People Want More Empathy In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

Dive into a world of moral dilemmas, tough decisions, and heated confrontations in this compelling collection of stories. From navigating financial disparities among friends, to dealing with disruptive neighbors, and even wrestling with the ethics of honesty in an academic setting. These tales will make you question, empathize, and ponder - are they the jerk? AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Money I Don't Have With My Wealthier Friends?

QI

“So essentially, I [28m] met this group of friends [between 31-35 M/F] while I was living in a different city. Some of them I am very close with, some I am not. My best friend is in this friend group, but he doesn’t fall into the people who are too expensive to hang around.

Anyways, most of these people have more money than me, grew up pretty sheltered, and have expensive tastes. A couple of them in particular also seriously struggle with social awareness and picking up on social cues. We still get along despite this because we have many common interests and they are for the most part good people who are fun to hang around with.

That said, money is a bit tight for me at the moment, which is why I hesitated to go to this birthday dinner they were talking about throwing for one of my friends up in said different city, particularly when a couple of them talked about going to a place where the cost is around $150-$200/person, even though I was already going to be in town for a wedding.

I said I didn’t have any interest in paying that much, as did my best friend who is also more frugal, and so they said they would pick a place that’s “more wallet-friendly”. We went and despite the menu prices being somewhat reasonable the bill ended up being $120/person during a time when I don’t have that money to spend freely, with the person whose birthday it was ordered 4 entrees.

I frankly was stunned by this, because 2/5 of them are unemployed at the moment and have talked about how they are struggling financially. That said, they despite this just dropped hundreds of dollars to go to a rave, so their priorities are perhaps not the best here and they are certainly not frugal people.

Anyways, during said dinner, they were talking about visiting me in my city this coming weekend, and I told them that another weekend would be better because money is tight at the moment, to which some didn’t take the hint, and the one that did was offended by it.

Ultimately, I know they will want to go to the most expensive places in my city if they come, and it will be more than I can afford. The other reason I don’t want them to come is that it is a weekend of celebration for my city, which they’ve generally not enjoyed and called “sketchy”, and I want to spend it with my friends here (and my best friend if he wanted to come).

So what do I do here? I feel like I’m not the jerk for not wanting to spend that weekend with people that will make me drop money I don’t have to spend time with them. Frankly, the lack of self-awareness and price tag have gotten pretty old at this point with that segment of the friend group, but I generally don’t like the fact that money is the main factor here for this decision.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I think it’s time to stop hinting and to tell them that you can’t afford to do certain activities; you can try to be tactful in how you say it while being upfront, but you will most likely get some bad reactions from some of them.

Even so, I’d let those chips fall where they may. If those friends aren’t willing to consider your budget and work with you on that, going to cheaper places sometimes and accepting you not going with them to expensive places, then maybe it’s time to reconsider those friendships.” kurokomainu

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Just explain what you need. If they are good friends, they’ll understand. If they’re not, good riddance. Honestly, these people sound a little bit self-absorbed if they can’t understand and accommodate someone not wanting to spend a bunch of money.” UnhingedLawyer

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Communication is key here. You say they’re not great at picking up social cues, so you may just have to bite the bullet and tell them you can’t afford to do the activities they’re suggesting. There is nothing wrong with that.

Tell them what you’re prepared to spend on a meal and suggest a place within that budget. If they’re good friends, they will accept that. There is nothing selfish about your financial goals nor is it something to bring up with friends. That is your business.” RevRos

1 points - Liked by lebe
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User Image
law 1 month ago
Why would anyone order 4 entrees and expect others to pay? Birthday or not, that is taking advantage. That is not how a friend acts.
3 Reply

20. AITJ For Telling My Partner He's Acting More Like A Father Than A Partner?

QI

“Just for context: my (20f) father was never very present in my life — he traveled a lot for work and during the 3 years he was at home before my mum divorced him, he was awful. I was a teenager back then and can clearly remember that the sound of his keys in a lock, and his steps in the corridor made me feel anxiety deep in my belly.

Now I’m living with my mum and we’re both very happy. My father still lives in the same town and I know he still loves me and would be there for me if I needed him, but he hasn’t changed all that much and I only see him now and then when he or I need some documents the other one has, etc.

I recently told my partner (23m) all that. He knew my father wasn’t in the picture before but he thought that was only due to divorce, that he’d get to meet him someday. He used to joke that he’d meet him when he walked me down the aisle on our wedding day.

My partner was very supportive and I teared up a little when I made my confession so he hugged me, kissed my cheeks, wiped my tears away, and cuddled me for the rest of the day. However, ever since I told him, he’s been acting a little different.

At first, I thought he was walking on eggshells around me for some reason but then we talked and he told me that he’s just trying to compensate with his love for everything I went through.

Now I’m very grateful, but I don’t think that’s something that’ll help.

I don’t feel sad about it often but, I’ll tear up sometimes when I see a dad being extra tender with his daughter in public. That’s something I never had in my life and my partner can’t change that. I told him that all he needs to do is to be a good father to our children when/if we have any in the future.

My partner told me he wants to help in the present and that he knows better since he’s studying to be a therapist. He’s been very loving but he also began to act very tactile (touching me almost all the time), more soft-spoken, insists on only doing things that I like, and is very protective but it’s made me a little uncomfortable because I don’t want him doing it performatively/ out of pity.

I told him as much when, last time I stayed the night, he said I was his darling girl after he bought me new PJs, took away my phone because it was cuddling time, and shushed me several times. I told him it was Freudian and weird because it felt like he was “fathering me” instead of just being my partner.

We fought due to that, it was our first one in 2 years of being together. He feels especially hurt by the term “Freudian”, he says it’s an insult to a future therapist.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ he’s incapable of doing what he seems intent on doing.

He can’t fix what your dad broke and he certainly can’t BE your dad that’s all kinds of creepy and gross. Tell him to knock it off right now or you’ll find someone who will respect you.” TheVaneja

Another User Comments:

“NTJ He is pretending to be in a fatherly role to be a controlling jerk and dominate you.

“he said I was his darling girl after he bought me new PJs, took away my phone because it was cuddling time and shushed me several times” .. IF I did that, my daughter would be furious. This is not fatherly, this is creepy and controlling – You are not 4 years old.” Excellent-Count4009

1 points - Liked by lebe
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19. AITJ For Getting My Neighbors Evicted Due to Their Disruptive and Unhygienic Behavior?

QI

“My apartment neighbors are a family of 4 with 2 gross adult male children that make disgusting burping, coughing, and retching noises. I suspect the father is disabled. I no longer have guests over out of embarrassment at the sons’ behavior. The building manager has moved to evict due to my complaints but now I feel bad about potentially getting a low-income family and disabled person kicked out.

I moved into a new rental apartment in January and live adjacent to a family of 4, with adult children. No issues with the mom. I’ve only seen the dad a few times, but he can’t carry conversations and his appearance makes me think he has some kind of disability.

But their adult sons, who I’d guess are mid-20s-early 30s, are disgusting. They walk around in dirty, sweaty clothes and smell terrible. Think stereotypical neckbeard but 3x worse. They’re both unemployed. They ogle me and any female friends of mine that they see (they will turn around and walk backward to continue to stare after walking past).

I’ve heard them say homophobic slurs before. Neither son has any apparent mental or physical disabilities. They have friends over, drive the family car, and have normal conversations.

But being a gross creep isn’t something to get evicted over. The real problem that led me to complain to our building manager is that the whole day, ~5-10 times per hour and late into the night, they go in and out of the building and *slam* the door behind them.

Then they have loud, incessant, retching coughing fits. I can hear them through the wall. They’ll keel over loudly retching and coughing, sometimes even vomiting on the sidewalk.

In addition, they’ll also let loose consecutive enormous disgusting burps in the hallway of the building. Think Shrek.

The building is poorly soundproofed and it’s like having someone right next to me. I once tried earplugs while I ate because I didn’t want to have the burping ruin my meal (it didn’t work).

The noise and grossness are so bad that I no longer invite friends, family, or dates over out of embarrassment (imagine making out with someone and then suddenly hearing someone vomit right next to you).

I’ve had people in Zoom meetings overhear the sounds. I dread coming home and don’t feel like I can relax.

I’ve complained to the building manager a few times and he sent them notices asking them to be more respectful, but there’s been no improvement.

After my most recent complaint, he said that he’d begin the process to force them to sell their apartment unless they knocked it off. But now I feel like a jerk, as this is a presumably low-income family and disabled person. They own their apartment and a newer car, so they have at least some money and won’t be on the street.

I mostly feel bad about the parents. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think being gross creeps should be why people get evicted. But as you stated, that’s not why. You had valid complaints. Rent is more expensive than it’s ever been. You have a right to not deal with excessive noise and disruption.

Plus, the parents have done nothing to create productive or kind members of society so they can have the days they deserve.” friendlily

Another User Comments:

“Don’t beat yourself up about this, OP. You have probably done the building manager and/or owner a favor, OP.

