years later, would be on TikTok posting videos that end with him going ‘It’s just a prank, bro!’ He always tells jokes, makes comments, and plays pranks to the amusement of himself and his similarly Boomer friends, but not to anyone else.
Three years ago, my cousin gave birth to her first child, my godson. Since she and her husband were living with us (it’s a big house), I used this opportunity to see how my dad might treat my (then-) fiancé once we had kids.
I didn’t like it.
He started referring to my cousin like she was a maid and called her the kid’s nanny. She took it in good humor, but I decided that my dad would have limited contact with mine and my wife’s kids.
A few months ago, my wife gave birth to twins (a boy and a girl, we named them Luke and Leia).
We finally got to bring the twins to my parents’ house to meet their grandparents, and my dad started on his nonsense again: calling my wife a maid, calling her the twins’ nanny, calling me a woman because I did things like change diapers and fed the twins.
When we had a moment alone, I told my wife that we were leaving because I could not tolerate how my dad was treating her, and here is where I might be the jerk. She told me that she could handle it, it wasn’t bothering her.
I still went ahead with my decision to leave and I told my dad that if he wanted to see his grandkids ever again, then he’d have to apologize and never pull that crap again.
My mom eventually forced him to apologize (she loves being around kids, and the twins are her first grandkids), but it was very insincere and very much an ‘I’m sorry you were offended’ type of apology.
I refused and told him off.
So I need an opinion: Am I the jerk for pulling my wife and kids away from their grandparents even though my wife was okay with his jokes and comments?
Confirmatory edit: I actually named the twins Luke and Leia.
I’m probably the jerk for doing that, and I’m looking into options for legally adding a second name so they have the option of not going by Luke or Leia when they get older.”
22. AITJ For Not Coming To My Cousin's Wedding Because Of Her And Her Fiancé's Bad Attitude?
“My cousin Marcela who I’m really close to is getting married in October.
We’ve been aware of the wedding since January and during the past few months, we kept finding more details regarding the wedding, rules, etc.
For the record, we are not rich. I recently lost my job and now I’m getting started with a new one which is a bit above minimum wage so my husband and I barely make ends meet for us and our two kids.
In my country, it’s very common to give money as a gift at weddings. Most couples appreciate it way more than regular gifts because they get to decide how to spend that money. I’m from the south and usually, if a person you’re close with gets married, you’re expected to give them over 200€ as a gift especially if you’re well off financially.
This is not the case for everything and everyone of course, just bashing it on my experience and the weddings I’ve attended throughout the years in my country.
So my cousin decided to do a child-free wedding. This is extremely uncommon by our country’s and culture’s standards but her wedding was her choice.
But I knew straight from the start this might be troubling for me and my husband because we can’t afford a babysitter and we don’t want to leave the kids to my in-laws on that day because of the bad relationships we have with them.
My parents will be at the wedding so they’re not an option.
I told my cousin that we would probably not make it to the wedding because we couldn’t find nor afford childcare on top of giving her 200€ as a gift. She tried to convince us that if she’s important to us we should make things work.
She kept insisting I find a solution for childcare and either pay or suck it up for one day and leave the kids with my in-laws. She wouldn’t accept us declining the invitation neither would the groom and she’d guilt trip us about it.
I eventually found childcare since a friend agreed to help us out for the night and when I told my cousin about how we found childcare she was indeed happy about it but also made comments about how it’s good we found childcare after all because she’d be very mad and offended if we didn’t make it work for her wedding and how my kids on that day should come second.
Her attitude about this and her fiancé’s attitude annoyed me and I told her you know what. I don’t want to attend at all now. Kids or not. She’s been extremely pushy and disrespectful to our situation and boundaries and I don’t feel like honoring her that day if she can’t accept the reasons we’d be unable to attend.
She said we are not respecting her views and choices but I told her I’m respecting her choice by bowing out of her wedding at once. I’m not forcing her to change anything about her wedding I’m just not willing to take part in it.
Now people believe I’m an entitled jerk because I criticized the way the bride and groom tried to convince us.”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Mom At Our Wedding?
“My MIL (40) and I have never gotten along. I was the girl that took her precious little boy away from her, For context, my fiance (M 21) and I (F 21) have been engaged for 2 years.
We are currently saving up for our dream home and dream wedding. My MIL has tried to ruin anything she has a hand in.
For example, she found out that my fiance’s Best man was going to be my brother instead of one of his brothers.
(He chose his line and is very close to my brother.) She took it upon herself to contact one of his sisters and ask her if she’d be willing to step in as my Maid of Honor. The only reason I found out was because she reached out to me about the colors of the wedding and what I wanted her to wear as the Maid of Honor.
I sadly informed her that she was not my Maid of Honor but, I would love for her to attend my bachelorette party. Luckily, she was okay with that.
When I asked MIL about this she said ‘It was unfair for my fiancé to have my brother as his best man and not have his sister as my maid of honor.’ On top of that.
She got ahold of my list of bridesmaids that I made because I wanted to surprise them with dinner and gift baskets I had made. I had all their contacts on a spreadsheet on my personal laptop and their days off so I could schedule around their days off.
She asked to borrow my laptop to message a friend on her social media. So I let her borrow my laptop. She then proceeded to contact them and tell them that I had changed my wedding colors from Emerald Green to peachy orange.
My girls called me upset because most of them had already purchased their dresses and didn’t want to waste more money.
I let them know it was still going to be Emerald Green and to disregard any more messages from her about our wedding. But the thing that pushed me overboard was our invites to our engagement party, she printed out the invites but asked that I take them to the post office.