It sounds like the inside of their apartment is likely disgusting, and getting worse. They need to leave. I wouldn’t be surprised if the manager had to Bin the walls and floors like people do after a fire before they can repaint. It also sounds like the father has a disability, and the mother may have that or SS.

The reason that they seem so poor is likely because the sons don’t work. NTJ” Swedishpunsch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. These people are causing significant disruption and affecting your quality of life to the point that you have felt the need to complain. They have also created an unsafe environment if they ogle women.

The key here is that you have simply made valid complaints and it’s the decision of the landlord, not you, to move forward with eviction. It’s also very possible that there are other factors at play that you are not aware of. Maybe other neighbors have also complained, or perhaps there is a financial issue you’re not privy to.

Unless you went full meltdown and demanded they be kicked out, it’s not your circus to worry about. If you just complain and others make a decision outside of you, then it isn’t on you. But, you seem like a kind person to be worrying over the parents.” IOwnAOnesie

1 points - Liked by lebe
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18. AITJ For Getting A Teacher In Trouble?

QI

“So, when I started high school three years ago I met my new Italian and literature teacher.

She was young, carefree, and loved to talk with us – when she got angry, she got extremely angry, just to switch again to being pleasant after cracking a joke. Nonetheless, most of the time we adored her.

In the first year, my impression was that she… was simply not that good at teaching.

Don’t get me wrong, she is an expert in her field; yet, whenever we had a lesson, she would start seriously, then tell a fun fact, share a personal experience, dive into another argument altogether, and then we’d end up with useless information and behind with the schedule.

During the second year, we got comfortable with each other, and she started to teach less and less until, eventually, she gave up. She’d come to class and we’d mind our business, either catching up on other homework or staying on our phones.

I was disheartened – I used to love the subject, and by then I wasn’t even learning a thing.

The third year came, and we have had, at most, eight proper lessons all year round. I was unhappy with this and searched for the support of other classmates who didn’t come.

They were perfectly content in having a new teacher friend and not having to study.

Recently, our Latin teacher, who happens to also be the vice-principal, caught up with the horrifying situation, as we didn’t know anything at all about grammar or Italian literature.

My family and I thought it was about time to let her know about everything. Of course, the vice-principal had already gotten similar complaints, and the day before she had called my Italian teacher and warned her – there wasn’t anything else she could do, she only advised my mom that, if the situation didn’t change, the students’ parents could ask the principal for my Italian teacher to be replaced.

During Italian lessons you can now cut the tension with a knife, not to mention the sly remarks the teacher makes: for example, we didn’t know something we *supposedly* studied with her last year, and she commented that then it’s us who don’t study, and not her who doesn’t teach.

Adding to that, she also bragged about how she’s the only one who offers her hours for civic education or coordinates the classroom for free – of course, nothing about teaching Italian.

Just the other day she set up a test to “punish” us, because we supposedly complained she doesn’t make her tests difficult enough, and one of my classmates blew it off, saying that it’s not the whole classroom at fault for the complaints, but just a couple odd ones and that it isn’t fair.

Everyone seemed to agree. I’ve discussed this with my friends and they say that if the class disagreed on reporting her, my parents shouldn’t have, and I shouldn’t be supporting that cause.

Well, we had a lesson these last few days for a change, but I’m starting to rethink my actions.

Maybe I’ve only made the situation worse.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, the teacher is there to teach, you’re there to learn, and your classmates are weird for not caring about their education.” Miserable_Success780

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I’ve had two English teachers in high school who were like this.

My senior English teacher was very well-liked and would share personal experiences and move on from there and then there was my junior English teacher who was absolutely a nightmare to deal with. Hardly anyone had anything good to say about her.” RaineMist

1 points - Liked by lebe
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17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Stepsister Out Of State?

QI

“My stepsister is a junior in high school I am a senior in high school.

I haven’t seen her physically since July 2023. Since July 2023 she has started working a full-time job and she got a partner. She lives out of state with her mom and stepdad but before July 2023 she used to visit every spring break, every Christmas, and every Thanksgiving.

Since she got a job and a partner she doesn’t like to visit anymore which is understandable. I worked a full-time job from September to February and it was hard to take time off without getting in trouble. I also understand junior year is a stressful school year.

She was supposed to come for my graduation on May 30th but she says that day is the day she takes her finals for all of her classes. I’ve personally never had finals for all of my classes on the same day but I didn’t ask her anything about it.

If she has finals that day she needs to put school first. She recently told my stepdad that she wants to see me and my older stepsister (my older stepsister used to live with her mom and stepdad also with my stepsister but she moved in our state to go to college).

However, she doesn’t want to come to see us she wants us to come to see her.

My stepdad plans to visit her sometime in May and wants me and my older stepsister to come with him. However, I honestly don’t want to go.

I love my younger stepsister but I also have my priorities. I also have a job and I am trying to save up money for once I get to college. I am also currently in school I could miss a couple of days and still graduate but I don’t want to miss a couple of days.

My stepdad is suggesting to visit her the weekend of my birthday and I had plans to hang out with my friends that weekend. I’m not saying my friends are more important than my stepsister but I already had plans for that weekend. Also, my younger stepsister lives 15 hours away from us even if I am not driving I don’t want to sit in a car for that long.

My stepsister is coming this summer for my graduation trip anyway so I’ll see her then. I love her and I do miss seeing her but we are all older now and have different responsibilities and priorities than when we were younger. I don’t want to spend my birthday weekend in a car when I could be having fun at home with friends.

I suggested to my stepdad that I didn’t want to go see my stepsister because I wanted to save at least 1000 dollars before I got to college and the only way I could do that was if I was working consistently. He called me selfish though saying that I am putting my job before my stepsister.

However, isn’t my stepsister doing the same thing.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The problem is not that you don’t want to see your stepsister, it’s that you are hurt that she doesn’t want to make the effort to see you. You need to sit down with your stepdad though and tell him just how hurt you are that after missing time with your family for all these months, your stepsister isn’t going to be at your graduation.

That’s the source of all this fake accounting of who will be doing what, and when. Tell him that it’s hard for you to think about making any sacrifice to go see her when she seems to be so cavalier about missing your big day.

You may find that she really can’t miss school or maybe neither of them realize how much it would mean to you to have her there.” 5115E

Another User Comments:

“NTJ This is easy: If she wants to see you, SHE can come visit. “He called me selfish though saying that I am putting my job before my stepsister.” This is nonsense.

“However isn’t my stepsister doing the same thing.” YES. but SHE is his golden child.” Excellent-Count4009

1 points - Liked by lebe
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16. AITJ For Telling My Wife About Her Brother's Relapse And Going No Contact?

QI

“My wife’s (Esme) oldest brother (Tom) is a substance user. She has a lot of trauma associated with her brother’s addiction. Due to his addiction, he caused a car accident when she was 18 which resulted in serious injuries for her including permanent hearing loss.

This wasn’t something that went unpunished and he did serve prison time. When Tom admitted that he had a problem with substance use, Esme started to forgive him but she has made a point to never forget and has said that she will go low contact if he relapses.

Over the years she has gone to low contact with Tom twice due to relapses, one of these was when he came out of prison. Tom now works for the same company I work for but we work in completely separate fields in the company.

Tom was fired last week for misconduct after he was found to be using substances on the job. I had heard through the grapevine that this was why he had been fired. I called Tom and asked him outright if this was true. He told me that it was, but begged me not to tell Esme.

I told Tom that I wasn’t going to lie to Esme and she needed to know that he had another relapse. He was angry that I was going to tell Esme, accusing me of trying to rip apart his family, and told me that I was controlling Esme.

Since the last time Tom relapsed, we have had children and since our first was born Esme had told me that if Tom relapsed then we would go permanently no contact because she doesn’t want to put them at risk.

By the time I had gotten home, Tom had already called his parents and told them that I was spreading lies about him and that I was going to tell Esme that he’d relapsed when he hadn’t.

Tom is the golden child, they never think he’s done wrong and blame Esme for Tom getting prison time. They had called Esme telling her that I was spreading lies, and trying to damage the family even going as far as to accuse me of abusing Esme.

When I stepped into the house, Esme asked me if it was true that Tom had relapsed, and when I confirmed it was true she just sighed in frustration before messaging her parents and Tom to tell them that she was going to no contact with Tom and that she didn’t want him near any of us.

She has blocked Tom on everything and is currently not responding to any messages from her parents. I’ve had to block Tom and her parents due to them sending me abusive messages. The three of them have taken to social media, accusing me of trying to split up the family and abusing Esme.

I have them blocked on social media but Esme’s middle brother sent me a screenshot of what they had been posting as a heads up so I could make my employer aware in case Tom made a complaint.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The way Tom reacted to it sounds like he could be dangerous.

You’re protecting Esme. When my friend relapsed, he was the first one to tell us and own up to it, asking for support. Tom didn’t do that. He may not even want to get better. Good on your wife for believing you. Reading this, I was scared she wouldn’t.

You guys seem to have a strong relationship.” sheerest_of_folly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have an honest and loving relationship with your wife. You both want to keep your family safe. You had no choice but to tell her about Tom and why he was fired. If you don’t already have them, get security cameras and change your locks.

Better to be safe than sorry. Good luck.” Fearless_Ad1685

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You and your wife aren’t required to continue accepting someone who is proven to be harmful. If the family is “split up” because of Tom’s substance use that is nobody’s fault but Tom’s, and the parents-in-law are enabling this behavior not just by taking his claim of slander without scrutiny; to the point of blaming your wife for getting Tom in jail after him being irresponsible injured her so severely.” TeKno_Ghost

1 points - Liked by lebe
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15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay At My In-Laws' Pest-Ridden House?

QI

“My husband “Rob” (33M) and I (29F) live in my hometown and we visit my in-laws once a month as they live 4 hours away. My husband used to live with them but moved after we got married. I like my in-laws although I don’t like staying at their house as I’ve found mice and roaches on multiple occasions.

However, when I visit I don’t mention it and have just talked about it with my husband.

Yesterday I told to my husband we should go visit his mom for Mother’s Day. Rob’s parents are doing some home repairs so the bedroom we usually stay in is not available and we would have to sleep in a very uncomfortable spare room.

I told Rob we could stay at a hotel this time and that I would pay for it. He mentioned he would think about it as he rather stay with his parents to spend more time with them, so he would consider going on a different date.

My sister has a performance that weekend but she called today to ask if she should get us tickets so I asked my husband if he had an answer as to when we’d visit my MIL. If he said we were not going on that weekend, then I would get tickets to go see my sister perform.

He told me he wasn’t sure about it and that it would be better for him to go alone to see his parents so I could go see my sister.

I mentioned to Rob it was more important for me to go see my in-laws as I knew I could catch my sister’s performance on another date, so he should not be concerned about my sister’s performance at all.

He replied to me that if it was his sister who was performing (he has a twin btw who moved countries) he wouldn’t miss the performance.

I asked Rob if he didn’t want me to come to see his parents and he started saying that I was the one not wanting to see his parents as I was not willing to stay in the spare room.

I got hurt as I was the one bringing in the idea to visit them on Mother’s Day and I had also bought my MIL a present already and my husband knows about it.

We started to fight as I told him if he didn’t want me to come with him he should have been clear since the beginning and he kept saying I was the one not willing to comply and stay at their parent’s home.

I started crying as I felt that I was not his priority, as he was not willing to comply just this time. He replied he was doing so as he cared about my finances and that I was exaggerating.

I feel that his not being willing to stay just this one time at a hotel instead of at his parents and rather I stay at home and him going alone is selfish.

AITJ for not wanting to spend the night at my in-laws?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Am I the only one who thinks visiting that frequently is crazy? How long have you been married? Can they never come to you? Are you planning on having kids and will he want to drag a baby there every month?” Shoddy_Evidence_6540

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. However, I think there’s been a lot of miscommunication here… Does he know *why* you want to stay at the hotel? Have you ever vocalized the fact that you’re uncomfortable staying at his parents’ house *because* of the mice and roaches?” Throwaway00000473729

Another User Comments:

“I think you are not, I think maybe he feels hurt that you would say that about his parent’s house because either he thinks you think his parents are gross or he thinks you think he is gross for having lived there.” FinancialRole1949

1 points - Liked by lebe
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14. AITJ For Letting My Dog Poop On A Neighbor's Lawn Even Though I Picked It Up?

QI

“I was dog sitting the other day for my family that was out of town (I grew up with that dog though before I moved out, so I’ve walked him plenty of times before). He’s a medium-sized dog, and I was taking him for a walk around the block.

My family lives in a typical suburban residential neighborhood, and plenty of other dogs getting walked too.

He of course likes to sniff everything, trees, random spots in the lawn, light posts. Like dogs do, so stopping and sniffing is not 100% an “I need to go” sign, but down the street, as he was doing that, he squatted to go while he was on someone’s lawn.

To be specific, this wasn’t in the middle of the main part of the lawn or anything like that. This was in the smaller grassy area between the sidewalk and the street (not sure of the specific word for that), and pretty close to the sidewalk.

As I took a bag out of my pocket to pick it up, a guy who was standing behind me in the driveway, whom I didn’t notice and I’d never even talked to before, started complaining.

I don’t remember the specific words said, but he more or less said “Come on, don’t do that here, get out here”.

It was not in a very polite way. I replied that I was picking it up, but he didn’t accept that. “Well I play ball with my son, don’t do that”. And I said again, but I’m picking it up. “Where do you live? Down the street?

Well, then they do it there”. I more or less said, I’m taking him for a walk, and he had to go, I can’t help that, what am I supposed to do? (I didn’t say this to the guy, but FWIW he did already go before- he went a second time just then, and that’s pretty typical, he often goes multiple times).

At this point, I had picked it up and I just walked away, crossing the street as he went inside.

Now, if I didn’t pick it up? 100% I would be the jerk. But, I did pick up, and I think that guy was going too far with that reaction to me.

It’s not like I specifically took the dog down the street to go on that grass, and he could’ve talked to me more politely about it if he had an issue anyway since he saw I do pick up after my dog. I can understand not being happy about it, there are some stray cats in the area that go wherever and I have seen random poo piles before on lawns, but, that’s still not me doing that.

(And another guy across the street who must have seen what went on asked if that guy complained to me, and when I said yes, he called him a jerk). I told my family to avoid the dog going to that specific house in the future.

But, am I still the jerk because my dog went there in the first place?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Dogs go when they go on a walk. You immediately picked it up. As the person taking care of the dog, you’re 100% in the right. This is the accepted behavior when you live in suburbia.

Dogs will go on your lawn, but your neighbor needs to pick it up. I will now get roasted for posting this by people who have never lived in suburbia, have only ever rented, still live in their parent’s home, or hate dogs with the fire of 1000 suns.

Bring it. You’re 100% wrong. The OP did nothing wrong.” KronkLaSworda

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I will say that you can train your dog to go on your lawn before you go out for a walk, and I think that’s the considerate thing to do. But as you pointed out even if that happens, it’s not foolproof, the dog may go twice.

Or any other animal might also go on his grass. Grass possibly having come into contact with animal feces is just a fact of life that he needs to teach his kids to be aware of lol.” kamahaoma

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Actually in the US most states have public right of way/easements between the street and sidewalk for a few feet in both directions.

Just like it is legal for kids riding their bikes to wipe out in your yard and potentially damage your lawn. They had a right to use the street and/or sidewalk reasonably. Dogs go, kids fall off bikes, that part of living in society.” Tomboyish717

1 points - Liked by lebe
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13. AITJ For Wanting To Set A Timeline To Clear Sentimental Clutter Before Expanding Our Family?

QI

“Coming here to vent, but also curious to hear people’s thoughts, especially if you’ve dealt with something similar. My spouse and mother-in-law have a bunch of containers of things of sentimental value. At our previous house, we kept most of these things in our (wonderfully oversized) garage, when we moved we wound up putting these things into a storage unit, and when the storage unit jacked up the rates on us I pressed for getting out of the unit, which we did.

The good of it is we stopped paying the expensive monthly fees on the unit, the bad of it is now a small room of our house is essentially a storage unit and is now otherwise useless. It has also begun accumulating other clutter in addition to the contents of the storage unit.

My spouse and MIL have indicated their intent to go through these things and greatly consolidate them but have not followed through on it. I have also made it more than clear that I would help them go through these things when they decide to, or if they would like to do so privately I would plan something for our children and myself that would get us out of the house and give them the whole day.

Relevant info – MIL lives out of state, and while she does visit frequently this always winds up getting pushed off to the next visit. If it was just a hodge-podge of random things, I would have no problem reminding them that they need to go through that stuff and make decisions on it.

If that were the case, I’d offer to do the work myself.

Here is what makes the situation delicate: The containers are mostly (80%) items related to my spouse’s two siblings, who tragically passed away in separate incidents a few years ago. I have always held firm that it is not my place to tell them what they should or should not do with those things, nor is it my place to decide when enough time has passed for them to deal with those items, but we are a growing family and will need that room in usable shape relatively soon.

Our house is not large but does have the space to meet our needs as a family. When we purchased the house we had a specific vision for that room and it wasn’t a “storage unit.”

Lastly, our garage is already over-capacity and is not an option for these containers, and even if it were my spouse does not wish to keep them in the garage where there isn’t any climate control.

We plan on having another child relatively soon (house purchased with that in mind), and I have a bad gut feeling that if we don’t address those items before we get pregnant again then that room will remain useless indefinitely.