Curiously while I was about to put them in the mailbox to send out I noticed that she had completely disregarded my list of people I wanted to invite but there was a name I recognized. His ex. She was trying to invite his ex.
I was furious.
With everything in mind, I requested that she not be there for the day of the wedding because I want the day to go smoothly and it seems that she would do anything to ruin it. My fiance got angry with me and told me I had no right to exclude his mother on OUR wedding day because it was HIS wedding too.
Along with a lot of his family members messaging me and telling me I was a jerk, that he would never ask something that outrageous of me, and that I was being unfair. I think I may be the jerk because after all we are going to become family soon and it is her son.
So… AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Wanting Mother's Days Off Even If I'm Not A Mother?
“Now, I (f 24) work in a group of 3, even though I’m the youngest, I have the most seniority in the group, my coworker whom I’ll call Katy (f 31) has like a year in the company and she is a mother of a 3-year-old, and my other coworker who’ll be Cam (m 35), he’s been 2 years with our team.
We’ve been working a lot this past year so none of us has taken vacations, now a week ago my boss came and told us that we need to take days off before year-end. I was in charge of the logistics so there will always be someone available, I called Terry, and wrote down the days he wanted in October, and all good.
Then I called Katy and both of us were planning on taking the same days in September cause there’s a holiday there and we both wanted to take advantage of it. We didn’t fight over it or anything like that but I ended up backing down and changing my days so she could have her days.
By that time I had some things planned but nothing written in stone so I told her I could have my vacation in August instead. She agreed that she would be available so I planned, organized everything, and sent the schedule to my boss with my team copied. Apparently one of the days I want to take is Mother’s Day.
Then, Terry ‘replies to all,’ my boss included, that as Katy is a mother she should have that day.
Now, I don’t know if Katy talked with him after our call to tell on my saying she wanted that day, or if everything comes from Terri’s mind.
But I don’t want to give that day up. I already changed my plans once, and I started making plans over those days.
When I read that email I was furious so I Skyped him that Katy and I did the schedule together and that if she needed that day she could have said something to me directly instead of copying everyone, and that I usually work on holidays so they can have their days off with their families cause I don’t have one so I don’t really need those days but I already have something planned on Mother’s Day and I don’t want to cancel it.
AITJ for wanting Mother’s Day off even if I’m not a mother?”
19. AITJ For Getting An Undercut And Dying My Hair Black Like My Sister?
“I (24 F) see my sister Camilla (31 F) for holidays and family meals. I am fine having small talk with her, but I don’t contact her outside of health concerns about our dad (66 M).
The last thing she texted me, which wasn’t parent-related, was about how dramatic I was being about a car accident I was in.
I removed her from my social media after that, because I didn’t want her commenting on my stuff. She said something like ‘Wow, remember when my car was totaled and I was in the hospital for a week?
You are fine. And will get a new car.’
I might not have been as injured but it was still super upsetting because the car belonged to my grandpa. And now it is totaled. I have huge bruises and hurt my shoulder and neck.
I have not really seen Camilla in months at this point. She is blocked on social media. So I have no idea what her style is right now. She changes so often.
I recently got an undercut and dyed my hair black. Camilla came by our dad’s house to pick up some pictures and saw my hair.
She got really upset and said I copied her. She had a pixie which was buzzed in the back… I don’t think it is similar at all. My hair is long all around, outside of the undercut.
When I told her this, she called me a name (witch) and left with her stuff.
She mentioned to a cousin (who told me about it) that I was copying her style.
I messaged her that she needed to stop acting as if she mattered to me in the slightest because I was modeling my look after an actress, not her.
And that even then it was different, to look good on me. I said if she wanted to talk trash to me, then talk to me directly, but I was done with her being an idiot like this.
She called me some choice words, said I was the worst person in the world, and to leave her alone.
I blocked her number.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Refusing To Dye My Daughter's Hair With A Natural Color?
“My daughter (15 F) dyed her hair dark reddish brown for her birthday. I didn’t let her dye her hair in middle school but said she could in high school. The school has a dress code for hair that just specifies ‘natural hair colors only’.
Which I took to mean browns, blondes, reds, black etc basically natural tones. Her natural hair is black but I don’t think it’s much of a change. The hairdresser who did a bleaching on her hair said it was not light enough to cause significant damage.
But then one of the teachers at the beginning of the oct last year began complaining to me during parent-teacher meetings that her hair didn’t meet the dress code. I said her hair color grew out of people’s heads so why was it out of dress code?
She told me it was clearly not her natural color and I shot back tons of her students that I saw that evening had blonde hair and highlights when they clearly natural brunettes. She claimed they looked like they could be blonde but my daughter’s hair was supposed to be black.
My daughter is Asian so it’s pretty outrageous to say she can’t dye her hair. I brought it up with the principal but he agreed with her saying it was against the dress code. But I saw tons of white kids in her class with obviously brown hair that was dyed blonde and even red but no one said anything.
They want me to darken her hair again so it looks ‘natural’.
This went on until the end of the school year. I contacted the superintendent several times but she never got back to me. It’s almost the start of school again and I get an email from the principal reminding me my daughter is only allowed black hair.
She still has her reddish brown hair and doesn’t want to dye it back. But I’ve tried to fight it and the last thing to do is to barge into the superintendent’s office and demand she get involved.”
17. AITJ For Not Getting My Daughter Anything For Her Birthday?
“I (37 f) have two children (17 F and 9 m).