So, WIBTJ if I forced the issue and tried to get them to commit to a timeline to go through these items and consolidate them as they said they would do?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I’ll address this pragmatically as both your and your husband’s current posture is understandable and sympathetic. Your anxiety about the space is justified but for your husband, it’s all wrapped up in fairly recent grief, so there’s a sympathetic reason for his foot-dragging.

Even though you believe it will be too late to wait until you’re pregnant, I’d save the “nudging” for later as right now it seems not to be landing. Maybe focus now on containment (e.g., only say something about what’s spilled outside the small “storage” room?).

Husband knows your position about the room so diminishing returns to keep at it now. Wait it out a bit longer. And try not to make it about a future pregnancy as that just adds stress all around and may be perceived, in his grief-stricken mind, as leveraging a future event to manipulate behavior before it’s necessary.

When you are pregnant then you have an actual timeline and can resume the nudging to get it done.” Justsaying0000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your wife doesn’t want to “push” MIL, and MIL doesn’t want to deal with it. They will only get on board when the need for a nursery becomes real. And since they are still at the stage where they want climate-controlled storage, it doesn’t sound like they are going to be willing to get rid of even half of that stuff.

I think the storage unit was the better solution. What you should have done is to put MIL’tuff in storage and pay the first month’s fees. Then MIL can either continue to pay the fees or clean it out herself.” 1962Michael

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you might need to get your spouse to therapy first. It’s hard to let go of something you view as not replaceable from someone who is gone – but you can’t hang on to stuff forever just because someone touched it or wore it.

I would hold off on any additions to the family for now unless your spouse starts going through it or has a solid plan  – and the plan cannot be dealing with it when it happens. I wouldn’t try to force them to commit to a time, they’ll just agree and then come up with another excuse why they can’t get to it.” Ok_Homework8692

1 points - Liked by lebe
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12. AITJ For Bailing On My Roommate's Ride For A Last Minute Trip To New York?

QI

“Last week, my roommate was telling me she had a really expensive car servicing she had to get done and she had to Uber there and back and it’s 25 minutes away. I told her I could drive her and that I’d be home all week.

She seemed surprised and was like thank you so much blah blah blah. She’s leaving right after to go out of state, so it’s not like we had plans to hang out or do anything. I was happy to give her the rides because I’d be home.

This weekend, my partner’s parents just said he has to work in New York all week, and for my birthday invited me to come with them. We’d leave Wednesday morning. Wednesday was the day my roommate needed the rides but I forgot at the moment and was excited to go to New York and said yes.

However, looking back even if I remembered at the moment I feel like I would’ve asked if it was alright if I did that instead of giving her the rides. I don’t think I’d have been willing to stay home all week alone (my partner and roommates would all be away) just to give someone 100 minutes worth of driving time for free that they didn’t NEED. If I was already home I wouldn’t mind and would be happy to do it for her.

Also, to clarify, if she wasn’t able to/planning on Ubering, and if she didn’t have that budgeted for I would have made sure to keep my word. I just felt like I offered to make her life easier by giving up almost two hours of my time for free, and now that it doesn’t work out I feel bad but not as if I’ve betrayed her or ditched her for something better.

I’d never have ditched her just to hang out with a friend, but this wasn’t something I could reschedule.

Today she let me know very nicely that she’s hurt that I bailed on her once something better came along and needs to know that I won’t do that to her in the future.

She says she would’ve been fine if I never offered, but thinks it’s inconsiderate/rude to offer and then bail when something better comes up.

Am I in the wrong here? She was Ubering in the first place, it’s not like she was looking for rides from others and I bailed last minute.

I feel like I offered to do her a favor and now that it doesn’t work out, I feel bad but I don’t feel like I’ve done something wrong. She feels that it was inconsiderate of me to say yes to my partner’s parents after offering her a ride last week.

Also, any advice on how to avoid this situation or how I could’ve avoided it would be helpful. I never would’ve expected them to offer me last minute to come with them and I wasn’t looking forward to being alone for so many days.

I was excited at the opportunity. I also don’t feel that offering to do someone a big favor justifies saying no to an entire trip that someone offers. I never would’ve offered if I thought that was a possibility.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

It’s never cool to commit and then back out, however enticing the alternate opportunity is, so it was inconsiderate. The best way to handle it would have been to tell the partner’s parents you would love to come but need to check if you can change some prior commitments.

Then call your friend and explain your situation. It would have been more respectful of her, and she probably would have told you of course you should go and would have no problem going back to the Uber plan. She gets a bit of a jerk if she’s still making a big deal over it though.” CatteNappe

Another User Comments:

“Slight everyone sucks here. Yeah, you were a jerk and bailed on her, but anyone would choose a free trip to NY over helping someone take their car in, so I think she’s overreacting here as to the level of betrayal. If it were me, I would offer to pay for her Uber.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“No jerk here – a trip to NY and an offer to do a favor are completely different items. If you had made plans to go to Miami with your roommate and then bailed to go to NY with someone else, that would be rude and concerning.

And if money had been expended, it would be very bad, even if you bailed to go with your partner and his family. She’d already had a plan on how to get to the servicing appointment. You were going to do her a favor because you were going to be in town.

Guess what – you’re not going to be in town, you gave her plenty of notice, and she already knows what to do.” MercuryRising92

1 points - Liked by lebe
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11. AITJ For Being Upset After My Husband Threw Me Under The Bus To His Sister?

QI

“It’s my husband’s birthday next week. A few days after his sister’s. His sister messaged me asking if I had any plans for him this weekend and whether we would like to come and see her and have a “joint birthday get-together” (she lives 5 hours away, round trip).

I said sure that sounds great, and that I had no plans for him this weekend, but I am doing something special on his actual birthday. I do have something on with my friends on Saturday morning, but this is 1 hour and did not impact us potentially seeing his sister at all (this is relevant later).

I spoke to my husband about this, and he said he wanted to do something, just him and I, for his birthday e.g. dinner, spending the day together, etc. And we also needed to save for many upcoming expenses (vacation soon, and moving house), and going down to see her would be expensive in fuel, gifts, having to pay for her dinner (she doesn’t pay for anything), etc. I told him I already told her we were free, so he said he would call her and handle it, and make up an excuse that he was seeing his friends this weekend and couldn’t make it.

I agreed to this.

He called her, and then after the call he told me, he had told her he was free this weekend, but he told her I was not. And that I was going to see my friends. He said his sister was surprised and said “But OP didn’t mention she was busy?” This has put me in such an awkward position.

His sister told him it didn’t matter if I was busy, and for him to come and see her anyway. I asked him why he changed the whole story and pretty much threw me under the bus. He said he felt sorry for her on the phone and didn’t want her to spend her birthday without him, despite telling me a whole different story, just an hour ago.

And that it was fine if he changed his mind (I do recognize it’s okay for him to change his mind and decide to see her).

I feel massively betrayed, it’s like he told me one thing and her, another. I told her I was free on the weekend, and he said I was busy with friends, making me look like a liar.

He said we weren’t going to see her as we were saving up, but then totally flipped on the phone. He called me selfish and cold and two-faced, saying I’m fake to his sister and asking why I have a problem with him seeing her.

But the problem is really how he handled all of this and he has pretty much stopped me from going too, by telling her I’m busy. I told him I refuse to plan anything for his birthday now, I’m just so hurt and feel betrayed. I told him I didn’t want to see him this weekend, so all the plans were out the window.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The only thing you did wrong was say SIL’s plan sounds great without talking to him first. You should have been vague, said you’ll talk to him, and get back to her. >He called me selfish and cold and two-faced, saying I’m fake to his sister and asking why I have a problem with him seeing her.

WTF? He didn’t just throw you under the bus, he’s calling you names, being cruel, and completely flipping the script. Is he always like this or is this out of the blue? If this is typical, you need to get out. If it’s not, you two need to have a serious conversation about how he is trying to change what happened to fit his narrative, how he’s lying to you, how he’s lying to his sister, how he can’t throw you under the bus, etc. Also, I would tell SIL your side of the story.

Don’t let your husband make you look bad. She may not believe you but at least you tried.” friendlily

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but look out for that husband of yours. Gaslighting and emotional mistreatment. I would call his sister and rat him out. He deserves to be thrown under the same bus and you deserve to have your name cleared and the sister deserves to know what a douchenozzle her brother is.

And I would go to spend the weekend with my sister if you want. And I would never bother to try and celebrate his birthday again.” WanderingJaguar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ While it is a jerk move to make plans without confirming with your husband first, what he did is way worse 1) He lied to you about what he was going to tell her 2) When he switched it up and threw you under the bus, it made you look like a liar 3) He suddenly decides he IS going to visit his sister but made sure that YOU can’t come 4) He resorted to calling you out of your name all these nasty things What you did was a social faux pas, very easy to fix.

What he did was lie, shut you out, name-call you, and blame you for being upset about his manipulation His behaviour is more apt to be called what he called you.” aclownandherdolly

1 points - Liked by lebe
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10. AITJ For Not Sharing Everything With My Mom Because She Tells Her Husband?

QI

“I’ve (16f) always had some problems. I showed early signs of mental illness when I was still in grade school and when I lost my dad it compounded everything.

I was diagnosed with MDD and panic disorder. My mental health improved over time and I’m medicated which helps me too. I attend therapy when I need to and I have a psychiatrist who helps with medications and any other treatments that might be needed.

I was always pretty open with my mom and she was always good with not telling people stuff that I wanted time with or wanted to keep between us. Except when she remarried. I was 11 when she remarried and she hid nothing from her husband.

This was something I didn’t like and when I talked to Mom about it she told me that’s just how it was going to be because keeping stuff from your spouse is the way to ruin your marriage. She told me I never would have minded Dad knowing and I told her it was because he was my dad, but Frank (her husband) wasn’t and I didn’t want him to know everything about me.

Mom told me that’s just how it would be. So I would tell my mom stuff still but not everything. Anything I want to keep between me and just the person I choose to tell I don’t tell my mom anymore.

And she knows this.

She figured it out a while ago. But then a few months ago I had something else going on, something that was a lot to handle and I was talking to my therapist and working through it with them. My mom figured some stuff out but she told me she wanted me to tell her and I told her I didn’t want to tell her.

She told me I could tell her and I should trust her enough to tell her anything important going on. I said telling her meant telling Frank and I didn’t want that. She asked me why it was such a big deal and I told her that Frank wasn’t as important to me as he was to her and he’s not my dad or a stand-in for him.

I ended up talking to my grandparents about the thing going on because my therapist suggested I have someone else to talk to. They’re the people I trust most now for this kind of thing. And they were stepping up their supportiveness of me and spoiling me a little, which made Mom realize I must have told them.

This was last week. She confronted me and asked me again why I no longer tell her everything and I told her I don’t tell her everything because she tells her husband everything and that’s not what I want.

Mom said I was being unfair.

I told her I was respecting her right to tell him everything but that means anything I don’t want him to know, she doesn’t need to know.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And I wouldn’t worry about it anymore. You’ve stated your boundaries, and you’ve made it clear you’re not close enough or comfortable sharing these parts of yourself with your mother’s new husband.

That’s it. No further explanation is required. If your mum can’t respect that, and respect you as your entity, then that’s just something she’s going to have to learn to make peace with on her own time. One doesn’t simply get to have everything their way all their life.

Front_Amoeba_2368

Another User Comments:

“NTJ She’s not asking why. She knows why. She’s just lazily trying to get you to give up on it. Just don’t explain any further or discuss your decision further. “I’ve already explained” is all you need. If she cares enough to change her behavior she will.

Anything else is just going to add stress you don’t need right now and it won’t change things for the better. Don’t be cold, don’t be angry about it. Just firmly tell her “I’ve already explained” and then move on. You have grandparents who love you, so lean on them all you need to.

The relationship between parent and child isn’t so fragile that it’ll break from any pathetic jealousy on her part. Also, I’m just gonna tack this on at the end; If you feel things are too much and things are becoming too difficult with your mother, please consider talking to your grandparents about staying with them for a while.

From your writing, her personality seems counter to your mental health. Don’t feel bad about doing what you have to do to survive, if that means taking a break and recuperating somewhere you feel safe and have people willing to listen to you and be there for you, do it.” Awkward_Concern_9329

Another User Comments:

“NTJ by any means. She’s needlessly gossiping about you behind your back to her husband, presumably about things that don’t directly impact him or the household. Your mother should have been a safe person to confide in, especially after the death of your father, but instead, she left you without any parents you could trust and made it very clear that wouldn’t change.

I understand that she may feel like she needs parenting advice or like she needs to vent to someone, but your privacy and comfort should always be the priority for her. I’m sorry this is happening, Op.” AngelicBear05

1 points - Liked by lebe
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helenh9653 2 days ago
NTJ. Your mum is missing the point. She shouldn't keep HER stuff secret from her husband, but what you tell her isn't HER stuff, it's YOURS and you don't tell anyone someone else's private business without their consent. Just keep reminding her of that.
1 Reply

9. AITJ For Being Upset With My MOH's Behavior During My Wedding?

QI

“I got married to the love of my life in 2021, and I asked my best friend, who was my little sister, to be my MOH.

She’d accepted and was all about helping me until she wasn’t. I had to plan EVERYTHING. She didn’t set up my bachelorette party, my mom did. She didn’t go with me to pick up my dress. My mom and aunt did. She didn’t set up my bridal shower, my mom did.

She would have a regular freak-out episode weekly, where I would tell her “Hey, dude if this is too much for you you don’t have to do it I can ask someone else I’m legit, not mad,” repeatedly, but she’d insist on doing it. Nothing got done, I had to do it all myself, or my mom did what she could.

The day before the wedding was the bachelorette party, which was low-key and just me and my girls playing games and having drinks at a hotel. She was there, got overly intoxicated, and left the hotel to go meet up with some hook-up she’d just met on an app or something.

She didn’t show back up until 5 am, and passed out. We were supposed to be up and getting ready so the photographer could do the pre-wedding photos of us doing makeup and hair… She spent the entire time in the shower, so I got maybe three photos total before we went to the venue to finish getting ready.

She didn’t show up, instead she had to go to the corner store to get razors cause she needed to shave her legs, instead of helping me get into my wedding gown.

After the ceremony, we took photos, and when it came time for the food and speeches, she was nowhere to be found.

She’d gone back to the hotel room, with the boy from the app, and was intimate with him on the honeymoon suite bed, and left it dirty; she left the do not disturb on the door so nothing was clean or replaced and it was a disaster, the sheets were crumpled behind the door and everything.

I know she did because I found the wrapper in the trash.

I let it go for the rest of the day, and honestly for the week while we were on our honeymoon. When we got back, she kept trying to call and message me, and I hadn’t found the words yet to tell her just how angry I was.

I finally did and told her that I never should have asked her to be my MOH. Ever. I honestly should have just asked someone else after the first time she’d called me crying about how she didn’t think she could do it. She’d vanished and ultimately tried to sabotage what was supposed to be the best day of my life.

She proceeded to call me a narcissist and selfish (because I wanted MY WEDDING DAY to run smoothly).

WAS I THE JERK?????”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ. If this was normal behavior from her, it sounds like her accusations of narcissism were just projections. If this was not normal behavior from her, I get the feeling she was envious of you getting married while she was still single, and she had an “if I can’t be happy, no one can” attitude (conscious or not).

Either way, that behavior is completely unacceptable, and you are in no way the jerk.” jog

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your *”friend”* couldn’t care less about you or your wedding or filling the role she said she wanted to. Tell her to get lost, drop her from the wedding, go love your SO, and live a happy life.

She’s got some big ovaries to be intimate with some random in your hotel bed and then tell you that you are a selfish narcissist lol.” AnonymousBromosapien

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- You know you are not. It’s a pain when friends do this to you but you know you aren’t at fault.

Buck up, be strong. Maybe there will be room for reconciliation, but make sure it is on your terms. I doubt she will ever see the error of her ways though.” Wynyard

1 points - Liked by lebe
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8. AITJ For Feeling Betrayed When My Partner Refused To Drive Me To The Airport?

QI

“My partner is a frequent traveler and vacationer, and per his request, I drive him to the airport often.

The airport is 30 min to 1 hour from where we live, which is a while out. I work in medicine and work around 50-60 hours a week, and he works around 1-2 hours a day at home as a software engineer. He had asked me last minute to take him to the airport before while I was in the middle of working early in the morning.

I felt bad for him so I took him, but it was challenging as I was risking it while doing that amid my busy schedule. I don’t have time to vacation very much, but he goes on vacation probably every other month.

For the first time in forever, I am finally going on vacation.

I booked the flight three months prior and am headed out this week. My partner promised that he would take me to the airport several times throughout this past month for this trip. He said he was excited to finally drive me to the airport.

Time comes around for my flight, it’s 2 days out from now. Yesterday he told me he has an appointment at 10 AM, which he says he doesn’t want to miss and will get a $79 fee if he misses. My flight is at 1 PM, so he originally planned to take me there at 10 AM.

I asked him if he could just drop me off at the airport earlier at 8 AM because I have to do work online on patient charting-related items before I take off for my flight. He said no because he’s too tired in the morning and he doesn’t want to risk missing his appointment.

I told him if he dropped me off early he wouldn’t miss his appointment. He said I could just take the rail, and what difference does it make if I work on the rail while heading to the airport vs me getting a ride with him?

I won’t have a signal on the rail and I’m just very stacked with a lot of work with my patients that needs to be shaped away before I go.

I told him this hurt my feelings because I drove him to the airport early in the morning, even while I had work and had so much on my plate.