My daughter recently turned 17 and I made the decision to not get her an expensive gift as I have done in the past, although she gave me a wish list of approved gifts. I am a single mother and I simply can’t afford it.
My daughter is also heavily pregnant and relies on me and my income for everything. I threw a very lovely baby shower for her a few weeks ago, got catering for 50 people who were invited and less than half showed up despite RSVPs (they were all my daughter’s invited friends).
That party cost over $1k between food, decorations, hall rental, mom-to-be dress, etc.
I have been her emotional and financial support throughout this pregnancy. Despite her quitting her job early in the pregnancy and refusing to work. She has several job offers and refused to follow through with them.
She has had little to no complications and opted to hang out with friends instead of work. I’ve had to take off of work to take her to her appointments and I’ve been able to buy or have all of the baby’s necessities donated. I also found out that she got pregnant on purpose because she thought I’d kick her out and she’d be able to live with her ‘partner’.
This guy has done nothing for the baby. Her own father is a Disney dad and always has been.
As her birthday rolled around a few weeks later, I knew I couldn’t afford a big gift, but I did make sure that her brother picked out something for her, I did a large bouquet of flowers, dinner, and a cake.
So the day after her birthday I heard her loudly complaining to her friend about how horrible her birthday was and laughed about the gift her brother picked out for her and how I didn’t get her anything but flowers. I felt bad that I couldn’t do more but this past year has been financially draining.
I feel like I’ve been going above and beyond. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend And Her Child Stay With Us?
“My partner Marcus (M, 29) and I (F, 25) have been together 3 years and lived together for 2.
I’ve known Elyna (F, 24) since we were kids. We grew up down the street from each other and have remained close friends all these years. She has a 3-year-old daughter, Heather. The guy that got her pregnant ended up being a total piece of crap and left her as soon as she gave birth.
He signed away his parental rights and is in no contact. Elyna and Heather currently live with her parents and they help her financially. Elyna’s family is from France and her parents had moved here before she was born. They decided they wanted to move back to France next year so they could be closer to the rest of the family.
Elyna wants to stay here but she is not financially stable enough to live on her own.
Marcus and I bought a 3BR house to move into in January. We wanted the extra space so we could have room for our 2 dogs and we will use the extra rooms as a guest room and an office since I have a hybrid job (in-office half the time/work from home the other half.) Elyna asked if she and Heather could move into the guest room for a couple of years while she saved up to get her own place.
I have a few issues with this:
– She has a kid. Nothing against Heather, she’s a sweet girl and I’ve babysat her a few times but Marcus and I are childfree so we don’t want to have to change the way we live to accommodate one.
Things like child-proofing the place, and potentially being woken up at night to a crying kid are things we just don’t want.
– Elyna isn’t trustworthy with finances. She doesn’t make moves to better her life. Her family paid for online college classes and she failed out, they paid for childcare while Elyna worked but she kept quitting jobs, she spent money on new clothes for herself instead of saving, etc. She does not contribute to bills or groceries for her parents whatsoever, basically lives there for free.
– Marcus and I just want our own space for us and our dogs and we’ve worked really hard to save up the funds for this house and we just want it to be for us.
– It would be for at least a year or two.
We wanted a guest room for friends and family to be able to stay with us when visiting but only for temporary stays, like 1-2 weeks max.
Marcus agrees with me on all these points, however, Elyna called me in tears saying that she has no other option and that she wants her and Heather to stay in the US but can’t do it alone.
She practically BEGGED me saying that I was a jerk for having all this extra space and not using it to help her out of her situation when we’ve been friends for so long. She told me if the situation was reversed, she would do it for me.
I don’t want to have to see her move away and be unhappy, but the whole setup would just make us uncomfortable. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Buying Something Expensive For Myself On My Birthday?
“My (34 F) grandmother (92 F) injured herself on June 30. When she did, I went over to her house to help her out and take on a lot of the work. A week ago, while I was there, she fell. I tried to keep it from happening but ended up dislocating my hip (EDS, a group of hereditary connective tissue disorders that manifests clinically with skin hyperelasticity, hypermobility of joints, atrophic scarring, and fragility of blood vessels).
She fought me on it, but I called the ambulance. She fractured her hip, and the doctors believe that she had originally fractured it on the 30th, but that the fall made it worse. I was the one who had to talk her into surgery.
She is now in rehab.
Since she went to the hospital, I have been at her house for 40+ hours a week, doing all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and pet care while my aunt (her daughter) is at work. The aunt offered to pay me to keep the house and petsit, and I accepted. This whole thing has been really stressful, with me starting ‘work’ there at 5 AM until 6 PM, and then going into rehab to visit my grandmother with my father directly after until 8 PM.
My birthday is this coming week, and I’m a giant Star Wars fan. For my birthday, I bought myself lightsabers. I’ve wanted them for a long time, and I saved up the money to do it. However, some families have freaked out and called me a jerk, because we don’t know how much my grandmother’s insurance is going to cover, and we don’t have enough money to put her in a home safely when she’s out.
Which, yes, I knew. Even before she went to the ER, the plan was for me to take on the role of full-time carer for my grandma, with no pay at all. Apparently, some of my cousins and my one uncle feel that the money I put into my ‘stupid toys’ should have been put into a fund for my grandma.
I told him if he wanted to contribute to a home, he could, but he said that it was ‘my job.’ I said I didn’t see what a few hundred from me would do with the cost of homes being so high.
I know money is super tight, but I haven’t gotten anything for myself since Christmas.