I started crying because I was so shocked that he did such a 180 and I’m so overwhelmed right now with work, as well as he didn’t seem to care, and he said “Well you hurt my feelings too”.

I feel so hurt and angry that he wouldn’t return the favor after he promised this, and I mentioned how it didn’t feel fair with all the times I drove him to the airport.

He said I was manipulating him and guilt tripping him, and that he would NOT be driving me to the airport no matter what and this is his boundary.

AITJ, or is he?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “He said I was manipulating him and guilt tripping him, and that he would NOT be driving me to the airport no matter what and this is his boundary.” Run.

You ARE guilt-tripping him, because he lied to you, let you down, and told you he doesn’t care about what he did. He should feel guilty. That’s not manipulation, that’s just expressing your emotions after he hurt you. “His boundary”. First of all, it wasn’t his “boundary” when he agreed to drive you initially.

Second, he can set whatever boundaries he likes. So can you. Including that, you don’t want to be with a guy who thinks nothing of breaking his promises and leaving you in the lurch, prioritizes a sleep-over your needs, and calls you “manipulative” when you try to get him to acknowledge what he did.

Run like the wind.” Irish_Whiskey

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Relationships are give and take. If he’s unwilling to take you to the airport, then tell him that you won’t be taking him anymore for the foreseeable future. Stand your ground. Also, you can work two hours a day from home as a software engineer and make “going on vacation every other month” money.

Welp, time for me to learn how to be a software engineer lol” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ He is very selfish and the main character has energy. You should treat yourself better. You deserve a better partner. Usually, I would just say call an Uber.

But not after all that he put you through and promised. Once you dump him, you will have a lot more free time and you will be more relaxed. He is causing you a lot of stress and unhappiness. ” Trick_Delivery4609

1 points - Liked by lebe
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7. AITJ For Threatening Legal Action Against My Roommate Over Unpaid Rent and Stolen Items?

QI

“I (23 F) have been living with my roommate/best friend (21 F) for over a year.

Things were good until she started seeing a new guy. He was nice at the start but then began staying over 3-4 days out of the week and bringing his dog (5-year-old pitbull) with him for the duration of his stay. I’m a big animal lover and have a cat, but his dog was tough to live with.

We have a small apartment and he is a big guy, and he can be very aggressive (the partner said he has bit people before). He also was not potty trained and would pee EVERYWHERE. He did not clean up after him, and after about 2 months of him living here, the place began to reek of dog pee.

I started gently throwing out solutions to help, which were always met with excuses of why it wouldn’t work.

Well, out of the blue last week, she texted me and my other roommate (26 F) that she was moving out with her partner and we needed to find a replacement for her on the lease.

We asked to have a roommate meeting to clarify things and get some details hammered out which she reluctantly agreed to. We were kind in our approach so she wouldn’t feel attacked, and asked if she could get the carpets cleaned before leaving as it would be hard to sell the room to someone when the place smelled of dog pee.

We also told her we hadn’t had any luck finding anyone on such short notice to move in in less than 2 weeks, but had someone who could move in June 1st. We told her she would be responsible still for Mays’s rent because that’s how a contract works.

She said no to all of this.

This, however, was not my final straw. My final straw came this weekend, when she moved out the majority of her things and in the process, stole several of my possessions, including a set of vintage glass goblets I had inherited from my grandmother who raised me when she passed away, and broke some of my things.

So, yesterday I sent her a text saying that I had tried to be kind and civil and I had let a lot of things slide in the past but now if she was going to be evil I would be too. I sent her screenshots of the lease where it said no guests could bring animals, as well as where it said guests couldn’t stay more than 5 nights within a quarter year without being on the lease.

I told her if my things weren’t returned I would take her to court for all of this as well as her unpaid rent and my stolen items.

She did not reply, instead, her partner snap-chatted me that I needed to ‘grow up’ and that I wouldn’t be getting my stuff back, and then blocked me so I couldn’t reply.

So, AITJ? Because they certainly think I am!”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It was okay for him to be there until it wasn’t okay…i.e. they were taking advantage. And just letting his dog pee everywhere?? No. Just, no. Health issues aside, it’s incredibly disgusting.

And she stole from you. Hard stop. Not acceptable, definitely grounds for a lawsuit. She can disagree about May’s rent all she likes but a lease is a lease. You can win that. Take her to court and get paid. Time for her to “grow up” and learn about honoring legal contracts.

You can be friends with your roommate but you can’t be roommates with your friends. Knowing the difference is everything.” IamIrene

Another User Comments:

“NTJ File immediately, make sure you and your friends make a thorough list of everything that was taken or damaged and sue her for the cleaning and all the time she has left on the lease as well as utilities.

I would get the landlord involved to see if the carpet can even be salvaged and get an estimate for replacing it.” minimalist_coach

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I will warn you that even if you win, you may still not get everything back, but hopefully, you’ll do all right.

And I’d like to suggest Wee Away. It’s an enzymatic stain and odor remover that I love and they make carpet shampoo and a room fogger. Hopefully, that’ll help with the urine issues.” Goda6511

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Kilzer53 1 month ago
Ntj. Document everything. Get together pictures of what all she took. She'll have a harder time proving they were hers if u have pictures. Keep all the texts especially on him saying she wouldn't get get stuff back. Sure her for everything u can. People like her and her bf are scum.
1 Reply

6. AITJ For Wanting To Quit My Friend's Family Business Due To Toxic Work Environment?

QI

“I (26) have been working for this small Korean family business for the past year.

I was approached by my friend who is pregnant and her husband a year ago asking if I was willing to work for her dad’s company. Her husband, Steve, said the company would hold my hand through it all and reassured me I didn’t need any experience in the field.

At the time I had just recently quit a toxic job while also living in a toxic household. I didn’t think of it much and agreed because I honestly needed the money. The company was small and only had 5 employees including myself. The Boss (friend’s dad), Floor Manager (her husband), Accountant (her mom), Main Manager (dad’s friend), and me.

I found myself having to figure out everything as Steve was too busy to mentor me. They expected me to work during our lunch. ”

We as a company need to prioritize the clients and must give the best services at all costs.” The work increased by a lot and it was clear I was not fit to take this amount of work this early that required a lot more steps.

I asked for help but was told to pull through. I started making mistakes, I got in trouble and then the yelling started for not knowing the steps even though the company had not handled this client before. I was told I didn’t work fast enough and needed to stay after hours to work to finish work.

The boss yelled, saying how dumb I was, that I didn’t have any common sense, everything was my fault. He continued to yell at me in Korean. I did not understand what he was saying, but he was using his gestures to mock me. I gathered my stuff and went downstairs and saw my friend sitting there waiting for her husband.

I was embarrassed.

My boss and wife would get extremely upset about the smallest things. I was belittled and mocked, and they made sure to tell their clients I wasn’t Korean. I was being micromanaged for everything. I was set up to be given all the terrible clients, I was set for failure.

I cried every day. I started having panic attacks driving home, couldn’t sleep, and started having nightmares. To top it off, the HR was Steve. There would be times when Steve would stand up for me but would also say I needed to take the blame for everything even if the client was wrong, or if the boss was upset he would make sure to tell me that when the boss came in to just keep my head down, and work quietly.

My friend will be due next week and Steve is expecting me to take over his workload so he can be with his wife and baby but his work is completely different than what I’m handling and I can’t bear the thought of being yelled at again.

I am planning on quitting tomorrow and I want to know if what I am doing is right. I do feel guilty that my friend’s husband might not be able to be with his family due to my quitting.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ quit and ran.

I don’t know what your friend and Steve’s intentions were initially, but it’s undeniable now that they’re, especially Steve, taking advantage of you. If they have a history of losing employees due to the environment, that’s something for them to fix, it’s not on you to set yourself on fire to keep their business warm.” author124

Another User Comments:

“NTJ You were hired under pretenses, you never received the training promised, and the working conditions are illegal in terms of breaks and hours. You don’t owe the company your health. Get out.” Aussiealterego

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this is very much a “the beatings will continue until morale improves” case.

Go in tomorrow, get your things if you have any, and quit, don’t even start your shift. They don’t deserve you.” Alarming_Physics4188

1 points - Liked by lebe
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5. AITJ For Asking My MIL To Leave Our Early Mother's Day Celebration For Criticising It?

QI

“I (F32) am a mom to a beautiful little girl (F6), and she has been telling me all about a new cafe that her friend went to which serves “princess cakes”.

She says it is very fancy and people only go for special occasions when they can dress up. I had a look online, and they specialize in high tea. It looked lovely, and I knew it would make my daughter happy, so I booked a table.

Unfortunately for me, this place is brand new and very popular, so I while I initially wanted to book for Mother’s Day in a couple of weeks, I could only arrange a table for today. I thought we could still do it as an early Mother’s Day celebration, so I also invited my mom (F60) and my MIL (F64).

My daughter was so excited, she wore her favorite dress and told everyone that she would be just like a princess. It was lovely to share her joy. My MIL on the other hand was not so thrilled. Now it is important to note that while my MIL has a heart of gold, she is very salt of the earth and is quite frugal. I genuinely don’t mean this as a criticism, it is just who she is.

Despite it being my treat, my MIL insisted that the whole thing was a waste of money, that the cakes were beyond ridiculous in their size, and it was all a bit pretentious. She is entitled to her opinion, but I could see that her comments were sapping some of my daughter’s joy.

Even when my daughter said that this is what princesses eat (after a comment about how ridiculous it all looks), my MIL said that princesses would want a proper meal and not something that is fit only to feed birds.

Eventually, I asked my MIL to accompany me to the bathroom, and I asked her to please keep her criticisms and negative comments to herself.

We were trying to have a nice day together, but more importantly, my daughter had been looking forward to this and it was difficult for her to enjoy when someone was constantly acting negatively.

My MIL said that I was giving my daughter far too much credit, she wouldn’t understand half of the criticisms, and even if she did, it is important that she understands the value of money.

Eventually, I asked her to please leave if she couldn’t let my daughter enjoy herself, which is what she did.

Now my MIL is telling the family that I cut her out of the Mother’s Day celebration because she was too frugal and wouldn’t pander to a child.

I know she is being ridiculous, but my husband is saying I could have just kept the peace for a couple of hours but I instead chose to act drastically. He said the family being together is more important than whether someone feels a restaurant is overpriced. Did I act drastically?

Was I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and your husband are 100 PERCENT WRONG. I hate this notion that “family being together is more important.” NO, it is not. In this case, if someone is being rude throughout the meal you SHOULD get them to leave!

Why excuse their bad behavior? If MIL was spewing racist comments throughout the meal no one would be saying “Oh, just keep the peace, it’s more important for family to be together.” No, it isn’t. Not if you’re making everyone else uncomfortable. Please show this to your husband.” troppo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you’ve uncovered a serious husband problem. “My husband is saying I could have just kept the peace for a couple of hours but I instead chose to act drastically.” Or MIL could more easily keep the peace for a couple of hours by just keeping her mouth shut.

Seeing your husband supporting his killjoy mother over his wife and his daughter exposes his ugly side and waves a red flag.” extinct_diplodocus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your MIL tried to turn a beautiful day into an ugly day. You stopped it. Tell your husband that his daughter’s happiness is more important than keeping his mother around to criticize the entire dream and make her upset.

Is that what he thinks is important? His mother can have her opinions but needs to learn that others have opinions too and don’t want to hear constant criticism of yours. I’m glad your daughter had her princess day, you did the right thing!” Less_Ordinary_8516

1 points - Liked by lebe
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4. AITJ For Refusing To Plan My Sister's Graduation After My Family Took Credit For My Efforts?

QI

“I (29f) am always relied on for planning and setting up all events for my family. I enjoy doing it, until recently.

The most recent big event that made me feel like I no longer want to help out was Christmas when I took the time to research and find the perfect gifts for everyone including my cousins (who are not my immediate family).

My mom put her name on my gifts and received credit for them.

Everyone thanked my mom and never once mentioned that I thought of the gifts and purchased them, instead she took all the credit. I told her it was wrong, and said: “I’ll give you half the money it’s not a big deal”.

The money (thousands) is only 25% of the work I put in and she doesn’t get it.

Now my little sister is graduating from college and commissioning in a few days and my mom is calling me up to do all the work to plan a last minute and have her creative ideas come to life.

I told her I was not doing anything but I loved her idea and she should go forward with it.

She’s also begging me to stay at the main house mainly to help her clean it, make sure everything is planned, and ensure she doesn’t have a panic attack for the 5-day graduation event.

I told her no, that I would be staying at my place and driving down only for the ceremonies and spending a short amount of time afterward. Needless to say, my mom is now upset with me.

I’m somewhat sad and a little jealous because nobody ever does anything for me when it comes to celebrating my achievements.

For my college graduation in 2022, I decorated my apartment and made appetizers, dinner, and dessert for my family for MY graduation. They came down late rushed to eat before the graduation and left right after because my older sister planned her Star Wars-themed wedding the day after my graduation “May The 4th” so they had to be there for that.

My mom said they’d do something later it’s now 2024. The same thing happened for my High School Graduation I was asked if I wanted a party or to see Beyoncé I chose Beyoncé…never got either.

However, every single time my little sister has an event from High School Graduation and now College my mom has gone above and beyond to cater, plan, prep, invite, etc…with my help (I do the majority of the work, and she gives the money).

I’m about to graduate with my Masters and there have been crickets.

I feel bad and like I’m the jerk for sitting this one out along with a few other events like my older sister’s baby shower and I just wanted to know if I am the jerk for not helping or being there for the partying.

I do want to mention that my sisters do the bare minimum for me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I am someone who ends up doing all the labor and planning for family events. My MIL has RA and has increasingly been unable to do this.

My SIL is pretty much lazy and the men in the family can’t be expected to do much because … sexism. So it is on me. I love doing this sort of thing and happily take up the slack. The difference here is that every single one of them acknowledges and praises the work I do.

They don’t act entitled to it. They show appreciation and love and if I ask for help with anything, they chip in. Your mother is getting the credit of being the matriarch planner without doing the work and that is a fair boundary to set.” LadyCass79

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for not helping with your sister’s graduation. It sounds like you will need to be clear with your mom what you are and aren’t willing to do and stick to it. It’s not clear why you let your mom put her name on your gifts.

I’m trying to envision the circumstances. You are a 29-year-old adult. You bought presents and presumably wrapped them. Wouldn’t you have put who they were to and from, and then brought them to the Christmas celebration? Did your mom rip off the tags and put new ones on?” Ok_Remote_1036

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When the event comes make sure to compliment your mom on the fantastic job she did with the planning and the decor and give some woe me it’s a shame I couldn’t do it all that hard work again as usual only because life is busy and as I finish my masters.

So you’ll 1. get to throw a backhanded compliment to your mama so she can get the “credit she deserves,” 2. acknowledge all your previous work while gaining sympathy for all the work that’s been required in the past, and 3. drop some humble brag points about your masters.

Kill with kindness.” Select-Promotion-404

1 points - Liked by lebe
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3. AITJ For Taking Back My Car and Leaving My Mom Stranded at a Motel?

QI

“I (18f) have a pretty sour relationship with my mom. When I was 16 years old my aunt (her sister) passed away and my family decided that I would inherit her car as my first car. My mom has always been salty at the fact I got my aunt’s car instead of hers (it is a nice car and she didn’t – and still doesn’t have a car) so up until I moved out of her house a year later it was a constant fight over the car, even though it was given to me, she insisted that it was hers too since I am her daughter.

I would be completely fine with letting her use it and take except for the fact she is never back when she says she’s gonna be back. And I’m not talking like 30 minutes/ an hour late. She is ALWAYS several hours late – often multiple days straight gone with it.

Lord only knows what she is doing for that long but it makes me furious when she asks to go to the store for 30 minutes and then she doesn’t come back for days when I have to go to school or work. (She doesn’t work) I also pay for everything; the registration, insurance, and car payments.

It got to the point where I would never let her take my car because she was inconsiderate and a liar and she would straight up steal my keys and take my car for days. Should I mind you – there’s no electricity in our house.

She can’t afford to pay for it. She would very often leave me for days home alone, in her house with no electricity, no phone, no food.

Now I’ve moved out of her house and live with my grandma. So it’s a usual day and I wake up to go pick up my grandma’s prescription after she was in the ER the night before.

I walk out and see my car is gone. This isn’t the first time this has happened so I immediately know who it is. Luckily I have an airtag in my car solely because my mom steals my car. I’m furious and past my limit of letting this slide.

I call my best friend and ask her to help me get my car back and we start heading over.

Side note: she also has crashed/ gotten impounded on every car she’s ever had. She goes through cars like baby diapers because she’s such a bad driver with a terrible driving record.

She ruins every car she ever touches and it heavily worries me that I’m going to get a phone call that my car has been crashed abandoned in a ditch and assumed it’s my fault.

Luckily I also have a spare key. After a few hours of tracking her down, I found my car parked in a motel about 30 minutes away from home.

It’s the middle of the night by now, probably 4 am and my car has been missing for almost 24 hours. Normally when this happens I wait for her to come out of wherever she is and drive her home. Not only did she steal my car, but she also had no regard for the fact my grandma needed her medication, and I had work.

And she has done this numerous times before. I’m just past my limit at this point.

So I decided to get in my car and leave without her but with all her stuff including her phone that she left in the car. She calls me the next day furious that I left her stranded but I felt it was completely rational of me to get in my car and leave her.”

Another User Comments:

“You need to report it stolen next time.  Warn her first, if you want. tell her “If you ever take my car again, I will report it stolen and have you arrested. I don’t want to do this, but I can’t be left without my car ever again.