I didn’t even ask my dad for anything for my birthday. I used the money I saved over for months to buy myself something, but I do know that money could have gone to something more ‘practical.’ So, AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That We're Moving Out Of The Country Because Of Her And Her Family?
“I did my master’s abroad and fell in love with a woman there who’s now my wife. Ever since we seriously talked about the possibility of getting children, my wife and I have been in agreement that we’d move into my country of origin when we want to start trying.
One major reason for this is that my home country has significantly better policies for it (family leave, cheaper childcare, etc.).
Although I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that we both consider my in-laws (i.e. their missing conception of boundaries) as the main reason.
Since we started going out, they’ve unilaterally decided that we will be present at events, volunteered us to help his little brother move, showed up unannounced at our apartment, etc. There are also some backward views we’d prefer not to expose our children to (for example: on more than one occasion it was implied that, as an immigrant, I should go every possible extra mile for my in-laws to basically pay back the hospitality this country has shown me).
Now, a few weeks ago I told my wife that I don’t want to continue working at my current company any longer and she brought up that this might be our sign to put our funds where our mouth is and migrate to start our family.
And so we finally announced it to my in-laws yesterday over dinner. They basically took our announcement as an open floor discussion.
We tried to put the policy reasons front and center but they mainly brushed them off or suggested alternative solutions that we didn’t consider solutions (like instead of the cheaper housing situation in my home country we could live in her brother’s old ‘room’ in the attic – which doesn’t even have a kitchen, a bathroom and doesn’t have air-conditioning or, you know, a separate nursery).
When they noticed this wasn’t doing anything MIL switched to a more ‘but how could I help raise this child if I’m not even in the same country’ approach.
This went on for half an hour before I couldn’t keep it up any longer. That’s when I told MIL that she won’t convince us because they are the reason we’re leaving and this whole exercise we’re currently working through shows her missing set of boundaries because we never invited her to be a co-parent, yet she’s already unable to comprehend that even in the abstract.
Eventually, I said, ‘We’re moving to get away from you.’
That’s basically when the evening ended. My wife is glad someone finally said it although she’s worried that she’ll see it as an invitation to torpedo our plans now that she knows what’s up.
My in-laws have texted my wife several articles about how great it is to raise a child here and bad-mouthed me constantly. And her little brother, who wasn’t present, sent both of us a message that we were mean, that they meant well, and that we were ungrateful.
I also have to admit that this is well outside my usual candor and that I regret bursting out like this. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Setting Phone Rules For My Husband?
“A few days ago, I (25 F) texted my husband (29 M) while he was at work to ask him a question regarding dinner. Usually, he answers me very quickly, but this time he didn’t. Not a big deal, but as I was about to go to the store and needed an answer, I called him.
It went straight to voicemail.
As it turned out, he turned his phone off so he wouldn’t be bothered during his lunch break. That’s totally fine. I have no issue with him wanting to have that hour to himself to relax.
The problem is, I have quite bad anxiety, and he NEVER turns off his phone or lets it die.
So I began to panic a bit when his phone was suddenly off. I thought maybe something was wrong or that something had happened to him.
I understand that this anxiety is a fault with my own person. I don’t blame him for it, and I’m well aware that this is an overreaction.
Even at the time, I knew it was probably nothing, but it made me very nervous. I tried calling him every 5 minutes or so, and eventually, his phone came back on and he told me what had happened. Once I found out he was okay, I was content, asked my question, and all was well.
Later that evening, I asked him if he would be willing to send me a quick text letting me know he was turning off his phone (aside from lunch as I will know to expect that from now on).
He got very upset when I asked him this.
He called me controlling and said I was making stupid rules for him to follow. This wasn’t meant to be a ‘rule’. I just wanted to have some peace of mind if I can’t contact him.
I would never try to stop him from turning off his phone.
I just want to know if he is. I’ve never tried stopping him from hanging out with his friends or spending time away from me. I’ve never tried to control his life, so I don’t know where this is coming from.
He is aware of my anxiety, and while he has gotten annoyed by it before, he’s never seemed so upset about it.
I didn’t think the ask was all that much, but maybe it was?
I dropped the issue after he got mad, but he’s been really cold and passive-aggressive ever since.
Maybe I’m just overreacting, but his response was really hurtful.
AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Sister's Baby's Godmother?
“My (29 F) sister (32 F) is having a baby this May and so far everything is healthy and going well.
My sister has sadly had 4 miscarriages and this is their rainbow baby (I think that’s what they’re called). I love my sister dearly and she’s been trying for a baby for years. My sister and I are best friends and have been ever since we were small.
I’ve helped with the baby shower, crib building, (her husband was busy with the military and couldn’t help at the time) making the nursery, and basically all the things. They’re currently keeping the gender a surprise until delivery and will also decide a name then as well.
Well, my fiancé (30 F) and I have both decided that we want to be child-free as we both like children but we both don’t want any. We do have 2 cats named Squish and Boulder and they’re the best.
Anyway, my sister and her husband took my wife and me out to dinner and asked if we could be the godparents to their child.
My fiancé and I were honestly stunned but after a very long and awkward pause, I said no, and then things went down. My sister didn’t believe me at first and then started crying and kept asking me ‘why’ to which I told her that my fiancé and I don’t want kids and in the event that something did happen to the both of them we wouldn’t know what to do.
I told her that she knew we chose to be child-free but she thought I would change my mind if it was my niece or nephew.
I told her that she should choose people who want kids/already have them and she got mad at me and grabbed something from her purse and threw it at me.
It was matching godmother shirts for my fiancé and me, and then they both started creating a commotion. Her husband called us selfish and my sister would not stop crying while saying I should know how important this was to her. Well, the restaurant eventually asked us to leave, which we did and my sister has been ignoring my phone calls and texts and I feel terrible.
My parents are staying out of it but my brother is saying I should have just said yes. AITJ?
Edit: When I say ‘godparents’ I mean that they will designate us as the people who take guardianship over their child if they both die. We would legally be their child’s guardians.”
11. AITJ For Not Attending A Family Event Because Of My Aunt?
“I haven’t seen some of my family since 2019. There’s a big family event coming up in a few weeks. I considered going but then I was like ‘Nah’ because every family event becomes a ‘Look at me/us’ show for my aunt.
Pre-2020 she did it and I’m sure it’ll be even worse now, since my cousin got engaged and all this new stuff to brag about happened. Before 2020 whenever anyone would ask me anything about work/life she’d interrupt and start yammering about her kids/my cousin’s accomplishments.
Like someone would ask me ‘How’s work been, still busy?’ I’d get halfway through saying something and Aunt would interrupt ‘So did Jessica tell you about her basketball team’. To me it’s her saying “We’re more important than you’ without verbally saying it.
I dropped out of college because I couldn’t afford it anymore and I was doing it on my own.
My aunt constantly brought up that I should go back to school. A degree is important, ‘Jim struggled and took 6 years but he eventually got his degree and now look he’s an engineer’. She and my uncle were footing the bill for my cousin Jim.
I didn’t quit because of grades I quit because of money but that’s none of her business.
Seriously though every event became just her going on and on about how great everything is. Which is good and I’m genuinely happy for them, but other people should be able to talk too.
So I RSVP’d no to going. My family gave me some grief about working instead but eventually let it go. Then my dad asked why I decided to work, he knows weekends are voluntary overtime. I said, ‘Well it’s better to work and make money than have to attend another bragging session for Aunt and family’.
He said ‘Well she’s proud of her family’s accomplishments, you should be happy for them and want to see them. You sound jealous’. I said ‘I’m not jealous but I don’t even get to have a conversation without her interrupting, so there’s no point.’
My dad said I should have still gone and seen other family that I haven’t seen in a while and been happy for her, that I’m being childish by avoiding it by working instead.”
10. AITJ For Causing My Husband To Kick His Sister Out Of Our House Over A Stuffed Animal?
“I (28 F) have been married to my husband (30 M) for 3 years, together for almost 5, he is in the military and travels often so I stay alone at home.
When I was a kid I was really into stuffed animals when my nieces were born and I gave them almost all of them, except for the 3 that were special to me, 1 was given to me by my dad when I turned 2, the second one was given by one of my dad’s friends on my 7th birthday and it’s named after him Johnny, sadly he passed away in a car accident so I always kept that one to remember him, the third one was given to me by dad after he had a car accident, he bought it on his way back, everywhere I’ve moved I’ve brought them with me, never paid attention to what people said.
2 months ago, my SIL (20 F) asked if she could stay with us since she lost her job and was struggling to pay rent plus college, etc, my husband asked me if I would be okay with it since he would be deployed soon and I would be the one staying with her, I agreed since we never really had an issue before.
My husband left a month ago and everything was going okay with his sister, she goes to class online, she keeps her room clean, we buy groceries and sometimes she helps, the only issue that we had was that she couldn’t bring people over if she was alone at our house, one time she brought her significant other and we just told her that in that case, she needed to let us know since we don’t really know him.
The issue now, last week my husband got back from his deployment since it was just a course something like that, we planned to go out for the weekend to spend time alone, when we got back I found Johnny in the trash can with one of his arms cut off, I started asking what happened and when to check and the elephant was missing too, I asked SIL since she was the one there and she told me her SO brought his little sister around and she was playing with them and she ripped his arm and since it was old she threw it in the trash and she took the pink elephant since she really liked it, I started crying and told her she had no right to throw it away and my husband got involved and told her she broke every single rule and disrespected us and our house, that she needed to tell her SO to bring that elephant back right now and start pack her things to leave, she got mad and started arguing with my husband and called me a baby for crying over stuffed animals, she called her SO and he brought it back, my husband said he would take Johnny to get fixed too.
Now his parents are calling us and saying we are a bunch of babies reacting that way over 2 stuffed animals like if we were kids, how dare he kick his own sister out like that, he told them he was not arguing with them and to pay for a place for her since we aren’t free hotel, everyone in his family is mad at us and blaming me and saying I manipulated my husband and put him against his own family.
I don’t think we did anything wrong but all the messages are getting to me now, AITJ for the way I reacted?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Fiancé's Sister's Babysitter During A Vacation?
“My fiance and I were invited to go along on a trip to California for a week.
I do not have my children with me due to them being with their father and having wrestling tournaments that they cannot miss (already spent hundreds on nonrefundable tickets for them to participate).
We drove here with his family, so I was already quite exhausted when getting to the resort after having listened to an 8-month-old scream practically the entire ride (23 hours but they INSISTED we go with them for the drive to swap off-driving and sight-see).
We were crammed in this vehicle like sardines because on the floor were their family dogs (a 75lb bull mastiff and her two puppies). So yes, dog poop was also present. They were quick to clean up but still. The car was putrid.
When we got to the resort I quickly noticed how I was seen as a built-in babysitter for my fiance’s sister’s 8-month-old daughter.
Every time my FSIL and her husband wanted to take a shower, swim, eat, or even if they just didn’t feel like holding her, this child was thrown into my lap basically. Every single time. There are 5 other adults here but they claimed that this child only wanted me.
I can’t exactly argue it because at this point I had held the baby so much that she did put her arms out for me quite often, even in passing in the hallway. But it hit a point where I was getting mad. I was in the pool yesterday and my FSIL got in and within 5 minutes passed the baby off to me.
I handed her back maybe 10 minutes later claiming I needed to use the restroom and stayed indoors. Maybe 15 minutes later they come inside and pass the baby off to me again saying they need to shower and ask me to bring the child in to them in 10 minutes.
After I pass the baby off to them, I lock myself in the room and I’ve barely left since.
My fiance came in here a bit ago and told me we were all going out to eat and I told him I didn’t feel like going and becoming a highchair to the baby while her parents ate.
As it is, I’ve already held this child more than enough and had several drinks spilled on me because of her octopus arms. He said I couldn’t just sit up here to avoid holding the baby and that I was wasting the trip all because I wouldn’t say no. Half the time they don’t ask though.
The baby is practically tossed at me. AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Letting My Friend Hear My Cousin's Wife Yell At Me?
“I (24 F) went to see my aunt and her family at their BBQ a few days ago. I don’t see them that often because they’re usually rude, I went anyway because I wanted to see the kids.
Everyone was watching sports after eating, the kiddos were napping, and no one was really talking.
My friend (let’s call her Kenzie) messaged me asking if she could call me, so I said I was going to step outside for a few minutes. I went out to the backyard porch. We were talking for maybe about 10 minutes before my cousin’s wife (Jenny) came through the gate of the fence after getting something out of their car.
I figured she knew I was on the phone because 1. I had been talking as she walked to her car. 2. It was on speaker (but low volume). 3. I was holding the phone up in front of me to talk.
She walked up to me and said she heard my grandma lost a lot of weight.
No hello. I knew something bad was coming. I said, ‘Yeah, she did’. She asked ‘How come no one is feeding her?’ Some background info, my dad and I care for my grandma. My grandma has leukemia. I said to her ‘Um, we are, she has leukemia’.
I asked her who told her that we weren’t feeding her, and she just said ‘Oh a little birdy told me that no one cooked for her at your house, I wanted to make sure she was okay’.
This is where my friend said, ‘Who is that?’ Jenny looked shocked and I said, ‘Oh it’s just my cousin’s wife’.
Kenzie was like ‘This is disturbing, what is her problem?’ She didn’t know she was on speaker. Jenny immediately said sorry she didn’t know I was on the phone and walked back to the house.
I hung up a few minutes later and went back into the house.
My aunt started yelling at me about why I insulted Jenny, I explained to her what happened. Jenny said my friend was rude for calling her disturbing, that I embarrassed her, and that I was incredibly rude to let her have a private convo with me without telling her someone else was listening.
I was still mad at being attacked so I said ‘Maybe instead of attacking me you should reflect on why my friend would call that conversation disturbing and why you feel embarrassed that someone else heard you, did you even tell anyone what you said to me?’ She started crying to my cousin that she was concerned for my grandma (she doesn’t even know the woman, and has only talked to her in person a few times) but the whole time he just sat there watching the game LOL.
After I left, I started getting messages on social media from my family that I needed to apologize to Jenny, I hurt her feelings, and I was wrong for having someone listen to our conversation without her consent. My aunt texted me telling me what I did was illegal. AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Decorating The House I'm Sharing With Other People?
“So recently a few of my housemates got married at the same time, so I ended up getting a whole fresh group of people to live with. We live in a big house and as I’ve been here a while through different housemates, I own most of the furniture.
The other girls don’t own any because they all moved out from their parent’s places or from another city.
I spent ages picking out things I liked over the years before they moved in and paid for it all myself as I didn’t know who would move in but I needed furniture.
One of the girls is now accusing me of being too controlling of it. That is, I sometimes buy things like new cushions or move things around without consulting the others. I honestly didn’t think they cared as they’ve never shown any interest in helping but always say they think it looks nice.
This sounds petty af but it came to a head when I wanted to recover this big comfy chair (that I own) with a fabric one of the girls didn’t like. She suggested a different fabric and I said she was more than welcome to buy her own chair and put it in the space, I’d be happy to put mine in my room.
I wanted to recover it with a fabric that I like because I am the one who will have it long-term. She got really annoyed and said it was her house too (we rent) and she should be allowed to have a say in how it looks.
She also said she was happy to buy the fabric.
I genuinely agree with her and think they can put whatever they want in the house, but if it’s something I own 100% then I don’t really think they get a say. One of them also wants to paint my coffee table a different color.
I’m not sure now if I am being a jerk. Do I get a monopoly over the things I own or is that controlling because I own 90% of the things in the public space? I haven’t changed the house since they moved in. It looks the same as when they first saw it.
Am I the jerk?”
6. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Partner Who Was Stuck In The Middle Of A Snowstorm?
“This happened a couple of months ago. I live with my partner in a country where it rarely snows, so when it does snow, the city tends to shut down completely.
Also relevant is that I was at the tail end of an illness and still coughing and not feeling very well.
My partner goes to an art class every Friday night, traveling by bus. It’s my partner’s ‘thing’ – very important to them. However, during the days before Friday night in quest, the news was reporting that it was definitely going to snow on Friday night.
Like, 100% certainty. It was raining and cold, and clearly about to snow – it was just a matter of when it would start. So I told my partner that they should not go, as the city would shut down and they likely would not be able to make it home.
However, they insisted they wanted to go.
Before they left, I carefully explained that they should absolutely not leave, as they would get stuck and not be able to make it home. Again, they insisted. I warned them, ‘Look, go if you want, but if you get stuck, I’m not going to come to rescue you (by car).
I don’t feel well and this city doesn’t support driving in the snow, so it’s really dangerous. It’s your decision, but you have to take responsibility for getting home if the buses stop operating.’ Again, they refused to listen and left.
So of course, they went, it snowed, and they got stuck about 1 mile away from our home.
They called me several times to ‘update’ me on the situation, and then finally begged for me to pick them up.
I reminded them of our previous discussion, and told them that I would agree to come, but only if they agreed that the next time this happens, they would have to listen to my decision that they not travel before snow.
Of course, my partner blew a gasket (over the phone) and refused this condition. I calmly explained that when they were ready to agree, I would come to pick them up.
Over the next half hour, they called, yelling and ranting that I was evil, that they were trudging through the snow, that they would freeze to death, etc. But still stubbornly refusing my condition.
Finally, almost an hour later, they made it home, soaked and miserable.
Obviously, my partner was mad, calling me all kinds of names, saying they could not rely on me, etc. My explanation that they had taken responsibility for their actions, and then refused to accept my condition, did not help.
So what do you think? AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Time With My Sister?
“My sister and I never met anyone from my mother’s side. We were curious but our parents did explain that they had hurt Mom a lot and Mom didn’t talk with them anymore.
My sister was still curious about them and during her years in college found our uncle and grandmother.
She formed a relationship with them and after she was done with undergrad, she told us that she wanted to move closer to our grandmother and grandma was going to pay off her loans.
It made Mom very upset. Mom literally sobbed and begged for her not to move out and I have never seen Mom break down like that. I also remember Dad telling me that he had told her a lot about what had happened with Mom but she still refused to budge about connecting with Grandmother.
I know that it absolutely broke my parents. My mom became depressed and my dad drinks more now. I was left not understanding anything. Even though we had a 6 year age gap we were close and I really looked up to her. I wanted to be like her when I grew up but she basically abandoned us for 4 years.
I really didn’t talk to her and she didn’t come back because she was fighting with our parents.
She is back now and she is mending her relationship with our parents and it is going fine but I don’t really want to hang out with her or spend time with her.
She is trying to rebuild a relationship with me and she is being pushy about it. She is always around the house now and I mostly just ignore her but always seeks me out even though I make it clear that I don’t want to chill with her.
She was trying to make conversation and ask about my grades in college and how I didn’t tell her I got great grades.
I just shrugged and said that I didn’t go about telling every stranger I met that I had great grades and that would be a weird thing for me to do.
It was too harsh and I did say it casually but it was a mean thing to say. She instantly got the message and left me alone for the night.
I think she did talk to our parents and they told me that I don’t have to be mean to her and they won’t force me to hang out with her but I should be at least polite with her.
I know that my parents are terrified that she would go back to grandmother and I think I should just put up with her.”
4. AITJ For Telling My Parents About My Baby?
“I (F 21) got pregnant in my sophomore year of college after my first ever one-night stand with a junior. My parents are very religious and strict, they do not condone sleeping with someone before marriage. I have been actively sleeping around but my parents never found out because I would always be very careful.
But after I came to college, I think I kind of got out of hand knowing I could do what I wanted without getting caught. After I found out I was pregnant, I was really scared to tell my parents because they were funding my education, and I was worried that they would cut me off as punishment.
My then-baby daddy (now partner) advised me to hide it, and I thought it was a good idea. So, for the next ten months (after the baby’s birth) I did not go home and made excuses about having internships, commitments, etc.
My beautiful baby boy was born, and I continued to hide his existence from them for about 6 months but then realized that it was unfair to HIM.
My partner and baby daddy continued to advise me not to tell them, as he could not support us on his own, and we needed my parents’ money so I could complete my education. But I told them anyway.
As expected, they are extremely angry.
My father said I was a disgrace to his family name, and that I was not going to heaven for my sins. My mother is not as bad but she has also refused to talk to me, claiming she cannot believe that I hid something of this scale.
They are also refusing to see or meet their grandson, and my dad said ‘He is no family of ours’. My partner is also angry at me and isn’t speaking to me, because we now have to worry about what we are gonna do in case my parents cut me off, which is very likely.
So AITJ for hiding this information from my strict parents and then betraying my partner’s trust and putting him in a difficult situation?”
3. AITJ For Not Giving My Late Wife's Last Letter To Her Ex?
“My wife (F 29) of 2 years and I (M 28) met at our local pub 4 years ago.
The first time I saw her, she was at the bar, having a hard time carrying a few pints. I helped her carry some of the drinks back to her table and we started having small chitchats and exchanged numbers at the end of the night.
After a couple of months, we started going out.
We took things slow, mainly because of her past trauma. When in high school, she had a partner (M 29) and during their senior year, she was diagnosed with cancer. Apparently, the guy had an affair while she was receiving chemo.
When she needed him most, she was left alone. Not only did he have an affair, but when he was confronted, he blamed my wife for being inattentive, always tired, and unattractive. My wife had blamed herself for her illness for months after that and finally broke things off with him after 2 years because she thought he deserved better.
After beating cancer, the guy had the audacity to get back together with her. They had an on-and-off relationship for 3-4 years. Naturally, my wife had developed some severe trust issues and insecurities that impacted our relationship initially.
After she began to trust me and love herself again, everything was going amazingly.
Until her cancer had returned. I guess because of her ex, she started to become more anxious each day as if her physical state wasn’t enough to hurt her. There was no way I would leave her. I wanted to be with her. Be by her side each step of the way to recover once again.
And since I loved her and could see myself marrying her in the future, I proposed. I mean, why wait when I could at least assure her I would be there for her no matter what? So we married with a simple ceremony.
Unfortunately, her cancer was progressively getting worse.
Her fatigue started to be more severe each day. Chemo was making her forgetful. I tried to fulfill her dreams and wishes until the day she passed away. I was miserable. I couldn’t bear living somewhere that reminded me so much of her.
After a while, I had the courage to go through her belongings to cherish and remember the moments we had.
Among her stuff, I found a letter addressed to her ex. It was written around the time she was diagnosed for the second time. I can’t get myself to read the letter nor to throw it away. I really don’t want to give it to him, who didn’t even show up to the funeral either.
I consulted some of our mutual friends and they told me if she had written it to him, she would have wanted him to have it and I should at least respect that. Honestly, I want to forget that I have ever found this letter let alone give it to him.
So, AITJ for not giving the last letter of my deceased wife to her ex?”
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband's Family For Always Serving For I And My Daughter Cannot Eat?
“I (39 f) have been married for 15 years with my husband (43 m). We have two kids (4 f and 7 m). Since the beginning, I felt like not welcome in the family, because of social differences, like their family was ‘upper’ than mine.
But my husband always denied the issue.
I have some food allergies, and so is my daughter. The fact is, when everyone in my husband’s family has us for dinner or lunch, they never adjust the menu for me. So I either bring my own food or I don’t eat.
It worked like that for years. I always found that a bit strange but whatever.
This year has been very rough for me, I am working two jobs and I am tired.
My husband’s family was hosting a family reunion and they insisted a lot for us to go.
That particular week I knew that I wouldn’t have time to cook so I told my husband (who was desperate to go) that we would go at the condition to find food there. My husband talked with his family and they said yes. It was a formal dinner with a lot of courses.
So we all dressed up and we went. And… the first course arrives, and it’s a mix of appetizers (like 15 types) very beautiful and well prepared. And it’s ALL seafood. Every single item. My daughter started crying realizing that she couldn’t eat any of that.
Thank God at the second course they brought something for her. But not for me. I had to wait around 3 other courses to have something to eat (some plain meat). Then nothing else.
At the end of it, I was completely worn off. I had a stomach ache from not eating for so long, I was tired, and I had dealt with the kids who were tired and cranky (and no one in my husband’s family paid them attention or interacted with them).
No one of us had fun except my husband.
The next day I had to wake up early in the morning to go to work and I was very tired and miserable.
So I told my husband that I was done with his family. My husband said he was sorry and for the first time recognized the problem.
He spoke with SIL and asked her to apologize (his idea, I was just done and just wanted to move on). SIL apologized in a text in which she said she was sorry but it was my fault for ‘not communicating well’ and that they were too busy because ‘organizing a formal dinner for 20 people is a big deal’ to pay attention to my allergies and that I should have brought my own food as usual because that is clearly ‘the simplest thing’.
The ‘not communicating well’ part rubbed me very wrong because, come on, which part of ‘we have a seafood allergy and if we eat it we will suffocate and die’ is difficult to understand? So I told my SIL that this is unacceptable and I am not okay with that.
My husband said that I am a huge jerk and that all his family thinks that. I fully know that this is a petty matter, but I can’t help feeling disrespected here, me and my daughter. So what do you think? Am I the jerk here?”
1. AITJ For Not Supporting My Sister On Seeing Other Men Again Too Soon?
“My sister (29 F) and I (24 F) have always been fairly close. My sister was with Mark for 9 years, married for 4, and they have 2 kids (8 F and 3 M).
Around 8 months ago, Mark tragically suffered a brain aneurysm and died from the complications, which has shaken the family, but my sister especially of course.
Because Mark had known my sister for so long, he became such an important part of the family, and I honestly considered him my brother.
My sister took the loss extremely hard of course, and our family has really come together to support her the best we can.
A couple of days ago, my sister asked me to watch the kids, which is unusual since she rarely goes out in the evenings.
She then admitted she was going on a date, and that she had been seeing a guy for ‘a few weeks’. This completely shocked me. The idea of seeing my sister with another man so quickly after Mark died seems absurd.
I got mad at her, which I admit is irrational because it felt like she was walking all over Mark’s memory.
I asked her how she could even look at another man when the ‘love of her life’ hadn’t even been gone a year yet, and she said that this new guy treated her well and made her happy.
I pointed out how unfair this is for the kids, especially their eldest who was already having an extremely tough time, and that one day she’ll have to answer to her children when they ask how they could replace their daddy so quickly.
I asked her if she had brought up this new guy with her therapist, and she admitted she hadn’t told her therapist yet because she didn’t want to be judged. I told her that ‘she knows’ this is a bad idea but she’s stubbornly insisting it’s fine.
It’s not that I don’t want her to find love again, I am just shocked and worried about how fast everything is happening. Heck, I have friends who took this long to properly grieve a hard breakup, let alone a sudden death. Like I said, my sister and I are close, and she has never once implied their marriage was anything but happy.
I told her I’d support her no matter what, but that I wouldn’t pretend like I thought this was a good idea. She called me a jerk and said that after everything, I should want her to be happy. She won’t speak to me now, and I’m wondering if I truly am the jerk.
Am I?”
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