So I will do what I have to.” But report it, or you’re never gonna stop her. ” Helpmybrainz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Some people need to be inconvenienced before they understand and you inconvenienced her. I don’t know about the car you have, but you can re-key locks on cars, or I think you can.

Find out if it’s possible and feasible because that could solve the problem of the car disappearing. I would also tell Mom that the next time your car isn’t where you parked it, You’re going to report it stolen, and then do it.” EchoThis2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sorry to tell you she won’t learn without consequences. You have three options: make the keys inaccessible at all times. How did she get your car if you don’t even live with her? Call the police. Gotta be harsh if you want it to stop.

Get a new car. If you can’t take away YOUR keys from her, you sell your car and get a new one and ensure she never gets her hands on your new keys. The best option is to call the police and take it as far as you can.

She doesn’t respect you.” VermicelliOk8288

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Kilzer53 1 month ago
Ntj. Call the cops the very next time it goes missing. Let the cops handle it and let her face the consequences. If she kills someone, it might come back on u. If u have a paper trail which shows she steals ur car, they can't hold u responsible. Cover ur rear.
1 Reply

2. AITJ For Making My Sister-In-Law Pay Rent After They Damaged My Property?

QI

“A few months back, (December, it’s now almost May) my husband and I let my sister-in-law and her family (her husband, 13y/o and her 3 y/o) move into our driveway with their camper trailer until they got back on their feet after basically packing up their life and moving.

We live in a rural place, they moved up from one of the biggest cities in our state.

Ever since they’ve moved in, they refuse to pay more than 50 bucks for rent. She’s a traveling RN nurse with a sign-on bonus, I hate to assume that they have lots of funds but with the multiple trips to town and the UPS packages they get I can only assume.

They use our water, sewer, electricity, laundry, and utilities. Even after claiming their camper is “self-contained”. They came into our house ate our food, used all of our utilities, have made a mess of our (Once) beautiful yard (that we’d worked very hard on) with their two vehicles and motorbikes tearing up our grass.

They also refuse to let us lock our front and back doors.

One night my husband and I had a talk about it and looking at our bills, they almost DOUBLED in about 3 months. So we kindly asked her to pay 300 a month for rent.

!WOW! I have never seen grown adults throw such a fit. Screaming and yelling. Ended up calling my mother in law and telling her I was kicking her out which in turn got my mother in law very angry with me. Blaming me for the WHOLE thing.

Calling me multiple names including calling me a f-ing jerk and the c-word.

After a couple of weeks they ended up paying us 200 dollars, better than before but not what we asked. We compromised, and they stopped taking our food and being in our house constantly.

But still using all of our utilities and such.

Last week when we were gone on a mini vacation, they flooded my laundry room. For context, our washer drains into a utility sink that can clog if not cleaned after each load from link/hair/etc. we asked them about it since it looked like someone shoved plenty of towels under the washer itself and baskets and our clothes racks.

They denied everything. So now I have four bags of moldy towels and clothes and a somewhat moldy mattress. They refused to help clean it or reimburse us for the cost of our now-lost clothes. Their response was to buy a brand new combo washer and dryer for their camper (That they run off our electricity remember).

Now they REFUSE to pay anything because they are now “completely self-contained”. So in return, I’ve locked my doors at all times. Which means they again threw a fit. Now we are at a standstill, she’s ruining my relationship with my in-laws, since she blames me only.

I don’t know what to do.

??AITJ????”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s yours and your husband’s house. If they can’t respect the rules that you have laid out for them then they can leave. Simple as that. You have no reason to allow them to stay with all the B.S.

that you have put up with. These people sound absolutely bat crazy, and my rule of thumb is do not deal with crazy people. I would tell them they are no longer welcome at your house and if they are not gone within the hour you would be calling the police to have them trespassed. Honestly, I don’t understand why you put up with this for more than a couple of days.” Dotss_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ although it kind of sounds like your husband is. They sound like characters in a novel that I would think to myself “Bad writing, nobody is THAT oblivious and entitled.” You need to kick those disrespectful freeloaders off your property yesterday.” Direct-Hotel3586

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and these steps belong to your husband – his family his responsibility. Disconnect their access to utilities and keep the house locked.  If they won’t pay for a space rental advise them the next step is to engage the sheriff.

Write out exactly what is happening and share with MIL.” srslyeffedmind

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Kilzer53 1 month ago
Ntj. Ur husband needs to grow a set and deal with his leech of a sister. They need to take their "self containment" and go live in mom's driveway. But ur husband should be handling this. Not u. U married unto a jerk family and, if I were u, I'd tell mom in law where to go and what to do when she got there.
1 Reply

1. AITJ For Not Moving States For My Partner Due To My Best Friend's Situation?

QI

“I (24f) have been best friends with Lacy(24f) since freshman year of high school. She is like a sister to me and we have been there for each other through our worst moments. I have been seeing Jasmin(25f) for a year, and I love her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I want her to be my wife.

Recently Jasmin got a job offer that would be a huge promotion for her and would come with a big salary increase. I’m ecstatic for her but the problem is the job is out of state. Jasmin wants us to move but I don’t want to for two reasons.

Firstly, Jasmin and I live together in a house that I own, which is a huge luxury especially since we live in a very expensive state. My parents were very successful and owned 3 houses, one of which they transferred ownership to me when I turned 18.

It’s a gorgeous 4-story house that looks straight out of a fairytale and I have a lot of good early childhood memories there considering we lived there until I was 6 years old. Jasmin and I make more than enough to get by but, unless we sold the house, we would never be able to afford anything even a quarter as nice as our home right now if we moved. I’m not selling my home, but I would be able to sacrifice and live in a tinier home/apartment for Jasmin’s career if it weren’t for Lacy.

2 years ago Lacy had a one-night stand that ended up with her getting pregnant, and her very Christian mom disowned her. I was the only one helping her throughout the pregnancy and I was the one with her in the delivery room. She ended up having a beautiful baby girl, Aria(now 2f), my goddaughter(2f).

However, being a single mom is very tough on her so I’m the one taking care of Aria a lot of the time since I can mostly do my job from home(I own a small business). If I moved to another state, it would be very difficult for Lacy, because not only is childcare super expensive but Lacy would have to quit her job which is a 9-5 go into the office type gig, and in this economy getting another job would be nearly impossible.

I can’t just abandon my goddaughter as well, I committed.

I don’t want to jeopardize Jasmin’s career but at the same time the job does provide work-from-home accommodations and Jasmin would only have to go into the office at most 3 times a month. And it’s only a 3-5 hour drive depending on traffic but she says she doesn’t want to do all that.

I think part of it is that she’s hurt that I’m essentially picking Lacy over her as she’s always been jealous of me and Lacy’s relationship even though Lacy is 100% straight. I don’t love that the two most important people in my life(not including Aria) don’t get along but I deal with it as Jasmin’s never rude to Lacy’s face.

So WIBTJ if I don’t move?”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think you would be the jerk in any decision you make. There comes a point in any relationship where hard decisions have to be made. You’re just in a predicament with that being said, it sounds like you wouldn’t mind going.

I had to learn to put my wife before my friends. Your friends are not your partner, Jasmine is. I think you would regret letting Jasmine go without you more than leaving your friend behind. No doubt being a single mother is hard. However, at the end of the day care for the child is not your responsibility.

Lacy should not expect you to stay because of that.” duhitsme09

Another User Comments:

“Eventually you will have to choose between your friend and your partner. It’s nice that you help your friend and her kid, but that shouldn’t last forever. She has to find a way to provide for herself and her kid.

No one will want to have permanent ‘guests’ when they get married YTJ.” Fluffy-Scheme7704

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here but you are picking Lacy over Jasmin. Aria may be your goddaughter but you are treating her like your daughter. It’s not wrong but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

You may have a close connection with Lacy but she is not your partner. You are doing a lot of caring for her daughter, it’s like you are a second mother to her. This may be what Jasmin is seeing too. How would that impact if you Jasmin had a child together?

Seeing as the house is mortgage-free… would it help Lacy if she moved in there to save accommodation costs which might mean she could afford childcare while you and Jasmin rent/buy in the area her job is in? It’s unreasonable to ask her to travel to work 3 or 4 times a month (that’s once a week) with that distance unless she can fly.

Driving is a massive ask. A train would at least mean you could do something productive while on it as you won’t have to concentrate on the driving!” KitchenDismal9258

0 points - Liked by lebe
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In this collection of stories, we've explored the complex dynamics of relationships and the ethical dilemmas they often present. From negotiating financial differences with friends, to dealing with disruptive neighbors, to confronting family issues, these stories shed light on the many facets of interpersonal relationships. They pose the question: Am I in the wrong for standing my ground? Each story is a testament to the challenges we face in our daily lives, and the strength it takes to make tough decisions. Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences.